The scripture reading comes from Genesis 1 and Matthew 19.
Please follow along on the screen, the bulletin of your own Bible.
Starting in verses Genesis 1, 26, we read,
Then God said,
Let us make men in our image, after our likeness,
and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,
and over the birds of the heavens,
and over the livestock, and over all the earth,
and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.
So God created men in his own image.
In the image of God he created him.
Male and female he created them.
And God blessed them.
And God said to them,
Be fruitful, and multiply,
and fill the earth and subdue it,
and have dominion over the fish of the sea,
and over the birds of the heavens,
and over every living thing that moves on the earth.
Then in Matthew 19, 3, we read,
And Pharisees came up to him and test him by asking,
Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?
He answered,
Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
and said,
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother,
and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Whatever God has joined together,
let not men separate.
This is the word of God.
Thank you, Nikki.
Well, everybody, it is wonderful to be back with you.
It's great to see a couple of faces we haven't seen for a while.
And if you are new to Watermark, my name is Kevin, one of the leaders here.
It's really great to have you with us this morning.
Will you join me?
Let's pray together as we dive into this.
So let's pray.
Father, as we come to your word this morning,
like we do every week,
we come to your word because we want to hear from you.
We want to hear the life-giving word of the living God speaking to our souls.
Father, we don't come to church just to hear some interesting advice or some humanistic wisdom.
God, we've come to the ancient of days, God,
the one who has existed from eternity and whose ways are perfect,
who, as we sang about earlier,
whose law is perfect, who revives our souls.
And so this morning as we come to your word,
we do pray that you will revive our souls.
We pray, God, that as we look at this subject of marriage and relationships,
that you will revive our marriages.
God, we come this morning not because we're perfect or we have it together.
It's so tempting to come to church with a brave face
and to act like we have it together.
God, the reality is all of us need your grace.
And so this morning come and flood us with your grace.
Flood us with your mercy.
God, for those of us that carry shame,
flood us with your grace, we pray this morning.
God, won't you call us back to yourself?
Help us to fix our eyes on you, the living God.
God, this morning as we think about the subject of marriage and relationships and family,
we bring our city before you.
This wonderful city of Hong Kong that we love so much
and yet which carries so much pain in the area of family and homes.
God, won't you come and heal our city?
Won't you come and heal the families in our city?
Won't you come and heal and restore relationships?
God, we pray.
God, may your church and followers of Jesus be a light in this city
and be an agent of hope and healing in this world, we pray.
And so come and start off by doing a work in our own hearts, Lord.
Come and revive us.
Come and heal us, Lord God, and help us and send us out to be agents of grace in this city.
We pray this, Christ, in your wonderful and your very faithful name.
Amen.
When I was about nine or ten years old, somewhere around there,
my family was on holiday at my grandparents' house,
which is on the southern coast of South Africa,
in a town called Port Elizabeth.
And it was Christmas Day,
and normally it's summertime in the southern hemisphere of Christmas,
but this day was miserable.
It was cold and windy and wet and rainy,
and it wasn't a great day.
The afternoon, it cleared up a little bit,
but my family decided to go to the beach and fly some kites.
And so I went down to the beach to fly the kites,
but because it was such a miserable day,
there was no one else on the beach.
We were the only family there.
But after a while, I got bored with flying kites,
and so I said to my dad,
I'm going to go swim in the sea.
And so my dad said,
just be careful, but okay, I'm watching you.
And because it was such a miserable day,
the waves were a bit more rough than usual,
and the lifeguards had decided,
listen, there's no one swimming,
we can pack up and go home.
And so I'm in the sea, I'm swimming a little bit,
but what I didn't realize was there's a rip current
that was pulling me out.
And by the time I realized this,
I was too far gone,
and I wasn't strong enough to swim back to shore.
Fortunately, my dad was on the shore
and could see what was happening.
And so he ran up to the car park,
and he found the last lifeguard
was getting in his car on his way home.
And my dad got his attention,
and the guy ran down to the beach,
and suffice to say, he did his job fairly well, right?
I'm still standing here today.
Now, I tell you that story
because we're starting a series today
called Gender, Sex, Relationships, and God.
And we're going to be looking over the next five or six weeks
at these big topics and areas of life.
And the reason why we're doing this
is because as citizens in our city in which we live,
we live in a culture which is changing so quickly
and so ferociously in a way
that as we live our lives,
we don't realize some of the currents that we're swimming in.
I don't think we do it in Hong Kong,
at least I haven't seen it yet,
but in many other countries around the world,
the lifeguards will put flags up in the sand,
and they'll tell you,
listen, swim between these flags, right?
If you swim outside of these flags,
there are currents out there,
and you can find yourself in danger
in a difficult water.
But if you stay within these flagpoles,
that's a safe area to swim.
And in some ways,
what we want to do in this series
is we want to raise the flag again
and say,
what does God have to say
about these really important areas of life
so that we don't find ourselves
being swept away by the currents of our culture
and we find ourselves in difficult waters?
Okay?
Sorry.
