So, I want to take on a couple of topics this morning that are classic foundational tools for the spiritual life.
Repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
And I want to talk about these topics because they're critical to our spiritual health,
because I think they're not talked about enough,
and because I think, like all congregations, we need these tools.
Like all congregations, we've been hurt by things that have been said or done by others,
and sometimes by clergy.
These topics are topics that I regularly cover in healing prayer times with people, and I have for years.
And I want to say to anyone who's here, anyone who's listening to this now or later,
if we've talked about these topics in a prayer time, this sermon is not a subtle message to you.
It's not kind of a backdoor, indirect, you know, public messaging to you.
It's not because any clergy said, go talk about this, Rob, because so-and-so needs it.
I think this is something that all of us need to master.
And truthfully, this sermon comes from a lot of good teaching,
I think good teaching that I've received over the years,
but mainly through a lot of hard-fought prayer,
some of which I did with others who came alongside of me to pray with me,
but a lot of which was done alone before the Lord.
So, with this kind of intro, let me get into things.
And I want to give you an unusual starting place for these topics,
the heart of God.
And I want you to hear these words from Isaiah 61.
These were words that Jesus quoted during a service at a synagogue
at the beginning of his ministry to announce his purpose for coming
and what his father was going to do through him.
The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me,
he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed,
to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives and release to the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
to provide for those who mourn in Zion,
to give them a garland instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord,
to display his glory.
I've referenced this part from Isaiah a few times in past sermons,
or at least Jesus is quoting of it from Luke,
because I always like to go back to what Jesus saw as his mandate
as a kind of way of framing and anchoring
some of the things that I feel I want to talk about in sermons.
And so there's no difference here.
This heart of God is our starting place for understanding repentance,
forgiveness,
and reconciliation.
What we should hear in these verses that I read
is that God the Father,
through God the Son,
by God the Holy Spirit,
is bringing healing of hearts,
freedom to those in bondage,
comfort and gladness for those who mourn.
It's just who God is and what God does.
You should hear in these verses that the Lord's intention for you
is to reverse the death and decay that you might feel inside,
to create praise, strength, and righteousness in you instead.
The words a garland instead of ashes speaks to me in particular
from this part of Isaiah,
because ashes have to do with irretrievable loss,
with a place of death from which there's no return.
What the Lord wants to do in you this morning
and always is take away all that is dead in you
and make you a planting of the Lord full of his glory.
So reflective of the Lord's heart for us,
to achieve his intentions for us,
the Lord has given us these powerful
and frankly beautiful gifts
of repentance and forgiveness and reconciliation.
So let's take a look at each in turn.
They're related to each other,
and they can work together in sequence sometimes,
but they are also distinct from each other.
So repentance.
In the Gospels alone,
repentance or a variant of it occurs 91 times,
just in the Gospels alone.
You can always argue when you hear these word counts
about how a word is said,
who's saying it in what way,
but when it comes to the Gospels,
I can assure you the word repentance
is always used in a good way.
It's a good thing.
And clearly, the Gospel writers and Jesus
talk about it a lot.
It's a big deal to God.
In Biblical Greek, repentance,
the word for repentance is metanoia.
It literally means to change one's mind.
And I've always found this really helpful
to understand what happens in repentance.
It's not a feeling of being sorry for something.
It's not even a nice apology,
well-delivered in person,
or maybe on a nice little note card.
These are all helpful,
but these are actually not repentance.
Repentance, by Biblical definition,
means that you come into agreement with God
that what you said or did,
or maybe left undone,
was wrong,
that it was sin.
And that's basically it.
So it's important to understand this
when we are battling,
especially with stubborn or persistent sin,
whatever that sin is.
Because the deeper the struggle
with persistent sin,
the more often we may not feel sorry about it.
And we may not even feel like saying sorry.
So a spiritual key for us in this
is as persistent as your sin is,
as often as you fail and give in to sin,
persist as much in repentance.
As a practice,
I would urge you,
don't wait until the end of the day
or for Sundays when we say the general confession.
Keep a short account with God in real time.
Repent in the moment as soon as you can do so.
As I said,
it really is simply a choice to say,
God, I agree with you.
What I did was wrong.
However you feel about it,
whatever the circumstances.
And I would offer to you
the following language for when you repent.
I would say simply,
Lord, I repent of,
and just name it,
plainly and simply,
without excuse,
without justification.
