WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.080 Amen. Good morning. And I haven't said it to you already. Happy Father's Day. 00:00:07.080 --> 00:00:12.480 I don't exercise very much authority in the life of our church. 00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:17.480 We are an elder led congregational church. We think this is a good and biblical polity. 00:00:19.240 --> 00:00:27.339 But from time to time, I have a little bit of power that I like to exercise to call an audible on a Sunday morning. 00:00:27.339 --> 00:00:33.179 And I have put in your bulletin a text to address the very end of John chapter 10. 00:00:33.700 --> 00:00:42.079 But instead, we're going to look at some verses in Ephesians chapter six on this Father's Day. 00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:47.899 So we're going to read six, one through four. I'm going to spare you the details of why. 00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:51.340 And we're going to get right into it together. 00:00:51.340 --> 00:00:56.900 But first, before delivering any exhortation from this text, 00:00:57.220 --> 00:01:01.280 Dads, I want you to know that you are seen. 00:01:02.040 --> 00:01:04.079 I see the hard work that you are doing. 00:01:04.859 --> 00:01:10.939 And I am generally, and I mean that with charity, I'm generally very proud of you. 00:01:12.060 --> 00:01:13.340 Being a father is not easy. 00:01:13.340 --> 00:01:17.460 And I notice your efforts and the fruits of your labor. 00:01:17.600 --> 00:01:19.560 You're doing a good work. 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:22.000 Do not grow weary of doing good. 00:01:22.960 --> 00:01:27.540 We, of course, all have improving to do in our parenting if we're in that stage. 00:01:28.140 --> 00:01:31.460 So I also do not want you to stop growing in your fathering. 00:01:31.560 --> 00:01:40.719 But please take today's brief exhortation as an encouragement to do well and not in any form as condemnation. 00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:51.260 Second, the Greek word rendered in verse four, fathers, can also mean parents. 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:59.879 I appreciate the translation of the word into our English word fathers as dads are to be the heads of our households 00:01:59.879 --> 00:02:09.419 and not to be giving leadership and the raising of children with mothers as helpers in this most precious, important of responsibilities. 00:02:09.419 --> 00:02:13.859 So I'm okay with the fact that they've used fathers in this place. 00:02:13.939 --> 00:02:20.259 But the point is, moms, don't let the teaching of this text be lost on you this morning. 00:02:21.879 --> 00:02:31.479 Further, if you are not a dad and not a mom, so you're not a parent or perhaps your children are already out of your home, 00:02:31.479 --> 00:02:39.359 I hope this morning that you will be encouraged, perhaps helped in being grateful for your earthly father. 00:02:39.679 --> 00:02:45.379 And I hope we will all remember the loving care of our heavenly father. 00:02:45.379 --> 00:02:57.419 So Ephesians 6, 1 through 4, we're going to give particular attention to verse 4 and the first half of verse 4 most especially. 00:02:57.659 --> 00:03:02.099 But I want to set the stage just to begin as we'll begin reading in verse 1. 00:03:02.259 --> 00:03:05.139 Let me pray that God will bless our time in his word. 00:03:05.139 --> 00:03:14.299 Father, we do ask humbly as we take up your word together this morning that you would help us to rightly understand it. 00:03:15.419 --> 00:03:18.599 We are grateful for fathers. 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:23.159 We all have them in varying measure. 00:03:23.899 --> 00:03:26.779 We have been benefited by them. 00:03:26.780 --> 00:03:31.319 We praise you this morning especially for you, our heavenly father. 00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:39.139 If we've been justified and therefore adopted in Christ, you care for us with perfection. 00:03:39.620 --> 00:03:45.819 Never fail to care for us as a father loves a son. 00:03:46.939 --> 00:03:52.659 Help us to hear the exhortation of this text, to give it good and right application in our lives for the glory of Christ. 00:03:52.780 --> 00:03:53.939 And in his name we pray. 00:03:55.080 --> 00:03:55.439 Amen. 00:03:56.780 --> 00:03:58.580 Ephesians 6 beginning in verse 1. 00:03:58.939 --> 00:04:03.500 Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. 00:04:04.500 --> 00:04:05.960 Honor your father and mother. 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:12.539 This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. 00:04:13.860 --> 00:04:22.319 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:26.759 So, children, let me first have your attention. 00:04:27.980 --> 00:04:32.779 The apostle Paul is speaking to you in verses 1 through 3. 00:04:33.420 --> 00:04:39.000 And he tells you that it is good for you to obey your parents. 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.579 Your parents are not perfect. 00:04:42.579 --> 00:04:51.579 But they were given to you as a gift from God to help you follow him so that your life will go well. 00:04:51.579 --> 00:04:55.539 Ultimately, they want to see you repent and believe in the gospel. 00:04:55.680 --> 00:04:57.399 They want your spiritual well-being. 00:04:57.399 --> 00:05:05.359 But even before that and after that, they want you to live well in the world that God has made. 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:10.340 So, you ought to listen to the godly discipline of your parents. 00:05:10.699 --> 00:05:15.660 And you need to extend forgiveness to your parents when they mess it up. 00:05:15.720 --> 00:05:21.120 Because they have and they inevitably will not do this perfectly. 00:05:21.840 --> 00:05:26.500 But they've been given to you by God to help you to follow him. 00:05:26.500 --> 00:05:32.500 But, as I said, our attention is going to be on verse 4. 00:05:32.699 --> 00:05:35.160 And particularly the first part of verse 4. 00:05:35.279 --> 00:05:37.160 So, let's turn our attention there. 00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:42.500 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. 00:05:43.339 --> 00:05:49.959 Fathers, and by extension mothers, we are exhorted to not anger our children. 00:05:51.279 --> 00:05:52.579 But is this possible? 00:05:52.579 --> 00:06:02.099 We have experienced anger from our children when our discipline is careful and gentle and fair. 00:06:02.300 --> 00:06:10.719 When we've done everything as we should do it, sometimes our children do not respond the way we might hope they would. 00:06:11.379 --> 00:06:14.979 Thank you, Dad, for loving me so much and correcting my error. 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:18.360 Rarely the response that you receive. 00:06:18.360 --> 00:06:26.500 Are we being told here to tiptoe around our children's feelings in such a way that we ensure they will never get angry? 00:06:28.580 --> 00:06:33.240 After all, anger is a condition of the fallen heart. 00:06:34.139 --> 00:06:37.400 So, is it even possible to not anger a child? 00:06:39.639 --> 00:06:41.680 Votie Bauckham, you may remember. 00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:43.660 I hope you know who I'm referring to. 00:06:43.660 --> 00:06:49.280 A late, great Votie once said in a conference that I attended, do you know why babies are so small? 00:06:50.300 --> 00:06:55.760 Because if they weren't, they would kill you the first time you didn't give them something they want. 00:06:56.860 --> 00:07:04.440 Experience the rage, the fury of an infant as soon as they are hungry or tired. 00:07:04.439 --> 00:07:12.819 Even when you've done everything you need to do for that child, sometimes they are just furious about life in a fallen world. 