Good morning, Watermark. The scripture reading today comes from Ephesians chapters 5 and 6.
Starting in chapter 5, verse 21, we read,
Submit to one another out of reference for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church,
his body, and is himself its saviour.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother.
This is the first commandment with a promise,
that it might go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling,
with a sincere heart as you would Christ,
not by the way of eye service, as people pleasers,
but as bondservants of Christ.
Doing the will of God from the heart,
rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,
knowing that whatever good anyone does,
this he will receive back from the Lord,
whether he is a bondservant or is free.
Masters, do the same to them,
and stop your threatening,
knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven,
and that there is no partiality with him.
This is the word of God.
Great. Thank you, Iris.
Well, let's pray together as we come to this passage.
Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit,
we, as we say each week, we come to encounter your grace.
God, in a world that is so starved of grace,
God, in a world that is dog-eat-dog,
and everyone's fighting for their own rights and positions and privileges,
God, we come to you this morning to receive what only you can give us,
grace for our weary hearts.
And Father, as we look at this passage, this challenging passage,
we pray that you will speak to us.
We pray that you will make clear to us your heart.
You'll both call us and flood our hearts with your goodness and your grace.
And so, Jesus, come and have your way, we pray.
Spirit of God, come and help me to make clear this passage,
but help us to see your word and to encounter you in your word.
We pray this in your wonderful name.
Amen.
Well, we're continuing our study in the book of Ephesians.
And the book of Ephesians is really all about the church
and God's cosmic plan for the church.
And the first couple of chapters, especially chapters 1 to 3,
kind of look at this idea from heaven's perspective.
It's kind of like you sit it up in heaven, see it in heaven,
and you look at God's plan for the church from the perspective of heaven.
And then the second half of the book looks at the same theme,
the church and God's plan for the church, from a very earthly perspective.
And it kind of talks about our relationships and forgiving one another
and be humble towards one another.
And it kind of looks at the church from this very earthly perspective.
Well, today we come to this very famous and somewhat controversial passage of Scripture
because it starts off with these sensational words, right?
Wives, submit to your husbands.
I mean, is there anything more controversial than that?
You may be here this morning and you're exploring Christianity
or trying to make sense of the Bible and the Christian faith.
And just by hearing the first few words of our passage,
you may start to be second-guessing your exploration already,
thinking, what on earth have I done?
The Christian church has enough problems of its making, as it is, right?
We've got sex abuse scandals, financial abuse scandals,
church leaders saying one thing and doing another thing,
the hypocrisy and duplicity.
The church has got enough problems of its own making.
And here in black and white, in the words of Scripture,
we have these words that seem so out of date, so anachronistic,
so from another world, oppressive and unjust.
And what are we meant to make of these words in Scripture?
Well, let me offer a couple of ways that we can think about it.
The first way we could think about it is to say,
listen, clearly the Bible in general and the Apostle Paul specifically
is chauvinistic, misogynistic, has a terrible view of women,
and we should just completely disregard it.
I mean, nobody should even take this stuff seriously.
Could be one way of thinking about it.
We could be slightly more charitable and think,
well, listen, Paul's obviously writing in a cultural context,
a time in history.
We know that the Roman-Greco world, the Jewish world,
had a pretty low view of women and slaves and children in general.
Right?
Every Jewish man would wake up in the morning and pray and say,
God, I thank you, God of heaven, you've not made me a woman,
a Gentile or a slave.
So we know that that was the culture of the time.
And so maybe what Paul is writing is true and applicable in some ways in his culture,
but he's letting his culture influence his writings and his biases.
And so maybe if you want to be very charitable,
it was kind of true for them, but it's certainly not true for us.
In the words of Oprah Winfrey, it was his version of truth, not our truth.
Okay?
One way.
But I want to suggest another way to look at it.
And it's actually the way that Christians have kind of read their Bible for the last 2,000 years.
And that is to say that somehow, in a mysterious way,
behind the words of the Apostle Paul here,
with his culture and his personality and his own context,
somehow is the hand of the risen God,
such that what we have before us is not merely the words of Paul,
it is the words of Paul,
but somehow, in a mysterious way,
we have the words of God to us
through the writings of this man called Paul.
And if we were to approach the Bible in that way,
I think we would find two things.
We would find that these words are
probably deeply challenging,
but also, in some strange way,
good and beneficial.
