WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:10.019 All right. I'm just going to I'm going to read a passage, just one, one, two verses for us to get us get our hearts down into the Bible for just a moment. 00:00:10.019 --> 00:00:14.320 And then I'll pray for us. So I'm just going to read. Just feel free to listen. 00:00:14.740 --> 00:00:18.140 This will be a base, a base for what we're going to do tonight. 00:00:18.140 --> 00:00:23.580 So this is from Ephesians chapter four and from verse 11. 00:00:23.579 --> 00:00:41.099 So God gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ until we attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the son of God to mature manhood, 00:00:41.100 --> 00:00:55.320 to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ so that we may no longer be children tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by everyone to doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness and deceitful schemes. 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:58.859 So just read the clause that we focus on tonight. 00:00:59.400 --> 00:01:05.240 And he gave us the apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry. 00:01:05.980 --> 00:01:10.420 Let's pray. Lord, we ask tonight that you would equip us for the work of ministry. 00:01:10.420 --> 00:01:13.820 As we come to be better ministers, all of us. 00:01:14.740 --> 00:01:23.599 And so we ask for help as we think about what it looks like to be friends with one another, to counsel one another, to have conversations that matter with one another. 00:01:24.099 --> 00:01:28.280 And so we know, Lord, that we really, really need this as an aspect of discipleship. 00:01:28.299 --> 00:01:32.900 And yet we feel like it's something that's a bit distant at times for us. 00:01:32.900 --> 00:01:42.140 And so we ask that you would convict us tonight wherever we are and direct us from wherever we are at this moment towards people who need counseling and care. 00:01:42.420 --> 00:01:44.940 And so we pray for these hearts in Jesus name. Amen. 00:01:45.800 --> 00:01:49.340 All right. So we're picking back up with our series on biblical counseling. 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:52.800 Really, we could also just call this friend friendship. 00:01:52.799 --> 00:01:57.120 We could also call this discipleship in a one-on-one type setting. 00:01:59.399 --> 00:02:08.219 The handout that I've made tonight is less a handout about the stuff we'll talk about bit by bit tonight and more of a guide. 00:02:08.219 --> 00:02:14.400 So that's something you could take if you'd like, take a picture of it, whatever you'd like to do. 00:02:14.460 --> 00:02:19.379 Just a way of helping think through practices of one-on-one relationships. 00:02:20.039 --> 00:02:22.199 So we'll come back around to that every time. 00:02:22.800 --> 00:02:24.439 But also just want to highlight this as well. 00:02:24.539 --> 00:02:27.000 So we've got a number of copies that were sitting up at the ConnectGest. 00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:29.979 I'll leave them up here of practicing the Christian life habits. 00:02:30.659 --> 00:02:33.900 So if you'd like one of those as well, feel free to grab one before the night's out. 00:02:35.060 --> 00:02:37.300 Okay. So we'll come to the guide in just a minute. 00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:42.800 But let me make a few introductory comments just to pick back up from where we were last time. 00:02:43.140 --> 00:02:44.560 So we're talking about counseling. 00:02:44.900 --> 00:02:47.320 We're talking about our relationships with one another. 00:02:48.420 --> 00:02:52.080 And tonight's the second and final sort of intro night to this. 00:02:52.760 --> 00:03:00.240 And what's coming up is Ryan's going to be teaching on ways to focus in on one-on-one conversations with people in the church. 00:03:00.700 --> 00:03:06.120 Next time, Louise McMillan's coming a couple of times to talk about very specific pastoral counseling issues. 00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:14.460 We'll be looking at how to walk with somebody through grief, how to walk with somebody in times of celebration, how to walk through with somebody in times of despair. 00:03:14.460 --> 00:03:18.920 When somebody that you know in the church is walking through a real trial. 00:03:19.219 --> 00:03:27.980 We'll talk one night about how to help somebody that you know fight through sinful patterns that they're coming to look for help with. 00:03:27.979 --> 00:03:33.419 So we'll look at very specific counseling practices and the way the Bible guides us in that. 00:03:34.139 --> 00:03:34.939 So that's what's coming up. 00:03:34.979 --> 00:03:44.120 The second introductory comment tonight is there is a gap between preaching and teaching on a Sunday, worship and preaching. 00:03:44.120 --> 00:03:53.599 And then the programs we have in our church, like small groups or a Bible study somewhere or, you know, a lunch or anything like that. 00:03:53.640 --> 00:03:54.340 There's a gap. 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:58.420 And the gap is exactly what we're talking about. 00:03:58.620 --> 00:04:03.840 So a lot of times it's you could be really faithful in listening to somebody preach. 00:04:04.099 --> 00:04:06.860 You can be really faithful in attending a city group. 00:04:06.860 --> 00:04:25.040 But sometimes you find that the real way to grow immensely is to fill the space between and the space between those two things is to have a real relationship with somebody that is walking with you spiritually and asking, how are you? 00:04:25.259 --> 00:04:26.699 What's going on in your heart? 00:04:27.160 --> 00:04:28.439 How can I pray for you? 00:04:28.759 --> 00:04:29.660 As basic as that. 00:04:29.860 --> 00:04:31.420 So that's often the gap. 00:04:31.420 --> 00:04:36.500 So if you're finding that from worship to city group, there's not a lot. 00:04:36.980 --> 00:04:38.900 You just feel like I'm not changing. 