So we're reading from 1st Peter chapter 3, it's on page 1219, 1st Peter chapter 3 verses 1 to 7.
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe
the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they
see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold
jewellery and fine clothes.
Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God's sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make
themselves beautiful.
They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him
her master.
You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with
respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing
will hinder your prayers.
Well, before we start, let me say two things.
Hopefully it was clear that this morning the text is about husbands and wives.
Maybe you're sitting there thinking, well, I'm not a husband, I'm not a wife.
Please don't not listen because the principles, the applications are about faithful witness
in family life, in home life.
So what applies to husbands and wives in turn relates to us all.
And the other thing is, with a subject like this, a topic like this, I often find that
when I've prepared through it, I'm asking myself lots more questions than what we get a chance
to deal with.
So maybe through this you've got questions at the end of it and you want to talk about it,
then please feel free to do so afterwards.
With that in mind, let's pray and ask for God's help.
Our Father God, we thank you for the gift of family and for the gift of our homes.
We recognise that all these things come from you.
And so it's our desire that we would live according to your plan and according to your design for the family.
So Father, for whatever our experiences may have been, the good experiences and the hard experiences,
that you would help us to come under your word today,
that we may become husbands and wives that you call us to be.
Father, we need your help and we need your understanding.
So please give it to us, we ask.
Amen.
Well, being a follower of Jesus Christ in the world is not easy.
As we speak up for Christian truth, as we stand for Christian values,
we will face opposition.
That's the repeated message throughout 1 Peter.
And how we respond is crucial.
Rather than run away and hide, we are, look at chapter 2, verse 12.
Instead of running away and hiding, we are to live such good lives among the pagans,
among those who are not yet followers of Jesus,
that though they accuse you of doing wrong,
though they mightn't like what you believe or want to listen to what you say,
they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
You see, our good deeds can soften hard hearts,
it can break stubborn minds, it can shatter disinterested souls
so that people want to hear the truth about Jesus Christ.
And having explained how we are to live good lives in society and in work,
that's what we looked at last week,
we are now called to live such good lives within the family.
Chapter 3, verses 1 to 7.
In particular, how we are to live such good lives as a Christian
if my spouse is not yet a Christian.
Now, while the text here, chapter 3,
specifically addresses husbands and wives and the marriage relationship,
the principle, as we were saying just a moment ago,
applies to all family relationships within the home.
That how we live affects other people.
So back to chapter 2, verse 12.
We are to live such good lives among our families
who are not yet believers.
Among our parents, among our siblings,
that though they do not necessarily agree with you
or believe the same things as you,
they will see how you live and behave within the family.
And they will glorify God on the day he visits us.
So with that in mind, let's look especially
at what this means for husbands and wives.
First, wives and husbands.
Marriage is a gift from God and it's designed by God.
Genesis 1, chapter 24,
gives us the pattern and the shape of marriage.
Let me quote Genesis 1, verse 24,
where it says,
a man will leave his father and mother,
be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.
So marriage is a lifelong,
exclusive relationship
between one man and one woman,
sealed by a sexual union.
marriage is a lifelong,
exclusive relationship
between one man and one woman,
sealed by a sexual union.
This is God's design
and it is good for us.
So how are husbands and wives
to live out this relationship
when your spouse is not yet a follower of Jesus Christ?
Well, look at chapter 3, verse 1.
Wives, in the same way.
Now look at verse 7.
Husbands, in the same way.
So husbands and wives are called to live
in the same way as what?
Well, I think he's taking us back
to the rest of chapter 2.
So look at chapter 2, verse 13.
It's addressing every single person in verse 13.
It says,
submit yourselves,
all of you,
submit yourselves
for the Lord's sake
to every authority
instituted among men,
whether to the king,
that is our Taoiseach
or our government,
as the supreme authority.
Or look at verse 18.
Slaves.
And we were looking there
at the context of employees.
Employees,
submit yourselves
to your masters,
to your employer
with all respect.
This is, you see,
God's good order
and God's good design for life.
