WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.759 I'm going to turn with me to Matthew chapter 19. Matthew 19. 00:00:11.099 --> 00:00:16.320 Now two weeks ago we looked at the issue of divorce and this morning we're looking at the issue 00:00:16.320 --> 00:00:22.000 ! of singleness and tonight we're going to be looking at the issue of parenting from 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:29.839 the next three verses. So I'll be off work for the next three months with stress. But two 00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:32.859 come tonight, you should come every Sunday night but I want to encourage you whether 00:00:32.859 --> 00:00:37.820 you're a parent or not, there's great things for us to learn this evening on parenting. 00:00:38.140 --> 00:00:42.600 If you're a parent or a grandparent or if you're single, if you're part of this church, do come 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:48.740 at the season six o'clock. It's a sensitive subject, the issue of singleness and I'm very 00:00:48.740 --> 00:00:52.719 aware of that. I want to plug three books. One is the book we've been plugging in the last 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:59.719 little while, Aspects of Love by Willie Philip, which just looks at different areas of relationship 00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:05.680 relationships and family and marriage and parenting. It's a really excellent book. And then 00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:11.859 two works on singleness. One, Seven Myths About Singleness by Sam Albury. Some of us have 00:01:11.859 --> 00:01:18.840 heard Sam speak. He's got really great insights into this subject and he's an Anglican minister 00:01:18.840 --> 00:01:22.140 and travels a lot in the States. But it's a really, really excellent book. Seven Myths 00:01:22.140 --> 00:01:28.460 About Singleness. And then the other book is a book by Andrea Trevenna, The Heart of Singleness. 00:01:28.459 --> 00:01:35.099 It's written by a woman for women. I think it's a terrific work. It warmed my heart to read 00:01:35.099 --> 00:01:40.419 it. And I'd really recommend those books. They're on the bookstore. You can now pay by contactless 00:01:40.419 --> 00:01:48.259 card and other forms of payment are acceptable too. So do pick up those books. I'll look at 00:01:48.260 --> 00:01:57.320 verse 10 with me. Matthew 19. The disciples come and they say, well you've told us about marriage 00:01:57.320 --> 00:02:00.859 that it's one man and one woman for life. And they say, well if such is the case of a man 00:02:00.859 --> 00:02:07.880 with his wife, it's better not to marry. It's better not to marry. And that applies to many 00:02:07.879 --> 00:02:13.579 people who are here today. It's slightly different than in Jesus' day, isn't it? The unmarried 00:02:13.579 --> 00:02:20.879 population of Jesus' day was small while in London it's huge. And whether we're single or married 00:02:20.879 --> 00:02:28.139 this morning, this text has got something to say to us from verses 10 to 12. Two things we need as we 00:02:28.139 --> 00:02:36.159 begin this subject. Much the same as we began on divorce. First we need wisdom. I need to beware 00:02:36.159 --> 00:02:41.759 of making broad sweeping generalisations from these verses. Everyone's story is different. 00:02:44.239 --> 00:02:50.500 Everyone's life circumstances are different. And while Jesus avoids clumping all singles into 00:02:50.500 --> 00:02:57.299 one category, and we're going to see in a moment that not all scenarios are addressed here in detail. 00:02:57.300 --> 00:03:04.560 So you need to realise that we need wisdom and we need discernment to make application of what 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:12.980 Jesus has here to our particular setting. The second thing is that of sensitivity. It is probably 00:03:12.980 --> 00:03:18.400 fair to say that within the church particularly there is a stigma attached to singleness that 00:03:18.400 --> 00:03:23.439 shouldn't be there. And there may be different reasons why that is the case. You might want to 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:31.120 disagree with me. But the gift of singleness has been described in this way. Singleness is the kind 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:36.939 of gift that makes us cringe and smile politely while we desperately search for the gift receipt. 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:44.960 Let me read to you. I'm Glandria Trevenna. As she says, it's not easy to be grateful for a gift that you 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:52.560 don't want. To enjoy a present that is totally not what you ask for. One Christmas when my sister and I 00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:59.939 were six and eight, our parents gave us a train set for Christmas. It was a very nice train set. A state-of-the-art 00:03:59.939 --> 00:04:07.280 Hornby train set, but it was a train set. This was not what I wanted at all. I wanted a tiny Tia's doll. 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:12.960 Looking back on that Christmas, I asked my mum recently if she thought my dad had wanted a son. 00:04:13.819 --> 00:04:17.060 She replied, no, but he did want a train set. 00:04:20.279 --> 00:04:24.300 My father is wonderful, but that Christmas he didn't give me what I wanted, what was good. 00:04:26.860 --> 00:04:32.300 And I think that singleness can be a gift that maybe you don't particularly want. There will be in this 00:04:32.300 --> 00:04:40.740 room right now disappointed hopes and expectations. And so Jesus, we're going to find his teaching is not 00:04:40.740 --> 00:04:47.759 academic and detached. It is very practical and personal and for some it will be painful. 00:04:49.259 --> 00:04:55.540 And Jesus says, he who is able to accept it, let him accept it. Three headings. First heading, 00:04:55.540 --> 00:05:02.020 our struggle with marriage. Second heading, our struggle with singleness. And then thirdly, God's 00:05:02.020 --> 00:05:10.900 remedy for singleness. Our struggle with marriage. Look at verse 10. If such is the case of a man with 00:05:10.900 --> 00:05:18.420 his wife, one man and one woman in one flesh, full life, it's better not to marry. I remember, it's 00:05:18.420 --> 00:05:23.900 the debate, isn't it, that's been going on, this theological struggle taking place. There's three 00:05:23.899 --> 00:05:32.519 parties, there's Jesus, there are the Pharisees and there are the disciples. And Jesus' statement 00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:39.099 about marriage, he has a problem with what the Pharisees are saying, with their twisting of the 00:05:39.099 --> 00:05:48.239 Bible. The permission to divorce that Moses gave, they were turning into a command to divorce. 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:55.180 And there's two very different ideas. So in verse 3, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any 00:05:55.180 --> 00:06:01.600 reason? And our Lord, he's really grieved by the hard-heartedness of these religious leaders. 00:06:02.060 --> 00:06:08.819 They basically want to get out of marriage free pass. And they are using Moses, the Bible, to get it. 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:13.460 And how does Jesus respond to them? When he goes back to the very beginning, verse 4, and he says, 00:06:13.459 --> 00:06:18.919 Haven't you read, that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? And 00:06:18.919 --> 00:06:22.759 therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and he'll hold fast for his wife, and the two will 00:06:22.759 --> 00:06:31.379 become one, one flesh. So they're no longer two, but one flesh. You see, God is the marriage maker. 