welcome to St Paul's. Let me add my welcome to those of Nick's and others. My name's Steve. I've
never met you before. I'm the lead pastor here at St Paul's and we're, as Nick has indicated,
we are partway through our vision series. So we've got the St Paul's app. If you want to
jump online, there's an outline for today's message and also keep your Bibles open there
in Galatians 5. I'm focusing more on 6 in this message today. Loneliness and actual isolation
have become a real epidemic in the 21st century. They were certainly concerns before the arrival
of COVID-19 and the lockdowns around that, but they have certainly, these issues have been
exacerbated since COVID-19. Social isolation and loneliness are among the many factors
that are known to be detrimental for a person's well-being, sense of well-being. They are in fact
known to be harmful for not just mental health, but also for physical health as well. And the irony of
all that is that we are apparently more connected than we've ever been in any history in the world,
any time in history. Connected via the internet and social media, and yet more socially isolated
and lonely. Every time there's a census, these numbers continue to rise. And of course, the increase
of wealth in general has not in any way matched with an increase in personal happiness.
The sad reality of our lives is that as we have been speeding up and speeding up and speeding up,
for many of us, our friendships and our connections, personal relationships, have not been able to
keep pace with that. And the amazing bit in all this is the largest group that is experiencing social
isolation and loneliness in our city are those between 15 and 24 years of age. You know, the ones who are
constantly on social media, who have got more friends on social media than, well, I do.
As of 2022, 17% of males and 15% of females aged between 15 and 24 were experiencing loneliness and
isolation. That's the group that we call next gen, the next generation here, the youth and young adults
of this church. If this is a sad aspect of modern life in general, it is even sadder for Christians.
Christians. We need each other in order to grow into what God has saved us for. So one of the things I've
been saying throughout this series is that there is often a gap between the great truths of the Christian
faith and what they declare and the lives that such great truths should produce. There's often a gap.
That is, we can believe great things, but our character and our priorities are no different from those who
don't believe those great things. And what we need is grace-fuelled rhythms, which is what this series is
about. We need spiritual disciplines. We need holy habits. Christian practices to push those truths down
from the mind into the heart in such a way that we approach our lives and the world and society entirely
differently. And this is why I think friendship is a spiritual discipline more than just a helpful idea
to guard your mental health and your physical health. It is a godly habit as well as a good habit
in which we sharpen each other's thinking, harden one another's resolve to continue to follow Christ
and soften one another's heart to God's word and his will for our lives. So I've got three points on the
screen. This is going to be the journey for us today. First of all, made for relationships.
The primary reason why spiritual friendship is a Christian discipline is that we need in order to
become all that God has called us to in Jesus is that we were actually created for relationship.
That is, it's in our very DNA. It's part of our design. And now I preached a sermon about this last year
in Genesis. So because you're all familiar with that joke. I won't go over it all. But you can go back
to that in Genesis last year and have a read of that. It's called Created for Relationship, I think.
I mean, it's pretty, anyway. The quick summary of it is that on page two of the Bible, it says,
in all the creation accounts, the only time where God creates and he says it is not good is in the
creation of humanity and with Adam being alone. Genesis 2.25 is the only place where God says
something that he's made is described as not good. That is, there's something not good about Adam.
It's not that he's got a design flaw. God did not make a mistake. Adam is in paradise. He is in
perfection. And yet there is still something missing. The missing piece is that we as humanity is made in
the image of a God who is an us, not a me. Adam was made in the image of an eternal community, the one God,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three persons in one. Saint Augustine said that the Trinity
is the only version of God and ultimate reality in any religion or philosophical system
that has personal relationship at its very heart. Only the God of Christianity is himself a community.
God is a self-sufficient, self-sustaining community. Three persons delighting in each other and loving
each other and serving each other in absolute perfect unity so that they move as one and yet distinctively
three. Only in the Trinity do we see that personal relationship is primary, not secondary.
They, personal relationship is not a means to an end. They are at the very center of reality and of life.
And I mentioned back, you probably won't need to go and watch it now, but I mentioned back then there are three broad categories of relationships.
We need deep relationship with God. We need deep relationship with another human being and we need deep relationship with people who are different than us.
