All right, good morning, church.
This morning we're continuing our series in the book of Proverbs.
Proverbs is a book about living wisely.
Proverbs says that wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord, that is, being in a right
relationship to the one true God, but it expresses itself in every facet of human life.
And this morning we're considering what Proverbs has to say about wisdom as it's lived out
in the context of the family.
Now, before we dive in, let me give two recommendations for books on this topic, both of which you
can find downstairs on the bookstall.
Number one, a book for parents and children.
Let me recommend a book called Wise Words by Peter Lightheart.
It's a book of stories based on the themes and figures in the book of Proverbs.
So I've been reading it recently to my children, and we were with their cousins.
I was reading it to them.
They range from four to ten years old.
And what I really like about this book is how it engages the moral imagination of children
using biblical imagery, giving pictures of wisdom and folly and some of their consequences
in a really engaging and thought-provoking way.
And these are not just cute bedtime stories.
Some of these are a little scary, and so they're appropriate for maybe elementary-aged kids.
So let me recommend that, Wise Words.
And also a book for husbands and wives.
Now, there are many books for husbands and wives on the bookstall.
Many of you might have read Tim and Kathy Keller's The Meaning of Marriage or Gary Thomas' book
Sacred Marriage.
But let me recommend a lesser-known book called The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason.
And he also begins by quoting from Proverbs.
He begins by quoting, as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
And uses that to talk about how marriage works to refine us.
But let me give you a quote from this book.
He says,
A marriage may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one's living room.
It is something that is just there.
And it is huge.
And everything has to be built around it.
Marriage is the most persistent reminder of the presence of other people in the world.
That they are there.
That they are real.
And that they are wildly different from the imaginary beings who normally people our thoughts and fantasies.
And he goes on to talk about how marriage teaches us about God's otherness.
And God's reality.
And also God's deep love.
And intimacy with us.
So I recommend both of these.
Consider them.
But now let's delve into the book of Proverbs on the family.
Let me begin with the verse that's on the front of your bulletin.
Proverbs 24, 3, and 4.
By wisdom a house is built.
And by understanding it is established.
By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
And this verse highlights a theme that we see throughout the Bible.
In Genesis 1 we see God forming and filling the world with his wisdom.
In the Old Testament we see the Lord in his wisdom instructing Solomon to build him a physical house, the temple.
And then we see the Lord filling it with his glory.
In the New Testament we see Jesus Christ, God's wisdom incarnate, building a spiritual house, the church, through his death and resurrection.
Ephesians says God is building us into a place where God dwells.
That is, where we're filled with God's Spirit.
So, this theme of God building and filling the world and his people with his wisdom.
That's the big picture.
That's why we meet together every week.
To be built up in God's Word and to be filled with the empowering presence of his Spirit so that we can live our lives to his praise and glory.
Now today we're looking at one particular expression of that Word-shaped, Spirit-filled life.
When Ephesians tells us, be filled with the Spirit, walk in wisdom, it goes on to speak about the family.
How God's wisdom should shape husbands and wives and parents and children in particular.
We also read a similar passage from Colossians, right, that talks about what it means to put on love and kindness and forgiveness and all those godly character qualities.
And then it talks about a bit briefly about how those play out in marriage and parenting.
So, that's our topic today.
How God's wisdom can and should be embodied in marriage and transmitted to children.
And in the book of Proverbs, this is a central theme.
In fact, as we've seen, the whole book of Proverbs is framed as parental advice, right?
We hear the voice of a father speaking to his son.
And sometimes the voice of a mother as well, admonishing and encouraging the son to walk in the way of wisdom.
And one of the main topics that the father speaks to his son about as his son is growing into a man is how to find a godly wife.
What kind of woman do you want to pursue, right?
Wisdom and folly are embodied as women, right?
And so, he's both speaking about wisdom generally, but also he's speaking practically about how do you choose wisely a marriage partner.
And the book ends with a poem in praise of the excellent wife.
And we'll look at that briefly a bit later.
So, in Proverbs, the family is one of the most important contexts where wisdom is embodied and transmitted.
So, this message about the family is important for you regardless of whether you're married and regardless of whether you have children at home.
For some of you, message about marriage and parenting, that speaks to your current present situation.
You're like, yeah, I probably need some wisdom here.
For others, it will be an important part of your future, right?
