I'm the pastor here, and it's my joy to bring God's word to you today.
As you can tell, I'm a little stuffed up, so bear with me.
It's going to slow me down a little bit, which is probably going to be good news for some
of you who are telling me I need to talk slower.
A special welcome if you're new or visiting with us today.
We're glad you're here, and we're glad you're here not because we're trying to fill seats,
but because we're following Jesus together as one community, and as we follow Jesus together,
we're convinced that there's no one so good that they don't need God's grace, and no one
so bad that they can't have it, which means that God has something to say to everyone in
his word.
We're going to jump right in like we did last week into 1 Peter chapter 3.
We've got three principles that we've been looking at in a variety of different situations.
Remember, Peter is writing to churches in the first century.
He's writing to them that live in Asia Minor, and these churches are in duress because they're
feeling out of place in the world as Christians, and they're facing opposition from the world
because of their faith in Jesus Christ.
And so we have these three principles that he's given us that I reviewed last week.
First of all, these believers in Jesus are priests, and that means that they represent God to the
world, that people learn about God's character through the way his people live their lives.
Second of all, the chapter 2, verse 12 principle, they should have honorable conduct.
And so the way that they live in the world should cause people to bring honor and glory
to God, and in fact, may bring some people to have faith in God.
And then finally, the principle in chapter 2, verse 17, of honoring everyone, that whatever
we do, we seek as we live to bring honor to someone, whether they agree with us or not.
And so we've been looking at those three principles applied to all sorts of different situations.
We looked at the principle that applies to living as a citizen of the government.
We looked at it as it applies to, in Peter's time, being a slave, or in our time, being
an employee.
And then last week, we started the discussion of how this applies to marriage.
And I'll just start by saying this is, of course, a timely and sensitive topic, and it's timely
and sensitive.
I know that for a fact because this sermon last week generated more conversation than I think
I've ever seen in this church about one sermon.
And I've received more calls and texts and emails about it than I have in the past.
And so it just highlights that this is something that's both real for us as we live in the
world, and it's also something that can be tender and sensitive.
And we're going to continue that conversation this morning, and we're going to turn from
wives to husbands.
And as we do that, I'll say, on the one hand, women, you're off the hook.
On the other hand, there's a sense in which you're not, because this is a tender and it's
a raw topic for many people.
There's a sense in which this might bring up memories for those of us who have had experiences
with men who were not honoring and did not live in an understanding way.
And so as those memories come up, I remind you, as I do from time to time, that God's
with us, most importantly, that he's for us.
And there's a certain vulnerability, right, that we're going to talk about that comes with
living in the world in ways that are different between being a man and a woman.
If you're a parent, you know that you worry probably less about who your sons will marry
than who your daughters will marry.
Most moms don't say to their sons, well, she's going to have to come home and meet me first
while I'm cleaning my guns.
That's not a thing, right?
Because there's less of a fear because there is a certain vulnerability that happens in marriage.
So on the one hand, women, you're off the hook.
On the other hand, you're not.
Now, there's also another way we can fall off the bus.
I talked last week about the fact that there are two errors.
One, to talk about the roles in marriage and turn it into something strange or abusive.
And the other way to fall off is to make it mean nothing.
And there are some other ways that we can fall off when we talk about husbands.
It's no one will ever criticize a pastor for coming in strong on men, right?
But if you say the wrong thing about women, you know, people will come and they'll let you know.
And so there's a tendency in the evangelical church when you come to passages like this
in the American church to just shame men.
And so we can fall off on that side as well.
And that's not the goal of Peter.
And it's certainly not my goal this morning.
And so I say all that just to name that we're continuing to have a hard conversation as a family, as a church, together.
And also a hard conversation in this portion of the scripture.
And so we need God's grace.
And that's what we ask for when we pray to him every Sunday when we come to his word.
And so with that introduction, we are in 1 Peter.
And we are looking at one verse.
We're in chapter 3, verse 7.
And as we come to this, remember that this is God's word.
And God tells us that his word is more precious than gold, even the finest gold.
