Message this morning will warm you up, get you maybe riled up.
I don't know if you've looked ahead and read the passage, but it's Valentine's Day, right?
It's a land of chocolate and red roses and Hallmark schlock, and however you see that,
some of your romantics are cringing.
I love Valentine's Day and all of the romantic accoutrements that go with it,
but I also want to acknowledge that for many, and maybe many of you feel like this,
Valentine's Day is a day that no one can win.
Husbands, boyfriends struggle to feel like they can ever do enough to impress.
Wives and girlfriends struggle to dampen their rampant idealistic hopes of being swept off their feet
while hiberring the secret fears that they are not, in fact, deeply loved and desired.
And singles just wish it would go away.
All right?
So this is the problem with Valentine's Day, the way our culture construes it.
And often at the core of it, if you look deeply, part of what you see is that
the problem with Valentine's Day is that it makes everyone miserable
because it arouses desires that we aren't sure what to do with.
It makes us to focus more on selfish desires than anything else.
It drives us to think about things that we can't actually do,
and it makes us people who are discontent.
And in the sovereignty of God, as we are preaching sequentially through the book of 1 Corinthians,
Valentine's Day, we get this passage on sex and singleness,
two of the great taboo topics that the church doesn't like to talk about.
So I feel like we're already in the mood, but we're going to keep going with it
and see what's going on in this passage.
If you have your Bible, you can turn with me to 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
You know, as you turn there, I want to put a little bit of Valentine's Day in historical context.
What would it have looked like 2,000 plus years ago?
If you were in Greek culture, Valentine's Day might be celebrated through this lens,
the words of Apollodorus in his speech against Nera.
We have courtesans for pleasure, concubines for the daily tending of the body,
and wives in order to beget legitimate children
and have a trustworthy guardian of what is at home.
So this is the Greek culture a couple of centuries before Christ
and the way that they viewed relationships and sex.
Fast forward a couple of centuries to the first century when 1 Corinthians was written,
the Roman picture,
and though not quite so baldly crass as Apollodorus,
it was a similar perspective.
Wives were for children,
not for passion or pleasure.
Passion and pleasure would be found in other places,
as we saw last week at the temple prostitutes.
Or even within your own home,
the master of the house would have the right,
the social privilege,
of access to any woman in his household.
A slave, a servant,
someone under his care.
And what you see at the core of this
is that how deeply
ancient culture
was captured by a deeply
selfish perspective
on sex.
Sex was simply to
promulgate your line
or
for your own pleasure
as a man.
And women were not even really in the picture.
They were being used
for one or the other.
In our culture today,
we'd like to think
that we've been more liberated.
We'd like to think
that it's a different situation.
It's not always that way.
Might say it's often not that way.
But,
what I would say
is that the selfishness
has not changed.
We so
easily
approach our relationships
and when it gets down to it,
our sexual relationships
with the same selfish desire
of what can I get out of it?
How can I be pleased
through this?
We often
give to this relationship
and to this act
a sense of
ultimacy
that it was never meant to have
and so it gives us
meaning,
fulfillment,
affirmation.
And by giving it all of this,
for those of you who are single,
you may have felt this,
that somehow to be
not sexually active
is to be somehow
less than human.
Somehow
less than fully
who you were meant to be.
What does God say
about this?
Paul writes about it.
We're going to look at it.
But just to remember
what Pastor Nick
preached on last week,
if you weren't here,
you should go back
and listen to the sermon online.
Chapter 6,
verses 12 through 20,
talk about
Paul's
admonition.
Flee sexual immorality.
Why?
Because your body
was not created
for selfish things,
but for God.
God.
And as you live out
your sexual life,
you are meant to conduct
yourself in a way
that honors and glorifies God,
recognizing
that God has made
your body
the temple of the Holy Spirit
and that he has purchased
your life,
body,
soul,
and all
by the very blood
of his son
lovingly poured out
for you.
And so we are meant
to stop giving
sex
more or less
than it is due.
We are to glorify God
with our body.
And from this then,
Paul transitions
in chapter 7
into a long discussion,
a lot about marriage
and singleness,
and today particularly
about sex.
We're going to be here
for four weeks,
just so you know.
We're going to be
in chapter 7
for four weeks.
We're doing this
this week,
we're going to do
the next chunk,
Greg's going to preach
next week,
Nick's going to do it again,
and then just for those
of you who are single,
we're going to have
a whole sermon
in three weeks
on singleness
and thinking about it
biblically.
But we will address
it today as well.
So let's look
at this passage now.
1 Corinthians chapter 7
verses 1 through 9.
And the true sign
of middle age
is right here.
You ready?
There you go.
This is sexy, right?
Okay.
Now, concerning the matters
about which you wrote,
it is good for a man
not to have sexual relations
with a woman,
but because of the temptation
to sexual immorality,
each man should have
his own wife,
and each woman
her own husband.
