I'm reading from two passages today.
One is Ephesians chapter 5, chapter 5, sorry, verse 21 to 33.
!
Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.
His body and is himself its saviour.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendour,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish,
in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each of you love his wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I'm also reading from 1 Peter 3 verses 1 to 7.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,
so that even if some do not obey the word,
they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Do not let your adorning be external,
the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery,
or the clothing you wear.
But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which in God's sight is very precious.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God
used to adorn themselves,
by submitting to their own husbands,
as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.
And you are her children if you do good,
and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel,
since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
so that your prayers may not be hindered.
This is the word of the Lord.
Well, good morning, everyone.
Will you join?
No one wants to be close to me today.
Will you join with me in prayer?
Let's pray.
Lord, with our hearts full,
singing that song,
Jesus and all in him is mine, is ours.
It's incredible what you've lavished on us.
With our hearts full,
help us come to your word,
expecting your word to fill us again.
Give us trusting and understanding minds and hearts.
And I pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Well,
would you agree with me?
In all our relationships,
whether they be friendships,
parent-children, marriage,
we were created for,
our hearts therefore long for,
unconditional love.
That unwavering,
all-forgiving,
never-ending,
affectionate
love,
not based on your performance.
We crave unconditional love,
but
don't we also fear losing control?
We often settle for this transactional attitude.
I will only do for you
when I am sure you will do this for me.
It's not unconditional.
I'll only do this if you do that.
I think we often settle for keeping score.
We do this bookkeeping.
I don't know,
maybe I'm alone in this.
I'm going to read the body language in the room.
We do this bookkeeping in our minds.
We've got these two columns.
My rights,
I deserve this.
Here's your rights over here,
I suppose.
And we keep this ledger.
And in marriage,
some people try and just keep it fair.
They think that's going to build intimacy and trust.
It doesn't.
Point scoring doesn't work.
Equal nappy changes,
equal spending money,
equal chores.
If you are anything like me,
you're going to overemphasize your column,
my rights.
You're going to quickly excuse yourself
if you don't fulfill what your spouse needs.
And you want a pound of flesh
if they don't give you what you think you deserve.
Bookkeeping,
it creates a power struggle.
It doesn't create intimacy.
It creates a power struggle.
Who's got the most leverage?
Who's ahead in the point scoring game?
The problem is,
you're working off two totally different lists.
Each of you often think you're ahead.
It's all about leverage.
It's not about trust.
It's not unconditional.
And resentment,
feeling things aren't fair,
can really quickly come in,
like within hours.
It comes so quickly to us.
Transactional relating,
I think,
is an attempt to try and stay in control.
We want unconditional love,
but we're not,
we don't want to let go of control.
We know it comes at the cost
of letting go of control.
And...
It leaves us empty
and self-pitying
and angry
and a power struggle,
this bookkeeping.
When you attend wedding ceremonies,
why do we all find the vows such...
As long as it's not,
they made their own vows,
like,
you're amazing,
I'm going to do all the dishes
or something weird.
As long as it's more
those traditional vows,
it's a moving moment,
isn't it?
Like,
we all love it.
Why?
Because it's an expression
of unconditional love.
It's,
I'm going to love you
when you're a jerk.
When you're sick
and the care has to go one way.
When I don't feel like it.
Full stop.
There's no other side of the ledger.
And we're like,
yes.
That's...
We all crave it.
We're made for it.
How do we get it?
Well,
in Ephesians 5,
as we come to how men
and women are called
to relate to one another
in marriage,
in every sentence here,
Paul wants our thoughts
filled with Christ.
In the section on husbands,
most of it
isn't about husbands.
It's just jam-packed
with talking about Christ.
Paul is just bursting,
he's gushing
to talk about
Christ's unconditional love.
And here's the primary reason
why this passage
is extremely relevant
for all of us in this room,
whether you're married or single.
It's extremely relevant
because
this passage is mainly
about Christ and the church.
It's speaking to husbands
and wives.
But Paul can't help himself.
It's just about
Christ and the church.
There's a metaphor
that runs throughout
this passage.
It's the picture
of one body,
one flesh,
as we saw
at the beginning
of creation,
one body.
Now,
we think of husbands
and wives,
and yes,
that's the conclusion,
but actually,
Paul wants us
to focus on
this is how Christ
thinks of us.
