As previously mentioned, this is a bit of an abnormal Sunday morning in that we actually won't spend much time in Ephesians chapter 6 or any other particular text.
!
So, we're going to talk about how it is that God intends for children to be trained, and we're having to apply our thoughts for our culture and draw out then how it is we should best do this thing.
So, we'll look, and we'll look at some of the clear commands to parents to train up their children, the fear and admonition of the Lord, and then we'll talk about how and the why of what we're doing here.
I'd fit this sermon into a category of sermons that we kind of do periodically, why we do what we do and why we do what we do the way we do what we do, which sounds funny to hear.
It's even funnier to type it out, so if you ever are at your computer and you need a laugh, type that sentence, why we do what we do and why we do what we do the way we do what we do.
And I think it's timely. There's just times we need to stop and pause and think together about how it is that we arrange ourselves as a church, work within the gray areas of the commands of God for church,
put some clear boundaries on what we should do together as a church, but then how do we carry all of it out together.
Certainly, our fellowship is odd in a lot of ways, and there are going to be guests amongst us who will come and go, what in the world?
And at very least, we need to have these kinds of conversations so that you can say, well, let me explain to you why we do what we do and why we do what we do the way we do what we do.
You need to be able, for the sake of guests or those that you might invite to prime them so you become part of the messaging of our church.
We also find that some parents in our church may need some help in the process of training children,
children, and it certainly could be helpful to have convictions renewed, to again remember the why of it.
Oh yeah, it's so good, the why, which fuels us to work on the how of it.
Some may need just some practical help, just some things that have been learned across the years
as a congregation of having children meet with us in our services together.
And I think that some of the non-parents in the room, so I think this time together shouldn't be lost on those without children.
It's not just necessarily for you thinking about having children someday,
but that you would consider how it is you ought to participate as we work together as a people to raise children.
God has saved people, not just you.
Certainly I hope that's true of you, that He has in fact saved you.
But more than that, the higher thought is that as Jesus hung on the cross and received the wrath of God,
He was receiving the wrath of God for the sins of the church.
He called out a people for His possession.
And therefore, when we come together with the church, we shouldn't be only thinking about our interests.
We should be looking instead to the interests of others and considering how it is that we can serve others,
preferring them over ourselves.
And so there's things I think this morning that need to be said that are going to be beneficial for all of us
as we work together to be an intergenerational church.
And let me explain why that word, what a word it is.
Very often our church gets framed as a family-integrated church.
And I shy away from that term, and I hear many of you still use the term family-integrated,
which very often simply means kids are in the service.
And that's usually how you're using it when you do that.
However, I prefer that we not use that term because of what often gets connected with that.
In fact, there are many who would suggest that if you do not have children in your main gathering with you,
that you're in sin, the church is not doing church as God intended the church to be done.
And I will tell you right now that we don't hold that view.
We're not looking down our noses at every other church in our area that may have something provided for children
during the main gathering and saying, not a biblical church.
We're not doing that.
And some that would call themselves family-integrated, not all, but some do in fact do that.
And so I think that's a thing we want to be careful of.
We have had guests, families, guests here that feel that way after leaving.
They say, we can't do this thing, and we don't appreciate that you're telling us we're wrong to go to any other church.
And I go, we didn't say that.
Well, some of you have, in essence, said that to these families.
So we want to be really, really clear about that, right?
We are trying to apply biblical wisdom in the way we meet.
You'll hear me say often, this seems like the best thing right now to help us follow the commands of God.
I don't think it's the only way to accomplish this.
I also decided not to use the term multi-generational, and many of you might think that'd be an easier word to use.
But as I think about educational disciplines, when you bring together multiple disciplines to accomplish a goal,
this is often called multidisciplinary work.
But each person has their own expertise, and they come and they offer their expertise to solve a solution.
Intergenerational communicates something a little bit different.
Interdisciplinary work means that certainly some people may have an expertise,
but they come together and they learn each other's expertises in order to solve a problem.
It has a much more together feel to it.
And so, we are a faith family.
We're meant to be working to that kind of degree of relationship, right?
That we pick up and bear each other's burdens and offer support and help in that way,
which is why I prefer the term intergenerational.
And so, as we talk about being an intergenerational church,
it doesn't just mean that kids are in the service with us.
It means that we're a gathering of believers that love and care for all generations, right?
Titus chapter 2 ministry, right?
Older men and older women ministering to younger men and younger women.
Because we believe that all generations add to the vitality of the church, right?
That we need one another in walking out the Christian faith.
You have heard me say, and maybe I'm unintentionally becoming known for saying,
if you always hang out with your idiot friends, you'll always be an idiot.
And I don't mean to insult your friends, right?
But if you find yourself in a demographic box,
you don't get the shared experience of people outside of that particular demographic.
And so, we need one another, right?
I need parents who have gone before me as an example, right?