The husband should give
to his wife
her conjugal rights,
and likewise
the wife to her husband.
For the wife does not
have authority
over her own body,
but the husband does.
Likewise,
the husband does not
have authority
over his own body,
but the wife does.
Do not deprive
one another,
except perhaps
by agreement
for a limited time
that you may devote
yourselves to prayer,
but then come together
again so that Satan
may not tempt you
because of your lack
of self-control.
Now, as a concession,
not a command,
I say this.
I wish that all
were as I myself am,
but each has his own gift
from God,
one of one kind
and one of another.
To the unmarried
and to the widows,
I say,
it is good for them
to remain single
as I am,
but if they cannot
exercise self-control,
they should marry,
for it is better
to marry
than to burn
with passion.
Let's pray.
Lord, help us
to understand this passage.
Lord, help us
to see
your design
for our lives.
Help us
to understand
what it is
that you have
given us
in marriage
and in singleness,
in sex
and in celibacy.
Lord, I pray
you would help me
this morning.
Lord, that my words
would teach clearly,
that you would use
my words, Lord,
to shape our hearts.
Lord, may we glorify you
in our bodies,
we pray.
In Jesus' name,
amen.
What I want you to see
this morning,
the big idea
of this passage
as we pull it all together,
is that we are called
to glorify God
by passionate living
in the gifts
that we have,
whether married
or single.
The hinge idea
as I see it
is actually
in verse 7,
if you see it
down there,
it says,
but each one
has its own gift.
The question this morning
is what is your gift?
How can you glorify God
with it?
Every gift
from God
is good.
Let's explore
how Paul instructs us
to live out
these callings together.
Firstly,
in verses 1 through 6,
we see Paul
talking about
the gift
of marital sex.
He continues
building on
what he said
at the end
of chapter 6
about what's
the nature
of sexual immorality.
And it seems
potentially
that he's replying
to something
that the Corinthians
have written to him
asking him,
hey,
you've told us
about avoiding
sexual immorality.
What does that
have to do
with marriage
and with sex
within marriage?
Now,
if you have
different Bible
translations,
you may have noticed
that there are
different ways
to translate it.
And the ESV
along with the NIV
and lots of
translations
have translated it
along the lines of,
it is good
for a man
not to have
sexual relations
with his wife.
If you have
a King James
or a New American Standard,
which tends
to be more literal,
you will see that
all these other
translations
have taken an idiom
and they've tried
to give you meaning,
which is normal
and that's what
translators do.
But the idiom
itself is,
it is good
for a man
not to touch
a woman.
Historically,
this has often
been presented
as the Corinthians
saying,
hey,
there's this
argument out there
that we should
actually be celibate
in marriage,
which is really odd.
But it's,
but you understand it
as you read this,
you think,
okay,
that kind of
makes sense.
But I will have
to say that
I have been
convinced
by
one modern
scholar
who looked
at this phrase,
to touch
a woman,
in different
contexts,
the way it was
used throughout
ancient literature.
He summarizes
his finding
this way.
To touch
a woman
means acting
on sexual
passions
for the sake
of pleasure
or sexual
release,
including
using it,
using the
following kinds
of people
for one's
own sexual
gratification.
Slaves,
people forced
to live
in one's
own
household,
defenseless
women,
virgins
placed under
one's
protective care,
a wife
during her
monthly cycle.
It's also
used in
predatory
male
homosexual
relationships,
unnatural
homosexual
relationships,
incest,
rape,
adultery,
sex with
a defiled
concubine,
or just
sex with
someone outside
of your
marriage,
someone who
is not
your wife.
So he
argues that
what the
position being
put forward
by the
Corinthians,
that the
Corinthians are
asking Paul
for comment
on,
is not,
should we be
celibate in
marriage?
That seems
like a bit
of a stretch.
It's more
saying,
hey,
there's a
statement out
there that
might be
translated,
don't use
other people
for your own
sexual
gratification.
Don't use
it for
selfish
passion.
The
Corinthian
church has
written to
Paul saying,
what do we
do with
this?
How do we
understand
this?
And Paul
is at
some of
his
pastoral
best in
this.
His
argument is
nuanced.
He does
not thunder.
He does
not say,
as he did
in chapter
six,
do you
not know?
Do you
not know
that this
is true,
and this
is true,
and this
is true?
Why are
you acting
that way?
He says,
well,
let's think
about this,
brothers and
sisters.
Let's come
together and
consider this,
because these
are hard
issues,
and he has
some really
practical
wisdom,
and I'm
hoping that
it will
translate to
you and
to your
lives as
we explore
it,
because his
fundamental
response is
yes,
but then he
takes it to
probably another
level that the
Corinthians never
imagined.
So the
question is,
how are we
meant to
live out
this calling
to not
be sexually
immoral in
marriage?
Are we
supposed to
just use our
wives for
babies,
and everything
else we find
somewhere else?
