going to have this, what do you call this, a venue, an opportunity to speak, this what?
This class, that is true, that is true.
So it just occurred to me that three men from Trinity Baptist are planning on going on the
men's retreat at Spofford, Camp Spofford, on the weekend of the 20th, 21st and 22nd.
And if any other men out there are interested in such a thing, which I do recommend having
gone last year, please feel free to speak to me.
There.
And now, we are on.
Okay, good.
Let's pray.
Heavenly Father.
Thank you for your love for us in Jesus, for reconciling us to you in your great love.
We ask that as your children, you will give us fruit in the area of reconciliation and
demonstrating your love, having your love flowing through us, that the world may see that you
sent Jesus, and that we are your disciples.
We ask for the glory of Jesus' name.
Amen.
I'd like to begin this morning by telling a story about Larry, Larry's mom and dad,
forgiveness, and trust.
And I'm going to tell it from the perspective of Larry's dad speaking with his mom.
You can maybe picture them alone in the kitchen one evening.
And what dad is doing is summarizing some events from the past three weeks.
Yeah, it's been just three weeks since Larry took our new Volvo to go out on a date.
And before the evening ended, he had filled the car with eight kids.
They drank a case of beer.
And as he demonstrated how the Volvo corners, he sideswiped three cars going 40 miles an hour
in the center of the town square.
Now, yes, Larry's asked us to forgive him.
And we forgave him.
We've only had the car back a few days now.
And Larry asks if he can take out the car this weekend on a date.
I have forgiven Larry.
But I want to know if he's learned anything from the experience.
I care about Larry.
I think he can be trusted with the Volvo again.
Someday.
But first, I want to see some evidence that he will be more responsible in the future.
That he really cares about the rest of the family being able to use an unwrecked car.
And that he will help cover the expenses of the increased insurance costs due to the accident.
Here's my question.
Has dad really forgiven Larry?
What do you think?
Any follow-up questions?
I hear a yes.
But Larry might say, if dad says, well, no, not this weekend.
Larry might say, why not?
You forgave me.
If you don't have the same handout I've been handing out for four weeks, I encourage you to get one.
We'll use it a little bit today.
There's copies on that chair and there's copies in the back also.
And here we are at the end.
Step four in a set of guidelines for restoring damaged relationships.
And this one's entitled Rebuilding Trust.
But you know what?
I don't want us to look there quite yet.
I want to go up on the page a little bit to where it says,
Forgiveness includes, and as it turns out the first two things are my step one and step two,
renouncing anger, responding in love, and then canceling the moral or personal debt that someone had with regard to you.
So, we might ask, has Larry's dad canceled the personal debt?
Now, of course, this is not a biblical definition that I can point to.
It's a definition of forgiveness that I got from an author whose name is somewhere up here.
Augsburger.
Oh, yeah, David Augsburger, right there.
But what do you think?
Has dad canceled the personal debt?
No.
Okay.
Any other thoughts?
Yes.
You know, why or why not?
Now, Esther thought, yes.
Somebody, I don't know who that is over there.
Okay, Laurie.
No.
Well, let me give you, this may help.
Let me give you at least what I think of as an example of somebody, in this case, dad, not forgiving Larry's debt.
It's a few weeks.
Yes.
Uh, um, no, I can just read right here.
One month after the accident, Larry says, dad, Jim's family is going to the lake house for the weekend, and they invited me to go along with them.
May I?
Dad, dad, no.
Dad, you've shown yourself to be completely irresponsible.
But dad, you've let me go to the lake house with them several times over the past year, and there was never any trouble.
Dad, you won't be going anymore.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Plus, I sure can think of a lot of chores that need to be done around the house this weekend.
Again, and you owe me.
I owe me.
Okay.
So, I think I gave an acceptable example of somebody not canceling the personal debt.
Uh, you know, literally, you still owe me.
The price has not been paid up.
Now, I'll give you my opinion.
Uh, and again, I'm not saying this is something you can prove from scripture, but I would say, before Larry took out the car and got the kids in and had the accident and all of that,
he did not have a right to use the new family car.
Um, and after the accident, even after he's forgiven, he still doesn't have a right to use the family car.
