One other thing I might say at this point as well, that in a talk like this, we're not going to be able to cover everything.
And it would be good just to have an open time and for people to throw back questions.
If you do have questions afterwards, please talk to me.
But what we're going to be doing is over the next few weeks on our Wednesday, on our Gospel Community, our home group nights,
we're going to have opportunity to think this through a bit more.
So if you have questions and you want to think through it more, then come along on a Wednesday night
and we'll be asking more about it and your opportunities to discuss and question.
So, what is your position or your opinion on the proposed same-sex referendum?
At the end of last year, our coalition government announced that they were going to hold a referendum to redefine marriage,
which will include same-sex couples.
Listen to the views of our Tornister, Eamon Gilmour.
This is what he says.
I believe that in certain key areas, our laws are out of step with public opinion.
I don't believe, for example, that it should ever be the role of the state to pass judgment
on whom a person falls in love with or whom they want to spend their life with.
The right of gay couples to marry is, quite simply, the civil rights issue of this generation.
And, in my opinion, its time has come.
Very strong and persuasive words.
So, what will you say when somebody asks you for your views?
Yes, I think it's great.
Everybody should be allowed to marry.
It is a civil rights issue.
Or, will you say, no, I don't agree with it.
Marriage is just between a man and a woman.
It's a biblical issue.
Or, will you just try and avoid the question, keep your head down and stay quiet?
You see, I think that if you haven't yet been asked, you will be asked,
because this is a topic that is going to dominate much of our thinking in this coming year.
And it's important that we are all able to give a well-informed answer.
And, depending how you give that answer, it may mean your demotion at work or your promotion at work.
It may mean that you lose friends or it may mean you gain friends.
So, it is a critical issue and an important one that will affect all of us.
But, this debate about marriage is nothing new.
Jesus himself was confronted about his views on marriage.
So, look at Mark's Gospel, chapter 10, verse 2.
The reason we left this section out in our studies in Mark was because we wanted to look at it under this issue.
So, look at verse 2 of chapter 10.
Some Pharisees, the religious leaders, came and tested Jesus by asking,
Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?
So, there was an issue, a debate about marriage.
And, while the question here is about divorce,
Jesus' answer, I think, helps us to understand what God's design for marriage is
and why we should follow his design for our life.
So, it's not a new issue.
So, first of all, the definition of marriage.
Central to this debate is the whole issue of redefining what marriage is all about.
Listen to this again, and it's on the screen.
This comes from the Irish Council for Civil Liberties,
the group who have been charged with presenting a case for same-sex marriage.
They say this,
The ICCL believes that everyone is entitled to equal treatment under the law
and that no one should be discriminated against or denied access to services
on the basis of gender, sexual orientation, civil status or family status.
This includes equal access to the right to marry and found a family.
Denying same-sex couples the right to marry runs contrary to the spirit of equality
and non-discrimination protected by the Irish Constitution
and by international human rights treaties to which Ireland is a party.
Furthermore, the existing prohibition on marriage for same-sex couples
unfairly discriminates against the section of Irish society,
including the children in the families of same-sex couples
who are otherwise entitled to equal protection
before the law under the Irish Constitution.
Again, it's very strong and very clear as to how they wish to redefine things.
Now, while our Constitution doesn't actually define marriage,
it is defined in law as between a man and a woman.
So the proposal here is to change that.
Now, when Jesus in Mark 10 is asked his opinion in marriage,
he takes everybody back to God's design for marriage
and I think that's where we should go in our discussion.
It's not what I think or what you think,
but what does God think?
What's God's design?
So look at verse 3.
Jesus answers the question like this.
Well, what did Moses command you?
Well, they said,
Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.
Now, we'll come back to this in a minute because this is important.
But notice where Jesus ends up.
Look where he starts his discussion.
Verse 6.
But at the beginning of creation.
So this is something foundational.
He takes them right back to the very beginning.
But at the beginning of creation,
God made them male and female.
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh,
so they are no longer two but one.
Now, that wasn't Jesus just making up something.
This is a direct quote.
And keep your finger in Mark 10 and go back to Genesis chapter 1.
