WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.440 So I've got a little exercise for you to do before we start off, to get our brains working so that we wake up to listen. 00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:16.580 I wanted to ask you this question. I want you to think about the relationships that you've got in your life right now. 00:00:18.580 --> 00:00:22.539 Or even think about special relationships that you've had in the past. 00:00:23.019 --> 00:00:28.620 I know for some of you that will be the case. Can you all hear me by the way? Am I loud enough? Yeah, okay. 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:34.079 So who makes you feel more authentically you? 00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:40.359 So just makes you feel like yourself. You know you feel like you. 00:00:41.579 --> 00:00:49.260 Makes you feel safe or made you feel safe. Could be a past relationship, I realise that, or somebody right now. 00:00:49.760 --> 00:00:51.859 It could even be your relationship with God. 00:00:52.519 --> 00:00:57.100 Who makes you feel authentically yourself? Who makes you feel safe? 00:00:57.100 --> 00:01:00.399 Just maybe write that down. 00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:04.719 And what is it about that relationship that makes you feel that way? 00:01:06.219 --> 00:01:07.900 What is it about that relationship? 00:01:09.019 --> 00:01:10.760 Just have a think for a few seconds. 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:30.740 And then as you're just thinking about that, I want you to think about how has that relationship come to be what it is? 00:01:30.739 --> 00:01:34.219 I realise it could be a partner. 00:01:35.060 --> 00:01:37.079 It could be a child that you've had. 00:01:37.179 --> 00:01:39.419 It could be a friend, a long-term friendship. 00:01:39.640 --> 00:01:41.579 It could be somebody that you've met even recently. 00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:44.719 But how has that relationship happened? 00:01:46.659 --> 00:01:52.099 Just think about the kind of journey that that relationship has taken you on. 00:01:52.099 --> 00:01:56.159 Maybe it's a life event. 00:01:56.519 --> 00:01:58.479 Maybe it's shared interests. 00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:01.839 Maybe it's that they're part of your family. 00:02:01.939 --> 00:02:03.019 They're part of your story. 00:02:03.019 --> 00:02:04.019 Maybe it's a life event. 00:02:07.019 --> 00:02:09.659 How has that relationship become what it is? 00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:16.300 And then the final question for just this piece, and then I want you to hold on to this, is 00:02:16.300 --> 00:02:20.019 what do you do to keep that relationship alive? 00:02:20.639 --> 00:02:22.659 Or what did you do, if it was in the past? 00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:25.319 What did you do to keep that relationship alive? 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:31.079 Just really think about that question. 00:02:31.079 --> 00:02:31.960 What did you do? 00:02:33.020 --> 00:02:58.080 It's all very quiet. 00:02:58.080 --> 00:02:58.820 You're very immediate. 00:02:58.819 --> 00:03:03.400 Unless I've been at school, I know. 00:03:11.239 --> 00:03:11.599 Okay. 00:03:12.299 --> 00:03:16.340 I think it'll all hopefully become clear as we go on, but we will come back to it. 00:03:16.340 --> 00:03:24.000 So I'm going to pray in a second, just give this to God. 00:03:24.099 --> 00:03:30.420 But I think the caveat that I just wanted to say at the beginning is there's a reason for 00:03:30.420 --> 00:03:31.560 this passage tonight. 00:03:31.920 --> 00:03:37.280 And, you know, I loved the fact that it talks about intimacy, and that's the message version 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:37.939 that we read. 00:03:37.939 --> 00:03:39.919 So it's beautiful. 00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:43.599 It talks about intimacy in a couple of the places in it. 00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:49.199 And the two pieces that I've pulled out for that postcard for you are those two sections 00:03:49.199 --> 00:03:51.560 in that reading that talk about intimacy. 00:03:51.560 --> 00:04:00.420 And I want to tell you a little bit of a story, the backstory to how I came to really feel God 00:04:00.420 --> 00:04:04.140 give this to me for tonight, and a little bit about my story. 00:04:04.139 --> 00:04:08.500 So forgive me for some of you that will have heard a little bit of it before, or a lot 00:04:08.500 --> 00:04:09.119 of it before. 