WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.839 for us. A seven-year-old girl had just seen the movie Cinderella, 00:00:06.740 --> 00:00:15.720 and she was testing her grandmother's knowledge of the story. The grandmother said, 00:00:16.019 --> 00:00:23.000 I know what happens in the end. The girl said, what? The grandmother said, Cinderella and the 00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:29.600 prince lived happily ever after. The girl shot back and said, no, they didn't. They got married. 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:43.019 That little girl had come to think in terms, living happily ever after and being married 00:00:43.019 --> 00:00:55.960 are not necessarily synonymous. That's sad, isn't it? And hopefully no one in here thinks like that. 00:00:55.960 --> 00:01:06.879 Marriage was designed by God at the beginning of creation to be that special kind of relationship 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:14.819 that will enable us to live happily ever after. I want you to look at how the scripture defines 00:01:14.819 --> 00:01:23.920 God's design for marriage. It's in Genesis 2, 24. It says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and 00:01:23.920 --> 00:01:32.420 his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. You can see in that that God 00:01:32.420 --> 00:01:40.299 designed marriage to be the closest of all human relationships. God intends for marriage to be an 00:01:40.299 --> 00:01:50.120 intimate, mutually fulfilling, and rewarding relationship between one man and one woman. 00:01:50.120 --> 00:01:57.760 That is God's goal for marriage. That's God's goal for your marriage. Now, over the past seven weeks, 00:01:57.800 --> 00:02:04.660 we've been looking at some of God's goals for us as Christians in terms of developing Christian 00:02:04.660 --> 00:02:11.000 character. We've been looking at that in Colossians chapter 3, verses 1 through 17. Well, I want us just to 00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:19.680 continue on in this section of Colossians and look specifically at some of God's goals for us at home, 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:27.920 and at work. Today, we're going to look at God's goals for the home, husbands and wives. Next week, 00:02:28.020 --> 00:02:32.900 Lord willing, we'll look at God's goals for the home, parents and children. Then the third week, 00:02:33.300 --> 00:02:42.980 God's goal for Christians at work. But God's goal for every marriage, your marriage, is that it be an 00:02:42.979 --> 00:02:55.280 intimate, mutually fulfilling, and rewarding relationship for you as the husband and for you 00:02:55.280 --> 00:03:05.859 as the wife. As I said, Genesis 2, 24, that's the foundational passage. That describes the kind of 00:03:05.859 --> 00:03:11.780 foundation that must be laid in order to experience that kind of marriage. So I want to begin there. 00:03:11.780 --> 00:03:16.860 I want us to think of this in terms of God's design for marriage. Look at it again. 00:03:17.259 --> 00:03:22.180 Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become 00:03:22.180 --> 00:03:30.099 one flesh. I want us to look quickly because this is not the main point of the message, but I think it's very 00:03:30.099 --> 00:03:36.780 important. Foundational. Three foundational principles. I've adapted these from Chuck Swindoll. 00:03:36.780 --> 00:03:47.920 Number one, the principle of severance. First thing, foundation for marriage. Leave your father and 00:03:47.920 --> 00:03:57.080 mother. He's talking to both husband and wife. All of this goes both ways. In order for a new home to 00:03:57.080 --> 00:04:03.560 begin properly, you've got to leave your father and mother. And that means more than just moving out, 00:04:03.560 --> 00:04:11.960 moving out on your own. It requires that both husband and wife cut the tight, emotionally dependent 00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:20.079 strings that held you close to your parents. Where you found your, what you might call basic support 00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:31.659 and security really as you grew up. When we get married, we are establishing a new family, a new home. 00:04:33.279 --> 00:04:44.560 And God's design is that our spouse will supply that basic support and security, not our parents. 00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:50.339 Now, it's important to understand that when we come together as husbands and wives, we start that new 00:04:50.339 --> 00:04:56.860 home. Your spouse is the most important person in your life. We all still need other relationships. 00:04:58.060 --> 00:05:07.800 We all need friends. We need family. And hopefully, ideally, these other relationships will include our 00:05:07.800 --> 00:05:19.079 parents. Hopefully, we can enjoy as a married couple, a close and healthy relationship with both sets of 00:05:19.079 --> 00:05:29.199 parents. Doesn't always happen. A lot of different reasons. But ideally, leaving father and mother doesn't 00:05:29.199 --> 00:05:37.699 mean forget about them. In a good, healthy Christian home, there can and should be healthy, 00:05:37.800 --> 00:05:47.340 healthy relationship with parents. But I want to make it clear. Our relationship with our spouse 00:05:47.340 --> 00:05:55.800 should be the closest and most important relationship in our life after our relationship with the Lord. 00:05:56.500 --> 00:06:06.379 That's the principle of severance. Look at the next one. The principle of permanence. Hold fast or be united. 