While the orchestra and the musicians are going down, I want you to take your Bible and turn
!
Let me read the passage and have you follow along in your copy of the Word, and then while
I preach, you will pray with your eyes open.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment, with a promise, that it may
go well with you and that you may live long in the land.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction
of the Lord.
Our Heavenly Father, we ask for your Spirit's enabling.
The song that we just sang was a prayer, and we ask you to speak.
We recognize that you have given to us your Word, and then you and your divine care and
affection for the Bride of Christ have also appointed men to teach the Scriptures and to
do so with the enabling of the Spirit of God.
Let your Word be clear.
Let it be convicting.
And let we who know Christ grow to be like Him.
In your precious name, amen.
We live in a culture and a society where there is an absolute growing disconnect between parents
and children.
I think it was last week that there was a young lady in her mid-twenties who took it upon herself
to sue her parents.
How many of you were tracking that on the internet?
Now, the case came to nothing at this point, but given the perversity of our culture and
its progressive degradation, I don't know if in the future we won't see those kind of
cases succeed.
But forget that case.
All you have to do is go into any one of our grocery stores, and you will watch little
tyrants in the aisle running their parents' lives ragged.
And their parents are in this coddling, threatening kind of mode, like, if you do this, you will
– how many of you have noticed that before?
And you are thinking in your mind – here, here's what you're thinking.
Everybody look at me.
You follow me.
You're thinking that child needs to be saved and under the Spirit's control.
That's not what you were thinking.
Actually, ours is not the first generation that has struggled with children who misbehave
and parents who are negligent in their spiritual duty.
If you were to go back into the Old Testament, you would find that there are a number of different
passages in the Old Testament that speak explicitly to the way in which the culture was to take
care of openly rebellious and disobedient children.
In fact, there are a number of different curses that are leveled against sons and daughters that
are not responsible in their relationship with their parents.
If you were to turn at this time, and we won't do it, but if you were to turn to Romans chapter 128,
you would find that in the list of the characteristics of an unregenerate and immoral culture,
the issue of being disobedient to parents is recognized as one of the markers that takes place
when people turn their backs on God.
Actually, if you were to follow along and pick up on other passages,
you would see that one of the reasons that God brought punishment to Israel
and sent them into the Babylonian captivity was because Jewish children were not being responsible
to their parents.
And given the level of disrespect and disobedience that I see all around in our culture,
and even on occasion I see in our congregation,
it might make sense this morning to preach on a parent's responsibility
to follow Scripture in the biblical exercise of discipline and nurture.
But that is not what the Holy Spirit focuses on here.
And one of the characteristics of exposition is that a pastor who is going to be faithful to the Word
is not given the liberty of launching and going in the direction he thinks he should go in.
He is under the authority of the Word of God,
and his responsibility is to make the Word clear.
This passage is the second of three examples that flow under the heading
of a Spirit-filled life.
What does it say in Ephesians 5.18?
Be filled with the Spirit.
Isn't that what it says?
And it says, being submissive to one another because of your reverence, your fear of Christ.
Following that, Paul, as a good teacher, would you bear with me?
These mics are...don't worry about them.
I just...I'm in the moving mode today, so I don't want to trip over anything
and cause Caleb and Charity undue anxiety.
Okay.
Had nothing to do with the point.
Here we go.
Listen.
Paul, as a good teacher, says, now listen, let's get this straight.
You're to be submissive.
You're to be submissive because of your relationship with Christ.
And he says, and I'm going to give you three examples.
People who know Christ ought to have different kinds of relationships than people that don't know Christ.
And all God's people said...
I'm not saying amen.
I'm a Baptist.
It's all right.
Okay.
But the truth is, is that people who are saved, right?
You follow me?
People who are saved and filled with the Spirit have to have different relations.
Don't have a choice because the Spirit of God, it says, be filled with the Spirit.
If you're being filled with the Spirit, you're going to be, what?
Different.
And Paul says, let me get this clear so you can understand.
Let me give you three illustrations of where your relationships are different.
