We live in a society today that has never been more connected than ever.
In the palm of my hands, I have access to over a thousand of my friends on Facebook
and hundreds of followers on Instagram.
And yet the repetitive conclusion from all of this
that we keep hearing from experts and doctors and psychologists
is that we are more than ever now lonely.
We've never been more lonely in the history of man than today.
In all our technological advancement, to become more connected with the world around us,
we've become less lonely.
With all this technological power at our disposal for making friends,
we are growing in our struggle to actually make deep and meaningful, intimate friendships.
Why?
I think there are a number of contributing factors to this going on in our world,
but there are two main ones.
Firstly, a growing individualism.
As a society, we've grown more and more individualistic and autonomous in the way we interact with the world.
Once upon a time, we had much more value in community itself.
Taking part in community life was important.
Volunteering for your local club was important.
Volunteering to ref or to help out at a weekend sport was seen as important as we engaged in the community.
And as we did engage in the community, as we settled down into a community and planted roots,
we allowed our friendships to flourish as we stayed and lingered.
However, sometime now, this communal culture has shifted and slowly faded out
to replace a more individualistic culture.
Most clubs, sports clubs particularly, are struggling to get volunteers now
to help run sports on the weekends.
And technology has allowed people to be more and more mobile these days.
People, or young people like myself, are refusing to settle down in one place
and desiring to move on, to look and step to travel and to explore,
to go where they desire to go.
There is a culture now of not wanting to settle down and invest in one place,
but rather to go from place to place where it suits the person.
They take new jobs in new places, in new cities, in new countries even.
And so the generations rising up are the ones now who have money
and truly the opportunity to go wherever they want to.
The world is their oyster.
And because of such, they are growing more and more individualistic.
But at what cost is this?
Friendship, for them, is no more than circumstance and interest, momentary.
And it's rarely given a chance to flourish,
as when their circumstance changes, their friendships have to change also.
And so whilst many young people enjoy an opportunity to go travel,
to work in different places, to work in different cities and countries,
they suffer as they lose their substantial and deep connections with their friends.
That's the first one.
And secondly, the romanticising of sexually committed relationships.
As a teenager growing up,
there are countless of teen dramas on TV every single night.
Shows like The O.C., One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl,
shows that your kids might have watched growing up.
For those of you who are a little bit older than I am,
there are shows like Degrassi High,
Beverly Hills, 90210.
And if you're a fan of the ABC,
there was a show called Heartbreak High on television that you might have watched.
Many of these shows have one underlying theme in them
that dominated the whole story,
and that was relationships.
Whether sexual, friendship, or family,
most of these stories follow the lives of young, attractive people
as they worked through the different complexities of teenage relationships.
With the story being developed around one particular relationship,
one that was sexual and romantic in nature,
and the journey us viewers would go on was to see whether or not this relationship would make it.
It would last.
Would they live happily ever after?
Would it end in disaster?
Why are we often so drawn in to these shows?
There's so many of these kinds of shows.
They all have the same type of storyline, the same theme,
and yet they're so popular.
Why are we so drawn in to the tumultuous love story of Ryan and Marissa in The O.C.?
What is it about Dan and Serena or Chuck and Blair in Gossip Girl that keeps us watching?
These shows, they target something that we desperately all want for ourselves,
and that's to be loved, to enjoy intimacy,
to enjoy companionship,
to have a satisfying, special relationship that lasts.
And shows like this,
constantly bombarded by these shows like this,
would have us believe that this type of intimacy,
this type of love,
can only be found in those romantic, sexually committed relationships.
This ideal is perpetuated by not just our fictional TV shows,
but our reality ones as well.
As you all know, there are shows like The Bachelor out there,
Married at First Sight,
Farmer Wants a Wife.
These shows perpetuate this ideal romantic relationship to us.
And so constant exposure to all of these
is enough to make you think that the most fulfilling relationship
you could be in is a committed sexual relationship.
