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 Well, good morning, everyone. If you've just joined us, last week we kicked off this new series on what the Bible teaches about marriage.

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 That's because marriage is a major theme that runs throughout the Bible.

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 As we saw last week, the Bible begins with God officiating the first marriage between Adam and Eve, the first two people,

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 and it ends with the great marriage feast of the Lamb where it is the eternal coming together of Jesus and his church.

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 And so marriage, as I said last week, is connected to all of God's purposes for history.

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 And that God invented marriage between a man and a woman to display those purposes in history, God's eternal salvation purposes.

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 And so our text throughout the whole term is Ephesians 21 to 33.

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 It's the longest, most famous and most controversial passage in the Bible on marriage.

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 And so we're working through it bit by bit, unpacking it bit by bit.

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 And the controversial parts draw our attention so much in such a way that we often miss the real meaning of the whole paragraph,

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 and particularly the peak verses, the verses that put all of this instruction into their context, verses 31 and 32.

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 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

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 This is a profound mystery.

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 But I'm talking about Christ and the church.

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 The profound mystery of marriage is when God invented marriage at the beginning of creation,

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 he already had the saving work of Jesus Christ in mind.

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 God, in other words, he designed marriage between a man and a woman to be a picture, if you like, of that greater, more important reality.

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 And so the question is, how well do our marriages portray the magnificence of Jesus and the gospel and the great wedding feast of the Lamb?

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 In case you're still wondering about the answer to that question, not perfectly is the answer to that.

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 Not perfectly.

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 That's reality though, isn't it?

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 The larger and more complex and more majestic an object is, the more difficult it is, almost impossible it is, to represent that thing very well.

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 For instance, no single photograph from my iPhone could possibly display the grandeur of the Great Barrier Reef.

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 But the reason I take a photo of it is because when I'm there experiencing it, I'm moved by it.

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 There's a sense of awe associated with it.

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 And so I take the photo because I want to recall that awe moment.

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 I want to remember the magnificence of it.

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 And so Christian marriage, therefore, should seek to be clearer and clearer picture of the majesty of the gospel.

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 Because one of the purposes of marriage is, in fact, the transformation of a couple into the image of Christ.

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 And we'll pick that up down in the coming weeks.

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 But the main reason our display of the majesty of the gospel is so blurred is because all of us are broken by sin and we are profoundly self-centered.

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 And so self-centeredness is the main havoc-wreaking problem in marriage.

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 In fact, in all relationships, but in marriage and the ever-present enemy of every marriage.

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 And so that's our topic today as we look at that.

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 So if you've got the St. Paul's app, got three points there for us today as we journey through just a couple of, really just one verse we're focusing on.

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 So the problem of self-centeredness.

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 The main problem of all marriages and relationships generally is the radical self-centeredness of the human heart.

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 C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity that self-centeredness, which is what he referred to in the particular chapter of the great sin as pride or conceit, self-conceit he referred to it as.

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 He says,

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 That his self-centeredness by its very character means a person is blind to their own while being hypersensitive and offended and angered by that of others.

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 And the result is always a downward spiral into self-pity, into anger, despair, self-righteousness as the relationship gets eaten away to nothing.

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 Self-centeredness has been described as the cancer in the center of a marriage when it begins and it has to be dealt with from the start.

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 Now the classic text which you'll hear at many wedding ceremonies and which I've been asked to preach on a number of times is 1 Corinthians 13 verses 4 to 5.

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 I remember going to, it's so famous in fact, that I went to a wedding, attended a wedding for a non-Christian couple who didn't want me to do the wedding.

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 An extended family didn't want me to do the wedding because they didn't want anything too religious.

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 They've got a civil settlement out in the garden.

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 The civil settlement in the service said,

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 Just some advice for you.

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 I want to read to you a poem.

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 Not sure where it comes from or the origin of it, but it's just beautiful words.

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 Let me read them to you.

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 Love is patient and kind.

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 It does not envy.

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 It does not boast.

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 It is not proud.

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 It is not rude.

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 It is not self-seeking.

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 It is not easily angered.

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 It keeps no record of wrongs.

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 And people, oh, you have beautiful words.

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 1 Corinthians 13 verses 4 and 5.

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 What Paul does here, he shows that love is an action.

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 It's not a sentiment.

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 It's not sentimental.

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 It's an action.

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 Love is action that is the very opposite of self-seeking, of self-centeredness.

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 Love is pursuing one's own welfare before those of others.

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 Look at that, right?

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 You know what I mean.

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 Self-centeredness is easily seen through this list in impatience, in irritability.

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 A lack of graciousness and kindness in speech.

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 Envious brooding on the better circumstances of other people and holding past injuries and

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 hurts against others.

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 And so how easily do these traits appear in marriage?

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 The ability to give yourself to another person for their good.

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 The ability to serve another person's interest over your own.

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 The ability to submit your own concerns for the good of someone else.

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 The ability to defer your desires to help another realize their desires is not instinctive, is it?

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 It seems there's nothing more unnatural, in fact, than selflessness and humility.

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 When I was a new pastor, and Nat and I had been married just for a couple of years.

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 She's not here this morning, so you'll get my version of this.

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 We've been married for a couple of years, and we were preaching a series in 1 Corinthians at the time in the church,

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 and I got 1 Corinthians 13.

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 And so I'd been working on the sermon throughout the week, thinking about working really hard at

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 And, you know, love is patient and kind, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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 And on the Saturday, I was writing the sermon, and I just need a final illustration.

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 I just need to finish it off.

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 But I was confident I had it all wrapped up, right?

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 The sermon, and so I had to communicate this really well, you know, to the church.

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 And it was late in the afternoon, so I decided to take a break, and I was going to go and cut the grass

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 While I thought over 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind, how do I illustrate this, the final thing?

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 And I was almost over, finished cutting the grass, and Nat said to me, she's just ducking out to catch up with a friend.

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 She'll be back in about an hour and a half.

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 Yeah, not a problem, no worries.

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 Soon after that, Nat departed.

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 I finished off cutting the grass, and I went to go inside, and the door was locked.

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 The entire house was locked.

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 And, I mean, I couldn't believe it.

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 I mean, why would you do that?

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 Why?

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 It made sense at all.

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 Of course, that's the point.

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 It doesn't make any sense.

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 And while, you know, the unhelpful stuff was rising, 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrong.

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 Okay.

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 Okay, so do a little bit more gardening.

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 You know, I'll catch up a little bit more gardening.

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 And while I think about 1 Corinthians 13 and put it into practice, so I did a little bit more gardening.

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 One and a half hours became two and a half hours.

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 It was winter, and the sun went down, and I was now cold.

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 And, you know, what is patience in the end?

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 What does it mean to be kind?

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 Two and a half hours became three hours, and I decided that rather than sit here and stew in the darkness and shiver, I thought that I will get up and I will busy myself around the garden and continue thinking about 1 Corinthians 13, and I'll water the grass.

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 I mean, there's a soothing exercise.

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 So I hooked up the hose, turn the tap on, boom, and the hose burst, and I was now covered in water.

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 So it's dark.

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 It is cold.

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 It's winter.

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 I am now wet.

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 But love is, what was it about love?

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 What are the parameters about keeping no records of wrong here?

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 You know, like, I was wet, I was freezing, I was shivering, and I was fuming.

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 Love is patient.

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 Love is kind.

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 Love keeps no, keeps mostly not records of wrong.

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 Four hours later, it was totally dark, and then I heard the car arrive home, and then, by God, amazingly, my fuming went really calm.

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 I just, you know, I was so cold, and instead of taking the opportunity to whip around and jump straight into the shower,

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 I decided it would, in fact, be more beneficial for me if I waited just a little bit longer.

