WEBVTT

00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:01.660
 All right, good morning, church.

00:00:01.860 --> 00:00:04.339
 This morning we're continuing our series in the book of Proverbs.

00:00:05.780 --> 00:00:07.580
 Proverbs is a book about living wisely.

00:00:09.060 --> 00:00:14.080
 Proverbs says that wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord, that is, being in a right

00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:19.640
 relationship to the one true God, but it expresses itself in every facet of human life.

00:00:19.699 --> 00:00:24.240
 And this morning we're considering what Proverbs has to say about wisdom as it's lived out

00:00:24.240 --> 00:00:25.800
 in the context of the family.

00:00:26.660 --> 00:00:32.359
 Now, before we dive in, let me give two recommendations for books on this topic, both of which you

00:00:32.359 --> 00:00:34.060
 can find downstairs on the bookstall.

00:00:34.859 --> 00:00:37.000
 Number one, a book for parents and children.

00:00:37.760 --> 00:00:41.200
 Let me recommend a book called Wise Words by Peter Lightheart.

00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:46.380
 It's a book of stories based on the themes and figures in the book of Proverbs.

00:00:47.019 --> 00:00:51.480
 So I've been reading it recently to my children, and we were with their cousins.

00:00:51.480 --> 00:00:52.640
 I was reading it to them.

00:00:53.159 --> 00:00:55.140
 They range from four to ten years old.

00:00:55.140 --> 00:01:00.160
 And what I really like about this book is how it engages the moral imagination of children

00:01:00.160 --> 00:01:05.099
 using biblical imagery, giving pictures of wisdom and folly and some of their consequences

00:01:05.099 --> 00:01:08.239
 in a really engaging and thought-provoking way.

00:01:09.120 --> 00:01:11.019
 And these are not just cute bedtime stories.

00:01:11.099 --> 00:01:16.719
 Some of these are a little scary, and so they're appropriate for maybe elementary-aged kids.

00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:19.159
 So let me recommend that, Wise Words.

00:01:19.620 --> 00:01:21.939
 And also a book for husbands and wives.

00:01:21.939 --> 00:01:24.519
 Now, there are many books for husbands and wives on the bookstall.

00:01:25.140 --> 00:01:29.920
 Many of you might have read Tim and Kathy Keller's The Meaning of Marriage or Gary Thomas' book

00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:30.620
 Sacred Marriage.

00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:36.539
 But let me recommend a lesser-known book called The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason.

00:01:37.340 --> 00:01:39.780
 And he also begins by quoting from Proverbs.

00:01:39.879 --> 00:01:43.879
 He begins by quoting, as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

00:01:43.879 --> 00:01:48.719
 And uses that to talk about how marriage works to refine us.

00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:50.519
 But let me give you a quote from this book.

00:01:52.420 --> 00:01:53.060
 He says,

00:01:53.119 --> 00:01:59.259
 A marriage may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one's living room.

00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:02.060
 It is something that is just there.

00:02:02.739 --> 00:02:03.679
 And it is huge.

00:02:03.780 --> 00:02:06.019
 And everything has to be built around it.

00:02:06.359 --> 00:02:10.340
 Marriage is the most persistent reminder of the presence of other people in the world.

00:02:10.340 --> 00:02:11.780
 That they are there.

00:02:12.259 --> 00:02:13.259
 That they are real.

00:02:13.620 --> 00:02:19.000
 And that they are wildly different from the imaginary beings who normally people our thoughts and fantasies.

00:02:19.860 --> 00:02:23.340
 And he goes on to talk about how marriage teaches us about God's otherness.

00:02:23.740 --> 00:02:25.099
 And God's reality.

00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:27.180
 And also God's deep love.

00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:29.099
 And intimacy with us.

00:02:29.920 --> 00:02:31.240
 So I recommend both of these.

00:02:32.060 --> 00:02:32.840
 Consider them.

00:02:32.920 --> 00:02:35.240
 But now let's delve into the book of Proverbs on the family.

00:02:35.379 --> 00:02:37.920
 Let me begin with the verse that's on the front of your bulletin.

00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:40.199
 Proverbs 24, 3, and 4.

00:02:40.199 --> 00:02:42.079
 By wisdom a house is built.

00:02:42.919 --> 00:02:44.759
 And by understanding it is established.

00:02:45.079 --> 00:02:49.419
 By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

00:02:50.459 --> 00:02:53.280
 And this verse highlights a theme that we see throughout the Bible.

00:02:54.259 --> 00:02:58.699
 In Genesis 1 we see God forming and filling the world with his wisdom.

00:02:59.739 --> 00:03:05.899
 In the Old Testament we see the Lord in his wisdom instructing Solomon to build him a physical house, the temple.

00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:08.459
 And then we see the Lord filling it with his glory.

00:03:08.460 --> 00:03:16.620
 In the New Testament we see Jesus Christ, God's wisdom incarnate, building a spiritual house, the church, through his death and resurrection.

00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:22.319
 Ephesians says God is building us into a place where God dwells.

00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:25.060
 That is, where we're filled with God's Spirit.

00:03:25.060 --> 00:03:30.860
 So, this theme of God building and filling the world and his people with his wisdom.

00:03:31.420 --> 00:03:32.379
 That's the big picture.

00:03:32.500 --> 00:03:34.360
 That's why we meet together every week.

00:03:34.439 --> 00:03:42.159
 To be built up in God's Word and to be filled with the empowering presence of his Spirit so that we can live our lives to his praise and glory.

00:03:42.939 --> 00:03:48.039
 Now today we're looking at one particular expression of that Word-shaped, Spirit-filled life.

00:03:48.039 --> 00:03:54.780
 When Ephesians tells us, be filled with the Spirit, walk in wisdom, it goes on to speak about the family.

00:03:55.719 --> 00:04:00.319
 How God's wisdom should shape husbands and wives and parents and children in particular.

00:04:01.019 --> 00:04:10.759
 We also read a similar passage from Colossians, right, that talks about what it means to put on love and kindness and forgiveness and all those godly character qualities.

00:04:10.759 --> 00:04:16.319
 And then it talks about a bit briefly about how those play out in marriage and parenting.

00:04:16.699 --> 00:04:18.079
 So, that's our topic today.

00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:23.019
 How God's wisdom can and should be embodied in marriage and transmitted to children.

00:04:23.699 --> 00:04:26.399
 And in the book of Proverbs, this is a central theme.

00:04:27.159 --> 00:04:32.680
 In fact, as we've seen, the whole book of Proverbs is framed as parental advice, right?

00:04:32.699 --> 00:04:34.860
 We hear the voice of a father speaking to his son.

00:04:34.860 --> 00:04:42.780
 And sometimes the voice of a mother as well, admonishing and encouraging the son to walk in the way of wisdom.

00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:50.580
 And one of the main topics that the father speaks to his son about as his son is growing into a man is how to find a godly wife.

00:04:50.680 --> 00:04:53.699
 What kind of woman do you want to pursue, right?

00:04:53.780 --> 00:04:56.740
 Wisdom and folly are embodied as women, right?

00:04:56.740 --> 00:05:06.540
 And so, he's both speaking about wisdom generally, but also he's speaking practically about how do you choose wisely a marriage partner.

00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:10.759
 And the book ends with a poem in praise of the excellent wife.

00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:12.780
 And we'll look at that briefly a bit later.

00:05:12.900 --> 00:05:19.319
 So, in Proverbs, the family is one of the most important contexts where wisdom is embodied and transmitted.

00:05:19.319 --> 00:05:27.379
 So, this message about the family is important for you regardless of whether you're married and regardless of whether you have children at home.

00:05:27.439 --> 00:05:32.279
 For some of you, message about marriage and parenting, that speaks to your current present situation.

00:05:32.959 --> 00:05:36.079
 You're like, yeah, I probably need some wisdom here.

00:05:36.819 --> 00:05:40.279
 For others, it will be an important part of your future, right?

00:05:40.339 --> 00:05:48.360
 We spend 12, 13 years in elementary school and then four years in college learning all kinds of things that you may or may not use.

00:05:48.360 --> 00:05:53.060
 You may or may not use calculus ever again once you finish high school.

00:05:54.020 --> 00:05:59.379
 Well, maybe you'll have to use it in college, but you may not use it once you're done with college, right?

00:05:59.500 --> 00:06:01.020
 But we value those kinds of things.

00:06:01.100 --> 00:06:02.240
 We value that kind of learning.

00:06:02.439 --> 00:06:11.240
 But all those years of school give you very little training in how to choose a spouse wisely, how to live with a spouse in love, or how to raise kids,

00:06:11.280 --> 00:06:14.480
 even though many of us will spend much of our lives doing that.

00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:19.560
 So, these are areas where we need wisdom, even if you're not at that stage of life yet.

00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:29.520
 Now, some of you, you may never get married or have kids, or maybe that's part of your past, but it's not going to be part of the future.

00:06:29.519 --> 00:06:36.819
 But many of your brothers and sisters in Christ will, and it's important for you to learn how to encourage those of us who do,

00:06:36.899 --> 00:06:41.699
 just as it's important for us who are married to learn about God's calling on those who are single

00:06:41.699 --> 00:06:46.519
 and seek to walk alongside you and encourage you in God's calling on your life.

00:06:47.500 --> 00:06:50.599
 Further, as we speak about these topics, marriage and parenting,

00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:58.020
 we'll see the character of God Himself sort of behind God's teaching on these things.

00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:03.860
 So, as we've delved into these topics, I've put some of the main Proverbs in the bulletin,

00:07:04.320 --> 00:07:07.840
 and I think it's on page 6 in your bulletin this morning.

00:07:10.120 --> 00:07:11.180
 Proverbs on family.

00:07:11.820 --> 00:07:13.460
 So, you can follow along here.

00:07:13.459 --> 00:07:17.319
 I think it's easier than flipping back and forth just to find one verse at a time.

00:07:18.019 --> 00:07:20.819
 So, this is the outline we're going to follow this morning.

00:07:21.019 --> 00:07:23.099
 So, number one, wisdom embodied in marriage.

00:07:23.159 --> 00:07:24.899
 We're going to begin here.

00:07:26.159 --> 00:07:27.719
 What does Proverbs teach about marriage?

00:07:27.859 --> 00:07:30.219
 Well, Proverbs teaches that marriage is a very good thing.

00:07:30.740 --> 00:07:33.879
 It's a good gift from a good God who created us.

00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:39.779
 1822, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

00:07:39.779 --> 00:07:43.659
 1914, a prudent wife is from the Lord.

00:07:44.259 --> 00:07:47.599
 Proverbs affirms the goodness of God's creation order.

00:07:48.279 --> 00:07:49.719
 That's one of the main themes of the book.

00:07:49.919 --> 00:07:54.759
 And marriage, as we see in the creation story, is one of God's best gifts to humanity.

00:07:55.719 --> 00:07:55.919
 Right?

00:07:56.000 --> 00:08:00.219
 God provides Eve as a helper, that is, as a strong ally for Adam.

00:08:00.359 --> 00:08:05.139
 She is a suitable companion, an intimate friend, a co-worker in ruling over creation,

00:08:05.139 --> 00:08:08.919
 a bearer of life, one who compliments him by providing what he lacks.

00:08:09.779 --> 00:08:15.519
 And Proverbs affirms all of that that we see in Genesis 1 and 2 about marriage.

00:08:15.799 --> 00:08:20.399
 Proverbs also affirms that there's something marvelous and mysterious about marriage.

00:08:21.319 --> 00:08:24.459
 Chapter 30, 18, and 19 says,

00:08:24.459 --> 00:08:26.479
 Three things are too wonderful for me.

00:08:27.239 --> 00:08:31.539
 For I do not understand the way of an eagle in the sky,

00:08:32.179 --> 00:08:33.860
 the way of a serpent on a rock,

00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:36.379
 the way of a ship on the high seas,

00:08:36.679 --> 00:08:38.039
 and the way of a man with a woman.

00:08:38.039 --> 00:08:42.139
 You might think, how does that logic go?

00:08:43.279 --> 00:08:44.399
 Well, the eagle in the sky,

00:08:44.539 --> 00:08:45.439
 the serpent on a rock,

00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:46.919
 the ship on choppy waters,

00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:49.439
 they all move in

00:08:49.439 --> 00:08:51.120
 and cleave to,

00:08:51.860 --> 00:08:53.139
 that means they hold on

00:08:53.139 --> 00:08:55.879
 to their appropriate and difficult environments

00:08:55.879 --> 00:08:57.899
 in an easy,

00:08:58.419 --> 00:08:58.939
 intriguing,

00:08:59.659 --> 00:09:00.099
 gracious,

00:09:00.779 --> 00:09:02.000
 rolling manner,

00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:04.059
 without leaving a trace,

00:09:04.099 --> 00:09:05.459
 yet reaching their goals.

00:09:05.460 --> 00:09:06.580
 And Proverbs says,

00:09:06.660 --> 00:09:07.220
 In a similar way,

00:09:07.280 --> 00:09:11.180
 the way of a man with a woman is mysterious and marvelous.

00:09:12.440 --> 00:09:13.180
 Most likely,

00:09:13.340 --> 00:09:16.040
 this includes a reference to sexual intercourse,

00:09:16.460 --> 00:09:19.240
 to the unique and even breathtaking intimacy

00:09:19.240 --> 00:09:22.720
 between a man and woman in the covenant of marriage.

00:09:23.720 --> 00:09:24.100
 Proverbs said,

00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:25.379
 This is a wonderful thing.