Friendship, then, is just reduced to a second-class form of relationship
that can't be as fulfilling as things like marriage
or sexual committed relationships.
And these contributing factors affect friendship in two different ways.
You see, individualism has removed the space for friendship altogether
and therefore for friendship to flourish
and become deep and meaningful for people.
And the romanticization of sexual relationships,
things like marriage as well,
has removed altogether the value and the benefits of friendship
as a place to find intimacy and love.
Therefore, in our society today,
friendship has a second-class status.
It's not viewed very highly.
It's viewed as something that comes and goes by circumstance and interest.
And if you're lucky to find a best friend for life,
then you're truly, truly lucky.
However, the Bible paints a very high view of the picture of friendship,
having a very, very high view indeed,
so much so that at the heart of the gospel
is the restoration of our friendship with God.
As Jesus says in John 15, 15,
And so as we look at this topic of spiritual friendship,
I want to discuss the difference the gospel makes in our lives,
how the gospel shapes our friendships that we make together here.
That friendship does not have to be some sort of second-class relationship.
But we can have truly satisfying, deep and meaningful,
intimate friendships with each other
because of Jesus and what he's done for us here.
And so firstly, we need to just deconstruct the myth
that friendship is a second-class relationship
that lacks intimacy and satisfaction.
So if your Bible's open, we're going to stay in 1 Samuel.
We're going to look at the example of Jonathan and David
and an example of true friendship
and deep and meaningful, satisfying friendship.
So we are first introduced to David and Jonathan as friends
back in chapter 18,
straight after David killed Goliath,
the hero of the Palestinian army.
And verse 1 of 18 shows that Jonathan's response to David
was incredible.
After David had finished talking with Saul,
Jonathan became one in spirit with David
and he loved him as himself.
As far as we are aware,
Jonathan hadn't even met David just yet,
but he's already so impressed by what David has done
by killing the giant Goliath
that he already feels an affinity with David himself.
And then in verse 3,
he comes to David and makes a covenant with him.
And Jonathan made a covenant with David
because he loved him as himself.
Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing
and gave it to David,
along with his tunic and even his sword,
his bow and his belt.
This scene might seem quite strange to you.
Undressing yourself is probably not the first thing
you would do when you made a friend.
You don't just go,
here's my shirt,
here's my pants.
You wouldn't just do that.
That's kind of strange.
But let's not get too distracted here
by our own modern day culture.
The scene plays out before us
as an incredible demonstration
of Jonathan's devotion and love to David.
By taking off his royal robes
and placing them on David,
by giving him his sword and his bow, his belt,
he's not merely signifying his gratitude
and generosity towards David for what he has done,
but he is signifying his allegiance to him,
showing that he was willing to give everything to him,
including his right to the throne.
In David, Jonathan saw one in whom he could follow
and serve and love as his friend and king.
Later on, this allegiance will be tested in chapter 20.
In this chapter, David feels that his life is in danger.
He feels King Saul, Jonathan's father,
seeks to kill him,
and he goes to Jonathan with all this,
knowing that Saul is quite well aware of their friendship.
He goes to Jonathan and says,
what's going to happen?
Why would this happen?
Here, Jonathan's love and faithfulness
is put to the test.
Here, their friendship is truly put on the line.
What will he decide to do?
To side with his father, the king,
or to side with his friend, David,
servant of the king?
And after dining with his father
and discovering his shameful hatred
that he had for David,
he chose his friend.
Verse 42,
Jonathan said to David,
go in peace,
for we have sworn friendship with each other
in the name of the Lord,
saying,
Jonathan's witness between you and me,
between your descendants
and my descendants forever.
Jonathan remembered
and kept his covenant with David
that he would be his friend
and he would seek to preserve his life
and ensure his well-being.
Jonathan did this
at the cost of his own well-being
and the throne of Israel itself.
He fulfilled the promises
he had given to David,
that he would protect him
and look after him,
that he wouldn't forsake him.
