I want you, or some people in this room, to help me introduce this message.
If you and your spouse have been married for at least 40 years, I want you to stand.
You and your spouse, you've been married for 40 years at least, stand, okay?
Now, if you've been married for at least 50 years, remain standing.
Okay?
If you've been married for at least 60 years, remain standing.
All right.
I don't have this in my notes now.
If you've been married at least 65 years, remain standing.
Okay.
Those 60, if you've been married 60 years, stand back up.
Let's give them applause.
What I'm doing here, I want you to see, we have many couples who at least appear to understand something about God's design for marriage.
Now, I say they appear to understand they've stayed together this many years.
We don't know what it's like.
Okay.
But they are demonstrating for sure the permanent nature of marriage that Jesus described.
Look at this verse.
He's talking about God's design for marriage in Genesis 2.24.
And he says,
That's the goal.
I'm beginning a four-part series this morning called Building a Healthy Family.
Today, we're going to look at God's design or God's original foundation for a healthy family in Genesis 2, verses 24 and 25.
We're going to be looking at the foundation for a healthy family.
We're focused on the husband-wife relationship today.
Lord willing, we'll look at parent-child relationship.
No, next week we're looking at the foundation for marriage today.
About two people coming together.
Next week we're going to look at more details about the husband-wife relationship.
Third week, the parent-child relationship.
Now, what we're looking at today in Genesis chapter 2,
specifically verse 24, but we're adding to it verse 25 today.
This is God's blueprint.
We have looked at this before.
It's been taught, preached by other people in this church.
But nowhere else in the world outside of a church, a Christian teaching session setting,
nowhere else in the world are you going to hear what we're going to look at today.
God's design, His intent for how husbands and wives, men and women, come together and form their marriage.
Virtually all research, secular and Christian, supports the idea that a healthy marriage provides the most solid foundation for a healthy home.
I want you to look at something that comes from Focus on the Families.
It was Citizens Link.
It's now called Family Policy Alliance.
Marriage is good for people, for women, for men, and for children.
Research for the last 30 years continues to find ways in which lifelong marriage positively affects our physical and emotional health,
and even our finances.
And at the end of that article, it says this,
a thriving society and culture depend on stable marriages.
I don't know that you would call our current society and culture thriving.
I don't see how we could.
And one of the main reasons why it's not is because we as a country have sort of forgotten what we're going to look at today,
God's design, God's intent for the home, the foundation for the home.
Look with me.
Genesis 2, 24 and 25.
It'll be on the screen, but keep your Bibles open.
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Now, I've said several times by design, this is God's blueprint for marriage.
This is the foundation.
We're going to look at pillars that form a strong marriage.
Some people, maybe some in this room, you're thinking,
I think he's sort of overstating this, overstating the significance.
Well, consider this.
When Jesus taught about marriage in the context of being questioned about divorce,
when Jesus taught about the foundational nature of marriage, he quoted Genesis 2, 24.
It's in Matthew 19.
When Paul gave detailed instructions about the home and about marriage, about husband-wife relationships,
in Ephesians 5, he quoted Genesis 2, 24.
It's not an overstatement for us to look at Genesis 2, 24 and 25
as the bedrock, it's the foundation if you're interested in having a healthy marriage, family, home.
I want us to look at this passage using four words that Chuck Swindoll coined to explain this passage.
I often use this in wedding ceremonies.
And some of you here, we use this in your wedding ceremony.
Here they are.
The words severance, permanence, unity, and intimacy.
We're going to look at each one individually.
Here's what I want us to understand.
If we want to have healthy homes,
we need to make sure that our marriage is based on these four foundational principles.
Let's look at them.
The principle of severance.
The first step in the process of building a healthy home is this.
A man shall leave his father and his mother.
The same thing is true about a woman.
A woman must leave her father and mother first before the healthy home can be established.
Now, let's think about it for a moment.
What does it mean to leave your father and mother?
Does it mean to just say so long, forget it?
You know, it was nice knowing you?
Obviously not.
When he says to leave your father and mother, it does not mean to abandon them.
It doesn't mean to cut them off from your life.
It does not mean that we would do anything that could be considered disrespectful.
The fifth commandment states, honor your father and mother,
and it applies to adult children as well as small children.
All of us in here, if our parents are still alive, we're supposed to honor them.
