The servant of the world now in victory reigning, lift your voices to the one who is seated on the
throne. See him in the new Jerusalem. Praise the one who saved us. That's the reason we're here
this morning, to worship in song, to worship in prayer, to the ministry of the word and in
fellowship. So as we come to the Lord and as we come to continue in our worship, let's remember
why we're here. We're here not as part of a club, not as part of an organization, but we're here to
enter into the Holy of Holies and to commune with the living God. So let's continue that worship as
we look at 1 Peter chapter 3 and we're going to look at the first seven verses. Peter writes,
Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe
the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity
and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as elaborate
hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner
self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.
They submitted themselves to their own husbands like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her
Lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same
way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner
and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Let's pray.
Father, as we come before your throne this morning, help us to cast our cares on you.
Help us to remember that you are not a God who is distant and forbidding but you are close to the
brokenhearted, that it is your natural condition and nature to come to those who are brokenhearted
and to give them rest and peace. So wherever we're coming from this morning, Lord, if we're coming from
a place of strength or a place of weakness, a place of peace or a place of tension, help us to
put our burdens on your altar and offer them to you. Be with us as we continue to look at your word.
May what I have to say be glorifying to you and edifying to your people. We ask this in Jesus' name.
Amen. In preparation for this sermon, I was thinking about my own wedding day
and like many young husbands-to-be, I was quite nervous and my dad, sensing that this was the case,
took me aside, took me out to the lobby of the hotel just to chill out for a little bit and calm down.
And this is it, I thought. This is the moment where my father passes on his years of wisdom to me
as I embark on this new journey. The man I look up to the most will give me sage counsel and wise advice
and so full of expectation for what I was about to hear, I settled in for a lesson of the profundities
and the practicalities of marriage. Imagine my sense of anticipation being deflated like a cheap balloon
when leaning in and putting his arm around me, my father says,
you know, Dan, they say a man is incomplete until he's married and then he's finished.
Now, of course, he meant that as a joke. He was happily married to my mother for 41 years before he passed away
and it certainly lighted my mood and it certainly put things into perspective that I was focusing on all the wrong things on that day.
Is the minister going to show up on time? Is the music all going to go okay?
What happens if they don't cut the cake the right way? All of these sorts of things.
But it helped me to focus and eventually on the biblical idea of marriage,
not being something that finishes you or completes you, but rather that it's a new beginning.
It's taking one sinner, putting them together with another one so that they can figure out life together.
Different personalities, different roles, different people.
And as the journey starts, and speaking for myself and I'm sure the married couples would agree,
you start to learn a lot more about grace, about mercy, about gentleness, kindness, perseverance.
Now, the sermon isn't just about marriage, so if you're not married, don't worry, hang in there, I'll get to you.
But first, let's just have a look and see where the text takes us.
Sam drew the short straw this morning because normally when the leader comes and says,
what's the theme of your sermon, I can give two or three points.
And my response is, well, I don't really have one this morning.
We're just letting the text take us where it'll take us.
But if you want to think about one thing as we go through this text, think about gentleness.
How we're gentle to one another.
Verses 1 and 2.
Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands,
so that if any of them do not believe the word,
they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Remember that time last week when I was talking about Bible verses that were unpopular?
Well, we hit the jackpot this morning for modern Western society.
Let's clear up a few things before we get started.
Very important.
Peter is not talking about men versus women.
He's not talking about the general interaction between men versus women.
This is not a pretext for a male-dominated society.
Look at verse 1.
Submit yourselves to your own husbands, he says to the wives.
And likewise in verse 7.
Husbands, as you live with your wives.
So Peter is talking about this specific relationship that he has in mind
between an individual man, an individual woman, marriage.
One man, one woman, in a covenant relationship for life.
It's not talking about women being inferior to men,
or men having authority over women by virtue of gender.
Because a man is no more superior to a woman than he is to another man.
Because of any reason.
And we know this, and I think this is in your notes,
because Paul said in Galatians 3.28,
there is no longer Greek or Jew.
There is no longer slave or free.
