Thank you, Katie. Good evening, everyone. Really good to have you with us tonight.
On the back pew of this church, there's a plaque in memory of David McBride.
Mr. McBride was a very gentle, unassuming man.
I don't think I ever heard him taking part publicly in a church service.
But every week until a very old age, Mr. McBride would check the heating was on on a Sunday morning.
He would put the notes of the hymn boards up with the hymn numbers.
He would welcome latecomers at the door.
He would tidy the books away at the end of the service.
And lots and lots of other things that went unseen.
He was a fine role model to many of us.
On Hockman A in 1995, fairly late in the evening, we got a call from Sheila McBride, David McBride's daughter,
saying that he had passed away at the age of 101.
I went over with a number of other close friends.
And we sat around and we reflected on a long life that was well lived for the Lord Jesus.
We were sad because someone we loved and knew had gone.
But we were also thankful.
Thank you for thankful for a good life, live for the Lord Jesus.
Thank you for thankful that its end ended in a fairly straightforward way without a lot of suffering.
And I think we could identify with what Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4,
that we don't grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope.
But a year and a half before that, we got a call on Sunday morning.
The 10-month-old son of a close relative had died in his cot.
Bridget and I went with other family to the house.
And naturally, the parents were distraught.
And we were asking, how and why could such a thing happen to a baby who was so loved and had so much potentially before him?
And the grief was almost unbearable.
I think for me, these two deaths represent the extremes of grief that I've witnessed.
There was a further family tragedy a few years later, which would also be in that category.
But it illustrated to me, as I was thinking about this evening, that there's no one experience of grief.
Every death is different, and our response to it is different.
And you can probably think back and think of loved ones or friends that you've lost,
and the effect, the impact that it had on you immediately and over time.
Every death is different.
Every experience of grief is different.
It depends a bit on how close we were to the person.
The death of a child or a spouse is probably the most traumatic thing that will happen to many people in their lives.
But the more distant the relationship or the friendship becomes,
the less we are affected by grief on someone's death.
It also depends on the circumstances.
Some people like Mr. McBride go peacefully, having a long life,
and we can be thankful for that.
Some people are taken suddenly, perhaps in an accident,
and there's enormous pain and questioning immediately as a result of it.
Some people die after long and difficult illnesses.
And in some ways our grieving has started sometime before,
as we knew that they were going to die.
And yet, when the actual moment comes,
there is still that great feeling of loss,
that we're never going to see them or be able to speak to them again.
Our response probably also depends on ourselves,
our own character,
and perhaps our own mental health.
So everything is different.
And even in our own reactions,
perhaps they're not always as we would expect.
King David in the Bible lost three sons during his lifetime in quick succession.
The first was the son who was born as a result of his adultery with Bathsheba.
And you remember that Nathan had told David that the son would die.
And as the boy, his baby grew very ill,
David was inconsolable.
He was face down to the ground,
praying to God, not eating, and so on.
And when the boy died,
his servants were really worried about what would happen.
If David was like this when the boy was ill,
what would he be like knowing that he had died?
But David's response, of course, as you may well remember,
is that he got up and he cleaned himself
and he got back into a normal situation of living.
Because he recognised that God's will had been done.
He had hoped that the boy would live.
The boy had died and he accepted that was God's will for him.
I'm sure he was very sad, full of grief,
but it wasn't what people expected.
The second son who died was Amnon.
Now, Amnon had fallen in love with
and raped his half-sister Tamar.
And another of David's sons, Absalom, then murdered him.
And David's response to that was one of grief, of sorrow,
but also of kind of evading things.
He hadn't dealt with the original problem with Amnon,
nor did he deal with Absalom
well after his killing of his brother.
And that then led to all sorts of problems with Absalom.
And he's the third one who died.
Absalom rebelled against David,
almost took the throne over.
David eventually prevailed
and Absalom got his head stuck in a tree
and Joab put three spears through it to kill him.
And as the people told David about that,
perhaps they thought, well, he said not to kill Absalom,
but actually he'll be quite pleased that we have.
And David was absolutely inconsolable.
He wished that he had died rather than Absalom.
Three different experiences in one life in the scriptures.
They're fairly close together,
probably a few years in practice between them.
Different experiences of death
and different reactions from the same person to them.
So I think one of the key things I want us all to take away this evening
is that every experience of death is different.
And if we're trying to help and support people in the church who are grieving,
we need to be very careful with making assumptions about how they'll be.
They might well be very different from what we expect.
And we have in every circumstance to be sensitive to how the person is
and to be for the Lord that we may be able to help and support them in the best way possible.
Psychiatrists tell us that there are a number of stages in grieving.
I've seen several different lists,
but I think this is a reasonable one when the grief is a result of someone dying.