And leaving father or mother does not give us a license to dishonor them.
What does it mean?
Well, again, I want to quote Swindoll.
He has a good definition, I think, or explanation of what it means to leave your father and mother.
He says it means to sever tight, emotionally dependent strings that once provided security, protection, financial, and physical needs.
All or any of those ties, if brought over into a marriage, will hinder the bond of marriage from sealing.
So God mentions this first, even before he talks about uniting or cleaving to each other.
When we get married, when you got married, your relational priorities should have changed.
For those of you who are not married yet, you're thinking one day you will.
When you get married, your relational priorities should change.
The number one person in your life, if you're married, should be your spouse.
Now, it takes time for that to happen.
And in normal courtships, in normal engagement periods, that should be taking place.
If you're engaged.
If you're engaged, you're engaged.
The process, the process of leaving father and mother should already be underway.
And if you've been dating for five years, you've been engaged for eight months, and you don't see any signs, that's a red flag.
If he's still mama's boy, or she's still daddy's girl, and it looks like, where do I fit in?
Red flag.
By the time you get married, by the time we got married, we should have made the definite commitment
that my wife, my husband, is the number one person in my life under Christ.
Now, how this change takes place depends on the couple and their parents.
It's according to the kind of relationship you had before you get married,
as to how this actually works itself out.
But for some people, the best way for this to take place is to move away.
For some people, move far, far away.
Lisa and I got married, and we lived one year, about 15 minutes from her family, and about 45 minutes from my family.
After one year, we moved.
She was from Belton, I was from Pendleton.
After one year, we moved to Fort Worth, Texas, for me to go to seminary, and we lived out there for three years.
And it was one of the best things that we could ever have done for our relationship.
And I want you to understand, we didn't have any problems when we lived close by that first year.
We, I never thought Lisa didn't leave father and mother to be united to me.
She never thought that I didn't leave father and mother and be united to her.
But moving away like we did, where we didn't know anyone, we were not kin to anyone,
living a thousand miles away from family for three years, it made us draw close together.
It made us spend a lot more time together.
We learned to depend on one another in a way I don't think we ever could have, or maybe not would have,
if we'd always lived close by to our parents.
So I highly recommend it.
If it's on the verge of happening, couple, embrace it.
It's an adventure.
Dad, mom, if it's your child is about to go, it is sad.
It can be gut-wrenching.
But give them your blessing.
It is, under most circumstances, it is going to be a good thing for their relationship, for their marriage.
Now, everybody doesn't have to move away.
I know that, and I'm not saying that you have to.
Everyone does not have to move away, but everyone has to break away from being dependent upon,
having those tight, emotional, and other strings attached to their parents.
The break has got to be made if you're going to have a close, bonding kind of marriage in every way that we read about here in Genesis 2.24.
You cannot have the solid foundation for a healthy marriage and be tied to mama or daddy, either one of you.
I want to repeat that.
You cannot be the spouse that you ought to be to your husband.
You cannot provide the model you ought to provide to your children if your mother is the first woman in your life, man.
If your dad is the first man in your life, woman.
That's not how God designed it to be.
And there are no exceptions.
Now, there's a word in here for parents.
Let your adult married child go.
Allow them to leave you and grow close to their mate.
That is God's will.
That is God's design.
If you want to be on board with God's design, God's plan for your children's home,
you might need to cut the strings.
You might need to tell them, talk to your spouse about that.
You and him or you and her, you make the decision.
You talk about it.
It doesn't involve me.
It's not my decision to make.
It is yours.
Both of our sons are married.
Most of you know that.
Know my whole family.
We love our daughters-in-law.
We have been blessed by two daughters-in-law and two grandchildren.
We have a great relationship with our daughters-in-law.
We do a lot of things together.
They put up with me aggravating them all the time.
But I want to tell you this, and you can ask both boys and daughters-in-law to verify.
We don't try to run their life.
We do not try in any way to run their lives.
Believe it or not, I do not give my boys a whole lot of unsolicited advice.
I don't tell them everything I think about what they're doing.
Now, I'll be honest with you.
If it's just something stupid, I'm going to tell them that's stupid.
I couldn't sit by and let them do something I thought was just dumb.
This is just crazy.
And not tell them.
But if they choose to do it, it's their decision.