There is no longer male or female.
For all are one in Christ.
And men and women have distinctive characteristics and identities,
but both of them have the same standing in God's eyes.
And not just this, but Peter isn't just talking about marriage in general.
Most immediately, he's talking about a marriage where one spouse is a believer
and the other spouse is not.
This would have been common in the early church,
just like it's common now.
And sticking to the context of this letter as a whole,
as we've been finding out,
Peter is saying your best way to witness to somebody
isn't always necessarily to go point by point
through the biblical narrative of sin and redemption.
But rather, still in verse 1,
in this case,
that a wife might win over their unbelieving husband
without words,
by the behavior that the wife exhibits
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
In other words, if that's your situation,
don't worry about saying the right thing all the time,
but having the right words.
Instead, concentrate on your conduct,
because that's the whole point of Peter's letter,
your outward behavior.
Focus on that.
It's pretty good life advice in general, isn't it?
Think about the way people perceive you.
Think about how you come across to people,
what your attitude is like.
Because they say a picture is worth a thousand words,
and there's no bigger picture
than that which your life gives to other people.
So Peter is saying,
let your life be a picture
that shows your godly character.
And not just this,
but look at verse 3.
Did you know there's fashion advice in the Bible?
We're about to get some this morning.
Verse 3,
A wife's beauty
shouldn't come from outward adornment,
such as elaborate hairstyles
and jewelry
and fine clothes.
Some of you were going to go to Matt and Point later.
And now you're wondering,
is Peter up there scowling at you
for thinking that?
Well, fear not, sisters,
because just like in our day,
in Peter's time,
they were obsessed with image.
Obsessed with outward appearance.
So really,
there's nothing new under the sun.
It's all about flash.
It's all about image.
And Peter is saying,
don't get all caught up
in the need to get recognized
for your external beauty.
Competing yourself
or putting yourself against another woman,
a different wife.
Don't get caught up in this.
Your hair,
your jewelry,
your clothes.
There's nothing wrong with looking nice.
Just speaking personally,
I happened to have married a woman
who was just way out of my league
in the looks department.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But maybe,
what Peter was thinking of,
was Samuel,
the prophet,
when the Lord said to him,
Samuel,
man looks at the outward appearance,
but God looks at the heart.
God looks at what it is
that is the source
of what comes out of your mouth
and the way you live your life.
Not something external,
but something internal.
And that,
Peter is saying,
is what the Lord is concerned with.
That's the way
that you win over your husband.
Not by something on the outside,
but by something on the inside.
This beauty
that will never fade,
Peter calls it.
And I was thinking about
how to illustrate this,
and I don't want to overshare,
but this might help you
with the application.
Peter is talking about marriages
like how mine was
in the early years.
Seneca grew up
in a believing household.
Went to church at a young age,
heard the gospel at an early age,
responded to it,
became a faithful disciple.
And then when we were dating,
and eventually got engaged
and then got married,
I said I was a believer.
I really thought I was,
because I said most of the right things,
and our wedding had a minister
that presided over it,
so that's a good start, right?
You know, we said prayers
in our wedding.
Must mean I'm a Christian.
And I was even broadly interested
in the Bible
and church life.
But my life
was completely
without fruit.
I loved money.
I loved my career.
I had a horrible temper.
I was just not
a true believer.
And Seneca
would have been
well entitled
to just give up on me.
Not walk out of the marriage,
necessarily,
but just forget about me.
Discount my opinions
and my goals
and my input
and make decisions
without consulting me.
Having an attitude
towards my leadership
at the home
that was saying,
well, I don't need him.
He's not really a Christian.
Trying to assert herself
over me
at every opportunity
and generally
just giving up on me
as a husband
and as a potential believer.
But of course,
she didn't do that.
She was gentle.
She was gracious.
She was kind
and loving.
And she kept being
a faithful wife.
She kept supporting me
in my role
as our family's
particular breadwinner
and being a positive influence
in how we shaped
our family life
and our goals
and our dreams.
And of course,
she prayed for me
every day.
