Well, if you are new to Watermark and you don't know me, my name's Kevin, I'm one of the leaders here.
And as you heard, we are doing this series called Living Distinctively.
Those of us that are Christians believe that Jesus, or Christianity is not just good advice, it's good news.
It's good news that actually changes us.
The gospel doesn't just save us to get to heaven one day, it creates a new kind of people.
And Christians are those who then live distinctively.
And specifically, we are looking at how the Christian faith reshapes and reframes three things that most Hong Kongers think are essential for a meaningful and satisfying life.
In Hong Kong, we generally believe that we treat things like money, sex, and power in a very consumeristic way.
And we believe that to have a meaningful and satisfied life, you need more of those things, right?
More money, more sex, and more power is going to make you a happy person.
Well, this morning we want to look at how, well, in this series we're looking at how Christian faith challenges that and reframes that.
And this morning we're going to look at the topic of sex.
How does Christian faith, and the gospel in particular, reframe and reshape the way we think about sex and intimacy and sexuality?
Now, before we dive in, Henry's going to come and read the scripture to us this morning.
But before we go there, I want to just say a couple of things.
The first thing to say is I know that this topic is one that for probably most of us in the room is one that is very difficult to talk about and very difficult to listen to in church.
And there's a couple of reasons for that.
One of the reasons is probably all of us here carry some level of shame or regret when it comes to sexuality and sex and intimacy.
None of us here are the standard of moral perfection.
Probably all of us here have some track record of regret and guilt and shame.
And so that alone just makes it difficult.
For some of us here, maybe we are right now feel enslaved to some kind of sexual addiction.
It could be pornography.
It could be visiting sex workers.
It could be some other kind of addiction.
And so in addition to the shame and the guilt, we feel trapped.
We feel enslaved.
We feel like there's no way out.
I don't know.
We can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
For some of us here, we may have been the victims of sexual abuse.
That could be physical and overt and direct in our face.
It could be subtle and suggested, but it's abuse nonetheless.
And abuse is always traumatic.
For some of us here, maybe we carry either the shame or the scars of betrayal, of unfaithfulness in a marriage.
And even if that was many years ago, and there's been reconciliation, and there's been forgiveness, and there's been healing, we still live with the scars and the shame and the memory.
And we'll live with that for all of our lives probably.
Friends, for some of us, maybe you've been hurt by the worst of Christian purity culture.
Churches typically have handled this really bad.
And so maybe you were told growing up, listen, if you're a good boy and a good girl, and you keep your pants up, one day God is going to bring you an amazing spouse, and you're going to have sexual utopia for the rest of your life.
And it doesn't quite work like that.
That's not how things work.
Or maybe you're told in the church, if you have sex outside of marriage, it's the unforgivable sin, and you're now broken goods.
The petal's being pulled off, and that's the way it is.
Sorry for you.
Friends, that's not necessarily true.
It's serious, but it's not unforgivable.
There's redemption.
There's healing.
You are not broken goods.
Or maybe you experience kind of a male chauvinism, where the women were just told, your job is not to make men stumble.
And your job is to please your husband so that they don't go off somewhere else.
And it's kind of this very chauvinistic misogynist in the church.
Friends, for lots of different reasons, this is an area.
Here's another reason.
Most marriages experience real difficulty in the area of sex and intimacy.
Most marriages.
And so for lots of different reasons, the chances are, most of us, this is a difficult topic.
And I just want to acknowledge that and say, we're going to try and deal with it, with grace.
We're not here to add shame.
We're here, we want to talk about it because we think God's got something to say.
And we trust that as we listen to Him, we'll experience the grace and the kindness and the freedom of God.
One other thing I want to say before we start is, or before we get to our scripture, we're going to look at the scripture today.
And the reason is because we believe that the scripture, God's word is good.
What it means to be the church is to be God's people.
And God's word, the Bible, is not just advice or moralism or the rules.
It is the living words of the true God.
Or it's the true words, the living God.
God's word comes to us to bring hope, to challenge us at times, but also to bring freedom.
To speak a better word than the word of our culture, the word of our shame, the word of our guilt.
To speak a better word.
And so we're going to look at the scriptures because God's word is good for us.
So, as Henry comes up, Henry, do you want to come and read?
We're going to look at 1 Corinthians chapter 6.
As he does that, I want you to notice something about this passage.
There's lots of quotation marks.