Both the lessons that they learned in how not to do things,
as well as how to do things.
I need people I can ask questions of.
I need the zeal of young people in our church, right?
It is very easy for me to get comfortable.
Man, I love having a bunch of young people who are ready to go take on the world with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I need to be spurred on in that way.
These are just some examples of how it is we come together as an intergenerational church,
seeking to honor God with all that we do together.
One aspect of that, one aspect, and it seems to be a prominent aspect,
it's certainly the most contested application of that thinking,
is that we encourage congregants to bring their children to sit with us in the congregational gathering.
This is certainly not without its pains, right?
We do have our moments, don't we?
I've said to you before, of all people,
I'm preaching and trying to keep a train of thought,
that when there's the outburst, I'm with you in that.
We push through and we press on.
And we do so because there's something that undergirds this type of thinking.
There's a reason that we are gathering together in this way.
Let me again say, we do not assert that it is wrong to age segregate.
We have, I talked about it earlier this morning,
a time on Sunday evenings where we're going to do that very thing.
We're going to have some stuff for kids,
and we're going to have some stuff for adults.
Certainly there's times where it's good for us to gender segregate,
let the women get together and talk about things that guys don't want to hear about,
and vice versa for the ladies.
There are moments for this.
And certainly a church can.
I think it's possible.
I just think it's difficult in our age.
Have programs provided for children and still encourage and support
and find parents living out their God-given responsibility
to train up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
I do think this is possible.
We just see that we live in a culture that's so highly specialized
that parents are so quick,
so ready to give away their responsibilities
to the quote-unquote professionals.
So often with schools, with coaches.
And we see this very thing happen in the church as well.
We, without intention, often in our culture,
reduce parents to merely being chauffeurs,
just getting kids to the place that they're meant to be,
where the highly trained professional can help them.
And the Bible doesn't speak in these terms, beloved.
The Bible never commands the church to raise children.
The Bible never commands a particular parachurch ministry to raise children.
The Bible commands parents to raise children.
And so you can take comfort as a parent that this command has been given to you
and therefore the grace necessary to fulfill it will be also given to you.
And you don't have to give away this responsibility to another.
And so that's what we're hoping to accomplish.
We're hoping to very clearly place that responsibility on the shoulders of parents
and then do all kinds of things, which we'll talk about in a bit,
to support that work, right?
To say, this is a heavy load and we want to bear it with you.
But it is your load.
In the great day of judgment, I'll be held accountable for all kinds of things that I do
and say and feel.
Certainly my leadership of many of you.
But I don't believe that I'm going to be held accountable for the children of our church.
I think that accountability is going to be yours.
My part in that is how have I helped you pastor your kids in your home?
And that's why we want to be careful about how we do this very thing.
So CFC as an intergenerational church believe it's a parent's full responsibility,
full responsibility to train children and teach them how to worship and learn about God.
So quickly, let's look at Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4.
And I'll look at a couple of other passages as well.
Right after a command for children to obey their parents,
in verse 4, Paul says,
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
So it's commanded here, right?
And a few other places.
Deuteronomy chapter 6 and verse 7.
You shall teach the commandments of God diligently to your children
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house
and when you walk by the way
and when you lie down
and when you rise.
There's a general application of wisdom given to us
from Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 6.
Train up a child in the way he should go.
Even when he is old,
he will not depart from it.
And so we have these very clear commands to us as parents
to train our children.
It's our responsibility to educate.
Parents, even if someone else is doing that,
if your child is in public school,
for example,
you are responsible for what they are learning.
You need to be aware of their curriculum.
You need to be asking them many tough questions.
And oh, the discernment our young people need
as they're in public education.
We have to labor in this
because the labor has been given to us.
Non-parents,
we want to support the parents in our church.
We want to do everything that we can
to help them pick up this mighty task
that has been given to the parents of our church.
The 19th century English Baptist pastor,
you guys know I love,
Charles Spurgeon,
who was a big proponent of Sunday school,
which was four children at its inception,
once said,
let no Christians fall into the delusion
that Sunday school is intended to ease them
of their parental duties.
The first and most natural condition of things
is for Christian parents
to train up their own children
in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
And so anything that we do together as a church
or a relationship you might even develop
with the child that is not your own
ought to be done in support of
that work of parents with their kids.
That's why I pray on Sunday morning
with the kids from Lethia Way.
We ask that what we do here
and what these children's parents do with them
day in and day out in their homes
turn them to repentance and to faith.
We merely want to come alongside, right?
Because it is biblical for parents
to bear the responsibility for child training.
Our children need to be taught the things of God
and they need to be taught
that they stand in this world
underneath the authority of God
and under your authority as parents.
This is so incredibly important for them
that they see what good, loving, kind authority
looks like in their lives, right?
Corrected and trained for their good.
We talk all the time with our boys
about disciplinary action after the fact,
after one of them has bent over a knee
and they have gone and thought about what they did.