And then sometime
in our third year of marriage,
the Lord saved me.
Somehow,
in the great mystery
of how these things work,
the Lord used Seneca
and her patience
and her humility
and her loving kindness
to win me over
for him.
And nothing particular
happened.
There was no moment.
Nothing stands out.
There was no formula.
But I just know
I wouldn't be standing here
in front of you
preaching the words
if it hadn't been
for Seneca's inner adornment,
her inner beauty,
what Peter calls
the unfading beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit
that is of great worth
in God's sight.
If it's of great worth
in God's sight,
you can imagine how I feel
because it's how I got saved.
So your unbelieving husband
might not read the Bible
but he reads you
every day.
So when he reads you,
let him see gentleness.
Let him see kindness.
Let him see love.
And verse 5,
look,
this is how the holy women
of the past
adorned themselves.
There's that word again.
Holy.
Set apart.
Something visible
to mark them out
as belonging to God.
They adorned themselves,
dressed themselves up.
That means like Sarah,
verse 6,
who obeyed Abraham
and called him,
and here's the controversial bit,
her Lord.
Temperature just went up in here.
I think when the ladies read that.
It's fiery stuff,
isn't it?
Some of you are thinking,
really Peter?
I mean,
I can stomach things like love
or sweetheart
or honey
or things like that,
but Lord,
come on.
But it's important.
Let's unpack this.
If you know much about Sarah,
you know she wasn't
a shrinking violet.
She was a strong woman,
an independent,
fiery character,
and she was more than
a match for Abraham.
And frankly,
and I'll use the vernacular
here a little bit,
there were times
where Sarah thought
her husband was a bit
of a tool.
And she would have been
well within her rights
to just assert herself
in that situation.
But even though
she saw Abraham's weaknesses,
her life pattern
was this general life pattern
of deferring to his leadership.
Not in a way that's fearful,
being afraid of the man,
but Peter says,
in a way that's gentle
and kind
and peaceful
and respectful.
And his point is,
if you do these things,
if you have these evidences
in your life
of peace,
kindness,
and gentleness,
you're a daughter
of Sarah.
Now what on earth
does that mean?
Well,
we all know today even
the Jews still call themselves
children of Abraham
through Sarah.
So they call themselves
the children of Sarah,
his wife.
But the New Testament
teaches us
that those who believe
are the children
of Abraham and Sarah.
Not being Jewish,
not coming from Palestine,
not being brought up
in a certain way,
but those who believe.
And Peter is not talking
to Jewish women.
He's talking to Gentile women,
just like those of you
sitting here in this room.
The Gentiles who Paul says
were once cut off
outside the dividing wall
of hostility and partition,
but you've now been brought near
by the blood of Jesus.
And the point is,
you don't need to be
a member of the right club.
You don't have to have
the right last name.
You don't need to speak
the same language
or have the right history.
Because, sister,
if you put your faith
in Christ,
and then that faith
overflows in a way
that demonstrates
the fruit of meekness
and gentleness,
even when your husband
should be doing better,
Christ is at work
in you.
And by bearing
with your husband
and pouring yourself
out for your husband,
even when he's undeserving
of your love
and mercy and gentleness,
focus on that word,
undeserving.
You're channeling Christ.
Because Christ came,
and even though
none of us deserved it,
none of us deserved
that the Son of God,
as we just read
in Philippians 2,
would empty himself,
make himself nothing,
like one of us,
and then die on a cross
for us.
Even though none of us
deserved that,
he came,
and he did that.
And by bearing
with your husband,
and we'll come to
some other people later,
who don't deserve it,
just like I didn't
deserve it
with Seneca,
by doing that,
Christ is imitated,
and Christ is channeled.
Paul said that
the love of God
was made manifest to us,
was made visible to us,
in that while we were
still sinners,
Christ died for us.
Didn't wait for us
to get our act together.
Seneca didn't wait for me
to get my life together.
She just kept loving.
And through that love,
the Lord saved me.