00:04:09.879 --> 00:04:14.959 But I just wanted to say as well that this week, it's been a bit of a journey. 00:04:15.279 --> 00:04:19.539 And, you know, I've had this thing about preaching on Sunday night, and I've got this talk to do 00:04:19.539 --> 00:04:23.599 and to prepare, and it needs to be powerful, and it needs to be good, and it needs to be, 00:04:23.639 --> 00:04:24.639 you know, all of that stuff. 00:04:24.639 --> 00:04:29.180 And actually, I just felt to God, when I had that dream, and I sat down and wrote it, that 00:04:29.180 --> 00:04:33.099 I just had that sense of, I'm just on a journey like all of you. 00:04:34.039 --> 00:04:42.019 I'm just on the journey, and I'm learning, and I have my life experiences, and God is speaking 00:04:42.019 --> 00:04:45.099 to me, as I'm sure he's speaking to all of us at different times. 00:04:45.199 --> 00:04:53.180 And this really tonight is, the caveat is, I need to hear what I have got to share as much 00:04:53.180 --> 00:04:54.519 as anybody else in the room. 00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:55.300 Is that fair? 00:04:55.860 --> 00:04:56.819 I really do. 00:04:57.060 --> 00:04:59.379 This is not me preaching at anybody. 00:04:59.699 --> 00:05:05.899 I'm as in need of hearing this word from God as anybody else, and more so, probably. 00:05:06.699 --> 00:05:10.000 So we're going on a bit of a journey together, if that's all right. 00:05:10.919 --> 00:05:15.039 So Lord Jesus, thank you for bringing us together. 00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:17.319 Thank you for this space. 00:05:18.159 --> 00:05:20.959 Thank you for this word, Lord, that you have laid on my heart. 00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:26.799 Thank you for the journey to get to it, and for what you've been speaking into my heart 00:05:26.799 --> 00:05:30.699 over these last eight weeks, really. 00:05:30.699 --> 00:05:38.539 And I pray for every single woman in the room, from the youngest to the eldest, that Lord, 00:05:38.620 --> 00:05:47.339 all of the words, all of the stories, Lord, from it, you will just speak personally to every 00:05:47.339 --> 00:05:48.139 single person. 00:05:48.139 --> 00:05:52.139 You'll speak intimately. 00:05:52.939 --> 00:05:54.740 You'll speak what they need to hear. 00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:00.479 There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus, only love. 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:07.000 And God, I pray that you will anoint these words, Lord. 00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:13.640 Allow me to just communicate your heart, and you will have your way, Jesus. 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:16.879 Amen. 00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:18.520 Amen. 00:06:18.519 --> 00:06:18.560 Amen. 00:06:19.939 --> 00:06:27.459 So, I gave my life to Jesus when I was seven years old at Sunday school. 00:06:27.740 --> 00:06:33.859 Very, very definite morning at Sunday school when we were given the chance, and I frog-marched 00:06:33.859 --> 00:06:37.120 my friend Terrence up to the front to give his life to Jesus as well. 00:06:37.259 --> 00:06:37.699 Bless him. 00:06:37.959 --> 00:06:40.899 I'm not sure he did actually want to at the time, but he did anyway. 00:06:41.019 --> 00:06:46.199 The great news is he went on to lead a church, so I don't feel guilty about it. 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:51.459 And that is nearly 50 years ago. 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:56.560 55 years old now, so we're getting close to 50 years. 00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:00.039 And there have been some amazing times in my journey with God. 00:07:00.879 --> 00:07:03.639 There's also been some real battles and some tough times. 00:07:04.379 --> 00:07:10.899 And the last five years have what I would call been the dark night of my soul, really. 00:07:12.419 --> 00:07:14.919 COVID started that pre-COVID. 00:07:14.920 --> 00:07:16.640 I actually felt like I was in a good place. 00:07:16.780 --> 00:07:18.120 I was bearing fruit. 00:07:18.379 --> 00:07:19.879 I was feeling, let's go. 00:07:20.640 --> 00:07:24.840 And leading the Refresh Cafe on a Friday morning with some of the team here. 00:07:25.180 --> 00:07:26.319 And then COVID came. 00:07:26.600 --> 00:07:30.360 And it brought so much to so many of our lives, as we know. 00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:33.600 Alex, my husband, was really poorly with COVID. 