We spend 12, 13 years in elementary school and then four years in college learning all kinds of things that you may or may not use.
You may or may not use calculus ever again once you finish high school.
Well, maybe you'll have to use it in college, but you may not use it once you're done with college, right?
But we value those kinds of things.
We value that kind of learning.
But all those years of school give you very little training in how to choose a spouse wisely, how to live with a spouse in love, or how to raise kids,
even though many of us will spend much of our lives doing that.
So, these are areas where we need wisdom, even if you're not at that stage of life yet.
Now, some of you, you may never get married or have kids, or maybe that's part of your past, but it's not going to be part of the future.
But many of your brothers and sisters in Christ will, and it's important for you to learn how to encourage those of us who do,
just as it's important for us who are married to learn about God's calling on those who are single
and seek to walk alongside you and encourage you in God's calling on your life.
Further, as we speak about these topics, marriage and parenting,
we'll see the character of God Himself sort of behind God's teaching on these things.
So, as we've delved into these topics, I've put some of the main Proverbs in the bulletin,
and I think it's on page 6 in your bulletin this morning.
Proverbs on family.
So, you can follow along here.
I think it's easier than flipping back and forth just to find one verse at a time.
So, this is the outline we're going to follow this morning.
So, number one, wisdom embodied in marriage.
We're going to begin here.
What does Proverbs teach about marriage?
Well, Proverbs teaches that marriage is a very good thing.
It's a good gift from a good God who created us.
1822, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
1914, a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Proverbs affirms the goodness of God's creation order.
That's one of the main themes of the book.
And marriage, as we see in the creation story, is one of God's best gifts to humanity.
Right?
God provides Eve as a helper, that is, as a strong ally for Adam.
She is a suitable companion, an intimate friend, a co-worker in ruling over creation,
a bearer of life, one who compliments him by providing what he lacks.
And Proverbs affirms all of that that we see in Genesis 1 and 2 about marriage.
Proverbs also affirms that there's something marvelous and mysterious about marriage.
Chapter 30, 18, and 19 says,
Three things are too wonderful for me.
For I do not understand the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a serpent on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a woman.
You might think, how does that logic go?
Well, the eagle in the sky,
the serpent on a rock,
the ship on choppy waters,
they all move in
and cleave to,
that means they hold on
to their appropriate and difficult environments
in an easy,
intriguing,
gracious,
rolling manner,
without leaving a trace,
yet reaching their goals.
And Proverbs says,
In a similar way,
the way of a man with a woman is mysterious and marvelous.
Most likely,
this includes a reference to sexual intercourse,
to the unique and even breathtaking intimacy
between a man and woman in the covenant of marriage.
Proverbs said,
This is a wonderful thing.
It is a mysterious,
marvelous thing that God in His infinite wisdom has made.
Proverbs also goes on to speak
not just about the goodness of marriage
and the mystery of it,
but it goes on to describe and praise
an excellent wife.
12.4,
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.
Chapter 31 is a poem
in praise of such an excellent wife.
Now, the phrase,
an excellent wife,
could also be translated,
a valiant wife,
or a woman of strength.
You know,
when the Bible talks about
the wife being a helper to her husband,
that doesn't mean
that the woman is a second-class assistant.
It means she's called to be a first-rate ally
who stands by her husband in unswerving loyalty.
In Proverbs 31,
the excellent wife works hard,
makes money,
feeds and clothes her household,
cares for the poor,
faces the future without fear,
enhances her husband's reputation,
and speaks with wisdom.
She gives herself to her family
and her community
with wholehearted selflessness.
And Proverbs praises such a woman.
For 31.10 says,
she is far more precious than jewels.
In other words,
such a woman isn't always easy to find,
but when you find her,
you should treasure her.
And so Proverbs is saying to men,
if you're single,
this is the kind of woman
that you should want to marry,
a woman who fears the Lord.
And it's saying to women,
this is the kind of,
whether you're single or married,
this is the kind of woman
you should seek to become.
Now,
one caveat,
Proverbs 31 is an idealized picture,
and it's representing the work of a lifetime.
So don't read Proverbs 31
and think that it's a standard
that you should judge yourself against
at the end of every single day,
because you'll certainly feel like
you fall way short, right?
It's a picture of a lifetime.
And it's also a portrait of a life
that embodies wisdom.