And the reason I say that is because
that shouldn't surprise us,
because when you hear the words of God,
who is so different from us,
and so distinctive from us,
we shouldn't be surprised that his words aren't challenging to us.
Because if you come to a God who is so different from us,
and who has eternal perspective,
and knows the beginning from the end,
and sees things so differently from us,
we shouldn't be surprised
that his views confront and challenge our worldview.
You know, if you serve a God
who only ever agrees with you,
and whose worldview is exactly the same as yours,
chances are we're serving a God of our own making,
a God that we've made up in our own mind,
because he just agrees with us.
But if we were to come to a God
who is real and true,
who is different and distinctive from us,
we shouldn't be surprised that his words sometimes challenge our worldview
and our thinking.
But at the same time,
we should also expect
that somehow,
what he has to say is good,
and that his words don't cramp our lives,
but they actually expand our lives.
They're not here to restrict us,
they're here to liberate us.
And the reason we should expect that
is because Jesus didn't come just to start a new religion.
Jesus came to give hope to the weary and the frustrated.
Jesus came to a world that is starved of grace,
and starved of life,
and starved of hope.
And he said,
I've come to give hope and life and grace
to people that are starved of it.
And so somehow,
if these words really are from God,
we should expect they should both challenge us,
but also in some ways,
liberate us.
Okay.
So with that introduction,
let's think about this passage together.
And I hope you've got your Bible in front of you.
If you've got a Bible,
make sure you open up.
We're going to be looking at a lot of the scriptures
on your phone or on the bulletin.
So how should we think about this passage today?
Well,
clearly this passage is made up of
three sets of relationships.
In chapter 5,
verse 21,
or 22 to 33,
Paul speaks to husbands and wives.
In chapter 6,
verse 1 to 4,
he talks to parents and children.
And in chapter 6,
verse 5 to 9,
he talks to employers and employees.
So three sets of relationships.
But they're not just three sets of relationships.
Anyone will notice straight away.
They're three sets of relationships
that have an inherent power imbalance.
Right?
In each one of these relationships,
there's one party that inherently,
by the culture of the day
and the way they're set up,
has more power,
more authority,
is in a position of privilege,
you could say.
So there's an inherent power imbalance
in these relationships.
Now,
you may think that the third pair
is different from the first two.
The first two are clearly in the home,
husbands and wives,
parents and children.
But the third pair
is actually meant for the home as well.
In the ancient world,
in Roman times,
much like actually many homes
in Hong Kong today,
homes,
households,
consisted of husbands and wives,
parents and children.
In fact,
often three or four generations
of parents and children.
But also,
servants,
masters,
traders,
those that worked in the home,
all of them would live
within the household.
And so what we have here
is three sets of relationships
in the household
and Paul's wanting to write to us
to show us
how the gospel of grace
affects relationships
when there's a power imbalance
and particularly
the relationships in the household.
Okay?
So that's what's going on here.
So Paul wants us
to read these three sections together
even though the first section
is the most controversial
and gets the most attention.
Paul's designed them
that they have a symbiotic relationship
or there's a correlation
with all three
and he wants us
to read them together.
And so how should we think
about these relationships?
And today we're going to see
four things.
Okay?
So the first one is this.
God's ordered design
for these relationships.
God's ordered design.
We live in a world
which is both longing
for good leadership
and yet at the same time
is so skeptical about it.
If you think of every sphere
of society,
public and private,
companies,
in government,
in homes,
in churches,
civil society,
we long for good leadership.
Our kids have just gone
to a new school
in August this year.
A school which apparently
four or five,
six years ago
had a lot of strife,
a lot of fighting,
a lot of disunity,
PTA,
owners,
staff,
a lot of disunity
in the school.
And a new headmaster
came in four years ago
and the school
is a radically
different place.
It's a place of joy.
It's a place that staff
love to teach.
There's such unity.
The benefits
of good leadership.
We all long
for good leadership
and yet
we all seem
to be skeptical
about it
because
I think it's safe
to say
all of us
have seen
and experienced
the opposite.
Bad leadership.
Leadership that uses
and abuses
those that they are
meant to be leading.
Now as I said
a few minutes ago,
these passages
are meant to be read
together
and obviously
the first section
gets the most attention
because it's the most contentions.
But the point here
is that leadership
is part of God's
good design
for the world
and specifically
for the household.