Now, just, by the way,
we have this book called
The Meaning of Marriage.
There's a bunch of them here
and there's some outside.
This morning,
we're going to be talking about marriage.
And next week,
we're going to talk about sex.
The week after that,
we're going to talk about cohabitation,
living together outside of marriage.
The week after that,
we're going to talk about transgender
and gender issues.
And then the week after that,
we're going to talk about singleness.
Okay?
So that's where we're going.
This is one of the best books
you could ever read on marriage.
It's by Tim and Kathy Keller
from New York City.
I'll encourage you to get it
and read it if you haven't.
It's $100.
There's a bunch of copies here
or outside.
If you haven't,
just grab a copy,
drop $100 in the box.
I want to encourage you
to read that book.
Okay.
So let's think about marriage.
As society has become
more secularistic
in our worldview
and our ideology
and our thinking,
this has changed many things.
And one of the impact,
one of the areas it's impacted
is the way we view relationships
and marriage.
And so what is it
that our worldview,
our culture,
how do we think about marriage today?
Well, one of the things
that's happened
is we think of marriage
and relationships
as personal gratification.
It's about me
and what I can get out of it.
We approach relationships
to the viewpoint
of how is this relationship
going to add
or benefit my life?
How will this complete me?
Many people approach marriage
thinking this will fill
the void in my heart.
This will complete me.
And so we approach it
from a worldview
of personal gratification.
We also tend to think
of it, our culture,
thinks of marriage
and relationships
in very sentimental values
or sentimental terms.
So when I first started
officiating weddings
as a pastor
many years ago,
I would allow couples
to write their own vows.
Claire and I wrote
our own vows
and I thought,
this is a good idea.
But I quickly changed my mind.
And the reason is
because couples
would write their vows
but their vows
would be more
of a description
of how you make me feel
rather than a commitment
or vow of love, right?
So you get people
standing up
and saying things like,
you are the salmon
on my sushi roll,
you are the Nutella
on my bagel, you know.
And so I quickly
abandoned that idea
and said, no, no,
I'm going to give you
a proper vow to say.
You say,
for better or for worse,
richer or poorer,
that's a proper vow, right?
And so some of you,
I know,
are getting married soon.
Z and Helen
and Justin and Annabelle,
just a warning,
if you want to be involved
in your wedding,
there's not going to be
any Nutella
on your bagel
in the vows, okay?
But we tend to think
of marriage
and love
in very sentimental terms,
right?
There's this euphoric
kind of feeling
of sentimentality.
We also tend to think
of a good marriage
or relationship
is based on compatibility.
So two people
come together
and they've got
similar backgrounds,
similar culture,
they are emotionally
or financially,
even sexually compatible,
and if you can work out
how compatible you are,
you have the same
kind of socioeconomic class,
then we feel like,
okay,
this is going to be
a good marriage,
this is going to work.
And so that's kind
of the sentimental side.
On the other side,
we can think of relationships
very pragmatically.
And so sometimes
people approach relationships
with a viewpoint of
this is a human partnership,
right?
And so we've both
got a contribution
to bring,
you've got a contribution,
I've got a contribution.
If we come together,
this partnership
can work well
and together
the sum of our parts
will be something better
than we will individually.
And so one article
in the Harvard Journal
for Law and Public Policy
entitled,
What is Marriage?
summarized our kind
of modern view
like this.
It says,
we see marriage
as the union
of any two people
who commit to romantically
love and care for each other
and to share the burdens
and the benefits
of domestic life.
Okay,
that really sums it up.
Two people who commit
to romantically love
and care for each other
and share the burdens
and the benefits
of domestic life.
It's essentially
a union of hearts
and minds
and hands
enhanced
by whatever forms
of sexual intimacy
both partners
find agreeable.
And so what's happened
is as we've become
more secularistic
and more in our worldview
and our thinking,
as we've removed God
from the center
of our equation,
what's happened
is that we find
two major shifts
have taken place
in the way
that we think
about relationships
and marriage.
And this is summed up
so brilliantly
in a book
called Divine Sex
by Jonathan Grant
and James Smith.
And what they say
is this,
that essentially
as we've removed God
from the center
of our worldview,
we've necessarily
become more self-focused.
So we define relationships
and particularly marriage
in terms of myself
and how does this benefit me.
And secondly,
we necessarily deify
or idolize our partners.
So we look to our partners
and ask them
to satisfy
or do something for us
that historically
we realized
only God could do.
Listen to how
they describe it.
Now it's quite a long quote
so you're going to need
to bear with me
but I think
this sums it up
really well.
They say this,
because of our cultures
move away
from a belief in God
as the source of reality,
we've come to place
the full weight
of our identity
and our hopes
on the material
here in our existence.
Rather than becoming
free and expansive
and generous,
our relationships
have become narrow
and constrained,
having very little purpose
beyond themselves.
Okay,
that's a very important point.
This exclusive focus
has seismically
destabilized
our relationships
in two ways.
One,
the burden they bear
becomes overwhelming
because of the expectation
that all of our needs,
psychological,
emotional,
material,
sexual needs,
will be met
by one remarkable soulmate.