One is in marriage.
Two is in your home with parents and children.
Three is at work.
We're going to look at the second by looking at the first of the set.
And one of the things that you're going to notice in all three of them is that there is responsibility given to each party in the equation.
The wife is to be submissive to the husband.
The husband is to love his wife.
The child is to be essentially submissive to the parent.
The parent is not to be a dictator and an authoritarian person in the child's life.
Third, it says that the slave is to be under authority and submissive to that person who is their master.
And the master is not to be a tyrant.
So as we look at this passage this morning, we are here to hear, boy, that works,
we are here to mark the fact that God has something to say to all of you who are children.
Let me make it clear.
The Christian child is to obey.
Now, without giving yourself away, I want to ask you if you think you're a child this morning.
And I would venture to say that most of us, in our own thinking at least,
thought that we slipped from childhood into adulthood when we turned...
Well, I know that for one of my sons, when he turned 16 and got his driver's license,
he thought he had arrived.
And, you know, it's like when I'm 16 and I can drive, I'm on my own.
Now, for others, it's like when they turn 18, right?
They have all these kind of rights that come to them.
And maybe for some others, it's when they're 26 and they go off their parents' insurance.
I don't know.
But here's the deal.
We tend to think about childhood being that time where we are dependent,
where other people have authority over us, and we're bound by a...
You got this word?
Curfew.
Well, when I'm an adult, I'll come in when I want to.
And I may live in my parents' home, but only so long as the rent is not too high
and the restrictions are not too binding.
And our culture actually characterizes people by certain titles, such as an infant or a baby.
What's an infant or a baby?
It's probably someone who's still messing their diapers, right?
I mean, that's our thinking.
And then when they graduate from that stage, we think about them as a little boy or a little girl,
and we kind of work their way up until they're a teenager, and then they're an adult or they're a middle-aged man.
You know how it goes.
We got all this kind of grade.
Paul chose a word that really deals with relationship, not age.
When he says, children, obey your parents,
he includes me because I am a child.
And when he says, obey your parents, he has explicit instruction to Tim Knoyer, who is the child of Quentin and Marlea Knoyer.
He is speaking to Heather Anderson.
He is speaking to Sam Knoyer.
He is speaking to every one of you in here who have, try this, living parents.
So if you have a living parent, the word in this context applies to you.
The spirit-filled child is commanded to obey parents.
And obeying, very simply, as we look at the passage, means listening to the instruction that is being given and following up with action.
Do this, I will, and it happens.
Furthermore, as we read in Ephesians chapter 6 verse 1,
the believer's obedience, the believing child's obedience, is linked to their relationship to Christ.
By the way, just so you follow this, and let's kind of make a connection here.
Is it true that being obedient is something that's pretty important, whether you're a believer or not?
The answer is, yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes sense.
But this passage was written for believers.
It's written for those who know Christ.
For those who are not believers, it's like, hey, first thing you need to do is get things settled with Christ.
You need to come to cross.
And so when we see here that Paul says, and we're looking at the passage,
children, obey your parents in the Lord,
it's speaking to believers and referencing or relating their obedience to their relationship with the Lord Jesus.
For one thing, what we need to take away from that is that obedience is not based on mutual agreement.
Have you ever, as I referred to the grocery store,
have you ever noticed how sometimes parents and their little children who are in a cart and can't move without the cart being pushed by an adult
are engaged in negotiations?
Would you please do this?
And the child says, no.
And then there's this kind of labor, you know, this kind of laboring process where the parent says, well, I'll get you Cheerios.
Well, that's, I had those last time.
I don't want that.
You know, I want a cell phone with a data plan, you know.
Oh, if you'll obey today, you can have that.
You know, this business of debate and accommodation to your child.
Can I tell you something?
Now, this is a little sidebar.
Remember, I'm not preaching primarily to parents.
I'm preaching to children.
But everybody smile at me because I want you to take this with a good heart.
If you, as a parent, are not helping your child learn obedience and respect,
you are preparing them for a rude culture shock when they hit the real world.
