WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.679 We're going to take our usual break from Philippians right now, 00:00:04.940 --> 00:00:09.220 and we're going to continue on the third word that we had for this year. 00:00:09.560 --> 00:00:13.599 Three words that we had were character, order, and family. 00:00:14.120 --> 00:00:19.100 These are words that we prayed for, like, God, what do you have to say to Christ's church this year? 00:00:19.160 --> 00:00:20.640 And so those are words we're focusing on. 00:00:21.140 --> 00:00:22.559 Giving a message on each one. 00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:23.719 So this is the last of the three. 00:00:23.719 --> 00:00:27.560 We're going to speak this morning on family, church as family. 00:00:28.179 --> 00:00:30.339 What does healthy family look like in a church? 00:00:30.959 --> 00:00:35.299 And we'll just jump in right away by starting with a bunch of verses. 00:00:35.859 --> 00:00:38.439 Kind of lay the groundwork for why church must be family. 00:00:38.979 --> 00:00:40.519 A lot of people have different views on church. 00:00:40.619 --> 00:00:44.119 They have different kind of things that they might say they believe about church, 00:00:44.119 --> 00:00:49.320 and then they have different things that they actually realistically experience with church. 00:00:49.759 --> 00:00:51.960 Most often church is equated with a building. 00:00:52.460 --> 00:00:56.480 Maybe secondly, church is equated with a church service. 00:00:56.479 --> 00:00:59.359 But church primarily is a people. 00:00:59.640 --> 00:01:05.140 And that particular people is described in a particular way, in multiple different ways. 00:01:05.379 --> 00:01:07.179 And one of those ways is as a family. 00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:08.280 So let's look at this. 00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:13.439 First of all, this happens because of the gospel. 00:01:13.579 --> 00:01:15.699 John 1, verse 12 says, 00:01:15.700 --> 00:01:22.240 To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. 00:01:22.659 --> 00:01:22.900 Okay? 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:24.260 We're children of God. 00:01:24.359 --> 00:01:26.920 God is our father, and we now have a family. 00:01:27.260 --> 00:01:32.659 When you preach the gospel and then don't have an experience of the gospel with real people, 00:01:32.859 --> 00:01:37.219 then we kind of betray the message of the gospel. 00:01:37.700 --> 00:01:44.939 God never meant to have his messages be just kind of this gnostic kind of spiritual reality just floating in the ether. 00:01:44.939 --> 00:01:51.079 He wanted Christianity to be a flesh and blood thing. 00:01:51.719 --> 00:01:59.420 And he went so far that the lengths at which he went to show that that's what he means when he talks about us becoming children of God 00:01:59.420 --> 00:02:01.459 was that he became a man himself. 00:02:02.219 --> 00:02:03.759 The word became flesh. 00:02:04.099 --> 00:02:06.920 That's how flesh and blood this thing is. 00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:08.520 God actually did that himself. 00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:10.659 So we always need to remember that. 00:02:10.659 --> 00:02:14.819 But God, as a father, wants to adopt us into his family through the gospel. 00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:18.680 And so he gives us the right to become the children of God. 00:02:19.539 --> 00:02:21.639 Galatians 3, 26 says, 00:02:21.780 --> 00:02:24.759 For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith. 00:02:25.379 --> 00:02:26.800 And so we're children of God. 00:02:26.879 --> 00:02:27.780 We're sons of God. 00:02:27.859 --> 00:02:30.079 That makes us family with one another. 00:02:30.740 --> 00:02:30.919 Okay? 00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:37.039 If we're all children of the same father, by definition that makes those people the same family. 00:02:37.379 --> 00:02:37.639 Correct? 00:02:38.379 --> 00:02:38.780 Correct. 00:02:39.779 --> 00:02:44.959 In Mark chapter 3, Jesus talks about his natural family. 00:02:45.299 --> 00:02:52.060 And we think about our spiritual family, those people who have been purchased by Jesus and are children of God. 00:02:52.060 --> 00:02:55.460 But we also, our reference point for family is natural family. 00:02:55.939 --> 00:03:01.140 Jesus was confronted with his natural family coming to him in Mark chapter 3, verse 31. 00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:02.060 It said, 00:03:02.140 --> 00:03:03.400 His mother and his brothers came. 00:03:03.800 --> 00:03:06.020 And standing outside they sent to him and called him. 00:03:06.340 --> 00:03:08.500 And a crowd was sitting around him and they said to him, 00:03:08.699 --> 00:03:11.400 Your mother and your brothers are outside seeking you. 00:03:11.939 --> 00:03:12.960 And he answered, 00:03:13.319 --> 00:03:16.180 Who are my mother and my brothers? 00:03:16.180 --> 00:03:19.580 And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, 00:03:19.980 --> 00:03:22.219 Here are my mother and my brothers. 00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:27.319 For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother. 00:03:27.560 --> 00:03:32.439 Again, Jesus is taking natural family and taking it one step further and saying, 00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:38.800 When those who are children of God, those who are doing the will of God, 00:03:39.100 --> 00:03:41.960 there's a level of family there that's even stronger than blood. 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:47.159 Now, if you have blood who are believers as well, you get double there, right? 00:03:47.300 --> 00:03:53.420 But there's a family that's stronger than mere blood, and that is those who do the will of God. 00:03:53.580 --> 00:03:55.140 And Jesus defines it that way and says, 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:57.879 Here's my brother and sister and mother. 00:03:59.020 --> 00:04:00.740 So spirit is thicker than blood. 00:04:01.800 --> 00:04:04.700 Spiritual family is of profound importance, 00:04:05.260 --> 00:04:08.140 especially when Jesus makes such a profound statement like that. 00:04:08.600 --> 00:04:10.659 That was a radical thing to say. 00:04:10.659 --> 00:04:11.560 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 00:04:11.560 --> 00:04:13.080 Wait, what? 00:04:13.520 --> 00:04:15.699 You're saying these people who do the will of God? 00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:22.040 These are family in a greater way than even your mother and your brothers? 00:04:23.620 --> 00:04:24.399 Profound thing. 00:04:25.079 --> 00:04:25.240 Okay? 00:04:25.899 --> 00:04:28.060 We see this bleeding out through the epistles. 00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:30.300 Paul talking to Timothy in 1 Timothy 5. 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:32.139 Verse 1, he says, 00:04:32.220 --> 00:04:34.240 Do not rebuke an older man, but encourage him. 00:04:34.500 --> 00:04:34.840 How? 00:04:35.199 --> 00:04:36.220 How are you to encourage him? 00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:39.540 Encourage an older man as you would a father. 00:04:39.540 --> 00:04:41.280 Then he says, 00:04:41.480 --> 00:04:43.720 Encourage younger men as brothers. 00:04:44.000 --> 00:04:45.960 Older women as mothers. 00:04:46.180 --> 00:04:47.939 Younger women as sisters. 00:04:48.600 --> 00:04:48.780 Okay? 00:04:49.020 --> 00:04:50.040 He's basically saying, 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:52.360 Relate to one another as family. 00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:54.300 Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters. 00:04:55.379 --> 00:04:55.560 Okay? 00:04:56.140 --> 00:04:57.040 Hebrews 2.11, 00:04:57.040 --> 00:04:58.879 Speaking of Jesus, it says, 00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:01.840 For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all of one source. 00:05:02.220 --> 00:05:05.819 That is why he, speaking of Jesus, is not ashamed to call them brothers. 00:05:07.740 --> 00:05:09.640 1 Peter 2.17 says, 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:10.860 Love the brotherhood. 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:14.680 The church, the brothers in the brotherhood are called the brotherhood. 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:15.680 The guys. 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:16.080 Okay? 00:05:17.079 --> 00:05:19.359 This, again, speaks to familial language. 00:05:19.459 --> 00:05:20.539 Familial language is all over. 00:05:20.979 --> 00:05:24.240 These are some of the main key verses, but there's many others. 00:05:24.819 --> 00:05:27.419 1 Corinthians 4.15, Paul's saying, 00:05:27.699 --> 00:05:31.120 Hey, you have countless guides in Christ, but you don't have many fathers. 00:05:31.639 --> 00:05:34.879 I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. 00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:35.620 Okay? 00:05:35.639 --> 00:05:36.959 So Paul was a father to them. 00:05:37.899 --> 00:05:38.099 All right? 00:05:38.339 --> 00:05:41.979 Paul then goes on, the same guy who says he's a father to them in 1 Thessalonians, 00:05:41.980 --> 00:05:45.780 when he's writing to them, chapter 2, verse 11 says, 00:05:45.879 --> 00:05:47.939 For you know how like a father with his children, 00:05:48.780 --> 00:05:52.000 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:55.640 to walk in a manner worthy of God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. 00:05:55.960 --> 00:05:58.140 So he was a father to the Thessalonians as well. 00:05:58.460 --> 00:05:59.560 And what does a father do? 00:05:59.620 --> 00:06:01.600 He exhorts, he encourages, he charges. 00:06:01.960 --> 00:06:03.480 That's what Paul did as a father. 00:06:04.939 --> 00:06:08.600 Then he kind of twists it a little bit more here to the same Thessalonians, 00:06:08.600 --> 00:06:12.860 and he says that we, the apostles that went there to Thessalonica, 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:17.400 we were gentle among you like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 00:06:17.980 --> 00:06:21.860 So Paul is actually, he wasn't gender confused. 00:06:22.460 --> 00:06:31.840 He just, he had the qualities of a stern father who's exhorting and challenging, 00:06:32.180 --> 00:06:34.000 but he also, he was tough and tender. 00:06:34.439 --> 00:06:36.560 He was a velvet brick, as some would say, right? 