I'm turning to Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians 5, verse 22, on page 979.
Obviously, last week's sermon on marriage, and I'm looking at fatherhood last Sunday night for Acer issues,
! And I want to recommend two books to you. First of all, they're both on the book called The Meaning of Marriage.
Timothy and Kathy Keller is a terrific book. Just a very, very helpful book. It's an honest book.
I think it's by far the best thing out there on marriage, so I'd really recommend that.
And then a book on fatherhood by Tony Payne. What is it? And what's it for?
And it's readable and simple and a really, really good book. So I'd recommend that. I think it's about six quid.
And then one more thing is, we're going to have at the end of February on a Sunday night, hopefully the start of something regular,
we're going to have a question and answer session. And so this sermon, I hope every sermon raises questions.
And Church Life raises questions. And you might think, why on earth can they do it that way?
And so there's a question box at the back. It's in the blue file. We're hoping we get a nicely decorated question box soon.
But if you've got any questions, put them in there. And we'll seek to try and answer them on the last Sunday night of February.
And I hope it'll be the start of a regular thing. But I think it's a good thing for us to do.
So, second sermon on marriage. And this is the last one.
Here are the headlines from last week. If you missed last week, here they are.
A marriage works when it copies the divine marriage between Christ and the church.
And a marriage works when the husband and wife play different roles.
For the wife, the part of submission and respect.
And for the husband, the part of headship and love.
Last week was a sermon on the pattern of marriage.
Christ is like a groom who loves us covenantally and unbreakably.
And we, the church, are his bride.
Christ did certain things for us.
And in return, we do certain things towards him.
And that, says Paul, is the pattern for marriage.
The pattern for all marriages.
Which, over time, become deeply beautiful marriages.
The man acts like Christ, who is the head of his body.
And the husband is the head.
Now I said last week that I take that to mean that the husband is completely responsible for everything that happens in a marriage.
Completely responsible.
For everything that happens in a marriage.
And you might want to listen to that last week to see why I say that and what it means.
Because Christ is completely responsible.
For everything that happens in a marriage.
The woman acts like the church, who is the bride of Christ.
And has a role of submission to her head.
Like the church submits to Christ.
So what does it actually mean?
What does it actually look like?
What are we saying that a marriage that does these things looks like?
So four points.
And I'm going to give you them at the front.
Because I might not spell them out clearly enough as we go on.
First of all, headship carries a deadly cross.
And then secondly, love bestows loveliness.
And submission, thirdly, creates a voluntary unity.
And thirdly, respect bestows dignity.
They're really catchy, aren't they?
Headship carries a deadly cross.
Love bestows loveliness.
Submission creates a voluntary unity.
And respect bestows dignity.
Now I don't know whether you noticed.
Two points for the husband.
Two points for the wife.
And the first of these points is this.
About the practical application and the meaning of their roles.
What headship looks like, what it means,
is that a husband has an instrument of execution strapped to his back.
That's what headship means.
And what submission actually means,
it looks like a woman who brings into existence
one new unity of two.
One new entity of two.
So two points related to the meaning of their roles.
And then two points related to what the wife and the husband actually do.
So men, husbands, your job is to bestow loveliness on your wife.
And wives, your job is to bestow dignity on your husbands.
So I'm going to reverse the passage.
I hope you don't mind me doing that.
I'm going to speak to husbands first.
And then wives.
My reason for that is the weight of Paul's argument falls on husbands.
So in the original text there are 40 words to wives.
But 115 words to husbands.
And culturally at the time, I think this is profoundly significant.
Because it was very commonplace in the New Testament era
for wives to be told to submit to their husbands.
But it was commonly joined with injunctions.
With husbands being told, you keep your wives in submission.
So wives submit.
And husbands, you make sure they submit.
An order at home, a submissive wife, obedient children.
Good standing in society and all is well.
But that is not the way the Bible says it.
And that is not so with the Apostle Paul.
With Christian men and Christian husbands,
in Colossians 3, Paul simply tells husbands
not to be harsh with their wives.