Now it's important
to note
that what scripture
is not saying
is that there's
an inherent
difference in value
or dignity
or worth
of the different
members of the household.
Clearly Paul
is not saying
that men
are more valuable
than women.
Fathers are more valuable
than children.
Masters
have an inherent
worth
that is greater
than those
that work in their home.
Throughout
Ephesians
and the New Testament
Paul and Jesus
made clear
that that's not
what he's saying.
Remember how
in chapter 2
we looked at
Ephesians
where
there's this
animosity
between the Jews
and the Gentiles.
Remember how
if you're a Jewish family
your son brings home
a Gentile
girlfriend
and says
mom and dad
we're going to get married.
You don't throw
a wedding feast
you throw a funeral.
Right?
Because in the culture
of the first century
your son was dead to you.
That was the tension
between Jews
and Gentiles
and what does
Paul write
in chapter 2?
Jesus has made
both Jews
and Gentiles
one
breaking down
in his flesh
the dividing wall
of hostility.
Or in Galatians
chapter 3
Paul writes
and says
now in Christ
there is neither
Jew nor Gentile
slave or free
male or female
for you are all
one in Christ Jesus.
And think of how
Jesus treats children
in his day.
In a time
when everyone
wanted to push
children aside
and have no
social capital
Jesus says
bring the children
to me.
Well think about
how the fact that
Jesus' ministry
in many ways
was built
by women.
Women were the
first eyewitnesses
to his resurrection.
The first witnesses
to the fact that
Christ had risen
from the dead.
The women
were many of the ones
that funded
Jesus' ministry.
And in the first
century
women flocked
to Christ
and to the gospel.
The churches
were full of women
much like they are
today.
And so it's
almost impossible
to think that
Paul and Jesus
in the New Testament
is somehow saying
there's an inherent
value or dignity
or worth
difference
between these
relationships.
What God
is saying here
what Paul is saying
is that he's
established
an ordered
design
that like the
body that is
different parts
and different
members
and different
roles.
Part of his
design involves
the elements
of leadership
and followership.
And so look
what he says here.
Wives respect
and follow
your husband's
leadership
in the home.
Children obey
and respect
your parents'
authority.
Employees respect
and obey
your employer's
leadership
and authority.
And all three
of these relationships
he says do this
for this is the
reason.
Verse 23
he says
in the first
instance
this is how
God has
arranged the
home.
In the second
instance
6 verse 1
he says
simply this
is right.
And in 6
verse 8
he says
do this
knowing that
whatever good
anyone does
he will receive
back from the
Lord.
And so Paul
says here
in the home
God has
established
this design.
He's created
a design order
and part
of that
design order
there's an
element of
leadership.
And he
says for
flourishing
homes follow
the maker's
design.
Okay.
God's ordered
design for the
world.
Now the
problem is
the problem
is not
the design
the problem
is the way
that that
design is
worked out.
Right.
And so
I'm sure
almost all
of us here
could say
that the
problem is
that design
seldom reflects
our reality.
How many
of us could
say that we
grew up in
homes where
we experienced
this servant
hearted
leadership.
Right.
We're humble
servant hearted
leaders not
domineering not
angry and
frustrated no
harsh words
spoken no
moody husbands
or grumpy
fathers.
Right.
Just humble
servant hearted
leaders.
Anyone.
Wonderful if
you did.
You see the
problem is not
God's design.
It's the way
that the
design is
worked out
in reality.
And so
generally what
is our
experience?
Well our
experience is
something of
the opposite.
Our experience
is those in
positions of
power, those
in positions of
leadership using
their leadership
for their own
advantage to
serve themselves.
Don't raise
your hand,
okay, but just
in your heart
you can raise
your hand.
How many of
us have heard
words something
like this from
a father or a
husband or a
parent?
Can't I get a
little peace and
quiet around this
place?
Or after all
that I do for
you I think I
deserve a little
more respect in
this house.
Okay, don't
smile or nudge
your husbands or
anything.
You see generally
speaking the
problem is that
our hearts are
turned in on
ourselves.
And so we are
self-seeking.
Augustine said the
problem with
humanity is that
sin has caused
our hearts to
turn in on
ourselves and
so we become
self-serving,
self-seeking.
And so the
operating system
of our heart
has got a
virus in it
and that is
out of order
now.
And so what
that means is
that humanity
as a result of
fall and sin,
humanity is a
way of taking
God's ordered
desire and
turning on its
head so that
now we want to
serve ourselves
rather than
others.