00:04:39.080 --> 00:04:42.060 I don't feel like I'm always walking with the Lord. 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:53.920 It may be the case that this is the piece that really needs to be there is do you have a person in your life that you are walking in the faith with, walking alongside that's able to ask you, how are you spiritually? 00:04:54.319 --> 00:04:54.500 All right. 00:04:54.500 --> 00:04:57.759 So this is and this is exactly what we mean by biblical counseling. 00:04:59.220 --> 00:04:59.759 All right. 00:04:59.819 --> 00:05:00.920 So what is biblical counseling? 00:05:00.920 --> 00:05:01.480 Very quickly. 00:05:02.100 --> 00:05:03.720 Just a reminder from last time. 00:05:04.080 --> 00:05:09.100 Biblical counseling is discipleship that emphasizes the relationships of ordinary life. 00:05:09.420 --> 00:05:09.819 That's all. 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:14.819 It's just a pathway of discipleship emphasizing relationships in ordinary life. 00:05:14.960 --> 00:05:17.240 It's the oldest form of counseling there is. 00:05:17.740 --> 00:05:23.120 So that could be a mom to a daughter, a friend to a friend, a pastor to a church member in any kind of setting. 00:05:23.580 --> 00:05:26.900 Discipleship that's based on ordinary relationships, everyday life. 00:05:26.899 --> 00:05:33.599 So 89, 99, 99.9999% of the time, we're not at a professional counselor's office. 00:05:33.599 --> 00:05:35.419 We're not in the context of that. 00:05:35.819 --> 00:05:39.039 And so we're not in any way attempting to replace that venue. 00:05:39.239 --> 00:05:39.799 That's very good. 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:40.800 We need professionals. 00:05:41.259 --> 00:05:41.660 Absolutely. 00:05:41.819 --> 00:05:45.259 There's things that pastors and we all can't deal with. 00:05:45.319 --> 00:05:46.400 We need professionals sometimes. 00:05:46.399 --> 00:05:51.959 But 99.999% of the time, most of the counseling we receive is from each other. 00:05:51.959 --> 00:05:58.439 It's from our spouse or our family, our friend, the person that lives in our flat with us. 00:05:58.859 --> 00:05:58.959 Right? 00:05:59.019 --> 00:06:03.479 And so the question is not, are we in these relationships, but how are we doing in them? 00:06:03.599 --> 00:06:04.919 How are we approaching them? 00:06:04.959 --> 00:06:11.479 Are we awake to this reality that every time we're in a conversation, we have an opportunity to be a counselor, 00:06:11.659 --> 00:06:18.139 to be a person who is trying to fill that gap of spiritual friendship with Christian to Christian I'm talking about here. 00:06:18.139 --> 00:06:26.599 And so I said last time that the way this works is first, in a broad brush, you've got to think about where you are right now spiritually. 00:06:27.740 --> 00:06:35.039 So the Lord, we saw in Colossians 3, calls us to a life of patience, kindness, meekness, and humility. 00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:38.139 That's a fourfold virtue model. 00:06:38.259 --> 00:06:39.360 We could talk about the fruits of the Spirit. 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:40.599 We could talk about all sorts of things. 00:06:41.019 --> 00:06:46.560 And then you think about the person that Jesus will make you one day when you're glorified, and you think about the gap. 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:47.240 Right? 00:06:47.959 --> 00:06:52.199 And the gap is different sizes along different virtues for all of us. 00:06:52.280 --> 00:06:52.420 Right? 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:54.220 But there's a gap, definitely. 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:54.579 Right? 00:06:54.879 --> 00:06:56.620 We're not yet the people we want to be. 00:06:56.720 --> 00:06:57.280 We struggle. 00:06:57.480 --> 00:06:57.939 We're struggling. 00:06:58.560 --> 00:07:06.360 And so in the biblical model, the plan is that the Holy Spirit is working this out for us through our relationships mostly. 00:07:07.019 --> 00:07:09.500 So most of the time you're not listening to sermons. 00:07:09.740 --> 00:07:12.040 Most of the time you're not sitting at a city group. 00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:14.920 You know, most of the time you're just talking with people. 00:07:14.920 --> 00:07:20.840 And when you're talking with Christians, it is the biblical model that the Holy Spirit is working this out through relationships. 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:34.520 And so we read, actually, Ephesians 4.12 that the church exists, the offices of the church exist to equip all the people for ministry, for the building up of the very first clause, for the building up of the body. 00:07:34.519 --> 00:07:39.139 So to together towards one another, build up the church in maturity. 00:07:39.359 --> 00:07:40.539 It mentions maturity. 00:07:40.899 --> 00:07:43.639 So this exists for our maturity, our growth. 00:07:44.099 --> 00:07:45.539 This is what counseling is. 00:07:46.199 --> 00:07:49.079 And so all we're talking about here is the calling to help each other. 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:49.759 That's really it. 00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:50.779 Okay. 00:07:51.199 --> 00:07:52.359 Why do we need this? 00:07:52.360 --> 00:08:04.980 Let me give you a couple reasons that I didn't mention last time that I think that came kind of came up in some of my reading and thinking lately that I think acts in even more why we really need to focus on something like this. 00:08:05.500 --> 00:08:12.660 Number one, the Bible tells us that this is the model that the Holy Spirit wants us to have in relationship with one another. 