WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.480 This morning, I'm going to continue right along with our summer series on the book of 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.359 poems or prayers that we call the Psalms. 00:00:09.900 --> 00:00:16.420 And my focus will be on Psalm 51, which is one of my favorite poems from the book of 00:00:16.420 --> 00:00:16.940 the Psalter. 00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:22.339 This is a Psalm probably that I return to most frequently in my own prayer life. 00:00:22.719 --> 00:00:27.760 It's like a well-worn path for my soul that leads me back to God after I've gone astray. 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:32.359 But I want to begin this morning by looking at another one of my favorite poems. 00:00:32.820 --> 00:00:34.900 Just to be clear, it's not a Psalm. 00:00:35.060 --> 00:00:36.100 It's not in the Bible. 00:00:36.380 --> 00:00:39.640 It actually couldn't be more different from Psalm 51. 00:00:40.140 --> 00:00:43.280 And it's written by a poet named William Carlos Williams. 00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:50.840 This poem you may have heard before is famous because it's a classic example of a non-apology 00:00:50.840 --> 00:00:51.520 apology. 00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:58.100 As the story goes, the poem was a note that he left for his wife after he had eaten some 00:00:58.100 --> 00:00:58.780 of her plums. 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:01.080 The poem is called This Is Just to Say. 00:01:03.900 --> 00:01:10.400 I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:11.840 Forgive me. 00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:12.920 They were delicious. 00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:15.580 So sweet and so cold. 00:01:15.579 --> 00:01:17.899 I love this poem. 00:01:17.899 --> 00:01:21.959 At first blush, it might seem like an apology, actually. 00:01:22.179 --> 00:01:24.439 It names what he did and we see the word forgive. 00:01:25.319 --> 00:01:28.719 But if you really stop to consider it, we see that he's stating some facts. 00:01:28.959 --> 00:01:29.980 He ate her plums. 00:01:30.579 --> 00:01:33.060 But then the forgive me here is not a request. 00:01:33.180 --> 00:01:34.859 It strikes me as a command. 00:01:35.459 --> 00:01:37.180 And then it's followed up with a justification. 00:01:37.859 --> 00:01:39.799 How could you hold this against me? 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:41.900 The plums were so delicious. 00:01:42.340 --> 00:01:44.759 They were so sweet and so cold. 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:47.380 I'm not responsible for eating them. 00:01:47.719 --> 00:01:48.680 You can't blame me. 00:01:49.020 --> 00:01:50.960 But you're responsible for dealing with it. 00:01:51.900 --> 00:01:54.380 This is a non-apology apology. 00:01:55.200 --> 00:02:00.800 Now, this poem has inspired a whole sub-genre of similar type poems. 00:02:01.540 --> 00:02:03.860 And they're funny because they're ridiculous. 00:02:04.640 --> 00:02:09.780 But of course, not being able to really and truly apologize isn't funny at all. 00:02:09.920 --> 00:02:12.620 There are a few things that are actually less funny than that. 00:02:12.620 --> 00:02:17.340 There is a Pascal quote that's been floating around during the pandemic. 00:02:17.539 --> 00:02:18.640 You've probably heard it. 00:02:18.640 --> 00:02:19.099 It says, 00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:26.099 All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. 00:02:26.980 --> 00:02:28.939 I'm sure there's lots of truth in that. 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:31.020 But I want to remix that a little bit and ask, 00:02:31.020 --> 00:02:33.159 How many of humanity's problems, 00:02:33.159 --> 00:02:38.160 The wars, the failed marriages, broken families, fractured relationships, 00:02:38.160 --> 00:02:45.340 How many of these problems stem from our inability to do one simple and very powerful thing? 00:02:45.780 --> 00:02:46.740 To apologize. 00:02:47.800 --> 00:02:55.460 I think regularly apologizing is a fundamental practice for anybody who considers themselves to be a Christian. 00:02:55.900 --> 00:02:57.920 But we're not always so good at it. 00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:00.419 It's a difficult thing to do, even though it's simple. 00:03:01.500 --> 00:03:04.899 And not being good at it wreaks havoc on our relationship, not only with God, 00:03:05.019 --> 00:03:07.299 But on our relationship with one another. 00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:13.759 And so our text this morning, Psalm 51, offers us a quintessential apology. 