Let this sink in.
Christ doesn't think
of his people
as servants,
merely servants
and soldiers.
Go here.
Go do this.
He thinks of us
as his own body.
That's incredible.
His own flesh.
He alone
truly died
for his bride.
He alone
by his word
washes us.
He alone
is making us
not into this
beautiful statue,
but to present
us to himself.
It's a relational
picture.
It's an intimate
picture.
Christ nourishes
his body.
He cherishes
us.
We are members
of his body.
The key
to finding
that unconditional
love is not
to focus on
your spouse.
It's actually
to focus on
Christ,
his unconditional
love.
The one flesh
union we saw
in the beginning
in Genesis,
Paul is saying
when a man
leaves his
father and
mother and
is united
to his wife,
I'm saying
that mystery
was really
getting us
ready to
understand the
real thing.
Christ and
his people.
That's how
he thinks
of us.
He doesn't
love us
based on our
performance.
It's unconditional
love.
When we
rejected him,
he died for
us.
When we
resist his
care for us
still,
we struggle
to trust
him.
We want
to go our
own way.
We want
to be in
control.
He remains
committed to
washing us,
making us
spotless,
so that we're
united and
enjoy him
forever.
And so here
we see that
overlap of the
ages again.
We need to
understand we're
in the overlap
of the ages.
Marriage is
God's good
idea from the
beginning of
creation in
paradise, but
it's just a
metaphor in the
end of the
day.
It's an
analogy so
that we would
understand the
thing it's
pointing to,
the thing that
actually lasts,
the thing that
actually satisfies
our one flesh
union with
Jesus.
Only Jesus
can redeem
human marriage
to be based
on unconditional
love.
He's the only
one.
And our
goal for
husbands and
wives is to
bring glory to
Jesus.
For people to
see just this
albeit imperfect
picture of the
sacrificial love
of Jesus for
his people and
the willingness
to trust
Jesus.
I can trust
him and
follow him.
So this
passage is
mainly about
Christ and
the church.
And for
singles, I
like what
Sam
Albury
says.
If marriage
shows us the
shape of the
gospel,
singleness
shows us
its
sufficiency.
We're all
marriage is,
human marriage
is a temporary
thing.
Getting us
ready for
that eternal,
deeply satisfying
thing.
Us united to
Jesus, one
body.
So, how
does he
redeem human
marriage?
We're going
to look at
husbands and
then wives.
So let's
start with the
husbands.
One night,
Emma was
lying on the
living room
floor.
And I was
on the
lounge and I
had my feet
on her
back.
does the
idea of
headship and
submission,
does that
conjure up
that sort of
emotional image?
Now, here's
what was
actually
happening.
I just
wanted to
relax.
But she
was like,
can you
massage my
back with
your feet?
I was like,
not really.
I didn't
want to.
That was
what was
really going
on.
She was
reading a
book and
I was
massaging
with my
feet, as
much as
you can
with your
feet.
The picture
of headship
and submission,
I've been
searching for
a picture for
us to
understand it.
The best I've
ever come up
with is, I
think it's
ballroom dancing.
Now, that's
not going to
be everyone's
cup of tea,
I understand.
But,
I really,
if you've
ever watched
really good
ballroom dancing,
the man is
meant to
lead.
But,
when you
watch it,
you're not
going, wow,
that man is
in control.
It's this
partner, it's
just a
stunning,
unified,
harmonious
dance.
I think
that's the
kind of image
we should
have, not
me with my
feet on a
woman's back.
picture a
ballroom dance,
a stunning
dance.
God has
created a
difference between
men and
women, but
it's a
difference to
be enjoyed.
And the
husband's
dance steps,
step one,
die.
I never
said it was
an easy
dance.
Husbands,
love your
wives just
as Christ
loved the
church and
gave himself
up for
her.
The
metaphor
and the
sense of
head does
carry
authority.
There is
meant to be
leadership.
But as we
saw in the
first sermon,
the cross
redefines
authority.
The greatest
is a
slave.
Husbands
were called
to reflect
Christ's
headship
in being
a slave.
for your
wife,
her best
interests.
So we're
called to
die
constantly.
The second
dance step
is we're
meant to be
thinking one
body.
Verse 28,
husbands ought
to love their
wives as
their own
bodies.