00:06:06.379 --> 00:06:15.379 The old translations cleave. The word translated, hold fast, refers to the strongest of all unions. 00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:22.240 Sort of like being glued together or being welded together. Now, this requires that we think of our 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:34.180 commitment to our spouse. It's permanent. It's until death separates us. That means we've got to work 00:06:34.180 --> 00:06:39.980 together to solve problems. And every marriage has problems. It's not wrong. It's not admitting a 00:06:39.980 --> 00:06:46.840 weakness to say, we've had our issues. We have things we have to work on. In fact, the person who says, 00:06:46.939 --> 00:06:53.480 my spouse and I, we have never had a disagreement. We never argue about anything. They lie about other 00:06:53.480 --> 00:07:06.020 things as well. Now, this principle of permanence. The idea is when problems arise, we're committed to 00:07:06.020 --> 00:07:14.060 working on the problem. When we're hurt, we're committed to dealing with it, healing the hurt. 00:07:14.060 --> 00:07:25.280 When we're disappointed. We're committed to hang in there and just get over it. Now, to do this, 00:07:25.819 --> 00:07:34.360 it requires a lot of patience, doesn't it? It requires a lot of love. One word, don't forget, 00:07:34.360 --> 00:07:42.980 perseverance. A marriage that's going to be permanent, like we're talking about here, truly one, 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:50.939 well together, cleaving together. You're in it for the long haul. You've got to learn to persevere, 00:07:51.379 --> 00:07:56.319 hang in there with one another. Now, this third principle, the principle of unity, 00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:04.459 this little phrase, become one flesh. We need to think of one, becoming one flesh in two ways here. 00:08:04.740 --> 00:08:11.420 It describes the physical or sexual union, which is a very important part of marriage. It also 00:08:11.420 --> 00:08:20.980 describes an emotional and spiritual union. Now, some people might even use the word soulmate 00:08:20.980 --> 00:08:33.240 here. And that's good. That should be the goal. A biblical word is companionship. Companionship is 00:08:33.240 --> 00:08:39.000 one of the main reasons God designed marriage according to Genesis 2.18. Look at this. Then the 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:45.259 Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. That's the first thing in all of creation 00:08:45.259 --> 00:08:52.419 that God says it's not good. Or the first thing that God says that it's anything but good. 00:08:54.100 --> 00:09:00.340 It's not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper fit for him or suitable to him or 00:09:00.340 --> 00:09:07.200 corresponding to him. God created human beings with a need for companionship. 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:18.780 And such companionship, the story goes in Genesis 2. That kind of companionship, that need can't 00:09:18.780 --> 00:09:31.220 be met with an animal, with a dog, certainly not a cat. That need can only be met by another 00:09:31.220 --> 00:09:39.399 human being. And for most people, God intends for that need to be met in a marriage relationship, 00:09:40.100 --> 00:09:48.519 and I must say in this day and time, with someone of the opposite sex. That is the only God-designed 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:57.980 marriage. A biological man, a biological woman. Phrases that were never necessary until recently. 00:09:57.980 --> 00:10:06.580 Now, if you want to experience the blessings of an intimate, mutually fulfilling, and rewarding 00:10:06.580 --> 00:10:15.800 marriage, pray and work to that end. It's not going to happen automatically for anyone. We've got to 00:10:15.800 --> 00:10:23.300 work at it. We've got to seek God's help and do it God's way. And just as a reminder, put your spouse 00:10:23.299 --> 00:10:32.659 first. Put your spouse first. Put your spouse first before your parents and before your children. 00:10:34.659 --> 00:10:39.879 Some people, that could just be a whole message in and of itself. But I want you to understand, 00:10:39.879 --> 00:10:48.459 if the closest human being in this world to you is one of your children and you're married, 00:10:48.460 --> 00:10:53.540 that is not healthy. You are wrong. 00:10:56.540 --> 00:11:06.320 I will debate you just from this passage. The most important human being in this world to you, 00:11:06.480 --> 00:11:15.019 the one who should be first in your life, is your spouse, not your child. And if it is your child, 00:11:15.019 --> 00:11:18.840 you're teaching your child how to be a poor spouse themselves. 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:28.879 You want this kind of marriage that God designed it to be. And everybody does if you're married. 00:11:29.879 --> 00:11:37.559 You want that kind of relationship. Intimate, mutually fulfilling, rewarding. Put your spouse first. 00:11:38.860 --> 00:11:42.860 Be more committed to making your marriage a success than anything else in your life. 00:11:42.860 --> 00:11:51.560 There's a lot of people who will do whatever it takes to be successful in a career, to be successful in making money. 00:11:53.820 --> 00:12:04.120 But they will do as little as they can toward making their marriage a success as God spells success. 