There's often initial numbness,
just not being able to quite grasp what's going on.
Then there's maybe a time of denial, of disbelief.
This can't possibly be happening.
Sometimes there's anger, anger against God.
Why does God allow this to happen?
Why has God allowed this person to die?
Maybe even a bit illogically anger with the person themselves
for having died.
There's then sadness, a deep sadness about the person who's gone.
And in the end, acceptance of the situation.
Not total forgetting about the person,
but getting over the initial stages of grief.
I think that's helpful.
But again, I think it's probably a bit too simplistic.
So I thought of a number of other emotions that we might have with someone dying.
In some cases, there actually might be some relief of what's happened.
If the person has been suffering and going through a really difficult time
and they're a Christian,
we may well be saying,
well, they're now with the Lord.
It's much better for them.
Or if the person has caused us great hurt,
we might have relief that they're no longer with us.
We might also have feelings of guilt.
Could I have done more to help the person?
Could I have been more supportive of them while they were alive?
Perhaps even sometimes guilt that we don't feel sadder than we do
at the fact that they've died.
And then I think a very important one,
if we're thinking pastorally about this,
is the loneliness that many people suffer after a loved one dies.
Perhaps particularly after a spouse or someone really close to them.
And that is the part of grief that goes on and on.
In most people, the immediate pain of grief will diminish over time.
Probably over a period of months,
but it will diminish over time.
But the loneliness for many people,
the missing, the one who they love so much,
that can go on for years and years.
And if we're looking to care for members of the church who have lost others,
we need to be aware that many of them could be deeply lonely over a period.
Now again, perhaps even with that,
it all looks a bit simplistic and neat.
C.S. Lewis, the author C.S. Lewis,
married quite late in life.
And a fairly short time into his marriage,
his wife had cancer and she passed away.
And C.S. Lewis kept a journal after her death of his thoughts and feelings.
It was eventually published as a book called A Guilt Observed.
And it is brutally honest.
This most logical of men in most circumstances
recognises that his reaction to the death of his wife
is in many ways illogical,
and he finds it really difficult to understand.
The start of chapter two, I think,
probably a second journal,
he looks back over his first journal
and said,
I'm appalled at what I read,
at my response to what happened.
And he questions God,
he questions how a God of love
could allow such suffering.
He questions himself and his response is,
is he too self-centred?
Should he be more concerned about his wife
and particularly concerned about God
and turning to God in his situation?
And eventually, he does come to accept things
and his faith in God remains strong.
But that really illustrated for me
that the feelings that we have
following the death of a loved one
may not be that logical,
may not make sense to us or to others.
There's nothing wrong with that.
That is simply us coming to terms with what has happened
and getting to the stage where we can accept it.
So with that kind of background,
let's think about what the Bible has to say then
to those who are grieving.
And really just two simple things
that I want to say this evening.
One is that death is our enemy.
Death is something that shouldn't be there.
It's only there because of our sin.
And it's not something that we should accept
as being good and right
and just kind of part of the way things are.
Death is our enemy.
And Paul says,
we'll come back to it in a few minutes,
in 1 Corinthians 15,
the last enemy to be destroyed is death.
Now thinking of that, a few thoughts.
Every death is a reminder of our human failure.
Sin entered the world, says Paul,
through one man and death through sin.
And in this way, death came to all people
because all sinned.
And in a sense, every death,
every time someone dies,
that is a small victory for the enemy.
It's a reminder to us of the strength of the enemy,
of death,
and our own weakness.
You remember in John 11,
I think Corey referred to it in prayer,
where Jesus is talking at the grave of Lazarus.
He's been talking to Martha and Mary.
And it says,
Jesus wept.
Do you ever wonder why Jesus wept?
He knew that Lazarus was going to be raised back to life.
So it wasn't the same kind of weeping
that the family and others would have.
He knew what the outcome was going to be.
Perhaps it was just this,
that as he stood at that gravesite,
he was reminded of sin
and was reminded of its terrible consequences.
Perhaps also he's looking forward
to when he would himself take the consequences for sin,
when he would die for our sins.
Every death is a reminder that we are sinful people
and that death has come as a result of our sin.
I'm not saying that every death is right to specific sin,
it's not clearly,
but it is the result of the sinfulness of all of us.
Second thing to be aware of in this
is that Christ has overcome death.
Peter's first sermon in Acts chapter 2,
he said,
God raised him from the dead,
freeing him from the agony of death
because it was impossible for death
to keep its hold on him.
Christ has overcome death.
That's the whole thing in 1 Corinthians 15, isn't it?
Paul is talking about the resurrection
and he's saying because Jesus has been raised from the dead,
then we don't need to fear death
because if we die, we too will be raised
and we'll go to be with them.