00:08:12.660 --> 00:08:25.220 Number two, we have a community here at St. Columbus of about 250 people that say St. C's is their church in some way, shape, or form. 00:08:25.340 --> 00:08:27.460 Now, some of that 250 is very occasional. 00:08:28.140 --> 00:08:29.640 Some is very every week. 00:08:29.800 --> 00:08:31.100 You know, it's a broad spectrum. 00:08:31.660 --> 00:08:37.300 And how often we see all 250 of the people that come through our doors on a somewhat regular basis. 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:41.420 But it's not an enormous church. 00:08:41.420 --> 00:08:42.420 We're not an enormous church. 00:08:42.659 --> 00:08:43.759 Not by any stretch. 00:08:43.980 --> 00:08:47.019 But we're also not a small, small church at all either anymore. 00:08:47.459 --> 00:09:02.120 And that means that it's absolutely impossible for one pastor or two pastors or one pastor and two pastors and a few designated pastoral helps, big time helps in the church to actually know everybody deeply. 00:09:03.059 --> 00:09:07.740 It's just not possible in a community that branches much bigger than 100 people. 00:09:07.740 --> 00:09:16.759 And then that means that most of our pastoral care, most of our needs, most of our growth has got to be with each other. 00:09:16.759 --> 00:09:25.960 So this is just a call that it's absolutely necessary and good that 80, 90 percent of all the counseling we get, all the care we get is from each other. 00:09:25.960 --> 00:09:34.379 And so pastors and women's pastoral team and elders and deacons are all there to aid that and lift that up. 00:09:34.379 --> 00:09:46.100 But here we learn in Ephesians that actually the offices are there to equip all the saints, the whole of the church for ministry to each other into the outside world. 00:09:46.600 --> 00:09:48.700 So we're called here that this is all of us. 00:09:48.799 --> 00:09:49.740 We're all doing this together. 00:09:49.740 --> 00:09:53.299 So it's not a pastor parishioner model, really. 00:09:53.980 --> 00:10:01.180 It's a it's a pastor serving to just help aid everybody in the same ministry in some sense that we're all in this together. 00:10:01.740 --> 00:10:03.000 So that's the second reason. 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:03.560 This is really important. 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:09.899 The third reason is let me just focus down on a couple of the ways the commands come to us in the Bible to do this with one another. 00:10:10.560 --> 00:10:17.799 Think it's hard to it's hard to get out from underneath James chapter five and around verse 16. 00:10:17.799 --> 00:10:25.299 So in James chapter five, around verse 16, we get a model for the Christian life in terms of one another here. 00:10:25.959 --> 00:10:26.679 And this is what it says. 00:10:26.899 --> 00:10:33.399 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:37.839 Now he's talking there about either physical or spiritual sickness in that context. 00:10:37.959 --> 00:10:41.259 The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. 00:10:41.259 --> 00:10:48.000 Now, the implicit idea there is that we should be confessing our sins and praying for one another. 00:10:48.659 --> 00:11:00.139 Now, that doesn't mean to everybody, but it means that there ought to be a relationship or we should pursue a relationship in our lives where we have the ability to actually talk to somebody to the point where we say, this is what I'm struggling with. 00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:02.100 And this is what I need prayer for from you. 00:11:02.100 --> 00:11:12.480 And R.C. Sproul, the late R.C. Sproul, the theologian in the States, he, I once heard him give a lecture where he talked about an overcorrection that occurred in the Reformation. 00:11:13.500 --> 00:11:18.680 So sometimes these things happen, right, where you have reform movements and they overcorrect an abuse. 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:35.599 And the abuse that they were fighting was the confessional where a priest would actually say by the mediation of the priest's own authority, holding the keys of the kingdom in the Roman Catholic Church's theology, the priest could absolve your sins. 00:11:35.799 --> 00:11:40.779 Right. And so that's a different view of what Jesus means by the keys of the kingdom in the Gospels. 00:11:40.779 --> 00:11:49.939 And Calvin and Luther and Zwingli and other reformers said we need to get rid of the confessional because of this abuse. 00:11:50.259 --> 00:11:57.980 And R.C. Sproul talks about how what happened is, you know, as with many ways, we threw everything out and lost a sense. 00:11:58.079 --> 00:12:05.519 And sometimes in Protestantism that the Bible does at the same time tell us, come and confess your sins to somebody and talk to somebody about what you're struggling with. 00:12:05.919 --> 00:12:09.339 Right. So we see that very explicitly here in James chapter five. 00:12:09.340 --> 00:12:14.519 OK, how do we get started? And this is where I want to focus for the rest of our time. 00:12:14.580 --> 00:12:24.840 How do we get started? Number one, First Corinthians one is a and as well as Philippians one is a base text for counseling. 00:12:25.460 --> 00:12:31.399 First Corinthians one says, consider your calling, brothers and sisters, people of the church, Christians. 00:12:31.639 --> 00:12:35.100 Not many of you were wise according to worldly standards. 00:12:35.280 --> 00:12:38.879 Not many of you are powerful. Not many of you were of noble birth. 00:12:38.879 --> 00:12:42.179 But God shows what is foolish in the world to shame the wise. 00:12:42.299 --> 00:12:44.960 God shows what is weak in the world to shame the strong. 00:12:45.059 --> 00:12:47.439 That's verse 26 and 27 of First Corinthians one. 00:12:47.799 --> 00:12:53.139 And what is he talking about? He's saying none of us were big deals out in the world. 00:12:53.379 --> 00:12:55.840 And he's saying, but God, God shows you. 00:12:55.879 --> 00:13:01.720 He's reminding us there of humility as the basic disposition of a Christian humility. 