00:07:14.079 --> 00:07:22.699 Surely Paul doesn't want us to center all of our child training on our children's feelings in such a way that they always get their way. 00:07:23.540 --> 00:07:24.420 May it never be. 00:07:25.379 --> 00:07:27.540 So, what does he mean? 00:07:28.220 --> 00:07:30.339 So then, what's he talking about here? 00:07:30.339 --> 00:07:34.679 Now, two details are going to help us to understand this meaning. 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:43.819 Number one, the word provoke in the Greek is in the present tense, which means that it speaks to a state of being. 00:07:44.739 --> 00:07:48.979 Paul is saying, do not make your children provoked with anger. 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:51.379 They are angry. 00:07:51.379 --> 00:07:56.600 So, it would seem that this is a deep-rooted type of anger. 00:07:57.079 --> 00:08:02.439 There's a bitterness that's set in in the child that's provoked. 00:08:03.159 --> 00:08:09.800 An anger that is set against the father and the father's leadership. 00:08:09.800 --> 00:08:14.839 It started to turn away from the father's leadership in the home. 00:08:14.839 --> 00:08:23.619 Secondly, the parallel passage to this one uses the same word provoke, but with a different qualifier. 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:25.679 This is Colossians 3 in verse 21. 00:08:26.639 --> 00:08:32.039 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 00:08:33.339 --> 00:08:37.939 It puts a bit of a different flavor on this exhortation. 00:08:37.940 --> 00:08:46.620 So, when we take these two details together, I think it becomes obvious that Paul is not exhorting fathers to avoid our children ever becoming angry with us, 00:08:46.700 --> 00:08:49.760 for it's inevitable that they will. 00:08:49.900 --> 00:08:57.740 But rather, to parent them in a way that they do not turn against our good parenting in an angry kind of discouragement. 00:08:58.160 --> 00:09:00.280 That kind of throw your hands in the air. 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:03.580 I can't possibly ever please my parents. 00:09:03.680 --> 00:09:06.640 I might as well just cast them off. 00:09:07.940 --> 00:09:15.020 Now, the last half of the verse gives us the adverse of this, the opposite of this. 00:09:15.180 --> 00:09:18.680 It begins, but bring them up. 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:28.080 Instead of this provoking them to anger, bring them up, which helps us to understand more of what the initial part of the verse means. 00:09:28.480 --> 00:09:34.720 In the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:43.720 When we see the word discipline, most people, I think, we automatically think of kind of punitive action discipline. 00:09:44.620 --> 00:09:48.519 We think immediately of the spanking, perhaps. 00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:52.379 But that is not what Paul has in mind. 00:09:53.340 --> 00:09:56.879 The word discipline means to train. 00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:04.059 So when a top athlete is referred to as disciplined, we don't think of them as receiving daily spankings. 00:10:04.059 --> 00:10:06.259 This is not where our minds go at all. 00:10:06.460 --> 00:10:12.399 But of carefully training their bodies for whatever task they have set themselves to. 00:10:12.840 --> 00:10:13.120 Right? 00:10:13.179 --> 00:10:19.159 They have worked and worked and worked to be the best at whatever the exercise may be. 00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:21.519 Our children need the same. 00:10:22.719 --> 00:10:26.860 And they need it in two ways, two types of discipline. 00:10:27.799 --> 00:10:30.600 They need instructive discipline. 00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:36.279 They need to be told and shown how they are to act. 00:10:36.279 --> 00:10:41.699 And this should be the lion's share of the work that's going on in your home. 00:10:42.639 --> 00:10:46.259 Modeled for them in the way that you live your life. 00:10:46.500 --> 00:10:49.000 Telling them why you live the way you live. 00:10:49.399 --> 00:10:53.720 Playing games to show them the way they ought to act. 00:10:54.600 --> 00:10:59.939 Anytime our two oldest weren't sharing well, we sat down on the floor and we played the sharing game. 00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:01.679 To be an example of that. 00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:04.120 It kind of became a bit of a punishment for them. 00:11:04.579 --> 00:11:08.620 But we go through the process of asking, making responses. 00:11:09.179 --> 00:11:11.039 Sharing toys. 00:11:11.620 --> 00:11:12.859 Asking for forgiveness. 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:16.179 What does it really look like to ask for forgiveness? 00:11:16.379 --> 00:11:22.099 Most adults don't know really how to ask for and grant forgiveness. 00:11:24.279 --> 00:11:25.379 Instructive discipline. 00:11:26.339 --> 00:11:28.779 Major part of what we're doing in our homes. 00:11:28.779 --> 00:11:32.079 Do not assume that your children will arrive at the right conclusions. 00:11:32.299 --> 00:11:32.959 They will not. 00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:36.519 They will arrive at very poor conclusions. 00:11:36.819 --> 00:11:40.759 If you don't train them how they are to go. 00:11:41.659 --> 00:11:44.259 They also need corrective discipline. 00:11:45.159 --> 00:11:49.360 Being told and shown how they are not to act. 00:11:50.860 --> 00:11:54.059 Beloved parents, we will not do this well. 00:11:54.059 --> 00:12:00.739 If we do not know how our children are to act and how they are not to act. 00:12:01.959 --> 00:12:05.239 Some of us may not have been trained well. 00:12:05.599 --> 00:12:08.419 May not have grown up in homes that were godly. 00:12:08.599 --> 00:12:13.359 And we were assisted in seeing how it is we are to live. 00:12:13.439 --> 00:12:14.479 But we have a book. 00:12:14.480 --> 00:12:17.360 It's an inspired book. 00:12:17.759 --> 00:12:24.960 It's authored by God himself to show us how it is that we are to live in this world. 00:12:25.659 --> 00:12:26.940 So we should be in the word. 00:12:27.039 --> 00:12:35.460 And we should be understanding what characterizes the person oriented to God who's going to thrive in the world in which he's made. 00:12:35.940 --> 00:12:39.060 How to act and how not to act. 00:12:39.659 --> 00:12:41.440 There is some latitude in this, of course. 00:12:41.539 --> 00:12:43.720 Different people have different rules for things. 00:12:43.720 --> 00:12:46.879 Maybe your children are allowed to climb up on the back of your couch and jump off. 00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:48.139 I have no problem with that. 00:12:48.220 --> 00:12:49.519 But maybe not at my house. 00:12:50.740 --> 00:12:54.460 There should be some standards for the way we interact in society. 00:12:56.940 --> 00:13:04.700 Certainly God's word sets for us the ultimate, the black and white, off the pages standards for what we're looking for from our children. 00:13:06.180 --> 00:13:10.160 Instructive discipline and corrective discipline. 00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:14.980 Then why does he go on to use the word instruction? 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:22.000 Doesn't it feel like the word discipline is the negative part, the corrective part, and instructive is the positive part? 00:13:22.219 --> 00:13:28.360 In fact, I use the word instructive in talking about the positive part of discipline. 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:34.620 But in the Greek, the word instruction means warning. 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:36.220 It means warning. 