And they will live with it.
Not me.
My boys, my daughters-in-law, these two families,
they live their lives.
They live the lives that they choose.
We don't try to tell them what to do.
Now, I want to give here sort of what you might call a free piece of advice
to parents of grown children.
None of your children have told me this, but some of them wish they would like to.
Don't go to their house uninvited.
Mama-in-law and papa-in-law.
Mama and daddy have grown men and women.
Don't show up at the doorstep uninvited.
Don't make surprise visits.
They may not tell you that because they want to spare your feelings,
but they don't like it.
You're intruding.
You're actually crossing the line.
Always call.
Always see if it's okay.
If you're not going to be interfering.
Respect their privacy.
Now, for you who needed me to say that,
$20 would be sufficient on your way out.
Parents and adult children,
and I want to clarify something here.
Parents and adult children can have a great relationship.
Parents and adult children can have a close relationship
and enjoy life together and do a lot of things together.
And that's the goal.
But it should never be a question
as to who is first
in a married man and married woman's life.
Lisa and I are first in each other's life under God.
And her parents know that.
They're alive right now.
They know that.
They've always known that.
My parents knew that.
They always knew that.
My boys,
they can tell you,
Lisa and I are first in each other's lives.
Those of you who know us,
you know it.
You see it.
Here's what we want for our boys.
We want Amy to be number one in David's life.
We want Jennifer to be number one in Michael's life.
That's God's plan.
That's the way he made marriage.
That is his will.
And that's what my grandchildren,
their children need to see.
And the same thing applies to you and your family.
That's the principle of severance.
Let's move.
The principle of permanence.
The next phrase,
hold fast to his wife or be united to his wife.
Either way,
translated both ways.
This refers,
this idea of holding fast,
being united.
The old King James,
cleave.
It refers to the strongest of possible unions,
like being glued together or welded together.
In order for a marriage to survive and thrive,
both husband and wife must make the commitment to each other.
This is permanent.
This is not a trial marriage.
This is not we hope it works out.
This is for life.
And separation or divorce should never be an option.
Divorce was not a part of God's original plan,
as Jesus reveals.
Look at it.
This is Matthew 19,
where he's being sort of sucked into a discussion.
People arguing over grounds for divorce and so forth.
Jesus replied,
Moses permitted you to divorce your wives
because your hearts were hard.
But it was not this way from the beginning.
It was not God's design.
Anytime a marriage breaks up,
it is a violation of God's intent for that marriage.
So divorce happens because of sin.
But listen to this.
While all divorces involve sin,
not everyone involved in the divorce is guilty of sin.
There are biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage.
That's not our point this morning.
We've talked about that in days gone by.
We're focusing on marriage this morning.
And just as an aside,
just for the case of maybe the few who are here who think this way,
a person who's been divorced for whatever reason can be forgiven.
If we truly repent of any sin and seek forgiveness by trusting in Christ,
then our sins are forgiven.
There's been a day in church life and in Baptist life in particular maybe,
when divorce was considered the unpardonable sin,
and that's always been wrong, and it's wrong today.
There's nothing that irritates me more than somebody who's never been divorced,
who has a smug, look-down-their-nose attitude,
as somebody who has been divorced.
So I want to throw that part out.
Because there's been too many people
wounded by churches
with arrogant attitudes
just because they've stayed married,
or people who just stayed married.
I've told you this before,
and I said what I said about people being married a long time.
It appears they're doing something right.
It appears they're following God's design.
Everybody who stays married
didn't want to stay married.
Many years ago,
I had a lady that I knew,
her husband of 50 or 60 years,
I can't remember,
it was a long time,
50 or 60 years,
he died.
And I asked her,
or I said something to her,
I know you miss John.
She said,
I don't miss him,
I'm glad he's dead.
And I'm serious.
Those were her exact words.
I don't miss him,
I'm glad he's dead.
They had a terrible relationship.
He was meaner than a snake.
She was glad he died.
So everybody that sticks together,
it's not a wonderful,
it's not a God-honoring marriage.
And sometimes there are grounds for divorce.
So,
God intends for us to think of marriage
as a lifetime commitment.
Permanent.
And you need to let that sink in
if you're married right now.
You need to think right now.
If you're a Christian,
your spouse is a Christian,
you both want to make your marriage work,
you can.