And two,
the very bond
that we crave
is now undermined
by the inwardly focused nature
of our desire
for the authentic self.
We do not so much
give ourselves
to a relationship
as expect the relationship
to give itself to us.
Our most intimate relationships
are looked to
by each partner
as a primary source
of happiness
and self-fulfillment
or actualization.
Am I getting what I need
from this relationship?
Does it make me happy?
Do the benefits
outweigh the costs?
Okay?
So do you see
what they're saying there?
As we've removed God
from the center of the equation,
fundamentally
these two things have happened.
We've become inward focused
and focused on ourselves
and we've put
this undue burden
and pressure
on the other partner
to satisfy us
and to give us
what historically
only God could give us.
And what they
so brilliantly explain
is that when we remove
God from the equation,
actually we form
this kind of bubble,
you know,
like market bubbles,
right?
When there's a lot of hype
but there's no substance
to underpin that hype.
In the same way,
the worldview
that's removed God
from the center of the equation
actually falls in on itself.
It cannot sustain
the hype
and the pressure
that we put upon it.
Augustine famously
said it like this,
in turning away from God,
we have intrinsically
turned in on ourselves.
But as we all know
that as we do that,
the self-focus
and self-absorption
is the very death
of any relationship
because the relationship
cannot handle
the pressure
that we put on it.
And so the consequences
of this
are devastating.
Someone put it like this,
to be lonely
is difficult,
to be married
and lonely
is utterly devastating.
And there are
tens of thousands,
millions of people
around the world
that are married
and utterly lonely
because they went
into marriage
thinking,
this person
is going to
fool me
and complete me
and their marriage
is not able
to live up to the hype
that we place on it.
We've traded
God's profound vision
for marriage
for cheap counterfeits
and we're left wondering
why it doesn't last,
why it doesn't satisfy.
Now in the book
of Jeremiah,
chapter 6,
there's this amazing verse.
I know we've spoken
about it quite a lot.
Jeremiah says this,
stand at the crossroads
and look,
ask for the ancient parts
where the good way is
and walk in it
and you will find rest
for your souls.
Ask for the ancient parts.
And so over and against
the secular
and exhausting view
of relationships
and marriage
and life and sexuality,
God invites us
to come back
to the ancient parts,
to the ways
of the ancient of days
and to find
what he has to say
which will both revitalize
but also satisfies.
Okay?
And so that's what we want
to do a little bit
this morning.
Now,
our modern secular culture
isn't the first culture
to try and reframe
and redefine
marriage and relationships.
In the passage
that Nikki read to us earlier,
Matthew 19,
some religious leaders
come to Jesus
and they want to do the same.
They're trying to ask Jesus
what is a legitimate marriage
and therefore
what does legitimate divorce
look like?
And they're trying to get
a handle and grasp
on what does marriage
really look like.
And what Jesus does
is he goes back
to Genesis 1 and 2,
back to the very origins
of God's design for marriage
and he answers them
that way.
And so let's look
at this passage again.
I'm going to read
just Matthew 19 to us again
and then we're going
to see what Jesus says.
So let's read it.
Pharisees come to Jesus
and they test him
saying,
is it lawful for a man
to divorce his wife
for any reason?
Jesus answers and says,
have you not read
that he who created them
from the beginning
made them male and female?
And he said,
therefore man shall
leave his father and mother
and hold fast to his wife
and the two will become
one flesh.
So they're no longer two
but one.
What God has joined together,
let not man separate.
Now in this passage,
I want us just to see
three things
and there are so many things
we could say about marriage.
So we're going to hardly
even scratch the surface.
But I want us to think
about God's plan for marriage,
God's purpose for marriage
and God's pattern.
Okay, I'm sorry there are three Ps.
I know that's very irritating
but it just worked today.
Okay, God's plan,
God's purpose,
God's pattern.
Okay, so let's dive in.
Firstly, God's plan
or God's design for marriage.
Let's see what Jesus says
God built into marriage.
There's a couple of things here
but the first thing is this.
Rather than a partnership,
God designed marriage
as a one flesh union.
Look at verse four with me.
Jesus quotes Genesis,
says,
Therefore man will leave
his father and mother
and hold fast his wife
and the two will become one flesh.
So they are no longer two
but one flesh.
I have a friend called Davi
or David Lowe.
In South Africa we call him Davi
but the rest of the world
we call him David.
He pastors a church
in New York City.
And when he was engaged
to his fiancee,
I remember him talking to me
and saying,
he used to think of marriage
as like a football field.
And you both start
on either end,
you know, the goal line
and you kind of come together
and you meet
in the halfway line
and you both bring 50-50
to the table
and you meet
in the halfway line
and you agree
to do this life together.
But 50-50
is the language
of partnership,
not the language
of one flesh union.
God's design
is not that we come
into marriage saying,
listen,
you bring your contribution,
I'll bring my contribution
and together
one plus one
will equal two.
We'll form this
human partnership.
Rather than this partnership,
the language
of the scriptures
is a language
of a union,
of the two becoming one.