00:03:13.979 --> 00:03:18.699 King David teaches God's people how to offer a full-throated apology, 00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:21.479 Both to God and then to one another. 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:23.799 And so we're going to look at three things this morning. 00:03:23.800 --> 00:03:27.880 First, we're going to look at what inspires such a profound apology. 00:03:28.200 --> 00:03:32.740 Then we're going to look at the instruction that the psalm provides for us. 00:03:32.840 --> 00:03:35.000 What makes for a good apology? 00:03:35.540 --> 00:03:41.080 And we'll also finally look at what this psalm invites us to do. 00:03:41.780 --> 00:03:45.300 So first, we're going to look at what inspires this psalm. 00:03:45.480 --> 00:03:47.340 For what is David apologizing? 00:03:47.760 --> 00:03:50.700 And the subtitle of the psalm gives us the answer. 00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:54.979 It says, this is a psalm of David when Nathan the prophet went to him 00:03:54.979 --> 00:03:57.519 After he had gone in to Bathsheba. 00:03:58.339 --> 00:04:01.519 So you can't appreciate the apology that David offers 00:04:01.519 --> 00:04:03.859 Or the forgiveness that he receives 00:04:03.859 --> 00:04:07.500 Without looking at this very dark chapter in the life of King David. 00:04:07.799 --> 00:04:09.459 And so that's exactly what we're going to do. 00:04:09.679 --> 00:04:13.780 The story is told in 2 Samuel chapters 11 and 12. 00:04:14.280 --> 00:04:17.379 And as I recount the story, I want to look at a few paintings 00:04:17.379 --> 00:04:20.180 That I think help illuminate the story for us. 00:04:20.180 --> 00:04:23.040 The first is a painting by Éry Medoublet. 00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:25.920 And it's from one of my favorite museums 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:29.220 That I would frequent when Susan and I lived in Boston. 00:04:29.840 --> 00:04:31.939 This painting is kind of like a movie. 00:04:32.139 --> 00:04:36.899 It's one painting with multiple scenes from this episode in David's life. 00:04:37.420 --> 00:04:39.220 So we're zooming in on the upper right corner. 00:04:39.500 --> 00:04:42.319 We see David surveying the horizons of his kingdom. 00:04:43.139 --> 00:04:47.759 David remained in Jerusalem while his men were waging wars abroad. 00:04:47.759 --> 00:04:53.240 In verse 2 of 2 Samuel 11, we read that it happened late one afternoon 00:04:53.240 --> 00:04:58.019 When David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king's house 00:04:58.019 --> 00:05:00.639 That he saw from the roof a woman bathing. 00:05:01.480 --> 00:05:03.240 And the woman was very beautiful. 00:05:04.139 --> 00:05:05.699 David learns her name. 00:05:06.180 --> 00:05:09.240 She's Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah the Hittite. 00:05:09.240 --> 00:05:15.519 Who just so happens to be one of David's oldest and closest and most loyal friends. 00:05:16.180 --> 00:05:18.199 But David is undeterred by this news. 00:05:18.579 --> 00:05:21.560 He sends armed guards to fetch Bathsheba. 00:05:22.100 --> 00:05:24.639 And they bring her back to his bed. 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:27.319 And the text says he lay with her. 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:31.680 Now, I don't want to dwell on this because I know that we have kids present. 00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:35.480 But I think it's important to name what's going on here. 00:05:35.939 --> 00:05:40.120 David abuses his power to sexually exploit one of his subjects. 00:05:40.540 --> 00:05:42.259 This is what we call rape. 00:05:43.079 --> 00:05:49.139 And as the story goes on, we learn that Bathsheba becomes pregnant with David's child. 00:05:50.100 --> 00:05:53.720 And so now there's unmistakable evidence for David's crime. 00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:58.180 And so what David proceeds to do is to cover up his rape. 00:05:58.420 --> 00:06:02.280 He decides to murder Uriah, Bathsheba's husband. 00:06:03.000 --> 00:06:05.900 And that is represented in this scene. 00:06:07.180 --> 00:06:10.080 That's David and Uriah there, Bathsheba's husband. 00:06:10.840 --> 00:06:15.140 You see, David recalls Uriah from battle to try to get him to sleep with his wife. 00:06:15.420 --> 00:06:20.120 So that it would seem like the baby in her womb is Uriah's. 00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:30.399 But Uriah is an honorable man, and he refuses to avail himself of such liberties as David was asking him to do while his friends are at war. 00:06:31.500 --> 00:06:37.459 And so what David does is he hands Uriah a letter with instructions for Uriah's commander. 00:06:37.699 --> 00:06:39.100 Uriah thwarted his plans. 