There are those
who have positions
of authority,
those who have
responsibility
to care and provide
and watch over others,
whether that's the government
or whether that's your boss.
Similarly,
there are those
who are under authority
and are there
to support and respect
those who are
in authority.
In fact,
whatever position
we find ourselves
in life,
we are all called
to follow the example
of Christ.
Chapter 2, verse 21.
To this you were called,
because Christ suffered for you,
leaving you an example
that you should follow
in his footsteps.
So, in the same way,
all of us,
especially in this context,
husbands and wives,
are to follow God's good order
and God's good design
for life.
So, in the same way,
now if we follow
God's good order
for our relationships,
there will be
a deep,
intimate joy
where husband and wife
will flourish together
and they will become
the people God
calls them to be.
But in this context,
the reason for calling us
to live in the same way,
the reason for calling us
to follow God's good design
is, look at the rest
of verse 1
of chapter 3,
so that
if any of them,
if any of the husbands
who do not believe
the word,
so if they are not yet
followers of Christ,
they may be won over
without words
by the behaviour
of their wives.
Now the same, I think,
applies to husbands
in verse 7.
Look at the first part
of verse 7.
Husbands, in the same way,
be considerate
as you live
with your wives.
Now I think the context
is pushing
and implying
that husbands
would also
win over
their
unbelieving wives
by how they live.
So the message
is crystal clear.
God is saying,
follow my good design
for life
and you will
win over those
who are not yet
believers within your family,
whether that happens
to be your husband,
your wife,
your parents
or your siblings.
You see,
following God's good design
can soften the hard heart
of your wife,
it can break the stubborn mind
of your husband,
it can shatter
the disinterested soul
of your parents
so that they will want
to hear the truth
about Jesus Christ.
They will see
your good deeds
and they will be
drawn to
and attracted to
who Jesus is.
So what will this
good living look like
in the marriage
relationship?
Well, we're going to
take them one by one.
First, we're going to look at
the beautiful wives.
There are three ways
believing wives
can win over
their unbelieving husbands
and it's all to do
with your beauty.
First of all,
your submissive beauty.
Look at verse 1
of chapter 3.
Wives,
in the same way,
be submissive
to your husbands.
Now, I realise
that might sound
very archaic
and very chauvinistic
and out of date
and, well,
we don't use
that kind of language
anymore.
Well, it's important
for us to see
that biblical submission
and we must understand
what it looks like
is something
truly beautiful.
As we'll see shortly,
the husband
is to respect
his wife,
to care for her,
to serve her.
Following the example
of Christ,
he is to literally
give his life
for her.
So, for the husband,
it's about care,
not control.
It's about serving
his wife,
not suppressing
his wife.
And it's to this
kind of
Christ-like leadership
that wives
are to submit.
And in submission,
they support
their husband,
they affirm
their husband.
Have a look
at verse 5.
For this is the way
the holy women
of the past
who put their hope
in God
used to make
themselves
beautiful.
They were submissive
to their own
husbands.
Like Sarah,
who obeyed Abraham
and called him
her master.
If we look back
into Genesis
chapter 12
where we read
about Abraham
and Sarah,
Genesis 12
tells us that
Sarah was a
really beautiful
woman.
Physically,
she was incredibly
attractive.
She was so
beautiful
that Abraham
was afraid
that this
powerful rich
king was going
to kill Abraham
and take Sarah
for his wife.
So he lied
and said,
Sarah was
my sister.
But the beauty
that wives
are to emulate,
that Peter
is calling
wives to emulate,
he's saying
it's not about
Sarah's
physical beauty,
but it's about
her submissive
beauty.
They are,
verse 6,
like Sarah
who obeyed
Abraham
and called
him her
master.
Now,
just in case
you're wondering,
Kirsty doesn't
wander around
the house
calling me
master.
We've got to
understand again
the context.
It doesn't mean
that Sarah
was reduced
to a mere
slave answering
his every
beck and call.
No,
it's an
expression of
her deep
respect and
support for
her husband.
And wives
are called,
this is the
submissive
beauty,
one of
deep
respect
and support
and affirming
the role
of the
husband.