And I wonder if it's any less true
that male harshness and male unkindness
is endemic in marriage.
And I would want to say that male harshness
is endemic regardless of whether somebody
accepts or rejects
what we might call from this parish
traditional gender roles in marriage.
It's a problem that every male faces.
Because it's perfectly possible, isn't it,
for somebody, maybe for you to say,
in our marriage we're not going to go in
for all this headship and all this submission.
That is simply demeaning to a woman.
And we're going to have completely identical roles
in our marriage in every way.
And it's possible for a couple to do that.
But for harshness still to surface
in the male heart.
And it's possible,
even when you have identical roles
and say, I'm not going in for this,
for lack of respect,
it still surfaced in the female heart.
Now what is going to fix it?
And I want to suggest this.
What will begin to fix it,
or will at least begin to suck the poison
of male harshness,
where it matters in our hearts,
is understanding who I am in my marriage.
And how I'm meant to be who I am.
Who I am.
Husbands are heads.
That is who I am.
That is who you are.
And I think Paul shows us
that headship
carries a deadly cross.
That is, if you like,
the basic principle of the passage.
Remember chapter 5, verse 25.
Husbands, love your wives
as Christ loved the church
and gave himself a prayer.
Do you see the meaning?
Husbands, love your wives
in the same way that Christ loved his bride.
How did Christ love his bride?
By dying for her.
By sacrificing himself for her.
Now Christ's death does many things
for all his people
which we can never imitate
and we can never copy, can we?
So, we cannot be forsaken by God
for each other.
Or we cannot
take the punishment for one another
in place of each other.
We cannot bear God's wrath for sin
in place of each other.
But,
the principle here is
we can lay down our lives
for each other.
And Paul says,
if you want to know
what a husband's headship looks like,
it looks like a man
on 30 or 40
or 50 years
on death row.
So we went in America
and stayed with one of Chuck's friends
who was a great character
and he got married
and after his marriage
the first words
that his father-in-law said to him
we shook his hand and said
it's a death sentence.
However long God gives you
in your marriage
headship carries
a deadly cross.
Because the head,
the husband,
is copying the one
who carried a deadly cross.
Christian headship in marriage
is in the shape of a cross.
Now this is why I think
nothing, nothing comes close
to the beauty
and the power of this marriage
in any kind of contemporary thought
or relationship advice.
I read in a Christian book
on marriage this week
that marriage is all about 50-50.
Each couple has to give 50%
to make 100%.
Absolute rubbish.
What about if each person
gives 100%?
100% of themselves.
Well surely that is better.
It's nonsense to think about that.
I have in my life
people who I know
who would literally die for me.
I know for instance
my parents in their late 70s
even at my age now
they would still give their life for me
if they had to.
And there is incredible beauty
isn't there?
And blessing
in knowing that you are loved
to the point of death
by another human being.
So Paul says to Ephesian husbands
and he says to IPC husbands
your wife needs a husband
who dies for her.
Now please obviously
it's not literal.
But it is to the point
of constant
and willing sacrifice
of yourself for her.
And we men
need to be told this
because we don't really do it.
So if you watch
a young mum
with her children
if you watch the young mums
in IPC
with their children
when you watch closely
you see
the natural self-sacrifice
on behalf of their children.
A mother has a kind of
built-in mechanism
doesn't she
of laying down her life.
Young mums do that.
To allow their children
to thrive
and fathers
well we can do it as well
and some do do it
but generally
it is true
that women
are much better
at surrendering themselves
for the sake
of another.
So here is a very
very simple
diagnostic question
for you
of your husband
this morning.
I ask the children
to ask their dancers
in Sunday school.
What are you going
without husbands?
What are you doing
with?
What are you knowing
the loss of
so that your wife
can flourish?
Where are you
tasting death
for her?
Loss of
man cave time?
Loss of mate time?
Less advancement
in your career
than you would have
hoped on?
Less of just
me time?
This is C.S. Lewis
writing beautifully
on the husband's
headship.