He who
loves his
wife loves
himself.
We should
be thinking
one flesh,
not this
power struggle,
but I
think Paul
is using
head.
Yes,
there's
authority in
it,
but I
think he's
using it
for this
metaphor of
one body.
The whole
paragraph is
about being
one flesh.
Now,
we can't
impose our
own ideas
of what
headship
and love
mean.
Christ
is the
model.
It's his
attitudes and
love for his
people that
defines
headships.
If we
think about
how he
loves his
church,
it's so
much more
than him
wearing the
pants.
He took
the
responsibility
for his
bride,
even for
the mess
our sin
caused.
He took
the
responsibility.
He took
the hits.
The song
we sang,
I can't
remember the
exact lyrics,
but he
took the
wrath of
God.
He took
the
responsibility.
He
nourishes.
He
cherishes.
He uses
all his
power to
serve at
cost to
himself.
So,
husbands are
to reflect
this.
Think one
body,
anything you
do for
your wife,
in a sense
we're called
to sacrifice,
in another
sense we're
one body,
so anything
you do
for her,
you're
doing for
yourself,
because you're
so united.
So,
what does
it mean
to love?
I think
looking at
Christ,
we can
try and
map out
a few
more details.
I think
it does
involve
provision.
He
nourishes
his body.
It
satisfies
a man
to provide
for his
wife and
family.
It's
good and
honourable
to put
food on
the table,
money in
the account
for bills,
but headship
is also
spiritually
minded.
You know
your family's
wellbeing does
not live off
bread alone.
It lives off
every word
that proceeds
from the
mouth of
God.
Paul points
us to
Christ's
word that
is going
to feed
and nourish
the
family.
So there
is a
spiritual
provision
here,
making
sure
that the
word of
God is
filling the
family
richly.
I think
it involves
protection.
Adam
failed to
protect Eve
in the
temptation,
but Jesus
took the
hits.
I don't
think this
protection is
about
competence.
I like an
illustration I
heard.
If the
wife has a
black belt
in karate
and you
hear a
noise at
night in
the house
thinking there
might be an
intruder,
the husband
doesn't go,
well, you
got the
black belt,
you go down
and see what
that is.
He doesn't
look at her
and go,
we're a
50-50
marriage,
your turn.
there's
something that
men are
made for to
go down
first.
It's
protecting her
physically
and it's
protecting her
spiritually from
false ideas
and false
paths to
take.
So I
think it's
provision,
especially the
word of
God.
I think
there's
protection
physically,
spiritually.
But it
also involves
feeling
primarily
responsible
for
decision
making.
Adam in
the garden
was held
primarily
responsible
for the
fall.
Now,
I think
this principle
can be
played out
very
differently
depending on
personality
and
culture.
So I
don't want
to be too
narrow in
the application
but I
want us to
understand the
principle at
least.
Let's say
I'm going to
risk an
illustration so
that we can
try and grasp
the principle.
Let's say
husband and
wife,
you're agreed,
let's buy a
big house.
house.
There's no
competition.
You're
agreed on
this.
Headship,
bearing that
primary
responsibility,
ought to be
making sure
that you've
checked your
motives.
Why are you
buying that
house?
What are your
goals in it?
It could be
very
un-Christlike.
It could be
let's have
comfort,
let's have
a better
reputation in
the neighbourhood
or among
others,
let's have
our friends
over for
pool parties
or it
could be
for Christ's
sake.
Let's fit a
Bible study in
our lounge room,
let's have our
ageing parents
be able to
live with us,
let's be
able to have
guests come
and stay or
people who
are really
desperate
for a
common
I think
bearing
responsibility
is just
making sure
is everything
we do
living for
Christ?
Now again,
I don't
think this is
because men
are more
competent at
making decisions.
In our
household,
something we
have to decide
is medical
decisions.
Now,
Emma's a
GP,
she tells
me this
Latin name
when the
kids need
this cream.
Can you
put this
cream on
there?
I'm like,
is that the
blue tube
or the
white tube?
There is a
huge difference
in our
competence
in this
area.
But I've
been convicted
that without
being,
you can
judge me
later if you
want,
don't think
I'm being
coercive and
micromanaging,
but I've
been convicted
that I
can't just
leave that
entirely to
her,
otherwise she
carries the
consequences of
all those
decisions.