And it is sweeter than honey, even honey that comes straight from the honeycomb.
And so it's for that reason that we read now verse 7.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,
since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
so that your prayers may not be hindered.
I invite you to pray with me as we come to this portion of God's word.
Dear Father in heaven, we thank you that you don't shy away from hard topics.
We thank you that you don't just tell us things we want to hear,
but you also tell us things that we don't want to hear.
And we confess that we, in a sense, are all weak vessels,
and we need your help this morning as we come to your word.
And so we ask that you would give it to us, that you'd give us your grace,
that you'd give us your wisdom,
and you'd give us your spirit,
that we would be able to hear and understand
and believe everything that you have for us in your word.
We ask these things, and we have confidence that you'll give them to us,
not because of what we have done,
but because of what Jesus has done for us.
And so we ask this in his name.
Amen.
Now, this debate was raging more a few years ago than it is now.
It's more of a settled issue in our country,
but there was a time when I followed the gay marriage debate very closely,
partially out of just personal intellectual curiosity,
partially because of my love for the church
and my knowledge that it would affect things for us as a church
as we move forward in this society.
And so I'd follow some of the arguments that were made on both sides
as people would discuss this topic.
And one of the statistics that would get thrown around is this.
Heterosexual couples have so much to learn from homosexual couples,
and they have so much to learn because statistics show
that gay and lesbian couples have way less conflict in their marriages
than heterosexual couples.
And so there's something that these gay couples have figured out
that heterosexual couples have not figured out.
And in fact, maybe there's something that heterosexual couples could learn from them.
What do we say to that as people who are faithful and following the Bible
and what it teaches about human sexuality?
What's our response?
It's the scholars.
The scholarly response would be, duh.
Of course, of course, two men are going to get along much better than a man and a woman.
And of course, two women are going to get along much better than a man and a woman.
Tell me something else that I wouldn't have known without research.
Right?
You can't compare the two.
They're not the same thing.
Part of what is both glorious and difficult about marriage
is that it's the institution in society that forces a man and a woman
to figure out how to get along together.
And big surprise, we wouldn't have known this without statistics and research,
it actually can be very challenging for men and women to get along together.
And so there's one principle here.
I'm going to lay out several principles for you as we're coming to this,
and that's the first one.
Part of what is wonderful and beautiful about marriage,
one of the things that makes marriage such a great gift from God
is it's the one place where you can't get away
without resolving the differences between the genders, right?
That's just a basic principle up front.
We have to have that principle to look at this passage.
I'm going to say something really scandalous.
Men and women are very different.
Don't quote me on that, okay?
And it's not just that there's just generic differences
between specific men and specific women,
but there's broad differences, right?
There's things that are generally true of women
and things that are generally true of men.
I mentioned last week the research of John and Julie Gottman,
who are a couple who have done a lot of other research
based on how marriages can be healthy and people can get along,
and these are not Christian believers in any way,
as far as I'm aware.
If you go to their website, you look on their Instagram feed,
you'll find out very quickly they don't share our convictions
about marriage, about human sexuality,
and yet they look into this.
They've tried to figure out how can we help men and women get along.
So principle number one, men and women are different.
Principle two, there's specific ways in which they're different.
So John and Julie tell this story about a couple named Lynn and Mike,
and Lynn and Mike had been struggling in their marriage for about 20 years.
They couldn't figure out how to resolve their differences.
They'd gotten to a point where they felt like they couldn't understand each other,
and so kind of as a final ditch effort,
Lynn convinced Mike to go to this workshop
about helping men and women understand each other.
And so this workshop started out.
It was run by a woman, and she starts by asking a question.
She said, I'm just going to ask the men this question,
so I only want to hear the responses from the men.
And raise your hand if you don't have to do this.
This is just the story, right?
Raise your hand if you've ever feared for your life or your physical well-being.
There's an awkward pause, right?
And a few men raise their hands.
One of them's a vet.
He says, you know, I was in Vietnam one time,
and when I was in Vietnam, there was this one moment when I feared for my life.