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:07.180 Number three, share your life with your spouse. 00:12:07.179 --> 00:12:12.959 Truly seek with God's help to become soul mates. 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:15.500 That's the foundation for Christian marriage. 00:12:16.419 --> 00:12:19.899 What we see in Colossians 3 that we're going to be looking at a little bit later on 00:12:19.899 --> 00:12:22.879 is how God intends for Christian marriages to function. 00:12:23.939 --> 00:12:26.779 But before we get there, let's do a very quick review. 00:12:27.239 --> 00:12:31.299 God's instructions for Christian relationships, period. 00:12:32.299 --> 00:12:34.319 Or Christian relationships in general. 00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:40.540 That's what we've been looking at for the past several weeks in chapter 3, verses 12 through 17 of Colossians. 00:12:42.180 --> 00:12:49.300 What we've been looking at applies to the way we treat people who we go to church with. 00:12:50.420 --> 00:12:53.000 How we treat people in some ways in general. 00:12:53.000 --> 00:13:01.320 But especially what we've been looking at about developing Christian character should apply to how we treat people in our home. 00:13:02.700 --> 00:13:05.840 Our spouse, our children, our parents. 00:13:06.700 --> 00:13:09.539 I want you to look at verses 12 through 14 one more time. 00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:10.539 It'll be on the screen. 00:13:10.539 --> 00:13:13.959 This is a command. 00:13:14.139 --> 00:13:16.639 This is instructions to all Christians. 00:13:17.399 --> 00:13:23.500 Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts. 00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:29.259 Kindness, humility, meekness, or gentleness, it's often translated. 00:13:30.019 --> 00:13:30.919 And patience. 00:13:31.819 --> 00:13:33.000 Bearing with one another. 00:13:33.000 --> 00:13:37.179 And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other. 00:13:37.700 --> 00:13:41.820 As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 00:13:42.320 --> 00:13:47.460 And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 00:13:48.460 --> 00:13:57.139 Home should be our practice field for developing such Christ-like character qualities. 00:13:57.139 --> 00:14:03.539 Now, let's look at how God intends for Christian marriages to function. 00:14:04.779 --> 00:14:07.759 God's instructions for wives, verse 18. 00:14:08.740 --> 00:14:13.580 Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. 00:14:14.100 --> 00:14:17.059 We're going to start with a word that's already caused some women in here. 00:14:17.220 --> 00:14:19.379 Your blood pressure to rise. 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:22.340 We're not going to dodge it. 00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:23.200 The word submit. 00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:27.540 And I want to begin by pointing out what the word does not mean. 00:14:28.200 --> 00:14:35.259 Because there are some men in here who do not have a clue what biblical submission means. 00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:38.560 And so we're going to look at this first. 00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:41.820 Submission number one does not mean obey. 00:14:43.180 --> 00:14:45.879 Paul tells children in verse 20 to obey. 00:14:46.740 --> 00:14:47.840 Obey their parents. 00:14:48.280 --> 00:14:50.980 He tells slaves to obey their masters in verse 22. 00:14:50.980 --> 00:14:57.139 But he does not use the word obey in describing how wives should respond to their husbands. 00:14:57.980 --> 00:14:59.500 Some people have the idea. 00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:02.820 The wrong idea. 00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:05.460 The wife's supposed to obey her husband. 00:15:05.820 --> 00:15:06.080 No. 00:15:07.539 --> 00:15:07.980 Not. 00:15:09.100 --> 00:15:09.500 Number two. 00:15:09.779 --> 00:15:11.700 Submission does not mean inferior. 00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:14.019 Both men and women are created in the image of God. 00:15:14.180 --> 00:15:16.960 We've looked at that countless times from Genesis 127. 00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:20.160 All people are created in the image of God. 00:15:20.259 --> 00:15:28.220 That means all people are of equal worth and value and dignity and whatever other words you want to put in there. 00:15:29.379 --> 00:15:34.040 Husbands and wives are completely 100% equally created in the image of God. 00:15:34.580 --> 00:15:36.019 100% equal. 00:15:37.160 --> 00:15:40.259 Both men and women are equal in Christ. 00:15:40.259 --> 00:15:43.879 I want you to look at what Paul says in Galatians 3.28. 00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:46.460 There's neither Jew nor Greek. 00:15:46.819 --> 00:15:48.559 There's neither slave nor free. 00:15:48.939 --> 00:15:50.779 There's no male and female. 00:15:50.939 --> 00:15:54.720 For you are all one in Christ Jesus. 00:15:56.179 --> 00:15:57.939 He is writing to the church. 00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:01.539 We saw something similar in Colossians 3.11. 00:16:02.899 --> 00:16:04.460 He is writing to the church. 00:16:04.460 --> 00:16:11.360 And in the church, we are all united to Christ. 