And the way it works is those quotation marks aren't in the original Greek.
The English translators put them in.
But they're probably accurate.
They put them there to help us.
What's happening here, there's a conversation.
The Corinthians, either in a previous letter or this is their thinking,
they say some things in quotation mark and then Paul responds.
And so Paul says, you say this, but listen to my response.
And so this is a conversation between Paul and the Corinthians.
I say that just so you can understand a bit of what's going on.
So on that note, let's listen to the reading of God's word this morning.
So the passage that we're looking at is from 1 Corinthians 6, starting at verse 12.
Sometimes there are really surprising things in the Bible.
And we think, does the Bible really say that?
Well, let's listen to what God says, really says in his word this morning.
1 Corinthians 6, verse 12.
All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful.
All things are lawful for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything.
Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food.
And God will destroy both one and the other.
The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body.
And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.
Do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ?
Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?
Never.
Or do you know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?
For it is written, the two will become one flesh.
But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.
Flee from sexual immorality.
Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?
You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.
So glorify God in your body.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, it's good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This is the Word of God.
Great, thank you Henry.
Okay, so let's dive in.
The big idea for today is this.
Christianity shows us that sex and intimacy are God's good gifts for relationship, not self-gratification,
to deepen and develop intimacy, not identity,
and to point us to Christ because sexual love is meant to reflect God's saving love.
Okay, so that's the big idea.
I know it's a long sentence.
Let me say it again.
Christianity shows us that sex and intimacy are God's good gifts given for relationship, not self-gratification,
given to develop and strengthen intimacy, not identity,
and to point us to Christ because sexual love is meant to reflect God's saving love.
And I've got four things to say along these lines, okay?
Let's dive into the first one.
Sex is about love, not freedom.
Okay, sounds very obvious.
Look at our passage here today.
I want you to notice a couple of things that the Corinthians were saying that reflect our own culture's view
towards sex and intimacy and sexuality.
The first thing that they say is,
sex is a private matter.
Sex is about my own freedom.
Who are you to tell me what to do?
They say here, look at the quotation marks,
all things are lawful for me.
Or as the NIV says,
I have the right to do anything I want.
That's what they're saying, right?
Listen, Paul, who are you?
Who is this Jesus fellow?
Who is the church to tell me what to do with my body?
I am free.
I can do whatever I want.
All things are lawful for me.
I have the right to do whatever I want.
And Paul says, if you approach sexuality like that,
you won't be free at all.
You'll become a slave.
You'll be a slave to your own desires.
Slave to your addictions.
Look at what he says.
All things are lawful for me.
You say, but I tell you, not all things are helpful.
You say, all things are lawful for me.
Yes, but don't be enslaved or dominated by anything.
In the ancient world, when Paul's writing this,
sex and intimacy largely had to do with,
yes, personal fulfillment and gratification,
but it actually had a lot to do with power
and the power structures of the day.
In the ancient world,
not anybody could just hook up with anybody.
Men were allowed to have sex with almost anybody they wanted,
but women who had far less social standing and power
had to be chaste and very conservative and dignified
and were expected to be virgins by the time they got married.
But men could sleep with almost anybody they wanted
as long as they were lower than them
on the social standing ladder.
So men could have sex with a servant, a slave, a concubine,
a poorer woman, even young boys.
No problem.
But for the women, they had to be very chaste.
In other words, in the ancient world,
sex was about personal fulfillment and pleasure,
but it was also an exercise of power.
The strong enforcing themselves,
gratifying themselves on the weak,
the powerful taking advantage of the powerless.
And so when the Corinthians say,
I have the right to do whatever I want,
what that means is I'm free.
I'm my own person.
Who are you to tell me what to do?
Until the gospel comes in, and the gospel says this,
sex is about love, not freedom,
because sex is not about using your power
to get your own way or personal fulfillment.
It's actually about becoming vulnerable
and mutually giving up power
in the service of one another.
It's not about using your power to gratify yourself.
It's actually about giving up your power mutually
and becoming vulnerable to serve each other,
just as Christ did for us.
Think about how Christ Jesus,
who had all the power in the universe,
gave up his power,
became vulnerable to serve his bride, the church.
Look at chapter seven.
Henry read it to us in verse four.
There's a lot here, so we won't go into all of it,
but verse four says,
the wife does not have authority over her own body,
but the husband does.
In the ancient world, every male reading that says,
yeah, we all know that.
So what?
