WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.740 All right. Okay, let's pray. Lord, we thank you for gathering us as your people, and we just ask 00:00:05.740 --> 00:00:09.859 now that you would help us to be counselors, counselors to one another, to receive counseling 00:00:09.859 --> 00:00:15.460 as well, that you would give us the humility to know how much we need it and give us the love to 00:00:15.460 --> 00:00:24.800 give it. And so we pray that in Christ's name. Amen. So counseling and psychotherapy, everybody 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:29.780 in here will know, counseling and psychotherapy are far more popular than they've ever been. 00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:36.840 So people are going for counseling, going for psychotherapy far more today in January 2025 00:00:36.840 --> 00:00:44.040 than ever before in human history. And professional counseling is such a gift and a good quite often. 00:00:44.780 --> 00:00:53.340 And so we need trained practitioners who are capable of evaluating and diagnosing and prescribing care 00:00:53.340 --> 00:00:59.300 to the mental and corroborated physical problems that we have that lead to mental health issues 00:00:59.300 --> 00:01:05.320 and behavioral issues, right? So these things are really good. We need this. Biblical counseling 00:01:05.320 --> 00:01:12.000 is a discipline, is a practice that is in no way opposed to professional counseling or professional 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:20.680 psychotherapy, not at all. But biblical counseling is a Christian idea that really emphasizes the role 00:01:20.680 --> 00:01:27.000 of counseling and discipleship. So it's just an aspect of our discipleship. And it's an aspect of 00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:33.460 discipleship that's trying to hone in on the normalness of counseling in everyday ordinary life 00:01:33.460 --> 00:01:41.200 amongst Christians that we already do. And so biblical counseling in its oldest form is just a more 00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:48.580 concrete and more organized way of talking about a mom and her daughter's relationship, 00:01:48.579 --> 00:01:56.700 a sister and a sister, a dad and a son, a friend and a friend, right? We all have relationships of 00:01:56.700 --> 00:02:03.959 different kinds, siblings, family members, friendships, and we all do something like counseling with each 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:10.840 other. And so all we're talking about in this series is not, will you go and be a counselor? But 00:02:10.840 --> 00:02:18.520 because you are one, are you doing it well? Are you doing it and bringing at times foolish 00:02:18.520 --> 00:02:25.199 counsel, harmful counsel to people? So the Bible assumes that if you're a Christian, especially, but 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:31.140 humans, period, by way of our basic anthropology of what we are, we are counselors. We have to be, 00:02:31.580 --> 00:02:36.120 right? We are giving counsel all the time. And so the question here is how are we doing with it? 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:44.400 And so one of the things to say is like evangelism, counseling needs to be deprofessionalized, 00:02:45.080 --> 00:02:50.480 not exclusively deprofessionalized, but we need to acknowledge the normalness of it 00:02:50.480 --> 00:02:58.259 in everyday life more and more. And we need to really focus on that. So in the first, in your handout, 00:02:58.360 --> 00:03:04.599 the very first passage, Ephesians 4, 11 to 12, just to highlight this, so Christ gave 00:03:04.599 --> 00:03:12.259 the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors, the teachers. So he lists these offices 00:03:12.259 --> 00:03:17.419 that Jesus, these gifts that Jesus gives the church. So there are in the church, talked about 00:03:17.419 --> 00:03:21.819 this with our cohort group last night, there are people who are particularly gifted by the Holy 00:03:21.819 --> 00:03:32.060 Spirit to be evangelists and should be. And then in addition to that, what's the very next verse? 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:39.460 The very next verse says in verse 12 that he did that, he gives these gifts to equip everybody 00:03:39.460 --> 00:03:45.580 to do it too. And so in the same way, the deprofessionalization of evangelism, there need 00:03:45.580 --> 00:03:50.599 to be professional evangelists, career evangelists, so that they can help everybody evangelize. 00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:56.300 There need to be professional counselors and professional biblical counselors so that they 00:03:56.300 --> 00:04:00.620 can help everybody with counseling because we all have to do it and we all need to be doing 00:04:00.620 --> 00:04:07.980 it in our daily lives. So Richard Baxter, he's a 17th century Puritan, English Puritan pastor, 00:04:08.120 --> 00:04:16.660 very famous pastor in the 1600s. And he said, counseling is for resolving our doubts, for help 00:04:16.660 --> 00:04:21.680 against our sins, for direction in our duties, and for an increase in the knowledge of saving grace. 00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:27.439 So he said, counseling is just the normal kind of whoop and woof of everyday relationships between 00:04:27.439 --> 00:04:33.319 Christians. It should be the norm for our Christian relationships. And so, you know, when somebody in 00:04:33.319 --> 00:04:39.180 your life helps remind you that you are saved by grace, not your performance, that is Christian 00:04:39.180 --> 00:04:46.560 counseling. When somebody in your life helps you move from doubt about the existence of God to a 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:52.500 measure of certainty, that is Christian counseling. When somebody in your life wants to help you work on 00:04:52.500 --> 00:04:57.360 your anxiety through the lens of the gospel, that is biblical or Christian counseling. So that's the 00:04:57.360 --> 00:05:01.920 kind of stuff we're talking about. So we'll get more specific than that, but another word to use in 00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:06.759 the place of counseling is just pastoral care. That's been a more consistent word in our tradition 00:05:06.759 --> 00:05:11.860 that we've used, pastoral care. So let me ask you, as we get started on this and look at it in some 00:05:11.860 --> 00:05:22.180 detail, are we, are you, are we actively looking in love to care for the people in our lives that God has 00:05:22.180 --> 00:05:31.980 given us? Are you, are we actively, consciously looking in love and humility to care for the people God has 00:05:31.980 --> 00:05:38.920 put in our lives through counseling them? The tight-knit, close relationships, are they underdeveloped? 