So as the conclusion to the book of Proverbs,
Proverbs 31,
it isn't just talking about an ideal wife,
it's also saying this woman is a model for us all.
Not just for wives,
but for all of us,
male and female,
married or not,
because her life and her character
embodies God's wisdom.
So marriage as God intended it
is a very good thing.
It's a good,
mysterious,
and excellent thing,
one of the best things in this world.
Proverbs affirms that.
But the second truth Proverbs affirms about marriage,
not only that it can be
one of the best things in this world,
but it says a bad marriage
can be one of the worst things in this world.
12.4,
a wife who brings shame
is like rottenness in her husband's bones.
Marriage can make your life wonderful
and it can make your life miserable.
And when it's really toxic,
it can eat away at you
from the inside out.
Skipping down to 21.9,
better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
There are several other warnings
against quarrelsome wives in particular.
In other words,
better to stay single,
even if you're lonely,
even if you're poor,
than to get married to a fool
and end up miserable.
Because once you're married,
Proverbs says you're married.
And if you marry a quarrelsome spouse,
you have to deal with them.
Having a quarrelsome spouse may be difficult,
but it is not biblical grounds for divorce.
Now, practically,
in Ephesians 5,
the Apostle Paul urges wives
to respect their husbands
and husbands to love their wives.
So I want to start with Proverbs words to wives,
and then we'll get to Proverbs words to husbands.
Now,
before we jump into Proverbs words to wives,
some of you might be asking,
well, why are all the criticisms
of a quarrelsome wife in Proverbs?
Why doesn't Proverbs talk about quarrelsome husbands?
And why is there only a portrait
of an excellent wife
that a wife is supposed to measure herself up against?
Why isn't there a portrait of an excellent husband
that a husband should measure himself up against?
Isn't Proverbs a bit one-sided
and putting all the burden on women?
Well, remember,
Proverbs is written in the form
of a father instructing his son.
That's the form,
or perhaps you could say,
the setting or context of the book.
And so the father is saying to his son,
consider carefully what kind of woman
you want to marry.
So that's why Proverbs only talks about,
only warns against quarrelsome wives,
not quarrelsome husbands.
Now, of course,
there's plenty of words in Proverbs
about quarreling in general,
and all those clearly apply to husbands.
But Proverbs isn't only written
for young men entering adulthood.
As God's word,
it's useful for the instruction
of all God's people.
So many Proverbs,
such as the warning
against the quarrelsome wife,
can be applied in much the same way
to husbands.
Husbands,
don't be quarrelsome.
Right?
And it'll be just as miserable
for your wife
as it would be for you.
Okay?
And now,
for a various obvious example of this
from another part of the Bible,
the 10th commandment says,
don't covet your neighbor's wife.
That doesn't mean
you can covet your neighbor's husband.
Right?
It's very obvious.
It's framed in gender-specific language,
but the appropriate application
is to both men and women.
So that's true for many
of the Proverbs.
Now,
as a contrast to Proverbs,
you might think,
well,
are all the books in the Bible
written primarily to men?
Well,
no.
Song of Songs,
in particular,
another one of the wisdom literature,
is written primarily
from the woman's perspective,
and some of its concluding advice
is in the form,
again,
of advice given to a young woman.
But of course,
Song of Songs,
that advice can be applied to men as well.
Both books have much to say
to both men and women.
So,
having said that,
let's start with Proverbs' words to wives.
Particularly,
these Proverbs that are quoted here,
warns against a wife
who is quarrelsome
and brings shame
upon her husband.
Wives,
consider this.
More than trouble at work,
more than criticism
from outsiders,
more than health problems
or financial stresses
or even children's demands,
persistent disrespect
from a wife
can eat away
at a husband's soul
like rottenness
in his bones.
It can wear him down
from the inside out.
And another one of the verses
says a quarrelsome wife
is like a constant dripping
on a rainy day,
a leaky roof,
drip,
drip.
And this can happen
perhaps more easily
than you might think.
Wives,
beware of this danger.
Do you despise your husband
in your heart?
Do you try to get him
to listen
by nagging him
or by attacking him
with angry outbursts
or harsh criticism?
Do you publicly shame
your husband
by criticizing him
to others?
Now maybe you think
you have reasons
to despise him.
You see his flaws
more clearly
than anyone else
and he's still blind to them.
You're probably right.
But just as he is called
to love you
despite your flaws,
you are called
to respect him
despite his flaws
as the man God
has given to you.
