WEBVTT 00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:07.179 We are starting a series this morning that will take us through Lent to Easter, and the 00:00:07.179 --> 00:00:11.480 theme of our series is Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. 00:00:11.580 --> 00:00:17.339 This is inspired in part by a book written with the same name by Peter Scazzaro, and 00:00:17.339 --> 00:00:22.580 the plan is to move together through this book week by week, chapter by chapter, until 00:00:22.580 --> 00:00:23.539 we get to Easter. 00:00:23.660 --> 00:00:28.440 I plan to preach sermons that complement the content in the book. 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:32.840 So, technically, you could just listen to the sermons without needing to read the book 00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:33.640 or vice versa. 00:00:34.160 --> 00:00:37.740 I think you're going to get a lot more out of it if you do both together. 00:00:37.859 --> 00:00:41.299 That's how we've designed this, and so if you don't have a copy of the book, I encourage 00:00:41.299 --> 00:00:42.760 you to pick one up. 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:46.380 But I want to answer the question this morning of why are we doing this? 00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:49.200 Why focus on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality? 00:00:49.820 --> 00:00:54.159 A lot of people say, well, you know, in discipleship, what we really need is we need more study of 00:00:54.159 --> 00:00:57.719 the Word, or what we really need is we need more community. 00:00:57.719 --> 00:01:00.879 Or what we really need is we need more of a focus on the Holy Spirit. 00:01:00.939 --> 00:01:04.039 And I would say, yes, yes, yes to all of that. 00:01:05.019 --> 00:01:12.760 But emotional maturity is the most important, least talked about aspect of discipleship most 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:13.319 of the time. 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:20.519 And at Advent, we strongly desire to have a culture where we are producing mature disciples, 00:01:20.939 --> 00:01:22.920 spiritually mature followers of Jesus. 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:32.659 And the fact of the matter is, you cannot have spiritual maturity without emotional maturity. 00:01:32.820 --> 00:01:33.920 It's a key component. 00:01:36.420 --> 00:01:39.540 The example of the iceberg is often a helpful one. 00:01:39.620 --> 00:01:42.659 So this is… you see this in a lot of… used in a lot of different ways. 00:01:42.659 --> 00:01:48.700 But if you think about an iceberg, most of the time you can only see about 10% of the iceberg 00:01:48.700 --> 00:01:55.179 above the surface of the water, and the remaining 90% sits invisibly under the surface of the 00:01:55.179 --> 00:01:55.459 water. 00:01:55.659 --> 00:02:03.239 And for us as human beings, for those of us who are Christians, that 10% represents the 00:02:03.239 --> 00:02:06.979 things that we say and do that other people can see, right? 00:02:06.980 --> 00:02:12.500 You see about 10% of me in terms of how I act, in terms of how I behave, the kinds of things 00:02:12.500 --> 00:02:14.920 that I say, how I behave in different situations. 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:17.640 You're seeing that 10%, right? 00:02:18.420 --> 00:02:22.520 But the remaining 90% sits under the surface, right? 00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:26.840 So when you become a Christian, that 10% changes. 00:02:27.020 --> 00:02:28.680 You start doing things differently. 00:02:28.759 --> 00:02:31.659 You start going to church maybe, and you never went to church before. 00:02:31.659 --> 00:02:36.740 You start learning how to talk like a Christian, how to say the kinds of things that Christians 00:02:36.740 --> 00:02:39.419 say, how to do the kinds of things that Christians do. 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:41.419 Maybe you even make some life changes. 00:02:41.639 --> 00:02:43.939 You know, maybe I shouldn't be drinking so much. 00:02:44.019 --> 00:02:46.579 Maybe I shouldn't be doing the same kinds of things on the weekend. 00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:50.300 You start to make some adjustments because you're a Christian now in that top 10%. 00:02:50.300 --> 00:02:55.560 But 90% of you still sits under the surface of the water. 00:02:55.979 --> 00:02:57.719 These are the roots of who you are. 00:02:57.719 --> 00:03:04.039 Your childhood, your emotional world, right? 00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:16.579 Shameful memories, insecurities, unaddressed trauma, unmet needs, right? 00:03:16.659 --> 00:03:18.639 Things that sit under the surface. 00:03:19.840 --> 00:03:23.900 And the fact is, you could be a Christian your whole life for decades, 00:03:23.900 --> 00:03:28.060 and your faith never penetrates below the surface. 00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:30.860 It stays on the top 10% of you. 00:03:30.860 --> 00:03:36.620 And over time, that can actually result in a disconnect between the 10% of you that people see 00:03:36.620 --> 00:03:39.120 and the rest of you under the surface. 00:03:39.259 --> 00:03:43.219 And so people, over time, can develop almost two selves. 00:03:43.540 --> 00:03:46.840 There's the self underneath, and there's the self that you project to the world. 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:52.259 And that's what we mean by emotionally unhealthy spirituality. 00:03:53.700 --> 00:04:02.460 Emotionally unhealthy spirituality means using your faith to hide your sin rather than to heal your sin. 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:07.879 So this morning, we're going to look at an example of a man who has this disconnect. 00:04:08.140 --> 00:04:10.199 It's developed over years and years and years. 