WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:18.920 You didn't have time last night to help Becky with her math. 00:00:18.920 --> 00:00:23.480 ! I hope you can get home sooner tonight. 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:25.960 Jerry, I need Becky's lunch money. 00:00:25.960 --> 00:00:28.240 My wallet's over there on the bed. 00:00:28.240 --> 00:00:31.240 Why is it you always have money, and I never seem to have any? 00:00:31.240 --> 00:00:36.719 Well, you have a checkbook. 00:00:36.719 --> 00:00:37.719 Are you leaving? 00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:39.519 Yeah, see you tonight. 00:00:39.519 --> 00:00:42.560 You're always in such a hurry to leave until late getting home. 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:44.280 Kevin hardly even knows you. 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:48.799 Honey, the pressure will be off soon, and I am doing better with Kevin. 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:50.799 Well, I haven't seen much difference. 00:00:53.479 --> 00:01:05.159 See if you can't get home in time to help Becky with her math. 00:01:05.159 --> 00:01:07.039 Does that seem familiar? 00:01:07.039 --> 00:01:12.319 Carol has helped to create a no-win situation, and when that happens in a marriage, the result 00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:17.439 is anger and resentment, which is just the opposite of what she really wanted. 00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:21.719 The last session dealt with what husbands need to know, and today's fourth session of the 00:01:21.719 --> 00:01:26.280 Marriage Enrichment Seminar deals with what wives need to know. 00:01:26.280 --> 00:01:31.840 Dr. Carl Bikin believes that the wife is the emotional hub of the marriage, that she sets 00:01:31.840 --> 00:01:35.239 the tone of the husband-wife relationship. 00:01:35.239 --> 00:01:40.620 Out of his years as a counselor, he suggests practical guidelines that will be valuable to 00:01:40.620 --> 00:01:46.280 the wife who wants to build a warm, sensitive, and supportive relationship with her husband. 00:01:46.280 --> 00:01:51.840 Let's join now Dr. Carl Bikin as he presents What Wives Need to Know. 00:01:51.840 --> 00:02:02.840 A couple years ago, I ran across a little piece that Richard Rogers had written that he entitled 00:02:02.840 --> 00:02:03.840 My Wife. 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:06.840 I've known Richard and loved him for a lot of years. 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:10.400 I've known Barbara, his wife, since she was about 11 or 12 years old. 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:13.400 And when I saw the piece, I thought, that's great. 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:15.400 I believe I'll clip that and save it. 00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:19.800 And I'd like to begin this session by reading it. 00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:22.240 So let me share it with you now. 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:27.879 He says, A sigh in the night, a smile across a room of strangers, a tug at a sleeve in the 00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:29.840 middle of a sad movie. 00:02:29.840 --> 00:02:31.520 That's my wife. 00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:35.920 She's a pair of waiting arms for a weary warrior. 00:02:35.920 --> 00:02:39.320 She repairs frayed banners torn on daily battlefields. 00:02:39.320 --> 00:02:42.760 She cushions defeats and makes victories worthwhile. 00:02:42.760 --> 00:02:44.280 That's my wife. 00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:46.760 Her smile can lighten a heavy heart. 00:02:46.760 --> 00:02:48.760 She can hold a hand and lend an ear. 00:02:48.760 --> 00:02:51.480 She can blow a kiss and ease a care. 00:02:51.480 --> 00:02:55.840 She can ruin a cold room just by walking through the door. 00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:58.460 A wife is a secret sharer. 00:02:58.460 --> 00:03:03.500 She has a private smile that belongs to just her husband when they both recall a fond and 00:03:03.500 --> 00:03:04.700 secret memory. 00:03:04.700 --> 00:03:08.480 A wife is an unpredictable creator. 00:03:08.480 --> 00:03:13.280 She can remember a word spoken in love 20 years ago but can't remember to pick up the 00:03:13.280 --> 00:03:16.280 cleaning. 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:18.860 She's magic with a dish towel in her hands. 00:03:18.860 --> 00:03:21.200 Romance running a vacuum cleaner. 00:03:21.200 --> 00:03:23.640 Charm with a smudge of flour on her nose. 00:03:23.640 --> 00:03:27.140 A pair of blue-green eyes with faith shining out. 00:03:27.139 --> 00:03:29.899 A head of soft hair that bounces when she runs. 00:03:29.899 --> 00:03:31.899 A sad pout when things go wrong. 00:03:31.899 --> 00:03:33.379 That's my wife. 00:03:33.379 --> 00:03:36.459 A sweetheart for all the years of a man's life. 00:03:36.459 --> 00:03:38.500 A helpmeet when the load grows heavy. 00:03:38.500 --> 00:03:41.319 A friend when all other friends have turned their heads away. 00:03:41.319 --> 00:03:43.179 That's my wife. 00:03:43.179 --> 00:03:46.179 Wives look beautiful in the strangest places. 00:03:46.180 --> 00:03:49.939 Like standing in a doorway or reaching high to take a dish off the shelf. 00:03:49.939 --> 00:03:51.939 Or straightening pillows on the sofa. 00:03:51.939 --> 00:03:54.000 Or tucking a child into bed. 00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:57.939 Or standing in the rain waiting for a husband to open a car door. 00:03:57.939 --> 00:04:05.699 When a man runs out of heart, a wife gives him part of hers. 00:04:05.699 --> 00:04:08.539 She rekindles the spark of dreams. 00:04:08.539 --> 00:04:11.699 She can make a husband young again with just a twinkle in her eye. 00:04:11.699 --> 00:04:20.459 She's charm, love, enchantment, hope, pride, dreams, pleasure, laughter, delight, magic, 00:04:20.459 --> 00:04:26.459 deity, and Christian womanhood all wrapped into the most wonderful woman in the world. 00:04:26.459 --> 00:04:27.459 She's my wife. 00:04:27.459 --> 00:04:29.459 And I love her. 00:04:29.459 --> 00:04:36.459 Marvelous tribute to not just one Christian wife, but all Christian wives. 00:04:36.459 --> 00:04:42.959 A couple of years ago, Smitty and I were driving out across the country going, I think we were 00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:44.500 going to a lectureship somewhere. 00:04:44.500 --> 00:04:49.959 And it's one of those times that, you know, when we're at home, schedules press, and the 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:52.699 children are always there going every direction under the sun. 00:04:52.699 --> 00:04:56.519 But when we get out in a car traveling somewhere, it's time to communicate, time to visit. 00:04:56.519 --> 00:04:59.699 And we were talking about this section of the seminar. 00:04:59.699 --> 00:05:02.120 And about the role of the Christian wife. 00:05:02.120 --> 00:05:05.939 And we were talking about some things that we might do to get some feedback from Christian 00:05:05.939 --> 00:05:08.300 wives across the country. 00:05:08.300 --> 00:05:15.879 And so we came up with a little questionnaire that asks, what is the greatest fault of American 00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:20.459 wives and what is the greatest fault of American husbands? 00:05:20.459 --> 00:05:30.379 We decided that we would hand pick 50 of the best wives that we need and 50 of the best husbands 00:05:30.379 --> 00:05:31.379 that we need. 00:05:31.379 --> 00:05:33.740 Didn't have to be married to each other. 