I was talking with Todd Anderson, who I am very closely related to.
He happens to be my son-in-law.
And Todd is regional manager for Meijer.
He said to me, I, as one who has responsibility, oversight of about 3,000 employees,
can tell you very quickly children who come from homes where obedience and honor
was an understood responsibility and children who come to me from homes where that was not.
Seth.
Where are you, Seth?
Raise your hand.
Wave at me.
Ah, there you are.
Hiding behind Pete.
Not really.
Seth is going to go April 30th to Guantanamo.
When is it?
March 30th.
That's too early.
I'm sorry.
Seth is on orders, and he is in the military.
He's going to go down to Guantanamo, and he's going to spend about nine months down there.
Seth understands what it is to obey.
A superior says, do this, and he says, well, can we talk about that?
I think there's a better way to do that.
You know, I don't know what the consequences would be in the short term,
but I can tell you in the long term that Seth would probably be pounding sand.
And I got to tell you, this business of obedience is something that is important,
and it is a primary issue in people's lives, and it's not based on mutual agreement.
I want to remind you also that a godly child then obeys because of their relationship with Christ.
A godly child obeys.
So I want you to hear this.
When your child disobeys you, it's a heart problem.
Do you understand that?
And for you to deal with it in any other fashion than to address the heart is to miss the underlying issue.
Godly obedience, as we look at this passage, it says,
children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
But that little statement is recognizing that obedience is something that is righteous, it's proper,
it is something that God expects.
Let me give you a very interesting little illustration on this matter,
and I want you to turn back in your Bible just for a little bit back to Luke 2, verse 51.
Luke 2, verse 51.
Now, I'm taking you back to a passage that is one of the few references we have on Christ as a child.
You'll remember the immediate context is that his parents had gone up to Jerusalem to worship,
and subsequently, as they were leaving and traveling back,
they missed the fact that Jesus was not with them.
And they went back and found him in the temple teaching.
But look at verse 51.
And he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and now the next little part,
and was submissive to them.
Question.
Do you think there's a possibility that Joseph and Mary, being imperfect parents,
how many of you grew up in dysfunctional homes?
Every one of you grew up in homes where there were two sinners in authority over you.
Am I right?
That could categorize you as having grown up in some kind of dysfunctional home.
None of your parents got all the answers right,
nor were all of their expectations perfect.
And Joseph and Mary are an illustration of human parents giving instruction to the very Son of God,
and what did He do?
He had a submissive heart to their office and their authority.
So if Jesus could be submissive because it was right,
what are you doing to your child as a parent when you do not help them understand
that their obedience to you is fundamentally a spiritual issue?
Go back to the passage in Ephesians and look at the second part of it.
It says, honor your father and mother.
This is the first commandment with promise.
While obedience has to do with hearing and acting,
honor is about attitude with which obedience is given.
Honor is about attitude with which obedience is given.
It's really not enough that a child merely obeys,
for obedience can largely be the outcome of intimidation or manipulation
and not the outcome of a desire to please Christ.
Now I want to go over that slowly.
A parent may rely upon intimidation or manipulation
and in doing so completely fail to actually address the heart issue of their child.
Yelling or using anger to frighten a child
or constantly negotiating with the child by using manipulation and awards
may work for a period of time,
but ultimately the child will fail to be obedient or honoring
if that is what you rely on.
When you are a manipulative parent
and you are not a parent that helps the child understand
the heart is the issue,
eventually their rebellion will slowly magnify
and listen to me carefully.
Everybody smiling?
God will bring other people into their life
to teach what you were unwilling to address.
God has appointed parents to be His physical representative and assistant
and you're responsible
to help your child understand that behind obedience
and behind honor
is really a hard attitude
and their relationship with Christ.
Now let's recognize that attitudes are always hard to pin down
because they're most often internal and private.
Do you follow that?
Every one of you here
have had probably
at least a handful of bad attitudes so far this morning.
Admit it.
Okay.
You didn't like one of the songs.