00:13:37.340 --> 00:13:45.300 Our children need to know what the eternal consequence is for their not obeying God. 00:13:45.299 --> 00:13:55.620 They need to understand that the temporal, instructive discipline and corrective discipline of their parents is not ultimately aimed at their external behavior. 00:13:56.399 --> 00:13:58.699 We're not trying to train moralists. 00:13:59.579 --> 00:14:03.099 But that it is ultimately aimed at their hearts. 00:14:03.100 --> 00:14:09.700 Trying to show them there's a standard to which they are to live, that they will struggle to live too. 00:14:10.560 --> 00:14:19.080 And there's a gospel that comes in, a good news that comes in and brings to them a freedom from condemnation. 00:14:20.379 --> 00:14:25.420 We want our children to fear and love God. 00:14:25.419 --> 00:14:29.419 This is the great end of all godly parenting. 00:14:30.379 --> 00:14:34.759 And we're modeling for them something of God's authority in the home. 00:14:34.899 --> 00:14:41.659 It will not be perfect, but we also want our children to fear and love us. 00:14:42.500 --> 00:14:47.919 This is why we must discipline and instruct our children by God's word. 00:14:47.919 --> 00:14:54.599 And why we must discipline and instruct our children according to God's ways. 00:14:55.419 --> 00:14:58.059 So when you think, okay, how am I to parent? 00:14:58.219 --> 00:15:03.959 Parents, do not go to the internet and look for all of the tips on how you are to parent. 00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:11.799 Packed into the last part of verse 4, we're to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:15:11.959 --> 00:15:14.079 Of course, this means the scripture. 00:15:14.500 --> 00:15:21.319 Of course, this means the moral realities laid out for the ethics of the Bible. 00:15:21.320 --> 00:15:28.460 But it also means to do it in a way that's consistent with the way that God parents us. 00:15:30.460 --> 00:15:31.220 Patient. 00:15:32.280 --> 00:15:33.060 Loving kind. 00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:34.720 Consistent. 00:15:35.520 --> 00:15:38.800 Always seeking our highest good. 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:46.840 Never failing at any point to do these things to apply the truth for our great good. 00:15:46.840 --> 00:15:53.399 We're to bring up our kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:56.519 So there's the positive side of that. 00:15:57.100 --> 00:16:00.899 But as I said, we're going to focus on the first part of the verse. 00:16:01.100 --> 00:16:06.080 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:13.580 Let's make sure that we don't build in them a rebellious bitterness toward us. 00:16:13.580 --> 00:16:17.560 Now, may our children develop that apart from us? 00:16:17.680 --> 00:16:18.639 I think so. 00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:28.920 I think it's altogether possible that our children may reject the ways of the Lord, may become embittered towards us, and perhaps we had nothing to do with it. 00:16:29.860 --> 00:16:35.860 But if one of my boys were able to do this, I would really want to stop and go, am I at all culpable here? 00:16:35.860 --> 00:16:39.460 What might I need to repent of? 00:16:40.060 --> 00:16:41.800 Ask their forgiveness for? 00:16:42.100 --> 00:16:45.259 How might I need to improve in the way that I parent? 00:16:45.379 --> 00:16:52.860 Even in that rebellious moment, I want to think carefully and I want to think really clearly about this. 00:16:52.940 --> 00:16:55.860 And I'm sure that you also do as well. 00:16:55.860 --> 00:17:00.180 Now, at this point, I want to commend to you a book. 00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:07.039 There's more that could be said about this that we could possibly cover in the allotted time for this morning. 00:17:07.140 --> 00:17:16.319 But I really want you to pick up a book if you feel like your children are provoked or just you're finding there's a heart of anger within them. 00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:20.799 And you don't know how to wrap your mind around it and you don't know how to address it. 00:17:21.099 --> 00:17:29.799 And perhaps for some of you, your kids are so young, this may not be a reality, but log this away and think of it in the future if you find this to be the case. 00:17:29.879 --> 00:17:35.119 And it's a book written by a man named Lou Priolo, and it's called The Heart of Anger. 00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:38.980 It's got one of the worst covers of any book I've ever seen. 00:17:39.799 --> 00:17:40.639 It's terrible. 00:17:40.779 --> 00:17:41.980 You'll see if you ever look it up. 00:17:41.980 --> 00:17:52.599 But the contents of it are rich and really helpful, and he's unpacking ways that we could perhaps provoke our children to anger. 00:17:53.259 --> 00:17:54.599 He has 25 of them. 00:17:55.519 --> 00:17:58.559 If you ask me nicely, I'll be happy to post this later on. 00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:03.019 I want to go through them, though, and I'm going to go through them all, but I'm going to go through them quickly. 00:18:03.099 --> 00:18:06.980 I'm going to make some comments about a couple of them, but I think it's worth mentioning. 00:18:08.019 --> 00:18:11.539 Perhaps you could take a pen in hand and jot down some of these. 00:18:11.980 --> 00:18:13.839 Be thoughtful about these. 00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:16.480 Preventative work. 00:18:17.120 --> 00:18:21.559 We want to don't even find our kids in a situation where they may be provoked. 00:18:21.640 --> 00:18:30.360 What might we be doing to be the healthiest possible parents we can be for the good of our kids to the glory of God? 00:18:30.360 --> 00:18:31.279 So here we go. 00:18:31.360 --> 00:18:38.000 25 ways to provoke your children to anger with some occasional comments from me. 00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:42.680 Number one, lack of marital harmony. 00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:51.400 If your house is in turmoil, your kids will not feel it as a place of peace and will not be able to hear your instruction. 00:18:51.740 --> 00:18:55.120 You will not be applying God's truth to your own life. 00:18:55.860 --> 00:18:56.940 Lack of marital harmony. 00:18:57.080 --> 00:19:02.019 Number two, establishing and maintaining a child-centered home. 00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:04.519 We've talked a bit about this already. 00:19:04.519 --> 00:19:09.799 It's not good for your kids for them to think that the world revolves around them. 00:19:10.279 --> 00:19:16.019 From time to time, I will joke, not with any of your children, but sometimes a kid just needs to get pushed down. 00:19:16.879 --> 00:19:18.180 And I'll be happy to do that. 00:19:18.339 --> 00:19:21.539 If you ever want me to come over and just knock your kid down, tell them that the world's not about them. 00:19:21.539 --> 00:19:27.500 Number three, modeling sinful anger. 00:19:29.940 --> 00:19:31.839 Blowing up in your own home. 00:19:32.539 --> 00:19:35.480 I'm going to teach your kids that this is an acceptable way to act. 00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:36.159 It's appropriate. 00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:43.119 We cannot expect our children to not have hearts of anger if we have hearts of anger. 00:19:44.639 --> 00:19:47.519 James chapter 4, verse 1 and part of 2. 00:19:47.659 --> 00:19:48.920 What causes quarrels? 00:19:49.159 --> 00:19:50.680 What causes fights among you? 00:19:51.539 --> 00:19:56.279 Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 00:19:56.920 --> 00:20:00.240 You desire and do not have, so you murder. 00:20:00.899 --> 00:20:06.079 You hate people in your home when you explode angrily. 