WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.179 Let's read together from Ephesians 5, verses 18-33. 00:00:08.300 --> 00:00:12.120 We're working our way through Ephesians. Ephesians 5, verses 18-33. 00:00:12.120 --> 00:00:15.540 ! And then we'll sing a hymn together just after that. 00:00:22.120 --> 00:00:23.800 And God's Word says this, 00:00:25.339 --> 00:00:29.800 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery. 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:36.179 But be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, 00:00:36.759 --> 00:00:39.359 singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 00:00:39.820 --> 00:00:45.039 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 00:00:45.780 --> 00:00:48.140 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:00:49.079 --> 00:00:51.539 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 00:00:52.219 --> 00:00:55.560 for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, 00:00:55.560 --> 00:00:58.700 his body, and is himself its Savior. 00:00:58.700 --> 00:01:05.460 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 00:01:06.460 --> 00:01:11.700 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:17.820 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 00:01:18.359 --> 00:01:21.420 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, 00:01:21.420 --> 00:01:24.359 without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, 00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:27.099 that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:01:27.760 --> 00:01:30.780 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:01:31.420 --> 00:01:33.280 He who loves his wife loves himself, 00:01:33.859 --> 00:01:36.540 for no one ever hated his own flesh, 00:01:36.859 --> 00:01:41.079 but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, 00:01:41.900 --> 00:01:43.359 because we are members of his body. 00:01:43.359 --> 00:01:47.700 Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 00:01:47.900 --> 00:01:50.120 and the two shall become one flesh. 00:01:50.700 --> 00:01:52.400 This mystery is profound, 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:56.219 and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 00:01:56.760 --> 00:02:00.680 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, 00:02:00.900 --> 00:02:04.000 and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:02:04.500 --> 00:02:06.219 This is God's Word for us today. 00:02:06.219 --> 00:02:11.060 We are walking through the back half of Ephesians, 00:02:11.379 --> 00:02:14.900 and the question that we're asking every week is, 00:02:15.699 --> 00:02:16.860 what does the church do? 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:20.740 How do Christians live a redeemed life all the way? 00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:24.199 And from this week, the next several weeks, 00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:30.579 Paul turns to say that the gospel reorders and changes the way you do personal relationships. 00:02:31.860 --> 00:02:34.860 So marriage, obviously dating and marriage this week, 00:02:34.860 --> 00:02:36.740 and then if you look down in the, 00:02:36.860 --> 00:02:40.620 if you have a Bible, you can see that then he goes on to talk about children and parents, 00:02:40.720 --> 00:02:42.640 and then employers and employees. 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:48.280 So he's talking about how the gospel can change the way you live in personal relationships, 00:02:48.440 --> 00:02:49.780 in every arena of life. 00:02:50.580 --> 00:02:55.040 So today, marriage, we've got to do a flyover again like last week, 00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:57.320 because when you work through a passage like this, 00:02:57.360 --> 00:02:59.340 you see that every single clause, 00:02:59.600 --> 00:03:02.360 every single word could have its own reflection, 00:03:02.360 --> 00:03:07.080 and there could be a long series just on marriage, of course, right? 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:12.840 We could have weeks and weeks just thinking about the Bible's understanding of marriage, 00:03:12.940 --> 00:03:13.640 the mystery of marriage. 00:03:13.760 --> 00:03:16.200 Paul calls it the mystery of marriage, right? 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:18.520 And so some of you, if you're married in the room, 00:03:18.740 --> 00:03:22.220 maybe you look at your spouse sometimes and say, 00:03:22.620 --> 00:03:24.160 you are a mystery to me. 00:03:25.300 --> 00:03:27.680 Marriage is a mystery, right? 00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:30.040 And you say, I already know what Paul means. 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:31.240 Marriage is a mystery. 00:03:32.180 --> 00:03:34.680 Now, there's a lot to that word, mystery. 00:03:35.260 --> 00:03:37.020 Marriage is a mystery, but what does he mean? 00:03:37.460 --> 00:03:39.719 Let's just think about the big idea, the flyover, 00:03:39.860 --> 00:03:42.360 one kind of pass through on what that means. 00:03:43.040 --> 00:03:45.680 And I want to focus on the headline, 00:03:45.860 --> 00:03:47.879 which is actually the language submit, 00:03:48.480 --> 00:03:49.560 submit to one another. 00:03:50.439 --> 00:03:52.800 Now, if you come today, 00:03:53.020 --> 00:03:55.659 we all come today to the Bible's teaching here about marriage, 00:03:55.659 --> 00:03:58.159 this very famous passage, Ephesians 5, 00:03:58.479 --> 00:04:00.259 and we come from different backgrounds, 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:04.159 different relationships to the concept of marriage. 00:04:05.659 --> 00:04:07.400 Some of us may come divorced. 00:04:07.620 --> 00:04:09.699 We may come having had a bad marriage, 00:04:10.019 --> 00:04:13.079 a hard marriage, a difficult marriage at the present maybe. 00:04:13.939 --> 00:04:16.579 And so you might come and read Paul's model for marriage 00:04:16.579 --> 00:04:19.219 and be skeptical as to whether it's possible. 00:04:20.120 --> 00:04:22.500 And some of us come single today, 00:04:22.579 --> 00:04:24.519 and we're single maybe in content. 00:04:24.519 --> 00:04:27.299 And so there may be a bit of an indifference 00:04:27.299 --> 00:04:28.659 to what Paul says here about it. 00:04:28.779 --> 00:04:29.839 This is just not where I am 00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:31.019 and not where I really want to be. 00:04:31.359 --> 00:04:33.399 Some of us come single and discontent, 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:38.599 frustrated, upset as to our relationship status right now 00:04:38.599 --> 00:04:39.919 and wanting something different. 00:04:40.379 --> 00:04:42.519 And so we could come to this jaded and cynical 00:04:42.519 --> 00:04:45.219 about marriage and the model of marriage 00:04:45.219 --> 00:04:46.139 that we read about here. 00:04:46.459 --> 00:04:49.299 Some of us come living a pretty good marriage right now 00:04:49.299 --> 00:04:49.899 in our lives. 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:50.719 We have a good marriage. 00:04:50.720 --> 00:04:55.100 And we know, however, if you come in a good marriage, 00:04:55.180 --> 00:04:57.700 that marriage is very up and down at times. 00:04:58.340 --> 00:05:00.580 And I know that I can look at this today 00:05:00.580 --> 00:05:04.000 and say that I am teaching today 00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:06.180 not as the husband that I want to be. 00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:09.140 Sorry, I said that completely wrong. 00:05:10.660 --> 00:05:11.920 Not as the husband I want to be. 00:05:11.980 --> 00:05:12.560 Boy, that's bad. 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:16.439 Not from a perspective of the husband I am, 00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:18.079 reading my own life into this passage, 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:19.620 but what I want to be, right? 00:05:21.379 --> 00:05:22.519 The women in the room that are married, 00:05:22.600 --> 00:05:23.819 you can say this is what I want to be. 00:05:23.899 --> 00:05:25.980 Husbands, this is what I want to be, not what I am. 00:05:26.079 --> 00:05:27.660 So that's the perspective I'm coming from today 00:05:27.660 --> 00:05:28.920 as a teacher here. 00:05:29.819 --> 00:05:30.860 But I sure know this, 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:33.620 that all of us come as contemporary Western people 00:05:33.620 --> 00:05:35.439 in the year of our Lord, 2025, 00:05:35.699 --> 00:05:36.500 in a city like Edinburgh. 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:38.800 And that means when we read the word submit, 00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:42.420 we get a little squirmy in our seats 00:05:42.420 --> 00:05:43.439 and it's challenging 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:45.199 and we don't like it at first. 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:47.040 And that's because I think 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:49.139 if you'll open up to this, 00:05:49.259 --> 00:05:50.040 what Paul says here, 00:05:50.120 --> 00:05:51.060 what God says here, 00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:53.160 what God says here about marriage, 00:05:53.400 --> 00:05:54.199 open up to it. 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.780 I think we get squirmy about this concept 00:05:56.780 --> 00:05:58.660 because we have a problem 00:05:58.660 --> 00:06:00.519 with our view of marriage. 00:06:01.660 --> 00:06:04.100 First, that's the first point today. 00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:06.300 And then that means when we see that, 00:06:06.379 --> 00:06:08.319 we can then turn to see the goal of marriage, 00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:09.360 the real goal, secondly. 