So sister,
when you persevere,
and out of love,
and honor,
you defer to your husband,
you mimic Christ,
and you sacrifice yourself,
and you serve
as an example
that points people to him.
Now,
just when you were thought
we were done
putting out fires,
Peter starts another one.
Verse 7.
Husbands,
in the same way,
be considerate
as you live with your wives,
and treat them with respect,
as the weaker partner,
and as heirs with you
of the gracious gift of life,
so that nothing
will hinder your prayers.
Weaker partner?
Our liberal sensitivities
are taking a hammering today,
aren't they?
Peter's kind of on a hiding
to nothing here.
But this is the word of God.
So again,
let's think here.
Now on the face of it,
if you read the word weaker,
you might think
that Peter is talking about
how women,
or the wife,
is the physically weaker partner,
just in terms of
physical strength.
And there might be truth in that.
At the end of the day,
Peter was writing at a time
where your livelihood
generally depended
on your muscles,
working with your hands.
Jesus called fishermen.
He was himself a carpenter,
that kind of thing.
Undoubtedly,
in that time
where you worked with your muscles
rather than your mind,
the husband was
the provider.
And much of that
is broadly true now,
although speaking
as a civil servant,
I'm glad I can use my mind
and not my muscles
to earn my living.
But there's something else here.
It's not just about physicality.
We husbands,
we're told,
this is us now, lads,
we are told
to be considerate
and respectful
with our wives
as the weaker partner.
Brother,
you might not be a pastor,
you might not be an elder,
you might not be a preacher
or a deacon
or anything like that,
but you have a ministry
in your life
and your main ministry
is to your wife,
is to lead her,
to shepherd her,
to love her,
to protect her.
And in our drive,
because we're conditioned
to be the alpha type,
in our drive
to provide
and protect,
sometimes we can be
a bit too direct,
a bit too on the nose.
In our desire
to get things done
and to lead our households,
we can sometimes be harsh
and unloving
and unkind.
And Peter is saying,
basically,
lads,
cop on.
Don't you know
that your wife
is the weaker partner,
that she's going to be
more sensitive
to how you communicate
to her
and how you lead her
than you might be to her,
that if you're belligerent
and if you're cruel
and you're authoritarian,
you'll actually damage
how she views you,
that your words
and your attitudes,
that they'll hurt her
much more
than any bruises
ever would.
So do we think
about things like this?
Are we harsh?
Do we set our expectations
of our wives
so high,
so impossibly high,
that they will never
meet those expectations?
When the house
doesn't look
the way we want it to look,
are we resentful?
Do we lose our temper?
When we're frustrated
and we don't get
our own way
with whatever,
anything from
what we spend our money on
to who gets the remote
that afternoon,
do we talk ourselves up?
I do so much
for this family.
I go to work
for 10 hours a day
and they don't
respect me there
and so the very least
is I can come home
and get the remote control
and watch what I want to.
Do we do that?
Do we focus on us?
Because brother,
can you think of anything
that's farther
from the love
of Jesus Christ
than that?
This gentleness,
this meekness,
this kindness
of the one who said,
I did not come
into this world
to be served.
I came to serve.
Brothers,
if you do this,
if you anchor yourselves
to this gentleness
and this kindness
and this grace
of Jesus
and how you talk
to your wife
and live with your wife
and lead her
and protect her,
you honor your wife
and you honor Christ
by echoing his example.
people.
And Peter says,
if you do this
and look at it,
your prayers
will not be hindered.
If you can channel Christ
in the way you deal
with your wife
in love
and in patience
and kindness,
then you can approach
the throne of grace
with confidence
and pray that the Lord
would touch the heart
of your wife
just like he touched yours,
just like the Lord
touched mine
when Seneca lived that way.
Be gentle with your wife
because Christ
was gentle with you.
And now maybe you're thinking,
sitting here going,
all right,
that's granddad
but I'm not married.
Don't plan on getting married,
whatever your situation is.
Or actually first,
we'll deal with this.
Maybe you're already married
and both of you
are believers.
So you say,
okay, that's fine.
We're both believers.
So some of you ladies
might be thinking,
well, he already knows Jesus.