Changes may need to take place,
but you can.
That's God's plan.
He'll help you.
Number three,
the principle of unity.
I want you to look at this next phrase.
Talking about them becoming one flesh,
they shall become one flesh.
This refers to more than the sexual relationship.
It includes that,
but also the emotional and spiritual aspects
of oneness are included.
Now, obviously,
this is not something that happens overnight.
It's a process.
You have to grow together,
work at growing together in oneness.
But this one flesh relationship,
it is the foundation for a healthy marriage.
And it also explains why God created marriage
in the first place.
I want you to look at Genesis 2.18.
We'll put it on the screen.
It says,
Then the Lord God said,
It is not good that the man should be alone.
I will make him a helper fit for him.
The only thing prior to the fall
that God said wasn't good,
and it was that the man was alone.
God created most people,
the overwhelming majority of people,
to not be complete alone,
to desire a spouse.
And by the way,
this is not the message this morning,
but under God's design,
there's only one definition of marriage.
It's between a man and a woman only,
exclusively.
Regardless of what the Supreme Court
of the United States says,
regardless of what becomes law today,
before God,
according to the truth of His Word,
marriage is intended for one man
and one woman only.
And the purpose
is companionship.
The reason,
the first reason given
for why God created marriage
here in 2.18,
companionship.
The first great purpose
of your marriage,
just think about your marriage,
is to provide companionship.
God intends for husbands and wives
to share life together
in a one flesh,
emotionally,
physically,
relationship.
A simple way to say this is,
God intends for you and your spouse
to be best friends.
Not only friends now.
Every man in here,
you need some more,
you need male friends.
Every woman in here,
you need female friends.
For sure.
And we can have friends
of the opposite sex,
but we can't have our best friend
of the opposite sex.
It's not healthy.
Unless it's your spouse.
And that's the goal
for your spouse
to be your best friend.
Now here's what I want to ask you.
In your relationship
with your spouse,
are you a real companion?
Does your spouse feel like
you are a real companion?
Or does your spouse
feel like
he or she
is living like
a single person
because of the way
that you treat them?
You know,
in some marriages,
the husband and wife
is more like a roommate
than a husband and wife.
In some marriages,
a husband and wife
share the same
living space.
But that's about
all they share.
They go their separate ways
day in and day out.
They have their own
separate friends.
They have their own
separate interests.
And they just basically
live as single people.
They're like buddies
with benefits.
There's no real
one flesh relationship
present or growing.
If that's where
your marriage is now,
you need to act now
and do something about it
to correct it.
And the place to begin
is to talk to God about it
and talk to your spouse
about it.
You may not think
it's a problem.
Ask your spouse.
Especially if you have
a lot of
or one particular
single guy friend
or another married guy
who lives like a single guy.
And you just do so much
with that person.
Most of your time
is spent outside of work
with that person.
Doing those fun things
you like to do
with that person.
You might need
to sort of stand back
and look at how
I live my life.
Who I'm really
investing in.
Where my time is going.
Where does your spouse
fit
as you think about that?
If you want to change
something,
it may be you've got
to prioritize
the people
and things
in your life
so that your spouse
will be
at the top of the list
right under your
relationship with God.
You should not let
anyone or anything
take your spouse's
rightful place
as being number one
on earth to you.
Developing this
one flesh relationship
as I said
it's not going to
happen tonight.
It's not going to
happen this week.
It's a process.
It's going to take time.
It's going to take
patience.
It's going to take
forgiveness from time
to time.
It's going to take
wisdom.
It's going to take
love.
Self-giving love
on the part
of both husband
and wife.
Let's look at the
next one.
Final one.
Number four.
The principle of
intimacy.
And the man and his
wife were both naked
and they were not
ashamed.
I want you to notice
that the principle of
intimacy is found
last in this passage.
The idea is that
the delights
of intimacy.
We're talking about
the sexual relationship
right here.
The delights of
intimacy between
a husband and wife
are enjoyed because
severance, permanence,
and unity
are in operation.
This little phrase
tells us two things.
First of all,
premarital sex is wrong.
I don't care what
everybody else is doing.
I don't care what
the culture just
expects nowadays.
The sexual relationship
is so special.
God created sex,
the sex drive.
