WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.759 I'm going to preach to you on marriage for the next two weeks. 00:00:07.060 --> 00:00:11.800 And I realise that for many in this congregation here this morning, that might be hard, isn't it? 00:00:11.800 --> 00:00:15.100 There are some who are married and it is deeply unsatisfying. 00:00:16.359 --> 00:00:20.500 There are some here who would love to be married, but it's just never worked out. 00:00:21.920 --> 00:00:24.380 And there are some here who were married and it was an absolute nightmare. 00:00:25.899 --> 00:00:30.700 And so I'm well aware that this is not an easy topic for many of you. 00:00:32.120 --> 00:00:33.659 And yet I'm not going to apologise for that. 00:00:33.659 --> 00:00:43.780 Because I think the glorious truth of the real basis of marriage is a great comfort. 00:00:44.959 --> 00:00:51.799 And I hope that as we look at this picture of the relationship between Christ and his church, 00:00:52.799 --> 00:01:00.179 you will see how gloriously you are loved by God the Father, by the Lord Jesus and by the Holy Spirit. 00:01:00.179 --> 00:01:06.239 And I think also, I think it's right to say it, if you're a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ this morning, you are married. 00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:10.900 And we await, don't we, that great consummation. 00:01:11.060 --> 00:01:12.219 We are part of the bride of Christ. 00:01:13.780 --> 00:01:16.659 And so, that is my introduction. 00:01:16.840 --> 00:01:18.260 Now what makes marriage work? 00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:20.780 What makes marriage last? 00:01:21.799 --> 00:01:24.180 What makes marriage strong and deeply satisfying? 00:01:25.700 --> 00:01:28.560 You know, it is a wedding, two people stand at the top of the aisle, 00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:32.560 they make promises to each other, because to a very large degree their relationship works. 00:01:33.240 --> 00:01:34.219 Otherwise they wouldn't be getting married. 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:36.579 They like each other, they're attracted to each other, 00:01:36.740 --> 00:01:39.379 they have the same values, they have some of the same hobbies, 00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:43.140 some of the interests that they've shared in their courtship and engagement, 00:01:43.379 --> 00:01:46.219 and it's obvious to them and to others that they care about each other. 00:01:47.480 --> 00:01:49.920 But all couples stand at the top of the aisle like that. 00:01:51.099 --> 00:01:55.379 And yet somewhere down the line, for so many, the marriages come unstuck. 00:01:55.379 --> 00:01:59.259 And the fact is that today marriage seems harder than it's ever been. 00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:05.060 And marriage as a lifelong commitment, one man to one woman, is not popular. 00:02:05.619 --> 00:02:07.000 Weddings are very popular, aren't they? 00:02:07.399 --> 00:02:09.819 Go to the Newsagent tomorrow, look at the bridal magazines, 00:02:10.859 --> 00:02:13.300 and they'll tell you weddings are popular. 00:02:14.579 --> 00:02:15.579 We know that, don't we? 00:02:15.620 --> 00:02:17.060 Everything that happens on the day. 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:20.259 The flowers are beautiful, the cars are fantastic, 00:02:21.079 --> 00:02:22.599 the bridesmaids look magnificent, 00:02:22.599 --> 00:02:24.579 the food and the wine and the dancing. 00:02:24.759 --> 00:02:26.460 How could you not like weddings? 00:02:27.620 --> 00:02:31.599 But marriage as a lifelong commitment to the same person, 00:02:31.759 --> 00:02:34.340 through thick and thin, through up and down, is not popular. 00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:36.159 How do you do that? 00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:39.939 How do we make sure that the marriages in this congregation last? 00:02:39.939 --> 00:02:43.979 Well, we look at Ephesians chapter 5. 00:02:45.020 --> 00:02:45.859 And this is the answer. 00:02:46.060 --> 00:02:47.979 What will make a marriage work? 00:02:48.039 --> 00:02:51.139 What will make a human marriage work is when it copies another marriage. 00:02:52.120 --> 00:02:55.579 Human marriage works when it copies the divine marriage. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:58.759 The marriage between Christ and his church. 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:03.939 Human marriage works when it copies the divine marriage between Christ and the church. 00:03:03.939 --> 00:03:07.800 Now, at many levels, that just seems such a bizarre answer, isn't it? 00:03:07.819 --> 00:03:13.659 It's not Cosmo's answer of great sex or new woman's answer of unending romance. 00:03:14.060 --> 00:03:22.199 What makes marriage work is a couple seeing that their marriage is not the true marriage. 00:03:23.300 --> 00:03:24.680 It's not the ultimate marriage. 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:26.960 That we need to copy and imitate. 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:30.139 That we need to base ourselves on another marriage. 00:03:30.139 --> 00:03:35.959 So we go through married life needing to have our eyes on someone else. 00:03:37.559 --> 00:03:40.319 And that other marriage is the pattern for our marriage. 00:03:41.399 --> 00:03:44.359 That is the primary marriage that we have to imitate and copy. 00:03:44.779 --> 00:03:49.399 And so we're going to take two weeks to pause and simply try and think a little bit more deeply about marriage. 00:03:49.839 --> 00:03:50.859 Today the pattern. 00:03:51.659 --> 00:03:53.459 And then next week we try and get a bit more practical. 00:03:53.959 --> 00:03:55.899 And look at the nitty gritty of what that looks like. 00:03:55.900 --> 00:04:00.500 What it looks like to live this example of the divine marriage out. 00:04:00.920 --> 00:04:02.780 So we understand the pattern this week. 00:04:03.760 --> 00:04:08.120 And we're going to see that marriage works when it copies the divine marriage between Christ and the church. 00:04:08.439 --> 00:04:11.400 When the husband and the wife play different roles. 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:14.659 For the wife the part of submission and respect. 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:17.720 And for the husband the part of headship and love. 00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:19.939 So let me give you that. 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:24.259 Marriage works when it copies the divine marriage of Christ and the church. 00:04:24.259 --> 00:04:27.219 And when the husband and wife play different roles. 00:04:27.740 --> 00:04:29.219 The wife submission and respect. 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:31.120 The husband, headship and love. 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:34.439 Now let me give you two questions that probably are in your mind. 00:04:35.399 --> 00:04:37.199 Two questions about submission and headship. 00:04:38.379 --> 00:04:39.500 Let's put the brakes on here. 00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:41.519 First of all what is the relevance of all this? 00:04:42.659 --> 00:04:43.839 And then what is the problem with it? 00:04:44.819 --> 00:04:45.740 What is the relevance? 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:47.579 What about me? 00:04:47.699 --> 00:04:48.399 I'm single. 00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:49.199 I'm not yet married. 00:04:49.459 --> 00:04:50.120 What is the relevance? 00:04:50.120 --> 00:04:53.500 Well I think it's got particular relevance for us. 00:04:53.560 --> 00:04:54.340 Particularly if we're women. 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:57.100 When the Bible talks about submission. 00:04:57.720 --> 00:05:01.240 Biblical submission is not absolute and it's not universal. 00:05:02.199 --> 00:05:05.840 It is not all women to all men. 00:05:06.280 --> 00:05:06.899 It's not that. 00:05:07.639 --> 00:05:10.459 But it is one woman to one man. 00:05:11.259 --> 00:05:12.800 It is a wife to a husband. 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:14.560 If you are a woman and you are single. 