Another man shares a story from several decades ago when he was in a fistfight,
and he thought, maybe this could be the end of my life.
None of the men could name a single incident that was within the last 10 years.
So it was over 10, 20, 30 years ago that they had feared for their life.
The woman running the workshop then said, okay, women,
how many of you have ever feared for your life?
Every single hand went in the air.
And then she got even more specific.
How many of you have feared for your life in the last six months?
Every hand stayed up in the air.
How many of you have feared for your life in the last month?
Every hand stayed up in the air.
How many of you have feared for your life in the last week?
Every hand still remained in the air.
How many of you have feared for your life when you came in from the parking garage
to come to this workshop?
Every hand stayed in the air.
Mike realized something for the first time.
He had no idea what it was like for his wife to walk through the world as a woman.
And the reverse was also true.
At this point, Lynn had never thought about the fact that her husband never feared for his life.
And this was kind of a watershed moment in their marriage,
the way that John and Julie tell this story.
And they tell this to illustrate some of the differences between men and women in marriage
and how they understand each other.
They say this,
Mike was stunned.
He had no idea Lynn experienced fear.
He wasn't afraid, so he assumed she wasn't afraid.
That one example explains Mike changed everything between us.
I realized I had been assuming she viewed the world through the same lens I viewed the world through.
And it was eye-opening.
Lynn was just as astounded that Mike had not felt fear for his physical well-being in 30 years.
They go on to tell another story about some research done at that great Christian conservative bastion,
the University of California, Berkeley,
where they had done some research on responses to gunshots.
And so they'd put these test cases, and they'd have an unexpected gun go off behind them.
And men and women had kind of a similar response in terms of the way they immediately responded to it,
but they had a different emotional response.
Men, by and large, were very, very angry,
and some of them desired to have revenge on the person running the experiment.
Women, on the other hand, by and large, were very, very afraid.
So one instance, two different responses, right?
I highlight all of this because this is what we're looking at here in verse 7.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.
And now they break it up here in this translation,
but actually the understanding way in the Greek comes right before the phrase weaker vessel.
There's a sense.
Principle one, right?
Men and women are different.
Principle two, there are specific differences.
There's a sense in which men are like Mike, right?
Mike had never thought about the fact that his wife viewed the world in a different way than he did.
And so Peter is simply saying this.
As a husband, come to know, work to know and understand what it is like for your wife to live in the world as a woman
and understand how living in the world as a woman is very different than living in the world as a man.
And so there's certainly a physical component to this, right?
The weaker vessel here, vessels the way.
It's talking about the body.
So there's a physical component to that.
That's what I've highlighted with this story with Mike and Lynn.
The knowledge here, that's what's meant by understanding.
Live in a way, and this live word, by the way, is the word that's used of people who share a home together.
So share a home together in a way that includes your knowledge.
And it's your knowledge, specifically, of your wife.
And it's your knowledge of your wife in the sense of what it means for her to be a woman in a way that's different than you're a man.
So seek knowledge.
Grow in your knowledge.
Mike grew in his knowledge of Lynn, right?
He grew in his understanding of what it was like for her to experience the world as a woman.
Now, there's certainly a physical component to this.
There's certainly a social component to it as well.
The point of this sermon, by the way, is not to say that men are strong and women are weak.
Certainly, both men and women are strong and weak in different ways.
The point is for men who have strength in a certain way to begin to understand how that's different from the way their wives experience the world.
So as I said, there's a physical component, but there's also a social component.
We've just, last week, read a passage about wives submitting to their husbands or being subject, as the ESV translates it.
And so there's not just a physical differential.
There's also a power differential.
I had someone reach out to me this week in response to last week's sermon.
And I received permission to share this, so I don't just share things people send to me right from the pulpit.
But I asked, can I share this?
I think it would be really helpful.
Asking about, last week, the part about Sarah not fearing anything frightening.
And this is a single woman who reached out to me.
She said, that actually sounds quite terrifying.