We ask, why is it important to obey your parents?
And the answer that we are always prodding along
is because God who loves them gave us to them
and we love them.
We love you.
That's why you need to obey.
Our children should be learning this
through our parenting, right?
Beyond just the specifics of what we teach,
they need to be learning
that the world functions with authority, right?
God first and foremost
and then subservient authorities under that.
A great problem with our society today
is that there are so many who function
as if there is no authority
and there is no consequence
for anything that they do.
And boy, are they grossly awoken
when consequences do in fact arise, right?
There is authority placed over us.
We are not completely free
to do whatever we would do.
Praise the Lord, right?
He governs over us.
He keeps us safe.
He restrains our wickedness by these things.
And our children need to learn this.
So, it's biblical for parents
to bear the responsibility
for child training.
Children need to learn authority.
They need to be also trained to learn.
This is not a thing
that children pick up immediately.
I think we might have in our congregation
some kindergarten teachers,
if not some that are in those early years.
And they know that one of the major works
that's done when a child is already
five and six years old
in the public school system
is to get them to sit still
and to be quiet and to pay attention.
They should learn this much before that happens, right?
Long before.
They waste almost a year
of that education
just learning to learn.
We are meant as parents, right?
To instruct, to show them
how it is they're meant to act later in life.
Sam and I remind each other often
that we're not raising boys.
We're raising men, right?
We're starting with the end in mind.
Who do we want these young boys to become?
And oh, the many years of work
it will take to get them to that place.
And now as my oldest is eight,
I see those years fleeting.
They're going by so very quick.
There is so much work to be done
with our children.
We primarily want our children
to learn, to learn,
because we want them to learn
the things of God, right?
That they would understand
who God is
and His righteous requirement of them.
That they would see
their absolute inability
to keep His good commands.
And that they would flee to Christ
by repentance and faith.
We want our children
to be able to listen to
and understand the instruction
of the Bible.
Romans 10.17 says that
faith comes from hearing
and hearing through the Word of Christ.
Children and others,
or parents and others,
if we care about the children
of our church,
we should care that they're being trained
to learn.
To learn the things that matter most
in their lives.
We want the Word of God
to be accompanied by
the Spirit of God
that our children would believe.
Spurgeon, again, says,
it is not your instruction
that can save the souls
of your children.
It is the blessing
of the Holy Spirit
accompanying your labors.
So parents,
we get in there
and we work,
we teach,
we teach and we pray
that God would save
our kids.
Our efforts are so
incredibly feeble.
But we can take heart
that the lives of our children
lay not in our hands,
but in the hands
of our good
and faithful Father.
See,
I can press on.
That's no problem.
So children need to be trained
to learn.
Children also
need to be trained
to be part
of a church.
By sending children
to a different room
to be separated
from the
quote-unquote
adult service,
they learn
that whatever
is taking place
in the church gathering
is not meant
for them.
If little ones
are starting off
in circumstances
that make it seem
like they are not
valued in the church,
when does that
thinking change?
When are they taught
that it is simply
not true?
We value you
when you turn
five.
The things of God
are going to be
made available to you
when you turn
three,
whatever that
may be.
When do we begin
helping our kids
understand
that what we do
together as a church
is valuable,
which means it's
valuable for all
of us?
in many churches,
the youth have
their own service.
If you're a teenager,
you're pulled out
of the quote-unquote
adult service,
which are often
just an extension
of children's church.
The kids haven't
learned,
right,
how to sit
and to listen
and to appreciate
the things of God.
And in many churches,
the adult service
has become
little more
than an extension
of the youth service.
It's centered
on entertainment,
wrapped up
in emotion
because
these adults
have never been
taught to grow up.
Our Christian culture
is failing to train,
so we have many
spiritual adolescents
and adults
of our day.
This is a
tragic thing
kids need
to learn.
Some of you
probably came here
and at the outset
thought,
this is kind of boring.
You're likely
a result
of the culture
that entertained you
and entertained you
and entertained you.
And while we want
people to really enjoy
when we gather together,
we're not being boring
by design.
I want you to know
that it is also okay
with us as a church
if what we do
is a bit boring
to the nominal Christian
who comes in and says,
I just don't feel
entertained.
The plea to them
is, well then grow up.
We're talking about
the things of God.
We're singing
and praying
and opening up
the scripture together.
So you see how
we can as a church
start early
and I hope
turn the tide
of this young generation.
We want to raise,
as the Puritans
would say,
churchmen.
I want my boys
to understand
the great value
of the congregation
gathering together
and doing deep
and weighty things
to the glory of God.
So children need
to be trained
to be a part
of the church.
Children need
to be trained
for self-control.
people.
And we have had
just so many,
and so many parents
that I would say
are great parents
come and say,
we just can't do it.
We just can't do it.
It is not unreasonable
to expect a child
to be able to learn,
learn,
to process,
to sit through
an entire sermon.