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:11.139 Praise God for repentance in our home. 00:20:11.139 --> 00:20:14.819 We can ask for forgiveness when we're angry. 00:20:16.139 --> 00:20:21.399 Number four, and related, many of these are habitually disciplining. 00:20:21.539 --> 00:20:22.559 In anger. 00:20:23.119 --> 00:20:25.859 You're disqualified from disciplining if you're angry. 00:20:26.379 --> 00:20:27.440 But sometimes it happens. 00:20:27.940 --> 00:20:29.980 The discipline is important, but it should not come. 00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:34.319 It should not be arising from anger at your children. 00:20:35.019 --> 00:20:36.720 Number five, scolding. 00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:39.819 The children don't need to be dressed up and down. 00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:44.159 They need to be told that they're wrong, disciplined appropriately, corrected, restored. 00:20:44.799 --> 00:20:45.339 Moving on. 00:20:45.339 --> 00:20:50.859 Number six, being inconsistent with discipline. 00:20:51.720 --> 00:20:54.339 This one hits me probably the closest. 00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:02.039 Our children will never learn to obey if the expectations that we set for them are not clear. 00:21:02.039 --> 00:21:05.720 If the consequences are not clear. 00:21:06.500 --> 00:21:10.220 And if that corrective discipline is not consistent. 00:21:12.139 --> 00:21:15.000 Don't ever, don't ever count to three. 00:21:15.819 --> 00:21:17.279 I've never heard any of you count to three. 00:21:17.539 --> 00:21:18.079 Praise the Lord. 00:21:18.899 --> 00:21:19.799 Don't count to three. 00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:24.159 What you're teaching your kids is that you're not serious until you count to three. 00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:32.419 Tell them when I say come here that they're to come to you for their temporal and eternal good. 00:21:32.420 --> 00:21:39.860 So just as a minor thought experiment, I wonder how many of you prepared your children for today. 00:21:41.300 --> 00:21:45.300 Perhaps before you left the house or on the car ride on the way here. 00:21:45.860 --> 00:21:49.500 A little chat before everybody jumped out, tried to grab everything together. 00:21:49.500 --> 00:21:54.120 What were the expectations coming in to this building together? 00:21:54.600 --> 00:21:56.060 Did you talk to them? 00:21:56.140 --> 00:22:00.940 Did you make it really clear what you expect from them? 00:22:00.940 --> 00:22:03.160 Are those expectations reasonable? 00:22:04.580 --> 00:22:08.019 What you expect and your children's understanding of it is important. 00:22:09.340 --> 00:22:10.779 Say, this is what I expect of you. 00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:11.680 Do you understand? 00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:12.299 Yes, sir. 00:22:12.420 --> 00:22:12.600 Okay. 00:22:12.680 --> 00:22:15.539 Do you understand what the consequence will be if you don't meet the expectation? 00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:16.180 Yes, sir. 00:22:16.759 --> 00:22:17.279 All right. 00:22:18.539 --> 00:22:22.000 Now whose fault is it if you're being spanked because you didn't meet the expectation? 00:22:24.420 --> 00:22:30.539 You may be surprised what your children can accomplish when you set clear expectations with clear consequences 00:22:30.539 --> 00:22:34.019 and when you consistently follow through. 00:22:34.899 --> 00:22:40.399 Again and again, for Sam and I, when ours were young, we had to say to each other, boy, we're dropping out of the inconsistency. 00:22:41.399 --> 00:22:42.480 Because it's hard work. 00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:44.059 It is hard work. 00:22:44.059 --> 00:22:48.159 To ask one of my boys to come to me just because I wanted to give him a hug. 00:22:49.019 --> 00:22:53.480 And they don't do it and I go, oh, I just created a whole discipline issue in the house. 00:22:53.579 --> 00:22:55.819 I could have just said nothing and gone on with the evening. 00:22:56.619 --> 00:22:57.819 But here we go. 00:22:58.019 --> 00:22:59.359 It's easy just to not do it. 00:23:00.099 --> 00:23:01.599 But, ah, maybe they didn't hear me. 00:23:02.460 --> 00:23:06.240 They heard me and I've got to follow through with them. 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:08.339 There's been a trend. 00:23:08.539 --> 00:23:14.940 I think it'll probably be a trend that loops round and round and round called parenting with grace. 00:23:15.740 --> 00:23:24.799 It tends to have some tinge of the gospel to try to say to our children, well, God forgives our sin in Christ. 00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:30.620 And so I'm going to overlook this particular infraction to try to teach you something about the gospel. 00:23:30.620 --> 00:23:32.839 But that's not how the gospel works at all. 00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:34.720 Not even sort of. 00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:43.460 If I was to be consistent in that line of reasoning, if I wanted to teach my son something of the gospel, 00:23:44.019 --> 00:23:48.360 when one of them disobeyed, I would have grabbed another and punished him instead. 00:23:49.860 --> 00:23:51.279 See, this is the gospel. 00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:53.519 God doesn't punish your sin. 00:23:53.620 --> 00:23:57.720 He punished your sin in somebody else. 00:23:58.460 --> 00:23:59.380 In Christ. 00:23:59.380 --> 00:24:06.500 God, because he's holy and he's just, he must maintain that. 00:24:06.600 --> 00:24:08.540 God is always who God is at all times. 00:24:08.740 --> 00:24:12.080 So every sin will be punished. 00:24:13.120 --> 00:24:13.700 Will be. 00:24:13.900 --> 00:24:15.420 Every single one. 00:24:15.520 --> 00:24:16.260 Those things we know. 00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:17.420 Those things we don't know. 00:24:17.640 --> 00:24:19.180 All of the weird inclinations of our heart. 00:24:19.300 --> 00:24:20.580 All of it will be punished. 00:24:20.579 --> 00:24:23.399 The only way for us to have forgiveness. 00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:31.379 The only way for us to not be eternally punished was for our sin to be punished in Christ. 00:24:32.139 --> 00:24:36.379 He takes the punishment away for us. 00:24:36.439 --> 00:24:38.720 You're not teaching our kids anything about the gospel. 00:24:39.199 --> 00:24:41.119 If you just go, uh, not this time. 00:24:41.679 --> 00:24:45.659 You're teaching them that disobedience can be taken lightly when you feel like it. 00:24:45.660 --> 00:24:51.540 It's not a picture, not a picture of grace. 00:24:51.759 --> 00:25:01.420 Rather, if I'm to parent with grace, I'm going, I'm going to be clear and I'm going to be consistent with my children. 00:25:03.100 --> 00:25:07.060 The grace is that they get to remain my children when they act like they're not my children. 00:25:07.059 --> 00:25:13.859 And they disobey the good commands of their father who's looking out for them, who loves them dearly, who's providing everything that they need. 00:25:14.159 --> 00:25:20.039 Trying to train them that they might follow the Lord and live well in the society in which the Lord's put them. 00:25:20.619 --> 00:25:21.579 And they disobey me. 00:25:22.139 --> 00:25:25.779 They're saying, you, you aren't doing all of those things. 00:25:26.299 --> 00:25:27.659 You're a bad parent. 00:25:27.779 --> 00:25:29.159 I don't want to be your child. 00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:33.000 That's what these little rebellious things are doing when they're not listening to us. 00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:37.960 Parenting with grace means I keep them in my house. 