00:06:10.060 --> 00:06:10.800 And then finally, 00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:12.399 only if we see those two things 00:06:12.399 --> 00:06:13.879 can we then see the power 00:06:13.879 --> 00:06:16.199 that Paul talks about for better marriages. 00:06:17.060 --> 00:06:17.939 So those three things, 00:06:18.099 --> 00:06:20.040 the problem we have, 00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:22.819 the goal of marriage as it actually is, 00:06:22.819 --> 00:06:23.560 according to God, 00:06:23.779 --> 00:06:25.759 and then the power that's here 00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:26.819 for better marriages. 00:06:27.039 --> 00:06:28.159 So let's think about that. 00:06:28.420 --> 00:06:29.759 First, we have a problem with marriage. 00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:30.779 Every person does. 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:32.980 All of us human beings do 00:06:32.980 --> 00:06:34.659 have a problem with relationships. 00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:36.699 And the problem is this. 00:06:36.699 --> 00:06:40.279 We approach marriage and dating 00:06:40.279 --> 00:06:43.539 from the perspective of self-interest 00:06:43.539 --> 00:06:45.279 and personal self-fulfillment. 00:06:46.159 --> 00:06:47.800 We approach marriage and dating 00:06:47.800 --> 00:06:50.560 from the perspective of self-fulfillment 00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:52.120 and a personal interest 00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:54.319 in meeting our own needs. 00:06:54.379 --> 00:06:56.339 So we ask when we come to relationships, 00:06:56.699 --> 00:06:57.519 instinctively, 00:06:57.699 --> 00:06:58.919 even if you don't say it out loud, 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:00.639 from the bottom of your consciousness, 00:07:00.639 --> 00:07:03.699 how is this relationship going to better me 00:07:03.699 --> 00:07:05.719 and meet my personal needs? 00:07:05.979 --> 00:07:07.579 The pleasure I'm looking for, 00:07:07.899 --> 00:07:09.000 the satisfaction in life, 00:07:09.300 --> 00:07:11.259 the money goals that I might have, 00:07:11.639 --> 00:07:12.459 we all do that. 00:07:13.379 --> 00:07:13.719 And so that, 00:07:14.019 --> 00:07:15.419 because of our selfishness, 00:07:15.659 --> 00:07:16.919 it's really hard to come 00:07:16.919 --> 00:07:17.959 and read this passage 00:07:17.959 --> 00:07:19.439 when it says submit. 00:07:20.899 --> 00:07:22.459 Now, press pause on that. 00:07:23.139 --> 00:07:25.659 We read not from verse 22 to 33, 00:07:25.660 --> 00:07:27.620 which is the classic text on marriage 00:07:27.620 --> 00:07:28.620 in Ephesians 5. 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:30.620 We read from 18 to 33. 00:07:31.580 --> 00:07:33.140 And there's a reason for that. 00:07:33.260 --> 00:07:36.700 Usually 22 to 33 is treated as an island 00:07:36.700 --> 00:07:37.800 all by itself. 00:07:38.540 --> 00:07:39.500 And it begins with, 00:07:39.660 --> 00:07:41.220 wives, submit to your husbands. 00:07:42.420 --> 00:07:42.580 Right? 00:07:42.579 --> 00:07:44.339 So if you back up to verse 18, 00:07:44.500 --> 00:07:44.979 Paul says, 00:07:45.659 --> 00:07:46.439 don't get drunk, 00:07:46.719 --> 00:07:47.459 be filled with the Spirit. 00:07:48.339 --> 00:07:49.300 So it's almost like 00:07:49.300 --> 00:07:51.439 when you section it off like that, 00:07:51.479 --> 00:07:53.000 it's like Paul is saying, 00:07:53.139 --> 00:07:54.039 bullet point one, 00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:55.919 stop drinking too much. 00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:57.000 Bullet point two, 00:07:57.479 --> 00:07:58.360 let me change subjects 00:07:58.360 --> 00:07:58.699 and say, 00:07:58.759 --> 00:07:59.139 now wives, 00:07:59.259 --> 00:07:59.899 submit to your husbands. 00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:00.759 Right? 00:08:00.819 --> 00:08:03.079 And that's not the right way to read it. 00:08:03.180 --> 00:08:04.799 This passage is not on an island. 00:08:05.099 --> 00:08:05.199 It's, 00:08:05.579 --> 00:08:06.000 you can't, 00:08:06.120 --> 00:08:08.299 let me say that you cannot understand 00:08:08.299 --> 00:08:09.180 what Paul's saying 00:08:09.180 --> 00:08:10.479 without 18 to 21. 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:11.500 That's the, 00:08:11.500 --> 00:08:12.920 it's fundamental to understanding 00:08:12.920 --> 00:08:13.839 what's going on here. 00:08:13.899 --> 00:08:14.779 And in 18 to 21, 00:08:14.980 --> 00:08:17.480 we have one long sentence in Greek. 00:08:17.660 --> 00:08:19.439 So if you're reading from an NIV today, 00:08:19.439 --> 00:08:21.240 it's broken it up into a couple sentences, 00:08:21.240 --> 00:08:22.180 but in Greek, 00:08:22.220 --> 00:08:23.240 it's one long sentence. 00:08:25.079 --> 00:08:27.199 And let me just read it to you one more time. 00:08:27.300 --> 00:08:28.240 Don't get drunk with wine, 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:30.040 for that is debauchery. 00:08:30.120 --> 00:08:31.139 Be filled with the Spirit, 00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:32.539 addressing one another 00:08:32.539 --> 00:08:33.460 in psalms, hymns, 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:34.279 and spiritual songs, 00:08:34.740 --> 00:08:35.200 singing, 00:08:35.379 --> 00:08:37.100 making melody of the Lord with your heart, 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:38.700 giving thanks always 00:08:38.700 --> 00:08:40.460 and for everything to God, 00:08:40.460 --> 00:08:41.220 the Father, 00:08:41.340 --> 00:08:42.639 in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, 00:08:43.040 --> 00:08:45.160 and submitting to one another 00:08:45.160 --> 00:08:46.519 out of reverence for Christ. 00:08:46.620 --> 00:08:47.900 So that last clause, 00:08:49.259 --> 00:08:50.300 submitting to one another 00:08:50.300 --> 00:08:51.420 out of reverence for Christ, 00:08:51.460 --> 00:08:52.560 he's talking to everybody 00:08:52.560 --> 00:08:54.040 when he says that. 00:08:54.680 --> 00:08:55.139 And so this, 00:08:55.360 --> 00:08:56.900 you could think of that last line, 00:08:57.080 --> 00:08:58.240 submit to one another 00:08:58.240 --> 00:08:59.740 out of reverence, 00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:02.259 the word that in Greek is fear of Christ, 00:09:02.780 --> 00:09:03.780 as the headline 00:09:03.780 --> 00:09:07.740 into which all the rest of Ephesians 5 and 6 00:09:07.740 --> 00:09:08.280 comes underneath. 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:10.100 And so what is he saying? 00:09:10.339 --> 00:09:11.539 Submit to one another 00:09:11.539 --> 00:09:13.439 out of reverence for Christ. 00:09:13.939 --> 00:09:14.419 Husbands, 00:09:14.819 --> 00:09:16.959 submit out of reverence for Christ. 00:09:17.100 --> 00:09:17.539 Wives, 00:09:17.779 --> 00:09:19.699 submit out of reverence for Christ. 00:09:20.339 --> 00:09:20.699 Children, 00:09:21.019 --> 00:09:22.500 submit out of reverence for Christ. 00:09:22.620 --> 00:09:23.000 Parents, 00:09:23.179 --> 00:09:24.679 there's even a parental submission 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:26.120 to children 00:09:26.120 --> 00:09:27.100 out of reverence for Christ. 00:09:28.059 --> 00:09:28.559 Employers, 00:09:28.699 --> 00:09:29.559 masters and slaves 00:09:29.559 --> 00:09:31.240 in the early first century, 00:09:31.620 --> 00:09:32.699 employers and employees 00:09:32.699 --> 00:09:34.220 submit to one another 00:09:34.220 --> 00:09:35.519 out of reverence for Christ. 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:36.939 mutual submission 00:09:36.939 --> 00:09:39.179 is the headline article 00:09:39.179 --> 00:09:40.519 at the top of the paper. 00:09:40.679 --> 00:09:41.980 If Paul's writing a manual 00:09:41.980 --> 00:09:43.679 for personal relationships, 00:09:43.879 --> 00:09:44.720 the title of the manual 00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:46.100 is mutual submission. 00:09:46.740 --> 00:09:47.519 Back and forth. 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:48.699 It goes both directions 00:09:48.699 --> 00:09:50.120 throughout every single one 00:09:50.120 --> 00:09:50.799 of these relationships. 00:09:51.579 --> 00:09:52.500 If you have a Bible, 00:09:52.860 --> 00:09:53.559 you can look over 00:09:53.559 --> 00:09:55.120 at Ephesians 6 verse 9 00:09:55.120 --> 00:09:56.159 just to prove this. 00:09:56.759 --> 00:09:57.720 In Ephesians 6 verse 9, 00:09:57.779 --> 00:09:59.179 he turns to the masters 00:09:59.179 --> 00:10:01.419 in a master-slave relationship 00:10:01.419 --> 00:10:02.199 in the first century 00:10:02.199 --> 00:10:03.099 and says, 00:10:04.099 --> 00:10:04.419 masters, 00:10:04.659 --> 00:10:05.579 do the same 00:10:05.579 --> 00:10:06.839 as your servants 00:10:06.839 --> 00:10:07.639 are doing for you. 00:10:07.819 --> 00:10:08.239 Submitting, 00:10:08.539 --> 00:10:08.839 serving. 00:10:09.419 --> 00:10:09.919 That's what he says. 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:10.899 So we see that 00:10:10.899 --> 00:10:13.099 this is a mutual submission situation. 00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:15.219 What is submission? 00:10:15.379 --> 00:10:16.299 What does it mean to submit? 00:10:16.779 --> 00:10:17.500 This word here 00:10:17.500 --> 00:10:18.279 has a synonym 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:19.639 throughout the rest of Ephesians 00:10:19.639 --> 00:10:20.779 and the synonym 00:10:20.779 --> 00:10:21.659 is service 00:10:21.659 --> 00:10:22.759 or helpfulness. 