00:06:33.679 --> 00:06:39.639 Jesus said, what God has joined together, let not man separate. End of verse 6. And we see that man is 00:06:39.639 --> 00:06:46.120 the marriage breaker. Let not man, let not men and women, human beings separate. And so what 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:52.500 Jesus is doing is he's laying bare their hard hearts. And instead of them delighting in the 00:06:52.500 --> 00:06:58.539 permanence of the marriage bond, the Pharisees were looking for loopholes and ways out. So 00:06:58.539 --> 00:07:04.919 they can get out of it easily. And the Pharisees say, can we divorce for any old reason? And 00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:11.040 Jesus says, you men shouldn't be getting divorced at all. Marriage is a permanent bond established by 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:19.360 God. Jesus is saying marriage is for life. And it's a very controversial statement. Because there are 00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:26.120 two groups in the context that are put out by it. The Pharisees, but also his very own disciples. Verse 10. 00:07:26.120 --> 00:07:35.300 So notice the Pharisees struggle in verse 7, first of all. They say, well, why then did Moses command one to 00:07:35.300 --> 00:07:42.060 give a certificate of divorce and send her away? The problem that they have, those religious leaders, with 00:07:42.060 --> 00:07:49.840 Jesus' doctrine that marriage is a lifelong covenant bond. And so they try to defend their appalling track record of 00:07:49.840 --> 00:07:55.899 easy divorce and broken lives by appealing to Moses. They say, well, Moses commanded divorce. 00:07:56.120 --> 00:08:01.519 And we saw last time, didn't we, two weeks ago, that Moses wasn't commanding divorce. 00:08:04.399 --> 00:08:09.500 That if you are going to divorce, you must give a certificate of divorce to provide for the 00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:19.740 woman. And Moses was simply granting a permission to regulate this sinful practice of casual divorce 00:08:19.740 --> 00:08:27.220 marriage. And remarriage. The Pharisees, the religious leaders have turned permission and what was a kind 00:08:27.220 --> 00:08:34.620 law to protect people into a command. And even though Jesus says marriage is permanent, he does give, 00:08:34.680 --> 00:08:41.060 doesn't he, in this passage, limited permission to divorce. And even then it's not a necessity. 00:08:41.399 --> 00:08:48.299 He says, in the case of paudea, in the case of sexual immorality, well, there can be a divorce. 00:08:48.299 --> 00:08:53.419 And that brings us to the heart of the passage we're in this morning, and that is the disciples' 00:08:53.620 --> 00:09:01.519 struggle. What is the disciples' gripe with? Well, verse 10, they say, such a case of a man 00:09:01.519 --> 00:09:07.519 with his wife, it's better not to marry. And I want to say to you, this shows the shocking 00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:14.299 hard-heartedness of Jesus' own disciples. Let's follow us. One commentator said this, to be 00:09:14.299 --> 00:09:21.659 tied to a wife that only her committing sexual immorality, a rather remote possibility, would ever 00:09:21.659 --> 00:09:27.419 release the husband from her. And so you're compelled to put up with her for a whole lifetime, 00:09:27.979 --> 00:09:33.519 seems to the disciples an intolerable burden to which remaining unmarried would be preferable. 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:35.519 That's the problem with these disciples. 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:43.279 If Jesus is going to remove all likelihood of escape from the lifelong challenges of marriage, 00:09:43.519 --> 00:09:46.139 then the 12 disciples say, well, it's better not to be married at all, is it? 00:09:49.740 --> 00:09:55.460 In our day, we might say that they are a classic example of that bane of single women everywhere, 00:09:55.960 --> 00:09:57.279 men who are unwilling to commit. 00:09:57.279 --> 00:10:06.659 It's better not to marry than to go through all the work of commitment to one woman for life. 00:10:09.299 --> 00:10:13.459 And this, in this summary, is man's struggle with marriage. Do you get the picture? 00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:18.779 One doctrine of marriage, two becoming one for life. 00:10:19.919 --> 00:10:23.860 And two very unpleasant reactions, both in different directions. 00:10:23.860 --> 00:10:29.919 The Pharisees want all the benefits of marriage, but none of the burdens. 00:10:31.100 --> 00:10:35.379 And the disciples' reasoning flipped the coin, and they didn't want the burdens, 00:10:35.620 --> 00:10:37.539 so they're willing to not have the benefits. 00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:44.539 The disciples argue in favour of permanent singleness as an escape route 00:10:44.539 --> 00:10:47.539 from the inevitable problems of a marriage relationship. 00:10:49.460 --> 00:10:51.420 Do you see the two struggles here in marriage? 00:10:51.419 --> 00:10:55.599 The disciples struggle and the Pharisees struggle, and they're both selfish. 00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:56.899 Thoroughly selfish. 00:10:59.879 --> 00:11:03.639 And so we need to say, don't we, what Jesus expects from marriage is hard work. 00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:08.659 It's something that demands the daily help of the Holy Spirit. 00:11:09.419 --> 00:11:15.439 Faithfulness, sacrifice, patience, endurance, all those things are required. 00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:20.960 And the Pharisees don't want to work at marriage, so they seek an easy divorce, a way out. 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:27.320 And the disciples don't want to work at marriage either, so they'll say, we choose singleness, lifelong. 00:11:29.660 --> 00:11:34.140 And we're going to find out in what Jesus says next, that neither is particularly in the easy path to follow. 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:39.620 And so I want to move from our struggle with marriage to our struggle with singleness. 00:11:39.780 --> 00:11:40.560 Look at verse 11. 00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:52.059 But Jesus said to them, not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 00:11:54.659 --> 00:11:57.679 Now if we're going to understand this verse, we need to know three things. 00:11:58.159 --> 00:11:59.799 First of all, a personal statement. 00:11:59.799 --> 00:12:07.039 And the personal statement we've just read in verse 10. 00:12:07.459 --> 00:12:08.659 It's better not to marry. 00:12:10.099 --> 00:12:10.859 That's a statement. 00:12:12.459 --> 00:12:17.019 And to stay single, indefinitely, is a personal decision. 00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:23.399 It sometimes can be that one is, that is forced upon one by circumstances. 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:27.000 It's not what they desire, it's not what they hope for, maybe that's many of you. 00:12:27.000 --> 00:12:30.700 So what does Jesus say to this personal statement? 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:32.360 The second thing is a personal reality. 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:36.659 And Jesus says, all cannot accept this statement. 00:12:38.679 --> 00:12:41.220 And so the immediate question that you should be asking is, well, which statement? 00:12:43.480 --> 00:12:45.740 What saying is it that all cannot accept? 00:12:45.820 --> 00:12:48.820 Is he referring back to his previous teaching on marriage? 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:51.879 Or is it rather what the disciples have just said about singleness? 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:56.120 Most of the commentators say it's the latter, I think they're right. 00:12:57.000 --> 00:12:59.580 And the disciples are saying, well, it's better not to marry. 00:12:59.700 --> 00:13:03.360 And Jesus shoots back at them, all cannot accept this statement of yours. 00:13:04.840 --> 00:13:07.179 All cannot accept that it's better to stay single. 00:13:08.259 --> 00:13:10.620 All cannot accept the idea of permanent singleness. 00:13:10.620 --> 00:13:20.720 And so Jesus is teaching a personal reality that cuts across the grain in today's culture of singleness. 00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:29.600 Especially in the world that singleness is a state that most people are not called to. 00:13:31.899 --> 00:13:36.480 Singleness is not a state that most people are called to. 00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:39.100 It's really emphatic, literally. 00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:40.300 All cannot. 00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:45.180 The New American Standard says, not all men can accept this statement about singleness. 