Now,
you say,
well,
that's all
well and
good when
the husband
is living
as he
should be.
What about
when the
husband is
not Christ-like
in his
leadership?
Well,
that's precisely
the context
here.
That's what
Peter is
driving at.
Wives
are to be
submissive to
their husbands
even when
he is not
yet a
believer.
If he
mocks your
faith in
Jesus,
he's saying
don't fight
him.
Affirm him
in his
role.
If your
husband should
even stop
you talking
about Jesus
in the
home,
don't control
him.
support
him.
Why?
Well,
go back
to chapter
3,
verse 1,
the second
part.
So that
if any
of them
do not
believe the
word,
if any
of them
are not
yet
followers
of Christ,
they may
be won
over
without
words
by the
behaviour
of their
wives.
When they
see the
purity
and
reverence
of your
lives.
So you
see,
submissive
beauty
is something
wonderful
and it
can win
your
unbelieving
husband
over
for Christ.
Now
before we
move on,
there's
something else
I just
want to
address
here and
that is
that it
may be
the case
that the
unbelieving
husband
is
physically
or
verbally
abusive.
it
may be
that he
is
unfaithful
in the
marriage,
sleeping
with
other
women.
It
could be
that the
home is
no longer
a safe
and secure
place for
the wife
and for
the children.
Does that
mean then
that they
must still
stay?
What do
we do
then?
Well,
if that's
the case,
the wife
and the
children
need
protection
and care.
Matthew
19
talks
about
that.
That the
church
family
should be
there to
provide
and support
the wife
and the
children.
The right
authorities
would need
to be
informed
if there's
physically
an abusive
behaviour.
And if
it's
unresolved
and if
it's
unchanged,
as
Matthew
19
talks
about,
the
believing
wife
may have
to leave
her
husband.
Abusive
and
unfaithful
behaviour
in marriage
must not
be
tolerated.
And the
church
should be
a place
of safety
and security
and care
and provision
for those
who find
themselves
in that
situation.
However,
where
possible,
wives
can win
over their
unbelieving
husbands
by their
submissive
beauty.
The second
beauty
is an
inner
beauty.
So,
verse 3.
Your
beauty,
still addressing
wives,
your beauty
should not
come from
outward
adornment
such as
braided
hair and
the wearing
of gold
jewellery
and fine
clothes.
So,
sorry,
Kirsty,
I won't
be able
to buy
you gold
jewellery
anymore.
Instead,
verse 4,
it should
be that
of your
inner self.
Now,
again,
let me
make it
very clear,
there's
nothing
wrong
with
women
making
themselves
look
beautiful.
Wives,
it's not
wrong
to dress
well.
It's not
wrong
to go
and get
your hair
done.
It's not
wrong
to go
to the
gym.
However,
outward
physical
beauty
is never
going to
change
the
heart
of your
unbelieving
husband.
You may
do well
to attract
them to
yourself
through your
physical
beauty,
but they
are not
necessarily
going to
be attracted
to Christ
through your
physical
beauty.
Proverbs
11
says
this,
like a
gold ring
in a
pig's
snout
is a
beautiful
woman
who
shows
no
discretion.
You see,
wives,
you can
be
beautifully
attractive,
you can
be drop
dead
gorgeous,
but without
that inner
Christ-like
beauty,
you are
never going
to win
your husband
for Christ.
So,
wives,
let me
ask you,
what effort
attention do
you put
into looking
physically
good?
Watch
what you
eat,
you watch
what you
wear,
you watch
how you
look,
you take
note of
how people
look at
you.
Do you
watch
your own
heart?
Are you
developing
that inner
beauty
that will
attract your
husband to
Christ?
Are we
working on
our own
hearts?
So,
wives are
to have
a submissive
beauty,
they are
to have
an inner
beauty so
that they
can win
over their
unbelieving
husbands.
But there's
a third
beauty,
an unfading
beauty.
Verse 4,
let's read
verse 4
again.
Instead,
of the
outward
physical
beauty,
it should
be that
of your
inner
self,
the
unfading
beauty
of a
gentle
and
quiet
spirit,
which is
of great
worth
in God's
sight.