What's the big deal?
Until the next line, Paul writes,
likewise, the husband does not have authority
over his own body, but the wife does.
What?
Wait.
In the ancient world,
nobody would have believed
such progressive nonsense, right?
Everybody knew the man has authority
over the wife's body and not the other way around.
But the gospel comes and shows another way.
Friends, the gospel shows and says,
sex is not about power,
about what you can get,
it's about what you can give.
Those that had discovered Christ
and Christ's approach to loving his bride
saw there's another way to approach this.
Now, in modern times,
we also view sex as personal freedom and pleasure,
not so much based on power and authority,
but based on individualism and autonomy.
So in our culture,
these days,
we believe that to be fully human,
to be a fully authentic person,
you must be free to express your individual desires,
however you want,
on your journey towards personal fulfillment.
But again,
the gospel comes and says,
sex is not about expressing individual autonomy
or fulfillment,
it's about giving up your autonomy.
It's about serving and vulnerability
and mutually serving one another,
just as Christ did the church.
Think about how Christ gave up his autonomy,
became a servant,
a man to serve his church,
his bride,
and so,
sex is not so much about freedom,
what can I do,
what can I not do,
gratifying myself,
it's about loving and giving up your rights
for the sake of the other.
In 1 John chapter 4,
the apostle John writes and says,
this is how we know what love is.
This is the love of God made manifest,
that God sent his son into the world
to be an atoning sacrifice
that we might live for him.
This is love,
not demanding my rights
or my privileges,
but giving those up
for the sake of the other.
This is love,
not demanding my own gratification,
but serving.
Sex is about love,
not freedom.
In the 1990s,
there was a famous pop song called,
What's Love Got to Do With It?
Anybody remember that?
Okay?
Tina Turner,
I think it was.
That is the tagline
of our modern sexual ethic, right?
What's love got to do with it?
Prince Christianity says,
love has everything to do with it,
because sexual love
is meant to reflect
God's gracious,
generous,
saving love,
a giving of himself,
which means giving up power,
giving up individualism,
becoming vulnerable and naked,
not just physically,
but emotionally,
relationally,
letting the other in
and say,
this is who I am.
Giving up individualism
as you love and serve
the person you committed
to loving and serving,
whether for better or worse,
all the days of your life.
Okay?
I hope that makes sense.
Sex is for love,
not freedom.
For relationship,
not individualism.
Secondly,
sex is sacred,
not insignificant.
Look at the second thing
these Corinthians are saying.
I think this is verse 13.
They say,
listen,
food is for stomach
and the stomach is for food.
Okay?
In other words,
what they're saying is,
sex is really nothing,
it's just a natural biological impulse,
it's a natural desire.
There's food,
I've got a hungry stomach,
they go together.
I've got a body,
it desires sex,
they go together.
In other words,
just as food
and my stomach
is a natural appetite,
is what it means,
I've got to satisfy this appetite,
so I have a sexual appetite,
my body does that,
what's the big deal, right?
Like food and sleep
and any other natural appetite,
the way to handle
my sexual desires
is to feed them.
Food is for the stomach,
stomach is for the food,
certain body parts are for sex,
sex is for certain body parts,
what's the deal?
In other words,
sex is nothing.
Don't make it a big deal.
Friends, again,
does this not reflect
our modern culture?
As moderns,
we no longer think of sex
as a function of procreation
or having children
or an expression of commitment
is nothing more
than just a physical appetite,
something to satisfy
from time to time.
But look at what Paul does
in response to this.
Paul tells the Corinthians
that they've profoundly misunderstood
both the nature of sex
and also the human body
because sex is overwhelmingly sacred,
precious,
not insignificant.
Who you sleep with
is profoundly significant.
Look at how Paul says this.
He says,
the body is not meant
for sexual immorality
but for the Lord
and the Lord is for the body.
Friends, Christians understand
that as Christians,
our bodies are not just
a container
to hold our immaterial soul.
We are not just immaterial beings
that happen to have a body
that will one day
go to an immaterial world.
We are embodied beings
and our body is important.
Our body matters to God.
What we do with our body
shapes who we are
and it shapes our very self.
It is important to shape
the kind of people we become.
We are to worship God
and glorify God with our bodies.
Verse 14, Paul says,
God raised the Lord Jesus Christ
in a body
and will raise us
by power as well.
In other words,
Jesus Christ came to earth
in a physical body.
