WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.040 I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad that we can continue in the series that we started a few weeks ago. 00:00:05.799 --> 00:00:10.640 We've been looking at a book in the Old Testament called The Song of Songs, or some people call it 00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:18.420 The Song of Solomon. This is a book of poetry that is written by King Solomon. It's divinely inspired. 00:00:18.879 --> 00:00:26.940 It's a vision of ideal marriage, marriage as God intended it, and the marriages between Solomon 00:00:26.940 --> 00:00:33.600 and a woman we've come to know as the Shulamite, the Shulamite woman. And so we've been looking at 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:38.000 this book, and we've been looking at the central theme of The Song of Songs, which is the theme of 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:47.980 intimacy. Extremely important, because God made you for intimacy. He made us for intimacy with one 00:00:47.980 --> 00:00:54.740 another, and he made us for intimacy ultimately with himself. And intimacy is being fully known 00:00:54.740 --> 00:01:02.440 and fully loved by another. And so because we are made for this, it's something that we need as much 00:01:02.440 --> 00:01:10.719 as we need air or food or water. We need intimacy, otherwise we wither. And so today, we've been 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:15.060 focusing on different aspects of this over the last few weeks, and today we're going to focus on 00:01:15.060 --> 00:01:22.000 sexual intimacy. Now when I say that, a lot of people think that sex and intimacy are interchangeable, 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:28.540 that they're one and the same. But that's not at all the case. Sex is a kind of intimacy. 00:01:29.799 --> 00:01:36.859 Sex is meant to build or enhance or deepen intimacy. But it's just one kind of intimacy, 00:01:37.159 --> 00:01:43.379 and emotional intimacy, psychological intimacy, these are broader categories of intimacy of which 00:01:43.379 --> 00:01:50.120 sex is just a part. And yet even though sex is meant to deepen intimacy, more and more in our society 00:01:50.120 --> 00:01:58.380 what we see is that sex and intimacy have been torn apart. They've been separated. With the rise of 00:01:58.380 --> 00:02:05.580 things like pornography, which is essentially ubiquitous now, with the rise of casual dating and casual sex 00:02:05.580 --> 00:02:12.800 and the hookup culture, we have more and more and more the reality that sex without intimacy 00:02:12.800 --> 00:02:21.439 is more and more and more the norm. And intimacy is seen as a kind of add-on option when you're at a 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:26.840 point in life where you're ready for a committed relationship. But sex without intimacy is more and 00:02:26.840 --> 00:02:35.460 more the daily or weekly experience of people in their lives. And so in our culture, we have more and 00:02:35.460 --> 00:02:42.219 more and more people who have the ability, whether it's through pornography or with another person, 00:02:42.560 --> 00:02:48.780 to have as much sex as they want. And yet we have more and more people, including more and more 00:02:48.780 --> 00:02:54.080 married people, people who've been married for years, who have very little understanding of what 00:02:54.080 --> 00:03:01.260 intimacy is. And they have no idea how to build it. And so it's an extremely important topic for us to 00:03:01.259 --> 00:03:06.159 spend time discussing. And that's why we're going to do it. And we're going to look this week at Song 00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:14.459 of Songs, chapter 6, verse 11, through chapter 7, verse 13. The entire book is a book of erotic poetry, 00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:20.399 but this is the most erotic part of the book. You'll see what I'm talking about in just a second. 00:03:20.659 --> 00:03:28.259 But we're going to read this with this question in mind. What makes sex intimate? 00:03:28.259 --> 00:03:35.840 How do you build sexual intimacy? What does that look like? What does it take? 00:03:36.539 --> 00:03:40.019 So let's pray, and then we'll read the passage, and then we'll draw out a couple of 00:03:40.019 --> 00:03:43.120 ideas that we can maybe apply to that question. 00:03:44.219 --> 00:03:50.699 Lord, we do pray, as we have done every week, that you are the God of love, the God of intimacy, 00:03:50.939 --> 00:03:57.599 the God who created and gifted us with sexual intimacy. And so we pray that as we sit here, 00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:03.400 that these would not just merely be human words or human wisdom, but that in the power of your 00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:10.259 spirit, you would illuminate this text, that you would teach us and show us that for which we were 00:04:10.259 --> 00:04:16.420 made, that which can only ultimately be realized in your son, Jesus Christ. And it's in his name that 00:04:16.420 --> 00:04:23.920 we pray. Amen. So Song of Songs, beginning in chapter 6, verse 11. Let's walk through this, 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:29.720 and I'll help you understand a little about what's going on. As I've said before, this is a song. It 00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:35.259 was probably a song or a collection of songs meant to be sung at a Jewish wedding. And so we have 00:04:35.259 --> 00:04:40.520 different parts. We have the woman's part, the man's part, and the chorus chimes in every now and 00:04:40.520 --> 00:04:43.460 then. So she, the Shulamite woman, sings this. 00:04:43.459 --> 00:04:48.459 I went down to the nut orchard to look at the blossoms of the valley, to see whether the vines 00:04:48.459 --> 00:04:53.919 had budded, whether the pomegranates were in bloom. Before I was aware, my desire set me among the 00:04:53.919 --> 00:04:59.219 chariots of my kinsmen, a prince. Now I want to say a couple of things about this. These references, 00:04:59.759 --> 00:05:07.279 nut orchard, that is the reference to the nut is a reference to both male and female genitalia. 00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:12.819 It's an ancient Near Eastern symbol, poetic symbol for that. So that's a very intimate image. 