If those who are going to read, if they could come up.
There's two readings, one from Ephesians and one from Genesis.
The Genesis reading first and then Ephesians, so we'll do that.
Genesis 3, 1-17, you'll find it on page 5.
Of your Bible.
That's the beginning of the Bible.
Now the servant was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made.
He said to the woman, did God really say you must not eat from the tree in the garden?
The woman said to the serpent, we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden.
But God did say you must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden.
You must not touch it or you will die.
You will not surely die, the servant said to the woman, for God knows that when you eat it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.
She also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate it.
Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they realized they were naked.
So they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day.
And they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
But the Lord God called to the man, where are you?
He answered, I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked.
So I hid.
And he said, who told you that you were naked?
Have you eaten from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?
The man said, the woman, you put her here with me.
She gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it.
And then the Lord God said to the woman, what is this that you have done?
And the woman said, the serpent, he deceived me and I ate it.
So the Lord God said to the serpent, because you have done this, cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals.
You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.
And I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your offspring and hers.
He will crush your head and you will strike his heel.
To the woman he said, I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing.
With pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.
To Adam he said, because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, you must not eat of it.
Cursed is the ground because of you.
Through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.
And the next reading is taken from Ephesians chapter 5, beginning at verse 22.
And that's on page 1176 of the Church Bible.
Ephesians chapter 5, beginning at verse 22.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the saviour.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.
For we are members of his body.
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
However, each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,
and the wife must respect her husband.
Thanks very much, Ross and Chris, for reading.
Please keep your Bibles open there at Ephesians 5.
That's the main part that we're going to be looking at, but we'll also be going back to Genesis 3.
And this is a continuation in our little series on learning to lead.
Last week we were looking at leaders within the church.
Next week, well, it's the all-age celebration.
So a week after that, we're going to be looking at leaders within the home.
And today we're looking at leaders in marriage.
Well, let's ask for God's help as we look at this.
Our Father, we are grateful for all that you give to us, but we are needy people,
and we always need the help of your Holy Spirit to understand these words that have been written,
to see how they apply to us, but also that they would change us and transform us and cause us to live according to your design.
So please work amongst us this morning.
Please encourage us all and help us as we seek to understand what it is to lead in marriage as you have designed it.
And we pray it in Jesus' name. Amen.
And can I say as well, if there's any questions at any time,
if it's really a bursting question, you can signal.
But if you can wait until at the end, that's okay too.
But please, you know, we do want to discuss these things,
and there may be issues that arise and you want to talk through.
So please feel free to talk to me after.
So, leaders in marriage.
Well, marriage, it seems, is still very popular.
According to last year's census, which I hope you all filled out,
37% of our population is now married.
That's an increase of 145,000 from five years ago.
So love is certainly in the air.
However, the same census tells us that there's a greater increase in marriage breakdown.
So, for example, divorce is up by 150% from five years ago.
That's an extra 50,000 couples who've experienced a broken marriage.
Or to put it another way, 15% of those who get married end in divorce or separation.
And that's a very conservative figure.
And it doesn't stop there.
Many stay together, but yet their marriages are very unhappy,
and they cease to function as they ought.
And, of course, there's many reasons for that,
and we haven't time to look at all of those reasons.
But I think the main underlying reason,
the root cause for marriage breakdown,
is a failure for God's people to follow God's design for marriage.
And, in particular, the husband in his role as leader.
So what is God's design for marriage?
Well, as one writer put it,
it is politically incorrect and deeply beautiful.
Have a look at Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 22.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ is the head of the church.
So let me summarize it like this.
Submission and headship,
and when we say headship, we mean leadership.
Submission and headship is God's beautiful design for marriage.
Now, I know that's a terribly unpopular statement,
and that could get me into a lot of trouble.
If I was to write that in a local newspaper,
I bet you I would get a lot of replies.
In fact, it sounds very deeply offensive
and culturally oppressive.
And before you're going to leave in anger or annoyance
or start throwing shoes at me or anything else like that,
we want to explore what we mean by submission and headship.
Well, first, it does not mean inferiority or superiority.
It means equality.
At the very beginning of the Bible,
no need to turn to it.
In Genesis 1, 27, it says that
God created man in his own image.
In the image of God, he created him.
Male and female, he created them.
So we are all equal in God's sight.
We're all made in his image.
So men are not greater,
and women are not better.
Exercising headship
does not increase my status or my value
any more than exercising submission
reduces my status or value.
We are equally loved
and treasured by God.
Equal in value
before God
and equal in our position
before God.
So there's equality
between man and woman,
husband and wife.
Now, second,
while there's equality,
this does not mean
sameness or likeness.
It means
that we are complementary.
Men and women are different.
Physically,
we're different.
That's obvious.
Emotionally,
we're different.
And part of that difference
is seen in our God-given roles.