He died and rose again
in a physical body.
He will come back again
in a physical body
and we will be with him
in glory
in a renewed,
healed,
restored physical body.
Our physical bodies matter
and what we do with our bodies
and how we handle them
shapes us
and shapes our hearts
and matters to God as well.
Verse 15,
Do you not know
that your bodies
are members of Christ?
Or verse 19,
Do you not know
that your body
is a temple
of the Holy Spirit
with whom you have from God?
Think of what a temple is.
A temple is the place
where God's Spirit resides.
It's a holy place.
It's a sacred place.
And Paul says
that our physical bodies
and in this context
our sexuality
is a sacred and a place.
It's a place
where God's presence is.
Where God is with us.
What we do
with our bodies
matters.
It's profoundly significant.
He says,
You are not your own
or your body
is not your own
for you were bought
with a price.
So glorify God
with your body.
See the Corinthians
are saying
it doesn't really matter
it's just a physical desire
it's a natural impulse.
What really matters
is what's going on
in our hearts.
Do I love God
with my heart?
And Paul's saying
yes your heart matters
but so does your body.
Friends,
if you are a Christian
in other words
if you've come
to see yourself
as a sinner
that is saved
by grace alone
you've cried out to God
for his saving mercy
do you realize
that you are not your own?
You belong to Christ.
Christ is your Lord
and your master.
You belong to him.
Previously
your motivation
was what glorifies me?
what satisfies me?
What pleases me?
But a Christian
is someone who says
Christ you are my master
now
I live for what pleases you
what satisfies you
what glorifies you.
Friends,
if you are
not a Christian
this morning
well of course
you get to live
however you please
right?
You do you.
But I must warn you
there are two things
you must be aware of.
One
you doing you
will enslave you
forever.
It won't set you free.
You'll be a slave
to your desires
and a slave
to sin.
And two
you doing you
you will do that
in a Christless hell
for all eternity.
But friends
if you are
a follower of Jesus
if you are
a Christian
this morning
now you've come
to love God
with your heart
your soul
your mind
your strength
and your body.
Now in view
of God's profound mercy
we offer our body
to God
as a living sacrifice.
Friends look at verse 19
you are not your own
you are bought
to the price
so glorify God
not just in my heart
but with your body
as well.
Our culture
screams at us
a thousand times
a day
that our desires
are nothing but
just private
physical
natural desires.
Means for you
to express
your authentic selfhood.
And Jesus Christ
says nothing
could be further
from the truth.
Friends
isn't the long
long track record
of pain
and shame
and trauma
and embarrassment
and bitterness
and resentment
and loneliness
in our culture
attest me
to what Jesus
says is true
that sex
is profoundly
significant
profoundly precious.
Why does sexual
abuse pain us
so much
more than
physical abuse?
Because there's
something profoundly
significant
about it.
And so Paul
says in verse 18
here he says
every other sin
that a man
or a person
commits
is outside the body
but the sexually
immoral person
sins against
his own body.
When somebody
gets drunk
they don't become
one with a bottle
of alcohol.
When someone
cheats on their
tax return
there's not this
deep mingling
a oneness
a unity
with money.
But there's
something profoundly
significant
about intimacy
that God
has designed.
Lewis Smedes
wrote this
he says
there's more
to sex
than meets
the eye
or excites
the body.
There's no
such thing
as casual
sex.
No such thing
as no matter
how casual
people are
about it.
No one
can take
sex out
at night
and put
it away
until he
or she
wants to
play with
it again.
Nobody
can go
to bed
with someone
and leave
their soul
parked
outside.
your soul
is necessarily
intrinsically
involved.
And that's
Paul's point
here.
He says
sex is not
just body
on body
flesh
on flesh
skin
on skin
it's heart
on heart
it's soul
on soul
there's a deep
intermingling
and intertwining
the two
becoming one
as people
join themselves
together
in love.
Okay so
two things
sex is for love
not freedom
sex is significant
it's profound
it's not
insignificant
it's sacred.
Here's the third
thing
this is probably
the biggest
thing that speaks
against our
culture
sex is for
covenant
not consumerism
or another way
of saying that
sex is for
self-giving
not self-gratification.