00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:15.000 We're all equal brothers and sisters. 00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:27.400 There is no hierarchy in the church in terms of because of a certain race or socioeconomic level or gender. 00:16:27.399 --> 00:16:35.840 None of that makes you more important or less than someone else. 00:16:37.439 --> 00:16:43.699 All Christians are equal children of God just as all Christians are created equally in the image of God. 00:16:44.939 --> 00:16:45.579 One more thing. 00:16:46.079 --> 00:16:49.399 Submission is not absolute or unqualified. 00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:52.579 I want to make this real clear. 00:16:52.580 --> 00:16:59.780 A wife does not have to submit to a husband who would lead her or her children into sin or abuse. 00:17:01.560 --> 00:17:02.840 I want to repeat that. 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:10.720 A wife does not, should not submit to a husband who would lead her or her children into sin or abuse. 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:15.519 The Lord's own apostles. 00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.420 Early church leaders. 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:23.740 They set this example for everyone who is under authority. 00:17:25.120 --> 00:17:31.819 They were under the authority of the civil governmental leaders. 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:34.000 The Jewish leaders. 00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:37.299 And they were ordered. 00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:41.000 Stop preaching in the name of Jesus. 00:17:41.220 --> 00:17:42.460 No longer preach. 00:17:42.579 --> 00:17:43.619 Talk about Jesus. 00:17:46.099 --> 00:17:47.960 Well, here's how they responded. 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:49.180 Look at it on the screen. 00:17:50.339 --> 00:17:54.339 They said, we must obey God rather than men. 00:17:54.339 --> 00:17:56.599 In any place in life. 00:17:57.599 --> 00:18:07.959 When someone who is over us tells us to do something that we know would be sin against God, we should not do it. 00:18:08.639 --> 00:18:10.599 It would be wrong for us to do it. 00:18:11.099 --> 00:18:13.919 Because we're always called to obey God rather than men. 00:18:14.939 --> 00:18:16.419 And that includes a Christian wife. 00:18:16.420 --> 00:18:28.420 A Christian wife should not submit to a husband who would say or do something to cause her to sin against God. 00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:31.680 To cause harm to herself or her children. 00:18:33.259 --> 00:18:37.539 It's important for us to understand what submission does not mean. 00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:42.519 But it is also important for us to understand that submission does mean something. 00:18:43.019 --> 00:18:43.820 So let's look at it. 00:18:43.819 --> 00:18:53.220 A wife should submit to her husband's leadership because she recognizes this is God's intended structure for the home. 00:18:54.859 --> 00:18:58.559 Every institution must have leadership. 00:18:59.419 --> 00:19:02.119 There's got to be some type of leadership structure. 00:19:03.399 --> 00:19:09.139 Well, God has ordained the husband to be the leader of the home. 00:19:09.140 --> 00:19:14.840 Now that's just the way God ordained it to be. 00:19:16.780 --> 00:19:18.820 That we don't get a choice in that. 00:19:20.120 --> 00:19:23.060 It's a part of God's created order. 00:19:24.980 --> 00:19:31.220 And we as Christians must accept that's God's created order. 00:19:31.220 --> 00:19:43.960 But that does not undermine in any way the fact that both husband and wife are equal before God and equal in Christ. 00:19:44.819 --> 00:19:48.100 For example, God exists as three persons. 00:19:48.519 --> 00:19:50.039 Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:54.279 All three persons are equally God. 00:19:54.360 --> 00:19:55.640 That's the doctrine of the Trinity. 00:19:55.640 --> 00:20:04.300 But Jesus repeatedly said throughout His earthly ministry that He submitted Himself to the Father. 00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:08.720 He said things like He came to do the Father's will. 00:20:10.020 --> 00:20:17.160 Because Jesus submitted Himself to His Father does not make Jesus any less than fully God. 00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:26.660 A wife who submits to her husband is still His equal in every way. 00:20:27.740 --> 00:20:31.800 It's also important for us to understand the way this word submit here is written. 00:20:31.980 --> 00:20:34.960 It's talking about a voluntary kind of submission. 00:20:35.420 --> 00:20:41.259 And it can be, as sometimes is translated, wives, submit yourselves. 00:20:41.259 --> 00:20:52.940 This means, husbands, you're not to demand that your wife submit to you. 00:20:55.319 --> 00:20:57.339 Do not go home today, men. 00:20:58.980 --> 00:21:02.160 Look at your wife on the way home and say, did you hear what he was talking about today? 00:21:03.420 --> 00:21:04.640 He was talking to you. 00:21:06.759 --> 00:21:09.119 If your husband says that, he's an idiot. 00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:12.199 He got it all wrong. 00:21:15.259 --> 00:21:22.259 But it does say to you, wives, submit yourselves. 00:21:24.419 --> 00:21:27.000 By the way, husbands, we'll look at this in detail in a moment. 