00:06:39.840 --> 00:06:41.180 So David's going to have him killed. 00:06:41.340 --> 00:06:47.040 David tells the commander to put Uriah in a dangerous position in battle so that he would be killed. 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:53.840 So Uriah returns to the front lines with the very letter that sends him to his death. 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:55.900 This is really dark stuff. 00:06:56.680 --> 00:07:01.760 Now up until this point in time, David knows that he's done wrong, but he isn't sorry. 00:07:02.320 --> 00:07:10.600 And so what I've done is taken the liberty to write what I would imagine to be David's version of a This Is Just to Say poem. 00:07:11.280 --> 00:07:12.240 So this is what I've written. 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:31.120 Now David is just out of control here. 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:40.500 And it's not until God steps in and intervenes that David stops his rampant sinfulness. 00:07:40.959 --> 00:07:47.639 We see in 2 Samuel 12 that God finally breaks through, and God is gracious to David. 00:07:48.240 --> 00:07:51.540 And here his grace takes a really interesting form. 00:07:52.060 --> 00:07:55.199 God's grace comes in the form of Nathan's prophetic judgment. 00:07:55.199 --> 00:08:00.279 And I call this judgment grace because it's this that leads David to repentance. 00:08:00.920 --> 00:08:04.519 So Nathan gets very creative in confronting David. 00:08:04.639 --> 00:08:09.240 He spins a story to sneak past the watchful dragons of David's defensiveness. 00:08:09.860 --> 00:08:15.439 And it's the story about a rich and powerful man who abuses his power at the expense of a poor man. 00:08:15.539 --> 00:08:17.560 He steals this poor man's beloved sheep. 00:08:18.099 --> 00:08:21.579 And this story incites David's righteous anger. 00:08:21.579 --> 00:08:24.680 And David says that such a man deserves to die. 00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:28.359 And then comes the famous line from Nathan the prophet. 00:08:29.719 --> 00:08:35.360 It's captured here in this painting by Jacob Backer, this line that cuts David right to the heart. 00:08:35.980 --> 00:08:37.840 I love the drama of the painting. 00:08:38.139 --> 00:08:43.159 Nathan's carrying the word of God under his right arm, and he's speaking the word of God to David. 00:08:43.740 --> 00:08:45.559 And David is caught in his sin. 00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:46.220 He's convicted. 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:47.480 He's looking up to heaven. 00:08:48.259 --> 00:08:49.100 Nathan says to him, 00:08:49.100 --> 00:08:50.420 You are the man. 00:08:50.560 --> 00:08:52.080 You're the man who deserves to die. 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:55.300 And David is finally convicted of his sin. 00:08:55.460 --> 00:08:56.500 And he confesses. 00:08:56.820 --> 00:08:57.220 And he says, 00:08:57.320 --> 00:08:59.460 I have sinned against the Lord. 00:08:59.899 --> 00:09:04.540 And right then and there, Nathan pronounces the Lord's forgiveness for his sin. 00:09:05.279 --> 00:09:09.120 Now, I want to say a couple things before we get into the content of Psalm 51. 00:09:09.560 --> 00:09:17.000 The first thing I want to say is that this story in the Psalm illuminates the beautiful scandal of the gospel. 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:18.720 And the gospel is a scandal. 00:09:19.500 --> 00:09:23.899 This is what it is, that sinners can be forgiven by grace. 00:09:24.860 --> 00:09:31.919 If David, a man who committed such grave sins, can receive forgiveness, then surely so can you and I. 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:38.500 I think this story that inspired this psalm gets at the very heart of the gospel. 00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:42.159 This is what we read about in 1 Timothy 1.15, where Paul says, 00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:50.179 This saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. 00:09:50.779 --> 00:09:52.279 Grace is not for sinless people. 00:09:52.659 --> 00:09:53.620 It's for sinners. 00:09:54.299 --> 00:09:58.659 And grace for sinners overflows through the cross of Jesus Christ. 00:09:58.659 --> 00:10:06.939 And the second thing I want to say as we consider this psalm is that it's important to see that the psalm is part of a conversation. 00:10:07.939 --> 00:10:11.759 Psalm 51 is not the first word in the conversation. 00:10:12.360 --> 00:10:14.500 God, in fact, has the first word. 00:10:14.919 --> 00:10:17.600 And that first word is spoken through Nathan the prophet. 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:23.360 David's confession is a response to God's gracious initiative. 