You can tell
me if you
disagree with
me later.
I think
bearing
primary
responsibility
is you
feel like
the buck
stops with
you.
And if
the goal
is to
care for
your family,
you shouldn't
be,
husbands,
don't be
threatened when
your wife is
more competent
in an area.
If they can
fulfil that
care better
than you
can,
that's
great,
we should
welcome
it.
Because
we're
sinful
husbands,
unlike
Christ,
I think
we can
also take
the lead
when arguments
break out.
We can
take the
lead in
laying any
leverage
down.
It
takes
courage
to apologise
first.
Because
it feels
like
you're
laying
your
control
out of
completely
down.
Who knows
what they're
going to
do with
that if
you apologise
first.
And that's
exactly what's
happening.
You are
laying the
control
down.
So I'm
trying to put
flesh and
what it
means in
following
Christ,
in dying
and thinking
one flesh.
The goal
for the
husband
is that
she shines.
Christ's
goal
is to
make us
beautiful,
spotless.
The
without
spot or
wrinkle,
I think
obviously
that's a
metaphor
for our
character.
The
husband's
goal in
exercising his
authority has
to be aligned
with Christ's
goal.
not happy
wife,
happy life.
We've all
heard that
one,
haven't we?
Not happy
wife,
happy life.
Holy
wife,
unbelievably
joyous,
forever,
into eternity
wife.
Now I know
it doesn't
have the same
ring to it,
okay?
But there
is no
conflict between
holiness and
happiness.
If you
pursue her
holiness,
you are
pursuing her
happiness.
Husbands
don't actually,
we don't get
the right to
choose where
we're taking
the marriage.
Christ
has already
told us.
You're not
leading your
wife where you
want to go,
you're leading
where Jesus
wants you
both to go.
So die
daily,
bear the
primary
responsibility.
It's not
thinking I'm
the boss,
it's thinking
we're one
body here.
And the
goal is
Jesus'
goal,
so that
she shines
in his
word.
So that's
the call on
husbands,
that's what
unconditional
love
reflecting
Christ
looks like.
So
transitioning
to God's
call on
wives.
This is
partly why I
like the
ballroom
dancing
picture,
because when
the husband
leads well,
the evidence
of that
is the
wife,
or the
woman,
in ballroom
dancing
shines.
She's the
one doing
the twirls
and the
I don't
know,
I don't
know,
ballroom
dancing
enough.
When he
takes the
primary
responsibility,
she has
the resources
to shine.
That's why
I've taken
the phrase
out of
1 Peter 3.
I think
the focus
here is
wives,
let your
beauty
be the
hidden
person
of the
heart.
The
core for
wives is
to
unconditional
respect,
rather than
clinging to
control.
A part
of you
may want
that strong
involvement
and care
of your
husband,
stepping up
to
responsibility.
You may
say you
want your
husband to
step up
spiritually,
discipling
kids,
reading the
Bible,
initiating and
leading in
prayer,
commitment to
church.
Here's the
question,
how much
is it on
your own
terms?
How much
do you
criticise his
attempts because
it's not how
you would do
it?
Even when
his dance
steps are
pretty ordinary,
if they're
headed in
the right
direction,
how much
do you
resist?
Because it's
not the way
you want
it.
It's still
about laying
down control.
It's the
same thing.
Men, we've
got to lay
down our
control and
be a slave
in service.
But women,
you're called
to the same
thing.
Lay down
your control.
Unconditional
love.
Verse 22,
wives.
Let's
pause there.
The Lord is
speaking directly
to you.
He's not
talking to you
via your
husband.
And husbands,
we should in a
sense have one
ear closed at
this point.
We're never
told, make
sure your wife
submits.
No.
The Lord is
talking to you
directly.
You have full
agency to
voluntarily
choose this
because he
is trustworthy.
You want
to please
him.
It's
submitting to
your husbands
as to the
Lord.
Your eyes
are on
him, the
Lord.
It's
verse 21,
submitting out
reverence for
Christ.
You see
Jesus going
to the
cross,
submitting
himself to
the cross.
It is at the
heart of the
gospel.
It is
praiseworthy.
You trust
him for
that.
You respect
him.
You revere
him.
You trust
him to take
care of
your body
and soul.
That's the
motivation
here.
Now the
authority
over you
is very
limited.