The headship then
C.S. Lewis says
is most fully embodied
not in the husband
we sure wish to be
but in him
whose marriage
is the most
like a crucifixion.
Whose wife
receives most
and gives least
whose wife
is the most
unworthy of him
whose wife
is the least
lovable
the anointing
of this terrible
coronation
is not to be seen
in the joys
of any man's
marriage
but it is
in its sorrows
in the sickness
and sufferings
of a good wife
or the faults
of a bad wife.
It is unwearying
and never paraded
care
or in his
inexhaustible
forgiveness.
Lewis says
the sternest
feminist critic
need not grudge
my sex
the crown
off it
to it
for it is
a crown
of thorns.
And that is why
when I spoke to the
children this morning
before the sermon
I said to them
marriage is
can someone
shout it out?
Death.
Marriage
is
death.
And that is how
we live
Christ's example
by dying.
And no marriage
which does not
have death
death of itself
of death of self
at its heart
will ever live long
or will ever thrive.
And no marriage
which does not
have the death
of the husband
as the dominating
feature of his head
will ever produce
a beautiful wife.
Now I want to
pause for a little bit
because I've done
quite a bit of
reading on this.
In preparation
for this
I came across
the best definition
for masculinity
I've ever seen.
And it goes
to the heart
of this issue.
Masculinity
is the glad
assumption
of sacrificial
responsibility.
Masculinity
is the glad
assumption
of sacrificial
responsibility.
Now the reason
I think that works
is because it
so closely fits
with what Paul
is saying here
doesn't it?
Remember Paul
is not saying
husbands be the
heads.
He's simply
saying you
are the head.
That's what you
are.
The only question
is what kind
of head
are you going
to be?
Are you going
to dominate
your home
by abdicating
from your
responsibility
or are you
going to
dominate your
home by
gladly assuming
your sacrificial
responsibility?
Here's the other
thing I learnt
alongside this
definition of
masculinity.
Authority
flows to
those who
take responsibility.
That is genius.
authority flows
to those who
take responsibility.
You see the
foundation of
Christ's
authority
in the church
is the blood
that he shed
isn't it?
He took
responsibility
through sacrificial
service and
therefore all
authority in
heaven and
earth has been
given to him
as flow to him.
Sacrificial
responsibility
creates authority.
Now you see
that in work.
Somebody who's
in a more
senior position
and you are
meant to
respect their
authority over
you but they
clearly take no
loving care over
you.
There's no
sacrificial
responsibility for
you.
How do you
feel about your
boss when they're
like that?
How do you
feel about
submitting to
someone like
that?
I'm in charge
but I'm not
interested in
you.
And I'm not
interested in
serving you.
I'm the boss
you do what I
say.
So there's no
responsibility for
you or modeled
to you or given
to you.
It's the kind of
authorities that we
all resent.
None of us like
bosses like that.
We hate it.
And it is a
million miles from
the authority of
God that he has
over his people.
The kind of
authority that
Christ has over
his bride.
And Paul says
that is a million
miles away from
the kind of
authority a
husband's head
should carry in
the home.
Here's what he's
saying.
When a man
becomes a
husband he is
shouldering the
responsibility of
being masculine in
that setting.
And so he's
called to bleed for
others.
It's very very
sobering isn't it
biblical
masculinity.
It's very
sobering.
It is heavy.
And biblical
masculinity can
only be carried
by the miracle of
a changed heart.
And a
willingness to
die to myself
and my dreams
and my
preferences and
my tiredness
and my goals
and my ambitions
and my hobbies
and my perfect
neat and tidy
worlds.
That I'm
willing to die
to it for
you.
And that is
what it means
to be a
married man.
That's what it
means to be a
husband.
And a head.
If she had
to, can
your wife
point to the
blood on the
walls?
If she had
to, could
your wife
point to the
blood on the
floor?
Can you show
her the point
where she
knows your
love for her
cost you
and led to
your own life
ebbing away
so that she
grew and
flourished?
Because this
is point two.
The whole
point of
your love
husbands for
your wife is
to bestow
loveliness.