00:21:27.939 --> 00:21:36.399 God intends for you to so love your wife that she gladly chooses to submit to your loving leadership. 00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:39.340 We're going to come to that again, but I need to throw it in here as well. 00:21:40.380 --> 00:21:45.500 The main reason a Christian wife will choose to submit to her husband's leadership is given in this verse. 00:21:45.620 --> 00:21:46.019 Look at it. 00:21:46.340 --> 00:21:48.920 Submission is a part of being faithful to the Lord. 00:21:49.600 --> 00:21:53.940 Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:58.600 It means what is proper or right as a Christian. 00:21:59.740 --> 00:22:05.519 Submitting to a husband's leadership is a part of a wife's commitment to the Lord. 00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:08.680 Now, I want to just be real honest here. 00:22:10.599 --> 00:22:19.500 For some wives in this room, your husband may not be worthy of you submitting to his leadership. 00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:21.879 He may be lazy. 00:22:23.180 --> 00:22:25.059 He may shirk his responsibility. 00:22:26.660 --> 00:22:29.639 He may not be willing to make decisions. 00:22:30.740 --> 00:22:32.980 You may be smarter than him. 00:22:32.980 --> 00:22:41.380 He may not be worthy of your submitting to his leadership. 00:22:42.500 --> 00:22:49.259 But I want you to think, he's not the one that you're really ultimately doing it for. 00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:52.440 You're doing it as a part of your service to the Lord. 00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:55.579 Part of being faithful to him. 00:22:55.579 --> 00:23:06.859 Now, the key for making God's structure, what we're looking at in the home work and work well, is a husband's love. 00:23:07.639 --> 00:23:08.539 So let's move on now. 00:23:08.779 --> 00:23:11.039 God's instructions for husbands in verse 19. 00:23:11.419 --> 00:23:14.919 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:19.819 The best commentary on this is what Paul said in Ephesians chapter 5. 00:23:19.819 --> 00:23:28.399 In Ephesians 5, Paul expands on this statement, husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:33.579 I want to show you just one verse, Ephesians 5, 25. 00:23:34.779 --> 00:23:42.659 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:23:42.660 --> 00:23:53.060 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life. 00:23:53.480 --> 00:24:00.880 We're talking about a self-giving, sacrificial love. 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:13.200 We're talking about a love that is focused on seeking to discover and meet the needs of your wife regardless of what it costs you. 00:24:16.180 --> 00:24:17.920 That's the kind of love we're talking about. 00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:21.380 Now, notice the last part or second part. 00:24:22.380 --> 00:24:23.500 And do not be harsh with them. 00:24:23.500 --> 00:24:35.980 Most likely, Paul is issuing a warning to husbands not to resent the fact that they have a God-given responsibility to love their wives. 00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:45.539 And he warns them this way because in that day, in the first century, husbands didn't have responsibilities. 00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:48.579 Husbands had rights. 00:24:48.579 --> 00:24:52.099 It was a man's world in every way. 00:24:53.500 --> 00:24:59.059 Men in Paul's day, they weren't used to be told. 00:25:00.200 --> 00:25:10.900 They had responsibilities in the marriage and a responsibility to love and not be harsh. 00:25:12.359 --> 00:25:14.619 But Christianity changed all that. 00:25:14.619 --> 00:25:26.619 Paul put all of his emphasis on a husband's responsibility to his wife, not his rights. 00:25:29.319 --> 00:25:43.859 We, men in this room, as a Christian husband, we are supposed to major on loving our wives in a self-giving, sacrificial kind of way. 00:25:43.859 --> 00:25:47.799 We are not men, husbands. 00:25:48.259 --> 00:25:50.619 We are not just leaders. 00:25:51.679 --> 00:25:59.619 We are to be servant leaders, just like Jesus taught and modeled for us. 00:26:00.899 --> 00:26:07.979 The emphasis of these verses of the husband-wife relationship is all about responsibility, not rights. 00:26:07.980 --> 00:26:08.059 Husbands. 00:26:10.120 --> 00:26:13.339 That's what husbands and wives, that's what we need to think about. 00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:16.680 We need to think about our responsibility. 00:26:19.319 --> 00:26:21.160 What we're called to do. 00:26:21.779 --> 00:26:23.440 What God wants us to do. 00:26:24.539 --> 00:26:25.720 What we're to give. 00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:28.579 Not just be thinking about what we are to get. 00:26:28.579 --> 00:26:37.500 A home is on shaky ground if a husband and wife is constantly thinking about insisting on their rights. 00:26:38.460 --> 00:26:40.019 Getting their way. 00:26:41.960 --> 00:26:52.339 God intends for us to focus on meeting the needs of our spouse through loving service and sacrifice. 00:26:52.339 --> 00:26:58.319 And when we do that, our needs will get met in the process. 00:26:59.220 --> 00:27:03.319 I don't know what's going on in anybody's home in this building right now. 00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:11.139 But I want to say to you, it'll be better. 