00:04:10.840 --> 00:04:14.939 His name is Saul, and we read about him in 1 Samuel chapter 15. 00:04:14.939 --> 00:04:20.439 On the outside, Saul looks like a mature man of God, but there is a disconnect. 00:04:20.980 --> 00:04:24.740 And inside, he is emotionally and spiritually immature. 00:04:25.019 --> 00:04:26.240 His growth is stunted. 00:04:27.379 --> 00:04:29.459 So we're going to break this out into two parts. 00:04:29.560 --> 00:04:34.699 We're going to spend most of our time looking at signs of emotional and spiritual immaturity. 00:04:35.139 --> 00:04:37.180 Signs of emotional and spiritual immaturity. 00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:41.560 And then briefly at the end, we will glance at the path to maturity. 00:04:41.819 --> 00:04:44.060 And that's what we're going to spend the rest of the series looking at. 00:04:44.060 --> 00:04:46.160 So let's pray, and then we'll get started. 00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:51.920 Lord, we thank You for Your Word, and we thank You that it speaks to all parts of us. 00:04:52.300 --> 00:04:54.360 That Your Word isn't just aimed at our minds. 00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:55.680 It's not just aimed at the intellect. 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:00.139 That You understand that we are psychological, but we are also social. 00:05:00.699 --> 00:05:01.879 We are also physical. 00:05:02.840 --> 00:05:04.560 We are absolutely spiritual. 00:05:05.420 --> 00:05:06.819 And then we are also emotional. 00:05:06.819 --> 00:05:13.180 And so we thank You that Your Word speaks to all parts of us and that Your grace has the power to heal all parts of us. 00:05:14.040 --> 00:05:21.319 And so now, Lord, I pray that You would guide us as we seek to understand the way Your gospel speaks to and offers hope to all of us. 00:05:21.540 --> 00:05:22.719 We pray this in Your Son's name. 00:05:22.899 --> 00:05:23.159 Amen. 00:05:23.160 --> 00:05:29.040 So the first thing that we're going to look at is in terms of signs of emotional maturity. 00:05:29.140 --> 00:05:34.240 Before we get into this, I just want to give you a little bit of background about Saul and the situation that we find ourselves in. 00:05:34.600 --> 00:05:38.460 Saul is by every account a very impressive individual. 00:05:38.740 --> 00:05:43.060 The visible 10% is a very impressive 10%. 00:05:43.060 --> 00:05:46.160 He's everything you could hope for in a man of God. 00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:47.080 He is tall. 00:05:47.260 --> 00:05:48.360 He is handsome. 00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:49.760 He is passionate. 00:05:50.020 --> 00:05:50.980 He is charismatic. 00:05:51.480 --> 00:05:55.580 He's the kind of guy who would immediately be encouraged to go to seminary. 00:05:55.780 --> 00:05:58.680 He's the kind of guy that you would say, you need to be a pastor. 00:05:58.980 --> 00:06:00.300 You need to be leading a church. 00:06:00.620 --> 00:06:04.500 He's the kind of guy that you would immediately say, man, we need to get him on the elder board. 00:06:04.700 --> 00:06:06.200 We need to get him on the vestry. 00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:06.840 Right? 00:06:06.840 --> 00:06:08.120 We need to get him in leadership. 00:06:08.320 --> 00:06:10.300 He needs to be doing everything up front. 00:06:10.300 --> 00:06:15.520 He would easily be chosen to be the executive director of a Christian nonprofit. 00:06:15.820 --> 00:06:15.940 Right? 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:17.560 That's the kind of guy we want. 00:06:17.660 --> 00:06:18.779 He's going to bring in the money. 00:06:19.959 --> 00:06:22.219 And Saul actually got off to a great start. 00:06:22.420 --> 00:06:25.719 I mean, Saul was the kind of guy who was willing to seek advice from others. 00:06:25.860 --> 00:06:26.560 He was humble. 00:06:26.860 --> 00:06:31.199 He was willing to listen and learn from others in the early days of his tenure. 00:06:31.579 --> 00:06:34.220 He actually handled criticism fairly well. 00:06:34.600 --> 00:06:37.379 He was the kind of person who was very clearly devoted to God. 00:06:37.459 --> 00:06:38.579 The relationship was real. 00:06:38.579 --> 00:06:41.120 So this isn't kind of a wolf in sheep's clothing. 00:06:41.300 --> 00:06:43.000 Saul was a genuine follower of the Lord. 00:06:43.000 --> 00:06:46.980 Now, fast forward to 1 Samuel chapter 15. 00:06:49.259 --> 00:06:51.500 There's a people group called the Amalekites. 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:53.100 They are nomadic. 00:06:53.779 --> 00:06:56.459 They're extraordinarily brutal and violent people. 00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:02.920 They were the kind of people who preyed upon the weak, and they committed all kinds of atrocities that you can read about. 00:07:02.920 --> 00:07:06.199 And the fact is they hated Israel from the very beginning. 00:07:06.360 --> 00:07:10.600 They were always looking for a chance to attack and plunder Israel. 00:07:11.020 --> 00:07:14.600 And even though they had been given the opportunity, they had refused to repent. 00:07:14.840 --> 00:07:16.540 It was very clear that they never would. 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:18.960 It was clear that negotiation was not an option. 00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:21.699 It was clear that the violence was never going to stop. 00:07:22.699 --> 00:07:24.319 So there's only one remaining option. 00:07:25.359 --> 00:07:28.899 God comes to Samuel and says, tell Saul to go and wipe them out. 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:32.139 But then God is very clear about one thing. 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:38.099 He says, this battle, this attack is going to be very different than what you see other nations doing. 