There's just a probability
that one of them would not have been on your high list
of first 10 to sing on Sunday morning.
And some of you thought somebody else's jewelry
just didn't go with their outfit.
There's some of you here that are a little wigged out
that I don't have a tie on.
I mean, you know, there are different things
that you could be upset about.
And you may smile at me as you go by the door
and say, Pastor, it's so nice to see you.
There's one or two of you going to say,
what's the deal with the tie?
I'm going to say, I didn't wear one.
Okay.
But, you know, we can have attitudes
and not really bring them to the surface.
See, a child may obey
and even do it with a smile,
but inside their heart is profoundly rebellious.
By the way, just a little sidebar for parents.
I can't help this.
Some of the most compliant children
actually end up being the most rebellious
when they eventually leave the home.
How do you understand that?
Reminds me of what Shakespeare said,
one may smile and smile and still be a villain.
So you want to pay attention to attitude,
attitude, attitude.
I've got to tell you something
that I will tell you
as part of God's incredible blessing to me.
God did me a solid favor
by moving my parents in next door.
And I can tell you,
I have said that I was finished with my last remodel
and I am remodeling now
so they can move in our house.
A great blessing in my slow
and painful process
of growing to be more like Christ
has been the ministry and blessing
of caring for my aging parents.
And I've learned that honoring your parents
will intrude into your plans
and your schedule.
It will call on you to meet needs
and follow instructions
that you think are unreasonable.
It will cause you to change
some of the things that you wanted to do
to accommodate those
who God has put you in relationship with.
And unless a parent's needs
and instructions really interfere
with the Word of God,
a child honors God by complying.
I want to come back and touch on this again.
Honoring is all about the heart
and it reflects the value
that God has appointed to the office
that parents have been assigned by God.
Honor is something
that a child owes to a parent
as long as the child
or the parent is alive.
And when we think about that,
I can tell you this from experience,
that when you get older,
you will learn more about honor
than you learned when you were younger.
So, here I go with the parent business again.
All parents should drive home today in the car
and say to your children,
who am I living with
when I get old?
It's me, it's me, it's me, right?
Then you're making headway.
Okay, pastor, stop.
Now we come perhaps
to what is really the most important part.
Christ-exalting obedience
and honor are spirit-enabled.
That's really important.
Don't miss this.
Paul's instruction to children
is really part of the larger lesson
I began that way
by reminding you
that when the Spirit of God
speaks to the church
about the issue of being spirit-filled,
he really wants the church to understand
that at the root of a spirit-filled life
is the way we speak to one another,
the way we relate to one another,
and in particular,
this attitude of submission and servanthood
that references and respects the other person
and values and prizes them.
So when a believer is spirit-filled,
all relationships are governed by the Spirit.
That's important.
When a believer is spirit-filled,
all relationships are governed by the Spirit.
The spirit-filled wife is submissive.
The spirit-filled husband is loving.
The spirit-filled child is obedient and honoring.
So when your child is being disobedient
or your child is being disrespectful
to your authority in your office,
the fundamental problem is what?
Their spiritual state.
And you as a parent ought to look at that and say,
ooh, opportunity knocks.
I have an opportunity of stepping in
as a loving, careful, caring parent
to teach this child some spiritual truth
in a safe environment
that they will not find
when they go to Walmart or Meijer or the Army.
And so if you do it properly now,
guess what you will save your child
from learning later?
What?
The heartache.
So let's draw some practical application
to this passage.
Let me present, first of all,
some thoughts for those who are children.
And all of us here are children.
When you are struggling with obedience and honor,
determined effort is not enough.
Let me say that so you understand.
When you are struggling with obedience and honor,
determined effort is not enough.
How many of you tried to gut it out spiritually before
on your own?
Hmm?
We've done that.
I want you to understand that
ask the Holy Spirit to help you obey
and help you honor.
You know, it's amazing.
Scripture tells us over and over again,
and one illustration in particular
in John chapter 15, verse 5,
Jesus says to His disciples,
without Me you can do nothing.
