WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.000 How many of you have ever tried to drive in a straight line? 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:10.000 You ever tried to do that? 00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:12.000 I don't want to have you admit these kind of things, 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:16.000 but have you ever been trying to do things with both hands at the same time, 00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:19.000 and you've used your knee to drive? 00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:28.000 How's that work? 00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:30.000 Since nobody wants to admit... 00:00:33.000 --> 00:00:37.000 The reason I actually bring that up is because whether you're riding a bicycle 00:00:37.000 --> 00:00:42.000 or you're driving a car, it really takes constant adjustment to stay on the road. 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:44.000 Would you agree with that? 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.000 It just doesn't work out that you can kind of lock that steering wheel in one place 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:50.000 and stay on track. 00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:53.000 You're going to end up in a mess. 00:00:53.000 --> 00:01:04.000 And I bring that up because what I'm really interested in, in seeing changing and growing in my life, 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:12.000 is how often I make those little micro-adjustments to my thinking using the Scriptures. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.000 It's a little bit like driving. 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:20.000 You've got to constantly make these little bumps and jogs so that you're tracking properly. 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:30.000 So, by the same token, in our daily life and in the process of thinking and going through the details of life, 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:34.000 we are constantly being bombarded by challenges. 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:41.000 And the thing that I'm really interested in is knowing how quickly you respond using the Scripture 00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:50.000 as the counselor, as the governor, as the guide for where you go. 00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:58.000 See, the longer the gap is between where you make that adjustment, the worse the trip is. 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:00.000 Would you agree with me? 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:08.000 And what I want to know is how are you doing at shortening the gap between that nasty, wicked, ungodly, 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:16.000 self-centered, arrogant, stubborn, belligerent, unforgiving spirit that you struggle with from day to day 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.000 and when the Scripture comes to rescue you from that kind of thinking? 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:28.000 Now, the reason I say that is because as we're singing, you have a perfect opportunity 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:35.000 to kind of practice this thinking connected with Scripture. 00:02:35.000 --> 00:02:41.000 What I mean by that is, as we're singing songs, what is it that the pastor keeps on asking you to do? 00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:42.000 What do I want you to do? 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:49.000 I want you to cross-reference the songs that we sing with different passages of Scripture. 00:02:49.000 --> 00:02:54.000 I can tell you John would not be the least bit put out. 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:57.000 And I know, John, you like to see our people sing. 00:02:57.000 --> 00:02:59.000 I do too. I love it. 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:03.000 But I don't think you'd be put out if you saw people as they're singing, 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:06.000 stop and take their Bible and open it up and try. 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:08.000 There's a passage that matches up. 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:10.000 I want to know that one. 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:24.000 The reason I bring this up is because I want you to grow at being a people whose thought life is corrected all the time by the Scriptures. 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:31.000 Now, at the end of the service, our deacons are going to get up early. 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:40.000 And they're not leaving before I give the invitation just because they don't want to be in here during that time, 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:44.000 or because it may not be suitable for them to be encouraged and challenged by it. 00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:52.000 But we are going to be, remember we passed out flowers for all those women who are 18 years and older? 00:03:52.000 --> 00:03:58.000 We have a little gift for all of the men that are 18 years and older, and our deacons are going to be helping with that. 00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:05.000 So, when they are slipping out quietly at the very end, I want you to understand that they're not leaving. 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:12.000 They're going out into the hallway and they're going to be waiting for you there with a gift, all you who are men. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:22.000 Turn your Bibles, if you would, to Ephesians chapter 5, and we're going to be looking at just a couple verses in this passage. 