Now respect
does not mean
overlooking
or excusing
his sin.
It may mean
lovingly,
courageously
confronting him.
It may mean
if he refuses
to listen to you
and refuses to change,
bringing one or two others
into the conversation.
Other mature Christians
who can help
both of you.
Now it's possible
that you might
sometimes need guidance
about how to be
a better wife
despite your husband's flaws.
That is a legitimate
topic of conversation.
But wives,
especially when you
gather with one another,
beware the temptation
to complain
about your husbands
because it's not respectful.
Now husbands,
Proverbs has much
to say to us as well.
Ephesians 5 says,
husbands should love
your wives
as Christ loves
the church
and cherish them.
Look at,
turn to Proverbs 31.
Page 552
if you're looking
in a pew Bible.
Let's look at the end
of the poem
about an excellent wife.
Verses 28 to 31.
It says,
her children rise up
and call her blessed,
her husband also,
and he praises her.
Many women
have done excellently,
but you surpassed
them all.
Charm is deceitful
and beauty is vain,
but a woman
who fears the Lord
is to be praised.
Give her the fruit
of her hands
and let her works
praise her in the gates.
Do you see three times,
really four times,
it talks about
the wife being praised.
Her children bless her.
Her husband praises her.
A woman who fears
the Lord
is to be praised.
Let her works
praise her.
Husbands,
if you have a wife
who fears the Lord,
if you have a wife
who displays wisdom
in any way,
she ought to be praised.
That means verbally
affirmed,
privately and publicly,
appreciated,
thanked,
cherished.
Don't just read
Proverbs 31
and tell her
where you see
that she falls short.
Start by telling her
specifically how you,
she does reflect
this portrait
of godly wisdom.
Thank her tonight
when you sit down
to dinner.
Tell her how she excels
in front of your kids.
Do so privately
in your bedroom.
Do so regularly
and sincerely.
Ray Ortlund says,
says this,
he says,
when the word husband
is used as a verb,
it means to cultivate.
And he says,
that's the job
of those who are husbands,
those of us who are husbands,
to cultivate and nurture
our wives
so that they become
all of who God
wants them to be
and to praise them
for it.
He says,
a husband cultivates
his wife by setting
a high tone of praise
in the home.
No put-downs,
no fault-finding,
no insults,
not even neutral silence,
but rather life-giving praise.
And he says,
and if you cannot think
of any way
in which your wife
deserves to be praised,
then that is your fault.
Because God has called you
to husband her,
to cultivate her
into excellence.
Now, to be honest,
many of us guys,
including myself,
don't do this very well.
My wife knows it,
and she's gracious,
so she doesn't tell you about it.
But I fall short
in this way very often.
And many of us
become passive
and self-protective
instead of nurturing
our wives
into all that God
has for them.
We remain silent
and take our wives
for granted
instead of praising them
privately and publicly.
And Proverbs calls us
to be more than just
a husband who provides
and protects and leads,
but a husband who cherishes
and praises his wife
because she is God's
good gift to him.
You see,
Proverbs is simply calling us
to do what the rest
of the Bible says,
to love and respect
one another
in the context of marriage.
And to do that
because of who Christ is
and because of the Holy Spirit
working in us.
Now, some of you
might be asking,
what does it say to me
if I'm single?
Well, Proverbs says
at least two things.
Number one,
it says that marriage is good,
but it's better to stay single
than to marry a fool.
So, don't let desperation
or infatuation
make you blind
to someone's true character.
Chapter 11, verse 22 says,
like a gold ring
in a pig's snout
is a beautiful woman
without discretion,
that is,
without good judgment.
Chapter 30, verse 30 says,
charm is deceitful
and beauty is vain.
So, if you're dating,
guard,
if you're dating,
don't fall into
desperation or infatuation, right?
That's why it's important
to guard against
excessive physical
or emotional intimacy
in a dating relationship
because it can blind you
to someone's flaws.
And one of the questions
you need to be asking yourself
if you're considering marriage
is can I live with this person
flaws and all?
And don't assume
that when you get married
their flaws
are going to magically change.
If anything,
you might only see more of them
because they feel secure
in the promise of marriage
and rightly so.
Proverbs warns,
don't stare at the gold ring
and miss the fact
that it's hanging
in a pig's nose.