00:07:38.100 --> 00:07:40.020 Because here's the difference. 00:07:40.140 --> 00:07:46.280 He says to Saul, after you've defeated the Amalekites, don't take anything. 00:07:46.760 --> 00:07:48.360 Don't take any of the wealth. 00:07:48.640 --> 00:07:49.860 Don't take any of the livestock. 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:51.280 Don't take any prisoners. 00:07:51.700 --> 00:07:53.060 Don't take anything. 00:07:53.420 --> 00:07:53.840 Why? 00:07:54.400 --> 00:07:58.400 I don't want you to profit from this even one penny. 00:08:00.180 --> 00:08:05.100 I don't want you to gain anything from this venture. 00:08:05.100 --> 00:08:09.960 And God wants to make it absolutely clear that this is not about money. 00:08:10.100 --> 00:08:11.320 This is not about land. 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:12.960 This is not about conquest. 00:08:13.220 --> 00:08:14.620 This is not imperialism. 00:08:15.580 --> 00:08:18.379 This is an act of divine justice. 00:08:18.840 --> 00:08:19.780 That's the difference. 00:08:20.760 --> 00:08:24.640 So Saul goes to battle, and with God's help, Saul is victorious. 00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:26.640 But then he disobeys God. 00:08:26.900 --> 00:08:28.840 He brings home the best of the livestock. 00:08:29.200 --> 00:08:32.700 He brings home their king, Agag, as a prisoner. 00:08:32.700 --> 00:08:37.440 And in the ancient Near East, it was very common if you defeated another nation to bring their king back, 00:08:37.660 --> 00:08:42.120 and then you'd parade the king around as a display of your own dominance. 00:08:43.140 --> 00:08:44.700 So that's what's going on there. 00:08:45.660 --> 00:08:50.160 So God sends Samuel to confront Saul over this blatant disobedience. 00:08:50.420 --> 00:08:53.100 And this is what I want to look at, right? 00:08:53.340 --> 00:08:59.800 This is where we begin to see signs of emotional and spiritual maturity emerge, right? 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:04.159 The 10% can be very convincing, but then hardship strikes. 00:09:04.259 --> 00:09:05.699 And often it comes through pain. 00:09:06.019 --> 00:09:07.359 Often it comes through conflict. 00:09:07.959 --> 00:09:11.079 You confront this impressive, charismatic person. 00:09:11.299 --> 00:09:16.859 And all of a sudden, you see signs of deep immaturity start to come out. 00:09:16.899 --> 00:09:18.939 And this is what we see in Saul. 00:09:18.940 --> 00:09:24.700 The first thing that we see right away that should be a warning flag to everybody 00:09:24.700 --> 00:09:29.380 is that at this point in Saul's life, he avoids accountability. 00:09:30.680 --> 00:09:32.260 He avoids accountability. 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:39.220 Samuel's a prophet, and his job is to hold Saul accountable to God's Word, even when it's hard. 00:09:39.340 --> 00:09:40.220 And often it is. 00:09:40.280 --> 00:09:42.180 Often it's not what Saul wants to hear. 00:09:42.179 --> 00:09:47.519 And in verse 11, we find out that Samuel loves Saul. 00:09:48.319 --> 00:09:49.179 He loves him. 00:09:50.259 --> 00:09:53.699 Verse 11 tells us that when Samuel learns that he has to confront Saul, 00:09:53.779 --> 00:09:55.599 that he has to tell Saul that he's lost the throne, 00:09:56.259 --> 00:09:59.139 he stays up all the night before weeping, 00:09:59.259 --> 00:10:02.219 because it breaks his heart what he's going to have to do. 00:10:03.339 --> 00:10:05.219 But Saul, by this point in the story, 00:10:05.299 --> 00:10:08.839 has developed a habit of disregarding Samuel's counsel. 00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:11.280 In chapter 14, the previous chapter, 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:16.460 we learned that Saul had actually replaced Samuel for another spiritual advisor, 00:10:16.860 --> 00:10:19.840 probably somebody who tells him what he wants to hear 00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:23.440 rather than what he needs to hear from the Lord. 00:10:24.620 --> 00:10:27.139 And by the way, that is always a red flag. 00:10:28.519 --> 00:10:32.600 If there's no one in your life who holds you accountable, 00:10:33.100 --> 00:10:36.920 if there's no one in your life to whom you have given permission, 00:10:36.919 --> 00:10:41.000 where you say, if you see anything that's wacky, 00:10:41.099 --> 00:10:44.019 anything that is out of line, anything that's off in my life, 00:10:44.279 --> 00:10:46.759 you have a free pass to call that out. 00:10:46.819 --> 00:10:50.819 If nobody plays that role in your life, that's a big red flag. 00:10:51.419 --> 00:10:56.559 If you surround yourself by yes men, that's a big red flag. 00:10:57.459 --> 00:10:57.579 Right? 00:10:57.699 --> 00:10:59.939 Some leaders, and this applies to everybody, 00:10:59.940 --> 00:11:03.660 but some leaders create a culture of intimidation 00:11:03.660 --> 00:11:08.160 where nobody around them feels free to disagree with 00:11:08.160 --> 00:11:10.460 or challenge the decisions they make. 00:11:11.140 --> 00:11:16.500 These are massive red flags of emotional and spiritual immaturity. 00:11:16.920 --> 00:11:17.040 Right? 00:11:17.100 --> 00:11:18.380 So that's the first thing we see in Saul. 00:11:18.760 --> 00:11:20.420 The second thing that he does 00:11:20.420 --> 00:11:25.000 is Saul denies that there's a problem. 00:11:26.160 --> 00:11:27.980 He denies the problem. 00:11:27.980 --> 00:11:30.539 Samuel has to go looking for Saul. 00:11:30.620 --> 00:11:31.259 He's not home. 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:32.680 And Samuel says, where is he? 00:11:32.700 --> 00:11:33.899 And they say, well, he went down to Carmel 00:11:33.899 --> 00:11:35.279 to build a monument for himself. 00:11:35.480 --> 00:11:37.659 That's a clue as to what Saul's really about. 00:11:37.820 --> 00:11:37.920 Right? 