It is not unreasonable.
If we believe
an hour's worth
of good behavior
is too much
to ask
of our children,
then we are fiercely
underestimating
our children.
If you begin
to actually throw
some effort
into training your kids,
you will be astounded
at what they can
accomplish.
I'm going to use
as an example,
and we are not
a perfect example.
My wife,
I think with fair success,
pulls it off
each week
for the last
eight years
with no help
from me.
If you have
both a mom
and a dad
sitting with your kids,
you are at a great
advantage
to my family,
and yet somehow
from age two,
and we can even
back up,
Silas was much younger,
they are able
to sit
and do that work,
and it is not
because our kids
are just good tempered.
They are not.
I have wonderful
children,
but they have
had to be trained.
They have had to
learn how to do
what it is
they are doing
here and in other
places as well.
We have to teach
them self-control.
I am fearful
for this generation
and their ability
to hold jobs
because guess what?
A lot of life
is going to be
mundane
and boring.
You are going to
sit down at a job
and do data entry
for eight hours
a day,
but as a child
you can't sit
still for an hour.
Oh, the tragedy
that will ensue
from such a thing.
Silas, my two-year-old,
is sitting very quietly,
at least at this moment.
Hey, buddy.
And doing quite well.
Sam's going,
yes, he's doing well.
Don't interrupt.
Don't interrupt
what he's doing well.
But by teaching
our children
to sit through
a church gathering,
they're learning
a number of
important and
profitable habits
that translate
into other areas
of their life.
The youngest children
amongst us
are primarily
learning self-control.
People say,
why are you having
the kids in the service?
What's the point?
Clearly,
I'm not going to go
and ask Silas later
what he learned
from the sermon.
He has no idea
what I'm talking about.
He heard his name
and he looked up.
That was the extent of it.
But he's learning
something extremely important
which is going to feed
into many greater
and more important things.
He's learning
to sit still now
and then he'll begin
to learn from sermons
as time progresses on.
So it does matter.
It is helpful
and important.
Our little ones
have an absolute,
I mean,
it is incredible
how much energy
they have,
isn't it?
I mean,
it is just oozing
out of them
and they're going
to need to learn
how to dial it back
and to sit down
and to be quiet.
Children also gain perspective
by being trained
to stay
for the congregational gathering.
They come to understand
that not everything
revolves around
their need
for entertainment.
They are learning
at a very,
very young age
to put others
before themselves.
We have had
countless conversations
with our children
about not being distracting
to others
because others
are here to listen
or to sing
or to, right?
That what they do
affects other people
and they should be concerned
about that type
of thing.
from a very early age
they're able
to begin
getting this concept.
Like,
this is a huge thing
for us to even understand
as adults.
How much better
if we start early?
Like,
we get the seed
planted in them
and it begins to grow
so they will begin
to understand
the world
does not revolve
around you.
Right?
So,
doing this
takes work.
It takes work.
Know that
sacrifice is required
and your patience
will probably run out
before
it gets stronger.
But it's also important
to know
that as a church
we've made a commitment
to working this out
together
that we're
here for you.
You're not alone
in this effort.
We are pleased
that if you are here
that you are even
giving it an effort.
Like,
that is a wonderful,
wonderful thing
that you're
trying
to do this
and you need
to be encouraged
in continuing
to try
to do this.
And so,
in the effort
of doing it,
let me just give you
some practical tips
for the how.
First,
we cherish
Sunday mornings.
The most valuable step
in training
a child
to sit through
and participate
in church gatherings
is to cherish
church gatherings.
Parents,
if you don't act
like you're happy
to be here,
your children
are going to pick
that up.
It's a great service
to them
if you make
Sunday
the most important
day of the week.
If you're excited
about what we get
to do
together
on Sundays,
we sat through
a particularly
long thing
where the boys
were expected
to be quiet
and when we got
out from it,
Cade noted
that it was
longer
than a church
gathering
and Judah said
it was more
boring
than a church
gathering.
And,
of course,
for a second
my feelings
are hurt
because I don't
really want
our gatherings
to be boring
to my children.
It's not what
I hope for
them,
but it gave me
an opportunity
to talk about
why it shouldn't
be boring
to them.
Oh,
it's the greatest
thing we do.
It's way better
than,
and I can fill
in the multiple
blanks of things
that my children
really enjoy
going to go do,
but to show them
that I think
it's the most
important thing.
I think
it's best.
Non-parents,
you can help
us with this,
right?
Being attentive,
right?
Showing up
on time,
minimizing
bathroom breaks,
right?
Show the kids
around you
that what we're
doing is important
to you,
right?
I love as much
as the next person
when a kid is
on a parent's
shoulder and
they're smiling
at me.
Don't start
entertaining them.
Smile back
and then pay
attention,
right?
That's the thing
you can do
for them.