00:05:33.740 --> 00:05:39.879 And you realize, of course, that us looking from the outside at a marriage, you don't always 00:05:39.879 --> 00:05:41.319 see what you think you see. 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:44.939 And there are a lot of things perhaps in those marriages that we didn't see. 00:05:44.939 --> 00:05:47.740 But anyway, this is where the little questionnaire came from. 00:05:47.740 --> 00:05:51.100 And we wrote to 50 Christian wives and 50 Christian husbands. 00:05:51.100 --> 00:05:56.100 And we asked them, what is the greatest fault of American wives? 00:05:56.100 --> 00:06:02.100 And then we asked each of them to give us a list of the five qualities that they thought 00:06:02.100 --> 00:06:06.100 were most important in a life of a Christian wife. 00:06:06.100 --> 00:06:13.340 When the material came back, the greatest fault of American wives, men said, and there were 00:06:13.340 --> 00:06:16.040 two articles that tied for first place in this one. 00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:18.460 The men said, number one, they're not satisfied. 00:06:18.460 --> 00:06:22.400 And tied for first place with that one was they're too materialistic. 00:06:22.399 --> 00:06:24.759 And I hear much the same thing coming through. 00:06:24.759 --> 00:06:31.939 I hear wives who seem to never quite have enough, never quite be happy, always wanting 00:06:31.939 --> 00:06:35.639 something to be better and always complaining, perhaps if it's not. 00:06:35.639 --> 00:06:39.879 Now, the article in third place was they're not supportive enough. 00:06:39.879 --> 00:06:44.800 And then they said they neglect their family and selfishness came in fifth on this particular 00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:45.800 list. 00:06:45.800 --> 00:06:51.300 The material that came back from the wives said selfishness was number one to them. 00:06:51.300 --> 00:06:54.500 The greatest fault of the American wife is selfishness. 00:06:54.500 --> 00:06:57.379 Second, they said not letting Jesus rule in their lives. 00:06:57.379 --> 00:07:00.180 And third, trying to get the best of their husbands. 00:07:00.180 --> 00:07:05.620 The spirit of competition in the marriage they saw as being a real problem in the relationship. 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:12.319 And then when we got the material back from the wives where we had asked what are the five 00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:18.199 most important qualities in the life of a Christian wife, it was interesting to see how many things 00:07:18.199 --> 00:07:21.899 came in, how many things were included in the lists that the wives wrote us. 00:07:21.899 --> 00:07:29.060 But when we began to put the lists together and see which things were coming in most and 00:07:29.060 --> 00:07:34.639 second most and third most and so forth, let me share with you the ten that came back in 00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:39.319 one, two, three, four order with regard to the number of times they came in. 00:07:39.319 --> 00:07:47.319 These wives said the number one quality in the life of a Christian wife is a personal relationship with God. 00:07:47.319 --> 00:07:52.319 And a lot of them said she's not ready for any other relationship in her life until she has a 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:54.319 personal relationship with the Lord. 00:07:54.319 --> 00:07:59.000 They said number two, affectionate, warm, and responsive. 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:05.000 In just a little bit we're going to call the wife the emotional hub of her family and I think it focuses 00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:06.000 right here. 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:11.000 These wives said she needs to be affectionate and she needs to be warm and she needs to be 00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:13.000 responsive to the needs of the people around her. 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:15.680 Thirdly, they said she needs a good self image. 00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:21.680 And Paul and I have both already talked about a good self image and how important a good self image is and how 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:29.680 important her husband is in helping her not only to build but to maintain that healthy view of her own role and herself. 00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:33.679 And number four, they said she needs to be submissive to her husband. 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:44.359 He must not take the responsibility for placing her in submission but she must be herself in submission and place him in the role of leadership. 00:08:44.359 --> 00:08:48.359 And then the fifth quality that they cited was the quality of patience. 00:08:48.359 --> 00:08:56.359 I think it's interesting that when the apostle Paul got ready to describe love in 1 Corinthians 13 beginning in verse 4 when he told the qualities of it, 00:08:56.359 --> 00:08:59.359 the first thing that he says is love is patient. 00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:10.039 I think that all of us who are living in a relationship would attest to the importance of patience in maintaining and building every relationship of life. 00:09:10.039 --> 00:09:15.039 You just have to have a lot of patience to live constructively with another human being. 00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:17.480 Horrible to live without people around. 00:09:17.480 --> 00:09:20.039 But with people around, there is the need for patience. 00:09:20.039 --> 00:09:22.039 Number six was loyalty. 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:27.360 And the wives said she needs to be faithful to her husband but more than that, 00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:31.759 there is a spirit of loyalty that goes beyond faithfulness. 00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:36.360 And then number seven was right priorities. 00:09:36.360 --> 00:09:44.440 And in having a sense of right priorities, we heard these wives saying that if we're going to live together as families, 00:09:44.440 --> 00:09:49.039 we've got to have a sense of what is more important and most important. 00:09:49.039 --> 00:09:56.039 Because there is a constant danger of us spending all of our emotional energies on things that are important, 00:09:56.039 --> 00:10:02.039 but leaving no emotional energy for things that are the most important things in our lives. 00:10:02.039 --> 00:10:11.039 For example, it's very easy for us if you imagine that each one of us has, let's say, 100 units of emotional energy. 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:22.039 If I spend 99 units of emotional energy on my job and with other people and doing other things so that when I get home to my family, 00:10:22.039 --> 00:10:28.439 I have no emotional energy left to spend with the people that are the most important people in my life, 00:10:28.439 --> 00:10:31.039 then I have been foolish in that budgeting. 00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:36.039 And so we heard them saying she needs to learn to budget her emotional energies. 00:10:36.039 --> 00:10:42.039 But more than that, we heard them saying that if a person is going to live a really productive life, 00:10:42.039 --> 00:10:47.039 that person needs to have a sense of what is the most important thing in life. 00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:56.039 And so let me share with you just briefly in connection with right priorities what I believe are the Christian's five basic priorities of his life. 00:10:56.039 --> 00:11:08.039 Number one must be his relationship with God. 00:11:08.039 --> 00:11:11.039 His relationship with his father is the number one thing in his life. 