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:38.860 He was like a nursing mother taking care of his own children. 00:06:38.980 --> 00:06:42.019 He cared for his spiritual children like a mother would. 00:06:43.280 --> 00:06:43.459 Okay? 00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:50.800 And you think of this Paul, this stalwart kind of pillar in the church at the time. 00:06:51.500 --> 00:06:54.980 And even Paul, when he's greeting a bunch of people at the end of his book, 00:06:55.180 --> 00:06:57.660 or his letter to the Romans in Romans 16, 13, 00:06:58.180 --> 00:07:00.199 he mentions this guy named Rufus. 00:07:00.579 --> 00:07:05.439 He says, hey, greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and also his mother. 00:07:05.439 --> 00:07:08.300 What's significant about Rufus's mother? 00:07:08.959 --> 00:07:12.860 Paul says, Rufus's mother has been a mother to me as well. 00:07:13.660 --> 00:07:14.139 Fascinating. 00:07:15.060 --> 00:07:19.839 Paul had a spiritual mother somewhere in Rome, right? 00:07:20.899 --> 00:07:25.199 This great pillar of a man who wrote most of the New Testament. 00:07:25.659 --> 00:07:27.159 This guy had a spiritual mother. 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:28.139 Isn't that awesome? 00:07:28.899 --> 00:07:29.639 Very encouraging. 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:32.259 Rufus's mother was like a mother to Paul. 00:07:33.740 --> 00:07:34.180 Okay? 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:38.759 And then you have Paul, of course, in 1 Timothy 1, 2 Timothy 1, Titus 1. 00:07:39.300 --> 00:07:42.060 He says, to Timothy, my true child in the faith. 00:07:42.519 --> 00:07:43.740 Timothy, my beloved child. 00:07:43.860 --> 00:07:45.379 To Titus, my true child. 00:07:45.860 --> 00:07:51.240 And then Peter, in 1 Peter 5, 13, refers to Mark as his son. 00:07:51.939 --> 00:07:53.339 All this familial language. 00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:56.219 So that's kind of the backdrop of this message. 00:07:56.220 --> 00:07:59.280 I hope it's clear the church is a family. 00:08:00.180 --> 00:08:01.780 There's verses all over the place. 00:08:02.200 --> 00:08:07.220 Familial language is permeating the New Testament in multiple ways. 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:08.680 And it's not optional. 00:08:08.880 --> 00:08:12.680 You can't just say, oh, and you really want to disillusion people in a church? 00:08:12.940 --> 00:08:15.640 Use the language of family without the experience of family. 00:08:16.140 --> 00:08:19.820 There's a danger with just hearing something like this and saying, oh, yeah, man. 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:22.000 Let's talk family language. 00:08:22.200 --> 00:08:22.960 That's cool. 00:08:23.080 --> 00:08:23.520 That's hip. 00:08:23.519 --> 00:08:25.259 We're going to be the family church. 00:08:25.379 --> 00:08:26.560 We're going to be the people who talk family. 00:08:26.699 --> 00:08:28.399 I'm your brother, man. 00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:29.199 You're my sister. 00:08:29.959 --> 00:08:31.579 You're like a spiritual father to me. 00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:32.179 You're like a mother. 00:08:32.679 --> 00:08:34.220 And then it's not really true. 00:08:34.500 --> 00:08:39.419 And everyone is so like, you know, feels a little nauseous. 00:08:39.879 --> 00:08:40.079 Right? 00:08:40.939 --> 00:08:43.939 Because there are a few things more disillusioning. 00:08:44.539 --> 00:08:49.819 Because of the sensitivity and the pain that comes with natural family and the brokenness of natural family, 00:08:49.820 --> 00:08:59.360 there are a few things that add insult to injury more than to talk to people who've experienced the brokenness of sin in families and then say, oh, we're a family. 00:08:59.560 --> 00:09:01.640 And then it's all language and no experience. 00:09:03.180 --> 00:09:03.580 Woof. 00:09:03.760 --> 00:09:04.460 That's rough. 00:09:04.540 --> 00:09:04.820 Okay? 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:06.500 Don't do that. 00:09:06.500 --> 00:09:08.820 If we're going to talk family, we've got to be family. 00:09:09.700 --> 00:09:16.840 If we're going to use the language of family, it's extremely important that we hold true to the reality of family as well. 00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:18.559 And we have to be just as zealous. 00:09:18.759 --> 00:09:20.000 Don't just be about the language. 00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:21.480 Be about the experience. 00:09:21.879 --> 00:09:22.039 Okay? 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:24.919 So, I want to look at today. 00:09:25.419 --> 00:09:26.179 That's the backdrop. 00:09:26.379 --> 00:09:27.059 That's the foundation. 00:09:27.319 --> 00:09:31.679 I want to look at 14 different aspects of healthy families. 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:32.139 Okay? 00:09:32.259 --> 00:09:34.059 14 different aspects of healthy families. 00:09:34.519 --> 00:09:42.000 And part of this is going to come not from this direct verse saying this is, you know, what family looks like or be this way. 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:58.120 But kind of having John 13, 34 in the background where Jesus says to his disciples, a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:07.139 And so, the template, the example of how we are to be family to one another is how God himself is family to us. 00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:11.120 The template for how we love one another is how God himself loves us. 00:10:12.620 --> 00:10:13.340 Excuse me. 00:10:13.580 --> 00:10:14.819 How God himself loves us. 00:10:15.980 --> 00:10:17.519 Now, disclaimer. 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:19.500 You don't muster that up. 00:10:19.580 --> 00:10:21.559 It's not like, ooh, Jesus did it. 00:10:21.620 --> 00:10:22.740 Now, I'm going to be like Jesus. 00:10:23.199 --> 00:10:24.259 Good luck with that. 00:10:24.980 --> 00:10:26.740 You want to try something that's impossible? 00:10:26.899 --> 00:10:27.939 Try to be like Jesus. 00:10:28.279 --> 00:10:29.159 You can't. 00:10:29.580 --> 00:10:29.759 Okay? 00:10:30.199 --> 00:10:32.059 But Jesus lives inside of you. 00:10:32.379 --> 00:10:36.000 And as you die, he lives through you. 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:39.059 And the life of Jesus is manifesting through you. 00:10:39.059 --> 00:10:39.940 The love of Jesus. 00:10:40.159 --> 00:10:42.120 The life, power, and wisdom of Jesus. 00:10:42.340 --> 00:10:49.879 And so, any way that Jesus loves can be done through us, but not in our own strength and not by our own power and certainly not in the flesh. 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:52.840 It must be in the spirit, in the power of the spirit. 00:10:53.039 --> 00:10:53.200 Okay? 00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:57.940 But he says, just as I have loved you, also are you to love one another. 00:10:58.379 --> 00:10:58.600 Okay? 00:10:58.740 --> 00:10:59.519 So, let's jump in. 00:10:59.639 --> 00:11:02.360 Fourteen aspects of healthy family. 00:11:02.360 --> 00:11:03.019 First one. 00:11:03.980 --> 00:11:07.460 Healthy families are known and loved. 00:11:07.899 --> 00:11:10.720 Healthy families believe they are loved by the other family members. 00:11:11.019 --> 00:11:11.120 Okay? 00:11:11.800 --> 00:11:13.840 I'm going to read one of my favorite Tim Keller quotes. 00:11:14.279 --> 00:11:16.820 It's from the book, what's his marriage book called? 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:17.500 Meeting. 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:18.539 Meeting of Marriage. 00:11:18.800 --> 00:11:21.300 It's my favorite book on marriage, but this is beyond marriage. 00:11:21.399 --> 00:11:22.240 This is just in general. 00:11:22.940 --> 00:11:23.639 Tim Keller says, 00:11:23.639 --> 00:11:28.259 To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. 00:11:29.379 --> 00:11:32.659 To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:39.340 But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:41.620 It's what we need more than anything. 00:11:41.879 --> 00:11:50.240 It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us. 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:53.700 To be loved and to be known and loved. 00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:55.500 Families know each other. 00:11:56.299 --> 00:11:56.460 Okay? 00:11:56.740 --> 00:11:58.840 You can't fake it with your family. 00:11:58.980 --> 00:12:00.700 It's like, bro, I live with you. 00:12:00.899 --> 00:12:02.539 I've known you your whole life. 00:12:02.700 --> 00:12:04.039 Like, I'm sorry. 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:07.799 Your little show here you're putting on, I'm not buying it. 00:12:07.879 --> 00:12:08.860 I know who you are. 00:12:09.299 --> 00:12:11.200 You may have fooled them, but you're not fooling me. 00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:12.399 That's family, right? 00:12:12.419 --> 00:12:13.200 We know each other. 00:12:14.379 --> 00:12:18.680 But healthy family knows one another and still loves each other. 00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:22.099 Because the tendency is once you get to know people, you run. 00:12:22.219 --> 00:12:24.719 It's like, whoa, this person. 00:12:25.559 --> 00:12:29.419 I mean, they seem all right on the front end, but now that I got to know them, yikes. 00:12:29.899 --> 00:12:30.099 Right? 00:12:30.939 --> 00:12:32.679 It's an old Pedro Line song. 00:12:32.739 --> 00:12:34.399 It says, when they really get to know you, they'll run. 00:12:35.099 --> 00:12:37.039 And that's the fear we have. 00:12:37.459 --> 00:12:39.620 I can't let, I got to put on my religious cosmetics. 00:12:39.620 --> 00:12:44.600 I got to dial it in and make sure that I'm presenting a different person to everybody than I really am. 00:12:44.860 --> 00:12:48.120 Because if they really get to know me, I'm not sure they're going to stick with me. 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:49.279 But that's not family. 00:12:49.399 --> 00:12:51.820 Family says, I know you and I love you. 00:12:52.019 --> 00:12:56.460 And the reason we do it is because Jesus, no one knows us better than God himself. 00:12:56.940 --> 00:12:58.779 He knows everything we've done, everything we will do. 00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:00.120 And yet he still loves us. 00:13:00.220 --> 00:13:03.740 While we were yet sinners, Romans 5 says, he loved us. 00:13:04.139 --> 00:13:04.299 Okay? 00:13:04.659 --> 00:13:06.159 And family does the same thing. 