In the
Corinthian church
what is happening
in the Corinthian church
rather than
letting the gospel
cause them
to live
distinctively
the Corinthians
were living
just like the
culture
they were an
echo of
their culture
and what
is happening
in the
culture
in the
culture
of the
ancient
Roman
and
Greek
world
prostitution
was just
a non-issue
there were
temple
prostitutes
many men
after dinner
party
they would
go down
to the
temple
and engage
in prostitution
it was not
a big deal
at all
everybody
was doing
it
and Paul
writes and says
you are becoming
just like your
culture
and so
the problem
was
that even
the
Corinthians
were viewing
sex
as a
consumer
product
to
consume
to satisfy
their own
desires
they were seeing
it as something
for my own
pleasure
my own
self-fulfillment
my own
gratification
but look at
what Paul
does here
he says
that sex
and intimacy
is given
to us
not for
self-consumption
not for
self-gratification
but as a way
as a means
of strengthening
the one
flesh
union
and intimacy
and relationship
that is
birthed
and started
when you
commit to
love each
other
for better
or worse
throughout
your life
look at
verse 18
he says
do you not
know that
one who is
joined to
a prostitute
becomes one
in body
with her
for it is
written
the two
will become
one flesh
so Paul
is quoting
Genesis 2
God's original
marriage mandate
and he says
the main
purpose
of sexual
intimacy
yes to have
children
and procreate
that's true
but also
to deepen
and intensify
the relationship
the oneness
the vulnerability
the relational
intimacy
that exists
within marriage
in this sense
the Bible
portrays
intimacy
as like
a covenant
renewal
celebration
okay
and I know
that that sounds
awfully boring
that's one way
to take all
the passion
out of it
okay
a covenant
renewal
celebration
but hear me
out here
okay
I know
that sounds
very
terrible
but
hear me
out
I hope
I'm not
going to
destroy
communion
for us
forever
but
most Sundays
as a church
we take
communion
okay
we take
the Lord's
Supper
what is
the Lord's
Supper
about
it's a
covenant
renewal
celebration
you come
to church
on a Sunday
and you feel
beaten up
you've had
a rough week
life has been
hard
parenting is
hard
marriage is
hard
work is
hard
or maybe
you feel
beaten up
by your
own sinful
nature
your own
sinful
desires
and you
come to
church
and your
shoulders
are drooping
and just
feel like
I've got
to grind
through
and you
come to
church
and you
take
communion
and the
communion
steward
looks you
in the eye
and says
this is
Christ's
body
broken for
you
this is
Christ's
blood
shed
for you
do this
in remembrance
of him
and as you
do that
you are
reminded
I am
welcome
and accepted
here by
grace
yes I feel
beat up
but Christ
is for me
Christ
is with me
I can go
into another
week with
Christ for
me
before me
behind me
above me
Christ is
with me
and you
leave this
place with
your shoulders
back feeling
like I know
it's a wild
world out there
but I am
in Christ
and Christ
is in me
this covenant
is renewed
right
it's a covenant
renewal
celebration
friends when a
couple make
love together
it's not just
about satisfaction
and desires
it's a way of
saying those
vows that we
made to each
other on our
wedding day
that all that I
am and all that I
have belongs to
you I'm giving
myself to you
those vows are
still true
and we may
have had a
rough week
maybe we
haven't seen
each other
much
maybe you've
been working
hard I've
been working
hard maybe
we haven't
actually connected
that well
but this
this is me
telling you
that all that I
am belongs to
you I give
myself to you
in vulnerability
in transparency
in nakedness
not just
physically
relationally
emotionally
all that I
am I'm
giving myself
to you
he says
it's meant to
be a covenant
renewing
celebration
it's not just
consumeristic
gratifying my
desires
and that's of
course the
problem with
pornography
right
our world
tells us
listen you
don't need the
messiness of a
real relationship
of actually getting
to know the
person
putting up with
their drama
yeah just
just satisfy
yourself
here's endless
pornography
here's a screen
here's some tools
just look after
yourself
and it's
removed the
very heart
of what intimacy
is all about
from covenant
and relationship
and love
to just a
consumeristic
tool
that I just
trade with
to please
myself
listen to how
Brian Chappelle
and Kevin DeYoung
described this
in one article
they wrote
today's sexual
culture
is just as
depersonalizing
and objectifying
as the ancient
world
in the ancient
world
there was usually
one party
the party
with power
using the other
party as an
object to
satisfy
typically his
physical needs
today the parties
are often both
using one another
treating the other
as an object
for meeting
one's needs
to be related
to only as long
as those needs
are being met
that's the message
of our culture
right
satisfy yourself
please yourself
and when you're
done
just dump the
person
dump the