So under God's design,
we have been given
different responsibilities.
And we see this
as we read through
the creation account
of the man and the woman,
particularly in Genesis chapter 2.
Because there's,
we read through that account,
we see that Adam
was given the command
not to eat
from the fruit of the tree
in the middle of the garden.
Chapter 2, verse 16.
Don't eat it,
he was told.
And then we read
a little bit later on
and we see that Eve
eats the fruit
and she gives it
to her husband,
but it's God
who holds Adam
to account
for what has happened
in chapter 3, verse 9.
So this is termed
in Ephesians
as headship.
He's responsible.
He's the leader.
God holds him
to account.
And we also see
within the Genesis account
that when God
created Eve,
it was with a special purpose
of being a helper
to Adam.
in chapter 2, verse 20.
And being a helper
doesn't mean
a go for,
get this, get that.
But that Adam
was incapable
of doing all
that God had called him
to do
and he needed
a helper,
he needed a partner,
somebody who was going
to work alongside him.
And this is termed
in Ephesians
as submission.
So equality
but complementarity.
Adam needed Eve
and Eve needed Adam.
This was all part
of God's beautiful design
for marriage.
But third and primarily,
God's design
for the man
and the woman
was ultimately
that he would reflect
the gospel.
So when we look
at the role
of the husband
and the wife,
we see a picture
of the gospel.
The role
of the husband
reflects the headship
of Christ
which is seen
through sacrificial service.
The role
of the wife
reflects the submission
of the church
to Christ
through willing obedience.
So look at verse 24
of Ephesians
chapter 5.
Now as the church
submits to Christ,
so also wives
should submit
to their husbands.
And verse 25,
Husbands,
love your wives
just as Christ
loved the church
and gave himself
up for her.
Verse 32,
this is a profound mystery
but I am talking
about Christ
and the church.
So here he's going
on about marriage
but then he says,
no actually
we're talking
about Christ
and the church.
We're talking
about the gospel.
God's design
for marriage
is a visible picture
of the good news.
In fact,
a marriage relationship
is a working demonstration
of Christ's headship
over the church
and the church's
submission to Christ.
So if you want to know
what Christ has done,
well we're to look
at the husband
and we'll get
a picture of that.
If we want to know
how the church
should respond to Christ,
we'll look at the wife
and we'll get
a picture of that.
The marriage relationship
is to be a beautiful
picture of the gospel.
That is its primary
reason.
But to get back
to the design
and the reason
for the breakdown
in marriage
is because
we have rejected
collectively
as a society
God's design
for marriage
especially
and I'm going
to be hard
on us men,
myself included,
we have rejected
God's design
for marriage
in two ways.
first we
abdicate
our authority.
Look back
to Genesis 3
and we'll see
how this has worked out.
Genesis chapter 3.
In Genesis 3
we have the account
of the first marriage
and sadly
the first marriage
breakdown.
and traditionally
we tend to look
at this story
and we think
well
the wife
that's Eve
she's the one
to blame
because she's the one
who ate the fruit
but that's not actually
the real story.
Look at chapter 3
verse 6.
When the woman
saw the fruit
of the tree
that was good
for food
and pleasing
to the eye
and also desirable
for gaining wisdom
she took some
and she ate it.
she also gave
some to her husband
who was with her
and he ate it.
So Adam
the husband
was actually there
all along.
All throughout
that temptation
Adam was just
standing idly by.
He had been given
the original command
in chapter 2
verse 16
not to eat
of the fruit
and now
he ignores
his responsibility
to ensure
that God's commands
are being worked out
within his life
and within his marriage.
That's why
it's God
who comes looking
for Adam
afterwards
even though
it was Eve
who ate the fruit
first
he comes looking
for Adam
chapter 3
verse 9
the Lord God
called to the man
where are you?
Come on Adam
show yourself.
Down to verse 17
to Adam
he said
because
you listened
to your wife
and ate
from the tree
about which
I commanded you
you must not
eat of it
cursed
is the ground
because of you.