00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:49.460 It's a controversial thing to say even in church today. 00:13:51.139 --> 00:13:54.460 It sounds, doesn't it, like an absolute negative. 00:13:55.899 --> 00:13:57.340 All cannot stay single. 00:13:57.340 --> 00:14:02.180 But he immediately qualifies it. 00:14:02.259 --> 00:14:04.879 But only those, and it leads us into in verse 12. 00:14:05.940 --> 00:14:07.639 But only those to whom it is given. 00:14:09.019 --> 00:14:14.920 And Jesus in verse 12 is about to state the limited exceptions to this rule in verse 12. 00:14:14.920 --> 00:14:17.639 Where he describes different kinds of eunuchs. 00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:20.060 For whom singleness is perfectly good. 00:14:21.379 --> 00:14:22.759 And healthy and desirable. 00:14:22.759 --> 00:14:27.360 But before we ask why singleness is suitable for these few. 00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:29.879 We have to ask the awkward question. 00:14:30.019 --> 00:14:32.000 Why is it unsuitable for all? 00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:36.319 All cannot accept it, Jesus says. 00:14:36.419 --> 00:14:38.299 Why is it unsuitable for the majority? 00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:39.659 A personal statement. 00:14:40.899 --> 00:14:41.700 A personal reality. 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:43.539 And at the third end of this heading, a personal struggle. 00:14:45.740 --> 00:14:48.120 Not everyone can accept this saying. 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:50.940 But only those for whom it is given. 00:14:55.639 --> 00:14:56.299 Why not? 00:14:57.600 --> 00:15:00.060 The answers in the context come back with me to verse 4. 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:09.080 Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? 00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:11.480 Why did God make them male and female? 00:15:12.759 --> 00:15:13.860 Well the next verse. 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:14.600 Verse 5. 00:15:14.600 --> 00:15:21.220 And he said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast his wife. 00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:23.879 And the two shall become one flesh. 00:15:24.100 --> 00:15:27.639 So they are no longer two but one flesh. 00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:31.700 So here is a key purpose of marriage. 00:15:31.700 --> 00:15:34.200 We are male and female. 00:15:34.200 --> 00:15:37.560 In order to provide a context lawfully. 00:15:37.680 --> 00:15:39.180 To become one flesh. 00:15:39.540 --> 00:15:41.300 With one person. 00:15:41.640 --> 00:15:43.460 Of the opposite gender. 00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:45.020 For life. 00:15:46.120 --> 00:15:47.420 And so to be fruitful. 00:15:47.700 --> 00:15:48.400 And to multiply. 00:15:49.980 --> 00:15:52.660 That is the creation norm. 00:15:55.060 --> 00:15:57.900 But we know John B. Singh has entered into this world of ours. 00:15:57.980 --> 00:15:59.640 And it has marred that norm. 00:15:59.820 --> 00:16:00.700 And scarred it. 00:16:00.700 --> 00:16:04.120 But that one flesh intimacy. 00:16:04.600 --> 00:16:09.700 That is reserved for a lifelong marriage partner of the opposite sex. 00:16:09.980 --> 00:16:10.980 Is often squandered. 00:16:12.560 --> 00:16:16.120 That's why Jesus speaks here of the sin of sexual immorality. 00:16:16.379 --> 00:16:17.000 In verse 9. 00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:22.020 In this context that's the only grounds for divorce. 00:16:22.019 --> 00:16:23.319 That he gives here. 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:25.679 And I say to you. 00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:27.340 Whoever divorces his wife. 00:16:27.419 --> 00:16:28.779 Except for sexual immorality. 00:16:29.220 --> 00:16:30.059 And marries another. 00:16:30.220 --> 00:16:31.100 Commits adultery. 00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:34.860 This is where the apostle Paul comes in. 00:16:35.379 --> 00:16:36.319 The Bible is one book. 00:16:37.259 --> 00:16:38.139 One God. 00:16:38.279 --> 00:16:38.879 One book. 00:16:39.000 --> 00:16:39.879 Multiple authors. 00:16:40.659 --> 00:16:41.740 And yet one story. 00:16:42.919 --> 00:16:45.840 And Paul comes in with some rather direct statements. 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:49.879 Many commentators want to say that. 00:16:50.060 --> 00:16:52.420 And what Paul is doing in 1 Corinthians chapter 6 and 7. 00:16:52.519 --> 00:16:55.080 Is commentating and expounding this passage. 00:16:55.259 --> 00:16:55.820 They might be right. 00:16:58.320 --> 00:17:01.940 That sexual immorality is potentially a fatal blow to a marriage. 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:04.940 And so here you have a husband and a wife. 00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:07.019 They've been blessed with a lifelong partner. 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:08.980 With whom to be one flesh with. 00:17:09.980 --> 00:17:11.480 And Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6. 00:17:11.480 --> 00:17:11.839 16. 00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:14.539 Do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot. 00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:15.160 A prostitute. 00:17:15.259 --> 00:17:16.339 Is one body with her. 00:17:17.360 --> 00:17:18.420 One flesh with her. 00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:21.420 For the two he says shall become one flesh. 00:17:21.759 --> 00:17:22.839 Therefore flee. 00:17:23.059 --> 00:17:24.740 Run away from sexual immorality. 00:17:26.519 --> 00:17:27.559 And a few verses later. 00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:28.819 Paul tells us how to flee. 00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:30.559 And from sexual immorality. 00:17:31.579 --> 00:17:33.180 In 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 2. 00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:35.099 He says nevertheless. 00:17:35.740 --> 00:17:37.339 Because of sexual immorality. 00:17:37.500 --> 00:17:38.420 Let each man. 00:17:38.420 --> 00:17:39.519 Have his own wife. 00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:42.000 And let each woman have her own husband. 00:17:42.220 --> 00:17:44.440 Paul is unambiguously clear. 00:17:46.519 --> 00:17:48.140 In most cases not all. 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:49.440 To stay single. 00:17:50.340 --> 00:17:53.060 Is to be more vulnerable to sexual immorality. 00:17:55.460 --> 00:17:57.080 I don't think that's rocket science. 00:17:58.100 --> 00:18:00.340 That to stay single is to be more vulnerable. 00:18:01.240 --> 00:18:02.800 To the sin of sexual immorality. 00:18:02.980 --> 00:18:03.980 Whether in thought. 00:18:04.140 --> 00:18:04.660 Or word. 00:18:04.800 --> 00:18:05.200 Or deed. 00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:06.960 As any single person will tell you. 00:18:08.420 --> 00:18:10.240 That is our struggle with singleness. 00:18:10.380 --> 00:18:11.100 So let me summarize. 00:18:13.080 --> 00:18:15.600 Jesus' primary concern in Matthew 19. 00:18:15.720 --> 00:18:17.100 Is not to pitch one against the other. 00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:18.920 It's not marriage versus singleness. 00:18:20.380 --> 00:18:24.120 His concern is with the Christian practice of celibacy. 00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:28.859 That is abstaining from one flesh. 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:32.339 Sexual relations between a man and a woman. 00:18:32.339 --> 00:18:34.419 That is reserved for marriage. 00:18:36.639 --> 00:18:39.059 Singleness and celibacy are not the same thing. 00:18:39.599 --> 00:18:40.219 You know that. 00:18:40.220 --> 00:18:46.240 There are many singles in London today. 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:47.579 Who are not celibate. 00:18:49.779 --> 00:18:52.880 But Jesus is saying that they belong together. 00:18:54.259 --> 00:18:58.039 And that is the very personal struggle that Jesus is speaking to. 00:18:58.140 --> 00:18:59.559 Honestly and sensitively. 00:18:59.660 --> 00:19:01.460 He says all cannot accept it. 00:19:01.460 --> 00:19:04.440 Those of you here. 00:19:04.840 --> 00:19:06.660 Who struggle with singleness. 