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 I waited for four hours, and now there's an opportunity to milk this for all it's worth.

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 Nat turned on the lights in the house.

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 I could hear her calling out, you know, where are you?

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 It wasn't that big of a house, really.

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 She searched the house.

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 Eventually, she unlocked the back door, turned on the patio light, and here I was sitting in the darkness, out there in the freezing cold.

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 And her first words to me were, why are you sitting out in the dark?

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 It's a bit cold for that, isn't it?

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 Love is patient.

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 Love is kind.

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 And so I calmly, because I wanted to milk it, walked past her and said, think back to when you opened the door and how you needed to get out here.

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 Walked into the shower.

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 When I came out of the shower, she said, I locked you out.

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 Yes, you did.

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 Now, the reason I was able to stay calm in that moment was not because of love, but it's because that opportunity provided me with everything I needed for my own benefit in some way or another.

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 I was able to milk it, manipulate it.

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 And that's often what happens in our relationships.

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 In most cases, we marry a person because we really like them.

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 It doesn't take long, and you start to notice how self-centred they actually are.

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 But it happens at exactly the same time, and they start to notice how self-centred you are.

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 And then the third thing happens at exactly the same time is that you start to notice that their self-centredness is, in fact, far worse than yours.

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 It's inevitable.

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 What do you do then in that moment?

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 One thing that can happen is that you, which often happens, is that you form an emotional distance.

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 You put a self-protective layer around yourself, and the distance starts, grows between you and your spouse.

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 It's almost like, as a couple, you subconsciously sign a new covenant agreement.

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 If you don't talk about my issues, I won't raise your issues.

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 And it's like, we're happy to coexist as North Korea and South Korea as long as we don't cross into the demilitarisation zone.

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 And on the surface, we look like a happy couple, because we're together, for goodness sake.

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 And we don't argue, because we've chosen not to over certain issues that really matter to us.

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 We have a comfortable stalemate, but the emotional connection is forced.

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 You know, there's a photo.

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 Get together as a couple of you.

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 It's like the anniversary celebration.

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 There's a forced and an uncomfortableness.

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 In his book, The Marriage Builder, the late Christian psychologist, Dr. Larry Crabb, put it like this.

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 So protective layers are designed to prevent the rejection from getting inside to where we feel the hurt.

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 A variety of behaviours can function for us as protective layers.

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 An unwillingness to share deep feelings.

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 Responding with anger when real feelings are hurt.

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 Changing the subject when the conversation begins to be threatening about my own sense of rejection, that is.

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 Turning up, clamming up, sorry, turning off, clamming up, or other manoeuvres designed to avoid rejection or criticism.

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 Keeping oneself so busy with work and social engagements and entertainment and church activities,

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 or endless chatter that no deep sharing is possible.

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 Of course, the alternative, which is what we're given here in Ephesians 5, verse 21,

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 is seeing that my self-centredness is more profound.

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 It is more serious and more important to deal with than my spouse's.

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 I will treat my self-centredness, as it's reported to me,

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 as being the crucial thing to address, regardless of what the other person is doing.

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 Or even how they communicate it to me.

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 You see, when two people do that together, there is a possibility of not just a marriage,

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 but of a great marriage.

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 And when two people see that the main problem in their marriage is themself,

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 their own self-centredness, and they're working together through that,

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 then it will be a great marriage.

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 And so there's two possibilities.

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 And the two possibilities are either of you see the self-centredness,

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 or that is the two possibilities.

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 Either of you see the self-centredness in the other,

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 or both of you see the self-centredness in yourself.

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 The third possibility is that only one of you sees the self-centredness.

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 But the other doesn't.

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 In other words, you can still have a great marriage,

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 even if your working on your self-centredness is not reciprocated.

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 You see, in this scenario, if you're truly concerned about your self-centredness,

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 and you're working on it,

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 over time, it slowly, bit by bit, starts to soften your spouse.

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 It becomes easier for them to admit their faults and their flaws.

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 Because you are not constantly bringing them up.

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 And when you do bring them up,

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 you aren't doing it in a way to crush them, to condemn them.

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 So that brings me to our second point of confronting our own self-centredness.

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 You see, the only way to deal with the relational cancer of it

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 is to confront our own self-centredness,

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 not the other person's self-centredness.

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 The introductory, Ephesians 5.21,

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 this introductory statement for Paul's famous paragraph on marriage

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 is submit to one another.

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 Now, in the English translations of this,

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 verse 21 is normally not just its own sentence,

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 but it's also a brand new paragraph.

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 It begins a brand new paragraph on marriage.

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 But in the original language, in the Greek New Testament,

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 verse 21 is, in fact, the last clause in a long previous sentence

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 in which Paul describes the several, several marks of a person

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 who is filled with the spirit of a Christian person.

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 And this last clause, verse 21, is the connector to the application of that

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 in what follows in this section of marriage and parenting

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 and in the work environment.

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 It's the hinge, if you like, in connecting these two great paragraphs.

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 And so, in other words, what he's saying here is the last mark of being a Christian

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 and filled with God's spirit is, in fact, a loss of pride

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 and surrendering of the self-will that leads a person

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 to humbly serve the interests of others.

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 It is so unnatural that inevitably we will wonder what we get out of it

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 if I'm putting the happiness of my spouse ahead of my own.

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 That's our natural reaction here.

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 If I put their happiness ahead of mine, what do I get out of it?

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 And the biblical answer to that is happiness, is what you get out of it.

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 Happiness through serving others instead of using them.

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 It is the joy that comes from giving joy.

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 Now, that is a concept that, as I talked about last week,

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 our modern culture, the me marriage,

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 finds so foreign and so oppressive, dangerous even.

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 And yet this is not just the Christian view of marriage.

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 This is the Christian theology of relationships,

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 all relationships.

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 Because it is the very nature of ultimate reality.

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 You see, the Bible reveals God as triune.

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 I talked about this last week.

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 That is, he's three persons within one God.

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 One God.

00:24:33.420 --> 00:24:34.980
 Triunity of God, the Trinity.

00:24:35.840 --> 00:24:39.080
 Now, I'm reading other passages in the Bible about this.

00:24:39.079 --> 00:24:43.899
 John 17 teaches that for all of eternity, before anything was made,

00:24:43.980 --> 00:24:48.919
 each person of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,

00:24:49.379 --> 00:24:55.059
 has glorified, has honoured, and has loved the other two members of the Trinity.

00:24:56.019 --> 00:24:57.899
 I used the word last week, perichoresis.

00:24:58.619 --> 00:24:59.819
 It's the mutual indwelling.

00:24:59.819 --> 00:25:02.700
 I exist for the other two.

00:25:02.700 --> 00:25:06.879
 I exist for their glory, for their honouring, for their love.

00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:18.300
 That is ultimate reality from which everything material is being created from,

00:25:18.440 --> 00:25:19.560
 for, from that.

00:25:20.140 --> 00:25:24.540
 And the representation of that, the very nature of God,

00:25:25.140 --> 00:25:30.040
 the very being of God, is other person-centredness.

00:25:30.039 --> 00:25:32.299
 That's ultimate reality.

00:25:33.879 --> 00:25:37.159
 They served and loved one another for their joy.

00:25:38.460 --> 00:25:39.000
 Forever.

00:25:41.539 --> 00:25:45.639
 And so when Christ Jesus died on the cross for our sin,

00:25:47.139 --> 00:25:53.519
 he was acting within the very nature of God.

00:25:55.879 --> 00:25:59.720
 Self-sacrifice is who he is.