When Jonathan died in battle,
David mourned him,
saying this in 2 Samuel 1.26,
I grieve for you,
Jonathan, my brother.
You were very dear to me.
Your love for me was wonderful,
more wonderful than that of women.
This is not to be confused
as a sexual kind of love,
as some have done.
No, this is a deep,
intimate love of a friend
who gave his all for David.
The friendship that David had with Jonathan
was more satisfying
than the love of any woman.
It had a physical nature to it as well,
back in chapter 20, verse 41,
where it's recorded
that they were kissing each other,
embracing each other.
And it's easy for us to read this
and confuse it with a romantic idea
of kissing and embracing.
But then we would be missing
what was really going on here.
After being tested
and tempted to pledge his allegiance
to his father and king,
he decided that he would instead
pledge his allegiance
to the future king.
The king that God had anointed.
And he does this
in the most obvious
and expressive way,
by kissing him.
Fulfilling what we see
in Psalm 2, verse 12,
which says,
serve the Lord with fear
and celebrate his rule
with trembling.
Kiss the son,
his son,
or he'll be angry.
Son, in the Psalms,
is often used
the term to describe
the Lord's anointed,
the king of Israel.
And so Jonathan here
is showing
that he's not just merely
pledging his allegiance
to David,
but to the God of Israel.
He doesn't just merely
kiss the son
to show he is devoted,
but showers him with kisses
to show that he is not just
his servant,
but his friend,
that he has great love
and affection for.
This kind of friendship
wasn't uncommon
or unique
in ancient times.
As Proverbs 18, 24
hints at,
one who has
unreliable friends
soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend
who sticks closer
than a brother.
This is certainly true
for David and Jonathan,
perhaps true
for some of you
as well.
As Katie and I
prepare to get married,
we are obviously
looking at the guest list
of who's going to come,
who's not going to make it.
And obviously there are
some family members
that we have,
as I'm sure you all know,
that we would rather
leave off the guest list
because we've got
other friends
we want to bring
to the reception itself.
And so we have
deeper connections
and relations
with our friends sometimes
than our own family members,
just like David
and Jonathan had.
Just because we might
be related by
blood doesn't mean
we necessarily enjoy
the same kind
of deep relationship.
However,
in our modern world
we seem to think
that marriage
and what comes
naturally after that,
family,
is the ideal place
for finding fruitful,
intimate,
and fulfilling
relationships.
But at least
ever since
the book of Proverbs
and the example
of Jonathan,
family doesn't
necessarily provide
that for us.
It's a myth
that you can only
find love
and intimacy
in a romantic
sexual relationship
and then in family.
Yet we are constantly
told through all our media,
through books,
through movies,
through whatnot,
that we absorb
each and every day
that that is so.
And we end up
believing it.
Which leads us
as Christians
to idolise the idea
of the married life,
to dread
the single life,
but also to forget
altogether
the value
and benefit
of friendships.
We need to
deconstruct this myth.
There is a way
that we can
pursue deep
and meaningful
friendships
that are satisfying,
that are there for us
in times of need.
But what this looks like
for us
is the question.
And how does the gospel
shape our relationships
is the other question.
I think the key
to the strength
of David
and Jonathan's
friendship
was that they
placed at the centre,
was what they placed
at the centre
of their relationship.
And for us,
that is the key
as well.
If you take a moment
to think of your own friends
and your own life
around you,
think,
how did I become
friends of these people
right now?
How did I meet them?
And why are we
your friends?
What brought us together?
Most of the time
it's going to be
because of a particular
circumstance
that brought you together.
You've got your work friends
that you met at work,
your school friends
you met at school,
your church friends
you met at church,
your friends at mother group
that you met at mother group.
These places
are the places
which we make friends.
And then,
as you interact
with all these different people
in these places,
you work out
the people you want
to be friends with
based off the similar
interests you have
with them,
you have conversations
with these people
and there are moments
of affinity with them.
As you say,
you watch The Bachelor,
so do I.
Let's be friends.