Um, dad and mom have the right and responsibility to decide what is an appropriate amount of trust to give to their children.
And hopefully, as a child grows, you know, that, um, the responsibility that the child has and exhibits, their amount of responsibility and trustworthiness grows,
and their parents, uh, uh, trusting them with more and more responsibility grows.
Um, so I don't think just saying, uh, I, I don't think dad saying this necessarily means that he hasn't forgiven that personal debt.
But, trust has been violated, and it takes time to build trust.
Um, that's true in any relationship.
You meet somebody for the first time, what do you trust them with?
You know, knowledge about yourself or, uh, you know, depending on them.
It, it's gonna change over time.
Uh, it might grow, it might, you know, quickly crash, and you might say, well, I'm not gonna share anything with that person ever again that, uh, I don't want shouted from the rooftops.
Um, so, uh, it, it's complicated, but I do think it's helpful, I think it's helpful, to separate, uh, reconciliation, which includes repentance and forgiveness, from trust building.
Um, and, uh, let me give an example of, uh, of this with regard to Larry and Dad.
Going right back to the beginning.
Um, Dad gets a call from the police.
They have the car at the town center, damaged.
They had eight kids in it.
Uh, you know, they're calling all the parents.
Uh, there's been drinking.
So, Dad drives down in the old car.
And, um, you know, deals with the police.
The accident report.
Dad is probably not real happy.
Um, uh, you know, he might even be angry.
Uh, which I would imagine, uh, I would be.
So, um, during this, you know, Larry comes up, maybe a little under the weather.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
Will you forgive me?
I think it's appropriate for Dad to say, we'll talk about this later.
Or even, not now!
Or whatever the case may be.
So, let's say, uh, uh, by the way, hopefully Dad's checked out and made sure that all eight of the kids, including Larry, are not hurt.
And, and things like that.
Okay.
So, um, a day or two later, Dad's gotten over his anger.
And then proceeds to step two.
Step one, renouncing anger.
Step two, responding in love.
Larry's dad starts thinking, okay, where do we go from here?
Um, how can, you know, I rebuild, uh, this relationship that's been damaged with, uh, Larry?
And, and how can I help him grow spiritually?
We're going to assume it's a, it's a functional Christian family.
Um, so he responds in love and he starts thinking about that.
And so he gets to the point where he says, uh, to Larry, let's sit down and talk about what happened now.
Okay, that's Dad.
But let's drop back to Larry.
How's Larry dealing with restoring a damaged relationship?
Well, at first, Larry might be angry.
Um, oh, Dan.
I let him get in the car and he snuck in that case of beer.
Oh.
And then Julie.
She offered me a can of beer while I was driving.
Why in the world did she do that?
And then, while I'm showing how well I can drive and how the Volvo corners, she hits my arm.
Oh, if that hadn't happened, oh, this wouldn't have happened.
Um, or.
Who knows?
Uh, he can probably even think of some reasons to be angry with Dad.
You know, maybe Dad's done things over the years that weren't quite right.
So, um, in this case, even the person who is the offender may have anger and hurt to deal with.
Uh, let's say, um, Larry's over that.
And by God's grace, he really, at some point in a few days, really wants to do the right thing.
Um, and, um, so, when Dad says, let's get together and talk about this, he says, okay.
So, uh, they get together and Larry says again, now we're up to step three, reconciliation.
We've renounced anger, we're responding in love, at least as we understand it, and now we're ready to deal with the issues.
Reconciliation.
Um, so, uh, Larry says, Dad, please forgive me.
In my opinion, Dad, being a wise father, says, forgive you for what?
Um, that I had an accident, says Larry.
Dad says, well, remember when Mom had an accident two years ago?
She didn't ask me for forgiveness.
I didn't think there was any need to forgive her.
It was an accident.
And then, Larry, by the grace of God, says, Dad, please forgive me for putting eight kids in the car.
For making, you know, sure that I or other people weren't drinking in the car.
Please forgive me for trying to show off about, you know, how well I could drive.
What I did was wrong, and I'm sorry for it.
And so, at this point, uh, let's see.