00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:07.620 We love like Jesus loves. 00:13:07.839 --> 00:13:09.879 And we love in that unconditional way. 00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:15.139 And so one of the questions you have to ask yourself is, and it's kind of like what Jesus 00:13:15.139 --> 00:13:17.199 did with Peter in John chapter 21. 00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:18.899 He said, Simon, do you love me? 00:13:18.980 --> 00:13:22.199 And then Simon said, Lord, you know I love you. 00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:25.399 We have to have those kind of conversations sometimes. 00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:27.740 Maybe not out loud, but even in our head. 00:13:28.059 --> 00:13:32.220 Because what ends up happening is some of us maybe are good at truthing one another. 00:13:33.039 --> 00:13:35.860 But there's still a question in the back of people's minds. 00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:37.019 Do they love me? 00:13:38.179 --> 00:13:41.459 If there's a question in the back of their mind, do they love me? 00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:44.459 There's where we're missing the family aspect of it. 00:13:45.500 --> 00:13:48.480 It has a form of family, but denies really the power of family. 00:13:48.559 --> 00:13:54.500 And that is, we need to do a good job building this sense of trust that people love us. 00:13:55.339 --> 00:13:55.519 Right? 00:13:56.319 --> 00:14:00.259 And you'll trust to the degree that you know that you're loved, Bernie Manning once said. 00:14:00.259 --> 00:14:04.460 And so what ends up happening, if everybody's kind of looking around, kind of skeptical, 00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:06.519 like, I don't know if they really love me. 00:14:06.580 --> 00:14:07.939 I know they'll tell me the truth. 00:14:08.879 --> 00:14:10.319 I know they'll do their Christian duty. 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:14.460 But there's a question in the back of my mind whether this person loves me. 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:19.819 If there's a question in people's minds about you, you're hindering people from experiencing 00:14:19.819 --> 00:14:20.439 real family. 00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:22.240 You can't just give them the truth. 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:28.399 You also have to build that kind of backbone of trust in your love for them. 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:29.980 Does that make sense? 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:31.060 That's key. 00:14:31.899 --> 00:14:36.299 And you have to assume that people are always asking the question, do they love me? 00:14:36.740 --> 00:14:38.440 And you might think, well, you know I love you. 00:14:38.759 --> 00:14:39.259 Guess what? 00:14:40.519 --> 00:14:41.279 Not the case. 00:14:41.799 --> 00:14:44.539 Never assume that people know that you love them. 00:14:45.560 --> 00:14:47.200 You always got to show them. 00:14:47.299 --> 00:14:48.820 You always got to be fighting for that. 00:14:49.159 --> 00:14:51.779 And that's one of the, this is one of the most important points right here. 00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:58.299 Fighting for people to know that you love them in all circumstances, right? 00:14:58.759 --> 00:15:02.980 Because in knowing and assuming that the question is lingering in the back, and do you make it 00:15:02.980 --> 00:15:05.860 easy for them to answer that question, or do you make it harder for them to answer that 00:15:05.860 --> 00:15:06.199 question? 00:15:06.839 --> 00:15:08.559 Are they answering, no, I don't think they love me. 00:15:08.620 --> 00:15:11.699 I mean, they'll tell me the truth, or they'll tell me this or that, but I'm not sure they 00:15:11.699 --> 00:15:12.100 love me. 00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:17.079 Remove that question from the back of people's mind, and we start to have a healthy aspect 00:15:17.079 --> 00:15:17.579 of family. 00:15:17.699 --> 00:15:18.259 Does that make sense? 00:15:18.299 --> 00:15:19.179 You follow me on that one? 00:15:19.699 --> 00:15:20.779 That's a really important one. 00:15:20.779 --> 00:15:22.659 I would say that's probably one of the most important. 00:15:23.860 --> 00:15:27.100 Number two, healthy families have healthy parents. 00:15:28.740 --> 00:15:29.539 Pretty straightforward. 00:15:29.659 --> 00:15:30.439 Makes sense, right? 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:35.240 2 Corinthians 12, 14 to 15 says, here for the third time, I'm ready to come to you. 00:15:35.639 --> 00:15:36.399 Speak this to Paul. 00:15:37.059 --> 00:15:40.199 And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours, but you. 00:15:41.059 --> 00:15:45.539 For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. 00:15:45.539 --> 00:15:49.039 And then he makes this just amazing statement in verse 15. 00:15:49.219 --> 00:15:53.039 I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls. 00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:53.860 Okay? 00:15:54.419 --> 00:15:56.259 A healthy family has healthy parents. 00:15:57.000 --> 00:15:57.199 All right? 00:15:57.579 --> 00:16:00.079 Apostles are fathers who establish family. 00:16:00.620 --> 00:16:02.959 Elders are fathers who build and preserve family. 00:16:02.960 --> 00:16:05.100 So you want to have elders and apostles. 00:16:05.879 --> 00:16:06.060 Okay? 00:16:06.460 --> 00:16:07.879 That's important for family. 00:16:08.400 --> 00:16:14.540 But there should be multiple people who are aspiring to be fatherly and motherly. 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:15.700 Be good parents. 00:16:15.900 --> 00:16:20.340 And when there's good, healthy parenting going on in the church, we end up having a good 00:16:20.340 --> 00:16:21.200 experience of church. 00:16:21.560 --> 00:16:22.200 You know how it is. 00:16:22.280 --> 00:16:23.200 The parents aren't good. 00:16:23.400 --> 00:16:27.720 Rarely are you going to have the kids be good and the experience of family be good. 00:16:27.720 --> 00:16:31.620 And I think sometimes what happens is we have three types of fathers. 00:16:31.720 --> 00:16:32.680 I'm not going to go into this. 00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:35.460 So I might preach a whole message on this at some point in time. 00:16:35.899 --> 00:16:42.580 But we can father or mother with all law and like just heavy handed, just checking right 00:16:42.580 --> 00:16:43.080 and wrong. 00:16:43.379 --> 00:16:47.340 Or we can father with license where anything kind of goes. 00:16:47.920 --> 00:16:53.259 Or we hit that sweet spot where we're stern and yet committed to that person and not going 00:16:53.259 --> 00:16:54.660 anywhere no matter what happens. 00:16:55.220 --> 00:16:55.600 Grace. 00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:58.779 Grace that teaches us to say no to ungodliness. 00:16:58.980 --> 00:17:01.060 We need parents who can parent in that way. 00:17:01.259 --> 00:17:02.399 They have the sternness. 00:17:02.580 --> 00:17:03.680 They have the grace. 00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:09.240 But it's that healthy balance in between that graciousness that says, I'm going to stick 00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:09.759 with you. 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:11.819 I'm not going to reject you. 00:17:12.420 --> 00:17:14.220 I'm going to love you like a true parent does. 00:17:14.279 --> 00:17:16.360 Because a true parent doesn't reject their kids. 00:17:16.839 --> 00:17:17.940 It's like you're always their kids. 00:17:18.259 --> 00:17:19.539 And you just stick with people. 00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:20.259 Okay? 00:17:21.200 --> 00:17:23.160 Which brings me to the next one. 00:17:23.160 --> 00:17:27.360 Number three, healthy families stand by you and are always with you. 00:17:27.740 --> 00:17:28.140 Okay? 00:17:28.180 --> 00:17:29.680 Let's look at this from God's perspective. 00:17:30.259 --> 00:17:31.800 We love the end of the Great Commission. 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:32.759 Matthew 28 20. 00:17:32.840 --> 00:17:33.480 What does it say? 00:17:34.460 --> 00:17:37.519 Behold, I am with you always to the end of the age. 00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:40.300 There's something familial, fatherly about that. 00:17:40.540 --> 00:17:40.800 Right? 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:44.019 It says, hey, true family sticks with you. 00:17:45.740 --> 00:17:49.680 Paul alludes to this in 2 Timothy chapter 4 verse 9. 00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:52.059 He says, do your best to come to me soon. 00:17:52.119 --> 00:17:52.839 Speaking to Timothy. 00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:58.240 He says, for Demas, in love of this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. 00:17:58.819 --> 00:18:00.379 Cretans has gone to Galatia. 00:18:00.500 --> 00:18:01.759 Titus to Dalmatia. 00:18:02.399 --> 00:18:04.899 Luke alone is with me. 00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:07.500 There's a withness that happens in family. 00:18:07.579 --> 00:18:09.000 It says, I'm going to stick with you. 00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:10.299 I'm not going to let you do this alone. 00:18:11.180 --> 00:18:14.940 He says, get Mark and bring him with you, for he's very useful to me for ministry. 00:18:15.500 --> 00:18:17.000 Take a kiss I have sent to Ephesus. 00:18:17.180 --> 00:18:22.519 When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books and above all the parchments. 00:18:23.819 --> 00:18:26.460 And he says, Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm. 00:18:26.859 --> 00:18:28.480 The Lord will repay him according to his deeds. 00:18:29.079 --> 00:18:32.180 Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message. 00:18:32.259 --> 00:18:33.159 And then he says this. 00:18:33.940 --> 00:18:40.079 At my first defense, no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. 00:18:41.059 --> 00:18:43.599 But then he speaks of how God was. 