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:16.860 Therefore this passage is not telling you. 00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:19.639 That you have to submit to every man you meet. 00:05:20.620 --> 00:05:22.439 Submission is wife to husband. 00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:24.660 Not woman to man generally. 00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:27.840 But whether you're a single man or a single woman. 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:29.920 I think this passage is very relevant. 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:32.240 One day because maybe one day you will be married. 00:05:32.459 --> 00:05:33.600 But even if that's not the case. 00:05:33.639 --> 00:05:34.360 You are friends. 00:05:35.139 --> 00:05:36.279 You are our brothers and sisters. 00:05:36.340 --> 00:05:37.360 Of those of us who are married. 00:05:38.180 --> 00:05:40.740 And you are an enormous help and encouragement to us. 00:05:40.740 --> 00:05:45.160 So the other way I think this question. 00:05:45.500 --> 00:05:48.280 This passage raises the relevance question. 00:05:49.660 --> 00:05:50.439 Is to ask. 00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:52.540 Well it just seems so old fashioned isn't it? 00:05:54.019 --> 00:05:56.379 Well wives submitting husbands being hired. 00:05:56.500 --> 00:05:58.500 How in any way is that relevant today? 00:05:58.800 --> 00:06:00.920 Just try throwing that out tomorrow morning. 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:01.960 Over coffee time. 00:06:02.180 --> 00:06:02.699 At work. 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:06.379 And I imagine that the feelings here this morning. 00:06:06.379 --> 00:06:08.379 Range from simple curiosity. 00:06:08.379 --> 00:06:08.899 Curiosity. 00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:11.740 That seems so antiquated. 00:06:12.540 --> 00:06:14.279 And probably further along the spectrum. 00:06:14.540 --> 00:06:17.139 There are areas maybe of the faith which you are embarrassed. 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:19.300 And this area of headship and submission. 00:06:19.459 --> 00:06:20.480 You are a bit embarrassed about. 00:06:21.019 --> 00:06:23.000 And then there's probably some here. 00:06:23.339 --> 00:06:24.379 Who are angry. 00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:26.560 And they are frustrated. 00:06:26.699 --> 00:06:28.659 That the Bible could actually stipulate. 00:06:28.759 --> 00:06:29.860 Something so hurtful. 00:06:30.620 --> 00:06:32.199 Or something so demeaning to women. 00:06:33.740 --> 00:06:34.980 Now some people think. 00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:37.040 That this issue of women and headship. 00:06:37.159 --> 00:06:38.279 Is parallel to slavery. 00:06:38.379 --> 00:06:39.879 In the ancient world. 00:06:41.139 --> 00:06:43.139 So the Bible just seems to assume. 00:06:43.259 --> 00:06:44.000 That slavery exists. 00:06:44.740 --> 00:06:47.339 And it tells slaves to work in a certain kind of way. 00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:49.879 Slavery existed in the ancient world. 00:06:49.959 --> 00:06:51.199 But we don't practice it today. 00:06:51.620 --> 00:06:52.819 And so some people say. 00:06:53.060 --> 00:06:54.579 Headship and submission are the same. 00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:55.800 It's the same as that. 00:06:57.399 --> 00:06:59.060 Well actually there's quite a big difference. 00:07:00.139 --> 00:07:01.139 In that the Bible. 00:07:01.860 --> 00:07:04.139 Gives instructions to you. 00:07:04.139 --> 00:07:05.500 On how to be Christian. 00:07:05.500 --> 00:07:06.759 If you are a slave. 00:07:07.839 --> 00:07:09.939 But the Bible never gives. 00:07:09.939 --> 00:07:12.699 Christian reasons for the institution of slavery itself. 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:13.579 It never does that. 00:07:15.180 --> 00:07:16.300 If it exists. 00:07:16.300 --> 00:07:16.939 It says. 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:18.379 And you are a Christian. 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:19.279 Here's what you do with it. 00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:21.379 But the Bible never says. 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:22.540 God instituted slavery. 00:07:22.699 --> 00:07:23.480 Or caused it. 00:07:24.579 --> 00:07:24.959 Never. 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.799 But with headship and submission. 00:07:27.919 --> 00:07:28.620 Husbands and wives. 00:07:28.719 --> 00:07:31.479 The Bible very clearly gives you Christian reasons. 00:07:31.599 --> 00:07:32.519 For headship and submission. 00:07:33.599 --> 00:07:35.159 And the reasons here in chapter 5. 00:07:35.459 --> 00:07:37.120 Are that the marriage relationship. 00:07:37.459 --> 00:07:39.199 Mirrors the relationship between God. 00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:40.199 And his people. 00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:42.079 And that is why. 00:07:42.339 --> 00:07:43.899 Headship is for the husband. 00:07:44.099 --> 00:07:45.139 And submission for the wife. 00:07:45.139 --> 00:07:47.500 So if you know that. 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:49.060 You're on that range. 00:07:49.459 --> 00:07:50.599 Of approaching the test. 00:07:50.659 --> 00:07:51.639 Some with curiosity. 00:07:52.659 --> 00:07:53.719 Some with embarrassment. 00:07:54.300 --> 00:07:55.279 Some with anger. 00:07:56.560 --> 00:07:58.259 Let me ask you to suspend judgment. 00:07:59.339 --> 00:08:00.860 Let me ask you to suspend judgment. 00:08:00.860 --> 00:08:01.479 For this morning. 00:08:01.639 --> 00:08:02.699 And for next Sunday morning. 00:08:03.419 --> 00:08:04.919 And let's try and work through this together. 00:08:05.860 --> 00:08:07.379 And hopefully we'll see it in a new light. 00:08:08.279 --> 00:08:09.079 Now the other question. 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:10.639 I expect less of us have it. 00:08:10.919 --> 00:08:11.659 But it may be. 00:08:12.699 --> 00:08:13.459 That some of us have it. 00:08:13.459 --> 00:08:14.739 It's the opposite end of the spectrum. 00:08:15.659 --> 00:08:17.219 It's not what is the relevance of all this. 00:08:17.259 --> 00:08:18.299 But what is the problem in it. 00:08:19.000 --> 00:08:19.839 What is the problem. 00:08:20.719 --> 00:08:21.259 In other words. 00:08:21.319 --> 00:08:22.939 The Bible tells wives to submit. 00:08:23.699 --> 00:08:24.699 So what's the problem. 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:25.959 What's so difficult about it. 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:28.959 Why are people finding it so unacceptable today. 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:30.819 Now I think that kind of attitude. 00:08:32.100 --> 00:08:34.220 It's got the right view of the Bible. 00:08:34.319 --> 00:08:35.720 It says the Bible is authoritative. 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:38.199 It says we have to sit under the Bible. 00:08:38.319 --> 00:08:39.919 Even when we find this teaching difficult. 00:08:40.460 --> 00:08:43.399 But that view is a very shallow view of people. 00:08:43.460 --> 00:08:47.000 For people who read the Bible. 00:08:47.080 --> 00:08:47.720 If you read the Bible. 00:08:48.940 --> 00:08:52.080 I think we have to approach this passage this morning. 00:08:52.500 --> 00:08:54.160 In the knowledge that for a wife. 00:08:55.139 --> 00:08:57.379 Who says this is God's word. 00:08:58.160 --> 00:08:59.740 And I am going to submit to it. 00:08:59.820 --> 00:09:00.720 And to my husband. 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:02.540 I think we have to be aware. 00:09:02.700 --> 00:09:03.259 That for some. 00:09:03.420 --> 00:09:04.780 Maybe for many this morning. 00:09:05.080 --> 00:09:07.460 That obedience will go hand in hand with tears. 00:09:07.460 --> 00:09:10.740 And deep personal suffering. 00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:14.000 And we have to come to this passage. 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:16.400 Knowing that all our marriages are flawed. 