00:09:25.460 --> 00:09:26.500
 It is a mysterious,

00:09:27.019 --> 00:09:31.580
 marvelous thing that God in His infinite wisdom has made.

00:09:31.580 --> 00:09:35.340
 Proverbs also goes on to speak

00:09:35.340 --> 00:09:36.660
 not just about the goodness of marriage

00:09:36.660 --> 00:09:38.440
 and the mystery of it,

00:09:38.800 --> 00:09:40.660
 but it goes on to describe and praise

00:09:40.660 --> 00:09:42.200
 an excellent wife.

00:09:42.680 --> 00:09:43.300
 12.4,

00:09:43.400 --> 00:09:45.800
 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.

00:09:46.660 --> 00:09:48.080
 Chapter 31 is a poem

00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:51.620
 in praise of such an excellent wife.

00:09:53.160 --> 00:09:54.379
 Now, the phrase,

00:09:54.900 --> 00:09:55.740
 an excellent wife,

00:09:55.800 --> 00:09:56.780
 could also be translated,

00:09:56.940 --> 00:09:58.060
 a valiant wife,

00:09:58.080 --> 00:09:59.280
 or a woman of strength.

00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:00.860
 You know,

00:10:00.879 --> 00:10:01.860
 when the Bible talks about

00:10:01.860 --> 00:10:03.779
 the wife being a helper to her husband,

00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:05.899
 that doesn't mean

00:10:05.899 --> 00:10:08.299
 that the woman is a second-class assistant.

00:10:09.039 --> 00:10:11.939
 It means she's called to be a first-rate ally

00:10:11.939 --> 00:10:16.259
 who stands by her husband in unswerving loyalty.

00:10:17.519 --> 00:10:18.379
 In Proverbs 31,

00:10:18.659 --> 00:10:20.899
 the excellent wife works hard,

00:10:21.220 --> 00:10:21.839
 makes money,

00:10:22.459 --> 00:10:23.839
 feeds and clothes her household,

00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:24.819
 cares for the poor,

00:10:24.980 --> 00:10:26.500
 faces the future without fear,

00:10:26.939 --> 00:10:28.500
 enhances her husband's reputation,

00:10:28.500 --> 00:10:29.720
 and speaks with wisdom.

00:10:30.840 --> 00:10:32.440
 She gives herself to her family

00:10:32.440 --> 00:10:33.299
 and her community

00:10:33.299 --> 00:10:35.720
 with wholehearted selflessness.

00:10:36.759 --> 00:10:39.100
 And Proverbs praises such a woman.

00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:41.600
 For 31.10 says,

00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:43.320
 she is far more precious than jewels.

00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:43.899
 In other words,

00:10:43.960 --> 00:10:46.460
 such a woman isn't always easy to find,

00:10:46.980 --> 00:10:48.200
 but when you find her,

00:10:48.460 --> 00:10:49.460
 you should treasure her.

00:10:50.419 --> 00:10:51.860
 And so Proverbs is saying to men,

00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:52.600
 if you're single,

00:10:53.059 --> 00:10:54.539
 this is the kind of woman

00:10:54.539 --> 00:10:56.480
 that you should want to marry,

00:10:57.279 --> 00:10:59.000
 a woman who fears the Lord.

00:10:59.059 --> 00:10:59.939
 And it's saying to women,

00:11:00.620 --> 00:11:01.539
 this is the kind of,

00:11:01.639 --> 00:11:02.779
 whether you're single or married,

00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:03.959
 this is the kind of woman

00:11:03.959 --> 00:11:05.120
 you should seek to become.

00:11:05.839 --> 00:11:06.199
 Now,

00:11:07.199 --> 00:11:07.980
 one caveat,

00:11:08.219 --> 00:11:10.279
 Proverbs 31 is an idealized picture,

00:11:10.279 --> 00:11:12.099
 and it's representing the work of a lifetime.

00:11:12.959 --> 00:11:14.939
 So don't read Proverbs 31

00:11:14.939 --> 00:11:17.099
 and think that it's a standard

00:11:17.099 --> 00:11:18.699
 that you should judge yourself against

00:11:18.699 --> 00:11:20.219
 at the end of every single day,

00:11:20.220 --> 00:11:22.720
 because you'll certainly feel like

00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:24.740
 you fall way short, right?

00:11:24.779 --> 00:11:25.899
 It's a picture of a lifetime.

00:11:27.279 --> 00:11:29.660
 And it's also a portrait of a life

00:11:29.660 --> 00:11:30.980
 that embodies wisdom.

00:11:31.940 --> 00:11:33.860
 So as the conclusion to the book of Proverbs,

00:11:33.980 --> 00:11:34.600
 Proverbs 31,

00:11:34.899 --> 00:11:37.860
 it isn't just talking about an ideal wife,

00:11:37.860 --> 00:11:41.279
 it's also saying this woman is a model for us all.

00:11:42.139 --> 00:11:43.139
 Not just for wives,

00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:44.000
 but for all of us,

00:11:44.060 --> 00:11:44.860
 male and female,

00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:45.920
 married or not,

00:11:45.980 --> 00:11:48.240
 because her life and her character

00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:50.419
 embodies God's wisdom.

00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:53.080
 So marriage as God intended it

00:11:53.080 --> 00:11:54.200
 is a very good thing.

00:11:54.279 --> 00:11:54.820
 It's a good,

00:11:54.940 --> 00:11:55.399
 mysterious,

00:11:55.620 --> 00:11:56.480
 and excellent thing,

00:11:56.519 --> 00:11:58.159
 one of the best things in this world.

00:11:58.299 --> 00:11:59.259
 Proverbs affirms that.

00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:03.299
 But the second truth Proverbs affirms about marriage,

00:12:04.460 --> 00:12:05.659
 not only that it can be

00:12:05.659 --> 00:12:07.060
 one of the best things in this world,

00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:08.279
 but it says a bad marriage

00:12:08.279 --> 00:12:10.700
 can be one of the worst things in this world.

00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:12.919
 12.4,

00:12:13.480 --> 00:12:14.700
 a wife who brings shame

00:12:14.700 --> 00:12:17.200
 is like rottenness in her husband's bones.

00:12:18.779 --> 00:12:20.200
 Marriage can make your life wonderful

00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:21.720
 and it can make your life miserable.

00:12:22.779 --> 00:12:24.180
 And when it's really toxic,

00:12:24.299 --> 00:12:25.399
 it can eat away at you

00:12:25.399 --> 00:12:27.060
 from the inside out.

00:12:29.080 --> 00:12:30.620
 Skipping down to 21.9,

00:12:30.740 --> 00:12:33.139
 better to live in a corner of the housetop

00:12:33.139 --> 00:12:36.000
 than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

00:12:37.299 --> 00:12:38.680
 There are several other warnings

00:12:38.680 --> 00:12:41.159
 against quarrelsome wives in particular.

00:12:41.320 --> 00:12:41.779
 In other words,

00:12:41.840 --> 00:12:42.740
 better to stay single,

00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:44.019
 better to stay single,

00:12:44.060 --> 00:12:45.100
 even if you're lonely,

00:12:45.560 --> 00:12:46.700
 even if you're poor,

00:12:46.700 --> 00:12:48.820
 than to get married to a fool

00:12:48.820 --> 00:12:50.840
 and end up miserable.

00:12:52.340 --> 00:12:53.540
 Because once you're married,

00:12:53.740 --> 00:12:54.960
 Proverbs says you're married.

00:12:55.940 --> 00:12:57.660
 And if you marry a quarrelsome spouse,

00:12:57.780 --> 00:12:59.040
 you have to deal with them.

00:12:59.680 --> 00:13:01.660
 Having a quarrelsome spouse may be difficult,

00:13:01.860 --> 00:13:03.879
 but it is not biblical grounds for divorce.

00:13:05.940 --> 00:13:07.780
 Now, practically,

00:13:08.540 --> 00:13:09.879
 in Ephesians 5,

00:13:09.980 --> 00:13:11.520
 the Apostle Paul urges wives

00:13:11.520 --> 00:13:12.580
 to respect their husbands

00:13:12.580 --> 00:13:14.240
 and husbands to love their wives.

00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:17.540
 So I want to start with Proverbs words to wives,

00:13:18.220 --> 00:13:19.800
 and then we'll get to Proverbs words to husbands.

00:13:23.139 --> 00:13:23.540
 Now,

00:13:24.700 --> 00:13:27.120
 before we jump into Proverbs words to wives,

00:13:27.180 --> 00:13:28.280
 some of you might be asking,

00:13:29.520 --> 00:13:30.940
 well, why are all the criticisms

00:13:30.940 --> 00:13:33.340
 of a quarrelsome wife in Proverbs?

00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:35.980
 Why doesn't Proverbs talk about quarrelsome husbands?

00:13:36.779 --> 00:13:38.399
 And why is there only a portrait

00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:39.500
 of an excellent wife

00:13:39.500 --> 00:13:41.800
 that a wife is supposed to measure herself up against?

00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:43.820
 Why isn't there a portrait of an excellent husband

00:13:43.820 --> 00:13:47.019
 that a husband should measure himself up against?

00:13:47.159 --> 00:13:49.139
 Isn't Proverbs a bit one-sided

00:13:49.139 --> 00:13:51.340
 and putting all the burden on women?

00:13:52.680 --> 00:13:53.320
 Well, remember,

00:13:54.180 --> 00:13:55.879
 Proverbs is written in the form

00:13:55.879 --> 00:13:58.120
 of a father instructing his son.

00:13:58.200 --> 00:13:59.019
 That's the form,

00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:00.080
 or perhaps you could say,

00:14:00.139 --> 00:14:01.779
 the setting or context of the book.

00:14:02.740 --> 00:14:04.159
 And so the father is saying to his son,

00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:05.799
 consider carefully what kind of woman

00:14:05.799 --> 00:14:06.899
 you want to marry.

00:14:07.740 --> 00:14:09.439
 So that's why Proverbs only talks about,

00:14:10.279 --> 00:14:12.299
 only warns against quarrelsome wives,

00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:13.299
 not quarrelsome husbands.

00:14:14.039 --> 00:14:14.519
 Now, of course,

00:14:14.559 --> 00:14:15.620
 there's plenty of words in Proverbs

00:14:15.620 --> 00:14:16.740
 about quarreling in general,

00:14:16.779 --> 00:14:18.319
 and all those clearly apply to husbands.

00:14:19.659 --> 00:14:21.100
 But Proverbs isn't only written

00:14:21.100 --> 00:14:22.539
 for young men entering adulthood.

00:14:22.679 --> 00:14:23.659
 As God's word,

00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:25.379
 it's useful for the instruction

00:14:25.379 --> 00:14:26.259
 of all God's people.

00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:27.179
 So many Proverbs,

00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:27.939
 such as the warning

00:14:27.939 --> 00:14:29.179
 against the quarrelsome wife,

00:14:29.439 --> 00:14:31.240
 can be applied in much the same way

00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:31.679
 to husbands.

00:14:32.179 --> 00:14:32.639
 Husbands,

00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:34.159
 don't be quarrelsome.

00:14:34.819 --> 00:14:35.000
 Right?

00:14:35.339 --> 00:14:37.399
 And it'll be just as miserable

00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:38.100
 for your wife

00:14:38.100 --> 00:14:39.679
 as it would be for you.

00:14:40.339 --> 00:14:40.539
 Okay?

00:14:40.959 --> 00:14:41.220
 And now,

00:14:41.299 --> 00:14:43.459
 for a various obvious example of this

00:14:43.459 --> 00:14:44.620
 from another part of the Bible,

00:14:44.740 --> 00:14:45.699
 the 10th commandment says,

00:14:45.959 --> 00:14:47.199
 don't covet your neighbor's wife.

00:14:47.879 --> 00:14:48.699
 That doesn't mean

00:14:48.699 --> 00:14:50.019
 you can covet your neighbor's husband.

00:14:50.860 --> 00:14:51.100
 Right?

00:14:51.159 --> 00:14:51.879
 It's very obvious.

00:14:52.059 --> 00:14:53.819
 It's framed in gender-specific language,

00:14:54.179 --> 00:14:56.279
 but the appropriate application

00:14:56.279 --> 00:14:57.399
 is to both men and women.

00:14:57.579 --> 00:14:58.799
 So that's true for many

00:14:58.799 --> 00:14:59.879
 of the Proverbs.

00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:01.279
 Now,

00:15:01.340 --> 00:15:02.340
 as a contrast to Proverbs,

00:15:02.419 --> 00:15:02.820
 you might think,

00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:02.960
 well,

00:15:02.980 --> 00:15:03.919
 are all the books in the Bible

00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:05.100
 written primarily to men?

00:15:05.700 --> 00:15:05.980
 Well,

00:15:06.100 --> 00:15:06.439
 no.

00:15:07.080 --> 00:15:07.960
 Song of Songs,

00:15:08.059 --> 00:15:08.580
 in particular,

00:15:08.720 --> 00:15:09.980
 another one of the wisdom literature,

00:15:10.659 --> 00:15:11.639
 is written primarily

00:15:11.639 --> 00:15:12.820
 from the woman's perspective,

00:15:12.820 --> 00:15:15.040
 and some of its concluding advice

00:15:15.040 --> 00:15:16.500
 is in the form,

00:15:16.680 --> 00:15:16.980
 again,

00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:18.680
 of advice given to a young woman.

00:15:18.820 --> 00:15:19.260
 But of course,

00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:19.980
 Song of Songs,

00:15:20.420 --> 00:15:22.860
 that advice can be applied to men as well.

00:15:24.400 --> 00:15:25.740
 Both books have much to say

00:15:25.740 --> 00:15:27.400
 to both men and women.