00:27:11.140 --> 00:27:17.920 If you will think about that person that you live with and call your husband or your wife. 00:27:19.500 --> 00:27:21.720 Really and truly seek to know them. 00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:23.580 Who they are. 00:27:25.060 --> 00:27:26.580 What makes them tick. 00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:30.740 Look for their needs. 00:27:31.520 --> 00:27:33.220 That you are able to meet. 00:27:34.120 --> 00:27:37.280 And give of yourself, your time, your heart. 00:27:38.280 --> 00:27:40.860 Seeking to meet their needs. 00:27:41.140 --> 00:27:43.540 As a way of honoring God. 00:27:44.060 --> 00:27:46.200 As a way of expressing your love to them. 00:27:49.620 --> 00:27:51.460 And I have no doubt. 00:27:52.120 --> 00:27:54.640 That if you do that consistently. 00:27:56.120 --> 00:27:57.680 With the right attitude. 00:27:58.780 --> 00:28:00.620 You will find. 00:28:01.140 --> 00:28:03.540 That your needs are being met. 00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:05.340 In the process. 00:28:06.340 --> 00:28:09.900 A spouse who is the object of their spouse's. 00:28:09.900 --> 00:28:12.480 Love and attention and service. 00:28:13.820 --> 00:28:15.300 They are going to give back. 00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:19.120 They are going to try to outdo. 00:28:19.580 --> 00:28:20.620 In love. 00:28:21.620 --> 00:28:23.660 That kind of spouse. 00:28:23.660 --> 00:28:25.540 Now. 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:27.880 Let's think about this. 00:28:27.960 --> 00:28:29.620 How it's going to play out at home. 00:28:30.620 --> 00:28:34.420 What would it look like when husbands lovingly lead and wives submit? 00:28:34.420 --> 00:28:39.360 Well, Tim Keller points out how God gives us a lot of freedom. 00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:41.859 For working out how. 00:28:41.859 --> 00:28:42.459 How practically. 00:28:42.459 --> 00:28:42.699 How practically. 00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:46.000 Husbands and wives live out their roles in the home. 00:28:46.419 --> 00:28:47.699 Look with me at what he says. 00:28:48.539 --> 00:28:48.759 He says. 00:28:48.939 --> 00:28:50.459 While the principle is clear. 00:28:51.240 --> 00:28:53.059 That the husband is to be the servant leader. 00:28:53.459 --> 00:28:56.359 And have ultimate responsibility and authority in the family. 00:28:56.939 --> 00:29:00.159 The Bible gives almost no details about how. 00:29:00.639 --> 00:29:01.659 That is expressed. 00:29:02.099 --> 00:29:03.379 In concrete behavior. 00:29:03.380 --> 00:29:03.860 Therefore. 00:29:05.060 --> 00:29:08.720 Every couple must work out how that will be expressed. 00:29:09.140 --> 00:29:11.220 Within their marriage. 00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:16.860 Christian husbands and wives can be faithful to God's structure for the home. 00:29:17.300 --> 00:29:19.180 In a variety of ways. 00:29:20.300 --> 00:29:23.480 There is no one size fits all for how you do this. 00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:25.200 In this room right now. 00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:28.779 I have no doubt that many couples. 00:29:29.539 --> 00:29:32.080 Are following these guidelines. 00:29:33.140 --> 00:29:34.580 But we do it in. 00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:36.920 Different ways. 00:29:38.980 --> 00:29:41.180 There's one way that will not work. 00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:43.960 And that's for the husband to think. 00:29:44.380 --> 00:29:46.039 He should make all the decisions. 00:29:47.299 --> 00:29:48.740 I know of one husband. 00:29:48.740 --> 00:29:50.779 He told his wife early in their marriage. 00:29:50.920 --> 00:29:53.100 That he was the king of the home. 00:29:53.099 --> 00:29:55.859 And that he would be making all the decisions. 00:29:57.019 --> 00:29:59.279 The wife took his crown. 00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:01.519 And beat him within an inch of his life. 00:30:03.139 --> 00:30:05.219 I've got some scars to prove it. 00:30:08.599 --> 00:30:10.619 I did have to learn a lot of things the hard way. 00:30:10.699 --> 00:30:11.519 When we first got married. 00:30:13.639 --> 00:30:15.339 A husband who thinks like that. 00:30:15.679 --> 00:30:17.779 And there are guys who think like that. 00:30:19.459 --> 00:30:20.899 But a husband who thinks like that. 00:30:20.899 --> 00:30:21.699 Is not a leader. 00:30:21.700 --> 00:30:24.160 He is an insecure moron. 00:30:24.840 --> 00:30:26.259 And I'm as serious as a heart attack. 00:30:28.200 --> 00:30:29.960 A man who thinks like that. 00:30:30.980 --> 00:30:32.039 I'm the boss. 00:30:32.180 --> 00:30:33.039 I'm the dictator. 00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:34.100 I'm in charge. 00:30:34.220 --> 00:30:35.279 I'll make the decisions. 00:30:35.400 --> 00:30:36.880 I'll let you know what's what. 00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:39.380 You are a fool if that's the way you think. 00:30:42.100 --> 00:30:43.120 You are insecure. 00:30:44.539 --> 00:30:46.640 You have all kinds of problems. 00:30:46.779 --> 00:30:48.680 And you're causing all kinds of problems. 00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:49.660 In your home. 00:30:49.660 --> 00:30:53.080 You are an ungodly model. 00:30:53.080 --> 00:30:54.680 To your children. 00:30:55.180 --> 00:30:56.200 And to any other children. 00:30:56.200 --> 00:30:57.759 That you have any kind of influence over. 00:30:58.380 --> 00:30:59.759 I won't say that as strongly. 