00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:07.060 And you could go to Philippians one, put on the humility of Christ himself, other places like that. 00:13:07.899 --> 00:13:12.800 Now, that's the beginning of real counseling and real spiritual relationships and friendships in our community, 00:13:12.800 --> 00:13:24.440 because a growing culture of side by side, face to face Christian friendship begins with recognizing personal neediness. 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:34.880 So the humility to start by saying, I know that I want to give care to somebody in this church because I know how much I need it. 00:13:35.220 --> 00:13:39.120 So personal neediness, real deep humility is the beginning. 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:46.580 So the ability to say, I cannot boast of where I am in terms of spiritual growth and the presence of God or others, 00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:50.299 because any progress that I've made has been by grace. 00:13:51.399 --> 00:13:55.399 So God pursued me and I have deep neediness. 00:13:55.600 --> 00:13:59.299 And so I want to pursue other people and their neediness and their spiritual needs. 00:13:59.759 --> 00:14:00.500 So that's the beginning. 00:14:00.500 --> 00:14:04.860 So we can look at ourselves and say, I have a lack of wisdom in my life. 00:14:04.919 --> 00:14:08.360 I have a lack of clarity on this decision I need to make. 00:14:08.600 --> 00:14:15.320 I have an abundance of hurt or pain over this or that issue or this or that event that happened in my past. 00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:23.139 I'm fighting a particular sin pattern, anger, laziness, lust, grudge bearing, gossip, discouragement, envy, boasting, pride. 00:14:23.899 --> 00:14:29.799 We can all look at ourselves and find ourselves in that list, maybe across the whole of it, right, if we're honest. 00:14:29.799 --> 00:14:31.799 And say, I have deep neediness. 00:14:32.659 --> 00:14:36.779 I am not yet the person God has promised to make me in glorification. 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:47.459 That's the beginning of deep spiritual relationships is actually the ability to come to somebody else and say, I have neediness in my life. 00:14:48.059 --> 00:14:50.439 There's a humility there that allows us to do that. 00:14:50.859 --> 00:14:59.199 It's actually, I heard one teacher on this idea say, it's very honoring and elevating to other people when you can come to them and say, 00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:00.840 will you pray for me over this issue? 00:15:01.700 --> 00:15:04.660 And that means you're saying to them, I trust you. 00:15:04.900 --> 00:15:05.920 I love you. 00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:10.200 And I see you as a person who's seriously trying to grow in the Lord, right? 00:15:10.220 --> 00:15:13.160 When you come to somebody else and ask, will you pray for me over this? 00:15:13.520 --> 00:15:14.759 You're elevating them. 00:15:14.759 --> 00:15:19.819 And it's an encouragement, actually, to them because you're telling them, I see you as a person who's at least serious enough to pray for me. 00:15:19.899 --> 00:15:21.299 It's actually going to do it, right? 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.519 And so that's the beginning, actually, of a culture. 00:15:24.139 --> 00:15:29.039 And so one of the first things you can do is you can just say, I need to go ask other people for help. 00:15:29.399 --> 00:15:30.519 For, hey, I need prayer. 00:15:30.679 --> 00:15:31.799 I need you to pray for me. 00:15:31.799 --> 00:15:39.939 And that's actually kind of the secret sauce of creating a culture of counseling, a culture of spiritual friendship across an entire community. 00:15:40.779 --> 00:15:42.059 And so let me just ask you on this point. 00:15:43.419 --> 00:15:47.919 You know, of course, that begins with praying your real needs to God. 00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:54.379 So it's probably not going to be the case that we're going to go and ask other people to pray for us over specific issues. 00:15:54.620 --> 00:15:58.659 If we're not praying those needs to God, that's probably happening. 00:16:00.419 --> 00:16:04.240 One writer says you got to here's how to do it. 00:16:04.259 --> 00:16:05.339 You got to pray what you got. 00:16:06.299 --> 00:16:07.039 What do they mean? 00:16:07.179 --> 00:16:15.879 Pray what you got, meaning do you have a lot of bad right now, a lot of struggle, a lot of doubt, a lot of grief, a lot of pain? 00:16:15.879 --> 00:16:18.580 And the idea is you got to just be praying what you got. 00:16:18.980 --> 00:16:21.259 Whatever it is you got right now, you need to pray it. 00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:25.159 So that's prayer is just being real enough to pray whatever it is that you have. 00:16:25.200 --> 00:16:27.879 If you have a lot of anger on your heart right now, pray what you got. 00:16:28.019 --> 00:16:29.519 Pray that anger to God. 00:16:29.759 --> 00:16:30.360 Pray it Godward. 00:16:30.460 --> 00:16:31.720 That's exactly what the Psalms do. 00:16:32.299 --> 00:16:39.679 And then that probably will begin a helpful process of being able to come to somebody else and say, well, you pray for me as well. 00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:56.120 And so secondly, on this point, just the best helpers, the best counselors, the best spiritual guides and friends and disciples in the church are typically ones who are most needy in the sense that they have the humility to know how deep their need is. 00:16:56.319 --> 00:16:57.719 And they're the ones that have sought help. 00:16:57.799 --> 00:16:59.500 That's quite often the case. 00:17:00.599 --> 00:17:01.459 Okay, so I'll move on. 00:17:01.460 --> 00:17:07.039 But you can think about places like Job 38 to 40 where God just reminds us. 