Stare beyond
them to what's
happening with
us in the room
at that time.
Whether you
treat being
at church
as a delight
or as a duty,
your children
will notice.
It will make
a difference
to them
and impact
their young
hearts.
The contemporary
pastor,
John Piper,
suggests that
parents should
be jealous
to model
for their
children
the tremendous
value they
put on reverence
in the presence
of Almighty
God.
This is a
great work.
Okay?
So we cherish
Sunday mornings.
We also
practice.
This is a
step that is
often overlooked.
Children do
not have tests
without homework,
ideally,
and they're
not put into
a game
without first
going to
practice,
ideally,
right?
You cannot
expect that
this is the
best place
to train
a child.
It just
isn't the
best place
to train
a child.
We
discipline
our children
differently
in our
living room
than we
could in
this room.
Now,
they could
get taken
out of
this room
and disciplined
in the same
way,
but I am
much more
quick to
deliver discipline
of the
physical form
in my
living room
than I
would be
here.
I don't
think people
would appreciate
hearing a little
outcry and
hearing the
smack that
would follow
that,
and then the
crying that
would ensue.
This isn't
the best
place.
And we
across the
years have
encountered
a parent that
really tries to
work it out
here,
and so there's
the noise
and the
shh and
the noise
and the
shh and
the noise
and the
shh and
the noise
and the
shh and
the noise
and the
shh.
And it's
more distracting.
And the
child's not
comprehending
what's going
on in
that space.
It's not
actually the
thing that's
most needful,
right?
What they
need is to
be trained at
home and
then brought
here,
and we'll
talk a bit
more about
placing
expectations and
consequences on
the children at
that time.
The practice
at home is
absolutely
necessary.
Start small,
take steps,
best suit your
children and
their age,
and grow in
it.
So a
wonderful
suggestion from
the Zwimkes.
If you don't
know the Zwimkes,
I am sorry for
that.
previous members
of our
church that
are serving
in Germany
right now,
every one of
their five
girls,
Kathleen did
what she
called blanket
time,
and she did
that largely.
She was
training them
up to
self-discipline,
but she did
that largely
to have the
kids in the
service,
gave them a
blanket with
quiet toys,
and expected
them to be
quiet,
in infancy,
to be quiet.
She was able
to sit with
them and
correct them,
to be right
there and
ready to
bring correction
to help them
understand what
that looks like.
So you could
do something
like that at
home and
then bring it
here as well.
You're welcome
to put a
blanket in the
aisle.
The fire
inspector never
shows up on
a Sunday
morning.
So think
about things
you could
implement at
home and
then bring
with you here.
We, with our
boys, had a
little seat that
you strapped a
kid into,
and we worked
at home on
helping them
learn to be
quiet at
home, and
they sat in
a chair here,
and it made
sense to them.
If I sit here,
I can nibble on
Cheerios as long
as I'm quiet.
So you can work
on these types
of things.
You could have
other forms of
quiet play with
older kids, and
let me tell you,
if you're a parent
and you feel like
you have no extra
time in your day,
you are going to
love doing this
kind of training
because it's
going to give
you time in
your day.
We do at our
house, I call it
book time.
The boys know
exactly what I'm
talking about,
and it's usually
when my brain's
about to explode
from the noise
in the house,
and I've almost
always got a book
with me that I
would love to
read, and I
sit them on the
couch.
They get a big
stack of books
each, and they
sit on the couch.
They were doing
this before any
of them were
readers, just
looking at pages
of books, and I
sit in a chair next
to them, and I
can bring
correction, verbal
correction, loudly,
Judah.
Judah, we're being
quiet right now.
You know you're
supposed to be
quiet.
And we worked
our time up in
that way, so now
I expect 45
minutes, and they
sit there very
quietly for 45
minutes and look
at books, and
we're working with
our two-year-old
Silas to join in
on that.
I expect it for a
while, and then I'll
let him off the
couch and go do
something else,
because his poor
little body is
freaking out.
Right?
So you need to
practice at home, and
you need to be
appropriate, and you
need to work your
way up.
It's difficult to
expect absolute
silence from your
children.
Please know I don't
expect absolute
silence from your
children, but your
children can be
taught to control
their volume.
Even a little one
can learn how to
whisper.
I use a hand
symbol.
Instead of shushing,
I go like this, and
they get it.
Because when I go
like this, I start
talking more
quietly.
And it's really
incredible how
smart they are, and
how they can pick
that kind of thing
up.
So you can teach
your kids to bring
their volume down,
so that if they do
need something when
we're meeting
together, they can
ask for it
appropriately.
Right?
If you need to,
sit with your kids,
join them on the
couch, on the
floor, set some
time aside in your
day to actually
show them what it
looks like to do
the thing you're
asking them to do.
Like, don't give
them a far-off
concept of what it
means to sit
quietly.
Tell them and then
show them what it
looks like to sit
quietly.
