You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
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We have made our way through Ephesians to the end of chapter 5. We're getting close. Hang in there.
We've made it to the part of Ephesians where Paul begins to address marriage and family relationships.
And so we're going to slow down for about four weeks and get to talk about those really important subjects together over the next four Sundays.
We're not only going to talk about it during worship on Sunday mornings,
but we'll have a chance to sit down together over lunch and have a dialogue and a Q&A.
There's a lot to talk about these days with these significant issues, and some of it's better done conversationally.
So we're going to do that at what we call Pastors on the Patio. That's scheduled for September 1st, by the way.
So we'll have a lot of opportunity to be talking about these things together in the weeks ahead.
But I want us to remember as we talk about marriage that these verses we're about to read are not isolated from the rest of Ephesians.
The whole book of Ephesians has been talking and teaching us about how we are connected in Christ.
Connected to God through Christ and then also to each other.
That we're linked together into one body to house the Spirit of God, to magnify the grace of God.
So when you see this image of the hands being held, remember that that's just one link in the larger chain.
That when we've talked about Ephesians all the way through, we've used a different image for the book of Ephesians,
but it looks very similar.
You see the hands being held there?
Those hands are just one piece of the larger body, the family that God has brought together through His Son.
We're not leaving that in order to talk about marriage.
We're talking about a particular relationship within the body of Christ.
One link in the larger family established for God's glory and for our good.
So all of us, married, single, divorced, young and old, all of us are to be living as God's holy and beloved children,
filled with the Spirit.
It's in that context I want you to hear the following words that you hear at many weddings.
They are God's words and needful for all of us this morning.
Ephesians 5 at verse 22, the Word of God.
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,
so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Pray with me.
Father, thank You for this, Your Word.
We are grateful that You have not left us alone,
but have given us Your guidance for our lives.
You have spoken into our lives,
and we, Your people, would desire to hear from You this morning,
not from any man, but to hear Your words.
Holy Spirit, You must speak to our hearts.
Would You do what You love to do and shine the spotlight on Jesus,
that we would see Him clearly,
that we would love Him more,
and that it would change our lives.
We do ask that You would do that in His name.
Amen.
Ah, marriage.
Isn't it just always like that?
Don't you love marriage?
Cinderella and Prince Charming,
gazing into each other's eyes,
dancing through life together.
Such a wonderful picture, isn't it?
Marriage, that's what we're going to talk about.
Now, you're chuckling because this is a fairy tale, isn't it?
That's what we call Cinderella.
We call it a fairy tale.
Most of the marriages that you and I know
don't look like this most days
and don't spend most of our time doing that.
That's not what you think of
when you think of marriage.
But I do think in many ways
we dream and we hope
that marriage will make us like that,
don't we?
I'll be honest.
When I was engaged to Christi,
I remember thinking something along those lines.
I was pretty sure at that point in my life
that I was somewhere close to Prince Charming
and that marrying my Cinderella
was basically just going to finish the process.
Any small things that were lacking,
she was going to come in
and of course be delighted to be with me.
Of course, that was a given.
But yeah, there were some rough edges
and she'd rub some of those off
and then not all of life would be easy.
I knew that,
but we were going to be together
and we were going to be
looking lovingly into each other's eyes
and dancing all the time
no matter what was happening.
That's what marriage was like
coming out of college.
You may not have ever used those words exactly.
Hopefully I didn't.
But you've probably thought something
not too different from that.
When we think about marriage
and when we talk about it,
we do think a lot about
how it's going to make us
the best version of me, right?
How's it going to make me a better me?
That marriage is going to make me feel good
and fulfill my desires,
the unmet longings that I have.
That it will make my life better
and more fulfilling.
That's what marriage is about.
I'd suggest to you
that's the standard view of marriage
in our culture these days.
That marriage is primarily about me.
I believe it's similar in our minds too.
That we say things when marriage gets hard
like this just isn't working for me.
This isn't what I expected.
This is not what I signed up for.
We talk in marriage about things like compatibility
by which we often mean
somebody who I can enjoy,
I can get along with.
Someone who will make me a better person,
that I can partner with and benefit from.
It's in many ways about me.
And not all of that is wrong or bad in itself.
But I think we misuse
and overemphasize that perspective.
And we miss God's highest intent.
His grand design for marriage.
Notice in this passage
what Paul does
as he starts talking about our relationships.
When he talks about marriage
he doesn't even stay on husband and wife.
Like you'd think
if you were going to talk about marriage
that's what you got.
Husband and wife.
Paul can't stop talking about Jesus
and the church, can he?
Almost every time he gets started.