This is a direct quote from Genesis.
So this is God's order, God's design from the very beginning.
In fact, it's the earliest text in all literature
that actually defines or says something about marriage.
So, chapter 1, verse 26.
Then God said,
Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,
and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air
and over the livestock, over all the earth,
and over all the creatures that move along the ground.
So God created man in his own image.
In the image of God,
He created him.
Male and female,
He created them.
Now look at chapter 2, verse 24.
This is where the male and the female come together.
So chapter 2, verse 24,
and it reads,
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.
The man and his wife were both naked
and they felt no shame.
Now that's important, verse 25.
They felt no shame.
This was part of God's order,
part of His design,
and being together was good and right and beautiful.
So, back to Mark 10.
You see, this is not an invention of man.
This is a gift from God to His creation.
So when the Irish Council of Civil Liberties,
when they say they want to redefine marriage,
they're not actually changing Irish law.
They are interfering with God's design
and order for creation.
So again, it's not about what you or I think.
It's not about what the Irish law says.
But it's what God's design and order says.
Now I think that's very interesting
because even the ICCL
actually have limits on their definition.
Even they have some kind of standard
by which marriage should be contained.
So I ask the question,
why does their definition
not include, say, something like polygamy?
Why not have multiple wives and husbands?
Who's to say we shouldn't?
Or what about incest?
And by that I mean marriage
to someone within your own family.
So a brother marries a brother
or a sister marries a sister.
Why not?
Who's to say that's wrong?
Who's deciding where the barrier should be?
Or what about an age limit?
Why do we have an age limit?
Who decides that?
You see, even those who are wanting to say,
let's redefine it,
they themselves have limits
and they see that there actually are
good limits and standards.
But again, I want us to come back and say,
it's not us who decide where those boundaries are.
It is God who has defined marriage
and it is for our good.
So that's the first thing.
The second is the disorder of marriage.
You see, the discussion between Jesus
and the religious leaders in Mark
is really about submission to God's design.
That's the key issue here.
It's about submission to God's design.
And that includes you and I
in every area of life,
not just marriage.
So let's look at the issue again in verse 2.
The question has come to Jesus.
Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?
Well, what did Moses command you?
He replied.
Well, they said,
Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce
and send her away.
Now, it's important we've got to get the context here
and what's happening.
You see, society had become very patriarchal.
It had become male-dominated.
And it was all about husbands' rights.
And it was little to do with the protection
and the care of wives,
which was at the very heart of God's design.
The protection and care of wives
was central to God's design.
So husbands who had got fed up with their wives
and they wanted to move in with somebody else down the road,
well, they could leave them on the basis of,
well, anything that they wanted to.
They could say something like,
well, you failed to live as a good wife in the house
and to fulfil all your duties.
You didn't please me as a wife.
And on those basis,
they could just dismiss their wife,
go move in with somebody else,
and the wife would be left to no rights at all.
You see, marriage had become twisted.
The husband was abusing his role
and his wife had no rights.
So to protect his wife,
who was being neglected and abandoned,
verse 4,
Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce
and send her away.
But, verse 5,
it was because your hearts were hard
that Moses wrote you this law.
You see, a law had to be introduced.
Why?
To protect the woman or wife
from the sinful behaviour of the man or husband.
Moses' law wasn't to say,
oh, you know what, men, you can do and live however you please.
No, it was all about caring for
and protecting from
those who were abusing marriage.
So the real issue
is they didn't like God's design for marriage.
They wanted to live as they pleased.
They wanted an opt-out clause
and live and change their partner
if they wanted to.
And if they got fed up with their wife,
they wanted any reason to leave.
Now, when Jesus is addressing this issue,
he doesn't redefine marriage.
He takes them back to God's good design.
So look at verse 7.
For this reason,
a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife.
The implication there is
is that husbands now have a responsibility.
They've left their mother and father.
He's left their care.
And now he is given the responsibility
to care for his wife,
to protect his wife,
to provide for his wife,
to serve his wife,
to love her
in that relationship.
But let's not lose sight
of why they were wanting to change
God's design for marriage.