00:05:13.439 --> 00:05:19.619 Remember, this is poetry. So we're looking for metaphor. We're looking for creative plays on 00:05:19.619 --> 00:05:25.539 words. And this is full of that. When you talk about the blossoms of the valley, whether the 00:05:25.539 --> 00:05:30.419 vines are budding, whether the pomegranates are in bloom, these are all images of fertility, 00:05:30.619 --> 00:05:36.839 more erotic imagery. Verse 12 is notoriously difficult to translate. The commentators have a field 00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:41.579 day trying to figure out what this means. And frankly, as much study as I've done on it, I have 00:05:41.579 --> 00:05:46.459 very little to add to what the commentators have already done. The ESV, which is this version, does 00:05:46.459 --> 00:05:52.079 a pretty decent job. But essentially, I would summarize this as the woman is daydreaming about 00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:57.599 being in the countryside and she's feeling amorous. And as she daydreams about being in the countryside, 00:05:57.819 --> 00:06:02.639 she's daydreaming about being there with her lover. She's essentially saying, I wish we could get 00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:09.360 away and be in a romantic vineyard together. And so that's essentially what's going on here. 00:06:09.860 --> 00:06:15.479 So if we move forward, then the chorus chimes in and they say, return, return, O Shulamite, 00:06:15.579 --> 00:06:20.019 snap out of your daydream. Return, return, that we may look upon you. And what they actually mean, 00:06:20.060 --> 00:06:25.560 there's a play on words, return can also mean turn or leap. They want the Shulamite woman to dance for 00:06:25.560 --> 00:06:29.860 them. This is a wedding. We're celebrating. Join in the dance. We want to see you dance. 00:06:29.860 --> 00:06:35.639 And then we have the voice of Solomon. Why should you look upon the Shulamite as upon a dance before 00:06:35.639 --> 00:06:41.520 two armies? I don't want her to dance for you. I want to dance for me. I want her to dance for me 00:06:41.520 --> 00:06:47.520 and me alone. And we can imagine that that's what happens because then he begins to praise her in 00:06:47.520 --> 00:06:53.439 very intimate ways. Chapter seven, verse one, how beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter. 00:06:53.580 --> 00:06:58.520 She's dancing at this point. That's why he started with her feet. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, 00:06:58.519 --> 00:07:04.919 the work of a master hand. So he's moving his eyes up her body. If we keep going, your navel is a 00:07:04.919 --> 00:07:10.779 rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat encircled with lilies. I'll 00:07:10.779 --> 00:07:16.859 just tell you these are plays on words and the word navel, the word belly, these can also mean much 00:07:16.859 --> 00:07:21.500 more intimate parts of the female anatomy. So we're not talking about a literal heap of wheat here. I'll 00:07:21.500 --> 00:07:28.219 just leave it there. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an 00:07:28.220 --> 00:07:34.300 ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon by the gates of Bath-Rabim. Your nose is like a tower 00:07:34.300 --> 00:07:40.420 of Lebanon. That's a good thing, which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Carmel and your 00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:48.100 flowing locks are like purple. A king is held captive in the tresses. How beautiful and pleasant you are, 00:07:48.180 --> 00:07:54.720 O loved one, with all your delights. I really won't have to unpack this next image for you. Your stature 00:07:54.720 --> 00:08:00.220 is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay 00:08:00.220 --> 00:08:05.160 hold of its fruit. O may your breasts be like clusters of the vine and the scent of your breath 00:08:05.160 --> 00:08:14.020 like apples and your mouth like the best wine. So at this point we have a shift in speakers, 00:08:14.380 --> 00:08:21.100 but it becomes increasingly obvious as we look at the imagery that is being used that the Shulamite 00:08:21.100 --> 00:08:26.540 woman is not only dancing, but she's dancing naked. She's removed all of her clothes. It's a very 00:08:26.540 --> 00:08:32.000 intimate moment. And then she responds, it goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:38.779 teeth. This is, I think, the most important verse in the entire Song of Songs. I am my beloved's and his 00:08:38.779 --> 00:08:44.519 desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages. 00:08:45.560 --> 00:08:50.220 Let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded. Remember her daydream? 00:08:50.220 --> 00:08:55.080 She says, I want to go to that place I was imagining being with you. Let's go there. Let's find a 00:08:55.080 --> 00:08:59.960 village somewhere and go out into the countryside. Let's see whether the vines have budded, whether 00:08:59.960 --> 00:09:05.160 the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. 00:09:07.120 --> 00:09:12.700 The mandrakes gave forth fragrance and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, 00:09:12.879 --> 00:09:20.139 which I have laid up for you, oh my beloved. An incredibly intimate image. And as I 00:09:20.139 --> 00:09:24.279 said a moment ago, it becomes increasingly clear as you look at this. And I know it's shocking that 00:09:24.279 --> 00:09:30.840 something like this would be in the Bible. But this woman, this bride, is dancing, unclothed in 00:09:30.840 --> 00:09:37.120 front of her husband. And then as they both are feeling amorous, she suggests that they depart from 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:42.639 the city, that they go out to the countryside, that they find some secluded place where they can 00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:47.220 be together and have privacy. And she says, there I will give you my love. 00:09:47.220 --> 00:09:54.440 And so what we want to do is look at this. And I said, we want to ask this question. What is it that 00:09:54.440 --> 00:10:03.879 makes sex intimate? What is it that helps us build sexual intimacy? And this is poetry. It's not a 00:10:03.879 --> 00:10:10.360 how-to manual. And yet there are themes that are very powerful that recur again and again and again 00:10:10.360 --> 00:10:16.019 that show up here that are directly connected to sexual intimacy. So we're going to look at two things. 00:10:16.019 --> 00:10:24.019 The first thing that you need to build sexual intimacy is communication. You need communication, 00:10:24.439 --> 00:10:30.620 holistically speaking. One of the things that you see in this passage and throughout the entire Song of 00:10:30.620 --> 00:10:42.620 Songs is that both Solomon and his bride are almost fearless in their ability to very directly 00:10:42.620 --> 00:10:50.200 state their desires, their wants, their needs to describe one another in very intimate detail. 