We periodically have
a little share
circle in our house,
and I teach the
kids how to ask
nicely and to share,
and I'm still doing
this with our
eight-year-old who
now thinks it's the
most boring,
ridiculous task, but
yet hasn't learned
how to do it.
And so we model
what it looks like.
Right?
And we're looping
now a two-year-old
into that process of
asking nicely and
saying, thank you.
And if your brother's
not ready to share
yet, what do you do?
Right?
You don't yell and
hit.
So our children need
this kind of thing
modeled out for them.
The greatest benefit
gained from practicing
at home is being
able to continually
worship as a family
throughout the week.
So you can train at
home by doing
family worship at
home.
Picking up these
important things that
we do on Sunday
mornings and doing
that in your home as
well.
It's a wondrous thing
for children to
understand that God
does not only exist
on Sundays.
This building isn't
somehow holy, the
place in which we
come and meet with
him.
But those who are
God's people are
God's dwelling place.
And so in every day,
our kids need to see
us as parents excited
to talk about him,
to share what we
know with them.
And I will tell you,
parents, if you want
to really understand
the things of God,
try to explain it to
a three or four or
five-year-old.
Try to bring it down
to their place.
Meditate on it
yourself in that way.
I hope sometimes
Aletheia Way serves
you just because you
go, oh, you said
that in the simplest
of terms.
And what a glorious
truth that is.
It's a good thing to
consider.
Okay, we give clear
expectations.
We give clear
expectations.
You have to communicate
to your children in
advance what you
expect of them.
Beloved, adults
behave this way.
Have you ever had a
job where you didn't
really know what your
boss wanted of you and
he never quite seemed
happy with you?
I've had some of those
and I hated it.
Just tell me what you
expect so I can make
you happy and go home
thinking I've done my
job at the end of the
day.
So tell your kids what
it is that you expect
of them.
And there can be
variance in that, the
expectations you have
for your kids.
Some parents are going
to want their kids to
sit perfectly still,
attentive, listening to
every word that comes
out of my mouth.
Some parents are going
to let their kids look
at books or draw or do
mazes or whatever.
That is fine.
Just let your kids know
what it is that you're
expecting of them.
Please include in that
not being distracting.
Right?
Not being distracting.
Like what we are doing
together is weighty.
The primary thing we're
doing is not helping you
train your kids.
The primary thing we're
doing is gathering
together to be equipped
for every good work.
So keep that in mind.
Alongside of your
expectations for them,
make sure they know what
can be expected when
they misbehave.
As you lay out
expectations for their
behavior, have clear
consequences for
disobedience.
This is what will happen
if you don't obey.
Be consistent with your
children by always
following through with
stated consequences.
And this absolutely gets
repetitive.
It absolutely does.
But repetition is a key
in training little ones.
So you guys all know how
I like to alliterate and
it seems like everything I
alliterate in my world
starts with a C.
This is no exception to
that.
If you ask me what our
philosophy for training our
children is, I will tell
you clear expectations,
clear consequences,
and consistency.
We absolutely have to
follow through with our
children.
So clear expectations,
clear consequences,
promises, and consistency.
Next, we are prepared.
We are prepared.
Prep your children for
coming to church, right?
Part of that is stating
expectations, right?
You can turn their minds to
what is important about the
day.
If you have older children,
you begin to talk to them
about last week's text,
what we may be preaching
about this week, although
these days, who knows what
text we'll be in.
But typically, you can look
at where we are in the
Scripture and see, with a
fair guess, what verses
will come next in our
verse-by-verse exposition.
It helps to hit the ground
running, take the kids to
the bathroom before you come
inside, have their things
ready to go.
So when we sit down and it's
time to open God's Word and
preach, you're not fumbling
through backpacks and opening
up loud containers, right?
Let me suggest to you, bags
that aren't crunchy and food
that's not crunchy and toys
that don't bang together,
like, think about things that
are quiet because it'll keep
them quiet, right?
As they're seeing, I don't
make noise with the stuff
that I'm playing with.
It'll help keep their volume
down.
But as they get louder here,
they feel a little more
justified to speak up over the
top of.
So it can be really, really
helpful to be thoughtful of
that, right?
Like a pencil bag that, right,
maybe has a quiet Ziploc thing
in its cloth rather than a
giant Ziploc bag that has to
be crunched in and out of to
get things in and out of it.
Could be an example of
something like that, right?
You don't want your kids
frantically jumping up and
down and trying to find their
stuff, right?
When we begin to sit down
together, it'll help them come
sit down, settle in for our
time, right?
You have to prepare yourself
as well.
It will be hard to fully
listen to an entire sermon
with a squirmy, noisy
toddler.
Amen, parents?
This means that you cannot
expect a Sunday morning to be
your only biblical fuel for
the week.
This is true for every single
one of us, right?
This can't be it.
You will be malnourished if
this is the only Bible you
get.