We want to
seek our own
welfare rather than
the welfare of
others.
We become
self-serving
rather than
others-serving.
And so the
book of James,
James writes
and he says
this, he says
we are lured
and enticed
by our own
desires that
grow and
develop into
sin and
when sin
grows and
develops it
leads into
death and
destruction.
And we see
that, right?
Death and
destruction of
relationships,
death and
destruction of
peace in the
home,
death and
destruction of
joy,
of hope,
grace,
of dignity,
of security,
of flourishing,
of radiance.
God has
designed that
humanity, we
serve one
another, we
love one
another, we
use our
positions and
the gifts that
God has given
for the welfare
of one another,
but rather we
are takers rather
than givers.
And we tend to
use and abuse
one another.
And so just
look at our
passage here.
Look at how he
says, maybe start
at the bottom,
6 verse 9,
let's see how
sin works its
way out.
6 verse 9,
what is the
temptation that
employers have
towards those in
their employment?
Threatening,
demanding,
intimidating.
Historians tell
us that in the
Roman-Greican
world,
masters would
use three
strategies to
get what they
wanted from
their employees.
They would
threaten them to
beat them,
they would
threaten them with
sexual abuse,
or thirdly,
they would
threaten to
sell one
member of
the family to
another family
on the other
side of the
Roman Empire to
split up the
families.
So I'm a
master, you're
my servant,
you're not doing
what I want,
I'll threaten
you, I'll
sexually abuse
you, I'll
sell your
children to
slavery.
What does
Paul say?
That's not the
way that the
gospel operates.
Look at 6
verse 4,
how does sin
operate in
families with
parents and
fathers, getting
angry, provoking
children to
anger?
And how does it
affect marriage
spouses looking
after themselves,
seeking their own
interests, thinking
about what is good
for them.
And so rather than
God's ordered
design, what we
have is humanity's
disordered world.
Friends, is there
anybody here that
has not seen and
experienced the
brokenness and the
depravity of sin in
our lives and in our
homes and our
marriages and our
families and our
parents and our
relationships?
And so the
question is this,
how should members
of the household
relate to one
another?
On the one hand,
we have God's
design, God's
order, but we
also see how sin
has corrupted this
order so that it's
twisted on its head.
And so is there a
way for us to
somehow come back to
God's ordered
design that will
get the intended
results that God
planned?
Is there a way for
us to go back to
God's design without
resorting to using and
abusing each other,
domineering, provoking
and intimidating?
Well, the answer
that Ephesians gives
us is this, seek God's
design with gospel
saturated humility.
Embrace God's good
order with gospel
saturated humility.
Let's see how that
plays out.
You see, Paul's not
saying, well, we know
that people have just
used their positions of
leadership, their own
advantage.
Let's just scrap the
system and start again.
Right?
That's not going to
work.
Let's just come up with
something altogether new.
He doesn't say that.
But he also doesn't say,
well, sorry ladies,
sorry children, sorry
servants, that's just the
way it is, just suck it
up.
Paul says, friends, you
see this, the Bible
neither advocates for
old-fashioned
traditionalism and
patriarchy, nor
neither does it argue
for liberal
egalitarianism.
The Bible says there's
a third way, which is
gospel-shaped humility
that seeks the interest
of the other person
rather than myself.
And what Paul says here
is he shows the only
way, the only way that
you can follow God's
design without using
and abusing people in
our lives and our
homes, the only way to
accomplish God's
intention is if the
gospel of grace and the
person of the Lord
Jesus Christ and the
majesty of the gospel
is deeply at work in
our hearts and in our
homes.
Paul says that if you
take your eyes off of
Christ and the gospel,
or worse still, if you
pay lip service to
Christ and the gospel,
but it's not deeply
shaping our hearts and
our lives, what will
happen is we'll take a
scripture like this and
we'll weaponize it against
those in our homes.
And friends, if we
forget Christ and the
gospel, a passage of
scripture like this can
become a weapon to use
against those to prop
yourself up.
But when the gospel
pierces our hearts, this
scripture is meant to be
a sword that will pierce
our own hearts and bring
us to our knees to say,
oh God, I need your
mercy to be such a
husband, such a father,
such a leader in my
home.
Does that make any
sense?
Okay.
So let's see how Paul
does this.
In this passage, Paul
addresses both parties in
the relationship.