That is, we cannot grow to be like the God in whose image we are made without community.
We cannot be wiser, more loving, courageous, more joyful, stable without the community of God and his people collectively moving in obedience to the God in whose image we are made.
We need that together.
We love to guard our privacy. We like to hold commitment to any groups at an arm's length.
We prefer relationships that don't challenge us, that don't stretch us, that don't cost us too much.
That's our preference.
In fact, I've recently read one sociologist said the only relationship that is left in modern Western society that is not transactional in that you are stuck with it legally and emotionally is parenting.
And he said, that's why so many people are choosing to have dogs rather than kids.
You know, your dog eats your best pair of shoes and you can just take it to the vet.
Like literally, I mean, it just transactional.
Every other relationship is transactional except parenting.
You're stuck with it.
We prefer relationships that don't challenge us or stretch us too much.
And so we stay spiritually, emotionally and relationally immature.
And what's interesting is that in ancient times, friendship was regarded as the most virtuous of all relationships.
In our modern age, we regard our sexual relationships as the most virtuous of all relationships.
Our identity is attached to sexuality.
In ancient times, it's an entirely different thing.
Friendship, the greatest in the sense that you have family relationships whether you like it or not.
Like you don't choose that.
You don't choose who your family is.
It just happens to you.
Even in modern times, we would say that we fell in love.
It's kind of something that happened to us rather than something that we might have wanted it, but it just could have happened to us.
In ancient times, there was a range of marriages.
It wasn't something that it just happened to you.
And so they regarded that friendship was the greatest, the most virtuous.
Because it doesn't happen unless you intentionally work at it.
And in that sense, they thought it was the most virtuous of relationships because it was the relationship you had to work at.
The practice of friendship for the Christian is something that they extend to the whole Christian community.
Now, of course, there are all kinds of levels of intensity to it.
You know, Jesus had the crowds of people who followed him.
He had his 12 disciples who he chose who were with him at every moment.
And there were those who were particularly close to him.
Even there's Peter, James and John.
He's three best mates, if you like.
But John was his bestest of his best mates.
Read John's gospel.
The disciple whom Jesus loved.
He's referring to himself.
Don't know what the rest of them thought about that when that was published.
But, you know.
But despite the practice of friendship being more intense with some,
we are to practice the discipline of friendship with all Christians in our church community.
Because that's what we were created for, but it's also what we were saved for, which is my next point.
Now, Galatians 6, which Merle just read out to us, doesn't actually use the word friendship.
But it does talk about the characteristics of Christian community and Christian relationship and Christian friendship.
And it gives us two main qualities of spiritual friendship that we are called to practice as a Christian community.
And they are dependability and transparency.
So, first of all, dependability.
A friend is someone who is always there for you.
Galatians 6.2 says,
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Now, if we see someone carrying a heavy load, you know, arms full of shopping, out of the boot of the car, into the house,
the way that we assist them in carrying their load is not to, let me pray for you,
that you would have the strength and the energy to get that onto the kitchen bench.
I mean, that might be a contribution.
But that's not enough, is it?
The load has to transfer, some of the load has to transfer from them onto you to carry the burden.
Is that correct?
The burden has to shift.
You have to take some of the load.
Just praying for them, helpful.
Once you've done that, then get the burden and carry it.
If we take the time to listen to a person with an emotional burden, going again and again and again,
we will be drained, for instance.
What that happens is, someone with an emotional burden that you are taking the time to engage with
and listen to and listen to and be with and be with,
what ultimately happens is, some of their emotional burden drops onto you in such a way that you become drained yourself.
Drained.
We lose some of our own emotional resources in order for their emotional resource to be lifted.
Some of their suffering slides across onto us.
We are bearing some of their burden.
It's the same with financial burdens.
If someone has a financial burden, there is absolutely no way of bearing some of their burden
without losing some of our financial resources.
There's no other way.
The burden can't be lifted up without the other losing some of their resources.
And the great Jonathan Edwards said that in one of his sermons,
if we love to help them, if our statement is, I would so love to help them,
but frankly, I can't afford it.
What we're actually saying is, I can't help them without burdening myself.
And you say, well, that's exactly the point of radical generosity.
You ought to be burdened.