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:14.039 Now, that's not working for the Lord. 00:11:14.039 --> 00:11:18.039 That's relationship with the Lord, and I'm drawing from the great commandment. 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:24.039 The greatest commandment is you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, 00:11:24.039 --> 00:11:26.039 with all your strength. 00:11:26.039 --> 00:11:30.039 And the second likened to it is this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:37.039 And the neighbor that is the most important neighbor in a person's life who is married is spouse. 00:11:37.039 --> 00:11:40.039 I don't have to get married. 00:11:40.039 --> 00:11:47.039 But if I get married, I must take on some responsibilities that I would not have had otherwise, 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:51.039 and I cannot live as though I'm not married. 00:11:51.039 --> 00:11:53.039 We don't have to have children. 00:11:53.039 --> 00:12:00.039 But if we have children, we cannot continue to live as though they're not there, and they have no needs, and they have no rights. 00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:05.039 If we're going to have children, we must relate to them and spend some time with them. 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:08.039 And so the third priority of life is our children. 00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:12.039 If we have children. 00:12:12.039 --> 00:12:25.039 Many times when children are born into a relationship, especially the wife, tends to focus so much attention on those children that the husband seems to be neglected, feels neglected. 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:28.039 And I'm sure in many instances he is neglected. 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:30.039 And many husbands complain about that. 00:12:30.039 --> 00:12:38.039 Ladies, your husband is your number two priority, is your number one priority after your relationship with your heavenly father. 00:12:38.039 --> 00:12:54.039 Those children are third, and there are times when I think all of us have a struggle with this, but let me share a conviction with you that says that there are times when we suspend otherwise good priorities for an emergency situation. 00:12:54.039 --> 00:12:58.039 An illustration comes from the parable of the Good Samaritan. 00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:06.039 Regardless of where the priest and Levite were going that day, they should not have passed by the man who was beaten and robbed and left for dead. 00:13:06.039 --> 00:13:11.039 Even though they may have been going to the temple, or coming from the temple toward their homes. 00:13:11.039 --> 00:13:15.039 Those are good priorities under normal circumstances. 00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:28.039 But when there is a man beaten and robbed and left for dead, there is an emergency that says let's temporarily for the time, for the moment, let's suspend our normal priorities, and let's do something that is important in the here and now. 00:13:28.039 --> 00:13:34.039 I'm convinced that when children are small, they are a walking emergency. 00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:55.039 And because they are a walking emergency, that we have to realize the need for time and attention and supervision when they're small, but we also need to realize that we are temporarily suspending otherwise normal priorities of our lives for a very special emergency time. 00:13:55.039 --> 00:14:08.039 And as those children grow older and are able to take care of more and more of their own needs, the need for husband and wife to renew their own relationship so that when the children are gone, husband and wife will have something left. 00:14:08.039 --> 00:14:13.039 The fourth priority is probably our vocation. 00:14:13.039 --> 00:14:20.039 And a fifth priority for ministry. 00:14:20.039 --> 00:14:25.039 And I believe it's very important for us to realize that there are some things that need to take time in our lives. 00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:27.039 And that one was number seven. 00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:36.039 That these Christian wives said that a Christian wife, in order to really function in her role well, needs to have a sense of right priorities. 00:14:36.039 --> 00:14:43.039 And number eight in their list was that the Christian wife needs to be available to her husband's physical needs. 00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:49.039 They realize that you can't talk very long about the marriage relationship without talking about our sexuality. 00:14:49.039 --> 00:14:56.039 And the way God designed us to function in families and in the marriage relationship. 00:14:56.039 --> 00:15:03.039 And one of the things that these Christian wives realized was that they must be responsive to their husband's physical needs. 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:18.039 I remember Maribel Morgan quoting a psychiatrist friend of hers to say that if a wife wants her husband to worship the ground she walks on, there are two great needs that she must fulfill. 00:15:18.039 --> 00:15:23.039 One, she quotes the psychiatrist as saying, is compliments. 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:26.039 He needs to be complimented by his wife. 00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:28.039 The second is warm physical love. 00:15:28.039 --> 00:15:32.039 Number nine, these wives said she needs a zest for living. 00:15:32.039 --> 00:15:38.039 She needs to have a natural love affair with life so that there is a zest and there is a vitality in her life. 00:15:38.039 --> 00:15:41.039 And number ten was unselfishness. 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:55.039 She needs to gladly do the little things for the comfort and the needs of other people that reflect her love for them and her love for her family and her commitment to the things that are the most important things in their life. 00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:59.039 Therefore, I call the wife the emotional hub of her family. 00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:06.039 And I believe that this describes her role in a way that helps us to see some things that are very important to her. 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:08.039 Let me sketch on the board. 00:16:08.039 --> 00:16:10.039 We'll put the wife in the center. 00:16:10.039 --> 00:16:16.039 We'll put a husband going this direction, a child going that direction, and we'll put a child going these other two directions. 00:16:16.039 --> 00:16:19.039 And let's talk about the wife as the emotional hub of the family. 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:28.039 I'm convinced that you can't make the world bad enough to break those children and that husband down if at home they have someone who loves them. 00:16:28.039 --> 00:16:37.039 Who loves her role, who loves her family, who loves her life, who loves her Lord if you please. 00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:42.039 You can't make the world out there bad enough to break down the members of that family. 00:16:42.039 --> 00:16:53.039 But how tragic it is for the family that has that wife and mother at home who doesn't like her role, who doesn't like her family, who doesn't like the things that she has to do. 00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:57.039 I know some husbands that don't like to come home. Do you? 00:16:57.039 --> 00:17:00.039 And I know some husbands that I don't blame. 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:06.039 If I had to go home to the kind of wives that they have to go home to, I wouldn't want to go home either. 