00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:27.000 Beginning there in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25, it says, 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:32.000 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, 00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:38.000 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:45.000 that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:49.000 that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:51.000 Let's pray. 00:04:51.000 --> 00:05:00.000 Our precious Father, this morning as we take this Word and we open it up, 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:11.000 we are mindful that there is nothing that our human intellect and spirit can contribute to the Scriptures, 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:19.000 that we are dependent upon Your Spirit both to inform our thinking and to mold and shape it. 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:26.000 And so we humble ourselves this morning to say that we need Your help, I need it, in the declaration of the truth, 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:32.000 and all of Your people this morning need it in the comprehension and application of the truth. 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:47.000 And it is my prayer and has been my prayer that this Lord's Day and our study in the Scriptures would be one that has great significance to the men of our fellowship 00:05:47.000 --> 00:06:00.000 and to the ministry that we are in the Lord's Day and to the Lord's Day and to the ministry that they have as fathers, as husbands, as young men in their care for other individuals in their charge, 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:10.000 or those that they influence, that the operating principle of the life that we carry forward from this day would be an example of the love of Christ. 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:17.000 And we ask that because our desire is to see the Lord Jesus glorified among us. 00:06:17.000 --> 00:06:21.000 And we ask it for His name. Amen. 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:26.000 Well, allow me to make several introductory remarks this morning as we look at this passage. 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:34.000 And for one, I do want you to recognize this is a day that's set aside in our culture and in our church to give honor to those who are fathers, 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:42.000 and more particularly to focus in on the importance of men being godly leaders in their homes and the places where they have influence. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:51.000 For another, our time in the Word this morning is going to be more focused on the practical application of the text. 00:06:51.000 --> 00:07:01.000 And the general model that we're going to be dealing with here is a model that we have already laid the foundation for in our previous studies in the book of Ephesians. 00:07:01.000 --> 00:07:05.000 Now, you may wonder, am I preaching Ephesians 5.25 ahead of time? 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:12.000 I can tell you no, because I will come back to it again, and I have complete confidence that what I preach today, 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:18.000 there will be other things to say that are of value and benefit to you that as we study the Scriptures, 00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:23.000 we can open up and see more of what Christ has for us there. 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:32.000 But I want you to look at Ephesians 5.25-27 and recognize that our Scripture calls to men in particular 00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:36.000 to be those who love their wives. 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:43.000 And as I think about that subject, I want to recognize that I understand that not everybody here is a husband and a father. 00:07:43.000 --> 00:07:50.000 There are men here who are young, they're not married yet, there are young men who are not even men yet, 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:54.000 and they're thinking that probably the thought has not crossed their mind, 00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:56.000 someday I get to be a dad. 00:07:56.000 --> 00:08:02.000 But I want you to understand that the application of Scripture is universally beneficial, 00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:06.000 and in particular as it addresses the subject that we're going to be looking at today. 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:13.000 And so what we find here in this passage is a reminder that we've been called to love because of Christ, 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:18.000 and that is at the very heart of what our duty and obligation is. 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:26.000 And we see here that the Spirit of God points out for us that Christ is the perfect model and example of genuine love. 00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:29.000 We look at the passage in Ephesians 5.25, it says, 00:08:29.000 --> 00:08:31.000 Husbands, love your wives. 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:33.000 Oh, how am I to love my wife? 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:36.000 I am to love my wife the way Christ loves the church. 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:39.000 That's the standard that is held up. 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:44.000 And I want you to recognize that we all benefit from examples, don't we? 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:49.000 We do much better when we can see it done and we know what it looks like 00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:53.000 than just having someone give us a little lecture about how to do it. 00:08:53.000 --> 00:08:56.000 We like, that's one of the things I like about YouTube. 00:08:56.000 --> 00:09:03.000 Trying to figure out how to wire something electrically, you can give me a diagram, it's like brain dead. 00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:08.000 But watch it on a YouTube little clip, and I watch the guy do this, and I watch the guy do that, 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:11.000 and slowly begins to come together and I can follow. 00:09:11.000 --> 00:09:14.000 I need an example, and we all need examples. 00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:18.000 And so here we find that Christ is the one that's held up as the perfect example. 