Friends, I just want us to go back to COVID-19 era, sorry, and think about what was it that you were watching on Netflix, on Stan or whatever it is.
One of the shows that I kept watching that kept popping up in 2020 were many home and renovation shows.
One of my favourites was Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.
What a joy.
All the shows like that that I was watching were similar in that singles families were looking at making their home more usable, maybe more aesthetic, more homey, a space for their future grandkids, maybe a guest room.
And Marie Kondo's show was all about tidying and decluttering your place.
And one of the episodes was a story of a recent widow who said this.
The kids have moved out, I've lost my husband, and I'm alone now.
And so she gets Marie to help her through the grief and the loss of her husband as she navigates making a home for herself,
dealing with the belongings of her recently beloved past husband.
But is that not the experience that we are all as individuals, as families trying to do?
That in different seasons of our life, we have all sensed this need to change and transform our homes,
the amount of bedrooms that we need, our plans for the spare bedroom changes,
and our homes have this ability to dictate our reality.
Like the newlywed couple that's moved to a three-bed hour to expand their family in the future.
It's the empty nesters who've downsized their living.
For many people, the deepest longing that we have is to make home, to make family.
And for the newly single widow, she was trying to recalibrate who she was
and what does that look like to make home for herself now that she was recently widowed.
She's found herself sick again, herself single again.
Her husband got sick.
She did not expect to be single as a mother or as a grandmother.
And so what did that mean day by day?
And what was her home like now?
And as we've been speaking about marriage the last few months,
we know it would be remiss of us not to talk about singleness.
Because did you know roughly 40% of St. Paul's are actually not married?
In and beyond the church, there are some singles who are single at a choice.
There are some who are longing to be in a relationship but are not.
They've longed and are longing to have children.
There are those who've been widowed and those who've had past marriages.
And see, the goal for us in all the seasons of our life here is that wherever you are on that journey,
I believe that this passage will help you find home.
Maybe not to literally clear out your home and make room for a new person in your home,
but that God actually has a greater and beautiful vision of home than what you imagine your home and your family to be.
And I want us to feel the sense of home in our inner being, regardless if you are single or married.
In the past, single people have often been posed as people that must have been something wrong with them.
We see it in that terms of spinster or the Simpsons crazy cat lady.
There must be something about them which is the reason why they are still single.
Yet in today's culture, we're starting to see this resurgence of singleness.
We see the current headlines, singleness has peaked.
Single women are thriving in 2025.
And this headline that made me chuckle is having a boyfriend embarrassing now.
You know, singleness has almost given this new marketing spiel that to be single is to be free and not held down.
And I was talking with another friend of mine who said that they wanted to be single instead of in a relationship
so that they didn't need to be involved in all the drama.
But how is singleness viewed in the church?
Danny Trawick, author of Single Ever After, said of singleness in the modern day church.
In today's evangelical church, marriage and parenthood sits on a pedestal.
They are typically held out as the highest good and goal of the Christian life.
And this leaves us thinking of singleness as either a season of preparation before real life begins,
a very rare exception for some specially empowered few, or just a tragic reality.
I remember at a youth group hangout at my old church, all the guys were talking about looking for a partner,
wanting to be married one day, and almost all of them, including the male leaders,
said that humans were made not to be single.
They never said it word for word, but there was this implied idea that if a Christian was single,
they would be unformed, immature in their faithful life.
And I said, how about Jesus?
Wasn't Jesus single?
And the reason why I'm so glad to unpack this passage is because I remember sharing that very night
that this passage shows God's beautiful picture of singleness.
So let's pray.
Lord Jesus, we thank you that you yourself are an example of a man who was single,
who lived a pure and perfect life.
We thank you that you've given us this wonderful passage.
And we ask that we might receive peace, joy, clarity, and understanding as we read this passage.
Make it transform us to be more alive and live more truer to how you made us to live
than we have ever been before.
Amen.
The first point I want to talk about is that the idea of this gift of singleness.
I've often heard this statement being said in the church, quoting this passage,
sounding something like, some have the gift of singleness and some don't.
And they get it from earlier verses that I didn't get John to read.
But if you just look at that 10 verses before, in verse 7 to 8, Paul says on the screen as well,
I wish that all of you were as I am.