I mean, Proverbs
is a little blunt here.
But it's warning us,
don't be infatuated.
Don't let infatuation
lead you into a foolish decision.
So, if you're dating,
don't spend all your time
one-on-one
just looking into
each other's eyes.
You're not going to spend
the rest of your life
doing that.
Get to know each other
in the context of your family,
in the context of your friendships,
in the context of your church.
Seek and receive counsel
from people you know
and trust.
This is especially important
if you're doing
any kind of online dating,
right?
Because you're…
And online dating,
many people have found
good marriage partners
through that.
But the challenge there is
you're starting with two people
who usually don't share
much of a common context
and so you need to see
not just each other
as sort of divorced
from the rest of your life,
but you need to get to know
the context in which
you already live
where people can see
who you really are.
And to be open
to receiving counsel
and build some common relationships
relationships or at least
be able so you can have
other people speak
into your lives
and give encouragement
and sometimes warning.
So Proverbs is saying
in some situations
it's better to stay single
than to get married.
Now, the New Testament
goes even further
about singleness
because some of you
may be single
and either you want
to get married
but you cannot find
an appropriate partner
or you, for various reasons,
are not pursuing marriage.
And Proverbs says
it's better to be single
than to be in a bad…
than to choose
to enter a marriage unwisely.
But the New Testament
says even more than that.
It has a positive vision
and a positive vocation
for singleness
within the kingdom of God.
And that's another topic
for another day.
But 1 Corinthians 7
we see a positive vision
for singleness
in the kingdom of God
that goes even further
than Proverbs.
As it's a witness
to the sufficiency of Christ
proclaiming that
our ultimate hope
is not in the joys
of this present age
but in the resurrection life
of the world to come.
So singles,
that's an important calling.
So, number one,
marriage is good
but better to say
single than marry a full.
Second,
if you're seeking marriage
don't ignore people
who lack charm or beauty
but do have some wisdom.
Alright, Proverbs is saying
beware against marrying
someone whose character
does not reflect wisdom
but don't rule people out
because it says
charm is deceitful,
beauty is vain.
Okay, now husbands
don't misuse that verse.
Don't dismiss your wife's beauty
or fail to affirm it
because of that verse.
That's not what it's saying.
Okay, beauty in the context
of a wise life
is a wonderful gift
from the Lord.
But Proverbs is saying
charm and beauty,
in other words,
personality
and looks
and Proverbs would also say
wealth
are not the most enduring things
and they're not the most
important things.
Alright,
many single people today
walk into a room
with 20 people
of the opposite sex
who are not married
and immediately rule 17
of them out
because she's not attractive
or he's too awkward.
Or if you go on dating sites,
you decide who to pursue
conversations with
based on a profile picture.
Proverbs says
don't do that.
Right?
If you want to pursue marriage
to a wise person,
don't let your initial filter
be charm and beauty.
If you can cultivate
a friendship with someone,
if you have a mutual
commitment to Christ,
if you can help one another
grow in Christ,
then the physical attraction
may well grow over time.
But you won't ever know that
if you just rule them out
from the start.
So,
Proverbs teaches us
that wisdom is to be
embodied in marriage.
That's the first thing
Proverbs teaches.
Second,
we see that wisdom
is to be transmitted
to children.
Now,
I've spent quite a bit of time
talking about marriage,
so I'm going to go through
the parenting stuff
a bit more briefly.
But I want you to know
the elders think
this is a very important topic
and we're planning,
we're working on
putting together
a seminar on parenting
for either this fall
or next spring.
We don't have the dates yet,
but we're working on it,
so parents,
we will have more for you.
But what we see in Proverbs
is we see three ways
that wisdom can and should be
passed on
from parents
to children.
The first way
is by example.
14.26,
in the fear of the Lord,
one has strong confidence
and his children
will have a refuge.
27.
The righteous
who walks in his integrity,
blessed are his children
after him.
23.26,
my son,
give me your heart
and let your eyes
observe my ways.
Other translations say,
let your eyes
delight in my ways.
You see,
perhaps more than
any other way,
children learn by example,
they learn by watching,
they learn by imitating.
And so,
whatever kind of instruction
you give
or whatever kind of discipline
you implement,
it's never going to go
much farther
than the example
that you set.
Because you can't give
what you don't have
and children watch
at least as much
as they listen.
