WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.080 And for the rest of us, let's open up our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 4. 00:00:06.020 --> 00:00:08.640 I'm going to read two verses now. 00:00:08.779 --> 00:00:12.380 So Ephesians 4, verses 31 and 32. 00:00:16.039 --> 00:00:17.400 This is the Word of God. 00:00:17.399 --> 00:00:32.920 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:43.899 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God and Christ forgave you. 00:00:43.899 --> 00:00:46.679 Hear God's Word. 00:00:46.859 --> 00:00:52.820 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 00:00:54.019 --> 00:00:59.959 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God and Christ forgave you. 00:01:01.379 --> 00:01:03.959 When someone sins against us, it hurts. 00:01:05.759 --> 00:01:07.159 We're wounded by it. 00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:11.280 We suffer when someone sins against us. 00:01:11.280 --> 00:01:13.640 It registers. 00:01:13.900 --> 00:01:17.800 And it's not just this outside wound. 00:01:17.940 --> 00:01:19.680 It's a wound internally. 00:01:21.540 --> 00:01:23.480 An inner man wound. 00:01:24.700 --> 00:01:29.460 And as a result, a wound like that can affect relationships. 00:01:29.780 --> 00:01:32.500 It can affect the relationship with the one that's wounded me. 00:01:32.880 --> 00:01:37.340 And if unattended, it can actually affect relationships with other people as well. 00:01:37.340 --> 00:01:45.719 Because an untreated wound to the soul will become infected with bitterness. 00:01:47.719 --> 00:01:56.640 Last week, we saw that God holds us each responsible for how we respond when someone sins against us. 00:01:56.740 --> 00:01:58.260 We're responsible for that. 00:01:58.260 --> 00:02:02.080 We're responsible for our bitterness. 00:02:02.080 --> 00:02:05.320 God does not excuse our bitterness. 00:02:05.900 --> 00:02:13.800 Out of Ephesians 4, 31 and 32, it's clear that God's Word says we may not be bitter. 00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:23.060 We may not be wrathful or sinfully angry or clamorous or slanderous or malicious towards those who sin against us. 00:02:23.060 --> 00:02:24.800 We're to put it away. 00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:26.099 Do you know why? 00:02:27.060 --> 00:02:28.560 That's not who we are anymore. 00:02:29.960 --> 00:02:31.479 That's the old self. 00:02:32.099 --> 00:02:36.479 That's the former manner of life in Ephesians 4, 22. 00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:39.599 That's old self living. 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:45.960 But now, if you're in Christ, God has made you new. 00:02:48.079 --> 00:02:50.979 You've been united to Christ in His death and resurrection. 00:02:51.900 --> 00:02:53.419 You've been made alive. 00:02:54.759 --> 00:03:04.379 You've been forgiven, adopted, liberated, transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of God's beloved Son in whom we have forgiveness. 00:03:04.379 --> 00:03:09.139 He has forgiven us all of our sins. 00:03:10.340 --> 00:03:11.519 Every one of them. 00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:13.039 Forgiven. 00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:14.979 It is an amazing thing to consider. 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:22.919 At your conversion, brother and sister in Christ, you underwent a spiritual heart transplant. 00:03:24.060 --> 00:03:29.359 God removed your unbelieving heart of stone and He replaced it with a heart of flesh. 00:03:29.460 --> 00:03:30.300 A soft heart. 00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:31.740 Tender to God. 00:03:32.180 --> 00:03:33.319 A believing heart. 00:03:33.319 --> 00:03:38.780 And if that's not enough, God Himself indwelt you the moment you believed by the Holy Spirit. 00:03:39.219 --> 00:03:41.259 He marked you as His own. 00:03:41.359 --> 00:03:42.259 He sealed you. 00:03:42.699 --> 00:03:43.939 You belong to Him. 00:03:45.400 --> 00:03:50.259 And He lives inside of you now to empower you to live a life that's pleasing to God. 00:03:51.959 --> 00:03:55.419 All this to say, Christian, you have been radically changed. 00:03:56.539 --> 00:03:57.500 Radically changed. 00:03:58.459 --> 00:03:59.919 You're not who you used to be. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:00.840 The old is gone. 00:04:00.919 --> 00:04:01.699 The new has come. 00:04:01.699 --> 00:04:04.060 You're a new creation in Christ Jesus. 00:04:04.699 --> 00:04:13.759 And this transformation that God has wrought in you by His grace, it's progressively working its way out in how we live our lives. 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:21.300 We are being changed from the inside out. 00:04:21.300 --> 00:04:24.139 God is at work in us. 00:04:24.139 --> 00:04:25.680 Who you are determines how you live. 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:27.439 Who you are determines how you live. 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:33.579 If you're dead to God, if you're not a Christian and you get wounded, chances are you're going to get bitter. 00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:41.740 But if you're alive to God in Christ Jesus and you're wounded, someone sins against you, the call on your life is to forgive. 00:04:41.740 --> 00:04:44.639 To forgive the one who sinned against you. 00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:51.019 We are to put off the old selfish ways of bitterness. 00:04:51.680 --> 00:05:01.780 And we're to put on the new Christ-like ways of being kind and tenderhearted and forgiving those who sin against us. 00:05:01.779 --> 00:05:03.559 It is a radical call. 00:05:05.419 --> 00:05:15.259 This morning, God is commanding you, brother, you sister in Christ, to be like Christ to those who sin against you. 00:05:15.819 --> 00:05:16.739 You're to forgive. 00:05:16.740 --> 00:05:19.879 So three moves this morning. 00:05:21.019 --> 00:05:22.460 The first move is this. 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:28.579 I just want to give a dose of reality and help you see that sin makes relationships messy. 00:05:29.540 --> 00:05:32.420 Wounds complicate relationships. 00:05:33.620 --> 00:05:37.100 The second move is the call to Christ-likeness. 00:05:37.100 --> 00:05:40.639 That's where we'll spend most of our time in Ephesians 4.32. 00:05:40.960 --> 00:05:45.879 To see what God is calling you to as a new creation in Christ Jesus. 00:05:46.740 --> 00:05:49.800 And the third move is they're the what-ifs. 00:05:50.719 --> 00:05:52.399 Because I know many of you have a lot of questions. 00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:53.959 What if? 00:05:54.759 --> 00:05:55.959 What if this doesn't happen? 00:05:56.040 --> 00:05:57.019 What if this doesn't happen? 00:05:57.379 --> 00:05:58.339 What if, what if, what if? 00:05:58.439 --> 00:05:59.300 What about this? 00:05:59.959 --> 00:06:01.459 Well, I'll try to tackle some. 00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:02.439 I have seven of them. 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:02.959 I already know. 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:05.120 I'm going to have to pare it down to like five. 00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:07.740 Let's see how much time we have when we get there. 00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:12.100 So wounds complicate relationships. 00:06:12.339 --> 00:06:13.100 Move number one. 00:06:13.100 --> 00:06:17.480 Sin makes messes out of relationships. 00:06:18.980 --> 00:06:21.920 I've experienced an interesting phenomenon over the years I've been a pastor. 00:06:22.420 --> 00:06:23.520 It goes something like this. 00:06:24.020 --> 00:06:26.000 I'm going to use an example of a marriage. 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:28.639 But you can basically put in any kind of relationship. 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.079 A married couple comes into my office looking for help. 00:06:32.759 --> 00:06:34.519 And as they come in, there's obvious tension. 00:06:36.680 --> 00:06:38.699 You can see it in their body language. 00:06:38.860 --> 00:06:41.459 It's how they speak to each other or about each other. 00:06:41.560 --> 00:06:42.459 There's little warmth. 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:43.560 There's little affection. 