00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:24.000 And as we think about the love of Christ, and particularly his exampleship in regards to that, 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:31.000 I go back to that passage that we looked at earlier when we reminded ourselves in Ephesians 3, verse 14 through 19. 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:33.000 Paul prays this, he says, 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:49.000 Furthermore, I want us to recognize that when we think about the subject of love, particularly in the Scripture and here, 00:09:49.000 --> 00:09:52.000 we recognize that love is far more than a feeling. 00:09:52.000 --> 00:10:00.000 If you go back in your own life and think about the various aspects of love that you've found to play out in your life, 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.000 you'd have to admit that feelings are important, they're there. 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:11.000 But genuine sacrificial love takes a further step, and that's what we're going to be thinking about this morning, a further step. 00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:16.000 And what that sacrificial love does is that it meets the need of the beloved. 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:21.000 And that's what we're going to be thinking about today as we look in this passage in Ephesians chapter 5. 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:27.000 So we're going to break it down and we recognize that Christlike love is a commanded sacrifice. 00:10:27.000 --> 00:10:29.000 That's what the Scripture tells us. 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:31.000 It's given to us here in the imperative. 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:36.000 It says, hey, listen, you have the obligation of loving your wife. 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:38.000 It's your responsibility. 00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:48.000 And as we take up the text in verse 25, I think we mark the fact that loving is not an option for the husband or for the believer. 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:53.000 The command is not just to have an emotional affection for your wife, 00:10:53.000 --> 00:11:01.000 but it is that you are to love her with a deep attachment and a genuine interest in that which is for her good. 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:03.000 For her good. 00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:16.000 And I want you to recognize that as you look at this passage, what we see in the text is that loving your wife is the highest calling that a Christian husband has next to his relationship with Christ. 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:20.000 I want you to think about that just for a moment. 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:26.000 The highest calling that you have next to your relationship to Christ. 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:32.000 Your wife is your first responsibility after your relationship with Christ. 00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:36.000 And we know that from the Scriptures in many different contexts. 00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:37.000 One is Jesus said this. 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:40.000 He says, what God has joined together, let what? 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:42.000 Let no man pull apart. 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:48.000 Your relationship with your wife is that which God has ordained to last for the entire life that He gives to you. 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:57.000 And that relationship is to be one that is boundaried or set by a genuine and sincere love that is recognizable. 00:11:57.000 --> 00:12:02.000 And so I want you to recognize that as you think about your responsibilities as a husband, 00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:06.000 or as someone who someday anticipates being a husband, understand this, 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:09.000 that more important than you being the breadwinner, 00:12:09.000 --> 00:12:13.000 more important than you being the one who is the family protector, 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:17.000 and the one who cares for some of the mechanical issues of the home, 00:12:17.000 --> 00:12:21.000 the most important thing is that you love your wife, 00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:25.000 and that is an undeniable responsibility that you have. 00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:29.000 Now, I want you to know that loving your wife is something you can grow in. 00:12:29.000 --> 00:12:35.000 And the evidence of your growth should be something that your wife bears witness to. 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:40.000 Earlier this week, I had the nerve to ask my wife, 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:41.000 how do you know I love you? 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:43.000 A little bit of a test for myself. 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:45.000 If I'm going to preach on it, I ought to be practicing it in advance. 00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:47.000 And I said, okay, how do you know that I love you? 00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:49.000 Here's what she said. 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:58.000 She said, honey, one of the ways I know that you love me is that you're willing to do almost anything I ask when I ask it. 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.000 And then there was a pause. 00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:04.000 And she said, except for moving furniture. 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:09.000 Yeah, that's something I still have to work on. 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:12.000 I will tell you about that. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:14.000 I grew up in boarding school. 00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:16.000 My bed was screwed to the wall. 