00:09:16.940 --> 00:09:18.259 My wife isn't here this morning. 00:09:20.940 --> 00:09:22.660 But our marriages are flawed. 00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:24.639 And they are shot through with sin. 00:09:26.500 --> 00:09:27.639 And we've got to say that. 00:09:27.720 --> 00:09:27.879 Don't we? 00:09:28.620 --> 00:09:30.180 Because we all look at each other's marriages. 00:09:30.300 --> 00:09:30.840 And we all think. 00:09:30.900 --> 00:09:32.100 Oh they seem so great. 00:09:32.160 --> 00:09:32.460 Don't they? 00:09:32.460 --> 00:09:34.500 And we envy. 00:09:35.460 --> 00:09:36.560 Well you wouldn't if you lived with them. 00:09:38.980 --> 00:09:40.519 When we're told to submit. 00:09:41.340 --> 00:09:42.379 Or to be considerate. 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:43.400 Or when we're told to love. 00:09:43.500 --> 00:09:44.500 And lay down our life. 00:09:44.600 --> 00:09:46.700 It's not something that we just need to nod our heads at. 00:09:47.840 --> 00:09:48.900 As if it's automatic. 00:09:49.139 --> 00:09:50.420 And as if it's obvious. 00:09:50.540 --> 00:09:51.400 And if it's easy. 00:09:52.019 --> 00:09:55.420 It is actually something that we need to bend our knees this morning for. 00:09:55.519 --> 00:09:56.940 And cry out to God for help. 00:09:56.940 --> 00:09:59.660 So these two questions. 00:09:59.740 --> 00:10:01.700 What is the relevance of this in the 21st century? 00:10:03.940 --> 00:10:04.980 What is the relevance? 00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:07.120 I suppose that that is. 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:09.100 Isn't it the 21st century woman's question? 00:10:10.380 --> 00:10:11.860 And then second question. 00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:12.700 What is the problem with it? 00:10:12.760 --> 00:10:15.680 Well that is the kind of churchy evangelical man's question. 00:10:15.680 --> 00:10:16.060 Isn't it? 00:10:16.060 --> 00:10:16.120 Isn't it? 00:10:16.120 --> 00:10:17.120 Now. 00:10:29.860 --> 00:10:31.340 I want you to notice one thing. 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:32.179 I'll say in introduction. 00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:34.539 I want you to notice this. 00:10:34.620 --> 00:10:35.860 Just before we get into it. 00:10:36.560 --> 00:10:39.240 That the command is never given to the man. 00:10:39.320 --> 00:10:40.779 To make sure the wife submits. 00:10:42.740 --> 00:10:44.919 The command is never given to the man. 00:10:44.919 --> 00:10:46.240 To make sure the wife submits. 00:10:47.620 --> 00:10:49.719 The command you notice is always given to the wife. 00:10:50.339 --> 00:10:51.740 It is her will that is appealed to. 00:10:51.959 --> 00:10:55.399 It is never, never, never a club to put into the hands of men. 00:10:56.679 --> 00:10:58.259 It is words spoken to the wife. 00:10:59.419 --> 00:11:00.719 So there's just two things. 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:02.819 That I want to look at tonight. 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:03.659 I want to look at the pattern. 00:11:03.659 --> 00:11:04.860 This morning I want to look at the pattern. 00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:05.939 And then I want to look at the roles. 00:11:06.419 --> 00:11:07.099 So first of all. 00:11:07.179 --> 00:11:08.059 Let's look at the pattern. 00:11:08.219 --> 00:11:09.419 Between Christ and the church. 00:11:10.419 --> 00:11:11.879 What does all this talk mean? 00:11:11.939 --> 00:11:14.099 A divine marriage between Christ and the church. 00:11:14.100 --> 00:11:15.620 You can see it if you look at verse 31. 00:11:17.139 --> 00:11:19.300 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother. 00:11:19.680 --> 00:11:20.960 And hold fast to his wife. 00:11:21.060 --> 00:11:24.300 And the two shall become one flesh. 00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:26.860 This mystery is profound. 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:29.120 And I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:31.060 Paul's point is this. 00:11:31.740 --> 00:11:34.259 Jesus is married to his people. 00:11:34.899 --> 00:11:36.540 Just like a husband is married to his wife. 00:11:36.539 --> 00:11:39.240 And the way that you see this through the passage. 00:11:39.399 --> 00:11:40.839 Is the constant word of the use. 00:11:40.939 --> 00:11:41.919 Use of the little word. 00:11:42.259 --> 00:11:42.639 As. 00:11:42.839 --> 00:11:43.799 Or just as. 00:11:44.179 --> 00:11:45.319 Or also in the same way. 00:11:45.379 --> 00:11:46.419 Look at verse 32. 00:11:47.620 --> 00:11:48.839 Wives submit to your husbands. 00:11:48.959 --> 00:11:50.899 As to the Lord. 00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:54.799 The husband is the head of the wife. 00:11:54.899 --> 00:11:57.899 As Christ is the head of the church. 00:11:58.419 --> 00:11:59.139 Verse 24. 00:11:59.139 --> 00:12:01.139 Now as. 00:12:02.419 --> 00:12:03.259 So also. 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:04.399 Verse 25. 00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:07.399 Husbands love your wife. 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:08.080 As. 00:12:08.500 --> 00:12:10.000 Christ loved the church. 00:12:10.159 --> 00:12:11.159 And gave himself up for her. 00:12:12.059 --> 00:12:12.759 Just as. 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:13.699 Also. 00:12:14.019 --> 00:12:14.419 As. 00:12:14.639 --> 00:12:14.919 Copy. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:15.779 Copy. 00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:16.340 Copy. 00:12:16.580 --> 00:12:16.879 Copy. 00:12:18.460 --> 00:12:19.879 Copy an original marriage. 00:12:19.879 --> 00:12:21.580 Paul is saying. 00:12:21.659 --> 00:12:23.500 When Jesus Christ went to the cross to die. 00:12:23.960 --> 00:12:27.600 What he was doing was giving his life for men and women and boys and girls like you and me. 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:30.480 Who've turned their backs on God. 00:12:30.580 --> 00:12:32.659 And have brought chaos into the world and into our lives. 00:12:32.860 --> 00:12:34.320 That is how Christ loved us. 00:12:35.100 --> 00:12:36.179 He fell down. 00:12:36.580 --> 00:12:37.519 He laid down. 00:12:37.939 --> 00:12:39.519 His life to rescue us. 00:12:40.580 --> 00:12:42.580 And the Bible says that that love of Christ. 00:12:42.919 --> 00:12:44.379 For his people is so strong. 00:12:44.379 --> 00:12:45.179 It's so passionate. 00:12:45.419 --> 00:12:45.980 It's so committed. 00:12:46.440 --> 00:12:47.879 That only the word marriage. 00:12:48.100 --> 00:12:49.720 Can be used to describe it. 00:12:49.879 --> 00:12:52.700 The love that is so strong. 00:12:52.799 --> 00:12:54.519 That Christ is actually a bridegroom. 00:12:54.820 --> 00:12:56.159 And these men and women. 00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:56.860 Who he loves. 00:12:56.939 --> 00:12:58.100 Are actually like a bride. 00:12:58.200 --> 00:12:59.460 That is the divine marriage. 00:13:00.179 --> 00:13:02.419 The divine marriage between Christ and the church. 00:13:03.700 --> 00:13:04.120 It's why. 00:13:04.439 --> 00:13:05.240 The book of Revelation. 00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:07.340 An angel says to John. 00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:08.059 Come. 00:13:08.179 --> 00:13:09.700 I will show you the bride. 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:11.340 The wife of the lamb. 00:13:12.740 --> 00:13:15.500 And I think of all Paul's language in chapter 5. 00:13:15.899 --> 00:13:16.659 As we read it. 00:13:16.679 --> 00:13:18.240 It is based on another passage. 00:13:19.139 --> 00:13:20.799 It's based on a lovely passage. 00:13:20.899 --> 00:13:22.039 In Ezekiel chapter 16. 00:13:22.259 --> 00:13:22.980 So can you turn that. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:24.680 Ezekiel chapter 16. 00:13:25.299 --> 00:13:27.299 You all know it from your house group studies. 00:13:28.100 --> 00:13:29.480 So turn to page 702. 00:13:29.919 --> 00:13:31.139 Ezekiel chapter 16. 00:13:31.759 --> 00:13:32.659 And I'm going to read. 00:13:34.940 --> 00:13:36.259 I'm going to read quite a chunk of it. 00:13:36.740 --> 00:13:38.039 Just listen to the beauty. 