00:11:38.220 --> 00:11:40.200 And so Samuel has to track him down. 00:11:40.560 --> 00:11:41.960 And Samuel finally tracks him down. 00:11:42.100 --> 00:11:44.740 And Samuel comes up, and it's very clear why Samuel is there. 00:11:45.060 --> 00:11:47.120 I mean, everybody knows why Samuel has come. 00:11:47.480 --> 00:11:48.180 Saul disobeyed. 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:52.180 But Saul comes out, and he gives this unusually warm greeting. 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:55.580 He says, blessed be you to the Lord, Samuel. 00:11:55.580 --> 00:11:57.820 I've performed the commandment of the Lord. 00:11:57.980 --> 00:12:02.680 This is like him saying, Samuel, my favorite prophet. 00:12:03.039 --> 00:12:03.800 How you doing? 00:12:04.840 --> 00:12:05.860 Good news. 00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:08.800 I did everything you asked me to do. 00:12:08.980 --> 00:12:10.200 Isn't this a great day? 00:12:10.440 --> 00:12:11.220 Let's celebrate. 00:12:11.460 --> 00:12:11.960 Come on. 00:12:12.120 --> 00:12:13.580 That's kind of what he's buttering him up. 00:12:13.580 --> 00:12:18.320 And this is a blatant lie. 00:12:19.060 --> 00:12:22.900 And we know it's a lie because the evidence is all around them. 00:12:22.940 --> 00:12:25.420 It's kind of a funny scene in a way. 00:12:25.740 --> 00:12:30.180 Even as Saul says, I did everything the Lord commanded me to do, 00:12:30.400 --> 00:12:34.120 he is having to shout over the sounds of bleeding sheep 00:12:34.120 --> 00:12:38.539 and mooing cows, right? 00:12:39.019 --> 00:12:41.779 He's having to shout over the sounds of his disobedience. 00:12:41.820 --> 00:12:44.659 He brought the livestock back, even though he was told not to. 00:12:45.700 --> 00:12:50.340 And, you know, one of the most common signs of emotional immaturity 00:12:50.340 --> 00:12:53.820 is that a person will deny there's a problem 00:12:53.820 --> 00:12:57.320 even in the face of overwhelming evidence. 00:12:58.720 --> 00:12:59.879 Why do we do this? 00:13:00.700 --> 00:13:02.560 Because you can't bear, 00:13:02.780 --> 00:13:05.940 you can't bear the thought of facing the problem 00:13:05.940 --> 00:13:07.180 and what it might mean, 00:13:07.720 --> 00:13:09.080 what it might cost you, 00:13:09.460 --> 00:13:11.580 what it might necessitate. 00:13:11.580 --> 00:13:15.000 And so it's easier to ignore it 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:17.440 and pretend like it's not there, right? 00:13:17.480 --> 00:13:19.520 So you have a weird bump 00:13:19.520 --> 00:13:21.759 and the bump just stays and stays and stays 00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:24.400 and you know you should probably get the bump checked out 00:13:24.400 --> 00:13:26.400 but you're terrified of what the doctor might say 00:13:26.400 --> 00:13:28.259 and so you just pretend like it's not there 00:13:28.259 --> 00:13:29.700 and you just go months and months and months 00:13:29.700 --> 00:13:31.960 and you just pretend like it's not an issue, right? 00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:34.000 And over time, if that's something to worry about, 00:13:34.040 --> 00:13:35.440 it's going to get worse and worse and worse 00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:36.860 but you just pretend like it's nothing. 00:13:37.740 --> 00:13:39.620 Or maybe at this point in your life, 00:13:39.700 --> 00:13:41.060 you've gotten to the point where you drink 00:13:41.059 --> 00:13:43.339 almost every night of the week. 00:13:43.839 --> 00:13:45.879 It's gone from celebratory every now and then 00:13:45.879 --> 00:13:47.659 to you're drinking every single night of the week 00:13:47.659 --> 00:13:49.599 and you often end up drinking 00:13:49.599 --> 00:13:51.959 more than you originally meant to drink 00:13:51.959 --> 00:13:53.359 and at this point, 00:13:53.439 --> 00:13:55.379 you really can't imagine being around other people 00:13:55.379 --> 00:13:57.539 and socializing without at least one or two drinks 00:13:57.539 --> 00:13:58.419 to help you relax. 00:13:58.959 --> 00:14:01.139 Maybe it's even started to interfere with your work 00:14:01.139 --> 00:14:02.159 or your relationships. 00:14:02.419 --> 00:14:04.979 Maybe you even got a DUI at some point 00:14:04.979 --> 00:14:08.219 and maybe you even joke about the fact 00:14:08.219 --> 00:14:09.059 that you're an alcoholic 00:14:09.059 --> 00:14:11.299 but all of that is just to avoid the real possibility 00:14:11.299 --> 00:14:12.259 that you might be one. 00:14:15.359 --> 00:14:17.939 Maybe you feel distant from your spouse. 00:14:19.179 --> 00:14:21.399 Maybe you've learned to avoid certain topics 00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:24.479 because you know that they will inevitably lead to conflict. 00:14:24.719 --> 00:14:26.839 Maybe at this point in your marriage, 00:14:26.919 --> 00:14:29.259 you are rarely, if ever, intimate. 00:14:29.379 --> 00:14:31.559 And when you are, you never really feel connected. 00:14:31.899 --> 00:14:33.959 And you really can't remember the last time 00:14:33.959 --> 00:14:36.319 you actually had a good conversation. 00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:40.060 You sort of are in your own orbits in your home 00:14:40.060 --> 00:14:42.460 and it's more like a ceasefire coexistence 00:14:42.460 --> 00:14:43.860 than it is a partnership. 00:14:44.140 --> 00:14:46.360 But you're terrified of what might happen 00:14:46.360 --> 00:14:47.560 if you were to acknowledge this 00:14:47.560 --> 00:14:49.120 so you pretend like everything's okay. 00:14:51.180 --> 00:14:51.620 Right? 00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:54.040 This is a tendency that we all have. 00:14:54.260 --> 00:14:55.560 And that's what Saul is doing. 