There's no rationalization
based on what the other person may have done.
Repentance is simply agreeing with God
that what you said or did was wrong.
Repentance, therefore,
is also something that happens primarily
between you and God,
which is why you can and should
always keep short accounts.
Repentance towards others
always comes after.
It follows from the first.
First, we clear things up with God,
and we clear things up with others.
In my life,
every time we're talking about repentance,
and I say,
in my life,
people lean forward,
this is gonna be good,
won't be that good.
But once upon a time,
I was in undergrad,
I think it was in my first year,
and I made a list with God
of all the ways that I had wronged people.
It was a pretty long list at the time.
I spent time with it over a couple weeks,
writing down names of people
and things that I'd said,
things that I'd done,
ways that I knew I'd hurt them.
And then I called,
or this was the early days of email,
so I mostly called,
but I emailed people
to confess to them
what I'd said or what I did,
and just to tell them I was wrong.
This had followed my repentance
before the Lord.
I had taken this list
and I'd prayed it through with the Lord,
repenting before him
and then turning to others
to confess to them.
My confession and apologies to others
was to clear things up with them
after having cleared things up with God.
Forgiveness on the part of these other people
was not required.
What counted what the Lord wanted of me
was simply that I would agree with him
and with others that I had done wrong,
and to express that agreement
in confession to others.
I can only be responsible,
and all of us can only be responsible
for the things we've done
and for the actions that we can take
when we're repenting or forgiving.
And this kind of brings us to forgiveness.
So like repentance,
it's a big deal in the Bible.
I did another word count.
The word forgive,
or it's a variant,
is mentioned 129 times,
so it beats repentance.
But I actually find,
as much as we read about it
and the Gospels are saturated with it,
there's a lot of misunderstanding
about forgiveness.
So I want to lay out
a little bit of how I understand it.
So the first is,
for me, forgiveness is mainly
a transaction.
It's a transaction with God.
It's a choice you make with God.
It has nothing to do
with your feelings of hurt and anger.
Forgiveness is also,
I want to tell you
what I think forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not saying,
it's okay that somebody
did something wrong to you.
It's not saying that
what they said or did doesn't matter,
or that they can do it again.
By definition,
the work of forgiveness
has at its core
an assumption
that something wrong has happened.
It shouldn't have happened.
It was not okay.
Forgiveness ultimately says,
as a prayer to God,
God, I let this person go to you
for you to deal with.
Forgiveness lets go of all claims
and demands to make that person
pay us back for what they did.
Without reservation,
caveat,
or any sort of backdoor.
Like repentance,
God asks us to forgive
without conditions attached.
And like repentance,
forgiveness is something
that happens first
between you and the Lord.
It's something that you
transact with the Lord.
Whether you ever bring up
this wrong with the person
who hurt you.
Let me talk about
some of the inner workings
of unforgiveness.
When someone wrongs us,
our natural God-given reaction
to injustice is provoked.
And frankly, rightly so.
We feel hurt, angry, shocked,
grieved, betrayed, and more.
And in that place of hurt,
our natural reaction to injustice,
what the scriptures call
righteous indignation,
when it's mixed with pride,
can take us off track
and lead us to a sense
of being justified
or entitled to not forgive,
to demand redress
or an apology
or repentance
on the part of the wrongdoer.
It can lead us to think
that we deserve
to have payback
or revenge
because we didn't deserve
what the other person said
or did.
And the only way
to have justice
is to make that other person pay.
It can feel
like something's unbalanced
when somebody
doesn't pay us back.
And without making
that person pay,
it feels like
they get away with something
and that can feel unfair.
Payback can take
a rich and amazing
array of options,
active and passive.
I am frankly
completely versed
in all of them,
I'm sorry to say.
The active path
can be anger,
yelling,
talking badly
about people,
bringing complaints
against the person.
It could include violence.
That's not mine,
thank the Lord.
But it's all out there
and we've all seen it.
The passive path
can be stony silence
and refusing
to speak to someone,
ignoring the other person
when they're in the room,
harboring critical
or negative thoughts
about the wrongdoer
and lots more.
Now there is a place
for complaint
or sanction
and even lawsuit
and justice
in a biblical sense
is making things right.
But if Jesus'
teachings matter,
we need to search
our hearts first
and test our motives
before the Lord first.