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:48.000 He says, may it not be charged against them, but the Lord stood by me and strengthened me. 00:18:48.399 --> 00:18:51.399 There's an aspect of family that says, I'm sticking with you. 00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:52.779 I'm standing by you. 00:18:52.980 --> 00:18:55.599 Even your lowest of lows, I'm always here. 00:18:56.419 --> 00:18:57.879 Now, you can choose to reject that. 00:18:57.980 --> 00:18:59.299 You can choose to run away from that. 00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:01.799 And I'm not necessarily going to chase you in that. 00:19:02.059 --> 00:19:05.019 But you always know I'm standing here, ready to welcome you. 00:19:05.219 --> 00:19:06.639 I'm always here for you. 00:19:06.859 --> 00:19:09.159 You know, at your lowest of lows, you can always come to me. 00:19:09.480 --> 00:19:12.159 There's a sense of standing by you, standing with you. 00:19:12.519 --> 00:19:13.599 Luke was that to Paul. 00:19:14.159 --> 00:19:14.339 Right? 00:19:14.339 --> 00:19:15.459 He said, Luke is here with me. 00:19:15.579 --> 00:19:16.779 He alone is with me. 00:19:18.019 --> 00:19:19.879 It's not letting people do things alone. 00:19:20.579 --> 00:19:25.740 I remember when I first moved to Kansas City, the second round in 2008, I was rehabbing a house. 00:19:26.299 --> 00:19:27.919 I think I was down here without my family. 00:19:28.019 --> 00:19:29.299 I was working on it all by myself. 00:19:29.720 --> 00:19:31.279 I was in the northeast Kansas City. 00:19:31.699 --> 00:19:33.379 Kind of a dark atmosphere there anyways. 00:19:33.500 --> 00:19:34.439 The lighting was bad. 00:19:34.919 --> 00:19:36.839 The walls were all painted dark. 00:19:36.939 --> 00:19:37.799 It was kind of depressing. 00:19:38.059 --> 00:19:38.639 I was tired. 00:19:39.159 --> 00:19:40.679 I was working on this house all alone. 00:19:40.680 --> 00:19:42.900 It was cold because I barely had any heat in there. 00:19:43.539 --> 00:19:45.600 And I'm just alone working. 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:50.620 And I remember a guy and his wife stopped in to check up on me. 00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:51.799 They came from a date. 00:19:51.900 --> 00:19:52.940 They were all dressed up nice. 00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:54.539 I'm in work clothes, cleaning stuff up. 00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:57.960 And they grabbed a broom and they grabbed tools and they started working. 00:19:58.039 --> 00:19:58.420 I'm like, no, no, no. 00:19:58.440 --> 00:19:59.440 You guys don't do that. 00:19:59.720 --> 00:20:01.840 Like, you guys are in nice clothes. 00:20:02.279 --> 00:20:04.120 And he said, we're not going to let you do this alone. 00:20:04.900 --> 00:20:07.820 And I tell you what, that meant so much to me that night. 00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:09.519 I know I was telling him to leave. 00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:10.740 But I really wanted him to stay. 00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:15.039 I was like, in my mind, I'm thinking, oh, I'm so glad you came. 00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:17.059 I was getting really depressed working here by myself. 00:20:17.460 --> 00:20:18.339 That's what family does. 00:20:18.440 --> 00:20:19.720 Family says, I'm not going to let you do it alone. 00:20:20.139 --> 00:20:21.000 I'm going to stand with you. 00:20:21.599 --> 00:20:22.920 I love that part of family. 00:20:23.879 --> 00:20:26.839 Number four, healthy families spend FaceTime together. 00:20:26.940 --> 00:20:29.480 And I'm not talking about that app on your phone. 00:20:29.639 --> 00:20:29.799 Okay. 00:20:29.819 --> 00:20:31.539 I'm talking about like real FaceTime. 00:20:32.099 --> 00:20:32.299 Okay. 00:20:33.460 --> 00:20:37.019 Hebrews 10 says, let's not neglect meeting together. 00:20:37.299 --> 00:20:37.619 Okay. 00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:39.339 Families spend time together. 00:20:40.259 --> 00:20:43.619 There's multiple face-to-face verses, which I love, which was great. 00:20:44.019 --> 00:20:46.200 Kind of smack in the face of the whole COVID thing. 00:20:46.279 --> 00:20:47.879 It said churches aren't supposed to get together. 00:20:48.180 --> 00:20:50.079 When the Bible says, no, face-to-face. 00:20:50.539 --> 00:20:51.259 What about COVID? 00:20:51.420 --> 00:20:52.279 Well, what about the Bible? 00:20:52.420 --> 00:20:53.220 Face-to-face. 00:20:54.220 --> 00:20:55.559 First Thessalonians 2.17. 00:20:55.799 --> 00:21:01.220 Since we were torn away from you, brothers, for a short time in person, not in heart, 00:21:01.220 --> 00:21:06.100 we endeavored the more eagerly and with great desire to see you face-to-face. 00:21:06.440 --> 00:21:08.700 Families spend face-to-face time together. 00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:10.339 Time equals relationship. 00:21:10.500 --> 00:21:13.120 If you don't get time together, you're not going to have family. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:21.940 One of the ways we hinder family is by not getting time with each other and by not getting quality time or not getting face-to-face time. 00:21:21.940 --> 00:21:23.160 Maybe it's digital time. 00:21:23.279 --> 00:21:25.080 We talk on the phone, which that's helpful. 00:21:25.580 --> 00:21:28.640 But there's no substitute for face-to-face. 00:21:29.420 --> 00:21:32.400 First Thessalonians 3.6-10 says, 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:37.100 Now that Timothy has come to us from you and has brought us the good news of your faith and love, 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:43.620 and reported that you always remember us kindly and long to see us as we long to see you. 00:21:44.100 --> 00:21:44.740 That's family. 00:21:45.660 --> 00:21:46.080 Verse 10. 00:21:46.180 --> 00:21:52.680 We pray most earnestly night and day that we may see you face-to-face and supply what is lacking your faith. 00:21:54.600 --> 00:21:57.860 It's that face-to-face connection. 00:21:58.140 --> 00:21:59.420 2 John 12 says, 00:21:59.420 --> 00:22:11.000 There's no substitute for that face-to-face time. 00:22:11.360 --> 00:22:15.800 And the more face-to-face time we get with one another, we cultivate and build family. 00:22:16.019 --> 00:22:21.720 We build that reassurance that this person loves me and we begin to trust that they love us. 00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:24.360 Number five. 00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:26.320 Healthy families bear one another's burdens. 00:22:27.160 --> 00:22:27.600 Okay? 00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:30.959 We don't let people carry their stuff alone. 00:22:31.659 --> 00:22:36.539 Their difficulties, their hardships, their work. 00:22:38.199 --> 00:22:39.279 Galatians 6.2. 00:22:39.399 --> 00:22:40.519 Bear one another's burdens. 00:22:41.459 --> 00:22:42.539 Bear one another's burdens. 00:22:43.419 --> 00:22:45.019 1 Corinthians 12.26 says, 00:22:45.179 --> 00:22:47.419 When one part suffers, we all suffer. 00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:50.119 And when one part rejoices, we all rejoice. 00:22:50.859 --> 00:22:53.459 That's how you know you're getting a family connection. 00:22:53.460 --> 00:22:59.940 You know, when someone suffers, you feel a similar ache in your heart that they do. 00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:04.380 If you don't feel that when people are suffering around you, there's a disconnect there. 00:23:05.100 --> 00:23:07.799 You probably can't say, oh, we have a familiar relationship. 00:23:08.299 --> 00:23:12.940 Because you don't care enough to carry their, to know what hurts them and to experience it. 00:23:13.400 --> 00:23:15.019 And it starts by knowing what hurts them. 00:23:15.340 --> 00:23:18.360 If you don't even know what hurts them, how are you going to suffer with them? 00:23:18.359 --> 00:23:23.799 But being in each other's lives in a way that know what hurts people, what's hard for people, 00:23:23.979 --> 00:23:25.279 and then you suffer with them. 00:23:25.899 --> 00:23:27.459 Compassion comes from two roots. 00:23:27.979 --> 00:23:30.119 Passion means to suffer and come means with. 00:23:30.559 --> 00:23:32.419 True compassion suffers with people. 00:23:33.199 --> 00:23:34.199 That's what family does. 00:23:34.459 --> 00:23:35.879 And they rejoice with each other, too. 00:23:36.859 --> 00:23:39.519 Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn, it says in Romans. 00:23:39.779 --> 00:23:41.679 That's one of the greatest ways to relate to people. 00:23:41.779 --> 00:23:42.879 Such a practical verse. 00:23:43.720 --> 00:23:44.720 You're wondering, what do I do? 00:23:45.080 --> 00:23:46.760 Well, when they're mourning, mourn with them. 00:23:47.420 --> 00:23:48.120 Cry with them. 00:23:49.600 --> 00:23:50.520 Feel their pain. 00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:52.580 God, give me compassion like you have compassion. 00:23:53.060 --> 00:23:55.000 And when they rejoice, you get excited. 00:23:55.580 --> 00:23:58.860 You know what's really fun is when people get more excited about what you're excited about 00:23:58.860 --> 00:24:00.300 than you being excited. 00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:01.880 You ever have that before? 00:24:02.020 --> 00:24:06.760 I remember when we first had Adia, and this couple came up to us named the Bigleys. 00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:14.339 And we were pretty excited about having a baby, but weirdly enough, because they weren't having 00:24:14.339 --> 00:24:15.619 the baby, we were having the baby. 00:24:15.700 --> 00:24:19.379 They seemed more excited about us having the baby than we were, and we were pretty excited. 00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:22.539 And they grabbed us, and they picked us up, and they were jumping up and down. 00:24:22.660 --> 00:24:24.019 I was like, this is hilarious. 00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:26.240 I'll never forget that, though. 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:28.099 It's like, I love that. 00:24:28.339 --> 00:24:31.160 I felt like, you're more into this than I am. 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:35.700 And that connects you. 00:24:36.920 --> 00:24:38.380 You feel connected with that. 00:24:38.980 --> 00:24:39.820 How are you at that? 00:24:39.860 --> 00:24:40.560 Are you good at that? 00:24:41.300 --> 00:24:43.440 Can you rejoice with other people? 