And when the two become one,
there's something different,
there's a new entity
that's formed,
it's more than just
the substance
of the sum of the parts.
It's kind of like,
this is a bad analogy,
but it's kind of like,
think of hydrogen
and oxygen
coming together.
Two hydrogen,
one oxygen.
It's not just the sum
of two hydrogen,
one oxygen.
There's some kind
of new substance
that's formed.
It's not just the gas,
there's a new water,
there's a water
that's formed.
When the two come together
in marriage,
God's ideals,
there's not just
this partnership
of you bring your contribution,
I'll bring mine.
There's something
altogether new
and distinctive
about the oneness,
the one flesh union.
I don't know if you remember
the traditional,
the last line
of traditional vows.
It goes something like this,
with all that I have
and with all that I am,
I give myself to you.
Okay,
does that sound familiar?
Okay,
that's much better
than salmon and sushi,
right?
With all that I am
and all that I have,
I give myself to you.
Now imagine saying that
in a business partnership,
right?
Those of you that are
involved in M&As,
imagine writing that
into the agreement,
right?
I just want you to know,
with all that I have
and all that I am,
all that I have,
I give myself to you,
right?
Your business partner
is going to think
they've hit the jackpot.
They're going to say,
just,
sorry,
what's the password
to your personal bank accounts
and that holiday home
in Seychelles?
I'll take that as well.
That's covenant,
that's union,
right?
It's not just,
listen,
this is what I'll bring,
this is what you bring,
let's see if we can make this work.
There's something altogether different.
Now,
practically,
what does that mean?
It means one of the most important things
for those of us that are married
is to fight for the oneness in our marriage,
to fight for the oneness and the unity.
Remember what we said last week,
you can win the battle
but lose the war,
right?
You can win the argument
and lose the relationship.
One of the things that Claire and I
early on in our marriage worked out
was that when we have a disagreement
and we do have disagreements,
I know we always look like
we're perfectly in love with church on Sundays,
but we do have disagreements.
We worked out that when that happens,
we've got to quickly remind ourselves,
hey,
we're on the same team here.
We're in this together.
And so you are not the enemy,
I'm not the enemy,
the issue that's come between us
is the enemy,
right?
I'm not here to attack you,
you don't attack me.
Let's attack what's coming between us.
Yes,
I'm being selfish,
yes,
I'm being a dork,
okay,
let's attack that
but let's not attack one another.
We're in this together,
we're on the same team,
even in the midst of an argument.
And so practically,
fight for the oneness in your marriage.
The second thing it means is this,
do whatever it takes to build
and possibly rebuild the bond of trust.
Every management book in the world will tell you,
right,
Jim Collins and Patrick Lencioni,
these guys will tell you
that trust in a leadership team,
in a business,
is the most critical thing.
If you don't have trust,
you're in deep trouble.
Within a marriage,
do whatever you can
to build and rebuild
the bond of trust
because when the trust is broken,
that oneness is so difficult.
Okay,
so that's the first part of God's design.
Notice something else here.
God's design is that it's a divine union,
not a human union.
Look at what he says here in verse six.
They're no longer two but one flesh.
What God has joined together,
let not man separate.
Marriage is not just the coming together
of two humans.
There's something of God's divine,
supernatural,
divine work,
his handiwork that brings them together.
I don't know how many of you
are artists or creatives, okay?
I know most of us here are lawyers
or finance people
but let's imagine some of us are artists.
You try your hand at sketching or drawing
and you don't like what you do, right?
So what do you do?
You scrunch it up and you throw it away
and you try again.
Okay,
well,
you're allowed to do that.
It's your work.
But try doing that to someone else's work,
right?
You're in an art class
and you don't like the person's art next to you
and so you scrunch it up
and you throw it away.
It's not going to go down very well,
right?
Marriage is not a human institution.
God says it's his handiwork.
It's his creative genius.
It's he who's designed it
and it's he who unites two people together.
What God has joined together,
let not man separate.
Now,
what that means is
the point here
is that partly
divorce is really serious.
It defaces
God's artwork,
God's creative handiwork.
But the other point here
is that marriage
is not just a human partnership.
It's a divine union.
God is its architect
and designer,
its creator,
but also the one
that unites us together.
And that means
that in order for marriages
to flourish,
we need to not just do it
according to God's instructions
and his recipe,
we actually need to invite God
into the center
of our marriages.
Another way of saying that
is in every marriage,
there's not just a horizontal component
between me and Claire.
There's a vertical component as well.
God wants us to invite himself
into the center
of our marriages.
Now,
practically speaking,
what does that mean?
For those of us that are married
or those of you that are dating,
when was the last time
you prayed
with your spouse
or your boyfriend
and your girlfriend?
And not just prayed
for the meal at dinner time
or prayed when there's a crisis.
When was the last time
we prayed to you
and invited God
into our relationship?
When Claire and I were dating,
we were actually better
at this dating
than we are when we married.
But just say,
God,
come and have your way
in our marriage.