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:45.680 There's guardedness. 00:06:45.800 --> 00:06:46.699 Even suspicion. 00:06:47.420 --> 00:06:50.160 There's a lack of peace right here in front of me. 00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:59.520 Sitting in front of me are two people who profess Christ as their king, yet they're wounded and bitter. 00:07:01.080 --> 00:07:02.280 They're disunified. 00:07:02.420 --> 00:07:03.760 There's a lack of harmony. 00:07:03.940 --> 00:07:05.000 There's a lack of peace. 00:07:06.180 --> 00:07:07.540 Sin complicates relationships. 00:07:09.140 --> 00:07:11.300 Wounds suffered have an effect. 00:07:11.300 --> 00:07:13.660 Sin can make a mess. 00:07:14.120 --> 00:07:18.259 And so as I'm sitting there across from this couple, I start scrolling through some questions. 00:07:19.280 --> 00:07:20.879 I'm wondering some things. 00:07:21.460 --> 00:07:23.079 And here's what I'm typically wondering. 00:07:25.060 --> 00:07:27.439 Okay, this couple's hurt. 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:28.060 They're wounded. 00:07:29.379 --> 00:07:30.920 What's the nature of their wounds? 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:33.379 Are they real wounds? 00:07:34.019 --> 00:07:35.500 Are they perceived wounds? 00:07:36.139 --> 00:07:38.720 Are they wounds that have been distorted? 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:42.280 What's the extent of the wounds suffered? 00:07:43.000 --> 00:07:44.260 Are these pinpricks? 00:07:44.500 --> 00:07:45.720 Are they sword thrusts? 00:07:45.880 --> 00:07:47.920 What kind of damage are we talking about? 00:07:49.320 --> 00:07:51.700 What's been the frequency of these wounds suffered? 00:07:52.100 --> 00:07:53.340 Is this a one-time event? 00:07:53.500 --> 00:07:54.900 Are these multiple wounds? 00:07:56.060 --> 00:07:58.360 What's the duration of the wounds suffered? 00:07:59.640 --> 00:08:04.440 Was this one wound ten years ago that has not been dealt with? 00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:07.700 Or is this twenty wounds over the last two years? 00:08:07.699 --> 00:08:10.579 Or is this one hundred wounds over the last year? 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:12.939 What's the frequency? 00:08:13.180 --> 00:08:14.420 For how long the duration? 00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:18.479 And then of course, what's been the effect of these wounds suffered? 00:08:18.979 --> 00:08:21.779 On a couple, are they now sleeping in different bedrooms? 00:08:24.839 --> 00:08:30.860 For these individuals, if there's bitterness in their hearts, how are they coping with it? 00:08:31.539 --> 00:08:32.460 Where are they turning? 00:08:32.860 --> 00:08:33.840 Who are they looking to? 00:08:34.379 --> 00:08:35.299 Are they turning to pornography? 00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:37.059 Are they going shopping? 00:08:37.700 --> 00:08:38.820 Are they gossiping? 00:08:38.980 --> 00:08:39.960 How are they dealing with it? 00:08:40.640 --> 00:08:41.560 Are they turning to Jesus? 00:08:43.780 --> 00:08:47.400 And of course, it raises the question, if this is a married couple, what about their kids? 00:08:47.820 --> 00:08:51.480 If they have kids, you've got to ask the question, what's been the effect of this on their kids? 00:08:51.480 --> 00:08:59.000 Because, as you can imagine, sin complicates relationships, doesn't it? 00:09:00.039 --> 00:09:01.680 Or maybe you don't have to imagine that. 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:04.840 Maybe you're experiencing that. 00:09:06.080 --> 00:09:09.980 How sin wounds complicate things. 00:09:09.980 --> 00:09:20.440 Well, the more complicated a relationship is, the longer it's going to take to clear things up. 00:09:21.180 --> 00:09:21.580 Right? 00:09:21.580 --> 00:09:21.639 Right? 00:09:21.639 --> 00:09:25.460 But there's grace for this. 00:09:25.460 --> 00:09:34.899 If relationships are strained and they're not being attended to biblically, they'll move from bad to worse. 00:09:37.100 --> 00:09:42.939 That infection called bitterness eventually rots things out. 00:09:42.940 --> 00:09:51.300 But in order to put away bitterness from a relationship, no matter how entrenched, no matter how complicated, 00:09:52.040 --> 00:09:58.040 in order to move to forgiveness and to experience a fullness of peace, 00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:01.020 you've got to deal with it. 00:10:02.100 --> 00:10:04.320 You've got to face the wounds you've suffered. 00:10:05.560 --> 00:10:07.960 You've got to face the wounds you've inflicted. 00:10:08.520 --> 00:10:10.100 You cannot ignore them. 00:10:10.100 --> 00:10:12.540 But you've actually got to deal with them. 00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:16.500 Maybe you're here in this room right now. 00:10:17.700 --> 00:10:19.340 And you're saying, Pastor Salvati, 00:10:19.820 --> 00:10:23.080 my marriage is beyond repair. 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:26.560 Too much damage done. 00:10:26.820 --> 00:10:27.920 There's no going back. 00:10:28.019 --> 00:10:28.980 No hope for me. 00:10:29.100 --> 00:10:30.139 No hope for my marriage. 00:10:30.240 --> 00:10:31.240 Maybe it's not your marriage. 00:10:31.379 --> 00:10:32.420 Maybe it's your parenting. 00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:34.759 Maybe it's some kind of different relationship. 00:10:35.139 --> 00:10:36.080 But you're hopeless. 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:37.340 You're discouraged. 00:10:37.639 --> 00:10:38.500 You're overwhelmed. 00:10:38.500 --> 00:10:40.639 You're even despairing. 00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:44.220 You want out of life. 00:10:48.220 --> 00:10:49.519 I want to help you this morning. 00:10:50.039 --> 00:10:52.279 If you're there, I'm glad you're here. 00:10:53.419 --> 00:11:00.139 Because I want to move you or focus off the problem and onto the solution. 00:11:00.139 --> 00:11:08.679 So despairing brother or sister, listen to this. 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:10.879 Do you remember Mark 5? 00:11:12.159 --> 00:11:20.840 Your Savior walks into Jairus' house and laying before him is a dead 12-year-old girl. 00:11:21.879 --> 00:11:22.720 Do you remember what he does? 00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:26.360 He grabs her by the hand and says, 00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:27.620 Talithi kumi. 00:11:29.560 --> 00:11:30.840 Daughter, arise. 00:11:31.800 --> 00:11:32.720 Remember what happens? 00:11:34.720 --> 00:11:35.840 She arises. 00:11:38.840 --> 00:11:40.139 Luke chapter 7. 00:11:40.259 --> 00:11:44.720 Your Savior comes across a funeral procession in the town of Nain. 00:11:45.160 --> 00:11:47.980 A widow is burying her only son. 00:11:48.160 --> 00:11:49.560 It would have been heart-wrenching. 00:11:49.559 --> 00:11:51.879 What does Jesus do? 00:11:52.219 --> 00:11:56.799 He walks up to the casket, touches it, and says to the dead young man, 00:11:57.179 --> 00:12:00.059 Young man, I say to you, arise. 00:12:00.979 --> 00:12:01.799 And you know what happens? 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:04.579 That young man sits up. 00:12:05.599 --> 00:12:06.559 And everybody marvels. 00:12:08.699 --> 00:12:09.379 John 11. 00:12:09.500 --> 00:12:14.559 Your Savior, Jesus, arrives in Bethany four days after the death of his friend Lazarus. 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:15.079 Lazarus. 00:12:15.239 --> 00:12:16.259 And what does he do? 00:12:17.299 --> 00:12:22.559 Well, after he does some triage with Lazarus' sisters, he asks them, 00:12:23.139 --> 00:12:24.500 Where have you laid him? 00:12:25.599 --> 00:12:27.099 He goes to the tomb. 00:12:28.139 --> 00:12:30.259 And with a loud voice, Jesus cries out, 00:12:30.759 --> 00:12:32.219 Lazarus, come forth! 00:12:33.019 --> 00:12:33.739 You remember what happened? 00:12:35.699 --> 00:12:37.239 Lazarus came out of the tomb. 00:12:37.240 --> 00:12:42.899 Do you know what you would have done if you were there? 00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:46.379 You'd have been like, what? 00:12:47.259 --> 00:12:48.940 Lazarus has been dead four days. 00:12:49.379 --> 00:12:50.940 And then you would have made the connection. 00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.460 He did it with just words! 