00:10:23.579 --> 00:10:25.319 One commentator puts it this way. 00:10:25.320 --> 00:10:35.060 Confession of sin is always already on the way to justification because it is, first of all, a response to grace. 00:10:35.780 --> 00:10:37.340 Now, why is this important? 00:10:37.900 --> 00:10:48.600 I think it's important because it shows us that the conviction of sin, the very desire to confess and repent, and the forgiveness of sin is all grace. 00:10:49.060 --> 00:10:52.340 Grace goes before us and grace goes behind us. 00:10:52.560 --> 00:10:53.860 Grace surrounds us. 00:10:53.860 --> 00:10:54.419 Grace goes before us. 00:10:54.419 --> 00:10:58.500 So that's the story that inspired Psalm 51. 00:10:58.820 --> 00:11:04.379 And now I want to look at what the psalm teaches us about a real apology. 00:11:05.220 --> 00:11:09.200 I think this psalm shows us a good apology has three elements. 00:11:09.659 --> 00:11:13.139 It has confession, contrition, and repentance. 00:11:13.800 --> 00:11:17.379 Or in plain English, an apology says three things. 00:11:17.379 --> 00:11:19.759 An apology says, I was wrong. 00:11:20.279 --> 00:11:21.279 I'm sorry. 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:23.120 And I love you. 00:11:23.559 --> 00:11:26.679 That's inspired by a title of one of Derek Webb's songs. 00:11:26.939 --> 00:11:29.039 So we'll look at each of these in kind. 00:11:29.179 --> 00:11:31.759 First, we'll look at saying I was wrong. 00:11:31.899 --> 00:11:33.980 Here we're talking about confession. 00:11:33.980 --> 00:11:37.539 Confession simply means that I state the facts. 00:11:37.539 --> 00:11:38.759 I name it. 00:11:38.759 --> 00:11:39.759 I own it. 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:40.059 I own it. 00:11:40.159 --> 00:11:41.519 And I take responsibility. 00:11:42.220 --> 00:11:50.220 And I affirm that the person that I've hurt is right to be angry or right to be hurt or right to be offended by what I have done. 00:11:50.220 --> 00:11:56.840 To confess is to speak the truth about the wrong that we have committed, the hurts that we have caused. 00:11:57.500 --> 00:12:01.379 And confession is an essential step if we desire reconciliation. 00:12:02.279 --> 00:12:06.440 Jamar Tisby, I think, hits the nail on the head in his book, The Color of Compromise. 00:12:06.440 --> 00:12:07.639 He writes this. 00:12:08.399 --> 00:12:13.399 History and scripture teaches us that there can be no reconciliation without repentance. 00:12:14.160 --> 00:12:16.580 There can be no repentance without confession. 00:12:17.080 --> 00:12:20.200 And there can be no confession without truth. 00:12:21.019 --> 00:12:29.320 Before any reconciliation is possible, whether that's racial reconciliation, reconciliation with us and God or us and other people, 00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:35.100 we first need to be honest about the wrongs that we've committed and confess them. 00:12:35.580 --> 00:12:39.320 And we see that in David's psalm in verses 1 through 4. 00:12:40.120 --> 00:12:40.860 David says, 00:12:41.139 --> 00:12:44.259 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love. 00:12:44.740 --> 00:12:47.840 According to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions. 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:51.800 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:55.840 For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. 00:12:56.460 --> 00:13:00.639 Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, 00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:05.759 so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. 00:13:06.320 --> 00:13:07.860 Note what's missing here. 00:13:08.280 --> 00:13:13.220 There's no excuse, no justification, no explaining away. 00:13:13.220 --> 00:13:14.840 There's no hedging. 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:22.259 Unlike so many of the apologies we see, the public apologies we see by politicians or celebrities, 00:13:22.940 --> 00:13:26.080 David is not distancing himself from what he's done. 00:13:26.460 --> 00:13:27.920 He's not saying something like, 00:13:28.180 --> 00:13:29.600 Mistakes were made or, 00:13:30.019 --> 00:13:32.000 I'm sorry if you are offended. 00:13:32.779 --> 00:13:34.519 Note, David pulls no punches here. 00:13:35.019 --> 00:13:37.420 His confession couldn't be more comprehensive. 00:13:37.419 --> 00:13:43.519 In these first two verses, David refers to his offenses using three different words. 00:13:44.099 --> 00:13:48.579 He confesses his transgressions, his iniquities, and his sins. 00:13:49.179 --> 00:13:51.879 And David's not just being particularly poetic here. 00:13:52.279 --> 00:13:56.579 He's using the whole range of the Old Testament vocabulary for sin. 00:13:57.339 --> 00:14:00.719 All of it, he's saying, I'm guilty of all of the things. 