00:15:27.980 --> 00:15:28.240
 So,

00:15:28.740 --> 00:15:29.540
 having said that,

00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:31.760
 let's start with Proverbs' words to wives.

00:15:33.660 --> 00:15:34.100
 Particularly,

00:15:34.340 --> 00:15:35.800
 these Proverbs that are quoted here,

00:15:35.879 --> 00:15:36.960
 warns against a wife

00:15:36.960 --> 00:15:37.940
 who is quarrelsome

00:15:37.940 --> 00:15:39.280
 and brings shame

00:15:39.280 --> 00:15:40.120
 upon her husband.

00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:42.300
 Wives,

00:15:42.360 --> 00:15:43.060
 consider this.

00:15:44.020 --> 00:15:45.520
 More than trouble at work,

00:15:46.580 --> 00:15:47.680
 more than criticism

00:15:47.680 --> 00:15:48.520
 from outsiders,

00:15:49.560 --> 00:15:50.960
 more than health problems

00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:52.100
 or financial stresses

00:15:52.100 --> 00:15:53.800
 or even children's demands,

00:15:54.940 --> 00:15:56.140
 persistent disrespect

00:15:56.140 --> 00:15:57.000
 from a wife

00:15:57.000 --> 00:15:58.400
 can eat away

00:15:58.400 --> 00:15:59.420
 at a husband's soul

00:15:59.420 --> 00:16:01.300
 like rottenness

00:16:01.300 --> 00:16:02.140
 in his bones.

00:16:02.139 --> 00:16:04.860
 It can wear him down

00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:05.939
 from the inside out.

00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:06.860
 And another one of the verses

00:16:06.860 --> 00:16:08.000
 says a quarrelsome wife

00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:09.360
 is like a constant dripping

00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:10.720
 on a rainy day,

00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:11.639
 a leaky roof,

00:16:11.779 --> 00:16:12.059
 drip,

00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:12.980
 drip,

00:16:13.639 --> 00:16:13.840
 drip.

00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:16.360
 And this can happen

00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:17.419
 perhaps more easily

00:16:17.419 --> 00:16:18.319
 than you might think.

00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:20.240
 Wives,

00:16:20.340 --> 00:16:21.559
 beware of this danger.

00:16:23.299 --> 00:16:24.679
 Do you despise your husband

00:16:24.679 --> 00:16:25.379
 in your heart?

00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:27.620
 Do you try to get him

00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:28.100
 to listen

00:16:28.100 --> 00:16:29.620
 by nagging him

00:16:29.620 --> 00:16:30.879
 or by attacking him

00:16:30.879 --> 00:16:32.360
 with angry outbursts

00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:33.340
 or harsh criticism?

00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:35.899
 Do you publicly shame

00:16:35.899 --> 00:16:36.340
 your husband

00:16:36.340 --> 00:16:37.519
 by criticizing him

00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:38.100
 to others?

00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:40.240
 Now maybe you think

00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:40.939
 you have reasons

00:16:40.939 --> 00:16:41.820
 to despise him.

00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:43.860
 You see his flaws

00:16:43.860 --> 00:16:44.399
 more clearly

00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:45.439
 than anyone else

00:16:45.439 --> 00:16:47.039
 and he's still blind to them.

00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:48.279
 You're probably right.

00:16:49.939 --> 00:16:51.259
 But just as he is called

00:16:51.259 --> 00:16:52.200
 to love you

00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:53.840
 despite your flaws,

00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:55.039
 you are called

00:16:55.039 --> 00:16:55.940
 to respect him

00:16:55.940 --> 00:16:57.000
 despite his flaws

00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:59.100
 as the man God

00:16:59.100 --> 00:17:00.059
 has given to you.

00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:02.220
 Now respect

00:17:02.220 --> 00:17:02.879
 does not mean

00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:03.559
 overlooking

00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:04.779
 or excusing

00:17:04.779 --> 00:17:05.720
 his sin.

00:17:06.700 --> 00:17:07.740
 It may mean

00:17:07.740 --> 00:17:08.440
 lovingly,

00:17:08.700 --> 00:17:09.299
 courageously

00:17:09.299 --> 00:17:10.200
 confronting him.

00:17:11.140 --> 00:17:11.960
 It may mean

00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:12.680
 if he refuses

00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:13.500
 to listen to you

00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:14.759
 and refuses to change,

00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:15.980
 bringing one or two others

00:17:15.980 --> 00:17:17.079
 into the conversation.

00:17:18.279 --> 00:17:19.359
 Other mature Christians

00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:21.359
 who can help

00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:21.940
 both of you.

00:17:23.039 --> 00:17:24.019
 Now it's possible

00:17:24.019 --> 00:17:24.480
 that you might

00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:25.500
 sometimes need guidance

00:17:25.500 --> 00:17:26.180
 about how to be

00:17:26.180 --> 00:17:26.740
 a better wife

00:17:26.740 --> 00:17:28.119
 despite your husband's flaws.

00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:29.119
 That is a legitimate

00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:30.399
 topic of conversation.

00:17:31.899 --> 00:17:32.619
 But wives,

00:17:32.719 --> 00:17:33.539
 especially when you

00:17:33.539 --> 00:17:34.599
 gather with one another,

00:17:35.719 --> 00:17:36.819
 beware the temptation

00:17:36.819 --> 00:17:38.199
 to complain

00:17:38.199 --> 00:17:39.099
 about your husbands

00:17:39.099 --> 00:17:42.039
 because it's not respectful.

00:17:43.799 --> 00:17:44.500
 Now husbands,

00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:46.179
 Proverbs has much

00:17:46.179 --> 00:17:47.159
 to say to us as well.

00:17:48.859 --> 00:17:49.719
 Ephesians 5 says,

00:17:49.939 --> 00:17:50.839
 husbands should love

00:17:50.839 --> 00:17:51.579
 your wives

00:17:51.579 --> 00:17:52.579
 as Christ loves

00:17:52.579 --> 00:17:53.359
 the church

00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:55.139
 and cherish them.

00:17:55.140 --> 00:17:57.180
 Look at,

00:17:57.400 --> 00:17:58.580
 turn to Proverbs 31.

00:18:02.180 --> 00:18:03.640
 Page 552

00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:04.100
 if you're looking

00:18:04.100 --> 00:18:04.740
 in a pew Bible.

00:18:06.180 --> 00:18:07.240
 Let's look at the end

00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:07.759
 of the poem

00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:09.280
 about an excellent wife.

00:18:12.280 --> 00:18:13.740
 Verses 28 to 31.

00:18:14.120 --> 00:18:14.500
 It says,

00:18:14.620 --> 00:18:15.660
 her children rise up

00:18:15.660 --> 00:18:16.520
 and call her blessed,

00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:18.300
 her husband also,

00:18:18.420 --> 00:18:19.580
 and he praises her.

00:18:20.580 --> 00:18:21.160
 Many women

00:18:21.160 --> 00:18:22.160
 have done excellently,

00:18:22.300 --> 00:18:23.140
 but you surpassed

00:18:23.140 --> 00:18:23.580
 them all.

00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:25.960
 Charm is deceitful

00:18:25.960 --> 00:18:26.940
 and beauty is vain,

00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:28.759
 but a woman

00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:29.759
 who fears the Lord

00:18:29.759 --> 00:18:31.060
 is to be praised.

00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:32.500
 Give her the fruit

00:18:32.500 --> 00:18:33.020
 of her hands

00:18:33.020 --> 00:18:33.680
 and let her works

00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:34.700
 praise her in the gates.

00:18:34.740 --> 00:18:35.960
 Do you see three times,

00:18:36.360 --> 00:18:37.240
 really four times,

00:18:37.700 --> 00:18:38.940
 it talks about

00:18:38.940 --> 00:18:41.280
 the wife being praised.

00:18:41.840 --> 00:18:43.340
 Her children bless her.

00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:45.480
 Her husband praises her.

00:18:46.180 --> 00:18:47.040
 A woman who fears

00:18:47.040 --> 00:18:47.400
 the Lord

00:18:47.400 --> 00:18:48.680
 is to be praised.

00:18:48.800 --> 00:18:49.580
 Let her works

00:18:49.580 --> 00:18:50.640
 praise her.

00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:52.640
 Husbands,

00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:53.900
 if you have a wife

00:18:53.900 --> 00:18:54.920
 who fears the Lord,

00:18:55.640 --> 00:18:56.560
 if you have a wife

00:18:56.560 --> 00:18:57.980
 who displays wisdom

00:18:57.980 --> 00:18:59.920
 in any way,

00:19:00.380 --> 00:19:01.640
 she ought to be praised.

00:19:02.759 --> 00:19:04.080
 That means verbally

00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:04.620
 affirmed,

00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:06.259
 privately and publicly,

00:19:06.759 --> 00:19:07.540
 appreciated,

00:19:07.860 --> 00:19:08.220
 thanked,

00:19:08.600 --> 00:19:09.120
 cherished.

00:19:09.980 --> 00:19:10.740
 Don't just read

00:19:10.740 --> 00:19:11.620
 Proverbs 31

00:19:11.620 --> 00:19:13.040
 and tell her

00:19:13.040 --> 00:19:13.540
 where you see

00:19:13.540 --> 00:19:14.560
 that she falls short.

00:19:15.560 --> 00:19:16.700
 Start by telling her

00:19:16.700 --> 00:19:17.759
 specifically how you,

00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:18.839
 she does reflect

00:19:18.839 --> 00:19:19.779
 this portrait

00:19:19.779 --> 00:19:20.839
 of godly wisdom.

00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:22.839
 Thank her tonight

00:19:22.839 --> 00:19:24.000
 when you sit down

00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:24.420
 to dinner.

00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:26.680
 Tell her how she excels

00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:27.859
 in front of your kids.

00:19:28.579 --> 00:19:29.519
 Do so privately

00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:30.779
 in your bedroom.

00:19:31.440 --> 00:19:32.319
 Do so regularly

00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:33.079
 and sincerely.

00:19:34.660 --> 00:19:35.680
 Ray Ortlund says,

00:19:36.700 --> 00:19:38.039
 says this,

00:19:38.099 --> 00:19:38.400
 he says,

00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:39.379
 when the word husband

00:19:39.379 --> 00:19:40.859
 is used as a verb,

00:19:41.319 --> 00:19:42.359
 it means to cultivate.

00:19:43.539 --> 00:19:44.220
 And he says,

00:19:44.279 --> 00:19:44.920
 that's the job

00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:45.980
 of those who are husbands,

00:19:45.980 --> 00:19:47.220
 those of us who are husbands,

00:19:47.319 --> 00:19:48.539
 to cultivate and nurture

00:19:48.539 --> 00:19:49.380
 our wives

00:19:49.380 --> 00:19:50.860
 so that they become

00:19:50.860 --> 00:19:51.680
 all of who God

00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:52.400
 wants them to be

00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:53.400
 and to praise them

00:19:53.400 --> 00:19:54.279
 for it.

00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:55.579
 He says,

00:19:55.640 --> 00:19:56.700
 a husband cultivates

00:19:56.700 --> 00:19:57.559
 his wife by setting

00:19:57.559 --> 00:19:58.880
 a high tone of praise

00:19:58.880 --> 00:19:59.559
 in the home.

00:20:00.220 --> 00:20:01.480
 No put-downs,

00:20:01.839 --> 00:20:02.880
 no fault-finding,

00:20:03.339 --> 00:20:04.140
 no insults,

00:20:04.180 --> 00:20:05.579
 not even neutral silence,

00:20:05.700 --> 00:20:07.319
 but rather life-giving praise.

00:20:07.640 --> 00:20:08.079
 And he says,

00:20:08.140 --> 00:20:09.140
 and if you cannot think

00:20:09.140 --> 00:20:09.940
 of any way

00:20:09.940 --> 00:20:11.039
 in which your wife

00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:12.599
 deserves to be praised,

00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:14.660
 then that is your fault.

00:20:14.660 --> 00:20:16.880
 Because God has called you

00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:18.220
 to husband her,

00:20:18.340 --> 00:20:19.180
 to cultivate her

00:20:19.180 --> 00:20:20.060
 into excellence.

00:20:21.340 --> 00:20:22.400
 Now, to be honest,

00:20:23.340 --> 00:20:24.600
 many of us guys,

00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:25.400
 including myself,

00:20:25.460 --> 00:20:26.400
 don't do this very well.

00:20:28.420 --> 00:20:29.580
 My wife knows it,

00:20:30.060 --> 00:20:30.980
 and she's gracious,

00:20:31.120 --> 00:20:32.300
 so she doesn't tell you about it.

00:20:32.920 --> 00:20:33.940
 But I fall short

00:20:33.940 --> 00:20:35.900
 in this way very often.

00:20:37.620 --> 00:20:38.460
 And many of us

00:20:38.460 --> 00:20:39.140
 become passive

00:20:39.140 --> 00:20:40.240
 and self-protective

00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:41.980
 instead of nurturing

00:20:41.980 --> 00:20:42.540
 our wives

00:20:42.540 --> 00:20:43.320
 into all that God

00:20:43.320 --> 00:20:43.960
 has for them.

00:20:43.960 --> 00:20:44.860
 We remain silent

00:20:44.860 --> 00:20:45.660
 and take our wives

00:20:45.660 --> 00:20:46.039
 for granted

00:20:46.039 --> 00:20:47.340
 instead of praising them

00:20:47.340 --> 00:20:49.319
 privately and publicly.