00:10:23.519 --> 00:10:24.639 So submission just means 00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:25.500 serve, 00:10:26.359 --> 00:10:26.839 helpful, 00:10:27.019 --> 00:10:27.559 be helpful. 00:10:27.559 --> 00:10:28.979 And Paul gives 00:10:28.979 --> 00:10:30.319 a really clear definition 00:10:30.319 --> 00:10:31.419 of it in the next book 00:10:31.419 --> 00:10:31.859 of the Bible, 00:10:32.419 --> 00:10:32.939 Philippians, 00:10:33.019 --> 00:10:34.119 a whole chapter in fact 00:10:34.119 --> 00:10:34.399 on it, 00:10:34.479 --> 00:10:35.179 Philippians 2, 00:10:35.599 --> 00:10:36.359 where he says, 00:10:36.619 --> 00:10:37.159 this is submission, 00:10:37.419 --> 00:10:38.099 this is service. 00:10:38.739 --> 00:10:39.500 Do nothing 00:10:39.500 --> 00:10:41.819 from selfish ambition 00:10:41.819 --> 00:10:43.199 or self-centeredness. 00:10:44.219 --> 00:10:44.559 Instead, 00:10:45.579 --> 00:10:47.219 all things in humility 00:10:47.219 --> 00:10:48.859 like Jesus 00:10:48.859 --> 00:10:50.619 by counting others 00:10:50.619 --> 00:10:51.379 more significant 00:10:51.379 --> 00:10:51.879 than yourself. 00:10:52.599 --> 00:10:53.339 So what does it mean 00:10:53.339 --> 00:10:53.959 to submit, 00:10:54.099 --> 00:10:54.659 according to Paul? 00:10:55.059 --> 00:10:55.719 It means 00:10:55.719 --> 00:10:56.639 to count 00:10:56.639 --> 00:10:57.799 the other person 00:10:57.799 --> 00:10:58.559 more significant 00:10:58.559 --> 00:10:59.220 than yourself 00:10:59.220 --> 00:11:00.500 and to give yourself 00:11:00.500 --> 00:11:01.059 away for them. 00:11:01.480 --> 00:11:02.439 Service and helpfulness 00:11:02.439 --> 00:11:03.759 is what the concept means. 00:11:04.159 --> 00:11:04.699 So let me say 00:11:04.699 --> 00:11:05.019 like this, 00:11:05.080 --> 00:11:05.460 submission 00:11:05.460 --> 00:11:07.340 is laying down 00:11:07.340 --> 00:11:08.080 your rights 00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:09.779 in order to serve 00:11:09.779 --> 00:11:10.720 somebody else 00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:11.720 with humility 00:11:11.720 --> 00:11:12.860 like Jesus served you. 00:11:13.500 --> 00:11:14.559 Laying down your rights 00:11:14.559 --> 00:11:16.899 to serve somebody else 00:11:16.899 --> 00:11:18.699 to seek their ultimate good. 00:11:19.340 --> 00:11:19.960 Serving them 00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:20.919 unto their ultimate good, 00:11:21.000 --> 00:11:21.899 never using them. 00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:23.720 So that's the difference 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:24.519 in the modern conception. 00:11:24.519 --> 00:11:25.740 We approach relationships, 00:11:26.319 --> 00:11:27.199 self-fulfillment. 00:11:27.480 --> 00:11:28.819 And so we use people 00:11:28.819 --> 00:11:29.819 to meet our needs. 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:31.319 And the Bible's model 00:11:31.319 --> 00:11:32.600 is mutual submission 00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:34.299 where I lay down 00:11:34.299 --> 00:11:34.879 my rights 00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:35.480 to serve 00:11:35.480 --> 00:11:36.659 the good of my spouse, 00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:37.120 the ultimate good 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:37.679 of my spouse 00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:41.759 to meet their needs, 00:11:41.860 --> 00:11:43.980 to make their ultimate good happen. 00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:44.819 Okay, 00:11:44.899 --> 00:11:46.500 so let me prove this to you 00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:47.079 once more 00:11:47.079 --> 00:11:47.720 and move on. 00:11:48.659 --> 00:11:49.840 In verse 22, 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:51.919 when it says, 00:11:51.919 --> 00:11:54.319 wives submit to your husbands, 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:55.620 to your own husband, 00:11:56.299 --> 00:11:57.039 as to the Lord, 00:11:57.539 --> 00:11:58.860 the word submit 00:11:58.860 --> 00:12:00.059 is not there 00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:01.019 in the Greek text. 00:12:02.219 --> 00:12:03.759 So it doesn't say wives, 00:12:03.819 --> 00:12:04.319 in the Greek text 00:12:04.319 --> 00:12:05.500 it does not say wives 00:12:05.500 --> 00:12:06.759 submit to your own husbands 00:12:06.759 --> 00:12:07.299 as to the Lord. 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:07.639 It says, 00:12:07.979 --> 00:12:08.500 wives 00:12:08.500 --> 00:12:10.819 to your own husbands 00:12:10.819 --> 00:12:11.959 as to the Lord. 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:13.219 You see, 00:12:13.339 --> 00:12:13.819 what's it doing? 00:12:13.899 --> 00:12:15.819 It's pulling the word submit 00:12:15.819 --> 00:12:17.259 from the previous verse 00:12:17.259 --> 00:12:18.679 and assuming it, 00:12:19.019 --> 00:12:20.639 meaning you cannot read 22 00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:22.379 if you have not read 21 00:12:22.379 --> 00:12:23.059 and gotten that 00:12:23.059 --> 00:12:23.559 as the headline. 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:24.539 Right? 00:12:24.639 --> 00:12:25.740 There's not even a verb there. 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:27.960 So mutual submission 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:28.679 is the headline 00:12:28.679 --> 00:12:30.080 and now he turns 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:30.419 and says, 00:12:30.559 --> 00:12:30.879 now wives, 00:12:30.939 --> 00:12:32.120 there's a way to do that 00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:33.419 and husbands, 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:34.460 there's a way to do that. 00:12:35.039 --> 00:12:35.840 So he repeats, 00:12:36.039 --> 00:12:37.000 he assumes the word 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:38.279 for a wife to a husband 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:38.980 and then husbands, 00:12:39.179 --> 00:12:39.980 he assumes 00:12:39.980 --> 00:12:40.799 and gives you a word 00:12:40.799 --> 00:12:41.580 called love. 00:12:42.340 --> 00:12:43.100 Mutual submission 00:12:43.100 --> 00:12:43.679 is the model 00:12:43.679 --> 00:12:44.360 that he gives us. 00:12:44.419 --> 00:12:45.259 Now let me sum it all up. 00:12:45.319 --> 00:12:46.559 Sum it all up here. 00:12:47.740 --> 00:12:48.740 This is saying 00:12:48.740 --> 00:12:50.500 that the Holy Spirit, 00:12:50.759 --> 00:12:51.899 when you believe the gospel 00:12:51.899 --> 00:12:53.100 and the Holy Spirit 00:12:53.100 --> 00:12:53.799 comes into your life, 00:12:53.879 --> 00:12:54.840 the Holy Spirit 00:12:54.840 --> 00:12:55.960 reorders relationships 00:12:55.960 --> 00:12:58.179 to be what they were meant to be 00:12:58.179 --> 00:12:59.659 from the time of creation. 00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:01.319 Marriage given 00:13:01.319 --> 00:13:01.939 from the beginning 00:13:01.939 --> 00:13:02.659 of world history, 00:13:03.220 --> 00:13:04.080 18 to 21, 00:13:04.220 --> 00:13:04.860 how does it start? 00:13:04.980 --> 00:13:06.039 Be filled with the Spirit 00:13:06.039 --> 00:13:08.039 and submit to one another. 00:13:08.879 --> 00:13:10.000 Meaning that he's talking 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:10.559 to Christians 00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:11.319 and he's saying 00:13:11.319 --> 00:13:12.259 to Christians 00:13:12.259 --> 00:13:13.419 and Christian marriage, 00:13:13.899 --> 00:13:14.519 the gospel 00:13:14.519 --> 00:13:15.360 and the presence 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:15.960 of the Holy Spirit 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:16.439 in your life 00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:17.520 has to change 00:13:17.520 --> 00:13:18.720 the way you approach marriage. 00:13:19.400 --> 00:13:20.280 It's a choice 00:13:20.280 --> 00:13:21.900 to submit to one another, 00:13:22.120 --> 00:13:23.500 to display what marriage 00:13:23.500 --> 00:13:24.440 was meant to be 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:25.860 from Genesis 1 and 2 00:13:25.860 --> 00:13:26.840 and you've got to get 00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:27.460 the Holy Spirit 00:13:27.460 --> 00:13:28.320 into your life 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:29.860 in order to live this out. 00:13:30.220 --> 00:13:31.700 It's a gospel transformed 00:13:31.700 --> 00:13:33.160 mutual submission perspective. 00:13:33.420 --> 00:13:33.960 It's a model 00:13:33.960 --> 00:13:35.300 that only the gospel 00:13:35.300 --> 00:13:37.000 can bring into your life 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:39.500 and what that means for us 00:13:39.500 --> 00:13:40.100 is that when we look 00:13:40.100 --> 00:13:40.700 at the problem, 00:13:41.240 --> 00:13:41.900 self-interest, 00:13:42.040 --> 00:13:42.660 self-fulfillment, 00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:43.380 meeting my needs 00:13:43.379 --> 00:13:43.939 all the time. 00:13:44.740 --> 00:13:45.500 Paul's telling us 00:13:45.500 --> 00:13:46.960 you need the Holy Spirit 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:47.320 in your life 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:47.820 to change you 00:13:47.820 --> 00:13:48.439 from the inside out 00:13:48.439 --> 00:13:49.679 and marriage is here 00:13:49.679 --> 00:13:50.360 to serve that. 00:13:51.360 --> 00:13:51.879 Let me give you 00:13:51.879 --> 00:13:53.139 three quick applications 00:13:53.139 --> 00:13:54.039 of this in your life. 00:13:54.360 --> 00:13:54.899 Number one, 00:13:55.519 --> 00:13:57.080 more conceptually driven. 