00:10:50.779 --> 00:10:57.060 They don't hold back anything. And for us reading it, it can be shocking. It can make you 00:10:57.060 --> 00:11:04.480 blush and squirm to read or to read aloud in a room like this. These words, they're incredibly direct. 00:11:04.480 --> 00:11:11.639 And one of the most amazing things is actually how the woman is portrayed. You know, most of history, 00:11:11.800 --> 00:11:17.120 especially in religious communities, the Jewish community, the Christian community, for most of 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:26.500 our history, women have been expected to be quiet and submissive and demure. And when it came to 00:11:26.500 --> 00:11:32.420 sexuality, there was not much thought or priority given to women and their enjoyment of sex. 00:11:32.419 --> 00:11:39.419 A willingness was enough. It was really about procreation. But what you see here is this 00:11:39.419 --> 00:11:46.860 portrayal of a woman who is fully sexually realized, powerful woman. She gets the majority of the 00:11:46.860 --> 00:11:52.240 verses in the Song of Songs. She, I think, speaks roughly half of the verses. In many of those places, 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:59.259 she is directly, boldly, sometimes almost aggressively stating what she desires. And it's very clear, 00:11:59.259 --> 00:12:03.779 there's very little reference to procreation here. It is very clear that what this is focusing on 00:12:03.779 --> 00:12:13.659 is the enjoyment of sex. Purely the enjoyment of it. The delighting in one another. And that level of 00:12:13.659 --> 00:12:20.740 intimate communication between this husband and wife is staggering to many people reading it, 00:12:20.860 --> 00:12:26.700 I think, then and now. Communication is essential for intimacy. There's a book written by a guy named 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:32.440 Dr. Kevin Lehman called Sex Begins in the Kitchen. Sounds a little salacious as well. But what's 00:12:32.440 --> 00:12:38.759 actually the subject of this book is he says, sexual intimacy begins long before you get in the 00:12:38.759 --> 00:12:45.280 bedroom. Sexual intimacy is rooted in how you communicate in places like the dining room around 00:12:45.280 --> 00:12:52.360 your dinner table or the living room or as you're going about the daily tasks of living that you have to 00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:57.480 accomplish together. And when it talks about communication, it's not just talking about content 00:12:57.480 --> 00:13:03.740 dumping. That's not really communication. You know, I've been married 10 years and one of the things 00:13:03.740 --> 00:13:07.720 that we have learned in our marriage is that now that we have three kids, we really don't have a lot 00:13:07.720 --> 00:13:13.659 of time to really tell each other everything that happened in our day. When we finally get the kids 00:13:13.659 --> 00:13:18.420 down and everything is finally quiet and we have about 45 minutes of energy remaining before we're 00:13:18.419 --> 00:13:24.219 unconscious, we have to use that time very well. And content dumping is just not a good use of that 00:13:24.219 --> 00:13:31.599 time. And what we've come to realize is that what we don't need, we don't actually need the content. 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:38.599 What we really need to feel connected is the emotional reality that we've inhabited that day. So I could 00:13:38.599 --> 00:13:43.579 tell you about all the things that I did and all the people and all the meetings and all that, or I could 00:13:43.580 --> 00:13:49.220 just tell you, there was this one point in the day where I felt tremendously insecure and I felt 00:13:49.220 --> 00:13:57.180 incompetent and that was really hard. And just a 10 minute conversation like that is worth more than an 00:13:57.180 --> 00:14:03.720 hour and a half of content dumping. And so real communication means opening your heart up, becoming 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:11.340 vulnerable, sharing not just the content of your day, but your emotional experience of the day. So when you 00:14:11.340 --> 00:14:16.860 talk about your day, focus not on what happened, but focus on how you felt about what happened. When 00:14:16.860 --> 00:14:24.200 something makes you feel insecure in your relationship, admit it. Share your experiences with your 00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:32.480 intimate partner. Share those experiences that have caused you to feel shame. It's hard to get more 00:14:32.480 --> 00:14:37.500 intimate than sharing experiences of deep shame. And those are not things that you share with lots of 00:14:37.500 --> 00:14:44.820 people. You share them with only your most intimate, trusted, loved ones. Talk about your hopes and 00:14:44.820 --> 00:14:49.019 desires. Talk about what you like and what you don't like. When it comes to sexual intimacy, be willing to 00:14:49.019 --> 00:14:54.399 discuss things that make you feel comfortable and uncomfortable. A good rule of thumb is in sexual 00:14:54.399 --> 00:15:00.779 intimacy, if you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it. You shouldn't be doing it. Now I know that a lot of 00:15:00.779 --> 00:15:06.199 this is focusing on and assuming a married relationship. And I'm doing this because in this case, 00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:13.279 this is when we talk about sexual intimacy, this is how we need to deal with it. And my assumption is 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:17.159 that even if there are a lot of people in this room who are not married, your desire is to be married. 00:15:17.799 --> 00:15:22.879 And so learning how to communicate, learning how to communicate and be vulnerable and be intimate and 00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:28.759 access and communicate those feelings, that's extremely important to be doing right now, whether or not 00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:33.639 you're married. So we see this communication happening. And the other thing I want you to 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.779 notice before we move on is the bride suggests that they should go out into the countryside. 00:15:38.360 --> 00:15:43.360 And this is significant because all throughout the Song of Songs, there's a contrast between the city, 00:15:43.899 --> 00:15:49.879 which is a place of alienation and missed connections and misunderstanding and sometimes anxiety. 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:56.399 And then you have the times in the garden, punctuated throughout. There are times when they're in the 00:15:56.399 --> 00:16:00.899 countryside, they're in the vineyards, they're among the blooming flowers and the pomegranates, they're 00:16:00.899 --> 00:16:07.559 together in the pastures alone. And those times in the garden are times of profound intimacy. 