And the first thing he
does is he calls for
volunteered followership.
Look at the way that
Paul speaks to the
parties in the
relationship that you
could say have no
power, no social
capital.
Look at how he speaks
to wives, children, and
employees.
And he calls them to
follow or to respect
the other member of the
relationship.
But he asks them to do
so not coercively, but
voluntarily.
Doing so out of
submission to Christ.
Look at what he says in
5 verse 22.
It says, wives, submit to
your own husbands as to
the Lord.
Look at 6 verse 1.
Children, obey your
parents in the Lord.
Look at 6 verse 5.
Bond servants, obey your
earthly masters as you
would Christ, 6 verse 6,
as bond servants of
Jesus Christ, verse 7, as
to the Lord and not to
men.
Paul's not saying, he
doesn't write to him, he
says, listen, men, I want
you to get your women,
children, and servants in
order, right?
That's not what he does.
We're going to see in a
minute what Paul does say
to the men, but what he
does say is he doesn't
give them any room to
control or manipulate
those in his home.
What Paul does is he does
something that is
culturally, extravagantly
out of order, completely
culturally inappropriate.
He writes to the ladies
and the children and the
servants in the church, and
he asks them to, of their
own self-will, to volunteer
their followership to the
leaders in their home.
Culturally, it is
completely inappropriate to
write to another man's
wife, another man's
children, or another man's
servants.
Peter O'Brien says this was
shockingly outrageous.
And yet, he writes them and
he doesn't instruct them or
tell them what to do.
Paul's not sending a
communique from head
office.
He's not throwing the
rule book at them.
He's appealing to their
own self-will to volunteer
their followership to their
husbands, fathers, and
masters.
Look at 6 verse 5 with me.
The bond servants, the
employees of the household,
were the people with the
least social capital in the
church.
They had almost no social
capital.
If there's one group of
people he could have
instructed and told them
what to do, this is
probably the one he could
have got away with.
And look at how he
writes there, how he
appeals to their hearts.
He says, obey your
earthly masters with a
sincere heart as you
would Christ, not by way
of eye service as people
pleases, as bond
servants of Christ, doing
the will of God from the
heart, rendering service
with a good will as to the
Lord and not to men.
Paul's not issuing a
directive or a command
here.
He's calling these people to
volunteer their followership.
In a way, Paul's actually
asking them to follow Christ
and out of their followership of
Christ to let that overflow in
their relationships in the home.
I remember when I was 23 years
old, I think Claire and I were
either engaged and married or had
just got married.
It was my first job out of
university, my first year of
working, and I was working for
somebody in our church.
We were both deacons in the
church.
I knew him pretty well.
We were kind of friends.
And he was my boss.
And, you know, that meant there
were certain liberties and
things I could get away with.
And I remember one morning I was
having my daily devotions before
work, and I read this passage in
1 Timothy chapter 6, and it
almost says the same thing.
It says, if you're working for a
believing boss, don't work less
hard, work doubly hard.
And I was so challenged and
convicted.
I went to work that day, and I
went to my boss, Jerome, and I
said, hey, Jerome, I've got a
confession.
I was reading my Bible this
morning, and I felt God speak to
me, and I haven't been working
for you as hard as I should have
been.
And I want to say I'm sorry, and I
want to change that, and I want to
put that right.
I want to be the very best employee
that you have in this company.
But do you see what happened
there?
It was God speaking to me, calling
to me to himself, and out of my
love for Christ, that actually
changed the way that I wanted to
relate to my boss.
It wasn't that Paul said, listen,
you're a Christian now, get your act
together.
It was God saying, work for me.
When you go into the office today, do
your work as if you're working for me.
What did that look like?
It meant that I wanted to work for my
boss doubly hard and twice as hard.
And that's what Paul is saying here.
He's saying, submit to Christ, that
your worship and your adoration of
Jesus play itself out in the
relationships that you have to your
husbands, your parents, and your
masters.
Okay?
Volunteer and fellowship.
Well, let's look at what Paul says to
the leaders, those that have social
capital.
Paul says that they, too, are not to
demand their rights, but to take up
their roles and responsibilities in
light of the gospel.
And so Paul calls those that are both
socially and legally who hold all the
cards, who have all the positions of
power and authority.
Paul asks them to do what with their
power and authority?
To lay it down in service to those that
they're called to lead.