God holds
Adam
the head
of the marriage
to account
he is the one
who is responsible
Adam
has abdicated
his authority
he's been sitting
back with his arms
folded
he hasn't taken
his role seriously
in fact
he's turned
his back
on God's design
and the knock-on
effects of this
are disastrous
because
abdicating
authority
leads to
the husband
abusing
his authority
look at
chapter 3
of Genesis
and the last
part of verse 16
this is the
the pronouncement
upon Eve
upon the woman
for her part
in it
but let's
let's hear
carefully what it
says
it's the last
two lines
of verse 16
it says
that your
desire
will be
for your
husband
and he
will rule
over you
now we need
to understand
that carefully
when it says
for the woman
to desire
your husband
it doesn't
mean to say
that she's
going to be
totally madly
in love
with him
it means
actually to
dominate
your husband
to take
his place
to put
yourself
in his
place
and to
take on
his role
and in
response
he
will rule
over you
to rule
over
not in a
good way
but in a
bad way
it means
to oppress
your wife
to be
harsh
today we
call it
feminism
and chauvinism
where the
wife
usurps
her authority
and the
husband
abdicates
or abuses
his authority
the wife
tries to do
what the
husband should
do
she seeks
to be
head of
the family
and the
husband
abuses
his role
so instead
of serving
his wife
is there
to serve
him
and I
hope we
can see
how this
begins to
get worked
out within
our marriage
relationships
this is
part of
the fall
this is a
part of
working out
of what
happens when
we go
against
God's
design
the wife
tries to
control
the husband
manipulating
and scheming
and trying
to get
their own
way
and in
response
the husband
doesn't like
this so he
tries to
crush the
wife
and becomes
very domineering
and aggressive
and all of
this leads
to heartache
and pain
and brokenness
and disorder
this terrible
ongoing cycle
of trying
to control
the husband
and the
husband
in response
crushing
his wife
so instead
of seeing
the gospel
instead of
getting this
wonderful picture
of Christ
all we see
is sin
in all
its ugliness
things
now let's
just take a
moment out
from this
and apply
this to
husbands
and to
wives
so husbands
listen up
and not just
husbands
but all
potential husbands
okay
listen carefully
we need to
see that
our sinful
nature
our natural
tendency
is always
moving towards
abdicating
our authority
or abusing
our authority
we abdicate
and we sit
back because
we just don't
want to take
on the
responsibility
it's too
much like
hard work
after all
we've got
much better
things to be
doing like
well there's
all the sport
we've got to
do and there's
all those
DIY projects
and then there's
all that work
I've got to
do it
you know
in the mornings
and everything
else
why would I
waste my
time on
caring
and giving
to my wife
and to
family
and investing
in them
why would I
do that
when I've
got things
to do
for myself
and we
abuse our
authority
because well
we're just
selfish beings
and we're
insecure
and we want
everything done
for us
we prioritize
our comfort
and our
happiness
above our
wife
we know
what our
comforts are
and we
know what
we want
so they
suffer
while we
savour
the moment
now I
don't know
what you
think of
that
husbands
and potential
husbands
but I
think
we fit
into one
or at
times both
of these
positions
but God
has made
us and he
has given
us a role
and responsibility
that demands
our attention
and we
need to
repent
we need
to acknowledge
to our
wives
we need
to come
before them
verbally
and acknowledge
and say
to them
yes I
have let
you down
yes I
have failed
in this
area
and we
need to
seek God's
forgiveness
and we
need to
ask of
his grace
and his
spirit
to be
able to
live out
his
beautiful
design
so
husbands
and potential
husbands
listen
carefully
to these
things
but let
me say
something
to wives
and all
potential
wives as
well
you need
to see
that your
sinful
nature
your
heart
tendency
is always
moving
towards
usurping
authority
or
becoming
a slave
to authority
so let
me unpack
that
wives
tend to
usurp
their
authority
to demand
their rights
to express
their autonomy
it's my
way or
the highway
unless it's
my way
we're not
doing it
but wives
can also
become a
slave to
authority
they see
themselves
as just
nothing more
than a
little
mousy
doormat
a yes
sir
no
sir
three
bags
full
sir
whatever
you
want
I'll
do
well such
a wife
who lives
that way
sadly
has lost
sight of
her dignity
and her
value
that she
is precious
and that
she's been
made in
God's
image
that wives
were called
to be
helpers and
partners with
their husbands
and to
make possible
what their
husbands simply
cannot do
on their
own
so wives
and potential
wives
God has
made you
beautifully
and wonderfully
but rather
than write
your own
role and
your own
description
for what
a wife
should be
follow
God's
design
which is
best for
you
and good
for you
and where
we need
to repent
let's
repent
and just
as husbands
need to
acknowledge
to wives
so wives
need to
acknowledge
to their
husbands
and maybe
you're not
married
maybe you
were married
where do
you fit
into all
of this
well
marriages
need
prayer
and support
as I
said at
the beginning
the increase
in marriage
breakdown
goes on
and on
and it's
just as
likely to
happen
within
God's
family
as
anywhere
else
we're
not
immune
to
the
pressures
and
the
temptations
so
marriages
need
prayer
and they
need
support
and they
need
encouragement
from
all
of
God's
family
so what
does it
look like
then to
live out
God's
good design
for marriage
well let's
look at
two things
here
the design
of headship
to start
with
we need
to go
back to
Ephesians
chapter 5
go back
to Ephesians
chapter 5
the
husband's
headship
of the
wife
is
modelled
on
Christ's
headship
of the
church
so in
Ephesians
5
verse
23
it says
for the
husband
is the
head
of the
wife
as
Christ
is the
head
of the
church
his
body
of which
he
is the
savior
verse
25
so
husbands
love
your
wives
just
as
Christ
loved
the
church
and
gave
himself
up
for
her
headship
is about
self
sacrifice
it's about
loving
service
C.S.