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:12.220 It's extremely important in an intimate relationship if you want to build intimacy, 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:16.360 especially in your marriage, that you have regular times alone together. 00:16:17.959 --> 00:16:22.919 Times of seclusion, times when you're not being distracted by your work or by 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:26.659 smartphones or by your kids, but times when you are alone. 00:16:27.740 --> 00:16:32.019 And that means, and I would suggest that you try to have at least an hour 00:16:32.019 --> 00:16:39.339 every day where you are alone together, making eye contact, being affectionate. 00:16:40.719 --> 00:16:46.059 The TV's off. Don't just veg out in front of Netflix. That has to be a priority. At least an hour 00:16:46.059 --> 00:16:51.240 every day. I would say at least a day a week. If you can make that your Sabbath, I think that's the 00:16:51.240 --> 00:16:56.220 ideal scenario. You take a weekly Sabbath together. On top of that, in addition to that, a weekly date 00:16:56.220 --> 00:17:00.480 night where you're getting out or even you're staying at home, but you make it special. And 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:05.259 these are times to focus on that kind of intimate communication. And then beyond that, regularly 00:17:05.259 --> 00:17:11.799 getting away. D.C. is surrounded by wonderful, beautiful vineyards and countryside. Go out, get away, 00:17:12.120 --> 00:17:17.839 get weekends together. All of these are extremely important. It's amazing when we have so many 00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:23.119 dual income households in D.C. where both people have to work to cover all the expenses of living 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:27.459 in a place like D.C. where people just work all day. They come home. They kind of see each other. 00:17:27.579 --> 00:17:33.819 They do the evening routine and then they just keep working until both of them collapse. And that can 00:17:33.819 --> 00:17:41.000 just so easily become the norm. It can't be. You cannot have intimacy without those times in the 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:48.660 garden together. So communication is a huge piece of building intimacy. The next piece, the second 00:17:48.660 --> 00:17:53.220 thing that we'll see about building sexual intimacy that's very clear here is that we need covenant. 00:17:54.119 --> 00:17:58.220 And we've talked about this before, but it comes up again and again. It's something that we cannot 00:17:58.220 --> 00:18:06.640 talk enough about. In our culture, the vast majority of people consider the idea that you should be 00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:14.200 abstinent outside of marriage to be a ludicrous and entirely unrealistic standard. And as somebody 00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:21.160 who was unmarried and single until I was 30, I very much resonate with the sense of difficulty and 00:18:21.160 --> 00:18:27.540 unrealism that we feel when we think about that kind of thing. I absolutely understand it. And yet, 00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:31.720 we have to wrestle with this fact that when you look at the teaching of the church, 00:18:31.720 --> 00:18:38.819 from the teachings of Jesus to the writings of the New Testament apostles to the teachings of the 00:18:38.819 --> 00:18:44.220 early church fathers, through the teachings of all of the Catholic church, the Orthodox church, 00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:49.819 the Protestant church, across all time and across all history and across all space, while they have 00:18:49.819 --> 00:18:59.440 disagreed on many issues, they have never disagreed on this one. Entirely unified teaching about 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:07.019 sexuality within a covenant, the covenant of marriage. And there's a very good reason for this. 00:19:07.620 --> 00:19:14.960 The reason is that the Christian understanding of sexual freedom is radically different from the 00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:21.400 definition of the prevailing culture. The prevailing culture, ever since the sexual revolution, 00:19:21.539 --> 00:19:29.000 has come to define sexual freedom as the freedom to have sex with whomever I want, whenever I want, 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:37.340 married or unmarried, as long as there is mutual consent. So freedom is the freedom of choice, 00:19:38.180 --> 00:19:46.880 that I should be free to have sex with whomever I want. And that directly runs against the definition 00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:54.100 of sexual freedom that you see in the Christian understanding of human nature. Because Christians 00:19:54.099 --> 00:20:00.819 have long understood sexual freedom, not as the freedom to have sex with whomever we want, but rather 00:20:00.839 --> 00:20:13.559 the freedom to be fully known, fully naked, fully exposed to another person, and to be fully loved. 00:20:14.679 --> 00:20:19.759 It's the freedom to take down all of the facades, all of the fig leaves, all of the cover-ups, 00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:27.619 all of the excuses, and to feel completely known and completely loved. That is sexual freedom, 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:33.559 according to Scripture. And in this passage, you know, we look at this Shulamite woman dancing 00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:38.700 naked before her husband, and we read that, and we think that's so salacious. You know, it seems 00:20:38.700 --> 00:20:45.980 scandalous to us. But what we're really looking at here is a beautiful picture of sexual intimacy. 00:20:45.980 --> 00:20:54.360 This is a wonderful picture of sexual intimacy. And this woman is truly free. This is true freedom 00:20:54.360 --> 00:20:59.599 on display. Could you ask, how could you, you know, if you imagine yourself, if you're a man or a woman, 00:20:59.680 --> 00:21:04.759 imagine yourself doing that, and imagine, how could I possibly do that and not feel some sense of 00:21:04.759 --> 00:21:09.799 self-awareness, some sense of self-consciousness, you know, worrying about, you know, especially as you 00:21:09.799 --> 00:21:13.640 get older, you know, I mean, we don't know how old she is at this point, but you can imagine thinking 00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:19.080 about the rolls and the creases and the wrinkles and the cellulite and all of those unsightly parts 00:21:19.080 --> 00:21:26.860 of yourself. And we look at this and we say, could she possibly be such, so unaware or unconcerned 00:21:26.860 --> 00:21:34.040 that this would be a pure dance of joy and delight? And the answer is yes. And the reason she can do 00:21:34.040 --> 00:21:39.020 that is because of this truth that is lodged deep in her heart. Chapter 7, verse 10. 