That's the point.
And that is exactly what Galatians 6.2 is calling the Christian community to.
To be a dependable friend is to allow some of the burden, the suffering of others,
to slide across onto us.
A true friend will stay beside you and allow some of your suffering to slide across onto them.
If they don't do that, if they don't do that, they may be an acquaintance.
They may be a sibling.
They may even be a spouse.
But they're not a friend.
Proverbs 18.24 says,
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
That is, it's possible to have siblings, parents, a spouse,
who is not a true friend.
Don't get me wrong.
They're still your brother.
They're still your sister.
They're still your parents.
They're still your spouse.
But if they don't stick with you in the depths of a burden
and carry some of that burden themselves,
then they're not a true friend.
And you can see why the ancients thought that friendship was the most virtuous.
Because a friend is always there, dependable, carrying the burdens.
So the first essence of friendship is one who sticks with the other
through thick and thin.
A true friend is always dependable.
The second one, second essence of true spiritual friendship
is transparency or it's vulnerability.
Now, what we have here, these are not words that are really used,
transparency not used or vulnerability not used in Galatians.
But what we have here is, if you like,
a case study of the transparent spiritual friendship in Galatians 6.
Verse 1.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin,
you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently,
but watch yourselves or you also may be tempted.
So verse 1 describes a scenario
where a member of this Christian community
amongst the Galatians is caught in a sin.
Now, this verse is not saying,
let me just put a caveat here.
This verse is not saying
that as a Christian,
you have a responsibility,
you are commanded
to point out to everyone
where they are wronging,
where they are flawed,
where they are failing,
where they are sinning.
Like, that's not what this passage is saying at all.
And there is a lot of ways in the New Testament
where we are instructed not to be quick to criticise,
where we're instructed
that love
looks
many falls and failings
in one another.
1 Peter 4, 8,
1 Corinthians 13, 5,
and 13, 7, for instance.
This is quite specific.
It says that caught in a sin.
Now, that statement there
indicates that this particular sin
is a behavioural pattern.
It means that this particular sin
has got the upper hand of the person.
When it says caught in a sin,
it doesn't mean you've opened the doors.
Ah, I've caught you.
It means the person themselves
is trapped in a sin.
They're the ones who are caught.
Not that you've caught them,
but they themselves are caught.
It's a behavioural pattern
over and over and over again.
It's a habit of sinful behaviour
that the Christian
is not able to overcome
without the help of others.
They're trapped.
And in that sense,
this particular sin
is therefore harming them.
And because it's harming them,
it's harming other relationships
that they are part of.
So the spiritual friend
is neither quick to criticise
nor are they afraid to confront.
Notice who Paul says
is the spiritual friend here.
Brothers and sisters,
you who live by the Spirit.
This is not an instruction
that Paul says,
hey, by the way,
the pastors of Galatians
or the wardens
or the parish council
or just the community group leaders
of the Galatian church.
It's not some special group of Christians.
It's not just the leaders.
This is instruction to the brothers
and this is all the Christian community.
This is your all responsibility.
And what he's saying is
to be a true spiritual friend
in that moment
with someone who's caught in a sin,
habitual behaviours,
you come in to restore gently.
The word for restore
in the original New Testament language here
means to set back in place
a dislocated bone joint.
You know,
you've seen the,
you know,
you've got to yank it into place
and nowadays you get those green whistle things
and you go off into la-la land
and, you know,
doctors get their legs in
and, you know,
I think that's how they do it.
I mean,
according to Operation Ouch anyway.
What that means is
there's something dislocated,
there's something out of place,
there's something
that needs to be put right
and to put it right,
you need to inflict some pain
in order to bring healing.
That is,
the pain is a healing pain
that needs to be brought in.
The confrontation over the sin
will most likely be painful
but its goal is to bring
a change of heart and life
and healing.
That's the goal.
And so,
therefore,
the true spiritual friend
will be gentle.
The goal is to win over
for healing.
The key to ensuring
that there is gentleness
is in the last sentence
of verse one.
Watch yourselves
or you also may be tempted.
We can never be
a gentle,
spiritual friend
with the goal of healing
if we are tempted,
is what it's saying.