00:14:01.019 --> 00:14:02.399 He's not covering anything up. 00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:03.719 He's not justifying anything. 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:08.040 Now, David does say something surprising that I want to talk about. 00:14:08.139 --> 00:14:09.560 In verse four, he says to God, 00:14:09.700 --> 00:14:12.720 Against you, you only have I sinned. 00:14:12.740 --> 00:14:14.040 So what are we supposed to do with that? 00:14:14.940 --> 00:14:20.200 I don't think that David's overlooking the crimes against Bathsheba and Uriah. 00:14:21.040 --> 00:14:24.639 When we sin against people who are created in the image of God, 00:14:24.759 --> 00:14:28.100 we're sinning against them, but ultimately we're sinning against God, 00:14:28.200 --> 00:14:31.639 who created them in his image, and we're accountable to God. 00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:37.480 In 2 Samuel 12, verse 13, when David comes clean and confesses, he says, 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:39.600 I have sinned against the Lord. 00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:43.460 The sins committed against Bathsheba and Uriah, 00:14:43.559 --> 00:14:48.779 he understands to be the very ways in which he sinned against the Lord. 00:14:49.659 --> 00:14:52.279 So that's the first aspect of a good apology, 00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:55.399 saying I was wrong, confessing what we've done. 00:14:55.980 --> 00:15:00.220 And the second aspect of a good apology is saying, I am sorry. 00:15:00.220 --> 00:15:03.480 And here I'm talking about contrition. 00:15:04.220 --> 00:15:07.060 Now the word contrition comes from an old Latin word 00:15:07.060 --> 00:15:10.940 that means to be worn out or to be ground to pieces. 00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:16.379 So when we're saying we're sorry, we're saying we feel beat up about what we've done. 00:15:17.060 --> 00:15:22.300 So I'm talking about a sense of remorse, a sense of regret about our actions. 00:15:22.740 --> 00:15:27.180 A real apology is not just confessing the wrong that we've done, 00:15:27.179 --> 00:15:29.519 but actually feeling sorry for it. 00:15:30.339 --> 00:15:32.679 The heart disposition here is everything. 00:15:33.179 --> 00:15:38.099 Now I want to illustrate this by sharing a little story about my children. 00:15:38.779 --> 00:15:44.539 Billy and Jack, my sons, were fighting over a lint roller this past week. 00:15:44.599 --> 00:15:48.819 They have lots of other toys, but they decided that it was the lint roller that they wanted to fight over. 00:15:48.820 --> 00:15:53.640 And Billy overpowered Jack and ended up jabbing him in the face with the lint roller, 00:15:53.800 --> 00:15:56.200 causing Jack to bleed a little bit and cry. 00:15:56.620 --> 00:15:57.560 And Billy thought it was hilarious. 00:15:57.900 --> 00:16:00.500 So I got up, went over there to try to mediate between them. 00:16:00.540 --> 00:16:03.020 And I said, Billy, what do you need to do? 00:16:03.060 --> 00:16:05.379 You need to apologize for what you've done to Jack. 00:16:05.760 --> 00:16:10.440 And so Billy in obedience decided he was going to apologize, but did it through laughter. 00:16:11.500 --> 00:16:15.160 Laughing while you're apologizing is not an effective apology. 00:16:15.159 --> 00:16:16.799 His heart wasn't in it. 00:16:16.899 --> 00:16:19.299 He was saying sorry, but he wasn't really sorry. 00:16:20.039 --> 00:16:25.559 Now I know that part of my job as a parent is to help my children develop a sense of empathy 00:16:25.559 --> 00:16:29.419 so that they know how they ought to feel when they've hurt somebody. 00:16:29.500 --> 00:16:32.899 And I think in a very similar way, this is what this Psalm does for us. 00:16:33.379 --> 00:16:37.480 It teaches us how to be human when we've done wrong, how we should respond. 00:16:38.259 --> 00:16:40.659 And Psalm 51 shows us that when we err, 00:16:40.659 --> 00:16:48.620 God delights not in formulaic words or rituals, but in broken and contrite hearts. 00:16:48.839 --> 00:16:51.559 We see this in verses 16 and 17. 00:16:52.360 --> 00:16:53.079 David writes, 00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:56.579 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it. 00:16:57.059 --> 00:16:59.240 You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 00:16:59.879 --> 00:17:05.059 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. 00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.859 Oh God, you will not despise. 00:17:06.859 --> 00:17:11.240 Now I don't think David is giving a hard rejection of the sacrificial system. 