Um, repentance.
Uh, confessing evil actions and intentions.
Check.
Um, expressing regret for hurt caused.
Check.
And, I shouldn't even make a joke out of this, should I?
Because this is complicated and tough, and I don't want to communicate that, you know, this is like a magic formula.
Um, which it is not.
But, it's still good to think about these things and try and cover the bases.
I don't know.
Um, um, hopefully we won't have to check that one goodbye.
But, uh, uh, and thirdly, under, uh, repentance.
Um, hmm.
Um, uh, yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Committing to right behavior in the future.
Uh, dad, I promise I won't do it again.
Good.
And dad forgives him and cancels the moral debt.
Does that mean that Larry can use the car next weekend?
Absolutely not.
Children of Sammy in the future.
Uh, that's, uh, I, I think you're going to get some good tough love there.
Good.
Yes, I agree.
Um, because when you've had a problem like this, when a relationship has been damaged, restoring trust usually takes time.
Um, so, let me pause for a moment before we go back to Joseph and his brothers and the biblical account.
Any questions, comments, arguments?
No.
Not from Sam.
Okay.
Um, feel free to ask questions as we continue.
I may not see you.
I'm probably not ignoring you.
You just have to be loud.
Um, so, let's, uh, turn, um, back in our Bibles, uh, to, uh, Genesis 45.
And if you're using the church Bibles, which I forgot to ask somebody to get out, it's on page 39 in the downstairs, I think, Pew Bibles.
Um, um, um, and so, what I'm going to read is, um, the closest thing we have in Genesis to, uh, the initial reconciliation process for Joseph and his brothers.
Um, so, Genesis 45, beginning with verse 4.
Um, Joseph said to his brothers, come near to me, please.
And they came near.
And he said, I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.
And now, do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here.
For God sent me before you to preserve life.
For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest.
And God sent me here before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to keep alive for you many survivors.
So, it was not you who sent me here, but God.
He has made me a father to Pharaoh and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt.
Hurry and go up to my father and say to him, thus says your son Joseph.
God, um, God has made me lord over all Egypt.
Come down to me.
Do not tarry.
You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me.
You and your children and your children's children and your flocks and your herds and all that you have.
There I will provide for you.
For there are yet five years of famine to come.
So that you and your household and all that you have.
And I probably missed something there, but will not come to poverty.
There we are.
Verse 12.
Verse 13.
And now your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin see, that it is my mouth that speaks to you.
You must tell your father of all my honor in Egypt and of all that you have seen.
Hurry and bring my father down here.
Then he fell on his brother Benjamin's neck and wept.
And Benjamin wept upon his neck.
And he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them.
After that, his brothers talked with him.
And just going down to verse 24.
I think this is another act of love on Joseph's part.
Then he sent his brothers away.
And as they departed, he said to them, do not quarrel on the way.
Now, in the text that follows, we see that the ten, probably eleven brothers, I would think, including Benjamin,
because he has his family to collect too, as well as all the others,
go back to where their father Jacob is in Canaan.
And they all gather up and make their way down to Egypt.
So, though we can't quite as neatly as in the case of my addition to the Larry story,
you know, check off all the steps of repentance and forgiveness,
I think there are at least parallels there.
So, reconciliation, from my perspective, has taken place.
And they all come down to Egypt and they live happily for a long time after.
Or did they?
Because, as I see it, reconciliation is not the end of restoring a relationship.
It's a step, but trust has to be rebuilt.
And now we can finally look at step four, rebuilding trust.
And right down here on the handout, you may see common barriers to rebuilding trust are
unreliable repentance and insincere forgiveness.
With regard to unreliable repentance,
the situation with Joseph and his brothers is very lopsided with regard to power.
Joseph has almost all the power in their relationship.
And so, his brothers, you might say, would be very unwise to, if they're still feeling hatred
or anger towards Joseph, to show that.
However, there are ways that they might, in speech or in action,
try and maneuver for their own best interests.
For example, one of the brothers might spend a lot of time with dad.
Now, they all come down to Egypt and we read that Jacob, the father,
lived for 17 years in Egypt with Joseph and the other brothers before he died.