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:44.540 Have you really dove in on the relationships God has potentially given you that are tight and close-knit 00:05:44.540 --> 00:05:49.759 between Christians to develop that relationship into what the Bible calls it to be, which is a 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:54.300 relationship of deep counseling with one another, walking with one another. So that, that's what 00:05:54.300 --> 00:06:03.319 we're working on. Now, personal testimony story. When I finished seminary, I, maybe, maybe this will be 00:06:03.319 --> 00:06:09.120 a surprise to you, but I, I was excited. I could get excited about theology. I could get excited about 00:06:09.120 --> 00:06:15.219 biblical exegesis, drawing meaning out of passages. I could get excited about reading about Greco-Roman 00:06:15.219 --> 00:06:21.519 contexts, and I could get excited about all these sorts of things. But then when I went to the first 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:30.480 ministerial job I had to do, I realized that about 70 percent was counseling. And I quickly realized 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:37.560 that I had no clue what to say to anybody about anything. I could talk to them about the Greco-Roman 00:06:37.560 --> 00:06:44.620 context of Matthew, but I, I struggled to know what to say when things got hard and heavy. 00:06:46.180 --> 00:06:49.720 And of course, that's still the case to some degree. We all have that, right, to some degree. 00:06:50.259 --> 00:06:54.759 But I realized that my seminary experience did not prepare me for that side of ministry at all. 00:06:54.759 --> 00:07:00.360 Not really. We had about a half semester on it. And that still happens to all of us. But that's what 00:07:00.360 --> 00:07:04.819 we're trying to do is actually say that, who's had that experience, right, where you don't know what 00:07:04.819 --> 00:07:10.079 to say, and you really struggle, and you feel like, man, I should be loving them a lot better in this, 00:07:10.139 --> 00:07:14.579 and I don't know what to do. I'm timid. I'm afraid, right? And so that's what we're thinking about. 00:07:15.579 --> 00:07:21.819 Another way to say it is what we're talking about in here is the slow, slow form of, of seeking deep 00:07:21.819 --> 00:07:25.939 change in our lives. So this is not just something directed at other people, but biblical counseling 00:07:25.939 --> 00:07:31.899 and thinking about it is a way to look at yourself and to evaluate yourself and to think about who you 00:07:31.899 --> 00:07:37.240 are in the light of who God's made you to be. And so we're talking about the dynamics of change, 00:07:38.100 --> 00:07:42.019 the dynamics of change, practicing the Christian life, dynamics of change. All of these things fit 00:07:42.019 --> 00:07:49.699 together. So what is biblical counseling? Let's dive into it a little bit. David Powlison is one of the 00:07:49.699 --> 00:07:55.120 kind of grandfathers of thinking about these things, and one of the ways he talks about it is he says to 00:07:55.120 --> 00:08:01.219 really get into biblical counseling, you've got to start by thinking of who you will become one day. 00:08:02.019 --> 00:08:08.740 So who will you become in the end? And he asked the question, what is our destination? 00:08:09.659 --> 00:08:16.019 What is the destination of the self, the soul, the personality, who you one day will become? And one of 00:08:16.019 --> 00:08:20.339 the ways he talks about that is to look at the Lord's prayer, and at the very end Jesus says, 00:08:21.039 --> 00:08:26.479 he tells us to pray, Lord deliver us from evil. And that's the way about thinking about destination. 00:08:26.799 --> 00:08:32.340 One day we will be delivered from all evil. That's who we're going to become, delivered from evil. 00:08:32.819 --> 00:08:41.059 What does that look like? It means you will be first alive, not dead. You will be strong, not weak. 00:08:41.059 --> 00:08:48.179 You will be physically exactly who you should be, whatever that means. That's hard to know. 00:08:49.239 --> 00:08:57.579 You will be liberated from fear, right? Can you imagine? Liberated from all fearfulness. 00:08:59.179 --> 00:09:06.199 Liberated from all sorrow. That's who you'll become one day. You will be joyful, happy, and good. 00:09:06.200 --> 00:09:13.000 And I mean good, not in the sense of you'll be, you know, the goody two-shoes behavior police. 00:09:14.020 --> 00:09:19.040 No, you'll be truly good, the way that the Old Testament talks about God, slow to anger, 00:09:19.220 --> 00:09:26.200 abounding in love, right? Patient, kind, gentle, good. Exactly the way you should be. 00:09:26.200 --> 00:09:33.440 And then David Palastro says, now, now you've got to ask, where am I today? 00:09:35.140 --> 00:09:40.900 And how big is the gap? Right? So when you do an exercise like that, it can be incredibly discouraging. 00:09:43.140 --> 00:09:47.300 One of the ways to think about it is, do you ever, he brings up this illustration, but he's, 00:09:47.480 --> 00:09:53.200 do you ever find in any moment where you think, I'm happy right now? 00:09:53.200 --> 00:10:00.960 Like, I'm having a good day, I'm happy, and your next instinct to say, wait a minute, like, what's wrong? 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:05.160 You know, you're immediately searching, there's got to be something wrong. 00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:09.200 Like, there's got to be a problem I need to be worried about right now, right? 00:10:09.259 --> 00:10:13.420 So I have a habit, I don't know about you, of thinking in the moments where I experience joy, 00:10:14.180 --> 00:10:18.200 immediately searching for the thing I need to be worried about, right? 00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:21.180 Can you imagine being beyond something like that? No fearfulness. 00:10:21.179 --> 00:10:26.879 And we've got miles and miles to go, we've got a big road to traverse. 00:10:28.019 --> 00:10:32.299 And that could be incredibly discouraging, but when it comes to biblical counseling, 00:10:32.419 --> 00:10:37.120 the first bit of counseling we need is to say, when you take, when you do, this is, 00:10:38.579 --> 00:10:41.439 one theologian I like calls this God's mathematics. 00:10:42.379 --> 00:10:45.979 And if you take who you are today, sorry, who you will be, 00:10:45.980 --> 00:10:50.139 and you subtract it by who you are today, what does that equal? 00:10:50.220 --> 00:10:50.980 What is the gap? 00:10:51.500 --> 00:10:54.000 You know, what is the equation come out to? 00:10:54.460 --> 00:10:58.740 And you could say, a whole lot of behavior change, a whole lot of performance. 00:10:59.379 --> 00:11:06.980 And the actual answer is that Jesus Christ's transformative glory is what it equals. 00:11:06.980 --> 00:11:08.279 That's the gap. 00:11:08.680 --> 00:11:14.019 The difference in who you are right now and who you will be one day is the difference. 00:11:14.139 --> 00:11:15.340 The difference, where is it going to be made up? 00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:19.159 It's going to be made up in Jesus Christ giving you his transformative glory. 00:11:19.980 --> 00:11:20.340 Glorification. 00:11:20.800 --> 00:11:22.379 It's God that's going to do it. 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:23.620 He's going to get you all the way there. 00:11:23.980 --> 00:11:25.000 So you're not going to make it there. 00:11:25.700 --> 00:11:31.840 By the time you die, you are not going to cross that desert that you have left across, right? 00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:34.580 But Jesus will bring you all the way, right? 00:11:34.620 --> 00:11:38.160 But until then, biblical counseling is trying to say, 00:11:38.540 --> 00:11:42.840 how do we pursue holiness and happiness and help one another in that 00:11:42.840 --> 00:11:44.780 until we arrive at the final destination? 00:11:45.780 --> 00:11:49.420 Okay, so we're focused here on the estrangement, you might say, 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:51.660 between the future self and the current self. 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:53.340 There's an estrangement. 