Well, we've been looking at a series, Learning to Lead. We've looked at leading within the
church, leading within marriage, and this morning we're looking at leaders in the home
in particular, how that is for parents and their children. But before we do, let's pray.
Father, thank you so much for the gift of children. We thank you for all that they bring to us
as families and all that they give to us every day, the joy, the happiness. And we also recognise
that raising children is not easy, it is hard, and therefore we need your wisdom and your help,
and above all, the work of your Spirit in our lives to be the kind of parents that you call us to be.
So please help us to learn from this, and to understand what it is to be good parents for our children.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Now before we actually start, I should say that while this is directed at parents, those who have
children, or those who are thinking of having children, I think it does apply to us all because
we all have a responsibility towards the children within the family of the church. And I think what
we look at here, there are principles here that apply to those who are teaching or helping at
Sunday school, or those who are involved in creche, or are crusaders, and so on. So I hope that
whatever stage of life we are at, that we can draw something from this. But nonetheless,
this is directed primarily towards those who are parents. So, gift or curse? The chairman of the
association of non-parents, that's a group that are deliberately against having children, and yes,
such a group does exist. This is what the chairman says.
I have never wanted to be a parent. I have never wanted that sort of responsibility.
It is the fact that child-rearing goes on every day for so long. I just do not want to devote myself,
in this way, to children. What do you think of that? Well, many couples agree. They have a lifestyle
to enjoy, and careers to pursue, and having children just gets in the way. It's reflected throughout our
society. Married people are having less children than before, simply because they take up too much time,
and too much money. Those who do have children seem to have them later in life, after they've finished
exploring life. Abortion is also an increasing option, as children, they say, interfere with,
and complicates, an adult's life. So, to many, children are nothing more than a curse.
But the Bible has a much more positive view on our children. Rather than a curse, children,
all children, are a gift to be celebrated. Listen to this from Psalm 127, verse 3. It says,
Sons and daughters are a heritage from the Lord. Children are a reward from Him. Or in Proverbs 17, 6,
children's children are a crown to the aged. Grandchildren are wonderful.
So, children are a wonderful gift from God, and have a special place in the purposes of God. They are a
blessing and a reward, a joy and a treasure. So, rather than think our thoughts about children,
children, we need to be people who think God's thoughts about children. We need to see that
leading in our home, that's parenting, is not a chore to endure, but a privilege to enjoy.
And we're going to look at three areas that Christian parents are to lead in their homes and families.
First, we are to lead children to Christ. That's the primary role, responsibility of parents,
to lead their children to Christ. So, look, Ephesians chapter 6, verse 1.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And what are they to obey? Well, look at verse 4.
For fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
So, children are to obey their parents in all things. Parents don't obey the children. Children,
obey your parents in all things. In particular, they are to obey the teaching, that's the spiritual
formation that the parents bring and give to their children. So, what does that look like? Well,
negatively, verse 4 again, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Don't make them angry.
Or as my wife often says to me, Johnny, will you stop annoying your children? Leave them alone.
Do not be making harsh demands on them. Do this. Do that. Don't abuse your authority. They're not your slaves.
Do not be unfair, constantly nagging, putting them down and comparing. I wish you weren't like this. I wish you were like them.
Do not believe. Instead, look at verse 4. Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Make sure your child learns about Jesus from you.
Paul has already given an example of this back in chapter 4.
Here he is reminding the church of how they had become followers of Jesus. Look at chapter 4, verse 21.
He reminds them, surely you heard of him, you heard of Jesus, and you were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.
He says,
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which had been corrupted by its deceitful desires,
to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
You are to teach them Christ just as you were taught about Christ. Somebody, your parents or someone, taught you Christ and encouraged you in Christ.
They helped you grow in Christ. So we are not to put on demand and say, do this, do that and do the other. That's legalism.
We are to bring them. We are to bring them up in Christ and to show them what it is to take off and to put on what it is to grow in Christ every day.
Now, before we move on, did you notice the specific commands?
Now, this, it seems, is part of God's good order and design for his people. It starts back in chapter 5, verse 21, where it says,
Submit to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So God has this order, this design for life, for family.
So husbands and wives are to submit to God. Wives are to submit to husbands. Children are to submit to their parents.
Submission to God's order for family life.
And God, within that order, has called fathers to be the primary teacher of the children, to be responsible for the spiritual input into their little lives.
As we saw the other week, fathers and men in general have a habit of abdicating our authority.
Well, God has given us children. He has entrusted us with children to teach them about Christ.
That is our role and responsibility.
We're not to assume that mum's going to do it, or that the church will do it, or somebody in Sunday school's going to do it.
Fathers, you, I, we are to do it.
And as fathers, we love to see our children learn new skills.