It is not
any man.
It's their
own husband.
But the
aspects of
marriage, the
law calls for
submission, is
very broad.
Verse 24,
in everything,
there's to
be no
power
struggle.
You're
meant to be
looking at
the church.
As the
church, we
aren't to
try and go
it on our
own and be
independent.
We welcome
Christ's
provision, or
meant to
anyway.
We're meant
to welcome
his provision
and his
care for
us in
every aspect
of our
life.
even when
it cuts
across our
will.
We're
meant to
invite and
rely on
Christ.
The church
is to think
of itself as
one body
with Christ.
We're not
just servants,
we're in this
profound
partnership.
Our goals
are aligned
with his
goals in
his mission.
So that's
the model
for wives
to follow.
So
Godly
leadership
carrying the
burden of
primary
responsibility,
there's a
freedom to
be enjoyed
within that.
There's an
enabling,
bring all
your gifts
to help the
marriage
flourish.
So trusting
Christ for
his sake,
submission in
a sense,
I think is
about getting
out of the
way.
It's letting
your husband
care for you,
not needing
to be in
control,
not squashing
his attempts.
this is
about attitude.
It's about
the posture
of the
heart.
It's not
necessarily,
I think we
imagine that
husband and
wife talking
and immediately
the wife just
has to be
silent in
everything.
I don't
know why
we, I
don't know
if your
mind goes
there, I
don't know
why we
imagine
that.
It's about
the attitude
of the
heart.
It's not
about saying
you're playing
a less
important role.
Remember
Genesis 2,
helper is
about supplying
the power
that is
lacking.
It's
bringing all
your strengths
to the
partnership.
So
inviting your
husband's
care,
godly
leadership,
as imperfect
as it is,
when it's
done right,
people don't
see a power
struggle,
they see a
united,
beautiful
dance.
They
encounter a
stable,
warm home.
They see a
friendship at
the heart of
the marriage.
You're enjoying
god together.
They witness
something that
benefits the
children in what
they see.
Such a
partnership
overflows beyond
the relationship
and blesses the
church and
blesses society
because you're
trying to serve
Christ together
in everything.
So invite your
husband's care and
bring all your
gifts to this
partnership.
Now I'm
guessing the
fear is,
what if the
husband misuses
his authority?
What if they
aren't just in
control but
they're
controlling or
putting pressure
on your
conscience?
Could be
financially,
could be
intimately,
could be
theologically.
What does
submission mean
then?
Well, you're
always doing it
for Christ's
sake.
Allegiance is
always to
him.
You are
never, ever
asked to
follow your
husband into
sin.
It is not
loving for
your husband
to not
call out
his sin.
Both
husbands and
wives will
at times have
to exercise
strong
confrontational
love.
But I think
we can say
more than
this, and
this is
where I
want to
flip over
to 1
Peter 3.
1 Peter 3
is a high
calling.
It's the
context of
the, if you
want to turn
to 1 Peter 3
with me, the
context of the
letter is all
about, the
Christian life is
one of hope.
You know
heaven is
coming, salvation
is yours, and
you have this
inexpressible joy
in your heart.
The Christian
life is one of
hope and joy,
but we are
exiles in this
life.
It is
sometimes in
very difficult
circumstances,
where the
goal is that
your conduct
brings glory
to God, and
that's true for
wives and
husbands.
Here in
chapter 3, it's
talking to
wives, especially
married to
unbelieving
husbands, a
really tricky
circumstance.
You can't
respect his
spiritual rebellion.
God's
love to
God's
love to
God's
love to
you.
He may be
harsh.
He doesn't
have the
cross as his
template for
how to relate
to you.
Let's
firstly say what
submission doesn't
mean from this
passage.
There's a few
things it can't
mean.
It can't mean
putting your
husband in the
place of Christ.
Your allegiance
has to be for
Christ.
That's the whole
context here.
reason.
It can't be
giving up
independent
thought.
Because you
believe in
Jesus, you're
not letting
go of that.
The most
important thought,
it's not based
on your husband,
you're not going
to let go of
that.
It's not giving
up your desire
to influence
him.
The very goal
of this passage
is that they
may be won
to Christ.
You're trying
to win him
to Christ.
It's not
giving in to
every demand
because you're
trying to win
him with your
pure conduct.