00:21:39.019 --> 00:21:51.279 I am my beloved's and his desire is for me. If you know that, if you know that, it eradicates shame 00:21:51.279 --> 00:21:58.700 and self-consciousness and embarrassment. They cannot coexist. Because sex is a way of saying to 00:21:58.700 --> 00:22:04.859 another person, I belong to you. Sex is a way of saying to another person, I am exclusively and 00:22:04.859 --> 00:22:11.419 completely yours. It's an act of self-donation. And that's what we mean when we say that sex is 00:22:11.419 --> 00:22:19.879 covenantal. When you make a covenant, a marriage covenant, the vow is a self-donation. You are giving 00:22:19.879 --> 00:22:27.059 yourself and pledging yourself exclusively, completely, permanently to that person no matter what. And then 00:22:27.059 --> 00:22:33.139 every time in that marriage, you have sexual intimacy. Every time you do that together, you are 00:22:33.140 --> 00:22:41.700 restating or re-embodying that same covenant. So sex is a covenant renewal ceremony. And every time you 00:22:41.700 --> 00:22:48.340 do it, you're renewing and restating those vows. I'm giving myself to you completely, permanently, exclusively 00:22:48.340 --> 00:22:56.380 yet again. And over time, that builds profound intimacy and trust. Because when you know that you belong to 00:22:56.380 --> 00:23:02.200 your spouse and they belong to you, you can feel complete freedom to be naked together. Not just physically 00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:09.059 naked, that's just the barest outer layer of what we're talking about. We're talking about deep emotional intimacy, 00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:15.779 deep psychological intimacy, financial intimacy, all of the different kinds of intimacy that we're created to have. 00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:27.860 The poet James Lynn Festy has written a book about 50 years of being married and written poems all along the way. 00:23:27.859 --> 00:23:32.859 And it's an amazing book. I've been at the recommendation of a friend reading it. Some beautiful stuff. 00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:42.359 And at one of the poems at the very end, the last stanza says this. He's talking about marriage, and here's what he says 00:23:42.359 --> 00:23:49.919 about marriage. It is gravity, which limits us totally, which makes all life possible. 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:58.019 That's beautiful. You know, we think that freedom is being able to leave the ground and soar and fly around. 00:23:58.779 --> 00:24:03.840 And he's saying, no, the thing that makes life possible, the thing that makes it worth living, 00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:11.620 is the thing which also constrains us. Gravity limits us totally and makes all life possible. 00:24:11.619 --> 00:24:22.519 That is sexual freedom. That is life-giving freedom. On the other hand, sex with someone outside of covenant, 00:24:22.639 --> 00:24:27.059 no matter how much you love each other, no matter how much you both want to be together, 00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:34.319 there can be no real sense of belonging, no real trust. And what it ultimately becomes is a way of 00:24:34.319 --> 00:24:40.239 taking from one another without giving yourself fully in return. And so what that means is it becomes 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:48.039 a kind of consumerism where you are taking without giving yourself fully in return. There's no 00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:54.539 self-donation. There's no commitment. There's no permanence. And I know when I say that, somebody might 00:24:54.539 --> 00:24:59.259 say, well, what are you talking about? You're saying that you can't be committed unless you're married? 00:24:59.319 --> 00:25:04.240 That's crazy. We can be committed to one another. We don't need a formal ceremony to symbolize our 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:09.120 commitment. It's our love that will keep us together. We are committed to one another. Who are you to say that? 00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:14.879 And you know, I'm a big fan of nuance, and I think many issues in the world need nuance. This is not one of them. 00:25:14.939 --> 00:25:22.399 You're dead wrong. You're dead wrong. And I'll tell you why. There is no such thing as being partially committed. 00:25:24.859 --> 00:25:31.239 Commitment and trust, by definition, are all or none. They're all or none. 00:25:31.240 --> 00:25:37.779 You can't be 70% committed. You can't partially trust somebody. 00:25:39.059 --> 00:25:44.339 Right? What would that even look like? Well, I trust that person 70% of the time. 00:25:45.059 --> 00:25:48.240 What does that even mean? I trust him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 00:25:49.380 --> 00:25:53.180 You know, I trust him when he's out with me but not out with his friends. 00:25:53.180 --> 00:25:57.019 I trust him when he's sober but not when he's had a few drinks. 00:25:58.220 --> 00:26:03.200 You know, I trust him when I have access to his email but not when I don't know his passwords. 00:26:04.420 --> 00:26:07.060 I mean, what does that actually mean? What are you actually saying? 00:26:07.400 --> 00:26:09.360 You either trust somebody or you don't. 00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.600 And commitment is the same way. You are either in or you're out. 00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:15.160 There's no such thing as being 60% committed. 00:26:15.740 --> 00:26:18.680 That doesn't mean anything. It's a ridiculous concept. 00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:22.019 Right? You might say, I'm committed to you. 00:26:22.460 --> 00:26:26.900 But unless it's 100% all-in, exclusive, permanent commitment, it's not commitment. 00:26:27.080 --> 00:26:27.660 You know what it is? 00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:31.500 It's the kind of commitment that we have towards, say, our toothpaste. 00:26:33.620 --> 00:26:35.019 Where we keep using it. 00:26:35.740 --> 00:26:39.140 We keep using the brand until another brand comes along that is more impressive. 