Now,
let's be
real here,
let's face
the facts.
Physical
beauty
fades.
Even
the
supermodels
will droop
and wrinkle.
We can
only put
on so
much
makeup.
Unless,
of course,
you want
to look
like a
plastic
mannequin
who can't
even
smile
because
they've
got so
much
Botox.
Inner
beauty,
on the
other
hand,
does not
fade.
It only
gets more
beautiful and
it grows
over time.
Look at
verse 4
again.
It should
be that
inner
beauty of
the
inner
self,
the
unfading
beauty
of a
gentle
and
quiet
spirit.
A
wife
who is
gentle,
is not
harsh,
is not
aggressive
in her
talk,
is not
nagging
and
impatient
towards
her
husband.
A
wife
who is
quiet,
is
calming,
brings
peace
into the
home,
soothes
the
troubled
waters
that
there
may
be.
This
is the
kind
of
beauty
that
will
win
over
your
unbelieving
husband
for
Christ.
Of course
it doesn't
mean that
the wife
can't
talk or
that she
doesn't
have an
opinion.
No,
it's
talking
about
this
Christ-like
character.
She
does
not
retaliate.
She
is not
argumentative.
She
is gentle
and
quiet
in
spirit.
Now I
know we're
addressing and
talking about
wives here,
but before we
move on,
if you're a
single woman
who hopes
to be
married one
day,
do not
try and
gain a
husband
by your
physical
beauty.
Do not
dress in
such a
way to
lure and
capture your
future husband.
Why?
Well,
because the
only reason
he's going
to marry
you is
for your
beauty.
But as
we've just
seen in
verse 4,
what happens
then when
your beauty
fades?
Well,
that's one
of the
main reasons
why many
marriages
break up,
because the
man no
longer likes
the way
his wife
looks,
so goes
off with
somebody
else.
Women,
physical
beauty may
be the
standard of
the world,
it may
be across
every
magazine
that you
read.
How women
look sexually
may be the
demands and
the pressures
of men,
but God's
good and
right design
for us,
verse 4,
is that there
would be an
unfading
inner beauty
of a gentle
and quiet
spirit,
which is of
great worth
love in
God's sight.
And again,
older women
within this
church,
let me
encourage you
to model
to the
younger
women what
this inner
beauty looks
like.
That is the
responsibility
of all of us
within the
family of the
church.
Women are to
demonstrate and
show what
true inner
beauty looks
like.
And if you
are a mother
here today and
you've got
young daughters,
cultivate that
unfading beauty
to your
daughters.
The things
that they hear
about, the
things they
read about,
the things
that your
daughters will
see are
all about
dressing sexually.
That is the
demands and
the pressures
of the world.
But that
inner, unfading
beauty, that
is what we
should cultivate.
So wives,
young women,
desire a
submissive,
inner,
unfading
beauty,
because it
will win
over your
unbelieving
husband to
Christ.
So,
beautiful
wives,
faithful
husbands,
husbands.
And likewise,
I've just
put it
together that
there are
three ways
believing
husbands can
win over
their
unbelieving
wives.
So husbands,
first,
be
considerate.
Look at
verse 7.
Husbands,
in the same
way,
be
considerate
as you
live with
your wives.
in case
you didn't
know,
men and
women are
different,
very
different.
And it's
the role of
the husband
to be
considerate.
That means
they are to
try and
understand our
wives.
We are to
know them,
really get to
know them,
to understand
them emotionally,
physically,
sexually,
so that we
can serve
their needs.
Some years
ago,
a film came
out called
What Women
Want.
I don't
know if
you've seen
it or
know it.
Nick Marshall
is the
character played
by Mel Gibson.
He has an
accident,
I think he
falls over
and he
bangs his
head,
and the
result of
the accident
is he
has the
ability to
hear what
women are
thinking.
It's quite
funny.
Apart from
being the
only man on
the planet
who can
understand a
woman,
he has
learned to
know what
they need.
And of
course,
the story
is he
wins over
the love
of his
life.