00:11:54.120 --> 00:11:56.400 And we're thinking about that and reflecting on that. 00:11:56.399 --> 00:12:02.000 But what biblical counseling does that's different is it says that's a collective work. 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:07.659 So we can think about that individually, but the Bible says, no, it's a we. 00:12:07.879 --> 00:12:08.600 It's an us. 00:12:09.299 --> 00:12:13.799 And so biblical counseling is saying that we are here to help each other do that 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:16.519 in tight, close-knit personal relationships. 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:21.279 Now, that doesn't mean that everybody in this room will be really sharing the depths of the soul 00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:22.659 with everybody in this room, not at all. 00:12:22.659 --> 00:12:28.019 But it does mean that within the Christian community, either within this local church community 00:12:28.019 --> 00:12:30.699 or somebody else outside of it that you know that's a Christian, 00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:34.319 we ought to have counseling relationships with other Christians, 00:12:34.779 --> 00:12:37.819 where we're receiving and giving, receiving and giving. 00:12:38.719 --> 00:12:41.879 Some of us have those pretty naturally inbuilt in our current relationships, 00:12:42.139 --> 00:12:45.699 but sometimes the most important thing is friendship, friendship, 00:12:46.199 --> 00:12:48.600 where we're receiving and giving these types of things. 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:53.340 So, Pallison quotes John Calvin about this, 00:12:54.800 --> 00:13:00.360 and Calvin here talks about this gap between the future self and the current self. 00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:01.940 And this is what he says, 00:13:01.940 --> 00:13:09.520 No one has sufficient enough strength to press on with the due eagerness that is required. 00:13:11.340 --> 00:13:19.980 And weakness so weighs us down that with wavering and limping and most of the time creeping along the ground, 00:13:20.260 --> 00:13:23.020 we move at a very feeble rate of change. 00:13:23.019 --> 00:13:30.179 No one shall set out so inauspiciously as not daily to make some headway, 00:13:30.759 --> 00:13:32.720 though it be the tiniest, the slightest. 00:13:33.860 --> 00:13:37.299 Then let us not despair at the slightness of success. 00:13:38.159 --> 00:13:38.779 So he says, 00:13:38.879 --> 00:13:42.019 It is the normal pattern of Christians, including John Calvin himself, 00:13:42.259 --> 00:13:48.120 to do nothing more in this life than make the tiniest little creeps along the way of that change. 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:49.600 And he says, 00:13:49.779 --> 00:13:53.299 But if there is any headway at all, let us not despair. 00:13:54.220 --> 00:13:59.480 If there is the tiniest step that you've taken from being a person that struggles with rage 00:13:59.480 --> 00:14:02.179 to being more slow to anger than you used to be, 00:14:02.259 --> 00:14:02.620 he says, 00:14:02.820 --> 00:14:05.340 The tiniest creep, let us not despair. 00:14:06.060 --> 00:14:09.139 Jesus Christ's glory will cross the rest of the distance. 00:14:09.580 --> 00:14:10.700 He will bring us the rest of the way. 00:14:11.740 --> 00:14:15.320 And so, counseling is trying to help us in this life pursue as much of that creep, 00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:19.100 that crawl, if you will, as we possibly can. 00:14:19.620 --> 00:14:22.720 All right, so I'm just going to run through as much of this as we can, 00:14:22.800 --> 00:14:25.560 fill our times up, and then we'll pick back up next week where I'll leave off. 00:14:25.820 --> 00:14:26.980 So, foundations. 00:14:28.060 --> 00:14:30.680 2 Peter 1.3 says, 00:14:31.180 --> 00:14:32.800 This is the second text on your handout. 00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:34.540 Here's some foundations for biblical counseling. 00:14:36.040 --> 00:14:40.580 God's divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life. 00:14:40.580 --> 00:14:44.900 Through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 00:14:45.580 --> 00:14:48.560 Now, focus on that first few words. 00:14:49.139 --> 00:14:52.440 His divine power has given us everything we need. 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:56.180 The gospel and the presence of the Holy Spirit, 00:14:57.020 --> 00:15:00.020 the inscripturated revelation of God, the Bible, 00:15:01.300 --> 00:15:02.900 read through the power of the Spirit, 00:15:03.400 --> 00:15:05.780 has given us right now everything we need. 00:15:05.779 --> 00:15:08.879 Everything we need to take this journey. 00:15:09.220 --> 00:15:10.779 Everything we need to counsel one another. 00:15:12.100 --> 00:15:14.779 Now, God's revelation, his divine power, where is that? 00:15:14.819 --> 00:15:17.159 It's in any place where God reveals himself. 00:15:17.860 --> 00:15:19.179 And so, we've got to say with that, 00:15:19.740 --> 00:15:22.500 everything we need is broad 00:15:22.500 --> 00:15:25.939 because his power, his revelation is broad. 00:15:26.459 --> 00:15:30.720 So, that includes God's work of revealing his common grace gifts to people. 00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:37.420 So, where can you find God's revelation of wisdom in this world? 00:15:37.620 --> 00:15:39.279 Well, anywhere there's truth. 00:15:40.040 --> 00:15:41.139 All truth is God's truth. 00:15:41.800 --> 00:15:42.899 And so, by God's common grace, 00:15:43.300 --> 00:15:46.320 sometimes you do go to a professional and they help you immensely. 00:15:47.399 --> 00:15:51.139 And the reason that they are able to do that is because God has revealed himself. 00:15:51.420 --> 00:15:51.920 That's what he's saying. 00:15:52.019 --> 00:15:56.960 All divine power, all truth, all wisdom in this world comes from God's revelation. 00:15:56.960 --> 00:15:59.820 Even if it's used by somebody who doesn't believe in God. 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:00.860 Common grace. 00:16:01.980 --> 00:16:06.900 But especially here, he's saying by special grace, by scripture and by wisdom, 00:16:08.019 --> 00:16:09.720 we have, by the presence of the Spirit, 00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:12.639 everything we need to help each other along this path. 00:16:13.400 --> 00:16:14.180 All the resources. 00:16:14.980 --> 00:16:17.440 So, because God has spoken, we can do this. 00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:20.780 By the power of looking at God's revelation, his word. 00:16:21.160 --> 00:16:21.759 We can counsel. 00:16:22.019 --> 00:16:22.960 We can learn how to do it. 00:16:23.019 --> 00:16:23.740 We can help each other. 00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:26.080 Really, deeply, deeply help each other. 00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:29.620 So, Calvin says at the beginning of the Institutes, 00:16:30.160 --> 00:16:33.420 to know God, you've got to know yourself. 00:16:35.100 --> 00:16:37.580 And to know yourself, you've got to look at God. 00:16:38.420 --> 00:16:40.820 And he says, you've got to live in that reciprocal loop. 00:16:41.580 --> 00:16:43.420 Where if you really want to know who you are, 00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:46.420 you've got to stare at what God says about himself. 