So,
parents,
as we instruct
and discipline our children,
let's keep on
being instructed
by the Word of God
ourselves.
And let's keep on
being disciplined
and accepting
God's fatherly discipline
in our own lives.
Right?
We need to lead
our children
by setting an example
for them
of being instructed
and disciplined
as we seek
to instruct
and discipline them.
Proverbs also warns
that folly,
in particular greed
or malice,
will lead to trouble
not just for oneself
but for one's household.
That's 1527
and 1713.
The Old Testament
talks not just about
God's faithfulness
enduring from one generation
to another
but it also talks
realistically
about sin
being passed down
from one generation
to another.
And again,
parents,
that's another reason
for us to keep
fighting against sin
in our own lives.
And putting,
the New Testament
says,
put sin to death,
mortify it
and live by the power
of the Holy Spirit.
And one reason for that
is because
if we don't put it
to death
in our own lives,
guess what?
It's probably
going to reappear
in our children's lives.
It's probably
going to be passed down.
That's sort of
the normal course
of things.
And so Proverbs
urges us
to set,
first,
to set an example.
The second way
that wisdom
gets passed down
to children
is through instruction
in Proverbs.
So one,
chapter one,
verse eight,
hear my son
your father's instruction
and forsake not
your mother's teaching.
So in Proverbs
we hear warnings
against folly
and its consequences.
We hear encouragement
to walk in the way
of wisdom
and we hear about
wisdom's benefits.
There's ongoing
intentional instruction
from parent
to child.
Now if you are a parent,
you can't simply
delegate this responsibility
to somebody else.
Now yes,
we have children's ministry
every Sunday
and so the kids
can be in their class
for about one hour a week.
But you know what?
One hour a week
is a helpful supplement
but that's never
going to be
the main course
of spiritual formation
for your child's future.
If spiritual instruction
is absent
from the rest
of their lives,
that one hour a week
will probably not
make the decisive difference.
Maybe by God's grace
on unusual occasions
you know,
God does unusual things.
But that's not
what you can expect.
Right?
The Bible calls on parents
to instruct our children.
Now you might say,
how do I do that?
How do I instruct
my child spiritually?
Where do I begin?
Maybe that wasn't
a part of your childhood
at all growing up.
Maybe your children
are already
halfway grown up
and you're starting
off a little late.
Well you know what?
That's a great question
to talk about
after service
in the fellowship hall
or up here
with another parent.
Ask them.
Somebody,
actually Jonathan Tidwell
asked me yesterday.
He said,
what do you guys do
for family devotions?
That's a great question
to ask.
You know,
or more broadly,
how do you try
to instruct your kids
spiritually?
It's going to look
different in each home,
but we can share
some helpful ideas
with each other.
What do you do at home
to instruct your kids
in God's Word?
Let's talk about that
with each other.
22.6 also talks
about instruction.
It says,
train up a child
in the way he should go.
And that Hebrew verb
translated train up
is a word that means
to dedicate
or to initiate
or to set someone
on a path.
It's actually related
to an Arabic verb
that was used
to describe the practice
of rubbing a newborn's child,
rubbing the tongue
of a newborn child
with either oil
or a mixture of dates
sort of mashed up dates
to get them to suck,
to get them to start.
It means to accustom
a child to a taste
and motivate the child
to take it in.
That's this idea
of training up.
And the verb
is also used
of training a horse
to be responsive
by putting a rope
in its mouth.
So the goal of training,
biblical training,
is for your children
to taste and see
that the Lord is good.
It's not just
to give them
the right answers,
but it's to introduce
our children
to the Word of God
so they begin
to sense its beauty
and its sweetness.
You want to help
your children see
what a daily relationship
with God looks like.
Deuteronomy 6 says,
you shall teach
God's commandments
to your children.
Talk of them
when you sit in your house,
when you walk by the way,
when you lie down,
and when you rise.
In other words,
talk about them
not just formally,
but informally
as the day goes along
and at different times
of the day.
So here's a very
practical suggestion
that another parent
gave me recently
that we've done
a couple of times.
So this other parent
said to me,
we have a five-year-old
child at home
and we asked
three questions
over dinner.
The first question is,
what are three things
you're thankful for today?
All right,
cultivating thankfulness,
you can never do
that enough.
Second, they asked,
what was a low point
of the day?
Either sometime
when you didn't
do something right
or you were disappointed
by something else,
right?