00:12:59.560 --> 00:13:02.320 Jesus himself, several times throughout the Gospel, says, 00:13:02.419 --> 00:13:05.419 Hey, I'm going to be killed, and on the third day, I'm going to be raised from the dead. 00:13:05.419 --> 00:13:10.860 Jesus, God in the flesh, was faithful to that. 00:13:11.299 --> 00:13:16.059 He was crucified, buried, and on the third day, his disciples go to the tomb, 00:13:16.139 --> 00:13:18.039 and they find an empty tomb. 00:13:19.219 --> 00:13:21.240 He's been raised from the dead. 00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:25.779 He stands victorious over the power of sin, 00:13:26.299 --> 00:13:28.099 over the power of death, 00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:30.620 and over the power of the devil. 00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:33.879 He stands victorious. 00:13:33.879 --> 00:13:35.779 And it's just not history. 00:13:35.879 --> 00:13:37.159 He's alive now. 00:13:44.600 --> 00:13:46.039 If you're despairing, 00:13:47.179 --> 00:13:47.759 remember, 00:13:48.279 --> 00:13:50.480 your risen king is alive. 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:56.539 Is he overwhelmed by your wounds? 00:13:57.180 --> 00:13:59.420 Is he overwhelmed by your bitterness? 00:13:59.860 --> 00:14:01.720 By the strain in your relationship? 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:04.000 He may be grieved by that, 00:14:04.200 --> 00:14:06.500 but he's not overwhelmed by that. 00:14:07.940 --> 00:14:10.500 He's conquered sin, death, and the devil. 00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:17.759 He is able to resurrect your marriage. 00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:22.000 He has the power. 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:24.220 He has the authority. 00:14:24.220 --> 00:14:28.840 And he has the grace to change hearts. 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:35.519 Sin complicates relationships, 00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:39.000 but your risen king is not overwhelmed. 00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:43.300 He is able to deal with the wounds, 00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:44.639 with the sin, 00:14:45.280 --> 00:14:49.100 and uncomplicate that which is complicated. 00:14:49.100 --> 00:14:52.600 He is able to bring peace 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:54.460 where there is hostility. 00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:57.220 That's what he does. 00:14:59.940 --> 00:15:01.240 So what do you do? 00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:05.259 My heavy-hearted brother. 00:15:06.540 --> 00:15:08.000 My despairing sister. 00:15:08.159 --> 00:15:10.480 You cry out to your risen king. 00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:12.480 And you cry to him, 00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:13.220 and you say, 00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:14.680 Oh Lord Jesus, 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:17.340 transform me. 00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:20.659 Transform this relationship. 00:15:21.340 --> 00:15:22.139 Revive it. 00:15:22.500 --> 00:15:23.259 Restore it. 00:15:23.600 --> 00:15:24.440 Rebuild it. 00:15:25.860 --> 00:15:27.539 Now, if you think that Jesus, 00:15:28.220 --> 00:15:29.340 the risen Christ, 00:15:29.680 --> 00:15:31.320 is going to fix your marriage 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:33.100 or your strained relationship 00:15:33.100 --> 00:15:35.759 without first changing you, 00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:38.000 you don't really understand 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:38.940 how Jesus works. 00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:42.519 Jesus' MO, 00:15:42.700 --> 00:15:44.320 His modus operandi, 00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:47.460 is to deal with your heart first 00:15:47.460 --> 00:15:50.639 in order to fix your relationship. 00:15:51.800 --> 00:15:54.240 He wants your heart. 00:15:57.139 --> 00:15:58.960 He's going to change you 00:15:58.960 --> 00:16:00.680 in order to bring peace 00:16:00.680 --> 00:16:01.899 to your marriage 00:16:01.899 --> 00:16:05.360 or to whatever relationship it may be. 00:16:06.860 --> 00:16:08.700 The question comes to, 00:16:09.700 --> 00:16:10.100 how? 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:12.800 How is He going to do that? 00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:17.279 We've looked at point one. 00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:20.180 Sin complicates relationships. 00:16:20.899 --> 00:16:22.539 But Jesus is bigger than that. 00:16:23.539 --> 00:16:25.000 Let's move to point number two. 00:16:26.659 --> 00:16:29.139 God is calling you to Christ-likeness. 00:16:30.139 --> 00:16:32.340 How is God going to change your relationship? 00:16:32.740 --> 00:16:33.820 He's going to conform you 00:16:33.820 --> 00:16:34.680 to the image of Jesus. 00:16:35.680 --> 00:16:36.899 He's going to change you 00:16:36.899 --> 00:16:39.220 in order to change the relationship. 00:16:40.579 --> 00:16:42.259 He calls you to be like Him. 00:16:43.299 --> 00:16:44.159 He's calling you, 00:16:44.199 --> 00:16:46.659 we see this in verse 24 of chapter 4, 00:16:47.199 --> 00:16:48.779 to put on the new self 00:16:48.779 --> 00:16:50.699 created after the likeness of God 00:16:50.699 --> 00:16:52.759 and true righteousness and holiness. 00:16:53.079 --> 00:16:54.500 Who's the likeness of God? 00:16:54.600 --> 00:16:54.899 Jesus. 00:16:55.059 --> 00:16:56.199 He's going to make you like Jesus. 00:16:56.199 --> 00:16:56.379 Jesus. 00:16:56.379 --> 00:17:02.879 If you want to see a strained relationship changed, 00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:06.440 seek to be like Christ. 00:17:06.440 --> 00:17:11.080 Don't wait for the other person to change. 00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:16.660 God is holding you responsible. 00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:20.240 God wants to do a work in you. 00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:24.859 Now this kind of change 00:17:24.859 --> 00:17:27.599 is going to involve three shifts. 00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:31.539 Three shifts in how we respond 00:17:31.539 --> 00:17:33.099 to someone who wounds us. 00:17:33.579 --> 00:17:35.240 We're going to move from being malicious 00:17:35.240 --> 00:17:36.120 to being kind. 00:17:36.440 --> 00:17:37.960 We're going to move from being hard-hearted 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:39.019 to being tender-hearted. 00:17:39.019 --> 00:17:40.620 And we're going to move from being bitter 00:17:40.620 --> 00:17:41.720 to being forgiving. 00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:45.120 Instead of being malicious, 00:17:45.480 --> 00:17:46.279 we need to be kind. 00:17:46.839 --> 00:17:47.420 To be malicious 00:17:47.420 --> 00:17:49.680 is to want to do harm to someone. 00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:51.839 It even shows up in gloating. 00:17:52.420 --> 00:17:54.359 I gloat and rejoice 00:17:54.359 --> 00:17:56.059 in someone else's harm. 00:17:56.339 --> 00:17:57.980 It's usually someone you're bitter towards. 00:18:00.299 --> 00:18:01.519 A malicious heart says, 00:18:01.819 --> 00:18:03.859 hey, I'm going to make you suffer 00:18:03.859 --> 00:18:05.700 for the pain you've inflicted on me. 00:18:05.740 --> 00:18:06.160 And you know what? 00:18:06.359 --> 00:18:08.380 You're going to pay with pain. 00:18:08.380 --> 00:18:09.500 That's malice. 00:18:10.460 --> 00:18:13.720 And so bitterness has a malicious edge on it. 00:18:15.019 --> 00:18:16.220 So we're to put it away. 00:18:17.700 --> 00:18:19.259 Maybe you're sitting in your pew right now 00:18:19.259 --> 00:18:19.500 saying, 00:18:19.500 --> 00:18:21.180 Pastor Salvani, 00:18:21.240 --> 00:18:22.259 I'm not a malicious person. 00:18:22.900 --> 00:18:24.359 I don't want to beat anybody up. 00:18:25.059 --> 00:18:26.200 I don't want to do anybody harm. 00:18:28.259 --> 00:18:29.640 How about your imaginations? 00:18:31.299 --> 00:18:33.420 Do you have malicious imaginations? 