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:39.000 And took a long time to recover and amazingly came through it. 00:07:40.220 --> 00:07:45.520 And then, just as we were coming through that, and I was recovering from COVID as well. 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:46.640 Isabella and I'd had it. 00:07:46.960 --> 00:07:49.520 I knew that something wasn't right and I was not well. 00:07:49.960 --> 00:07:52.660 And I was putting it down to the menopause. 00:07:52.660 --> 00:07:55.620 And went to see the doctor. 00:07:55.760 --> 00:07:57.860 Finally got an appointment in that September. 00:07:58.980 --> 00:08:02.820 And realised quite quickly that there's something seriously wrong. 00:08:03.660 --> 00:08:06.140 And had lots of tests. 00:08:06.300 --> 00:08:15.260 And then on the 16th of December 2020, which was our 20th wedding anniversary, I had my diagnosis of ovarian cancer. 00:08:15.259 --> 00:08:21.800 And we were supposed to be staying at our beautiful hotel and celebrating. 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:26.579 And instead we were sitting in the car park at St. Michael's with a cup of tea and a sandwich. 00:08:27.099 --> 00:08:30.860 And just waiting to go in and find out what was happening. 00:08:31.300 --> 00:08:33.600 And it was ovarian cancer. 00:08:33.720 --> 00:08:37.220 It had spread from the fallopian tube. 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:41.179 So it was already really serious. 00:08:41.179 --> 00:08:46.539 So I had to have massive surgery for that a few weeks later. 00:08:47.699 --> 00:08:51.959 And in the process discovered that I had the BRCA gene mutation. 00:08:52.219 --> 00:08:59.779 So obviously my team, because things had been so serious, had to have more surgery. 00:09:00.819 --> 00:09:02.679 Chemotherapy had made me very unwell. 00:09:03.259 --> 00:09:05.379 And affected my mental health. 00:09:05.379 --> 00:09:12.740 And for me, I think at that point, I just felt that huge sense of loss of control. 00:09:16.100 --> 00:09:17.840 And it leaves you in shock. 00:09:18.019 --> 00:09:19.120 You know, you're on this journey. 00:09:19.779 --> 00:09:27.639 And for any of you that have been through that yourself, it is, you know, all of a sudden, yeah, it is just this massive shock. 00:09:29.460 --> 00:09:31.100 And so I was going through trauma. 00:09:31.580 --> 00:09:33.899 I'd been disconnected from a lot of loved ones. 00:09:33.899 --> 00:09:36.199 It was life-changing physically and mentally. 00:09:36.980 --> 00:09:40.240 And I was seeking help to recover and to heal. 00:09:41.319 --> 00:09:45.779 And relieved to be alive and blessed to enjoy aspects of life. 00:09:45.899 --> 00:09:53.360 But I think the biggest sadness for me coming out of that season was this impact on my relationship with God. 00:09:54.600 --> 00:09:58.340 And it was understandable because obviously there'd been this trauma. 00:09:58.340 --> 00:10:07.060 And amazingly, actually, in the process, going through it all, I never doubted that God was with me or that he loved me. 00:10:07.620 --> 00:10:11.720 That he'd shown me time and again in it that he was with me. 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:15.960 There were some beautiful, miraculous moments in it. 00:10:15.960 --> 00:10:23.420 There was a moment, God reminded me, when I went in for my double mastectomy. 00:10:24.019 --> 00:10:26.580 And I had to go into the hospital on my own. 00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:31.060 And I was in a place where you're sort of shutting down. 00:10:31.160 --> 00:10:32.160 You're preparing for it. 00:10:32.420 --> 00:10:34.879 You know, you're in, obviously, you're just kind of getting on with it. 00:10:34.879 --> 00:10:36.600 And I had to walk in on my own. 00:10:36.679 --> 00:10:39.620 And I had my letter and I couldn't find the desk. 00:10:39.700 --> 00:10:41.620 I couldn't find where I was supposed to be going. 00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:42.500 Huge hospital. 00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:48.980 And I remember walking through just feeling like, God, I need you to be here in this moment with me. 00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:49.779 I need your help. 00:10:50.299 --> 00:10:55.299 And as I walked through the, those of you that know the hospital south of me particularly, it's massive. 00:10:55.399 --> 00:10:57.519 It's like an airport, isn't it? 00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:02.879 And I walked through and looking at my letter and I was just, you know, disorientated. 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:05.679 And there's a lift shaft in the middle. 