00:14:55.720 --> 00:14:56.900 There's no problem here. 00:14:57.100 --> 00:14:58.040 There's nothing to see. 00:14:58.260 --> 00:14:59.180 Let's just have fun. 00:14:59.379 --> 00:15:00.220 Let's just celebrate. 00:15:00.220 --> 00:15:03.420 But Samuel doesn't fall for it. 00:15:03.580 --> 00:15:04.740 Samuel is a good friend. 00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:06.899 I know something's wrong. 00:15:07.700 --> 00:15:08.560 Don't deny it. 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:11.340 And Samuel in this case has evidence. 00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:13.240 He says, you say you followed God's commandments. 00:15:13.540 --> 00:15:16.180 What this is the bleeding of the sheep in my ears 00:15:16.180 --> 00:15:17.740 and the lowing of the oxen that I hear? 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:19.660 Samuel's saying, there is a problem 00:15:19.660 --> 00:15:21.040 and there's evidence all around you. 00:15:22.259 --> 00:15:23.200 He's a good friend. 00:15:24.100 --> 00:15:25.420 So Saul changes tactics. 00:15:25.419 --> 00:15:28.319 The next thing we see Saul do is 00:15:28.319 --> 00:15:30.159 he blame shifts. 00:15:31.199 --> 00:15:31.319 Right? 00:15:31.339 --> 00:15:32.219 He shifts the blame. 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:34.479 Verse 15, Saul says, 00:15:35.299 --> 00:15:36.339 and just imagine, you know, 00:15:36.620 --> 00:15:39.159 Samuel, Saul, other people kind of standing around. 00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:40.319 Here's what Saul does. 00:15:41.199 --> 00:15:42.339 They brought the sheep. 00:15:43.579 --> 00:15:45.740 They brought them from the Amalekites. 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:48.399 He says, for the people spared the best of the sheep 00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:50.819 and of the oxen to sacrifice to the Lord your God 00:15:50.819 --> 00:15:52.519 and the rest we've devoted to destruction. 00:15:52.519 --> 00:15:55.120 In other words, we basically did what God said. 00:15:56.419 --> 00:15:59.259 99% of the animals we devoted to destruction, 00:15:59.339 --> 00:16:01.000 we basically did what God said. 00:16:01.659 --> 00:16:05.500 But the people, you know people. 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:07.719 People will be people. 00:16:08.679 --> 00:16:11.199 They insisted we bring a few back, only the best. 00:16:12.199 --> 00:16:13.939 It wasn't me, it was them. 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:17.679 But listen, they did it for a really good reason. 00:16:18.699 --> 00:16:21.599 The only reason we wanted to bring back these animals 00:16:21.599 --> 00:16:24.299 is so that we could make a sacrifice to the Lord your God. 00:16:25.419 --> 00:16:27.479 All we want to do is worship the Lord. 00:16:27.659 --> 00:16:29.879 Why do you have to be so mean about it? 00:16:31.579 --> 00:16:34.539 And there's almost a note of moral indignation here. 00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:36.039 We're just trying to worship God. 00:16:36.099 --> 00:16:36.779 What's your problem? 00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:37.979 Loosen up, Samuel. 00:16:37.980 --> 00:16:44.200 Another sign of emotional immaturity is that you're always looking to pass the blame. 00:16:46.300 --> 00:16:50.060 You know, you're late for a meeting because you overslept, 00:16:50.139 --> 00:16:52.399 but when you get to the meeting you say, oh, the traffic was horrible. 00:16:53.720 --> 00:16:56.279 And it's like, if there's COVID, there is no traffic, you know. 00:16:56.279 --> 00:16:59.559 Well, it used to be the case. 00:17:00.679 --> 00:17:06.759 Or you do subpar, mediocre work, and you say, well, it's my boss's fault. 00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:08.019 My boss is not more supportive. 00:17:09.980 --> 00:17:11.720 My boss didn't give me clear guidelines. 00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:15.160 I don't feel supported by my boss, and so you do subpar work. 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:16.839 By the way, that's a form of passive aggression. 00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:18.379 We'll talk about that later in the series. 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:21.240 But you pass, it's my boss's fault. 00:17:21.240 --> 00:17:24.980 Well, I would do better work if my boss was a better boss, right? 00:17:25.299 --> 00:17:29.200 And people like this are very, very good at turning things around on you. 00:17:30.140 --> 00:17:34.059 So if you come to a person who does this and you confront them, you say, 00:17:34.120 --> 00:17:35.339 you know that thing that you did the other day? 00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:36.240 That really hurt me. 00:17:37.740 --> 00:17:43.180 Often, you will end up apologizing to them because they will twist it, 00:17:43.180 --> 00:17:47.839 and they will make it about the conflict or the confrontation rather than the original incident. 00:17:48.799 --> 00:17:50.940 They'll say, oh, there's nothing to see there. 00:17:50.940 --> 00:17:53.140 The real issue is the way you just confronted me. 00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:53.820 You just hurt me now. 00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:54.440 You need to apologize. 00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:57.779 And you go to try to work it out, and you end up apologizing to them. 00:17:57.860 --> 00:17:58.100 Why? 00:17:58.539 --> 00:17:59.100 Blame shifting. 00:18:01.360 --> 00:18:01.720 Right? 00:18:01.840 --> 00:18:03.740 So if you've ever been in an argument with somebody, 00:18:03.840 --> 00:18:05.519 and they bring something up that you said, 00:18:05.580 --> 00:18:09.640 and your response is to say, well, the only reason I said that is because you said this. 00:18:11.420 --> 00:18:12.360 Classic blame shift. 