The whole
point of your
love for your
wife is to
bestow loveliness
on her, to
her, for
her.
See here is
what Paul is
saying to
husbands.
Husbands who
are sacrificially
responsible.
Pairs love
their wives
and they love
them in two
ways.
Look at
verse 25.
They love
them as
Christ loved
the church.
So to the
point of
death.
And verse
28.
They love
their wives
as they
love their
own bodies.
To the
point of
maximum care.
So two
examples for
you to
copy.
Christ's love
for you
men.
And copy
your own
love for
your own
body.
This is
very corny
but it
might help
you to
understand
it.
Husbands
are both
to be a
beautician
and a
dietician.
Husbands
are to be
both a
beautician
and a
dietician.
Your role
is to
make you
beautiful
and keep
her
healthy.
So look
what Christ
did to
make her
bright,
beautiful.
Look at
verse 25.
Husbands
love your
wives as
Christ loved
the church
and gave
himself up
for her.
That he
might
sanctify her,
he might
set her
apart,
have him
cleansed her
by the
washing of
water,
with the
word,
so that he
might present
the church
to himself
in splendour,
without spot
or wrinkle,
or any
such thing,
that she
might be
holy and
without
blemish.
It's a
way of saying
right now we
are in the
engagement stage of
our marriage to
Christ,
aren't we?
And he
died for us
in order that
he might
wash us
clean,
and he
might perfect
us in
sinless beauty
on our
wedding day,
and at the
end of the
day when we
stand there
before him,
he'll be
radiant,
nothing dirty,
nothing broken,
the law be
gone and
finished,
Christ died to
make us
beautiful,
and husbands
died to make
their wives
beautiful.
And I
think it
is the
idea,
isn't it,
in the
passage,
of the
husband taking
on himself
the goal of
leading his
wife into
growth and
wholeness,
personally and
spiritually.
So she
develops.
So the
goal of your
marriage is not
your own
self fulfillment,
but her
blossoming.
And I
think we
want to know
exactly what
that means.
Okay,
very well,
what do I
have to do?
What do I
have to do?
But that's
going to look
different,
isn't it?
It's going to
look different
in different
marriages.
I don't
think it's
particularly
helpful to
me to tell
you the
specifics.
I was at a
minister's
conference this
week and
the guy
said,
he sings
to his
wife while
making
breakfast
every morning,
he makes
up songs.
And husbands
need to have
nicknames for
their work,
I can't
think of
anything worse.
It wouldn't
do any good
to my
marriage through
that.
So the
things that
specifically
apply to
me,
they don't
apply in
your
marriage.
But notice
some of the
general principles,
okay?
This love is
particular and
it's exclusive.
Do you see
that?
Christ loved
the church
and he gave
himself up for
her.
One bride for
him,
one woman for
your husbands.
I've come across men
and particularly preachers
who seem to be fantastic experts
in women generally
have you met them?
women do this
women do that
well praise the Lord
we're never called to be experts
in womankind generally
are we?
just one woman
in particular
if your husband
it's just one woman
it's a particular love
but it's an initiating love
do you see that?
verse 25
Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her
the presence of that word
himself
is significant
it was his own initiative
father didn't kick Jesus out of heaven
it was Jesus' own initiative
no one told him he had to do it
it is unconditional love
Christ takes a bride of ungliness
and he transforms her
into something beautiful
that is the picture
isn't it?
verse 27
the idea is that the bride
the church had those things
that we see the stains
on the church
and the wrinkles
and the blemishes
and Christ took them away
she had those things
until he took responsibility for it
and he began to erase them
it's a purposeful love
it's a particular love
it's an initiating love
it's an unconditional love
now you husbands decide
what it will mean
to love with that example
it will mean something
won't it?
it will take concrete form
possibly something that you are not doing already
but notice too
verse 28
the husband is a dietician
look at verse 28
in the same way
husbands should love their wives
as their own bodies
he who loves his wife
loves himself
for no one ever
hates his own flesh
but nourishes and cherishes
just as Christ does the church
nourishing
and tenderly caring
as he cherishes
his own body
nourishing and cherishing
it's a brilliant picture
isn't it?