00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:53.900
 And Proverbs calls us

00:20:53.900 --> 00:20:56.360
 to be more than just

00:20:56.360 --> 00:20:57.460
 a husband who provides

00:20:57.460 --> 00:20:58.819
 and protects and leads,

00:20:58.920 --> 00:21:00.019
 but a husband who cherishes

00:21:00.019 --> 00:21:02.079
 and praises his wife

00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:03.420
 because she is God's

00:21:03.420 --> 00:21:04.160
 good gift to him.

00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:06.519
 You see,

00:21:06.600 --> 00:21:07.720
 Proverbs is simply calling us

00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:08.319
 to do what the rest

00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:09.140
 of the Bible says,

00:21:09.420 --> 00:21:11.059
 to love and respect

00:21:11.059 --> 00:21:11.519
 one another

00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:12.680
 in the context of marriage.

00:21:12.680 --> 00:21:15.120
 And to do that

00:21:15.120 --> 00:21:16.940
 because of who Christ is

00:21:16.940 --> 00:21:19.220
 and because of the Holy Spirit

00:21:19.220 --> 00:21:20.000
 working in us.

00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:22.160
 Now, some of you

00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:22.640
 might be asking,

00:21:22.740 --> 00:21:23.360
 what does it say to me

00:21:23.360 --> 00:21:23.920
 if I'm single?

00:21:25.539 --> 00:21:26.420
 Well, Proverbs says

00:21:26.420 --> 00:21:27.279
 at least two things.

00:21:27.380 --> 00:21:27.900
 Number one,

00:21:28.560 --> 00:21:29.700
 it says that marriage is good,

00:21:29.779 --> 00:21:30.880
 but it's better to stay single

00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:31.759
 than to marry a fool.

00:21:31.759 --> 00:21:35.700
 So, don't let desperation

00:21:35.700 --> 00:21:38.119
 or infatuation

00:21:38.119 --> 00:21:39.579
 make you blind

00:21:39.579 --> 00:21:41.480
 to someone's true character.

00:21:43.079 --> 00:21:45.000
 Chapter 11, verse 22 says,

00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:46.200
 like a gold ring

00:21:46.200 --> 00:21:47.420
 in a pig's snout

00:21:47.420 --> 00:21:49.279
 is a beautiful woman

00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:50.980
 without discretion,

00:21:51.539 --> 00:21:51.920
 that is,

00:21:51.980 --> 00:21:53.599
 without good judgment.

00:21:55.299 --> 00:21:56.819
 Chapter 30, verse 30 says,

00:21:56.920 --> 00:21:58.079
 charm is deceitful

00:21:58.079 --> 00:21:59.599
 and beauty is vain.

00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:03.240
 So, if you're dating,

00:22:04.639 --> 00:22:07.119
 guard,

00:22:07.339 --> 00:22:07.939
 if you're dating,

00:22:08.119 --> 00:22:09.639
 don't fall into

00:22:09.639 --> 00:22:11.559
 desperation or infatuation, right?

00:22:11.579 --> 00:22:12.359
 That's why it's important

00:22:12.359 --> 00:22:13.379
 to guard against

00:22:13.379 --> 00:22:15.159
 excessive physical

00:22:15.159 --> 00:22:16.500
 or emotional intimacy

00:22:16.500 --> 00:22:18.199
 in a dating relationship

00:22:18.199 --> 00:22:19.759
 because it can blind you

00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:21.119
 to someone's flaws.

00:22:21.379 --> 00:22:22.099
 And one of the questions

00:22:22.099 --> 00:22:23.519
 you need to be asking yourself

00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:24.939
 if you're considering marriage

00:22:24.940 --> 00:22:26.720
 is can I live with this person

00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:28.120
 flaws and all?

00:22:29.580 --> 00:22:30.240
 And don't assume

00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:31.120
 that when you get married

00:22:31.120 --> 00:22:31.559
 their flaws

00:22:31.559 --> 00:22:32.720
 are going to magically change.

00:22:34.080 --> 00:22:34.799
 If anything,

00:22:34.900 --> 00:22:36.299
 you might only see more of them

00:22:36.299 --> 00:22:37.380
 because they feel secure

00:22:37.380 --> 00:22:41.700
 in the promise of marriage

00:22:41.700 --> 00:22:43.019
 and rightly so.

00:22:45.600 --> 00:22:46.559
 Proverbs warns,

00:22:47.480 --> 00:22:48.900
 don't stare at the gold ring

00:22:48.900 --> 00:22:51.299
 and miss the fact

00:22:51.299 --> 00:22:51.779
 that it's hanging

00:22:51.779 --> 00:22:52.820
 in a pig's nose.

00:22:53.019 --> 00:22:53.420
 I mean, Proverbs

00:22:53.420 --> 00:22:54.279
 is a little blunt here.

00:22:55.720 --> 00:22:56.720
 But it's warning us,

00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:57.700
 don't be infatuated.

00:22:57.779 --> 00:22:58.920
 Don't let infatuation

00:22:58.920 --> 00:23:01.299
 lead you into a foolish decision.

00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:02.720
 So, if you're dating,

00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:03.940
 don't spend all your time

00:23:03.940 --> 00:23:04.480
 one-on-one

00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:05.180
 just looking into

00:23:05.180 --> 00:23:05.880
 each other's eyes.

00:23:05.940 --> 00:23:06.620
 You're not going to spend

00:23:06.620 --> 00:23:07.259
 the rest of your life

00:23:07.259 --> 00:23:07.779
 doing that.

00:23:08.620 --> 00:23:09.600
 Get to know each other

00:23:09.600 --> 00:23:10.860
 in the context of your family,

00:23:11.580 --> 00:23:12.759
 in the context of your friendships,

00:23:12.900 --> 00:23:14.059
 in the context of your church.

00:23:15.059 --> 00:23:16.059
 Seek and receive counsel

00:23:16.059 --> 00:23:16.980
 from people you know

00:23:16.980 --> 00:23:17.680
 and trust.

00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:19.900
 This is especially important

00:23:19.900 --> 00:23:20.400
 if you're doing

00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:22.340
 any kind of online dating,

00:23:22.460 --> 00:23:22.620
 right?

00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:22.940
 Because you're…

00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:24.580
 And online dating,

00:23:24.579 --> 00:23:25.399
 many people have found

00:23:25.399 --> 00:23:26.199
 good marriage partners

00:23:26.199 --> 00:23:26.839
 through that.

00:23:27.439 --> 00:23:28.980
 But the challenge there is

00:23:28.980 --> 00:23:30.419
 you're starting with two people

00:23:30.419 --> 00:23:31.539
 who usually don't share

00:23:31.539 --> 00:23:32.679
 much of a common context

00:23:32.679 --> 00:23:34.460
 and so you need to see

00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:35.439
 not just each other

00:23:35.439 --> 00:23:36.759
 as sort of divorced

00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:37.859
 from the rest of your life,

00:23:37.859 --> 00:23:39.559
 but you need to get to know

00:23:39.559 --> 00:23:40.480
 the context in which

00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:41.199
 you already live

00:23:41.199 --> 00:23:41.919
 where people can see

00:23:41.919 --> 00:23:42.960
 who you really are.

00:23:46.359 --> 00:23:47.299
 And to be open

00:23:47.299 --> 00:23:48.159
 to receiving counsel

00:23:48.159 --> 00:23:49.759
 and build some common relationships

00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:50.799
 relationships or at least

00:23:50.799 --> 00:23:52.299
 be able so you can have

00:23:52.299 --> 00:23:53.160
 other people speak

00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:53.940
 into your lives

00:23:53.940 --> 00:23:55.460
 and give encouragement

00:23:55.460 --> 00:23:56.619
 and sometimes warning.

00:23:59.819 --> 00:24:00.920
 So Proverbs is saying

00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:01.819
 in some situations

00:24:01.819 --> 00:24:02.859
 it's better to stay single

00:24:02.859 --> 00:24:03.640
 than to get married.

00:24:04.420 --> 00:24:06.000
 Now, the New Testament

00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:06.879
 goes even further

00:24:06.879 --> 00:24:07.619
 about singleness

00:24:07.619 --> 00:24:08.400
 because some of you

00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:09.039
 may be single

00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:11.259
 and either you want

00:24:11.259 --> 00:24:11.720
 to get married

00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:13.099
 but you cannot find

00:24:13.099 --> 00:24:14.960
 an appropriate partner

00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:17.720
 or you, for various reasons,

00:24:18.120 --> 00:24:19.400
 are not pursuing marriage.

00:24:20.279 --> 00:24:21.440
 And Proverbs says

00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:23.059
 it's better to be single

00:24:23.059 --> 00:24:24.680
 than to be in a bad…

00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:25.579
 than to choose

00:24:25.579 --> 00:24:27.240
 than to choose

00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:28.600
 to enter a marriage unwisely.

00:24:29.100 --> 00:24:29.920
 But the New Testament

00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:31.420
 says even more than that.

00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:32.680
 It has a positive vision

00:24:32.680 --> 00:24:33.900
 and a positive vocation

00:24:33.900 --> 00:24:34.640
 for singleness

00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:36.019
 within the kingdom of God.

00:24:36.539 --> 00:24:37.380
 And that's another topic

00:24:37.380 --> 00:24:38.200
 for another day.

00:24:38.819 --> 00:24:40.059
 But 1 Corinthians 7

00:24:40.059 --> 00:24:42.200
 we see a positive vision

00:24:42.200 --> 00:24:42.940
 for singleness

00:24:42.940 --> 00:24:43.819
 in the kingdom of God

00:24:43.819 --> 00:24:44.660
 that goes even further

00:24:44.660 --> 00:24:45.340
 than Proverbs.

00:24:46.259 --> 00:24:46.940
 As it's a witness

00:24:46.940 --> 00:24:48.200
 to the sufficiency of Christ

00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:49.200
 proclaiming that

00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:49.860
 our ultimate hope

00:24:49.860 --> 00:24:51.700
 is not in the joys

00:24:51.700 --> 00:24:52.519
 of this present age

00:24:52.519 --> 00:24:53.720
 but in the resurrection life

00:24:53.720 --> 00:24:54.519
 of the world to come.

00:24:55.500 --> 00:24:56.060
 So singles,

00:24:56.140 --> 00:24:57.000
 that's an important calling.

00:24:58.700 --> 00:24:59.920
 So, number one,

00:25:00.080 --> 00:25:00.720
 marriage is good

00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:01.300
 but better to say

00:25:01.300 --> 00:25:02.200
 single than marry a full.

00:25:02.320 --> 00:25:02.580
 Second,

00:25:02.740 --> 00:25:04.019
 if you're seeking marriage

00:25:04.019 --> 00:25:06.200
 don't ignore people

00:25:06.200 --> 00:25:09.500
 who lack charm or beauty

00:25:09.500 --> 00:25:11.500
 but do have some wisdom.

00:25:13.880 --> 00:25:14.620
 Alright, Proverbs is saying

00:25:14.619 --> 00:25:16.339
 beware against marrying

00:25:16.339 --> 00:25:17.519
 someone whose character

00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:18.619
 does not reflect wisdom

00:25:18.619 --> 00:25:20.500
 but don't rule people out

00:25:20.500 --> 00:25:21.259
 because it says

00:25:21.259 --> 00:25:22.179
 charm is deceitful,

00:25:22.259 --> 00:25:23.059
 beauty is vain.

00:25:24.879 --> 00:25:25.519
 Okay, now husbands

00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:26.779
 don't misuse that verse.

00:25:27.059 --> 00:25:29.099
 Don't dismiss your wife's beauty

00:25:29.099 --> 00:25:30.159
 or fail to affirm it

00:25:30.159 --> 00:25:31.199
 because of that verse.

00:25:31.279 --> 00:25:32.139
 That's not what it's saying.

00:25:33.159 --> 00:25:34.699
 Okay, beauty in the context

00:25:34.699 --> 00:25:35.519
 of a wise life

00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:36.939
 is a wonderful gift

00:25:36.939 --> 00:25:37.479
 from the Lord.

00:25:38.059 --> 00:25:38.959
 But Proverbs is saying

00:25:38.959 --> 00:25:40.779
 charm and beauty,

00:25:40.779 --> 00:25:41.960
 in other words,

00:25:42.079 --> 00:25:42.660
 personality

00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:44.559
 and looks

00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:46.399
 and Proverbs would also say

00:25:46.399 --> 00:25:46.899
 wealth

00:25:46.899 --> 00:25:50.200
 are not the most enduring things

00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:51.139
 and they're not the most

00:25:51.139 --> 00:25:52.019
 important things.

00:25:53.799 --> 00:25:53.940
 Alright,

00:25:54.039 --> 00:25:55.259
 many single people today

00:25:55.259 --> 00:25:55.920
 walk into a room

00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:56.559
 with 20 people

00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:57.379
 of the opposite sex

00:25:57.379 --> 00:25:58.519
 who are not married

00:25:58.519 --> 00:25:59.680
 and immediately rule 17

00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:00.399
 of them out

00:26:00.399 --> 00:26:02.399
 because she's not attractive

00:26:02.399 --> 00:26:03.579
 or he's too awkward.

00:26:04.339 --> 00:26:05.899
 Or if you go on dating sites,

00:26:06.259 --> 00:26:07.279
 you decide who to pursue

00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:08.119
 conversations with

00:26:08.119 --> 00:26:09.619
 based on a profile picture.

00:26:10.339 --> 00:26:10.759
 Proverbs says

00:26:10.759 --> 00:26:11.779
 don't do that.

00:26:13.619 --> 00:26:14.039
 Right?