00:24:44.660 --> 00:24:49.180 Or are you so in your own world and in your own head that you can't rejoice with other 00:24:49.180 --> 00:24:53.180 people, and you certainly can't get compassionate and suffer with other people? 00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:54.340 That's a flaw. 00:24:54.540 --> 00:24:57.040 That's a hindrance to family when we can't do that. 00:24:57.440 --> 00:24:59.700 People who are good at that are good at cultivating family. 00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:03.900 Number six, healthy families make room for one another. 00:25:04.580 --> 00:25:04.779 Okay? 00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:05.860 What does that mean? 00:25:07.019 --> 00:25:10.640 Room in your heart, room in your home, room in your schedule. 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:16.220 2 Corinthians 7, 2-3 says, make room in your hearts for us. 00:25:17.019 --> 00:25:20.440 Verse 3 says, you are in our hearts to die together and to live together. 00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:21.360 Okay? 00:25:22.500 --> 00:25:24.019 Family makes room for one another. 00:25:24.540 --> 00:25:27.880 When it's constantly like, I just don't have time. 00:25:28.980 --> 00:25:30.500 My home never gets opened. 00:25:30.500 --> 00:25:32.480 Like, I've never been in your home before. 00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:34.839 I certainly don't feel like I'm in your heart. 00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:36.960 And there's never any room in your schedule. 00:25:38.019 --> 00:25:39.420 Family makes time for one another. 00:25:39.960 --> 00:25:40.960 Family opens their heart. 00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:41.740 They open their home. 00:25:41.819 --> 00:25:42.500 They open their schedule. 00:25:42.619 --> 00:25:43.460 And they do it voluntarily. 00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:48.500 If you have to, if some people think, oh, that's not me, man. 00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:49.799 I'm always open. 00:25:50.680 --> 00:25:53.980 You're open when people ask you, but do you ever volunteer it? 00:25:54.420 --> 00:25:57.339 Do people always feel like they don't know you and you feel distant? 00:25:57.339 --> 00:26:00.419 Because you're not volunteering to tell them, hey, I'm having a hard time. 00:26:02.639 --> 00:26:04.659 But you say, well, but if you asked me, I'd tell you. 00:26:04.859 --> 00:26:06.079 Well, what if I don't ask you? 00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:09.819 Would you tell me even if I didn't so that I can get to know you? 00:26:09.899 --> 00:26:14.220 A relationship, Dean Sherman said it, one of my favorite quotes, relationship is as deep 00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:16.419 as it is open and as strong as it is broken. 00:26:16.420 --> 00:26:21.200 If we're not voluntarily open, we feel distant from each other. 00:26:21.980 --> 00:26:23.600 That's where you get that language of family. 00:26:23.700 --> 00:26:24.700 Like we have church together. 00:26:24.800 --> 00:26:25.700 We spend time together. 00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:27.060 We got a lot of face-to-face together. 00:26:27.320 --> 00:26:29.120 But I don't feel like I know this person. 00:26:29.220 --> 00:26:33.140 I remember I had a good friend back in the day when I was 19. 00:26:34.539 --> 00:26:36.120 He was everybody's friend. 00:26:36.279 --> 00:26:38.779 Everybody loved him and spoke highly of him. 00:26:38.980 --> 00:26:41.480 But nobody knew him and he had no close friends. 00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:45.039 And I was like, what is the deal with him? 00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:47.599 And it's because he was the nicest guy. 00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:48.980 So everybody liked him. 00:26:49.039 --> 00:26:51.579 He was really just a fun guy to be around. 00:26:52.399 --> 00:26:55.039 But I lived with the guy, actually. 00:26:55.379 --> 00:26:57.700 And I still didn't feel like I knew him. 00:26:59.099 --> 00:27:00.500 Because he didn't open up. 00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:02.420 He never shared what was hard. 00:27:02.420 --> 00:27:04.480 I had no idea what was hard for him. 00:27:04.519 --> 00:27:05.539 I had no idea what hurt him. 00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:07.299 Because he never opened up about it. 00:27:07.899 --> 00:27:10.379 Even you'd ask him, he kind of didn't want to talk about it. 00:27:10.659 --> 00:27:12.500 And so he had tons of friends, but no family. 00:27:12.500 --> 00:27:14.779 The church is full of people. 00:27:14.900 --> 00:27:17.880 I have tons of friends, tons of acquaintances, but no family. 00:27:18.220 --> 00:27:20.920 And one of the biggest reasons is because we don't open up. 00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:22.640 It's not just transparency. 00:27:22.859 --> 00:27:23.299 It's vulnerability. 00:27:23.539 --> 00:27:24.799 You don't just open up the windows. 00:27:24.960 --> 00:27:26.519 You unlock the door and let people in. 00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:27.420 Okay? 00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:30.019 Number seven. 00:27:30.140 --> 00:27:32.039 Healthy families focus on the family. 00:27:32.660 --> 00:27:33.339 See what I did there? 00:27:33.339 --> 00:27:38.579 You can't have a healthy family, though. 00:27:38.819 --> 00:27:41.879 You can't just think, oh, family's just going to happen. 00:27:42.220 --> 00:27:42.339 Right? 00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:43.579 That's easy. 00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:44.839 Yeah, right. 00:27:45.319 --> 00:27:46.759 You've got to focus on it. 00:27:47.259 --> 00:27:48.720 You've got to prioritize it. 00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:52.059 You've got to be realizing that the devil is against it. 00:27:52.419 --> 00:27:55.000 You think the devil wants us to experience family as a church? 00:27:55.319 --> 00:27:56.359 I don't think so. 00:27:56.980 --> 00:27:58.919 You think the devil is opposing us as family? 00:27:59.199 --> 00:28:00.379 You better believe it. 00:28:00.800 --> 00:28:01.800 So what are you doing? 00:28:02.340 --> 00:28:03.500 You focused on it? 00:28:03.560 --> 00:28:04.400 Do you pray about it? 00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:06.940 Do you try to cultivate it, build it? 00:28:07.260 --> 00:28:09.380 Are you doing your part to do that? 00:28:09.940 --> 00:28:12.040 Are you just thinking it's just going to happen? 00:28:12.520 --> 00:28:16.820 Listen, just because you've had it in the past or you've had it in another church or you've 00:28:16.820 --> 00:28:19.520 done it with other people doesn't mean it's just going to happen. 00:28:19.660 --> 00:28:20.900 You have to put effort in. 00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:24.180 And you may have forgotten that the reason you have it with the people that you do have 00:28:24.180 --> 00:28:27.760 it with is because at one point in time you put effort into it with those people. 00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:32.000 Well, there's new people here that you might have to put some effort in. 00:28:32.500 --> 00:28:36.440 And don't think that because some of the people in the church you have it really strong with 00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:40.539 that you can just live off of that and neglect the people that you don't have it with. 00:28:40.579 --> 00:28:43.339 You have to put effort into those relationships where you don't have it. 00:28:43.779 --> 00:28:45.000 Or we don't have a healthy church. 00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:46.619 We don't have a healthy family. 00:28:47.539 --> 00:28:47.660 Okay? 00:28:47.660 --> 00:28:54.220 So Paul says to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3.5, if someone does not know how to manage his 00:28:54.220 --> 00:28:56.740 own household, how will he care for God's church? 00:28:57.100 --> 00:29:00.860 Essentially saying church is a family. 00:29:01.240 --> 00:29:06.600 And you learn how to be good at church by being good at family because church is family. 00:29:07.259 --> 00:29:07.440 Okay? 00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:13.200 That's why you're supposed to do good to all people, but especially the household of faith, 00:29:13.279 --> 00:29:15.039 it says in Galatians 6.10. 00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:17.120 Especially the household of faith. 00:29:17.220 --> 00:29:19.720 He's saying prioritize the household of faith. 00:29:20.180 --> 00:29:21.759 Focus on the church family. 00:29:22.279 --> 00:29:23.900 Focus on making it a church family. 00:29:24.460 --> 00:29:24.620 Okay? 00:29:25.620 --> 00:29:27.620 Number eight, healthy families are selfless. 00:29:28.759 --> 00:29:32.980 1 Corinthians 13.5 says love does not insist on its own way. 00:29:33.820 --> 00:29:35.880 Love does not insist on its own way. 00:29:35.880 --> 00:29:41.880 I mean, I'm sure it's already happened already, but how many, you know, make a list. 00:29:41.940 --> 00:29:45.200 How many things have happened in this church already that aren't the things that you wanted 00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:47.740 to have to be done the way that they're being done? 00:29:48.280 --> 00:29:49.280 Welcome to church. 00:29:49.800 --> 00:29:52.460 Welcome to mixing a bunch of different people together. 00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:53.660 Right? 00:29:54.240 --> 00:29:56.120 Things aren't always done the way you want them to. 00:29:56.400 --> 00:29:59.040 Love says, I'm not going to insist on my own way. 00:30:01.040 --> 00:30:05.860 1 Corinthians 10.24 says let no one seek his own good, but the good of his name. 00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:08.580 You're not self-seeking. 00:30:09.600 --> 00:30:11.260 I'm saying I'm not going to insist on my own way. 00:30:11.980 --> 00:30:12.980 Philippians 2.3. 00:30:13.320 --> 00:30:15.500 I think Chris is going to hit this next week. 00:30:16.460 --> 00:30:21.300 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant 00:30:21.300 --> 00:30:22.100 than yourselves. 00:30:22.840 --> 00:30:25.300 Family says you're more significant. 00:30:25.600 --> 00:30:26.800 I'll lay down my life for you. 00:30:27.380 --> 00:30:28.940 I'm not seeking my own way. 00:30:29.460 --> 00:30:30.720 When do you have strife in family? 00:30:30.780 --> 00:30:32.200 When do brothers and sisters fight? 