00:19:07.100 --> 00:19:09.400 You need to know there is not something wrong with you. 00:19:11.460 --> 00:19:13.960 You are not a special case. 00:19:15.380 --> 00:19:18.880 There is a sense in which singleness should be a struggle. 00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:22.960 There is of course a qualification that needs to be made. 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:31.079 Of course the struggle with singleness incorporates far more than this healthy God given desire for physical intimacy. 00:19:32.140 --> 00:19:33.880 There is a desire for companionship. 00:19:34.220 --> 00:19:34.779 For children. 00:19:35.120 --> 00:19:38.579 For knowing the satisfaction of providing and caring for one's family. 00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:43.200 The desire to reflect the relationship that Christ has with his church. 00:19:44.600 --> 00:19:45.640 And Jesus knows that too. 00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:49.960 It's not good for the man to be alone or for the woman for that matter. 00:19:51.220 --> 00:19:56.380 But the context here is sexual immorality as the great enemy of marriage. 00:19:56.380 --> 00:20:05.020 And the very exceptions that Jesus is about to list underlines this particular struggle. 00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:08.140 Is celibacy that Jesus has in view. 00:20:09.140 --> 00:20:10.100 Our struggle with marriage. 00:20:11.060 --> 00:20:12.160 Our struggle with singleness. 00:20:12.440 --> 00:20:14.780 And then thirdly we come to God's remedy for singleness. 00:20:14.900 --> 00:20:16.080 Can we see that in verse 12? 00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:25.220 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth. 00:20:26.220 --> 00:20:28.980 And there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men. 00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:33.720 And there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. 00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:38.359 That the one who is able to receive this, receive it. 00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:42.899 Again look at verse 6. 00:20:45.899 --> 00:20:52.079 So those who are married are no longer two but one flesh. 00:20:56.179 --> 00:21:01.379 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. 00:21:01.380 --> 00:21:09.800 This passage is teaching us. 00:21:15.140 --> 00:21:16.720 Sorry, let me just... 00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:18.500 It's important that I get my notes in the right order. 00:21:26.820 --> 00:21:28.040 We'll go with them as they are. 00:21:28.039 --> 00:21:35.099 This passage is teaching us that God's remedy, his provision of singleness, 00:21:35.779 --> 00:21:39.180 comes in the form of one or two distinct gifts. 00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:44.740 God's remedy for singleness comes in the form of one or two gifts. 00:21:45.539 --> 00:21:46.680 And you've either got one or the other. 00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:51.359 And they are specifically mentioned in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. 00:21:53.059 --> 00:21:55.139 1 Corinthians 7 verse 7 if you want the reference. 00:21:55.140 --> 00:22:25.120 Paul says, 00:22:25.140 --> 00:22:28.900 We need to say that the gift of singleness is an exceptional thing. 00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:31.620 An exceptional thing. 00:22:31.660 --> 00:22:36.080 It seems to me that that is an unmistakable implication of what Jesus is saying here. 00:22:37.660 --> 00:22:40.240 He says all cannot accept this. 00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:42.920 This saying of singleness. 00:22:44.060 --> 00:22:45.700 But only to those whom it has been given. 00:22:47.140 --> 00:22:51.580 Just notice how, in passing, how structured Matthew's gospel is. 00:22:51.579 --> 00:22:54.139 The flow is balanced. 00:22:54.139 --> 00:22:56.079 He says, isn't he, there's permanence in marriage. 00:22:56.519 --> 00:22:59.460 That's the creation norm with one exception, sexual immorality. 00:22:59.980 --> 00:23:04.359 And now he says that marriage itself is the creation norm with only three exceptions. 00:23:05.099 --> 00:23:08.879 And he mentions in verse 12 those to whom it has been given. 00:23:09.619 --> 00:23:10.579 Of course, in the eunuchs. 00:23:11.139 --> 00:23:11.599 Verse 12. 00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:18.299 That is, they've received a special ability to remain in an unmarried state. 00:23:19.779 --> 00:23:24.919 The word eunuch literally means an emasculated man. 00:23:26.919 --> 00:23:31.480 Jesus is using the word literally in one of the examples at least. 00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:33.360 And he's also using it metaphorically. 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:37.900 And it refers to men and women in an unmarried state. 00:23:37.980 --> 00:23:38.960 So let's look at the exceptions. 00:23:39.140 --> 00:23:39.980 Exception number one. 00:23:40.099 --> 00:23:41.039 Can you see verse 12? 00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:44.140 For there are eunuchs who have been thus from their mother's womb. 00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:45.000 From birth. 00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:49.539 The words of one commentator says, and this refers to, 00:23:49.799 --> 00:23:53.000 Those so constituted that they are free from sexual desires. 00:23:54.700 --> 00:23:55.779 Another commentator says, 00:23:55.779 --> 00:23:59.140 Those who are physiologically incapable of procreation. 00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:06.039 The other exception he says, are eunuchs made by men. 00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:10.039 And again, there he's referring to literally eunuchs. 00:24:11.259 --> 00:24:13.360 And we mean them over and over again in the Bible. 00:24:13.740 --> 00:24:15.360 It was very common in ancient times. 00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:18.579 For them to be courtiers with the king's harim. 00:24:18.940 --> 00:24:20.440 And then exception number three, 00:24:21.099 --> 00:24:24.819 Is eunuchs who've made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. 00:24:26.860 --> 00:24:28.779 And so unlike the first two categories, 00:24:28.779 --> 00:24:38.420 The last category is those who've voluntarily chosen the unmarried state for the sake of serving the church. 00:24:38.779 --> 00:24:39.379 The kingdom of heaven. 00:24:41.420 --> 00:24:42.559 The NIV literally says, 00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:47.200 Those who've renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. 00:24:48.879 --> 00:24:50.899 So think there of the Apostle Paul. 00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:51.859 Let me read to you what he says. 00:24:52.220 --> 00:24:54.420 In 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and verse 22. 00:24:54.420 --> 00:25:00.620 For he who is called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedom. 00:25:01.320 --> 00:25:02.820 Is a freed man of the Lord. 00:25:03.539 --> 00:25:09.060 Likewise, he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. 00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:10.820 That's the wrong verse which is typical. 00:25:11.940 --> 00:25:12.940 Chapter 7 verse 12. 00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:14.600 To the rest I say, nigh not the Lord. 00:25:14.640 --> 00:25:16.019 That if any brother is a wife, you'll tell him. 00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:17.940 That's not the wrong verse as well. 00:25:17.940 --> 00:25:21.580 Oh, it's annoying when this happens. 00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:25.480 Just talk amongst yourselves for a moment. 00:25:26.200 --> 00:25:26.460 Alright. 00:25:28.080 --> 00:25:29.160 And we will get there. 00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:32.360 We will get there. 