00:17:06.039 --> 00:17:19.039 Ladies, I believe it is the responsibility of that wife to make the home so warm and loving and accepting and affirming a place that the members of that family will find it a refuge. 00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:22.039 Ladies, I believe that you are the emotional hub of your family. 00:17:22.039 --> 00:17:29.039 And in that regard, I believe that there are 16 minutes of your day that are especially important to you. 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:31.039 Now, I made up 16 minutes. 00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:38.039 Those 16 minutes may stretch into 30 or an hour or whatever and so in your family it may be quite different than in other families. 00:17:38.039 --> 00:17:47.039 Let me share with you what I call the four most important four-minute periods of your day as wife and mother in your family. 00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:57.039 And the number one time, the first four minutes are the first four minutes that you are together early in the morning. 00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:00.039 Now, I don't know who gets up first in your family. 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:03.039 Matter of fact, it doesn't matter who gets up first in your family. 00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:05.039 In my family, I get up first. 00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:09.039 The reason I get up first is because I'm a fanatic about quiet time. 00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:16.039 I've struggled for years with a time to spend alone with the Lord in Bible study and prayer. 00:18:16.039 --> 00:18:21.039 And through the years, I have struggled with some kind of format for that and some kind of time to put that. 00:18:21.039 --> 00:18:28.039 And finally, I've come up with the first hour of the day and so I get up first in my family. 00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:42.039 Right now, our schedule is that about 6.30, I go back to the bed and I bend down across my wife's sleeping body and I kiss her on the cheek. 00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:46.039 I kiss her into awareness. 00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:53.039 When she sees me kiss her on the cheek, she turns her face full up and we have a very tight-lipped kiss. 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:56.039 That's not the best kiss of the day. 00:18:56.039 --> 00:18:58.039 It's just the first kiss of the day. 00:18:58.039 --> 00:19:01.039 And I whisper in her ear and I say, 00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:04.039 Sweetheart, it's time to get up. 00:19:04.039 --> 00:19:11.039 Now, it's very important to remember Proverbs 27.14 at that point. 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:14.039 Because Proverbs 27.14 says, 00:19:14.039 --> 00:19:22.039 He that greeteth his neighbor with a loud voice rising early in the morning shall be counted as cursing. 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:31.039 So it's very important to remember to be very, very quiet at that time of the day. 00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:35.039 But anyway, I kiss my wife awake and I whisper in her ear that it's time to get up. 00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:41.039 I go back to my study table and as she goes by the bathroom usually and then comes by my chair, 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:48.039 she always bends down and she kisses me and tells me she loves me and I tell her I love her. 00:19:48.039 --> 00:19:58.039 And then sometimes she'll sit down in my lap and we'll hug and pat and caress and kiss a little bit before she goes to the kitchen to fix the breakfast for the family. 00:19:58.039 --> 00:20:04.039 But we believe those three minutes are extremely important. 00:20:04.039 --> 00:20:06.039 Let me share a letter with you. 00:20:06.039 --> 00:20:08.039 That begins, 00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:10.039 Dear Abby Brickin. 00:20:10.039 --> 00:20:15.039 Now you know you're in trouble, the letter comes beginning, Dear Abby Brickin. 00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:16.039 Now listen to this one. 00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:19.039 He said, My wife and I attended your seminar in San Antonio. 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:26.039 And the next morning I decided to try your procedure by kissing my wife into awareness. 00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:29.039 As I get up to cook breakfast, I always let the dog out. 00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:32.039 When the dog comes back in, she always gets on the bed with my wife. 00:20:32.039 --> 00:20:36.039 When breakfast was ready, instead of my usual awakening call of, 00:20:36.039 --> 00:20:37.039 Breakfast! 00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:42.039 I went to the bedroom, leaned over my wife and kissed her on the cheek. 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:46.039 And before she could turn her face upward so I could complete the procedure, my dog attacked me. 00:20:46.039 --> 00:20:52.039 He says, Now what do I do? 00:20:52.039 --> 00:20:55.039 Your seminar did not touch on jealous dogs in the marriage. 00:20:55.039 --> 00:20:57.039 And he signs it, Boy and Loser. 00:20:57.039 --> 00:21:01.039 Well, I wrote him a letter, you know, and told him, 00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:06.039 You might wait until after you've kissed your wife into awareness before you invite the dog back in. 00:21:06.039 --> 00:21:09.039 Or you might get rid of the dog. 00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:10.039 I don't know. 00:21:10.039 --> 00:21:15.039 But the first four minutes of the day are the most important four minutes, I believe, for a couple, 00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:20.039 Because these are the minutes that set the tone for the way you feel about each other. 00:21:20.039 --> 00:21:21.039 All day. 00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:23.039 And the way you feel about your relationship. 00:21:23.039 --> 00:21:24.039 All day. 00:21:24.039 --> 00:21:29.039 And so, those moments are very, very precious and very, very important. 00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:39.039 The second most important four minutes of the day are the first four minutes that you're together at the end of the day's working activities. 00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:41.039 Whatever that means in your family. 00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:47.039 Those four minutes that you are together at first when you both get home. 00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:50.039 And that's a time to welcome each other home. 00:21:50.039 --> 00:21:55.039 You see, we have made choices to come home. 00:21:55.039 --> 00:22:01.039 We have made a conscious decision to go home and to be together. 00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:09.039 And the reason those four minutes are so important is because they set the tone for the way you feel about each other and your marriage for the rest of the evening hours. 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:16.039 Whether you're together or whether you're apart, they set the tone for the way you feel about each other in your marriage for the rest of the afternoon's activities. 