what it's saying
is that Jesus cares for you
he cares for his body
he cares for the church
in that way
he nourishes
Jesus cherishes you
and so the husband
must show his wife
all the same love
and care
that he daily devotes
to his own body
let's think for a moment
let's have a slightly
strange scenario
let's imagine
that your body
Mr. Husband
could come up here
alright
I won't use one
here as an example
but let's have
generic husband Bob
I don't think we've got
a Bob in the church
I don't think we have
have we got a Bob
so let's imagine
Bob's body
Mr. Marry
if Bob's body
could come up here
and speak
it would say something
like this
wouldn't it?
his body would say
Bob is fantastic
he is wonderful
he always thinks
of my needs
and when I'm hungry
Bob feeds me
when I'm not hungry
sometimes Bob feeds me
when I'm tired
he's so understanding
he puts me to bed
in fact he lets me
fall asleep
pretty much anywhere
Bob puts designer
labels on me
every day
he combes my hair
he sheaves me
in fact he looks
at me every day
in the mirror
and tells me
I'm the best
body in the world
isn't it true
if your body
could speak
it would tell us
you are wonderful
you see husbands
imagine if we
swapped roles
and it's your wife
that comes up here
and she tells the world
what she thinks
of her husband
what would a wife
say about you?
your wife
if she was honest
we know what a new bride
would say on her wedding day
don't we?
but what about
what would the wife
say in 5 years
15 years
30 years
50 years
and I think the challenge
of this passage
to husbands
is what will your wife
say about you
what your wife
will say about you
depends on how
you love her
so we know
how the caricature
of Mrs. Married
turns out
there's Mrs. Married
in the office
with her colleagues
she's at the school gates
with the children
and she's complaining
about her husband
he's hopeless
with the kids
you know what he's like
he doesn't know
what they're doing
from one day to the next
he never does anything
around the house
he's always late
home from work
he never surprises me
anymore
I know what's coming
all the time
our bodies
would never say that
our bodies
would never say that
about ourselves
imagine instead
a wife who's full
of respect
and support for you
imagine a wife
who tells everybody
how glad she is
to be married to you
because of how
you love her
I think Paul says
if you want a wife
who says that
then husbands
you learn
at the foot of the cross
you learn
at the foot of the cross
that Christ
laid down his life
for you
not counting the cross
he laid down
you lay down
your life
for your wife
by nourishing her
and giving yourself
up for her
not counting the cross
ask her what it means
to nourish
and cherish her
I'm embarrassed about this
but I can't confess to you
that I had
I had to ask my wife
what does that mean
because I didn't know
what does it mean
to nourish
and cherish you
those words
to nourish and cherish
it may well be
that a husband
is sitting here
and somebody
and he hasn't got a clue
what that means
it's not standard
male vocabulary
is it
well ask her
ask what it means
well to wives
what does this passage
say to wives
from verse 22
wives submit to your
own husbands
and ask to the Lord
verse 33
however let each one of you
love his wife
as himself
and let the wife
see that she respects
her husband
it's really vital
that we don't let the world
mislead us
into what the word
submission means
so you can imagine
Cosmopolitan
runs an article
27 ways
to submit to your husband
number one
always do what he says
number two
never disagree
with his opinions
when he wants
your opinion
he'll give it to you
number three
always do the cooking
the cleaning
and have his dinner
on time
that is a gross
distortion
of what submission is
it's what people
understand when they
hear the word
but it's not what it
means
submission is a
Christian term
with a Christian
meaning
which is this
voluntary submission
to the will
of another
it is not
forced submission
to the will
of another
not when it's used
in the context
of marriage
both types of
submission
both forced
submission
and voluntary
submission
exist in the Bible
both of their
place
but voluntary
submission
is what the
wife's
is