00:16:47.139 --> 00:16:49.460 And when that happens, you realize you're lack. 00:16:50.460 --> 00:16:55.600 But then, to really know God, you've got to look at who you are and think, 00:16:55.900 --> 00:16:58.240 I'm a creature, but God must be the creator. 00:16:58.379 --> 00:16:59.100 I'm dependent. 00:16:59.220 --> 00:17:00.019 God must be independent. 00:17:00.180 --> 00:17:02.820 He talks about this reciprocal loop of doing theology. 00:17:02.820 --> 00:17:05.500 By knowing yourself, then knowing God. 00:17:05.580 --> 00:17:08.360 Knowing God, then in order to know yourself back and forth, back and forth. 00:17:08.980 --> 00:17:11.259 And one of the things that biblical counseling does is says, 00:17:11.799 --> 00:17:15.539 you've got to be willing to plumb the depths of your desires, 00:17:15.700 --> 00:17:18.200 plumb the depths of the reality of what's going on in your soul. 00:17:19.340 --> 00:17:21.440 Have you ever, I've mentioned it a couple times here, 00:17:21.519 --> 00:17:26.160 but ever taken the exercise off of actually working out on paper your idols, 00:17:26.860 --> 00:17:29.680 your specific idols, and listing them, 00:17:30.360 --> 00:17:32.640 and asking the question underneath the question? 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:35.220 Like, if this is the thing I think I love, 00:17:35.259 --> 00:17:38.000 is there something even underneath that that's driving me? 00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:39.360 So this is what Calvin means. 00:17:39.900 --> 00:17:40.920 That is biblical counseling. 00:17:41.300 --> 00:17:45.000 It's the work of unpacking the depths of your consciousness, 00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:48.220 unpacking the depths of your soul in order to grow. 00:17:48.779 --> 00:17:49.779 And so here's a definition. 00:17:49.779 --> 00:17:53.080 This is a simple definition that I like of biblical counseling. 00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:58.480 It's simply this, it's discipleship toward who we are meant to be 00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:03.259 that addresses specific issues we struggle with, 00:18:04.159 --> 00:18:06.279 with an emphasis on Christian friendship. 00:18:07.399 --> 00:18:09.639 So biblical counseling is just the path of discipleship, 00:18:10.139 --> 00:18:13.740 focusing on the deep issues that we struggle with, 00:18:14.279 --> 00:18:16.480 with a big emphasis on friendship with somebody, 00:18:16.619 --> 00:18:17.500 walking through that together. 00:18:18.339 --> 00:18:19.259 That's the idea. 00:18:19.259 --> 00:18:24.519 All right, so I think that when you look at the Bible 00:18:24.519 --> 00:18:27.440 and you see how the Bible addresses so many issues, 00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:29.900 like in December we looked at anxiety, 00:18:30.059 --> 00:18:32.339 we looked at sadness and loneliness, things like that, 00:18:32.379 --> 00:18:35.559 you realize that what God is doing in His Word is telling us, 00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:39.200 I expect that it's going to be normal that most of the time, 00:18:39.720 --> 00:18:42.119 most of the counseling that happens in our lives 00:18:42.119 --> 00:18:44.079 is just through normal relationships, 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:45.359 not through professionals. 00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:48.279 So again, we need that quite often. 00:18:48.819 --> 00:18:52.319 But the Bible itself even just gives you a book like Proverbs, 00:18:52.579 --> 00:18:57.559 which is written mostly for parents of how to train up your kids. 00:18:57.879 --> 00:18:58.819 And that's counseling. 00:18:59.219 --> 00:19:00.079 That's wisdom. 00:19:00.299 --> 00:19:02.079 That's imparting wisdom to people. 00:19:02.179 --> 00:19:03.459 And so the Bible is bent this way. 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:07.079 Most counseling will not come from professionals, 00:19:07.459 --> 00:19:09.259 99% of it in our normal lives. 00:19:09.379 --> 00:19:12.599 Most of it will be just between one another, 00:19:12.699 --> 00:19:13.359 between our friends. 00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:16.059 So the next text, Proverbs 27, 17, 00:19:16.599 --> 00:19:18.139 as iron sharpens iron, 00:19:19.199 --> 00:19:23.079 so one person, one man, one woman sharpens the other. 00:19:23.799 --> 00:19:26.839 So do you have a Proverbs 27, 17 relationship 00:19:26.839 --> 00:19:32.559 where somebody in your life is closely walking with you 00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:35.019 to sharpen you and to talk about your idols 00:19:35.019 --> 00:19:36.259 and to talk about your struggles? 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:37.659 Do you have that relationship? 00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:39.459 The Bible is very clear about that. 00:19:39.459 --> 00:19:40.799 It's very clear about calling us 00:19:40.799 --> 00:19:42.659 to this type of counseling relationship. 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:44.979 And so where are we getting this kind of stuff? 00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:49.240 You know, obviously, the pastorate exists for that. 00:19:49.939 --> 00:19:50.379 Absolutely. 00:19:50.699 --> 00:19:54.079 But we also know that that's also never going to be 00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:57.459 the main counseling relationship for 99% of people, right? 00:19:57.459 --> 00:19:57.959 It can't be. 00:19:58.059 --> 00:20:00.219 It's got to be far broader than that. 00:20:00.879 --> 00:20:03.679 And so we get this in all sorts of relationships in our lives. 00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:06.160 Okay, the last thing, and we'll move to this chart. 00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:08.720 That's this. 00:20:08.980 --> 00:20:12.920 While professional counseling, practices of psychotherapy, 00:20:13.259 --> 00:20:15.460 behavioral analysis and treatment 00:20:15.460 --> 00:20:17.980 can be really, really helpful for us, 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:20.360 one of the things to just say about this 00:20:20.360 --> 00:20:22.840 is that the goal of biblical counseling 00:20:22.840 --> 00:20:27.440 will always be different from contemporary psychotherapy 00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:32.539 because the goal of biblical counseling is worship. 00:20:33.900 --> 00:20:37.860 The goal of biblical counseling is to help one another worship. 00:20:38.980 --> 00:20:43.100 So whereas contemporary counseling often focuses on you, 00:20:43.880 --> 00:20:45.620 biblical counseling focuses on you, 00:20:45.620 --> 00:20:47.440 but in order to get you out of yourself, 00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:50.840 in order to bring you to a place of worship, 00:20:51.620 --> 00:20:53.140 of getting out of your own head. 00:20:53.140 --> 00:20:56.700 So self-forgetfulness is the big goal in Christian counseling, 00:20:57.140 --> 00:20:57.700 biblical counseling. 00:20:57.700 --> 00:20:58.960 That's always going to be distinct 00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:01.200 from contemporary psychotherapy, 00:21:01.420 --> 00:21:03.600 professional counseling in the contemporary world. 00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:06.960 All right, so I just want to get right into it 00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:10.120 and give you a quick paradigm for how to do it, 00:21:10.860 --> 00:21:13.280 a way to think about it as we close today, 00:21:13.480 --> 00:21:17.280 and then we'll get into more detail in a couple weeks, 00:21:17.980 --> 00:21:19.400 more and more detail. 