relationship
move on
in the old
testament
you'll often
read
when it's
talking about
the act of
sex
it'll say
for instance
Genesis 2
Genesis 4
I think
Adam
knew his
wife
and she
conceived
and gave
birth
to a
son
the bible
uses the
word for
the act
of sex
as to
yada
as the
Hebrew word
to know
somebody
and the
reason the
biblical authors
did that
was not
because they
are shy
and don't
want to
use the
S word
it's because
they're trying
to tell us
something
this daughter
I hold
books at
home
on sex
my one
daughter
says
dad
there's
a lot
of books
with the
S word
all over
the house
right
okay
that's
not what
the biblical
authors are
trying to
avoid
they use
this word
yada
to know
somebody
because that's
the heart
of what
intimacy
is about
it's about
saying
I'm gonna
let you
know me
I'm gonna
open myself
up and be
vulnerable
and I'm gonna
get to know
you
in the bible
that word
yada
is the word
that the bible
often uses
for God
to know
us
you have
searched me
and you know
me oh
God
Psalm 139
at the heart
of intimacy
is about
knowing
one another
being vulnerable
and real
now there's
two important
implications for
this okay
and those of you
that are single
listen up
the first is this
the narrative
that we hear
in our media
and our culture
is this
when you get
married
you're gonna have
the most amazing
passionate
wonderful sex
in the whole world
and then it just
all goes downhill
okay
this is for you
finance people
I know you like
graphs
and that kind of
stuff
our culture
tells us
it starts amazing
and then it's
just downhill
okay
that may be the
case
but that's not
God's design
that's not the
way it's meant
to be
that's how it is
when you think
of it as a
consumeristic way
but friends
for those who
are approaching
sex and intimacy
as a way of
getting to know
and love
and serve
the other person
deepening intimacy
and relationship
God's design
is actually
the opposite
when you first
get married
it's clunky
it's messy
nobody really
knows what
they're going
on
it's awkward
but God's design
is that as you
love each other
not just physically
but emotionally
your relation
as you open up
your heart
to each other
as you serve
each other
actually over the
years it gets
better and better
and all the
research actually
proves this
that those that
are on healthy
marriages
are actually
having the best
intimacy
10 and 20
years into marriage
way more than
the beginning
okay
and here's the
reason
because God's
purpose for sex
it's not about
positions and body
parts
it's about knowing
each other
it's about being
known
it's about being
safe even though
you are your
most vulnerable
because sex is
meant to reflect
but also strengthen
the complete
nakedness
emotionally
relationally
even more than
physically
here's the
second implication
don't believe
the lie that our
culture tells us
that says
you must
work out
with your
boyfriend or
girlfriend
whether you're
sexually compatible
before you get
married
and the reason is
because nobody is
sexually compatible
when you first
get married
you've got to
as you love
and serve each
other
as you open up
your lives
to each other
that's how you
grow more
compatible
that's how
actually intimacy
gets better
and better
as you lay
down your life
and your rights
and your expectations
and look to serve
and honor each other
just as Christ did
for us
so
sex is for
covenants
not consumerism
it's for self-giving
not self-gratification
friends
those of us
who are married
or those of us
that hope to get
married
one of the best
things that you
can do
apart from prayer
and possibly
repentance
is to ask
yourself
and maybe even
ask your spouse
how can I serve
you
physically
how can I
satisfy you
how can I
become more
vulnerable
to make you
feel loved
and served
in this moment
sex is not
an end in itself
it's a means
to an end
not only
child rearing
and procreation
but strengthening
the commitment
the bond
the intimacy
the love
the relationship
between two people
who have committed
to themselves
all their lives
okay
are you with me
okay
last thing
is this
sex is good
but it's not God
okay
so sex is about
love
not freedom
it's
sacred
not insignificant
it's about
covenant
not consumerism
it's good
but it's not God
modern culture
seems to have
a bipolar attitude
towards the value
of sex
on the one hand
we tend to use it
and exploit it
it's as if
it's nothing
we use it
to get a job
we use it
to advance
our careers
we use it
to pay the bills
we use it
to avoid loneliness
we use it
to make friends
right
it's just a commodity
that we trade
and at the same time
our culture also
tends to elevate it
where we say
it's everything
it's your identity
if you're not having sex
you are not a fully
functioning human being
and so we elevate it
to the place of identity
Julie Slattery says this
we have both cheapened it
but also elevated it
to represent our identity
our status
our happiness
but God tells us
that his design for sex