00:13:57.299 --> 00:13:57.700 Number one, 00:13:58.139 --> 00:13:59.620 if you look at verse 22 00:13:59.620 --> 00:14:00.279 where it says, 00:14:00.679 --> 00:14:01.200 wives submit 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:02.259 to your husbands 00:14:02.259 --> 00:14:04.379 and that you get 00:14:04.379 --> 00:14:05.899 frustrated by that language, 00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:06.460 squirmy 00:14:06.460 --> 00:14:07.500 by that language, 00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:09.480 just remember 00:14:09.480 --> 00:14:10.980 that what Paul's doing here 00:14:10.980 --> 00:14:11.620 is he's saying 00:14:11.620 --> 00:14:12.500 the model is 00:14:12.500 --> 00:14:13.500 mutual submission 00:14:13.500 --> 00:14:15.360 and there's a type 00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:16.000 of submission 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:17.519 appropriate for men 00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:17.920 and women 00:14:17.920 --> 00:14:19.060 in both directions 00:14:19.060 --> 00:14:20.740 in certain roles here. 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:22.980 And it is Holy Spirit 00:14:22.980 --> 00:14:23.460 empowered 00:14:23.460 --> 00:14:24.360 laying down 00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:25.480 of personal rights 00:14:25.480 --> 00:14:26.100 to seek the good 00:14:26.100 --> 00:14:26.519 of the other 00:14:26.519 --> 00:14:27.620 in different ways. 00:14:28.600 --> 00:14:28.840 Now, 00:14:28.940 --> 00:14:30.080 the context he says 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:31.139 that line into, 00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:33.379 Aristotle was the 00:14:33.379 --> 00:14:34.240 dominant philosopher 00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:35.680 of the first century. 00:14:35.820 --> 00:14:36.360 He had lived 00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:37.460 several centuries prior. 00:14:38.580 --> 00:14:39.180 Aristotle says, 00:14:39.179 --> 00:14:39.459 quote, 00:14:39.859 --> 00:14:40.519 it is natural 00:14:40.519 --> 00:14:41.199 that men 00:14:41.199 --> 00:14:42.639 rule over women 00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:45.179 just like some men 00:14:45.179 --> 00:14:46.339 rule over other men. 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:47.359 So, 00:14:47.419 --> 00:14:48.259 Aristotle believed 00:14:48.259 --> 00:14:48.959 that there were 00:14:48.959 --> 00:14:50.239 slave races, 00:14:50.620 --> 00:14:51.399 that some races 00:14:51.399 --> 00:14:52.500 were meant to be slaves 00:14:52.500 --> 00:14:54.099 and he also believed 00:14:54.099 --> 00:14:55.839 that women 00:14:55.839 --> 00:14:57.259 were meant 00:14:57.259 --> 00:14:58.239 to be hierarchically 00:14:58.239 --> 00:14:58.819 subordinate 00:14:58.819 --> 00:14:59.859 as slaves, 00:15:00.500 --> 00:15:01.319 as servants 00:15:01.319 --> 00:15:01.779 to men. 00:15:02.039 --> 00:15:02.219 So, 00:15:02.259 --> 00:15:02.979 this is Aristotle. 00:15:03.379 --> 00:15:04.679 This is the dominant view 00:15:04.679 --> 00:15:05.579 in the Roman Empire. 00:15:06.599 --> 00:15:06.879 And so, 00:15:07.019 --> 00:15:08.139 men in the Roman Empire 00:15:08.139 --> 00:15:09.199 would often marry 00:15:09.199 --> 00:15:11.059 and they would marry 00:15:11.059 --> 00:15:11.899 for status. 00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:13.539 And then, 00:15:13.620 --> 00:15:13.899 of course, 00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:14.500 they would live 00:15:14.500 --> 00:15:15.539 any life they wanted 00:15:15.539 --> 00:15:16.259 to on the side, 00:15:16.319 --> 00:15:16.519 right? 00:15:17.259 --> 00:15:18.259 They were never committed. 00:15:18.360 --> 00:15:18.799 The commitment 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:20.080 was for their station 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:20.580 in life, 00:15:20.779 --> 00:15:21.799 but they were never 00:15:21.799 --> 00:15:22.439 really committed 00:15:22.439 --> 00:15:23.559 in love and cherishing. 00:15:23.740 --> 00:15:24.460 And you've got to see 00:15:24.460 --> 00:15:25.519 that when Paul, 00:15:25.779 --> 00:15:25.939 boy, 00:15:26.939 --> 00:15:28.120 verse 28 and 29, 00:15:28.220 --> 00:15:28.720 verse 33, 00:15:28.939 --> 00:15:29.759 when Paul turns 00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:31.439 in the Greco-Roman culture 00:15:31.439 --> 00:15:32.200 and says, 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:32.819 husbands, 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:34.019 love and cherish 00:15:34.019 --> 00:15:34.539 your wife 00:15:34.539 --> 00:15:35.419 as if she were 00:15:35.419 --> 00:15:36.039 your body. 00:15:36.039 --> 00:15:37.219 because nobody 00:15:37.219 --> 00:15:38.000 hates their own body. 00:15:39.219 --> 00:15:39.860 He is talking 00:15:39.860 --> 00:15:40.659 into a culture 00:15:40.659 --> 00:15:41.419 that's dominated 00:15:41.419 --> 00:15:42.240 by Aristotle 00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:44.719 where men really 00:15:44.719 --> 00:15:45.219 do believe 00:15:45.219 --> 00:15:45.740 that women 00:15:45.740 --> 00:15:47.019 are a slave gender 00:15:47.019 --> 00:15:49.439 and it's revolutionary. 00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:50.719 It changed the world. 00:15:51.980 --> 00:15:52.679 And he's saying 00:15:52.679 --> 00:15:53.620 that no, 00:15:53.719 --> 00:15:54.259 not at all. 00:15:54.620 --> 00:15:55.539 Men and women 00:15:55.539 --> 00:15:57.259 equal before the Lord 00:15:57.259 --> 00:15:58.339 and called 00:15:58.339 --> 00:15:59.500 to mutually submit 00:15:59.500 --> 00:16:00.120 to one another 00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:02.199 in the beautiful model 00:16:02.199 --> 00:16:02.980 that God has given us 00:16:02.980 --> 00:16:03.379 in marriage. 00:16:03.379 --> 00:16:04.679 Secondly, 00:16:05.559 --> 00:16:06.980 non-Christians 00:16:06.980 --> 00:16:08.080 can have healthy marriages 00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:09.679 and that's a different talk 00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:10.360 for a different day. 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:11.639 I can't treat that right now, 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:13.159 but I want to say this. 00:16:13.220 --> 00:16:13.700 In the light of verses 00:16:13.700 --> 00:16:14.460 18 to 21, 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:15.539 you can't come 00:16:15.539 --> 00:16:16.600 and expect a culture, 00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:18.120 the culture at large 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:19.340 to approach marriage 00:16:19.340 --> 00:16:21.399 the way that we're reading 00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:22.059 about right here. 00:16:22.179 --> 00:16:22.360 Why? 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:23.580 Because verse 18 to 21 00:16:23.580 --> 00:16:24.779 says you need the Holy Spirit. 00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:26.620 You need the gospel. 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:27.460 You need the Spirit. 00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:28.220 And so when we look 00:16:28.220 --> 00:16:28.620 and say, 00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:29.019 boy, 00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:29.759 our culture 00:16:29.759 --> 00:16:30.960 doesn't understand marriage, 00:16:31.419 --> 00:16:32.460 verse 18 to 21 00:16:32.460 --> 00:16:33.460 makes sense of that. 00:16:33.940 --> 00:16:35.120 It says that the Holy Spirit 00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:36.100 has got to get into your life 00:16:36.100 --> 00:16:37.700 to see the model of marriage 00:16:37.700 --> 00:16:38.440 that God created 00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:39.019 from the beginning. 00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:40.600 And so we can't expect 00:16:40.600 --> 00:16:43.320 a culture without the Holy Spirit 00:16:43.320 --> 00:16:44.420 to think about marriage 00:16:44.420 --> 00:16:45.120 like the Holy Spirit 00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:45.820 drives us to think 00:16:45.820 --> 00:16:46.500 about marriage like. 00:16:47.340 --> 00:16:47.840 And then thirdly 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:48.240 and finally, 00:16:48.940 --> 00:16:50.080 if you're married today 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:51.259 or if you are dating 00:16:51.259 --> 00:16:52.500 or if you hope 00:16:52.500 --> 00:16:53.600 to be dating soon, 00:16:53.780 --> 00:16:55.120 if you have plans, 00:16:55.480 --> 00:16:56.139 what does this mean? 00:16:56.180 --> 00:16:57.000 This means you've got to get 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.320 verses 18 to 21 00:16:58.320 --> 00:16:59.240 in your life first. 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:00.980 You've got to get 00:17:00.980 --> 00:17:01.519 the Holy Spirit 00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:02.400 in your life first. 00:17:02.460 --> 00:17:03.360 You've got to look 00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:04.039 for somebody 00:17:04.039 --> 00:17:06.380 that sees 18 to 21 00:17:06.380 --> 00:17:07.480 mutual submission 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:09.420 laying down their rights 00:17:09.420 --> 00:17:10.620 to serve one another 00:17:10.620 --> 00:17:11.620 as the model 00:17:11.620 --> 00:17:12.360 for the relationship 00:17:12.360 --> 00:17:13.140 you're stepping into. 00:17:13.640 --> 00:17:14.740 Look for that person. 