00:18:36.420 --> 00:18:37.279 Three years ago, 00:18:37.299 --> 00:18:38.619 I was in a really hard spot. 00:18:40.099 --> 00:18:42.019 Someone I dearly, dearly loved 00:18:42.019 --> 00:18:44.259 was getting deeply hurt 00:18:44.259 --> 00:18:45.240 by someone else. 00:18:45.240 --> 00:18:47.680 And I couldn't do anything about it. 00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:49.160 I felt so helpless. 00:18:51.859 --> 00:18:53.859 I wanted to beat this person up. 00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:56.640 And I knew I couldn't 00:18:56.640 --> 00:18:58.640 because I'd lose my pastor job. 00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:04.280 And so you know what I did? 00:19:07.500 --> 00:19:09.820 I started daydreaming about beating this person up. 00:19:11.700 --> 00:19:12.300 I did. 00:19:12.299 --> 00:19:15.159 I was being malicious. 00:19:15.159 --> 00:19:20.879 I was grieving God. 00:19:23.299 --> 00:19:24.919 Instead of being malicious 00:19:24.919 --> 00:19:27.940 to the one who's wounded us, 00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:32.879 we are commanded to be kind. 00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:37.520 It's the opposite of wanting to do someone harm. 00:19:38.420 --> 00:19:40.180 It's wanting to do someone good. 00:19:41.520 --> 00:19:44.340 Where malice is overcoming evil with evil, 00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:48.960 kindness is overcoming evil with good. 00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:51.720 Malice is a retaliation 00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:53.660 with the intent to harm, 00:19:54.259 --> 00:19:55.019 to curse. 00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:58.259 Kindness is a gracious response 00:19:58.259 --> 00:20:01.440 with the intent to bless. 00:20:03.779 --> 00:20:05.319 Even those who wound us. 00:20:08.600 --> 00:20:09.900 In God's loving kindness, 00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:11.319 He sought us 00:20:11.319 --> 00:20:15.579 even when we were rebelling against Him. 00:20:15.579 --> 00:20:20.500 He sought to do us good 00:20:20.500 --> 00:20:22.980 even when we were opposed to Him. 00:20:24.059 --> 00:20:26.539 He sought to reconcile us. 00:20:27.659 --> 00:20:31.199 Our God is incredibly kind. 00:20:33.079 --> 00:20:34.240 Now you may be wondering, 00:20:34.339 --> 00:20:35.179 how do I make this shift 00:20:35.179 --> 00:20:36.819 from being malicious to being kind? 00:20:37.299 --> 00:20:38.319 How does that happen? 00:20:39.500 --> 00:20:40.720 It's not rocket science. 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:43.439 You look to Jesus. 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:47.580 The personification of kindness. 00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:51.240 Remember that you were united to Christ 00:20:51.240 --> 00:20:52.400 in His death and resurrection. 00:20:53.500 --> 00:20:54.840 You've got to remember that. 00:20:55.900 --> 00:20:57.400 And don't be surprised 00:20:57.400 --> 00:21:00.720 when you see in you malice. 00:21:01.539 --> 00:21:02.880 Don't be surprised by that. 00:21:03.180 --> 00:21:04.940 Don't be surprised when someone wounds you 00:21:04.940 --> 00:21:07.640 and you want to retaliate with harm. 00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:09.440 Don't be surprised by that. 00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:12.519 Though we have been forgiven of our sin, 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:14.500 sin's penalty, right? 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:16.440 Sin's presence remains. 00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:17.640 When Jesus comes back, 00:21:17.799 --> 00:21:18.840 that'll be gone too. 00:21:19.500 --> 00:21:20.900 So we live in a time 00:21:20.900 --> 00:21:22.360 where we're going to be tempted. 00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:25.759 So what do you do when you see it? 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:28.100 You call it what God calls it. 00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.740 You call malice sin. 00:21:32.059 --> 00:21:33.200 This is wrong. 00:21:33.980 --> 00:21:35.200 This is not loving. 00:21:36.080 --> 00:21:37.759 This is not pleasing to you, God. 00:21:37.980 --> 00:21:39.799 And then you nail it to the cross. 00:21:41.720 --> 00:21:43.000 It goes something like this. 00:21:43.380 --> 00:21:45.160 God, you have united me 00:21:45.160 --> 00:21:47.640 with Christ in His death and resurrection. 00:21:47.840 --> 00:21:49.600 And so this malice in me 00:21:49.600 --> 00:21:52.819 has been united with Christ in His death. 00:21:53.120 --> 00:21:53.580 Done! 00:21:54.380 --> 00:21:55.700 This is not who I am anymore. 00:21:56.360 --> 00:21:58.220 It's been forgiven in full. 00:21:58.940 --> 00:21:59.380 Done! 00:21:59.380 --> 00:21:59.420 Done! 00:22:00.180 --> 00:22:01.440 But I don't stop there 00:22:01.440 --> 00:22:02.200 and neither should you. 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:03.940 Because not only are you united 00:22:03.940 --> 00:22:05.100 with Christ in His death, 00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:06.519 but also in His resurrection. 00:22:07.600 --> 00:22:08.720 And so in the same breath, 00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:09.200 you say, 00:22:09.319 --> 00:22:12.240 Oh God, put this malice away from me 00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:13.360 and in its place, 00:22:13.620 --> 00:22:16.000 would you make me kind to this person? 00:22:17.400 --> 00:22:20.259 Would you help me to do this person good? 00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:22.940 Oh God, how can I do good to this person? 00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:25.660 And then when you see it, 00:22:25.740 --> 00:22:26.940 you do it by faith. 00:22:27.840 --> 00:22:28.700 You do good. 00:22:29.740 --> 00:22:30.980 Is this kind of radical? 00:22:32.480 --> 00:22:32.880 Yeah. 00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:36.160 This has everything to do with Jesus. 00:22:37.520 --> 00:22:38.220 Following Him. 00:22:38.840 --> 00:22:40.900 Instead of being malicious to those who wound us, 00:22:41.260 --> 00:22:42.720 we must be Christ-like 00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:45.200 in our kindness to them. 00:22:45.760 --> 00:22:46.460 But you may be saying, 00:22:46.560 --> 00:22:47.580 What about? 00:22:47.980 --> 00:22:48.980 We'll get to that in a little bit. 00:22:51.620 --> 00:22:54.020 So we move from being malice to being kind. 00:22:54.019 --> 00:22:57.660 The second thing I want you to see in verse 40 and 32 is, 00:22:58.240 --> 00:22:59.839 we are to be tender-hearted. 00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:01.680 We're to move from being hard-hearted 00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:04.099 to being tender-hearted. 00:23:05.059 --> 00:23:06.279 Again, what we're talking about 00:23:06.279 --> 00:23:08.559 is your posture of heart 00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:10.079 to the one who's wounded you. 00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:14.180 A hardened heart is a calloused heart. 00:23:14.180 --> 00:23:16.320 What happens over time 00:23:16.320 --> 00:23:17.960 when you are repeatedly sinned against 00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:18.460 is this. 00:23:18.940 --> 00:23:20.380 You kind of grin and bear it. 00:23:20.519 --> 00:23:20.860 You know what I mean? 00:23:20.920 --> 00:23:21.560 It's like... 00:23:21.560 --> 00:23:25.820 And over time, 00:23:26.299 --> 00:23:28.779 you become hardened to that person 00:23:28.779 --> 00:23:30.160 who's been sinning against you. 00:23:30.220 --> 00:23:31.120 Anybody relate with that? 00:23:32.039 --> 00:23:32.320 Yeah. 00:23:32.680 --> 00:23:33.000 Amen. 00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:35.720 Over time, 00:23:35.819 --> 00:23:37.160 you see it showing up like this. 00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:39.039 You're unresponsive to that person. 00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:40.599 You're uncaring of that person. 00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:42.259 Unavailable to that person. 00:23:42.579 --> 00:23:43.740 Untrusting of that person. 00:23:43.859 --> 00:23:44.980 You're unfeeling to them. 00:23:45.680 --> 00:23:46.200 You're guarded. 00:23:46.539 --> 00:23:47.140 You're closed. 