is not nothing
it's not everything
it's a good gift
that he gives
but it's not
the main purpose
in life
in Genesis 1-2
God says
that he calls
male and female
to multiply
and fill the earth
and he says
this is very good
very good
this is he calls
husband and wife
to leave their father
and mother
to be united together
in one flesh union
and they were naked
and they felt no shame
and this is good
it's God's good gift
now what that means
is this
contrary to Netflix
and the porn industry
would have you believe
sex is not the ultimate
experience in life
without which you're doomed
to a life of misery
and loneliness
that's not true
it's not everything
it's not your identity
friends
some of us
if you're going to
take God's word seriously
some of us may go
our whole lives
never experiencing
sexual intimacy
because you're going to
take God's word seriously
and that does not mean
that you're half a human being
that does not mean
that you are not
an authentic human being
you're not your authentic self
that does not mean
that you are doomed
to a life of misery
and loneliness
not at all
sex is not everything
at the same time
contrary to traditional cultures
and some people's experience
sex is not just
this degrading
humiliating
necessary evil
just to go through
to endure
and have children
it's a good gift
that God gives
to married people
to strengthen
their covenant relationship
the problem however
as Julie Slattery says
is that when our culture
so elevates sex
to identity
it turns it into
a kind of God
that you've got to worship
friends
when we look to anything
to form our identity
to give us a sense of meaning
and value
and self worth
we are
on very
very thin ice
because that identity
can never sustain you
never sustain you
trying to
tying your identity
and sense of self worth
to how attractive
or enchanting
or beautiful you are
or romantic relationships
is profoundly fragile
is building your entire self worth
on such thin ice
and it's only a matter of time
before that ice cracks
and you get dumped
in a lake
of despair
and hopelessness
friends
the only identity
that can withstand
real pressures
real rejection
from people
real struggles in life
is an identity
that is given to you
by the one
who loves you
by grace alone
an identity
that's given to you
it's not earned
it's not achieved
you don't get it
by performance
it's given to you
by grace alone
by the one
who knows you better
than you know yourself
and loves you still
friends
if you look to sex
and intimacy
in order to feel beautiful
or enchanting
you'll feel ugly
and unlovable
your whole life
rather let those
desires for intimacy
drive you
to the one
who truly loves you
and who truly
will accept you
the one who gave himself
up on the cross
for you
sex is good
within the safety
of a lasting covenant
but it's not God
it can't rescue you
it can't give you hope
it can't give you peace
it can't give you
an identity
it can't give you meaning
it can't give you
a satisfying life
sex is not your God
only Jesus
can give you that
okay I've gone on
longer than I expected
I'm sorry
let me
let me close
really practically
okay
now don't get nervous
it's not going to be
that practical
but a couple of
practical things
okay
a couple of
practical things
firstly
for all of us today
Galatians 5 says this
it is for freedom
that Christ Jesus
has set you free
so stand firm then
do not submit again
to a yoke of slavery
friends
this is an area
where most people
are enslaved
slave to past guilt
and shame
slave to current
addictions and desires
Jesus Christ
wants to set us free
and freedom starts
with a very little word
called repentance
repentance
friends all of us here
if I can be so bold
to say
all of us are sexual
sinners
including me
I need repentance
I need grace
I need the mercy
of the loving God
to come wash me clean
and be a work of my life
friends we all need it
why don't we
start by getting on our knees
and asking God Almighty
you can do it physically
if you want
but you don't have to
but in your heart
get on your knees
and say God Almighty
pour out your grace
and mercy
for those of us
that are married
here's four very
practical things
firstly
I want to encourage you
to talk about it
most married couples
don't talk about it
and when they do
it's full of shame
and embarrassment
and defensiveness
and it's awkward
talk about it
ask each other the question
what
is our sex life satisfying
do you actually enjoy it
you might be surprised
what you hear
but talk about it
secondly
pray about it
God
is the author
and the designer
of sex
God is more interested
in your sexuality
than you are
I really think so
so pray about it
pray about it
together
as a spouse
bring it before God
say God
we need your help
we need your wisdom
we need your guidance
God
we're struggling
God
won't you help us
pray about it
thirdly
work on it
get some books
get some
speak to a professional
if you're struggling
