Transcription downloaded from https://yetanothersermon.host/_/mbccolumbus/sermons/103022/what-husbands-need-to-know/.

Disclaimer: this is an automatically generated machine transcription - there may be small errors or mistranscriptions.
Please refer to the original audio if you are in any doubt.


[0:00] I know, Patty. But the job at school just doesn't pay that much.! I'll be back home. Bye-bye.

[0:34] Well, you really set the place on fire today. Look, Jerry, I do the best I can. It's a little tough with two kids and a part-time job. Besides, some of this stuff is yours.

[0:47] I'm sorry. I'm sure you worked hard today. But I'm tired of living in this mess. Jerry, I get up at 6, I get the kids ready, I work at the school until 2, and then I work nonstop around here until 10 or 11 at night while you're in there watching TV.

[1:03] You just need to be a little better organized. What I need is a little help around here, if it wouldn't hurt your image. Jerry's not the only one struggling with what it means to be a husband.

[1:16] Traditional male roles are being challenged in politics, at the office, in the church, and especially in the home. What is the role of the husband? Well, this is the subject of session number three of the Marriage Enrichment Seminar.

[1:30] Dr. Paul Faulkner speaks directly from the Bible about the husband's major responsibilities in marriage. His frank discussion of the man's leadership role in marriage holds some surprises for both husbands and wives.

[1:42] And now Dr. Paul Faulkner with what husbands need to know. This is a little story that's going around, and I kind of like it. It says, How would you like to be healthier, live longer, earn more, without having to go on a diet, do exercises, work harder, or longer?

[2:03] Well, it sounds like a never, never idea. But there's a very simple prescription that'll help you achieve these goals according to German psychologists, physicians, and insurance companies.

[2:15] They cooperated on a research project designed to find out the secret of long life and success. And they found, according to Dr. Arthur Szabo of West Germany, that the key to longer, happier, healthier, wealthier lives lies in one single act.

[2:32] All you have to do is kiss your wife each morning when you leave for work. Don't even have to feel like kissing her. The meticulous German researchers discovered that men who kiss their wives every morning have fewer automobile accidents.

[2:50] The good morning kissers miss less work because of sickness than the non-kissers. They earn from 20 to 30 percent more money and live some five years longer than men who are stingy with their kisses.

[3:05] He explains, a husband who kisses his wife every morning begins the day with a positive attitude. Well, is there any hope for those gentlemen who neglect to deliver the morning kiss?

[3:16] He says they have a lot going against them. He says these unaffectionate fellows start the day with negative feelings and doubts about their own worth. You see, he says, a kiss is kind of a seal of approval. And I like that.

[3:29] 1 Thessalonians 4 in the Bible says that we ought to take a wife and know how to take a wife for to take a wife in holiness and in honor not in passion of lust.

[3:46] And this is one of the things that our young folks really need to know. Our students at school, we talk to them regularly about how to take a wife in holiness and in honor not in passion of lust. We keep trying to say to these young folks, listen, you can't tell by the honk of the horn how much gas is in the tank.

[4:05] Now let's build on a biblical foundation for a moment. In Genesis 2, the Bible says, leave, cleave, in oneness. Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother, cleave to his wife, and these two shall become one flesh.

[4:18] Now let's look at that biblical foundation in just a moment. What he's saying, in effect, is that one tie must be broken before another can be founded. So the relationship in leaving mom and dad does not mean to abandon mom and dad, but we untie that relationship that we might be bound in a more beautiful relationship with that spouse till the day we die.

[4:42] Now, let me suggest what happened to a particular woman about 30 years old that will illustrate the point. When I met her, we were in group. And as we were talking with each other in this group, it became obvious that she didn't like men, especially any man that seemed to be authoritarian.

[5:02] We look back and found the reason, I think. You see, she had left home when she was 16. Her father had beaten her, had abused her, and one day when she was about 16, she was so abused that she actually bled from the blows that her father put on her back.

[5:20] so she left never to go back home. She finally got married, but she didn't enjoy the relationship with her husband, kind of like a porcupine, needs love and draws near to someone, but that someone pricks them with the quills and they withdraw.

[5:38] And they need someone, and so they're drawn back again. And so this give and take, back and forth, was her experience. until one day she's in a therapy program and as we're talking, this becomes obvious.