We get excited when they take their first step.
When they get out a toy drill and hammer and start trying to fix something.
Or when they draw something and create something wonderful.
In fact, we spend time teaching them these things.
That's all good and crucial to their development.
But it must never, never take the place of opening up the Bible with your son and daughter,
sitting down with them and teaching them about Jesus.
It doesn't get any better than that.
The question is not, did you teach your son how to kick a football?
Or did you teach your daughter how to work the computer?
But did you bring your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord?
Will you be remembered as parents?
Will you be remembered as a father who brought your child up in the way of God?
Not, are they Christians?
Because that's God's job and we can never make our children Christians.
But did you teach them?
And did you pray for them?
Well, that's the fathers.
What about the mothers?
What do they do?
Well, mothers play a crucial part in this too.
In Genesis chapter 2 verse 20, right at the beginning,
we are told that God made, and here's the word, a suitable helper for Adam.
And that helper we know was Eve, Adam's wife.
And when we think helper, we don't mean a go-for, we are to think partnership.
Tim Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage puts it like this.
To help someone is to make up what is lacking in them with your strength.
To help someone does not imply the helper is stronger or the helped is weaker,
simply that the husband's strength is inadequate by itself.
Now, I think that helps understand what this role is for a mother to help the father.
So, mothers who are here, the father of your children needs your support and help.
This is not a task that they can do on their own.
Yes, they are to be primarily responsible for all of this,
but they are inadequate.
They are lacking in strength.
So, God has called you, the mum, the wife, not anybody else,
to support your husband in their role.
So, motherhood is not a second-rate role.
Mothers are not second-class citizens,
as if leaving their career and becoming a mother is kind of taking a lower position.
It isn't.
It is a high calling.
It is a great calling.
It is a wonderful gift from God.
It is to be protected, to be valued, and it is to be treasured.
So, mums, encourage your husbands as they lead their children to Christ.
So, first, we are to lead children to Christ.
Second, we are to lead children on mission.
Look back to Genesis chapter 1 a minute.
Genesis chapter 1 and verse 26.
Let's read verse 26.
Then God said,
Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,
and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air,
over the livestock, over all the earth,
and over all the creatures that move along the ground.
So God created man in his own image.
In the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.
And God blessed them and said to them,
Be fruitful and increase in number.
Fill the earth and subdue it.
Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air,
and over every living creature that moves on the ground.
Here we have the first command of the Bible,
which is given to the first husband and wife.
And here it is, to rule over the earth.
And the way to rule over the earth is to have children.
Look at verse 28.
God said to them,
Be fruitful and increase in number.
Fill the earth and subdue it.
Rule over it.
In other words,
children are an integral part of God's mission.
God's mission, his end goal, his plan,
where it's all heading towards,
is to have people from every nation
living under his rule and authority.
Ultimately, that is living under Jesus,
who is God's promised king.
This is what is best for us,
for you, for me,
and what is best for our world.
Now, our job as parents
is to lead children on this mission.
We are to raise our children
to live under the rule of Jesus
so that they grow up themselves,
they have families,
so that they also live under the rule of Jesus.
Look at Psalm 78.
Psalm 78.
Pick it up in verse 3.
What we have heard and known,
what our fathers have told us.
We will not hide them from their children.
We will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
his power,
and the wonders he has done.
Verse 6.
You see,
children are to be raised up,
to be taught about Christ,
who in turn tell their children about Christ
and tell those who are yet to be born about Christ.
This is all part of God's mission.
Christopher Ash in his book
Married for God says this,
The Creator entrusts to married couples
the awesome privilege and responsibility
of procreating potential disciples
to join his team.
We are to work,
teach,
discipline,
and pray that they will grow
into disciples
who learn to love God
and care for his world.
Of course, as parents,
we all have different plans
and dreams for our children,
not least a good education
and a great career.
In fact, parents make great sacrifices.
They spend a lot of money
to ensure their children
are given the best opportunity
in life to succeed.
But parents,
never let career and education
be the driving motivation
in your child's life.
Instead, let the grand mission of God
shape, mould, and drive
your child's future.
Don't limit the vision of your child
to a philosophy of,
well, son,
just work hard,
get a job,
find a wife,
get a mortgage,
and settle down.
Give them a vision of God's mission.
That Jesus Christ
has reconciled
all things to himself
through the cross,
and that one day
Jesus Christ
is going to come again,
and he's going to renew
and restore this broken
and suffering world,
and one day
every human being
is going to bow
before his rule.
That is the mission.
That is the vision.
That is what we are to be
raising our children up to
and being involved in.
So whatever your job,
or whatever job or career
your child should choose,
pray that they will do it
motivated by God's mission.