00:30:33.120 --> 00:30:34.759 When do the kids fight in the back seat? 00:30:35.080 --> 00:30:37.539 What's 99% of the time what's happening there? 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:39.680 One of them is insisting on their own way. 00:30:39.740 --> 00:30:40.360 Isn't that true? 00:30:41.620 --> 00:30:41.819 All right. 00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:43.240 No, I want the seat. 00:30:43.420 --> 00:30:44.680 No, I want this. 00:30:44.940 --> 00:30:46.460 No, I get the snack. 00:30:46.840 --> 00:30:48.500 It's like, hey, stop it. 00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:49.519 Right? 00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:51.340 And the parent has to say, stop what? 00:30:51.460 --> 00:30:52.900 Stop insisting on your own way. 00:30:53.420 --> 00:30:54.640 Stop being self-seeking. 00:30:55.380 --> 00:30:59.280 When family does that, you have strife with the brothers, strife with the sisters, strife 00:30:59.280 --> 00:31:00.400 with the brothers and the sisters. 00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:02.300 Okay? 00:31:02.420 --> 00:31:03.680 Healthy families are selfless. 00:31:05.360 --> 00:31:07.960 Number nine, healthy families make each other feel comfortable. 00:31:08.800 --> 00:31:09.180 Okay? 00:31:09.180 --> 00:31:15.160 Now, you can abuse that and have this kind of, yeah, it's just about making people feel comfortable. 00:31:15.820 --> 00:31:17.020 There's two ditches in this. 00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:20.040 There's being standoffish or being overbearing. 00:31:20.700 --> 00:31:20.879 Okay? 00:31:22.460 --> 00:31:27.599 One hindrance to having people feel comfortable with you is that you just kind of have that 00:31:27.599 --> 00:31:28.279 stiff arm. 00:31:28.940 --> 00:31:32.039 You're giving them the Heisman every time they come in in close, you know? 00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.180 You have to, you just kind of stand off. 00:31:35.259 --> 00:31:36.659 It's like, I'm trying to get to know this person. 00:31:36.700 --> 00:31:40.379 But every time I do, it's like, or I poke or I prod or I try to ask questions. 00:31:40.379 --> 00:31:42.839 It's just like, they're like, it's the stiff arm. 00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:43.720 Okay? 00:31:43.980 --> 00:31:45.200 And it's just awkward. 00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:46.000 It's weird. 00:31:46.779 --> 00:31:49.480 Like, I don't know how to connect there. 00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:53.460 And then the other way is that you're a little much. 00:31:54.319 --> 00:31:56.259 It's like, you know, hey, first time meeting you. 00:31:56.299 --> 00:31:57.000 Hey, I'm Josh. 00:31:57.079 --> 00:31:57.839 Want to have a sleepover? 00:31:58.259 --> 00:31:59.519 And it's like, whoa, not now. 00:32:01.120 --> 00:32:02.720 It's a mirror that's not a ding on you. 00:32:04.319 --> 00:32:08.279 But it would be like, if you did that right away, it'd be like, ah, kind of weird. 00:32:09.640 --> 00:32:12.059 There's two ends of the extreme, right? 00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:16.000 It's like, sometimes people are a little much on the front end. 00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:21.000 It's like, hey, can we kind of like do normal human relations here? 00:32:21.099 --> 00:32:23.680 And just like, my name's Josh. 00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:26.039 You know, like, what are you into? 00:32:26.180 --> 00:32:27.579 Like, and have conversation. 00:32:28.200 --> 00:32:31.980 So we can make people feel uncomfortable through weird means. 00:32:32.059 --> 00:32:34.240 Either we're just a little much for people. 00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:36.500 It's like, hey, can you just tone it down a bit? 00:32:37.220 --> 00:32:40.640 Or we're a little, we're not enough. 00:32:40.839 --> 00:32:44.140 You know, it's just like constantly pushing away and stiff arming. 00:32:44.700 --> 00:32:46.440 And then people just don't feel comfortable. 00:32:46.579 --> 00:32:47.279 They feel weird. 00:32:47.779 --> 00:32:54.680 And a lot of times what ends up happening is if you feel uncomfortable and weird, the other person feels uncomfortable and weird. 00:32:54.960 --> 00:32:56.940 If you feel awkward, we feel awkward. 00:32:57.660 --> 00:32:57.920 Okay? 00:32:57.920 --> 00:32:59.840 If I feel awkward, you're going to feel awkward. 00:33:00.320 --> 00:33:02.580 And so just be normal. 00:33:03.759 --> 00:33:04.820 Just be normal. 00:33:05.060 --> 00:33:06.519 And families, you don't do that. 00:33:06.800 --> 00:33:11.700 Like, families are more normal than anything because it's like, you can't, everybody knows you anyways. 00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:14.840 It's not like you're going to put on airs in your family. 00:33:14.900 --> 00:33:18.519 And in your family, if someone's being too much, just like, bro, chill out. 00:33:18.600 --> 00:33:19.259 Like, what are you doing? 00:33:20.300 --> 00:33:20.640 You know? 00:33:20.700 --> 00:33:23.720 Or if someone's giving you the stiff arm, it's like, I'm your brother. 00:33:24.380 --> 00:33:25.200 Why are you doing that? 00:33:25.460 --> 00:33:26.100 I'm your sister. 00:33:26.099 --> 00:33:26.799 I'm your parent. 00:33:27.779 --> 00:33:27.959 Okay? 00:33:28.519 --> 00:33:34.399 So Matthew 7, 12 says, whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them. 00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:35.519 Okay? 00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:36.399 It's the golden rule. 00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:37.959 Number 10. 00:33:39.939 --> 00:33:41.859 Healthy families eat meals together. 00:33:42.779 --> 00:33:50.659 I know that's not as common of an experience nowadays as it used to be. 00:33:51.099 --> 00:33:53.099 But I'm a firm believer on this. 00:33:53.099 --> 00:33:57.659 And there's always an element of pushback of this in the church. 00:33:58.419 --> 00:34:04.459 And Gene and I always are really kind of bullish on this and just say, listen, healthy families eat meals together. 00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:05.579 But that's more work. 00:34:05.939 --> 00:34:07.399 Healthy families eat meals together. 00:34:07.659 --> 00:34:08.839 But that's going to cost more. 00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:10.480 Healthy families eat meals together. 00:34:10.860 --> 00:34:12.119 What's some of your best fellowship? 00:34:12.279 --> 00:34:13.659 It's around dinner tables. 00:34:14.519 --> 00:34:14.719 Okay? 00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:15.679 Look at the Bible. 00:34:16.399 --> 00:34:18.500 Look at how much fellowship there was around food. 00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:19.379 Okay? 00:34:19.719 --> 00:34:22.639 When you take food out of the meeting, sometimes it's practical. 00:34:23.059 --> 00:34:25.379 But a lot of times it makes it less familial. 00:34:26.219 --> 00:34:27.539 But that's going to cost more. 00:34:27.599 --> 00:34:28.459 It's going to be more time. 00:34:29.899 --> 00:34:30.299 Yeah! 00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:31.079 You're right. 00:34:31.079 --> 00:34:32.579 You want family? 00:34:32.799 --> 00:34:35.139 Or you want some superficial hallelujah Christianity? 00:34:36.219 --> 00:34:39.819 You want happy smiles and half sympathies, as Mike once sang? 00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:42.119 Or do you want like real table talk? 00:34:42.619 --> 00:34:43.299 Do you want to eat? 00:34:43.400 --> 00:34:48.460 Like there's something about eating a meal together that just makes us feel like family and bonds us together. 00:34:49.219 --> 00:34:52.119 And I'm a huge believer on that. 00:34:52.519 --> 00:34:55.539 And Jesus, when he would, it's very Hebraic too. 00:34:55.699 --> 00:34:58.159 Like when Jesus, look at, was it Zacchaeus? 00:34:58.699 --> 00:35:00.239 Hey, I'm coming to your house today to eat. 00:35:01.099 --> 00:35:04.480 Well, in Hebraic culture, that was more than just like, hey, I'm going to come over and eat. 00:35:04.579 --> 00:35:07.239 That was an extension of fellowship. 00:35:07.879 --> 00:35:09.000 It meant something. 00:35:09.539 --> 00:35:13.879 And whether our culture has aborted that, and it doesn't mean as much now in our culture, 00:35:14.119 --> 00:35:16.159 it still means something to human hearts. 00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:21.899 There is an element of fellowship that happens around dinner tables and around meals and around food. 00:35:22.379 --> 00:35:23.599 And it's just real. 00:35:24.359 --> 00:35:27.440 And it's not, if you read the scriptures, it's not lost on you. 00:35:27.759 --> 00:35:27.920 Okay? 00:35:29.079 --> 00:35:30.059 This is what they did. 00:35:30.219 --> 00:35:35.000 Acts chapter 2 says, day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, 00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:38.000 they received their food with glad and sincere hearts. 00:35:38.500 --> 00:35:38.719 Okay? 00:35:38.899 --> 00:35:41.099 They were doing this day after day, eating with one another. 00:35:41.739 --> 00:35:44.219 So what were all the spiritual things they did in the book of Acts? 00:35:44.239 --> 00:35:45.159 They prayed together. 00:35:45.319 --> 00:35:46.219 They were meeting together. 00:35:46.339 --> 00:35:46.759 They were sharing. 00:35:46.980 --> 00:35:48.000 But what were they doing? 00:35:48.059 --> 00:35:48.920 What else were they doing? 00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:50.799 They ate together. 00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:52.079 Often. 00:35:52.599 --> 00:35:52.960 Daily. 00:35:53.579 --> 00:35:54.839 These people ate together. 00:35:54.840 --> 00:35:57.860 Don't, don't like say, oh, that's not spiritual. 00:35:58.019 --> 00:36:02.900 This other stuff's also, I mean, they prayed and they were preaching the gospel and they were sending people out. 00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:04.440 It's, yeah, that's all good stuff. 00:36:04.680 --> 00:36:05.480 You know what else they did? 00:36:05.620 --> 00:36:06.600 They ate together. 00:36:06.599 --> 00:36:08.339 It's biblical. 00:36:09.059 --> 00:36:10.179 It's very spiritual. 00:36:10.679 --> 00:36:12.420 Very productive when it comes to family. 00:36:13.559 --> 00:36:14.199 Number 11. 00:36:14.759 --> 00:36:17.000 Healthy families share what they have with each other. 