00:17:15.539 --> 00:17:15.860 Secondly, 00:17:16.059 --> 00:17:16.799 I've got to be quick, 00:17:17.180 --> 00:17:17.559 the goal. 00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:18.700 All right, 00:17:18.740 --> 00:17:20.079 the goal here of marriage, 00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:21.039 that's the problem we have. 00:17:21.579 --> 00:17:22.400 The Holy Spirit 00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:23.819 reorders our relationships. 00:17:24.660 --> 00:17:25.160 And then secondly, 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:26.259 the goal for marriage. 00:17:26.460 --> 00:17:26.600 Now, 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:28.200 Paul says here 00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:29.039 that marriage 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:29.660 is meant to be 00:17:29.660 --> 00:17:31.060 a one flesh union 00:17:31.060 --> 00:17:31.880 with one another 00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:32.960 in verse 31. 00:17:33.580 --> 00:17:34.840 What does he mean by flesh? 00:17:34.840 --> 00:17:35.779 Is it physical? 00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:36.820 And of course, 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:37.279 we know that 00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:39.140 that is a reality in marriage. 00:17:39.640 --> 00:17:40.820 But flesh also means 00:17:40.820 --> 00:17:42.580 person as well. 00:17:42.660 --> 00:17:43.180 So he's saying 00:17:43.180 --> 00:17:44.300 that there's a dynamic here 00:17:44.300 --> 00:17:44.960 where you become 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:45.820 one person. 00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:48.100 And so when he says, 00:17:48.180 --> 00:17:48.300 you know, 00:17:48.380 --> 00:17:49.940 you move together 00:17:49.940 --> 00:17:50.680 as one person 00:17:50.680 --> 00:17:51.940 in one direction. 00:17:52.820 --> 00:17:53.560 Not the band, 00:17:53.740 --> 00:17:55.480 but just a good relationship. 00:17:55.680 --> 00:17:56.320 That's how it moves. 00:17:56.319 --> 00:17:57.099 All right? 00:17:58.019 --> 00:17:58.740 And then he says, 00:17:58.839 --> 00:17:58.960 okay, 00:17:59.019 --> 00:18:00.279 here's what mutual submission 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:00.919 looks like. 00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:01.519 Wives, 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:03.179 submitting to your husbands, 00:18:03.700 --> 00:18:05.240 giving yourself away 00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:08.000 in service 00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:08.500 and love 00:18:08.500 --> 00:18:09.159 and helpfulness 00:18:09.159 --> 00:18:09.720 to husbands. 00:18:10.079 --> 00:18:11.019 And so he says here, 00:18:11.099 --> 00:18:11.240 yes, 00:18:11.299 --> 00:18:12.259 the husband leads, 00:18:12.899 --> 00:18:13.619 but how? 00:18:14.159 --> 00:18:15.779 So the word submission here 00:18:15.779 --> 00:18:16.839 is a word 00:18:16.839 --> 00:18:18.119 for both parties 00:18:18.119 --> 00:18:18.720 and it's a word 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:19.639 that has a military 00:18:19.639 --> 00:18:20.720 connotation to it. 00:18:22.200 --> 00:18:24.119 It's a soldiering word 00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:26.279 and it's got the connotation 00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:27.619 of a captain 00:18:27.619 --> 00:18:29.819 leading a group of soldiers. 00:18:30.179 --> 00:18:30.739 That's the background 00:18:30.739 --> 00:18:31.319 of this word. 00:18:31.779 --> 00:18:32.379 And you can imagine, 00:18:32.459 --> 00:18:33.019 this is what he says. 00:18:33.099 --> 00:18:33.359 He says, 00:18:33.959 --> 00:18:35.159 mutual submission, 00:18:35.579 --> 00:18:36.259 husbands leading, 00:18:36.419 --> 00:18:36.579 yes, 00:18:36.639 --> 00:18:37.099 but how? 00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:38.679 How do they submit? 00:18:38.959 --> 00:18:39.059 Well, 00:18:39.099 --> 00:18:39.599 the captain, 00:18:39.859 --> 00:18:40.859 imagine trench warfare 00:18:40.859 --> 00:18:42.379 and in trench warfare 00:18:42.379 --> 00:18:43.559 the captain gets 00:18:43.559 --> 00:18:44.319 the troops all together 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:44.679 and he says, 00:18:44.759 --> 00:18:45.759 we're about to go over the edge 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:46.919 and we're going to run 00:18:46.919 --> 00:18:48.119 right into the firing squad. 00:18:48.899 --> 00:18:50.299 And who is the first person? 00:18:51.059 --> 00:18:51.939 The captain gathers 00:18:51.939 --> 00:18:52.339 the troops, 00:18:52.419 --> 00:18:52.919 the captain says, 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:53.439 this is where 00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:54.180 we're going together. 00:18:54.700 --> 00:18:55.680 And it is the captain 00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:56.840 who takes the first step 00:18:56.840 --> 00:18:57.860 and takes the first bullet, 00:18:58.019 --> 00:18:58.220 right? 00:18:58.680 --> 00:19:00.080 And so Paul turns and says, 00:19:00.200 --> 00:19:01.500 this is your role, 00:19:01.620 --> 00:19:01.799 husband, 00:19:02.059 --> 00:19:02.759 mutual submission. 00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:04.660 Your role is to lead 00:19:04.660 --> 00:19:06.680 by giving your life away, 00:19:06.759 --> 00:19:07.700 if that's what it takes, 00:19:07.840 --> 00:19:09.580 to take this relationship 00:19:09.580 --> 00:19:10.180 to the point 00:19:10.180 --> 00:19:11.140 of spiritual maturity, 00:19:11.779 --> 00:19:12.559 of real growth. 00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:14.860 There's an activity 00:19:14.860 --> 00:19:16.720 of giving your life away 00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:17.759 for the sake of your bride, 00:19:17.860 --> 00:19:18.380 your spouse. 00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:19.480 And then he turns 00:19:19.480 --> 00:19:21.440 to a wife and says, 00:19:22.259 --> 00:19:22.440 well, 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:23.420 let me picture it. 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:24.519 It's easier to image 00:19:24.519 --> 00:19:25.440 than describe. 00:19:25.860 --> 00:19:27.640 Imagine a beautiful dance, 00:19:28.039 --> 00:19:28.680 a waltz, 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:29.880 a great waltz, 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:30.640 right? 00:19:30.700 --> 00:19:31.720 Imagine you're watching 00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:32.799 Strictly Come Dancing, 00:19:33.220 --> 00:19:33.460 right? 00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:34.580 I've never seen that show, 00:19:34.680 --> 00:19:35.380 but I understand 00:19:35.380 --> 00:19:37.140 it's like Dancing with the Stars, 00:19:37.220 --> 00:19:37.440 I think, 00:19:37.480 --> 00:19:38.019 from America. 00:19:38.380 --> 00:19:39.259 I have seen that. 00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:39.940 And, you know, 00:19:40.019 --> 00:19:40.980 you get these great, 00:19:41.080 --> 00:19:41.860 these dancers, 00:19:42.259 --> 00:19:43.480 and they're going to waltz. 00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:45.580 And if both people 00:19:45.580 --> 00:19:47.019 try to step forward 00:19:47.019 --> 00:19:47.820 in the waltz 00:19:47.820 --> 00:19:48.880 at the beginning of the dance, 00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:49.420 what happens? 00:19:50.220 --> 00:19:50.960 They kick each other 00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:51.420 in the shin, 00:19:51.620 --> 00:19:51.880 right? 00:19:52.420 --> 00:19:53.440 So, one person 00:19:53.440 --> 00:19:54.759 has to take a step forward 00:19:54.759 --> 00:19:55.480 and the other 00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:56.420 takes a step back, 00:19:56.460 --> 00:19:56.700 right? 00:19:57.180 --> 00:19:57.779 And you get 00:19:57.779 --> 00:19:58.880 this beautiful harmony, 00:19:59.620 --> 00:20:00.660 this giving and receiving 00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:01.560 that takes place, 00:20:01.700 --> 00:20:02.480 and it becomes 00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:04.580 this one flesh movement, 00:20:04.700 --> 00:20:05.880 to put it in the metaphorical sense, 00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:06.820 this beautiful dance. 00:20:07.340 --> 00:20:08.400 And that's what Paul's 00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:09.019 talking about here, 00:20:09.080 --> 00:20:09.720 this harmony 00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:11.120 of movement, 00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:12.180 of giving and receiving, 00:20:12.740 --> 00:20:13.440 of leading, 00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:14.580 yet submitting, 00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:15.759 at the same time, 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:16.720 all together. 00:20:16.860 --> 00:20:17.420 It's a harmony. 00:20:17.579 --> 00:20:18.440 And he's saying, 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:19.420 this is the model, 00:20:19.559 --> 00:20:20.480 and the motivation 00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:21.299 is the big goal. 00:20:21.339 --> 00:20:22.160 And here's the big goal. 00:20:23.299 --> 00:20:24.160 Point to the big goal. 00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:24.799 Verse 32, 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:25.220 he says, 00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:26.940 the mega mystery in Greek 00:20:26.940 --> 00:20:29.400 is that this marriage, 00:20:29.539 --> 00:20:30.059 this harmony, 00:20:30.180 --> 00:20:30.720 this dance, 00:20:30.779 --> 00:20:32.600 is to be a living reenactment 00:20:32.600 --> 00:20:33.559 of Christ, 00:20:33.700 --> 00:20:35.019 the true groom's love 00:20:35.019 --> 00:20:36.120 for His bride. 