00:17:11.339 --> 00:17:15.519 I think the point he's making is that there should be no expectation 00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:22.199 of some sort of automatic or mechanized forgiveness by mere ritual. 00:17:22.599 --> 00:17:24.359 It's not enough to go through the motions. 00:17:25.199 --> 00:17:29.939 Forgiveness does not come through merely uttering the words of our corporate confession of sin. 00:17:30.619 --> 00:17:33.819 That confession is not some sort of magical incantation. 00:17:33.819 --> 00:17:36.879 Our heart needs to be in it for it to be effective. 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:41.919 What David is saying here is that God doesn't want us to do a bunch of religious things when 00:17:41.919 --> 00:17:44.000 we've done wrong to atone for our sins. 00:17:44.379 --> 00:17:48.579 He wants us to cast ourselves upon him to receive his grace. 00:17:49.399 --> 00:17:56.059 And so in a good apology, saying sorry means that our hearts align with our heads. 00:17:56.259 --> 00:17:59.980 Our feelings fit the things that we are confessing. 00:17:59.980 --> 00:18:04.440 Because confession without a broken heart is ultimately hollow. 00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:07.700 It's like Billy saying he's sorry through giggles. 00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:12.839 Now this brings us to the final aspect of what a good apology includes. 00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:14.779 And that's saying, I love you. 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:16.980 And here I'm talking about repentance. 00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:25.000 Now saying I love you is not simply the reassurance of a relationship or feelings that I have. 00:18:25.019 --> 00:18:27.079 It's not just saying I feel a certain way. 00:18:27.079 --> 00:18:32.000 Saying I love you means to say I'm committed to taking action to change. 00:18:32.419 --> 00:18:36.259 Now in the Bible, love is always a commitment to action. 00:18:36.559 --> 00:18:39.279 We see that in John 14, for instance, when Jesus says, 00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:43.259 If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 00:18:44.059 --> 00:18:47.980 Because Jesus knows that love proves itself by action. 00:18:48.879 --> 00:18:53.799 Christians love Jesus by seeking to follow him in faith and repentance. 00:18:53.799 --> 00:18:57.220 Because real love is not lip service. 00:18:57.940 --> 00:19:00.319 A real apology commits to repentance. 00:19:00.879 --> 00:19:06.119 Now in our family, we have a little mantra when our kids are violent with one another, 00:19:06.119 --> 00:19:07.339 when they hurt each other. 00:19:08.180 --> 00:19:12.839 We say when this happens, hands are for helping, they're not for hurting. 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:19.879 And so when we say I love you, we mean to say that we're going to stop using our hands to hurt. 00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:22.920 And we're going to start using our hands to help. 00:19:23.360 --> 00:19:26.500 And we see this in verses 13 through 15. 00:19:27.220 --> 00:19:31.960 After David asks the Lord to restore to him the joy of salvation, he says this, 00:19:32.220 --> 00:19:36.680 Then I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners will return to you. 00:19:37.480 --> 00:19:41.440 Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, 00:19:41.440 --> 00:19:44.080 and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:48.420 O Lord, open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise. 00:19:48.420 --> 00:19:53.259 So David is saying rather than transgress against your ways, 00:19:53.720 --> 00:19:56.620 I'm going to teach transgressors your ways. 00:19:57.039 --> 00:20:01.440 Rather than use my tongue to devise evil schemes and plans, 00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:05.400 I'll use my tongue to praise you and to worship you. 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:11.320 So those are the three elements of a good apology that we see in Psalm 51, 00:20:11.840 --> 00:20:15.800 saying I was wrong, I'm sorry, and I love you. 00:20:15.799 --> 00:20:21.879 So now I want to turn to what this psalm invites us to do. 00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:27.259 And I think it should be fairly obvious how we should respond to this psalm. 00:20:27.339 --> 00:20:32.220 I think the psalm invites us to be men and women who not only know how to apologize, 00:20:32.799 --> 00:20:38.099 but make regular practice of doing so, both to God and to one another. 00:20:38.099 --> 00:20:45.519 Now, I think to be these kind of people requires that we be a part of a certain kind of community. 00:20:46.019 --> 00:20:49.679 So I have a few ideas that I want to share here as we close. 