talk to somebody
about it
here's a book
I want to recommend
I read half of it
this week
it's an outstanding book
Julie Stattery's book
God
Sex
and Your Marriage
I meant to bring a copy
it's an outstanding book
I think Henrico's got some copies
at the office
so we can order some more
I really encourage you
if you're married
read this book
it's a great great book
here's the final thing
if you're married
prioritize it
it's not nothing
but it is sacred
it is important
Paul says
don't
don't withhold
from one another
it's meant to deepen
your love
strengthen your union
so put away your laptop
cancel your Netflix subscription
unsubscribe from Disney
plus
put away your phone
and prioritize it
honestly
okay
for those of us
that are single
here are a couple
things to think about
your sexuality
doesn't start
when you only get married
you're a sexual being now
what does it look like
to steward
your sexuality
now
what does it look like
to bring it before God
what does it look like
to honor Christ
with your sexuality
now
here's the second thing
if you're single
I want to encourage you
cultivate good healthy
relationships
with the other gender
in the church
learn how to become
the kind of person
that sees
cross gender relationships
as a way of honoring
each other
not using each other
our culture tells us
someone the opposite gender
you're there to use them
for your own gratification
but if you go your whole
single life
thinking like that
you don't just
on your wedding day
suddenly become a
selfless
giving
person
cultivate a heart
of selflessness
of giving
of honoring
of treasuring
the other gender
now
while you're single
and then thirdly
I want to say
to those of us
that are single
sex is not utopia
marriage is not utopia
friends
the greatest sex
in the world
will not satisfy you
or your heart
Jesus Christ will
the media is lying to you
pornography is lying to you
Jesus Christ
is what you were made for
he's the only one
that can give you
the treasure
the meaning
the peace
the hope
the longing
the satisfied life
trust in Jesus
sex will not be your God
but Jesus will be your God
and he will save you
and rescue you
let me close
with this
one day
Jesus Christ
is walking
in the
Middle East
and he comes
across a lady
who's had a litany
of relationships
and she's a social outcast
because she's had
tons of relationships
and the man she's with
right now
is not her husband
she had five husbands
and she's not
the man she's living with
and sleeping with
is not her husband now
and she's an outcast
and society has cast her aside
she's rejected
she's scorned
she's shamed
and Jesus Christ
comes to her
and he does two things
he puts his finger
right on her shame
and her pain
he doesn't avoid it
he doesn't save face
he doesn't ask her
about the weather
he goes right
to her area
of shame
and pain
and he puts his finger
on it
and he brings
into the light
but the other thing
he does
is he meets her pain
and her shame
with grace
and kindness
friends
all of us here
have probably got shame
in the area of sexuality
and intimacy
Jesus Christ
doesn't want us
to skirt around the edges
he wants to meet us
right in that place
but he wants to meet us
not with condemnation
not with a scorn
not with a finger
but with open arms
and with a grace
and with kindness
Jesus says
he knows us better
than we know ourselves
and he loves you
infinitely more
than any person
will ever love you
or even you
will love yourself
and he's come
to bring healing
and grace
so bring your life to him
bring your sexuality
bring your intimacy
submit and surrender to him
and let him bring
his healing grace
to your life
let's pray
Lord Jesus Christ
this is such a massive
area of life
God
and our culture
is screaming at us
and lying to us
every day
Lord we need your grace
we need your grace
God for some of us here
we are enslaved
and trapped
oh God
won't you set us free
God
we want to say
this morning
we hate
what sexual sin
has done to us
we hate God
the feeling of shame
and guilt
we hate God
the being enslaved
and trapped
not knowing how to get out
God we hate
the trauma
that we carry
and the memories
that we carry
God almighty
we ask
by your spirit
and your power
won't you set us free
God we're sorry
we're sorry
Jesus
we need you
every hour
we need you
Jesus
we need you
God I pray
won't you give us faith
to turn to you
in faith and repentance
and to trust you
God I pray
for those of us
that are married
I pray God
that you help us
to strengthen our union
and our oneness
and our intimacy
help us to have
great marriages
God
Lord I pray
this church
will be a church
full of great marriages
for those of us
that are single
God help us
to steward our sexuality
help us to honor you
help us to know
God your profound
love for us
God for all of us
may we live
distinctively
from our city
and from our world
as you let the gospel
shape us
I pray this in your
great and wonderful name
Amen