It's good to be able
to give voice
to our disappointments.
The third question
they ask is,
what was Jesus
teaching you today?
And that's an important
question because it
introduces the idea
to kids that God
might be teaching me
something today.
He might be teaching
me something
through my parents.
He might be teaching
me something
through my interactions.
He might be teaching
me something
through His Word.
That's what a personal
relationship with Christ
means,
is the Holy Spirit
dwells in us
and He's bringing
to mind things.
He's teaching
and shaping us
throughout the day.
So three questions,
three things you're
thankful for,
what was a low point
and what's Jesus
teaching you today?
So that's a very
practical way
to sort of
begin spiritual
conversations
with your children.
Consider that.
You know,
again,
there's many ideas.
You don't have to do
all the ideas.
Some of them
might not work for you
but again,
we got to talk
with each other
about ideas.
Alright,
so wisdom
is transmitted
by example,
by instruction
and third,
this is the
controversial part,
so I put it last.
Wisdom is transmitted
by corrective discipline.
Let's read these verses.
1324,
whoever spares the rod
hates his son
but he who loves him
is diligent
to discipline him.
2215,
folly is bound up
in the heart of a child
but the rod of discipline
drives it far from him.
Chapter 2915,
the rod and reproof
bring wisdom
but a child left to himself
brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs is very clear
that mere example
and instruction
are not enough.
Human beings
are born in sin.
That's why Proverbs says
folly is bound up
in the heart of a child
and therefore
the path of wisdom
necessarily includes
correction
and correction
never feels pleasant.
Hebrews 12 says
no discipline
seems pleasant
at the time
but painful.
Afterwards,
it produces
a harvest
of peace
and righteousness
for those
who have been
trained
by it.
Now practically,
what does it look like
to administer
corrective discipline
in a way that promotes
peace
and righteousness?
Now,
on the one,
I can't say everything
on this topic
but let me say
a couple things.
On the one hand,
I don't think
we should say
that when Proverbs
talks about the rod,
that's talking
exclusively about
corporal punishment
administered with
a stick
and that every time
our children behave
foolishly,
they need to be punished
in this way
and in no other way.
The rod in Proverbs
seems to be a figure
for corrective discipline
more generally,
a bit like the holy kiss
in Paul's letters
is a figure
for Christian greeting,
a different expression
of Christian greeting
more generally.
Corrective discipline
can take a variety
of forms.
The appropriate form
may vary from one child
to another
and one situation
to another.
On the other hand,
if we take Proverbs
words seriously,
it is very hard
to conclude
that Christian parents
should never
or as a general rule
not spank their children.
Why would Proverbs
use the metaphor
of the rod
to refer to
necessary corrective discipline
if any kind
of corporal punishment
was inherently harmful?
So let me ask
if you would never
consider spanking
your child,
why?
And do you end up
just yelling at them
instead?
Or do you indulge them
by coaxing them
to obey,
asking them five
and six times
to do the same thing
and bribing them
with rewards?
Children need to know
that they are
under authority
and that disobedience
hurts.
Now many of us
are hesitant to spank
because we've never
seen it carried out
in a way that actually
seems to promote
peace and righteousness,
what the Bible says.
Maybe you've only seen
or experienced it
administered impulsively
or excessively
or inconsistently.
An impulsive
or excessive
or inconsistent
discipline
is a problem.
So if you as a parent
are in a fit of rage,
get your anger
under control first
and then figure out
how to discipline
your child appropriately.
Maybe you need to give
the child a time out
so that you can cool off
and so that you can figure
out what's actually
appropriate and helpful
to your child.
Now whatever form
it takes,
time out,
removing privileges,
spanking,
whatever,
corrective discipline
is hard
and it's painful
and often inconvenient
for both parents
and children
in the short term.
And it doesn't always
produce immediate results.
You can't judge
corrective discipline
by do the children
behave better tomorrow.
But Proverbs says
it's a necessary component
of wisdom being transmitted.
We need to be consistent
in the way
that we follow through
with our words,
with our instructions
to our kids.
And we need to pray,
right?
We need to pray
because we all fall short
in this area
in different ways.
So Proverbs says
wisdom is to be transmitted
to children by example,
by instruction,
and by discipline.
But let me conclude
by acknowledging
that even the best parenting
does not guarantee
good results.