00:21:19.400 --> 00:21:23.960 So, but I think I came across this article called, 00:21:24.200 --> 00:21:26.680 it's in the footnote there in your handout, 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:29.200 The Connection Between Everyday Ministry and Counseling 00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.580 by Todd Strive. 00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:34.540 And it's a fantastic prime, quick entryway 00:21:34.540 --> 00:21:37.180 into thinking about this and reflecting on these practices 00:21:37.180 --> 00:21:38.160 and how simple they are. 00:21:38.660 --> 00:21:39.920 But you can see this pyramid there. 00:21:40.800 --> 00:21:45.640 The broad base of the pyramid is love and humility, right? 00:21:45.640 --> 00:21:51.280 So he's reflecting there on the base posture 00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:55.220 that we all need to seek as counselors of one another, 00:21:55.700 --> 00:21:56.500 love and humility. 00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.080 So you can go to a place like Philippians 2, 00:21:59.180 --> 00:22:01.680 the hymn of Christ, where it says, 00:22:02.380 --> 00:22:05.660 Christ came for us in humility, 00:22:06.080 --> 00:22:07.259 the cross uttered humility, 00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:08.880 and so put on humility. 00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:11.160 Follow him in that, gospel-centered. 00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:15.100 And love and humility become the base ethic 00:22:15.100 --> 00:22:16.160 for all counseling. 00:22:16.900 --> 00:22:17.600 So what is love? 00:22:17.779 --> 00:22:18.980 Love, what is love? 00:22:19.360 --> 00:22:20.580 Very difficult to define sometimes. 00:22:20.820 --> 00:22:25.720 Love is a desire for another person's good. 00:22:27.120 --> 00:22:27.980 That's basic love. 00:22:28.100 --> 00:22:30.519 Love is just to desire another person's good. 00:22:31.180 --> 00:22:32.000 What is humility? 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:36.080 Humility is the ability to forget yourself 00:22:36.080 --> 00:22:39.460 so that you can desire another person's good. 00:22:39.460 --> 00:22:41.420 Right, so another way, 00:22:41.900 --> 00:22:44.279 there's a modern thinker, not a Christian, 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:46.920 but he has a conversational paradigm 00:22:46.920 --> 00:22:49.440 that I think maps really well into biblical counseling, 00:22:49.960 --> 00:22:51.120 and it's called VIEW. 00:22:51.620 --> 00:22:53.980 It's V-I-E-W. 00:22:54.600 --> 00:22:56.259 And VIEW is that in counseling, 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:58.860 you walk in, in Christian friendship, 00:22:59.120 --> 00:23:00.700 you walk into the relationship with 00:23:00.700 --> 00:23:02.120 V, vulnerability, 00:23:03.380 --> 00:23:04.440 willingness to be known 00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:05.799 because you're self-forgetful. 00:23:06.460 --> 00:23:08.779 I, impartiality, 00:23:08.779 --> 00:23:09.879 what's that? 00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:11.160 That's the humility 00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:14.440 to seek the best for the person 00:23:14.440 --> 00:23:17.359 without any sense of favoring your position. 00:23:18.299 --> 00:23:19.579 So impartiality says, 00:23:20.220 --> 00:23:22.379 I will try to judge this situation 00:23:22.379 --> 00:23:24.680 without any reference to my good. 00:23:25.420 --> 00:23:26.299 Right, impartiality. 00:23:26.700 --> 00:23:28.440 E, empathy or compassion. 00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:30.200 I want to try to think about 00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:31.139 what they're struggling with 00:23:31.139 --> 00:23:32.660 through the lens of their perspective. 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:35.440 And W, wonder, curiosity. 00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:37.860 I want to engage with them 00:23:37.860 --> 00:23:39.700 by being as curious as possible, 00:23:40.279 --> 00:23:42.420 which draws me to ask more and more questions 00:23:42.420 --> 00:23:44.299 and really get into their life 00:23:44.299 --> 00:23:45.279 and try to understand it better. 00:23:46.080 --> 00:23:46.759 So that's one way. 00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:48.160 I think that maps really well 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:49.759 to the basics of biblical counseling view, 00:23:50.100 --> 00:23:51.360 entering every relationship 00:23:51.360 --> 00:23:52.740 because of the gospel 00:23:52.740 --> 00:23:55.340 with vulnerability, impartiality, 00:23:55.600 --> 00:23:57.279 empathy, and wonder, curiosity. 00:23:57.759 --> 00:24:00.100 Now, I'm not going to name names, 00:24:00.099 --> 00:24:01.980 but I want to ask you 00:24:01.980 --> 00:24:03.379 to think about this for a moment. 00:24:03.859 --> 00:24:06.279 Can you name somebody in your mind, 00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:07.419 not out loud right now, 00:24:07.980 --> 00:24:08.599 that you think, 00:24:08.699 --> 00:24:10.619 man, there is a person in my life 00:24:10.619 --> 00:24:11.579 that models this 00:24:11.579 --> 00:24:14.679 that is, without knowing it, 00:24:15.259 --> 00:24:16.759 such a counselor 00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:19.519 and puts on this Christian ethic so well 00:24:19.519 --> 00:24:21.240 with vulnerability, empathy, 00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:23.279 sorry, impartiality, empathy, 00:24:23.339 --> 00:24:24.279 and wonder, curiosity 00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:25.500 every time I talk to them. 00:24:26.059 --> 00:24:27.639 Right, so I can think of two people 00:24:27.640 --> 00:24:29.580 in our church community 00:24:29.580 --> 00:24:31.320 that jump out to me 00:24:31.320 --> 00:24:32.960 over the top good at this. 00:24:33.940 --> 00:24:36.220 And what we're seeing here 00:24:36.220 --> 00:24:37.080 in this pyramid scheme 00:24:37.080 --> 00:24:39.300 is that that's because, 00:24:39.400 --> 00:24:40.500 that will be because 00:24:40.500 --> 00:24:42.020 they are humble. 00:24:42.580 --> 00:24:43.580 That will be the primary reason. 00:24:43.660 --> 00:24:44.700 They have put on the humility 00:24:44.700 --> 00:24:45.480 of Jesus Christ, 00:24:45.900 --> 00:24:46.980 will be the cause of that, 00:24:47.100 --> 00:24:47.800 that they're actually 00:24:47.800 --> 00:24:48.900 really deeply interested 00:24:48.900 --> 00:24:50.860 in everything we say. 00:24:51.600 --> 00:24:52.620 They want to know more. 00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:53.560 They want to ask questions. 00:24:53.560 --> 00:24:54.500 They want to be impartial 00:24:54.500 --> 00:24:55.080 in their advice. 00:24:55.580 --> 00:24:56.500 There's no hierarchy 00:24:56.500 --> 00:24:57.440 in the conversation. 00:24:58.440 --> 00:25:00.380 There's no sense of me 00:25:00.380 --> 00:25:01.460 trying to make sure 00:25:01.460 --> 00:25:03.180 you know that, 00:25:03.580 --> 00:25:04.580 or any of us know 00:25:04.580 --> 00:25:05.480 that I'm slightly better 00:25:05.480 --> 00:25:06.080 than you at this, 00:25:06.180 --> 00:25:07.520 or whatever, right? 00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.140 That's a lack of impartiality. 