00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:47.980 You're suspicious. 00:23:48.460 --> 00:23:49.400 And you're distant. 00:23:49.779 --> 00:23:52.779 Those are symptoms of a calloused heart. 00:23:53.079 --> 00:23:54.579 But you know what your Bible has to say 00:23:54.579 --> 00:23:56.299 about calloused hearts? 00:23:57.460 --> 00:23:59.059 Your Bible doesn't talk about 00:23:59.059 --> 00:24:00.940 calloused heart as a good thing. 00:24:00.940 --> 00:24:02.720 Jesus isn't seeking to produce in you 00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:03.339 a hard heart. 00:24:03.500 --> 00:24:04.019 He's not. 00:24:05.559 --> 00:24:07.200 In fact, in Ephesians 4.18, 00:24:07.740 --> 00:24:10.019 a hard heart is what characterizes 00:24:10.019 --> 00:24:11.100 a non-Christian. 00:24:13.160 --> 00:24:14.880 We're not to have hard hearts. 00:24:16.039 --> 00:24:17.799 We're not to have calloused hearts. 00:24:18.100 --> 00:24:19.480 And so if you detect in you 00:24:19.480 --> 00:24:21.740 a calloused heart towards someone else, 00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:23.100 you've got to put it away. 00:24:23.299 --> 00:24:24.640 You've got to confess it. 00:24:24.980 --> 00:24:26.220 You've got to put it away. 00:24:26.539 --> 00:24:27.579 And in its place, 00:24:27.680 --> 00:24:28.640 be tender-hearted. 00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:29.860 A tender heart 00:24:29.860 --> 00:24:32.579 is an open heart to someone. 00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:34.940 A tender heart is available. 00:24:35.819 --> 00:24:38.440 A tender heart is vulnerable. 00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:40.460 Trusting. 00:24:40.740 --> 00:24:41.839 Willing to trust. 00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:44.839 Welcoming of the person. 00:24:45.539 --> 00:24:47.640 A tender heart is responsive. 00:24:47.819 --> 00:24:49.500 A tender heart is feeling. 00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:52.079 Where a hard heart is callous, 00:24:52.200 --> 00:24:54.400 a tender heart is compassionate. 00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:57.920 That's actually the word underneath. 00:24:58.720 --> 00:24:59.580 Tender hearted. 00:25:00.380 --> 00:25:02.560 We're not to be hard hearted to one another. 00:25:03.060 --> 00:25:04.600 But we're to be tender hearted. 00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:07.620 Now when meeting with people 00:25:07.620 --> 00:25:08.880 in strained relationships, 00:25:09.500 --> 00:25:13.240 I have found this tender hearted category 00:25:13.240 --> 00:25:15.880 extremely helpful as a diagnostic. 00:25:16.800 --> 00:25:17.100 You're like, 00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:17.960 what's a diagnostic? 00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:20.900 A diagnostic is basically 00:25:20.900 --> 00:25:22.320 a tool to measure something. 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:25.880 A tool to assess something. 00:25:26.280 --> 00:25:26.900 So let's just say 00:25:26.900 --> 00:25:27.500 I'm sitting down 00:25:27.500 --> 00:25:28.420 with some common grounds. 00:25:28.540 --> 00:25:29.540 We're having coffee. 00:25:30.380 --> 00:25:31.300 I'm talking to this person. 00:25:31.360 --> 00:25:31.760 This person, 00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:32.820 it becomes obvious 00:25:32.820 --> 00:25:33.860 that they've got something 00:25:33.860 --> 00:25:34.880 towards someone else. 00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:38.400 I'll ask a question like, 00:25:39.260 --> 00:25:39.640 brother, 00:25:39.800 --> 00:25:40.700 is your heart tender 00:25:40.700 --> 00:25:41.440 towards this person? 00:25:42.480 --> 00:25:43.740 Do you have a soft heart towards them? 00:25:44.020 --> 00:25:44.920 There's the diagnostic. 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:47.160 And they say, 00:25:47.260 --> 00:25:47.840 no. 00:25:49.140 --> 00:25:49.900 And then I say, 00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:52.640 well what must change in you 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:54.560 so that you can be tender hearted 00:25:54.560 --> 00:25:55.680 towards that person? 00:25:56.500 --> 00:25:56.720 And you know, 00:25:56.740 --> 00:25:57.940 what usually I get back is this. 00:25:59.500 --> 00:25:59.900 Well, 00:26:00.260 --> 00:26:01.720 they've got to ask me for forgiveness. 00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:04.160 They've got to pony up. 00:26:05.760 --> 00:26:06.760 And then I say, 00:26:07.340 --> 00:26:08.060 well if they don't, 00:26:08.660 --> 00:26:09.220 what happens? 00:26:10.340 --> 00:26:11.300 What happens to you? 00:26:13.520 --> 00:26:14.120 You see, 00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:15.340 what's needed there 00:26:15.340 --> 00:26:17.080 is a change of perspective. 00:26:18.860 --> 00:26:20.200 We need to pull up 00:26:20.200 --> 00:26:21.300 to a higher altitude. 00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:24.920 And what this person needs 00:26:24.920 --> 00:26:25.640 is this. 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.080 They need to see 00:26:27.080 --> 00:26:29.000 this person who's wounded them 00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:31.040 as God sees that person. 00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:34.139 And as they see 00:26:34.139 --> 00:26:35.079 this person 00:26:35.079 --> 00:26:36.559 through God's lens, 00:26:37.500 --> 00:26:38.779 it's going to soften their heart. 00:26:40.339 --> 00:26:41.559 I've experienced it. 00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:44.619 Is this person 00:26:44.619 --> 00:26:45.440 who's sinned against you 00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:46.000 a non-Christian? 00:26:47.700 --> 00:26:48.259 Yes. 00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:50.899 Are they under God's wrath? 00:26:52.279 --> 00:26:52.859 Yes, 00:26:52.899 --> 00:26:53.480 and I'm glad. 00:26:55.819 --> 00:26:56.379 Really? 00:26:56.380 --> 00:26:56.980 Seriously? 00:26:58.700 --> 00:26:59.180 Seriously? 00:27:01.600 --> 00:27:02.680 You want them 00:27:02.680 --> 00:27:04.920 under God's wrath 00:27:04.920 --> 00:27:05.420 for eternity? 00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:11.620 It tenderizes 00:27:11.620 --> 00:27:12.240 your heart 00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:12.900 towards somebody. 00:27:13.060 --> 00:27:13.700 We don't want that 00:27:13.700 --> 00:27:14.100 for anybody. 00:27:16.080 --> 00:27:17.320 We want them 00:27:17.320 --> 00:27:18.180 to hear about Jesus 00:27:18.180 --> 00:27:19.680 so they don't have 00:27:19.680 --> 00:27:20.480 to face the wrath 00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:20.840 to come. 00:27:22.260 --> 00:27:23.200 Is this person 00:27:23.200 --> 00:27:23.680 a Christian? 00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:24.400 Yes, 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:26.160 they're a Christian. 00:27:29.700 --> 00:27:30.920 How about this perspective? 00:27:31.980 --> 00:27:32.500 This person 00:27:32.500 --> 00:27:33.120 who's wounded you, 00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:33.880 they've been bought 00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:34.860 by the blood of Jesus. 00:27:36.900 --> 00:27:38.160 They belong to Christ. 00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:40.259 They're your brother 00:27:40.259 --> 00:27:41.460 and sister in Christ. 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:44.240 Let that soften 00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:45.019 your heart 00:27:45.019 --> 00:27:46.380 towards them. 00:27:49.740 --> 00:27:50.980 When you see a person 00:27:50.980 --> 00:27:51.560 more and more 00:27:51.560 --> 00:27:52.660 as God sees them, 00:27:52.740 --> 00:27:53.440 it's going to change 00:27:53.440 --> 00:27:53.980 your perspective 00:27:53.980 --> 00:27:54.380 which is going 00:27:54.380 --> 00:27:55.820 to soften your heart. 00:27:56.440 --> 00:27:57.100 God's word 00:27:57.100 --> 00:27:57.740 having an effect 00:27:57.740 --> 00:27:58.160 on you. 00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:00.860 Another way 00:28:00.860 --> 00:28:01.420 to approach this 00:28:01.420 --> 00:28:02.660 is to call on Jesus 00:28:02.660 --> 00:28:03.840 to soften your heart. 