Do the hard work
of forgiveness
so that we have
the clarity of heart
and thought,
the clarity of discernment
to know whether
and what form
of complaint
and redress
might be right.
unforgiveness takes
our hurt and anger
and leads us to live
out of pride
and offense,
the ugly cousins
of self-worth
and righteous indignation.
Spiritually,
unforgiveness
is like taking poison
and waiting
for the other person
to die.
What really happens
when we withhold
forgiveness
is that we die inside.
When we hold grudges
and unforgiveness,
we harden our heart.
We close ourselves off
from the life of God.
Unforgiveness blocks
prayer and healing.
It shrinks our capacity
for love
and compassion,
keeps us from seeing
others for who they are.
Jesus' words
at one point
in the Gospels
are about
when he talks
about abiding in him
or that if we don't,
we're like a dried up branch
suitable only for the fire.
This is a plea
from Jesus
not to cut ourselves off
from the life of God.
And what can be said
about unforgiveness
can be said about
refusing to repent.
Unrepentance
also cuts us off
from the life of God.
Jesus' words
in the Gospel reading today
about unforgiveness
are not Jesus
trying to be mean
or harsh.
They're him
trying to warn us
of a spiritual truth
out of kindness.
And I'll say this also
from my time,
my years of praying
with people
who have long
protracted
unforgiveness.
When we cultivate
unforgiveness,
it can turn to bitterness
and hate.
And when we do that,
we don't just cut off
ourselves from the life
of God,
but we make space
in ourselves
and our lives
for the demonic.
We don't talk about
the demonic very much here,
but it's out there
and it's real.
And I don't say this
to spook people
or for any other reason,
but just to underscore
how serious
unrepentance
and unforgiveness is.
So what do we do
with the hurt
and anger
that can drive
unforgiveness?
Because that's real
and it matters
and it needs to be
handled with the Lord.
So I want you to think
of it this way.
Picture your heart
as a bathtub
full of slimy,
gunky water.
That filthy water
is all,
that bathtub
is your heart
and all the filthy water
is the hurt
and anger
because of an offense.
The worse the offense
and hurt,
the more full
the bathtub is.
Forgiveness
is like pulling
that rubber stopper
out of the drain.
It's a choice,
maybe a hard one,
but it's an act
of the will.
And when that stopper
has been pulled out,
the bathtub starts
to slowly drain
of all the filthy water
that sat in that tub
for probably way too long.
This can take time.
It may be necessary
to keep practicing
forgiveness
again and again
to keep that stopper
out,
to keep the drain clear
and keep the stopper out.
And other things
might come along
to plug the drain.
Maybe you learn
something new
about an earlier offense.
it comes to light
and you feel hurt again.
Or the person
who hurt you
keeps hurting you
in new ways.
While forgiveness
is a transaction
where once it's done,
spiritually it's done,
our feelings
take time to change.
We may need
to get with someone
for prayer
to let Jesus
heal our hearts
and scoop out
all the hurt
and anger.
We may need
to get with a therapist
to process
the wrong that happened
in our reactions.
As a practice,
I've found
that my ability
to forgive
depends on my
depth of hurt.
For deeper hurts,
I have to stay
in a posture
of forgiveness longer,
forgiving someone
sometimes over and over again
to keep the drain clear
so the Lord
can heal my heart.
And sometimes
the hurt is so bad
that you have to
take small steps
in your heart
to move towards forgiveness,
letting the Lord
bring you
to a place
of full forgiveness.
forgiveness.
Some ways
of starting
to practice
forgiveness
could sound,
when you're deeply wounded,
can sound like this.
Lord,
I want to want
to be able
to forgive.
I want
to even want
to forgive.
And then maybe
as the Lord
works in your heart,
you can say,
Lord,
I want
to forgive.
And then maybe
as the Lord
keeps working
in your heart,
you can say,
Lord,
I am now willing
to forgive.
And then maybe
you can say,
Lord,
I forgive.
Sometimes
a bit of alternate
language can help.
Some of the language
that I've liked to use
instead of saying,
I forgive,
if that feels too hard,
is,
Lord,
I let this person
go to you.
Because that's really
what it is.
I relinquish this person
and what they did to you
for you to handle,
Lord.
it was never okay.
But I do this
as an act of faith.
So in my life,
I do find
I need to forgive
for specific things
said or done.