00:22:16.039 --> 00:22:23.039 So ladies, when your husband comes home, it's not the time to load him down with all the things that have happened to you that have been bad that day. 00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:30.039 That's not a time to fuss at him about forgetting the laundry or the cleaning or to pick up something at the grocery store. 00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:32.039 That's not the time to be negative in any way. 00:22:32.039 --> 00:22:35.039 That's a time to say, I'm glad you're here. 00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:37.039 I'm glad you're mine. 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:38.039 I'm glad you came home. 00:22:38.039 --> 00:22:39.039 I'm glad we're together. 00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:40.039 That's the fact. 00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:51.039 The third most important four minutes of the day are the last four that you're together before you separate for the day's activities and go to work. 00:22:51.039 --> 00:22:56.039 Now, those four are also very important for children, aren't they? 00:22:56.039 --> 00:23:03.039 My wife and I through the years have tried to develop a little ritual with our children as they go out of the house for school. 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:07.039 And we try to never say anything negative to our children as they go to school. 00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:15.039 We try to say something to them that says, I hope you have a fantastic day today and I love you because that's very important. 00:23:15.039 --> 00:23:24.039 But it's also important for husband and wife as you part for the day to have some kind words, some loving words. 00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:31.039 That's not the time either to fuss at a person about what they forgot to do yesterday. 00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:33.039 That's the time to be in love with each other. 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:40.039 And the fourth most important four minutes of the day are the last four before you go to sleep at night. 00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:43.039 The last four before you go to sleep at night. 00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:57.039 And the reason those four are so important is because they put the capper on the day's activities and they let you go to sleep feeling good about your relationship and good about your marriage and good about who you are and good about being together. 00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:06.039 But those four minutes should be filled with at least a hug and a kiss and some patting and caressing and some words of love that say, I'm glad you're mine. 00:24:06.039 --> 00:24:08.039 I love you. 00:24:08.039 --> 00:24:09.039 I enjoy our life together. 00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:16.039 Makes you go to sleep at night feeling good about your relationship and that's extremely important. 00:24:16.039 --> 00:24:22.039 That's what these four four minute periods are designed to do in a marriage. 00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:29.039 They're designed to allow two people to say to each other, I love you and I'm glad we're together and I'm glad we belong to each other. 00:24:29.039 --> 00:24:36.039 You're beginning to get the idea that I think it takes a lot of hugging and patting and kissing and caressing to make a good marriage. 00:24:36.039 --> 00:24:38.039 Are you beginning to get that idea? 00:24:38.039 --> 00:24:40.039 If you are, you're right. 00:24:40.039 --> 00:24:44.039 The Bible says open rebuke is better than hidden love. 00:24:44.039 --> 00:24:50.039 If you love each other, by all means, tell each other. 00:24:50.039 --> 00:24:59.039 Now, let me share with you some basic passages of scripture that will be foundational for a wife's relationship with her husband. 00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:04.039 And I want to begin with Romans chapter 7 verse 2 that says, 00:25:04.039 --> 00:25:09.039 Thus a married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives. 00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:13.039 But if her husband dies, she's discharged from the law concerning the husband. 00:25:13.039 --> 00:25:17.039 Her wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. 00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:24.039 The God of heaven intends for the marriage relationship to be a relationship of permanent duration. 00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:29.039 As long as we both shall live is the basic design of God for the marriage relationship. 00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:31.039 And that's Romans chapter 7 verse 2. 00:25:31.039 --> 00:25:35.039 There are a number of other passages that teach the same thing. 00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:46.039 Now, think with me about Titus chapter 2 and Paul's instructions to his young son in the gospel as he talks about the duties of older men, older women, and so forth. 00:25:46.039 --> 00:25:51.039 And I want to share with you some thoughts from Titus chapter 2 verses 3 through 5. 00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:56.039 Verse 3 begins, with the older women likewise, to be reverent in behavior. 00:25:56.039 --> 00:26:02.039 Not to be slanderers or slaves to drink, but they are to teach what is good. 00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:04.039 And notice verse 4. 00:26:04.039 --> 00:26:05.039 Verse 4. 00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:09.039 And so to train the young women to love their husbands and their children. 00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:13.039 Did you know that we can be trained to love? 00:26:13.039 --> 00:26:14.039 That's what that verse says. 00:26:14.039 --> 00:26:16.039 We can be trained to love. 00:26:16.039 --> 00:26:17.039 You want me to give you an illustration? 00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:22.039 I remember an experience when I, I must have been six years old or seven or somewhere along in there. 00:26:22.039 --> 00:26:25.039 And as I recall this story, we went to a picnic. 00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:28.039 And I was mischievous when I was young. 00:26:28.039 --> 00:26:31.039 Haven't lost all of that yet. 00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:34.039 Got it under control a little bit. 00:26:34.039 --> 00:26:37.039 But my mother would testify that I was mischievous when I was young. 00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:45.039 And as I recall this picnic, I was making everybody miserable by being in their hair and running and kicking up dust and everything. 00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:51.039 And as I recall, my mother pulled me aside and sat down on a park bench so that she could look me straight in the face. 00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:54.039 She grabbed me by the shoulders and said to me, 00:26:54.039 --> 00:27:00.039 You are not going to ruin this picnic for all of these people. 00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:06.039 You are going to enjoy this picnic and we are too if it kills both of us. 00:27:06.039 --> 00:27:09.039 Now, you hear what my mama's doing? 00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:12.039 My mama is training me to love. 00:27:12.039 --> 00:27:18.039 Now think with me a moment about our passage in 1 Peter chapter 3. 00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:30.039 And every time a woman comes into my office to talk about a marriage relationship where she has to live with a difficult husband, this is the passage that I turn to and share with her. 00:27:30.039 --> 00:27:36.039 Because Peter tells a wife in 1 Peter chapter 3 how to live with a difficult husband. 