00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:04.620 Ask Jesus 00:28:04.620 --> 00:28:05.799 to give you 00:28:05.799 --> 00:28:06.620 his heart 00:28:06.620 --> 00:28:08.080 for this person. 00:28:09.400 --> 00:28:10.400 Remember Matthew 9? 00:28:10.740 --> 00:28:11.340 Shows up again 00:28:11.340 --> 00:28:12.259 in Mark 5. 00:28:13.140 --> 00:28:14.320 Jesus sees crowds 00:28:14.320 --> 00:28:14.880 of people 00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:15.600 that are harassed 00:28:15.600 --> 00:28:15.980 and helpless 00:28:15.980 --> 00:28:16.980 like sheep 00:28:16.980 --> 00:28:17.700 without a shepherd 00:28:17.700 --> 00:28:19.059 and he has compassion 00:28:19.059 --> 00:28:19.460 on them. 00:28:21.160 --> 00:28:22.120 He's moved. 00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:25.500 When we move 00:28:25.500 --> 00:28:26.220 from being 00:28:26.220 --> 00:28:27.539 hard-hearted 00:28:27.539 --> 00:28:28.120 to being 00:28:28.120 --> 00:28:30.019 Christ-hearted 00:28:30.019 --> 00:28:31.740 towards someone, 00:28:32.140 --> 00:28:32.759 there's going to be 00:28:32.759 --> 00:28:33.500 a shift 00:28:33.500 --> 00:28:35.299 in our hearts 00:28:35.299 --> 00:28:35.920 from hardness 00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:36.900 to tenderness. 00:28:37.500 --> 00:28:37.980 You see it? 00:28:37.980 --> 00:28:38.000 Do you see it? 00:28:43.140 --> 00:28:44.200 Do you have a hard heart 00:28:44.200 --> 00:28:44.820 towards somebody? 00:28:48.820 --> 00:28:49.720 Ask God 00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:50.680 to do a work 00:28:50.680 --> 00:28:51.019 in you 00:28:51.019 --> 00:28:51.700 to see them 00:28:51.700 --> 00:28:52.579 as God sees them. 00:28:55.420 --> 00:28:56.120 Last shift. 00:28:57.480 --> 00:28:58.420 Instead of being bitter, 00:28:59.100 --> 00:29:00.299 we must be forgiving. 00:29:01.339 --> 00:29:02.380 Be kind to one another, 00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:02.980 tender-hearted, 00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:04.339 forgiving one another 00:29:04.339 --> 00:29:05.299 as God in Christ 00:29:05.299 --> 00:29:06.259 forgave you. 00:29:06.700 --> 00:29:07.839 Brother and sister in Christ, 00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:09.779 God is commanding you 00:29:09.779 --> 00:29:10.720 this morning 00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:12.940 to be like Christ 00:29:12.940 --> 00:29:14.539 and forgive the one 00:29:14.539 --> 00:29:15.839 who sinned against you. 00:29:16.140 --> 00:29:16.440 Again, 00:29:16.519 --> 00:29:17.559 this is a posture 00:29:17.559 --> 00:29:18.720 of our hearts 00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:19.599 towards the person 00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:21.179 who sinned against us. 00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:23.779 Bitterness 00:29:23.779 --> 00:29:25.200 is resentment 00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:26.440 for being wounded 00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:27.379 and hurt. 00:29:28.179 --> 00:29:29.279 It's an infection 00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.519 of a wounded soul. 00:29:31.940 --> 00:29:32.700 And so essentially, 00:29:32.980 --> 00:29:33.220 bitterness 00:29:33.220 --> 00:29:35.200 is holding a debt 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:37.379 over someone else's head. 00:29:37.679 --> 00:29:38.740 It's a grudge. 00:29:39.980 --> 00:29:41.519 And 1 Corinthians 13 says, 00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:43.019 we're not to do that. 00:29:43.379 --> 00:29:44.359 It's not loving. 00:29:44.359 --> 00:29:47.119 But bitterness says this, 00:29:47.579 --> 00:29:49.659 you are in debt to me 00:29:49.659 --> 00:29:50.859 for the pain 00:29:50.859 --> 00:29:52.000 you caused me 00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:53.740 and I'm not letting it go 00:29:53.740 --> 00:29:55.519 until someone pays. 00:29:56.519 --> 00:29:57.199 You. 00:29:59.699 --> 00:30:00.379 You. 00:30:02.039 --> 00:30:02.759 Have you noticed 00:30:02.759 --> 00:30:03.959 that bitter people 00:30:03.959 --> 00:30:05.500 either pack or whack? 00:30:06.740 --> 00:30:07.919 If you're bitter, 00:30:08.059 --> 00:30:09.539 you'll probably either pack it 00:30:09.539 --> 00:30:11.240 and eventually blow up 00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:14.000 or you don't wait 00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:15.740 to pack it down. 00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:16.639 You just whack. 00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:18.099 You just whack somebody. 00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:18.559 You're bitter 00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:20.119 and you react to people. 00:30:21.960 --> 00:30:23.379 I've been around people like that. 00:30:25.259 --> 00:30:26.399 You either stuff it 00:30:26.399 --> 00:30:27.220 or you rebuff it. 00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:31.559 There's another option. 00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:35.019 It's the way of Jesus. 00:30:36.940 --> 00:30:38.019 He's calling us 00:30:38.019 --> 00:30:39.299 not to be bitter, 00:30:39.619 --> 00:30:40.400 not to pack, 00:30:40.539 --> 00:30:41.259 not to whack, 00:30:41.619 --> 00:30:42.639 to forgive. 00:30:44.619 --> 00:30:46.180 Notice that the Apostle Paul 00:30:46.180 --> 00:30:48.279 grounds this command 00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:50.519 to be forgiving of one another 00:30:50.519 --> 00:30:53.099 in God's forgiveness of us. 00:30:53.799 --> 00:30:54.240 You see it? 00:30:54.319 --> 00:30:55.119 Forgive one another 00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:57.759 as God in Christ forgave you. 00:30:58.240 --> 00:30:59.500 We must forgive 00:30:59.500 --> 00:31:02.519 because God has forgiven us. 00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:03.720 It's a command. 00:31:05.339 --> 00:31:06.579 It's not an option. 00:31:08.019 --> 00:31:13.139 God's forgiving us 00:31:13.139 --> 00:31:13.839 in Christ 00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:15.259 is the basis 00:31:15.259 --> 00:31:17.519 by which we forgive 00:31:17.519 --> 00:31:18.960 other people. 00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:21.279 Another way to say it is this. 00:31:23.180 --> 00:31:24.779 This is where we forgive from. 00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:27.700 This is the well 00:31:27.700 --> 00:31:28.940 which we draw from 00:31:28.940 --> 00:31:30.039 to forgive others. 00:31:31.879 --> 00:31:32.980 It's never ending. 00:31:34.700 --> 00:31:35.539 Never ending. 00:31:35.539 --> 00:31:38.319 This reason that Paul gives 00:31:38.319 --> 00:31:40.579 as God in Christ forgave you, 00:31:40.700 --> 00:31:41.359 forgiving one another 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:42.859 as God in Christ forgave you, 00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:45.180 this is a major shift 00:31:45.180 --> 00:31:46.460 in perspective. 00:31:46.639 --> 00:31:48.200 This is apostolic genius 00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:48.980 at its best. 00:31:50.599 --> 00:31:52.099 It's particularly effective 00:31:52.099 --> 00:31:52.799 for those 00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:53.720 who are bitter 00:31:53.720 --> 00:31:55.299 and unforgiving right now. 00:31:55.720 --> 00:31:56.940 What Paul is saying is this. 00:31:57.279 --> 00:31:58.259 Changing a perspective. 00:31:59.779 --> 00:32:00.059 He says, 00:32:00.279 --> 00:32:01.339 forgive one another 00:32:01.339 --> 00:32:03.759 as God in Christ forgave you. 00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:05.220 Don't forget, 00:32:06.359 --> 00:32:08.299 you were in dire need 00:32:08.299 --> 00:32:09.240 of forgiveness 00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:10.680 yourself. 00:32:12.599 --> 00:32:13.579 You had sinned greatly 00:32:13.579 --> 00:32:14.720 against God 00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:16.259 and God by His grace 00:32:16.259 --> 00:32:17.079 forgave you 00:32:17.079 --> 00:32:19.019 all of your sin. 00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:22.460 He's actually kind of 00:32:22.460 --> 00:32:23.339 making a comparison. 