That's what the
culture tells us.
Are we supposed
to abstain
completely?
What are we
supposed to do?
And Paul says,
no,
no.
The sexual
union between a
man and a
wife is a
part of the
gift and the
design of
marriage.
It is a
beautiful and
a wonderful
thing.
And I call
you to not
buy into the
cultural
disdain for
the passionate
and pleasurable
parts of it
within marriage.
This is a
good part of
the design.
Don't think
that's dirty
or wrong or
taking advantage
of it.
But let me
teach you how
to think about
it in a way
that actually is
shaped by the
gospel.
So that's what
he says in
verses 2-4.
Look with me
again,
verses 2-4.
Let me make a
couple of
observations.
First of all,
you see the
temptation.
Given the
cultural context
of you only
have sex with
your wife and
you go to a
prostitute for
release and
pleasure,
he's saying,
no, no, no,
no, no,
because that
sexual temptation
is out there,
but you ought
not to give
into it,
there is a
place for you
to spend your
energies.
Verse 2,
right?
Each man should
have his own
wife.
That doesn't
mean that he
just is married.
It means he
should have
her.
Have her in
the sense of
joining with
her sexually.
Right?
And there's an
emphasis on his
own and her
own, right?
And these are
two really
important things
that Paul is
saying here.
The only
place for you
to live out
your calling
and your
sexual desires
is within
your marriage
to your
spouse,
your own,
no one else's.
Wife swapping
is just out.
Doesn't fit.
Right?
But it's also
the wife to
his own,
to her own
husband and
the husband to
his own
wife.
Paul begins
to lay the
foundations of
a picture of
a mutuality in
marriage that
was very
foreign to
that culture.
A sense of
equality in
this role.
And even in
the pursuit of
the pleasing,
passionate part
of sex.
the husband
should give
himself to
his wife for
her conjugal
rights and
likewise the
wife to her
husband.
Now look,
men, we need
to be careful
here.
Because it's very
easy to read
this the way we
contend to give,
say,
anniversary gifts.
Look, honey, I
got you a
pneumatic drill.
We give gifts
that is completely
self-centered and
only for our
benefit.
And we can do
that in this
context as well.
Right?
Look, honey, I
did all this so
that you can
please me.
That's not what
it says.
It says the
husband is to
give to
his wife.
to let her
be pleased.
To seek for
her to be
blessed in the
sexual union.
It's not you
owe me this.
It's an I owe
you this.
I have not
just the privilege
but actually the
duty to give
this to you.
He develops
this a little
bit more in
verse 4 where
he says,
look,
the wife
doesn't have
authority over
her own body.
The husband
doesn't have
authority over
his own body.
You have in
pledging yourself
to one another
before God and
these witnesses
in marriage,
you have said,
I give myself
to you,
body and soul.
you now
have a claim.
But notice
that Paul never
says,
you now have a
claim that you
can cash in on
your agenda and
your time frame and
say,
I'm ready to
take a withdrawal
from my deposit.
Thank you.
Paul says,
you have this
claim and the
obligation is not
to take it but
is to give it
to the other.
So as one
commentator says,
Paul puts
sexual relations
within Christian
marriage on a
much higher
ground than one
finds in most
cultures including
the church where
sex is often
viewed as a
husband's privilege
and the wife's
obligation.
For Paul,
the marriage bed
is both unitive
that is bringing
together in a
unity and an
affirmation that
the two belong to
one another in
total mutuality.
equality.
Friends, this is
what God has
called us to in
marriage.
Because remember
what Pastor Nick
said last week?
Marriage and sex,
they're the Rick
Steve's guide.
They're the book
that tells you
about something
that's yet to
come.
Do you remember
that illustration
he gave?
That what marriage
and sex are given
for in this world
is to point us to
an eternal marriage
supper of the Lamb
and an intimacy
with God and
with one another
that we can't
even imagine
and the joy
and the fulfillment
and the pleasure
that we think
often sex is the
pinnacle of.
Sex is just a
signpost pointing
to something better.
It's just a taste
of the feast that
is yet to come.
And so we ought
now to live
enjoying it
fully
not selfishly
for the good
of one another.
We don't do this
naturally friends.
We can only do this
for Christ.
We can only do it
with Christ's help.
I think about
how sex
is often portrayed.
All you have to do
is watch some sitcoms
or talk to your
co-workers.
Maybe even thinking
about your own life.
How is sex
in marriage
often used
and abused?
The range
is huge.
Marital rape
is a real thing
where one forces
himself usually
on the other.
But so is
banishment to the
couch.
We can use
sex as a weapon
to manipulate
one another
in our relationships.
We get caught up
in the cultural
fairy tales
that are put forth
whether by
pornography
or chick lit
about
what it's going
to look like.
and we've lost
God's vision
for us.