Lewis
writes
that the
headship
of the
husband
is not
expressed
in husbands
doing as
they like
but in
him whose
marriage
is most
like a
crucifixion
one
one of
service
whose
wife
receives
most
and
gives
least
so
husbands
we are
to
exercise
our
authority
by giving
of ourselves
sacrificially
to our
wives
and primarily
I think
this is
done by
taking
and applying
and working
out the
gospel
within
our
marriages
and within
our
family
so look
at the
rest of
verse
26
and 27
husbands
are to
love
their
wives
just as
Christ
gave
himself
for her
to make
her holy
cleansing
her by
the washing
with water
through the
word
and to
present
her to
himself
as a
radiant
church
without
stain
or wrinkle
or any
other
blemish
but holy
and
blameless
so just
as Jesus
Christ
gave of
himself
to make
us
the church
beautiful
so husbands
are to
give
themselves
to their
wives
to make
them
beautiful
not just
physically
outwardly
but in
their purity
inwardly
and in
their
godliness
I find
this quote
very helpful
we who
are husbands
need
sufficient
guts
to be
beauticians
that is
to give
ourselves
in loving
serving
leadership
of our
wives
so that
through
our
love
they may
become
more
beautiful
on the
inside
potential
wives
never
settle
for anything
less
than a
husband
who will
give
themselves
in loving
serving
leadership
so that's
the design
of
head
ship
what about
the design
of
submission
the
wife
well the
wife's
submission
to the
husband
is again
modeled on
the church's
submission to
Christ
look at
Ephesians 5
verse 22
and 24
wives
submit to
your husbands
as to
the Lord
verse 24
now as the
church submits
to Christ
so also
wives should
submit to
their husbands
in everything
now let's be
clear
submission if we
were to read
the whole context
of chapter 5
it starts by
telling us that
we are to
submit to
one another
verse 21
so submission
isn't just
for wives
just for women
we're all to
submit to
one another
in order
to submit to
God's design
and purposes
for us
and submission
is not about
obeying every
demand or
decree of
your husband
submission
is primarily
about obedience
to God's
order and
God's design
it's about
living life
as God
intended you
to live
this is his
best for you
in practice
wives it
means not
being insistent
on one's
rights
not always
pushy and
demanding
your own
way
but instead
becoming a
partner
instead coming
alongside your
husband and
encouraging him
on in his
role
John Stott has
put it well
like this he
says submission
to the husband's
role does not
mean living under
a tyranny of
oppression
compassion but
under his
responsibility
and care
so here we
have these
wonderful pictures
of what it is
to live in
God's design
together the
husband and
the wife paint
a beautiful
picture of the
gospel and
as we live
according to
God's design
they point
people around
them to the
love of
Christ and
how we
ought to
respond to
Christ
that's why
marriage is
so vital
as we go
about our
day every
day as we
go to work
as we live
amongst our
neighbours
our marriages
are on
display all
the time
our marriages
are out there
people are
looking at us
they are always
witnessing our
marriages are
always communicating
something to
everybody else
around us
and by God's
grace
we can
communicate
through our
marriage the
gospel of
Jesus Christ
people see a
visible picture
of Christ's
love for the
church as the
husband loves
his wife
and people
get to see
how we
should respond
to Christ
as the
wife submits
and supports
her husband
so men
and all
potential
husbands
take
responsibility
take this
calling
seriously
and lead
your marriages
well
and wives
take your
calling
seriously
and know
what it is
to submit
to your
husbands
in partnership
and may God
give us the
grace to live
out his
beautiful design
every single
day
let's pray
our father
God we
come to you
and
well we
acknowledge
perhaps we're
feeling
a little
bit
rebuked
and challenged
about your
your model
and your
design for
how we
should live
but thank
you for
your grace
that even
what we've
been looking
at reminds
us of
the gospel
the good
news of
Jesus
that we
can come
to him
time and
time again
and find
forgiveness
and find
the grace
and the
mercy
and the
way to
go on
living as
you call
us to
live
I pray
for every
marriage
represented
here
that you
would protect
them
and keep
them
enable each
husband here
to lead
his marriage
and his
family
well
may
every
wife
and
potential
wife
know what
it is
to live
alongside
their
husband
in
submission
in
partnership
and we
pray that
you would
give us
the grace
to do
this
and
ultimately
that it
may lead
and point
others
to
our
saviour
jesus
christ
so please
help us
and help us
all to be an
encouragement to
one another
we ask all
this in
jesus name
amen