00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:50.699 The first thing is this. 00:20:51.259 --> 00:20:58.559 I think this psalm invites us to reimagine how we point out the wrongs committed by other people. 00:20:58.559 --> 00:21:01.740 Now, I'm hoping as I've been talking about apologizing, 00:21:01.899 --> 00:21:05.819 your first thought hasn't been all of the things that other people need to apologize for. 00:21:05.940 --> 00:21:08.039 This sermon is for you, not for them. 00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:16.879 But all the same, we need to think about how we invite other people to apologize for things that they've done. 00:21:17.079 --> 00:21:23.359 And here, the difference, I think, is between that I want to focus on is the difference between calling out and calling in. 00:21:23.359 --> 00:21:28.500 When we call people out for things that they've done wrong, we're exposing their misdeeds. 00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:33.419 And I think we're primarily seeking for justice and sometimes punishment. 00:21:33.959 --> 00:21:37.579 But calling out is very different from calling in. 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:41.079 Calling in also exposes people's misdeeds. 00:21:41.199 --> 00:21:47.719 It's also confrontational, but it's seeking reconciliation, not just to expose somebody's crimes. 00:21:47.959 --> 00:21:53.219 I think so much depends on how we approach conflict and confrontation. 00:21:53.359 --> 00:22:00.479 I think we need to confront people in a way that disarms them rather than activates their defenses. 00:22:00.479 --> 00:22:07.500 If we want to be people who are creating a space where we can apologize well and frequently. 00:22:08.059 --> 00:22:17.419 And the second thing I want to mention here is I think this psalm invites us to reimagine how we ourselves receive correction. 00:22:17.420 --> 00:22:26.840 I think the psalm invites us to be the kind of people who view apologies not as threats to ourselves, but as opportunities. 00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:28.600 Apologies are not threats. 00:22:28.759 --> 00:22:29.759 They are opportunities. 00:22:30.600 --> 00:22:32.180 Apologies are not a sign of weakness. 00:22:32.320 --> 00:22:34.539 They're signs of godly humility. 00:22:35.340 --> 00:22:40.279 God wants us to be a people who never waste the opportunity to apologize. 00:22:40.279 --> 00:22:47.220 Now, as we close, I want to share a recent opportunity that I've had to apologize. 00:22:48.059 --> 00:22:59.579 About a week or so, I received a really good and really godly and a really painful email from Dedeen, one of our members here at Church of the Advent. 00:22:59.879 --> 00:23:02.440 And the email was about how I had hurt her. 00:23:02.440 --> 00:23:05.640 And I'm sharing this story with her blessing. 00:23:05.820 --> 00:23:07.299 She and I chatted about this. 00:23:08.279 --> 00:23:20.180 So as a black woman in our church, Dedeen shared with me how she was hurt that I haven't reached out to her to check in to see how she was doing during the past few months of racial unrest in our country. 00:23:20.180 --> 00:23:32.140 In many ways, my going to protests and my organizing and helping to lead a conversation on the color of compromise that engages issues of racial injustice. 00:23:32.660 --> 00:23:38.720 These these actions were kind of like pouring salt in the wound for Dedeen. 00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:42.079 She and I'm paraphrasing. 00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:54.620 She asked in the email how how I could really care about building bridges and seeking racial justice in our city if I'm not doing that kind of work with people in our own church. 00:23:55.059 --> 00:24:00.799 As you can imagine, this was a pretty difficult thing to read and to receive. 00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:03.299 But I did receive it. 00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:05.860 Dedeen sent it with great intention. 00:24:06.019 --> 00:24:07.319 She was calling me in. 00:24:07.319 --> 00:24:14.720 She realized that she was becoming resentful and a root of bitterness was developing in her heart. 00:24:15.500 --> 00:24:22.599 And rather than allow that to take root, she decided to share her hurt with me and provide me with an opportunity to set things right. 00:24:23.639 --> 00:24:28.399 And I received Dedeen's words much like David received the words of Nathan, the prophet. 00:24:28.939 --> 00:24:32.019 These were God's words spoken to me in many ways. 00:24:32.379 --> 00:24:33.679 And she was absolutely right. 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:39.539 And so I called Dedeen and I apologized without excuses or without any justification. 