00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:43.299 And I say, even though you're being rebellious, I love you so much that I'm going to keep pressing. 00:25:44.619 --> 00:25:46.039 I'm going to keep working with you. 00:25:46.299 --> 00:25:48.779 I'm going to keep trying to show you the way that you should go. 00:25:48.819 --> 00:25:50.359 And I'm going to correct your errors. 00:25:51.640 --> 00:25:55.700 And the alternative would be to put a free kid sign around their neck and set them out on the curb. 00:25:57.180 --> 00:25:58.779 This one apparently is not mine. 00:25:58.859 --> 00:26:01.079 I will put them out on the curb. 00:26:01.079 --> 00:26:03.519 So should you parent with grace? 00:26:03.599 --> 00:26:05.099 Should you display the gospel in your parents? 00:26:05.139 --> 00:26:07.059 Of course, of course you should. 00:26:07.639 --> 00:26:13.139 But that movement and the way it's framed is not a biblical way to parent your children. 00:26:13.480 --> 00:26:18.639 You want to do it in a way that's consistent with the way the Lord deals with us. 00:26:20.839 --> 00:26:26.539 There are temporal and there are eternal consequences for our sin. 00:26:27.639 --> 00:26:30.259 Always, we experience this as well. 00:26:30.259 --> 00:26:33.960 If you're in Christ, the eternal consequences have been paid for by him. 00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:39.940 But there are still temporal consequences because God loves us. 00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:41.140 Hebrews 12. 00:26:41.660 --> 00:26:43.980 Do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord. 00:26:44.059 --> 00:26:46.420 He's treating you as sons. 00:26:47.059 --> 00:26:53.539 He's bringing to you the correction that you need because he loves you. 00:26:53.539 --> 00:26:54.099 Right. 00:26:54.420 --> 00:26:55.180 So Romans 8. 00:26:55.180 --> 00:26:58.339 There's therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 00:26:58.480 --> 00:26:58.579 Right. 00:26:59.019 --> 00:27:00.220 Eternal consequences. 00:27:01.460 --> 00:27:02.099 Hebrews 12. 00:27:02.200 --> 00:27:02.460 Seven. 00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:04.279 It is for discipline that you have to endure. 00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:06.339 God is treating you as sons. 00:27:06.859 --> 00:27:10.500 For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 00:27:11.319 --> 00:27:11.480 Right. 00:27:11.740 --> 00:27:16.619 So being inconsistent can provoke anger in your kids. 00:27:16.659 --> 00:27:19.659 Your kids can be confused about what it is that you want from them. 00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:20.319 Right. 00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:20.679 Eight. 00:27:20.679 --> 00:27:22.259 Never feel like I can make you happy. 00:27:22.500 --> 00:27:22.619 Right. 00:27:22.659 --> 00:27:26.799 I don't understand the rules because you're inconsistent. 00:27:28.559 --> 00:27:28.960 Seven. 00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:30.220 Having double standards. 00:27:30.399 --> 00:27:30.500 Right. 00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:32.679 Expecting one thing of one child and not from another. 00:27:32.779 --> 00:27:35.960 And that's a complicated thing to work out because all of our kids are unique and they're 00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:38.059 in different developmental stages. 00:27:38.460 --> 00:27:39.299 It's a labor. 00:27:39.639 --> 00:27:39.759 Right. 00:27:39.839 --> 00:27:40.700 Get with your spouse. 00:27:41.059 --> 00:27:42.339 Talk about what's going on. 00:27:42.339 --> 00:27:50.059 Are we applying the rules of our home consistently amongst our kids at their stage of development? 00:27:51.139 --> 00:27:51.980 Number eight. 00:27:52.179 --> 00:27:53.099 Being legalistic. 00:27:54.659 --> 00:28:01.899 Here, loo means the children earning your favor in your home by very careful, tight obedience. 00:28:02.339 --> 00:28:02.439 Right. 00:28:02.459 --> 00:28:05.720 They're not in your good favor unless they're performing well. 00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:05.919 Right. 00:28:05.919 --> 00:28:06.599 This is legalism. 00:28:06.599 --> 00:28:08.959 It's adding things to the gospel. 00:28:09.119 --> 00:28:11.259 Our acceptance before God is based on our performance. 00:28:11.659 --> 00:28:14.899 Doing that very thing with your kids can provoke them to anger. 00:28:15.779 --> 00:28:16.039 Oh. 00:28:16.980 --> 00:28:18.319 My boys are mine. 00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:19.240 That's why they're accepted. 00:28:19.599 --> 00:28:19.699 Right. 00:28:19.740 --> 00:28:20.619 That's why they belong. 00:28:20.699 --> 00:28:21.679 Because they're mine. 00:28:21.899 --> 00:28:22.079 Right. 00:28:22.139 --> 00:28:24.359 I get the great honor of being their father. 00:28:25.719 --> 00:28:26.839 Now, I want them. 00:28:27.240 --> 00:28:29.559 I want to see them perform in certain ways. 00:28:29.639 --> 00:28:30.500 But for them. 00:28:30.819 --> 00:28:31.500 Not for me. 00:28:31.799 --> 00:28:31.939 Right. 00:28:31.939 --> 00:28:32.819 For their good. 00:28:33.819 --> 00:28:34.679 Not for mine. 00:28:34.680 --> 00:28:36.799 Number nine. 00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:43.120 Not admitting you're wrong and not asking for forgiveness. 00:28:45.180 --> 00:28:49.299 Parents, if we ever get anything right, it is by grace alone. 00:28:49.940 --> 00:28:56.620 So we have all the reason in the world to be humble in our parenting and no reason to be proud. 00:28:57.019 --> 00:29:00.560 If we ever do any of this right, it's because God's been kind to us. 00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:07.099 He's given us the grace to know his word, to read good books, to be part of a church that cares about good parenting. 00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:10.619 We will make mistakes. 00:29:11.619 --> 00:29:20.240 And the parent who is striving to not provoke their child to anger will be willing to admit their wrongs and ask their child for forgiveness. 00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:26.180 It upholds the beauty of the gospel when we're forgiven in Christ. 00:29:27.019 --> 00:29:30.420 We don't walk around acting like we're perfect, like we've got it all figured out. 00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:31.819 Your kids see through that. 00:29:32.440 --> 00:29:33.299 They know. 00:29:33.299 --> 00:29:36.240 But oh, to apologize. 00:29:37.159 --> 00:29:43.220 And to say, I needed to correct the thing you did, the attitude, the disobedience, but I did it poorly. 00:29:43.779 --> 00:29:46.440 I should not have done it this way. 00:29:47.460 --> 00:29:48.399 You can ask my children. 00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:51.599 I have issued countless apologies to them. 00:29:52.220 --> 00:29:58.139 Like a couple of them stick out in my mind, but I have apologized and apologized for not parenting well. 00:29:58.140 --> 00:30:03.740 Sometimes that correction, the inconsistency correction, took us sitting down with our children and saying, 00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:06.759 Hey, we have not loved you well because we've been inconsistent. 00:30:08.140 --> 00:30:12.080 We're going to tighten everything up here, but we want you to know first that it's our fault. 00:30:12.580 --> 00:30:13.360 It's our fault. 00:30:13.560 --> 00:30:19.680 We haven't been consistent with you, and we're going to work at being consistent because we love you. 00:30:19.680 --> 00:30:28.460 So I can tell you, there's almost nothing more humbling than to ask for the forgiveness of a two-year-old and have them say, 00:30:28.660 --> 00:30:29.600 It's okay, Daddy. 00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:33.279 And then to go, Actually, that's not how we grant forgiveness. 