Trusting someone, that is some other human, to take care of you, that is the wife, and having to trust his judgment and follow his lead, that, all caps, sounds terrifying.
Men don't really have to think about that kind of stuff, so may not realize how terrifying it could be.
And I thought, yeah, we don't.
Men don't naturally think about how terrifying that is.
And so that's part of the reason that this passage is so important.
Right?
If you're married, you have a husband, there's many decisions that he makes that affect you, that you're vulnerable to.
There's financial decisions.
There's parenting decisions.
There's things that affect you that can have a terrifying impact.
So I say all that to say, again, two principles.
One, men and women are different.
Two, they're different in specific ways.
And three, that means the responsibility, as Peter puts it here, is on men.
And the responsibility is on husbands to proactively seek knowledge about their wives.
To seek knowledge about what it's like to live as a woman in the world and what makes that different from living as a man.
And I'll say this, for their application, you can't have knowledge if you're not a student.
That's the only way you get knowledge.
I quoted a man several weeks ago who said Christianity's not revolutionary, but it's radical.
The same individual says this about this passage.
Husbands are scientists with a narrow field of inquiry.
Live in an understanding way with knowledge is what that means.
Live in a way that demonstrates your knowledge of what it's like to walk through this world as a woman.
And you're going to get that knowledge by being a student.
Working on understanding, by the way, is not natural.
This is probably part of why Peter's bringing it up.
It's not natural for people in power.
So if you have authority in some way, whether you're a boss, maybe it's your pastor, maybe it's your husband and a father,
you don't naturally think, what is it like to be someone who has to follow my leadership?
That takes an extremely high level of self-awareness.
And it's easy to be unaware of the privileges that your power gives to you, the ways that it benefits you,
and you may never realize it unless you ask someone who actually has to follow you.
And so part of this is just a general principle for people who have power,
that there's a certain privilege that comes with it.
And you want to use that privilege in a way that actually lifts people up and honors them and helps them.
And so it's actually, there's a sense in which it's the responsibility of the person who's in power
to find out the needs of the person with less power.
That's not just a principle in marriage, that's a principle across the board.
If you want to be a good boss, your job is to go to your employees and ask them,
okay, I have the power in this situation, you have less power,
so it's my job actually to initiate the conversation about what I can do to make things better for you.
That's just the way power and authority work.
That's the way good power and good authority works.
And so Peter's saying, okay, wives are subject to their husbands,
husbands have more authority and power in this situation,
therefore it's their responsibility to go and gather the information.
It's your job to go to your wife and say,
help me understand more about what it looks like to be a woman in this world.
Or even more scary, help me understand what it's like to be married to me.
What are the ways that I interact with you that are really helpful?
What are some ways that I interact with you that are not so helpful?
Having knowledge means that you're a student.
You know what makes your wife sad.
You know what makes her rejoice.
You know what makes her happy.
That is knowledge that you have.
By the way, this is knowledge you use, right?
It's actionable knowledge.
There are some men, husbands, who find out things about their wives,
and they might think, well, that's extremely interesting but irrelevant.
Peter's saying it's extremely interesting and also actionable.
This is knowledge that affects the way that you live.
And so, again, it's hard to have knowledge if you're not a student.
It's hard to be an understanding husband if you're not a curious husband.
And so, if you want to, I'll say that again,
it's hard to be an understanding husband if you're not a curious husband.
So, if you want to jump in the deep end,
you could ask your wife, okay, and don't ask general, right?
That's not helpful.
Okay, what's it like?
Well, it doesn't give us a scale.
On a one to ten scale, where are we at?
By the way, counselors will tell you that men and women
always rate their marriages differently, almost.
So, generally, women will rate a marriage lower than the husband will.
So, if you ask a man and a wife, okay,
rate your marriage on a scale of zero to ten,
the man says it's an eight,
the wife is probably going to say it's a six.
The man says it's a six, the wife might say it's a three.
The man says it's a nine, the wife might say it's a five.
I had a friend one time, I was on the phone with him,
and he told me, you know, I went, and I checked in with my wife,
and I was going to ask her, I asked her,
how are things going with us?