[5:50] She needs somehow to get back into a right relationship with her father. How does she do that? That's a very significant person in her life, even though he was abusive of her. So one day she calls home.

[6:03] She asks for her father. That was a surprise. And she says something to her father about like this, Dad, I want you to know that I love you. That's hard to say, folks, but what I want you to remember is this, that you can say you love them because love is not a feeling.

[6:17] It's more nearly an action. It didn't feel good when Jesus was nailed to the cross. It didn't feel good when he had the spittle running down his face or that crown of thorns on his head, but it was the greatest act of love that's ever been given.

[6:31] So she said, Dad, I want you to know that I love you. I know that we've had some problems in times past, but nevertheless, I want to work those through. Well, not long after that, I mean, just like the next few hours, Mama called back and said, what on earth did you say to your father last night?

[6:48] And she kind of repeated what she had said to her mother, and she said, well, I don't know what all you said to Dad last night, but he sat up almost all last night with the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen.

[7:01] And then shortly after that, Dad calls back himself to that young daughter and says, sweetheart, I want you to know that I love you too. Now, we're back in this group.

[7:13] She's had problems with this older man in that group because he represents these authoritarian kind of men. She always would sit on the opposite side of the group, never wanted to have anything to do with him.

[7:25] But now, after this rightness with her father, she sees him sitting across the group one day, and he's sharing some of his hurts. He says, you know, when I was a little boy, I said, we didn't have no shoes.

[7:39] We just got one pair, but we couldn't wear them until in the winter when it got too cold. And when he talked like that, he actually turned his feet under, pigeon-toed under his chair, just like he was a little boy again, his feet were cold.

[7:51] And he said, when Christmas time came, and big old tears rolled down his cheeks, he says, we didn't have no toys. We got one pair of overhauls a year, and Mom would make us flower sacks.

[8:05] It was after that group she could let that man into her life, and the two of them embraced after that group. And what I'm saying, good folks, is that somewhere along the line, you've got to be rightly related with the significant people in your life, or it affects your relationships with other people wherever you go.

[8:27] You say, yeah, but you don't understand. My mother or my father is already dead and gone. How do I unravel? How do I get that right? Thank God for Jesus Christ. He is the one that can forgive you.

[8:43] And you're set back right with people. Forgiveness doesn't come from the hands of the psychologist or the marriage counselor or the psychiatrist.

[8:54] Forgiveness comes from God. And I just thank God that we have a concept in which we as Christian people can be rightly related to everyone on this earth.

[9:06] We need to get rightly related with the significant people in our life in order to rightly to relate then with that spouse or that husband or those children you're living with right now. Now, second thing, we've talked about leaving father and mother in the right way.

[9:21] Cleaving to the spouse. That means we're going to stay committed to this one person until the day we die. Commitment to one person really is liberating.

[9:32] A lot of folks feel like that commitment ties me down. Listen to this. Commitment is liberating. Constant romantic upheaval is too inefficient in our lives that we have to live today.

[9:44] Commitment is supportive. It frees the energies for other things. I believe that with all my life. So commitment to a person really is liberating and it frees the person and his energies to do what needs to be done.

[9:58] Here's another little statement I'd like to share with you. Infidelity. Infidelity is not the same as adultery at least in its primary meaning. Infidelity means quitting. Giving up on a relationship when there's still possibilities remaining to work it out.

[10:13] So what we're trying to say it may well be that the best way to look at adultery is not when you end up in bed with some other person but rather when you start looking some other direction than your wife.

[10:27] And you start looking some other direction. Now let's go to another concept and that is the oneness. The leaving, the biblical principles are leaving, cleaving, and oneness.

[10:38] What are we talking about oneness? That is a husband and wife are one. I think that he's talking about a relationship that very nearly parallels the relationship that exists between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

[10:51] It seems to me that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit have a separateness, an individuality, and yet a oneness that's very beautiful. And maybe that's the ultimate for which a husband and wife should strive.

[11:05] Now the rest of the discussion this morning deals with four things that a husband owes to his wife. Leadership and love, considerateness, and honor.

[11:18] Let's talk first about the leadership aspect. The husband is the leader. What that means, now notice I didn't say authoritarian or boss or dictator. The husband is the leader. That means that, well let me give you an illustration.

[11:30] Let's say that I'm a boss and over me is my supervisor. And he's supervising me and I have 14 secretaries or other people working under me. He comes to me one day and he says, how's everything going with the people under you?