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:10.899 And as I walked past the lift shaft, this nurse came out, this little nurse. 00:11:11.399 --> 00:11:14.360 And I just thought, I'll ask her where I'm going. 00:11:14.439 --> 00:11:20.820 So I turned to her and I just said, excuse me, could you tell me where I'm supposed to be going to have this surgery? 00:11:20.939 --> 00:11:21.700 Showed her the letter. 00:11:21.820 --> 00:11:23.820 And she just looked up at me and she said, Helen? 00:11:25.000 --> 00:11:26.019 And I looked down. 00:11:26.460 --> 00:11:27.860 She literally is about this high. 00:11:28.299 --> 00:11:30.399 And she said, Helen, it's Natalie. 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:37.519 And I literally, I hadn't recognised her, but years before I'd worked with Natalie at the charity that I worked with, 00:11:37.879 --> 00:11:40.679 I had no idea she was a nurse, no idea she was at the hospital. 00:11:41.220 --> 00:11:43.259 And she was working in the heart unit at this point. 00:11:43.340 --> 00:11:44.639 She was on duty that morning. 00:11:45.259 --> 00:11:46.459 She said, what are you doing here? 00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:48.559 And I, you know, a couple of minutes I just filled her in. 00:11:48.600 --> 00:11:49.419 She had no idea. 00:11:49.500 --> 00:11:51.000 We hadn't seen each other for years. 00:11:51.439 --> 00:11:53.620 And she just said, I know exactly where you're going. 00:11:53.620 --> 00:12:01.299 And she took a hold of my hand and she walked me to the gate, praying for me in tongues all the way, just with me. 00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:15.940 You know, those moments of in the darkness, in the desperation, me nothing to give, clinging on literally. 00:12:15.940 --> 00:12:18.240 And God, just there, present. 00:12:21.580 --> 00:12:34.260 So last year, having come through the surgery and recovered, I went along to Wildfires Festival, which is something that Isabel has, we've gone to as a family for the last couple of years. 00:12:34.259 --> 00:12:45.559 And I find myself in a place where I'm, you know, I'm sort of four years down the line and nearly five years and feeling that sense of, I don't want to be in this place anymore. 00:12:45.659 --> 00:12:46.480 I don't want to be stuck. 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:56.019 I don't want to be feeling this numbness, if you like, and actually feeling quite angry, you know, that this had happened. 00:12:56.519 --> 00:12:59.600 And understandably, you know, we do feel like that when these things happen. 00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:09.860 And despite my own state of mind and how grumpy I was for camping and having to cut short our holiday and go to this festival where I didn't really want to be, 00:13:10.300 --> 00:13:19.279 I found myself sitting there on the first morning of the evening session had been the night before and Jackie Pullinger was speaking. 00:13:19.540 --> 00:13:26.040 For those of you that know Jackie Pullinger, well, that had already left me feeling like I didn't even know whether I was a Christian, to be fair. 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:29.120 I mean, honestly, it was off the charts. 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:31.720 The next morning was R.T. Kendall. 00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:38.100 And I had heard about R.T. Kendall and I had read reviews of some of his books. 00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:42.399 I've never actually got into his books because they just seem a little bit too highbrow for me. 00:13:42.639 --> 00:13:47.679 But he was the next speaker, this 85-year-old, and he climbed up the stairs and helped up the stairs. 00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:50.200 He'd flown all the way from America to speak. 00:13:50.419 --> 00:13:53.240 And he had the most amazing message for us. 00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:59.220 And there were 8,000 people in the tent, 800 in the youth tent. 00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:01.899 And I found myself listening to this talk. 00:14:01.960 --> 00:14:08.480 And he was giving this challenge to us as a church to wake up to the church of God is on the move and wake up. 00:14:08.519 --> 00:14:12.560 And he needs us to be joining in with what he's doing on the earth at the moment. 00:14:12.700 --> 00:14:14.940 Don't we all need to be rallied? 00:14:14.940 --> 00:14:17.540 And I was just livid, honestly. 00:14:17.760 --> 00:14:18.820 I was just so angry. 00:14:18.980 --> 00:14:23.060 I just felt really cross about the whole thing and found myself really grumpy. 