It's in verse 5.
It was because your hearts
were hard.
In other words,
they didn't like God's design.
They wanted to create
their own design.
Now, when I think about that,
I don't think any of us
are any different.
Because all of us
rebel against God's design for life.
We're not different.
None of us like our Creator
telling us how we should live our life.
That's the history of the world.
That's what happened
to the first married couple,
Adam and Eve.
Read on in Genesis.
As soon as they're married,
they begin to go against God's design.
And havoc is wrecked.
So let's ask ourselves a few questions.
Husbands,
and that includes myself,
do we love,
do we care and protect our wives
as we should?
Have you ever sulked
and got annoyed
because your wife said,
no, not tonight?
Have you ever planned your day off
so that you do things
that you want to do
without first taking into consideration
the needs of your wife
or your children?
Have we ever looked
at another woman lustfully?
I know I have
and a lot more.
I fail to live up
to God's good design.
What about wives?
Do you encourage
and support your husbands
as you should?
Have you ever soaked
and nagged
until you get your own way?
Or have you ever read
a nice romantic novel
and then imagined yourself
in the arms
of the hero and lover?
You see,
none of us live up
to God's good design.
Maybe you're not married.
Maybe you're single.
Do you live up
to God's good design?
Completely pure
in your thoughts
and your attitudes?
You see,
the big point is this.
Whether we support
same-sex marriage
or whether we don't,
all of us rebel
against God's design
in some way.
Every one of us.
We don't want,
we want to live life
my way.
We want to define life
so that it suits me
and it fulfills
my needs
and my desires.
Look at verse 5 again.
It was because
your hearts
were hard
that Moses
had to write
this law.
it is because
our hearts
are hard
that we want
same-sex marriage.
It's because
our hearts
are hard
that we get
annoyed
with our wives.
It's because
our hearts
are hard
that we
nag
our husbands.
So just as
Aemon Gilmore
needs to repent,
repent,
so I
also need
to repent.
We all need
to come back
to God's
good
and perfect
design.
Which brings us
to God's
design for marriage.
Let's look at this
carefully.
God's design
for marriage
is for our good.
Firstly,
male and
female,
verse 6.
At the
beginning of
creation,
God made
them male
and female.
It's clear,
it's obvious.
That's how
God made us.
And these
two sexes
form the
basis and
the foundation
of a married
life.
The man
wasn't given
a mirror image
of himself.
Instead,
he was given
the opposite.
He was given
a woman.
This is the
way God
planned it.
And let's
remember that
within marriage
there is
firstly
equality.
We're all
equal in
God's sight.
Men
are not
greater than
women.
And women
are not
better than
men.
There is no
inferiority,
there is no
superiority.
We are
equally loved
and treasured
by God,
equal in
value,
equal in
position before
God,
equal in
worth.
However,
within that
equality,
there is
complementarity.
Men and
women,
in case you
didn't notice,
are different.
Physically,
we are
different.
Sexually,
we are
different.
But the
thing about
that difference
is,
we complement
each other.
And for
good reason.
children.
Because
central to
God's
design for
marriage is
children.
Having
made male
and female,
God says in
Genesis chapter
1 verse 28,
this is the
first command
that God
gives to
people.
He says to
the man and
the woman,
God blessed
them and
said to
them,
be fruitful
and increase
in number.
God bless
him and
God bless
him and
God bless
him and
have sex.
Go make
babies.
And the
only way to
have children
is by one
man and
one woman
coming together.
Physically and
sexually we
fit together.
One was made
with a penis,
the other was
made with a
vagina.
It's not just
a biblical
fact,
this is a
biological fact.
Nature tells
us what the
right design is
for life.
We don't
need to
interfere with
it.
Two men
and two women
can't produce
a child.
So physically
and sexually
God made
us distinct.
He made
us different.
But through
marriage we
complement
each other.
This is part
of God's
good and
beautiful design
for us.
God's
design is so
crystal clear.
The man
leaves his
father, a
male, and
mother, a
female, and
is married or
joined to his
wife.
He enters
into a
covenant
relationship, a
bond that
unites them
together.