00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:15.139
 If you want to pursue marriage

00:26:15.139 --> 00:26:16.399
 to a wise person,

00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:18.259
 don't let your initial filter

00:26:18.259 --> 00:26:20.200
 be charm and beauty.

00:26:22.180 --> 00:26:23.639
 If you can cultivate

00:26:23.639 --> 00:26:24.599
 a friendship with someone,

00:26:24.700 --> 00:26:25.359
 if you have a mutual

00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:26.160
 commitment to Christ,

00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:27.160
 if you can help one another

00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:28.019
 grow in Christ,

00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:29.279
 then the physical attraction

00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:30.639
 may well grow over time.

00:26:31.799 --> 00:26:33.200
 But you won't ever know that

00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:34.139
 if you just rule them out

00:26:34.139 --> 00:26:34.720
 from the start.

00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:38.160
 So,

00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:38.899
 Proverbs teaches us

00:26:38.899 --> 00:26:39.940
 that wisdom is to be

00:26:39.940 --> 00:26:41.539
 embodied in marriage.

00:26:42.099 --> 00:26:44.559
 That's the first thing

00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:45.299
 Proverbs teaches.

00:26:46.259 --> 00:26:46.740
 Second,

00:26:46.940 --> 00:26:47.619
 we see that wisdom

00:26:47.619 --> 00:26:48.579
 is to be transmitted

00:26:48.579 --> 00:26:49.899
 to children.

00:26:50.879 --> 00:26:51.359
 Now,

00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:53.180
 I've spent quite a bit of time

00:26:53.180 --> 00:26:54.039
 talking about marriage,

00:26:54.039 --> 00:26:54.980
 so I'm going to go through

00:26:54.980 --> 00:26:55.639
 the parenting stuff

00:26:55.639 --> 00:26:56.500
 a bit more briefly.

00:26:57.279 --> 00:26:58.180
 But I want you to know

00:26:58.180 --> 00:26:58.859
 the elders think

00:26:58.859 --> 00:27:00.240
 this is a very important topic

00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:01.680
 and we're planning,

00:27:01.799 --> 00:27:02.619
 we're working on

00:27:02.619 --> 00:27:03.339
 putting together

00:27:03.339 --> 00:27:04.639
 a seminar on parenting

00:27:04.639 --> 00:27:06.379
 for either this fall

00:27:06.379 --> 00:27:06.940
 or next spring.

00:27:06.940 --> 00:27:07.940
 We don't have the dates yet,

00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:09.039
 but we're working on it,

00:27:09.380 --> 00:27:10.299
 so parents,

00:27:10.820 --> 00:27:13.019
 we will have more for you.

00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.299
 But what we see in Proverbs

00:27:15.299 --> 00:27:16.440
 is we see three ways

00:27:16.440 --> 00:27:17.900
 that wisdom can and should be

00:27:17.900 --> 00:27:19.100
 passed on

00:27:19.100 --> 00:27:20.279
 from parents

00:27:20.279 --> 00:27:21.180
 to children.

00:27:22.779 --> 00:27:23.700
 The first way

00:27:23.700 --> 00:27:24.460
 is by example.

00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:26.620
 14.26,

00:27:27.480 --> 00:27:28.880
 in the fear of the Lord,

00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:30.860
 one has strong confidence

00:27:30.860 --> 00:27:32.660
 and his children

00:27:32.660 --> 00:27:33.759
 will have a refuge.

00:27:33.759 --> 00:27:35.019
 27.

00:27:35.700 --> 00:27:36.140
 27.

00:27:36.279 --> 00:27:36.680
 The righteous

00:27:36.680 --> 00:27:37.819
 who walks in his integrity,

00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:39.039
 blessed are his children

00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:39.759
 after him.

00:27:41.420 --> 00:27:42.299
 23.26,

00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:42.859
 my son,

00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:43.759
 give me your heart

00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:44.480
 and let your eyes

00:27:44.480 --> 00:27:45.619
 observe my ways.

00:27:45.700 --> 00:27:46.579
 Other translations say,

00:27:46.700 --> 00:27:47.140
 let your eyes

00:27:47.140 --> 00:27:49.119
 delight in my ways.

00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:50.660
 You see,

00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:51.420
 perhaps more than

00:27:51.420 --> 00:27:52.220
 any other way,

00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:53.960
 children learn by example,

00:27:54.099 --> 00:27:55.379
 they learn by watching,

00:27:55.519 --> 00:27:56.779
 they learn by imitating.

00:27:56.779 --> 00:27:58.599
 And so,

00:27:58.700 --> 00:27:59.779
 whatever kind of instruction

00:27:59.779 --> 00:28:00.379
 you give

00:28:00.379 --> 00:28:01.539
 or whatever kind of discipline

00:28:01.539 --> 00:28:02.160
 you implement,

00:28:02.299 --> 00:28:03.220
 it's never going to go

00:28:03.220 --> 00:28:04.000
 much farther

00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:04.779
 than the example

00:28:04.779 --> 00:28:05.559
 that you set.

00:28:06.440 --> 00:28:07.700
 Because you can't give

00:28:07.700 --> 00:28:08.680
 what you don't have

00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:09.700
 and children watch

00:28:09.700 --> 00:28:10.720
 at least as much

00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:11.399
 as they listen.

00:28:13.000 --> 00:28:13.119
 So,

00:28:13.240 --> 00:28:13.759
 parents,

00:28:13.819 --> 00:28:14.480
 as we instruct

00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:15.440
 and discipline our children,

00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:16.480
 let's keep on

00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:17.839
 being instructed

00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:19.259
 by the Word of God

00:28:19.259 --> 00:28:19.839
 ourselves.

00:28:20.359 --> 00:28:21.579
 And let's keep on

00:28:21.579 --> 00:28:22.500
 being disciplined

00:28:22.500 --> 00:28:23.879
 and accepting

00:28:23.879 --> 00:28:25.240
 God's fatherly discipline

00:28:25.240 --> 00:28:26.480
 in our own lives.

00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:28.079
 Right?

00:28:28.119 --> 00:28:30.339
 We need to lead

00:28:30.339 --> 00:28:30.819
 our children

00:28:30.819 --> 00:28:32.099
 by setting an example

00:28:32.099 --> 00:28:33.200
 for them

00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:35.059
 of being instructed

00:28:35.059 --> 00:28:35.639
 and disciplined

00:28:35.639 --> 00:28:37.139
 as we seek

00:28:37.139 --> 00:28:37.680
 to instruct

00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:38.480
 and discipline them.

00:28:39.960 --> 00:28:40.779
 Proverbs also warns

00:28:40.779 --> 00:28:41.319
 that folly,

00:28:41.740 --> 00:28:42.920
 in particular greed

00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:43.759
 or malice,

00:28:43.940 --> 00:28:44.759
 will lead to trouble

00:28:44.759 --> 00:28:45.799
 not just for oneself

00:28:45.799 --> 00:28:47.059
 but for one's household.

00:28:47.660 --> 00:28:48.779
 That's 1527

00:28:48.779 --> 00:28:49.899
 and 1713.

00:28:50.859 --> 00:28:51.660
 The Old Testament

00:28:51.660 --> 00:28:52.539
 talks not just about

00:28:52.539 --> 00:28:53.559
 God's faithfulness

00:28:53.559 --> 00:28:54.799
 enduring from one generation

00:28:54.799 --> 00:28:55.339
 to another

00:28:55.339 --> 00:28:56.160
 but it also talks

00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:56.740
 realistically

00:28:56.740 --> 00:28:58.060
 about sin

00:28:58.060 --> 00:28:59.779
 being passed down

00:28:59.779 --> 00:29:00.660
 from one generation

00:29:00.660 --> 00:29:01.620
 to another.

00:29:03.080 --> 00:29:03.460
 And again,

00:29:03.540 --> 00:29:03.800
 parents,

00:29:03.880 --> 00:29:04.720
 that's another reason

00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:05.400
 for us to keep

00:29:05.400 --> 00:29:06.880
 fighting against sin

00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:08.560
 in our own lives.

00:29:10.060 --> 00:29:10.500
 And putting,

00:29:10.820 --> 00:29:11.900
 the New Testament

00:29:11.900 --> 00:29:12.200
 says,

00:29:12.580 --> 00:29:13.980
 put sin to death,

00:29:14.700 --> 00:29:15.580
 mortify it

00:29:15.580 --> 00:29:17.980
 and live by the power

00:29:17.980 --> 00:29:18.759
 of the Holy Spirit.

00:29:19.980 --> 00:29:21.400
 And one reason for that

00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:21.880
 is because

00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:22.960
 if we don't put it

00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:23.240
 to death

00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:23.940
 in our own lives,

00:29:24.019 --> 00:29:24.380
 guess what?

00:29:24.420 --> 00:29:24.839
 It's probably

00:29:24.839 --> 00:29:25.519
 going to reappear

00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:26.559
 in our children's lives.

00:29:28.140 --> 00:29:28.819
 It's probably

00:29:28.819 --> 00:29:29.720
 going to be passed down.

00:29:29.819 --> 00:29:30.140
 That's sort of

00:29:30.140 --> 00:29:30.960
 the normal course

00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:31.500
 of things.

00:29:33.319 --> 00:29:33.839
 And so Proverbs

00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:35.000
 urges us

00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:36.180
 to set,

00:29:36.259 --> 00:29:36.559
 first,

00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:37.660
 to set an example.

00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:39.380
 The second way

00:29:39.380 --> 00:29:39.799
 that wisdom

00:29:39.799 --> 00:29:40.539
 gets passed down

00:29:40.539 --> 00:29:40.900
 to children

00:29:40.900 --> 00:29:41.940
 is through instruction

00:29:41.940 --> 00:29:43.519
 in Proverbs.

00:29:43.660 --> 00:29:44.099
 So one,

00:29:44.259 --> 00:29:45.059
 chapter one,

00:29:45.099 --> 00:29:45.539
 verse eight,

00:29:45.620 --> 00:29:46.200
 hear my son

00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:47.279
 your father's instruction

00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:48.680
 and forsake not

00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:50.039
 your mother's teaching.

00:29:51.579 --> 00:29:52.339
 So in Proverbs

00:29:52.339 --> 00:29:53.259
 we hear warnings

00:29:53.259 --> 00:29:53.960
 against folly

00:29:53.960 --> 00:29:54.839
 and its consequences.

00:29:55.059 --> 00:29:56.339
 We hear encouragement

00:29:56.339 --> 00:29:57.079
 to walk in the way

00:29:57.079 --> 00:29:57.660
 of wisdom

00:29:57.660 --> 00:29:58.839
 and we hear about

00:29:58.839 --> 00:29:59.779
 wisdom's benefits.

00:30:00.339 --> 00:30:01.279
 There's ongoing

00:30:01.279 --> 00:30:02.579
 intentional instruction

00:30:02.579 --> 00:30:03.319
 from parent

00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:04.139
 to child.

00:30:05.660 --> 00:30:06.920
 Now if you are a parent,

00:30:07.779 --> 00:30:09.160
 you can't simply

00:30:09.160 --> 00:30:10.799
 delegate this responsibility

00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:13.180
 to somebody else.

00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:14.879
 Now yes,

00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:16.259
 we have children's ministry

00:30:16.259 --> 00:30:16.980
 every Sunday

00:30:16.980 --> 00:30:17.720
 and so the kids

00:30:17.720 --> 00:30:18.519
 can be in their class

00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:19.619
 for about one hour a week.

00:30:19.700 --> 00:30:20.119
 But you know what?

00:30:20.180 --> 00:30:21.019
 One hour a week

00:30:21.019 --> 00:30:22.039
 is a helpful supplement

00:30:22.039 --> 00:30:23.740
 but that's never

00:30:23.740 --> 00:30:24.180
 going to be

00:30:24.180 --> 00:30:25.460
 the main course

00:30:25.460 --> 00:30:27.160
 of spiritual formation

00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:29.660
 for your child's future.

00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:30.799
 If spiritual instruction

00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:31.539
 is absent

00:30:31.539 --> 00:30:32.460
 from the rest

00:30:32.460 --> 00:30:33.259
 of their lives,

00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:34.859
 that one hour a week

00:30:34.859 --> 00:30:35.900
 will probably not

00:30:35.900 --> 00:30:37.299
 make the decisive difference.

00:30:37.859 --> 00:30:38.940
 Maybe by God's grace

00:30:38.940 --> 00:30:41.440
 on unusual occasions

00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:42.259
 you know,

00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:43.740
 God does unusual things.

00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:45.259
 But that's not

00:30:45.259 --> 00:30:46.059
 what you can expect.

00:30:46.940 --> 00:30:47.019
 Right?

00:30:47.119 --> 00:30:48.900
 The Bible calls on parents

00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:50.700
 to instruct our children.

00:30:50.839 --> 00:30:51.339
 Now you might say,

00:30:51.420 --> 00:30:52.279
 how do I do that?

00:30:53.160 --> 00:30:54.220
 How do I instruct

00:30:54.220 --> 00:30:55.039
 my child spiritually?

00:30:55.160 --> 00:30:55.839
 Where do I begin?

00:30:56.140 --> 00:30:57.140
 Maybe that wasn't

00:30:57.140 --> 00:30:57.940
 a part of your childhood

00:30:57.940 --> 00:30:58.900
 at all growing up.

00:31:00.339 --> 00:31:01.299
 Maybe your children

00:31:01.299 --> 00:31:02.500
 are already

00:31:02.500 --> 00:31:03.799
 halfway grown up

00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:05.640
 and you're starting

00:31:05.640 --> 00:31:06.400
 off a little late.

00:31:07.500 --> 00:31:08.039
 Well you know what?