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:13.259 He says, if you don't remember how needy you are, where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? 00:17:13.360 --> 00:17:17.380 Job 38 to 40, all that whole list of God just saying to Job, you're nothing. 00:17:17.819 --> 00:17:19.920 Where were you when I did everything, when I created the world? 00:17:20.460 --> 00:17:30.960 Or Romans 2 where there's somebody in the church in Rome who's accusing the Gentiles of constantly being bad people and breaking the law and these kind of things. 00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:32.880 And what does Paul say in Romans 2? 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:39.539 He says, do you use the law of God to judge other people yet you don't see what's going on in your own heart? 00:17:39.579 --> 00:17:41.279 He says, you have no excuse, oh man. 00:17:41.779 --> 00:17:46.420 You Christian person who's looking at everybody else, he says, you have no excuse, oh man. 00:17:46.819 --> 00:17:47.660 Look at your own heart. 00:17:48.360 --> 00:17:50.460 You're struggling with the same exact sins, right? 00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:51.880 So we can look at our own neediness there. 00:17:51.960 --> 00:17:55.660 1 Peter 1, Peter says, you're going to walk through fire in this life. 00:17:55.660 --> 00:18:05.820 And so he says, you can experience your neediness all over again through just thinking about the suffering that's around you and the suffering and the pain of circumstances quite often reminds us of neediness. 00:18:06.220 --> 00:18:08.779 1 Corinthians 12, the body is so interdependent. 00:18:08.980 --> 00:18:18.340 You know, we got around here in this room right now, we have fingers, toes, arms, legs, heads, mouths, noses, and the metaphor of the body of Christ. 00:18:18.339 --> 00:18:25.899 And in 1 Corinthians 12, there's a real accent on, you know, the body parts that aren't as, we don't think of as a big of a deal. 00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:29.839 But he's saying every single piece has got to be for one another. 00:18:30.159 --> 00:18:32.480 The interdependent body all needs each other, right? 00:18:33.220 --> 00:18:37.399 And so, boy, if you, your heart is really important. 00:18:37.579 --> 00:18:42.220 But if you break your big toe, you also know that life becomes very difficult. 00:18:42.220 --> 00:18:45.919 If you break a big toe, right, you can't, you can't get around hardly at all. 00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:47.960 And the whole thing is very important. 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:50.360 All of us are for one another, interconnected. 00:18:51.800 --> 00:18:59.279 Okay, so if you take your hand out, let me just run through these models real quick with you and we'll finish. 00:19:00.080 --> 00:19:08.080 Okay, so this is something to take away and to think about, maybe to pray over, stick in a Bible, because this is the basics. 00:19:08.080 --> 00:19:12.640 We had a conversation here about 18 months ago at St. Columbus amongst some of the leaders. 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:34.320 And one of the conversations we had was just in the future trying to produce some quick, helpful, maybe this is helpful, I don't know, but some guides to think, what do I do if I actually do sit down with somebody and have a, and I'm there to try to have a meaningful spiritual relationship, encounter, say, hey, why don't we get together and read the Bible? 00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:36.940 Why don't we get together and work through some of these things? 00:19:36.940 --> 00:19:37.620 Well, what do you do? 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:38.720 How can you approach it? 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:40.580 And so this is a starting place. 00:19:40.700 --> 00:19:44.500 And I think Ryan's going to come back next time and make it way better than this. 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:45.620 I know that that's the plan. 00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:48.320 So let me run through this real quick with you. 00:19:49.340 --> 00:19:51.299 Here's the most basic thought, the top. 00:19:51.380 --> 00:19:52.600 Just look at the first two lines. 00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:57.900 The most basic thing is that all we're attempting to do is know people and be known. 00:19:57.900 --> 00:20:02.740 So being known is neediness, allowing ourselves to be known. 00:20:02.860 --> 00:20:06.340 There's a vulnerability that has to take place in a deep spiritual friendship. 00:20:07.380 --> 00:20:15.400 And then there's a desire to actually be curious enough to know somebody else and to kind of get past self-interest enough to pursue. 00:20:16.019 --> 00:20:23.100 And so I've just written there, we pursue people and we're open to meaningful relationships beyond whatever is your current normal. 00:20:23.099 --> 00:20:26.439 So one way to think about this is wherever you are with this right now. 00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:32.659 So some of us will say, I have like 11 of these already and I cannot add anybody else to my discipleship list. 00:20:32.859 --> 00:20:39.059 But some of us will not yet have a relationship like this where we're thinking, who is it that I could walk alongside? 00:20:39.480 --> 00:20:41.339 Or who is it I could ask for help? 00:20:41.740 --> 00:20:45.279 Because I'm struggling spiritually and I haven't yet taken a step towards this. 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:50.879 What would it look like tonight to just think this would be the first step beyond my current normal? 