00:25:32.440 --> 00:25:33.620 What I'm trying to say, 00:25:33.840 --> 00:25:34.840 It's always the problem isn't it? 00:25:34.840 --> 00:25:35.600 When you're looking at it, 00:25:35.759 --> 00:25:36.960 When you're in front of all these people, 00:25:37.059 --> 00:25:37.920 That you can't find it. 00:25:40.259 --> 00:25:41.200 What Paul is saying is, 00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:43.299 Is that he is a single man, 00:25:43.400 --> 00:25:45.559 Who is able to serve the Lord, 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:47.799 In an undistracted way. 00:25:48.940 --> 00:25:50.799 He chose for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, 00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:52.880 To be a eunuch, 00:25:52.980 --> 00:25:53.740 To be a single man. 00:25:54.600 --> 00:25:55.940 He is not suggesting, 00:25:56.080 --> 00:25:57.539 That one is preferable to the other. 00:25:57.940 --> 00:25:59.180 He is saying simply, 00:25:59.340 --> 00:26:00.660 These are different burdens, 00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:02.799 That are borne by different statuses. 00:26:04.420 --> 00:26:05.380 And so the gift of singleness, 00:26:05.559 --> 00:26:06.980 Is an exceptional thing. 00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:09.240 It exists only in the exception. 00:26:10.940 --> 00:26:12.279 And we have to say, 00:26:12.279 --> 00:26:13.660 We have to say, 00:26:14.080 --> 00:26:15.519 That the gift of singleness, 00:26:15.799 --> 00:26:17.620 Is really the gift of celibacy. 00:26:18.940 --> 00:26:20.259 The very nature, 00:26:20.460 --> 00:26:22.360 Of the first two eunuchs, 00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:24.000 That Jesus mentions here, 00:26:24.220 --> 00:26:26.220 Is a physiological inability, 00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:27.740 Or perhaps a temperamental, 00:26:27.880 --> 00:26:29.180 Disinclination, 00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:30.460 For sex, 00:26:30.580 --> 00:26:30.920 For what, 00:26:31.019 --> 00:26:32.440 This one flesh kind of intimacy. 00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:34.480 And the third, 00:26:34.580 --> 00:26:35.740 Is a special gift, 00:26:36.100 --> 00:26:37.240 Of self-control, 00:26:37.420 --> 00:26:38.259 Over these desires. 00:26:39.220 --> 00:26:41.279 In order to devote oneself, 00:26:42.279 --> 00:26:43.220 To the work of the Lord. 00:26:43.220 --> 00:26:44.700 It's something that's been given to them. 00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:48.259 So to summarise, 00:26:48.339 --> 00:26:49.339 It should not be assumed, 00:26:49.460 --> 00:26:50.799 It should not be assumed, 00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:52.539 That because a man or woman, 00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:54.640 Remain unmarried, 00:26:54.779 --> 00:26:56.539 That there's something wrong with them. 00:26:56.720 --> 00:26:57.579 It's absolutely not. 00:26:59.620 --> 00:27:00.839 There may be one of these, 00:27:00.839 --> 00:27:02.319 Lawful exceptions. 00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:05.220 And they are content to be said. 00:27:07.539 --> 00:27:08.919 But if you are not, 00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:09.939 One of these exceptions, 00:27:10.099 --> 00:27:10.559 This morning, 00:27:11.939 --> 00:27:13.000 God's remedy, 00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:14.460 For singleness, 00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:15.639 Is not for you to try, 00:27:15.779 --> 00:27:17.220 And squeeze yourself, 00:27:17.379 --> 00:27:18.200 Into one of these, 00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:19.139 Three exceptions, 00:27:19.359 --> 00:27:20.000 Unlawfully. 00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:24.539 The classic example, 00:27:24.779 --> 00:27:24.799 Is, 00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:25.099 Is, 00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:27.440 The vow of celibacy, 00:27:27.559 --> 00:27:28.440 That the Roman Catholic, 00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:29.720 Church priests, 00:27:29.779 --> 00:27:30.480 Have to make. 00:27:31.599 --> 00:27:32.680 For their clergy to take, 00:27:32.740 --> 00:27:33.720 Most do not have the gift, 00:27:33.779 --> 00:27:34.259 Of singleness. 00:27:34.380 --> 00:27:35.359 And we've seen what happens, 00:27:35.859 --> 00:27:37.240 When that takes place. 00:27:40.519 --> 00:27:41.200 You can look at, 00:27:41.220 --> 00:27:41.579 Westminster, 00:27:41.700 --> 00:27:41.900 Louser, 00:27:41.940 --> 00:27:42.359 Catholicism, 00:27:42.559 --> 00:27:43.180 Question 39, 00:27:43.299 --> 00:27:43.799 I read it to you, 00:27:43.819 --> 00:27:44.640 But it'll get too long. 00:27:46.380 --> 00:27:48.059 We must make a rigid law, 00:27:48.059 --> 00:27:49.279 Of how long you are, 00:27:49.279 --> 00:27:50.319 To remain unmarried. 00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:51.180 Some will, 00:27:51.319 --> 00:27:52.839 Choose to marry later in life, 00:27:52.899 --> 00:27:53.819 Because of circumstances, 00:27:53.960 --> 00:27:54.899 Or they've not found the person, 00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:56.039 It's none of our business. 00:27:56.399 --> 00:27:57.460 We're not to assume, 00:27:57.559 --> 00:27:58.539 That something is wrong, 00:27:58.639 --> 00:27:59.399 In that situation. 00:28:01.119 --> 00:28:02.220 Each must apply, 00:28:02.339 --> 00:28:02.819 The principle, 00:28:02.940 --> 00:28:05.019 To his or her own situation. 00:28:07.779 --> 00:28:08.799 So let me say, 00:28:09.399 --> 00:28:10.819 If this first remedy, 00:28:11.059 --> 00:28:12.160 The gift of singleness, 00:28:12.299 --> 00:28:13.599 As you see this expounded, 00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:14.839 Does not apply to you, 00:28:14.879 --> 00:28:16.039 Then the second one must. 00:28:17.980 --> 00:28:18.940 And the second remedy, 00:28:18.940 --> 00:28:19.920 Is the gift of marriage, 00:28:20.019 --> 00:28:20.759 It is the more, 00:28:20.980 --> 00:28:22.059 Common gift. 00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:25.680 I've been aware, 00:28:25.799 --> 00:28:26.680 That as I've prepared this, 00:28:27.019 --> 00:28:27.680 This week, 00:28:27.779 --> 00:28:28.200 That some of you, 00:28:28.340 --> 00:28:29.480 Will not agree with this. 00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:31.580 And you'll think, 00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:32.140 Well I don't fit, 00:28:32.860 --> 00:28:33.779 I don't fit with these, 00:28:33.900 --> 00:28:34.680 Three exceptions, 00:28:34.820 --> 00:28:35.580 Jesus is listening, 00:28:35.720 --> 00:28:36.840 But I'm still single, 00:28:37.380 --> 00:28:38.299 And what am I to do? 00:28:41.420 --> 00:28:42.600 Jesus in the context, 00:28:42.600 --> 00:28:43.620 Has already told people, 00:28:43.820 --> 00:28:44.220 What to do. 00:28:44.220 --> 00:28:46.620 Verse 5, 00:28:46.680 --> 00:28:47.420 It is to get married, 00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:51.500 For this reason, 00:28:53.120 --> 00:28:54.180 A man shall leave his father, 00:28:54.240 --> 00:28:54.579 And his mother, 00:28:54.620 --> 00:28:55.620 And hold fast for his wife, 00:28:55.640 --> 00:28:55.960 And the two, 00:28:56.019 --> 00:28:56.960 Should become one flesh. 00:28:59.220 --> 00:29:00.299 And I'm not looking at you, 00:29:00.339 --> 00:29:00.759 Because I know, 00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:01.779 Some of you will be thinking, 00:29:01.960 --> 00:29:03.160 That's really easy, 00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:03.860 For you to say, 00:29:03.859 --> 00:29:07.199 It's easy for you to say, 00:29:07.299 --> 00:29:08.419 Somebody who is married, 00:29:08.699 --> 00:29:09.500 To a single person, 00:29:09.599 --> 00:29:10.719 Just go and get married then. 00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:13.240 And you don't know my story, 00:29:13.339 --> 00:29:14.299 And you don't know my struggles, 00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:16.419 And this sounds cruel. 00:29:20.500 --> 00:29:21.299 And it may be, 00:29:21.379 --> 00:29:22.659 That those who are single this morning, 00:29:22.899 --> 00:29:24.579 Who have found no marriage joy, 00:29:24.659 --> 00:29:25.379 It may be that this, 00:29:25.479 --> 00:29:27.059 It's not through a lack of trying. 00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:30.899 And so the remaining time, 00:29:30.979 --> 00:29:32.059 I want to try and be practical, 00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:32.839 As I finish. 