00:18:14.019 --> 00:18:14.380 Right? 00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:17.320 But again, Samuel, good man, he holds his ground. 00:18:17.319 --> 00:18:21.319 Samuel says, God gave the command to you, Saul. 00:18:22.740 --> 00:18:24.179 He didn't give it to the people. 00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:26.059 He didn't give it to the soldiers. 00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:27.579 He gave it to you. 00:18:28.559 --> 00:18:30.159 You're the one who's responsible. 00:18:30.960 --> 00:18:32.579 So he holds Saul's feet to the fire. 00:18:34.159 --> 00:18:37.500 So then Saul tries another tactic. 00:18:37.639 --> 00:18:40.439 I mean, it's amazing when you begin to see this mapped out. 00:18:40.559 --> 00:18:41.779 Saul tries another tactic. 00:18:41.779 --> 00:18:45.940 Saul can't get away from this by shifting the blame. 00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:48.200 And so then Saul distorts the truth. 00:18:49.559 --> 00:18:50.779 He distorts the truth. 00:18:51.980 --> 00:18:56.240 And Saul said to Samuel, verse 20, I have obeyed the voice of the Lord. 00:18:56.279 --> 00:18:58.279 He says, listen, Samuel, you got it all wrong. 00:18:58.399 --> 00:18:59.720 I did exactly what God said. 00:19:00.660 --> 00:19:02.399 Now pay attention to what he then says. 00:19:02.579 --> 00:19:04.039 I have obeyed the voice of the Lord. 00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:06.579 I've gone on the mission to which the Lord sent me. 00:19:06.579 --> 00:19:11.619 I brought Agag, the king of Amalek, and I've devoted the Amalekites to destruction. 00:19:12.379 --> 00:19:13.579 Now notice what he did there. 00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:19.759 God never told him to bring Agag back, but he just kind of sneaks it in. 00:19:20.740 --> 00:19:21.000 Right? 00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:21.799 Right? 00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:23.559 I did the mission. 00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:24.799 I brought Agag back. 00:19:25.019 --> 00:19:25.319 I devoted. 00:19:25.539 --> 00:19:26.759 And Samuel's like, wait, wait, wait. 00:19:27.339 --> 00:19:29.220 God never told you to bring anybody back. 00:19:30.420 --> 00:19:33.180 He's revising history, right? 00:19:33.339 --> 00:19:34.240 He's lying. 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.879 He's distorting the truth to justify himself. 00:19:38.539 --> 00:19:41.660 And, you know, on some level, I think we're all tempted to do this as well. 00:19:41.779 --> 00:19:43.339 Have you ever had an argument with somebody? 00:19:44.139 --> 00:19:47.160 And then you go and you tell somebody else about that argument. 00:19:48.099 --> 00:19:56.440 And in your version of events, it just so happens that you sound like the most reasonable human being ever to walk the face of the earth. 00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:58.740 And the other person sounds like a psycho. 00:19:59.180 --> 00:19:59.380 Right? 00:19:59.539 --> 00:20:01.660 Because your version may just be a little off. 00:20:01.740 --> 00:20:03.240 Like, all I said was this. 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:04.340 And then they did all of this. 00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:05.100 Aren't they crazy? 00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:08.140 And then what you want is the person to say, wow, you're so right. 00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:08.460 Right? 00:20:08.460 --> 00:20:09.860 You're distorting the truth. 00:20:11.380 --> 00:20:16.319 Now, there's a more extreme version of this, what we now call gaslighting in our culture. 00:20:16.460 --> 00:20:19.279 You know, the term gaslighting is a bit misleading. 00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:22.960 It comes from a movie made back in the 1940s called Gaslight. 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:23.400 Right? 00:20:23.700 --> 00:20:30.059 But it's a form of manipulation where the manipulator makes you doubt your own sense of reality. 00:20:31.279 --> 00:20:31.740 Right? 00:20:31.819 --> 00:20:35.279 So, they twist your words and use your own words against you. 00:20:35.680 --> 00:20:41.100 Or they will flat out deny saying things or doing things even if you have proof. 00:20:42.140 --> 00:20:46.420 They will revise history and make you doubt your own perception of reality. 00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:47.740 They'll make you doubt your sanity. 00:20:47.740 --> 00:20:55.160 If you've ever dealt with somebody like this, this is often a tactic that abusive people use in order to cover up their abuse. 00:20:55.259 --> 00:20:55.940 You're crazy. 00:20:56.019 --> 00:20:56.740 That never happened. 00:20:58.819 --> 00:21:02.339 And if you've ever experienced this, it can make you feel like you're losing your mind. 00:21:02.420 --> 00:21:03.740 It can make you doubt your own judgment. 00:21:05.180 --> 00:21:05.299 Right? 00:21:05.339 --> 00:21:07.859 Now, that's a more extreme version of, I think, something that we all do. 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:12.240 But again, Samuel, good man, holds his ground. 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:22.579 And so, finally, after all of this, it looks like Saul is going to own up and finally confess and finally take responsibility. 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:25.900 Saul says, you're right. 00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:28.680 I have sinned. 00:21:29.779 --> 00:21:32.299 And you're reading this and you're like, oh, finally, Saul. 00:21:32.359 --> 00:21:33.440 Just give it up. 00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:35.519 But it's just another tactic. 00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:38.539 Now Saul plays the victim. 