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:01.860 As I can possibly say it. 00:31:02.340 --> 00:31:04.400 Because there are some Christian men. 00:31:04.800 --> 00:31:05.340 Who don't. 00:31:05.480 --> 00:31:06.420 Do not have a clue. 00:31:06.420 --> 00:31:08.180 As to what the scripture actually teaches. 00:31:10.500 --> 00:31:12.380 Who do more harm than good. 00:31:12.440 --> 00:31:13.440 To the kingdom of God. 00:31:13.540 --> 00:31:14.540 In the name of Christ. 00:31:14.539 --> 00:31:16.279 That kind of attitude. 00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:19.599 A wise husband leader. 00:31:19.940 --> 00:31:20.460 Recognizes. 00:31:20.839 --> 00:31:22.399 That his wife has knowledge. 00:31:23.019 --> 00:31:23.639 Wisdom. 00:31:24.359 --> 00:31:25.119 Experience. 00:31:26.159 --> 00:31:27.559 And the ability to think. 00:31:27.619 --> 00:31:28.059 And reason. 00:31:28.180 --> 00:31:29.000 Just like he does. 00:31:30.339 --> 00:31:31.960 A wise husband leader. 00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:33.159 Knows. 00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:34.539 He does not know everything. 00:31:35.379 --> 00:31:36.920 Therefore a wise husband. 00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:38.899 Will value. 00:31:39.099 --> 00:31:39.539 His wife's. 00:31:40.259 --> 00:31:40.779 Input. 00:31:41.220 --> 00:31:41.700 Input. 00:31:41.700 --> 00:31:43.019 On all the decisions. 00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:45.039 That affect. 00:31:45.039 --> 00:31:46.279 Their lives. 00:31:47.340 --> 00:31:48.279 And a wise husband. 00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:49.940 Will follow the lead. 00:31:51.140 --> 00:31:52.440 Of his wife. 00:31:53.380 --> 00:31:54.819 When he knows. 00:31:55.680 --> 00:31:57.500 She has more knowledge. 00:31:57.819 --> 00:31:58.500 Experience. 00:31:58.700 --> 00:31:59.519 Expertise. 00:31:59.740 --> 00:32:00.279 Wisdom. 00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:01.700 About this matter. 00:32:03.319 --> 00:32:03.960 Lisa and I. 00:32:04.039 --> 00:32:05.180 Have been making joint decisions. 00:32:05.180 --> 00:32:05.759 Like this. 00:32:05.819 --> 00:32:06.920 For over 41. 00:32:07.740 --> 00:32:08.259 Years. 00:32:09.220 --> 00:32:10.640 And this worked well. 00:32:11.700 --> 00:32:12.980 Sometimes. 00:32:12.980 --> 00:32:14.319 She knows more. 00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:15.220 About a situation. 00:32:15.220 --> 00:32:15.920 Than I do. 00:32:16.080 --> 00:32:17.019 And I trust her. 00:32:17.100 --> 00:32:18.240 To take the lead. 00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:20.200 Every now and then. 00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:21.080 I know more. 00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:23.000 And she trusts me. 00:32:23.039 --> 00:32:23.819 To take the lead. 00:32:25.240 --> 00:32:26.160 But there is. 00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:28.240 One way. 00:32:28.279 --> 00:32:28.700 A husband. 00:32:28.700 --> 00:32:30.180 Needs to always lead. 00:32:31.120 --> 00:32:31.960 And that is. 00:32:32.039 --> 00:32:33.600 By taking responsibility. 00:32:34.920 --> 00:32:35.960 Take responsibility. 00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:37.160 For the decisions. 00:32:37.160 --> 00:32:38.680 You jointly make. 00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:40.180 Even if your wife. 00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:41.539 Sort of let out in it. 00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:43.080 And it didn't turn out well. 00:32:45.400 --> 00:32:46.880 If you're a real leader. 00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:49.779 You're not going to blame your wife. 00:32:50.740 --> 00:32:52.480 When things don't turn out well. 00:32:53.759 --> 00:32:55.420 If you're a real leader. 00:32:56.740 --> 00:32:58.279 You'll think in terms of. 00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:00.259 We were right. 00:33:00.940 --> 00:33:01.420 Or. 00:33:01.960 --> 00:33:02.259 We. 00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:03.580 Were wrong. 00:33:03.579 --> 00:33:06.359 God's goal. 00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:07.279 Was for your marriage. 00:33:07.379 --> 00:33:07.799 To be. 00:33:08.799 --> 00:33:09.679 An intimate. 00:33:11.199 --> 00:33:12.439 Mutually fulfilling. 00:33:12.699 --> 00:33:13.500 And rewarding. 00:33:14.159 --> 00:33:14.759 Relationship. 00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:17.299 And by God's grace. 00:33:17.379 --> 00:33:18.839 And only by God's grace. 00:33:20.439 --> 00:33:21.579 It can be. 00:33:23.579 --> 00:33:25.000 By God's grace. 00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:26.639 With the help of the indwelling. 00:33:27.059 --> 00:33:27.439 Spirit. 00:33:27.579 --> 00:33:28.159 Who lives in you. 00:33:28.220 --> 00:33:28.779 If you're a Christian. 00:33:28.779 --> 00:33:31.420 You can enjoy such a marriage. 00:33:31.480 --> 00:33:32.819 By following God's design. 00:33:33.379 --> 00:33:34.920 And God's structure. 00:33:36.460 --> 00:33:37.680 But the final thought. 00:33:39.119 --> 00:33:41.200 Remember the key ingredient. 00:33:41.960 --> 00:33:43.399 In all relationships. 00:33:44.399 --> 00:33:45.440 Is love. 00:33:46.420 --> 00:33:47.319 Paul says. 00:33:47.859 --> 00:33:49.099 And above all these. 