00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:38.039 Listen to the way Peter begins. 00:27:38.039 --> 00:27:42.039 He says, Likewise, you wives, be submissive to your husbands. 00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:43.039 That's the opening remark. 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:45.039 Be submissive to your husbands. 00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:49.039 So that some, though they do not obey the word. 00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:53.039 Now, isolate that phrase and hear what Peter is saying. 00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:57.039 He says, care that some, though they do not obey the word. 00:27:57.039 --> 00:28:02.039 These husbands that Peter is about to talk about are husbands who are not obeying the word. 00:28:02.039 --> 00:28:05.039 They may have a complete disregard for the word. 00:28:05.039 --> 00:28:07.039 They may not claim to be Christians. 00:28:07.039 --> 00:28:09.039 They may not like anything that is Christian. 00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:11.039 They may not care about that. 00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:14.039 But whatever the background, they are not obeying the word. 00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:16.039 They may go to church all the time. 00:28:16.039 --> 00:28:22.039 Teach semi-school classes or preach or serve as officers in the congregation or whatever. 00:28:22.039 --> 00:28:25.039 And still be husbands who do not obey the word. 00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:30.039 But whoever they are, Peter is giving instructions for Christian wives. 00:28:30.039 --> 00:28:34.039 And he begins by saying, be subject, be in submission to your husbands. 00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:44.039 So that some, though they do not obey the word, may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives. 00:28:44.039 --> 00:28:47.039 And notice the characteristics that Peter talks about. 00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:50.039 When they see your reverent and chaste behavior. 00:28:50.039 --> 00:28:57.039 Let not yours be the outward adorning with the braiding of hair and the decoration of gold and the wearing of fine clothing. 00:28:57.039 --> 00:29:02.039 But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable jewel of a gentle and quiet spirit. 00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:05.039 Which in God's sight is very precious. 00:29:05.039 --> 00:29:09.039 That word translated there, very precious in the sight of God. 00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:12.039 Is a word that can also be translated very expensive. 00:29:12.039 --> 00:29:15.039 What in the world could be expensive to God? 00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:18.039 God who owns everything. 00:29:18.039 --> 00:29:20.039 God who created everything. 00:29:20.039 --> 00:29:22.039 God who lays claim to everything. 00:29:22.039 --> 00:29:25.039 What in the world could be very expensive to God? 00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:26.039 God. 00:29:26.039 --> 00:29:33.039 And what Peter says is, a woman who has a gentle and quiet spirit. 00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:38.039 Is in the sight of God very precious. 00:29:38.039 --> 00:29:47.039 Now, let me go back up in that passage moment and focus for the next few minutes on the section that says, 00:29:47.039 --> 00:29:50.039 He may be one without a word. 00:29:50.039 --> 00:30:00.039 One of the complaints that husbands have about their wives is, my wife nags. 00:30:00.039 --> 00:30:01.039 She complains. 00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:04.039 Ladies, don't nag. 00:30:04.039 --> 00:30:06.039 Win him without a word. 00:30:06.039 --> 00:30:11.039 I remember a young wife in my family relations class one day. 00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:15.039 She'd been married since August, just before school started. 00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:19.039 And as I recall this incident, we were a couple of months into the semester. 00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:22.039 One day after class, she came up to me and she said, 00:30:22.039 --> 00:30:23.039 Dr. McKee, I've got to ask you a question. 00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:27.039 I said, let's wait until everybody clears out and then we'll spend some time together. 00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:30.039 And so, after everybody had cleared out, she said, 00:30:30.039 --> 00:30:34.039 How do I get my husband to pick up his clothes off the floor? 00:30:34.039 --> 00:30:37.039 And I said, does your husband lose? 00:30:37.039 --> 00:30:38.039 You know. 00:30:38.039 --> 00:30:42.039 And you can just hear all kinds of things behind that one. 00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.039 And I said, well, if he knows that you want him to pick them up, 00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:49.039 then I only see about four or five alternatives as to what you need to do. 00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:53.039 And I said, the number one alternative is, please don't nag at him. 00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:55.039 Don't nag. 00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:58.039 And I was getting the impression, of course, that she had been nagging him. 00:30:58.039 --> 00:31:05.039 And I said, the opposite extent from that would be to pick them up for him. 00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:10.039 She looked like I had hit her with something soggy and damp. 00:31:10.039 --> 00:31:15.039 And she began to shake her head that she was not about to do. 00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:19.039 She was not about to pick up her husband's clothes from the floor. 00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:23.039 So, I said, well, I just see two or three other real viable alternatives. 00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:26.039 One is to walk on them. 00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:29.039 And a second one is to flick them out of the way with your toes 00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:31.039 so you don't have to walk on them. 00:31:31.039 --> 00:31:36.039 Would you believe I've heard some other alternatives since then? 00:31:36.039 --> 00:31:39.039 I had one wife who came up after one of the seminars, and she said, 00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:40.039 Well, I'll tell you what I did. 00:31:40.039 --> 00:31:47.039 I nailed my husband's clothes to the floor. 00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:52.039 And I said, well, you know, I'm sure that works, but I can't really recommend that. 00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:58.039 I've got a feeling that if you tried that, that it would come out his pores in a level of other ways. 00:31:58.039 --> 00:32:02.039 I had one other wife who said, my husband used to leave his shoes on the floor, 00:32:02.039 --> 00:32:05.039 and she said, I got to where I'd put them in his pillowcase. 00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:08.039 And she said, you better believe that solved the problem. 00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:12.039 Well, there are some other alternatives, but none of them that I can really recommend. 