I don't need to worry
about my character
reflecting the Lord.
I don't need to maintain
my inner beauty
to point him to the Lord.
Or some of you lads,
you might be thinking,
well, she's already a believer.
I don't need to be kind
and considerate
and patient
and gentle
and all that kind of thing.
I can be as harsh
and as brutish
as I want to be
because at the end of the day,
she still got to submit to me.
I'm still the man of the house.
Sounds like nonsense,
doesn't it?
Well, that's because
it is nonsense.
Paul tells us,
we won't go there
but look at Ephesians 5 sometime.
Paul tells us
marriage is a picture
or a sign
that points to how Christ
loves his church.
Marriage is intended
to illustrate
and to demonstrate
the love
that exists
between Christ
and the church.
So wife,
when you submit
to your husband
by deferring
to his leadership,
you're actually
encouraging him
in his role
to shepherd
and to protect
and love you
because he ought
to be looking
to Christ
whose example
was set for him.
By living your life
based on this inner beauty
that you have,
this gentleness,
this peace,
this mercy,
what you're saying
to your husband is,
I really am yours.
Just like the church
is really Christ's.
And husband,
when you submit
to your wife
by being considerate
of her sensitivities
and bearing with her
when you're frustrated,
you're encouraging her
because you're demonstrating
the patience
and the grace
and the sacrificial love
of Jesus
that made him die
for his church.
you're saying,
I really am yours.
Sister,
do you submit
to your husband
as the church
submits to Christ?
Are you ever ungrateful
for his efforts?
Are you argumentative
towards his leadership?
Or do you simply
trust him?
Brother,
do you love your wife?
And here's the standard,
lads.
Do you love your wife
as Christ
loves his church
and gave himself
up for her?
Are you harsh with her
when she displeases you?
Are you unmerciful to her
in her weakness?
Or do you lay down
your life for her
and demonstrate
your love for her
in ways that
often are painful
or disadvantageous to you,
in ways that you don't
get something out of it?
Is that us?
Is that our marriage?
Now, I promise
I'll get to you.
What if you're not married?
What if it's not
on your radar?
What if you're not
thinking about it?
Is the text irrelevant
to you?
Well, you could pretty much
remove all references
to husbands
and wives
and marriage
and all that kind of thing
and it would still apply
to every single person
in this room.
You might not be married.
You might not be
thinking about marriage.
But the question
is still the same
because as we've been
looking at in recent weeks,
when we're around
our unbelieving friends
and relatives
and colleagues,
what are we like?
Are we always trying
to get our way?
Are we harsh with people?
Are we using our efforts
to bring glory
back onto ourselves
rather than to serve
other people?
Are we being gentle
and kind and loving?
How about when
our unbelieving teacher
or unbelieving lecturer
sets what seems like
an impossible deadline
for a complicated assignment
and they won't agree
to an extension?
Do you grumble
and moan
and gossip
to the other students,
complain?
Or do we just
respect their position
and model out
the relationship
we have
with the great teacher
of love
and patience
and gentleness?
Maybe you've got a parent
who's not a believer
and you think,
well, if they're not a believer,
I don't need to
honor my mother
or my father.
They might think,
well,
you're getting mixed up
with a bunch of
religious weirdos.
I don't know
what's happened to you.
You're not acting
like my child.
Do we act
like we don't need them?
Or,
do we honor
our father
and honor
our mother
the same way
we honor
our heavenly father?
How about this?
This applies
to all of us.
When your unbelieving
friends are starting
to treat you differently
because you're now
a believer
or because you're
getting more involved
in the church,
maybe they're starting
to think that
Dan really thinks
he's better than us.
You know,
he goes to church
and his life
is all together.
as if that's true.
Do I shy away
from my friends?
Do I
withdraw from them?
Or do I continue
to pour out my life
into my friends
and love them
and say to them,
I'm not better than you.
I won't reject you
because Jesus
came and died
for the ones
who rejected him.
What about
when we believers
are all together?
Do we bear
with one another?