00:13:38.180 --> 00:13:39.779 Of God's love for his people. 00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:41.500 Ezekiel chapter 16. 00:13:42.600 --> 00:13:44.959 Again the word of the Lord came to me. 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:45.679 Son of man. 00:13:45.799 --> 00:13:47.639 Make known to Jerusalem her abominations. 00:13:47.799 --> 00:13:48.000 And say. 00:13:48.079 --> 00:13:49.740 Thus says the Lord God to Jerusalem. 00:13:50.079 --> 00:13:51.500 Your origin and your birth. 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:52.899 Are of the land of the Canaanites. 00:13:53.139 --> 00:13:54.879 Your father was an Amorite. 00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:57.279 And your mother a Hittite. 00:13:57.559 --> 00:13:58.539 And as for your birth. 00:13:58.600 --> 00:13:59.399 On the day you were born. 00:13:59.459 --> 00:14:00.439 Your cord was not cut. 00:14:01.100 --> 00:14:02.240 Nor were you washed with water. 00:14:02.319 --> 00:14:02.899 To cleanse you. 00:14:03.100 --> 00:14:04.220 Do you notice the language. 00:14:04.419 --> 00:14:05.220 Of Ephesians 5. 00:14:05.559 --> 00:14:06.579 Nor rubbed with salt. 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:08.159 Nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. 00:14:08.159 --> 00:14:09.600 No I pitied you. 00:14:09.839 --> 00:14:11.139 To do any of these things to you. 00:14:11.179 --> 00:14:12.259 Out of compassion for you. 00:14:12.539 --> 00:14:14.339 But you were cast out on the open field. 00:14:14.679 --> 00:14:15.740 For you were abhorred. 00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:17.039 On the day that you were born. 00:14:18.360 --> 00:14:19.179 And then here we go. 00:14:20.519 --> 00:14:21.740 And when I passed by you. 00:14:21.779 --> 00:14:23.240 And saw you wallowing in your blood. 00:14:23.319 --> 00:14:24.639 I said to you in your blood. 00:14:24.759 --> 00:14:25.079 Live. 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:27.279 I said to you in your blood. 00:14:27.419 --> 00:14:27.779 Live. 00:14:28.839 --> 00:14:31.000 And made you flourish like a plant in the field. 00:14:31.079 --> 00:14:31.919 And you grew up. 00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:32.879 And became tall. 00:14:32.959 --> 00:14:34.220 And arrived at full adornment. 00:14:34.259 --> 00:14:35.639 And your breasts were formed. 00:14:35.939 --> 00:14:37.019 And your hair had grown. 00:14:37.019 --> 00:14:38.720 And yet you were naked and bare. 00:14:39.819 --> 00:14:41.340 And I passed by you again. 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:42.860 And I saw you. 00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:46.100 Behold you at the age of love. 00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:48.620 And I spread the corner of my garment over you. 00:14:48.659 --> 00:14:49.679 And covered your nakedness. 00:14:49.740 --> 00:14:50.699 I made my vow to you. 00:14:50.740 --> 00:14:52.279 And entered into a covenant with you. 00:14:52.340 --> 00:14:53.259 Declares the Lord God. 00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:54.379 And you became mine. 00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:57.279 Then I bathed you with water. 00:14:57.399 --> 00:14:59.000 And I washed up your blood from you. 00:14:59.039 --> 00:15:00.139 And anointed you with oil. 00:15:00.139 --> 00:15:02.879 And I clothed you also with embroidered cloth. 00:15:03.019 --> 00:15:04.419 And shod you with fine leather. 00:15:04.419 --> 00:15:06.179 I wrapped you in fine linen. 00:15:06.319 --> 00:15:07.259 And covered you with silk. 00:15:07.719 --> 00:15:09.379 And I adorned you with ornaments. 00:15:09.500 --> 00:15:11.019 And put bracelets on your wrists. 00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:12.240 And a chain on your neck. 00:15:12.919 --> 00:15:14.039 And put a ring on your nose. 00:15:14.099 --> 00:15:15.079 And earrings in your ears. 00:15:15.639 --> 00:15:17.279 And a beautiful crown on your head. 00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:19.539 Thus you were adorned with gold and silver. 00:15:19.620 --> 00:15:21.039 And your clothing was of fine linen. 00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:22.379 And silk and embroidered cloth. 00:15:22.579 --> 00:15:23.719 You ate fine flour. 00:15:23.819 --> 00:15:24.639 And honey and oil. 00:15:25.079 --> 00:15:26.500 You grew exceedingly beautiful. 00:15:26.579 --> 00:15:27.659 And advanced to royalty. 00:15:27.659 --> 00:15:30.259 And your renown went forth among the nations. 00:15:30.459 --> 00:15:31.139 Because of your beauty. 00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:33.079 For it was perfect through the splendour. 00:15:33.199 --> 00:15:34.199 That I had bestowed on you. 00:15:34.319 --> 00:15:36.079 Declares the Lord God. 00:15:37.179 --> 00:15:38.159 Isn't that a stunning picture? 00:15:38.279 --> 00:15:39.240 Of God's love for his people. 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:43.240 Like a father rescuing his child. 00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:45.860 Like a lover making beautiful his bride. 00:15:45.959 --> 00:15:46.639 And clothing her. 00:15:46.939 --> 00:15:47.759 Dressing her. 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:48.799 Washing her. 00:15:48.980 --> 00:15:49.679 Adoring her. 00:15:51.059 --> 00:15:52.019 That says Paul. 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:53.879 Is what Jesus has done for you and I. 00:15:54.959 --> 00:15:55.959 He found us. 00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:56.959 He brought us to him. 00:15:56.960 --> 00:15:58.440 He's made an eternal. 00:15:58.860 --> 00:15:59.879 Unbreakable covenant. 00:16:00.560 --> 00:16:01.600 Which is marriage. 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:04.259 So what that means. 00:16:04.340 --> 00:16:05.040 Is that our marriages. 00:16:05.220 --> 00:16:06.860 Are partly like a play. 00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:10.440 And the man plays the part of Christ. 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:11.720 That covenant. 00:16:12.420 --> 00:16:12.940 Keeping. 00:16:13.280 --> 00:16:14.080 Searching. 00:16:14.920 --> 00:16:15.400 God. 00:16:15.580 --> 00:16:16.759 That we read of in Ezekiel. 00:16:17.420 --> 00:16:19.400 And the woman plays the part of the church. 00:16:20.740 --> 00:16:21.840 And what if you like happens. 00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:22.860 When a couple stand. 00:16:23.280 --> 00:16:25.000 And get married at the front of church. 00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:26.080 The curtains. 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:27.000 Come up. 00:16:27.639 --> 00:16:28.620 And the play begins. 00:16:29.500 --> 00:16:30.320 And the bridegroom. 00:16:30.400 --> 00:16:31.639 Plays the part of Christ. 00:16:31.800 --> 00:16:32.259 To his wife. 00:16:32.379 --> 00:16:33.360 Every single day. 00:16:33.420 --> 00:16:34.639 For the rest of their married life. 00:16:35.060 --> 00:16:37.100 And the wife now plays the part of the church. 00:16:37.180 --> 00:16:37.740 To her husband. 00:16:37.900 --> 00:16:39.480 Every day of their married life. 00:16:40.060 --> 00:16:41.860 And written above the stage. 00:16:41.860 --> 00:16:42.860 Of their marriage. 00:16:43.680 --> 00:16:44.759 Begins this play. 00:16:44.860 --> 00:16:45.240 It says. 00:16:45.400 --> 00:16:46.740 Based on a true story. 00:16:48.060 --> 00:16:49.139 Based on an original. 00:16:49.139 --> 00:16:51.139 That our marriages. 00:16:51.139 --> 00:16:52.819 Are based on the divine marriage. 00:16:52.819 --> 00:16:54.100 Between Christ and his bride. 00:16:54.559 --> 00:16:55.500 And the big point. 00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:56.939 Of this original marriage. 00:16:57.059 --> 00:16:57.779 The big point. 00:16:57.939 --> 00:16:58.699 Is oneness. 00:17:00.419 --> 00:17:00.899 Oneness. 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:02.759 Union. 00:17:03.019 --> 00:17:03.720 Of Christ. 00:17:03.879 --> 00:17:04.900 And all his people. 00:17:05.319 --> 00:17:06.099 So that nothing. 