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:17.000 It never moved. 00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:21.000 And I don't like change. 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:26.000 And my wife thinks change is a very, very good thing all the time. 00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:35.000 And there was a point in my life where I thought that my responsibilities was to help her to learn to be a little more content and leave things where they are. 00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:43.000 And I thought that probably one of the ways that she would get the memo is if when I moved something, I wrote on the back of the couch the date that it was last moved. 00:13:43.000 --> 00:13:48.000 Needless to say, I gave up on that. 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:52.000 And I realized that, okay, I still need to work at that. 00:13:52.000 --> 00:14:02.000 But when you think about this responsibility of loving your wife, it's something that your wife should be able to look at and say, I see how you've grown in that area. 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:07.000 Now, we may not really appreciate how radical Paul's statement was for his day. 00:14:07.000 --> 00:14:18.000 And yet, when we think realistically, we understand that this issue of genuine love for a wife is something that is atypical even in our contemporary culture. 00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:41.299 But to kind of amplify and help you understand how serious and how significant this was in the ancient world, let me help you understand that in the city of Ephesus where Paul wrote, there was a temple to Diana that featured a thousand prostitutes that engaged in ritual prostitution for the sake of the advancement of religion. 00:14:41.299 --> 00:14:45.220 And they were engaged in sexual immorality for the benefit of the temple. 00:14:45.220 --> 00:14:55.980 In addition to that, the Greek writer, Demosthenes, says this, and he gives us a little bit of an idea of what the ancient world's attitude was towards women. 00:14:56.440 --> 00:14:57.639 He explained it this way. 00:14:57.700 --> 00:15:00.139 He said, we keep mistresses for pleasure. 00:15:00.139 --> 00:15:04.460 We keep concubines for day-to-day needs. 00:15:05.259 --> 00:15:15.419 And we keep wives to produce children legitimately and so that our homes may be trustworthily guarded. 00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:15.980 Okay? 00:15:16.559 --> 00:15:20.519 Three different categories that the ancient world had for women. 00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:23.539 There was the daily prostitute. 00:15:23.539 --> 00:15:25.519 There was the concubine. 00:15:25.799 --> 00:15:29.819 And there was the wife who was the legitimate bearer of the children for the family. 00:15:30.139 --> 00:15:38.519 And you can understand when Paul comes into that kind of mindset and people who were saved in the church at Ephesus, they had grown up seeing that. 00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:39.399 Do you follow that? 00:15:40.179 --> 00:15:41.379 That was their mindset. 00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:45.759 And Paul says to them something that is absolutely startling. 00:15:45.860 --> 00:15:49.740 He says, husbands, love your wife. 00:15:50.299 --> 00:15:52.259 And it was like a shot out of the dark. 00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:52.659 What? 00:15:52.899 --> 00:15:53.080 What? 00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:57.460 I have the same attitude towards my wife that my father had. 00:15:58.180 --> 00:16:02.400 I have the same attitude towards women that the rest of my culture has. 00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:15.680 And I want you to understand, beloved, sadly enough, in our contemporary culture, many, many men think more often in the same fashion that the world does than they think in the fashion of the Scriptures. 00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:25.099 And Paul says to men who are under the authority of the Word of God, he says, you are to love your wife. 00:16:26.179 --> 00:16:28.339 Christ commands you to love your wife. 00:16:29.339 --> 00:16:33.679 And doing so is a choice and takes persistent effort. 00:16:34.739 --> 00:16:37.299 I want to say that again slowly so you understand it. 00:16:37.299 --> 00:16:42.120 Christ commands you to love your wife. 00:16:43.099 --> 00:16:47.959 And doing so is a choice and takes persistent effort. 00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:53.079 You know, anybody that tells me that they love naturally is brain dead. 00:16:54.299 --> 00:16:56.959 And the reason I say that is that, well, let me rephrase that. 00:16:57.379 --> 00:16:59.679 Anybody that says, well, I just love everybody, really. 00:17:00.459 --> 00:17:02.919 You know, love is of God is what the Scripture tells me. 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:08.220 It's something that God works in me to make me inclined to love somebody else than Tim Kenoyer. 00:17:08.379 --> 00:17:11.059 I'm natural at that, but everything else is a stretch. 00:17:12.579 --> 00:17:21.940 And genuine, lasting, growing love for a wife in the heart of a believing husband is something that is the work of the Spirit of God, 00:17:22.059 --> 00:17:24.200 and it's something that has to be nurtured. 00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:31.700 Let's notice three areas in which godly love is energized. 00:17:31.700 --> 00:17:36.240 Look at the passage, if you will, because it is the thing that instructs us. 00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:41.059 It says here that Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it or for her. 00:17:41.380 --> 00:17:45.180 And then in verse 26 it says that He might sanctify her. 00:17:46.500 --> 00:17:48.700 Love works for growth. 00:17:50.660 --> 00:17:57.980 As you read that in verse 26, you recognize that Christ's love proved itself in His effort to sanctify the bride. 00:17:57.980 --> 00:18:02.900 Sanctification is the process whereby a person grows spiritually. 00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:05.420 And growth comes through the Spirit. 