And in case you haven't noticed
when he gets to verse 32
he says,
by the way all of this that I'm saying
what I'm really talking about
is Christ and the church.
It's a mystery he says.
But from the very beginning
of the institution of marriage
in the Garden of Eden
this is what God has been intending to do.
It's the mystery of marriage
Paul says.
God designed marriage
to display the remarkable relationship
between Christ and the church.
This is first and foremost
what marriage is about.
And when we lose sight
of this chief goal and purpose
the consequences are devastating
in our marriages themselves
and beyond.
Just think about what happens
in a culture
when we forget
that marriage is not all about us
and our fulfillment
but about a higher purpose.
That it's not designed
to fulfill my desires
and make me fulfilled.
That that's not the only thing
that's going on.
When God's intention for marriage
is downplayed or sidelined
there's very little to limit
the damage that we will do.
Is there?
We shouldn't be shocked
at the culture around us
losing sight of the priority
of God's intent for marriage
when we've often lost sight
of it in the church.
And we have.
Haven't we?
In many ways
we've lost sight of marriage
as part of this greater story
that God's designed it for.
We've allowed marriage
in many ways
to become an idol.
To become the ultimate story.
To be the fulfillment
of Christian living.
Is to be married
with a couple of kids.
That that's the high point.
And so in doing that
we've made unmarried people.
Those committed to celibacy
because of desires
they wrestle with.
Feel in many cases
less than fully Christian.
As though the Apostle Paul
or Jesus Himself
was missing out
on the essence
of the fullness
of abundant life.
While harping regularly
on biblical sexual ethics
we've compromised
biblical standards
for divorce
and remarriage.
We've taken the discussion
of roles between husband and wife
and we've made it
pragmatic or political.
We've started talking about it
in terms of
what will make me happy
or what will play well publicly
or what just works best
for us.
And we've taken it out
of the context
that God gives it to us
in right here
in this passage
of part of the greater story.
And we've done that
in our marriages
haven't we?
For all these things
and for many more
we need to repent
church.
We need to repent
for the many ways
we have made marriage
about me
and my fulfillment
rather than about God
and His glory.
Because Paul says
this remarkable
glorious relationship
between Christ
and His church
that's the one
that's the real story.
The great story
of which human marriage
is a picture
or a shadow.
So he's telling us
in this passage
don't get so caught up
in the how-tos
of human marriage
that you miss
the whole point.
Don't get distracted
in the next few weeks
by trying to fix
your own marriage
and miss the reason
that yours exists.
Don't you do that
when you come to a passage
like this?
Either you think
oh no he's going to try
to fix my marriage.
Or you think
oh maybe he's going to
fix my marriage.
Isn't that the first thing
we think
when we open
to this passage?
Don't get caught up
either in dreaming
of being Prince Charming
or Cinderella
in your story
and miss the real
Cinderella story
that you are already
a part of.
And Paul's so focused
on that story
that we get chapters
of it in the midst
of his discussion
on marriage
of him talking about
relationship between
husbands and wives.
Each of these chapters
sounds a little bit like
things we sometimes say
with a little bit
different twist
on each of them
and I'll explain that
as we go.
But what's that
great story?
What is the story
that Paul can't stop
telling that we have
to hear?
The first chapter
in the real
Cinderella story
is love at first sight.
What do we read
in verse 25?
Christ loved
the church.
Christ loved
the church.
Maybe that doesn't
strike you
as remarkable.
Maybe you're used
to hearing that.
Maybe that seems
like old hat
and after all
when Cinderella
shows up
looking like this
we kind of expect
Prince Charming
to have this
love at first sight
experience,
don't we?
It's not something
surprising to us
at all.
But we,
God's people,
the church,
we haven't had
a fairy godmother
clean us up.
We're the Cinderella
dressed in rags,
beaten,
abused,
neglected
for years.
Jesus sees
someone created
for greatness
and relationship
relegated to being
a scullery maid,
right?
That's the story.
She was created
for something more,
to be great,
to have royal blood,
to be in relationship
and she's serving
as a scullery maid
and Jesus sees
that Cinderella
and He loves
her.
Remember what
God's people are like?
Ezekiel 16
paints a graphic
picture.
On the day you were
born,
your cord was not
cut,
nor were you
washed with water
to cleanse you,
nor rubbed with salt,
nor wrapped in
swaddling cloths.
No eye pitied you
to do any of these
things to you
out of compassion
for you,
but you were cast
out on the open
field,
for you were
abhorred on the
day that you
were born.
And then God
comes,
and when I
passed by you
and saw you
wallowing in your
blood,
I said to you
in your blood,
live!
I said to you
in your blood,
live!