And I was preparing, because I knew in my back of my head,
like, I'm asking this question, and I need to,
but things aren't going well, and, like,
it's going to be a hard conversation.
Well, he asked her, and she said,
we are thriving right now.
I said, man, you go, because if she says that,
then you can trust it, right?
Like, if you think it's thriving, I don't really know.
If you called me and told me it was going great,
it could or could not be going well, right?
So I said, man, wonderful, praise God,
like, your marriage must be doing well,
since your wife says it's going well.
All to say, hard to be understanding
if you're not a curious husband.
Second of all, I want to,
we talked last week about ways we can fall off
on either side.
One way we could fall off last week that we discussed
is the idea of, okay, being subject to your husband
doesn't mean you can't say no.
There were times that Sarah told Abraham no.
There were also times that Abraham needed
to tell Sarah no, and he didn't.
One way to abuse this passage is to say,
therefore, as a husband,
it means you have to always say yes.
Wives can say no, and husbands can say no.
Being an understanding husband
doesn't mean that you're a doormat.
Being a wife who's submissive
doesn't mean that you're a doormat.
I was listening to a podcast recently.
You guys know I've mentioned in the past,
I'm a big podcast guy,
and this was an interview
with a woman named Christy Wright,
and this is a strong, accomplished woman.
So she's an entrepreneur, and she trains other women
how to be good entrepreneurs.
And she's talking in this podcast
all about her business tips and tricks
and the effective way to run a business
and the non-effective way,
and she gets to a point where she's talking about
how, as a business owner,
sometimes you have to tell people no.
And in the middle of this podcast,
she goes off, she just stops,
and starts raving about her husband
and how good he is at saying no to her.
And then she gives this example.
She talks about how she's very creative.
She's this entrepreneur,
so she's constantly coming up
with home remodeling projects.
And of course, her husband can't say yes
to all the home remodeling projects, right?
But her husband has found a way
to say it in an understanding way.
So he'll say, man, I just,
I love the fact that you are so creative,
and that just blows me away.
I'm not sure we have the bandwidth right now
for another project,
but like, I just, man,
you have so many great ideas,
and I just, I'm just in awe of that.
The answer's no, right?
We don't have the bandwidth right now
to remodel the kitchen a second time.
And yet, he does it in an understanding way.
Say no in such a way
that your wife raves about you
the next time she's interviewed on a podcast.
Okay, there's another way
we can fall off the bus on this.
So there's a big conversation right now
about men in the church
and the question about why
there aren't more men in the church
and why there aren't more masculine men
in the church.
By the way, we have many masculine men
in this church.
Praise God.
It is not saying that you have to be
a weak man, right?
The last thing we need
is more weak or soft men.
We need, in our society
and in the church,
we need strong men.
We want strong men
who are gentle
and kind
and tender.
We don't want weak
or soft men.
We want strong men.
We want strong men
who are gentle
and kind
and tender.
And, you know,
kill bears
when they need to kill bears.
You don't want weak men
leading a church, right?
If there's something
that needs to be dealt with,
you want men
who are going to get in
and deal with it.
You don't want a weak man
leading your family.
There's an issue
that needs to be dealt with.
You want a man
who's going to deal with it.
And so,
there's a temptation
on the one hand
to say,
okay,
last week's sermon,
maybe that was a little patriarchal.
This week's sermon,
maybe it's a little feminist.
The Bible doesn't always
fit into our neat categories.
It doesn't always
fall into the lines
that our culture
wants us to fall into.
So, the Bible teaches both
in a sense.
I mean,
what are you going to do, right?
Cut 1 Peter 3, 7
out of the Bible.
I did have a few men
suggest to me
that it would be okay
if we skipped this passage.
Okay, moving on.
So, we've got
kind of three things
going on here.
One,
live with your wives
in an understanding way.
Point one.
Point two,
showing honor.
By the way,
the showing honor
comes after the weaker vessel
than the Greek.
So, I put that
under the understanding way.