00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:55.640 Because all of us will have a different normal in this right now to know and to be known. 00:20:56.300 --> 00:21:05.000 Secondly on that is really all you need to do is have two questions for when you're helping or walking with somebody or attempting to be helped. 00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:09.080 And that's to ask, how are you and how can I pray for you? 00:21:09.560 --> 00:21:14.980 And if you have those two questions with a listening ear, everything else can kind of fill in really typically. 00:21:15.460 --> 00:21:17.240 So that's the most basic way. 00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:26.599 So you pay money, you go to seminary and they just say, try to know somebody and ask them, how are you and how can I pray for you? 00:21:26.620 --> 00:21:27.380 And that's pretty much it. 00:21:27.460 --> 00:21:28.259 That's what you go to seminary for. 00:21:29.500 --> 00:21:29.920 All right. 00:21:29.980 --> 00:21:31.839 Secondly, let's get a little more specific. 00:21:32.120 --> 00:21:36.940 I'd started this list last time, but the Bible's teaching on counseling. 00:21:37.240 --> 00:21:39.120 Here's how it can get a little more specific. 00:21:39.279 --> 00:21:40.180 And I'll just run through these. 00:21:40.180 --> 00:21:43.100 Number one, James 119. 00:21:44.299 --> 00:21:44.560 Okay. 00:21:44.620 --> 00:21:48.680 In that relationship, be quick to listen, slow to speak. 00:21:49.420 --> 00:21:53.100 So that's a posture of poise, meaning the kind of meekness. 00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:53.720 What's meekness? 00:21:53.779 --> 00:21:54.779 Meekness is self-control. 00:21:55.019 --> 00:21:58.779 So the self-control that's not reactive. 00:22:00.039 --> 00:22:02.440 So not reactive towards people's struggle. 00:22:02.560 --> 00:22:04.480 Not reactive towards people's confession. 00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:07.140 Not reactive, meaning never really surprised. 00:22:07.320 --> 00:22:09.940 Able to handle whatever somebody else is going through. 00:22:10.180 --> 00:22:14.779 Able to bear that and kind of work with that and be there with them and for them. 00:22:14.840 --> 00:22:16.920 A posture of poise and a posture of patience. 00:22:17.060 --> 00:22:25.799 So this means as a counselor, as a person who's spiritually trying to help somebody, just responsive listening, guarding against any hasty judgments and conclusions, 00:22:26.420 --> 00:22:30.279 really trying to take the whole picture in of whatever's going on in somebody's life. 00:22:30.620 --> 00:22:31.500 So that's number one. 00:22:31.620 --> 00:22:33.600 It's really about listening, active listening. 00:22:33.600 --> 00:22:35.380 Number two, Ephesians 4.32. 00:22:36.060 --> 00:22:38.320 Be kind and compassionate to one another. 00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:43.939 So this is a call to try to think about a person's situation through their own lens. 00:22:43.940 --> 00:22:54.380 Sometimes in counseling and walking with somebody, one of the things you find is that there's unseen, untold hurt. 00:22:55.220 --> 00:22:57.320 So there's pain underneath the pain. 00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:01.900 And all that's going on is not being said. 00:23:01.900 --> 00:23:02.340 Right. 00:23:02.680 --> 00:23:03.640 And that's okay. 00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:06.180 That person has every right not to say that. 00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:14.740 But it's just that compassion includes being aware that I don't want to make any judgments or hasty conclusions here because there's more. 00:23:15.740 --> 00:23:18.200 There's more going on in the heart than I can see right now. 00:23:18.300 --> 00:23:22.540 There's an invisible layer here that I've yet to unpack and unfold with this person. 00:23:22.539 --> 00:23:25.799 Number three, 1 Corinthians 9.22. 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:29.319 Paul says, to the weak, I became weak to win the weak. 00:23:29.539 --> 00:23:29.680 Okay. 00:23:29.720 --> 00:23:33.099 So this is not to say that we're all out there just as a bunch of weak people. 00:23:33.740 --> 00:23:34.680 But what is he saying there? 00:23:34.700 --> 00:23:38.759 He's saying that he will accommodate himself to every single person. 00:23:39.319 --> 00:23:45.539 And this is a call to accommodate our expectations in ministry conversation and spiritual conversation. 00:23:45.539 --> 00:23:54.940 And accommodating our expectations looks like not expecting a person to have fixed themselves or grown up in this issue like that in a jiffy. 00:23:55.119 --> 00:23:55.180 Right. 00:23:55.220 --> 00:23:59.180 That sanctification works very slowly and at different levels. 00:23:59.659 --> 00:24:00.420 And so it's a willingness. 00:24:00.619 --> 00:24:06.599 I'll meet anybody wherever they are and not expect them to be so much further down the road to sanctification already. 00:24:06.859 --> 00:24:07.000 Right. 00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:09.680 So it's a willingness to accommodate yourself to that. 00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:12.299 1 Thessalonians number four. 00:24:12.399 --> 00:24:14.019 1 Thessalonians 5.11. 00:24:14.019 --> 00:24:16.639 And encourage one another and build each other up. 00:24:17.420 --> 00:24:19.240 So here's the turn. 00:24:19.539 --> 00:24:21.680 Those first three things are postures. 00:24:22.460 --> 00:24:23.980 But now here's the turn. 00:24:24.099 --> 00:24:29.799 And the turn is, what is your goal in a spiritual friendship and meeting with somebody one-on-one? 00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:30.559 What is your goal? 00:24:30.980 --> 00:24:32.900 Your goal is encouragement and edification. 