It is a gift from
him, but it's so
special he designed
it to be enjoyed
between a husband
and wife only
in the context
of a marriage.
It is special.
It is important.
And you need to
wait if you're a
single person
until you
give yourself,
until you leave
your parents,
united to that
spouse,
and you're growing
in that one flesh
relationship in every
way.
Second thing this
little phrase tells
us is that
extramarital sex is
wrong.
First thing that
comes into mind,
adultery, it is
wrong.
The intimacy
between a husband
and wife is so
special and sacred
that this intimacy
must never be
violated.
Adultery is wrong,
it's sinful,
in every shape,
form, or fashion.
There are no
excuses.
But intimacy
between a husband
and wife cannot
be, can also be
destroyed in other
ways.
In this day
especially,
pornography
destroys a lot
of intimacy
between husbands
and wives.
men.
It's causing a lot
of problems in the
minds and hearts
of men.
It's doing a lot
of damage in our
culture, in our
homes, in these
kinds of, in our
husband-wife
relationships.
It's not good
and it's not
healthy to be
always flirting
around with
someone of the
opposite sex.
It is wrong,
Jesus said,
to look at a
person and lust.
You're committing
adultery in your
heart.
Emotional affairs
are sinful
mental endeavors.
I want to
encourage you,
guard your mind,
guard your heart.
Don't let anyone
or anything into
your mind, into
your body that
would interfere in
the relationship,
the special,
intimate relationship
that God wants you
to enjoy but
exclusively experience
with your spouse.
I want you to
understand this
morning that what
we're looking at is
God's idea.
marriage is God's
idea and He designed
it to work in a
certain way.
And if we will
patiently,
faithfully,
follow God's
design, we'll
have marriages,
we'll have homes
that are healthy
and for the most
part, happy.
You know, God is
still in the
business of
building marriages
or if necessary,
rebuilding them.
It may be that
as we've gone
through this passage
this morning,
you see some
cracks in the
pillars, these
four pillars of
your marriage.
And maybe just
one of them or
two of them.
I want to
encourage you to
acknowledge that.
Talk to God
about it.
Talk to your
spouse about it.
Ask them if they
see the same thing.
develop a plan of
action together
to work on the
severance, to work
on the intimacy,
to work on the
oneness, the
unity.
Make sure that
Jesus Christ is
your Lord.
Make sure that His
Spirit indwells you
because you need
His help to make
this work.
and make sure
Christ is the
Lord of your
home.
Make sure that
you're desirable
than anything else
is to develop
your marriage
according to the
way we've looked
at this morning.
No matter what
anyone else tells
you or whatever
or anything else
you read or see
or hear.
All of us
understand the
importance of
having a strong,
stable foundation
for everything that
we build.
If you've built
a house, you
know a great
effort was put
into laying a
good solid
foundation.
The house that
you live in now,
if it's got crawl
space, you can
crawl under there
and you can see
the foundation
that's been put
in place.
If you live on a
slab, you can see
the slab that's
been poured.
We all know and
understand the
importance of
having, building
our lives, our
homes, our
houses on a
solid foundation.
foundation.
Well, I want you
to know that even
more importantly,
your marriage, your
home, your
family, it needs
to be built on a
solid foundation.
And the place to
begin are with
these four pillars,
these four supports
that we looked at
this morning.
Severance,
permanence,
unity, and
intimacy.
Are these pillars
securely in place
in your marriage?
If they're not,
work on it with
God's help starting
today.
Let's pray together.
Father, help us to
see how we need to
respond as husbands
and wives to this
message.
Help us to see
clearly this is your
design and it's
the only design.
Father, show us
how things really
are.
Help us to talk
to our spouse
and make sure
that we both
understand
and are on the
same page about
each one of
these.
Lord, so work
in us that
we have this
strong foundation
for our marriage,
our home,
our family.
Help us to be the
right kind of
models for those
who are looking
at us.
Show us how we
should respond.
Help us to do it,
not just now,
but to carry out
the commitment
this afternoon,
this evening,
this week.
And then in
attitude of prayer,
let's just do that.
I'd be happy to pray
with you during this
time.
I'll be here at the
front.
But you listen to God
and you make the kind
of commitment that
needs to be made to
have a strong
foundation for your
marriage.
we'll be here at
ha.
Good night.
Amen.