Well,
as husbands,
I'm not
saying go
and bang
your head
so you
can understand
your wife
or women,
but we
are to
consider
what our
wives need.
That's what
it is to
consider.
We're to
know them
intimately,
how they
tick,
how they
work.
Most of
the time
I
confess,
I spend
my time
trying to
communicate
what I
need.
How
Kirsty
should
serve
me.
But that's
selfish.
Rather than
win your
wife towards
Christ,
it will
push them
away from
Christ.
So we
need to
be as
husbands
asking
questions,
learning
the concerns,
the fears
that our
wives may
have,
and in
response
serving
their needs
emotionally,
physically,
and sexually.
So husbands,
first,
we can win
over our
unbelieving
wives by
being
considerate,
taking time
to understand
who they
are.
Second,
we are to
be respectful.
Let's read
verse 7
again.
Husbands,
in the same
way,
be considerate
as you live
with your
wives,
and treat
them with
respect.
Respectful
in two
ways.
Look again
at verse 7.
Treat them
with respect
first,
as the
weaker
partner.
Now again,
this isn't
saying that
women or
wives are
inferior.
No,
there's an
equality.
But what it
is saying
is simply
this,
that men,
generally
speaking,
and husbands,
generally
speaking,
are physically
stronger.
So if you're
to have an
arm wrestle
with your
wife,
husband will
probably win.
So husbands,
he's saying,
are not to
use their
physical
strength to
crush their
wife,
or to
threaten
their wife,
or to
abuse them,
or to
demand things
from their
wife.
They are
to use
their
God-given
strength to
care,
protect,
and provide.
Our homes
and our
families should
be a place
where our
wives and
our children
do not
fear coming
home,
where they
do not
fear speaking
to their
dad.
They do
not fear
speaking to
their husbands,
but instead
they long
to be at
home because
it is a
place of
protection
and safety.
It's a
place where
they flourish
in the
safety and
security that
the husband
provides.
John
Stott,
a Christian
author,
put it like
this very
well when
speaking about
wives.
He said
this,
they are
delicate
flowers
which are
easily
trodden
underfoot
and which
wither
and die
if the
climate is
unfriendly.
you know
that
husbands
that how
we talk,
how we
live,
how we
behave,
provides
the climate
of whether
it kills
our wives
or whether
it causes
them to
flourish
and grow.
They are
weaker
than you.
Use the
God-given
gift of the
strength that
he has
provided to
care so
that they
flourish
and become
the women
that God
calls them
to be.
So we
are to
respect them
because they
are weaker
than you
but second
because they
are heirs
with you.
Look at
verse 7.
I'll read
verse 7
from the start.
Husbands,
in the same
way,
be considerate
as you live
with your
wives.
Treat them
with respect
as the weaker
partner and
as heirs
with you
of the
gracious
gift of
life.
In other
words,
if your
wife is
not yet
a follower
of Jesus,
treat them,
respect them
as if they
were a
follower of
Jesus.
Now again,
I take this
to be talking
not just
that,
yes,
the wife
here could
be a
believer,
but I
think it's
also saying
that she
might not
be a
believer.
So treat
them as
if they
were a
follower of
Jesus.
Just as
Christ has
treated the
husband in
grace,
so the
husband is
to treat
the unbelieving
wife with
grace.
Just as
God has
pursued you,
loved you,
and did not
give up on
you,
pursue your
love,
pursue with
love your
wife,
no matter
how she
might respond.
love her.
So even if
your wife
rejects
Jesus talk,
even if
she's hostile
to your
faith,
the answer,
respond with
grace,
just as
God responded
in grace
towards us.
Love her
as God
loved you
and made
you his
heir.
If God
pursued you
and did not
give up on
you,
and made
you his
child,
so husbands
we have no
right to
give up on
our wives.
We pursue
them with
love so
that they
also will
share in
the heirs of
the gracious
gift of
life.
So husbands,
be considerate,
be respectful,
and it
may win
over your
unbelieving
wife.
And then
third,
husbands,
be disciplined.