00:26:39.740 --> 00:26:42.240 It's not commitment. It's brand loyalty. 00:26:43.700 --> 00:26:44.860 It's brand loyalty. 00:26:44.859 --> 00:26:51.579 As long as this is meeting my needs, as long as nothing better comes along, this is where I'll stay. 00:26:52.479 --> 00:26:55.619 But what happens when the newer, better model comes along? 00:26:55.799 --> 00:26:56.339 Then what? 00:26:57.559 --> 00:26:58.619 It's brand loyalty. 00:26:59.240 --> 00:27:03.579 And you know what that means is unless you have a covenant, you have to continually market yourself. 00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:05.479 Right? 00:27:05.539 --> 00:27:12.959 You have to continually make sure that you are interesting enough, attractive enough, spontaneous enough, fun enough to keep that person's interest. 00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:16.640 You can't ever fully let yourself open up. 00:27:17.100 --> 00:27:21.360 You can't let those undesirable, unsightly parts of yourself be too visible. 00:27:21.740 --> 00:27:22.799 Because guess what? 00:27:23.100 --> 00:27:27.480 There'll be a newer, better model down the road that won't have any of those blemishes. 00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:29.840 It's brand loyalty. 00:27:33.180 --> 00:27:38.180 Unless you have total commitment in the form of a covenant, there can be no real trust. 00:27:38.180 --> 00:27:41.340 So here's the bottom line. 00:27:41.820 --> 00:27:48.640 The more you have sex outside of covenant, the less intimacy you will actually experience over time. 00:27:48.880 --> 00:27:51.580 You will make intimacy less and less and less likely. 00:27:51.940 --> 00:27:52.640 And here's why. 00:27:53.120 --> 00:27:56.000 Sex is biologically designed to bond us. 00:27:56.940 --> 00:28:03.580 When you first begin to have sex with someone, it is inevitable that you will begin to feel more and more and more attached. 00:28:03.579 --> 00:28:06.679 Now, this is much stronger for women than it is for men. 00:28:06.740 --> 00:28:11.119 I said earlier in this series, men can many times, they can have sex and walk away. 00:28:11.279 --> 00:28:13.619 But that doesn't mean it doesn't have any impact on you. 00:28:14.019 --> 00:28:17.740 For men and for women, sex is meant to bond us. 00:28:18.220 --> 00:28:24.799 And if you want to have sex with people and then walk away, you actually have to do something mentally and emotionally to make that possible. 00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:27.399 In other words, you have to wall off part of your heart. 00:28:27.579 --> 00:28:29.299 You have to hold part of yourself back. 00:28:29.500 --> 00:28:31.699 You have to go into a kind of self-protection mode. 00:28:31.700 --> 00:28:38.380 You have to compartmentalize to negate the bond that will otherwise form. 00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:46.319 And orgasm is one of, if not the most powerful behavioral reinforcer there is. 00:28:47.160 --> 00:28:59.059 And so imagine every single time you have an orgasm, you are forging a behavioral association with self-protection, emotional distance, disconnection, and compartmentalization. 00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:00.460 What's going to happen over time? 00:29:00.460 --> 00:29:07.420 You are going to rewire the role that sex plays in your heart and in your mind. 00:29:07.539 --> 00:29:14.980 And sex will eventually become not a way to connect, but it can actually become the very opposite. 00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:18.460 That you come to powerfully associate sex with disconnection. 00:29:20.460 --> 00:29:21.000 Right? 00:29:21.079 --> 00:29:22.259 With compartmentalization. 00:29:22.440 --> 00:29:23.380 With escape. 00:29:23.380 --> 00:29:28.980 That lies, that what I just said lies at the very heart of sex addiction. 00:29:30.740 --> 00:29:32.400 That's what sex addiction is. 00:29:32.760 --> 00:29:34.160 It's an intimacy disorder. 00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:41.080 It's people who try to get intimacy as it was meant to be gotten through sex. 00:29:41.980 --> 00:29:45.580 And yet sex has come to play a very different role. 00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:48.020 Sex doesn't actually facilitate connection. 00:29:48.019 --> 00:29:50.819 It facilitates disconnection. 00:29:51.400 --> 00:29:53.480 It becomes a way to escape reality. 00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:55.940 That's sex addiction. 00:29:57.620 --> 00:30:01.720 So we take this and we contrast this. 00:30:01.720 --> 00:30:13.079 We contrast this with this beautiful vision that we have of sex within a covenant. 00:30:13.880 --> 00:30:19.160 Because the more you have sex inside of a covenant, the more intimacy you build over time. 00:30:19.240 --> 00:30:19.880 It's the opposite. 00:30:20.019 --> 00:30:21.799 It's not a fading chance of intimacy. 00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:24.059 You're actually building it over time. 00:30:24.380 --> 00:30:27.980 Sex actually does get better the more you do it within a covenant. 00:30:27.980 --> 00:30:29.380 It's the opposite phenomenon. 00:30:30.259 --> 00:30:36.099 You know, I promised Laura I wouldn't use our marriage as an illustration specifically in this sermon. 00:30:36.200 --> 00:30:37.940 She made me promise for good reason. 00:30:38.220 --> 00:30:42.819 But I will just say in general, after being married for 10 years, it gets better. 00:30:44.019 --> 00:30:45.259 All of it gets better. 00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:46.620 Right? 00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:51.279 And your bodies change and things change and you're tired and you're at different stages of life. 00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:52.440 But it gets better. 00:30:52.440 --> 00:31:00.940 The thing that most people don't know about love is that love is like a multi-course feast. 00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:03.880 It's like a multi-course feast. 00:31:04.720 --> 00:31:12.100 And our culture celebrates the kind of love that you experience through novelty. 00:31:12.539 --> 00:31:16.680 A new person, a new personality, a new body, a new relationship. 00:31:16.680 --> 00:31:25.799 That sense of falling in love, that kind of hormone-saturated, emotionally drenched time where you are just sort of giddy, head over heels. 00:31:25.980 --> 00:31:28.039 That kind of passionate, erotic love. 00:31:28.180 --> 00:31:29.480 That is what our culture celebrates. 00:31:29.560 --> 00:31:32.140 And our culture says, this is the greatest there is. 00:31:32.660 --> 00:31:35.160 This is the highest ideal, romantic love. 00:31:35.420 --> 00:31:35.560 Right? 