00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:02.359
 It's the very essence of God.

00:26:04.759 --> 00:26:09.079
 And humanity was made in that image.

00:26:10.779 --> 00:26:13.779
 We were created to worship and live for God's glory,

00:26:13.879 --> 00:26:17.259
 to do what God has done amongst himself forever for his joy.

00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:22.539
 And we were meant to do that, and also for others, not for our own.

00:26:22.539 --> 00:26:30.200
 And so whenever we put our happiness ahead of obedience to God,

00:26:30.899 --> 00:26:40.319
 or we, in that moment, what we're doing is we are violating our very own nature,

00:26:41.420 --> 00:26:46.319
 our very essence,

00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:51.799
 and we become ultimately miserable.

00:26:53.379 --> 00:26:55.200
 We work against our joy.

00:26:56.740 --> 00:27:00.720
 You see, Jesus restates this principle when he says in Matthew 16,

00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:03.360
 whoever wants to save his life will lose it,

00:27:03.620 --> 00:27:06.100
 but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

00:27:06.259 --> 00:27:10.299
 He's saying if you seek happiness more than you seek me,

00:27:11.100 --> 00:27:12.180
 you'll have neither.

00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:14.860
 You'll have neither me nor happiness.

00:27:14.859 --> 00:27:21.119
 If you seek to serve me more than you serve your happiness,

00:27:21.639 --> 00:27:23.179
 you'll get both.

00:27:24.740 --> 00:27:26.419
 You get me and your happiness.

00:27:26.420 --> 00:27:34.380
 And Paul applies this principle to marriage.

00:27:36.320 --> 00:27:39.200
 Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy,

00:27:39.539 --> 00:27:43.039
 and you will find a new and a deeper happiness.

00:27:47.060 --> 00:27:50.340
 And it's possible to discover this profound mystery

00:27:50.340 --> 00:27:54.500
 because marriage is instituted by God.

00:27:56.420 --> 00:28:02.600
 It was established by God for whom self-giving love

00:28:02.600 --> 00:28:05.080
 is the very essence of who he is,

00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:08.000
 and therefore it reflects his nature,

00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:11.039
 and particularly in the person and work of Jesus Christ.

00:28:12.080 --> 00:28:17.000
 So when we read the rest of Ephesians 5,

00:28:18.500 --> 00:28:22.160
 everything that it says, where our heart goes,

00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:25.740
 hang on a bit, let me just qualify that,

00:28:26.420 --> 00:28:28.620
 and I can't wait that Steve does,

00:28:30.060 --> 00:28:36.259
 all of it is put in the context of ultimate reality.

00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:40.640
 All of it is put in the context of verse 21.

00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:45.700
 It is only from this Holy Spirit-empowered,

00:28:45.900 --> 00:28:48.220
 humble submission for the good of others

00:28:48.220 --> 00:28:52.340
 that Paul then moves into relationships

00:28:52.340 --> 00:28:54.840
 with wives and husbands, parents and kids,

00:28:55.140 --> 00:28:57.580
 employer, employee, all of it.

00:28:59.100 --> 00:29:01.140
 Now we're going to unpack this in coming weeks,

00:29:01.140 --> 00:29:04.259
 but in verses 22 to 24, Paul writes,

00:29:04.700 --> 00:29:06.240
 the wife should submit to their husbands.

00:29:06.340 --> 00:29:08.880
 Immediately in verse 25, he tells husbands

00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:11.120
 to love their wives as Christ loved the church

00:29:11.120 --> 00:29:12.480
 and gave himself up for her.

00:29:12.740 --> 00:29:18.060
 He does the same at the end of the section in verse 33.

00:29:20.080 --> 00:29:21.740
 And so verse 25 and verse 33,

00:29:21.900 --> 00:29:25.080
 for husbands, if anything, is a stronger appeal

00:29:25.080 --> 00:29:27.540
 to abandon self-interest

00:29:27.539 --> 00:29:29.639
 than was in fact given to the wife.

00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:34.940
 You see, what we will discover

00:29:34.940 --> 00:29:38.099
 is that each of these exaltations

00:29:38.099 --> 00:29:41.539
 have a distinct shape about them.

00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:44.420
 They're not identical tasks.

00:29:46.139 --> 00:29:48.680
 And yet each partner is called to sacrifice

00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:51.440
 for the other in far-reaching ways

00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:55.840
 because it's the very essence of who God is.

00:29:59.220 --> 00:30:00.720
 Because the Father's not the Son

00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:02.220
 and the Son's not the Spirit

00:30:02.220 --> 00:30:04.320
 and the Spirit's not the Father or the Son

00:30:04.320 --> 00:30:07.279
 and so on and so forth.

00:30:08.600 --> 00:30:11.120
 And so whether we are a husband or a wife,

00:30:12.120 --> 00:30:13.600
 we are not to live for ourselves,

00:30:13.720 --> 00:30:14.740
 but we live for the other.

00:30:14.740 --> 00:30:18.039
 This is the hardest

00:30:18.039 --> 00:30:21.240
 and yet single most important function

00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:23.160
 of being husband and wife in a marriage.

00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:27.240
 As I said last week,

00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:30.740
 the Bible does not present marriage

00:30:30.740 --> 00:30:34.599
 as a choice between personal fulfilment

00:30:34.599 --> 00:30:38.420
 as per the new me-marriage version

00:30:38.420 --> 00:30:39.279
 of our modern era

00:30:39.279 --> 00:30:43.519
 on the one hand

00:30:43.519 --> 00:30:45.259
 or sacrifice for the good

00:30:45.259 --> 00:30:47.899
 of family and society.

00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:48.879
 On the other hand,

00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:50.740
 as per traditional cultures,

00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:53.740
 the biblical Christianity

00:30:53.740 --> 00:30:54.740
 sees marriage

00:30:54.740 --> 00:30:56.220
 as mutual fulfilment

00:30:56.220 --> 00:30:57.960
 through mutual sacrifice.

00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:01.519
 And it's different

00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:03.779
 for both

00:31:03.779 --> 00:31:05.779
 in the way that's played out.

00:31:05.779 --> 00:31:08.440
 And this principle flows

00:31:08.440 --> 00:31:11.259
 into every Christian relationship.

00:31:12.099 --> 00:31:13.920
 But to practise these principles

00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:15.539
 inside a marriage

00:31:15.539 --> 00:31:17.799
 is to practise them in such,

00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:21.460
 in the most intense way possible.

00:31:23.599 --> 00:31:24.759
 If two spouses

00:31:24.759 --> 00:31:26.879
 are spending a day together,

00:31:27.399 --> 00:31:29.059
 the question of who gets

00:31:29.059 --> 00:31:30.519
 each other's pleasure,

00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:33.700
 so who gets

00:31:33.700 --> 00:31:35.779
 to make the choice

00:31:35.779 --> 00:31:37.860
 of pursuing their pleasure

00:31:37.860 --> 00:31:40.140
 and who gives in

00:31:40.140 --> 00:31:41.700
 in this moment

00:31:41.700 --> 00:31:42.819
 happens

00:31:42.819 --> 00:31:45.220
 all the time,

00:31:46.059 --> 00:31:46.920
 which is probably why

00:31:46.920 --> 00:31:47.660
 so many spouses

00:31:47.660 --> 00:31:48.779
 don't want to spend

00:31:48.779 --> 00:31:49.779
 too much time together.