00:17:06.680 --> 00:17:07.779 Absolutely nothing. 00:17:08.460 --> 00:17:08.859 Separates. 00:17:09.079 --> 00:17:10.059 Us from Christ. 00:17:10.059 --> 00:17:10.220 Christ. 00:17:10.899 --> 00:17:12.079 It's all to do with the head. 00:17:12.119 --> 00:17:12.759 And the body image. 00:17:12.819 --> 00:17:13.740 Go back to Ephesians 5. 00:17:13.779 --> 00:17:14.319 Verse 23. 00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:17.220 For the husband. 00:17:17.339 --> 00:17:18.119 Is the head of the wife. 00:17:18.220 --> 00:17:18.799 Even as Christ. 00:17:18.879 --> 00:17:19.500 Is the head of the church. 00:17:19.559 --> 00:17:20.159 And his body. 00:17:20.399 --> 00:17:21.200 And is himself. 00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:21.859 Its saviour. 00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:25.220 Head and body. 00:17:25.339 --> 00:17:26.079 Are never separated. 00:17:26.139 --> 00:17:26.759 They belong together. 00:17:26.759 --> 00:17:27.539 Look at verse 29. 00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:29.159 For no one ever hated his own flesh. 00:17:29.240 --> 00:17:30.659 But nourishes and cherishes it. 00:17:30.899 --> 00:17:32.220 Just as Christ does the church. 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:36.359 And then verse 32. 00:17:37.099 --> 00:17:38.099 This mystery is profound. 00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:38.759 But I am saying. 00:17:38.839 --> 00:17:39.980 That it refers to Christ. 00:17:40.079 --> 00:17:40.859 And the church. 00:17:42.679 --> 00:17:43.919 It's a profound mystery. 00:17:44.879 --> 00:17:46.079 It's a profound mystery. 00:17:46.179 --> 00:17:46.539 This morning. 00:17:46.819 --> 00:17:47.419 That Christ. 00:17:47.539 --> 00:17:49.299 Is as close to his people. 00:17:49.859 --> 00:17:51.519 And he is united with them. 00:17:52.980 --> 00:17:54.139 He is as close. 00:17:54.439 --> 00:17:55.000 To his people. 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:56.299 And he is united with them. 00:17:56.399 --> 00:17:57.579 As a husband and a wife. 00:17:57.700 --> 00:17:58.379 Are to each other. 00:17:58.519 --> 00:17:59.240 In one flesh. 00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:00.099 Sexual union. 00:18:02.279 --> 00:18:04.119 You can't get any closer than that. 00:18:06.740 --> 00:18:08.339 You can't get any closer than that. 00:18:08.419 --> 00:18:10.519 That is how close Christ is to you and I. 00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:13.359 And it can only be described. 00:18:13.439 --> 00:18:14.240 This mysterious concept. 00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:14.380 Is it? 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:19.359 But there should be never any doubt. 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:21.000 For you if you are a believer. 00:18:21.220 --> 00:18:22.640 How close you are to him. 00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:23.559 If you belong to him. 00:18:25.940 --> 00:18:27.079 And of course this fits. 00:18:27.220 --> 00:18:27.440 Doesn't it? 00:18:27.480 --> 00:18:28.059 So much. 00:18:28.779 --> 00:18:30.259 And so well with what God is doing. 00:18:30.380 --> 00:18:31.539 What is God doing in the world? 00:18:32.259 --> 00:18:33.920 He is bringing everything together. 00:18:33.980 --> 00:18:35.220 Under the lordship of Christ. 00:18:36.140 --> 00:18:36.960 He is united. 00:18:37.120 --> 00:18:38.440 Jew and Gentile. 00:18:38.900 --> 00:18:39.299 Together. 00:18:39.299 --> 00:18:41.779 Christ is the head of a new humanity. 00:18:43.319 --> 00:18:44.359 The church. 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:47.680 And Christ is bound to that church. 00:18:47.980 --> 00:18:48.859 These men and women. 00:18:48.980 --> 00:18:50.019 In covenantal love. 00:18:50.180 --> 00:18:52.279 And in unbreakable closeness. 00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:52.960 Oneness. 00:18:53.639 --> 00:18:54.500 Oneness together. 00:18:54.740 --> 00:18:56.500 That is the goal of everything that God is doing. 00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:59.240 It is where the world is heading. 00:19:00.940 --> 00:19:02.960 And I think that is profoundly helpful. 00:19:03.099 --> 00:19:05.160 To my marriage and to your marriage. 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:07.980 That you may be. 00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:10.460 The marriage you may be in one day. 00:19:12.420 --> 00:19:13.860 That very very simply. 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:15.620 The goal of my marriage. 00:19:16.519 --> 00:19:17.680 Is not my marriage. 00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:18.240 Have you got that? 00:19:19.720 --> 00:19:21.779 And the goal of my marriage is not my marriage. 00:19:23.380 --> 00:19:25.140 The goal of my marriage is not my happiness. 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:28.160 The point of my own marriage is what? 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:31.580 It is to display the ultimate marriage. 00:19:32.540 --> 00:19:33.360 And make it visible. 00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:37.019 And so I am to love Claire. 00:19:37.159 --> 00:19:38.179 In such a way. 00:19:38.740 --> 00:19:40.319 That it shows the world. 00:19:40.639 --> 00:19:42.479 Just how much Christ loves the people. 00:19:43.079 --> 00:19:43.939 That is the challenge. 00:19:45.479 --> 00:19:48.359 And the reason why we are so often unhappy in our marriage. 00:19:48.439 --> 00:19:49.659 Is we have idolised them. 00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:51.819 And we have expected too much from them. 00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:54.500 We think our love story is the original. 00:19:54.919 --> 00:19:57.299 Our love story is the true story. 00:19:57.379 --> 00:19:58.000 The big story. 00:19:58.219 --> 00:19:59.359 It is the ultimate story. 00:20:00.179 --> 00:20:02.899 And many many people think their marriage is like that. 00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:07.519 The bride walks up the aisle. 00:20:07.579 --> 00:20:08.779 And the husband is already at the front. 00:20:08.979 --> 00:20:09.559 And there they are. 00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:11.059 They stand kind of next to each other. 00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:12.399 Holding each other's hands. 00:20:12.500 --> 00:20:13.259 Looking at each other. 00:20:14.439 --> 00:20:16.659 That isn't actually the way I think we should do vows. 00:20:17.879 --> 00:20:19.359 I think we should be tuned. 00:20:20.019 --> 00:20:21.539 Probably tuned to face the congregation. 00:20:22.479 --> 00:20:23.939 So you are feasting each other. 00:20:23.979 --> 00:20:24.939 But you are reflecting out. 00:20:24.940 --> 00:20:28.259 You are reflecting what Christ has done. 00:20:31.500 --> 00:20:33.220 You depend on each other for everything. 00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:37.200 You look at each other. 00:20:37.700 --> 00:20:38.720 But you face outwards. 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:41.140 You face God together. 00:20:41.259 --> 00:20:42.180 And then you reflect that. 00:20:42.840 --> 00:20:44.220 You reflect that to the world. 00:20:44.920 --> 00:20:47.259 You show other people in your marriage. 00:20:47.820 --> 00:20:49.140 What God's marriage is like. 00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:50.059 That is the purpose. 00:20:50.059 --> 00:20:54.819 I think there is another reason that this helps. 00:20:54.940 --> 00:20:55.919 And it is a profound reason. 00:20:58.119 --> 00:21:00.599 And it is God has found a way. 00:21:01.019 --> 00:21:02.159 Of taking me. 00:21:02.419 --> 00:21:03.819 And uniting me to Christ. 00:21:04.980 --> 00:21:07.059 And removing all the barriers. 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:08.200 Between me and Christ. 00:21:08.359 --> 00:21:09.819 And he has brought my wife to Christ. 00:21:10.179 --> 00:21:11.299 And united her to Christ. 00:21:11.299 --> 00:21:12.019 Well then. 00:21:12.379 --> 00:21:13.659 If we are one. 00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:14.480 If you can get this. 00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:15.960 If there is a oneness. 