[11:42] I say, it's just going fine. He says, I hear there's some problems down there. And I said, oh yeah, there's some problems going on among them but it doesn't really affect me. I don't, you know, they don't have any problems with me. He says, Paul let me explain something to you.

[11:55] Anytime your people have problems and they're not getting along, it doesn't make any difference whether they're having trouble with you or not. Anytime there's any problem down there, it is your responsibility to work it out.

[12:05] I say, yes boss, but this doesn't affect me. And he says, if you can't work out the problems that are under you, I'll have to get someone who can.

[12:17] Now in effect, gentlemen, that's what God's saying to you husbands. He's saying that here are the wife and the children. Here are the responsibilities that need to be done in your home. And you say, well, it's just those two kiddos are fussing or mama doesn't get along with them or these kind of problems.

[12:30] It's their problem, not mine. And God is saying that he has put you as the responsible person that whatever problem is in your home, you get to work it out. You say, oh, if that's what it means to be a leader, I'm not for sure I want that job.

[12:43] Well, that's what it means to be a leader in the home. You get the responsibilities to work it out. And notice, you work it out from the foot of the table. You don't order. You don't sit in your big green chair and give orders. I told you to do this.

[12:54] I told you to do that. When are you going to get it done? Do you see Jesus operating like that? Do you see Moses operating like that when he was the great leader of Israel? They operated from the foot of the table.

[13:07] They operated from their knees, as it were. They were in front leading the people in the direction of righteousness, leading the home in the direction of righteousness. Wives sometimes take over the husband's job of leading.

[13:23] I mean, they do this little thing and the husband will let you and you do something else. The husband will let you do that and you do something else. The first thing you know, the wife has chosen all of those things and the husband has just let them do it. And that's not too good.

[13:35] Wives need to allow the husband to be in that leadership role and don't take it off of him. On the other hand, if wives didn't get us involved and kind of lovingly manipulate us sometimes, we wouldn't have as many husbands here this morning, would we?

[13:52] So it's just real good that the wives kind of fix us to where that we come along. You say, I don't like wives that are manipulators. Oh, let me tell you the difference. Basically, a wife is a manipulator and we love it if we know she's manipulating us.

[14:06] You ever notice that? If Gladys says to me, sweetheart, if you can carry out the trash, I'll make it worth your while. Now, that's pure manipulation.

[14:20] And I love it. But the manipulation is bad is when a wife works underneath and you don't know what she's doing. Now, that manipulation no husband likes, you see.

[14:33] Hey, do you think your marriage needs to be improved? Only 17% of the men will say, our marriage could be any better. Almost 47%, almost 50% of the women say, yes, we need to improve our marriage.

[14:48] And so that's why women are so much more nearly interested in improving the marriage. Husbands say, oh, we got him, eh? If our marriage got any better, I couldn't stand it. And the wives are just, oh, my goodness, how could he say that?

[15:01] Well, now let me say something else about this relationship as leaders. That doesn't mean that the husband is a superior person because he's the leader. I'm in submission to the police officer.

[15:13] When he stops me on the highway, I say, yes, sir. And I am in submission to him. That doesn't mean that he's a superior person. I may be intellectually his superior or in any number of ways superior.

[15:26] He is superior to me in any number of other ways. But when it comes to traffic, yes, sir, whatever you want. We're all in submission to our powers that be, the governor, the president. Everybody's in submission.

[15:38] And that doesn't mean that your boss is superior to you because you're working for him, does it? Of course not. And that's what we're talking about the husband-wife relationship. Now, another thing we want to talk about, and that is, in this leadership role, husbands never have the right to force their wives to do anything.

[15:54] Even Jesus Christ does not force us to do his will. He gives us the option as it were to spit in his face. And some folks did. And he didn't strike them dead.

[16:06] And I tell you, the wives that have trouble with husbands in this term of submission, as I see it, it's the men who themselves are not willing to be in submission. Now, I don't know of a woman that's not willing to be in submission.

[16:19] There may be some exceptions, but I haven't met her yet. I'm not aware of a woman that's not willing to be in subjection to a man if that man himself is in submission to God, in submission to the powers that be, in submission to his boss, like the Bible talks we ought to be.

[16:36] Now, let me tell you another problem that really is heavy in this leadership role. And that is, there is a syndrome that I've seen in the last few months that really concerns me.