I want to be clear
here too
because historically
and typically
this passage
has been used
by Christian men
often
not always
but by Christian men
often
to coerce
saying
you owe me this.
it's typically
that way
although I want
to be careful
because I don't
think the gender
stereotypes always
fit.
I don't know
what your marriage
is like.
The hard issue
is
do you pursue
this part
of your marital
life
selfishly
or in a
self-sacrificial
giving sense?
are you willing
to give yourself
to your spouse
when you're not
up to it
for their pleasure?
Are you willing
to conduct yourself
with your spouse
saying
my greatest desire
is not my own
orgasm
but my own
but my desire
is to please them
and that they
would know
that this is
an act of love.
My greatest desire
is for their
pleasure in it.
Healthy marriages
have a healthy
sex life.
We all know
that there are seasons.
We all know
that there are
ups and downs
and I'm only
47.
Some of you
have walked
further into
what that looks
like as you
grow older.
But the Bible
knows very little
of a husband
and wife
who have no
sexual relations.
But broadly
defined
if it is missing
if it is
completely not
there
I'm inviting
pastoral counseling
I'm sure I am.
If it's not
there
there's a red
light on the
dashboard
saying
this marriage
might not be
all that God
wants it to be.
it's very
likely that
the issues
are not
purely physical
they're much
deeper
and complicated.
But part of
what Paul is
saying here
is that this
is a normal
part
of a healthy
marriage.
Now
having said
that
he then says
verses 5 and 6
and let's talk
about those
for a minute.
Because then
he says
look with me
again verse 5
don't deprive
one another.
That's the basic
thing that he's
been saying
like you're
supposed to
give yourselves
to one another.
Don't deprive
one another
except
and then he has
all these
qualifications
on what it
looks like.
Except
for a time
this shouldn't
be a long
term commitment
but for a time
it should be
for a purpose
and the purpose
seems to be
in mind here
kind of like
fasting.
Fasting is
seeing something
that God has
given us
that is good
and saying
I'm not
going to
partake of
that for
a period
of time
for the
sake of
focusing
solely
on the
Lord
because we
so easily
put our
hopes
and our
dreams
and our
attention
on the
things that
God gives
us instead
of God
himself.
So it
seems like
that's the
purpose
right?
Thirdly
it's meant
to be
by agreement.
It's a
beautiful
picture.
It actually
means in
concert or
in symphony
that this
is something
that you
would do
together
to say
no we're
not going
to do
this
together
because
we as
a couple
want to
pursue
the Lord
together
and again
at the end
with a plan
to come
back
together.
So Paul
says
there is a
reason why
maybe you
wouldn't pursue
this normal
healthy
pattern.
Here we
go into
the weeds.
Pastorally
I think
there are
some other
times when
it is
appropriate
for there
to be an
abstention
for a
period of
time.
I can
think of
a friend
of mine
who was
sexually
abused
as a
child.
When she
got married
her husband
lovingly
and patiently
walked
through with
her
a process
of healing
my guess
is it was
a long
road.
I don't
know the
details.
I certainly
won't share
them with
you.
But it was
a long
road
good for
them to
grow in
this area
given the
hurt and
the scars
of her
past.
If that
is true
for you
there is
a need
for much
grace
and much
patience.
But what I
would say
is I
hope that
even if you
are someone
with those
scars you
would long
for the
healing and
the growth
and the
ability to
please your
spouse in
the middle
of that.
That there
would be a
trajectory
not of
I can't
go there
done.
End of
conversation.
But I
can't go
there right
now and I
don't know
how I can
ever get to
going there
but gosh I
want to
because I
love you.
And that
the spouse
who is
loving that
abused
spouse would
be patient
and not
demanding.
It would
be self
controlled.
Similarly
in the
aftermath of
infidelity
I think
there's a
lot of
room for
rebuilding
of trust.
There is
no place
for a
demand of
I know
I cheated
on you
but the
Bible says
this is my
right so
you need
to give.
I think
there's
again there's
a trajectory
in the wake
of infidelity
the hope is
that there's a
rebuilding of a
marriage and of
that trust
and the
trajectory is
we're going
to get
there.
But I
also think
that there's
a lot of
room for
patience.
Certainly
there are
lots of
health reasons
why this
might happen.
Right after
a child is
born there's
almost always
a recovery
time for
a mother.
the vision
of marital
union and
intimacy
doesn't
overrun some
of these
realities.
I came
across a
story this
week about
a guy who's
suffering from
prostate cancer
and I want
to share it
just to give
you a sense
because I
think this
guy gets
it in some
really powerful
ways.
And I think
his wife does
too.
Some of
these dynamics.
This is what
he writes about
himself.
And this is
slightly edited
because it was
a little more
graphic than I'm
willing to be
this morning.
So if it's
too graphic for
you I'm
sorry.
Right now I'm
not quite what
you would call
a catch.
I wear man
pads for
intermittent
incontinence.