00:31:50.519 --> 00:31:51.340
 Who, you know,

00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:52.059
 it's like the,

00:31:52.299 --> 00:31:53.600
 you know,

00:31:53.860 --> 00:31:56.519
 the view here is not,

00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:57.400
 you know,

00:31:57.480 --> 00:31:58.440
 I don't hear the old story

00:31:58.440 --> 00:31:59.200
 of two Christians

00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:00.080
 trying to, you know,

00:32:00.140 --> 00:32:00.720
 force their way

00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:01.380
 through one door

00:32:01.380 --> 00:32:01.700
 and one says,

00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:02.120
 after you.

00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:02.519
 No, no, no,

00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:02.920
 after you.

00:32:02.980 --> 00:32:03.539
 No, after you.

00:32:03.700 --> 00:32:05.240
 No, no, after you.

00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:06.259
 And so no one goes anywhere.

00:32:06.620 --> 00:32:07.299
 I mean, you know,

00:32:07.380 --> 00:32:08.080
 we're going to unpack

00:32:08.080 --> 00:32:08.799
 this a little bit later.

00:32:09.100 --> 00:32:09.400
 I mean,

00:32:09.460 --> 00:32:11.160
 it doesn't work like that.

00:32:14.380 --> 00:32:15.259
 But who gets

00:32:15.259 --> 00:32:16.740
 to go through the door first?

00:32:20.299 --> 00:32:21.539
 There's three possibilities.

00:32:22.519 --> 00:32:23.220
 You can offer

00:32:23.220 --> 00:32:23.940
 to serve the other

00:32:23.940 --> 00:32:24.460
 with joy.

00:32:25.620 --> 00:32:26.400
 You can make

00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:27.440
 the offer to serve them

00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:28.220
 with coldness

00:32:28.220 --> 00:32:28.940
 and resentment

00:32:28.940 --> 00:32:30.420
 and hoping to manipulate it

00:32:30.420 --> 00:32:31.240
 and use it later on

00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:31.840
 down the track.

00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:34.740
 or you can selfishly

00:32:34.740 --> 00:32:35.199
 insist

00:32:35.199 --> 00:32:36.939
 on your own way.

00:32:38.119 --> 00:32:39.439
 That's what it comes down to.

00:32:40.399 --> 00:32:41.939
 Only when both partners

00:32:41.939 --> 00:32:43.339
 are regularly responding

00:32:43.339 --> 00:32:44.139
 to one another

00:32:44.139 --> 00:32:45.359
 in the first way,

00:32:46.059 --> 00:32:46.939
 serving each other

00:32:46.939 --> 00:32:47.539
 with joy,

00:32:48.379 --> 00:32:51.039
 can a marriage thrive.

00:32:52.039 --> 00:32:52.720
 And yet,

00:32:53.220 --> 00:32:54.939
 how hard that is.

00:32:54.940 --> 00:32:58.920
 because each person

00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:01.080
 needs to confront

00:33:01.080 --> 00:33:03.160
 their own self-centeredness

00:33:03.160 --> 00:33:05.620
 and stop making excuses

00:33:05.620 --> 00:33:07.660
 for selfishness

00:33:07.660 --> 00:33:10.759
 and deal with it

00:33:10.759 --> 00:33:12.160
 regardless

00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:14.059
 of what your spouse

00:33:14.059 --> 00:33:14.940
 is doing.

00:33:14.940 --> 00:33:18.860
 if two spouses

00:33:18.860 --> 00:33:19.680
 each say,

00:33:19.840 --> 00:33:20.640
 I'm going to treat

00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:21.299
 my,

00:33:21.860 --> 00:33:23.360
 and when I say

00:33:23.360 --> 00:33:24.279
 treat it,

00:33:24.380 --> 00:33:24.820
 I mean

00:33:24.820 --> 00:33:27.920
 really feel it,

00:33:28.340 --> 00:33:29.519
 really be aware

00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:29.860
 of it,

00:33:29.980 --> 00:33:31.559
 that my self-centeredness

00:33:31.559 --> 00:33:32.580
 is in fact

00:33:32.580 --> 00:33:34.160
 the main problem

00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:36.440
 in this marriage.

00:33:37.120 --> 00:33:38.660
 You have the prospect

00:33:38.660 --> 00:33:41.160
 of a truly great marriage.

00:33:41.160 --> 00:33:41.200
 marriage.

00:33:45.480 --> 00:33:46.400
 And even,

00:33:46.500 --> 00:33:47.380
 can I say to you,

00:33:47.480 --> 00:33:48.980
 if this is you right now,

00:33:49.259 --> 00:33:51.279
 you're in a marriage relationship

00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:52.860
 where you have failed

00:33:52.860 --> 00:33:54.080
 in some kind of way

00:33:54.080 --> 00:33:55.680
 and you're aware

00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:56.540
 of your failure

00:33:56.540 --> 00:33:58.740
 and your spouse

00:33:58.740 --> 00:34:01.820
 is reminding you

00:34:01.820 --> 00:34:02.580
 of your failure,

00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:07.279
 can I say,

00:34:07.380 --> 00:34:08.920
 work on your self-centeredness

00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:11.400
 and the spouse

00:34:11.400 --> 00:34:12.059
 who's constantly

00:34:12.059 --> 00:34:13.440
 reminding the other

00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:14.539
 of their failure,

00:34:14.659 --> 00:34:15.639
 can I say to you,

00:34:17.619 --> 00:34:19.019
 be more consciously

00:34:19.019 --> 00:34:20.320
 aware of your own

00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:21.240
 self-centeredness

00:34:21.240 --> 00:34:23.440
 than your spouse's

00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:25.180
 obvious self-centeredness.

00:34:30.260 --> 00:34:31.280
 So where do we get

00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:31.740
 the power

00:34:31.740 --> 00:34:32.420
 and the security

00:34:32.420 --> 00:34:33.099
 and the confidence

00:34:33.099 --> 00:34:34.200
 to take that step?

00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:36.019
 This is my last point.

00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:38.880
 Verse 21 again,

00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:40.460
 Paul says,

00:34:40.579 --> 00:34:41.460
 there's one last bit

00:34:41.460 --> 00:34:42.980
 which I haven't mentioned

00:34:42.980 --> 00:34:44.500
 in that verse,

00:34:45.119 --> 00:34:46.139
 submit to one another

00:34:46.139 --> 00:34:47.619
 out of reverence

00:34:47.619 --> 00:34:48.680
 for Christ.

00:34:50.539 --> 00:34:51.619
 The word reverence

00:34:51.619 --> 00:34:52.599
 there literally

00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:53.900
 means

00:34:53.900 --> 00:34:55.460
 fear.

00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:57.159
 Submit to one another

00:34:57.159 --> 00:34:57.900
 out of fear

00:34:57.900 --> 00:34:58.680
 for Christ.

00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:01.380
 Now the word fear,

00:35:02.039 --> 00:35:02.940
 when we hear that,

00:35:03.099 --> 00:35:03.599
 it says,

00:35:03.820 --> 00:35:04.000
 ooh,

00:35:04.139 --> 00:35:04.519
 hang on a bit,

00:35:04.740 --> 00:35:05.300
 that doesn't sound

00:35:05.300 --> 00:35:05.800
 very pleasant.

00:35:05.800 --> 00:35:07.460
 you know,

00:35:07.539 --> 00:35:07.740
 because,

00:35:07.880 --> 00:35:08.240
 you know,

00:35:08.280 --> 00:35:09.440
 the idea is dread

00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:10.640
 and fright

00:35:10.640 --> 00:35:11.220
 and, you know,

00:35:11.260 --> 00:35:12.560
 it's a horrible feeling.

00:35:13.260 --> 00:35:14.460
 But in the Bible,

00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:15.280
 it is,

00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:16.019
 the word fear

00:35:16.019 --> 00:35:17.180
 is much broader

00:35:17.180 --> 00:35:17.680
 than that,

00:35:17.940 --> 00:35:18.660
 much broader.