[16:49] It usually is characteristic of men who are physicians or dentists or leaders or successful businessmen and sometimes ministers and preachers. It is a marriage in which the man in those positions is dominant.

[17:01] And sometimes he's not even aware of how dominant he is. And he begins leaning his wife over. He bends her over. And she bends back and she says, yes, you know, I guess I need to be more submissive. And he comes on strong and so she keeps leaning back and leaning back and she begins to say, my back is hurting.

[17:19] And someone says to her, well, you need to be more submissive. And so she's more submissive. And that's not working out. There's still that dominance, that headstrong, almost dictatorship of the husband.

[17:31] And again, sometimes he's not even aware of it. Bending her over. And she keeps bending and bending and bending and finally she gets to the place where she says, I don't know what's happening, but something's wrong.

[17:41] My back is killing me. And one of three things is fixing to happen. One, she'll break either into depression or maybe psychologically into some kind of institution.

[17:55] Seen that happen. Second thing she may do was react. Instead of, when she'd get bent so far back over, she finally says, this cannot be my fault.

[18:06] Let me tell you something, brother. And so now she bends over the other way and she's angry and she's mad and she reacts to that situation. And he says, oh, what did I do? And so now he's, she's got him bent over and she wears the pants the rest of their marriage if he wants to stay in it.

[18:23] Or he can say, what on earth happened to you, woman, and just divorce her and walk out? That's terrible what you've done. But you see, the precipitating event was his leaning her over backwards and maybe not even being aware of it.

[18:37] There's a third part of this syndrome. Sometimes she's leaned over so far and she begins to hurt and then she breaks into apathy.

[18:48] Not depression. Not anger. I just don't care anymore. Maybe I'm not submissive. Maybe I'm not the Christian woman I ought to be. Maybe it's just all me.

[19:00] Maybe so. But she loses the affect. She loses the emotion. She no longer has any concern. And I have seen very prominent people seated across from me, a husband with tears running down his eyes, begging his wife somehow, can't we work this out?

[19:21] And the wife, very coldly, not even aware how little emotion is in her body, would say, I don't have any feeling for you except pity. Six months ago, I could have been concerned.

[19:35] Six months ago, I wish that you had said something like this. Six months ago, if only you could have had tears. But now, I really don't feel anything for you but pity.

[19:47] You see, the opposite of love is not anger because they're still talking. The opposite of love is apathy. I don't care.

[19:59] What's the cure, gentlemen? Well, there's one for the ladies and one for the guys, one for the men. In that kind of a situation, fellas, we've just got to be sensitive and aware of what's going on in our marriage. So many of us are just not tuned in, plugged in to our wives.

[20:14] We're plugged into business, we're plugged into sports, we're plugged into everything under the sun, but our wives. And if you plug in and listen and look, you'll find a jillion things just coming out of her pores.

[20:25] Hook in and let her speak to you and listen all the way through to the wives. To the wives, we have to recommend to become more assertive.

[20:38] Did not say aggressive. Aggressiveness is wrong. Assertive. That simply means, well, let me give you an illustration. Picture the situation where the two are driving a 16-penny nail, a great big nail.

[20:49] She's holding the nail and he's driving it. Bing, bing, whomp! And he hits the wrong nail. Oh! And she says, mmm, I'm so sorry, honey.

[21:00] I'm sorry I had my thumb in your way. And he says, well, I am too. Grab it again and let's drive it some more. So she grabs it again and he says, wing, wing, whomp!

[21:12] And he hits that same thumb again. She says, oh, I'm so sorry that it was in your way. Will you forgive me? Now, if that's what you call submission, that's dumb.

[21:27] She doesn't need more submission. She means more assertiveness. They said, honey, honey, you don't want a wife with just one thumb, do you? You want one with all five fingers on that hand.

[21:40] Listen, could I hold it with some pliers? Would that be okay? Then you can just beat on it all you want. Now, has she become ugly and mean? No. Is she aggressive? No.

[21:51] What is she? She's assertive. She's saying, let me tell you where I am. My back's about to hurt her. My thumb's about to kill me. And that's okay, fellas. Would you want to be married to someone that doesn't share with you where she is?

[22:06] Oh, there's some crazy things that men do too. What is a husband? 7,000 women answered that question. What is a husband? Here's some of the responses. A husband is the person who does not know where the cups are kept after 22 years of marriage.