00:31:08.059 --> 00:31:09.099
 That's a great question

00:31:09.099 --> 00:31:10.619
 to talk about

00:31:10.619 --> 00:31:11.879
 after service

00:31:11.879 --> 00:31:12.920
 in the fellowship hall

00:31:12.920 --> 00:31:13.800
 or up here

00:31:13.800 --> 00:31:14.900
 with another parent.

00:31:15.860 --> 00:31:16.420
 Ask them.

00:31:16.500 --> 00:31:16.700
 Somebody,

00:31:17.060 --> 00:31:18.259
 actually Jonathan Tidwell

00:31:18.259 --> 00:31:18.940
 asked me yesterday.

00:31:19.080 --> 00:31:19.300
 He said,

00:31:19.360 --> 00:31:20.080
 what do you guys do

00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:21.100
 for family devotions?

00:31:21.840 --> 00:31:22.779
 That's a great question

00:31:22.779 --> 00:31:23.340
 to ask.

00:31:24.180 --> 00:31:24.440
 You know,

00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:25.019
 or more broadly,

00:31:25.120 --> 00:31:26.180
 how do you try

00:31:26.180 --> 00:31:27.180
 to instruct your kids

00:31:27.180 --> 00:31:27.700
 spiritually?

00:31:28.660 --> 00:31:29.480
 It's going to look

00:31:29.480 --> 00:31:30.640
 different in each home,

00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:32.259
 but we can share

00:31:32.259 --> 00:31:33.180
 some helpful ideas

00:31:33.180 --> 00:31:33.820
 with each other.

00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:35.800
 What do you do at home

00:31:35.800 --> 00:31:36.680
 to instruct your kids

00:31:36.680 --> 00:31:37.200
 in God's Word?

00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:38.120
 Let's talk about that

00:31:38.119 --> 00:31:38.679
 with each other.

00:31:40.259 --> 00:31:42.299
 22.6 also talks

00:31:42.299 --> 00:31:42.919
 about instruction.

00:31:43.059 --> 00:31:43.259
 It says,

00:31:43.619 --> 00:31:44.259
 train up a child

00:31:44.259 --> 00:31:45.299
 in the way he should go.

00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:46.519
 And that Hebrew verb

00:31:46.519 --> 00:31:47.979
 translated train up

00:31:47.979 --> 00:31:49.500
 is a word that means

00:31:49.500 --> 00:31:50.119
 to dedicate

00:31:50.119 --> 00:31:51.119
 or to initiate

00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:52.119
 or to set someone

00:31:52.119 --> 00:31:52.839
 on a path.

00:31:53.139 --> 00:31:53.899
 It's actually related

00:31:53.899 --> 00:31:55.159
 to an Arabic verb

00:31:55.159 --> 00:31:57.099
 that was used

00:31:57.099 --> 00:31:58.559
 to describe the practice

00:31:58.559 --> 00:32:00.699
 of rubbing a newborn's child,

00:32:00.939 --> 00:32:02.299
 rubbing the tongue

00:32:02.299 --> 00:32:03.979
 of a newborn child

00:32:03.979 --> 00:32:05.739
 with either oil

00:32:05.739 --> 00:32:07.099
 or a mixture of dates

00:32:07.099 --> 00:32:09.019
 sort of mashed up dates

00:32:09.019 --> 00:32:10.139
 to get them to suck,

00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:11.500
 to get them to start.

00:32:12.639 --> 00:32:13.759
 It means to accustom

00:32:13.759 --> 00:32:14.799
 a child to a taste

00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:16.159
 and motivate the child

00:32:16.159 --> 00:32:16.839
 to take it in.

00:32:17.939 --> 00:32:18.519
 That's this idea

00:32:18.519 --> 00:32:19.539
 of training up.

00:32:21.019 --> 00:32:22.059
 And the verb

00:32:22.059 --> 00:32:22.639
 is also used

00:32:22.639 --> 00:32:23.779
 of training a horse

00:32:23.779 --> 00:32:24.579
 to be responsive

00:32:24.579 --> 00:32:25.379
 by putting a rope

00:32:25.379 --> 00:32:26.079
 in its mouth.

00:32:27.539 --> 00:32:28.839
 So the goal of training,

00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:29.599
 biblical training,

00:32:29.679 --> 00:32:30.379
 is for your children

00:32:30.379 --> 00:32:31.379
 to taste and see

00:32:31.379 --> 00:32:32.240
 that the Lord is good.

00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:32.939
 It's not just

00:32:32.939 --> 00:32:34.039
 to give them

00:32:34.039 --> 00:32:34.899
 the right answers,

00:32:35.799 --> 00:32:36.859
 but it's to introduce

00:32:36.859 --> 00:32:37.379
 our children

00:32:37.379 --> 00:32:38.379
 to the Word of God

00:32:38.379 --> 00:32:39.279
 so they begin

00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:40.219
 to sense its beauty

00:32:40.219 --> 00:32:41.019
 and its sweetness.

00:32:43.399 --> 00:32:44.139
 You want to help

00:32:44.139 --> 00:32:44.719
 your children see

00:32:44.719 --> 00:32:45.899
 what a daily relationship

00:32:45.899 --> 00:32:47.000
 with God looks like.

00:32:48.479 --> 00:32:49.299
 Deuteronomy 6 says,

00:32:49.399 --> 00:32:49.919
 you shall teach

00:32:49.919 --> 00:32:50.559
 God's commandments

00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:51.359
 to your children.

00:32:51.779 --> 00:32:52.179
 Talk of them

00:32:52.179 --> 00:32:53.099
 when you sit in your house,

00:32:53.159 --> 00:32:54.039
 when you walk by the way,

00:32:54.099 --> 00:32:54.799
 when you lie down,

00:32:54.819 --> 00:32:55.439
 and when you rise.

00:32:55.479 --> 00:32:55.979
 In other words,

00:32:56.240 --> 00:32:56.879
 talk about them

00:32:56.879 --> 00:32:57.979
 not just formally,

00:32:58.079 --> 00:32:58.859
 but informally

00:32:58.859 --> 00:33:00.240
 as the day goes along

00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:02.359
 and at different times

00:33:02.359 --> 00:33:02.799
 of the day.

00:33:03.459 --> 00:33:04.039
 So here's a very

00:33:04.039 --> 00:33:04.919
 practical suggestion

00:33:04.920 --> 00:33:05.779
 that another parent

00:33:05.779 --> 00:33:06.560
 gave me recently

00:33:06.560 --> 00:33:08.420
 that we've done

00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:09.279
 a couple of times.

00:33:10.680 --> 00:33:11.720
 So this other parent

00:33:11.720 --> 00:33:12.300
 said to me,

00:33:12.700 --> 00:33:14.720
 we have a five-year-old

00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:15.380
 child at home

00:33:15.380 --> 00:33:15.960
 and we asked

00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:16.840
 three questions

00:33:16.840 --> 00:33:17.600
 over dinner.

00:33:18.860 --> 00:33:19.680
 The first question is,

00:33:19.759 --> 00:33:20.420
 what are three things

00:33:20.420 --> 00:33:21.500
 you're thankful for today?

00:33:22.779 --> 00:33:23.039
 All right,

00:33:23.120 --> 00:33:24.200
 cultivating thankfulness,

00:33:24.660 --> 00:33:25.700
 you can never do

00:33:25.700 --> 00:33:26.160
 that enough.

00:33:26.820 --> 00:33:27.560
 Second, they asked,

00:33:27.640 --> 00:33:28.380
 what was a low point

00:33:28.380 --> 00:33:28.840
 of the day?

00:33:29.560 --> 00:33:30.140
 Either sometime

00:33:30.140 --> 00:33:31.539
 when you didn't

00:33:31.539 --> 00:33:32.259
 do something right

00:33:32.259 --> 00:33:33.000
 or you were disappointed

00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:33.740
 by something else,

00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:33.920
 right?

00:33:33.940 --> 00:33:34.420
 It's good to be able

00:33:34.420 --> 00:33:34.880
 to give voice

00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:35.640
 to our disappointments.

00:33:35.859 --> 00:33:36.559
 The third question

00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:37.279
 they ask is,

00:33:37.460 --> 00:33:38.140
 what was Jesus

00:33:38.140 --> 00:33:39.160
 teaching you today?

00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:41.140
 And that's an important

00:33:41.140 --> 00:33:42.140
 question because it

00:33:42.140 --> 00:33:43.059
 introduces the idea

00:33:43.059 --> 00:33:44.460
 to kids that God

00:33:44.460 --> 00:33:45.440
 might be teaching me

00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:46.160
 something today.

00:33:46.339 --> 00:33:47.099
 He might be teaching

00:33:47.099 --> 00:33:47.539
 me something

00:33:47.539 --> 00:33:48.339
 through my parents.

00:33:48.420 --> 00:33:49.039
 He might be teaching

00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:49.480
 me something

00:33:49.480 --> 00:33:50.779
 through my interactions.

00:33:50.940 --> 00:33:51.599
 He might be teaching

00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:52.019
 me something

00:33:52.019 --> 00:33:52.660
 through His Word.

00:33:53.420 --> 00:33:54.319
 That's what a personal

00:33:54.319 --> 00:33:55.200
 relationship with Christ

00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:55.759
 means,

00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:57.440
 is the Holy Spirit

00:33:57.440 --> 00:33:58.500
 dwells in us

00:33:58.500 --> 00:33:59.539
 and He's bringing

00:33:59.539 --> 00:34:00.539
 to mind things.

00:34:00.539 --> 00:34:01.700
 He's teaching

00:34:01.700 --> 00:34:02.519
 and shaping us

00:34:02.519 --> 00:34:03.099
 throughout the day.

00:34:03.180 --> 00:34:04.019
 So three questions,

00:34:04.139 --> 00:34:04.619
 three things you're

00:34:04.619 --> 00:34:05.240
 thankful for,

00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:06.500
 what was a low point

00:34:06.500 --> 00:34:07.740
 and what's Jesus

00:34:07.740 --> 00:34:08.519
 teaching you today?

00:34:09.279 --> 00:34:10.759
 So that's a very

00:34:10.759 --> 00:34:11.440
 practical way

00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:12.159
 to sort of

00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:13.820
 begin spiritual

00:34:13.820 --> 00:34:14.400
 conversations

00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:16.159
 with your children.

00:34:16.279 --> 00:34:16.779
 Consider that.

00:34:16.860 --> 00:34:16.960
 You know,

00:34:17.139 --> 00:34:17.599
 again,

00:34:17.639 --> 00:34:18.360
 there's many ideas.

00:34:18.440 --> 00:34:18.940
 You don't have to do

00:34:18.940 --> 00:34:19.500
 all the ideas.

00:34:19.599 --> 00:34:19.840
 Some of them

00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:20.599
 might not work for you

00:34:20.599 --> 00:34:21.440
 but again,

00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:22.000
 we got to talk

00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:22.480
 with each other

00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:23.279
 about ideas.

00:34:24.940 --> 00:34:25.119
 Alright,

00:34:25.259 --> 00:34:25.579
 so wisdom

00:34:25.579 --> 00:34:25.980
 is transmitted

00:34:25.980 --> 00:34:26.619
 by example,

00:34:26.759 --> 00:34:27.340
 by instruction

00:34:27.340 --> 00:34:27.960
 and third,

00:34:28.820 --> 00:34:29.259
 this is the

00:34:29.259 --> 00:34:30.019
 controversial part,

00:34:30.539 --> 00:34:31.340
 so I put it last.

00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:32.659
 Wisdom is transmitted

00:34:32.659 --> 00:34:33.820
 by corrective discipline.

00:34:35.119 --> 00:34:36.099
 Let's read these verses.

00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:36.900
 1324,

00:34:37.639 --> 00:34:38.759
 whoever spares the rod

00:34:38.759 --> 00:34:39.599
 hates his son

00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:41.259
 but he who loves him

00:34:41.259 --> 00:34:41.759
 is diligent

00:34:41.759 --> 00:34:42.699
 to discipline him.

00:34:44.219 --> 00:34:44.779
 2215,

00:34:44.980 --> 00:34:46.119
 folly is bound up

00:34:46.119 --> 00:34:47.059
 in the heart of a child

00:34:47.059 --> 00:34:48.199
 but the rod of discipline

00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:49.440
 drives it far from him.

00:34:50.279 --> 00:34:51.380
 Chapter 2915,

00:34:51.519 --> 00:34:52.679
 the rod and reproof

00:34:52.679 --> 00:34:53.380
 bring wisdom

00:34:53.380 --> 00:34:54.840
 but a child left to himself

00:34:54.840 --> 00:34:56.139
 brings shame to his mother.

00:34:57.500 --> 00:34:58.300
 Proverbs is very clear

00:34:58.300 --> 00:34:59.279
 that mere example

00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:00.080
 and instruction

00:35:00.080 --> 00:35:01.300
 are not enough.

00:35:02.640 --> 00:35:03.160
 Human beings

00:35:03.160 --> 00:35:04.560
 are born in sin.

00:35:05.340 --> 00:35:06.280
 That's why Proverbs says

00:35:06.280 --> 00:35:07.500
 folly is bound up

00:35:07.500 --> 00:35:08.420
 in the heart of a child

00:35:08.420 --> 00:35:10.019
 and therefore

00:35:10.019 --> 00:35:11.460
 the path of wisdom

00:35:11.460 --> 00:35:12.840
 necessarily includes

00:35:12.840 --> 00:35:13.440
 correction

00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:15.440
 and correction

00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:17.280
 never feels pleasant.