The implication of that is that
it shouldn't be
one of these brilliant moments
where you discover how weak
and how frail
and how difficult
the spiritual journey is.
You can't do it by yourself.
So when you find yourself
struggling with obeying
and honoring your parents,
go to the Holy Spirit and say,
listen, I need your help.
I need to be Spirit-filled.
Call on Him who Christ has given you
as your helper
to strengthen your heart
and to change your thinking
so that you may do
what is pleasing in His sight.
I have,
I got to tell you,
my parents moving in next door
was just an incredible blessing.
I have learned
and am learning,
I would much prefer using
the present continuous tense,
I am learning what it is
to serve quietly
and to do it willingly
and to do it gladly.
and it has been
a profound shift.
My father,
who was my hero,
is my hero.
But I had to go through
a change
of recognizing
what his disease
has done to his mind
and be willing
to pick up dirty dishes
all over the house
and do it gladly.
There was a time
where I would find those dishes
and I would think,
you're being inconsiderate of me.
All about,
you know,
stupid.
and the Spirit of God
has slowly
pounded my head.
I would encourage you
to bathe
your relationship
with your parents
with thoughts.
I want to say this carefully
because I know
there are some of you here
that really do struggle
with your attitude
towards parents.
I would encourage you
to bathe
your relationship
with your parents
with thoughts
of your relationship
with Christ.
What has he done for you?
I think about that song
that we just finished
singing earlier.
Well,
I even wrote the words down
so I wouldn't forget it
but something about,
well, forget it.
I can't even get the words right
when they're on the screen overhead.
How I preach
is a work of God.
But something about
being loved by the King
and it causes my heart
to sing,
see, you all know the words
but I forgot them already.
When I have Alzheimer's,
nobody will know.
Okay.
Remind yourself
of what Christ
has done for you
and let your affection
for Christ
which flows
out of his
unfailing love
for you
cause you to respect
and honor
and obey.
Now for parents
who are instructing
their children,
listen carefully
because we have a culture
that is absolutely
hell-bent
on creating
rebellious children
and they have
the ally
of a wicked,
sinful heart
that all of us
are born with.
Agreed?
So parents,
teach biblical obedience
and honor
in the light of the cross.
Let me say that slowly.
Teach biblical obedience
and honor
in the light of the cross.
For one,
you at one point
were a hell-bound rebel
and Christ found you
in that miserable state
and he drew you
to his side
with a love
that never fails,
never quits,
never gives up.
He pursued you
and found you
and he didn't let
your stubborn,
rebellious heart
cause him
to be untoward
in his attitude
towards you
or merciless
in his dealing with you.
Parents,
love them
as you ought
because you have
been richly loved
and teach them
obedience
and honor
in the light
of the cross.
Secondly,
parents,
consider your child's
struggle
as a spiritual indicator
and an opportunity.
Do you follow that?
I had a conversation
with someone
in our fellowship,
loved the person,
and they were telling me
about a certain problem
and kind of midstream
in talking to me,
they said,
oh, I know what you're
going to say.
God is teaching me something.
I said,
why say it
if you already know it?
But, you know,
it's like,
you know,
when,
and I have to remind myself
of the same thing,
you know,
when things are going
left of center
and they're not going
Tim's way,
I can be obsessive
like it's going
out of style
and, you know,
let's go back
to parents.
When your children
are having a meltdown,
it's really just
a spiritual indicator
and an opportunity.
See,
never forget,
never forget
that the first concern
you have
is for your child's
spiritual state.
Hmm?
Your first concern
is for your child's
spiritual state.
It's not about
obeying me.
You know,
it's like,
I want you to learn
one thing.
By the way,
listen carefully.
If you are a yeller
or a shouter,
it's probably
because you just
haven't gotten
your hands around
the truth in your life yet.
Ever heard me say that?
Did you hear that?
Huh?
Did you hear that?
A yeller or a shouter
probably is not,
how many,
no.
Do I get animated
and a little emotional
when I'm a pastor?