00:32:12.039 --> 00:32:16.039 Let me share with you one of the funniest stories that I've ever heard in my life. 00:32:16.039 --> 00:32:22.039 It's a story that came from a counselor on the West Coast that swears that it's true. 00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.039 He says that a couple came into his office one day for marriage counseling 00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:28.039 after they had been married only about six weeks. 00:32:28.039 --> 00:32:31.039 And he said, as they walked in, they said, Doc, we've got some problems. 00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:32.039 We need to talk to you. 00:32:32.039 --> 00:32:35.039 And he invited them to sit down in his office. 00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:37.039 And then he said, share the problem with me. 00:32:37.039 --> 00:32:38.039 Tell me about what happened. 00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:39.039 And so the wife began. 00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:44.039 She said, well, what happened was that the first night after the honeymoon was over, 00:32:44.039 --> 00:32:47.039 and we were back in our apartment where we were going to live, she said, 00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:51.039 my husband, as he started to bed, I was already in bed, and as he started to bed, 00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:56.039 he stopped in the middle of the bedroom, and he stepped out of his underwear, 00:32:56.039 --> 00:33:02.039 and left his underwear in the middle of the bedroom floor, stepped into his pajamas, and started around the corner of the bed. 00:33:02.039 --> 00:33:07.039 And she said, I raised up on one elbow, and I called to him, and I said, hey. 00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:12.039 And he stopped and looked, and she said, are you planning on leaving those there? 00:33:12.039 --> 00:33:16.039 And he looked back at them, and he said, yes, I was. 00:33:16.039 --> 00:33:21.039 And she said, what do you plan to happen to them? 00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:29.039 And he said, I planned for them to be washed and returned clean to that bottom drawer right over there. 00:33:29.039 --> 00:33:34.039 And she said, I told him that that would be a cold day in you know where. 00:33:34.039 --> 00:33:37.039 When that happened, and so he came on the bed. 00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:40.039 She said the second night, he put a second pair on top of them. 00:33:44.039 --> 00:33:50.039 The seventh night, he put a seventh pair on top of them, and ran out. 00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:55.039 The next day, he wore a dirty pair to the bank, 00:33:55.039 --> 00:34:00.039 and took a hundred dollars out of savings and bought underwear. 00:34:02.039 --> 00:34:04.039 Thirty days later, 00:34:08.039 --> 00:34:12.039 Thirty days later, there's a stack this tall in the middle of the bedroom, 00:34:12.039 --> 00:34:14.039 and they decided they needed counseling. 00:34:18.039 --> 00:34:21.039 So they bring the marriage counselor to the problem, 00:34:21.039 --> 00:34:24.039 and the marriage counselor says, all right, now let me be sure I understand. 00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:29.039 And he turned to the wife, and he said, now, if your husband would put those in an appropriate place, 00:34:29.039 --> 00:34:32.039 would you wash them and return them clean to his drawer? 00:34:32.039 --> 00:34:33.039 She said, yes. 00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:35.039 If he would put them in the clothes hamper where they belong, 00:34:36.039 --> 00:34:38.039 I'd wash them and return them clean to the drawer. 00:34:39.039 --> 00:34:41.039 But I'm not, and he said, I understand, I understand. 00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:48.039 And he turned to the husband, and he said, now, if there was a clothes hamper right out there in the middle of the floor, 00:34:48.039 --> 00:34:52.039 well, it wouldn't be any trouble if there was a clothes hamper right out in the middle of the floor there, 00:34:53.039 --> 00:34:56.039 would it be all right with you to put them in the clothes hamper instead of putting them on the floor? 00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:58.039 And the husband thought a minute. 00:34:58.039 --> 00:35:00.039 He said, yeah, I guess that'd be all right. 00:35:00.039 --> 00:35:05.039 And the marriage counselor said, well, now, let me just take a for instance. 00:35:05.039 --> 00:35:12.039 If we move that clothes hamper over to the side of the room, would you mind going by over there? 00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:15.039 He said, yes, this is not out in the middle of the floor, but if it's over at the side of the room, 00:35:16.039 --> 00:35:22.039 would you mind going by over there and taking your underwear off and putting it in the clothes hamper over at the side of the room? 00:35:22.039 --> 00:35:27.039 And the husband thought a minute. He said, no, I guess that wouldn't be too much to ask. 00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:29.039 And the counselor said, well, let me take it just one more step. 00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:33.039 He said, if we put that clothes hamper in the bathroom where clothes hamper usually stay, 00:35:34.039 --> 00:35:40.039 would it be asking too much to have you go by the bathroom to take off your underwear and change into your pajamas? 00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:46.039 And the man thought a moment. He said, well, come and think of it. I guess that wouldn't be too much to ask. 00:35:47.039 --> 00:35:51.039 The marriage counselor said, well, I'll be $12.50 for the hamper and $40 for the counselor. 00:35:52.039 --> 00:36:04.039 We have so many problems in marriage that could be solved. Ladies, but please don't nag at your husband. 00:36:05.039 --> 00:36:07.039 Let me tell you one story and let's close. 00:36:08.039 --> 00:36:12.039 It's a story that I'm reminded of very often because it happened to us many years ago. 00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:16.039 We moved to San Angelo, Texas to work with women congregations in that city. 00:36:16.039 --> 00:36:22.039 And as we did, we decided that one of the first things we needed to do was to get acquainted with the families in the congregation. 00:36:23.039 --> 00:36:31.039 So at night when I would come home from the office, we'd grab a quick bite and then we'd hop into the car and we'd visit three or four families. 00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:36.039 Get the kids together and then bomb them dead together and kind of get acquainted with the families. 00:36:36.039 --> 00:36:41.039 About the time we arrived, we discovered that there was a member of the congregation that was dying of cancer. 00:36:42.039 --> 00:36:45.039 She had been diagnosed as having terminal cancer. 00:36:45.039 --> 00:36:49.039 was going to die in several months as it happened. 00:36:49.039 --> 00:36:54.039 She died about the first of November and we were doing this visiting along in September when we first began. 00:36:55.039 --> 00:37:01.039 And so we would pop in on three or four families and then we found out that if you visit very much after about nine o'clock at night, 00:37:01.039 --> 00:37:03.039 people are putting their kids to bed and it's not convenient. 00:37:03.039 --> 00:37:06.039 And so we'd start going by her house about nine o'clock at night. 00:37:06.039 --> 00:37:11.039 At first, she was up and about and could visit and everything was smooth. 