I may have a hurtful
interaction with someone
and forgiving that person
in a time of prayer
with the Lord
might mean going over,
say,
five,
I'm making this up,
five things
that someone said
or did
in that interaction
and all the ways
they impacted me,
all the ways
that I felt about it.
I find driving
in D.C.
gives me
so much opportunity
to practice forgiveness.
If you feel
you need to cultivate
this practice
and you want to start
with something
other than trauma,
drive,
take a drive
through D.C.,
all the construction,
all the drivers,
the Lord will meet you
behind the wheel.
Yeah,
amen.
So,
I remember one time,
frankly,
not even one time.
I remember
driving somewhere
and I,
I'll just say how,
I'm gonna,
I literally wrote down
what I prayed
when I was driving.
You'll deduce the situation
as you hear me pray this.
I was driving,
something happened,
my prayer was thus,
Lord,
Lord.
I'm gonna just start
with Lord.
I am not gonna use
other words
at this moment,
Lord.
Lord,
I forgive
that driver
for the way
they did not move over
when my lane was ending,
for the way
they honked at me,
gave me the finger.
Am I allowed
to say that in church?
I'm sorry if I am.
Don't tell Tommy.
The way they acted
like I was the one
who was in the wrong.
I forgive that driver
for having no regard
for my safety
or the well-being
of other drivers
around us
for their selfishness.
Now,
is this self-pitying?
Is this full of me?
Maybe.
But
take the point.
There's always
lots of sides
to something.
In a moment,
I take hurt
and anger
at face value.
If I'm with someone
and praying,
or it's myself,
my brain might say,
you know what,
this is not a big deal.
This might be
an overreaction.
That you might be
taking yourself
a little too seriously.
But there's another
part of me down here
that says,
no,
I'm hurt and angry.
And that's the part
that has to come
before the Lord.
The brain is right.
Yes, yes,
you're right.
It's probably
an overreaction
and you'll calm down
in a bit.
But to keep
my heart clear,
which is what I care about,
I take those things
to the Lord,
whether they are rational
or make sense
or self-indulgent
or not,
and I take them
before the Lord
and I pray this.
And it's actually
good practice
because when the
real hurts come,
I've got some
muscle memory
that I can call on
because there are
other hurts
that are not
too much
or an overreaction.
They're actually
quite serious.
Let me talk
about reconciliation.
So,
I don't have
any biblical stats
about reconciliation,
but I do know
it's important.
Jeff talked
about reconciliation
between God
and people
last week,
but I'm focusing
on reconciliation
between people.
Reconciliation
is a repaired,
broken relationship,
simply put.
And like forgiveness
can follow repentance,
reconciliation
can follow forgiveness,
but we don't live
in such a tidy
and linear world.
So,
I mentioned
that we can repent
and ask someone
for forgiveness,
but repentance
doesn't require
the other person
to forgive you.
And similarly,
forgiveness
does not require
the other person
to repent to you first.
It's possible
most of these things
happen just between
us and the Lord,
but this is different.
In the same way
that someone
may repent
and offer an apology,
maybe we forgive,
it doesn't mean
that there has
to be reconciliation.
That may sound
painful and unbiblical,
but let me explain
a bit more.
The scriptures
call and command us
to repent and forgive,
but we are exhorted
to reconcile
where possible.
Reconciliation
is not possible
when someone
is not repentant,
when there's
unforgiveness.
but also
when it's not safe
to be in a restored
relationship with someone.
I would never,
never ask someone
to be reconciled
with someone
who abused them,
no matter how much
repentance,
forgiveness,
or healing
has happened.
And in some cases,
the person
that we would like
to reconcile with
might not be someone
we're in touch with anymore.
Maybe they moved away,
maybe they've passed away.
And in those instances,
you'll never be able
to apologize to them
or hear their apology,
hear their repentance,
express forgiveness
to them,
and you certainly
can't be reconciled
to them.
Reconciliation
can also just be partial,
meaning partial restoration
of a relationship,
but with boundaries.
This is not unforgiveness.
This is not harboring
hurt and bitterness.
This is just putting yourself
at the right,
healthy distance
or proximity
to someone
while you continue
to work out
your repentance
and forgiveness
as needed
and while the other person
does the same.
It also puts you
in the right proximity
or distance to someone
to give the Lord
time and space
to work out
His salvation
in both of you.