If we are tempted,
primarily,
here to be proud.
Tempted to take
the high moral ground
over someone
who has got
the dislocated joint.
Someone caught
in the sin.
Tempted to think
that
I'm not,
I would not,
I would never do that.
Tempted to think
that I'm not capable
of a similar sin
or even an equal sin.
Tempted to think
that I don't have
any dislocated joints
myself.
If we ever feel
that we are above
the person morally,
our air of superiority
will most certainly
come through
and we will destroy
not restore.
Another way
of putting that
is to restore humbly.
In other words,
the instruction here
is the same as Jesus.
Be more mindful
of the log
in your own eye
than the speck
in the other.
So the spiritual friend
is not afraid
to confront
but they also
don't enjoy it
either.
This spiritual friendship
is so essential
for personal transformation.
We cannot
change for good
into the image
of God
without spiritual friends.
And spiritual friendship
is so hard
and it is very difficult
because it might
not work.
The other person
might turn on you
and not like you
or they may even
want to hurt you.
And
that's the danger.
scarier.
But what is
even scarier
is that it might
actually work.
It might
actually work.
You see,
when we are
spiritual friends
to others,
we are giving
them permission
to be a spiritual
friend back to us.
And I wonder
if the reason
we might
give permission
for
or we
justify
so much
or we
ignore
so much
or we
overlook
the sin
and the
unrighteousness
of others
in the
Christian
community
so much
is
mostly
to do
with us,
not with
them.
It's mostly
to do
with we
actually
don't want
that level
of accountability
for ourselves
because it's
painful.
A true
spiritual
friend
always lets
you in
and doesn't
let you
down.
vulnerability,
transparency,
reliability,
dependability,
sticking closer
than even
family.
Now,
frankly,
that's the
kind of
friendship
we all
need.
But the
problem
with it
is
is that
we have
hearts
that are
so deeply
flawed,
insecure,
and uncertain
of ourselves,
it's
always very
hard for us
to reach
out to
others
and start
that friendship
cycle.
Our
natural
self
is,
in fact,
afraid of
this level
of transparency.
We've all
got images
to maintain,
egos to
protect.
Our
natural
self
is also
selfish
because we
have been
taught for
many decades
in our
society that
you are the
most important
person in the
world.
And the
way to
discover
yourself is
to look
inside
yourself,
truly you.
Our
natural
selves are
afraid of
transparency and
our natural
self is
selfish because
we don't
want to have
to give
that level
of dependability
to someone
else.
So we
don't like
dependability
and transparency.
The
transparency
and the
vulnerability
are unsettling,
the
dependability
is
onerous,
too scared
and too
selfish to
be a true
spiritual
friend.
Much
easier to
have
hundreds
of
Facebook
friends,
hundreds of
Facebook
friends
that you
can pause
actually for
30 days if
you so
choose or
unfollow or
just send an
emoji when
they're having
a rough patch.
Much
easier.
chapter 5
verse 26
refers to
our heart
issues.
Let us
not become
conceited,
provoking and
envying each
other.
The word
conceit
there means
to be
hungry for
glory.
It means
I'm always
hungry for
glory because
I have
such a
deep,
deep need
for affirmation
and approval.
That's what
the word
conceit
means.
So if a
person who
is insecure
and unsure
of their
own self
worth,
constantly
needing
approval and
when it
comes, that
approval that
comes is
never enough,
it's just a
bottomless pit,
then what that
means is we
tend to move
out into our
friendships and
other relationships
in two ways.
we provoke
them, that
is we
lord it
over them,
or we
envy them,
which is to
feel inferior
to others.
Exploiting and
using others
rather than
being a true
friend is all
an attempt to
fill that
hole of the
fragile identity.
both of them
are doing
exactly the
same thing.
Can't do the
criticism because
the ego is
too fragile,
can't do the
dependability
because it
doesn't fill up
my ego,
unless of
course the
ego that
needs to be
filled up is
the affirmation
that I need to
receive from
others that I
am a true
helper and a
friend.
That is,
you've got the
idolatry of
being a
helper.
In that case,
if you have,
if your
affirmation is
constantly coming
from being that
person who is
always there,
if that's your
affirmation,
then ultimately
you are moving
into the
burden,
not to lighten
their burden,
but to feel
your sense of
worthlessness.