00:29:33.859 --> 00:29:36.539 Let me first of all, 00:29:36.579 --> 00:29:37.579 Speak to Christian singles. 00:29:40.399 --> 00:29:41.359 How can you respond, 00:29:41.419 --> 00:29:42.379 To what's quite a difficult sermon? 00:29:44.119 --> 00:29:44.819 First of all, 00:29:44.939 --> 00:29:45.319 Pray. 00:29:47.379 --> 00:29:49.579 And pray for a godly spouse. 00:29:52.639 --> 00:29:54.079 I'm sure you're doing that already. 00:29:57.099 --> 00:29:59.479 Proverbs 20 verse 6 says, 00:30:00.500 --> 00:30:01.799 Many a man, 00:30:01.799 --> 00:30:04.859 Proclaims his own steadfast love, 00:30:05.940 --> 00:30:07.639 But a faithful man, 00:30:07.940 --> 00:30:08.839 Who can find? 00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:11.059 Do I hear an amen, 00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:11.899 From the single women? 00:30:14.119 --> 00:30:15.220 Who can find? 00:30:16.359 --> 00:30:17.859 For Proverbs 31 verse 10, 00:30:17.940 --> 00:30:19.779 Who can find a virtuous wife? 00:30:20.639 --> 00:30:21.659 Do I hear an amen, 00:30:21.839 --> 00:30:22.579 From the single men? 00:30:24.019 --> 00:30:25.019 Who can find them? 00:30:25.019 --> 00:30:27.700 Who can find them? 00:30:28.740 --> 00:30:29.700 But doesn't that tell you, 00:30:29.779 --> 00:30:30.279 God can. 00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:35.200 It's not wrong to pray to God, 00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:36.259 That he might bless you, 00:30:36.299 --> 00:30:37.379 With this gift of marriage. 00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:41.460 That's not all we pray for, 00:30:41.500 --> 00:30:41.700 Is it? 00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:44.160 We pray for contentment, 00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:44.759 In the meantime. 00:30:44.759 --> 00:30:46.920 Apostle Paul said, 00:30:46.980 --> 00:30:47.500 I have learned, 00:30:47.619 --> 00:30:48.599 In whatever state I am, 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:49.140 To be content. 00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:52.119 And Paul was single, 00:30:52.339 --> 00:30:53.440 And he must have learned, 00:30:53.539 --> 00:30:55.000 To be content with that, 00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:56.180 Among many other things. 00:30:58.099 --> 00:30:58.940 And we all know, 00:30:58.980 --> 00:30:59.279 Don't we, 00:30:59.379 --> 00:31:00.660 In Christian experience, 00:31:00.980 --> 00:31:01.980 That contentment, 00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:03.400 Is only learned, 00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:05.160 In seasons, 00:31:05.299 --> 00:31:05.960 When we're deprived, 00:31:05.960 --> 00:31:06.460 Of something, 00:31:06.539 --> 00:31:06.879 Isn't it? 00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:09.120 When we're deprived, 00:31:09.260 --> 00:31:10.240 Of some good thing, 00:31:10.420 --> 00:31:11.300 It's then, 00:31:11.420 --> 00:31:11.940 That we learn, 00:31:12.060 --> 00:31:12.820 Contentment. 00:31:14.740 --> 00:31:15.800 So let me ask, 00:31:15.900 --> 00:31:16.480 Each one of you, 00:31:16.560 --> 00:31:17.180 Do you believe, 00:31:17.300 --> 00:31:18.360 That your father in heaven, 00:31:18.560 --> 00:31:19.200 Loves you? 00:31:21.400 --> 00:31:22.860 And that your father in heaven, 00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:24.340 Knows what is best for you? 00:31:26.280 --> 00:31:27.900 And that your father in heaven, 00:31:27.900 --> 00:31:29.320 Has things to teach you, 00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:31.060 In this season of life? 00:31:34.320 --> 00:31:35.380 It is very, 00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:36.340 Very common, 00:31:36.339 --> 00:31:37.059 In church life, 00:31:37.139 --> 00:31:38.379 For the quest of marriage, 00:31:38.459 --> 00:31:39.179 To become an idol. 00:31:41.919 --> 00:31:42.799 And you and I, 00:31:42.859 --> 00:31:43.759 We have a greater, 00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:46.119 Priority to our spiritual husband, 00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:47.119 The Lord Jesus Christ. 00:31:49.319 --> 00:31:50.359 And the Bible tells us, 00:31:50.399 --> 00:31:51.379 That God has given us, 00:31:51.419 --> 00:31:52.819 As the sufficient grace, 00:31:53.000 --> 00:31:54.359 For whatever he calls us, 00:31:55.699 --> 00:31:56.000 To. 00:31:57.079 --> 00:31:58.019 And God's grace, 00:31:58.019 --> 00:31:59.019 Is made perfect, 00:31:59.199 --> 00:32:00.459 In our weakness. 00:32:02.779 --> 00:32:04.259 And God may wisely, 00:32:04.439 --> 00:32:05.259 Have put some of you, 00:32:05.319 --> 00:32:05.659 This morning, 00:32:05.660 --> 00:32:06.420 In a difficult, 00:32:06.580 --> 00:32:08.220 And a disappointing situation, 00:32:08.380 --> 00:32:09.200 For a season, 00:32:09.980 --> 00:32:10.860 And for a reason. 00:32:12.220 --> 00:32:13.779 But it's not an impossible one. 00:32:15.540 --> 00:32:16.700 And we need to ask ourselves, 00:32:16.779 --> 00:32:16.920 Don't we, 00:32:16.960 --> 00:32:17.800 Whatever circumstances, 00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:18.940 We find ourselves in the morning, 00:32:19.080 --> 00:32:19.560 This morning, 00:32:19.640 --> 00:32:20.259 Whether it's marriage, 00:32:20.360 --> 00:32:21.820 Or maybe work difficulties, 00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:23.580 We need to ask ourselves, 00:32:23.579 --> 00:32:25.399 What is God teaching me, 00:32:25.399 --> 00:32:26.460 In this time, 00:32:26.460 --> 00:32:25.399 What is God teaching me, 00:32:25.399 --> 00:32:26.500 In this time, 00:32:26.500 --> 00:32:26.519 In this time, 00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:30.639 Psalm 34, 00:32:30.859 --> 00:32:31.519 Verse 10, 00:32:32.460 --> 00:32:33.179 Says this, 00:32:33.259 --> 00:32:34.939 Those who seek the Lord, 00:32:36.220 --> 00:32:37.500 Shall not lack, 00:32:37.579 --> 00:32:38.519 Any good thing, 00:32:38.519 --> 00:32:44.699 Those who seek the Lord, 00:32:44.779 --> 00:32:45.399 Shall not lack, 00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:46.240 Any good thing, 00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:48.079 And so, 00:32:48.120 --> 00:32:48.660 If the Lord, 00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:49.859 Is withholding, 00:32:49.859 --> 00:32:50.259 Something, 00:32:50.620 --> 00:32:51.319 From you, 00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:53.380 It's for your good, 00:32:54.339 --> 00:32:56.599 And do you believe, 00:32:56.680 --> 00:32:57.039 That there are, 00:32:57.079 --> 00:32:58.240 Even greater goods, 00:32:58.339 --> 00:32:58.819 Than you being, 00:32:59.019 --> 00:32:59.700 Currently married, 00:33:00.839 --> 00:33:01.859 And if he's withheld, 00:33:01.960 --> 00:33:02.700 This particular good, 00:33:02.779 --> 00:33:03.259 For a season, 00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:04.359 Well he's got something, 00:33:04.500 --> 00:33:05.039 To teach us, 00:33:05.120 --> 00:33:06.279 And some work, 00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:06.880 For us to do, 00:33:07.380 --> 00:33:09.640 Which otherwise, 00:33:09.720 --> 00:33:10.259 Would be impossible, 00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:11.599 Pray for a godly spouse, 00:33:11.599 --> 00:33:13.839 Seek the Lord, 00:33:13.899 --> 00:33:14.439 And you will not, 00:33:14.439 --> 00:33:15.199 Lack any good thing, 00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:15.539 Secondly, 00:33:15.679 --> 00:33:17.000 Prepare for a godly spouse, 00:33:17.699 --> 00:33:18.859 Pray and prepare, 00:33:20.379 --> 00:33:22.119 There are various things, 00:33:22.179 --> 00:33:23.519 That the Bible encourages you to do, 00:33:28.959 --> 00:33:29.719 What do we say, 00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:30.579 About the characteristics, 00:33:30.859 --> 00:33:31.819 The Bible has a lot to say, 00:33:31.859 --> 00:33:32.579 About the characteristics, 00:33:32.759 --> 00:33:33.480 Of a godly husband, 00:33:33.659 --> 00:33:34.679 Nor a godly wife, 00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:35.779 Thrive to be that person, 00:33:37.099 --> 00:33:38.579 Seek after that, 00:33:38.579 --> 