00:31:35.600 --> 00:31:39.740 The movie ends with the couple kissing and consummating their love. 00:31:40.060 --> 00:31:41.460 And this is the greatest thing. 00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:42.759 And this is what life is about. 00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:46.019 Friends, that is the appetizer. 00:31:47.319 --> 00:31:48.519 That's the appetizer. 00:31:48.740 --> 00:31:53.000 That's like sitting down at the nicest restaurant you've ever been to, eating the appetizer in the sand. 00:31:53.160 --> 00:31:53.700 That was great. 00:31:53.779 --> 00:31:54.420 Thank you so much. 00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:55.579 And heading out into the night. 00:31:55.660 --> 00:31:56.559 It's ridiculous. 00:31:59.099 --> 00:32:03.400 There are so many more courses that await. 00:32:04.059 --> 00:32:08.079 If you stay at the table, there's another kind of love that comes. 00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:11.079 It's the kind of love that you experience in your early years of marriage. 00:32:11.079 --> 00:32:20.539 When you're not in the adventurous, exciting world of dating and you're trying to figure out the very mundane details of making life work together. 00:32:21.059 --> 00:32:22.259 Who does the chores? 00:32:22.379 --> 00:32:23.279 And who does the shopping? 00:32:23.419 --> 00:32:24.259 And who does this? 00:32:24.519 --> 00:32:29.359 And it's a very mundane, very unsexy reality. 00:32:29.740 --> 00:32:33.179 And yet there's a deep but very different kind of love that develops there. 00:32:33.180 --> 00:32:33.680 Right? 00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:35.779 And then there's another course. 00:32:35.940 --> 00:32:40.539 The kind of love that you experience after your first major fight. 00:32:40.660 --> 00:32:40.759 Right? 00:32:40.799 --> 00:32:45.580 When both people say things they don't mean and you've got tears in your eyes and a couple of doors get slammed. 00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:48.720 And you say things that you never thought would come out of your mouth. 00:32:48.759 --> 00:32:51.940 And you cannot believe you're saying them to the person that you claim to love. 00:32:52.980 --> 00:32:54.240 And then you make up. 00:32:54.620 --> 00:32:55.519 And you reconcile. 00:32:55.519 --> 00:33:01.879 And there's a wholly different kind of love that you experience there that wasn't there before you fought. 00:33:03.700 --> 00:33:08.019 And then there's the kind of love that you experience by simply weeping together. 00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:10.900 As life invariably brings tragedies. 00:33:11.900 --> 00:33:18.960 And then there's the kind of love that you experience when you get up with the baby in the middle of the night so that your spouse can get a couple of hours of extra sleep. 00:33:19.500 --> 00:33:21.059 It's a whole different kind of love. 00:33:21.059 --> 00:33:21.619 Right? 00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:27.799 There's the kind of love that you experience when you're bleaching the bathroom because your spouse got the stomach flu. 00:33:29.279 --> 00:33:31.359 It's a wholly different kind of love. 00:33:31.899 --> 00:33:37.259 There's the kind of love that you experience when you're sitting together nervous and chewing your nails in the emergency room. 00:33:38.379 --> 00:33:40.159 Not knowing what the doctor is going to say. 00:33:41.019 --> 00:33:46.339 There's a kind of love that develops when you're learning to parent together and making huge mistakes. 00:33:46.839 --> 00:33:48.399 And failing again and again and again. 00:33:48.639 --> 00:33:49.919 It's a wholly different kind of love. 00:33:49.920 --> 00:33:51.220 That's a whole separate course. 00:33:52.539 --> 00:33:52.900 Right? 00:33:52.940 --> 00:33:59.060 There's the kind of love that you experience in the unplanned spontaneous moments of midday affection. 00:34:00.240 --> 00:34:02.300 That you had no idea were going to happen that morning. 00:34:03.080 --> 00:34:03.519 Right? 00:34:03.539 --> 00:34:07.960 There's the kind of love that you experience that you can only experience after a major betrayal. 00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:14.019 You know, when someone does something that should be marriage ending. 00:34:14.019 --> 00:34:17.619 And yet there's the choice to forgive. 00:34:19.000 --> 00:34:22.539 That love is only possible on the far side of that betrayal. 00:34:23.039 --> 00:34:24.420 It's a different kind of love. 00:34:24.420 --> 00:34:31.940 There's the kind of love that you experience when you begin to rediscover one another as empty nesters. 00:34:33.380 --> 00:34:37.740 There's the kind of love that you experience watching your grandchild draw pictures. 00:34:37.739 --> 00:34:42.079 As you look across the room and meet the eyes of your spouse. 00:34:43.500 --> 00:34:44.019 Right? 00:34:44.059 --> 00:34:47.979 There's the kind of love that grows stronger even as your bodies give out. 00:34:50.119 --> 00:34:50.579 Right? 00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:58.279 There's the kind of love that you experience when your spouse is slipping away because of dementia. 00:34:58.280 --> 00:35:06.380 But because of all of those years, when you look at him, when you look at her, you see all that they were. 00:35:08.080 --> 00:35:11.300 All that they are and are all that they will yet be. 00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:16.280 It can only happen with years of history. 00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:24.019 The poet James Linfesti, who I referenced earlier, wrote a poem called When I Am 80. 00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:26.940 And here's what he says in the last stanza. 00:35:26.940 --> 00:35:33.740 When I am 80, I will hold the fine silk goblet of my wife in both my hands. 00:35:34.300 --> 00:35:36.500 That will be all the life I can handle. 00:35:39.599 --> 00:35:44.760 With all due respect to C.S. Lewis and his book, The Four Loves, which is a tremendous book. 00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:48.179 There are many, many more kinds of love. 00:35:49.300 --> 00:35:53.700 There are hundreds, hundreds of different kinds of love. 00:35:53.800 --> 00:35:54.860 Different courses in the feast. 00:35:54.860 --> 00:35:59.900 But in order to even be able to get a glimpse or a taste of those things, you have to stay at the table. 00:36:01.039 --> 00:36:04.460 Because each one is only possible because of all of the ones that came before it. 00:36:04.620 --> 00:36:05.360 It is cumulative. 00:36:05.620 --> 00:36:06.539 It builds over time. 00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:07.840 That's why it gets better. 