I'm a
bizarre of
scars and I've
been unable to
perform sexually
for several
months.
Most nights
I'm in bed
by ten.
The Lupron
hormone shots
have sent my
sex drive lower
than the stock
market and
given me hot
flashes so
fierce that I
sweat outdoors
when it's 20
degrees and
snowing.
Pretty attractive
huh?
There's a hunk
of guy for
you.
Even so
Deb has taught
me that love
is in the
details.
Humid
professions of
undying love
and tear
stained sonnets
are all well
and good but
they can't
compete with
the earthly
love of Deb
helping me
change and
drain my
catheter pouches
every day when
I come home from
the hospital.
When I say to
Deb I love
you I mean it
and when she
responds I love
you more she
means it too.
We understand
that time
perhaps is not
on our side.
Time we are
told will give
us our sex life
back.
As I said the
hormone shots
have shut down
my sex drive
and physically I
am still in
recovery from
surgery and
from radiation.
But as we
wait I tell you
this love abides.
Yes yes and
yes lust is
essential but
right now sex
seems quaint.
Old fashioned.
Oddly enough it
can't compete with
the depth and
gravity of a
light touch or
sly glance.
I'm in the mood
for the Beatles
and I want to
hold your hand.
Not Grace Jones
growling pull up
to my bumper
baby.
Don't get me
wrong.
I really really
like sex but
given a choice
between the mere
biology of lust and
the deep soul of
love I will
take love.
I just thought
this is such a
beautiful picture of
the balance that I
think Paul is
trying to get and
what I pastorly am
trying to bring to
you this morning.
Sex is a good
thing.
It's a normal part
of a healthy
marriage and it
ought to be pursued
and desired.
And that's what I
see.
I see in this
couple yes we
want that.
But right now
there's a lot of
patience and there's
a lot of grace and
there's a lot of
learning that love
is actually much
deeper and broader
than our sex life.
It's an important
part of it but it's
not the essence or
the substance of it.
And in fact
not only that
but they have
but they also
recognize
that
in the midst
of it all
there can be
forms of
seeking to
please one
another even
physically that
don't have to
do with
acrobatic
gymnastics or
even the very
functional parts
of intercourse.
The sexual
pleasing of one
another can be a
very broad
category and I
think it's really
interesting that he
nodded to that.
He said you know
that other stuff
like that's fun but
but there's another
kind of loving one
another that happens
in these seasons that
is different
and can be very
beautiful.
You singles are like
are we done with
this yet?
This is not
helpful.
but I hope that
you will see
that actually
it is helpful.
It's helpful
for those of you
who are married
to ask yourselves
the questions
am I giving myself
to my spouse
physically?
Am I available?
Am I depriving
them?
Am I using sex
as a weapon
or manipulation
in my marriage?
Am I selfishly
forcing myself
on my spouse?
All right
for those of you
who are single
here's your first
application.
Golly
what does your
dating life look
like?
Is it selfish
or is it
selfless?
What are the
physical boundaries
that you've set up
to honor
the marriage bed
by saying
there are lots
of things
that I don't
need to do
until such a time
as God may give
me a spouse
and I'm not
going to
jump the line
on that.
And when you're
looking for someone
who's going to
walk with you
through all the
ups and downs
of life
make sure it's
someone who isn't
going to push
those boundaries
because if they're
selfish in their
dating life
they're going to
be more selfish
in their marriage.
All right
so
having held up
this incredibly
high view
of marriage
and particularly
marital sex
as a joy
and a blessing
and as a guard
against sexual
infidelity
even.
Little side note
on that.
It's very easy
to think
that that can be
used as a weapon
too.
Hey Paul says
like I'm going
to go wander
if you don't
give to me
so you know
you got to
give right?
And what he's
saying is no
no no
that's the wrong
spirit.
It is true
that a healthy
sex life is a
good boundary
to help
us from
wander into
sexual immorality
and infidelity
but it can
never be used
to manipulate
or to force
like that.
It's contrary
to the whole
sense of
mutuality
and seeking
one's pleasure
that Paul
is holding
up here.
All right
Paul goes
on.
He does not
end there.
Verse 6
when it says
now this
I say this
as a concession
the ESV
has a very
unfortunate
paragraph break.
I think it
goes with
verse 5
because verse 5
is a concession.
A normal
healthy sex life
is a normal
part of a
marriage.
Oh but there's
one concession
I'm going to
give to it.
Now that's
what I say
is a concession
not as a
command.
Now let's
go back to
what I really
want to say.
Now having
said all of
that about
how wonderful
marriage is
and how
wonderful
sex is
I wish
you weren't
married.
I wish
you didn't
have to be
bothered by
all that
stuff.
I wish
you were
as I am.
Each one
has a
gift.
A charisma.
We'll see
this later.
Gifts of
prophecy
and teaching
and service
and administration
and mercy.
Paul uses
the same
word here.