Let's focus on husbands and wives
because it's the longest section in our
passage here.
So look at verses 25 to 33 with me.
It's a tricky passage to understand
because Paul kind of talks about
husbands and wives, and then he talks
about Christ and the church, and
sometimes he swaps in between mid
sentence.
You're kind of not sure.
Is he talking about husbands and
wives or is he talking about Christ and
the church?
But that's, of course, the point.
The point is husbands are meant to
love as Christ loves the church.
And so look at what he says here.
Husbands, love your wives.
Okay, that's pretty good.
Nothing controversial there.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for
her.
Well, how did Christ love the church?
What did that look like in practical
terms?
Friends, at Watermark, we talk about the
cross and the gospel a lot here.
And so it's easy to become very familiar
and blasé about Calvary.
How did Christ love the church?
Well, he allowed himself to be nailed to a
Roman cross.
You know, the Roman cross was the ultimate
act of brutality the world has ever known.
Within a few short years, the Romans outlawed
crucifixion because it was too inhumane to
subject any human being to it.
At the time of Jesus, it was reserved for
soldiers that had committed mutiny, slaves or
foreigners.
No Roman citizen would be subject to crucifixion.
And it wasn't only hanging on the cross, it was the
beatings and the floggings that went before it.
Josephus, a historian from the first century, said
that those that were crucified were subject to
such flogging and beating that their rib cages
were exposed.
Sometimes people's stomachs were ripped open so
that the entails would fall out before they even
got to the cross.
Jesus Christ loved the church by allowing himself
to be subject to the most brutal form of punishment
humanity has ever known.
And on the cross, that's from a human perspective and
from a divine perspective, Jesus Christ took upon himself
the full wrath of God for the punishment of the sins of
those who would entrust themselves to him.
Jesus Christ literally loved us to death.
And as the words of Sally Lloyd-Jones says, it wasn't the
nails that held him to the cross.
It was his love for you and for I.
And Paul writes to us and he says, husbands, love your wives as
Christ loved the church.
See what he's saying?
And so in addition to his profound love for us, why did he do
it?
Well, our text tells us.
Look at verse 26 with me.
Jesus went to the cross to take a broken, bruised humanity, his
bride, and what would he do with her?
That he might sanctify her.
That means purify her.
Make her beautiful and acceptable to God.
That he might cleanse her with washing of water and the word.
That means that he might flood her with the gospel that will so
change her that she will become changed.
Verse 27.
That he might present the church, his bride, to himself in splendor
or radiance without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she
might be holy and without blemish.
So here's Paul's argument.
Jesus takes a church, which is you and I, with all our sinfulness and our
wickedness and our depravity and our self-centeredness, and he does something on
the cross so that one day when we are in eternity, we will be glorious and beautiful and radiant and
sinless and perfect forever.
He takes what is once less than perfect, and because of his love for us, he perfects us and presents us as
glorious and radiant and beautiful.
Jesus Christ, the king of the universe, uses his position and his authority for the one that he loves.
In order to see her become the perfect picture of what she's designed to be, but how sin had ruined her.
And now Paul says, husbands, that is what you are called to do for your wives and your children and your families.
To lay down your life, to take any price, to bear any cost, to bear any suffering, to do what it takes,
that your family will be the absolute picture, will be all that they can be by my grace.
And so what does that mean?
It means that as husbands we say, I will give up my rights to serve my wife and my children, my family.
I will help them to become the very best, most Christ-like, most radiant, most secure, most appreciated,
most loved women and children that will one day stand before God radiant and holy and blessed
because of the way that I have loved them.
You see what Paul is saying?
It's a radical commitment.
And friends, here is the challenge the passage asks us.
Yes, husbands and wives, you're called to be the head of your family.
But it's the head of a family that walks the way of the cross, with our wives better off because of the way that we've loved them.
Our children more, better off because of the way that we've loved them.
Our wives more secure, more radiant, more joyful, more deeply flooded with the gospel because of our love for them.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for them.
I'm not too sure what to do.
Amen.
I've got a couple of practical things to say, but maybe before we get there, can I just pray for us?
Amen.
Friends, this is not me.
I've tried to do so much repenting this week because this is not me and this is not my household.
Father God, we come before you this morning, God, because when we see the picture that you call us to,
God, we fall on our knees and say, God, have mercy on broken sinners like us.
God, we need you.