00:33:49.859 --> 00:33:51.099 Put on love. 00:33:51.639 --> 00:33:54.160 Which binds everything together. 00:33:54.879 --> 00:33:56.759 In perfect harmony. 00:33:57.700 --> 00:33:58.660 Let's pray together. 00:33:59.579 --> 00:34:00.019 Father. 00:34:02.759 --> 00:34:03.839 Show us now. 00:34:05.180 --> 00:34:06.440 What we need to do. 00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:07.460 As individuals. 00:34:11.219 --> 00:34:12.539 To experience. 00:34:13.460 --> 00:34:14.300 The kind of home. 00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:14.599 That. 00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:16.679 You want us to have. 00:34:17.579 --> 00:34:19.360 And we want to experience it as well. 00:34:22.139 --> 00:34:23.119 Help us father. 00:34:24.340 --> 00:34:25.659 To confess sin. 00:34:25.779 --> 00:34:27.159 To you and to our spouse. 00:34:27.159 --> 00:34:27.299 Help us. 00:34:28.299 --> 00:34:30.179 Help us to truly repent. 00:34:30.839 --> 00:34:32.139 Change our mind. 00:34:32.279 --> 00:34:32.980 Where we need to. 00:34:33.399 --> 00:34:34.819 Change the way that we're. 00:34:35.899 --> 00:34:36.579 Acting. 00:34:36.819 --> 00:34:37.059 Living. 00:34:37.379 --> 00:34:38.139 Treating that. 00:34:39.059 --> 00:34:39.579 Spouse. 00:34:41.839 --> 00:34:43.019 Help us father. 00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:45.980 To put our spouse. 00:34:46.699 --> 00:34:47.139 First. 00:34:47.139 --> 00:34:47.559 First. 00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:51.079 Help us. 00:34:51.079 --> 00:34:51.299 Lord. 00:34:51.299 --> 00:34:53.960 To be committed. 00:34:53.960 --> 00:34:55.199 To our marriage. 00:34:55.799 --> 00:34:56.799 And it being everything. 00:34:56.799 --> 00:34:58.099 That you want it to be. 00:35:01.099 --> 00:35:02.619 Help us father to. 00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:05.559 Put forth the effort. 00:35:05.659 --> 00:35:06.440 Every day. 00:35:06.980 --> 00:35:08.480 To share life. 00:35:08.679 --> 00:35:08.859 With. 00:35:09.259 --> 00:35:10.039 Our mate. 00:35:10.039 --> 00:35:12.099 And truly. 00:35:12.099 --> 00:35:12.179 And truly. 00:35:13.739 --> 00:35:14.300 Become. 00:35:15.300 --> 00:35:16.179 Grow in. 00:35:17.219 --> 00:35:17.940 A relationship. 00:35:18.279 --> 00:35:18.659 That is. 00:35:21.059 --> 00:35:21.659 Intimate. 00:35:24.259 --> 00:35:25.320 That is truly. 00:35:25.719 --> 00:35:26.159 Fulfilling. 00:35:29.500 --> 00:35:30.420 Help us father. 00:35:30.500 --> 00:35:31.039 To understand. 00:35:31.239 --> 00:35:32.199 Our role in the home. 00:35:33.500 --> 00:35:34.519 The structure. 00:35:34.519 --> 00:35:36.000 That you have ordained. 00:35:36.099 --> 00:35:36.559 For the home. 00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:39.659 Help us father. 00:35:39.820 --> 00:35:39.980 To. 00:35:40.460 --> 00:35:41.139 Be faithful. 00:35:41.420 --> 00:35:41.699 There. 00:35:43.539 --> 00:35:44.519 Help husbands. 00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:45.480 To be loving. 00:35:46.119 --> 00:35:46.719 Leader. 00:35:47.079 --> 00:35:47.679 Servants. 00:35:48.659 --> 00:35:49.299 Help wives. 00:35:49.420 --> 00:35:50.019 To submit. 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:53.000 To choose. 00:35:53.119 --> 00:35:53.579 To submit. 00:35:54.860 --> 00:35:56.019 To their husband. 00:35:56.699 --> 00:35:57.440 As a part. 00:35:57.539 --> 00:35:58.019 Of. 00:35:58.199 --> 00:35:58.639 Their commitment. 00:35:58.779 --> 00:35:59.099 To you. 00:36:01.519 --> 00:36:02.000 Father. 00:36:02.119 --> 00:36:03.059 Show each one of us. 00:36:03.139 --> 00:36:04.279 How we should respond. 00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:07.960 Help us to do that. 00:36:08.019 --> 00:36:08.460 Right now. 00:36:08.519 --> 00:36:09.059 Before you. 00:36:10.460 --> 00:36:11.599 And help us to have some. 00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:13.400 Heart to heart discussions. 00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:14.219 With our mate. 00:36:14.259 --> 00:36:15.139 If we need to. 00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:17.940 On the way home. 00:36:18.019 --> 00:36:18.460 We're at home. 00:36:18.539 --> 00:36:19.219 This afternoon. 00:36:20.699 --> 00:36:21.159 And let's just. 00:36:21.420 --> 00:36:22.259 In an attitude of prayer. 00:36:22.380 --> 00:36:23.079 Listen to the Lord. 00:36:23.159 --> 00:36:24.079 And respond to him. 00:36:25.659 --> 00:36:27.039 I'd be happy to pray with you. 00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:27.719 Here at the front. 00:36:27.779 --> 00:36:28.400 During this time. 00:36:28.500 --> 00:36:28.619 But. 00:36:29.579 --> 00:36:30.719 What's most important. 00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:31.940 Is obeying the Lord. 00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:32.599 As he speaks. 00:36:32.900 --> 00:36:33.460 Let's do that. 00:36:33.460 --> 00:36:33.519 Amen. 00:36:33.519 --> 00:36:33.559 Amen. 00:36:33.559 --> 00:36:33.579 Amen. 00:36:33.579 --> 00:36:33.619 Amen. 00:36:33.619 --> 00:36:33.659 Amen. 00:36:33.659 --> 00:36:33.679 Amen. 00:36:33.679 --> 00:36:33.699 Amen. 00:36:33.699 --> 00:36:33.739 Amen. 00:36:33.739 --> 00:36:33.779 Amen. 00:36:33.779 --> 00:36:33.799 Amen. 00:36:33.799 --> 00:36:34.739 Amen. 00:36:34.739 --> 00:36:35.619 Amen. 00:36:35.619 --> 00:36:35.659 Amen. 00:36:35.659 --> 00:36:35.739 Amen. 00:36:35.739 --> 00:36:36.539 Amen.