[22:23] Another lady wrote this one. She says, A husband is someone who, when you've just read a sloppy book and you're asking yourself, where has all the romance gone in our life? He puts his arms around you and gazes deep into your eyes and asks, where did you put my screwdriver, dear?

[22:42] Another lady said, A husband is someone who says, You look great even when you're very pregnant and you look like an Easter egg on legs. This one almost brings tears to my eyes when I read it because I, you know, as a husband, I can just see this.

[22:59] Some lady said, A husband is the guy who spends all his spare time under his sports car. He tightens the brakes, he rebuilds the gearbox, he adjusts the carburetor and lovingly polishes every inch of its sleek, black, and gold lines.

[23:11] And then he sells it so we can get a mortgage on a house. Another guy, his wife responds, says, A husband never feels too old to hold hands.

[23:27] You have my permission right now if you want to just reach over and take her hand. Another lady said, A husband is the gentle giant who holds your adopted baby boy in his arms and says, Our son.

[23:45] And another lady said, A husband is someone who lets, pardon me, who sells you valuable property when playing Monopoly with friends to keep you in the game. And another lady said, A husband, he is the saint who cared for your aged parents as if they were his own.

[24:08] Now, fellas, do you see what women are talking about when they talk about a husband? They're talking about sensitivity and beauty and sweetness and gentleness. That's really where it is. When you talk about Jesus as being a leader, when you talk about Moses as being a leader, do you notice how they're meek but oh so strong?

[24:25] That's the quality that a wife and God is looking for. Now, let's go to the second thing I want to talk about. We've talked about husband as a leader. Let's talk now as a husband as a lover.

[24:36] It seems to me that the husband is the person that loves his wife in a way that is beyond eros. You know, this is the sexual attraction that we just kind of jump in love with someone and that may be a good way to get introduced to love.

[24:52] But our love has to go through that eros into a phileo relationship or a friendship relationship. Carl talks about that last night.

[25:04] But we have a friendship relationship and our love must go through the eros through the sexual into a friendship relationship and we really love her because she's a friend. And we're saying to the young folks, be sure you marry someone that's a good friend.

[25:17] You may be attracted to her sexually but if she's not a good friend, in fact, some studies indicate that this relationship will last from about six months to two and a half years and that's it. Six months to two and a half years.

[25:30] But this relationship goes right on. But even couples that have strong sexual attraction and are good friends still are going to have rocky roads ahead unless they're able to mature their relationship all the way through to agape.

[25:46] Now what we're talking about here is a relationship that loves the other person even when they are unloveling. You see, what we're talking about basically is something like this.

[25:57] Let's say that represents your wife. Don't get, that's not intended to be a criticism. In that sweet wife of yours, she has several, many good points about her, plus signs.

[26:11] But she also has some negative qualities, doesn't she? And that makes up the whole, just like ourselves. Now how cruel would it be for a husband to say, oh honey, I just love you so much and what he's loving is just that part that's good.

[26:29] Would you do a child that way? Would you say to a child, jump up honey, make up your bed and carry out the trash and do these things and then I'll love you. That'd be cruel, wouldn't it? What happens in the Christian way is if this is our wife, we love the whole package, warts and all.

[26:45] love. That's what love is and that kind of love comes only from this concept of agape that says, I'm going to love you even when you've got a fever blister on your lip, even when you're sick.

[26:59] Sickness and health and adversity and prosperity so long as you both shall live. Where does that come from? That comes from this and it has to supersede even friendship and the physical attraction. Now another thing, I think we need to share this need with our wives.

[27:14] I remember one night, it'd been one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Have you ever had any of those? And I snuggled up with Gladys in the bed that night and I said, you know, I've told her I loved her a jillion times but that night I said, you know, I really need you.

[27:32] Well it was a few months, maybe weeks later, a similar situation came up. It was another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And I snuggled up to her again that night and I said, you know a few weeks back I told you that I needed you?

[27:44] She said, oh yes, I remember when and where and how and the whole business. Now why did she remember that so much? Why was that such a peak experience to her? Because I shared with her I needed her. Not that I just wanted her but I needed her.

[27:59] There was something far greater than that. It's kind of like if we had a book and let's count this a book or a bag maybe be a better word and we pick up a person and we say, oh I just need you and then we just set her down.