00:36:08.559 --> 00:36:11.059 The things that we think are important now become ridiculous. 00:36:11.620 --> 00:36:14.660 In the light of a life shared for decades. 00:36:14.659 --> 00:36:20.259 Here's the paradox of intimacy. 00:36:23.940 --> 00:36:32.940 The more you give yourself, donate yourself to another, the more it fills you up. 00:36:32.940 --> 00:36:39.780 The more that you take, the more it leaves you empty and hollow. 00:36:39.780 --> 00:36:44.920 That's why Solomon, at the end of Ecclesiastes, writes, 00:36:45.380 --> 00:36:50.860 In all of the sex that I had with all of my wives and all of my concubines and all of the pursuit of pleasure, 00:36:51.100 --> 00:36:52.860 at the end of it, I was just chasing the wind. 00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:53.780 I'm empty. 00:36:53.880 --> 00:36:54.900 There was nothing there. 00:36:54.900 --> 00:36:59.139 So we've talked about communication. 00:36:59.360 --> 00:37:03.780 We've talked about covenant as necessary ingredients for building sexual intimacy. 00:37:04.380 --> 00:37:09.539 But the last point I have to make before we end is this, 00:37:09.660 --> 00:37:13.940 that sexual intimacy, as great as it can be, is nothing. 00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:20.800 It is a shadow compared to the spiritual intimacy that we are created to have with God and God alone. 00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:24.800 And the same two ideas apply to our relationship with God. 00:37:24.860 --> 00:37:29.519 In other words, spiritual intimacy is also built through regular communication. 00:37:29.680 --> 00:37:33.900 You cannot expect to have an intimate relationship with God if you are not regularly communicating. 00:37:34.380 --> 00:37:39.160 Reading His word and allowing it to seep into the marrow of your bones and your DNA. 00:37:40.080 --> 00:37:44.880 Prayerfully listening and contemplating and discerning His voice in your life. 00:37:46.880 --> 00:37:50.220 Opening up your soul and confessing your deepest shame. 00:37:51.620 --> 00:37:53.240 Unless we're doing that regularly. 00:37:54.240 --> 00:37:56.760 Unless we have time alone regularly with God. 00:37:56.840 --> 00:37:58.600 We cannot expect intimacy with Him. 00:37:59.640 --> 00:38:05.260 And likewise, spiritual intimacy is possible because of the covenant we have with God through Jesus Christ. 00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:07.780 We can open ourselves up to God. 00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:09.180 We can confess our sin to God. 00:38:09.240 --> 00:38:11.680 We can even rage and shake our fist at God. 00:38:11.800 --> 00:38:13.400 But His love will never leave us. 00:38:13.480 --> 00:38:17.580 His steadfast love is said to outlast the heavens and the earth. 00:38:17.740 --> 00:38:18.740 Even they will fade. 00:38:18.739 --> 00:38:22.399 But God's steadfast love endures forever. 00:38:26.179 --> 00:38:28.500 Just as the Shulamite woman says, 00:38:29.500 --> 00:38:33.119 Meet me in the garden and there I will give you my love. 00:38:33.739 --> 00:38:34.979 It's an interesting thing she says. 00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:36.719 She goes, meet me in the garden. 00:38:37.339 --> 00:38:38.259 Meet me in the vineyards. 00:38:38.619 --> 00:38:40.099 And there I will give you my love. 00:38:40.099 --> 00:38:48.139 And as strange as it may be to state this parallel, God says the very same thing to us. 00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:54.739 If you look in Scripture, the garden is a place of profound intimacy with God. 00:38:54.739 --> 00:38:57.099 You see it again and again and again. 00:38:58.119 --> 00:38:59.379 The garden of Eden. 00:38:59.919 --> 00:39:06.619 That's where God gave us love in the form of life and breath and purpose and vocation. 00:39:06.619 --> 00:39:10.380 And then we move to the garden of Gethsemane. 00:39:10.380 --> 00:39:14.219 Where God gave us His love in the form of His only Son. 00:39:14.299 --> 00:39:15.319 Who He sent to die. 00:39:16.319 --> 00:39:18.599 To atone for all of the sin of the world. 00:39:18.739 --> 00:39:21.559 To make intimacy possible with human beings. 00:39:22.539 --> 00:39:24.380 And then we see the garden of the tomb. 00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:27.099 With the stone rolled away. 00:39:27.099 --> 00:39:31.119 And God gave us His love in the form of resurrection hope. 00:39:31.400 --> 00:39:34.319 The promise that one day every tear will be wiped away. 00:39:34.480 --> 00:39:39.099 And all of the suffering and the loneliness and the alienation and the longing that we feel now. 00:39:39.380 --> 00:39:41.599 That one day that will be eradicated. 00:39:42.039 --> 00:39:42.699 No more. 00:39:43.799 --> 00:39:47.099 And then finally as we look ahead to the very end of our story. 00:39:48.039 --> 00:39:51.019 The garden that sits at the very heart of the New Jerusalem. 00:39:51.339 --> 00:39:55.360 Where there will be dancing and singing and celebration. 00:39:55.599 --> 00:39:56.900 The wedding feast of the Lamb. 00:39:57.099 --> 00:39:58.179 Will have come. 00:39:58.319 --> 00:40:00.400 And there will be joy throughout the streets. 00:40:00.500 --> 00:40:02.679 And every tear will be wiped away. 00:40:02.679 --> 00:40:05.480 And every hint of loneliness. 00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:08.139 And every hint of longing will be no more. 00:40:08.219 --> 00:40:09.920 And there will be profound oneness. 00:40:10.599 --> 00:40:15.440 As the bride of the church and the groom of Christ embrace once and for all. 00:40:16.139 --> 00:40:19.259 And we are enfolded into the arms of our maker. 00:40:21.279 --> 00:40:24.440 So I encourage you as you desire to build intimacy. 00:40:24.440 --> 00:40:26.740 In your marriage. 00:40:26.740 --> 00:40:27.440 In your marriage. 00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:30.340 Or as you imagine marriage as it might one day be. 00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:36.460 But even more so as you desire the kind of intimacy that is open to every single person in this room. 00:40:36.579 --> 00:40:37.460 Intimacy with God. 00:40:38.460 --> 00:40:43.119 That you not only open yourself up and reach out to communicate with Him. 00:40:43.200 --> 00:40:45.500 But that you spend time in the garden. 00:40:46.500 --> 00:40:47.740 Meet Him in these places. 00:40:47.739 --> 00:40:50.879 Contemplate what each of these gardens means. 00:40:50.959 --> 00:40:54.519 And how they convey the love that is right now changing the world. 00:40:55.819 --> 00:40:58.719 And it's in the name of Jesus Christ we say these things. 00:40:59.219 --> 00:40:59.579 Amen.