00:30:33.420 --> 00:30:34.660 You have to actually say, It's okay, Dad. 00:30:34.680 --> 00:30:35.160 I forgive you. 00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:35.380 Right? 00:30:37.980 --> 00:30:38.860 Here comes the tragedy. 00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:41.200 As tears roll down your face. 00:30:42.840 --> 00:30:48.920 Dads, it is good for your soul and it is good for your family to ask for forgiveness when you have been wrong. 00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:51.940 None of you have done it perfectly. 00:30:52.160 --> 00:30:53.980 There's not a single one of you that's done it perfectly. 00:30:54.340 --> 00:30:57.240 I hope you've already repented and asked for forgiveness. 00:30:57.420 --> 00:31:03.140 Perhaps there's a space in which you need to do that. 00:31:04.720 --> 00:31:06.800 Matthew chapter 7, the Sermon on the Mount. 00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:09.300 You may be familiar with the text. 00:31:09.460 --> 00:31:16.140 I'm going to replace the word brother with the word child to see how it hits. 00:31:16.140 --> 00:31:17.300 Beginning in verse 3. 00:31:17.299 --> 00:31:21.759 Why do you see the speck that is in your child's eye? 00:31:22.259 --> 00:31:26.339 Let me take the speck out of your eye when there is the log in your own eye. 00:31:27.279 --> 00:31:28.379 You hypocrite. 00:31:29.180 --> 00:31:35.220 First take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your child's eye. 00:31:36.019 --> 00:31:36.980 Must it be done? 00:31:37.159 --> 00:31:37.500 Yes. 00:31:37.740 --> 00:31:40.139 But there's a way that we ought to go about doing it. 00:31:40.220 --> 00:31:42.099 So we should admit when we're wrong. 00:31:42.099 --> 00:31:44.819 And we should ask for forgiveness. 00:31:45.859 --> 00:31:46.500 Number 10. 00:31:47.459 --> 00:31:48.539 Constantly finding fault. 00:31:49.240 --> 00:31:49.319 Right? 00:31:49.779 --> 00:31:50.659 Always wrong. 00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:51.939 Nothing's going well. 00:31:53.379 --> 00:31:58.699 Much of this is motivated by the way that you're being perceived by others. 00:31:58.700 --> 00:32:01.880 Constantly coming down on them. 00:32:02.600 --> 00:32:04.420 Our children do so much well. 00:32:04.500 --> 00:32:06.019 There's so much to be praised. 00:32:06.360 --> 00:32:12.759 And you should mount up the praise on your kids and then find those little places where they need to be corrected. 00:32:13.720 --> 00:32:14.460 Number 11. 00:32:14.740 --> 00:32:16.640 Parents reversing God-given roles. 00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:17.120 Men. 00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:19.340 You should be the primary disciplinarians in your home. 00:32:19.600 --> 00:32:19.900 Ladies. 00:32:20.100 --> 00:32:21.420 You are with your children more. 00:32:21.420 --> 00:32:22.340 Especially young children. 00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:23.400 Throughout the day. 00:32:23.779 --> 00:32:31.960 But your children should understand that the moms are carrying out the decision that mom and dad have come to. 00:32:32.060 --> 00:32:35.400 And dad is ultimately in charge of discipline in the home. 00:32:37.400 --> 00:32:38.440 I've got some theories. 00:32:38.980 --> 00:32:42.700 But there's certainly the discipline of a dad just hits different. 00:32:43.560 --> 00:32:44.240 And I don't mean hit. 00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:45.140 Because it's hard. 00:32:46.120 --> 00:32:47.019 Lands different. 00:32:47.779 --> 00:32:49.060 Than the discipline of a mom. 00:32:49.259 --> 00:32:50.140 And sometimes it is that. 00:32:50.140 --> 00:32:55.340 Sometimes dad just knows how to meter out that spanking a little better than mom does. 00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:56.920 There's a tone of voice. 00:32:57.860 --> 00:32:59.120 Don't flip these roles. 00:32:59.940 --> 00:33:00.040 Men. 00:33:00.120 --> 00:33:03.740 Do not let your wife be the primary disciplinarian in your home. 00:33:03.800 --> 00:33:04.480 It's not fun. 00:33:04.900 --> 00:33:06.480 I know when you get home you're tired. 00:33:08.040 --> 00:33:08.440 Engage. 00:33:08.780 --> 00:33:09.780 Be full on. 00:33:10.120 --> 00:33:11.120 Lead the charge. 00:33:12.460 --> 00:33:18.140 Dads are the greatest agent of change in our society. 00:33:18.140 --> 00:33:20.140 Children. 00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:21.080 Families. 00:33:21.800 --> 00:33:24.180 All of the institutions that are made up by them. 00:33:24.180 --> 00:33:25.360 I'm speaking temporarily. 00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:28.700 Dads are at the center of that. 00:33:29.400 --> 00:33:30.280 Take up that charge. 00:33:30.580 --> 00:33:31.380 By grace. 00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:33.180 Lead in your home. 00:33:33.460 --> 00:33:35.780 Don't let the roles reverse. 00:33:35.779 --> 00:33:38.019 Number 12. 00:33:38.019 --> 00:33:39.660 Not listening to your child's opinion. 00:33:39.660 --> 00:33:44.619 Or taking his or her side of the story seriously. 00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:47.359 Obviously if you've witnessed something happen. 00:33:47.539 --> 00:33:48.059 It's one thing. 00:33:48.180 --> 00:33:51.279 But sometimes you're trying to deal with things that you didn't see happen. 00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:53.379 Perhaps you heard it happen in another room. 00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:55.500 It's important to hear your children. 00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:58.519 Try to understand what truly took place. 00:33:58.519 --> 00:34:00.579 Number 13. 00:34:00.700 --> 00:34:01.799 Comparing them to others. 00:34:02.519 --> 00:34:05.119 Always saying why can't you be like. 00:34:05.559 --> 00:34:05.720 Right. 00:34:06.119 --> 00:34:08.659 Their children aren't behaved like you. 00:34:09.300 --> 00:34:10.219 Number 14. 00:34:11.079 --> 00:34:12.219 Not making time. 00:34:13.059 --> 00:34:14.119 Just to talk. 00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:16.900 Just to spend time with your children. 00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:18.059 Getting to know them. 00:34:18.280 --> 00:34:19.340 Understand them. 00:34:19.719 --> 00:34:19.840 Right. 00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:22.960 Everything you're doing is this constant transaction between. 00:34:23.199 --> 00:34:25.500 That's all aimed at obedience. 00:34:25.500 --> 00:34:27.599 Get to know your kids. 00:34:27.880 --> 00:34:30.260 And take time to appreciate them. 00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:32.280 Number 15. 00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:35.300 Not praising or encouraging your child. 00:34:36.440 --> 00:34:41.500 Our children need to know that we delight in them. 00:34:42.760 --> 00:34:47.820 Parents if you find yourself in a stage of life where you're having a difficulty delighting in your kids. 00:34:48.519 --> 00:34:50.679 Pray that God would help you to do so. 00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:53.779 To genuinely love your kids. 00:34:53.919 --> 00:34:56.799 And love being around your kids. 00:34:57.579 --> 00:34:59.859 Not because of anything particular they have done. 00:35:00.139 --> 00:35:01.899 But just because they are. 00:35:02.599 --> 00:35:03.779 Just because they are. 00:35:04.879 --> 00:35:09.519 Fathers we have so much opportunity to build relational equity with our children. 00:35:09.980 --> 00:35:11.659 By constantly telling them. 00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:12.919 That we love them. 00:35:13.460 --> 00:35:14.579 That we're proud of them. 00:35:15.139 --> 00:35:16.599 That they make us happy. 