Paul is single.
And I agree with the statement that some have the gift of singleness.
I agree to the extent that you who are married in this room do not have the gift of singleness.
And all you who are single do have the gift of singleness.
Because the gift of singleness is a gift of the season of singleness,
as the gift of marriage is the gift of the season of marriage.
The gift that Paul talks about is not a special spiritual gift that the Lord gives to some believers and not others.
It's not like he's given some people the ability to sing and others not.
We suddenly make out that the gift of singleness is for those who have this extraordinary power
to remain single and celibate, almost like you need some kind of booster shot injection.
And if you don't have that, then the rest of us who don't have it just have to wrestle through it.
But you see, the call that Paul makes here is that both married and unmarried, prior to this, is to be self-controlled.
And that doesn't change whether you are single or whether you are married.
You see, the season of singleness that you might find yourself in is a gift.
It's not just a training course for the real deal.
Singleness in itself, struggling or joyful, is a legitimate, beautiful gift from God.
And you might ask, how can singleness be a gift if it draws such deep pain and loneliness?
Because there are dear friends of mine who I know have long to be married and haven't found that day.
How is it a gift?
I want to share from Elizabeth Elliot, a missionary who was widowed three times,
one of whom, her first husband, was a missionary who went to a country and that country killed him.
And she still decided to be a missionary to that country.
She talks about this in Let Me Be a Woman.
After being widowed three times, she says,
Having now spent more than 41 years single, I have learnt that it is indeed a gift.
Not one I would choose.
Not one many women would choose.
But we do not choose our gifts, remember?
We are given them by a divine giver who knows the end from the beginning
and wants above all else to give us the gift of himself.
In 1 Corinthians 7 verse 17, it says,
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them,
just as God has called them.
You see, the verb should live here is best translated as retaining or grasping hold of,
in other words, embracing the season of life that the Lord has assigned.
And if you were to play reverse on this verse, you might actually say,
Don't hurry leaving the situation that the Lord has placed you in.
And when you hear that, you go,
Well, it sounds well and good until you reach that rut in your current stage of life.
And you start to think that the grass is greener elsewhere,
or the past was rosier than today.
You know, some parents will remember how good the baby days were
before their kids could speak and talk back.
Or some wish their children who have moved out
until they realise how they don't like the quiet home anymore.
And it's often in retrospect that we understand what God is and was doing in any season.
That God has been doing it for your good and his glory.
And so we should always be asking in every season,
What is the Lord teaching thee?
What is he teaching me through this?
How is Jesus showing up to thee in this present crisis?
Because we're called to remember that the Lord has assigned your season of life that you are in.
Don't miss out on what God is doing in this season.
Because he is indeed doing something.
He is changing you.
He is working for your good and his glory.
And that's not to say what Paul is saying.
He's not saying,
If you wish to pursue marriage,
if you want to change jobs,
if you want to move country,
it's the wrong decision.
Paul himself recognises that while he might embrace singleness and what it affords,
he does not by any means illegitimise marriage as a God-honouring decision.
Verse 28.
But if you do not marry,
you have not sinned.
But you see,
for Paul,
there is something that matters
much more than your marital,
your work,
your geographic status,
where you live.
There is something that is primary
beyond your season of life.
He's saying to the year 12 student,
You are more than just a number.
He's saying to the office worker,
You are more than a set of KPIs.
There is something that has happened for the Christian
in their circumstances
that is greater than whether you got married or whether you're not.
The gospel is better news for the Christian
than what the world has to offer.
In verse 22,
do you notice,
a Christian is the Lord's freed person.
They belong to Christ.
That you were bought at a price.
You see,
for the struggling single person
who has had failed date after failed date
and rejection after rejection,
Do you know there's a God who sees you?
Do you know that Jesus has bought you
at the price of his blood?
Was he himself that was rejected by you and me
and then by his own father
as he took on the sin and scorn and shame on the cross
and said,
Elo, Elo,
lama sabachthani,
my God,
why have you forsaken me?
And he doesn't see you as broken.
He holds you with worth and dignity
because your primary status
is not your marital status,
but that you belong to the Lord.
Friends,
there is this wonderful confession of faith
called the Heidelberg Catechism,
like our creeds that we say,
that begins with the question,
what is the only comfort in life and death?