00:20:37.220 --> 00:20:38.180 That this harmony 00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:39.240 should reflect 00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:40.319 the love 00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:41.940 that Jesus Christ has 00:20:41.940 --> 00:20:43.120 for His ultimate bride, 00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:43.559 the church. 00:20:44.200 --> 00:20:45.019 And so here's the big idea. 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:46.500 Only a Christian marriage 00:20:46.500 --> 00:20:48.039 can see the big vision of this, 00:20:48.119 --> 00:20:49.180 that marriage exists 00:20:49.180 --> 00:20:51.039 to be a living illustration 00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:52.059 and signpost 00:20:52.059 --> 00:20:53.279 of the love 00:20:53.279 --> 00:20:54.400 of the gospel itself. 00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:56.140 The love of Jesus Christ, 00:20:56.220 --> 00:20:56.579 the groom, 00:20:56.920 --> 00:20:57.920 for His beautiful bride, 00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:58.400 the church, 00:20:58.440 --> 00:20:59.380 in the gospel itself. 00:20:59.740 --> 00:21:00.519 Marriage is to be 00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:01.380 so harmonious 00:21:01.380 --> 00:21:02.420 and love and cherishing 00:21:02.420 --> 00:21:03.839 that it looks like that. 00:21:03.980 --> 00:21:04.920 That's the goal. 00:21:05.019 --> 00:21:05.700 That's what we're striving 00:21:05.700 --> 00:21:06.880 towards in marriage. 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:07.960 Now, let me mention 00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:09.759 a couple quick practicals here 00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:11.599 and move to the final point. 00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:12.380 Number one, 00:21:12.500 --> 00:21:13.900 notice that there is not 00:21:13.900 --> 00:21:15.220 a word in this passage 00:21:15.220 --> 00:21:16.539 telling you 00:21:16.539 --> 00:21:17.600 what leading 00:21:17.600 --> 00:21:18.519 and being led 00:21:18.519 --> 00:21:19.160 looks like 00:21:19.160 --> 00:21:20.299 in any particular way. 00:21:20.779 --> 00:21:21.640 There's not a word. 00:21:22.259 --> 00:21:23.279 There's nothing here 00:21:23.279 --> 00:21:24.259 that says 00:21:24.259 --> 00:21:25.500 one of you 00:21:25.500 --> 00:21:26.500 should cut the grass, 00:21:27.160 --> 00:21:27.960 one of you 00:21:27.960 --> 00:21:28.460 should take out 00:21:28.460 --> 00:21:29.579 the trash most often, 00:21:30.519 --> 00:21:31.519 one of you should work, 00:21:31.620 --> 00:21:32.360 one of you shouldn't. 00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:33.360 Not a word. 00:21:33.940 --> 00:21:35.000 You don't have details here. 00:21:36.200 --> 00:21:37.380 And that's because 00:21:37.380 --> 00:21:38.700 it's not always the same. 00:21:39.700 --> 00:21:39.860 Right? 00:21:39.960 --> 00:21:40.980 So this can be worked out 00:21:40.980 --> 00:21:42.200 in many, many ways. 00:21:43.019 --> 00:21:43.339 Secondly, 00:21:43.339 --> 00:21:44.419 is it saying, 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:44.899 wives, 00:21:45.419 --> 00:21:46.359 do what you're told 00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:47.779 by your husband 00:21:47.779 --> 00:21:48.599 because he's the leader? 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:49.000 No. 00:21:49.379 --> 00:21:50.000 Not at all. 00:21:50.379 --> 00:21:50.619 Why? 00:21:51.119 --> 00:21:51.919 Lots of reasons, 00:21:52.039 --> 00:21:53.039 but let me just give you one. 00:21:54.519 --> 00:21:55.259 What is submission? 00:21:55.759 --> 00:21:56.119 Submission, 00:21:56.279 --> 00:21:56.579 we said, 00:21:56.659 --> 00:21:57.279 mutual submission 00:21:57.279 --> 00:21:59.159 is laying down 00:21:59.159 --> 00:21:59.899 your rights 00:21:59.899 --> 00:22:00.579 to seek 00:22:00.579 --> 00:22:01.500 the ultimate good 00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:02.859 of your spouse, 00:22:03.099 --> 00:22:03.439 the other. 00:22:04.500 --> 00:22:06.179 And wives in the room 00:22:06.179 --> 00:22:08.220 surely know 00:22:08.220 --> 00:22:09.980 that sometimes 00:22:09.980 --> 00:22:11.099 your husband 00:22:11.099 --> 00:22:11.879 makes decisions 00:22:11.879 --> 00:22:13.000 that are not seeking 00:22:13.000 --> 00:22:14.059 anybody's ultimate good. 00:22:14.339 --> 00:22:14.439 Right? 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:16.539 And it is not 00:22:16.539 --> 00:22:18.159 seeking his ultimate good 00:22:18.159 --> 00:22:20.419 to not confront, 00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:22.599 to not have conflict, 00:22:22.879 --> 00:22:23.859 to not say sometimes 00:22:23.859 --> 00:22:25.119 that was the wrong decision. 00:22:26.019 --> 00:22:26.259 Right? 00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:26.779 Of course. 00:22:27.679 --> 00:22:27.859 See, 00:22:28.019 --> 00:22:28.839 conflict in marriage 00:22:28.839 --> 00:22:29.679 is necessary 00:22:29.679 --> 00:22:31.039 if you're actually seeking 00:22:31.039 --> 00:22:32.000 the other person's 00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:32.500 ultimate good 00:22:32.500 --> 00:22:33.699 because there's times 00:22:33.699 --> 00:22:34.359 where you've got to come 00:22:34.359 --> 00:22:34.759 and say 00:22:34.759 --> 00:22:35.980 that was the wrong choice. 00:22:36.119 --> 00:22:37.099 You said the wrong thing. 00:22:37.259 --> 00:22:38.119 That was mean. 00:22:38.379 --> 00:22:38.559 Right? 00:22:38.559 --> 00:22:40.539 And that means 00:22:40.539 --> 00:22:41.740 if you're truly seeking 00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:42.799 somebody's ultimate good, 00:22:43.679 --> 00:22:45.019 there's always 00:22:45.019 --> 00:22:46.859 a back and forth 00:22:46.859 --> 00:22:47.659 between activity 00:22:47.659 --> 00:22:48.319 and passivity, 00:22:49.539 --> 00:22:50.519 a mutual giving 00:22:50.519 --> 00:22:51.079 and receiving 00:22:51.079 --> 00:22:52.240 in both directions, 00:22:52.379 --> 00:22:52.679 always. 00:22:53.319 --> 00:22:54.099 You have to be. 00:22:54.299 --> 00:22:54.599 You see, 00:22:54.980 --> 00:22:55.919 let me give you this. 00:22:56.039 --> 00:22:57.379 The goal underneath the goal. 00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:57.919 What's the goal 00:22:57.919 --> 00:22:58.579 underneath the goal? 00:22:59.039 --> 00:22:59.819 If you look at 00:22:59.819 --> 00:23:01.139 verse 26 and 27, 00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:03.859 what was Jesus' goal 00:23:03.859 --> 00:23:06.019 in coming for His great bride? 00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:06.759 It says, 00:23:06.759 --> 00:23:08.619 He came to cleanse her 00:23:08.619 --> 00:23:10.180 and make her wrinkle-free, 00:23:10.539 --> 00:23:12.039 cleansed from all unrighteousness. 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:12.240 Right? 00:23:13.319 --> 00:23:14.440 What is the goal of marriage? 00:23:14.539 --> 00:23:15.420 The goal underneath the goal 00:23:15.420 --> 00:23:16.579 to signpost the gospel 00:23:16.579 --> 00:23:17.660 and the goal underneath that 00:23:17.660 --> 00:23:18.720 is to pursue 00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:19.879 your spouse's holiness, 00:23:20.660 --> 00:23:22.539 to seek their holiness, 00:23:22.740 --> 00:23:23.259 that you say, 00:23:23.420 --> 00:23:24.539 I want them to be a diamond. 00:23:25.019 --> 00:23:26.119 And what have we been talking about 00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:27.160 in the back half of Ephesians? 00:23:27.220 --> 00:23:28.559 It's all about imitation of Christ, 00:23:28.980 --> 00:23:30.180 of becoming who God 00:23:30.180 --> 00:23:31.220 has made you in Christ, 00:23:31.779 --> 00:23:32.740 of becoming the emerald, 00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:33.279 the diamond 00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:34.359 that God has pronounced you 00:23:34.359 --> 00:23:35.980 to be through the gospel. 00:23:35.980 --> 00:23:36.819 Marriage, 00:23:37.339 --> 00:23:38.400 the goal of marriage, 00:23:39.120 --> 00:23:40.500 is to seek the well-being 00:23:40.500 --> 00:23:41.220 of your spouse 00:23:41.220 --> 00:23:42.019 so much so 00:23:42.019 --> 00:23:42.839 that he or she 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:44.599 becomes the diamond 00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:45.700 that God has pronounced them to be. 00:23:46.420 --> 00:23:46.980 It's to pursue 00:23:46.980 --> 00:23:48.019 their holiness ultimately. 00:23:49.059 --> 00:23:49.759 And that means finally, 00:23:49.819 --> 00:23:50.799 and I'll move to the last thing, 00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:52.019 that two qualities, 00:23:53.059 --> 00:23:54.339 I read through this passage 00:23:54.339 --> 00:23:55.440 and I just note 00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:56.920 some of the particular words. 00:23:57.779 --> 00:23:58.319 It says, 00:23:58.559 --> 00:23:58.900 Husbands, 00:23:59.039 --> 00:23:59.720 love her, 00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:02.039 cherish her. 00:24:02.680 --> 00:24:03.660 It says to both parties, 00:24:03.980 --> 00:24:04.420 verse 31, 00:24:04.420 --> 00:24:05.580 hold fast 00:24:05.580 --> 00:24:06.460 to one another. 00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:09.080 Love and respect, 00:24:09.620 --> 00:24:10.440 mutual submission, 00:24:10.580 --> 00:24:11.400 all these words. 