That they will live and work
under God's rule.
That they would use their gifts
and their resources
to see that the mission of God
is worked out
in their workplaces
and within their homes.
Pray that your child
would even take their career
and their work
and go amongst a people
who do not yet know Christ.
Pray that your child
would be willing to go
and risk their life,
even that they would
be willing to lay down
their life for Christ
in a place that is hostile
to the mission of God.
Will you dare to do that
for your children?
If God has given you children,
he has given you
the awesome privilege
and responsibility
of leading your family
on mission.
So first,
we are to lead
our children to Christ.
Second,
we are to lead children
on mission.
And third,
we are to lead children
with grace.
Yes,
children need grace.
parents.
But I want to apply this
particularly to parents.
Parents,
we need lots of grace.
I watched a documentary
recently about an Olympian.
For 12 years,
she was at the top
of her game,
finishing in the medals
year after year,
training six days a week,
running,
going to the weights gym,
working on the technique.
every aspect of her sport
was strengthened
and paid attention to.
Now she's retired
and she recently
had a baby.
And on reflection,
she said this
as she was sitting
on the floor
surrounded by toys
and a little toddler
sitting on her knee.
And this is what she said.
Being an Olympian
is much easier
than being a mum.
So all the mums out there,
you are an Olympian.
You deserve
a gold medal.
In fact,
what I want
all the dads to do
is to go home
and to build
one of these little boxes
with one,
two and three on it.
A little podium.
I want you to put it outside
and every evening
mums,
you're to go outside
and you're to stand
in number one position.
And one by one
your children
are going to walk by
and hang gold medals
around your neck
because you are an Olympian
and you deserve it.
Being a mum,
being a parent,
is hard work
physically,
emotionally
and spiritually.
And because it's so hard,
we often feel
a failure,
don't we?
We feel like
we're coming last
in the race,
crawling over the line
rather than finishing first
and doing a lap of honour.
Maybe it's because
your child
is not interested
in Christ
or has turned away
from Christ
and you feel
a failure.
Perhaps you're struggling
with the changing
demands of your child
and what they want
and what they need
and you just feel
too weak.
Perhaps you can't
even manage
your own self,
never mind the needs
and the demands
of your children
and you feel
inadequate.
That's why
we need to rest
in the abundant,
overflowing
grace
of God.
Now there's no
particular passages
or verses
that are speaking
directly to parents
in this
but I think
there are principles
that we can draw
out from Scripture
for parents
in regards
to
the need
for God's grace
in parenting.
So three things.
First,
grace
for our failures.
Romans chapter 5.
Grace
for our failures.
Go to Romans chapter 5.
As parents
we often fail.
We say
the wrong things
and we do
the wrong things.
And hardly
a day goes past
and we get
to the end
and we think
I wish
we could start
the day
again.
I wish
I hadn't said
I wish
I hadn't
done it
that way.
You see
it's hard work
isn't it?
There are no
practice runs
and as a result
we mess up
big time.
But the good
news is
no matter
how great
our failures
God's grace
is greater.
Look at
Romans 5
verse 17.
Here it's
talking about
the consequences
the knock
on effects
of our sin.
It says
verse 17
for if
by the
trespass
of the
one man
death
reign
through
that
one
man
how much
more
will those
who receive
God's
abundant
provision
of grace
and of the
gift of
righteousness
reign in life
through that
one man
Jesus Christ.
In other words
he's saying
look
if your
failures
are great.
How much
more
greater
is God's
grace
to you?
If our
failures
make a
mess
how much
more
does God's
grace
redeem
and restore
that mess
and all
that failure
and turn
it into
something
beautiful.
The chapter
5 verse
20
the second
part
but where
sin
increased
grace
increased
all
the more.
We can
put our
hands up
and admit
that we
fail.
There's
nothing wrong
with saying
that we
fail
because it's
only as we
admit
our failures
that we
can receive
the abundant
grace
of God
to redeem
and restore
our mess
and turn
it into
something
beautiful.
As parents
we're not
to keep
a record
of the
past.
We're not
to wake
up each
day and
think I
wish I
could start
again or
I wish I
should have
done this
or I
could have
done that.
God's
grace
covers the
past.
He gives
us grace
for today
and his
grace
is going
to take
care of
the future.
So first
grace for
our failures.
Second
grace in
our weaknesses.
Look at
2 Corinthians
chapter 12.
2 Corinthians
chapter 12.
As parents
we often
feel very
weak.
The demands
and pressures
of babies
and teenagers
is draining.
Parents,
listen to this.
You are
full-time
carers
and
counsellors.
You're
relationship
advisors
and law
enforcers.
You're
a taxi
driver,
a lending
agency,
you're
peacemakers
and a
party
organiser.