You see this morning,
you're getting very little
of it, right?
Ephesians chapter 6 and
verse 4.
So, what should we be doing
throughout the week, right?
We ought to be feeding
ourselves from the Holy
Writ every single day.
Being filled up with the
Bible will help you come
here and maybe miss the
third point from the second
point.
And you'll be okay if you do
that thing.
Go back and listen to the
recording or ladies, ask your
attentive husband what was
said there, right?
Sermons are necessary, but
they are certainly not
enough.
They're certainly not
enough.
And as you teach your
children, as you prepare your
children, right?
Keep in mind, for those of us
with young children, these are
working years and there will
come reaping years.
This is another Kathleen's
Wimke mantra.
mantra.
And if you guys know those
Wimkes, you knew how
wonderfully obedient her older
girls were.
They were just a joy to have
around because they were
really invested in as young
children.
So, keep that in mind as we're
doing the hard work of training
our kids, right?
That we are going to reap a
reward for that kind of work.
As your children grow, if they
are trained, what a blessing
it would be, what wonderful
things would be, that they
will be able to learn right
alongside of you.
And you will learn together as a
family, right?
To sit together and to hear
God's Word preached, to have
conversations about it all
afternoon, right?
Until nap time comes.
What a glorious thing that would
be.
Okay, we discipline.
Proper discipline can be a
difficult thing to navigate, but
we can be sure that it is
necessary.
Proverbs 22, 15 says that
folly is bound up in the heart
of a child, but the rod of
discipline drives it far from
him.
So, we're talking about
corrective discipline.
Later in Proverbs 29, verse 15,
the rod and reproof give
wisdom, but a child left to
himself brings shame to his
mother, right?
And the Scripture encourages
this kind of corrective
discipline.
Disciplining our children,
Voddie Bauckham writes, is
not about teaching them to
behave in a way that won't
embarrass us.
We are working towards
something much more important
than that.
We're actually raising our
children with a view toward
leading them to trust and to
follow Christ.
So, after expectations are set
and children understand them,
make sure they know the
consequences for
disobedience.
It is good practice to use
the same course of discipline
as you would at home.
Don't confuse them.
There's different standards and
consequences on Sunday than
there are other days of the
week, right?
Again, for us, we have to
remove our children to do the
same thing at home from the
room.
You probably will have to as
well.
Remember to take advantage of
that time at home when you're in
an environment where discipline
is much, much easier to
administer.
When you take your kids out of
this room, work not only to
explain what they're doing
wrong, but how it is
disobedient and why that
disobedience is not okay.
You don't want to just blindly
discipline without also
verbally correcting, helping
them to understand, even at the
very youngest age.
Young parents ask Sam and I
often, when do you start
disciplining your kids?
And we say, on the changing
table.
You have to begin setting
expectations, and our first
expectation is don't roll over.
That's it.
I'm doing a really, really,
really hard operation here.
If I'm going to not have to
take a scalding hot shower, so
don't move is the first command
we give to our kids.
And then we expect that they
will not move.
And we don't spank our
infants, but we put our hand on
their chest and pull them down
if they're starting to roll
over.
And boy, do they get it quick.
They understand, Dad is not
happy with me when I am
flipping over and smearing as I
go.
So, parents, if your children are
not keeping the standard that
you set for them, don't try to
correct, try to correct, try to
correct, try to correct.
You need to get them up and you
need to get them out.
In fact, the non-parents in the
room need to see you doing that,
not trying to pacify them, but
moving quickly with them to
administer discipline.
Like, you have not met the
standard, so we're heading out.
There will be some discipline for
not meeting the standard, and
then we'll see how we can
correct after that.
Once you've left the room, you
need to discern if it's possible
to return to the meeting room.
It may not be possible to return
to the room and be fruitful to
sit in this space.
Again, we have a training space
across the hall.
That's what that's there for.
I know we call it the overflow
room, a lot of you do.
I call it the training space,
right?
It's got a TV over there.
You can go sit as if you're
sitting in here, but there you
can be a little more corrective.
They can be a little more
distracting and help them in that
space, right?
If they learn that when they have
an outburst, they get to go do
something more fun.
You go across the hall and you
put them down.
You go put them in child care
downstairs.
Guess what they're going to do
every single Sunday, right?
With our kids, fortunately, when
both Kate and Judah, our older
ones, were young, my brother-in-law
was preaching as well, and so I
had these big blocks of time that
I wouldn't have to preach.
And so what I did in those times
to help out Sam with our
training is that if one of them,
I mean, one little outburst,
we'd give them a, you need to be
quiet.
If they didn't do it again, I was
up and out of this room, and they
would be spanked.
And then we would go into the
kitchen, because you can hear
through that little rolly door
back there, what's going on in
the room.
We didn't have a cool TV across
the hall at the time.
And I would make them put their
head down on my shoulder and be
quiet.