00:36:17.559 --> 00:36:17.920 Okay? 00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:22.360 They share not just their stuff, but their very lives. 00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:25.039 1 Thessalonians 2, 7 to 8. 00:36:25.380 --> 00:36:27.099 Paul, I love this verse. 00:36:27.340 --> 00:36:30.000 We were gentle among you like a nursing mother taking care of our own children. 00:36:30.519 --> 00:36:39.039 So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God, but ourselves, our own selves. 00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:40.159 Because why? 00:36:40.420 --> 00:36:42.280 Because you had become so dear to us. 00:36:44.240 --> 00:36:45.579 Family shares. 00:36:45.579 --> 00:36:47.380 They share their hearts. 00:36:47.380 --> 00:36:49.199 They share their very lives. 00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:50.639 They share their stuff. 00:36:50.739 --> 00:36:51.639 They share their food. 00:36:51.799 --> 00:36:53.360 They share their things. 00:36:53.579 --> 00:36:58.559 They share their, there's a lot of the practicals there. 00:36:59.519 --> 00:37:02.119 But he says they share their own selves. 00:37:02.199 --> 00:37:04.619 And he says he was affectionately desirous of them. 00:37:05.460 --> 00:37:07.599 Have you ever been affectionately desirous? 00:37:08.199 --> 00:37:09.420 Let's just ask this question. 00:37:09.779 --> 00:37:11.340 Let's just take this church, Christ's church. 00:37:11.659 --> 00:37:14.159 Are you affectionately desirous of the other people in this church? 00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:18.159 If you're not, I'm not saying that to condemn you. 00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:19.579 I'm saying Paul was. 00:37:20.079 --> 00:37:21.579 And that's one of the ways he cultivated. 00:37:21.859 --> 00:37:24.219 That's why he said to them, I'm like a father to you. 00:37:24.440 --> 00:37:25.119 I've exhorted you. 00:37:25.319 --> 00:37:31.779 That same group of people in that same letter that he wrote to them, he said, I talk to you like a father. 00:37:31.780 --> 00:37:36.440 Well, a father is affectionately desirous of his kids. 00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:37.700 Okay. 00:37:37.860 --> 00:37:39.040 True, healthy family. 00:37:39.140 --> 00:37:40.680 He loves to be with each other. 00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:45.019 My daughter was just in Austin, Texas for the last three, three days, four days. 00:37:45.680 --> 00:37:49.280 And she was so excited to come home. 00:37:49.500 --> 00:37:49.780 Why? 00:37:50.019 --> 00:37:50.980 She missed her family. 00:37:51.480 --> 00:37:52.680 She liked being with her family. 00:37:53.080 --> 00:37:53.980 That's what families do. 00:37:54.340 --> 00:37:56.320 Now, there's sometimes you don't like being with your family. 00:37:56.400 --> 00:37:56.960 I mean, come on. 00:37:56.960 --> 00:38:00.760 But overall, if it's healthy, you like being with your family. 00:38:01.519 --> 00:38:04.940 And that's one of the signs of a healthy family is family likes being with each other. 00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:08.840 When you've got a family that doesn't want to be with each other, it's like, hey, that's not a healthy family. 00:38:09.179 --> 00:38:11.179 It's still a family, but it's not a healthy family. 00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:18.420 And so when we're affectionately desirous of one another, and we share not only the gospel, but our very lives, that's familial. 00:38:18.420 --> 00:38:20.980 And Paul modeled that extremely well. 00:38:22.420 --> 00:38:30.099 You see in Acts chapter 2, 44, there's all who believed were together and had all things in common. 00:38:30.200 --> 00:38:30.920 They shared stuff. 00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:32.320 They shared stuff. 00:38:32.420 --> 00:38:35.780 This doesn't mean you've got to live in a commune and nobody has their own stuff. 00:38:36.139 --> 00:38:40.380 It just means you don't live as if those things are only yours, right? 00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:42.180 It's like, oh, you want to use this? 00:38:42.240 --> 00:38:42.599 Go ahead. 00:38:42.840 --> 00:38:43.240 I got this. 00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:43.740 Go ahead. 00:38:43.780 --> 00:38:44.659 Use my thing. 00:38:45.420 --> 00:38:46.619 Like, oh, you want this? 00:38:46.700 --> 00:38:48.039 This would be better for you to have it. 00:38:48.039 --> 00:38:50.940 You're just thinking like that because that's what family does. 00:38:51.779 --> 00:38:52.759 Number 12. 00:38:53.059 --> 00:38:53.920 Got three more here. 00:38:54.900 --> 00:38:56.759 Healthy families listen to each other. 00:38:57.779 --> 00:38:57.960 Okay? 00:38:58.279 --> 00:38:59.079 James 1, 19. 00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:01.279 Know this, my beloved brothers. 00:39:01.699 --> 00:39:02.440 Familial language. 00:39:03.279 --> 00:39:06.119 Let every person be quick to hear and slow to speak. 00:39:07.900 --> 00:39:14.460 One of the ways that people think that you don't love them is when they think that you only want to be heard 00:39:14.460 --> 00:39:18.099 and you don't want to take the time to listen. 00:39:19.059 --> 00:39:24.260 If you're with someone and you feel like they're always just talking and they're not good listeners, 00:39:24.619 --> 00:39:28.639 it puts that question of that first point back in the back of their mind, doesn't it? 00:39:28.840 --> 00:39:31.599 You start to ask the question, does this person really care about me? 00:39:31.599 --> 00:39:34.199 Or is it all they want to do is just talk about themselves? 00:39:35.199 --> 00:39:37.839 If that question is coming, it hinders family. 00:39:38.799 --> 00:39:40.480 And this is why he uses that familiar language. 00:39:40.599 --> 00:39:43.019 He says, know this, my beloved brothers. 00:39:43.779 --> 00:39:47.099 Let every person be quick to hear and slow to speak. 00:39:47.759 --> 00:39:50.199 Good listening is a quality of healthy family. 00:39:50.940 --> 00:39:52.460 And some of us are really good at that. 00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:54.819 Some of us could do a better job of that. 00:39:55.239 --> 00:39:55.519 Right? 00:39:55.519 --> 00:39:59.559 And it is a skill and it is something that has to be focused on. 00:40:00.320 --> 00:40:00.539 All right? 00:40:01.460 --> 00:40:04.179 Here's a little tip I got from someone a long time ago. 00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:06.780 I read it in a book or something, but I try to think about this. 00:40:07.400 --> 00:40:14.159 They said that whoever you're talking to at any given point in time is the most important person in the world. 00:40:14.980 --> 00:40:18.519 If you can make people feel like that when you're having a conversation with them, 00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:20.360 I think it's going to go pretty well. 00:40:21.219 --> 00:40:21.400 Right? 00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:23.780 Have you ever felt that way from someone else? 00:40:23.780 --> 00:40:29.380 That when you're talking to them, they look at you and they listen to you with a sincerity and a genuineness. 00:40:29.700 --> 00:40:33.260 You feel like you're the most important person to them at that given point in time. 00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:35.960 And it makes you, it endears you to them. 00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:37.280 It makes you feel loved. 00:40:37.560 --> 00:40:40.540 Makes you feel like this person cares more about me than themselves. 00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:43.540 But when it's the opposite, you start to ask the question, 00:40:43.680 --> 00:40:45.519 I don't know if this person cares more about me than themselves. 00:40:47.340 --> 00:40:47.540 Okay? 00:40:48.260 --> 00:40:49.640 Proverbs 18.13 says, 00:40:49.760 --> 00:40:53.580 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. 00:40:54.740 --> 00:40:54.900 Okay? 00:40:56.519 --> 00:40:57.519 Number 13. 00:40:57.980 --> 00:40:59.519 Healthy families are dependable. 00:41:00.160 --> 00:41:01.060 They can be counted on. 00:41:01.500 --> 00:41:05.320 In other words, the language we use, they're like partners. 00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:05.960 Right? 00:41:06.440 --> 00:41:08.160 They're people you can count on. 00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:25.059 One of the ways, I'm firmly convinced that one of the ways to cultivate healthy family with each other is that if we have shared mission, shared vision, and shared responsibility, it creates this strong bond of unity and sense of family. 00:41:25.059 --> 00:41:36.219 Because if you don't have to share the same mission, like if one person's about this and another person's about this, it's like we're going in multiple different directions. 00:41:36.340 --> 00:41:37.960 Where your treasure is there, your heart will be also. 00:41:38.440 --> 00:41:43.179 It's like we'll be trying to get people's heart in the same place when it's really going somewhere else. 00:41:43.179 --> 00:41:47.259 So if we're not all seeking first the kingdom, we're not going to feel like a family together. 00:41:47.480 --> 00:41:50.259 Because we've got people who just don't feel like they're part of the family. 00:41:50.339 --> 00:41:51.960 They're off somewhere else. 00:41:51.960 --> 00:42:01.619 But then if you have like this agreement that the kingdom is first, but we don't have shared vision of how that fleshes out, for example, in all of life. 00:42:02.119 --> 00:42:03.440 Yeah, a bunch of people's like, oh yeah, yeah. 00:42:04.340 --> 00:42:06.260 Kingdom of God, totally with you. 00:42:06.619 --> 00:42:09.920 But it's like, yeah, that's just more of a Wednesday night thing and a Sunday morning thing. 00:42:09.980 --> 00:42:11.119 It's not an all of life thing. 00:42:11.599 --> 00:42:18.980 Well, the people who do believe it's an all of life thing are going to feel very divided from you because you have division, two visions. 00:42:18.980 --> 00:42:23.059 Someone thinks it's a part of life thing and someone thinks it's an all of life thing. 00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:24.840 It aborts family immediately. 00:42:25.159 --> 00:42:29.480 You don't feel that family connection with those people because they have a different vision than you. 00:42:30.280 --> 00:42:31.940 And then lastly, you can have shared mission. 00:42:32.420 --> 00:42:33.460 You believe the kingdom's first. 