00:33:41.460 I've seen people, 00:33:41.539 --> 00:33:42.539 Put their Christian faith, 00:33:42.659 --> 00:33:43.379 On hold, 00:33:44.599 --> 00:33:45.519 While they look, 00:33:45.579 --> 00:33:46.079 For the person, 00:33:46.199 --> 00:33:47.039 Of their dreams, 00:33:47.539 --> 00:33:48.379 They pursue that idol, 00:33:49.699 --> 00:33:51.199 And perhaps in your case, 00:33:51.259 --> 00:33:52.059 There's lots of growth, 00:33:52.139 --> 00:33:52.519 And grace, 00:33:52.579 --> 00:33:53.619 And maturity needed, 00:33:53.759 --> 00:33:55.279 Before God will, 00:33:55.740 --> 00:33:56.639 Entrust to you, 00:33:57.319 --> 00:33:58.519 The person he wants you to marry, 00:34:01.379 --> 00:34:02.319 1 Thessalonians, 00:34:02.379 --> 00:34:03.399 Chapter 4, 00:34:03.480 --> 00:34:04.119 And verse 3, 00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:05.419 For this is the will of God, 00:34:06.059 --> 00:34:07.199 To your sanctification, 00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:09.260 That you abstain, 00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:10.860 From sexual immorality, 00:34:11.820 --> 00:34:12.840 That each of you know, 00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:14.300 How to take a wife, 00:34:15.139 --> 00:34:15.820 For himself, 00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:16.940 In holiness and honour, 00:34:18.800 --> 00:34:19.699 A wife, 00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:20.360 Or a husband, 00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:20.960 For yourself, 00:34:21.059 --> 00:34:22.280 In holiness and honour, 00:34:22.720 --> 00:34:23.539 The single life, 00:34:23.619 --> 00:34:24.059 Of the Christian, 00:34:24.199 --> 00:34:25.440 Is a celibate life, 00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:28.900 It's better to marry, 00:34:29.019 --> 00:34:29.780 Than to burn, 00:34:30.900 --> 00:34:31.699 If that's the case, 00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:33.079 Then it's better to avoid anything, 00:34:33.179 --> 00:34:34.320 Than inflame for burning, 00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:38.180 And there's far too many Christians, 00:34:38.280 --> 00:34:39.120 Make the struggle worse, 00:34:39.200 --> 00:34:40.920 By pouring fuel on the fire, 00:34:43.080 --> 00:34:43.740 One more thing, 00:34:44.380 --> 00:34:45.400 Use appropriate means, 00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:45.980 God is sovereign, 00:34:46.080 --> 00:34:46.360 Isn't he? 00:34:47.660 --> 00:34:48.760 And anyone who's married, 00:34:48.820 --> 00:34:49.360 To you this morning, 00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:50.160 Or has been married, 00:34:50.240 --> 00:34:51.640 Can testify to God's sovereignty, 00:34:51.860 --> 00:34:52.780 In bringing us together, 00:34:52.840 --> 00:34:53.460 With our spouses, 00:34:54.559 --> 00:34:55.300 But at the same time, 00:34:55.380 --> 00:34:55.840 God is the one, 00:34:55.900 --> 00:34:56.880 That uses means, 00:34:57.019 --> 00:34:57.840 For that end, 00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:00.160 And there is a real need, 00:35:00.240 --> 00:35:00.900 For conscience, 00:35:01.079 --> 00:35:01.960 And private judgment, 00:35:02.079 --> 00:35:02.920 When it comes to the issue, 00:35:02.920 --> 00:35:03.400 Of daughter, 00:35:03.720 --> 00:35:04.880 Dating and courtship, 00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:08.039 Proverbs 18, 00:35:08.140 --> 00:35:09.200 Verse 22 says, 00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:13.200 He who finds a wife, 00:35:13.380 --> 00:35:14.340 Finds a good thing, 00:35:15.300 --> 00:35:16.240 And obtains favour, 00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:16.960 From the Lord, 00:35:18.539 --> 00:35:19.780 And the implication there is, 00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:21.120 If you're going to find something, 00:35:21.180 --> 00:35:22.140 You'll be looking for it, 00:35:23.140 --> 00:35:23.980 You've got to seek, 00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:24.960 That's a good thing to do, 00:35:25.059 --> 00:35:25.480 Prayer, 00:35:25.800 --> 00:35:26.240 Yes, 00:35:26.239 --> 00:35:30.519 Well people think, 00:35:30.679 --> 00:35:31.799 Well God will answer prayer, 00:35:31.899 --> 00:35:32.299 And somehow, 00:35:32.459 --> 00:35:33.159 Mr or Mrs right, 00:35:33.219 --> 00:35:34.059 Will just drop down, 00:35:34.139 --> 00:35:34.799 On a Sunday morning, 00:35:35.619 --> 00:35:36.679 God uses means, 00:35:39.099 --> 00:35:40.399 God places the onus, 00:35:40.459 --> 00:35:40.819 Doesn't he, 00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:42.000 On the single men, 00:35:42.059 --> 00:35:42.979 Let's not forget verse 5, 00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:43.579 For this reason, 00:35:43.699 --> 00:35:44.659 A man shall leave, 00:35:44.719 --> 00:35:45.399 His father and mother, 00:35:45.500 --> 00:35:46.119 Take the initiative, 00:35:46.359 --> 00:35:46.879 And be joined, 00:35:47.279 --> 00:35:47.839 To his wife, 00:35:49.539 --> 00:35:50.599 You need to be wise, 00:35:50.899 --> 00:35:51.779 In your choice of venues, 00:35:52.119 --> 00:35:53.119 There's lots of places, 00:35:53.199 --> 00:35:54.099 You can go to meet singles, 00:35:54.199 --> 00:35:55.019 But they're not wise, 00:35:55.019 --> 00:35:56.900 Go to the places, 00:35:57.000 --> 00:35:57.380 Where you'll meet, 00:35:57.460 --> 00:35:58.440 The right kind of person, 00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:01.039 And not only the guys, 00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:02.460 And to be proactive in this, 00:36:03.759 --> 00:36:04.159 Do you remember, 00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:05.079 Naomi, 00:36:05.259 --> 00:36:06.000 Godly Naomi, 00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:07.280 Saying to Ruth, 00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:09.619 Chapter 3, 00:36:09.699 --> 00:36:10.460 Verse 2 and 3, 00:36:10.579 --> 00:36:11.039 Listen to that, 00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:12.019 Practical wisdom, 00:36:12.179 --> 00:36:13.119 Where she says, 00:36:13.980 --> 00:36:15.559 Ruth, 00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:16.719 Go to the threshing floor, 00:36:17.980 --> 00:36:18.440 She says, 00:36:18.519 --> 00:36:19.659 Boaz is winnowing, 00:36:19.739 --> 00:36:20.420 Barley tonight, 00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:21.139 At the threshing floor, 00:36:21.199 --> 00:36:21.980 There wash yourself, 00:36:22.099 --> 00:36:22.599 Anoint yourself, 00:36:22.739 --> 00:36:23.659 Pull on your best dress, 00:36:23.659 --> 00:36:24.399 And get down, 00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:25.359 To the threshing floor, 00:36:26.039 --> 00:36:26.679 That's good advice, 00:36:26.779 --> 00:36:27.059 Isn't it? 00:36:28.179 --> 00:36:29.039 There's bits of the story, 00:36:29.079 --> 00:36:29.339 Of Ruth, 00:36:29.379 --> 00:36:30.559 I wouldn't recommend, 00:36:30.659 --> 00:36:31.000 As well, 00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:34.759 But when you read that, 00:36:34.819 --> 00:36:35.859 Boaz is not put off, 00:36:35.940 --> 00:36:36.639 By her pushiness, 00:36:36.639 --> 00:36:39.539 He says to Ruth, 00:36:39.639 --> 00:36:40.480 All the people in my town, 00:36:40.559 --> 00:36:41.079 Know that you are, 00:36:41.159 --> 00:36:41.839 A virtuous woman, 00:36:41.980 --> 00:36:43.299 Here's a single woman, 00:36:43.399 --> 00:36:44.539 With a godly reputation, 00:36:45.980 --> 00:36:46.799 There's no danger, 00:36:46.920 --> 00:36:47.699 Of her intent, 00:36:47.839 --> 00:36:49.579 Being misconstrued, 00:36:49.579 --> 00:36:51.779 What are today's, 00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:52.480 Threshing floors, 00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:54.119 It takes wisdom, 00:36:54.259 --> 00:36:54.480 Doesn't it? 00:36:54.539 --> 00:36:55.699 It takes discretion, 00:36:56.599 --> 00:36:57.259 Church events, 00:36:59.340 --> 00:37:00.000 Conferences, 00:37:02.340 --> 00:37:03.519 Online dating sites, 00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:06.960 I don't think they're wrong, 00:37:09.440 --> 00:37:10.920 I think you have to come to, 00:37:11.039 --> 00:37:12.000 Your own conscience on it, 00:37:12.019 --> 