Again, it's there in 1 Thessalonians 4
that Katie read to us earlier.
That those who die don't need to,
we don't need to worry for them,
we don't need to grieve as other people do
because we know Christ has overcome death
and they will one day be raised
and will be restored to life
and will go to meet him in the air.
Christ has overcome death.
Third thing is because Christ has overcome death,
we don't need to fear it.
These are wonderful verses in Philippians chapter 1.
Paul with this tremendous dilemma.
Is it better that I stay alive and I work for Jesus
or that I die and go to be with him?
And he says,
For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.
I desire to depart and be with Christ,
which is better by far.
Now we may be afraid of dying.
Dying is almost always messy.
It can be very painful.
It's not a good thing.
But we shouldn't be afraid of what lies beyond death.
If our trust is in the Lord Jesus,
if we know him as our saviour,
then we can be confident that what lies behind us,
what is in front of us,
is much better than where we are now.
To live is Christ, says Paul.
To die is gain.
And then the final point here
is that the enemy will be destroyed.
Death will not be with us forever.
Christ will return.
He will take those who love him to be with him
and he will have a reign over this earth.
And he will destroy all his enemies.
And Paul says the last enemy to be destroyed is death.
It's the ultimate enemy,
but it's an enemy that has been defeated
and that will be seen to have been comprehensively defeated.
Death will be swallowed up in victory.
Through the Lord Jesus.
So yes, death is the enemy.
Death is something which is with us because of our sin.
And yet if we know the Lord Jesus,
we don't need to fear it.
And if people who know the Lord Jesus have died
and gone to be with him,
we don't need to sorrow for them.
We might sorrow for ourselves and what we've lost,
but for them it's much better.
Now clearly if they don't know the Lord Jesus,
the situation is very different.
I'm not going to go into great detail about that this evening.
There is a judgment to come.
But for those of us who know the Lord,
where people die who know the Lord,
we can rejoice that they've gone to be with him.
So here's the first thing.
Death is our enemy.
And we are coming eventually to Psalm 46.
But I will just do one thing before that.
You may recognize Johnny Cash there.
Johnny Cash's last recording of a song he wrote
was called 1 Corinthians 1555.
Johnny Cash, you may know, was known as a Christian,
but he lived a very troubled life in many ways.
And he wrote this song after the death of his wife June
and when his death was clearly reasonably close.
And he was looking forward and thinking,
well, what comes next?
Here are the words he wrote.
Oh, death, where is thy sting?
Oh, grave, where is thy victory?
Oh, life, you are a shining path
and hope springs eternal just over the rise
when I see my Redeemer beckoning me.
The sting has been taken out of death.
The victory has been won by the Lord Jesus.
And one day he will beckon us to be with him,
whether through death or if we're alive at his return.
Our Redeemer will beckon us.
And now we're going to Psalm 46.
I'm only going to look at the first couple of verses
and the last couple of verses
for the sake of time this evening.
And the second thing I want to remember,
death is our enemy,
but God is our fortress.
Now, one thing we need to remember
is that we by ourselves are powerless over death.
And we can only be defended from it
and from its consequences
through one who is stronger than us,
who is able to surround us
and be our fortress.
And when we have this time of grieving
when someone has passed away,
it is good to remember our God
and what he is to us.
So a few thoughts on that.
Verse one,
God is our refuge and strength
and ever-present help in time of trouble.
And when we go through times of sorrow,
when we go through times of grief,
God, if we know the Lord Jesus,
God is with us.
God is there to protect us
and to help us
and to bring us through
the most difficult of situations.
Even when the whole world
seems to be falling apart around us,
that's the thought of verse two,
the mountains falling into the sea,
the waters foaming and so on,
the mountains quake with their surging.
Even when everything is falling apart
round about us,
God is there with us,
even if we're not aware of it.
And in the time of grief,
perhaps it is sometimes difficult
to see God at work.
Perhaps it is difficult to come to him
and to cast our troubles on him.
Now, in some cases,
it won't be.
In some cases,
people's faith will remain very strong
and they won't find it too difficult
to accept God's will.
But certainly,
there are many cases
where people,
as the world falls apart around them,
as they have lost someone
who they dearly loved,
when they're not aware
that God is with them.
And the important thing is that
over time,
that awareness comes back.
That is what I took from C.S. Lewis
when I read his book.
For a long time,
God seemed very distant from him.
But eventually,
as he began to think,
perhaps more carefully,
about what had happened,
he recognised that God was with him
and that God,
throughout his troubles,
was there to help.
And this evening,
if you're going through
a situation of grief
and perhaps you think,
well, where is God?
Where is God in this situation?
God is there waiting for you.
He is eager that you should come to him
and seek comfort and strength from him.