God,
this week,
you know the challenges
that we're going to face.
Come and have your way.
God,
we want to surrender to you.
We want you to be
at the very center,
inviting God
into the center
of our relationships.
So part of God's design
is it's this divine union
of two becoming one.
But there's something else
in God's design here
and that is
that we see from these verses
that for those who are married,
this becomes the most significant
of human relationships.
Look at what Jesus says here.
Have you not read
that he who created them
from the beginning
made them male and female?
And he said,
therefore,
man shall leave his father and mother
and hold fast to his wife.
Now,
if you grew up
in the Western world,
America or Europe,
or if that's your cultural background,
this is not even shocking,
right?
This is like obvious.
Why?
Because as Westerners,
myself included,
we are so individualistic,
okay?
We don't have a good understanding
of the family unit
and the family tie.
But for those of us
that are Asian by culture
or grew up in Asia,
you guys are infinitely better
at family relationships
than Westerners,
right?
You know what it means
to honor your parents
and you can teach us Westerners
a whole lot.
Can I be honest?
I didn't really understand that
until I moved to Asia,
just how individualistic I was.
I've learned so much
from my Hong Kong brothers
and sisters, right?
But at the same time,
for us who are Asian culture
and ethnicity,
this can be challenging
because notice what Jesus says here.
Jesus says something shocking.
He says,
the marriage bond
is thicker than blood.
Okay?
And that can be very challenging
for us here in Hong Kong.
Now that obviously doesn't mean
that we dishonor our parents,
we don't care about our parents,
or our children
aren't important to us.
Jesus is not saying that.
He's not saying
it's the only relationship.
But he says
there's something
so profoundly significant
that it becomes
the most significant
and important
of your relationships.
Okay?
Now what does that mean?
Well,
one of the things that it means,
and all psychology students
will tell us this,
that one of the things it means
is that
for those of us
that are married
and have kids,
the very best thing
that we can do
for our children
is to have a healthy marriage.
And all psychology students
will tell us this,
that as long as
people living in Asia,
we put so much
emphasis on our kids
that the tendency
is to sometimes
neglect our marriages
to serve our kids.
But Jesus actually tells us
that the very best thing
we can do for our kids,
the most secure thing
we can do for them
is to have a healthy marriage.
Okay?
But there's many ways
that we cannot
leave our parents.
Tim Keller,
I heard him say this
many years ago
and it's always impacted me.
He said this,
some people are so angry,
so bitter
with their parents
that they promise
to never be like them,
to do everything they can
to be different from them.
But don't you see
that you're still tied to them?
They're still controlling you.
You actually haven't left them.
And his point is
that there's many ways
to not leave
our parents' home
and for our parents
to still have
a controlling relationship
over us,
even if it's our anger
and our bitterness
towards them.
Okay?
So all of that
is God's design,
God's plan for marriage
is this divine,
one flesh,
union
with God
at the center
of our marriages.
Okay?
Does that make sense?
Okay.
Great.
Thank you.
Secondly,
God's purpose for marriage.
Now,
when the Pharisees
come to Jesus
and they ask him
about marriage and divorce,
they're asking him
a legal question.
They're saying to him,
based on the law
that God gave to Moses,
what is the right thing
to do?
Okay?
And when Jesus
answers them,
Jesus doesn't go back
to the law of Moses.
He goes back
prior to that
to Genesis 1 and 2.
He goes back
to God's original design
and purpose for marriage.
And in Genesis 1 and 2,
we see God's intention
and purpose for marriage.
Now, again,
there's lots of things here,
but I want to focus
on just one of them.
In Genesis 1,
Nikki read it for us earlier,
we see that the triune God,
Father, Son, and Spirit,
say amongst themselves,
let us make mankind
in our image,
after our likeness.
So God created man
in his image.
In the image of God,
he created him.
Male and female,
he created them.
And God blessed them.
And he said to them,
be fruitful and multiply,
fill the earth
and subdue it
and have dominion over it.
And then in chapter 2,
we see the same thing,
but from a slightly
different perspective.
God speaks to Adam
and he says,
Adam, I've made you
to care and cultivate
the world,
to steward my creation,
to keep it and look after it,
to see it flourish,
okay?
But Adam is alone.
He doesn't,
he needs a helpmate.
He needs someone
to come alongside him
in his calling
as a human being.
And so God brings Eve,
his spouse,
to come and help him
fulfill his calling.
Now, Eve
wasn't just a companion
because Adam was lonely
and needed friends, right?
Or he needed
a sexual partner.
God brought Eve
into his life
to help Adam
fulfill his calling
as a human being.
God gives Adam
a commissioning
to nurture the world,
to establish it,
to preserve God's
shalom in the world,
to steward God's agenda,
to build the kingdom
of God on earth.
But Adam can't do it
on his own
without his spouse.
He needs Eve
to come alongside him.
One commentator
said it like this,
marriage is meant
to strengthen
and complement
God's call
on our lives.
Apart from this
understanding,
we'll reduce marriage
to something
that merely fulfills
my needs,
which ironically
is one way
to destroy
any relationship,
including marriage.