00:21:38.539 --> 00:21:43.539 In verse 24, Saul says to Samuel, I have sinned. 00:21:44.519 --> 00:21:44.980 Okay. 00:21:46.099 --> 00:21:49.839 I've transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words. 00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:52.500 And that's where he should have shut up. 00:21:53.619 --> 00:21:54.799 Just stop talking, Saul. 00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:55.920 Period. 00:21:56.099 --> 00:21:56.639 End of sentence. 00:21:56.839 --> 00:21:57.680 Stop talking. 00:21:58.119 --> 00:21:59.420 But he doesn't stop talking. 00:21:59.700 --> 00:22:00.480 He keeps going. 00:22:01.059 --> 00:22:04.240 Because I feared the people and I obeyed their voice. 00:22:05.339 --> 00:22:05.619 Right? 00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:06.559 He says, you're right. 00:22:06.619 --> 00:22:07.119 I did it. 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:08.819 I transgressed the commandment of the Lord. 00:22:08.919 --> 00:22:09.799 I ignored your words. 00:22:09.799 --> 00:22:11.239 But I had no choice. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:13.959 The people made me do it. 00:22:15.459 --> 00:22:17.059 Technically, I did wrong. 00:22:17.159 --> 00:22:18.279 But I was forced to. 00:22:18.599 --> 00:22:19.559 They're scary. 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:22.579 I'm scared of them. 00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:24.219 They pressure me. 00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:25.419 They criticize me. 00:22:25.719 --> 00:22:26.959 They intimidate me. 00:22:28.359 --> 00:22:31.739 And you can almost hear him saying, you know, I'm just trying to do my best. 00:22:32.339 --> 00:22:34.519 You have no idea what it's like to be in leadership. 00:22:34.519 --> 00:22:38.319 You have no idea what it's like to be mean to have to deal with all that pressure. 00:22:39.700 --> 00:22:42.079 Why are you being so mean to me, Samuel? 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:43.680 You should feel sorry for me. 00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:45.160 And the real message is this. 00:22:45.259 --> 00:22:46.680 I'm the real victim here. 00:22:49.579 --> 00:22:57.200 See, a victim mentality is yet another way emotionally immature people avoid having to take responsibility for their lives. 00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:07.960 And a victim mentality essentially means you live life as though you have no agency, as though you have no ability to change anything in your life. 00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:12.420 And everything that you do is you only do it because you have no other option. 00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:14.380 Right? 00:23:14.380 --> 00:23:17.780 So, all of your problems are someone else's fault. 00:23:18.120 --> 00:23:22.200 Life happens to you rather than as a result of you. 00:23:22.840 --> 00:23:25.100 So, you know, everything, it's society's fault. 00:23:25.260 --> 00:23:26.940 It's your parents' fault. 00:23:27.060 --> 00:23:28.740 It's the government's fault. 00:23:28.860 --> 00:23:30.320 It's your spouse's fault. 00:23:30.540 --> 00:23:31.920 It's the church's fault. 00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:33.460 It's never your fault. 00:23:33.460 --> 00:24:03.440 It's the church's fault. 00:24:03.460 --> 00:24:05.360 It's wrecking his relationship with one of his best friends. 00:24:06.539 --> 00:24:07.759 It's wrecking his career. 00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:12.279 You know, he goes on technically to sit in the throne for many more years after this incident. 00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:15.140 But commentators say this is the beginning of the end for Saul. 00:24:15.319 --> 00:24:16.600 This is when Saul lost it. 00:24:17.019 --> 00:24:18.460 And from here it's a downhill slide. 00:24:19.140 --> 00:24:20.779 It just gets worse and worse and worse. 00:24:21.380 --> 00:24:25.660 But he's doing everything he can to avoid having to own his own sin. 00:24:25.840 --> 00:24:29.700 And this is really what sits at the heart of emotional and spiritual immaturity. 00:24:30.600 --> 00:24:31.440 Self-deception. 00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:32.000 Self-deception. 00:24:32.779 --> 00:24:33.980 Self-deception. 00:24:33.980 --> 00:24:34.539 Self-deception. 00:24:34.539 --> 00:24:35.539 Self-deception. 00:24:35.539 --> 00:24:36.539 Self-deception. 00:24:36.539 --> 00:24:37.139 Self-deception. 00:24:37.140 --> 00:24:38.140 Self-deception. 00:24:38.140 --> 00:24:39.140 Self-deception. 00:24:39.140 --> 00:24:45.480 very end talking about the path to maturity. What's the alternative? The path to maturity 00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:54.640 begins by recognizing two things. Number one, we are all tempted to do what Saul does here, 00:24:54.640 --> 00:25:00.420 to cover up our sin. You may be sitting here listening to what I'm saying and thinking of 00:25:00.420 --> 00:25:05.340 somebody else in your life. I really need to sit… This person really needs to hear this. 00:25:06.279 --> 00:25:10.679 You know, this old boss of mine really needs to hear this. And you know, that's probably legitimate. 