00:25:10.259 --> 00:25:11.660 That's a hierarchical position 00:25:11.660 --> 00:25:12.520 in a conversation, right? 00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:13.660 So this is the basic idea. 00:25:14.780 --> 00:25:15.759 So, a couple, 00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:16.480 two minutes left, 00:25:16.520 --> 00:25:17.180 so let me just give you 00:25:17.180 --> 00:25:17.759 the first couple. 00:25:18.820 --> 00:25:19.620 Here's how simple 00:25:19.620 --> 00:25:20.680 the Bible works this 00:25:20.680 --> 00:25:21.380 into our lives. 00:25:21.940 --> 00:25:22.960 We'll just do the ones 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:23.920 on the first page. 00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:25.880 Seven biblical applications. 00:25:25.880 --> 00:25:28.060 The way this works is 00:25:28.060 --> 00:25:31.200 with the basis of gospel-centered 00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:32.180 love and humility 00:25:32.180 --> 00:25:35.220 being totally for other people, 00:25:35.480 --> 00:25:38.140 that moves into the normal pattern 00:25:38.140 --> 00:25:39.120 of your everyday life, 00:25:39.180 --> 00:25:40.140 which is everyday ministry. 00:25:40.340 --> 00:25:41.020 Everyday ministry. 00:25:41.140 --> 00:25:41.880 Everybody's a minister. 00:25:42.100 --> 00:25:42.860 Every conversation. 00:25:43.340 --> 00:25:43.960 You're a minister. 00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:46.240 You're on ministry. 00:25:46.420 --> 00:25:47.360 In every conversation, 00:25:47.820 --> 00:25:49.440 there's never time off of that. 00:25:50.180 --> 00:25:51.060 Being a Christian, 00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:52.680 putting on the love 00:25:52.680 --> 00:25:53.480 and humility of Christ. 00:25:54.019 --> 00:25:55.000 And then sometimes, 00:25:55.360 --> 00:25:56.759 that develops. 00:25:56.820 --> 00:25:57.860 You see that inverted pyramid 00:25:57.860 --> 00:26:00.120 into counseling, right? 00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:02.279 So, you take love and humility, 00:26:03.299 --> 00:26:04.240 the view paradigm, 00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:05.940 into every conversation, 00:26:06.620 --> 00:26:07.400 but then, 00:26:07.539 --> 00:26:09.100 in some of those conversations, 00:26:09.740 --> 00:26:11.180 it will be counseling 00:26:11.180 --> 00:26:13.400 when it becomes deep friendship, 00:26:14.060 --> 00:26:15.740 when it becomes personal relationship. 00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:17.200 That's the paradigm here. 00:26:18.320 --> 00:26:19.360 So, James 1.19. 00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:20.500 Here's one. 00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:22.319 Be quick to listen, 00:26:22.920 --> 00:26:23.720 slow to speak, 00:26:24.180 --> 00:26:25.039 slow to become angry. 00:26:25.900 --> 00:26:26.880 Okay, so how do you pull this 00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:27.539 into everyday ministry? 00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:28.099 How do you pull this 00:26:28.099 --> 00:26:28.599 into counseling 00:26:28.599 --> 00:26:29.940 in a specific relationship? 00:26:30.059 --> 00:26:31.839 Be quick to listen, 00:26:31.980 --> 00:26:32.519 slow to speak, 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:33.299 slow to become angry. 00:26:33.500 --> 00:26:34.779 And I've put a little blank there 00:26:34.779 --> 00:26:37.000 to just give a couple words 00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:38.900 that you can kind of hold on to. 00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:40.359 And the words for that one are 00:26:40.359 --> 00:26:42.720 poise and patience. 00:26:43.640 --> 00:26:44.799 So, a biblical counselor 00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:48.440 is working on poise and patience 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:50.640 based on James 1.19. 00:26:51.320 --> 00:26:52.279 What does that look like? 00:26:52.360 --> 00:26:52.740 Poise. 00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:54.320 It looks like this. 00:26:55.180 --> 00:26:55.980 In a conversation, 00:26:56.740 --> 00:26:58.620 my words are guarded and careful. 00:26:59.840 --> 00:27:00.820 I have poise. 00:27:01.940 --> 00:27:04.140 So, because of the gospel, 00:27:04.820 --> 00:27:05.799 I want to make sure 00:27:05.799 --> 00:27:07.000 that I'm intentional 00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:08.279 with every word I speak. 00:27:08.820 --> 00:27:09.500 That's poise. 00:27:10.180 --> 00:27:11.620 I want to guard my words. 00:27:12.680 --> 00:27:13.180 Love, 00:27:14.019 --> 00:27:15.580 seeking that person's best 00:27:15.579 --> 00:27:16.220 in front of me 00:27:16.220 --> 00:27:17.899 means guarding what I say 00:27:17.899 --> 00:27:19.539 and being careful, 00:27:20.879 --> 00:27:22.399 thinking a certain way 00:27:22.399 --> 00:27:22.960 of putting that 00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:24.279 could be very discouraging. 00:27:25.179 --> 00:27:25.279 Right? 00:27:25.379 --> 00:27:25.919 That's poise. 00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:27.699 One example of poise. 00:27:28.679 --> 00:27:29.899 Another example of poise, 00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:30.659 I'm guarded 00:27:30.659 --> 00:27:33.159 against hasty conclusions, 00:27:34.659 --> 00:27:35.960 against quick judgments. 00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:38.299 So, I'm not walking 00:27:38.299 --> 00:27:39.119 into this conversation 00:27:39.119 --> 00:27:39.679 thinking, 00:27:40.119 --> 00:27:40.500 I already know 00:27:40.500 --> 00:27:41.240 what your problem is. 00:27:42.159 --> 00:27:42.359 Right? 00:27:42.399 --> 00:27:43.299 I want to actually 00:27:43.299 --> 00:27:44.339 give them myself 00:27:44.339 --> 00:27:45.240 and my time to listen. 00:27:45.919 --> 00:27:46.619 That's poise. 00:27:46.699 --> 00:27:47.559 That's James 119. 00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:49.740 Poise and patience. 00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:50.740 And so, 00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:51.679 what would patience look like 00:27:51.679 --> 00:27:52.639 in a counseling relationship 00:27:52.639 --> 00:27:54.259 with a dear Christian friend? 00:27:54.720 --> 00:27:55.720 It would look like 00:27:55.720 --> 00:27:58.339 the work of responsive listening. 00:27:59.720 --> 00:28:00.980 So, impartiality 00:28:00.980 --> 00:28:02.819 includes responsive listening 00:28:02.819 --> 00:28:03.500 where you're really 00:28:03.500 --> 00:28:04.220 deeply listening 00:28:04.220 --> 00:28:06.379 and maybe you're rehashing 00:28:06.379 --> 00:28:07.579 what they said to you 00:28:07.579 --> 00:28:08.740 in different words 00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:09.759 to try to say, 00:28:09.879 --> 00:28:10.019 okay, 00:28:10.119 --> 00:28:11.480 am I understanding it clearly? 00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:13.319 Responsive listening 00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:14.980 probes with questions. 00:28:16.399 --> 00:28:16.639 So, 00:28:16.879 --> 00:28:18.099 one way you can 00:28:18.099 --> 00:28:18.779 judge yourself, 00:28:19.859 --> 00:28:21.000 you can evaluate yourself. 00:28:21.700 --> 00:28:22.599 Judge not, right? 