00:14:24.260 --> 00:14:30.740 By the way, if you want to hear any of the talks from the Wildfires conference last year, including those two, they're all online. 00:14:30.860 --> 00:14:31.960 And I highly recommend. 00:14:32.420 --> 00:14:35.720 If you want to be challenged, that's the warning ahead of time. 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:37.300 So I'm there. 00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:40.180 And he did an appeal at the end. 00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:48.980 And I, honestly, sometimes if these things, I don't know whether it's ever happened to you, but I found myself down at the front before I'd even decided I wanted to be there. 00:14:49.160 --> 00:14:53.519 I sort of marched to the front of the tent and really cross. 00:14:54.040 --> 00:14:57.460 And thinking, you know, I don't even know why I'm here. 00:14:57.519 --> 00:14:58.480 But I was just angry. 00:14:58.480 --> 00:15:06.560 I was angry with God and thinking, I am numb and I am feeling completely asleep and not really connecting. 00:15:06.840 --> 00:15:08.600 But I am literally traumatized. 00:15:09.940 --> 00:15:13.960 I've been through five years of trauma. 00:15:15.019 --> 00:15:18.180 And I'm sure some of you in the room will identify. 00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:22.360 And if it's not right now, you've had that in your life. 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:25.820 And here's what happened. 00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:28.600 I stood at the front and I cried and I was really cross. 00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:33.120 And I just thought, you know, if I feel like this, I'm sure a lot of other people feel like this. 00:15:33.340 --> 00:15:37.860 And we are very good friends with Pete Gregg, who some of you will have known and read. 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:42.320 Alex went to uni with Pete and he was standing right in front of me. 00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:44.080 He leads Wildfires Conference. 00:15:44.940 --> 00:15:51.460 And I tapped, before I knew it, I tapped him on the shoulder and I said, Pete, I've just got something to share. 00:15:51.460 --> 00:15:55.100 I mean, I do feel asleep and I do feel numb. 00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:56.680 And I'm challenged. 00:15:56.780 --> 00:15:57.900 Obviously, I'm challenged. 00:15:58.080 --> 00:15:59.280 But I don't know what to do about it. 00:15:59.780 --> 00:16:00.940 I literally don't know what to do. 00:16:01.220 --> 00:16:02.280 I'm going to therapy. 00:16:02.680 --> 00:16:06.940 And I was literally just spurting it all out to this poor guy who's trying to lead the whole event. 00:16:07.560 --> 00:16:12.280 And I just said, if I feel like that, I know that other people feel like I do. 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:17.919 And I feel like we need to give people an opportunity to hear that God's not mad with them. 00:16:18.620 --> 00:16:20.240 God actually loves them. 00:16:20.500 --> 00:16:25.419 And he wants them, he wants to heal those that are traumatized, actually. 00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:28.159 And he disappeared off. 00:16:28.319 --> 00:16:31.199 And then he came back about, well, he went off. 00:16:31.459 --> 00:16:33.279 I was standing there with my eyes closed. 00:16:33.379 --> 00:16:34.799 And then I kind of opened my eyes. 00:16:34.860 --> 00:16:38.899 And he got up on the stage by this point and had got his microphone in his hand. 00:16:38.959 --> 00:16:41.459 And I thought, oh, he's going to do a lovely appeal and we can all respond. 00:16:41.460 --> 00:16:44.400 And he just sort of motioned for me to come up on the stage. 00:16:45.259 --> 00:16:47.300 And I was just like, what is he doing? 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:49.240 So I followed, get up on the stage. 00:16:49.320 --> 00:16:50.320 I mean, I've been camping. 00:16:50.780 --> 00:16:53.840 I'm in my, I'm not looking the most glamorous I've ever looked. 00:16:54.700 --> 00:16:56.320 And then I'm up on the stage. 00:16:56.400 --> 00:16:59.320 And I thought, he's going to ask me a couple of questions or interview me. 00:16:59.379 --> 00:17:01.080 And he just sort of handed me the microphone. 00:17:01.780 --> 00:17:05.720 At which point I shared what I just shared with you now. 00:17:05.720 --> 00:17:13.240 And God, all I can say is that God used my testimony and my rawness. 