[28:13] Don't need you anymore. We pick up and say, oh I want to take you along with me and then we just set her down. If you want to make a neurotic out of your wife, treat her like a bag. Just pick her up and put her down. Pick her up and put her down. She wants to complete your life.

[28:25] Her place in your life as she sees it. You can check with this later and see if that's not the case. She would like to think that your circle is not complete and that she completes your circle.

[28:37] Now you check with her and see if that's not the case. She wants to be inside of your life to know how you think and react and feel. And when you count her out of your life, it's just like strangling her. Rabbi Akiba made a statement centuries ago.

[28:52] He said that unless a Jewish husband felt from the day of the wedding and beyond the diamond anniversary that his wife remained the most beautiful woman on earth, he should divorce her because he no longer deserves her.

[29:07] What he's saying is is that we have to take that wife of ours and make her the most beautiful woman in our lives all of our lives. You see, the problem is if you don't do that you begin looking around and you start looking around and you're going to find something.

[29:23] Now there's nothing wrong with looking around. I mean by that enjoying the flowers. God made women in flowers and everything else beautiful and it's great to behold. But whenever you're looking at the flowers and one of those flowers makes you nervous, you better take note of that one and you make sure that you don't stay around that flower.

[29:47] You say, Brother Faulkner, are you talking about lusting after some other woman? Nope. That's next. We're talking about nervous right now. But that nervous is a sign that says to you watch out because some ministers and their secretaries because they're so close together work hand in hand.

[30:10] The first thing you know little things begin to happen and all of a sudden that person is more than what you intended it to be but you kind of like it and this story has gone over and over and over again.

[30:24] You say, Yes, but she's the finest dental assistant I ever had. Yes, she is and I'll tell you why. Because she's in love with you. Oh no, she doesn't love me and I don't love her. Everyone in the office knows it but you.

[30:36] It's amazing how these women can just read men like a book, zip right down the line. It just comes out their pores. Men just go along and say, Oh no, that's not the case and the women just got them all written up. They know and we guys think they don't know.

[30:50] It's amazing how that happens. What we're saying is as soon as you find that you have to go into that dental assistant or that secretary and say, Hey, it's a problem I can't handle. Don't blame it on her or him, whatever the case may be.

[31:00] It's a problem I can't handle. And I just want you to know from the outset in order that there'll not be any problem with your husband or with my wife or with me is that I'm going to have to let you go. I'm going to give you a fantastic recommendation but there's no way that we can work together.

[31:14] You say, Boy, that's awfully hard. We can work through it. That's the same statement that most husbands make. We can work it out. It seldom happens. It seldom happens. And I'm just encouraging you to think seriously about that situation.

[31:27] The Bible says, Drink water from your own cistern. The Bible says, Let that wife of your youth fill you constantly with her affection.

[31:40] Make her the most beautiful woman in your life all of your life. Now let's go to the third part. Lead her right, love her much, and now be considerate with her.

[31:55] What do you mean by consideration? Well, the Bible says in 1 Peter 3 that your wife is a weaker vessel and that we are to live considerably with her because she's just not like a man.

[32:08] There really are differences between the men and the women. We'll talk about that a little later in another session. But she is a weaker vessel and that's why, among other things, to live considerably with her means to find out what makes her tick.

[32:20] What is she like? What makes her depressed? What makes her happy? Find out those things and really get involved with her, especially do we need to be considerate, fellas, when she's sick.

[32:33] When the children are sick, you tell me why it is when a wife is sick and the children are sick, the husband still goes to work. Isn't there some time in which a husband can take off to be with wife and kiddos when they're sick?

[32:50] Is it that our business world today is so hard and cruel that a husband can never take off work except for vacations and business trips and maybe golf?

[33:05] but when it comes to a wife it's a little different situation. Some of us men just kind of tend to be a little cloddish.

[33:17] I mean by that we are looking out more for ourselves than for what's going on in the family and some guys, you know, need to be very sensitive to their wives and especially when it's that time of the month and some guys don't even know what I'm talking about.

[33:31] We call him the pure clod. There was a lady, a dear friend of mine, we were doing this program in Atlanta or New Jersey, I've forgotten which, and this lady came up and said, you probably appreciate this letter and so she gave me the letter that had these four cards in it that had a fuss the night before and the wife had called her husband a clod and so the next day she got these four cards in the mail.