it's not
a forced
kind of
submission
her submission
is exactly
like
Christ's own
kind of
submission
and Cathy Caller's
chapter in that
book on marriage
helped me
enormously
so come with me
to 1 Corinthians
chapter 15
1 Corinthians
chapter 15
and let me just
show you that
alright
1 Corinthians
15
come on
page 961
and let me
read you
verses 24
to 27
1 Corinthians
15
page 961
then comes
the end
when
Jesus
delivers the
kingdom of
God
the kingdom
to God
the Father
after destroying
every rule
and every
authority
in power
that's
forced
submission
for he
must reign
until he
has put
all his
enemies
under his
feet
forced
submission
again
the last
enemy
to be
destroyed
is
death
for God
has put
all things
in subjection
under his
feet
but when it
says all
things are
put in
subjection
it is plain
that he
is accepted
who put
all things
in subjection
under him
when all
things are
subjected
him
for submission
then the
Son of
Man
will also
be subjected
to him
who put
all things
in subjection
under him
that God
may be
all in all
now those
are difficult
places
I wish I
had more
time
but Paul
is saying
at the
end of
time
God
the
Father
will
make
the
world
submit
to
Christ
there
will
be
a
forced
submission
every
evil
vow
every
temple
confess
of all
things
at the
end
but then in
verse 28
when he's done
this
when he's done
this in
verse 28
when all
things are
subjected
to him
then the
Son
himself
will also
be
subjected
to him
and it
looks like
Christ
is being
made
to
submit
doesn't
it
that's
what it
looks
like
but look
at that
look at
verse 24
!
when Jesus
hands over
the world
to God
Christ's
submission to
the Father
is not
forced
it is
voluntary
it is
voluntary
and willing
he who
was equal
with God
did not
consider equality
with God
something to be
grasped
but made
himself
nothing
it is
voluntary
and willing
he's not
forced to
submit
he wants
to submit
he takes
the kingdom
that belongs
to him
and gives
it to
his
father
it's the
idea
you see
of voluntary
submission
creating
perfect
unity
so the
Father
Son
and Holy
Spirit
they all
agree
and they
all want
and they
will the
same thing
in this
perfect
fellowship
Christ's
will and
the
Father's
will are
perfectly
aligned
so that
there is
a new
creation
and a
perfect
new
world
and we're
going to
see that
aren't
we
in Ephesians
that the
goal of
everything
where the
world is
heading
is
everything
under
Christ
that is
God's
master plan
of how
to align
everything
in
creation
under
Christ
beneath
his
eternal
throne
and God
is doing
that now
in the
church
Jew
and
Gentile
all the
nations
of the
world
coming
together
and he's
doing it
in marriage
by husband
and wife
together
how
by the
husband
dying
for his
wife
and by
the
wife
aligning
her
will
with his
sort of
function
as one
as a
unit
as a
team
as one
flesh
and I
think what
this passage
does for
us
wonderfully
is it
lays out
for us
a picture
of a
husband
who lays
his wife
who lays
his life
down
his life
for his
wife
and it
says to
his wife
will you
live for
your husband
by learning
to trust
him
by submitting
to him
and his
love and care
and will you
gladly submit
to his
efforts
to take
initiative
and lead
you and take
responsibility
even though he
gets it wrong
lots of times
and I think
when a husband
does not
love his
wife
when he
stops
laying down
his life
and making
a sacrifice
for his
wife
then in
their own
marriage
he's
blaspheming
Christ
that's not
too strong
because he's
saying Jesus
really is a
husband who
doesn't love
his people
and when a
wife says
actually I
cannot submit
to my
husband
it is
degrading
for me
as a
woman
well that
woman is
saying that
submitting to
Christ
is an
insult
something I
shouldn't have
to do
I suspect
we husbands
we tend
to express
our own
form of
selfishness
by shrinking
from initiative
and responsibility
and we tend
to hide behind
providing for our
wives
I provide for
them that's
enough
I'm afraid
to be loving
and I think
wives can
tend to express
their selfishness
by wanting to
dominate their
husbands
maybe to
manipulate and
control
mocking
belittling
criticizing
his efforts
so for
wives
what will
a husband
say about
you
in 15
20
30
40
years
even the
caricature
of Mrs
Married
let's get
Mr Married
up the