00:21:18.119 --> 00:21:19.519 Between husband and wife. 00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:21.379 Who am I. 00:21:21.500 --> 00:21:23.659 To allow the destruction of that oneness. 00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:26.619 If Christ has bound me. 00:21:26.659 --> 00:21:28.099 As closely to him. 00:21:28.180 --> 00:21:29.119 As is possible. 00:21:30.180 --> 00:21:31.879 What would ever make me think. 00:21:31.919 --> 00:21:32.399 That as a husband. 00:21:32.519 --> 00:21:34.659 I can allow all sorts of petty resentments. 00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:36.099 And silly pride. 00:21:36.319 --> 00:21:37.180 And silly sin. 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:38.639 And annoyances. 00:21:38.819 --> 00:21:39.659 And irritations. 00:21:39.660 --> 00:21:40.600 Whatever it is. 00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:42.060 To come between my wife and I. 00:21:44.019 --> 00:21:44.360 Do you see. 00:21:44.420 --> 00:21:45.540 The goal of Christ's marriage. 00:21:45.640 --> 00:21:46.519 Is oneness. 00:21:48.480 --> 00:21:49.880 The point of my marriage. 00:21:50.460 --> 00:21:51.779 Is to be oneness. 00:21:53.019 --> 00:21:54.440 Our marriage is to reflect that. 00:21:56.060 --> 00:21:57.080 So marriage works. 00:21:57.140 --> 00:21:57.960 When a husband and wife. 00:21:58.000 --> 00:21:58.600 If I can follow that. 00:21:58.740 --> 00:21:59.759 Know their lines. 00:22:00.500 --> 00:22:01.300 And play their part. 00:22:02.940 --> 00:22:03.620 So what are they. 00:22:03.660 --> 00:22:04.340 Let's look at the roles. 00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:05.960 Let's look at the roles. 00:22:06.700 --> 00:22:07.060 Secondly. 00:22:07.059 --> 00:22:08.819 Well first of all. 00:22:08.899 --> 00:22:10.259 Wives submission in respect. 00:22:10.379 --> 00:22:11.079 Verse 32. 00:22:11.259 --> 00:22:12.259 Here is the command. 00:22:12.440 --> 00:22:13.159 Verse 32. 00:22:16.940 --> 00:22:17.319 So verse. 00:22:18.159 --> 00:22:19.259 Trying to wives. 00:22:19.419 --> 00:22:21.019 Submit to your own husbands. 00:22:22.039 --> 00:22:22.940 As to the Lord. 00:22:24.779 --> 00:22:25.579 And then verse 23. 00:22:25.659 --> 00:22:26.919 For the husband is the head of the wife. 00:22:26.980 --> 00:22:28.759 Even as Christ is the head of the church's body. 00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:29.980 And is himself its saviour. 00:22:30.440 --> 00:22:31.599 Now these are some of the most. 00:22:31.799 --> 00:22:32.519 Comprovisional words. 00:22:32.659 --> 00:22:32.839 Aren't they? 00:22:34.539 --> 00:22:35.379 The passage. 00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:38.820 And we struggle with it. 00:22:40.380 --> 00:22:41.640 Wives submit to your husbands. 00:22:41.760 --> 00:22:43.460 Because the husband is the head of the wife. 00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:45.000 Now all we're going to do this week. 00:22:45.020 --> 00:22:45.900 Is notice the pattern. 00:22:46.300 --> 00:22:47.680 Next week I want to try and explain it. 00:22:48.440 --> 00:22:50.160 More of what it means to live by the pattern. 00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.360 But at least initially. 00:22:51.500 --> 00:22:52.780 I want to make the problem worse. 00:22:53.340 --> 00:22:53.520 Right. 00:22:54.760 --> 00:22:56.420 And I think the pattern of wives. 00:22:56.560 --> 00:22:57.540 Submission to their husbands. 00:22:59.060 --> 00:23:00.240 We have to understand. 00:23:00.300 --> 00:23:01.040 It's not reciprocal. 00:23:03.040 --> 00:23:03.360 Husbands. 00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:05.259 Do not submit to their wives. 00:23:06.659 --> 00:23:07.559 And that is worth saying. 00:23:07.639 --> 00:23:08.719 Because if you look at verse 21. 00:23:08.839 --> 00:23:10.879 Verse 21 has misled a lot of people. 00:23:12.500 --> 00:23:14.139 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:23:14.279 --> 00:23:14.519 Paul. 00:23:15.159 --> 00:23:17.240 What is very popular if you read the commonities. 00:23:17.639 --> 00:23:18.139 Will say this. 00:23:18.399 --> 00:23:18.779 Paul is saying. 00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:20.799 Everybody in the church should submit to everyone. 00:23:21.479 --> 00:23:22.979 And he goes on to mention wives. 00:23:23.179 --> 00:23:24.699 But he's already said in verse 21. 00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:28.139 We should assume that husbands are to submit to their wives. 00:23:28.199 --> 00:23:29.559 Because they submit to one another in everything. 00:23:29.559 --> 00:23:33.619 The problem with that phrase is it doesn't always mean. 00:23:34.220 --> 00:23:35.379 That it's reciprocal. 00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:37.659 The one another there. 00:23:38.059 --> 00:23:38.559 It doesn't. 00:23:39.220 --> 00:23:41.399 So in Revelation chapter 6 verse 4. 00:23:41.700 --> 00:23:43.779 We're told that men slay one another. 00:23:45.539 --> 00:23:47.119 It can't mean that both people. 00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.919 Both people at the same time slaughter one another. 00:23:50.119 --> 00:23:51.099 That can't mean that. 00:23:51.740 --> 00:23:52.639 Well listen to James. 00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:55.759 James chapter 5 and verse 6. 00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:58.119 James chapter 5 and verse 6. 00:23:58.220 --> 00:23:59.059 It's a famous verse. 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:00.240 Verse 16. 00:24:00.420 --> 00:24:01.000 It says this. 00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:03.539 Therefore confess your sins to one another. 00:24:03.660 --> 00:24:04.700 And pray for one another. 00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:05.839 That you may be healed. 00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:09.559 And when you look at the context in James 5. 00:24:09.619 --> 00:24:11.680 It is very clear that not everyone is confessing. 00:24:11.740 --> 00:24:12.819 Because not everyone is sick. 00:24:13.960 --> 00:24:15.879 It's only the person who is sick through sin. 00:24:16.700 --> 00:24:17.779 So the praying for one another. 00:24:17.879 --> 00:24:19.559 Is not because everyone needs to be healed. 00:24:19.559 --> 00:24:21.879 But because some do so. 00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:25.840 So the context besides the meaning. 00:24:25.980 --> 00:24:27.800 When Paul says submit to one another. 00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:29.740 Then immediately he says. 00:24:29.820 --> 00:24:30.180 Doesn't he. 00:24:30.540 --> 00:24:32.200 Wives submit to your husbands. 00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:36.360 And then he says children submit to your parents. 00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:39.400 And then he says slaves submit to your masters. 00:24:41.140 --> 00:24:42.160 And I think that means. 00:24:42.340 --> 00:24:45.400 Everyone should submit to the person they are submitting to. 00:24:46.180 --> 00:24:48.820 Notice the pattern in Ephesians 5 and 6. 00:24:48.819 --> 00:24:52.579 Each time the person is told to submit. 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:56.960 Then immediately the person they are told to submit to. 00:24:57.539 --> 00:24:58.980 Is told to do something in turn. 00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:02.240 Each time in Ephesians. 00:25:02.539 --> 00:25:03.359 Somebody is told to submit. 00:25:03.460 --> 00:25:04.859 Wives, children, slaves. 00:25:05.299 --> 00:25:07.099 And then the person they are told to submit to. 00:25:07.179 --> 00:25:08.639 Is told to do something in turn. 00:25:10.039 --> 00:25:11.399 Husbands we are told. 00:25:11.399 --> 00:25:13.039 To love our wives. 00:25:13.480 --> 00:25:16.439 Fathers are told not to exasperate your children. 