00:17:13.360 --> 00:17:19.220 I just sobbed on the stage and sort of to 7,000, 8,000 people shared where I was at. 00:17:19.819 --> 00:17:26.279 And just said to everybody, if I feel like this, I know that other people do. 00:17:26.700 --> 00:17:29.579 And something supernatural happened in that tent. 00:17:29.579 --> 00:17:32.679 There were thousands who responded. 00:17:33.059 --> 00:17:38.839 It took me, I think, nearly an hour to get from the tent afterwards back to my tent. 00:17:39.099 --> 00:17:44.179 Because I had one person after the other, after the other, after the other, wanting to come and share their story. 00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:46.559 And tell me about what was going on in their lives. 00:17:46.639 --> 00:17:49.579 And how broken they were and traumatized they were. 00:17:49.579 --> 00:17:54.119 And God just used that moment. 00:17:57.599 --> 00:18:02.019 And then, and I can't say that I felt massively different. 00:18:02.220 --> 00:18:06.599 But I knew that God had done something powerful in that moment. 00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:09.299 And then I found myself at the Orchard Conference in October. 00:18:10.439 --> 00:18:16.279 And I knew I felt different because I came to that conference going to God. 00:18:16.500 --> 00:18:17.119 I'm here. 00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:20.379 I don't quite know, you know, how I feel about things. 00:18:20.479 --> 00:18:21.119 But I'm listening. 00:18:22.659 --> 00:18:23.319 I'm listening. 00:18:24.639 --> 00:18:25.719 And I was attentive. 00:18:26.139 --> 00:18:27.539 And something had woken up. 00:18:28.619 --> 00:18:32.599 And that's when God, there was a testimony shared about the women's ministry. 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:36.459 About a lady that had gone to Orchard the previous year. 00:18:36.539 --> 00:18:38.599 And had gone home and gathered the women. 00:18:38.759 --> 00:18:42.539 And I could just hear God saying, it's time to gather the women again, Helen. 00:18:42.539 --> 00:18:46.299 And I was literally like, I literally am not listening. 00:18:46.299 --> 00:18:49.480 I know I said I'm listening, but I'm not listening. 00:18:51.859 --> 00:18:53.980 And I knew God was saying, it's time. 00:18:54.059 --> 00:18:57.700 It's time to get back on the pitch, as it were to me. 00:18:58.379 --> 00:19:02.879 And I, my natural instinct is to want to be useful. 00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:04.399 Is to want to be productive. 00:19:05.220 --> 00:19:09.039 Is to want to feel like I'm making a difference. 00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:15.500 And on the one hand, I genuinely was feeling like I'd quite like to have a quiet life. 00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:15.960 And paint. 00:19:16.359 --> 00:19:18.779 And help people with their interior design. 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:20.960 And not actually step back in. 00:19:23.859 --> 00:19:26.039 But I knew that God was speaking to me. 00:19:26.180 --> 00:19:28.039 But here's the things that went through my mind. 00:19:28.039 --> 00:19:34.680 And I really felt like, for some of you in the room, this is going to be how you feel. 00:19:35.420 --> 00:19:36.379 I'm not suitable. 00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:38.180 I don't have the right qualifications. 00:19:38.519 --> 00:19:39.759 I'm not spiritual enough. 00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.680 My body is a total mess. 00:19:42.079 --> 00:19:43.940 I literally can't read and concentrate. 00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:45.399 I can't remember anything. 00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:47.259 I don't have enough energy. 00:19:48.259 --> 00:19:49.720 What if the cancer returns? 00:19:50.839 --> 00:19:52.460 What if it's all a big disappointment? 00:19:52.460 --> 00:19:55.140 And it immediately became about me. 00:19:58.440 --> 00:20:05.440 And it has been a battle, literally, from that first day of hearing of, can I, can't I? 00:20:07.900 --> 00:20:09.579 Does anybody relate to that? 00:20:10.420 --> 00:20:13.880 When they've had that nudge and they've had that, I'm speaking to you. 00:20:14.019 --> 00:20:16.299 So it's just, it's literally blind panic. 00:20:17.079 --> 00:20:20.660 Of, I know what God is saying, but I'm not sure. 00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:21.819 I'm ready for this. 00:20:22.460 --> 00:20:25.079 And understandably, it had been a hard season. 00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:27.220 So then we get to Easter this year. 00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:33.500 And I have, we go self-catering in the summer. 