00:35:16.940 --> 00:35:19.819 Pointing out the things they're doing so well. 00:35:19.820 --> 00:35:21.820 It deposits into them. 00:35:21.940 --> 00:35:22.300 Man. 00:35:22.460 --> 00:35:24.920 This guy is for me. 00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:27.640 He thinks I'm great. 00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:32.360 It makes the correction sting a little less. 00:35:34.380 --> 00:35:35.240 Pun intended. 00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:40.600 If you've built into them a lot of praise. 00:35:41.340 --> 00:35:43.940 Our children should have no doubt. 00:35:44.340 --> 00:35:45.300 Zero doubt. 00:35:46.019 --> 00:35:47.400 That they bring us joy. 00:35:47.400 --> 00:35:51.340 So that when we have to exercise corrective discipline. 00:35:51.519 --> 00:35:52.660 They have no doubt. 00:35:53.260 --> 00:35:54.539 That we're doing so. 00:35:55.079 --> 00:35:55.900 For their good. 00:35:56.639 --> 00:35:59.220 Your children shouldn't feel like they're an annoyance to you. 00:36:00.260 --> 00:36:00.960 They should feel like. 00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:03.559 They bring you a lot of pleasure in life. 00:36:04.740 --> 00:36:06.559 So that that corrective discipline. 00:36:07.380 --> 00:36:08.480 Lands the way it should. 00:36:08.480 --> 00:36:12.519 I used a phrase with my boys when they were young. 00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:14.019 When I was correcting them. 00:36:14.119 --> 00:36:15.099 That they could quote for you. 00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:18.019 Because I have said it so many times. 00:36:18.500 --> 00:36:18.780 Insert. 00:36:19.139 --> 00:36:19.420 Kate. 00:36:19.579 --> 00:36:19.820 Judah. 00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:20.340 Silas. 00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:22.619 You are my son. 00:36:23.300 --> 00:36:24.539 And I love you. 00:36:25.079 --> 00:36:26.300 And because I love you. 00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:27.900 I want you to obey. 00:36:29.780 --> 00:36:31.900 This is the way the father deals with us. 00:36:31.900 --> 00:36:35.059 You belong to me. 00:36:36.019 --> 00:36:37.940 And I have your greatest good in mind. 00:36:38.200 --> 00:36:39.559 He's an encourager to us. 00:36:39.619 --> 00:36:43.119 He deals with us in this way. 00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:45.880 Zephaniah 3.17. 00:36:47.059 --> 00:36:48.660 The Lord your God is in your midst. 00:36:48.780 --> 00:36:50.200 A mighty one who will save. 00:36:50.300 --> 00:36:52.360 He will rejoice over you with gladness. 00:36:52.440 --> 00:36:54.940 He will quiet you by his love. 00:36:55.500 --> 00:36:59.019 He will exult over you with loud singing. 00:37:00.019 --> 00:37:01.000 Praise your kids. 00:37:01.539 --> 00:37:03.280 Encourage your kids. 00:37:03.719 --> 00:37:06.579 Make their little victories big in your home. 00:37:08.380 --> 00:37:09.219 Number 16. 00:37:10.199 --> 00:37:11.400 Failing to keep your promises. 00:37:11.659 --> 00:37:13.599 Don't write checks that can't be deposited. 00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:16.280 If you say to your children you're going to do something. 00:37:16.460 --> 00:37:16.739 Do it. 00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:17.480 And when you don't. 00:37:17.820 --> 00:37:18.460 And it will happen. 00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:20.559 Make sure that you apologize. 00:37:22.019 --> 00:37:22.420 17. 00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:25.480 Chastening them in front of others. 00:37:25.820 --> 00:37:27.679 Try to make the correction private. 00:37:27.679 --> 00:37:28.960 When it's appropriate to do that. 00:37:29.019 --> 00:37:30.860 Obviously sometimes it can't be. 00:37:30.940 --> 00:37:32.460 But you ought to be pulling your kids aside. 00:37:32.940 --> 00:37:34.159 As much as possible. 00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:36.059 18. 00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:38.759 Not allowing them enough freedom. 00:37:39.099 --> 00:37:39.179 Right? 00:37:39.219 --> 00:37:40.559 As your children are getting older. 00:37:40.699 --> 00:37:43.500 They need to be able to stretch their wings. 00:37:43.619 --> 00:37:45.139 At some point they have to fly. 00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:47.800 And we don't want to cripple them. 00:37:47.860 --> 00:37:50.039 And keep them from being able to do that. 00:37:50.219 --> 00:37:51.659 A lot of wisdom required. 00:37:51.940 --> 00:37:53.780 In walking out those years. 00:37:54.300 --> 00:37:56.219 I think that's where we find ourselves right now. 00:37:56.219 --> 00:37:58.599 I'll let you know how it goes. 00:37:59.659 --> 00:38:00.179 Number 19. 00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:00.879 Adversely. 00:38:01.259 --> 00:38:02.599 Allowing them too much freedom. 00:38:02.939 --> 00:38:03.019 Right? 00:38:03.519 --> 00:38:04.799 Setting them free into the world. 00:38:04.919 --> 00:38:06.980 And not being careful and caring. 00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:08.139 And giving them warnings. 00:38:09.179 --> 00:38:11.659 Things that they are not aware are going to hurt them. 00:38:11.939 --> 00:38:13.059 Trying to get out ahead of them. 00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:14.839 And help them to understand that. 00:38:14.840 --> 00:38:16.579 20. 00:38:16.740 --> 00:38:18.019 Mocking your child. 00:38:18.620 --> 00:38:19.900 Making fun of them. 00:38:20.440 --> 00:38:20.940 21. 00:38:21.539 --> 00:38:22.620 I hope this goes without saying. 00:38:22.720 --> 00:38:25.220 But abusing them physically. 00:38:26.220 --> 00:38:29.320 Physical correction should be appropriate. 00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:30.840 22. 00:38:31.640 --> 00:38:33.780 Ridiculing them or name calling. 00:38:35.240 --> 00:38:35.960 23. 00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:40.559 Unrealistic or unclear expectations. 00:38:40.780 --> 00:38:43.000 I mentioned the unclear part previously. 00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:46.199 But what about unrealistic expectations? 00:38:47.219 --> 00:38:49.260 Some of us set expectations for our children. 00:38:49.420 --> 00:38:52.219 Based on how we want others to perceive us. 00:38:52.780 --> 00:38:56.579 Rather than on what should actually be expected of them. 00:38:57.059 --> 00:38:57.099 Right? 00:38:57.159 --> 00:38:58.739 Remember all of your kids are unique. 00:38:59.480 --> 00:38:59.639 Right? 00:38:59.739 --> 00:39:01.179 Knit together in the womb. 00:39:01.739 --> 00:39:02.920 Image bearers. 00:39:03.340 --> 00:39:03.519 Right? 00:39:03.539 --> 00:39:04.659 We want to press them on. 00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:06.039 We want to press them forward. 00:39:06.219 --> 00:39:09.239 But we want to make sure we're not doing this in a way that becomes frustrating. 00:39:09.880 --> 00:39:10.420 To them. 00:39:10.420 --> 00:39:12.360 That said. 00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:15.180 Some of us set our expectations too low. 00:39:15.380 --> 00:39:19.019 And I think that's kind of the societal norm. 00:39:19.740 --> 00:39:20.539 Visit a playground. 00:39:20.780 --> 00:39:21.380 My word. 00:39:21.539 --> 00:39:21.840 Children. 00:39:22.139 --> 00:39:22.680 These days. 00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:26.079 I want to take over the whole playground and start correcting kids. 00:39:26.079 --> 00:39:30.299 Surely though we don't want our children to become frustrated. 00:39:30.299 --> 00:39:33.840 Because they are simply incapable of rising to our expectations. 