00:18:05.880 --> 00:18:08.160 It comes through an application of the Word of God. 00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:15.559 And it comes through the intentional focus of other individuals who are actively engaged in helping you become more of what you ought to be. 00:18:16.059 --> 00:18:18.319 Let me say it a different way so you can connect with this. 00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:25.859 There are three active agents in progressive sanctification or the process of growing to be more like Christ. 00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:27.639 Number one, the Word of God. 00:18:28.339 --> 00:18:29.980 Number two, the Spirit of God. 00:18:30.359 --> 00:18:36.819 Number three, godly people who take the Word of God, rely on the Spirit of God, and help you grow in grace. 00:18:37.079 --> 00:18:38.659 Do we grow in grace accidentally? 00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:39.439 What's the answer? 00:18:39.819 --> 00:18:40.179 No. 00:18:40.180 --> 00:18:47.400 Now, there are active agents involved, and we need the help of other people in particular. 00:18:47.400 --> 00:18:53.440 In this passage, we see that the husband is responsible for helping his wife grow spiritually. 00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:57.539 The husband is responsible. 00:18:57.799 --> 00:18:58.580 Say that again. 00:18:59.220 --> 00:19:02.519 He is God's appointed human instrument for growth. 00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:10.619 And please don't miss the fact that this is the first practical expectation that we have here in the list of things that godly husband is to do. 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:15.980 One of the things that I've always enjoyed over the years is being involved in premarital counseling. 00:19:16.900 --> 00:19:23.079 And I always enjoy having that young couple come in, and they come in with all this enthusiasm and this expectation. 00:19:23.500 --> 00:19:30.079 They're kind of giddy with the thought of being married, and they're all enthused about what marriage is going to be, and they've kind of fantasized. 00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:33.059 And I'm not there to discourage them. 00:19:33.159 --> 00:19:39.199 I mean, marriage is a wonderful thing, but it's a little challenging because, unfortunately, marriage puts two sinners in the same canoe. 00:19:40.179 --> 00:19:44.220 And as I get involved, one of the things that I always ask the young man, 00:19:44.659 --> 00:19:51.879 so are you thinking about how you can help this young lady grow spiritually? 00:19:51.880 --> 00:19:52.000 Really? 00:19:53.760 --> 00:20:02.420 I've got to tell you, I am not sure if I've had maybe more than one or two young men say, yes, I have. 00:20:03.420 --> 00:20:08.680 You see, what's usually going on in a young man's mind as he's thinking about marriage is he's thinking, what do I get out of this? 00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:12.600 Surprisingly enough, young women have the same thoughts. 00:20:12.599 --> 00:20:23.539 And when that selfishness comes together, it has this little, what would you call it, the Teutonic plates kind of clash a little bit and settle in and have to work some things through. 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:33.059 Scripture makes it clear that a godly husband is responsible for his wife's spiritual progress. 00:20:33.059 --> 00:20:40.700 And God intends for the believing husband to be actively engaged in helping his wife grow in grace. 00:20:41.919 --> 00:20:44.480 And there are several things that go with that that I want you to recognize. 00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:48.359 Number one, it takes being a lifelong student yourself. 00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:56.819 If you're going to be effective in helping your wife grow spiritually, and let me tell you, young men, that as a general rule, 00:20:57.339 --> 00:21:01.059 and it may be a surprise to you, but most of the young girls that I know 00:21:01.059 --> 00:21:04.099 are probably ahead of where the average young man is spiritually. 00:21:05.519 --> 00:21:07.379 I don't know exactly why that is. 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:15.159 It's probably because they practice nesting skills and they realize that spirituality is important for the survival of the species or something like that. 00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:18.639 But they do pay attention more often to spiritual things. 00:21:18.740 --> 00:21:22.359 And so the poor guy arrives on the scene and, oh, I'm supposed to be the spiritual leader. 00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:23.359 What does that mean? 00:21:24.159 --> 00:21:30.000 And if you're going to grow to be the spiritual leader, you've got to be a conscious and diligent student yourself. 00:21:31.059 --> 00:21:33.039 And mark what it says here. 00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:35.559 In verse 26, it says, 00:21:36.059 --> 00:21:39.799 Having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the Word. 00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:45.619 The thing that is used to help her with her progressive sanctification is the Word of God. 00:21:45.740 --> 00:21:48.500 And I've got to tell you, you can't teach what you don't know. 00:21:49.099 --> 00:21:52.099 You can't reference what you are not familiar with. 00:21:52.099 --> 00:22:00.779 You cannot use the instrument of the Word of God and rely upon the Spirit of God if you are not engaged in growing yourself. 00:22:01.679 --> 00:22:02.579 It just won't happen. 00:22:03.579 --> 00:22:15.220 What you will rely upon is your own thinking and your own preferences and your own selfishness will get in the way of providing genuine, genuine spiritual counsel and improvement. 00:22:15.220 --> 00:22:24.220 A man who wants to bless his wife will be one who grows in the Word and then helps her grow by extension. 00:22:25.319 --> 00:22:34.319 Second thing, if you want to be effective in helping your wife in the area of sanctification, is being sensitive to what the spiritual needs are that your wife has. 00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:34.399 Yes. 