00:25:17.139 --> 00:25:18.220 Not to submit to them. 00:25:19.220 --> 00:25:21.220 Masters are told to treat their slaves well. 00:25:21.299 --> 00:25:22.079 Not to submit to them. 00:25:22.299 --> 00:25:23.659 So we have got a big issue haven't we. 00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:26.980 What does the language of submission look like. 00:25:28.259 --> 00:25:28.759 Well as I said. 00:25:28.879 --> 00:25:30.119 All I want to do this morning. 00:25:30.220 --> 00:25:31.099 Is see this pattern. 00:25:31.539 --> 00:25:33.500 Submission is the pattern for the wife. 00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:36.159 Because she is playing the part of the church. 00:25:36.279 --> 00:25:37.480 In the great marriage play. 00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:39.079 Which is based on the true story. 00:25:40.659 --> 00:25:41.460 Let's move on. 00:25:41.539 --> 00:25:42.519 We will come back to that next week. 00:25:42.700 --> 00:25:43.019 Husbands. 00:25:43.319 --> 00:25:44.179 Headship and love. 00:25:45.399 --> 00:25:46.119 Now here again. 00:25:46.200 --> 00:25:48.119 I want to make a very very simple point. 00:25:49.539 --> 00:25:50.799 And I want you to notice this. 00:25:51.579 --> 00:25:52.960 This is the most important thing about the sermon. 00:25:53.039 --> 00:25:53.519 So wake up. 00:25:54.599 --> 00:25:57.220 Husbands are not commanded here to be the head. 00:25:59.559 --> 00:26:00.899 I don't know why I've missed this. 00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:03.079 I don't know why I've missed it for so many years. 00:26:03.339 --> 00:26:04.939 Husbands are not commanded to be the head. 00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:05.740 Do you notice that? 00:26:06.379 --> 00:26:08.419 Paul doesn't say husbands they ought to be the head. 00:26:08.639 --> 00:26:09.859 It says they are the head. 00:26:09.859 --> 00:26:15.859 And Paul is telling us what the marriage relationship between a husband and wife is. 00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:21.500 Marriage is defined in part as the headship of a husband over a wife. 00:26:21.500 --> 00:26:24.400 Without headship there is no marriage. 00:26:27.079 --> 00:26:28.559 I was speaking at a wedding. 00:26:29.019 --> 00:26:30.240 And on the way out of the service. 00:26:30.740 --> 00:26:32.619 Somebody was very very upset by this passage. 00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:35.259 And they said to me it reflects a bygone era. 00:26:37.059 --> 00:26:39.019 It's an outmoded cultural form. 00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:39.819 The person says. 00:26:41.220 --> 00:26:41.680 He said to me. 00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:42.420 He and his wife. 00:26:42.799 --> 00:26:45.759 This is not a command that he felt was needed for today. 00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:48.579 It was not a command that he had to keep today. 00:26:50.140 --> 00:26:51.279 Well I wish I'd said to them. 00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:52.039 Of course the problem is. 00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:53.039 It's not a command. 00:26:55.220 --> 00:26:56.619 Paul does not say to the husbands. 00:26:56.740 --> 00:26:58.180 He does not say to you if you are a husband. 00:26:58.359 --> 00:26:59.059 Be the head. 00:26:59.299 --> 00:26:59.940 He says you are. 00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:03.359 And if you are married. 00:27:03.500 --> 00:27:04.740 And you are the man. 00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:05.579 You are the head. 00:27:06.740 --> 00:27:08.099 Just as we would say if you are married. 00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:09.099 You're a man. 00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:09.940 You are male. 00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:14.480 Now let me try and explain to you what it means. 00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:15.819 And then let me try and give you an illustration. 00:27:16.019 --> 00:27:16.799 Here's what it means. 00:27:17.860 --> 00:27:19.079 If you are married. 00:27:21.160 --> 00:27:22.380 If you are a married man. 00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:24.480 You are inescapably in a position of leadership. 00:27:25.360 --> 00:27:25.680 Inescapably. 00:27:27.120 --> 00:27:29.160 You are inescapably in a position of leadership. 00:27:29.539 --> 00:27:31.839 You cannot successfully refuse to lead your home. 00:27:32.120 --> 00:27:34.400 You always, always, always will lead. 00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:35.819 You will either lead it well. 00:27:35.940 --> 00:27:36.900 Or you will lead it poorly. 00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:38.500 But you will always lead it. 00:27:40.120 --> 00:27:41.680 So here is the words of one writer. 00:27:41.779 --> 00:27:42.339 Listen to this. 00:27:42.339 --> 00:27:45.759 A husband cannot successfully refuse to lead. 00:27:46.839 --> 00:27:49.799 If he attempts to abdicate in some way. 00:27:50.619 --> 00:27:52.579 He may through his rebellion lead poorly. 00:27:52.980 --> 00:27:54.259 But no matter what he does. 00:27:54.279 --> 00:27:55.220 Or where he goes. 00:27:55.339 --> 00:27:56.899 He does so as the head of his wife. 00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:58.879 That is how God designed marriage. 00:27:59.919 --> 00:28:01.639 God has created us male and female. 00:28:01.759 --> 00:28:04.599 In such a way as to ensure that men will always be dominant in marriage. 00:28:04.899 --> 00:28:06.240 If the husband is godly. 00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:08.459 Then the dominance will not be harsh. 00:28:08.460 --> 00:28:16.220 In fact his dominance will be characterized by the same self-sacrificial love demonstrated by our Lord at the cross. 00:28:17.120 --> 00:28:19.799 But if a husband tries to run away from his abdication. 00:28:20.299 --> 00:28:21.500 And here is the key point. 00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:24.000 That abdication will dominate the home. 00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:28.240 If he catches a plane to the other side of the country. 00:28:28.460 --> 00:28:29.160 And stays there. 00:28:29.240 --> 00:28:31.119 He will dominate in and by his absence. 00:28:32.220 --> 00:28:35.740 How many children have grown up in a home dominated by the empty chair at the table? 00:28:37.140 --> 00:28:39.099 If the marriage is one in which the wife. 00:28:39.160 --> 00:28:41.059 And he uses the phrase wears the trousers. 00:28:41.579 --> 00:28:44.920 The wimpiness of the husband is the most obvious thing about the marriage. 00:28:44.920 --> 00:28:47.960 His abdication dominates. 00:28:49.380 --> 00:28:53.539 Now I realize that that might be controversial to think of it in that way. 00:28:53.600 --> 00:28:54.539 But I don't think it should be. 00:28:56.380 --> 00:28:59.120 It's just the position that reflects what Paul says here. 00:28:59.140 --> 00:29:00.660 That the husband is the head of the wife. 00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:06.080 In the same non-negotiable way that Christ is the head of the church. 00:29:06.420 --> 00:29:10.120 And so the question for a husband is what we're going to kind of marinate in next week. 00:29:10.440 --> 00:29:12.980 The question for a husband is what kind of head are you going to be? 00:29:12.980 --> 00:29:19.019 Let me give you an illustration which has really helped me. 00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:23.059 And I think it's a profoundly beautiful thing for a wife. 00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:24.519 And for a marriage. 00:29:24.620 --> 00:29:25.559 This idea of headship. 00:29:25.660 --> 00:29:26.440 One writer says. 00:29:27.779 --> 00:29:30.079 When a couple comes for marriage preparation. 00:29:31.360 --> 00:29:32.759 My operating assumption. 00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:35.140 Is that always the man. 00:29:35.460 --> 00:29:37.740 Is completely responsible for all the problems. 00:29:39.079 --> 00:29:39.539 Amen. 00:29:39.539 --> 00:29:40.539 Now you hear some of you say. 00:29:42.980 --> 00:29:44.160 Let me read that again. 00:29:45.660 --> 00:29:47.660 When a couple comes for marriage preparation. 00:29:47.900 --> 00:29:48.960 My operating assumption. 