I made you
flourish like a
plant of the
field.
At first sight,
abandoned,
bloodied,
neglected,
and God
says,
live!
Live!
I love you!
Isaiah 62
paints another
picture.
You shall no
more be termed
forsaken.
Your land shall
no more be termed
desolate,
but you shall be
called my delight
is in her and
your land married.
For the Lord
delights in you
and your land
shall be married.
As the bridegroom
rejoices over the
bride,
so shall your God
rejoice over you.
What's the first
sight?
Forsaken,
desolate,
nothing to offer,
and God says,
that's the one
I see.
I will rejoice
over you.
I love you.
The first chapter
of the story
sees us
muddying ourselves
on the filth
of the world,
right?
Turning away
from God,
running away
from Him,
seeking after
ourselves,
undeserving,
forlorn,
but God
loves us.
God loves us.
Isn't that
amazing?
Can you believe
that He walks
into that,
that that's the
first glimpse
He gets
and He loves
us?
It's where the
courtship between
Christ and the
church begins
with Jesus
seeing the
beauty for which
we were created
through the
ugliness
of our sin
and the mess
of our lives.
Is that all
you can see
when you look
at your life?
For some of us,
the ugliness,
the mess,
is all we can
see.
Let me tell you
something.
God loves you.
He loves you
with a love
so broad
and wide
and high
and deep
that it begins
before the
foundation of
the world
and He comes
after you
to love you
not because
of how beautiful
you are.
It's love
at first sight
not because
we are so
naturally
lovable
but because
He is so
naturally
loving.
That's how
the story
begins.
The love
of Jesus
for us
is such
that it's not
merely a feeling
is it?
What does the
rest of the
verse say?
It has action
attached.
Christ loved
the church
and what?
What was the
result of that
love?
He gave
Himself up
for her.
Verse 25
You've seen
couples before
so excited
for their
wedding day
that you would
say oh they're
dying to be
together.
And that's a
phrase that we
use but in
this case it's
actually true.
There was no
way for these
two to be
together except
through death.
The only way
the pure prince
could be with
his impure
princess was to
come and die
for her.
In this
Cinderella story
the prince
couldn't just
stay far away
in the castle
sitting back
waiting for all
the lovely women
to come so he
could make his
choice.
Now that's not
how this one
worked.
In this story
the prince was
required wasn't
he?
Listen
don't let this
get old to you
I know how it
feels you know
this story.
Listen the prince
leaves his
castle.
He has to
come and seek
after the
lost princess
the one who's
been abandoned
he had to
come after his
bride and
pursue her to
his own
death.
From heaven
he came and
sought her to
be his holy
bride.
With his own
blood he bought
her and for
her life he
died.
He gave
himself up
for us.
He took our
place.
He suffered the
agony and the
disgrace and the
tears that were
rightfully ours.
he gave himself
up for us.
He was
crucified in
our place.
And he dies
so that we can
be together.
By his death
we are united
in this mysterious
relationship we
call union
with Christ.
Marriage to the
king of glory.
Verse 30 says
we're members
of Christ's body
connected to him
and that
Paul says
is why a man
leaves his father
and cleaves to
his wife and
they become one
flesh.
Why?
Why does a man
do that?
Why does a man
leave his father
and mother and
cleave to his
wife?
Because Jesus
left his father
to cleave to
us.
So that we
could be one
with him.
So that we
could know true
and deep
relationship with
him.
So that all
the benefits of
his sonship,
the rights and
privileges he
had as a son
of the father
could be ours.
Why did he
have to do
that?
Why did Jesus
have to come
and die so
that those
things could be
true?
Because he
knew that we
would let go
of him if he
didn't hold
tightly onto us.
And so Jesus
who didn't
consider his
privileged position
in heaven
something to be
grasped,
something to
hold on to,
considered you
something to
hold on to.
Amen?
That's what
Jesus valued.
That's what he
thought was
valuable enough
to hold on to
it tightly.
You.
He came to
seek his
bride.
He gave
himself up
for us.
So great is
his love for
his bride.
So great is
his love for
you.
So great is
his love for
us.
That's how the
story goes.
But amazingly,
he doesn't
even stop
there.
He continues
the cleansing
and purifying
of his bride
through washing
with water in
the word.
Verse 26.
He nourishes
and cherishes
her.
Verse 29.
When we use
the phrase
you complete
me to talk
about our
relationships,
I think we
mean something
like what I
thought before
I got married.
That you take
a B plus guy
and you complete
him.
You turn him
into an A,
right?
You help him
finish things
off.
Make the best
version of me
that I can
be.