So maybe one day
it is safe and healthy
to be in a more
restored relationship,
but there's no guarantee
and there's no rush
on this
and no imperative.
Reconciliation
is desirable
but not always possible.
It may ever only
just be partial.
So let me see
if I can tie
some of these together.
I want to remind you
that repentance
and forgiveness
are powerful gifts
from the Lord.
They're not things
that God tries
to burden us with.
These are tools
for freedom.
They express His heart
and intention for us.
And I want to urge you
as a pastor,
as a shepherd
who's entrusted
with your spiritual care,
who cares very deeply
that you have a close
and strong connection
to the Lord,
become skilled practitioners
of repentance
and forgiveness.
The more you practice
these things,
the more sensitive
to the Holy Spirit's conviction
you will become,
the more your capacity
will grow
for turning to the Lord
with your hurts
and your wounds
to practice forgiveness.
These are great acts
of faith.
They are primarily acts
that trust the Lord
to work in you
and others
and your situation
according to His love.
It's nerve-wracking,
but that's faith sometimes.
So I want to close our time
by inviting you
into a bit of a guided prayer time.
I want to lead you
through some of these steps
of prayer of forgiveness.
I want to ask you
to be very honest
with yourself and the Lord.
Only take as many steps
as you feel you can take right now.
Give space to talk about things
with the Lord
and let Him lead you
as far as you're willing to go.
Some hurts are deep.
You can't rush past hurts sometimes.
I'm going to pray for us
and then I'm going to invite you
to follow me
in a guided time of prayer.
I will pray a first prayer
where I express
that kind of wanting to want
to forgive.
I will start by asking the Lord
to bring someone to mind
that you may need to forgive.
And then as you sit with the Lord,
with this person in mind,
I'm going to invite you
to take this first step of prayer.
And if you feel comfortable,
do it and kind of sit with the Lord
and see where the Lord takes you.
And as you feel your heart
responding to the Lord,
if you feel ready,
I will take us on a next step closer.
And if you feel ready,
take that next step.
And then I'll draw our time
to a close.
So let me just pray for us.
Lord Jesus,
thank you for these gifts of prayer,
of repentance and forgiveness,
these tools.
So I ask that you
pour your spirit out on us.
Come,
bring to mind someone
who we need to forgive.
I pray you be with us.
Help us bear
any of the sense of hurt
and pain that comes
along with remembering this person
and the wrong they did.
Pray that you would be with us
to help us walk with you
and take as many steps
into forgiveness
as we are able at this time.
So I would ask
that you,
with this person in mind,
and the Lord knows
what the person said or did,
and the Lord fully agrees with you
that this was wrong.
If you feel comfortable,
I want you to tell the Lord,
Lord,
I want
to want
to forgive.
and just kind of
seeing how your heart is
and whether you felt like
you could take that step
with the Lord.
If you can take
a next step,
I want to invite you to say,
Lord,
help me
want to forgive.
and then from this place,
I want to ask you
if you feel willing
to take another step
with the Lord.
I want you to tell the Lord,
Lord,
I am willing to forgive.
And at this point,
be specific.
about
the person
and what they said
or did
to hurt you.
Lord,
I am willing to forgive
so and so,
this person,
for the way
they said
or did
this.
Amen.
And then as kind of a last step,
I would invite you
if you feel willing
and able
to tell the Lord,
Lord,
I let this person
and what they did
go to you.
I forgive them
for
and be specific again
and for how
it made me feel,
for how it affected me.
Amen.
Now,
maybe that you need
to spend some time
in that place of prayer.
I'll come back
to that in a sec.
Amen.
of the hurt and anger
and any other feelings you're carrying.
Heal me of the hurt and anger
I have carried in my heart.
Lord, thank you for that.
Amen.
This is not an easy topic
but it's an important topic
and for all of you who took brave steps
towards the Lord and forgiveness
I want to commend you for what you did just now
for the hard inner work you did
to take a few steps forward
to be closer to forgiveness with the Lord.
For whoever it is that hurt you.
And if you want to talk more about
whatever the Lord brought to mind
if you want to pray more
pray through more forgiveness
I'd be glad to listen to you.
I'd be glad to pray with you at some point
if you like.
Please just let me know.
So let me just close our time in prayer.
Lord Jesus
continue this work
to set us free
continue to soften our hearts
to move us to repentance
and forgiveness
by your Spirit.
We thank you.
Amen.