00:25:10.899 --> 00:25:16.119 I mean, it's important to have these experiences. If you've dealt with somebody who was really bad 00:25:16.119 --> 00:25:20.059 the way Saul is and they manipulated you, you really need people in your life to say, 00:25:20.059 --> 00:25:24.939 that was wrong what happened to you. That's very important. But the real point of this is not for 00:25:24.939 --> 00:25:29.879 you to send this to somebody else, it's for us to recognize this in our own lives. And we all have 00:25:29.880 --> 00:25:35.220 these tendencies, right? We're all tempted to do what Saul did. And in fact, Blaise Pascal writes 00:25:35.220 --> 00:25:39.620 about this. He's, you know, the mathematician and philosopher in his pensées. He writes about the 00:25:39.620 --> 00:25:44.840 fact that all human beings struggle with this internal tension between two forces. He says, 00:25:44.840 --> 00:25:50.120 on the one hand, we really want to think well of ourselves. We really want to love ourselves and 00:25:50.120 --> 00:25:55.360 think highly of ourselves. But on the other hand, there's the truth about ourselves. All our faults, 00:25:55.359 --> 00:26:01.359 all of our flaws, the bottom 90%, the stuff that we hide, the stuff that we're ashamed of, 00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:07.639 our sin. And he says, these two things are at odds in us. I want to like myself and think well of 00:26:07.639 --> 00:26:12.639 myself, but then there's the truth about myself. And so what often happens is our desire to love 00:26:12.639 --> 00:26:18.279 ourselves wins out, and so we end up suppressing the truth. That self-love becomes an enemy of the 00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:24.879 truth. In order to like myself and have high self-esteem, I've got to suppress the reality of who I am. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:28.340 Now, if it goes in the other direction, you can go in the other direction too, and then the truth 00:26:28.340 --> 00:26:32.520 wins out, and there's no love, and you hate yourself. And that's the road to deep depression 00:26:32.520 --> 00:26:36.880 and self-hatred, right? It could go either way. But the question he poses is, how do you resolve 00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:40.280 that tension? How do you love yourself but also deal with the truth about yourself? 00:26:43.080 --> 00:26:49.400 And this leads us to the second thing that we need to recognize. That tension exists in all of us, 00:26:49.400 --> 00:26:56.340 but Jesus Christ has given us a way to deal with that tension. In other words, Jesus has given us 00:26:56.340 --> 00:27:03.600 a way to do both, to love ourselves and to be brutally honest about the truth in ourselves. 00:27:04.700 --> 00:27:14.720 And this answer is called grace. Grace. Grace is the key. Jesus Christ gave His life on the cross 00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:21.380 in order to set us free from the penalty of sin. We have to still deal with the power of sin, 00:27:21.660 --> 00:27:26.700 but Jesus dealt with the penalty of it. It's dealt with. And so because of the cross, 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:34.160 God is able to look at us and say, I see the truth about you, right? I see everything there is 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:37.980 under the service. He doesn't just see the 10 percent. He sees 100 percent of you, 00:27:37.980 --> 00:27:49.220 and I delight in you. I delight in you. I've seen it all. I've dealt with it all. I delight in you. 00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:57.200 So grace is the antidote to everything we see in Saul's life. Grace is the key. 00:27:58.180 --> 00:28:02.880 Because grace is where we get the humility to seek out accountability. 00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:12.660 Grace is where we get the courage to face our problems. Grace is how we develop the character 00:28:12.660 --> 00:28:22.480 to accept blame when we need to, when we are in the wrong. Grace is where we get the integrity 00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:29.420 to uphold the truth because we know it won't destroy us. Grace is how we develop the agency 00:28:29.420 --> 00:28:37.820 to reject the victim mentality. So the goal of emotionally healthy spirituality is this. 00:28:38.220 --> 00:28:44.300 Instead of keeping your faith on the surface, but never letting it penetrate. 00:28:46.600 --> 00:28:54.680 Emotionally healthy spirituality means using contemplative spiritual practices to gradually apply 00:28:54.680 --> 00:29:00.720 the grace of the gospel below the surface, to let it come down under the water, 00:29:01.420 --> 00:29:06.180 to begin to apply it to our emotional world, to begin to apply it to the way that we handle conflict, 00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:11.799 the way we deal with our own insecurities, the way we process shameful memories, 00:29:12.759 --> 00:29:18.900 the way we deal with unaddressed trauma. With the vast resource of God's grace and God's Holy Spirit, 00:29:18.900 --> 00:29:26.519 you can begin to address some of the trauma in your life. Grace is the source of our ability to do all of this. 00:29:27.180 --> 00:29:34.440 And in so doing, we stop hiding, and we stop using our spirituality to hide our sin, 00:29:35.180 --> 00:29:41.740 and we begin to trust Jesus, who is the great physician, to heal us as only He can do. 00:29:41.740 --> 00:29:56.539 Let's pray. Lord, we thank You again that we're not just reliant on psychological techniques, 00:29:58.019 --> 00:30:02.819 but that what we're talking about is nothing short of the Spirit of the God who made us, 00:30:02.920 --> 00:30:09.720 working in us to make us whole. What we're talking about here is Your renewal of all of creation beginning in us. 00:30:11.740 --> 00:30:20.539 And we don't pray for 10% renewal. We pray for 100% renewal, because we know that that is what's possible. 00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:27.160 So, Lord, I pray that You would work through Your Word in the power of Your Holy Spirit to renew us completely, 00:30:27.740 --> 00:30:32.960 that we might put Your glory on display and give hope to the rest of the world of what's possible 00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:37.380 and only possible through Your grace. We pray this in Your Son's name. Amen.