So, imagine one brother making a special point to spend a lot of time with dad.
And maybe even saying something like, boy, I wish we saw more of Joseph.
You know, he says he has a lot to do at work.
But, he's governor of the land.
You know, he can really spend time as he wants to.
But, the Bible doesn't give any indication of that kind of thing.
That doesn't prove it didn't happen, but there's no indication of it.
And, with regard to Joseph and his brothers,
Joseph lived another 55 or so years in Egypt
after the brothers and Jacob came down to live there too.
A long time to work on rebuilding trust
and ideally having a better relationship
than they had before all this happened.
Before they beat Joseph up when he was 17
and sold him as a slave.
Now, the only evidence that I know of that we have in the Bible
that speaks to this
is that when Joseph died,
he gave responsibility for what at that point
might have been the most important thing to his heart
into his brother's responsibility.
And, for this, Genesis 50, verse 24 and following.
Page 54 in the Downstairs Church Bible.
Then Joseph said to his brothers,
I am about to die,
but God will surely come to your aid
and take you up out of this land
to the land promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
And Joseph made the sons of Israel swear an oath
and said,
God will surely come to your aid
and then you must carry my bones up from this place.
So Joseph died at the age of 110
and after they embalmed him,
he was placed in a coffin in Egypt.
Joseph, it seems to me,
could have arranged things with his Egyptian servants
to do this.
But he entrusted it to the brothers that were still alive,
it seems from the text.
And it was actually many years later
that this happened.
But this suggests to me, anyway,
that their relationship had improved
and that trust had been restored.
So, that's what I see in the text
about unreliable repentance.
There doesn't seem to be any evidence of that
on the case of the Ten Brothers.
But what about the other common barrier
to rebuilding trust?
Insincere forgiveness.
And this would be on Joseph's part, primarily.
After the reconciliation,
it appears that Joseph, you know,
isn't holding anything against his brothers,
that he loves them.
And we see evidence of that in
Genesis 47,
starting with verse 11,
page 40, bottom right.
47, 11.
So, after the 11 brothers and Jacob
and all their family come back to Egypt,
it says,
Joseph settled his father and his brothers
in Egypt and gave them property
in the best part of the land,
the district of Ramses,
as Pharaoh had directed.
Joseph also provided his father
and his brothers
and all his father's household
with food
according to the number
of their children.
children,
this is the first sign I see
of no more favoritism.
You know,
as in the past,
maybe as part of the test,
you know,
Benjamin got five times as much
on some occasion.
But here,
apparently,
the rules are
no more favoritism.
We're providing
according to need,
not according to
who I think has treated me,
you know,
better or worse.
But,
imagine this.
The brothers
continue to wonder
if Joseph's forgiveness
of them
was really sincere.
Things look good.
But,
there was the possibility
that Joseph was waiting
until the death
of their father
to get even.
After all,
clearly,
Joseph loves
his father Jacob.
And,
if he was,
you know,
seeking revenge
or ready to punish them,
that would
almost certainly
cause distress
to father.
Well,
17 years
after they come
down to Egypt,
Jacob dies.
And,
might the brothers
be wondering,
ah,
will the other
shoe drop
now?
well,
we don't have to
speculate
if they were
worried about that
or not.
The text tells us.
And,
Genesis 50,
verse 15,
and following.
Page 44,
and then,
the church bible,
I think the heading is,
God's good purposes.
verse 15,
when Joseph's brother
saw their father
was dead,
they said,
it may be that
Joseph will
hate us
and pay us back
for the evil
we did to him.
So,
they sent a message
to Joseph
saying,
your father
gave this command
before he died.
Well,
maybe he did,
but I think
the implication
is,
probably
not.
Say to Joseph,
please forgive
the transgressions
of your brothers
and their sin
because of the evil
they did you.
And now,
please forgive
the transgression
of the servants
of the God
of your father.
Joseph
wept.
my guess is
that whether
he had known
that his brothers
might have this worry
or not,
it's clear now
and he
has sorrow
that that lack
of trust,
you know,
their fear
that his forgiveness
was insincere
has been
percolating
all this time.