00:28:23.059 --> 00:28:23.939 Evaluate yourself 00:28:23.939 --> 00:28:26.419 on where you are 00:28:26.419 --> 00:28:27.359 in a conversation 00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:28.899 with love and humility 00:28:28.899 --> 00:28:29.980 because of the gospel 00:28:29.980 --> 00:28:31.919 is ask yourself, 00:28:32.119 --> 00:28:33.480 do I tend 00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:35.299 to ask other people 00:28:35.299 --> 00:28:36.679 way more questions 00:28:36.679 --> 00:28:37.379 than they ask me? 00:28:37.859 --> 00:28:38.720 That's one of the things 00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:39.480 I think you have to look for. 00:28:39.899 --> 00:28:40.559 Are you a person 00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:41.500 who is constantly 00:28:41.500 --> 00:28:42.980 asking questions 00:28:42.980 --> 00:28:43.960 of the person 00:28:43.960 --> 00:28:44.539 across from you? 00:28:45.339 --> 00:28:45.899 You know, 00:28:46.019 --> 00:28:46.799 if you're doing that, 00:28:46.899 --> 00:28:47.919 you're getting out of yourself 00:28:47.919 --> 00:28:49.220 and active listening, 00:28:49.940 --> 00:28:50.099 right? 00:28:50.139 --> 00:28:50.659 Active listening. 00:28:50.779 --> 00:28:51.779 You've got poise and patience. 00:28:52.159 --> 00:28:52.359 All right, 00:28:52.399 --> 00:28:53.159 I'll just do one more. 00:28:53.240 --> 00:28:54.319 We'll leave the next five 00:28:54.319 --> 00:28:54.819 for next time. 00:28:56.720 --> 00:28:57.839 Ephesians 4.32. 00:28:58.519 --> 00:28:58.720 All right, 00:28:58.799 --> 00:28:59.819 so look how simple is that? 00:29:00.279 --> 00:29:01.139 Be quick to listen. 00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:01.980 Slow to anger. 00:29:02.679 --> 00:29:03.539 Slow to become angry. 00:29:03.679 --> 00:29:04.480 Just a listener. 00:29:04.819 --> 00:29:05.960 That's a biblical counselor. 00:29:06.839 --> 00:29:07.460 Responsive listening. 00:29:07.619 --> 00:29:07.940 Secondly, 00:29:08.299 --> 00:29:09.080 Ephesians 4.32, 00:29:09.220 --> 00:29:10.460 be kind and compassionate 00:29:10.460 --> 00:29:11.660 to one another. 00:29:12.420 --> 00:29:13.400 So we don't have to come up 00:29:13.400 --> 00:29:14.220 with any other words. 00:29:15.160 --> 00:29:16.080 Kind and compassionate. 00:29:17.100 --> 00:29:18.320 That's the next characteristic 00:29:18.320 --> 00:29:20.120 of somebody putting on the gospel 00:29:20.120 --> 00:29:21.279 and trying to be a counselor 00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:21.779 to people. 00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:23.680 So what does that look like? 00:29:23.700 --> 00:29:24.539 It's a posture 00:29:24.539 --> 00:29:26.779 that values the person 00:29:26.779 --> 00:29:28.220 in front of you so much 00:29:28.220 --> 00:29:29.660 because they are first 00:29:29.660 --> 00:29:30.820 made in God's image. 00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:32.920 So compassion and empathy 00:29:32.920 --> 00:29:34.140 first are grounded 00:29:34.140 --> 00:29:35.299 in the fact that 00:29:35.299 --> 00:29:36.680 no matter what this person 00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:38.019 has done or not done. 00:29:38.660 --> 00:29:39.779 I know at least 00:29:39.779 --> 00:29:40.779 they're made in God's image. 00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:42.380 And so they've got value. 00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:43.640 They've got value 00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:44.420 no matter who they are, 00:29:44.519 --> 00:29:45.240 no matter what they've done. 00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:46.360 Right? 00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:47.600 And then from there, 00:29:48.180 --> 00:29:50.180 you can put away, 00:29:50.700 --> 00:29:50.860 well, 00:29:50.940 --> 00:29:51.580 it's just the I. 00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:52.519 It's impartiality. 00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:54.320 It's impartiality and empathy. 00:29:54.440 --> 00:29:54.539 See, 00:29:54.620 --> 00:29:55.700 impartiality is based 00:29:55.700 --> 00:29:56.259 on compassion. 00:29:57.039 --> 00:29:57.900 It's based on compassion. 00:29:58.460 --> 00:29:58.860 It says, 00:29:59.039 --> 00:29:59.740 I really do want 00:29:59.740 --> 00:30:00.259 the best for them. 00:30:00.779 --> 00:30:01.580 I really do, 00:30:01.579 --> 00:30:03.139 I really do want 00:30:03.139 --> 00:30:03.960 good for them. 00:30:04.079 --> 00:30:05.500 That is Christ's compassion. 00:30:05.619 --> 00:30:07.259 So when he looks over Jerusalem 00:30:07.259 --> 00:30:08.099 and he weeps 00:30:08.099 --> 00:30:09.439 in compassion for her, 00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:11.000 it's because he wants her, 00:30:11.079 --> 00:30:12.059 that great city, 00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:13.559 to get the very best, 00:30:14.059 --> 00:30:14.220 right, 00:30:14.259 --> 00:30:14.960 which is himself. 00:30:15.179 --> 00:30:16.339 And they've rejected that. 00:30:16.679 --> 00:30:17.460 And so that's compassion. 00:30:18.500 --> 00:30:19.000 So how does it, 00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:19.519 what does that look like 00:30:19.519 --> 00:30:19.960 in counseling? 00:30:22.039 --> 00:30:22.899 One of the ways 00:30:22.899 --> 00:30:24.019 that's pointed out 00:30:24.019 --> 00:30:24.899 quite often 00:30:24.899 --> 00:30:25.639 in biblical counseling 00:30:25.639 --> 00:30:26.399 on this is that 00:30:26.399 --> 00:30:27.819 kindness and compassion 00:30:27.819 --> 00:30:29.779 is often expressed 00:30:29.779 --> 00:30:30.960 in counseling situation 00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:32.639 by trying to be 00:30:32.639 --> 00:30:34.119 as aware as possible 00:30:34.119 --> 00:30:35.240 of the extent 00:30:35.240 --> 00:30:36.339 of somebody's pain. 00:30:37.700 --> 00:30:38.579 So trying to be 00:30:38.579 --> 00:30:39.139 very aware 00:30:39.139 --> 00:30:40.200 and not dismissive 00:30:40.200 --> 00:30:42.200 of the lack 00:30:42.200 --> 00:30:42.819 of experience 00:30:42.819 --> 00:30:43.659 you may have 00:30:43.659 --> 00:30:44.619 in whatever this person 00:30:44.619 --> 00:30:45.240 has been through 00:30:45.240 --> 00:30:47.039 and trying to really connect 00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:47.720 and think, 00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:48.500 boy, 00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:50.019 what kind of pain 00:30:50.019 --> 00:30:51.079 must they be experiencing? 00:30:51.299 --> 00:30:51.899 That's compassion. 00:30:52.039 --> 00:30:52.259 It's saying, 00:30:52.379 --> 00:30:53.639 I want to know something 00:30:53.639 --> 00:30:55.259 of the depth of the pain 00:30:55.259 --> 00:30:56.200 that they've walked through. 00:30:57.460 --> 00:30:57.779 All right, 00:30:58.759 --> 00:31:00.859 I want to permit me 00:31:00.859 --> 00:31:01.879 to do one more 00:31:01.879 --> 00:31:02.879 because I wanted 00:31:02.879 --> 00:31:03.700 to get to this one 00:31:03.700 --> 00:31:05.019 and we'll stop. 00:31:05.460 --> 00:31:05.819 Truly. 00:31:06.679 --> 00:31:07.619 1 Corinthians 9.22, 00:31:07.740 --> 00:31:08.159 last one. 00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:09.819 Paul says, 00:31:09.919 --> 00:31:11.819 here's a flip in the script. 00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:14.899 Be slow to speak, 00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:15.779 quick to listen. 00:31:16.779 --> 00:31:18.200 Be compassionate. 