You follow the swans
and you're grieving too?
Yes,
who am I?
Let's be friends.
You like travelling?
You like doing that too?
So do I.
Let's be friends.
C.S. Lewis
puts it like this.
Friendship
is born
at the moment
when one man
says to another,
what, you too?
I thought that
no one but myself
something.
Friendship is something
we enter into
freely
with one another
when we find
some affinity
with the other person.
I remember
having this exact
experience at 21st,
like just like this.
I semi-crashed
this 21st
and the person
I had met
was this,
he's his girlfriend's
21st.
And we're on the
dance floor
having a great time
and we just had
this moment
where we realised
we like the same music,
we like the same
hobbies,
we like the same
kind of clothing brands.
we had this
incredible moment
where we just enjoyed
each other's hobbies
and we became
straight away
best friends.
And that sparked
this friendship.
We actually are
quite good
at establishing
friendships
with people.
All you need
is a particular
circumstance
and a particular
interest
and straight away
you can get
a friendship going.
But the problem
is that we aren't
very good at
keeping friends.
And the reason
is because
most of our
friendships
fail to be
any deeper
than the circumstances
and the interests
that we have.
We rely upon them
too much
to hold it all together
but the reality is
things change
over time.
Interests change
or we change
locations
and then all of a sudden
our friendships
also change.
Danny Hoon
a friend of mine
back in high school
we were in the same
tutor group
or home group
you might call it
in the same
social group
as well
we caught the same
bus together
and we saw each
other a lot
throughout high school.
We would hang out
every single day.
We would go to
Macca's
during lunchtime
and sneak off
in our car.
After school
we would go to
Castle Towers
and eat Pizza Hut
together.
We would hang out
every single day
together
five days a week
at school.
It's been eight years
now since I've
finished high school
and I've not seen
him since.
I've even heard
from him.
I have no idea
what he's doing
in his life
and how he's going.
Like that
a solid friendship
was dismantled
and gone
because the
circumstances
were taken away
and the interests
were not able
to flourish
anymore.
And this
is the sad
reality we all
live in.
We base
our friendships
around the
convenient
circumstances
we all live
in.
We struggle
to stay
connected
with people
as friends
when those
circumstances
change.
So it's no wonder
why the world
views friendship
as a second
class relationship.
It seems
it's not the
same as
marriage
which has a
longevity
and a commitment
to it
and therefore
it can't be
as satisfying
for feeling
as marriage
or romantic
sexual
relationships.
But as we've
seen in the
Bible
friendship has
an incredibly
high status
friends.
The Bible
holds in
high regard
friends.
And it's a
part of our
being.
Known down
in Genesis
1.
Man was not
meant to
live alone.
God made
us to live
in friendship.
Part of
living in
the good
order of
creation
part of
what our
design is
is to be
friends at
the heart
of it.
Not just
friends with
God but
friends of
each other.
The gospel
story not
only unites
us to God
through Jesus'
death and
resurrection but
unites us to
each other as
well.
And so
how can
we then
have
satisfying
intimate
relationships,
friendships of
each other?
The gospel
I think
removes the
circumstances
and interest
as the
things that
hold our
friendships
together and
replaces these
things with
Christ himself
in the
centre.
Christ
becomes the
person we
anchor our
relationship in
and by doing
so the
friendship is
given a
purpose that
is based in
eternity.
It firstly
removes the
circumstance from
the equation
because the
place in which
our relationship
grows and
matures is in
Christ as
Ephesians 2.13
reminds us.
But now in
Christ Jesus
you who were
once far away
have been
brought near
by the
blood of
Christ.
The way in
which God
has reconciled
us to each
other is by
drawing us
together in
Christ.
Not in our
workplace,
not in our
mother's groups,
not in our
AFL football
clubs that we
are a part
of, but in
Christ.
It's in
him that we
as believers
enjoy a place
for our
friendship to
flourish.
A place that
will not fade
away or change,
a place that
we cannot escape
from no matter
how far we
might travel,
a strong
foundation for
our friendships
themselves.