00:32:24.779 --> 00:32:26.259 Your sin against God 00:32:26.259 --> 00:32:27.200 is far greater 00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:28.259 than any sin 00:32:28.259 --> 00:32:29.019 against you. 00:32:30.299 --> 00:32:31.440 He's reminding us 00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:32.559 of the scale 00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:33.440 of our debt. 00:32:33.720 --> 00:32:34.779 He's putting things 00:32:34.779 --> 00:32:35.820 in perspective. 00:32:38.820 --> 00:32:40.059 Our sin against God 00:32:40.059 --> 00:32:40.519 is greater 00:32:40.519 --> 00:32:40.920 than those 00:32:40.920 --> 00:32:41.740 who sin against us. 00:32:43.160 --> 00:32:44.299 And God in His grace 00:32:44.299 --> 00:32:45.240 forgave it all. 00:32:46.320 --> 00:32:47.000 Forgave it all. 00:32:47.720 --> 00:32:48.500 You know what this means? 00:32:49.660 --> 00:32:51.580 We have no grounds, 00:32:52.220 --> 00:32:53.740 no grounds 00:32:53.740 --> 00:32:55.420 to hold back forgiveness 00:32:55.420 --> 00:32:56.440 from someone else. 00:32:56.440 --> 00:32:58.400 We have no grounds 00:32:58.400 --> 00:32:59.299 for that. 00:32:59.860 --> 00:33:00.779 Not in light of what 00:33:00.779 --> 00:33:01.860 God has done for us. 00:33:02.620 --> 00:33:03.620 Quite the contrary. 00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:05.559 We are to forgive. 00:33:06.279 --> 00:33:08.160 We owed a huge debt 00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:11.220 and Jesus paid it all. 00:33:13.420 --> 00:33:14.460 This is the point 00:33:14.460 --> 00:33:15.039 of the parable 00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:16.320 of the unforgiving servant 00:33:16.320 --> 00:33:18.000 in Matthew 18. 00:33:19.900 --> 00:33:21.700 Jesus is teaching 00:33:21.700 --> 00:33:22.500 of forgiveness. 00:33:23.980 --> 00:33:24.600 And He says, 00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:25.279 there's this king 00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:26.099 who wants to settle 00:33:26.099 --> 00:33:27.179 accounts with his servants. 00:33:27.839 --> 00:33:28.980 And there's one servant 00:33:28.980 --> 00:33:29.699 who couldn't pay. 00:33:30.039 --> 00:33:32.199 He owed 10,000 talents. 00:33:33.199 --> 00:33:34.240 I did the math this week. 00:33:36.059 --> 00:33:37.539 It's like $9 billion. 00:33:39.399 --> 00:33:39.839 Seriously. 00:33:41.039 --> 00:33:41.899 $9 billion. 00:33:43.199 --> 00:33:44.099 That's what he owed 00:33:44.099 --> 00:33:44.980 and he couldn't pay. 00:33:45.899 --> 00:33:47.279 Jesus is making a point. 00:33:49.759 --> 00:33:50.899 The servant can't pay. 00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:51.879 The king is about 00:33:51.880 --> 00:33:52.920 to exact justice 00:33:52.920 --> 00:33:54.000 and throw this guy 00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:55.040 into jail. 00:33:55.920 --> 00:33:56.640 The servant pleads 00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:57.120 for mercy. 00:33:57.280 --> 00:33:57.720 Amazingly, 00:33:57.780 --> 00:33:58.440 the king says, 00:33:58.720 --> 00:33:59.740 hey, I'll forgive you. 00:33:59.780 --> 00:34:00.480 I have pity on you. 00:34:00.560 --> 00:34:01.060 I'll forgive you. 00:34:01.140 --> 00:34:01.640 All of it. 00:34:02.120 --> 00:34:02.940 All $9 billion. 00:34:03.360 --> 00:34:03.680 Done. 00:34:04.100 --> 00:34:04.700 I'll bear it. 00:34:04.940 --> 00:34:05.300 Done. 00:34:06.740 --> 00:34:07.440 And then you know 00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:08.680 what the servant does? 00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:11.360 He walks out 00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:12.180 of the king's presence. 00:34:13.619 --> 00:34:13.920 He's like, 00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:15.460 where is that guy? 00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:17.300 He owes me money. 00:34:18.160 --> 00:34:19.360 He grabs another servant 00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:20.260 by the neck 00:34:20.260 --> 00:34:21.380 and says, 00:34:21.740 --> 00:34:22.580 you pay me 00:34:22.580 --> 00:34:23.760 what you owe me. 00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:24.480 You know how much he owed? 00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:25.800 17 grand. 00:34:26.140 --> 00:34:26.880 That's how much he owed. 00:34:27.660 --> 00:34:28.140 We would say, 00:34:28.200 --> 00:34:28.740 17 grand? 00:34:28.820 --> 00:34:29.300 I could do a lot 00:34:29.300 --> 00:34:30.020 with 17 grand. 00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:32.560 Compared to $9 billion, 00:34:33.000 --> 00:34:33.160 though? 00:34:34.040 --> 00:34:34.740 It's nothing. 00:34:36.080 --> 00:34:36.780 It's nothing. 00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:38.720 Seems as though 00:34:38.720 --> 00:34:39.400 our servant 00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:40.740 forgot about 00:34:40.740 --> 00:34:41.500 what he was just 00:34:41.500 --> 00:34:42.220 forgiven of. 00:34:44.300 --> 00:34:45.540 The fellow servant 00:34:45.540 --> 00:34:46.100 pleads 00:34:46.100 --> 00:34:47.580 for mercy. 00:34:47.579 --> 00:34:50.699 And this servant 00:34:50.699 --> 00:34:51.400 who was just 00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:52.319 forgiven $9 billion 00:34:52.319 --> 00:34:54.420 has no mercy. 00:34:55.539 --> 00:34:56.880 Throws him in prison 00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:57.719 until the debt 00:34:57.719 --> 00:34:58.319 is paid. 00:34:59.059 --> 00:34:59.179 Well, 00:34:59.239 --> 00:34:59.779 word gets back 00:34:59.779 --> 00:35:00.199 to the king. 00:35:01.340 --> 00:35:01.900 The servant 00:35:01.900 --> 00:35:02.480 is summoned. 00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:03.360 The king says, 00:35:03.819 --> 00:35:04.880 you wicked servant, 00:35:05.039 --> 00:35:05.819 I forgave you 00:35:05.819 --> 00:35:06.719 all that debt 00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:07.920 and should not 00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:08.860 you have had 00:35:08.860 --> 00:35:09.759 mercy on your 00:35:09.759 --> 00:35:10.639 fellow servant 00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:12.019 as I had 00:35:12.019 --> 00:35:13.039 mercy on you. 00:35:14.900 --> 00:35:15.659 He gets thrown 00:35:15.659 --> 00:35:16.039 in jail. 00:35:17.719 --> 00:35:18.679 Jesus wraps up 00:35:18.679 --> 00:35:19.420 by saying this, 00:35:19.759 --> 00:35:20.379 so my heavenly 00:35:20.379 --> 00:35:20.920 father 00:35:20.920 --> 00:35:22.920 will do also 00:35:22.920 --> 00:35:23.379 to you 00:35:23.379 --> 00:35:24.199 if you don't 00:35:24.199 --> 00:35:24.719 forgive 00:35:24.719 --> 00:35:26.039 from the heart. 00:35:27.619 --> 00:35:28.599 What's the point? 00:35:29.699 --> 00:35:30.539 What's the point 00:35:30.539 --> 00:35:31.460 that Jesus is making 00:35:31.460 --> 00:35:32.139 and why are we 00:35:32.139 --> 00:35:33.039 talking about this 00:35:33.039 --> 00:35:34.099 regarding Ephesians 00:35:34.099 --> 00:35:34.719 4.32? 00:35:37.480 --> 00:35:38.639 We forgive 00:35:38.639 --> 00:35:40.420 out of God's 00:35:40.420 --> 00:35:41.779 forgiving of us. 00:35:42.539 --> 00:35:43.339 We forgive 00:35:43.339 --> 00:35:44.559 out of God's 00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:45.440 great forgiveness 00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:46.559 of us. 00:35:47.779 --> 00:35:48.699 We forgive 00:35:48.699 --> 00:35:49.440 little sins, 00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:50.920 people sin against us 00:35:50.920 --> 00:35:51.840 because God 00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:52.599 has forgiven us 00:35:52.599 --> 00:35:53.679 the great sins 00:35:53.679 --> 00:35:54.279 with which we've 00:35:54.279 --> 00:35:55.179 sinned against Him. 00:35:57.299 --> 00:35:58.139 When you remember 00:35:58.139 --> 00:35:59.019 the astronomical 00:35:59.019 --> 00:36:00.199 debt God 00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:01.360 forgave you of, 00:36:01.900 --> 00:36:02.880 you will gladly 00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:03.940 forgive the 00:36:03.940 --> 00:36:04.480 comparatively 00:36:04.480 --> 00:36:05.719 small debts 00:36:05.719 --> 00:36:06.519 other people 00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:07.279 owe you. 00:36:09.139 --> 00:36:10.119 When you remember 00:36:10.119 --> 00:36:11.000 that all that 00:36:11.000 --> 00:36:11.820 God in Christ 00:36:11.820 --> 00:36:12.500 Jesus has 00:36:12.500 --> 00:36:13.340 forgiven you of, 00:36:13.340 --> 00:36:15.220 it moves you 00:36:15.220 --> 00:36:16.039 from being bitter 00:36:16.039 --> 00:36:18.320 to being forgiving 00:36:18.320 --> 00:36:20.660 even wanting 00:36:20.660 --> 00:36:21.440 to forgive. 