00:29:49.160 --> 00:29:50.259 Is that always the man. 00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:52.120 Is completely responsible for all the problems. 00:29:53.440 --> 00:29:55.860 Some may be inclined to react to this. 00:29:55.940 --> 00:29:57.120 But it is important to note. 00:29:57.240 --> 00:29:58.079 That responsibility. 00:29:58.660 --> 00:29:59.680 Is not the same as guilt. 00:30:01.259 --> 00:30:02.920 If a woman has been unfaithful. 00:30:03.019 --> 00:30:03.539 To her husband. 00:30:03.660 --> 00:30:04.000 Of course. 00:30:04.099 --> 00:30:04.960 She bears the guilt. 00:30:05.019 --> 00:30:05.680 Of adultery. 00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:07.240 But at the same time. 00:30:07.340 --> 00:30:08.500 He is responsible for it. 00:30:10.060 --> 00:30:10.799 To illustrate. 00:30:11.060 --> 00:30:12.440 Suppose a young sailor. 00:30:12.740 --> 00:30:13.920 Disobeys his orders. 00:30:14.700 --> 00:30:15.920 And runs a ship aground. 00:30:16.019 --> 00:30:16.880 In the middle of the night. 00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:18.259 The captain was asleep. 00:30:18.380 --> 00:30:19.240 And had nothing to do. 00:30:19.299 --> 00:30:20.560 With his irresponsible actions. 00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:22.500 But who is finally responsible? 00:30:23.460 --> 00:30:24.799 The captain is responsible. 00:30:24.799 --> 00:30:25.440 For the incident. 00:30:26.539 --> 00:30:28.140 It may strike many as being unfair. 00:30:28.220 --> 00:30:29.160 But that is undisputably. 00:30:29.220 --> 00:30:30.340 The way God made the world. 00:30:30.600 --> 00:30:31.640 The sailor is guilty. 00:30:31.860 --> 00:30:33.000 The captain is responsible. 00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:35.400 The same writer goes on to say. 00:30:35.599 --> 00:30:37.299 Without his understanding of responsibility. 00:30:37.579 --> 00:30:38.980 Authority becomes meaningless. 00:30:39.240 --> 00:30:39.880 And tyrannical. 00:30:40.420 --> 00:30:41.660 Husbands are responsible. 00:30:41.660 --> 00:30:42.559 For their wives. 00:30:43.480 --> 00:30:44.740 They are the head of their wives. 00:30:44.779 --> 00:30:46.359 As Christ is the head of the church. 00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:48.720 Taking a covenant oath. 00:30:48.819 --> 00:30:49.619 To become a husband. 00:30:49.740 --> 00:30:50.799 Assumes responsibility. 00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:51.660 For that home. 00:30:52.660 --> 00:30:53.839 This means that men. 00:30:53.839 --> 00:30:54.819 Whether through tyranny. 00:30:55.059 --> 00:30:55.759 Or abdication. 00:30:56.319 --> 00:30:57.279 Are responsible. 00:30:57.539 --> 00:30:58.160 For any problems. 00:30:58.319 --> 00:30:58.700 In the home. 00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:01.779 Now really. 00:31:01.880 --> 00:31:02.759 What I want to do next week. 00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:04.420 So I want to show you. 00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:05.279 Why headship. 00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:05.980 In a marriage. 00:31:06.579 --> 00:31:07.359 Really means. 00:31:07.819 --> 00:31:08.880 Covenantal protection. 00:31:09.539 --> 00:31:10.099 For a wife. 00:31:11.700 --> 00:31:13.240 Headship does not mean. 00:31:13.579 --> 00:31:14.720 It never means. 00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:16.400 That it is a husband's role. 00:31:16.500 --> 00:31:17.299 To tell his wife. 00:31:17.380 --> 00:31:18.079 What to do. 00:31:18.940 --> 00:31:19.920 Or what to think. 00:31:20.619 --> 00:31:21.519 Or what to go. 00:31:21.640 --> 00:31:22.259 Where to go. 00:31:22.359 --> 00:31:23.140 Or what to wear. 00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:24.279 Anything like that. 00:31:25.019 --> 00:31:26.480 It is exactly the opposite. 00:31:26.859 --> 00:31:27.880 We are going to see next week. 00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:29.440 That headship bears a cross. 00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:31.960 And a husband's headship. 00:31:31.960 --> 00:31:32.680 Bears a cross. 00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:33.920 And a husband's love. 00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:35.880 Bestows loveliness. 00:31:36.980 --> 00:31:38.500 And a wife's submission. 00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:39.120 Gives honour. 00:31:39.480 --> 00:31:40.400 And a wife's respect. 00:31:40.519 --> 00:31:41.360 Bestows dignity. 00:31:41.740 --> 00:31:42.900 Headship wears a cross. 00:31:45.640 --> 00:31:47.120 Love bestows loveliness. 00:31:48.120 --> 00:31:49.400 Submission bears honour. 00:31:49.539 --> 00:31:49.940 Respect. 00:31:50.100 --> 00:31:50.779 Bestows dignity. 00:31:50.779 --> 00:31:53.379 Christian marriages. 00:31:53.379 --> 00:31:54.660 Are meant to be a world. 00:31:54.879 --> 00:31:55.319 Of health. 00:31:55.480 --> 00:31:56.079 And wholeness. 00:31:56.220 --> 00:31:57.299 And human flourishing. 00:31:58.639 --> 00:32:00.539 As a husband says to his wife. 00:32:01.399 --> 00:32:02.480 Who I am. 00:32:03.220 --> 00:32:04.440 And what I am about. 00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:05.240 Is you. 00:32:06.599 --> 00:32:08.299 What I am is for you. 00:32:08.500 --> 00:32:09.339 All that I have. 00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:10.359 I give to you. 00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:11.279 Completely. 00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:12.000 And utterly. 00:32:12.139 --> 00:32:12.819 At your disposal. 00:32:13.180 --> 00:32:14.339 So a marriage works. 00:32:14.339 --> 00:32:14.980 When it copies. 00:32:15.099 --> 00:32:15.940 The divine marriage. 00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:17.220 Between Christ and the church. 00:32:17.379 --> 00:32:18.119 It works. 00:32:18.160 --> 00:32:18.980 When a husband and wife. 00:32:19.079 --> 00:32:20.279 Play different roles. 00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:21.279 For the wife's submission. 00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:21.839 Respect. 00:32:22.279 --> 00:32:22.799 And the husband. 00:32:22.899 --> 00:32:23.619 Henship and love. 00:32:25.240 --> 00:32:25.879 And so next week. 00:32:25.899 --> 00:32:26.779 What I want to try and do. 00:32:26.859 --> 00:32:27.220 Is say. 00:32:27.420 --> 00:32:28.539 What are the actual lines. 00:32:28.660 --> 00:32:29.299 That we live. 00:32:30.359 --> 00:32:31.379 We speak in this play. 00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:32.660 What do the roles sound like. 00:32:32.980 --> 00:32:33.879 What do they look like. 00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:34.920 What do they feel like. 00:32:36.619 --> 00:32:37.639 And my prayer is this. 00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:38.740 That God will help us. 00:32:38.779 --> 00:32:39.859 Not simply to do the acting. 00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:40.680 Out of the roles. 00:32:42.019 --> 00:32:42.960 But to understand. 00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:43.660 The foundations. 00:32:43.660 --> 00:32:44.660 And the pattern. 00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:46.660 And perhaps. 00:32:46.839 --> 00:32:47.440 More than anything. 00:32:47.579 --> 00:32:48.240 To realise. 00:32:48.440 --> 00:32:49.579 Just how close. 00:32:49.579 --> 00:32:50.899 We are to Christ. 00:32:52.099 --> 00:32:53.740 That we are unbreakably. 00:32:53.919 --> 00:32:54.839 Bound to him. 00:32:56.119 --> 00:32:57.059 As one. 00:32:57.659 --> 00:32:58.079 Forever. 00:32:59.299 --> 00:33:00.299 Because of his love. 00:33:01.839 --> 00:33:02.659 And that applies. 00:33:02.740 --> 00:33:02.980 Doesn't it. 00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:03.559 Whether you're married. 00:33:03.779 --> 00:33:04.539 Whether you're divorced. 00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:07.220 Whether you've never been married. 00:33:07.279 --> 00:33:08.339 Or you never will be married. 00:33:09.720 --> 00:33:10.980 But you are in Christ. 00:33:10.980 --> 00:33:12.819 Let's pray.