Jesus decides
what is pure
conduct.
And it's not
being a doormat
because in
verse 6,
do not fear
anything that is
frightening.
There is
something strong
about this.
You're not
afraid.
So how
do you win
an unbelieving
husband?
I think this
might apply to
a straying
husband.
A husband
who's just,
I don't
know, going
off the tracks
either in his
thoughts or in
his behaviour.
How do you
win him or
win him back
to Christ
when they see
your respectful
and pure
conduct?
There's an
emphasis here
on what's
on the
inside
rather than
what's on
the outside.
In verses
3 to 4,
let not
your adorning,
let not
your beauty
be external,
but let
your adorning,
your beauty,
be the hidden
person of the
heart.
That is
what has
the power
by God's
grace to win
him to
Christ.
Now, does
this mean,
ladies, you
have to wear
a potato
sack down
to your
ankles?
Does it
mean you
can't dress
nicely?
I don't
think that's
the point of
this passage
because you've
got to wear
clothes.
The point
is, what's
the motivation?
how are you
trying to
adorn
yourself?
Is there
an emptiness
in your
heart?
And perhaps
because your
husband is
as he is,
is there an
emptiness in
your heart
that you're
trying to
win
attention,
affection,
a sense of
worth by
external?
Or,
are you so
full on the
inside that
clothing you
like to
dress with
an outfit
that actually
matches?
That's okay,
it's a good
gift.
I don't
think it's
about wearing
a potato
sack.
It's about,
do you see
where your
true worth
is?
Do you
see where
your true
beauty is?
In God's
sight, a
gentle and
quiet spirit
is very
precious.
Think about
that wording.
God looks
at you and
he, if you
have this, and
to the degree
you have this,
that is very
precious to
me.
God thinks
that of you.
Now, what is a
gentle and
quiet spirit?
What is a
gentle and
quiet spirit?
I don't
think this is
about personality.
I think even
an introvert,
very timid
person can
be very
loud and
unsettled in
their heart,
trying to
manipulate
situations and
just reacting
fearful.
I don't
think it's
about personality.
if you're an
extrovert in
the room,
don't think,
oh, I've
got to
just close
your mouth.
It's talking
about the
heart.
It's talking
about the
inner person.
Your soul
is so
settled.
It's full.
And remember
the context.
Your husband
is straying,
unbeliever,
who knows
what harsh
things are
going on,
but your
soul is
settled
because you
know God
treasures you.
Your hope,
your hope
is in God.
You know
he's in
control.
Your hope
isn't in
your husband.
Your hope
isn't in
yourself.
Your hope
is in God.
You know
your inheritance
is coming
soon.
you know
the Father
treasures
you.
And so
your goal,
because you're
at peace
within yourself,
it's not
to try and
control the
situation.
Your goal
is to
try and
reflect Christ
to your
husband.
That
gentle and
quiet spirit
comes from
hope in
God.
Now,
it does
express
itself in
respect for
a husband who
is unrespectable.
That's how
powerful this
settled heart
is.
Sarah with
Abraham is
the example
given here to
follow.
There's only
one occurrence
with Sarah and
Abraham where
she calls him
Lord.
And that's
when the
angel comes
and says,
you're going
to have a
baby in
their old
age.
And Sarah
just laughs,
can my
Lord bet
you are
and he's
so old.
That's when
she says,
it's not,
it seems
to be,
that's just
the way Sarah
thought about
Abraham,
that it just
instinctually
came out.
It wasn't,
how do you
think about
Abraham?
Abraham,
she just
said it,
my Lord,
but there
was such
deep respect
there.
It's this
incredible
peace inside
of you that
you don't
need to be
in control
because your
hope is in
God,
you know
he treasures
you,
he sees
your beauty.
Now this
is so
unnatural.
Women who
don't know
God,
they don't
adorn
themselves like
this.
You can't
do this
without a
deep hope
in God.
You can't
do this
without Jesus.
It is so
unnatural and
I think that's
exactly why it
has the power
to attract
even an
unbelieving
husband.
Where is
this coming
from?
this deep
respect for
me,
for the
husband,
a deep
respect for
him,
your soul
is settled,
a deep
hope,
you're not
frightened.
It must
come from
Jesus.
So that's
the call
for the
dance steps
for wives.
respect even
when in
difficult
circumstances,
for Christ's
sake.