You're
a personal
assistant,
a guidance
counsellor,
you're a
doctor,
you're a
nurse,
the list
goes on
and on.
You're
qualified for
all of
these
tasks.
And you
love to
do it.
You love
to play
that role.
Why?
Because
these are
your
children.
You love
them.
You want
to give
to them.
them.
But as
parents,
there are
times we
just feel
inadequate
and unable.
The task
is just
too big
and we're
too weak
and it
all becomes
overwhelming
and we
just sit
down
and cry.
But
parenting
is not
something to
do in our
own strength.
Yes,
if God
has blessed
the family
home in
such a
way that
there's a
mother and
a father,
there is
that support.
But we
don't rely
upon each
other.
We rely
upon the
grace of
God.
Look at
2 Corinthians
12,
verse 9.
This is
talking here
about Paul's
pressures,
the demands
upon him,
his sense
of feeling
weak,
and God's
grace to
strengthen
him.
Verse 9,
God said
to me,
my grace
is sufficient
for you.
My power
is made
perfect
in weakness.
Therefore,
I will boast
all the more
gladly about
my weaknesses,
so that
Christ's power
may rest
on me.
That is
why,
for Christ's
sake,
I delight
in weaknesses,
in insults,
in hardships,
in persecutions,
in difficulties,
for when
I am weak,
then I am
strong.
Did you catch
it?
My grace
is sufficient
for you.
Rather than
battle on
on our
own,
we are to
throw ourselves
in our
dependence
on God,
in our
complete
weakness,
throw ourselves
on God's
grace,
who strengthens
us,
and equips
us,
and will
enable us
for the
task of
parenting.
My grace
is sufficient
for you.
My power
is made
perfect
in your
weakness.
So,
grace for
our
failures,
grace
in our
weakness.
And then
the last
one is
grace
to our
children.
You see,
when we
draw on
God's
grace
in our
failures
and in
our
weaknesses,
we are
in a
position to
give
God's
grace to
our
children.
It's
only when
we are
filled with
God's
grace,
that we
in turn
are able
to give
God's
grace.
Look at
2 Corinthians
9,
back a
couple of
pages,
2 Corinthians
9,
verse 8.
The context
here is
about
financial
giving.
As God
has given
us so
much and
blessed us
so much
by his
grace,
so we
are people
who are
to overflow
of giving
to those
around us.
But listen
to this,
chapter 2
Corinthians 9,
verse 8.
And God
is able
to make
all grace
abound to
you,
so that
in all
things,
at all
times,
having all
that you
need,
you will
abound
in every
good
work.
do you
see the
promise
here from
God?
That we
will have
all the
grace that
we need
to parent
our children.
Every
circumstance,
every day,
every incident,
every demand,
every pressure,
whatever stage
of life our
children are
at,
whatever,
anything that
happens in
their life.
God is
able to
make all
grace
abound to
you,
in all
things,
at all
times,
having all
that you
need.
God
pours his
grace
into
our lives,
so that
we, in
turn, can
fill our
children's
lives with
the grace
of Jesus
Christ.
We need
to
swim,
we need
to jump
in,
into the
overwhelming
abundance
of God's
grace.
Every
day,
in our
failures,
and in
our
weaknesses,
to draw
upon it,
to drink
it in,
so that
we can
give
his grace
to our
children.
The
grace to
lead them
to Christ,
and the
grace to
lead them
on mission.
Let's
pray.
Our
Father God,
we
recognise
that the
gift of
children
is an
amazing
privilege.
It's a
wonderful
joy,
but we
also
recognise
that there
is a
great
responsibility.
The
task
is
huge.
We
feel
weak,
we
feel
inadequate,
we
so
often
fail,
but yet
we
come
again
to
receive
afresh
your
amazing
grace.
And I
pray for
each
parent
here,
that you
would fill
them with
your grace,
that you
would remind
them that
their past
is forgiven,
and that
you will
take care
of the
future,
that you
will equip
every home
with all
that they
need to
raise their
children to
follow you.
And we
pray for
every child
represented
here, for
children who
are yet to
be born
within the
family of
this church,
that they
will learn
about
Christ.
And we
ask you,
Father, in
your mercy
and in
your grace,
that they
will follow
you, and
that they
will love
you.
And we
pray that
every child
will grow
up, and
in God's
goodness that
they too
would have
families that
will walk in
the mission
of God.
We pray
that children
here will
be those
who go with
their careers
and their
work to
places and
to people
who do
not yet
know
Christ,
whether
that's
locally or
whether that's
far away.
But we
pray that
you would
use us
as families,
and we
pray your
blessing upon
parents.
we thank
you for
your grace.
In
Jesus' name
we all
pray.
Amen.