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:40.660 I remember reading a book by Lou Priolo called The Perfect Husband. 00:22:41.120 --> 00:22:42.120 No, The Excellent Husband. 00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:42.380 Yes. 00:22:42.940 --> 00:22:44.600 The Excellent Husband by Lou Priolo. 00:22:44.700 --> 00:22:45.660 Not a bad book to get. 00:22:46.180 --> 00:22:51.000 Wives, you could buy that and Amazon it to his Kindle or whatever else and have him read it next week. 00:22:51.040 --> 00:22:51.940 It would help him tremendously. 00:22:51.940 --> 00:23:01.220 But in that book, it talks about, in fact, it has a little checklist of questions the husband can ask himself to see how he's doing. 00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:02.299 Do you remember that, Pastor Saul? 00:23:02.820 --> 00:23:05.279 Reading through that and, oops, I've got to work at that. 00:23:05.500 --> 00:23:06.519 Oops, I've got to work at that. 00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:08.119 Greg, where are you, Bernard? 00:23:08.379 --> 00:23:09.339 Remember reading that book? 00:23:09.619 --> 00:23:11.440 And it's not a bad idea. 00:23:11.740 --> 00:23:15.319 Read the book and ask your wife, how am I doing at this? 00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:16.400 How am I doing at that? 00:23:16.619 --> 00:23:25.740 And recognize if you are going to be effective in ministering to your wife, you've got to become a better student of who she is and where things are in her life. 00:23:26.539 --> 00:23:35.839 Third, I want to tell you, if you're going to help her grow, you need to be intentional in ministering to the areas in her life that are evident. 00:23:36.519 --> 00:23:37.559 Now, listen to me carefully. 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:44.740 Remember I said marriage puts two sinners in a canoe, right? 00:23:45.740 --> 00:23:46.599 Do you understand that? 00:23:49.079 --> 00:23:55.379 God has ordained that husbands be actively engaged in helping their wives grow spiritually. 00:23:58.819 --> 00:24:04.539 And helping your wife grow spiritually means you've got to know the Word, you've got to know what her needs are, 00:24:04.539 --> 00:24:08.599 and then you have to plan to how you're going to help her grow through these things. 00:24:08.599 --> 00:24:16.599 Sadly enough, over the years of ministry, one of the things that I have been deeply grieved by is watching men who in their passivity, 00:24:17.459 --> 00:24:18.679 and what do we mean by passivity? 00:24:19.419 --> 00:24:27.599 They see the train wreck coming, and they just kind of sit there, and they're unwilling to do anything other than when they're irate, 00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:36.099 and they're irritated, and they really don't respond with a biblical game plan to help their wife work through some of the challenges in her life. 00:24:37.199 --> 00:24:46.639 God calls a husband to recognize what's going on and then begin honestly and humbly dealing with those things to bring about progressive sanctification. 00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:54.360 If you knew that your wife was struggling with a serious vitamin deficiency, what would you do as a husband? 00:24:56.100 --> 00:24:58.240 You'd go get some multivitamins, right? 00:24:58.440 --> 00:25:01.540 And you'd try a little bit of gentle encouragement. 00:25:01.900 --> 00:25:06.500 You'd probably just set the jar somewhere on the counter, right? 00:25:06.660 --> 00:25:10.100 And say, honey, I know you have this deficiency. 00:25:10.300 --> 00:25:11.920 Why don't you take one of these a day? 00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:13.940 And if that didn't work, what would you do? 00:25:15.100 --> 00:25:15.420 Hello? 00:25:15.420 --> 00:25:15.500 Hello? 00:25:16.220 --> 00:25:18.640 If you really loved her, well, it's up to her. 00:25:18.840 --> 00:25:19.380 You know, hey. 00:25:20.019 --> 00:25:21.480 You're going to be pushing her on in a wheelchair. 00:25:21.600 --> 00:25:22.900 You better get the vitamins in her. 00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:27.460 And so I want to encourage you, if you're going to be the husband that God calls you to be, 00:25:27.700 --> 00:25:30.180 you need to step up and plan, how do I help her grow? 00:25:30.500 --> 00:25:31.740 What are the things that she needs? 00:25:31.860 --> 00:25:39.560 And then actively engage in using the Word of God and the testimony, example of your life to move her in the direction she needs to go in. 00:25:39.559 --> 00:25:47.779 Let me say that again slowly. 00:25:47.779 --> 00:25:57.440 Your wife should think of you as the key contributor to your spiritual development. 00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:03.200 One of the interesting things that it says in the book of 1 Timothy, and I'm just off the cuff here. 00:26:04.320 --> 00:26:11.620 Remember where it says that church is not a place where there's supposed to be a lot of superfluous conversation from women. 00:26:11.820 --> 00:26:14.200 It says if a woman has a question, what should she do? 00:26:15.480 --> 00:26:16.320 What should she do? 00:26:16.380 --> 00:26:18.460 She should go ask her family theologian. 00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:19.019 Who is that? 00:26:19.019 --> 00:26:21.039 The husband. 00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:26.200 The supposition is that he is the one who is versed in the Scriptures. 00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:27.940 I'm glad you asked that question. 00:26:28.019 --> 00:26:30.759 I probably need to do a little bit of study, but I'll get back with an answer. 00:26:32.900 --> 00:26:38.220 Your wife needs your help, and God hired you to do the job. 00:26:39.859 --> 00:26:42.160 Second, love works for glory. 00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:47.400 Look at that passage in Ephesians chapter 5 and mark what it says there in verse 26, 00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:50.700 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor. 00:26:52.259 --> 00:26:59.160 It says that Christ is working in us so that he might present the church to himself in splendor. 