He says
you have
a gift
each one.
Some of
you have
the gift
of marriage.
Some of
you have
the gift
of singleness.
Okay
really brief
side note
culturally
drives me
crazy.
Some of
you young
people
nowadays
use
single
meaning
you're
not
dating
and
when
you're
dating
you're
not
single
anymore.
The Bible
only has
two categories
married
and not
married.
When you
are not
married
you are
not
married
and you
can't
act
like
married
people.
It's
helpful
to fight
against
that
cultural
stand.
When
you are
single
be
fully
single.
It
doesn't
mean
you
can't
be
dating
or
even
engaged.
There's
a good
process
in that
but
recognize
that
until
you
are
married
you
are
not
married.
Sorry
that's
really
simple
right?
But the
language
today
I've
been
really
concerned
because
I've
heard
many
people
say
oh
well
he's
single
what
does
that
mean
he's
not
dating
anyone
that's
not
that
anyway
all
right
come
on
so
what
does
Paul
say
Paul
says
I
wish
yours
why
I
am
why
because
it's
clear
that
in
this
context
Paul
says
he
was
single
right
now
was
Paul
ever
married
yeah
it's
a fun
conversation
most
Pharisees
were
married
it
would
have
been
very
surprising
if
he
hadn't
been
married
but
it
seems
at
this
point
in
his
life
he
clearly
isn't
married
we
don't
know
why
we
never
hear
the
story
she's
never
referenced
in
fact
there's
another
place
where
Paul
says
you
know
Peter
has
the
right
to
get
married
and
he
has
the
privilege
and
I
have
the
calling
to be
single
and
we're
both
doing
this
for
the
glory
of
God
and
so
we
don't
know
and
we
will
look
into
in
three
weeks
when
we
get
to
verses
32
through
40
we're
going
to
dive
into
a
lot
more
of
Paul's
thoughts
about
singleness
but
in
this
context
did
Paul
really
think
singleness
was
better
than
marriage
and
the
being
married
is a
huge
burden
because
you
have
to
care
not
only
for
yourself
but
you
have
to
care
for
your
family
and
that's
right
and
good
and
if
you
are
married
that's
what
you
were
called
to
but
maybe
you
shouldn't
take
it
on
maybe
you
shouldn't
take
it
on
in
that
season
if
you
have
a
choice
I
think
that's
what
Paul's
saying
we'll
come
back
to
it
what
I
do
think
Paul
is
saying
is
it's
better
to
stay
single
because
singleness
is a
glorious
estate
it
is a
great
place
to
be
now
I
know
some
of
you
are
thinking
here
saying
yeah
right
well
here's
a couple
things
for you
to
know
one
Jesus
was
single
Jesus
was
single
his
whole
human
life
he
was
never
married
he
never
had
sex
and
you
know
what
he
was
completely
satisfied
his
life
was
to
the
glory
of
God
in
every
way
friends
do
not
believe
the
lie
that
our
culture
or
heaven
forbid
that
our
church
might
say
that
if
you're
not
married
you're
somehow
a
second
class
citizen
it's
just
not
true
Paul
and
Jesus
are
saying
this
is
a
great
thing
Jesus
didn't
need
sex
and
marriage
to
be
whole
remember
sex
is
not
the
ultimate
it's
a
sign
now
having
said
that
I
want
to
talk
for
a
few
minutes
about
the
perils
of
singleness
in
our
culture
today
because
there
are
some
for
those
of you
who
don't
know
I
was
single
until
I
was
38
and
then
I
got
married
and
I
was
married
for
eight
years
and
now
I'm
single
again
I
have
lots
to
learn
about
what
it
looks
like
in
this
season
of
life
I
know
some
of
you
are
single
as
even
another
decade
beyond
me
and
it
has
its
own
challenges
but I
want to
talk a
little
bit
about
what
some
of
the
perils
that
I
have
seen
in
our
culture
about
singleness
the
first
one
is
what
I
have
already
talked
about
that
we
believe
the
lie
that
you
are
subhuman
if
you
are
not
actively
engaged
in
sexual
activity
our
culture
screams
at us
that
to be
human
is
to be
sexually
active
and
it's
just
not
true
for
those
of
you
who
are
in
high
school
let
me
speak
to
you
directly
let me
rephrase
that
for
those
of
you
who
are
in
fifth
grade
and
above
let
me
speak
to
you
directly
the
world
out
there
the
culture
you
are
living
in
the
TV
shows
that
you
watch
the
things
that
your
peers
in
school
may
or
may
not
be
doing
are
all
based
on
a
lie
that
you
are
being
deprived
of
something
if
you
are
not
sexually
active
you
are
being
deprived
of
your
worth
of
your
affirmation
of
your
joy
of
your
pleasure
and
that
there's
something
wrong
with
you
if
you
are
not
engaged
like
they
are
recognize
that
this
is
not
true
hear
from
this
pulpit
that
there
is
a
beautiful
picture
that
God
has
given
us
for
our
sexuality
but
it
is
for
the
boundaries
of
marriage
for
good
reason
because
the
commitment
and
the
covenant
relationship
of
marriage
is
meant
to
be
the
safety
whereby
that
vulnerability
can
actually
be
worthwhile
you
are
a
person
with
a
soul
not
just
a
sex
machine