00:37:13.059 You need to be wise, 00:37:13.659 --> 00:37:14.099 And there are, 00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:15.159 There are issues with it, 00:37:16.059 --> 00:37:17.219 It's a wisdom call, 00:37:17.279 --> 00:37:17.500 Isn't it? 00:37:17.500 --> 00:37:18.400 Be discerning, 00:37:19.159 --> 00:37:21.599 Use the venues, 00:37:21.719 --> 00:37:22.460 That God has supplied, 00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:23.679 In a God honouring way, 00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:26.460 And so if you're single, 00:37:26.579 --> 00:37:27.699 Pray for a godly spouse, 00:37:27.820 --> 00:37:29.420 Prepare for a godly spouse, 00:37:30.619 --> 00:37:31.719 And use discretion, 00:37:31.820 --> 00:37:32.800 Now let me step on the toes, 00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:33.440 Of the congregation, 00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:37.059 There are two dangers out there, 00:37:37.119 --> 00:37:37.780 Well there's probably more, 00:37:37.860 --> 00:37:38.420 Than two dangers, 00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:39.000 That we can make, 00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:40.139 As a congregation, 00:37:40.940 --> 00:37:42.440 But the first is, 00:37:42.500 --> 00:37:43.699 Unnecessary meddling, 00:37:45.219 --> 00:37:46.860 And we need to learn, 00:37:46.940 --> 00:37:47.480 To be sensitive, 00:37:47.500 --> 00:37:48.380 To our single brothers, 00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:48.840 And sisters, 00:37:48.840 --> 00:37:51.940 It is usually, 00:37:51.940 --> 00:37:53.219 Not very helpful, 00:37:53.219 --> 00:37:54.039 To give a guy, 00:37:54.159 --> 00:37:54.820 A nudge, 00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:55.199 And say, 00:37:55.300 --> 00:37:55.460 Listen, 00:37:55.820 --> 00:37:56.840 Why are you not getting married, 00:37:57.019 --> 00:37:58.019 Look at all these girls, 00:37:59.019 --> 00:37:59.920 That's not helpful, 00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:00.940 As if they'd never, 00:38:00.940 --> 00:38:01.639 Thought of that before, 00:38:02.039 --> 00:38:04.659 You need to pray for them, 00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:06.699 You need to avoid, 00:38:06.820 --> 00:38:07.659 Being a matchmaker, 00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:08.619 Unless you've, 00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:09.699 They're expressed, 00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:10.780 Permission to do so, 00:38:12.780 --> 00:38:13.599 1 Thessalonians, 00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:14.619 Chapter 4, 00:38:14.699 --> 00:38:15.239 Verse 11, 00:38:15.239 --> 00:38:16.099 Make it your ambition, 00:38:16.219 --> 00:38:17.219 To lead a quiet life, 00:38:17.299 --> 00:38:18.479 And mind your own business, 00:38:18.639 --> 00:38:19.359 According to the NIV, 00:38:20.879 --> 00:38:21.519 The danger, 00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:22.839 Of unnecessary meddling, 00:38:23.839 --> 00:38:25.279 And finally, 00:38:25.399 --> 00:38:25.739 The danger, 00:38:25.819 --> 00:38:27.219 Of unnecessary hindering, 00:38:27.219 --> 00:38:30.339 There are some churches, 00:38:30.500 --> 00:38:31.199 And some parents, 00:38:31.319 --> 00:38:31.859 That place, 00:38:31.959 --> 00:38:33.219 Impossible obstacles, 00:38:33.219 --> 00:38:34.059 In the way, 00:38:34.059 --> 00:38:34.779 Of singles, 00:38:36.039 --> 00:38:37.139 Books, 00:38:37.279 --> 00:38:37.759 That are written, 00:38:37.879 --> 00:38:38.919 Where there's great rules, 00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:39.779 About dating, 00:38:39.959 --> 00:38:40.819 And courting, 00:38:40.820 --> 00:38:44.120 Which are just not, 00:38:44.160 --> 00:38:44.539 In the Bible, 00:38:45.700 --> 00:38:47.160 There are certain boundaries, 00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:47.800 We know that, 00:38:47.880 --> 00:38:48.440 To be kept, 00:38:50.120 --> 00:38:50.660 But churches, 00:38:50.780 --> 00:38:51.880 Kind of iron boundaries, 00:38:52.019 --> 00:38:53.200 Where there's so much, 00:38:53.660 --> 00:38:54.340 So little, 00:38:54.519 --> 00:38:55.700 Normal interaction, 00:38:55.820 --> 00:38:56.539 Between men, 00:38:56.620 --> 00:38:57.019 And women, 00:38:58.100 --> 00:38:58.519 That actually, 00:38:58.640 --> 00:38:59.320 There are very few, 00:38:59.460 --> 00:39:00.480 Healthy venues, 00:39:01.500 --> 00:39:02.580 For singles to meet, 00:39:03.860 --> 00:39:05.860 Loads of our student churches, 00:39:06.140 --> 00:39:07.360 In the UK now, 00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:08.340 Have single sex, 00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:08.920 Bible studies, 00:39:09.019 --> 00:39:09.900 As a kind of law, 00:39:09.900 --> 00:39:11.800 And they're all, 00:39:11.980 --> 00:39:12.760 On kind of either side, 00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:13.619 It's a bit on the mosque, 00:39:14.660 --> 00:39:16.079 And when I spoke, 00:39:16.180 --> 00:39:16.660 At one of these things, 00:39:16.700 --> 00:39:16.860 I said, 00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:17.740 Why are all the boys, 00:39:17.820 --> 00:39:18.240 On one table, 00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:19.000 All the girls on table, 00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:20.099 Because the boys, 00:39:20.180 --> 00:39:20.460 And the girls, 00:39:20.539 --> 00:39:21.220 Get distracted, 00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:22.220 Doing the Bible study, 00:39:22.300 --> 00:39:22.780 By each other, 00:39:23.240 --> 00:39:25.599 It's total madness, 00:39:26.300 --> 00:39:27.260 Total madness, 00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:28.099 There is a place, 00:39:28.180 --> 00:39:28.720 For single sex, 00:39:28.800 --> 00:39:29.539 Bible study groups, 00:39:30.539 --> 00:39:33.220 But actually, 00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:34.519 We need to have, 00:39:34.700 --> 00:39:35.440 Our young people, 00:39:35.639 --> 00:39:36.860 And us as a church family, 00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:38.599 Interacting, 00:39:38.740 --> 00:39:39.280 With one another, 00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:39.980 Learning, 00:39:40.240 --> 00:39:41.420 To deal with one another, 00:39:41.620 --> 00:39:42.400 In a godly, 00:39:42.540 --> 00:39:43.060 And brotherly, 00:39:43.120 --> 00:39:44.160 And sisterly kind of way, 00:39:46.160 --> 00:39:47.240 And not deprive them, 00:39:47.940 --> 00:39:48.840 Of opportunities for each, 00:39:50.280 --> 00:39:51.940 Let everything be done decently, 00:39:52.100 --> 00:39:52.460 In order, 00:39:52.580 --> 00:39:53.360 And above reproach, 00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:55.100 The Pharisees, 00:39:55.180 --> 00:39:55.400 Remember, 00:39:55.560 --> 00:39:56.660 They wanted limited permission, 00:39:57.400 --> 00:39:58.560 They took that limited permission, 00:39:58.700 --> 00:39:59.700 And they said, 00:39:59.880 --> 00:40:00.640 Let's get divorced, 00:40:01.560 --> 00:40:02.260 The disciples, 00:40:02.500 --> 00:40:03.380 Take limited permission, 00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:03.860 And they say, 00:40:03.860 --> 00:40:04.040 Well, 00:40:04.260 --> 00:40:05.360 Let's stay single, 00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:07.280 Both errors, 00:40:07.340 --> 00:40:08.460 Are alive and well today, 00:40:09.620 --> 00:40:10.960 And so whatever state, 00:40:11.019 --> 00:40:12.240 We find ourselves in this morning, 00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:12.860 Let's pray, 00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:14.599 That we would bring glory to God, 00:40:14.700 --> 00:40:15.820 In whatever calling, 00:40:15.940 --> 00:40:16.720 He's brought us to, 00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:19.000 And may we honour Him, 00:40:20.200 --> 00:40:21.260 And may we thank Him, 00:40:22.380 --> 00:40:23.720 And may we seek His will, 00:40:23.780 --> 00:40:24.500 For our lives, 00:40:24.579 --> 00:40:25.300 All our days, 00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:26.539 Let's pray, 00:40:26.980 --> 00:40:27.119 Let's pray, 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.119