And if you're able to do that,
when you're able to do that,
then he will be there to help
and to encourage you.
Then at the end of the chapter,
at the end of the psalm,
there are these wonderful words,
verse 10,
Be still and know that I am God.
And perhaps that is what is sometimes
very difficult for us
in the time of crisis.
Just to be able to be still,
to still our hearts,
to be able to gather our thoughts together
and to meditate on our God.
If you're in that kind of situation,
two suggestions for you.
The first is,
read your Bible and think about it.
Meditate on what the words of Scripture say.
Perhaps the words of the psalm,
like psalms like Psalm 46,
that tell us about God.
Perhaps words of the Gospels,
of the Lord Jesus,
as he comes and he brings us
the wisdom and the love
and the care of God.
Perhaps some of the words
that we've read in the epistles this evening,
words that remind us
that the Lord Jesus
has won the victory over death.
Read these words.
Try to meditate on them.
And God will speak to you through them.
And then the second suggestion,
pray.
And if you find that difficult,
ask others to pray.
Speak to one of the elders
or one of the pastoral staff
and ask them to pray with you
or to pray for you.
And even if your prayer,
to begin with,
is faltering
and you feel that God isn't very close
and you're not sure
if it's going above the ceiling,
just persevere with it
and God is there.
God is wanting to hear
and God is wanting
to answer your prayers.
And as a church,
when someone suffers a bereavement,
it's good that we can come together
and we can bring them before the Lord
together
and bring their needs
to the Saviour.
good also
when there are opportunities
to pray with them
when that's appropriate
as well.
God says to us,
as you go through the deep waters,
as you go through the difficult times,
be still
and know
that I
am God.
There's a band,
a heavy metal band
called Machine Head
and they had a song
that was called
Be Still
and Know.
The guy there
is Phil Demmel
who is the lead guitarist
for the band.
Phil Demmel grew up
in a Christian family
and in particular
he had a Christian grandmother
and his grandmother
chose a verse
from the Bible
for each of her grandchildren,
a kind of life motto
for them
if you like.
And the verse she chose
for Phil Demmel
was Psalm 46
verse 10.
Be still
and know
that I
am God.
And every time
you got a birthday card
or a Christmas card
from her
this verse
would be in it.
Be still
and know
that I
am God.
As a young man
you can probably see
he got lots of tattoos
on his arm
and at other places too
he got lots of tattoos
on his arm
and one of these tattoos
was the words
his grandmother
had taught him.
Be still
and know
that I
am God.
So one day
when he had
developed
a riff
on his guitar
that he was happy with
and he was trying
to think of some words
to put to it
these words
must have come back
to him
and he and his other
band members
wrote a song
called
Be Still
and Know.
Now I don't think
it's particularly
written from a Christian
perspective
in many ways
but I think
it's clear
from the words
of the chorus
I'm about to put up
that Phil Demmel
remembered a lot more
than just one verse
from what he had been
taught as a child.
Isn't it the power
of a godly grandmother
or grandparent
or godly parents
as well
that later in life
they can have
a real influence?
So this is the chorus
of the song
I think the words
are terrific.
And the sun will rise
Dawn will break
through darkest night
distant in its glow
This shall pass
Be still
and know
Now we're thinking
about what the Bible
says to the grieving
perhaps this is it
This shall pass
Be still
and know
that I
am God
The grief that you feel
will be intense
but with God's grace
you will gradually
begin to
return
to normal
And this shall pass
in the sense too
that one day
sin and death
will be behind us
and we will be
with the Lord Jesus
and be with him
forever
And with that
in our minds
and knowing that
we need to be still
and know
that he
is God
Let's pray
I continue to pray
for those who are
grieving in our church
A number of people
over the last year or two
have lost
close relatives
and Christmas time
will be particularly
difficult
for them
Let's support them
as a church
And if you are going
through a time of grieving
and finding it
really difficult
then seek the support
of the church
that we may pray
with you
and we may pray
for you
Let's just pray together
just now
Father we thank you
for your word
We thank you
for the tremendous truth
that although death
is our enemy
although it's the most
powerful of enemies
that last
that will be destroyed
it has indeed
been defeated
Christ has risen
victorious
from the dead
and we know now
that the dead
in Christ
will rise
to be with him
when he returns
that there is
a life beyond death
that is
much much better
than anything
in this world
We pray that we may
be comforted with that
when we go through
times of grief
and of bereavement
We pray that you will
help us to
recognise that you are
the God
who protects us
You are the God
who is there
for us
and that we may be
still and know
that you
are God
Thank you for this
time together
we do pray for those
who have lost
loved ones
in recent times
again
and pray that
your strength
and your comfort
may be a real
encouragement
to them
We give you thanks
and commit ourselves
to you
in Jesus name
Amen
!