And that may
be true in
many marriages,
guys, that's
exactly what's
happened.
That does
sometimes happen,
but it often
misses the point
of marriage.
Because what
happens in this
great story is
not that a B
plus guy turns
into an A.
Jesus comes
and he takes
an F,
a hopeless
and abandoned
mess.
And he washes
and cleanses,
nourishes and
cares for me.
Look back at
Ezekiel 16.
What does God
do?
Then I bathed
you with water
and washed
off your blood
from you and
anointed you
with oil.
I clothed
you also with
embroidered cloth
and shod you
with fine leather.
I wrapped you
in fine linen
and covered you
with silk.
And I adorned
you with ornaments
and put bracelets
on your wrists
and a chain
on your neck
and I put a ring
on your nose
and earrings
in your ears
and a beautiful
crown on your head.
Let's keep reading.
There's a little bit
more on the next slide.
Thus you were
adorned with
gold and silver.
Your clothing
was of fine linen
and silk
and embroidered cloth.
You ate fine flour
and honey and oil.
You grew exceedingly
beautiful and advanced
to royalty
and your renown
went forth
among the nations
because of your beauty
for it was perfect
how through the splendor
that I had bestowed
on you
declares the Lord God.
God is intent
on us being beautiful
isn't he?
He's intent
on making his people
a beautiful
and glorious bride
and there's no
fairy godmother
to dress up
the ragged bride.
It's only Jesus'
blood
that washes
his bride clean
and clothes her
in white.
It's his spirit
who remains
with her
working with his word
to make her pure
and beautiful.
Day by day
exposing her
to the glories
of her Savior
revealed in God's word.
He will perfect
the bride.
bride.
And so this great
Cinderella story
ends
as do
all good stories.
How?
Happily ever after
right?
With the bride
and groom
living
happily
ever after.
Jesus wants
a permanent
relationship
with his bride.
Look at verse 27.
He presents
the church
perfect
to himself.
He finishes
the work
and lives
in relationship
together
forever.
The church
without spot
or wrinkle
or any other
blemish
holy
and blameless.
Do you feel
like that
personally?
Without spot
or wrinkle
or any other
blemish
holy and blameless?
Do you feel
like that
about yourself?
Do you feel
like that
about the church
corporately?
Is that the way
she looks
to you?
Listen,
if your answers
are no I don't
and no she doesn't,
let me remind you
of something.
Jesus
will
see that
that happens.
He will
restore his church
to the absolute
beauty
and the perfect
holiness
for which she
was created
so that just
as it's always
supposed to be,
he will live
an intimate
relationship
with her
forever
and ever.
That's where
your story
is headed
whether it
feels like
it today
or not.
To be honest
in our culture
I feel like
that almost
seems too good
to be true
these days,
doesn't it?
I mean we
see pictures
even of Prince
Charming
and Cinderella
riding off
after their
wedding
and happily
ever after
is below
this picture
and we
think
yeah well
we'll see
and we'll
see won't
we
I just
don't know
I'm not
sure if they
really meant
the words
they just
said to
each other
there are
tough roads
ahead
I'm just
not sure
if it's
going to
be as
happily ever
after as
they are
feeling like
right now
and I
believe this
is one of
the primary
reasons why
the Bible
would say
that God
hates divorce
even though
he allows
it because
in this
broken world
people sometimes
need protection
from the
harm of one
who has
broken covenant
with them
right
God knows
that
but he
hates divorce
because the
marriage that
our marriages
are supposed
to reflect
is a lasting
one
a permanent
relationship
one where the
husband loves
and forgives
even his wife's
worst repeated
failures
I'm not
intending to
berate you
if you have
walked through
the pain
of divorce
not at all
I'm trying
to offer
you the
glory
and the
hope
of a
perfect
marriage
because none
of us
has a
perfect
marriage
none of us
has a
marriage
that lasts
eternally
but the
love of
Christ
is fixed
on his
own
eternally
he'll love
his own
to endless
day
a relationship
with absolutely
unending
love
completely
inexhaustible
forgiveness
and eternally
renewed
passion
is hard
for us
to imagine
but it is
exactly
what we were
created for
that's exactly
what God
made us
for
is that
kind
of relationship
and Jesus
is preparing
his church
to be presented
to himself
so that that
can happen
to enjoy
that relationship
forever
church
your marriage
to Jesus
will outlast
the best
human marriage
it's the one
that lasts
forever
the eternally
lasting marriage
is between
Jesus
and his church
and no matter
how many times
you felt like
yours won't stand
that
that marriage
that you can be