00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:12.640 You take all these words, 00:24:12.700 --> 00:24:13.840 I think you whittle them down 00:24:13.840 --> 00:24:15.039 and you have two qualities 00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:16.000 to a healthy marriage. 00:24:16.860 --> 00:24:17.800 And the two qualities 00:24:17.800 --> 00:24:20.980 are passionate love 00:24:20.980 --> 00:24:22.400 commingled 00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:23.900 with unyielding commitment. 00:24:25.580 --> 00:24:26.880 Think about the world 00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:28.000 Paul's speaking into. 00:24:28.779 --> 00:24:29.820 The first century, 00:24:29.980 --> 00:24:31.060 dominated by Aristotle. 00:24:31.059 --> 00:24:34.059 That old world 00:24:34.059 --> 00:24:35.079 was commitment 00:24:35.079 --> 00:24:36.940 without passion. 00:24:38.379 --> 00:24:38.879 Commitment 00:24:38.879 --> 00:24:39.759 without cherishing. 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:41.940 So I will marry you, 00:24:42.059 --> 00:24:43.460 said the first century husband. 00:24:43.720 --> 00:24:44.879 I will marry you, 00:24:45.179 --> 00:24:46.220 but I will have lots 00:24:46.220 --> 00:24:46.819 of relationships 00:24:46.819 --> 00:24:47.379 on the side. 00:24:48.279 --> 00:24:49.419 And I need you 00:24:49.419 --> 00:24:50.720 to provide status for me. 00:24:51.700 --> 00:24:51.919 Right? 00:24:51.960 --> 00:24:52.659 That's commitment, 00:24:53.220 --> 00:24:54.819 but there's no love. 00:24:55.299 --> 00:24:56.359 There's no cherishing. 00:24:57.259 --> 00:24:58.219 There's no looking 00:24:58.219 --> 00:24:59.039 at your bride 00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:00.039 as your own body. 00:25:00.779 --> 00:25:02.079 And you look at the new world 00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:02.579 and what is it? 00:25:02.619 --> 00:25:03.659 We have all love, 00:25:03.740 --> 00:25:04.579 all feelings, 00:25:04.959 --> 00:25:05.819 but no commitment. 00:25:06.979 --> 00:25:07.219 Right? 00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:08.159 We have feelings 00:25:08.159 --> 00:25:08.939 without foundation. 00:25:09.219 --> 00:25:10.779 We have feelings 00:25:10.779 --> 00:25:11.599 of love 00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:12.759 without holding fast. 00:25:13.259 --> 00:25:13.939 And Paul says 00:25:13.939 --> 00:25:14.779 the model here 00:25:14.779 --> 00:25:16.899 is passionate love 00:25:16.899 --> 00:25:17.859 where you are seeking 00:25:17.859 --> 00:25:19.179 to actively cherish 00:25:19.179 --> 00:25:20.240 your spouse 00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:21.579 and at the same time 00:25:21.579 --> 00:25:22.660 unyielding commitment, 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:23.599 holding fast. 00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:24.660 And those two things 00:25:24.660 --> 00:25:25.299 are coming together 00:25:25.299 --> 00:25:26.819 and that's a beautiful relationship 00:25:26.819 --> 00:25:28.079 according to this model. 00:25:28.180 --> 00:25:30.220 Now if you are married, 00:25:30.539 --> 00:25:30.740 again, 00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:31.599 if you are dating, 00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:33.220 if you hope to be dating, 00:25:34.019 --> 00:25:35.700 look for somebody, 00:25:36.339 --> 00:25:37.180 become somebody, 00:25:37.740 --> 00:25:38.700 talk to your spouse 00:25:38.700 --> 00:25:39.460 and say, 00:25:39.720 --> 00:25:40.460 is the goal 00:25:40.460 --> 00:25:41.299 of our relationship 00:25:41.299 --> 00:25:42.740 one another's holiness? 00:25:43.819 --> 00:25:44.680 That's the question. 00:25:45.160 --> 00:25:46.099 Have you talked about it? 00:25:46.940 --> 00:25:47.720 Have you sat down 00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:48.140 and said, 00:25:48.519 --> 00:25:49.539 is it really the case 00:25:49.539 --> 00:25:50.639 that our goal 00:25:50.639 --> 00:25:51.299 for one another 00:25:51.299 --> 00:25:52.119 is pursuing 00:25:52.119 --> 00:25:53.019 each other's holiness? 00:25:53.420 --> 00:25:54.099 That's what Paul's 00:25:54.099 --> 00:25:54.700 calling us to here. 00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:55.259 Lastly, 00:25:55.420 --> 00:25:56.019 I have to finish. 00:25:57.579 --> 00:25:58.220 Where are we going 00:25:58.220 --> 00:25:59.180 to get the power for this? 00:25:59.399 --> 00:26:00.180 That's the question 00:26:00.180 --> 00:26:00.779 often at the end 00:26:00.779 --> 00:26:01.319 of these sermons. 00:26:01.879 --> 00:26:02.339 Where are we going 00:26:02.339 --> 00:26:03.259 to get the power for this? 00:26:03.859 --> 00:26:04.619 If you just look 00:26:04.619 --> 00:26:06.139 from verses 18 to 33, 00:26:06.839 --> 00:26:08.619 notice how many times 00:26:08.619 --> 00:26:09.519 in this sequence 00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:11.480 Paul brings us back 00:26:11.480 --> 00:26:12.039 to Jesus. 00:26:12.339 --> 00:26:13.740 So from 18, 00:26:13.839 --> 00:26:14.980 I'll just list a few of you, 00:26:15.220 --> 00:26:15.819 a few of them. 00:26:16.440 --> 00:26:16.819 Verse 18, 00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:17.779 be filled with the Spirit. 00:26:17.899 --> 00:26:18.420 Verse 19, 00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:20.660 make melody to the Lord. 00:26:20.759 --> 00:26:21.220 That's Jesus. 00:26:21.660 --> 00:26:22.080 Verse 20, 00:26:22.180 --> 00:26:23.140 give thanks in the name 00:26:23.140 --> 00:26:23.620 of the Lord, 00:26:23.900 --> 00:26:24.560 Jesus Christ. 00:26:24.800 --> 00:26:25.320 Verse 21, 00:26:25.720 --> 00:26:26.519 submit to one another 00:26:26.519 --> 00:26:28.259 why out of reverence 00:26:28.259 --> 00:26:29.300 for Christ. 00:26:30.900 --> 00:26:31.820 Submit to the Lord, 00:26:31.880 --> 00:26:32.400 the next verse, 00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:33.500 as Christ is the head 00:26:33.500 --> 00:26:33.980 of the church, 00:26:34.740 --> 00:26:35.360 its Savior. 00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:36.539 The church submits 00:26:36.539 --> 00:26:37.100 to Christ. 00:26:37.580 --> 00:26:38.880 Love as Christ loved. 00:26:39.320 --> 00:26:40.039 Love as Christ 00:26:40.039 --> 00:26:40.840 gave himself up. 00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:42.860 Every single clause, 00:26:43.060 --> 00:26:43.800 Paul says something 00:26:43.800 --> 00:26:44.360 to us, 00:26:44.519 --> 00:26:45.220 and then he turns 00:26:45.220 --> 00:26:45.880 and says something 00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:46.460 about Jesus. 00:26:47.339 --> 00:26:48.319 Every single clause 00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:49.079 in a back and forth. 00:26:51.019 --> 00:26:52.299 And notice the one 00:26:52.299 --> 00:26:53.940 probably most important one, 00:26:54.779 --> 00:26:55.339 the headline, 00:26:56.140 --> 00:26:57.180 submit to one another 00:26:57.180 --> 00:26:58.360 out of reverence 00:26:58.360 --> 00:26:59.960 for one another. 00:27:01.100 --> 00:27:01.440 No. 00:27:02.860 --> 00:27:03.819 It's not submit 00:27:03.819 --> 00:27:04.400 to one another 00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:05.500 out of respect 00:27:05.500 --> 00:27:05.960 and reverence 00:27:05.960 --> 00:27:06.519 for each other. 00:27:06.779 --> 00:27:07.839 It's submit to one another 00:27:07.839 --> 00:27:09.480 out of fear of Jesus, 00:27:09.660 --> 00:27:10.339 fear of Christ. 00:27:10.740 --> 00:27:11.799 Fear there means all. 00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:13.779 Love, honor. 00:27:14.500 --> 00:27:14.920 In other words, 00:27:14.960 --> 00:27:15.500 what is it saying? 00:27:15.559 --> 00:27:16.180 It's saying the way 00:27:16.180 --> 00:27:18.019 to sustain a beautiful marriage, 00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:19.200 like we're reading about here 00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:20.379 and to grow into it, 00:27:20.599 --> 00:27:21.879 is not because you look 00:27:21.879 --> 00:27:22.379 and say, 00:27:22.639 --> 00:27:23.839 I deserve to be loved 00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:24.279 like this, 00:27:24.319 --> 00:27:25.519 and she or he deserves 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:26.279 to be loved like this. 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:27.160 Right? 00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:27.799 You know that that 00:27:27.799 --> 00:27:28.639 cannot sustain it. 00:27:28.899 --> 00:27:29.720 If you look and say, 00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:31.000 I love you because 00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:32.139 of all your qualities 00:27:32.139 --> 00:27:32.859 and that's it, 00:27:33.220 --> 00:27:34.639 you know that over time 00:27:34.639 --> 00:27:35.819 you will both struggle 00:27:35.819 --> 00:27:37.740 if that is the only reason. 00:27:39.119 --> 00:27:40.039 What does he say? 00:27:40.039 --> 00:27:40.359 He says, 00:27:40.740 --> 00:27:41.759 submit to one another 00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:43.559 in deep love and affection, 00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:44.140 cherishing, 00:27:44.519 --> 00:27:45.099 holding fast 00:27:45.099 --> 00:27:46.779 out of fear of Jesus, 00:27:47.160 --> 00:27:47.940 out of reverence for Christ. 00:27:48.039 --> 00:27:48.279 He says, 00:27:48.779 --> 00:27:50.119 keep coming back to Christ 00:27:50.119 --> 00:27:51.480 and look at him 00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:52.900 if you want to be able 00:27:52.900 --> 00:27:53.839 to look at one another 00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:55.379 and serve one another 00:27:55.379 --> 00:27:56.259 to the point 00:27:56.259 --> 00:27:57.119 of seeking their holiness. 