waiting
to
get
turned
on
that's
one
of
the
things
that's
one
of
the
dynamics
out
there
about
how
we
think
about
sex
singleness
that I
think
is
challenging
secondly
I
think
that
there
can
be
and
I'm
speaking
probably
more
to
some
of
you
young
professionals
and
students
although
it
could
be
for
any
of
us
are
we
can
pursue
singleness
in a
very
selfish
way
it
looks
like
this
I
can't
be
bothered
with
a
relationship
it's
just
way
too
much
time
and
investment
I
have
things
to
do
I
have
places
to
go
I
have
a
career
to
make
a
name
to
build
I'm
going
to
go
change
the
world
and
I
can't
get
slowed
down
by
those
things
now
look
this
is
really
hard
you're
going
to
have
to
search
your
heart
you're
going
to
have
to
ask
your
friends
and
the
wise
people
in
your
life
to
know
if
this
is
true
or
not
because
there
is
a
proper
place
of
single
minded
devotion
to
living
your
life
to
the
glory
of
God
and
all
that
you
do
that
means
you're
not
paying
any
attention
to
your
relationship
status
and
desires
and
your
relationship
desires
as
you
are
fully
awake
towards
pursuing
what
God
has
for
you
in
your
life
and
glorifying
God
in
everything
that
you
do
and
there
is
a
right
way
to
do
that
but
I
was
a
part
of
the
inaugural
chapter
of
the
bachelor
of
the
rapture
club
at
Princeton
when
I
was
a
student
and
I
thought
we
were
going
to
be
so
spiritual
and
so
impressive
by
forsaking
all
of
that
distracting
stuff
so
that
we
can
be
serious
about
pursuing
the
Lord
I
think
I
had
a
nine
month
window
where
I
wasn't
dating
someone
and
we
started
this
chapter
during
that
time
and
I
tormented
one of
my
mentors
when
he
had
the
audacity
to
get
engaged
he
was
our
figure
head
we
broke
into
his
apartment
we
opened
Bibles
all
over
his
apartment
to
this
passage
and
me
and
my
fellow
members
have
all
been
happily
married
most
of
them
have
been
happily
married
for
over
20
years
and
have
lots
of
kids
so
it
was
not
a
very
success
but
there
was
an
arrogance
and
a
pride
about
the
desire
for
that
and
it's
possible
that
some
of
you
are
thinking
it's
just
too
much
work
to
be
married
and
if
that's
true
that's
probably
not
a
very
good
reason
to
pursue
singleness
because
it's a
very
self
centered
and
selfish
understanding
right
so what
I want
you to
hear
this
is
really
nuanced
right
this
is
that
there's
a
good
calling
to
pursue
the
glory
of
God
in
your
life
and
to
pursue
singleness
and
not
be
not
spend
all
of
your
time
looking
saying
oh
do
you
think
I
wonder
if
she's
you
know
where
you
spend
all
your
time
wondering
where
the
next
relationship
might
happen
or
might
come
from
right
there's
a
goodness
about
that
but there
can be
a
selfishness
about
that I
think we
need to be
really careful
with
thirdly
the perils
of singleness
welcome to
church
can be one
of the
hardest
places
to be
single
at times
because
we stand up
here and we
talk about
marriage
and the
glories
of marriage
and the
wonders
of sex
and you're
sitting there
going
uh-huh
I know
and you have
people who come
and say
oh well don't you
think he's
he's a really
godly guy
I think you
should get to
know him
and you feel
like you're
constantly getting
fixed up
and the subtext
is always
there's something
wrong with you
if you're not
pursuing someone
or you're not
getting married
and you know
and you get
offhand comments
like oh you're
serving in the
nursery
well that looks
good doesn't
and I'm sure
that means
you love
children
you know
and these
these little
comments like
that that get
thrown around
in church
can can
completely
undermine
the gift
of singleness
because the
gift of
singleness
is that you
can devote
yourself
to loving
and serving
others
that you
can devote
yourself
all of
your time
at 1130
at night
when your
married
friends
are wiping
noses
and changing
wet beds
you are free
to go sit
with a friend
in crisis
when you
meet someone
who wants
to grow
in the
Lord
you have
the ability
to say
hey
let's get
out of here
tonight
let's
let's drive
to New York
City
and have a
great
evening
of just
fellowship
and a
crazy road
trip
friends
you're
married
particularly
your parenting
married
they don't
have that
flexibility
you have
an incredible
opportunity
to serve
the married
couples
in this
church
I'm getting
ahead of
myself
but
you have
an incredible
opportunity
in singleness
Paul calls
it a gift
to be
single-minded
and not
distracted
it's a
really good
thing
I want
to acknowledge
it can
be costly
right
it can
be lonely
and sexual
temptation
doesn't just
come from
our culture
it comes
from our
own hearts
and our
own desires
and there
are different
seasons of
singleness
that have
different