And Lord, I need you and the men and the women and the children and the people of the church.
We need you, God.
We need you to help us to love and serve like this.
God, we confess we don't have what it takes.
Oh, God, come and have your way.
Jesus, I pray, humble us, God.
Give us gospel-centered, Christ-centered humility that will change us and cause us, God, to love and serve one another like this.
Not demanding on our rights, not putting our interests first, but thinking how to serve and love those of our families and those around us.
God, I want to ask, won't you help us, the men of this church, and start with me to become more like you, Jesus.
To be more sacrificial, more loving, more selfless, and more servant-hearted, I pray.
Help us, oh God, that our homes and our families will look a little bit more like heaven because your gospel is changing our hearts.
God, come and do it, I pray.
In your gracious name, amen.
Okay, let me, sorry if this is a little bit all over the place.
Let me, let me give us a couple of practical things, okay?
What can we practically do?
Let me give us five practical things.
First thing is this.
For the men in Watermark, set the temperature, the spiritual temperature of your home.
Take the initiative to set the spiritual temperature of your home.
Men, can I ask you, who's setting the pattern of faith and confidence and trust in Christ?
Who's setting the pattern for devotions and loving God's Word?
Men, how are our children going to learn to read God's Word?
Who's showing them how to read God's Word and have a devotion in the morning?
Men, it's not all up to us.
Our wives are incredible and our children will learn so much from our wives.
But can we take the lead to set the initiative?
Men, who's modeling repentance and confession?
Are we the first to say sorry or are we going to wait for our wives to say sorry?
Let's model confession and repentance in the gospel, okay?
Secondly, men, can I urge us to pray for our wives and to pray with our wives?
Now, Claire's going to smile at this because I'm really bad at this.
Men, our wives long for their husbands to pray with them.
Most of them anyway.
And yet, as husbands, we find it so hard, right?
I know it's hard to open yourself up and to take the initiative.
Most wives wish their husbands would pray with them.
But they also don't want to beg their husbands to do it, right?
And so they might ask a few times and then they'll just give up.
Men, can we take the initiative to pray with our wives and to pray for our wives?
To maybe before you go to sleep say, hey, let's pray for our day tomorrow.
Or let's, can I pray for you before you go to bed?
And if you don't know what to pray for your wives, here's a couple of things to pray for, okay?
I've got 11 quick things.
Men, pray that God will be her deepest treasure.
Men, let's pray that God will give our wives faith and trust.
Let's pray that God will give our wives wisdom and strength for their calling.
That God will help her to love the church.
That God will give her great friends who will point her to Jesus.
Pray that God will help our wives hear his voice.
Pray that God will give her strength for her calling at her job.
Pray that she will know and treasure the gospel more and more.
Pray that she will be deeply secure in the love of Christ.
Pray that God will multiply our wives' influence and blessing.
Pray that she will abide in Christ and be full of the Spirit.
Okay, that's a good start.
You can find some more in addition to that, okay?
So let's pray for our wives and pray with our wives.
Here's the third thing practically to do.
Men, flee and fight sexual temptation with everything you've got, okay?
Sorry if I'm standing in the way here.
Friends, it's easy to make excuses, right?
It was just a look.
It was just a thought.
It didn't hurt anybody.
Nobody will know.
Friends, small compromises lead to big compromises.
And big compromises destroy families and they destroy our wives' confidence and joy and security.
Men, let's fight sexual temptation.
And let's get brothers around us that will know us and that we can be open to, that can be real with, that can ask us difficult questions.
Because there is no greater way to destroy our wives and our children than to give in to temptation like this.
And so let's fight it.
Marshall Siegel said this,
The best way for a man to protect his home around him is for him to guard his heart within him.
So let's do that.
Here's a fourth thing.
For the single men in the church, right?
Don't wait until you're a husband or a father to try and become this kind of man.
If you're a single guy, start to get the gospel deep in your heart.
Ask God to change you today.
Ask God to make you selfless and others seeking.
Ask God to so reorientate your heart that you can use whatever social capital you have to serve the interests of those around you.
Friends, one day God will hopefully call you to be a husband and a dad.
And so start today to become the man that can love your families like this.
And for the single ladies in our church, pray that God will give you a husband like this.
Pray that God will give you a husband that will love you like Christ loved the church.
Ladies, can I say, can you see why the Bible would strongly encourage us to marry somebody who knows Christ and is letting the gospel shape them?