It's you.
It's about you.
You're using the
burden for your
own glory.
Now, this does
not have to be the
case for the
Christian.
verses 3 and
4, chapter 6,
they are quite
remarkable.
If anyone thinks
they are something
when they are
not, they
deceive themselves.
Each one should
test their own
actions.
Then they can
take pride in
themselves alone
without comparing
themselves to
anyone else.
See, I don't
know, you put
those two verses
together, verse 1
says, the
Christian is
nothing.
You think
you're something
when you're
not?
Christian is
nothing.
Verse 4, Paul
calls them to be
proud of
themselves.
I mean, what
category do you
put that in?
The Christian
knows that they
are more sinful
and unworthy
than they ever
imagined, and
therefore transparency
should not be a
problem.
And at the same
time, they are
more loved and
affirmed than
they ever dreamed,
and so defendability
should not be a
problem.
our sinfulness
humbles us out
of selfishness, and
God's approval of
us in Jesus
affirms us out of
our fear of
transparency.
Then we can be a
true spiritual
friend.
So, last point,
empowered for
spiritual friendship.
Where do we get
the power to be
that kind of
friend?
amongst our
brothers and
sisters here at
St. Paul's in
this Christian
community?
The answer is
verse 2.
Carry each
other's burdens,
and in this
way, you will
fulfil the law
of Christ.
The reason we
are commanded
here to carry
each other's
burdens is
because it
fulfills the
law of Christ.
Now, the word
law there means
modelling our
whole life on
the example
of Jesus
Christ.
Verse 2
reflects back
into what
Paul has
already said
in chapter 5,
verses 13
and 14.
You, my
brothers and
sisters, serve
one another
humbly in
love, for
the entire
law is
fulfilled in
keeping this
one command,
love your
neighbour as
yourself.
God, the
Son, the
one who
existed in
eternity in
perfect
relationship, in
harmony, came
into this world as
a human being.
God, the
Son, the
one who
existed in
eternity in
perfect
relationship, in
harmony, came
into this world as
a human being
and he didn't
just come near
to us.
He didn't just
come in our
orbit around
us, he
became one
of us,
one of us.
and even
more, he
didn't just
come along
beside us
to carry
some of
our burdens
in allowing
some of
our sin
and frailty
and our
failures and
our flaws
to come
across onto
him until
we can pull
ourselves
together and
move on
with the
burden.
He allowed
the entire
weight of
the burden
of all of
humanity to
slide across
onto him.
the only
perfect human
being.
He took
it all.
He took
the full
weight of
human sin
and suffering
upon the
cross at
Calvary.
Isaiah 53
puts it like
this.
He took
up our
pain and
bore our
suffering.
He was
pierced for
our transgressions.
He was
crushed for
our iniquities.
The punishment
that brought
us peace
was on
him.
And by
his wounds
we have
been healed.
The major
dislocation
has been
fixed through
Jesus suffering
the pain
for us
to put us
right with
God.
The Lord
has laid
on him
the iniquity
of us
all.
He was the
one who
was crushed
by the
weight of
the burden
of human
sin
because of
our rejection
of our
creator God.
God
crushed
himself
with the
burden
that should
be ours.
Why?
Because he's
the ultimate
friend.
He has
loved his
neighbour.
he has
loved those
who are
unlovable.
In
John 15
Jesus
says
love each
other
as I
have
loved
you.
Greater
love has
no one
than this
to lay
down
one's
life
for
one's
friends.
And
you
are
my
friends.
Not
you are
my
followers.
Not
you are
my
servants.
Not
you are
my
subjects.
You
are
my
friends
if you
do what
I
command.
I
no
longer
call
you
servants
because
a
servant
does
not
know
his
master's
business.
Instead
I
have
called
you
friends.
So
love
each
other
as
I
have
loved
you.
How
much
more
vulnerable
can
you
get
than
being
stripped
naked
in front
of all
of your
followers
all
of your
friends
all
of your
families
all
of your
village
outside
of a
city of
Jerusalem
on a
hill
nailed
to a
cross
for
there is
nothing
hidden.