It also
removes interest
from the
equation because
we are not
drawn together
because of the
common interest
we all have in
something, but
we are drawn
together because
of the common
faith we
express.
Ephesians 4
4 reminds us
this, there is
one body and
one spirit just
as you were
called to one
hope when you
were called.
One Lord, one
faith, one
baptism, one
God and Father
over all who
is over all and
through all and
in all.
We are not like a
football club.
We haven't all
come here together
because we like the
same AFL team.
I think that's
pretty obvious.
Not even our
love for waking
up early on
Sunday morning.
to sing and
to read and
to hear some
guy preach and
to do this
thing called
church.
No, it's in
the fact that
God has drawn
us together in
Christ and that
we share this
same experience
of being saved
and being known
by God and
that's why we've
come together
because God has
actually brought
us here together.
We're all very
different people.
We all come from
different places,
different backgrounds,
different interests,
and yet we're all
here together.
that's a miracle.
None of you would
be here right now
if it weren't for
Christ and for
him drawing you
in.
This is why we
wake up early to
come to church.
This is why I can
be friends with
Sam who supports
GWS.
Because we are in
Christ.
Christ is the
place in which
our friendships
flourish, removing
circumstance.
And Christ is the
person that draws
us together, removing
interests from the
equation.
And because he is
such, it means our
friendships can have
an eternal purpose.
And what is that
purpose?
It's a mutual
desire for one
other to see
each other, our
friends, grow in
maturity in Christ.
To help them
continue on the
journey of faith.
As Hebrews 10
reminds us, to
spur each other
on towards love
and good deeds
all the more as
we see the day
approaching.
Our goal for our
friendships, our
Christian spiritual
friendships, is to
see each other
get to the end.
As we run the
race together, we
serve each other, we
pray for each other,
we read the words
together with each
other, because we
want to see our
friends make it.
When we allow our
friendships to be
dictated by the
world, to allow our
interests and our
circumstances to be
the main things as to
what holds our
friendships together,
we won't only just
become lonely, but
we'll also be tempted
to turn our
friendships into
rivals as well.
being filled with
envy or jealousy,
looking at our
friends becoming
rivals.
But when we anchor
our friendships
around God in
Christ, the
character of
friendship changes
to be more about
serving the other
person, that is,
about gaining from
them, to help them
run the race of
life well.
This is exactly the
kind of relationship
Jonathan and David
had.
They had at the
centre of their
friendship a desire
to honour and to
serve God above all
else, which is why
Jonathan was not
tempted to become
David's rival.
He was not
tempted to actually
in the end support
his own father who
was wrong, but he
desired what was
good and what was
right and proper,
and that was to
serve David and to
serve God as his
king.
In the same way, as
we seek to befriend
one another, our
desire for doing
so, it's not
because we have the
same interests,
although that might
be the case.
It's not because we're
in the same place all
the time, although
right now we are in
the same place.
These things are
helpful, but the
ground for which our
friendships always
hold together is
Christ.
The purpose for its
longevity is always
Christ.
And when we
practise friendship
in such a way, that's
when we enter into
what is the most
satisfying and
fulfilling forms of
relationship, the
spiritual friendship.
As Christians, we
practise the art of
spiritual friendship
for the sake of
spurring each other
on towards love and
good deeds, towards
helping each other
seek to glorify and
to make God look
great.
That is the ultimate
purpose of our life,
to live and to love
God, and that's the
purpose of our
friendships, to help
make that flourish and
easy in some way.
To be there when it's
difficult and to be
there when it's good.
To continue to draw
our eyes back to God
in both those times.
That we might all
reach the goal of
being with him and
with each other in the
new creation.
When that is the goal
of our friendships, it
will allow the space
for being loved and
cared for, vulnerable
and helped, satisfied
and fulfilled as we
seek in Christ not
only one's present
good, but also one's
eternal good.
Amen.
Indeed.
Amen.