Because it's really hard to be married to someone who wants to love like Jesus when they don't know Jesus.
And wants the gospel to be the standard for how they're going to love their families when they don't know the gospel.
And so wives, I've got, ladies, I've got two daughters.
I pray for my husband.
I pray for my children.
I'm so glad that that released some attention in the room.
I've been praying, Claire and I have been praying for our daughters' husbands since before they were born.
When they're in Claire's womb, we were praying, God, you know, won't you give them great men?
And so single ladies, I know it's hard.
And I know that if you choose to only marry a Christian man, it is going to be hard.
And I know you're making a sacrifice.
And I want to say that God is going to honor your sacrifice.
And God will look after you.
And our heart is for you.
And I know it's hard.
And we love you.
And we're praying for you.
And we're going to do everything we can to set you up with some great guys.
Okay, let me bring this to a close.
The final thing is this, an alternative community.
I'm going to wrap this up quickly.
Chapter 5, verse 22 can sound so offensive, right?
Wives, submit to your own husbands.
Oh my goodness, who is this guy that, who does he think that he is?
The basis for verse 22 is actually found in verse 21.
And the Greek grammar makes it very clear.
That 22 is actually a follow-on from the train of thought in verse 21.
What does verse 21 say?
Submit one to another out of reverence for Christ.
Now that, of course, Paul is not undermining everything he's saying.
He's not saying, okay, just, you know, there's no such thing as leadership.
He obviously has written for that.
Nobody logically thinks that, you know, parents submit to their children.
So the flow of thought is clear.
But in other words, what Paul is saying is that submission is not a weakness virtue.
It's not a female virtue.
It's not a children virtue.
Submission is a Christian virtue.
Because it's the way of Christ.
And it's the way of the cross.
And so it's the way of Christian households.
Of husbands and wives.
Parents and children.
Employers and employees.
As Christian households become an alternative community that lives in a different way from the world.
That shows the world a different way to live.
Which serves and surrenders to one another.
And submission to Christ.
Friends, the Bible begins and ends with two marriages.
The first marriage in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve.
We see the effects of sin.
Of selfishness.
And the utter destruction that it brings on the world.
But thankfully that's not the only marriage we see in the Bible.
The Bible ends with another marriage.
It's the marriage of Christ to his bride, the church.
And Jesus Christ, the true and better Adam.
The perfect Adam and the perfect husband.
Is coming back again.
To get for himself a bride.
Those that are in Christ.
And he will love us perfectly for all eternity.
And he will make us perfect.
And he will flood our hearts with his grace.
And he says that for those of us that are in Christ now.
We get a small measure of that grace.
That we can experience his love.
Whether you're a husband or wife.
A parent.
A child.
An employer.
An employee.
No matter who you are.
If you are in Christ.
You can experience his love.
In a way that will change you.
And cause you.
To love and serve others.
Like Christ has loved.
And served us.
And so friends.
If you're in Christ today.
Jesus Christ.
Set your hope on him.
He is your hope.
He is your help.
He is your security.
He is the one to look to.
And to hold on to.
Let his love today.
Melt our hearts.
Pierce our pride.
Bring us to our knees.
And help us to love others.
Like he has loved us.
Let's pray together.
Father.
We.
Don't know what to say.
God.
Your scriptures.
As we said.
Are so challenging.
And yet.
They are good.
They show us.
A different kind of way.
God.
I pray.
Won't you call us.
God.
To this.
Model.
Of love.
And relationships.
God.
May the.
The households.
And the homes.
Of watermark.
Reflect heaven.
Of.
Unparalleled.
And.
Out of this world.
Humility.
Service.
Sacrifice.
And love.
Lord Jesus.
I pray.
Give us courage.
To.
To become the men and women.
That you call us to be.
God.
For those of us.
That are men.
God.
Help us.
To lead.
So graciously.
So gently.
Not abdicating.
The roles.
You call us to.
But not using it.
To our own advantages.
God.
May we.
Lay down.
Our lives.
As Christ did for us.
God.
I pray.
Come and help us.
And father.
If there is anything.
That I have said today.
Which is not of your will.
Which is not of your scripture.
Which goes against your heart.
Lord.
I pray.
Let it fall in deaf ears.
Let it not take root in our hearts.
God.
We want your way.
And your will.
We pray this.
And your good.
In your gracious name.
Amen.
Thank you.