I think
this ideal,
I'm not
sure by the
way who's
got the
harder
calling.
You can
tell me
afterwards
what you
think.
Both are
called to
lay down
control and
totally give
themselves over
unconditionally.
But this
ideal,
the more
I've been
reflecting on
it,
it just
makes you
aware of
your
shortcomings,
doesn't it?
I don't
live up to
this.
It makes
you aware of
your spouse's
shortcomings.
But the
resources to
live up to
this don't
come from
looking at
your spouse,
how well
they're doing.
This is
where it's
our one
body,
one flesh
relationship
with Jesus
that men
and women
have to
focus on.
Our
embrace of
this ideal,
or whether
we're
clutching at
control,
is a bit
of a
barometer of
how much
the love
of Jesus
and his
unconditional
love is
filling our
hearts in
any given
moment.
Just as we
saw in
1 Peter,
for wives,
your resources
don't come from
your husband to
live up for
this.
It comes from
God and the
gospel that
fills your
heart.
I think that's
true for
husbands too.
I hope
husbands in
the room
aren't thinking,
great, I'm in
charge.
If you're
hearing that
message, you're
not getting
it yet.
You don't
understand,
you're not
wise enough,
you're not
good enough,
you're not
strong enough
to live up
to this.
But I'm
guessing our
reaction for
the men in
the room is,
I can't do
this.
That's great.
That's the
place we're
called to be
because the
resources for
this is to
focus on
Jesus.
It's not a
macho, I'm
in control, I
can do this.
It's not a
withdrawing in
fear because it's
such a high
calling.
It's relying on
his provision
and stepping in
to be
courageous.
So men and
women, the
power to
embrace this
dance doesn't
come from
yourself.
It doesn't
come from
looking at
your spouse,
how they're
doing, otherwise
it would be
transactional again.
It comes from
looking at the
unconditional love
of Jesus found
in the cross.
It's his care,
it's his
sovereignty, it's
his provision,
it's trusting
him.
while our
society, men
call their
wives
boss, I'll
ask the
boss, you
heard that one?
No, I hear it
quite frequently.
I reckon that's
a thinly
veiled contempt
!
contempt for
the power
struggle going
on.
And then
you've got my
big fat
Greek wedding
movie where
the wife in
that movie
goes, oh
fine, he
can be the
head, the
wife's the
neck, they
can turn the
head wherever
she wants.
That's our
societies, it's
this power
struggle.
But this
beautiful dance
we're called
to, when we
look at the
cross, both
men and
women, and
we lay down
our need to
be in control
because we
trust him.
We want to
reflect him.
We hear the
call to
love our
wives and
be a slave
and we call
it, that's
great.
I get to
reflect his
greatness.
We hear the
call to submit
to our
husbands,
and we
know God
says that's
precious to
me, that's
praiseworthy, just
as Christ
submitting himself
is praiseworthy.
That creates
this unconditional
love that we
all crave.
Only when we
look at Jesus
people see a
friendship because
we're enjoying
God together
when this is
done well.
I think of
my friend who
carried his
sick wife into
the concert
hall in his
arms.
People see
that kind of
till death do
us part
sacrifice.
eyes.
It's beautiful.
I think of
her husband
and wife.
She was so
intelligent.
She could
theologically run
rings around her
husband.
But my
lasting impression
of their
relationship is
she admired
him.
His
gentleness,
his care.
when we
look at the
unconditional love
of the cross
and our hearts
are full and
we reflect in a
small part his
unconditional love,
it brings glory to
Jesus.
If we focus on
our one flesh
dance with Jesus
then our one
flesh dance with
one another will
be stunning.
Not a power
struggle but a
stunning dance.
will you pray
with me?
Let's pray.
Father that
you're calling
us to
lay down
our control.
We can't do
it on our
own.
I pray that
you would
so fill our
hearts with
trust in you
and give us
such a
positive
vision of
what you're
calling us
to that
we willingly
let go.
that we see
the high
calling of
reflecting
your love
in the
church
and trying
to win
those who
don't know
you and
who are
straying away
from you
back to you.
Give us
that high
calling and
give us
impress on
our hearts
this beautiful
picture so
that we might
live lives
that please
you.
In Jesus
name I
pray.
Amen.