00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:37.700 And my deal with Alex and Isabel this year was we're going to have a treat at Easter. 00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:42.860 And we planned this trip to drive from here to Tuscany. 00:20:43.700 --> 00:20:46.960 And I don't know whether any of you have ever had a yearning to go somewhere. 00:20:47.059 --> 00:20:50.460 Has anybody ever had a real yearning to go somewhere for no apparent reason? 00:20:50.460 --> 00:20:53.319 And I can't tell you why I've always wanted to go to Tuscany. 00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.720 There's a lot of countries that I'm not really bothered about. 00:20:55.840 --> 00:20:58.420 But Tuscany, for some reason, has always been this thing. 00:20:58.759 --> 00:21:01.920 And I said to Alex and Isabel, I want to drive to Tuscany. 00:21:02.059 --> 00:21:04.340 So we did this two and a half thousand mile drive there. 00:21:04.420 --> 00:21:05.340 And it was amazing. 00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:07.360 It was a trip I'd always wanted to do. 00:21:07.980 --> 00:21:09.200 And it was expensive. 00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:12.140 And I was just like, this is going to be a big treat. 00:21:12.259 --> 00:21:18.960 And as we were planning it, I had this absolute awakening that it was our 25th wedding anniversary. 00:21:20.440 --> 00:21:22.420 And I just thought, that's amazing. 00:21:22.700 --> 00:21:26.539 In 2020, you know, five years ago was pretty bleak. 00:21:26.600 --> 00:21:27.440 We lost our treat. 00:21:27.580 --> 00:21:28.740 So let's do it. 00:21:28.940 --> 00:21:30.100 It felt like a justification. 00:21:30.099 --> 00:21:33.659 And we needed to celebrate for obvious reasons. 00:21:35.779 --> 00:21:41.379 And I, you know, when you've had a cancer diagnosis, obviously it is so hard. 00:21:41.819 --> 00:21:47.899 And, you know, you are, yeah, I've been living with that sense of, I don't know how long I've got left. 00:21:47.959 --> 00:21:48.419 I don't know. 00:21:48.579 --> 00:21:49.859 Time might be ticking. 00:21:49.959 --> 00:21:50.399 Who knows? 00:21:50.659 --> 00:21:54.079 I want to make the most of this and actually go and celebrate and be thankful. 00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:58.559 And as we were going, I felt God just nudge me. 00:21:59.539 --> 00:22:00.960 And this is important again. 00:22:01.619 --> 00:22:02.220 That nudge. 00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:06.199 You know, I'm down at the front at wildfires without even knowing why. 00:22:07.019 --> 00:22:07.779 I'm listening. 00:22:07.980 --> 00:22:09.559 I'm saying to God at Orchard, I'm listening. 00:22:10.399 --> 00:22:11.379 Lord, speak to me. 00:22:11.480 --> 00:22:12.839 And then we're planning to go on this holiday. 00:22:12.939 --> 00:22:14.179 And I'm thinking, I'm going to have a rest. 00:22:14.279 --> 00:22:15.599 I'm going to have a space. 00:22:15.679 --> 00:22:18.159 I'm not going to be busy because we're not going to be self-catering. 00:22:18.439 --> 00:22:19.439 Shall I take the pains? 00:22:19.699 --> 00:22:20.019 No. 00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:22.299 God said, I want you to take a book. 00:22:22.299 --> 00:22:24.299 I was just like, what? 00:22:24.500 --> 00:22:25.659 I can't even, I can't read. 00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:26.519 I can't concentrate. 00:22:26.839 --> 00:22:27.899 I can't remember anything. 00:22:28.099 --> 00:22:30.379 I read two pages and then literally forget it. 00:22:30.419 --> 00:22:32.019 So I have to keep going back to the same page. 00:22:32.299 --> 00:22:33.740 I think it's part of the menopause. 00:22:34.899 --> 00:22:36.079 But I got this nudge. 00:22:37.319 --> 00:22:40.079 And somebody bought me this book three years ago. 00:22:40.879 --> 00:22:43.059 And it is by a lady called Beth Moore. 00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:45.960 Anybody heard of Beth Moore? 00:22:47.139 --> 00:22:48.039 Chasing Vines. 00:22:48.039 --> 00:22:52.819 And she bought it me three years ago. 00:22:54.259 --> 00:23:00.159 There's not a chance that I can even begin to tell you or cover a fraction of this book. 00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:01.639 So I've put it up there. 00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:07.480 Because if anybody is interested in looking at this passage, learning about this passage, 00:23:07.980 --> 00:23:11.539 letting God speak to you through it more deeply than tonight, please get it. 00:23:11.619 --> 00:23:12.879 Honestly, it's wonderful. 