00:24:33.900 --> 00:24:39.720 So in other words, wherever they are, whatever they're struggling with, you want to somehow, someway encourage them. 00:24:40.579 --> 00:24:42.539 Encourage them not to leave the faith, maybe. 00:24:42.539 --> 00:24:44.440 Somehow, someway with wisdom. 00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:47.180 Encourage them to take a step back towards God. 00:24:48.259 --> 00:24:51.879 Encourage them by just weeping alongside them. 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:52.839 Giving them a hug. 00:24:53.460 --> 00:24:57.339 Telling them that you're terribly sorry and you just want to pray. 00:24:57.339 --> 00:24:59.639 That could be all the encouragement. 00:24:59.959 --> 00:25:00.559 It depends. 00:25:01.139 --> 00:25:01.259 Right. 00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:08.000 And then the edification side, and I'll come back, I'll come to this in just a moment, in the checklist of what to do, not to do at the bottom. 00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:14.680 The edification side is giving them advice if solicited. 00:25:15.220 --> 00:25:19.160 Giving them a biblical wisdom approach if asked for. 00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:20.680 That's the edification piece. 00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:22.160 So piece number one is encouragement. 00:25:22.660 --> 00:25:24.339 And maybe that's all you need to do. 00:25:25.059 --> 00:25:27.759 And edification needs to come if asked. 00:25:27.900 --> 00:25:32.079 If you're in a place where you think this person really is wanting this, is really seeking this. 00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:34.839 Okay, so number five, Galatians 6.2. 00:25:34.919 --> 00:25:38.460 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ. 00:25:39.460 --> 00:25:45.720 So this is, Galatians 6.2 is the famous verse that really you build a diaconal ministry around. 00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:49.480 So our deacons need to be structured on Galatians 6.2. 00:25:49.720 --> 00:25:54.339 And it's the idea, carry, it's the command, carry other people's burdens in the church. 00:25:54.759 --> 00:25:55.279 Carry their burdens. 00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:57.680 And look for any way you can help. 00:25:57.799 --> 00:26:01.079 So this is just a simple call to be attuned to their needs. 00:26:01.079 --> 00:26:08.740 And so maybe as much as it's a spiritual conversation, there's kind of an awareness overall of how can I meet a person's needs here. 00:26:09.019 --> 00:26:13.440 It could be physical needs as well, material needs as well, at the very same time. 00:26:13.559 --> 00:26:20.740 So I've just written at the end of that line, number five, a willingness to provide support and also protection. 00:26:20.740 --> 00:26:34.980 So sometimes in a spiritual friendship relationship where somebody's coming in neediness, if you've cultivated that and curated that and created that carefully, sometimes what's needed is simply protection. 00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:41.779 And that could be the protection of just what's going on in their heart where I need to put this somewhere. 00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:45.359 I need to put this in your ear, and I need it to be safe. 00:26:46.539 --> 00:26:48.180 It's not going anywhere else. 00:26:48.180 --> 00:27:04.460 So there's a really important call here to meet somebody's needs by being willing to hold in your heart and nowhere else, never letting a word come out of your mouth to anybody else about what that person's walking through without permission. 00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:06.380 So that's incredibly important. 00:27:06.740 --> 00:27:12.640 And if we don't have that, what you'll find is that it can be very difficult. 00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:21.900 Like if you're married, for example, and you're meeting with somebody, it can be incredibly difficult not to talk to your spouse about what that person is walking through and told you about. 00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:33.680 But actually, without their permission, it's very important most of the time, most of the time to be able to protect them if that's what they're coming for spiritual guidance and help with an issue or anything like that. 00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:36.140 All right, number six, Leviticus 19.15. 00:27:36.140 --> 00:27:37.580 Do not pervert justice. 00:27:37.840 --> 00:27:41.360 Do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great. 00:27:42.060 --> 00:27:50.780 So this is a call to be a champion of justice, to be impartial, and to not have any hierarchy in a relationship like this. 00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:58.120 So that's to really look for what is the right thing to do here from an impartial perspective? 00:27:59.060 --> 00:28:04.440 How can I seek justice in this situation in any impartial way? 00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:05.560 That's the command here. 00:28:05.559 --> 00:28:08.419 And then lastly, 2 Timothy 3.16-17. 00:28:09.419 --> 00:28:11.119 All Scripture is God-breathed. 00:28:11.339 --> 00:28:19.240 All Scripture is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:22.279 So we're just simply told here, use the Bible. 00:28:22.279 --> 00:28:36.920 So when it does come time to encouragement and exhortation, we're being told, we've got to seek to have enough ability to know God's Word that I can speak it to somebody else. 00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:50.160 That I can take parts of Scripture and say, this is what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 4 or whatever it is, and say, let me help you receive this word that we have from the Bible about this very thing that you're walking through. 