Then we've got
showing honor
as heirs with you
of the grace of life.
These folks
receiving this letter
are living in a culture
and an economy
where women and men
are not equal.
And they're living
in a culture
and an economy
where the woman
is supposed
to honor her husband.
Peter reverses that
or at least subverts it.
No, actually,
remember,
you're a holy nation,
2-9.
That might be
how things work
in the Roman world.
That's not how things
work in God's nation.
In God's nation,
men and women
are actually equal.
And in God's nation,
disregard the customs
of the Roman Empire.
in God's nation,
it's actually your job
as a husband
to show honor
to your wife.
And so,
it's subversive
here in 1 Peter
in multiple ways.
Women are actually
equal to you.
Don't treat them
as if they're not,
even though that's
what's common
in the society
around you, right?
Women are taught
to show honor
to their husbands.
Guess what?
In your household,
since you're
a Christian man,
that's not your concern.
Your concern
is actually the opposite,
that you're showing
honor to your wife.
Again, as I said,
patriarchal and feminist
at the same time.
The Bible's not gonna meet
our expectations
in every way.
By the way,
you're showing honor
to your wife
even as you may feel
dishonored
by the fact
that she is not
a Christian.
If you look
at this translation,
it says,
since they are
heirs with you
of the grace of life.
That's one way
to translate it.
You could take it as
show honor
because they're
heirs with you
of the grace of life.
You could also
take it as
show honor
as if,
in other words,
pretend like
they're heirs with you
in the grace of life.
Remember,
we're talking about
how it is
that Christians
are supposed to interact
with non-Christians.
The Greek here
could go either way.
I think it's probably
more likely,
now both should be
in mind, right?
It actually doesn't matter
which one we fall down on.
But if we're talking
about places
where Christians
show honor
to non-Christians,
it's very likely
that this is
a Christian man
who's married
to a non-Christian woman.
If that's the case,
Peter is saying,
treat your wife
as if she's a Christian
even though she's not.
And remember,
I talked about
last week,
in this society,
there was an expectation
that the wife
would automatically
worship whoever
the husband worshiped.
And so here's a man
who's being dishonored
by his wife.
She refuses
to worship his gods.
People could look
around him and say,
man,
those Christian men,
you know,
they're just so weak.
Their wives won't even
worship their gods
with them.
And that Christian man
could be tempted
to think,
in frustration,
act out in that way
against his wife,
right,
man,
I can't believe
that you won't convert
and you won't follow
my God,
Jesus with me
because you know,
in our culture,
everyone knows
that the wife worships
the God of the husband.
And in fact,
Peter says quite the opposite.
Instead of being frustrated
by the fact
that you're not being shown
honor,
reverse it.
Pretend as if she is
a Christian
and subvert the system
in the same way
that he tells Christian wives
to subvert the system.
Show even more honor
to her
as she dishonors you.
Now,
if it's the case
that he is talking
about Christian wives
of Christian men,
the point's still the same,
right?
Okay,
in this society,
you may think
that they're worth
less than you.
But guess what?
In the holy nation,
you guys are both heirs
of God's grace.
God's not giving
more grace to men
than he is to women.
And so in God's eyes,
you're equal.
Act in that way.
Behave in that way.
Behave in a way
that it's clear
to your wife
that you think
that you're equal
with her
in the sight of God.
And so use your power
and your authority
in this system
to build your family up
and to build your wife up
rather than
to build yourself up.
You are seeking
in whatever way
you can
to use your position
and your power
to show honor
to your wife.
because God
and Jesus died,
his blood was as much
for her
as it was for you.
And so act
in that way.
That should be
the way
that you behave.
we've seen
first
live in an understanding
way.
Second,
showing honor.
And then finally,
there is a sobering
warning
that this passage
ends with.
There's a purpose
clause here.
When it came
to the wives,
the purpose
was that they might
win their husbands
to follow after Jesus.
Here,
and that was a positive,
right?
That was the carrot.
Now we have a stick
for the men.
Your behavior
should be
in such a way
that your prayers
are not hindered.