00:35:18.620 --> 00:35:19.340
 Hebrews 12 says

00:35:19.340 --> 00:35:20.040
 no discipline

00:35:20.040 --> 00:35:20.840
 seems pleasant

00:35:20.840 --> 00:35:21.440
 at the time

00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:22.019
 but painful.

00:35:22.760 --> 00:35:23.220
 Afterwards,

00:35:23.620 --> 00:35:24.460
 it produces

00:35:24.460 --> 00:35:25.019
 a harvest

00:35:25.019 --> 00:35:25.620
 of peace

00:35:25.620 --> 00:35:26.200
 and righteousness

00:35:26.199 --> 00:35:26.759
 for those

00:35:26.759 --> 00:35:27.099
 who have been

00:35:27.099 --> 00:35:27.559
 trained

00:35:27.559 --> 00:35:28.399
 by it.

00:35:29.339 --> 00:35:30.239
 Now practically,

00:35:30.399 --> 00:35:31.179
 what does it look like

00:35:31.179 --> 00:35:31.779
 to administer

00:35:31.779 --> 00:35:32.939
 corrective discipline

00:35:32.939 --> 00:35:34.659
 in a way that promotes

00:35:34.659 --> 00:35:35.179
 peace

00:35:35.179 --> 00:35:36.319
 and righteousness?

00:35:37.819 --> 00:35:38.019
 Now,

00:35:39.460 --> 00:35:39.919
 on the one,

00:35:40.339 --> 00:35:41.599
 I can't say everything

00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:42.219
 on this topic

00:35:42.219 --> 00:35:43.079
 but let me say

00:35:43.079 --> 00:35:43.639
 a couple things.

00:35:43.719 --> 00:35:44.460
 On the one hand,

00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:45.219
 I don't think

00:35:45.219 --> 00:35:45.980
 we should say

00:35:45.980 --> 00:35:47.339
 that when Proverbs

00:35:47.339 --> 00:35:48.639
 talks about the rod,

00:35:49.419 --> 00:35:50.559
 that's talking

00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:51.879
 exclusively about

00:35:51.879 --> 00:35:53.199
 corporal punishment

00:35:53.199 --> 00:35:54.079
 administered with

00:35:54.079 --> 00:35:54.539
 a stick

00:35:54.539 --> 00:35:56.759
 and that every time

00:35:56.759 --> 00:35:57.579
 our children behave

00:35:57.579 --> 00:35:58.099
 foolishly,

00:35:58.179 --> 00:35:58.939
 they need to be punished

00:35:58.939 --> 00:35:59.559
 in this way

00:35:59.559 --> 00:36:00.539
 and in no other way.

00:36:02.759 --> 00:36:03.659
 The rod in Proverbs

00:36:03.659 --> 00:36:04.759
 seems to be a figure

00:36:04.759 --> 00:36:06.279
 for corrective discipline

00:36:06.279 --> 00:36:07.079
 more generally,

00:36:08.219 --> 00:36:09.939
 a bit like the holy kiss

00:36:09.939 --> 00:36:10.919
 in Paul's letters

00:36:10.919 --> 00:36:11.519
 is a figure

00:36:11.519 --> 00:36:12.379
 for Christian greeting,

00:36:13.159 --> 00:36:13.799
 a different expression

00:36:13.799 --> 00:36:14.480
 of Christian greeting

00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:15.099
 more generally.

00:36:16.379 --> 00:36:17.179
 Corrective discipline

00:36:17.179 --> 00:36:18.059
 can take a variety

00:36:18.059 --> 00:36:18.739
 of forms.

00:36:19.719 --> 00:36:20.419
 The appropriate form

00:36:20.419 --> 00:36:21.439
 may vary from one child

00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:21.920
 to another

00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:23.079
 and one situation

00:36:23.079 --> 00:36:23.599
 to another.

00:36:25.159 --> 00:36:26.360
 On the other hand,

00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:28.240
 if we take Proverbs

00:36:28.240 --> 00:36:29.119
 words seriously,

00:36:29.900 --> 00:36:30.780
 it is very hard

00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:31.320
 to conclude

00:36:31.320 --> 00:36:32.300
 that Christian parents

00:36:32.300 --> 00:36:33.300
 should never

00:36:33.300 --> 00:36:35.099
 or as a general rule

00:36:35.099 --> 00:36:36.760
 not spank their children.

00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:39.300
 Why would Proverbs

00:36:39.300 --> 00:36:40.079
 use the metaphor

00:36:40.079 --> 00:36:41.019
 of the rod

00:36:41.019 --> 00:36:42.320
 to refer to

00:36:42.320 --> 00:36:43.860
 necessary corrective discipline

00:36:43.860 --> 00:36:45.720
 if any kind

00:36:45.720 --> 00:36:46.639
 of corporal punishment

00:36:46.639 --> 00:36:47.920
 was inherently harmful?

00:36:49.820 --> 00:36:50.880
 So let me ask

00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:51.599
 if you would never

00:36:51.599 --> 00:36:52.559
 consider spanking

00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:53.240
 your child,

00:36:53.920 --> 00:36:54.360
 why?

00:36:56.539 --> 00:36:57.800
 And do you end up

00:36:57.800 --> 00:36:58.760
 just yelling at them

00:36:58.760 --> 00:36:59.220
 instead?

00:37:00.700 --> 00:37:02.160
 Or do you indulge them

00:37:02.160 --> 00:37:03.340
 by coaxing them

00:37:03.340 --> 00:37:03.880
 to obey,

00:37:04.019 --> 00:37:04.940
 asking them five

00:37:04.940 --> 00:37:05.740
 and six times

00:37:05.740 --> 00:37:06.840
 to do the same thing

00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:07.640
 and bribing them

00:37:07.640 --> 00:37:08.800
 with rewards?

00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:11.400
 Children need to know

00:37:11.400 --> 00:37:11.780
 that they are

00:37:11.780 --> 00:37:12.760
 under authority

00:37:12.760 --> 00:37:15.059
 and that disobedience

00:37:15.059 --> 00:37:15.500
 hurts.

00:37:16.980 --> 00:37:17.820
 Now many of us

00:37:17.820 --> 00:37:18.780
 are hesitant to spank

00:37:18.780 --> 00:37:19.559
 because we've never

00:37:19.559 --> 00:37:20.579
 seen it carried out

00:37:20.579 --> 00:37:21.340
 in a way that actually

00:37:21.340 --> 00:37:22.219
 seems to promote

00:37:22.219 --> 00:37:23.460
 peace and righteousness,

00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:24.519
 what the Bible says.

00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:27.059
 Maybe you've only seen

00:37:27.059 --> 00:37:28.000
 or experienced it

00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:29.559
 administered impulsively

00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:30.460
 or excessively

00:37:30.460 --> 00:37:31.420
 or inconsistently.

00:37:32.519 --> 00:37:33.219
 An impulsive

00:37:33.219 --> 00:37:34.000
 or excessive

00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:34.739
 or inconsistent

00:37:34.739 --> 00:37:35.239
 discipline

00:37:35.239 --> 00:37:36.380
 is a problem.

00:37:37.860 --> 00:37:39.199
 So if you as a parent

00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:40.519
 are in a fit of rage,

00:37:41.259 --> 00:37:42.320
 get your anger

00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:43.779
 under control first

00:37:43.779 --> 00:37:45.400
 and then figure out

00:37:45.400 --> 00:37:46.000
 how to discipline

00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:46.920
 your child appropriately.

00:37:46.920 --> 00:37:47.700
 Maybe you need to give

00:37:47.700 --> 00:37:48.720
 the child a time out

00:37:48.720 --> 00:37:50.260
 so that you can cool off

00:37:50.260 --> 00:37:52.079
 and so that you can figure

00:37:52.079 --> 00:37:52.680
 out what's actually

00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:53.980
 appropriate and helpful

00:37:53.980 --> 00:37:55.420
 to your child.

00:37:56.780 --> 00:37:58.000
 Now whatever form

00:37:58.000 --> 00:37:58.559
 it takes,

00:37:59.599 --> 00:38:00.260
 time out,

00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:01.059
 removing privileges,

00:38:01.260 --> 00:38:01.500
 spanking,

00:38:01.619 --> 00:38:01.980
 whatever,

00:38:03.460 --> 00:38:04.200
 corrective discipline

00:38:04.200 --> 00:38:04.920
 is hard

00:38:04.920 --> 00:38:07.180
 and it's painful

00:38:07.180 --> 00:38:08.480
 and often inconvenient

00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:09.460
 for both parents

00:38:09.460 --> 00:38:09.960
 and children

00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:11.519
 in the short term.

00:38:12.099 --> 00:38:13.380
 And it doesn't always

00:38:13.380 --> 00:38:14.400
 produce immediate results.

00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:15.139
 You can't judge

00:38:15.139 --> 00:38:16.139
 corrective discipline

00:38:16.139 --> 00:38:17.360
 by do the children

00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:18.280
 behave better tomorrow.

00:38:21.200 --> 00:38:22.440
 But Proverbs says

00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:23.760
 it's a necessary component

00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:25.300
 of wisdom being transmitted.

00:38:25.460 --> 00:38:26.500
 We need to be consistent

00:38:26.500 --> 00:38:27.860
 in the way

00:38:27.860 --> 00:38:29.760
 that we follow through

00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:31.599
 with our words,

00:38:31.660 --> 00:38:32.539
 with our instructions

00:38:32.539 --> 00:38:34.380
 to our kids.

00:38:35.380 --> 00:38:36.220
 And we need to pray,

00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:37.160
 right?

00:38:38.619 --> 00:38:39.539
 We need to pray

00:38:39.539 --> 00:38:40.639
 because we all fall short

00:38:40.639 --> 00:38:41.740
 in this area

00:38:41.740 --> 00:38:42.639
 in different ways.

00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:43.679
 So Proverbs says

00:38:43.679 --> 00:38:44.859
 wisdom is to be transmitted

00:38:44.859 --> 00:38:45.980
 to children by example,

00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:46.759
 by instruction,

00:38:46.879 --> 00:38:47.699
 and by discipline.

00:38:48.920 --> 00:38:49.960
 But let me conclude

00:38:49.960 --> 00:38:50.679
 by acknowledging

00:38:50.679 --> 00:38:52.119
 that even the best parenting

00:38:52.119 --> 00:38:53.159
 does not guarantee

00:38:53.159 --> 00:38:54.079
 good results.

00:38:56.079 --> 00:38:57.359
 And Proverbs acknowledges

00:38:57.359 --> 00:38:58.420
 this fact implicitly.

00:38:58.500 --> 00:38:59.239
 I've put two verses

00:38:59.239 --> 00:39:00.259
 about one,

00:39:00.500 --> 00:39:01.099
 about the father

00:39:01.099 --> 00:39:01.559
 of the righteous

00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:02.139
 will rejoice

00:39:02.139 --> 00:39:03.659
 and the next one

00:39:03.659 --> 00:39:04.460
 about a foolish son

00:39:04.460 --> 00:39:04.940
 is a grief

00:39:04.940 --> 00:39:05.920
 to his father and mother.

00:39:07.900 --> 00:39:08.699
 Proverbs acknowledges

00:39:08.699 --> 00:39:10.279
 that being a spouse

00:39:10.279 --> 00:39:11.239
 or being a parent,

00:39:11.239 --> 00:39:13.059
 it means being deeply

00:39:13.059 --> 00:39:14.579
 emotionally involved

00:39:14.579 --> 00:39:16.639
 and personally invested

00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:18.899
 in the lives of others

00:39:18.899 --> 00:39:19.719
 whom you cannot

00:39:19.719 --> 00:39:21.019
 ultimately control.

00:39:23.179 --> 00:39:24.039
 And so marriage

00:39:24.039 --> 00:39:24.500
 and parenting

00:39:24.500 --> 00:39:25.199
 can be a source

00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:26.739
 of immense joy

00:39:26.739 --> 00:39:28.799
 and they can also

00:39:28.799 --> 00:39:29.259
 be a source

00:39:29.259 --> 00:39:30.059
 of deep pain.

00:39:33.299 --> 00:39:34.379
 And probably everybody

00:39:34.379 --> 00:39:35.379
 has some mixture

00:39:35.379 --> 00:39:35.959
 of those.

00:39:37.699 --> 00:39:38.519
 Now we've covered

00:39:38.519 --> 00:39:39.000
 a lot of ground

00:39:39.000 --> 00:39:39.519
 this morning.

00:39:39.519 --> 00:39:40.480
 sermon's gone

00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:41.380
 a lot of different directions

00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:42.099
 but I want to bring it

00:39:42.099 --> 00:39:42.920
 together with this.

00:39:44.139 --> 00:39:45.880
 God knows intimately

00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:47.599
 both the joy

00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:48.800
 and pain

00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:50.400
 of marriage

00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:52.159
 and parenting.

00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:54.820
 Consider this.

00:39:55.920 --> 00:39:56.940
 According to the scripture,

00:39:57.119 --> 00:39:58.219
 God knows the pain

00:39:58.219 --> 00:39:59.719
 of a bad marriage.

00:40:02.059 --> 00:40:03.380
 He knows what it's like

00:40:03.380 --> 00:40:04.460
 to be taken for granted.

00:40:06.019 --> 00:40:07.199
 He knows what it's like

00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:07.639
 to be given

00:40:07.639 --> 00:40:08.599
 the silent treatment.

00:40:10.219 --> 00:40:10.779
 Ignored,

00:40:11.099 --> 00:40:12.199
 not praised,

00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:14.000
 only criticized

00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:14.919
 and questioned.