00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:06.680 And the idea there is that he is actively engaged in adorning the bride so that her traits and her beauty are stunning. 00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:08.980 Something attractive. 00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:10.660 Something appealing. 00:27:10.660 --> 00:27:20.060 And recognize that the godly husband and every godly man should be interested in the spiritual traits and the spiritual beauty of those that they lead. 00:27:21.420 --> 00:27:27.279 So what are some of the things that adorn the life of the godly woman and make them stand out in our world? 00:27:28.160 --> 00:27:32.360 For one, I think about the passage in Proverbs 31 verse 30 where it says this. 00:27:32.359 --> 00:27:40.039 It says that a right view of God is something that is attractive and creates a splendor or a beauty associated with it. 00:27:40.299 --> 00:27:43.000 It says that the woman who fears the Lord, what? 00:27:43.879 --> 00:27:44.879 She'll be praised. 00:27:45.719 --> 00:27:55.199 Man, that woman is the one who is recognized for her character and her strength and her beauty and the one who is genuinely attractive. 00:27:55.200 --> 00:28:02.700 Another thing that I'm reminded of, and I want you to turn to the passage, is over in 1 Peter chapter 3, 1, or chapter 3. 00:28:03.220 --> 00:28:05.120 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 4. 00:28:06.759 --> 00:28:08.160 Turn there if you would, please. 00:28:08.340 --> 00:28:09.900 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 4. 00:28:10.539 --> 00:28:10.759 It says, 00:28:10.819 --> 00:28:17.680 But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. 00:28:17.740 --> 00:28:21.720 Now what is neat about imperishable is it doesn't fade. 00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:27.200 What is not neat about physical beauty is that it's gone soon. 00:28:28.120 --> 00:28:29.559 How many of you remember that? 00:28:30.940 --> 00:28:40.559 If you're somewhere in the upper tier of life, you probably find yourself occasionally looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking, 00:28:40.740 --> 00:28:41.120 What happened? 00:28:44.700 --> 00:28:46.160 Peter references that. 00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:47.240 He says, 00:28:47.240 --> 00:28:47.460 Hey. 00:28:48.460 --> 00:28:49.099 He says, 00:28:49.099 --> 00:28:50.440 Let your adorning. 00:28:50.779 --> 00:28:54.319 That means the way in which you decorate yourself. 00:28:54.759 --> 00:28:54.900 You know? 00:28:55.319 --> 00:29:02.279 Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 00:29:02.620 --> 00:29:05.740 which in God's sight is very precious. 00:29:05.740 --> 00:29:23.019 And so the husband's responsibility is seeing to it that in his wife he is building the characteristics that bring out lasting beauty and are respected over time. 00:29:23.019 --> 00:29:33.740 I think to myself of some of the dear ladies in our ministry who in their older years are just so actively engaged in serving other people. 00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:42.799 And I know that at a heart's moment or a heartbeats moment, they are ready to invest in the lives of others and they're active in prayer and encouragement. 00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:48.359 Man, those are the women whose beauty far outshines what they were as a young lady. 00:29:48.359 --> 00:29:58.439 I recognize also that a sincere love for others is something that is genuinely beautiful. 00:29:58.599 --> 00:30:05.319 Christ was the one that said that the thing that should be a giveaway or a tell about us is that we have a genuine love for the brethren. 00:30:05.319 --> 00:30:12.119 And so as you think about what am I to do as a husband to bring about this splendor and beauty in my wife, 00:30:12.439 --> 00:30:20.740 I am to encourage her character development and in the area of ministry and joy that becomes valuable to the bride of Christ. 00:30:22.339 --> 00:30:26.000 Third, mark what it says there in the passage, going back, if you will, to Ephesians. 00:30:26.299 --> 00:30:28.720 It says that love works for godliness. 00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:38.779 Ephesians chapter 5 verse 27, it says that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:30:40.120 --> 00:30:46.180 Christ's effort in sanctification and His effort in presenting the church to Himself in splendor is all about holiness. 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:52.200 Holiness is not a small thing to Christ and it cannot be a small thing in our thinking. 00:30:52.799 --> 00:30:57.519 For one, we are reminded over in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 4 that He saved us for holiness. 00:30:57.519 --> 00:31:05.639 And we have to recognize also that He is actively engaged in work whereby we may be partakers of His holiness. 00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:08.519 I love what it says in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 10. 00:31:08.900 --> 00:31:13.039 It says, this is the reason that He is actively engaged in disciplining you. 00:31:14.019 --> 00:31:14.400 Why? 00:31:14.900 --> 00:31:18.400 That you may be a partaker in His holiness. 00:31:18.740 --> 00:31:25.920 He is in the business of helping you grow to be more like Christ and holy in that process. 00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:34.900 And when a husband loves like Christ, or where a godly man serves like Christ, 00:31:36.019 --> 00:31:42.120 his interest is in seeing the ones he loves growing in godliness. 00:31:42.119 --> 00:31:49.199 Now, Father's Day is a day in which we focus in broad terms upon those men who are fathers and husbands. 00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:55.139 But I want to expand this just a little bit and have you think with me of the fact that it can be universally applied, 00:31:55.279 --> 00:31:58.979 particularly to those who are men, and in a broader sense to all of us. 00:32:00.279 --> 00:32:06.119 Are husbands the only ones that are charged with the responsibility of loving somebody other in a sacrificial, 00:32:06.119 --> 00:32:11.759 sacrificial, sanctifying, encouraging, improving movement towards holiness fashion? 