In other words,
if you are not
living in an
understanding way
with your wife,
if you're not
listening to your wife,
God's not
listening to you.
Now this might
seem strange
at first
because of course
our understanding
is that everything
is by grace,
right?
We don't earn
favor from God.
God saved us
from our sins.
We would say
God hears our prayers
because Jesus
mediates for us,
right?
So in what sense
would God not
hear our prayers?
The assumption here
is that this person
is a Christian,
right?
So why would God
not hear the prayers
of a Christian?
Jesus died for this
person.
He's mediating for them.
And maybe we could say
God hears the prayers,
right?
But he's not answering
them because he's not
answering them with a yes.
How can we understand
God's grace
and both his discipline?
And I want you all
to think about it
like this.
So you know that I
try to get out
as much as I can
and run and hike.
And if you run
and hike in Colorado,
there are trails
that will take
different routes.
And if you go out,
like I did recently
in Cheyenne Mountain
State Park
after it snowed,
there's going to be
certain parts of the trail
that still have snow
on them
and certain parts
that don't.
Why?
Certain parts
of the trail
are highly exposed
to the sun
and certain parts
are not.
when you walk
into the shadows,
don't be surprised
when the temperature
drops.
When you walk
into the shadows,
don't be surprised
when the temperature
drops.
That doesn't mean
you earned
the sun
in any way.
Okay?
God's grace,
you don't earn it,
you don't merit it.
When I walk
out into the sun,
I didn't merit
that sun
by my behavior.
However,
I put myself
in the place
of the heat
of the sun.
And when I walked
in the shadows,
I chose
to remove myself
from the heat
of the sun.
There is a way
as a Christian husband
to remove yourself
from the heat
of God's blessing.
God
will not
be mocked.
And he
is not
interested
in providing
blessing
and answer
to the prayers
of harsh
and insensitive
husbands.
Doesn't negate
his grace.
But it also
shows how
serious
God is
about disciplining
his children.
And so
there's also
several principles
here.
First,
authority
goes with
responsibility.
And responsibility
goes with
accountability.
And so
husbands,
you have more
authority in the
family,
guess what?
That means
you have more
accountability.
Husbands
will answer
to God
for how they
treat their
wives and
their families.
And Peter
intends for that
to be sobering
for the people
reading this
letter.
This is not
just some
fluffy
marriage advice
for people
who are more
sensitive.
But Peter
is warning
them that
this is the
behavior
that brings
God's favor.
And the
inverse is
also true.
By the way,
this is a
principle in
other parts of
Scripture.
In the book
of James,
it says that
teachers are
going to have
a greater
accountability
before God
for what they
teach.
And so
there's a
principle,
an authority,
right?
I said
earlier,
if you're
someone in
authority,
the responsibility
is on you
to take
initiative,
to see how
you can help
the people
who are under
you.
If you're
in authority,
God's
discipline is
real.
It tells us
in Hebrews
chapter 12
that his
discipline is
a way that
we know
that we
belong to
him.
And so
it doesn't
mean that
these husbands
aren't
Christians.
In fact,
quite the
opposite.
They're
children of
God who
are being
disciplined
for being
harsh and
unloving to
their wives.
Now,
it's tempting
to take this
passage for
some people
and just say,
well,
the point is
don't abuse
your wife.
Actually,
that's not
the point.
That's the
assumption.
The assumption
of this passage,
as I mentioned
last week,
is that abuse
is off the
table.
No,
this is saying
that the
standard of
a normal
Christian husband
is that this
is the kind
of man who's
seeking understanding
about his wife
and looking to
live in a way
that honors her.
And so,
it's not just
what someone
doesn't do.
It's not just,
oh,
I don't abuse
my wife,
I'm off the
hook.
But what
someone does
do,
right,
the husband
of consideration
and care.
And so,
God disciplines
people.
Men who are
harsh with
their wives
should expect
God's discipline
to fall on
them.
God is not
amused,
and he will
not be mocked.
God is not
going to
do it.