challenges
it's way
different
being single
and 24
and wondering
why you
haven't found
someone yet
and being
35
or 45
and not
having found
someone yet
and it's
different when
you've been
married
and now
you're not
and wondering
what do I
do with
that
each of
these
seasons
have
different
challenges
and yet
Paul says
this is a
gift
and you
are to
take it
and to
treasure it
and to
seek all
the good
that is
in it
and to
not spend
all the
time looking
over the
fence
because you
know what
your married
friends do
that too
they look
at all
your single
all you
singles out
there and
say that
looks like
fun
we used
to be
fun
didn't we
did we
ever do
that
man that
was a
long time
ago
I can't
remember
it's so
easy to
be discontent
Paul says
no God's
given you
a gift
use it
invest it
practically
it's
Valentine's
Day
anyone want
to do
some
babysitting
I don't
need it
but I'm
sure
there's
some
people
in our
church
who do
have you
asked your
married
friends
if you
could
give them
a couple
hours
today
to go
off
to just
celebrate
being married
together
can you
serve them
in that
way
or maybe
that's not
your deal
or maybe
you don't
know
married
people
yet
in our
church
celebrate
Valentine's
Day
by pulling
together
some of
your other
single
friends
and having
a time
just have
a time
together
have fun
you know
watch a
cheesy
Hallmark
romance
movie
and laugh
at it
and talk
about how
the glorious
picture of
what God
gives you
is much
better
than the
cheesy
romances
on channel
117
not that I
know anything
about it
but
or maybe
you just
need to go
and spend
time with
your bridegroom
go spend
time with
Jesus
and live
in his
love
and know
that you
don't need
anything
beyond
him
and his
church
you don't
need to be
married
to be
whole
and to be
all that
God has
called you
to be
now the
passage
ends
with
a caveat
that helps
put everything
into balance
right
pastor Paul
comes in
and having
held up
the glory
of marriage
and now
held up
the glory
of singleness
he says
well okay
how do you
muddle through
the middle
well
it's better
to get
married
than to
sin
that's
basically
what he's
saying
in verse
nine
right
if you
find
if you
find that
this is a
huge area
of struggle
that may
very well
be an
indication
that God
is going
to lead
you into
a marriage
right
now let
me tell
you this
getting
married
so that
you can
find
sexual
release
is a
really
bad
idea
it's a
really
bad
idea
it will
come
and it
will be
a good
blessing
of that
marriage
but if
that's
your primary
reason
then you
have violated
all of what
I was saying
in verses
one through
five
right
because what
what I want
you to see
is that
if you have
that desire
there is a
good estate
for you to
aspire to
but understand
that what God
calls you to
in that estate
is not selfish
gratification
but it is
self-sacrificial
loving
and giving
for the sake
of God
and for his
kingdom
so Paul says
recognize your
gift
wait for it
really briefly
some people talk
about the gift
of singleness
like oh do you
have the gift
of singleness
24 year olds
shouldn't be
having that
conversation
about whether
they have
the gift
of singleness
there are
almost no
24 year olds
who know
whether they
do or not
I think
it's often
something
that you
discover
over time
as you
continue
to walk
in life
pursue the
glory of God
and his
purposes for
your life
and you
will decide
you will
find out
along the
way
because if
you don't
get married
you probably
have the
gift
again
bachelor
of the
ratchet
club
we had
that all
figured
out
not
really
but God
has given
you this
gift
God
has given
you this
gift
of your
life
a life
that he
has bought
going back
to the end
of chapter
six
your life
has been
bought
with the
precious
blood
of Jesus
Christ
he has
laid down
his life
to redeem
you
from
selfishness
and self
centered
living
and he
has given
you not
only a
new life
so that
you might
live for
the glory
of God
but he
has given
you a
pattern
of how
to live
that way
not
selfishly
taking
but giving
to one
another
will you
invest
your life
your love
life
whatever it
is
to the
glory
of God
and happy
Valentine's
Day
let's pray
Lord we
ask for
your help
because these
things are
hard
there are
hard words
that challenge
us
challenge
how we
live
challenge
how we
feel
challenge
what our
assumptions
are about
what is
and what
ought to
be
in our
relationship
life
God I
pray
that you
would help
us this
morning
Lord to
see the
depth of
our
selfishness
to see
the depth
of your
love for
us in
Christ
and how
he can
free us
from that
so that
we might
live for
your glory
in all
that we
do
we pray
these things
in Jesus
name
amen