00:27:57.960 --> 00:27:58.160 He says, 00:27:58.200 --> 00:27:59.299 you've got to constantly 00:27:59.299 --> 00:28:00.200 come back 00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:01.400 to the Christ 00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:02.160 who died, 00:28:02.319 --> 00:28:03.640 the great groom 00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:05.500 who died for you, 00:28:05.559 --> 00:28:06.160 the great bride. 00:28:06.980 --> 00:28:07.599 That's the one 00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:08.319 you have to look at 00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:09.680 if you want to be sustained 00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:10.440 in this possibility, 00:28:10.440 --> 00:28:11.559 a relationship like this. 00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:14.420 And this is the last word here. 00:28:14.500 --> 00:28:15.299 He says at the end, 00:28:15.360 --> 00:28:15.900 verse 32, 00:28:16.420 --> 00:28:18.620 marriage is a mega mystery. 00:28:19.140 --> 00:28:20.220 What is he talking about there? 00:28:20.279 --> 00:28:21.120 He's bringing us 00:28:21.120 --> 00:28:22.380 in that word mystery 00:28:22.380 --> 00:28:23.660 all the way back 00:28:23.660 --> 00:28:24.740 to the beginning of history. 00:28:26.120 --> 00:28:27.400 Genesis 1 and Genesis 2. 00:28:27.500 --> 00:28:28.180 And you can remember 00:28:28.180 --> 00:28:30.220 there that there was a marriage. 00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:31.900 Adam and Eve were married. 00:28:32.779 --> 00:28:34.559 And Eve stood in the Garden of Eden 00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:36.580 next to the tree 00:28:36.580 --> 00:28:37.019 of the knowledge 00:28:37.019 --> 00:28:37.680 of good and evil. 00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:39.680 and she reached out her hand 00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:40.900 and she took from it. 00:28:41.860 --> 00:28:43.420 And in verse 7 of Genesis 3, 00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:43.920 it says, 00:28:44.360 --> 00:28:45.960 Adam was with her. 00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:49.940 And Adam had been given 00:28:49.940 --> 00:28:50.640 a calling, 00:28:51.080 --> 00:28:51.960 protect the garden. 00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:54.640 Protect your bride. 00:28:55.400 --> 00:28:56.920 Love her and cherish her forever. 00:28:58.200 --> 00:29:00.120 And seek her ultimate good. 00:29:00.279 --> 00:29:01.060 What is marriage? 00:29:01.160 --> 00:29:01.960 It's there to seek 00:29:01.960 --> 00:29:02.960 the ultimate good of the other. 00:29:03.380 --> 00:29:04.200 And Adam had been given 00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:04.580 that charge, 00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:05.720 seek her ultimate good. 00:29:05.720 --> 00:29:06.640 And you know what he did? 00:29:06.700 --> 00:29:08.160 He stood next to her 00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:09.420 as she reached out 00:29:09.420 --> 00:29:10.059 and she ate 00:29:10.059 --> 00:29:11.079 and she broke the world. 00:29:11.900 --> 00:29:13.059 She was deceived. 00:29:13.220 --> 00:29:13.819 He was not. 00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:16.400 He knew what was happening. 00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:17.720 And he let it happen 00:29:17.720 --> 00:29:18.279 the whole way. 00:29:19.160 --> 00:29:19.839 And then when God 00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:20.600 came into the garden, 00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:21.839 God said, 00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:22.860 what is going on? 00:29:22.900 --> 00:29:23.360 Where are you? 00:29:23.420 --> 00:29:24.000 What have you done? 00:29:24.059 --> 00:29:24.720 And what did he do? 00:29:24.759 --> 00:29:25.860 The first word he speaks 00:29:25.860 --> 00:29:27.460 is he blames her for it. 00:29:28.299 --> 00:29:29.420 So that is the opposite 00:29:29.420 --> 00:29:30.539 of Ephesians 5. 00:29:31.400 --> 00:29:32.259 That's the opposite 00:29:32.259 --> 00:29:33.019 of healthy marriage. 00:29:33.360 --> 00:29:33.539 Okay? 00:29:33.539 --> 00:29:35.220 And if you were to read 00:29:35.220 --> 00:29:36.659 Ephesians 5 backward 00:29:36.659 --> 00:29:38.639 into Genesis 2 and 3, 00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:39.980 what could we ask? 00:29:40.180 --> 00:29:41.799 What would a beautiful, 00:29:42.019 --> 00:29:42.759 wonderful husband, 00:29:42.920 --> 00:29:45.480 what should Adam have done 00:29:45.480 --> 00:29:46.940 in the moment that Eve 00:29:46.940 --> 00:29:47.899 reached out her hand 00:29:47.899 --> 00:29:48.559 and took and ate? 00:29:49.139 --> 00:29:50.079 When God came down, 00:29:50.159 --> 00:29:51.399 boy, that cost the world. 00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:52.200 It's exile. 00:29:52.460 --> 00:29:54.559 It's the loss of God's presence. 00:29:55.220 --> 00:29:56.460 It's bruised and broken 00:29:56.460 --> 00:29:56.920 by the fall. 00:29:57.000 --> 00:29:57.920 What should he have done? 00:29:58.099 --> 00:29:59.119 What does Paul say 00:29:59.119 --> 00:29:59.960 here in Ephesians 5? 00:29:59.960 --> 00:30:01.519 The role of a husband 00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:02.700 is to love her 00:30:02.700 --> 00:30:03.279 to the point 00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:05.160 of laying down his life 00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:05.799 for her sake. 00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:07.220 What should he have done? 00:30:08.279 --> 00:30:08.900 He should have said, 00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:09.160 Lord, 00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:12.920 don't send her into exile. 00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:16.180 Don't let her go into judgment. 00:30:17.059 --> 00:30:17.660 Take me. 00:30:17.900 --> 00:30:18.640 It's my fault. 00:30:19.620 --> 00:30:21.160 I will lay down my life for her. 00:30:21.420 --> 00:30:22.180 I will die 00:30:22.180 --> 00:30:23.019 so that she might live. 00:30:23.100 --> 00:30:23.840 That's what he should have said. 00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:27.120 Thanks be to God 00:30:27.120 --> 00:30:29.039 that there is a better Adam 00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:29.799 than the first one. 00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:31.220 A second Adam. 00:30:31.539 --> 00:30:32.139 A true Adam. 00:30:32.259 --> 00:30:33.899 An Adam that came all the way 00:30:33.899 --> 00:30:34.619 into the middle of history 00:30:34.619 --> 00:30:35.000 and said, 00:30:35.159 --> 00:30:36.940 I will lay my life down 00:30:36.940 --> 00:30:37.599 for my bride. 00:30:38.139 --> 00:30:38.839 A great groom. 00:30:39.960 --> 00:30:40.899 If you're married, 00:30:41.099 --> 00:30:41.839 if you're dating, 00:30:42.139 --> 00:30:43.720 if you're looking for marriage, 00:30:44.220 --> 00:30:45.980 do you see that 00:30:45.980 --> 00:30:47.379 because Jesus Christ 00:30:47.379 --> 00:30:50.019 came to be your great groom, 00:30:50.440 --> 00:30:51.319 the more and more 00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:53.139 you run into his arms, 00:30:53.639 --> 00:30:55.839 the more your relationship 00:30:55.839 --> 00:30:57.240 has the potential for greatness. 00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:00.299 Let us pray. 00:31:01.220 --> 00:31:01.740 Father, 00:31:01.940 --> 00:31:04.159 we ask that you would give us 00:31:04.159 --> 00:31:05.519 conviction 00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:08.299 about the way 00:31:08.299 --> 00:31:09.399 we are pursuing 00:31:09.399 --> 00:31:10.480 our relationships. 00:31:11.639 --> 00:31:12.539 We ask, 00:31:12.700 --> 00:31:12.819 Lord, 00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:14.299 that we would be convicted 00:31:14.299 --> 00:31:15.680 of our selfishness 00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:17.819 and turned today 00:31:17.819 --> 00:31:19.180 by the power of the Spirit 00:31:19.180 --> 00:31:21.659 to pursue the ultimate good 00:31:21.659 --> 00:31:23.200 of our beloved ones. 00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:25.500 and we know 00:31:25.500 --> 00:31:26.180 that the only way 00:31:26.180 --> 00:31:27.240 to do that right now 00:31:27.240 --> 00:31:28.340 is to turn our eyes 00:31:28.340 --> 00:31:28.940 upon Jesus 00:31:28.940 --> 00:31:30.000 to say, 00:31:30.279 --> 00:31:31.039 I am not my own. 00:31:31.420 --> 00:31:32.500 My goal is not me. 00:31:33.600 --> 00:31:33.900 So, 00:31:34.059 --> 00:31:34.200 Lord, 00:31:34.360 --> 00:31:35.380 as we sing now, 00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:37.420 we just ask for help. 00:31:37.500 --> 00:31:38.200 We ask that you would 00:31:38.200 --> 00:31:39.720 turn us away from ourselves 00:31:39.720 --> 00:31:41.039 and give us 00:31:41.039 --> 00:31:43.120 a reimagined vision 00:31:43.120 --> 00:31:44.600 for beautiful marriage. 00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:46.019 We need it. 00:31:46.120 --> 00:31:46.559 We need it. 00:31:46.600 --> 00:31:47.559 We struggle so much, 00:31:47.700 --> 00:31:47.860 Lord, 00:31:47.980 --> 00:31:49.559 so I know I do, 00:31:49.700 --> 00:31:50.140 so Lord, 00:31:50.200 --> 00:31:50.620 help us. 00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:51.700 We pray in Christ's name. 00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:52.500 Amen.