00:42:33.539 --> 00:42:36.519 You have a shared vision of how it gets fleshed out in all of life together. 00:42:37.280 --> 00:42:43.260 But if you feel alone and that we're not doing that together and sharing the responsibility of that, it doesn't feel like family. 00:42:43.920 --> 00:42:44.740 It doesn't. 00:42:44.739 --> 00:42:58.319 But when you have all three of those things, that's a dynamic, potent, familial connection that is very difficult to break and very difficult to compete with, honestly. 00:42:58.819 --> 00:43:08.699 There's such a sense of unity when you know that someone has the same mission as you, same vision of how it gets fleshed out, and there is a shared priority of responsibility. 00:43:08.699 --> 00:43:16.559 You know, these guys are going to take up as – there's not going to be an argument over who's carrying the weight. 00:43:16.739 --> 00:43:18.059 Like, we're all going to be carrying the weight. 00:43:18.460 --> 00:43:21.000 It just feels so familial because that's what people do in families. 00:43:21.879 --> 00:43:25.159 It's like, hey, we got the same – we're trying to do this family thing together. 00:43:26.460 --> 00:43:29.419 There's no such thing as a non-all of life thing in a family. 00:43:29.420 --> 00:43:37.119 Like, you don't do family in part of your life because you're in the same – like, when you're younger, at least, you're all in the same house. 00:43:37.820 --> 00:43:42.019 And when you're all taking responsibility for the house, the house feels together. 00:43:43.700 --> 00:43:48.300 Lastly, number 14, healthy families have the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. 00:43:48.700 --> 00:43:50.539 This is from 2 Corinthians 13, 14. 00:43:51.059 --> 00:43:53.519 It speaks of the church being the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. 00:43:53.519 --> 00:44:06.380 There's a lot of different people in this room, different backgrounds, different ages, different church backgrounds, different socioeconomic backgrounds, different personalities, different beliefs even. 00:44:07.099 --> 00:44:07.280 Okay? 00:44:08.699 --> 00:44:15.480 All those things that I just said are formula for not connecting, not gelling. 00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:18.759 Like, that's a lot of evidence against what could be family. 00:44:18.760 --> 00:44:29.940 And if you look at that, you have grounds to be very discouraged and have no hope for our church being any kind of family, even after all those other 13 points I just said. 00:44:30.900 --> 00:44:32.780 Because there's too much against us. 00:44:33.880 --> 00:44:39.440 But if the church is a fellowship of the Spirit, bingo. 00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:42.060 It's all possible. 00:44:42.059 --> 00:44:51.059 As long as you have the Spirit and I have the Spirit, I can fellowship with you, even though apart from the Spirit, I would never be friends with you. 00:44:51.500 --> 00:44:53.619 I would never naturally connect with you. 00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:56.320 We're from such totally different ends of the spectrum. 00:44:56.699 --> 00:44:58.759 We're totally different worlds. 00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:07.699 But if you have the Spirit and I have the Spirit, there is immediate, deeper connection than you could ever imagine because it's a Spirit connection. 00:45:07.699 --> 00:45:19.359 And so one of the main ways that people try to aim at family in the church and fail miserably is that they try to be family with people purely on natural means. 00:45:20.059 --> 00:45:23.539 And it's like, well, you're in your 70s and I'm in my 20s. 00:45:23.759 --> 00:45:30.319 And the guy in the 70s can't even understand the guy in the 20s because he's using all these weird slang stuff and doesn't even know that he's speaking the same language. 00:45:31.480 --> 00:45:34.059 And then it's like, I can't relate to you. 00:45:34.639 --> 00:45:36.439 You have such a different personality than me. 00:45:36.440 --> 00:45:40.059 We couldn't be further from, you know, we're so different. 00:45:40.440 --> 00:45:46.559 But when you have the Spirit and I can connect with, I love what you love, you love what I love. 00:45:46.940 --> 00:45:49.119 I value the Scriptures, you value the Scriptures. 00:45:49.579 --> 00:45:51.340 I love Jesus, you love Jesus. 00:45:51.940 --> 00:45:53.760 My greatest joy is to give worship to God. 00:45:53.840 --> 00:45:55.599 Your greatest joy is to give worship to God. 00:45:56.119 --> 00:45:57.720 I have the same mission as you. 00:45:57.880 --> 00:45:59.380 I want to see people get saved. 00:46:00.119 --> 00:46:02.659 All these things are relating at the Spirit. 00:46:02.659 --> 00:46:08.440 And so if you have people in this room and in this church, you're thinking, man, it's rough with that person. 00:46:08.859 --> 00:46:11.639 I'm trying, but I can't gel. 00:46:11.759 --> 00:46:12.639 It's not happening. 00:46:13.019 --> 00:46:15.819 Ask yourself, how are you relating? 00:46:16.719 --> 00:46:19.899 Are you fellowshipping around other things in the Spirit? 00:46:19.900 --> 00:46:22.860 Aim at that fellowship of the Spirit. 00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:24.860 Talk about what God's teaching you. 00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:25.920 Talk about what you're learning. 00:46:26.099 --> 00:46:27.380 Talk about the Scriptures. 00:46:27.639 --> 00:46:28.539 Talk about Jesus. 00:46:29.260 --> 00:46:31.740 Talk about the things you're struggling with. 00:46:31.860 --> 00:46:33.119 Share your sins with each other. 00:46:33.420 --> 00:46:34.480 Give encouragement to one another. 00:46:34.579 --> 00:46:35.340 Pray for one another. 00:46:35.740 --> 00:46:36.900 Connect in the Spirit. 00:46:37.539 --> 00:46:38.519 And you can be close. 00:46:38.880 --> 00:46:42.300 Now, there might be a learning curve and there might be a little hump to get over. 00:46:42.300 --> 00:46:54.620 But I can honestly say some of my best friends over the last 30 years of following Jesus are people where I honestly don't think I would be friends with them apart from Christ. 00:46:54.940 --> 00:46:55.980 I really don't. 00:46:56.500 --> 00:46:58.060 There's just not enough commonality. 00:46:59.100 --> 00:47:04.280 But the commonality of the fellowship of the Spirit trumps all other fellowship. 00:47:04.980 --> 00:47:06.080 Do you believe that? 00:47:06.680 --> 00:47:09.820 If you don't believe that, you're sunk. 00:47:10.420 --> 00:47:11.120 You're sunk. 00:47:11.119 --> 00:47:15.019 Then you're relegated to a common life church. 00:47:15.319 --> 00:47:22.199 Then you've got to have all your small groups with all the same people who look the same and act the same, same age and talk the same and all this kind of stuff. 00:47:22.599 --> 00:47:24.579 And then you can only have fellowship with those people. 00:47:27.219 --> 00:47:29.500 That is so not the kingdom. 00:47:29.900 --> 00:47:31.900 That the world can do that. 00:47:32.019 --> 00:47:33.799 That's not anything supernatural. 00:47:34.139 --> 00:47:35.940 That's not anything distinctly Christian. 00:47:36.480 --> 00:47:38.219 What is the real deal about Christianity? 00:47:38.219 --> 00:47:43.239 What makes people look in like Moses looked at the burning bush and be like, what is going on there? 00:47:43.759 --> 00:47:48.319 When people look in and see, those people should not be getting together. 00:47:48.459 --> 00:47:49.819 Those people should not be friends. 00:47:50.099 --> 00:47:51.539 Those people should not be connecting. 00:47:51.699 --> 00:47:54.839 Those people, that relationship doesn't make sense. 00:47:54.840 --> 00:47:57.180 And we say, aha. 00:47:58.539 --> 00:47:59.460 It's the Spirit. 00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:01.059 It's the Spirit. 00:48:01.460 --> 00:48:03.320 You too can have that connection with people. 00:48:04.120 --> 00:48:07.120 It's greater than any, even blood itself. 00:48:07.460 --> 00:48:08.700 It's the fellowship of the Spirit. 00:48:09.160 --> 00:48:11.680 And that is the basis for family together. 00:48:12.160 --> 00:48:14.039 So that's why I wanted to wrap it up with that point. 00:48:14.039 --> 00:48:18.059 Like Colossians 1.17 says, in him, all things hold together. 00:48:18.759 --> 00:48:20.679 In him, all things hold together. 00:48:21.000 --> 00:48:24.360 If you don't believe that, we're not going to hold together as a spiritual family. 00:48:24.779 --> 00:48:29.340 We'll just be like a weird, wonky, like, yeah, let's do this because we have to. 00:48:29.460 --> 00:48:30.519 And it's like, weird. 00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:32.099 No. 00:48:32.300 --> 00:48:34.460 In him and holding to him, we hold together. 00:48:35.099 --> 00:48:37.559 Family is absolutely foundational in the church. 00:48:38.500 --> 00:48:41.539 That's why 1 Corinthians 3.10 says, let us then be careful how we build. 00:48:42.039 --> 00:48:46.320 Let's be careful that we build family the way it's supposed to be built. 00:48:47.139 --> 00:48:55.199 And ask the question, hey, are there any of these things, am I an obstacle to the church being family, to Christ's church being family? 00:48:55.719 --> 00:49:00.239 And if so, I need to repent and focus on the family, so to speak. 00:49:00.619 --> 00:49:03.340 Do what I need to do to cultivate family. 00:49:03.340 --> 00:49:16.660 And then when we have that basis of family, then the gospel becomes just, it's like a well-oiled engine with just got a fresh set of lubrication going there and everything's just firing perfectly. 00:49:17.220 --> 00:49:20.860 That's what church's family does in combination with the gospel. 00:49:21.220 --> 00:49:24.600 It's such a potent combo of you preaching the gospel. 00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:26.940 That's why this has to be foundational for us. 00:49:27.180 --> 00:49:28.100 We want to reach people. 00:49:28.160 --> 00:49:29.760 We want to reach people to gospel. 00:49:29.760 --> 00:49:35.380 But if we preach the gospel, but our experience together is not family, we're betraying the gospel. 00:49:35.780 --> 00:49:52.940 On the opposite, when we preach the gospel and our experience together is family, it just accentuates everything we say and puts a living model and a demonstration to people of what it means to be adopted into a family of God where we relate to another, not on our similar interests, but on Christ himself. 00:49:53.120 --> 00:49:53.320 Amen? 00:49:54.060 --> 00:49:54.580 Amen. 00:49:54.760 --> 00:49:55.200 Let's stand. 00:49:55.200 --> 00:49:55.280 Amen.