And what's the answer?
The answer is that I am not my own,
but belong body and soul in life and in death
to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
Because I belong to him,
Christ by his Holy Spirit
assures me of eternal life.
Because belonging to Christ,
your status in Jesus,
secures a future status.
And this is what Paul reiterates himself in verse 29.
What I mean,
what he really means
about his desire for married and unmarried
is to remember,
brothers and sisters,
that the time is short.
The time is short.
That life on this earth
is soon going to end like the sand
reaching the bottom of an hourglass.
It will be finished.
And so Paul suggests this as his reason to be single.
Verse 32,
I would like you to be free from concern.
An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs,
how he can please the Lord.
But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world,
how he can please his wife,
and his interests are divided.
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs.
Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.
And then verse 35,
I am saying this for your own good,
not to restrict you,
but that you may live in a right way
in undivided devotion to the Lord.
See,
Paul is recognizing
an earthly reality
that come with having families,
having dependents,
and that single people
have a unique opportunity
to be freed from that.
And I know many families
and many parents,
those who are married,
those who have children or not,
recognize
that there is
a reality
that there are burdens
that have come
uniquely
because of their
deep love for another,
whether that is
the loss of a spouse,
whether that is
caring for
dependents.
And as much as they love that gift,
it is also hard.
And so Paul is saying
that perhaps
for someone who is single,
that there is something unique
in that gift
for you to embrace.
And one gift
I want you to consider
is single friends.
Have you ever considered
that your very present
season of life
is a glimpse
of eternity
that your married friends
cannot reflect?
In Matthew 22,
verse 30,
Jesus says about
marriage in heaven,
at the resurrection,
people will neither marry
nor be given in marriage.
They will be
like angels
in heaven.
You see,
what we've been
pushed by Steve
and Nick,
is married people
can reflect
the marriage
of the Lord
and his church.
But you,
as a single person,
can uniquely show us
what it might look like
to live in the new creation
in a way that married people
cannot
when our hearts
will be fully devoted
to the Lord.
married people.
And so,
you and married people,
you are called
to live as though
you are home
with Jesus.
Do you guys see it?
It's not actually
marital status
that will determine
whether you will be
a blessing to the church
in God's kingdom.
Your devotion to God
depends on where
you set your gaze.
Where is the home
that you are building?
Despite what Paul says
about single people
living for the Lord,
you can be unmarried
and Christian
and live with your
personal dreams
and ambitions
and not have the Lord
shape your interests.
But you could also
be married with kids
and be insular
in your own family.
It's where you choose
to make your own home.
Paul's saying,
you are not bound
by this earth.
Married people.
Paul says in verse 28
that your marital status
should not trump
your future status
because you see,
the good news of Jesus
extends the meaning
of your earthly time.
The good news of Jesus
says that he's redeeming
the parts of your marriage
and pushing you
and sanctifying you
so that on the day
that Jesus returns,
you will be able
to stand at the gaze
of the Lord Jesus
and say,
and hear the words,
well done,
good and faithful servant,
alongside your spouse
who you together
have spurred one another
into living for Jesus.
It's for the single person
to know their investment
in discipling,
their investment
in caring for people
has not gone in vain
because they will see
their crown and joy
in heaven.
Instead,
friends,
you've got a home
with Jesus.
He's preparing
a home for you.
He's making room
for you.
And so married
and unmarried,
live as though
you are home
with Jesus.
But how should we
see marriage?
You see,
Paul does not look down
on one or the other
that we might do
subconsciously.
We might read
this passage
and go,
wow,
Paul's really
amping up singleness.
He must be really
anti-marriage.
Paul being pro-single
does not mean
he is anti-marriage.
We've literally
seen him speak
about for the last
many weeks
in Ephesians 5,
both are good.
He says singleness
is a gift.
He says marriage
is a gift.
And as Danny
has said,
often in the church,
marriage has been
put on this highest
order or goal
for the Christian
that we may subvert
in our heads
and assume that
if one has not
been married,
that they are not
mature as Christians
as others.
And sometimes
it's often because
we hear married people
often share how God
has used marriage
to edify and sanctify
them to grow them
in maturity.
But that doesn't
discount the fact
that there are many
people who are single
out of obedience
to the Lord.