00:31:19.720 --> 00:31:20.119 Third, 00:31:21.259 --> 00:31:21.679 Paul says, 00:31:21.679 --> 00:31:22.599 to the weak I became weak 00:31:22.599 --> 00:31:23.679 to win the weak, 00:31:23.759 --> 00:31:24.480 I've become all things 00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:25.039 to all people 00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:27.359 so that I might save some. 00:31:27.819 --> 00:31:29.039 There's an important work 00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:29.799 in Christian counseling 00:31:29.799 --> 00:31:31.179 like in evangelism 00:31:31.179 --> 00:31:32.759 of sacrifice 00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:34.000 and accommodation. 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:37.139 Sacrifice and accommodation. 00:31:38.339 --> 00:31:38.839 So this is, 00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:39.279 boy, 00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:40.079 this is humility 00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:41.240 applied in your life. 00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:42.480 Sacrifice and accommodation. 00:31:42.980 --> 00:31:43.539 It says, 00:31:44.099 --> 00:31:45.240 to help somebody else 00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:46.399 flourish to the max, 00:31:46.779 --> 00:31:48.019 maybe to get the gospel 00:31:48.019 --> 00:31:49.399 to them in evangelism, 00:31:49.859 --> 00:31:51.539 I want to accommodate 00:31:51.539 --> 00:31:53.179 to where this person is. 00:31:53.180 --> 00:31:55.060 I don't, 00:31:55.100 --> 00:31:55.539 in other words, 00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:56.560 I don't expect 00:31:56.560 --> 00:31:57.580 non-Christians 00:31:57.580 --> 00:31:59.340 to act like they're Christians. 00:32:00.460 --> 00:32:01.259 I want to go 00:32:01.259 --> 00:32:02.039 to where they are 00:32:02.039 --> 00:32:02.960 and meet them 00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:03.900 where they are. 00:32:04.360 --> 00:32:04.519 Right? 00:32:04.600 --> 00:32:05.460 That would be one way 00:32:05.460 --> 00:32:06.740 in an evangelistic context. 00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:08.420 In a counseling context, 00:32:08.580 --> 00:32:08.680 well, 00:32:08.779 --> 00:32:09.460 think about it. 00:32:09.700 --> 00:32:11.100 You don't talk to a child 00:32:11.100 --> 00:32:12.320 like they're an adult. 00:32:13.299 --> 00:32:13.539 Right? 00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:14.460 You've got, 00:32:14.640 --> 00:32:15.440 we've got to accommodate 00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:16.960 and sacrifice ourselves 00:32:16.960 --> 00:32:19.380 and step towards the person 00:32:19.380 --> 00:32:20.519 wherever they might be 00:32:20.519 --> 00:32:21.879 so that they can come 00:32:21.879 --> 00:32:22.559 as they are 00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:24.440 and receive the word 00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:25.299 of the Bible, 00:32:25.379 --> 00:32:25.759 the counseling 00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:27.339 that the Bible offers them. 00:32:28.180 --> 00:32:28.279 Right? 00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:29.099 So I heard from 00:32:29.099 --> 00:32:30.559 one very wise person 00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:31.039 last night 00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:32.599 in my evangelism cohort 00:32:32.599 --> 00:32:34.139 where they said 00:32:34.139 --> 00:32:34.579 it's very important 00:32:34.579 --> 00:32:35.220 in evangelism 00:32:35.220 --> 00:32:36.259 to love people 00:32:36.259 --> 00:32:37.500 exactly where they are, 00:32:38.220 --> 00:32:39.420 not where you expect 00:32:39.420 --> 00:32:39.900 them to be. 00:32:40.539 --> 00:32:40.700 Right? 00:32:40.779 --> 00:32:41.559 And so sometimes 00:32:41.559 --> 00:32:42.639 accommodation 00:32:42.639 --> 00:32:43.420 and counseling 00:32:43.420 --> 00:32:45.259 means killing 00:32:45.259 --> 00:32:46.400 your 00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:48.859 cultural loves, 00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:50.500 your cultural vibes. 00:32:50.819 --> 00:32:51.339 You know, 00:32:51.379 --> 00:32:52.240 the things that you really 00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:53.379 expect to be the case 00:32:53.379 --> 00:32:54.139 and want to be the case 00:32:54.139 --> 00:32:55.879 and think only a decent person 00:32:55.879 --> 00:32:56.639 would only do this. 00:32:57.099 --> 00:32:57.980 You've got to kill that 00:32:57.980 --> 00:32:58.480 actually 00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:00.039 in order to meet them 00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:00.500 where they are 00:33:00.500 --> 00:33:01.460 to bring them 00:33:01.460 --> 00:33:03.440 not into the culture 00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:04.440 we expect to exist 00:33:04.440 --> 00:33:05.319 but into the way 00:33:05.319 --> 00:33:05.879 the Bible 00:33:05.879 --> 00:33:07.220 wants them to walk. 00:33:07.379 --> 00:33:07.940 Love and humility 00:33:07.940 --> 00:33:08.639 based on Christ. 00:33:08.839 --> 00:33:08.980 Right? 00:33:09.480 --> 00:33:09.940 So love, 00:33:10.099 --> 00:33:10.740 accommodation, 00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:12.299 sacrifice has to be made. 00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:13.200 Sacrifice. 00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:14.059 All right. 00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:14.519 We've got to kill 00:33:14.519 --> 00:33:15.180 our expectations. 00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:16.299 That's love and humility 00:33:16.299 --> 00:33:16.740 for people. 00:33:17.180 --> 00:33:17.420 All right. 00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:18.059 Let me stop 00:33:18.059 --> 00:33:19.500 and I'll pray. 00:33:19.500 --> 00:33:19.859 Lord, 00:33:19.859 --> 00:33:21.359 we just ask now 00:33:21.359 --> 00:33:23.240 that as a community, 00:33:23.939 --> 00:33:24.959 as a community, 00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:26.139 you would give us, 00:33:26.299 --> 00:33:28.259 you would give us 00:33:28.259 --> 00:33:28.939 deeper love 00:33:28.939 --> 00:33:29.719 for one another, 00:33:29.859 --> 00:33:30.519 deeper love 00:33:30.519 --> 00:33:31.679 because of the love 00:33:31.679 --> 00:33:32.879 we've experienced 00:33:32.879 --> 00:33:33.559 in the cross. 00:33:33.919 --> 00:33:34.099 So, 00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:35.419 I think tonight, 00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:35.659 Lord, 00:33:35.719 --> 00:33:36.379 our prayer is 00:33:36.379 --> 00:33:37.459 would you help us 00:33:37.459 --> 00:33:38.079 to meditate 00:33:38.079 --> 00:33:38.879 on the cross 00:33:38.879 --> 00:33:41.219 so that we can 00:33:41.219 --> 00:33:42.379 then turn horizontally 00:33:42.379 --> 00:33:43.579 and love one another, 00:33:44.459 --> 00:33:45.159 really seek 00:33:45.159 --> 00:33:45.839 each other's good 00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:47.839 with deep humility. 00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:47.919 humility. 00:33:48.599 --> 00:33:49.279 So that's the prayer. 00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:50.859 Make us into counselors. 00:33:51.500 --> 00:33:52.480 We pray that in Jesus' name. 00:33:52.699 --> 00:33:52.899 Amen.