Do we persevere?
Do we keep going
on this journey together
even when we
annoy each other
and frustrate each other
and changes happen
in the church
whether it's
who's coming to preach
on Sunday
or removing the chairs
from that side
over to this side?
Do we love each other
as Christ
loves us?
When your elders
make decisions
you don't like
that would of course
never happen
in this church
just like it never
happens in my church.
When that happens
do you drop out
of church life
for a while?
Do you disappear?
Do you have difficulty
attending a church
where you don't agree
with 100%
of everything
that's done
whether it's
Sunday school
doctrine
the music
the layout
outreach
pastoral care
do you do that?
Or do you pray
for the leaders
of this church?
Do you encourage them?
Are you hospitable
towards them?
Do you offer them
feedback in a way
that's kind
and gentle
and loving?
And likewise
elders
and I say this
as an elder
in Middleton
when we're feeling
impatient
with how the church
is growing
or not
do we get resentful?
Do we want
to call it quits
let them figure out
this stuff
oh they don't
appreciate me anyway
or do we persevere
in our daily sacrifice
for these people
whom God loves
and for whom
he sent his son
to die?
In other words
brothers and sisters
are we faithful
to one another?
Are we faithful
in the way
the Lord Jesus Christ
is faithful
to us?
Are we going to
keep at it
whether it's you
with your wife
or your husband
or your dad
or your colleagues
or all of us
together in this room?
Are we going to
keep going?
Are we going to
keep walking
this journey together
and being faithful
to one another?
Love one another
warts and all
and there's a lot
of warts
we all have them.
Do we keep
our covenant
with each other?
Do we keep
our promise
to one another
the way the Lord
Jesus
keeps it with us?
So let's not
change
like the shifting
sands of
time and culture
and politics
and all the other
stuff that's out there
and what the world
calls right and wrong
which seems like
it's changing
every year.
Instead let's be
gentle
let's be kind
let's be gracious
let's be merciful
and let's be faithful
faithful to the
word of God
faithful to one
another
and faithful
to the Lord Jesus
because his blood
was shed
not mine
not the elders
not Johnny
Jesus' blood
was shed
for you
and for me
because God
is faithful
to his people.
Amen.
I'm going to call
the musicians back up
as they're coming
back up
I don't know
if
you've never heard
any of this stuff
before
I don't know
if you're not a believer
I don't know
if you've never
given God
a second thought
and I won't
lay out a full
thing for you here
but I'll just say
what do you have
faith in?
Is it your own
efforts?
Is it your own
energies?
Is it your own
strengths?
Or will you come
to the faithful one
to the rock
of ages
who never
changes?
Let's pray.
Father
what's been said
this morning
I pray that
if any of it
has not pleased you
or has offended you
that you would
blot it from our minds
and that you would
simply help us
to recall that
which would give you
glory and honor.
Help us Lord
when we're weak
and we stumble
and we're ungracious
and unloving
and unfaithful
to one another.
Help us to focus
our minds
on your son
who came
so that we might live
that we might have
abundant life.
Give us confidence
that you who began
a good work in us
will bring it to completion
on the day of Christ Jesus.
So be with us we pray.
Be with the marriages
in this church
where there is one spouse
who does not believe.
Give the believing spouse
the patience
and the humility
and the kindness
to just keep going
even when it seems
fruitless and hopeless
because we know
that you work
through these means
to save your people.
Touch the hearts
of those who don't believe.
Soften their hearts
and break down
their barriers
so that they might
approach your throne
and call on your name.
Be with all of us Lord
in our work,
at school,
in our homes,
wherever we have
loved ones
and friends
and colleagues
who are not believers.
Help us to simply
love them
as you loved us
and to show them
what that love looks like.
And be with us Lord
as we close in song
this community
of believers.
Help us to elevate
our voices
and our souls
to commune with you
and to give you glory
because ultimately
you are the faithful one.
That you will not let anything
pluck us from your hand.
We pray all this
in Jesus name.
Amen.
Would you please stand
and we'll sing
Faithful One.
Amen.