They won't stand
for marrying
a non-Christian.
They want to embrace
God's wisdom
about marriage
and sexuality.
That's a man
or woman.
You see,
that's godly
who's mature
and faithful.
And so in the same
way that these
are both gifts
that grow us
for maturity,
both have its
challenges.
You see,
Steve has spoken
about the challenges
in marriage,
but they exist
for the single person
too in immense
but sometimes
quiet ways.
I had an extroverted
friend who lived
alone who was envied
by their friends
and colleagues
for being single
during COVID
and understandably
it's because
they didn't,
like they had
to deal with Zoom
at school,
they didn't have
the kids 24-7
while they were
working and living
but the thing
for them is
they hated isolation.
They hated it.
They didn't get
to see their grandkids,
they didn't get
to hug anyone,
they didn't get
to have those
physical conversations
because there was
no one at home.
They are all
challenges,
they're just
different.
And so our vision
of singleness
and marriage
should therefore
be like this.
It's two sides
of the same coin,
both with ways
that mirror
the faithfulness
to Christ
and both
that uniquely
show a glimpse
of what it is
like to be
in heaven.
And so,
friends,
I want to ask you,
have you ever
considered
that side-by-side
married and
unmarried people
can be mutually
beneficial for
our community?
Not when they are
siloed with only
married people
being friends
and the unmarried
and childless
having another group,
but when they love
and serve
and commit to being
the family of God
that they have been
called to be.
Here are a few
things that I've seen
in our community
or others
or things that I'd
love to see more of
where singleness
and marriage together
has been such
a beautiful thing.
Number one,
when there's space
given to single
people to come
over when the
quiet is too much,
inviting single
and childless couples
to be surrogate
aunties and uncles
to their kids,
not excluding
single friends
from their
multifamily holidays,
being a trusted
adult when mum
and dad become
a bit too
annoyed.
Friends,
to the married
and the unmarried,
what does living
now like
you are home
with Jesus?
What does it look
like?
Because
isn't that
the beautiful thing
about the gospel
is that it brings
family?
That other
Christians are
your brothers
and sisters
as Paul keeps
and reminding
the church?
And if you're
still someone
who's searching
who Jesus is
but you think
there's something
beautiful and
attractive of this
radical sense of
community,
I'd love to chat
with you.
Single friends,
it's not wrong
for you to want
to make home
on this life,
to be married.
Your desires
are not wrong
but remember
there is a greater
home being prepared
for you.
Remember that
however long
that season of
singleness is,
you have been
uniquely positioned
to point others
to your home
in heaven.
Married friends,
if you want
to witness
to your single
friends,
embrace them
into your lives
and have your
marriage be a
mirror that
reflects the
love of Christ
and the church
so visible
that your
Christian single
friends will feel
welcome in that
love and that
they are willing
to pursue their
cross to bear
to.
If you've been
longing to be
married but have
chosen time after
time to be
faithful to God
rather than
disobeying his
law, thank you
for being a
witness and
standing firm.
If you're a
same-sex attracted
Christian who has
decided to walk
the narrow path
of faithful
obedience in
seeing God's
beautiful picture
of marriage
marriage and
decide to be
celibate,
hold firm to
his promises
and know his
ever-present
help.
But I want to
say specifically
to those of you
in the room who
have been married
and you have
been sitting
here in this
room, sermon
after sermon,
and if you
loved this
beautiful picture
of marriage and
you wished that
your last marriage
shared that
picture, but
maybe you have
some regrets on
how you entered
the relationship,
not trusting in
God's beautiful
picture of what
marriage should
look like as a
Christian, and
you found yourself
single once again.
I want you to
look at John 4.
We see Jesus
speak to a
Samaritan woman.
It's a story that
many of you know
because a Samaritan
woman in this
case is someone
who had multiple
marriages and in
fact is a
prostitute.
And Jesus,
despite knowing
her, goes with
purpose and
presence.
He, despite
knowing all her
sins and
brokenness, doesn't
withhold himself
but offers living
water.
And the Lord
Jesus comes to
you with the
same purpose
and presence
and says, I
know what you've
been through, and
he loves you
still and has
prepared a home
for you, that
you too can
live as though
you are home
with Jesus.
Thank you.