00:35:19.180 --> 00:35:20.320
 In the Old Testament,

00:35:20.620 --> 00:35:21.680
 the fear of the Lord

00:35:21.680 --> 00:35:23.440
 is a very common statement

00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:25.820
 and the Hebrew word

00:35:25.820 --> 00:35:27.099
 in that context

00:35:27.099 --> 00:35:29.059
 carries the idea

00:35:29.059 --> 00:35:30.880
 of a respect,

00:35:31.159 --> 00:35:31.820
 an awe,

00:35:32.039 --> 00:35:32.820
 a wonder.

00:35:32.820 --> 00:35:38.180
 and in its strongest sense,

00:35:38.940 --> 00:35:40.019
 the fear of the Lord

00:35:40.019 --> 00:35:41.160
 in its strongest sense

00:35:41.160 --> 00:35:42.420
 means that I am

00:35:42.420 --> 00:35:44.600
 overwhelmed by something.

00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:46.800
 I'm not cowering,

00:35:47.180 --> 00:35:48.559
 I'm overwhelmed

00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:49.820
 by something.

00:35:50.600 --> 00:35:52.059
 I'm controlled

00:35:52.059 --> 00:35:52.980
 by something.

00:35:54.280 --> 00:35:55.880
 And the fear of the Lord

00:35:55.880 --> 00:35:57.100
 in the Old Testament

00:35:57.100 --> 00:35:59.660
 is to be overwhelmed

00:35:59.659 --> 00:36:02.719
 with wonder

00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:04.119
 before the greatness

00:36:04.119 --> 00:36:04.639
 of God

00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:06.219
 and his love.

00:36:06.980 --> 00:36:07.859
 And so Exodus

00:36:07.859 --> 00:36:08.319
 says,

00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:09.019
 fear the Lord

00:36:09.019 --> 00:36:09.739
 so you don't have

00:36:09.739 --> 00:36:10.500
 to fear the Lord.

00:36:13.739 --> 00:36:14.980
 What do you mean by that?

00:36:15.299 --> 00:36:16.359
 It's be overwhelmed

00:36:16.359 --> 00:36:18.059
 by his greatness

00:36:18.059 --> 00:36:18.960
 and his majesty

00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:19.920
 and his love

00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:20.599
 and his covenant

00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:21.299
 with you.

00:36:22.259 --> 00:36:23.199
 Be overwhelmed

00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:23.819
 by that.

00:36:23.899 --> 00:36:24.480
 Don't take that

00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:24.940
 for granted

00:36:24.940 --> 00:36:25.619
 because if you do

00:36:25.619 --> 00:36:26.599
 take that for granted,

00:36:26.599 --> 00:36:28.599
 you will at some point

00:36:28.599 --> 00:36:29.059
 in the future

00:36:29.059 --> 00:36:29.719
 be cowering

00:36:29.719 --> 00:36:31.119
 in his presence.

00:36:37.940 --> 00:36:38.299
 His,

00:36:39.119 --> 00:36:40.199
 be overwhelmed

00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:41.759
 by his bright holiness

00:36:41.759 --> 00:36:43.400
 and magnificent love

00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:45.139
 means that you find him

00:36:45.139 --> 00:36:47.400
 fearfully beautiful,

00:36:49.279 --> 00:36:50.019
 wonderful,

00:36:51.719 --> 00:36:52.279
 awesome

00:36:52.279 --> 00:36:53.920
 in the truest sense.

00:36:55.420 --> 00:36:55.639
 You see,

00:36:55.639 --> 00:36:56.179
 that's why

00:36:56.179 --> 00:36:57.539
 the more we experience

00:36:57.539 --> 00:36:58.199
 God's grace

00:36:58.199 --> 00:36:58.779
 and forgiveness

00:36:58.779 --> 00:36:59.940
 in Jesus Christ,

00:37:00.099 --> 00:37:01.719
 the more we experience

00:37:01.719 --> 00:37:02.619
 a sense

00:37:02.619 --> 00:37:04.480
 of a trembling awe

00:37:04.480 --> 00:37:05.359
 and wonder

00:37:05.359 --> 00:37:07.159
 before the greatness

00:37:07.159 --> 00:37:08.279
 of all that,

00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:09.139
 who he is

00:37:09.139 --> 00:37:09.980
 and what he's done

00:37:09.980 --> 00:37:10.900
 for us in Christ.

00:37:11.579 --> 00:37:12.699
 The deeper you go

00:37:12.699 --> 00:37:13.359
 into it,

00:37:13.400 --> 00:37:14.559
 the greater the sense

00:37:14.559 --> 00:37:15.460
 of majesty

00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:17.119
 the gospel is.

00:37:18.400 --> 00:37:20.179
 Romans 5,

00:37:20.279 --> 00:37:21.119
 verses 6 to 8

00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:21.980
 tells us

00:37:21.980 --> 00:37:23.359
 the cost of God's

00:37:23.359 --> 00:37:24.519
 love for us.

00:37:25.639 --> 00:37:28.239
 When we were still

00:37:28.239 --> 00:37:28.779
 powerless,

00:37:29.779 --> 00:37:30.980
 Christ died

00:37:30.980 --> 00:37:32.019
 for the ungodly.

00:37:33.139 --> 00:37:34.199
 God demonstrates

00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:35.179
 his own love

00:37:35.179 --> 00:37:36.139
 for us in this.

00:37:37.179 --> 00:37:38.059
 While we were still

00:37:38.059 --> 00:37:38.519
 sinners,

00:37:38.839 --> 00:37:40.039
 Christ died

00:37:40.039 --> 00:37:41.679
 for us.

00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:44.119
 And so for the spouse,

00:37:44.859 --> 00:37:46.159
 holding past

00:37:46.159 --> 00:37:47.679
 hurts against

00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:48.559
 their spouse,

00:37:48.559 --> 00:37:50.340
 the way we deal

00:37:50.340 --> 00:37:51.579
 with our self-centeredness

00:37:51.579 --> 00:37:53.340
 is to realize

00:37:53.340 --> 00:37:55.360
 before the majesty

00:37:55.360 --> 00:37:56.179
 of God,

00:37:56.980 --> 00:37:57.860
 I am worthy

00:37:57.860 --> 00:37:58.820
 of death.

00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:01.759
 I'm an ungodly

00:38:01.759 --> 00:38:02.099
 sinner.

00:38:05.099 --> 00:38:06.299
 You see,

00:38:07.299 --> 00:38:07.840
 one verse,

00:38:07.900 --> 00:38:08.400
 and yet,

00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:09.119
 one verse

00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:10.199
 before this,

00:38:10.279 --> 00:38:10.840
 we are told

00:38:10.840 --> 00:38:11.699
 the Holy Spirit,

00:38:11.779 --> 00:38:12.739
 the work of the Holy Spirit,

00:38:13.099 --> 00:38:14.199
 is to pull

00:38:14.199 --> 00:38:15.219
 the reality

00:38:15.219 --> 00:38:17.379
 of God's love

00:38:17.379 --> 00:38:18.299
 into our hearts

00:38:18.299 --> 00:38:19.339
 in such a way

00:38:19.339 --> 00:38:20.779
 that it fills up

00:38:20.779 --> 00:38:22.439
 this hole

00:38:22.439 --> 00:38:23.959
 that is in us.