And Proverbs acknowledges
this fact implicitly.
I've put two verses
about one,
about the father
of the righteous
will rejoice
and the next one
about a foolish son
is a grief
to his father and mother.
Proverbs acknowledges
that being a spouse
or being a parent,
it means being deeply
emotionally involved
and personally invested
in the lives of others
whom you cannot
ultimately control.
And so marriage
and parenting
can be a source
of immense joy
and they can also
be a source
of deep pain.
And probably everybody
has some mixture
of those.
Now we've covered
a lot of ground
this morning.
sermon's gone
a lot of different directions
but I want to bring it
together with this.
God knows intimately
both the joy
and pain
of marriage
and parenting.
Consider this.
According to the scripture,
God knows the pain
of a bad marriage.
He knows what it's like
to be taken for granted.
He knows what it's like
to be given
the silent treatment.
Ignored,
not praised,
only criticized
and questioned.
God knows the pain
of being disrespected,
publicly shamed,
blamed for things
that are not His fault.
God endures all that
every single day.
But God persists
in loving His bride,
the church.
Jesus shed His blood
for us on the cross
so that we might be His
and so that He might
be ours forever.
He's patient
with our faults
and failures.
He speaks liberating truth
into our minds
which are full of lies
and noise.
He mercifully
cleans up our messes
and doesn't shame us
for them.
And the Bible says
He sings and rejoices
over us.
Beginning of the service
we read that verse.
The Lord delights
in those who fear Him,
who's placed their hope
in His unfailing love.
He delights in us.
Even today,
even in our imperfect expressions
of seeking and reaching
out to Him,
even when we're
in the midst of sin
and our lives are messy
and we aren't living up
to His standards
in every way,
when we're looking to Him
and reaching out to Him
and placing our hope
in His love,
He delights in us.
And one day,
His delight in us
will be fulfilled
at the marriage supper
of the Lamb
when we will be with Him
and we will be like Him.
God knows the pain
of a hard marriage,
but He persists
for the joy
of having us
as His own.
And God also knows
the pain of being
a brokenhearted parent.
in Jesus' parable,
the prodigal son,
God's portrayed
as the father
of two foolish sons.
One son demands his money,
insults his father,
abandons his responsibility
to the family
and leaves home.
The other son
stays at home
and appears responsible
on the outside,
but on the inside,
he's distant
and he resents his father
and he's calculating.
But the father persists
in loving both
of his children.
When the first son
is still far off,
the father sees him
and runs to him
and rejoices
to welcome him home.
When the second son
is resentful and angry
and refuses to come
in the house
and shames his father
by refusing to come
into the father's party,
the father leaves the party
to go out
and plead with him.
God knows intimately
the pain of parenting.
Rebellious children
and children who appear
very good on the outside
and on the inside
are resentful and calculating.
But yet he loves us
as a father loves his children,
as a mother holds her children
close to her
and fiercely fights for them
and never abandons them.
You know,
I don't know
whether or not
you're married,
whether or not
you're a parent.
Do you know this God?
Do you know him
as your father in heaven?
Do you know him
as your covenant partner,
your best friend,
your lover?
He will never leave you
or forsake you.
And you can know him
if you will turn
to Jesus Christ today
and put your faith in him.
Let's pray.
our father,
we praise you
because great is your faithfulness.
We praise you
that as you instruct us
in the ways of marriage
and parenting,
that you have not done so
without setting an example
for us.
That you have not done so
without being
the parent that we need
and the spouse
that we long for.
We pray, Lord,
that we would find
our refuge,
our security,
our hope,
our joy
in you,
in your steadfast love,
in your compassion,
in your mercy.
Lord, build us
by your word.
Fill us with your spirit.
May our homes
be full of your spirit
and be shaped
by your word.
Forgive us, Lord,
for we have fallen short.
Lord,
we have ignored
your instructions.
We have persisted
in our own ways.
We have justified
our sin
against our spouses,
against our children,
against our parents.
Lord, renew us.
Fill us in a fresh way
with your Holy Spirit
so that we may
turn towards
our spouses,
turn towards
our children,
turn towards
our parents
with the love
that you pour
into our hearts
through your Holy Spirit.
Lord, renew us.
Continue to
transform us
and change us
day by day
into your likeness
more and more,
we pray.
We pray this
in the name of Jesus Christ,
our Lord and Savior.
Amen.