front
well let's
take him
to the
pub
he's in
the pub
he's been
working late
just to get
out of the
house
and you
know how
Mr Married
speaks about
his wife
no you
don't
because he
never does
he's probably
not complaining
about his
wife at all
but if he
is he
complains
how she
always
likes him
how she
criticizes
him
but imagine
that a
husband
in 15
20
40
60
years
time
with his
friends
tells
how much
he loves
his wife
how much
he depends
on her
for so much
of who he
is and what
he does
and I think
we need to
read this
passage
Ephesians 5
you're back
there with
me
with the
kind of
operating
assumption
that the
commands
to each
of the
husbands
and wives
are specific
let me try
and tell you
what I mean
I know I'm
late but
let me try
and teach you
this before
I finish
they are
not exclusive
to each
of them
but they
are specific
so in other
words wives
are told to
respect their
husbands
and husbands
are told to
love their
wives
it doesn't
mean that
wives are
not to
love their
husbands
of course
they are
or their
husbands
need to
respect
their
wives
of course
they do
but when
a command
like this
is given
I think
there's an
underlying
rationale
for it
alright
when Jesus
told Peter
feed my
sheep
he doesn't
mean that
Peter himself
will never
need to be
fed
does he
he means
the particular
quality of a
sheep
is that it
needs feeding
and I think
it works this
way here too
the particular
quality of a
woman
of a wife
is that she
needs to be
loved
and the
particular
quality of a
man or a
husband is that
he needs to
be respected
do you get
that
just listen
to this
I've been
quoting loads
in the last
couple of
weeks
and I'm
going to
stop it
listen to
this
the commands
are given
to the
respective
weaknesses
of our
duties
men need
to do their
duty with
regard to
their wives
they need
to love
women need
to do their
duty in the
same way
they need
to respect
women
are fully
capable of
loving a
man and
sacrificing
for him
while believing
the entire
time that
he is a
true and
unvarnished
jerk
women are
good at
this kind
of love
but the
central
requirement
given to
wives is
that they
respect their
husbands
as Christian
women gather
together maybe
for prayer
or Bible
study
they frequently
speak about
their husbands
in the most
disrespectful
way
then they
hurry home
to cook
clean and
care for
his kids
why?
because they
love him
it is not
wrong for
the wives
to love
their husbands
but it is
wrong to
substitute
love for
the respect
God requires
so often we
are like the
man who
gave his
wife a
shotgun for
Christmas
because he
wanted one
when a
wife is
trying to
work on a
troubled
marriage
she gives
her husband
what she
would like
and not
what God
commanded
and not
what he
needs
she loves
him
but does
she respect
him?
and tell
him she
respects
him
we have
difficulties
because we
do not
follow the
Bible's
instructions
when a
man is
communicating
his love
for his
wife both
verbally and
non-verbally
he should be
seeking to
communicate to
her the
security provided
by his
covenantal
commitment
he will
provide her
he will
nourish her
and cherish
her
he will
sacrifice
her
her need
is to
be secure
in his
love for
her
her need
is to
receive
love
from him
but when
a wife
is honouring
and respecting
her husband
the transaction
is quite
different
instead of
concentrating on
the security
of the
relationship
respect is
directed to
his abilities
and achievements
how hard
he works
how faithfully
he comes
home
how patient
he is
with the
kids
and so
forth
there's a
long quotation
I know that
but I wonder
what you make
of it
different needs
I've not seen
it before
studying this
in the last
few months
love
and respect
different means
of meeting
those needs
and whether
you agree
or disagree
with the way
those specific
works
I simply want
to end by
saying for
both of those
things to be
given
love
and respect
for both of
them to be
given and
received
marriage
means
death
to myself
death
to my own
ways
and my
desires
and death
because I
have learned
at the foot
of the cross
to submit
myself to
the will
of another
who gave
himself for
me
to make
me spotless
copy the
divine marriage
between Christ
and the
bride
copy it
and live
it
and your
marriage will
be beautiful
Amen