Yeah,
bear with me,
I'm preaching,
but other than that,
any of you that have seen me
in your life personally,
how many times
have I yelled at you?
Doesn't happen.
It may be that
the need
for help
with obedience
and honor
is really rooted
in need for salvation.
And help your child
to see that there
is more at risk
than this,
their temporary
relationship with you.
It's about heaven
and it's about hell.
And I think sometimes
we as Christian parents
are doing a disservice
for our children
when we really don't
keep on coming back
to the issue
that the problems
in their lives
are really not about
eating vegetables
or making beds.
It's about where
they spend eternity.
And when you have problems,
it's just giving you
a little window
of opportunity
to step through
and say,
honey,
you know what?
This recurring problem
you have with obeying me
is really a reflection
of where you are
in your relationship
with Christ.
And your daddy's praying
that you will come
to Christ.
Or your daddy's praying
that you would be
a spirit-filled child.
How many of you
have done that?
You follow me?
Let's go in the bedroom
and I'm going to teach you
a lepid.
We're going to give you
a whipping.
You can choose the bill.
I'm not opposed
to spanking
in case you're wondering.
But let me tell you something.
You can create
temporary obedience
and not change the heart.
Aim for the heart.
Furthermore,
as a parent,
what you should always be doing
is checking to see
what's going on
behind the scenes
in their lives.
So let me close
with this pointed question.
Can you see evidence
of the Spirit's help
in your life
in obeying
and honoring
your parents?
I mean,
what's the purpose
of preaching?
Do you follow that?
It's to tell you
what God thinks.
Not so you can kind of
feel your head's full
of information
and just walk out of here
and dump it somewhere
on the side of the road.
It's so that you can live
in the light
of what God wants.
So the practical question is,
do I see evidence
that I am Spirit-filled
in my obedience
to my parents
and my honor
for my parents?
And you may be sitting
here this morning
and we talk about
this issue
of obeying your parents
and honoring your parents
and the truth of the matter
is that the heart issue
is bigger than external issues.
You may be here
and do not know Christ
and so your unrelenting struggle
with obedience
is really rooted
in the fact
that you have never
come to Christ
and sought His complete forgiveness
for all of your sins.
You're a rebel
against God
and the first thing
you need
is by the Spirit of God
to have a broken heart
that cries out
for salvation
that you may know
what He does
in salvation.
It may be
that you are a child
who is a believer
but you are awash
in stubbornness
and pride.
And your problem
as you sit here
this morning
is you think
that things would be
a whole lot easier
if you just had
a better set of parents.
Guess what?
The sovereign Lord
of this universe
chose the ones
you have.
There will never
be another option.
And the Spirit of God
wants you
as a believer
to humble yourself
and ask His help
so that you
by His power
to the glory
of Christ
may obey
and honor.
Do you know
why Paul teaches
this lesson?
So that the church
of the living God
could be a light
in a wicked
and perverse world.
And we
who are His children
who have been
redeemed
from the pit
isn't that right?
We're saying
bring it on
I want to be
more like Jesus
for the testimony
of the cross
and the power
of the gospel
that people
looking at my heart
and my spirit
might say
what's the deal
with you?
Oh it's not me.
Yeah
Jesus found me
as an absolute
wretch
and He saved me
and the Spirit
of God
is working
in me
and what you see
is not me
I want you to know
it's the Spirit
of God
that works.
Here's the truth.
God
wants
believing
parents
to minister
to their children.
God
wants
believing
children
to
respect
obey
honor.
Let's close
in prayer.
Father I think
this morning
of the passage
it says
not by might
nor by power
but by my spirit
saith the Lord
and I pray
that your word
would find free course
in the hearts
of your believers
today
that those
who know Christ
would be drawn
to desire
to be obedient
for the glory
of our Savior
and those
that are here
that do not
know Christ
would recognize
that really
the problem
they have
in their heart
with obedience
and honor
is deeper
than a relationship
with their parents
they need
Christ
and draw them
to the cross
today
in your precious
name
amen
let's