And so,
as Peter
writes this
letter,
he wants
them to
understand
how important
this is for
them as they
live as a
holy nation.
And of
course,
what is
their
motivation?
Their
motivation is
that they
would do
the very
same thing
that Jesus
has done
for them.
Jesus is
someone who
has had
all the
authority,
right?
In
Philippians
chapter 2
talks about
how he
gave it
all up.
He laid
it down.
He sacrificed
it for the
good of his
people.
And he did
it when they
were,
right,
rebelling
against him.
As this
Christian husband
potentially married
to a non-Christian
woman might feel
like it's
happening in
his marriage.
And yet,
what did
Jesus do?
He used
his power
and his
authority
not to
build himself
up,
not to
exalt
himself,
but to
lift us
up and
exalt us.
And so
that's why
that passage
in Philippians
ends by
saying that
Jesus is
going to
be given
the name
that's above
every other
name.
He's going
to be
high and
lifted up.
Because that's
the logic
of the
gospel.
And so
this logic
is being
applied as
it has been
applied to
everyone else
in these
situations.
It's applied
to husbands.
So they
lose their
power to
lift up
rather than
tear down.
And that
God would
have,
has been
the goal
of all
of these
passages
to
tremendous
honor and
glory.
Just as
the hope
was that
non-Christian
men would
look at
these
Christian
wives
last week
and say,
man,
there's a lot
of hard
things about
having a
spouse who
doesn't
worship the
gods with
me,
and there's
times when I
really wish I
had a
Christian
wife.
Same is
also true
that women
would look
into the
church and
see Christian
husbands and
think,
man,
there's some
things I'm
not sure
about,
about
Christianity,
but those
Christian
husbands,
if I could
get one
of those.
That part of
this point of
1 Peter is
that as this
new nation,
they're modeling
to the world,
as I've said
before and I
said in Nehemiah,
that people
would look and
they would see
what it looks
like when God's
people walk in
God's ways.
ways.
One of the
ways that God's
people show
the world a
different way
of living is
when men and
women walk
together in
ways that honor
each other and
have peace with
one another.
And so this is
part of the
vision that Peter
has for this
Christian community,
that they would
be a light to
the world in
the way their
marriages work.
And so we've
been asking this
question of how
husbands fulfill
these principles of
being a priesthood,
of glorifying God,
of honoring everyone.
We see it with
two ways in one
warning.
First, they live in
a way that's
understanding,
knowing that their
experience of the
world is very
different from the
experience of their
wives.
Second, they live in
a way that shows
honor, not acting as
if somehow they're
more worthy as a
man, but looking to
show their wife how
worthy she is.
And then finally,
there's a warning
that God's discipline
is real for husbands
who fail to
honor and live with
their wives in an
understanding way.
And so while that's
the stick, we also
have the carrot and
the model.
Remember, we were
told earlier, a
couple weeks ago,
that Jesus is our
example.
And so we do this
following after Jesus
because we know that
for us and for his
church, he was the
husband that sought
to be understanding
and to sacrifice for
his church.
church.
And he was the
husband who gave up
his honor to give
tremendous honor and
glory to us.
And so we praise God
for that that he's
given to us, that we
could walk in his
ways and that everyone
would look and see a
different way and a
different kind of
marriage in this church
and in God's church.
And so it's with that
hope and that
admonition that I
invite you to pray
with me.
Dear Father in
Heaven, we again
thank you for your
word.
We ask that you
would use it in ways
that are purposeful and
powerful in our lives.
We ask for the
marriages in this
church that you'd
continue to build
them up and
strengthen them.
That our husbands
would more and more
love their wives like
you love the church.
And our wives would
more and more love
their husbands in the
same way with your
love honoring them as
they try to lead.
And that together we
would be able to give
you tremendous honor
and glory.
We ask that you'd send
your Holy Spirit to do
it and you'd empower us
because of the
sacrifice of your son.
And we ask it knowing
that we have not earned
it but that you have
earned it for us.
And so we ask it in
Jesus' name.
Amen.