It's a lot less fun.
In here, they got to sit and look
at a book, right, or color.
When they weren't appropriate,
they got to do nothing.
Often they fell asleep when we did
that, right?
But it got less fun for them, and
so they really quickly said, gosh,
if I want to keep coloring, I've got
to be quiet.
And they learned to sit and to be
quiet in that way.
And so you want to figure out the
best way to move them to where you'd
like for them to be here with us in
the room, right?
Remember that training area is there
to serve you and to help you in
eventually bringing kids over here.
Don't put them down.
Make them sit in your lap in here.
Maybe they can sit in a chair out
over there.
Maybe make them sit in your lap so
it's less fun in that way.
So moms of nursing infants, you know
there's a nursing room there for you.
Certainly happy to have you use that.
So how we help you do it, let me
just run this really quickly.
We do have child care downstairs
during this time for other meetings
that we have.
We understand not all families and
visitors have children who are ready
to sit through a Sunday gathering.
Some aren't ready for it yet and are
still in the process, right?
They don't need to be put in the game
yet.
They still need to be trained at home.
So training a child takes this time
and patient sacrifice and we want to
help.
We want to be here to support you in
that.
The child care is provided with the
short-term goal of accommodating
visitors and we have had the family
that walks in and we go, hey, did you
know?
And I go, I mean, they are not prepared
at all for having their children sit with
them in the service.
What a great thing.
We have child care.
Hey, that's no problem.
We'd love for your kids to come
downstairs.
That'd be totally okay.
Okay.
So that short-term goal and for also
helping families with children in
foster care, right?
Children who are coming from being
trained differently and trying to
learn can be a very difficult thing.
So we want to serve those families
well.
But also the long-term goal of helping
new member parents who join our church
or new parents transition their kids
into sitting through worship.
And so I want to encourage you to do
that as quickly as you can.
Like really try to work your kids up
here as quickly as you can.
Work them up here.
If you wait till your child is three
years old to start training him to
sit in here, you're starting from
ground zero.
You might as well start earlier.
That'd be my encouragement to you.
I also know that we have those
particularly tough, particularly tough
days.
And it's okay if you need to take a
big deep breath and let somebody
else hold your fussy one and a half
year old while you sit and listen to
a sermon.
That's all right.
But we want to encourage you to not
take advantage of that for a long
period of time.
But find space to be working with
your kids and to be bringing them up
here with us eventually.
I talked already about Aletheia Way.
Meant to support, meant to show
children that our church loves them.
I love that you guys sing the kids
song.
That's such a good thing because it
says to the kids that you're with
them in this thing.
We're not just all gawking at you
like animals in a zoo.
But we're with you in singing these
wonderful, simple songs that we sing
with the children.
They need to feel love.
They need to feel appreciated in our
gathering together.
Not like the, we want you just off in
the corner quiet.
But please come and participate with
us.
I love hearing the kids sing when we're
singing our congregational songs
together.
That's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
And they need to feel allowed to do
that with us.
So we hope that Aletheia Way does that
and serves as an example, as I said,
for how you can do it at home.
How you can simply sit down with your
kids and do the things of God with
them in your home.
I also mentioned previously Project
Grow.
It's a program aimed at teaching
children the foundational truths of
the Christian faith.
And we're going to be using the New City
Catechism, which is a systematic
theology done in questions and answers
that the kids will memorize to, again,
come alongside to aid parents in this
work.
And then finally, encouragement.
It's really important to understand that
no family in our congregation has ever
shown up at the door with perfectly
behaved children.
There's no such thing, really.
So if you see families who are doing
it well, ask questions.
How are you doing this?
It's going to be a rare family that's
going to go, I don't know, our kids
just quiet all the time.
Had a couple of those kids.
But for the most part, a lot of training
went into helping kids sit quietly.
And there is no need to feel embarrassed
in our midst for the sake of a crying
child.
We get that it happens, right?
Those of you who are non-parents,
help parents who are like picking up a
kid that's crying and walking out of
this room by not acting like it matters.
It doesn't matter.
If you're so easily distracted, boy,
you need to work on your focus.
It's no big deal, right?
Let them get up and walk out with
every head turning as they go that way,
right?
There's no need to feel embarrassed when
the kid's having a rough day and you
have to go do some disciplinary action.
We've all gone through the training process
and we're really happy.
We rejoice to walk alongside you as you do
this thing.
And so I hope that this bit of time,
and again, I know this is abnormal.
I feel like I've got to just read something
from the Bible real quick.
This is a lot to work out of a couple of
very simple commands, right?
The responsibility of child raising is laid
on the shoulders of parents.
So we want to keep thinking about how do we
do this really well together because we
want these kids, right, to repent and believe
in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We want to see genuine faith in our children
and we're going to have to help parents do that,
right?
We want to come together to be intergenerational
to aid them in the process of raising up their
children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
Let's pray together.