00:32:11.859 --> 00:32:13.259 And the answer is, not at all. 00:32:13.559 --> 00:32:19.659 Every believer is to be actively engaged in encouraging the progressive sanctification of others. 00:32:19.719 --> 00:32:20.479 Would you agree with that? 00:32:21.239 --> 00:32:22.279 That's what you'd be doing. 00:32:22.799 --> 00:32:26.119 You should be interested in seeing that the other person improves, 00:32:26.939 --> 00:32:32.119 that the characteristic of their life is something that other people recognize as noteworthy, 00:32:32.119 --> 00:32:41.079 noteworthy, and partly because you have been engaged in nurturing and stimulating their growth in Christ. 00:32:42.359 --> 00:32:47.899 And third, that as a result of your love and interest in that person, 00:32:48.419 --> 00:32:54.439 that other people can see their progress in holiness, in godliness, 00:32:55.500 --> 00:32:59.459 in sincere affection for the things of eternity. 00:32:59.460 --> 00:33:04.100 And so, let me ask you a question as you look at this passage, 00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:06.559 and the purpose of preaching is not just, hey, well, here are the facts. 00:33:06.620 --> 00:33:07.299 Take them if you want. 00:33:07.559 --> 00:33:10.519 The purpose of preaching is to bring you to a point of saying yes or no to God. 00:33:10.620 --> 00:33:15.500 God wants you, men, women, all of us here this morning to ask ourselves the question, 00:33:15.980 --> 00:33:18.600 am I loving like Christ wants me to love? 00:33:18.840 --> 00:33:25.840 And as a result of my love, are those people that I minister to growing in grace? 00:33:25.839 --> 00:33:31.939 And if that's not the answer that you can give honestly and humbly this morning, 00:33:32.019 --> 00:33:34.519 let me say, first of all, that you need to fix your eyes on the cross. 00:33:36.199 --> 00:33:39.539 And remind yourself of the love that Christ has lavished on you. 00:33:41.240 --> 00:33:47.399 Pray that you would be more affected in the days to come with the love that Christ has for you. 00:33:47.400 --> 00:33:53.600 In fact, it is the last thing that Tim Knoyer now says to himself every single night. 00:33:55.640 --> 00:34:00.800 I remind myself of the unbelievable love of Christ for me. 00:34:02.500 --> 00:34:07.820 I don't remember exactly where the Spirit of God began to convict me that I was a lousy lover. 00:34:07.819 --> 00:34:10.860 It was a long time ago. 00:34:13.840 --> 00:34:17.819 But when the Spirit of God convicted me of that, I began to pray that he would change me. 00:34:17.820 --> 00:34:34.960 Today, when I pray for you as a fellowship, I don't know if you know this, 00:34:35.080 --> 00:34:41.880 but in my, where I keep the prayer list, you're divided into ten rows 00:34:41.880 --> 00:34:44.019 because there's ten watchcare deacons, right? 00:34:44.740 --> 00:34:46.500 One day, one day, one day. 00:34:46.500 --> 00:34:51.539 And I can tell you now, when I pray for you, I pray for you with a greater love than I ever had. 00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:59.440 It also means that I hurt more when you don't walk with Christ. 00:35:04.639 --> 00:35:09.159 I want the rest of you to grow in your love for Christ, 00:35:09.639 --> 00:35:13.639 that it will end up affecting your love for other people. 00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:17.139 Second, be honest with yourself. 00:35:17.339 --> 00:35:25.179 You know, ask yourself if your relationships with others are marked by the kind of love that Christ showed. 00:35:25.839 --> 00:35:26.739 Is that a fair question? 00:35:28.420 --> 00:35:30.879 When other people think about you, do they think, 00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:34.359 man, he loves me like Jesus does? 00:35:34.360 --> 00:35:39.940 Or do they find you pretty full of yourself and your own agenda and your own interests? 00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:42.800 Third, commit. 00:35:44.059 --> 00:35:44.500 Commit. 00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:47.099 Lord, I need to change. 00:35:48.760 --> 00:35:54.180 And I am going to ask that you help me change in understanding the depth of your love for me 00:35:54.180 --> 00:35:57.019 and then playing it forward in the lives of other people. 00:35:57.019 --> 00:36:02.759 Finally, pray that he would help you grow in loving others. 00:36:02.840 --> 00:36:04.119 Can I tell you something about loving others? 00:36:04.920 --> 00:36:07.440 There are some that are just naturally easy to love. 00:36:08.860 --> 00:36:09.860 Do you understand that? 00:36:11.320 --> 00:36:14.420 I mean, it's the people that like the same kind of things you do 00:36:14.420 --> 00:36:16.320 and talk the same kind of talk. 00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:16.820 Do you follow those? 00:36:17.460 --> 00:36:19.159 Yeah, man, we're friends, you know. 00:36:19.159 --> 00:36:25.059 But God also brings others into your life that will stretch your love quotient. 00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:27.199 It's the way it is. 00:36:29.139 --> 00:36:32.779 And you begin praying, Lord, help me love the way you love 00:36:32.779 --> 00:36:36.359 and to do so in the power of the Spirit of God 00:36:36.359 --> 00:36:42.940 that I might honor the one who loves me like he does. 00:36:43.599 --> 00:36:44.719 Let's close in prayer. 00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:49.079 Father God, this morning you know our hearts. 00:36:50.119 --> 00:36:54.439 You know the desperate need we have to have our lives molded and shaped 00:36:54.439 --> 00:36:57.039 by the power of the Word of God and to grow in grace. 00:36:58.099 --> 00:36:59.779 Thank you for the truth in Scripture 00:36:59.779 --> 00:37:03.639 and for the fact that it is not dependent upon a man's words 00:37:03.639 --> 00:37:05.139 to have its way in our heart. 00:37:05.539 --> 00:37:08.119 Let the Spirit anchor these truths in our lives, 00:37:08.480 --> 00:37:10.199 bring conviction where it is needed, 00:37:10.599 --> 00:37:12.139 encouragement where it is needed, 00:37:12.500 --> 00:37:14.059 conversion where it is needed, 00:37:14.059 --> 00:37:17.799 that this morning we might see Christ exalted in our midst. 00:37:18.860 --> 00:37:20.619 And we ask this in your precious name. 00:37:21.000 --> 00:37:21.259 Amen.