00:40:17.139 --> 00:40:18.299
 God knows the pain

00:40:18.299 --> 00:40:19.399
 of being disrespected,

00:40:19.699 --> 00:40:20.599
 publicly shamed,

00:40:20.799 --> 00:40:21.699
 blamed for things

00:40:21.699 --> 00:40:23.299
 that are not His fault.

00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:26.980
 God endures all that

00:40:26.980 --> 00:40:28.079
 every single day.

00:40:30.399 --> 00:40:31.819
 But God persists

00:40:31.819 --> 00:40:33.279
 in loving His bride,

00:40:33.579 --> 00:40:34.039
 the church.

00:40:34.039 --> 00:40:36.860
 Jesus shed His blood

00:40:36.860 --> 00:40:37.960
 for us on the cross

00:40:37.960 --> 00:40:40.420
 so that we might be His

00:40:40.420 --> 00:40:41.820
 and so that He might

00:40:41.820 --> 00:40:42.639
 be ours forever.

00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:45.719
 He's patient

00:40:45.719 --> 00:40:46.539
 with our faults

00:40:46.539 --> 00:40:47.940
 and failures.

00:40:49.000 --> 00:40:50.679
 He speaks liberating truth

00:40:50.679 --> 00:40:51.440
 into our minds

00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:52.659
 which are full of lies

00:40:52.659 --> 00:40:53.500
 and noise.

00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:55.900
 He mercifully

00:40:55.900 --> 00:40:57.259
 cleans up our messes

00:40:57.259 --> 00:40:59.739
 and doesn't shame us

00:40:59.739 --> 00:41:00.199
 for them.

00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:02.439
 And the Bible says

00:41:02.439 --> 00:41:03.599
 He sings and rejoices

00:41:03.599 --> 00:41:04.179
 over us.

00:41:05.579 --> 00:41:06.480
 Beginning of the service

00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:07.279
 we read that verse.

00:41:07.399 --> 00:41:08.139
 The Lord delights

00:41:08.139 --> 00:41:09.379
 in those who fear Him,

00:41:09.439 --> 00:41:10.559
 who's placed their hope

00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:11.779
 in His unfailing love.

00:41:14.119 --> 00:41:15.319
 He delights in us.

00:41:15.399 --> 00:41:15.960
 Even today,

00:41:16.039 --> 00:41:17.759
 even in our imperfect expressions

00:41:17.759 --> 00:41:18.699
 of seeking and reaching

00:41:18.699 --> 00:41:19.179
 out to Him,

00:41:19.199 --> 00:41:19.739
 even when we're

00:41:19.739 --> 00:41:21.339
 in the midst of sin

00:41:21.339 --> 00:41:23.639
 and our lives are messy

00:41:23.639 --> 00:41:25.379
 and we aren't living up

00:41:25.379 --> 00:41:25.980
 to His standards

00:41:25.980 --> 00:41:26.480
 in every way,

00:41:26.539 --> 00:41:27.539
 when we're looking to Him

00:41:27.539 --> 00:41:28.419
 and reaching out to Him

00:41:28.420 --> 00:41:30.119
 and placing our hope

00:41:30.119 --> 00:41:30.740
 in His love,

00:41:31.139 --> 00:41:32.920
 He delights in us.

00:41:34.539 --> 00:41:35.280
 And one day,

00:41:35.320 --> 00:41:36.039
 His delight in us

00:41:36.039 --> 00:41:36.980
 will be fulfilled

00:41:36.980 --> 00:41:37.900
 at the marriage supper

00:41:37.900 --> 00:41:38.360
 of the Lamb

00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:39.500
 when we will be with Him

00:41:39.500 --> 00:41:40.860
 and we will be like Him.

00:41:42.599 --> 00:41:43.800
 God knows the pain

00:41:43.800 --> 00:41:46.420
 of a hard marriage,

00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:48.840
 but He persists

00:41:48.840 --> 00:41:49.539
 for the joy

00:41:49.539 --> 00:41:50.519
 of having us

00:41:50.519 --> 00:41:51.039
 as His own.

00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:53.280
 And God also knows

00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:53.880
 the pain of being

00:41:53.880 --> 00:41:54.880
 a brokenhearted parent.

00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:58.260
 in Jesus' parable,

00:41:58.360 --> 00:41:59.119
 the prodigal son,

00:41:59.220 --> 00:41:59.760
 God's portrayed

00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:00.400
 as the father

00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:01.660
 of two foolish sons.

00:42:03.300 --> 00:42:04.720
 One son demands his money,

00:42:04.900 --> 00:42:05.780
 insults his father,

00:42:06.300 --> 00:42:07.720
 abandons his responsibility

00:42:07.720 --> 00:42:08.400
 to the family

00:42:08.400 --> 00:42:09.200
 and leaves home.

00:42:10.900 --> 00:42:11.700
 The other son

00:42:11.700 --> 00:42:12.380
 stays at home

00:42:12.380 --> 00:42:13.420
 and appears responsible

00:42:13.420 --> 00:42:15.900
 on the outside,

00:42:16.099 --> 00:42:16.860
 but on the inside,

00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:17.599
 he's distant

00:42:17.599 --> 00:42:20.079
 and he resents his father

00:42:20.079 --> 00:42:21.820
 and he's calculating.

00:42:21.820 --> 00:42:25.860
 But the father persists

00:42:25.860 --> 00:42:26.800
 in loving both

00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:27.380
 of his children.

00:42:28.820 --> 00:42:29.760
 When the first son

00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:30.559
 is still far off,

00:42:30.620 --> 00:42:31.400
 the father sees him

00:42:31.400 --> 00:42:32.120
 and runs to him

00:42:32.120 --> 00:42:33.000
 and rejoices

00:42:33.000 --> 00:42:33.820
 to welcome him home.

00:42:33.860 --> 00:42:34.539
 When the second son

00:42:34.539 --> 00:42:35.660
 is resentful and angry

00:42:35.660 --> 00:42:36.960
 and refuses to come

00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:37.460
 in the house

00:42:37.460 --> 00:42:39.360
 and shames his father

00:42:39.360 --> 00:42:40.400
 by refusing to come

00:42:40.400 --> 00:42:41.380
 into the father's party,

00:42:41.800 --> 00:42:43.039
 the father leaves the party

00:42:43.039 --> 00:42:44.240
 to go out

00:42:44.240 --> 00:42:45.180
 and plead with him.

00:42:48.120 --> 00:42:49.640
 God knows intimately

00:42:49.639 --> 00:42:53.739
 the pain of parenting.

00:42:55.279 --> 00:42:57.799
 Rebellious children

00:42:57.799 --> 00:43:00.619
 and children who appear

00:43:00.619 --> 00:43:02.219
 very good on the outside

00:43:02.219 --> 00:43:03.039
 and on the inside

00:43:03.039 --> 00:43:04.379
 are resentful and calculating.

00:43:05.319 --> 00:43:06.799
 But yet he loves us

00:43:06.799 --> 00:43:08.480
 as a father loves his children,

00:43:08.579 --> 00:43:10.679
 as a mother holds her children

00:43:10.679 --> 00:43:12.059
 close to her

00:43:12.059 --> 00:43:14.920
 and fiercely fights for them

00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:16.239
 and never abandons them.

00:43:16.239 --> 00:43:21.139
 You know,

00:43:21.159 --> 00:43:21.479
 I don't know

00:43:21.479 --> 00:43:22.179
 whether or not

00:43:22.179 --> 00:43:22.699
 you're married,

00:43:23.319 --> 00:43:24.419
 whether or not

00:43:24.419 --> 00:43:24.959
 you're a parent.

00:43:25.839 --> 00:43:27.039
 Do you know this God?

00:43:29.199 --> 00:43:30.179
 Do you know him

00:43:30.179 --> 00:43:31.239
 as your father in heaven?

00:43:32.699 --> 00:43:33.799
 Do you know him

00:43:33.799 --> 00:43:38.000
 as your covenant partner,

00:43:38.599 --> 00:43:39.879
 your best friend,

00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:41.419
 your lover?

00:43:41.420 --> 00:43:44.639
 He will never leave you

00:43:44.639 --> 00:43:45.340
 or forsake you.

00:43:46.380 --> 00:43:47.440
 And you can know him

00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:48.079
 if you will turn

00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:49.200
 to Jesus Christ today

00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:52.380
 and put your faith in him.

00:43:54.720 --> 00:43:55.300
 Let's pray.

00:43:55.300 --> 00:44:09.120
 our father,

00:44:09.220 --> 00:44:09.880
 we praise you

00:44:09.880 --> 00:44:14.060
 because great is your faithfulness.

00:44:16.640 --> 00:44:17.640
 We praise you

00:44:17.640 --> 00:44:19.780
 that as you instruct us

00:44:19.780 --> 00:44:22.660
 in the ways of marriage

00:44:22.660 --> 00:44:23.420
 and parenting,

00:44:23.420 --> 00:44:27.340
 that you have not done so

00:44:27.340 --> 00:44:28.420
 without setting an example

00:44:28.420 --> 00:44:29.059
 for us.

00:44:31.539 --> 00:44:32.820
 That you have not done so

00:44:32.820 --> 00:44:33.639
 without being

00:44:33.639 --> 00:44:37.460
 the parent that we need

00:44:37.460 --> 00:44:40.639
 and the spouse

00:44:40.639 --> 00:44:41.519
 that we long for.

00:44:44.220 --> 00:44:45.059
 We pray, Lord,

00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:45.920
 that we would find

00:44:45.920 --> 00:44:48.099
 our refuge,

00:44:49.099 --> 00:44:50.059
 our security,

00:44:50.059 --> 00:44:52.079
 our hope,

00:44:53.079 --> 00:44:54.159
 our joy

00:44:54.159 --> 00:44:56.259
 in you,

00:44:57.759 --> 00:44:59.380
 in your steadfast love,

00:44:59.960 --> 00:45:02.139
 in your compassion,

00:45:02.279 --> 00:45:02.860
 in your mercy.

00:45:04.500 --> 00:45:05.920
 Lord, build us

00:45:05.920 --> 00:45:06.639
 by your word.

00:45:06.799 --> 00:45:08.059
 Fill us with your spirit.

00:45:08.199 --> 00:45:09.039
 May our homes

00:45:09.039 --> 00:45:12.500
 be full of your spirit

00:45:12.500 --> 00:45:13.279
 and be shaped

00:45:13.279 --> 00:45:14.420
 by your word.

00:45:16.559 --> 00:45:17.840
 Forgive us, Lord,

00:45:17.960 --> 00:45:19.119
 for we have fallen short.

00:45:19.119 --> 00:45:19.219
 Lord,

00:45:19.619 --> 00:45:21.920
 we have ignored

00:45:21.920 --> 00:45:22.739
 your instructions.

00:45:25.400 --> 00:45:26.639
 We have persisted

00:45:26.639 --> 00:45:27.500
 in our own ways.

00:45:27.599 --> 00:45:28.359
 We have justified

00:45:28.359 --> 00:45:29.960
 our sin

00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:31.960
 against our spouses,

00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:33.380
 against our children,

00:45:34.159 --> 00:45:35.159
 against our parents.

00:45:35.159 --> 00:45:42.960
 Lord, renew us.

00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:44.359
 Fill us in a fresh way

00:45:44.359 --> 00:45:45.359
 with your Holy Spirit

00:45:45.359 --> 00:45:48.539
 so that we may

00:45:48.539 --> 00:45:54.119
 turn towards

00:45:54.119 --> 00:45:55.679
 our spouses,

00:45:55.920 --> 00:45:56.480
 turn towards

00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:57.000
 our children,

00:45:58.059 --> 00:45:58.579
 turn towards

00:45:58.579 --> 00:45:59.199
 our parents

00:45:59.199 --> 00:46:04.019
 with the love

00:46:04.019 --> 00:46:07.099
 that you pour

00:46:07.099 --> 00:46:07.739
 into our hearts

00:46:07.739 --> 00:46:08.659
 through your Holy Spirit.

00:46:09.980 --> 00:46:10.759
 Lord, renew us.

00:46:10.899 --> 00:46:11.480
 Continue to

00:46:11.480 --> 00:46:12.460
 transform us

00:46:12.460 --> 00:46:13.000
 and change us

00:46:13.000 --> 00:46:13.679
 day by day

00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:15.719
 into your likeness

00:46:15.719 --> 00:46:16.139
 more and more,

00:46:16.219 --> 00:46:16.539
 we pray.

00:46:17.299 --> 00:46:17.839
 We pray this

00:46:17.839 --> 00:46:19.000
 in the name of Jesus Christ,

00:46:19.519 --> 00:46:20.359
 our Lord and Savior.

00:46:21.259 --> 00:46:21.539
 Amen.

00:46:21.539 --> 00:46:21.679
 Amen.

00:46:21.679 --> 00:46:21.719
 Amen.

00:46:21.719 --> 00:46:21.759
 Amen.

00:46:21.759 --> 00:46:21.779
 Amen.

00:46:21.779 --> 00:46:21.799
 Amen.

00:46:21.799 --> 00:46:21.819
 Amen.

00:46:21.819 --> 00:46:21.859
 Amen.

00:46:21.859 --> 00:46:23.719
 Amen.

00:46:23.719 --> 00:46:23.779
 Amen.

00:46:23.779 --> 00:46:25.779
 Amen.

00:46:25.779 --> 00:46:25.799
 Amen.

00:46:25.799 --> 00:46:25.839
 Amen.

00:46:25.839 --> 00:46:25.879
 Amen.

00:46:25.879 --> 00:46:25.899
 Amen.