Joseph
wept
when they
spoke to him.
His brothers
also came
and fell down
before him
and said,
behold,
we are your servants.
Now,
as I read
the next
few verses,
I want you
to ask yourselves,
does this sound
familiar?
But Joseph
said to them,
do not fear,
for am I
in the place
of God
as for you,
you meant
evil against me,
but God
meant it
for good
to bring
about
that many
people
should be
kept alive
as they
are today.
So do not
fear,
I will
provide for
you and
your little
ones.
Thus
he comforted
them
and spoke
kindly
to them.
Almost
everything
that he
says there,
he said
before,
17
years ago.
Did the
brothers
believe
it
then?
Maybe,
maybe to
some degree.
But,
17
years later,
dad's
dead,
circumstances
are different.
And that
will happen
in our
relationships.
We may
be building
trust,
and then
some new
situation
develops,
and you
wonder,
on either
side,
you know,
what will
happen now?
They said
this,
they said
they'd never
do it
again,
but will
they?
He said,
I was
really
forgiven,
but has
he really
forgiven me?
Or will
he trust
me in
this
situation?
And
relationships
like life
is always
a process.
we can
sin
and go
backwards,
or by
God's
grace,
we can
be
gracious,
no guarantee
what the
other person
will do,
never any
guarantee.
But,
when God
is at
work,
you have
a story
that ends,
like the
story of
Joseph
and his
brothers.
When,
by God's
grace,
both
parties
repent
and
forgive,
and work
hard to
rebuild
trust.
And,
that's what
we want,
isn't it?
We want
relationships
relationships where
we feel
loved and
safe,
and where
we are a
blessing to
others.
But,
it's not going
to be like
that all
the time.
Relationships do
get damaged.
We are
sinners.
They're
sinners.
What do
you expect?
God is
God.
And,
he is
at work
in all
things for
the good
of those
who are
called
according to
his
purpose.
And,
he can
restore those
relationships
to make
them better
than they
ever were
before.
No
guarantee,
but God
is able.
May we
take the
steps that
God wants
us to
take.
And,
one more
thing before
I,
one more
thing.
And,
that is
that this
is not
only important
for us
and those
we're in
relationship
with,
but it's
important for
God's work
in the world,
for evangelism.
John 17
23.
Jesus is
praying to
the Father.
And,
he's speaking
of believers
in him.
And,
says this,
praise this,
may they
be brought
to complete
unity
to let
the world
know that
you sent
me.
To let
the world
know that
you sent
me.
and have
loved them
even as
you have
loved me.
As we
present the
gospel,
part of the
power that
the gospel
will have
in convincing
people of
its truth
is the
lives of
God's
people.
God's
love.
So,
as the
Bible says,
may we
make every
effort to
preserve the
unity of the
spirit and
the bond
of peace.
peace.
My
presentation
is done.
Questions?
Comments?
Can you
say something
about
consequences?
I could.
Would you
like to say
something about
consequences?
And,
I don't
that's
fine.
That's
fine.
I'm not
going to
twist your
arm.
Yeah.
That continue
the ramifications
of
choices that
we make.
Yes.
That go
out with
consequences.
Yes.
Okay.
So,
you know,
we've looked
at the story
of Joseph
and his
brothers.
One story.
And,
it's unusual
because,
again,
of the
power
difference.
Often,
in
relationships,
there are
significant
power
differences,
but rarely
are they
as extreme
as the
case of
Joseph and
his
brothers.
But,
yes,
so,
Larry,
you know,
I think if
I were
Larry's
dad,
no,
I would
not let
him use
the car
three weeks
after the
first
accident,
there would
be these
consequences.
And,
you might
say,
what caused
Larry to
do this
to begin
with?
Well,
if three
months later,
you know,
on the fourth
time that
Larry's been
able to use
the new
family car
again,
if he's
arrested for
drunk driving,
you know,
dad might
say,
you know,
you can't
use a
family car
again.
You know,
if you want
a car to
drive,
you're going
to have
to buy
your own,
pay your
own insurance,
you know.
So,
yes,
there are
consequences
for sin.
So,
you might
say,
yeah,
okay,
let me
stop there.