[34:01] The first one read this way, a clod. It's a noun meaning a mass of earth. Footnoted the Vest Pocket Dictionary. Second card, a common definition of a clod.

[34:16] A clod is a clod is a clod is a clod is a clod is a clod is a clod Third card, characteristics of clods. Messy to touch but they got lots of grit easily crushed but the particles are indestructible just a big blob but it's nice to have on your side in a tug of war just takes up space but it blends into the background not worth much but God made it.

[34:57] Fourth card, clod is beautiful. Now notice, she was the one that brought these up. She was the one that knew that the sensitive thoughtful guy is in a way his mailish roundabout way saying, I'm sorry honey I've been such clod and that's why she was so tickled with it and if we could get some guys to kind of go around the corner and say, I'm sorry now the real clod would have been the fellow that said, I'm not going to waste 15 cents on a letter and mail it to the wife.

[35:27] Well, cards, letters, whatever you send. We try to tell the guys, fellas, never pass up one of these Hallmark card centers.

[35:41] Boy, when you go by a card center you get something and write something special on it and send it to her. You'll be amazed how much good that will do for your relationship. I remember we were in New Jersey just the other day and a lady came up afterwards and she said, oh, I've been writing poetry and poems to my husband all these years and he wrote me a poem and she just right up to the top of the moon.

[36:06] He wrote me a poem. Here it is and she gave it to me. Now, this old boy is a potato farmer and here is his two-line poem.

[36:18] My love for thee doth flow like water down a tater road. But what we're saying you see is that she loved it and if you guys try to make any difference whether you're a poet or not the difference is do you love her enough to try to let her know how much you love her and she'll she'll just oh my it'll make a fantastic relationship.

[36:47] Well, the fourth thing honor her. Husbands lead her love her be considerate of her and the same scripture 1 Peter 3 talks about honoring her.

[36:59] Put your wife up in a position of honor and leave her there and make her honorable. Lift her up not cut her down.

[37:10] Lift her up she is a person of honor. And let me give you the punch line that I'd like to stay with you on that particular point. Gentlemen, the consequences for not honoring your wife are tragic.

[37:22] and the reason is because these children that are in your home will give your wife as much honor as you give her.

[37:33] If you cut her if you knock her if you don't honor her neither will they. You will hear coming out of the lips of your own children the criticisms and the cuts that you have been giving to her in their presence.

[37:48] Honor her. Lift her up. Encourage her. That's the key. Now, there's another last thing I'd like to leave with you and that is in reference to you too need to spend some time talking philosophy.

[38:09] What are you here for? Where are you going to go? You need to talk about death and a will. It just needs to be made because so many wives are lost after a husband suddenly dies and they don't know anything about the will or the stocks or the bonds or the partnerships or a lot of other things and many wives are just taken for a role by people because she didn't know any of his business.

[38:33] He didn't want to bother her with it. But it's not just business. It's your attitude toward life. I remember one beautiful couple they had been to a weekend where they had written to each other a lot of dialogue and sharing with each other.

[38:50] When they came back from this weekend in his office time he wrote kind of a philosophy of life what he wanted for his wife what he wanted for his children what his view of life and God and nature was all about.

[39:04] Men seldom do that. But that weekend encouraged him and he wrote two or three pages within a three days time a shop accident killed that husband and father.

[39:17] The funeral was over. It was weeks after that. Finally she went back to the office to clean out his desk one of those emotionally depressing things that wives have to do after husbands die.

[39:34] Cleaned out his personal belongings cleaned out his desk and she found that note and she said that this this letter this note from his heart about his wife his children his wife is the very credo that his children and family have lived by.

[39:58] It stood by them through ups and downs. It's seen them into the college years and beyond. Gentlemen I'm just saying that somewhere along the line you need to take the time to be sensitive and think about what really is important and get our minds off the urgent things.

[40:25] Let's bow for a moment of prayer. Father we just pray today that some of the things that we've said to these husbands and fathers may help us turn from doing the urgent things and hone in on the important things of our wives, our children, the significant people in our life and upon you for we ask it through Christ.

[40:49] Amen. This concludes the session What Husbands Need to Know. In the next session Dr. Carl Brackeen will explore the other side of that coin, What Wives Need to Know.

[41:03]  Please be with us.