Now, of course,
this is not saying
that if you're not married,
you're not fully human,
right?
Some of the very best
people in the world
have not been married.
Think of Jesus Christ.
Think of the Apostle Paul.
In our own day,
think of John Stott
and tons of others,
right?
So marriage doesn't
complete you.
Like, if you're single,
you're not fully human.
But what this is saying
is that for those of us
that are married,
marriage is meant
to be a divine union
that empowers
us to live out
our calling
as commissioned agents
to bring heaven
to earth,
to care for
and cultivate God's will,
to bring heaven
to earth,
to establish shalom
and to advance
God's kingdom
in the world.
In other words,
marriage is not just
about your happiness.
Now, you are meant
to be happily married,
okay?
So just,
sometimes as Christians,
have you ever heard
Christians say,
marriage is not about
happiness,
it's about holiness?
Have you ever heard that?
Okay?
And that's true.
Marriage is this agent
where God sanctifies us
and He purifies us
and He makes us
more like Jesus
and He refines us.
That's true.
Okay?
It's about our holiness.
It's also about happiness.
Okay?
You are allowed
to enjoy your marriage.
You don't need
to just think like,
okay,
this is God's
sanctifying process,
I'll just get through it.
Okay?
You actually,
you should be friends.
You should laugh as well.
But it's not just
about happiness.
It's not just
about holiness.
It's also about mission.
It's about God's calling
to make the world
a better place.
And your marriage,
your union,
is God's calling
on your life
to sanctify the world
and to make the world
a better place.
And so part of this
happens through
having children
and bringing them up
in God's ways
to honor Him
and know Him.
Parenting is not just
about having children
and getting them
good education,
going to university
and then getting
a good job.
We should shape
our children
to be agents
of salt and life
in the world.
We teach our children
the gospel.
We help them
to love and trust Jesus
so that our children
become people
that bring shalom
and heaven to earth.
So marriage,
children is part
of the way
of doing that.
But the other way
we do that
is through serving
together as married couples,
seeing your marriage
as a calling,
not just to build
your kingdom
but to build
Christ's kingdom.
In the book of Acts
we see this amazing
juxtaposition
of these two couples.
The one is
in Acts chapter 5.
There's this couple
called Ananias
and Sapphira.
Do you remember
what happens to them?
They actually team
really well together.
They're actually
a pretty good team.
The problem is
that they team together
for evil, right?
So they come and collude
and they say,
listen, I've got this plan.
If we do this
and this and this
we can pretend
that we're more godly
than we are.
We will lie to the apostles.
We will lie to the church.
We will lie to God
and then we can
sort ourselves up
and promote ourselves.
And so they team
well together
but actually
for their own
self-centered agenda
and do you know
what happens?
They end up dead.
And a few chapters later
in Acts
we see this other couple
called Priscilla and Aquila.
And they team together
beautifully.
They open up their homes
in three different cities
in the world.
In Athens
and Ephesus
and I think it's in Antioch
we see them opening up
their homes
inviting people
and they teach them
the gospel.
They share together.
At one point
the wife is teaching
and then the husband
is teaching.
They actually team
together beautifully
as establish the kingdom
of God
and the church
in Acts advances
because of this couple.
Here you get
two couples
Ananias and Sapphira
Priscilla and Aquila
one for their own agenda
one for the kingdom
of God.
And friends
my prayer is that
for our church
and actually
if I can just
I know you won't
want me to do this
but I was thinking
about this this week
and I think
Franklin and Teresa
I think you're a great
example of this
of Priscilla and Aquila
opening up your homes
in all these cities
of the world
Beijing
and LA
and Hong Kong
and serving together
and teaming together
beautifully.
And maybe that we see
our marriages
like that
as well.
So this is God's purpose
there's lots of other
things to be said
but one of them
is that our marriages
is not just happiness
it's not just holiness
it's mission
to see the kingdom
of God
come to earth.
Then there's another
purpose for our marriage
and this stands
in direct contrast
with the consumeristic
view of our modern culture
and that is that
marriage is one way
to know and experience
grace
and I've called this
actually the pattern
for marriage.