We're to be
considerate and
respectful,
look at the
very end of
verse 7,
so that
nothing
will hinder
your prayers.
As husbands,
we should be
praying for
our wives.
Husbands
should be
praying for
their unbelieving
wife to
become a
follower of
Jesus.
God
will
be
God
can.
God
can.
And that's
simply what
we're saying
through prayer.
We're saying,
God,
you open the
eyes of the
wife of my
heart.
You open
their eyes
so that they
see the
need of
Jesus.
God
can't
hear it.
But what
good is our
prayer life
if we are
not living a
good life?
It may be that
we want our
wives to
become more
like Christ
or to come
to Christ,
but sadly,
our own lives
look nothing
like Christ.
Our behavior
can,
look at the
end of
verse 7,
it can
hinder
our prayers.
The very thing that we want to happen
as we pray for our wives
doesn't happen
because of the way in which we're living.
Yes, husbands must be disciplined in prayer.
But we must also be disciplined
in how we behave.
Maybe you think as a husband here
whether your wife is believing or not
you're thinking
I wish my wife was different
and you talk to God about it.
But does our life match what we pray?
Before we move on
as we said to young women
who are not yet married
and who may one day be married
husbands
or those who seek to be husbands
and would long to be married one day
these are the values
these are the kinds of things
that you should be cultivating in your life
and young women
these are the things
that you should be looking for
in a future husband.
One who is considerate
considerate
respectful
it doesn't matter if they have
a six pack
doesn't matter if they're successful
and have a great career
but are they considerate
are they respectful
are they disciplined
will they cultivate
a life in which
you will flourish
and grow
and become the person
God called you to be.
So husbands
we can win over
our unbelieving wives
by being disciplined.
As we finish
let me read this quote
from a book entitled
Married
for God.
It shows us that
the relationship
between husband and wife
is
something that can
win
unbelievers over
for Christ.
Listen to this quote
I like to think
that men and women
may say to themselves
as they watch
a Christian husband
or a Christian wife
I've never seen God.
Sometimes I wonder
when I look at the world
if God is good
or if there is a God
but
if he can make
a man and woman
love one another
like this
if he can make
this husband
show costly
faithfulness
through sickness
as well as health
if he can give him
resources
to love his wife
when frankly
there is nothing
in it for him
well then he must be
a good God.
and if he can give
his wife grace
to submit
so beautifully
with such an
attractive
gentle spirit
under terrible
trials
then again
he must be
a good
God.
you see
how we live
our behaviour
our good lives
can attract
people
to Christ
so that they
will want to
hear
the truth
about Christ
so if you
are a believer
here today
and whatever
context
your family
relationships
may be
if you are
the only
Christian
in your family
your parents
aren't yet
Christians
your husband
or your wife
isn't a Christian
your children
aren't Christians
it may be a place
where they don't
want to hear
about Jesus
they don't want
to talk
about Jesus
but when they
see the beauty
of your life
the faithfulness
of your life
they will be
won over
by your good deeds
their hearts
will be softened
the hardness
will be
broken away
and they
will be
attracted
to Christ
may God
in his grace
give to us
all that
inner beauty
and that
faithful living
so that we
win others
over
for the Lord
Jesus
let's pray
that that
might happen
let's do
that now
where we are
in our seats
in the quietness
pray for
the person
who
you love
within your family
who is not yet
a believer
it could be
wider
a relative
parent
wife
or husband
pray that
God
will give you
an inner
beauty
so that
you reflect
the beauty
of Christ
pray that
you will have
that faithful
strength
that they
will see
the faithfulness
of Christ
his serving
and sacrificial
life
father we
recognize
that our
relationships
at times
can be hard
and difficult
it can be
hard to be
a Christian
in the
context
where others
are not
father give
us the
grace that
we need
to live
beautiful
and faithful
lives
and would
you please
use us
to win
others over
for the
Lord Jesus
and may we
together
as a church
family support
and encourage
one another
well
as we seek
to live
for you
we ask
this in
Jesus name
amen
we're going
to sing
us
to be
spread
in
those
as
you
we
to go
to
his