00:38:26.299 --> 00:38:27.119
 It's the thing

00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:27.799
 that deals

00:38:27.799 --> 00:38:28.739
 with the rejection

00:38:28.739 --> 00:38:29.619
 that we feel,

00:38:29.759 --> 00:38:30.339
 the hurts,

00:38:30.439 --> 00:38:31.279
 the past hurts,

00:38:31.379 --> 00:38:32.079
 the weariness,

00:38:32.759 --> 00:38:35.399
 the protective layer

00:38:35.399 --> 00:38:35.879
 that we put

00:38:35.879 --> 00:38:36.859
 around our hearts,

00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:38.759
 and it transforms us

00:38:38.759 --> 00:38:39.480
 into the image

00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:39.959
 of Jesus

00:38:39.959 --> 00:38:41.359
 and gives us hope

00:38:41.359 --> 00:38:42.079
 when life

00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:43.219
 is difficult

00:38:43.219 --> 00:38:43.859
 and marriage

00:38:43.859 --> 00:38:44.459
 is hard.

00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:46.679
 God's love

00:38:46.679 --> 00:38:47.500
 has been poured

00:38:47.500 --> 00:38:49.199
 out into our hearts

00:38:49.199 --> 00:38:50.439
 through the Holy Spirit

00:38:50.439 --> 00:38:51.980
 who's given to us.

00:38:54.379 --> 00:38:54.779
 You see,

00:38:55.179 --> 00:38:56.219
 when we understand

00:38:56.219 --> 00:38:57.279
 this,

00:38:58.219 --> 00:38:59.399
 we can now see

00:38:59.399 --> 00:39:01.000
 why Paul introduces

00:39:01.000 --> 00:39:01.899
 the subject

00:39:01.899 --> 00:39:02.959
 of marriage

00:39:02.959 --> 00:39:04.339
 with a summons

00:39:04.339 --> 00:39:05.859
 to love each other,

00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:06.899
 to submit

00:39:06.899 --> 00:39:07.839
 to each other

00:39:07.839 --> 00:39:09.139
 out of fear

00:39:09.139 --> 00:39:10.419
 of Christ.

00:39:10.420 --> 00:39:13.680
 because every single

00:39:13.680 --> 00:39:14.220
 one of us

00:39:14.220 --> 00:39:14.960
 come into

00:39:14.960 --> 00:39:16.159
 these relationships

00:39:16.159 --> 00:39:17.519
 driven by all kinds

00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:18.119
 of fears

00:39:18.119 --> 00:39:19.340
 and all kinds

00:39:19.340 --> 00:39:19.960
 of desires

00:39:19.960 --> 00:39:20.659
 and all kinds

00:39:20.659 --> 00:39:21.220
 of needs.

00:39:22.079 --> 00:39:23.079
 And if we think,

00:39:23.579 --> 00:39:24.300
 which is often

00:39:24.300 --> 00:39:25.000
 the,

00:39:25.380 --> 00:39:25.960
 we do,

00:39:26.220 --> 00:39:26.980
 and particularly

00:39:26.980 --> 00:39:28.139
 around the looking

00:39:28.139 --> 00:39:29.280
 for the perfect partner

00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:30.400
 in the new

00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:31.500
 marriage movement,

00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:34.139
 we come into marriage

00:39:34.139 --> 00:39:36.519
 thinking that marriage

00:39:36.519 --> 00:39:38.300
 is going to correct

00:39:38.300 --> 00:39:40.320
 our broken hearts

00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:41.380
 to fill up

00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:42.039
 the disorder

00:39:42.039 --> 00:39:43.360
 of our hearts.

00:39:44.539 --> 00:39:45.180
 Inevitably,

00:39:45.320 --> 00:39:46.140
 we're using

00:39:46.140 --> 00:39:46.940
 a spouse

00:39:46.940 --> 00:39:48.680
 to meet my needs.

00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:50.080
 We're not serving

00:39:50.080 --> 00:39:50.640
 them at all.

00:39:51.660 --> 00:39:52.760
 Only the love

00:39:52.760 --> 00:39:53.460
 of God

00:39:53.460 --> 00:39:54.800
 displayed in the death

00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:56.280
 of the Lord Jesus Christ

00:39:56.280 --> 00:39:57.240
 for our forgiveness

00:39:57.240 --> 00:39:58.460
 being poured

00:39:58.460 --> 00:39:59.680
 into our hearts

00:39:59.680 --> 00:40:01.820
 through the Holy Spirit

00:40:01.820 --> 00:40:04.400
 can fill up

00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:04.960
 our need

00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:05.700
 for love

00:40:05.700 --> 00:40:06.340
 and acceptance

00:40:06.340 --> 00:40:07.160
 and approval.

00:40:07.320 --> 00:40:08.539
 I become a whole person

00:40:08.539 --> 00:40:09.700
 in Christ.

00:40:10.640 --> 00:40:11.579
 I'm safe

00:40:11.579 --> 00:40:12.120
 in him

00:40:12.120 --> 00:40:13.920
 which allows me

00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:14.380
 to cross

00:40:14.380 --> 00:40:15.600
 the demilitarization

00:40:15.600 --> 00:40:16.140
 zone

00:40:16.140 --> 00:40:18.440
 towards my spouse

00:40:18.440 --> 00:40:22.200
 and love them.

00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:24.900
 It's only Jesus

00:40:24.900 --> 00:40:26.460
 who takes away

00:40:26.460 --> 00:40:27.720
 that

00:40:27.720 --> 00:40:30.140
 self-preservation

00:40:30.140 --> 00:40:32.079
 protective layer

00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:33.480
 from my heart.

00:40:34.820 --> 00:40:35.200
 You see,

00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:35.759
 that means

00:40:35.759 --> 00:40:36.319
 that when

00:40:36.319 --> 00:40:40.779
 how does that happen?

00:40:41.319 --> 00:40:42.219
 We need to be

00:40:42.219 --> 00:40:43.159
 so immersed

00:40:43.159 --> 00:40:44.059
 in his teaching

00:40:44.059 --> 00:40:45.099
 in his example

00:40:45.099 --> 00:40:46.859
 and his sacrifice

00:40:46.859 --> 00:40:48.919
 that those things

00:40:48.919 --> 00:40:49.799
 what Christ

00:40:49.799 --> 00:40:50.579
 has done for me

00:40:50.579 --> 00:40:51.279
 what who I am

00:40:51.279 --> 00:40:51.719
 in him

00:40:51.719 --> 00:40:52.399
 the gospel

00:40:52.399 --> 00:40:54.359
 dominate my

00:40:54.359 --> 00:40:55.239
 inner life

00:40:55.239 --> 00:40:57.119
 capture my

00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:57.839
 imagination

00:40:57.839 --> 00:40:59.919
 and simply

00:40:59.919 --> 00:41:00.639
 bubble out

00:41:00.639 --> 00:41:01.359
 spontaneously

00:41:01.360 --> 00:41:03.720
 when we are

00:41:03.720 --> 00:41:04.320
 faced with

00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:05.059
 some kind

00:41:05.059 --> 00:41:05.860
 of challenge.

00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:08.300
 You see,

00:41:08.380 --> 00:41:09.039
 my problem

00:41:09.039 --> 00:41:10.280
 all those years

00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:10.700
 ago

00:41:10.700 --> 00:41:11.640
 with 1 Corinthians

00:41:11.640 --> 00:41:12.200
 13

00:41:12.200 --> 00:41:12.820
 was I was

00:41:12.820 --> 00:41:13.260
 looking to

00:41:13.260 --> 00:41:13.760
 preach it

00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:16.160
 not looking

00:41:16.160 --> 00:41:17.099
 to apply it.

00:41:19.420 --> 00:41:20.160
 Looking to

00:41:20.160 --> 00:41:20.559
 preach it

00:41:20.559 --> 00:41:21.360
 not apply it.