Many years ago
when soon after
Claire and I
got engaged
or married
there were some
very good friends
of ours
who were looking
to get engaged
and I remember
the guy
saying
or telling me
the story
retrospectively
but he wanted
to propose
to his girlfriend
but he had become
a Christian
kind of a little bit
later in life
at university
and there's a whole
lot of history
in his life
and he thought
before I get
into marriage
I've got to
tell my girlfriend
what she's getting
into right
if we're going
to be a one
flesh union
I don't want
her finding
out later
all this stuff
and so he
summons up
all this courage
and he said
to her
listen
I want to tell
you some
of my life
story
and some
of the mess
and the pain
involved
and so they
have this
discussion
one night
and he says
listen
this is where
God has taken
me
this is what's
happened
this is where
I've had to
repent
so I have to
bring God
into my life
and I want
you to know
some of my
stories
that if we get
married
you know
the best
and the worst
of me
and he said
it was the scariest
night of his life
because he wanted
to marry her
but he also
didn't know
what is she
going to think
is she going
to say
listen
you're too
damaged
you're too
broken
I don't
want to
marry you
anymore
and so he
tells her
everything
and she says
listen
I need some
time to
process this
and so they
go home
to their
own respective
homes
and he says
he doesn't
sleep that night
right
it's like
he's just
thinking over
his mind
is she still
going to
want to marry
me
and the next
day they
come together
and she's
written him
a letter
and he opens
up the letter
and this is
what she
says
something to
this effect
she says
I choose
to love you
the way
that Christ
has loved
me
with all
my failings
and all
my shortcomings
Christ's love
has washed
over me
in such a way
that he's not
only forgiven
me but he's
also changing
me
and Christ's
love is busy
sanctifying me
and redeeming
me
and as Christ's
love has washed
over me
he's making me
the kind of
person that can
love others
and as I love
you that way
and you love
me
as we work
towards marriage
with that kind
of love
God's going to
heal us
and restore us
and going to
make us the
kind of people
that can love
each other
selflessly
and love
this broken
world
do you see
what she's
doing there
she's directly
applying the
gospel of
God's grace
to this
relationship
and saying
the foundation
of this
relationship
has got to
be the love
that we see
in the gospel
and that's
what the New
Testament says
again and
again
it says
that Christian
marriage
is built
on
patterned
on
God's
profound
love for
us
in the gospel
that Christian
marriage is
both meant to
pattern
to picture
to others
but also to
picture ourselves
the grace of
God in the
gospel
that's what
Paul says to
married couples
in Ephesians 5
he says
husbands love
your wives
the way that
Christ loved
the church
we took
communion
earlier
and Dan
led us
so well
that Jesus
on the night
before he was
betrayed
he knew
what was
going to
happen
Jesus
was going
to have
his body
nailed to
the cross
Jesus
was going
to have
his body
broken
week in and
week out
we take
communion
to remind
us of
Christ's
unbelievable
day by
day mercy
and grace
for us
and Jesus
says
husbands
love your
wives
the same
way
and Jesus
says
wives
as you
relate to
husbands
let it
be the
same
let the
gospel
the
unconditional
sacrificial
unmerited
grace of
God
that Christ
has for
us
let that
be the
pattern
and the
picture
of our
relationships
as well
Christian
marriage
is meant
to reveal
the gospel
and God's
grace
to ourselves
and also
to those
that are
watching
those outside
as they
see the
day by
day mercies
of God
they see
unconditional
sacrificial
unmerited
the love
that Christ
has for us
on our
worst days
and on our
best days
when the
world sees
that it
will show
us a
picture
of grace
you know
the Bible
says that
the Bible
starts off
with the
marriage
in Genesis
2
and it
ends off
the marriage
in Revelation
21
and the
marriage
at the
end
of the
Bible
is how
Christ
is pictured
as the
bridegroom
and the
church
is the
bride
and God
says we're
going to be
united
like a
married
couple
but Jesus
doesn't marry
us because
we're perfectly
compatible with
him
Jesus doesn't
look at us
and say hey
I think
emotionally
vocationally
you know
good socioeconomic
status
we're going to
be a good
match
Jesus marries
us not
because of
how lovely
we are
but because
of the love
in his own
heart that
he pours out
for us
and Jesus
says to us
that that is
the picture
and the pattern
of marriage
as well
and so
what that
means is
that until
we understand
God's
eternal
unconditional
unmerited
sacrificial
love for
those of us
that are
in Christ
we will
never
understand
the pattern
and the
picture
of marriage
that God
has for
us
but there's
something else
about the
gospel
and that is
that God's
grace doesn't
only forgive
us
it also
heals
us
it also
changes
us
in the
language of
the Bible
God's grace
also redeems
us
it takes
that which
is broken
and flawed
sometimes
dead
and revives
us and
makes us
new again
and do you
know what
that means
it means
no matter
how bad
your marriage
is
no matter
how flawed
it is
how broken
it is
no marriage
is beyond
redemption
no marriage
is beyond
healing
because the
very pattern
of marriage
is the grace
of God
that heals
and takes
broken things
and makes
them whole
again
that takes
ashes
and transforms
them into
beauty
that takes
mourning
and transforms
it into
rejoicing
the heart
of the
gospel
is that
God
takes
that
which
is
beyond
disrepair
and he
heals
and revives
it and
makes it
new again
as a
friends
I don't
know what
your marriage
is like
it could
be great
it could
be terrible
you could
have
gone
through
the most
intense
trust
breaking
difficulty
no marriage
is beyond
redemption
because the
gospel
always gives
us hope
I want us