00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:53.000 So there's a clear command there for that. 00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:53.840 All right. 00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:55.180 A couple minutes and I'll be done. 00:28:55.720 --> 00:28:59.100 Let me just – here's a checklist that you can take with you. 00:28:59.099 --> 00:29:07.439 This is more practical of what does a one-on-one or a small group discipleship type relationship look like? 00:29:07.980 --> 00:29:10.659 Or somebody's coming to you and saying, can we meet to talk about something? 00:29:11.199 --> 00:29:12.159 Here's what it can look like. 00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:13.819 Number one, pray before you meet. 00:29:15.240 --> 00:29:16.559 Pray for that person. 00:29:16.699 --> 00:29:19.139 Pray that the Lord would prepare your heart in that person's heart. 00:29:19.219 --> 00:29:19.619 That's the first. 00:29:19.699 --> 00:29:21.419 Second, we've covered this. 00:29:21.579 --> 00:29:21.819 Listen. 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:24.339 Just try to ask a lot of questions. 00:29:25.220 --> 00:29:34.539 Try to be aware to being led by the Holy Spirit towards the right way to think, to letting sort of Scripture pour through your mind and heart with a humble and gentle attitude. 00:29:34.899 --> 00:29:36.299 Number three, keep listening. 00:29:36.659 --> 00:29:37.519 So tell me more. 00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:39.240 I don't quite understand. 00:29:39.299 --> 00:29:40.179 What did you mean by that? 00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:42.779 Help me kind of – can you say that another way? 00:29:43.460 --> 00:29:44.899 Questions like that are really helpful. 00:29:44.899 --> 00:29:48.700 Give people a lot of opportunity to talk and spill their hearts out. 00:29:49.500 --> 00:29:51.039 Number four, don't make any assumptions. 00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:55.680 Even based around your first meeting, always presume that someone is holding something back. 00:29:55.779 --> 00:29:58.480 There's a hurt maybe in the heart that's not being shared, and that's okay. 00:29:59.019 --> 00:30:00.079 But don't make any assumptions. 00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:01.319 Don't make any hasty judgments. 00:30:01.940 --> 00:30:03.639 Number five, be a trustworthy person. 00:30:04.139 --> 00:30:04.720 Have integrity. 00:30:04.859 --> 00:30:09.480 Don't ever speak badly, even joking about other people in front of them. 00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:14.740 And I think I would add to that just being able to hold on to what they say to you without telling anybody else. 00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:17.279 And that's – well, that's the next one. 00:30:17.460 --> 00:30:20.159 Number six, be clear about confidentiality. 00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:20.759 Keep your word. 00:30:20.759 --> 00:30:22.460 Number seven, give hope. 00:30:23.500 --> 00:30:23.920 Give hope. 00:30:23.980 --> 00:30:24.680 Don't be simplistic. 00:30:25.180 --> 00:30:30.980 However, if someone comes to you and they have a complicated mess of a life, you want to be able to leave them with hope. 00:30:31.140 --> 00:30:39.279 It might be a reassurance that God is not far away or that he does not – or that he – or that he does have you or that he does watch over you. 00:30:39.539 --> 00:30:41.559 Have easy access to helpful scripture. 00:30:42.619 --> 00:30:43.640 And number eight, don't preach. 00:30:43.640 --> 00:30:44.259 Don't teach. 00:30:44.259 --> 00:30:44.500 Don't teach. 00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.560 Don't give advice unless it's asked for. 00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:51.320 Allow God's word in your relationship to do the work of comfort and conviction. 00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:52.779 And finally, pray. 00:30:53.019 --> 00:30:54.119 Pray with them if you can. 00:30:54.399 --> 00:30:55.799 Right there, that moment. 00:30:56.019 --> 00:30:56.819 Say, can we pray? 00:30:57.279 --> 00:30:58.039 And pray with them. 00:30:58.439 --> 00:30:58.639 Okay. 00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:04.460 So there's some guides to maybe take a step towards more meaningful relationships. 00:31:05.020 --> 00:31:07.000 Some of you will be doing this kind of stuff all the time. 00:31:07.120 --> 00:31:11.220 But it's a call and an encouragement to take just a step. 00:31:11.980 --> 00:31:13.160 So let me conclude with this. 00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:29.380 Is there anybody right now that you can think about that you have a relationship with where you say, I'm a little bit ahead of them in the Christian life and I know that I've been able to get through enough life experience where I could actually help that person maybe. 00:31:30.140 --> 00:31:41.920 So maybe there's a thought there for some of us to go and seek a person and say, I would love to just get to talk and walk with you and maybe read the Bible together and see where you are and see if I could walk with you and learn from you but help you as well. 00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:46.860 So there's a discipleship opportunity to look around and say, who needs discipling in my life right now? 00:31:47.480 --> 00:31:54.480 And then there's the opportunity to say, I am not doing good spiritually and I need to ask somebody to help me. 00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:56.860 So there's that other side of it as well. 00:31:57.100 --> 00:31:59.920 So who among us, all of us are there sometimes, right? 00:31:59.940 --> 00:32:01.940 And we need to go ask somebody for help. 00:32:02.500 --> 00:32:02.660 Okay. 00:32:02.740 --> 00:32:05.480 So let me encourage you to think about that prayer about that and take this with you.