And this
leads to,
firstly, unity.
Look at the
end of verse
eight.
they become
one flesh, so
they are no
longer two, but
one.
No longer
two, but
one.
It's no longer
about two
individuals trying
to get what they
want from the
other person.
That's how many
people exist within
marriage.
It's what I want
and what I need.
It's not about
me or I, but
now it becomes
we and
us.
We are joined
together in a
mutual service of
one another,
supporting one
another, caring
for one another,
fulfilling one
another.
And when that
unity is broken
by adding in
somebody else into
that relationship,
either through
adultery or
through pornography,
it becomes
destructive and
divisive.
To add in
another person
ruins the
marriage.
This is to be
an exclusive,
special relationship
between one man
and one woman.
And this is God's
lifelong plan for
us.
Verse 9.
Therefore,
what God has
joined together,
let man not
separate.
You see, even in
the design of us
coming together,
I say, well, I
chose Kirstie,
Kirstie chose me.
In a sense,
that's true.
But I also
believe, verse 9,
what God has
joined together.
This is something
that God works
in our lives.
So there is a
deep unity.
And there is also
intimacy.
Again, look at
verse 8.
It says,
the two will
become one
flesh.
You see,
sex is not
just about
making babies.
it's intended
by God
for intimacy.
The coming
together
as one
flesh
is God's
way to
develop and
to grow
the marriage
relationship.
In marriage,
we are to
give our lives
to each other,
including
our physical
bodies.
Not just for
individual pleasure,
not just to
get out of it
what I can get
for myself
and to
please me.
It's about
mutual pleasure
of service
towards the
other person.
Now, people
will often
say,
you know,
the Bible
is against
sex.
You're not
allowed to
have sex
if you're
a Christian.
God doesn't
allow it.
Well,
that's not
true.
Read your
Bible.
Read the
Song of Songs
tonight,
men and
women,
husbands and
wives.
You see,
the problem
only comes
when we
take sex
outside of
God's design
for marriage.
When we
do that,
then it
leads to
emptiness
and brokenness
because what
sex does
is it binds
people together.
So to
have multiple
or other
sexual
relationships
means that
you are
actually binding
yourself,
you're gluing
yourself to
another person
and you
can't break
apart,
you can't
walk away
from that
without some
part being
broken,
emotionally,
psychologically,
physically.
You can
read the
reports
yourself,
it's all
there.
The facts
say that
it damages.
Of course,
God's grace
is great
enough to
heal and
to restore,
but the
point is
that to
live outside
of God's
design is
not good
for us.
So if
you are in
a marriage,
it's about
unity,
intimacy,
and if
you are
struggling
within your
marriage
sexually,
then I
encourage you
to talk
to someone.
You can
talk to me
if you're
a man,
you can
talk to
my wife,
Kirsty,
and ask
what is
God's
design for
us,
because it
is a
vital part
of our
relationship
together.
The last
part is
this,
a divine
marriage,
and perhaps
this is the
most important
of all.
God's design
for marriage
is clear,
we've seen
that,
but let's
not lose
sight of
the ultimate
purpose of
what marriage
is to point
to and to
direct people
to.
The marriage
between a
man and a
woman illustrates
and pictures
God's marriage
towards us.
And for
this I want
us to go
to Ezekiel,
which is,
where is
it?
Isaiah,
Jeremiah,
Lamentations,
Ezekiel.
So it's
kind of in
the Bible,
if somebody's
got a page
number there,
could they,
chapter 16,
sorry,
chapter 16,
842,
and we're
going to
finish with
this,
842,
Ezekiel,
chapter 16,
page 842.
Now what we
have here is
a picture,
it's imagery,
to show God's
pursuit,
God's loving
pursuit,
it's describing
almost how the
man pursues
his woman
to marry her.
And so this is
showing how God
pursues us,
his desire for us,
his love for us,
so that he might
rescue us and
bring us into
the ultimate
relationship ever,
a relationship with
him,
where we find
ultimate satisfaction
and joy in
every area of
life.
So as I read
this through,
just go with
the picture,
don't try and
sort out all the
different images,
but just go with
the picture and
see it as an
illustration of
God's marriage
towards us.