to land
with one
brief
application
so what
does this
all mean
and I
want to
apply this
to both
those of us
that are
married
and those
of us
that are
not
married
about
10 years
ago
Claire and I
knew a couple
that were in
the same
church
and they
were quite
involved in
church
and their
marriage
very painfully
came to an
end
ended up in
divorce
very very
painfully
and I was
talking to the
guy about
six months
to a year
later
and one of the
things that
was so confusing
for him
was that he
said we did
everything God's
way
right
we didn't live
together before
we were married
we didn't sleep
together before
we were married
we got married
in a church
with a pastor
we did pre-marriage
counseling
we even prayed
about it
we followed
God's recipe
down to the T
I don't understand
why it didn't
work out
and as I've
thought about
that over the
years
one of the
conclusions
that I've
come to
is this
that the
kinds of
marriages
that God
wants us
to have
are not
formulaic
or transactional
they are
dynamic
and relational
and what I
mean by that
is that the
thing that's
going to
give you
a great
marriage
is not
just following
the do's
and don'ts
according to
the scripture
even though
that's important
it's actually
inviting God
into your
life and
into your
marriage
day by
day
hour by
hour
week by
week
in other
words
you can't
just say
I follow
the rules
therefore
pop my
marriage
in the
oven
and out
comes this
beautiful
marriage
right
it's not
like
baking
not that
I'm a
baker
but I'm
told that
if you
bake
follow the
instructions
right
it's not
just pop
in the
oven
out
comes a
beautiful
marriage
it's
day by
day
saying
Christ
come and
have
your way
in my life
Christ
come and
shape me
by the
gospel
Jonathan
Grant
and James
Smith
I quoted
them earlier
they said
this
that many
people in
their 20s
think
listen
my 20s
is my
age of
exploration
self
discovery
self
actualization
see the
world
do what I
want to
do
and when
I hit
30
then I'm
going to
settle down
get married
and have
kids
right
and they
say that
that's like
an Olympic
hopeful
leaving training
to the night
before
that's not
going to work
out very well
for you
right
and so the
key is
actually
what makes
an Olympic
athlete
brilliant
is that
10 or
15 years
before
they were
becoming
the kind
of person
that could
perform
on that
stage
in other
words
what makes
you a
great spouse
is the same
thing that
makes you
a great
son or
daughter
or a
great
CG member
or church
member
or colleague
or employee
it's the
kind of
person
that's been
so changed
by God's
grace
and so ravished
by the
gospel
that has
been
so blown
away by
who Christ
is
that actually
able to
pour your
life out
for the
other person
it's the
kind of
person
that's so
secure
in who
Christ
is
that you're
not looking
to others
to complete
you
but because
you're
completing
Christ
you can
pour
yourself
out
for others
and so
what that
means is
that if
you married
the way to
have a great
marriage
the kind
of marriage
that God
has designed
for us
is not just
reading a certain
book or going
on a course
and then saying
great
all done
it's actually
day by day
living a life
of confession
and repentance
examining our
heart
saying Jesus
come and have
your way in
my life
come and change
me and transform
me to live
for you
and if you're
not married
if you're single
and you hope
to get married
one day
the way to a
great marriage
is not just
pre-marriage
course
reading a book
or getting
married in a church
with a pastor
it's actually
by entering
into the love
story of the
Bible
it's entering
into the gospel
story of scripture
it's letting Jesus
so capture your
heart and life
responding to his
initiating love
towards you
and surrendering
to him
that you become
the kind of person
who one day
can stand at the
altar
and can legitimately
say all that I am
and all that I have
like Jesus
towards me
I give myself
to you
friends
there's so much
more we could
say
but this is
God's plan
for marriage
that one flesh
one man
one woman
come together
and give
themselves to
one another
in one flesh
union
this is God's
purpose for marriage
that our marriage
will be an agent
of light and salt
of kingdom blessing
of heaven on earth
this is God's
pattern for marriage
after the glory
of Christ's love
for us
we will live
and love one
another too
let's pray together
Lord Jesus
as we look
at these topics
we
we are both
as we look
at your word
God
we are both
drawn with hope
because we know
the gospel
is always good news
and even
in the very worst
news
when we were
dead in our sins
your gospel
gave us new life
God
where our relationships
might feel dead
you God
can breathe new life
and so we are
encouraged God
but we also
we come with
sober reality
God
marriage
and relationships
and even
dating relationships
and other relationships
are also a source
of much pain
much shame
much guilt
Jesus
we come before you
this morning
because we need
your grace
we don't just need
a formula
we don't just need
instructions
we don't just need
a sermon
we need your
Holy Spirit
and God
as Angie
reminded us
last week
Sunday
the same spirit
that raised
Jesus
from the dead
is at work
in our hearts
and lives
and is able
to raise
our marriages
our relationships
back from the dead
Jesus
we ask you
to come
and fill us
with hope
again
won't you come
God
and shape us
and make us
the kind
of people
that
will have
a great marriage
won't you come
for those of us
that are single
God
won't you start
to shape us
by the gospel
for those of us
that are married
shape our hearts
God
and Lord
we pray
that
in
Watermark
and Hong Kong
God
that your people
your families
in Hong Kong
will be agents
for good
agents for shalom
agents for peace
that heaven
will come to us
because you God
have invaded
our own hearts
with your heavenly grace
we pray this Christ
in your wonderful
and your gracious name
Amen