00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:36.619 We're asking too much of them. 00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:40.639 So briefly two quick practices that helped Sam and I when our boys were little. 00:39:41.319 --> 00:39:42.719 We played a lot of games. 00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:44.539 Which is just a thing to do that's fun. 00:39:44.599 --> 00:39:45.819 It's just fun to do that. 00:39:45.900 --> 00:39:47.079 But push them in games. 00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:47.719 It's a game. 00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:50.139 If they can't achieve the thing that they've been instructed to do. 00:39:50.199 --> 00:39:50.900 That's okay. 00:39:50.900 --> 00:39:52.820 Because it's a game. 00:39:53.160 --> 00:39:54.079 It's in that realm. 00:39:54.180 --> 00:39:54.820 They know that. 00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:56.660 They're not being disobedient. 00:39:56.780 --> 00:39:58.460 If you tell them to go hide. 00:39:58.660 --> 00:40:00.380 And they don't know what that means. 00:40:01.880 --> 00:40:03.019 Or they go hide. 00:40:03.139 --> 00:40:05.700 And they stand behind the door and giggle the entire time. 00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:06.059 Right? 00:40:06.119 --> 00:40:08.599 This is not good hide and seek play. 00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:11.059 You're breaking the rules of hide and seek. 00:40:11.139 --> 00:40:13.099 You're supposed to be quiet when you play hide and seek. 00:40:13.460 --> 00:40:13.820 Obviously. 00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:14.720 Right? 00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:16.439 It's okay that they don't do that. 00:40:16.500 --> 00:40:17.579 You find them and it's fun. 00:40:17.939 --> 00:40:18.579 And you realize. 00:40:18.719 --> 00:40:19.039 Yeah. 00:40:19.539 --> 00:40:20.899 Telling them to go and be quiet. 00:40:21.359 --> 00:40:22.379 A little out of the realm. 00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:23.939 At the moment. 00:40:24.399 --> 00:40:24.559 Right? 00:40:24.939 --> 00:40:25.839 Give them steps. 00:40:25.980 --> 00:40:27.799 See if they can accomplish things. 00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:30.759 And it'd be okay if they don't. 00:40:31.039 --> 00:40:31.119 Right? 00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:32.799 How many things can they do. 00:40:32.919 --> 00:40:33.939 Hold in their minds. 00:40:34.319 --> 00:40:35.159 And go get done. 00:40:35.359 --> 00:40:37.119 Say to get ready for bed. 00:40:37.379 --> 00:40:37.519 Right? 00:40:37.799 --> 00:40:38.419 Try to do it. 00:40:38.459 --> 00:40:38.839 Let's try to see. 00:40:39.039 --> 00:40:39.500 Three things. 00:40:39.579 --> 00:40:40.399 Let's try to remember. 00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:42.699 And see how far their little minds get. 00:40:42.799 --> 00:40:44.219 And be right there to remind them. 00:40:44.299 --> 00:40:44.659 Help them. 00:40:45.339 --> 00:40:46.319 Along the way. 00:40:47.339 --> 00:40:47.739 Secondly. 00:40:48.339 --> 00:40:49.879 We talked a lot to others. 00:40:50.500 --> 00:40:51.619 Where are your kids at? 00:40:51.699 --> 00:40:52.839 What do you expect of them? 00:40:52.980 --> 00:40:54.439 What's reasonable for us to expect? 00:40:55.059 --> 00:40:56.019 How do you think we're doing? 00:40:56.119 --> 00:40:57.179 Could we push our kids more? 00:40:57.279 --> 00:40:58.419 Should we be pulling back? 00:40:58.779 --> 00:41:02.819 Have lots of conversations with people who are walking life out with you. 00:41:04.939 --> 00:41:09.399 God is so very kind to us in this way. 00:41:10.279 --> 00:41:12.239 Teaching us how to walk. 00:41:12.619 --> 00:41:13.459 How to obey. 00:41:14.119 --> 00:41:17.420 Expecting us to be obedient to the things that we know to be true. 00:41:18.159 --> 00:41:23.280 He doesn't give us some unrealistic expectations that we're unsure of and we don't know. 00:41:23.400 --> 00:41:25.579 And then he's displeased with us. 00:41:25.579 --> 00:41:27.860 Just a small example. 00:41:27.860 --> 00:41:29.860 Mark chapter 9 verse 21 and following. 00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:33.199 And Jesus asked his father. 00:41:33.199 --> 00:41:36.599 This was a boy that had been crippled. 00:41:36.920 --> 00:41:38.380 How long has this been happening to him? 00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:38.639 I'm sorry. 00:41:38.699 --> 00:41:39.279 He was having seizures. 00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:44.340 And he said from childhood and has often cast him into fire and into water to destroy him. 00:41:44.940 --> 00:41:48.600 But if you could do anything, have compassion on us and help us. 00:41:48.599 --> 00:41:54.819 And Jesus said to him, if you can, all things are possible for one who believes. 00:41:55.299 --> 00:41:59.000 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, the boy. 00:42:00.099 --> 00:42:03.339 Imperfect but sufficient faith. 00:42:03.340 --> 00:42:05.440 Number 24. 00:42:06.120 --> 00:42:07.240 Practicing favoritism. 00:42:07.740 --> 00:42:08.140 Your children. 00:42:08.760 --> 00:42:09.840 I mean, you probably have a favorite. 00:42:10.400 --> 00:42:12.320 But your children should have no idea who it is. 00:42:13.160 --> 00:42:14.780 Maybe they should all think it's them. 00:42:15.559 --> 00:42:16.039 I don't know. 00:42:16.039 --> 00:42:17.639 25. 00:42:18.079 --> 00:42:18.679 And lastly. 00:42:20.279 --> 00:42:26.440 Child training with worldly methodologies inconsistent with God's word. 00:42:27.719 --> 00:42:28.840 Looking out there. 00:42:29.679 --> 00:42:31.099 The Instagram Bible. 00:42:31.340 --> 00:42:32.559 What are people saying out there? 00:42:33.500 --> 00:42:40.340 What seems to be happening in their house that's going well, that's not consistent with God's word. 00:42:40.340 --> 00:42:46.000 Our children need to be brought up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:42:46.120 --> 00:42:48.120 Parents, especially fathers. 00:42:48.120 --> 00:42:56.059 This means that we will need to be keenly aware of what the training and warning of the Lord is for us and for our children. 00:42:56.980 --> 00:43:02.880 We are to get to the careful work of raising our children to fear and to love God. 00:43:04.079 --> 00:43:07.240 Now, once again, let me commend you broadly and generally. 00:43:07.239 --> 00:43:10.679 I think there's a lot of good work going on in the life of our church. 00:43:10.859 --> 00:43:14.579 I am primarily encouraged by our church. 00:43:14.679 --> 00:43:16.279 But I want to keep talking about this. 00:43:16.359 --> 00:43:17.199 I think we need to. 00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:21.559 I perhaps bring up some points that might spark a little thing in you. 00:43:21.659 --> 00:43:23.339 A conviction that you need to work through. 00:43:23.819 --> 00:43:25.039 Let's keep at this. 00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:27.399 Let's not assume that we have arrived. 00:43:28.179 --> 00:43:30.159 We have some long roads ahead of us. 00:43:30.439 --> 00:43:33.099 Loving on all of these littles. 00:43:34.199 --> 00:43:35.919 We'll close with a quote and then a prayer. 00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:37.400 John Bunyan once said, 00:43:38.519 --> 00:43:45.220 He that is the master of a family, he has as under that relation a work to do for God. 00:43:45.720 --> 00:43:47.860 The right governing of his own family. 00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:49.920 And this work is twofold. 00:43:50.820 --> 00:43:52.360 First, he means most important. 00:43:52.680 --> 00:43:56.119 First, touching the spiritual state of it. 00:43:56.840 --> 00:44:00.260 Second, touching the outward state of it. 00:44:00.619 --> 00:44:01.340 Let's pray. 00:44:01.340 --> 00:44:01.340