We're going to
pick it up in
verse 4 and
read through to
verse 14.
Here we go,
chapter 16,
verse 4.
So on the day
you were born,
your cord was
not cut,
nor were you
washed with
water to make
you clean,
nor were you
rubbed with
salt or wrapped
in clothes.
No one looked
on you with
pity or had
compassion enough
to do any of
these things for
you.
Rather you were
thrown out into
the open field,
for on that day
you were born
you were despised.
Then I passed
by and saw you
kicking about in
your blood,
and as you lay
there in your
blood I said
to you,
live.
I made you
grow like a
plant of the
field.
You grew up
and developed
and became
the most
beautiful of
jewels.
Your breasts
were formed
and your hair
grew,
you who were
naked and
bare.
Later I
passed by
and when I
looked at you
and saw that
you were old
enough for love,
I spread the
corner of my
garment over you
and covered your
nakedness.
I gave you my
solemn oath and
entered into a
covenant with you,
declares the
sovereign Lord,
and you became
mine.
I bathed you
with water and
washed the blood
from you and
put ointments on
you.
I clothed you
with an embroidered
dress and put
leather sandals on
you.
I dressed you in
fine linen and
covered you with
costly garments.
I adorned you
with jewellery.
I put bracelets on
your arms and a
necklace round your
neck and I put a
ring in your nose,
earrings on your
ears and beautiful
crown on your
head.
So you were
adorned with
gold and silver.
Your clothes were
of fine linen and
costly fabric and
embroidered cloth.
Your food was
fine flour, honey and
olive oil.
You became very
beautiful and rose to
be a queen.
And your fame spread
among the nations on
account of your
beauty because the
splendour I had
given you made your
beauty perfect,
declares the
sovereign Lord.
It's wonderful
poetry.
It's a picture,
it's an image of
God's pursuit of
his people.
And the Lord Jesus
has made that a
reality for us.
He has come to us
in our sin, in all
of our mess, in all
of our failure.
When we were
unlovable, he was
the one who loved
us.
He gave us not
just jewels and
fine clothes, but
he gave us his
life for us so
that we might
become beautiful
in his eyes.
He was the one
who took our
impurity from us.
He took all of
our sin and all
of our mess and
he took it all on
himself and he
suffered in our
place.
He died for us
and in exchange of
our impurity, he
gives us his
purity so that we
might become
beautiful, treasured,
cared for, welcomed,
brought in to that
most beautiful of
relationships with
him.
That is the most
perfect marriage, God
to his people, and
that is for all of
us.
He will never leave
us, he will never
forsake us, he will
never divorce us, he
will never drift and
give his love to
another.
His love is perfect,
perfect, it is intent,
it is true.
This is the divine
marriage, this is what
he calls us all to
live in and it is
only when we live
within that marriage
and in within his
design, life will be
good.
This is the true
marriage that we all
need.
Let's pray.
Amen.
Our Father God, we
thank you for your
word, we thank you
for how clear it is,
but yet each one of
us find that we
struggle to live
under your design.
We confess and we
repent that all of
us have rebelled
against your design
in life in some
way or another.
And therefore we
need your grace.
We need your
healing.
We need your
love.
So please forgive
us and please
bring us to be
people who live
under your design.
I pray for every
marriage that is
represented here,
that you would
protect it, that
you would grow
their love for one
another, that you
would create unity
intimacy and
intimacy, that you
would bless them,
that you would bless
every family that is
represented here.
And I pray for every
single person here, that
you would help them to
live lives that are
pure and right.
And we pray that they
would live a life that
reflects your goodness,
and that for all of us,
in whatever circumstance
of life we may find
ourselves, that we
would find our
ultimate relationship
in Christ.
The one who gave his
life for us.
The one who is our
everything.
The one who gives us
joy, peace and
fulfillment in ways
that nothing else
ever can.
We thank you for what
you have done.
and please help us
to talk about this
issue to others,
graciously and in
love, without
superiority, but
submitting to your
good design.
We pray this in
Jesus' name.
Amen.