00:41:21.360 --> 00:41:29.220
 when we receive

00:41:29.220 --> 00:41:29.579
 it means

00:41:29.579 --> 00:41:30.140
 when we receive

00:41:30.140 --> 00:41:30.800
 criticism

00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:32.260
 as you would

00:41:32.260 --> 00:41:32.900
 expect to

00:41:32.900 --> 00:41:33.440
 as a flawed

00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:34.220
 human being

00:41:34.220 --> 00:41:35.820
 that criticism

00:41:35.820 --> 00:41:36.980
 will never crush us

00:41:36.980 --> 00:41:39.120
 because deep

00:41:39.120 --> 00:41:40.360
 down inside of us

00:41:40.360 --> 00:41:40.860
 we know that

00:41:40.860 --> 00:41:41.660
 Jesus knows

00:41:41.660 --> 00:41:42.500
 every single

00:41:42.500 --> 00:41:43.019
 one of my

00:41:43.019 --> 00:41:43.480
 flaws

00:41:43.480 --> 00:41:44.200
 he knows

00:41:44.200 --> 00:41:44.840
 every single

00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:45.280
 one of my

00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:45.760
 failings

00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:46.099
 he knows

00:41:46.099 --> 00:41:46.900
 every dark

00:41:46.900 --> 00:41:47.680
 corner of my

00:41:47.680 --> 00:41:48.059
 existence

00:41:48.059 --> 00:41:48.880
 and my life

00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:50.160
 he knows

00:41:50.160 --> 00:41:50.780
 it right

00:41:50.780 --> 00:41:51.340
 down to

00:41:51.340 --> 00:41:51.980
 the depths

00:41:51.980 --> 00:41:52.980
 of its

00:41:52.980 --> 00:41:53.640
 darkness

00:41:53.640 --> 00:41:54.559
 and its

00:41:54.559 --> 00:41:55.200
 evil

00:41:55.200 --> 00:41:56.079
 in a way

00:41:56.079 --> 00:41:56.460
 that my

00:41:56.460 --> 00:41:57.119
 spouse

00:41:57.119 --> 00:41:57.860
 doesn't even

00:41:57.860 --> 00:41:58.300
 know

00:41:58.300 --> 00:41:59.180
 and yet

00:41:59.180 --> 00:42:00.079
 he still

00:42:00.079 --> 00:42:00.800
 went to

00:42:00.800 --> 00:42:01.300
 the cross

00:42:01.300 --> 00:42:01.940
 and died

00:42:01.940 --> 00:42:02.440
 for me

00:42:02.440 --> 00:42:03.019
 and he

00:42:03.019 --> 00:42:04.300
 still loves

00:42:04.300 --> 00:42:04.579
 me

00:42:04.579 --> 00:42:04.940
 and he

00:42:04.940 --> 00:42:05.360
 still

00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:05.940
 accepted

00:42:05.940 --> 00:42:06.260
 me

00:42:06.260 --> 00:42:06.860
 completely

00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:09.119
 there's

00:42:09.119 --> 00:42:09.800
 my safety

00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:11.300
 it also

00:42:11.300 --> 00:42:11.940
 means that

00:42:11.940 --> 00:42:12.380
 when we

00:42:12.380 --> 00:42:12.700
 give

00:42:12.700 --> 00:42:13.240
 criticism

00:42:13.240 --> 00:42:14.059
 to our

00:42:14.059 --> 00:42:14.400
 spouse

00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:14.800
 we will

00:42:14.800 --> 00:42:15.300
 do so

00:42:15.300 --> 00:42:15.720
 with

00:42:15.720 --> 00:42:16.980
 a gentleness

00:42:16.980 --> 00:42:17.579
 and a

00:42:17.579 --> 00:42:18.380
 patience

00:42:18.380 --> 00:42:19.920
 because

00:42:19.920 --> 00:42:20.320
 our

00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:20.780
 whole

00:42:20.780 --> 00:42:21.079
 inner

00:42:21.079 --> 00:42:21.579
 world

00:42:21.579 --> 00:42:21.920
 will be

00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:22.579
 saturated

00:42:22.579 --> 00:42:23.019
 with

00:42:23.019 --> 00:42:23.180
 the

00:42:23.180 --> 00:42:24.559
 sense

00:42:24.559 --> 00:42:25.019
 of

00:42:25.019 --> 00:42:25.840
 Jesus

00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:26.440
 love

00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:26.720
 and

00:42:26.720 --> 00:42:27.200
 patience

00:42:27.200 --> 00:42:27.460
 and

00:42:27.460 --> 00:42:27.840
 gentleness

00:42:27.840 --> 00:42:28.500
 with me

00:42:28.500 --> 00:42:29.280
 I would

00:42:29.280 --> 00:42:30.760
 be able

00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:31.300
 to give

00:42:31.300 --> 00:42:31.519
 the

00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:32.079
 criticism

00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:33.160
 with

00:42:33.160 --> 00:42:33.800
 patience

00:42:33.800 --> 00:42:34.440
 and kindness

00:42:34.440 --> 00:42:35.059
 and love

00:42:35.059 --> 00:42:35.680
 and mercy

00:42:35.680 --> 00:42:36.559
 and tenderness

00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:38.240
 because I'm

00:42:38.240 --> 00:42:39.119
 not reliant

00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:39.599
 upon my

00:42:39.599 --> 00:42:40.260
 spouse

00:42:40.260 --> 00:42:40.880
 to change

00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:41.240
 to make

00:42:41.240 --> 00:42:41.760
 me feel

00:42:41.760 --> 00:42:42.180
 better

00:42:42.179 --> 00:42:48.859
 now of

00:42:48.859 --> 00:42:49.199
 course this

00:42:49.199 --> 00:42:49.559
 doesn't

00:42:49.559 --> 00:42:49.940
 mean

00:42:49.940 --> 00:42:51.759
 that every

00:42:51.759 --> 00:42:52.599
 time we're

00:42:52.599 --> 00:42:53.559
 criticised

00:42:53.559 --> 00:42:54.739
 our

00:42:54.739 --> 00:42:55.519
 immediate

00:42:55.519 --> 00:42:56.559
 response

00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:57.159
 deep

00:42:57.159 --> 00:42:57.779
 within our

00:42:57.779 --> 00:42:58.279
 hearts

00:42:58.279 --> 00:42:58.539
 is

00:42:58.539 --> 00:42:59.239
 calmness

00:42:59.239 --> 00:42:59.859
 and peace

00:42:59.859 --> 00:43:01.299
 and

00:43:01.299 --> 00:43:02.460
 Jesus

00:43:02.460 --> 00:43:03.079
 loves me

00:43:03.079 --> 00:43:03.519
 this I

00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:03.779
 know

00:43:03.779 --> 00:43:04.139
 for the

00:43:04.139 --> 00:43:04.379
 Bible

00:43:04.379 --> 00:43:04.899
 tells me

00:43:04.899 --> 00:43:05.199
 so

00:43:05.199 --> 00:43:09.619
 inevitably

00:43:09.619 --> 00:43:10.960
 before the

00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:11.379
 brain

00:43:11.379 --> 00:43:12.199
 kicks in

00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:13.899
 adrenaline

00:43:13.899 --> 00:43:14.519