00:36:22.700 --> 00:36:23.440 My God 00:36:23.440 --> 00:36:24.200 did this for me? 00:36:24.900 --> 00:36:25.579 It's easy 00:36:25.579 --> 00:36:26.180 to do to you. 00:36:26.920 --> 00:36:27.920 I am rarely 00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:28.460 sinned against 00:36:28.460 --> 00:36:29.039 to be honest with you. 00:36:29.160 --> 00:36:30.340 I do more sinning 00:36:30.340 --> 00:36:31.000 against people 00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:31.720 than people 00:36:31.720 --> 00:36:32.400 sin against me 00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:33.120 so I'm usually 00:36:33.120 --> 00:36:33.620 the one asking 00:36:33.620 --> 00:36:34.160 for forgiveness 00:36:34.160 --> 00:36:35.980 but on occasion 00:36:35.980 --> 00:36:36.680 people will sin 00:36:36.680 --> 00:36:37.160 against me 00:36:37.160 --> 00:36:37.559 and they'll ask 00:36:37.559 --> 00:36:38.200 me to forgive them 00:36:38.200 --> 00:36:39.000 and I have this 00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:39.740 opportunity to say 00:36:39.740 --> 00:36:40.100 this, 00:36:40.099 --> 00:36:42.500 it is my joy 00:36:42.500 --> 00:36:43.259 to forgive you 00:36:43.259 --> 00:36:44.719 because God 00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:45.159 in Christ 00:36:45.159 --> 00:36:45.900 has forgiven me 00:36:45.900 --> 00:36:46.659 so much more. 00:36:47.619 --> 00:36:48.299 It's my joy. 00:36:49.139 --> 00:36:50.019 Yes, I forgive you. 00:36:51.460 --> 00:36:52.319 When you remember 00:36:52.319 --> 00:36:52.940 all that God 00:36:52.940 --> 00:36:53.360 in Christ 00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:54.639 has forgiven you 00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:54.759 of, 00:36:54.799 --> 00:36:55.759 it moves you 00:36:55.759 --> 00:36:56.960 from being bitter 00:36:56.960 --> 00:36:58.119 to being forgiven. 00:36:59.039 --> 00:36:59.860 Are you bitter? 00:37:01.860 --> 00:37:03.059 Are you saying 00:37:03.059 --> 00:37:04.259 He's got to pay? 00:37:05.699 --> 00:37:06.279 Remember what 00:37:06.279 --> 00:37:07.460 Jesus did for you. 00:37:07.460 --> 00:37:09.880 He paid the price 00:37:09.880 --> 00:37:10.960 for all your sins 00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:12.699 so that you could 00:37:12.699 --> 00:37:13.460 be forgiven 00:37:13.460 --> 00:37:14.679 before God. 00:37:15.139 --> 00:37:15.639 He paid it 00:37:15.639 --> 00:37:16.320 with His life. 00:37:17.460 --> 00:37:18.380 Bitterness is 00:37:18.380 --> 00:37:20.340 saying, 00:37:20.519 --> 00:37:20.639 hey, 00:37:21.340 --> 00:37:22.480 you caused me pain, 00:37:23.099 --> 00:37:24.159 I'm going to 00:37:24.159 --> 00:37:25.000 pay you back 00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:27.159 and I'm not 00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:28.059 letting it go 00:37:28.059 --> 00:37:29.179 until someone pays 00:37:29.179 --> 00:37:29.599 and you're going 00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:30.000 to pay. 00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:31.280 Forgiveness says this, 00:37:31.639 --> 00:37:32.699 you've caused me pain, 00:37:33.460 --> 00:37:35.320 it was very hurtful 00:37:35.320 --> 00:37:37.199 and someone's got to pay 00:37:37.199 --> 00:37:38.500 and I'm going 00:37:38.500 --> 00:37:38.919 to pay it. 00:37:40.359 --> 00:37:40.980 I'm going to 00:37:40.980 --> 00:37:41.759 bear it. 00:37:41.879 --> 00:37:42.779 Just as God 00:37:42.779 --> 00:37:43.379 in Christ 00:37:43.379 --> 00:37:45.500 bore my sin. 00:37:49.480 --> 00:37:50.439 It gets to a point 00:37:50.439 --> 00:37:51.039 that we can say 00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:51.819 things like this, 00:37:51.980 --> 00:37:52.779 that wound 00:37:52.779 --> 00:37:55.219 that caused me pain, 00:37:56.219 --> 00:37:58.419 I'm not going to 00:37:58.419 --> 00:37:59.159 hold that over you 00:37:59.159 --> 00:37:59.519 anymore 00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:01.779 because God 00:38:01.779 --> 00:38:02.339 in Christ 00:38:02.339 --> 00:38:03.139 no longer 00:38:03.139 --> 00:38:04.599 holds my sin 00:38:04.599 --> 00:38:06.559 over me. 00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:09.779 so in light 00:38:09.779 --> 00:38:10.299 of God's 00:38:10.299 --> 00:38:11.059 great forgiveness 00:38:11.059 --> 00:38:11.739 of us, 00:38:12.559 --> 00:38:13.919 when we're 00:38:13.919 --> 00:38:14.559 sinned against, 00:38:14.919 --> 00:38:15.639 we gladly 00:38:15.639 --> 00:38:16.619 bear the cost 00:38:16.619 --> 00:38:17.859 of the debt 00:38:17.859 --> 00:38:19.339 of the wound. 00:38:20.699 --> 00:38:21.559 This is how 00:38:21.559 --> 00:38:22.399 God moves us 00:38:22.399 --> 00:38:22.919 from bitterness 00:38:22.919 --> 00:38:23.599 to forgiveness. 00:38:24.659 --> 00:38:25.139 This is how 00:38:25.139 --> 00:38:26.059 God moves us 00:38:26.059 --> 00:38:27.439 from hard-heartedness 00:38:27.439 --> 00:38:28.079 to soft, 00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:28.779 tender hearts. 00:38:29.159 --> 00:38:29.739 It's how God 00:38:29.739 --> 00:38:30.279 moves us 00:38:30.279 --> 00:38:31.579 from being malicious 00:38:31.579 --> 00:38:33.179 to being kind. 00:38:33.739 --> 00:38:34.079 Just notice 00:38:34.079 --> 00:38:35.119 that all pivots 00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:35.900 on Jesus. 00:38:37.299 --> 00:38:38.440 It all pivots 00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:39.039 on what He's 00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:39.819 done for us 00:38:39.819 --> 00:38:41.359 in Christ. 00:38:42.139 --> 00:38:42.940 I'm out of time. 00:38:44.699 --> 00:38:45.440 If you want to 00:38:45.440 --> 00:38:45.960 talk about 00:38:45.960 --> 00:38:46.400 some of the 00:38:46.400 --> 00:38:46.759 what-ifs, 00:38:46.940 --> 00:38:47.799 I'll be sticking 00:38:47.799 --> 00:38:48.299 around here 00:38:48.299 --> 00:38:48.880 afterwards, 00:38:49.019 --> 00:38:49.639 love to talk 00:38:49.639 --> 00:38:50.339 to you about it. 00:38:51.380 --> 00:38:52.380 Let me pray for us. 00:38:52.759 --> 00:38:53.099 We call them 00:38:53.099 --> 00:38:53.299 Lord. 00:38:56.799 --> 00:38:57.599 God in heaven, 00:38:58.259 --> 00:38:59.480 thank you so much 00:38:59.480 --> 00:39:00.539 for your word 00:39:00.539 --> 00:39:01.960 and I pray 00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:02.559 that Father 00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:03.659 that you would 00:39:03.659 --> 00:39:04.239 do a work 00:39:04.239 --> 00:39:04.920 in us 00:39:04.920 --> 00:39:05.559 that you would 00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:06.639 remind us 00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:09.000 of the extent 00:39:09.000 --> 00:39:09.639 to which you've 00:39:09.639 --> 00:39:10.320 forgiven us 00:39:10.320 --> 00:39:11.259 and out of that 00:39:11.259 --> 00:39:12.539 fullness of forgiveness 00:39:12.539 --> 00:39:13.420 we would 00:39:13.420 --> 00:39:14.380 glad-heartedly 00:39:14.380 --> 00:39:15.699 forgive those 00:39:15.699 --> 00:39:16.219 who've sinned 00:39:16.219 --> 00:39:16.940 against us. 00:39:17.559 --> 00:39:17.800 God, 00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:18.800 there's much wisdom 00:39:18.800 --> 00:39:19.800 that needs to be 00:39:19.800 --> 00:39:20.739 exercised here 00:39:20.739 --> 00:39:21.800 but God, 00:39:21.980 --> 00:39:22.840 we trust that 00:39:22.840 --> 00:39:23.639 this is your word 00:39:23.639 --> 00:39:24.480 and that this is 00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:25.480 what you're calling 00:39:25.480 --> 00:39:25.920 us to. 00:39:26.460 --> 00:39:27.480 We commit it to you 00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:28.320 in the name of Jesus. 00:39:29.300 --> 00:39:29.559 Amen. 00:39:29.559 --> 00:39:30.900 And amen.