00:24:39.539 --> 00:24:54.039 And the conversation that we had afterwards was really helpful for me because it exposed a tendency that I'm realizing in my heart to intellectualize things, to avoid actually having to engage with actual people. 00:24:54.359 --> 00:24:56.759 I don't know if any of you have this kind of tendency. 00:24:56.759 --> 00:25:09.879 It's far easier and far less messy to love humanity rather than it is to love our actual neighbors, people who might say difficult things to us. 00:25:10.039 --> 00:25:12.819 It's far easier to read a book than to have a conversation. 00:25:12.819 --> 00:25:19.339 And this is just an area that the Lord is doing some work in my life right now. 00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:27.179 And he used Dedeen in a really powerful way to expose some things so that I can apologize and make progress. 00:25:27.819 --> 00:25:29.740 Now, I just want to be clear. 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.599 I share this story not to toot my own horn because it's kind of an embarrassing one. 00:25:34.700 --> 00:25:36.379 It's not something that I'm particularly proud of. 00:25:37.500 --> 00:25:39.759 I'm sharing it as an encouragement to us. 00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:54.900 Um, I'm hoping, um, that we can see that in order for us, if we want to be the type of church that participates in the ministry of reconciliation in any way, we need to be a church that knows how to apologize. 00:25:55.680 --> 00:26:01.319 You know, I hurt Dedeen and she provided me with the opportunity to apologize. 00:26:02.099 --> 00:26:09.700 And the fact that all of this happened, I don't think is an indication of failure on my part necessarily, or even on our community. 00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:11.700 I think it's a sign of progress. 00:26:11.839 --> 00:26:16.140 We're making progress when we're calling one another in and we're able to apologize. 00:26:16.920 --> 00:26:28.000 Now, in a moment, we'll have the opportunity to apologize to God in prayer for the ways in which we've failed to love him with our whole heart and love our neighbors as ourselves. 00:26:28.740 --> 00:26:33.599 But before we do that, I want us to consider our relationships with one another. 00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:38.859 Consider your relationships with your family, your friends, people in the church, your neighbors. 00:26:40.119 --> 00:26:44.099 Are there people that we've hurt or offended or wronged? 00:26:44.139 --> 00:26:45.279 It could be last week. 00:26:45.339 --> 00:26:46.639 It could be 10 years ago. 00:26:47.419 --> 00:26:51.299 Have you done something for which you need to apologize? 00:26:51.299 --> 00:27:05.519 I want to end by giving us an opportunity to pray a prayer that will help us to inventory our hearts and our souls to think if there are certain people that we need to apologize to. 00:27:05.740 --> 00:27:09.700 And I want us to pray this prayer together and commit to taking action. 00:27:09.700 --> 00:27:19.600 This prayer comes from Howard Thurman, a great preacher and civil rights activist in the 20th century from his book, Meditations of the Heart. 00:27:20.180 --> 00:27:22.120 Let's pray this prayer together. 00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:27.419 The concern which I lay before you today is this, Lord. 00:27:28.239 --> 00:27:38.079 Whatever disaffection there is between me and those who are or have been close to me, I would seek the root or cause of such disaffection. 00:27:38.739 --> 00:27:42.399 And with the illumination of your mind, oh God, to understand it. 00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:51.900 I give myself to your scrutiny that whatever there may be in me that is responsible for what has happened, I will acknowledge. 00:27:52.840 --> 00:27:59.400 Where I have wronged or given offense deliberately or without intention, I seek a face-to-face forgiveness. 00:28:00.340 --> 00:28:08.019 Where I have been wronged or have taken offense deliberately or without intention, I seek a face-to-face forgiveness. 00:28:08.800 --> 00:28:11.519 What I can undo, I'm willing to try. 00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:16.060 What I cannot undo, with that I seek to make my peace. 00:28:16.860 --> 00:28:21.640 How to do these things, what techniques to use, with what spirit. 00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:25.960 For these I need and seek your wisdom and strength, oh God. 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:34.500 Whatever disaffection there is between me and those who are or who have been very close to me, I lay before you. 00:28:35.360 --> 00:28:38.780 In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.