How
much
more
dependable
could
someone
be
that
they
would
rather
die
for
your
flaws
for
your
failing
for
your
sin
for
your
selfishness
for
your
pride
than
give
up
on
you.
You
see
when
we
see
Jesus
being
that
friend
to
us
bearing
our
infinite
burden
then
we
can
bear
each
other's
finite
burdens
as
true
spiritual
friends
to
one
another.
So let
me just
say
really
briefly
there is
so much
to unpack
here.
I want
to say
three
things by
implication.
I think
there's only
two in
your
notes.
Very
quickly
number
one
which is
not in
your
notes.
If
you're
already
in a
community
group
and
your
community
group
is
about
information
transfer
and
not
about
building
connection
with
one
another
there's
an
imbalance
that
needs
to
shift.
I'll
just
leave
that
one
there.
Secondly,
the
second
implication
is our
three
vision
series
projects.
Let
me
try
to
connect
them
to
you
a
little
bit
in
this.
We
are
raising
money
in
this
vision
series
to
see
our
neighbours
come
to
know
the
ultimate
friend
in
Jesus.
The
ultimate
friend
who
will
never
leave
them,
who
will
never
abandon
them,
the
one
who
truly
loves
their
neighbour,
an
ultimate
friend
who
will
fill
up
every
single
longing
of the
heart.
And we
are seeking
to do
it in
our
church
family
home.
We
serve
our
community
with
this
news
from
this
base,
our
church
family
home,
that
needs
its
upgrades
and
its
other
maintenance
issues
to make
it fit
for a
gathering
point
for
connection
and
hospitality
and
dialogue
and
friendship
for
members
of our
community
that
are
feeling
a
growing
weight
of
isolation
and
loneliness.
And we're
seeking to
raise funds
not just
for those
two things
but with
a particular
focus
on youth
and young
adults
in our
neighbourhood
who are
the most
isolated
and lonely
in this
day.
And so
to
use the
words of
Jesus
if you
like,
give
to these
projects,
give
generously
that you
might win
eternal
friends
for
yourself.
The
third
implication
is what
is your
personal
next
step.
There is
absolutely
no such
thing
in the
Bible,
Old
Testament
and
New
that
would
in
any
way
encourage,
support,
condone,
isolated
Christian
faith.
It does
not exist.
It's a
concept,
a category
that does
not exist
in
Christianity.
The
main
source
of such
spiritual
friendships
here at
St.
Paul's
is our
community
groups.
If you're
not in
one,
I want
to encourage
you strongly
to join
one.
And if
you're
already
one,
go back
to my
first point,
what is
your next
step to
take the
relationships
in that
group
to a
deeper
level?
What we're
going to do
now is we're
going to
participate
together in
the Lord's
Supper.
love
to
love
to
love
to
love
to
love
to
love
to
love
to
Jesus,
our
true
and
dependable
friend
who
became
vulnerable
for us,
for you.
And we're
going to
thank God
and I
encourage you
to do
this in a
moment of
reflection
and
quietness.
Can I
get my
helpers
to come
and
distribute
now?
In a
moment of
reflections
and
quietness,
thank God
for the
spiritual
friends that
he has
put in
your life,
including
the ones
in this
church
right now.
Because
God has
not just
chosen us
as his
friends in
Jesus,
in terms
of our
relationship
with him,
he in
his
providence
has
chosen
us
to be
friends
in
Jesus
together
right now
in this
day and
age.
So that
means that
if your
spiritual
friends are
primarily
outside of
this
community,
there's
another
imbalance
that needs
to be
corrected.
In the
Lord's
Supper,
it is
Jesus
who has
provided
the feast
and so
we're
reflecting
on him.
It is
he who
has
provided
the
feast
and
this
day
in his
providence,
it is
he who
has
chosen
the
guest
list
to
enjoy
it
together.
So as
we do
this,
let us
not forget
our host
as we
eat and
drink
with
grateful
hearts
for the
mercy
of
himself
and
the
mercy
of
each
other.
And as
we do,
may we
also be
reflecting
and praying
that we
might become
better friends
of Jesus
and that we
might become
better friends
of Jesus
together
as we
become better
friends of
each
other.