00:37:11.039 --> 00:37:17.039 But as her case deteriorated, finally they took her to the hospital for the last time. 00:37:18.039 --> 00:37:20.039 And they said we cannot do anything else for her. 00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:23.039 And so they sent her home to die. 00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:30.039 Her husband bought her an electric bed, took care of her night and day. 00:37:31.039 --> 00:37:35.039 And as we walked into the room one night, I remember she burst into tears and she said, 00:37:36.039 --> 00:37:37.039 I want to die. 00:37:38.039 --> 00:37:42.039 I just want to die and get on out of the way because I'm a millstone around my family's neck. 00:37:43.039 --> 00:37:44.039 As long as I'm here, they cannot do anything. 00:37:45.039 --> 00:37:48.039 They can't go places, they can't do things, they can't do anything as long as I'm here 00:37:48.039 --> 00:37:53.039 because I'm terminally ill and I hate being this kind of a burden to my family. 00:37:53.039 --> 00:37:54.039 And we all cried. 00:37:54.039 --> 00:37:55.039 I just didn't know anything else to do. 00:37:56.039 --> 00:38:01.039 But I went home that night and I tossed and I tumbled and I prayed and I said, 00:38:01.039 --> 00:38:06.039 Lord, surely there's got to be something intelligent that you can say to a person in that kind of a situation. 00:38:06.039 --> 00:38:10.039 And I don't know whether it was the next night or a couple of nights later that we went back in 00:38:10.039 --> 00:38:13.039 and I pointed to her and I said, I hope you will never say that again. 00:38:13.039 --> 00:38:22.039 Here was a beautiful Christian lady with a deep faith in God, a deep commitment to the cause of the Lord in the world 00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:24.039 and she was ready to go. 00:38:24.039 --> 00:38:26.039 And she was such an example. 00:38:26.039 --> 00:38:30.039 She was the kind of person that cheered you up when you went to someone even though she was the one that was dying. 00:38:30.039 --> 00:38:31.039 That kind of person. 00:38:31.039 --> 00:38:37.039 And so I said to her, I hope you won't ever say that again because I know you hurt and I can't identify with your hurt. 00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:43.039 But as long as you are alive, you are the most important person in your family's life. 00:38:43.039 --> 00:38:46.039 She had one son who was grown and had his own family. 00:38:46.039 --> 00:38:50.039 She had another son who was a junior in high school, about 6'1 and 195 pounds. 00:38:50.039 --> 00:38:53.039 And I said, if you were healthy, you couldn't spank him anymore. 00:38:53.039 --> 00:39:01.039 But when he comes in the house in the afternoon, comes home from school, he comes first to your room and he sits down on the edge of your bed. 00:39:01.039 --> 00:39:06.039 And you choke back the pain and you listen as he tells you about his day. 00:39:06.039 --> 00:39:20.039 And your response to the things that he tells you about himself and his life, your response is the most important factor in his development right now. 00:39:20.039 --> 00:39:27.039 And the day you die, this house is going to be the emptiest house in this town. 00:39:27.039 --> 00:39:35.039 Because as long as you're here, and as long as you're alive, your spirit fills every corner of this house. 00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:40.039 Your faith, your commitment, your spirit fills every corner of this house. 00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:46.039 But when you're dead, even though your memory will live on, that immediate presence will no longer be here. 00:39:46.039 --> 00:39:52.039 And I hope you won't ever say again, I want to die, even though I know you hurt terribly. 00:39:52.039 --> 00:40:07.039 You see, I'm afraid that there are too many women, wives, who think that their primary role in life is cooking and mending and cleaning and sewing and doing things for their families. 00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:12.039 And one of the things that I said to her was, your family really can get along fairly well without you doing those things for them. 00:40:12.039 --> 00:40:14.039 They can do them for themselves. 00:40:14.039 --> 00:40:17.039 But those are not the things that give you your importance. 00:40:17.039 --> 00:40:21.039 Those are the things you do because you love your family. 00:40:21.039 --> 00:40:37.039 But the thing that gives you your importance is your love for them and your love for God and your commitment to the things that are the most important things in life. 00:40:37.039 --> 00:40:45.039 Ladies, I hope that you can feel good about what it means to be a woman in our world. 00:40:45.039 --> 00:40:53.039 I'm convinced that your role is the most important, formative, influential role in the world. 00:40:53.039 --> 00:41:03.039 And that many of the reasons why that's true focus on the things that were there in the life of that mother who was dying of cancer. 00:41:03.039 --> 00:41:08.039 So I hope you can feel good about your role as wife and mother. 00:41:08.039 --> 00:41:16.039 And you can be glad that God has created you to be a wife and mother and has placed you in this very, very special role. 00:41:16.039 --> 00:41:23.039 Because I think it's a tremendously important, influential role for the future of our world. 00:41:23.039 --> 00:41:26.039 Let's pray together and we'll take a break. 00:41:26.039 --> 00:41:33.039 Father, we're so grateful that you've called us together in families. 00:41:33.039 --> 00:41:40.039 And as we think about our husbands and wives and children and the joys of these relationships in the past, 00:41:40.039 --> 00:41:47.039 we're conscious of things that we've done that were wrong and that were hindrances. 00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:50.039 And we pray your forgiveness for those. 00:41:50.039 --> 00:41:59.039 And we pray that you'll help us to catch a vision of what our lives could be if we were committed to these God-given roles. 00:41:59.039 --> 00:42:04.039 And so we pray your blessings on us as we think together and as we study together. 00:42:04.039 --> 00:42:10.039 And as we reflect about what you want us to be. 00:42:10.039 --> 00:42:14.039 Continue to bless us throughout this day. In the name of Jesus we pray. 00:42:14.039 --> 00:42:16.039 Amen. 00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:21.039 This concludes the fourth session of the Marriage Enrichment Seminar. 00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:27.039 In the next two sessions, Dr. Paul Faulkner speaks to a real trouble spot in many marriages. 00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:28.039 Communication. 00:42:28.039 --> 00:42:33.039 In session five, Dr. Faulkner will describe things we do that kill communication. 00:42:33.039 --> 00:42:39.039 And then in the sixth program, he'll outline specific ways to build good communication in marriage. 00:42:39.039 --> 00:42:42.039 Be with us for both of these sessions. 00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:48.039 The most important thing you have to do in the next two months, 00:42:48.039 --> 00:42:48.039 00:42:48.039 --> 00:42:48.039 00:42:48.039 --> 00:42:48.039 00:42:48.039 --> 00:42:49.039 I'm not going to do to do to go to the end. 00:42:49.039 --> 00:42:49.039 00:42:49.039 --> 00:42:50.039 I'm not going to do to go to the end. 00:42:50.039 --> 00:42:51.039 I'm not going to do to go to the end. 00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:51.039 00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:52.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:52.039 --> 00:42:53.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:54.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:54.039 --> 00:42:55.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:56.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:56.039 --> 00:42:57.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:57.039 --> 00:42:58.039 I'm not going to go to the end. 00:42:58.039 --> 00:42:59.039 I'm not going to go to the end.