 does

00:43:14.519 --> 00:43:15.480
 and the

00:43:15.480 --> 00:43:15.759
 fight

00:43:15.759 --> 00:43:16.119
 or the

00:43:16.119 --> 00:43:16.439
 flight

00:43:16.439 --> 00:43:16.759
 one

00:43:16.759 --> 00:43:17.799
 kicks in

00:43:17.799 --> 00:43:18.859
 as a

00:43:18.859 --> 00:43:19.559
 response

00:43:19.559 --> 00:43:21.219
 but deep

00:43:21.219 --> 00:43:22.179
 down inside

00:43:22.179 --> 00:43:23.559
 the person

00:43:23.559 --> 00:43:23.960
 and work

00:43:23.960 --> 00:43:24.460
 of Jesus

00:43:24.460 --> 00:43:25.480
 will ultimately

00:43:25.480 --> 00:43:26.179
 bring your

00:43:26.179 --> 00:43:26.939
 strength

00:43:26.940 --> 00:43:27.260
 strength

00:43:27.260 --> 00:43:29.039
 we go

00:43:29.039 --> 00:43:29.539
 there

00:43:29.539 --> 00:43:30.700
 and he

00:43:30.700 --> 00:43:31.019
 will lift

00:43:31.019 --> 00:43:31.440
 us up

00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:33.079
 and it

00:43:33.079 --> 00:43:33.559
 takes

00:43:33.559 --> 00:43:34.360
 years

00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:35.260
 and years

00:43:35.260 --> 00:43:36.039
 and years

00:43:36.039 --> 00:43:36.760
 of reflection

00:43:36.760 --> 00:43:38.619
 it requires

00:43:38.619 --> 00:43:39.139
 disciplined

00:43:39.139 --> 00:43:39.679
 prayer

00:43:39.679 --> 00:43:40.559
 it requires

00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:41.119
 the study

00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:41.659
 of God's

00:43:41.659 --> 00:43:41.880
 word

00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:42.260
 because the

00:43:42.260 --> 00:43:42.700
 Holy Spirit

00:43:42.700 --> 00:43:43.179
 brings the

00:43:43.179 --> 00:43:43.679
 word of God

00:43:43.679 --> 00:43:44.159
 of the gospel

00:43:44.159 --> 00:43:44.619
 into our

00:43:44.619 --> 00:43:45.059
 hearts

00:43:45.059 --> 00:43:46.700
 Bible study

00:43:46.700 --> 00:43:47.280
 reading

00:43:47.280 --> 00:43:48.019
 it takes

00:43:48.019 --> 00:43:49.000
 innumerable

00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:50.099
 conversations

00:43:50.099 --> 00:43:53.039
 with friends

00:43:53.039 --> 00:43:53.659
 and other

00:43:53.659 --> 00:43:54.300
 Christians

00:43:54.300 --> 00:43:55.780
 to gain

00:43:55.780 --> 00:43:56.400
 a greater

00:43:56.400 --> 00:43:56.960
 perspective

00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:58.800
 on ourselves

00:43:58.800 --> 00:44:00.099
 it takes

00:44:00.099 --> 00:44:00.619
 dynamic

00:44:00.619 --> 00:44:01.500
 congregational

00:44:01.500 --> 00:44:01.960
 worship

00:44:01.960 --> 00:44:03.039
 it takes

00:44:03.039 --> 00:44:03.619
 all sorts

00:44:03.619 --> 00:44:04.059
 of things

00:44:04.059 --> 00:44:04.800
 but gradually

00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:05.559
 bit by bit

00:44:05.559 --> 00:44:07.180
 when we

00:44:07.180 --> 00:44:07.920
 see ourselves

00:44:07.920 --> 00:44:08.700
 more and more

00:44:08.700 --> 00:44:09.400
 through the

00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:10.119
 eyes of the

00:44:10.119 --> 00:44:10.539
 gospel

00:44:10.539 --> 00:44:12.360
 we also see

00:44:12.360 --> 00:44:12.940
 others

00:44:12.940 --> 00:44:13.480
 through the

00:44:13.480 --> 00:44:14.260
 eyes of the

00:44:14.260 --> 00:44:14.660
 gospel

00:44:14.660 --> 00:44:16.340
 when the

00:44:16.340 --> 00:44:16.700
 gospel

00:44:16.700 --> 00:44:17.119
 the word

00:44:17.119 --> 00:44:17.500
 of God

00:44:17.500 --> 00:44:18.139
 dwells in

00:44:18.139 --> 00:44:18.639
 our hearts

00:44:18.639 --> 00:44:19.160
 richly

00:44:19.160 --> 00:44:19.760
 as Colossians

00:44:19.760 --> 00:44:20.460
 3 says

00:44:20.460 --> 00:44:21.380
 we find

00:44:21.380 --> 00:44:21.800
 the power

00:44:21.800 --> 00:44:22.380
 to serve

00:44:22.380 --> 00:44:23.440
 we find

00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:23.920
 the power

00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:24.780
 to give

00:44:24.780 --> 00:44:25.539
 and to take

00:44:25.539 --> 00:44:26.220
 criticism

00:44:26.219 --> 00:44:26.859
 well

00:44:26.859 --> 00:44:28.480
 to not

00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:28.939
 expect

00:44:28.939 --> 00:44:29.599
 our spouse

00:44:29.599 --> 00:44:29.939
 or our

00:44:29.939 --> 00:44:30.299
 marriage

00:44:30.299 --> 00:44:30.719
 to meet

00:44:30.719 --> 00:44:31.319
 our needs

00:44:31.319 --> 00:44:31.639
 and to

00:44:31.639 --> 00:44:32.019
 heal up

00:44:32.019 --> 00:44:32.339
 all of

00:44:32.339 --> 00:44:33.000
 our hurts

00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:35.139
 the love

00:44:35.139 --> 00:44:35.719
 of God

00:44:35.719 --> 00:44:37.019
 as displayed

00:44:37.019 --> 00:44:38.039
 through the

00:44:38.039 --> 00:44:38.959
 sacrificial death

00:44:38.959 --> 00:44:39.579
 of Jesus

00:44:39.579 --> 00:44:40.279
 Christ

00:44:40.279 --> 00:44:41.659
 for our

00:44:41.659 --> 00:44:42.079
 forgiveness

00:44:42.079 --> 00:44:42.939
 for our

00:44:42.939 --> 00:44:43.599
 acceptance

00:44:43.599 --> 00:44:45.000
 being poured

00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:45.939
 constantly

00:44:45.939 --> 00:44:47.059
 into the

00:44:47.059 --> 00:44:47.500
 center of

00:44:47.500 --> 00:44:48.279
 our hearts

00:44:48.279 --> 00:44:50.319
 through the

00:44:50.319 --> 00:44:51.000
 Holy Spirit

00:44:51.000 --> 00:44:51.819
 through the

00:44:51.819 --> 00:44:52.219
 word of God

00:44:52.219 --> 00:44:52.579
 by the

00:44:52.579 --> 00:44:52.899
 word of

00:44:52.899 --> 00:44:53.299
 God

00:44:53.299 --> 00:44:55.339
 is the

00:44:55.339 --> 00:44:55.699
 power

00:44:55.699 --> 00:44:56.559
 every

00:44:56.559 --> 00:44:57.299
 marriage

00:44:57.299 --> 00:44:57.980
 needs

00:44:57.980 --> 00:44:59.319
 to

00:44:59.319 --> 00:44:59.739
 flourish

00:44:59.739 --> 00:45:00.179
 to

00:45:00.179 --> 00:45:00.739
 finish

00:45:00.739 --> 00:45:01.179
 to

00:45:01.179 --> 00:45:01.739
 finish

00:45:01.739 --> 00:45:02.199
 to

00:45:02.199 --> 00:45:02.479
 finish

00:45:02.479 --> 00:45:02.679
!

00:45:02.679 --> 00:45:03.119
 to

00:45:03.119 --> 00:45:03.379
 finish