It seems
like,
too,
there could
be processes,
right,
where the
father sets
up conditions
of rebuilding
trust.
You can
drive with
me in the
car next
time.
You can
drive for
next year
as long as
you don't
have any
passengers,
because that
was part of
the problem.
Right?
And if you
can keep to
these things,
you're building
trust.
And then
down the
road,
sure,
you can
pick the
car again.
So,
to think
through,
part of
what the
rebuilding
trust can
do is
to give
opportunities,
you know,
from the
one who
is sort
of the
offended
party in
this,
to say,
I'm going
to give
you some
opportunities
to build
trust.
But a
recognition,
the consequences
are,
if you
don't
follow
through
in
these
cases,
then we
go back
to zero.
You know,
then the
trust isn't
being built,
and therefore
you're back
to you
can't use
the car
at all,
potentially,
right?
I mean,
those are
some of
the consequences.
And then
the family
name gets
besmirched
if it
gets put
in the
paper.
And if
he's
arrested,
you know,
yeah,
it's going
to,
everyone
will know,
and there's
all kinds
of tentacles
that go
out.
Sin is a
horrible
thing.
No
getting
around that.
And I
guess I
just want
to say
this.
there are
those
consequences,
there are
those
tentacles,
and then
there's
God's
forgiveness
of us.
The
personal
debt is
canceled
with God's
forgiveness,
but more
often than
not,
we continue
to,
in this
fallen world,
as fallen
people suffer
the results
of our
actions.
Yeah,
I mean,
I think
we can
see,
maybe
most
clearly,
God's
relationship
with us,
like,
he completely
forgives us
through Christ.
He doesn't,
he's not,
you know,
just about
to,
like,
try and
get even
with us,
but he
does discipline
us,
and he
does,
you know,
he does
let us,
and I
think
sometimes
people have
trouble with
that when
they're still
experiencing the
consequences of
their sin,
and they
think,
well,
God must
hate me,
and he
must just
be trying
to get rid
of me,
and it's
like,
no,
actually,
he's a
good father,
he's
disciplining
you,
and he
has,
you know,
he has
really
forgiven us
when we
repented,
and at
the same
time,
we'll
still
experience
consequences
of our
sin in
this life.
We won't
experience
consequences
of our
sin in
hell,
like,
he's
taken that
away.
But,
I think
also a
biblical idea
that sort
of connects
with this
is the
idea of
restitution.
So,
in some
of the
Old
Testament,
you know,
if you
steal something
from somebody,
you have to
make it
right by,
you know,
you steal
their cow
or ox
or whatever,
and you
have to
replace it
plus some
extra.
As a way
of showing,
like,
I do
really repent,
and I really
want to make
right what's
been wrong.
And I don't
think we're,
I mean,
I think some
situations are
so broken
that we're
not even
really able
to make
right what's
been wrong
fully.
You know,
when somebody
gets hurt or
killed,
like,
there's not
really a way
that you
can fix
that,
but I
still think
this idea
of how
do I,
thinking,
like,
what's the
wrong that
I've
committed,
and what
would it
mean to
sort of
make restitution
in the sense
of,
like,
how can I
help make
things,
do what I
can to help
make things
right?
You know,
it's more
than just
saying I'm
really sorry
for what I
did,
then we'll
do it
again,
but going
to the next
of a thing,
and I really
want to,
attribute to
something good
and healthy
rather than
so,
under my
copy of the
head,
though,
where it
says repentance
includes,
I don't
see restitution
there,
so I'm
writing it
to think
about,
because,
as Pastor
Greg is
suggesting,
or what
he's suggesting,
I would
say,
fits into
real repentance,
repentance,
yeah,
let us
pray,
Lord,
we praise
you because
you are the
great God
who can
and does
use
our
evil
actions,
for good,
for good.
We rejoice
that
nothing is
too hard
for you.
You are
the one
who raises
the dead.
May we
be encouraged
to follow
you.
Enable us,
Lord,
to do what
you want
us to do,
that your
goodness and
love and
glory may
shine through
our lives.
Amen.
爱
worthy.
Amen.
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