a part of
will
it will last
forever
because your
bridegroom
will never
fail you
that's the hope
of the gospel
it's why
the great
story of
scripture
ends in
revelation
with a
wedding
right
with the
wedding supper
of the
lamb
and when
the bride
shows up
for the
wedding
supper
look at
what it
says
revelation
21
I saw
the holy
city
new
Jerusalem
coming down
out of
heaven
from God
prepared
as a
bride
adorned
for her
husband
and I
heard a
loud voice
from the
throne
saying
behold
the dwelling
place
of God
is with
man
he will
dwell
with them
and they
will be
his people
and God
himself
will be
with them
as their
God
that's
where it's
going
he will
be with
us
forever
he will
dwell
with us
as our
God
we will
live
happily
ever
after
glory
right
it will
be like
that
it's
going
there
you can
look
forward
to it
that is
my favorite
part
of the
real
Cinderella
story
my favorite
part
I hate
getting to
the end
of a good
book
and then
it's
over
right
don't
you hate
that
I have to
go back
to the
start
and start
over
again
the real
Cinderella
story
never
ever
ends
he
keeps
loving
us
and keeps
living
in relationship
with us
do you
know
that
bridegroom
oh do
you know
that kind
of love
have you
experienced
his love
for you
like that
can you
wait to
be with
your
savior
forever
we call
all of that
the real
Cinderella
story
we often
call it
the gospel
the good
news
of Jesus
Christ
the message
of his
grace
and it's
the story
I want
all of us
to leave
here this
morning
enthralled
with
it's not
that our
marriages
are unimportant
it's just
that they're
not first
and foremost
about us
they become
most beautiful
and most
what God
intends
for them
when they're
retellings
or pictures
or snapshots
of that
great story
the story
of the
glorious
prince
who
comes down
from his
throne
to seek
after the
abandoned
princess
and sacrifices
everything
to rescue
her
to restore
her to her
original beauty
and to live
with her
forever
we'll talk
over the
next couple
of weeks
about what
it looks
like
for our
marriages
to retell
that great
story
to be a
picture
of the
remarkable
relationship
between
Christ
and his
church
but one
of my
favorite
examples
of that
is this
story
told by
a surgeon
Richard
Selzer
in a book
called
Mortal
Lessons
Notes on
the Art
of Surgery
the surgeon
describes a
scene that
he witnesses
in a
recovery room
after he
has performed
surgery
to remove
a tumor
from the
cheek
of a
young
lady
the surgeon
writes
this
I stand
by the
bed
where a
young
woman
lies
her face
post-operative
her mouth
twisted in
palsy
clownish
a tiny
twig of
the facial
nerve
the one
to the
muscles
of her
mouth
has been
severed
she will
be thus
from now
on
the surgeon
had followed
with religious
fervor
the curve
of her
flesh
I promise
you that
nevertheless
to remove
the tumor
in her
cheek
I had
to cut
the little
nerve
her young
husband
is in
the room
he stands
on the
opposite
side
of the
bed
and
together
they seem
to dwell
in the
evening
lamplight
isolated
from me
private
who are
they
I ask
myself
he and
this
wry
mouth
I have
made
who gaze
at each
other
and touch
each
other
so
generously
greedily
the young
woman
speaks
will my
mouth
always
be like
this
she asks
yes
I say
it will
it is
because
the nerve
was cut
she nods
and is
silent
but the
young man
smiles
I like
it
he says
it's
kind of
cute
all
at once
I know
who he
is
I
understand
and I
lower
my
gaze
one
is not
bold
in an
encounter
with a
god
unmindful
he bends
to kiss
her crooked
mouth
and I
am so
close
I can
see how
he twists
his own
lips
to
accommodate
to hers
to show
her
that their
kiss
still
works
he twists
his own
lips
to accommodate
to hers
to show
her
that their
kiss
still works
and
Selzer says
when he sees
that
it's like
watching
god
a broken
bride
who can't
fix
her
brokenness
but
a loving
bridegroom
who
condescends
moves
toward her
twists
his own
lips
as it
were
so that
their
relationship
can work
again
do you
see
your
savior
the bride
eyes
not her
garment
but her
dear
bridegroom's
face
his
face
for you
twisted
beaten
bloodied
love
and yet
oh how
glorious
and
precious
let's
pray
Jesus
thank you
would we
see
your face
this morning
that we
might actually
believe
someone would
love us
like that
father
would you
captivate
our hearts
with the
love that
you have
shown to
your people
in sending
your son
as we
come to
this table
with the
picture
of the
savior
who would
accommodate
himself
to our
brokenness
in order to
make us
his bride
forever
overwhelm
us and
give us
great joy
we ask in
his name
amen
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information
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at
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