00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:15.940 And I thought, oh, that's great. 00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:16.940 We're going to Tuscany. 00:23:17.780 --> 00:23:19.360 She's standing on a vineyard. 00:23:19.520 --> 00:23:20.860 It's all about vineyards. 00:23:20.980 --> 00:23:23.100 We're going to Tuscany. 00:23:23.300 --> 00:23:26.600 That's obviously why God wants me to take it. 00:23:26.599 --> 00:23:31.519 And the second week we were there, I'm sitting there. 00:23:32.539 --> 00:23:36.740 And by the pool, it was utterly stunning. 00:23:37.179 --> 00:23:41.379 The picture on there is the view from my kitchen window where we were staying. 00:23:41.980 --> 00:23:43.899 It doesn't even begin to do it justice. 00:23:44.459 --> 00:23:46.159 Catherine's seen the real one, haven't you, Catherine? 00:23:46.259 --> 00:23:46.740 It is beautiful. 00:23:47.219 --> 00:23:48.779 But that was the view from the window. 00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:51.899 So I'm sitting on this vineyard out by the pool. 00:23:51.900 --> 00:23:53.620 It was this wonderful time. 00:23:54.519 --> 00:24:00.820 And interestingly, it makes me kind of chuckle because I'm thinking, here I am. 00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:01.860 I'm back. 00:24:02.800 --> 00:24:04.100 God's spoken to me. 00:24:04.680 --> 00:24:08.480 And honestly, what went through my mind was, oh, this is going to be good. 00:24:08.560 --> 00:24:11.140 It's all about how to be productive and fruitful. 00:24:11.920 --> 00:24:13.340 And that's what I need to do. 00:24:13.980 --> 00:24:17.980 I need to know what God is saying to me about being productive and fruitful. 00:24:17.980 --> 00:24:23.579 And as I'm reading it, and it is stunning. 00:24:23.880 --> 00:24:25.200 I was literally hooked. 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:34.880 I had this moment where, you know, when you're kind of, you're reading something and it's all based on John 15, this passage, the entire book. 00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:50.960 It's just mind-blowing, her ability to unpack the scriptures and show the way that God has weaved right through from Genesis to Revelation, the story and the analogies and the pictures of the vineyard and the gardener. 00:24:51.060 --> 00:24:52.540 It was just, it was beautiful. 00:24:52.720 --> 00:24:54.520 And I was able to read it and concentrate. 00:24:54.519 --> 00:25:04.759 But then I'm sitting there on that second day, devouring this book, literally living, sitting on this vineyard and seeing it all come to life. 00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:09.119 And then I just have this moment where God suddenly breaks in. 00:25:09.480 --> 00:25:13.839 And I realize why that book, that moment, that time. 00:25:13.839 --> 00:25:22.500 Because 25 years ago, when Alex and I got married, this was the passage that we chose for our wedding. 00:25:23.459 --> 00:25:27.980 And I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was just like, I'd completely forgotten. 00:25:28.279 --> 00:25:29.319 It was a long time ago. 00:25:30.259 --> 00:25:35.980 It was literally just not even in my thinking that we're celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. 00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:43.079 Sitting in a vineyard that I had planned, that had been in my heart and yearning for. 00:25:44.380 --> 00:25:47.099 Five years ago, we were hearing that I had cancer. 00:25:47.380 --> 00:25:52.519 And literally, they said to me, if you're here in five years' time, you're going to be doing really well. 00:25:52.579 --> 00:25:53.960 And anything after that is a bonus. 00:25:55.539 --> 00:26:05.960 And 25 years after, I'm sitting on a vineyard, reading this book about John 15, thinking 25 years ago, that's the passage that we chose. 00:26:05.980 --> 00:26:10.740 And this is what I felt God say to me in that moment. 00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:18.160 I am intimately involved in every single aspect of your life. 00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:21.380 From the beginning to the end. 00:26:23.019 --> 00:26:25.140 I'm involved in all of the detail. 00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:29.539 But the problem is, you've got to step in. 00:26:30.180 --> 00:26:31.360 And you've got to connect to me. 00:26:31.360 --> 00:26:35.579 And you've got to allow me to be in the detail. 00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:47.360 And the only thing, honestly, that was between that moment, that beautiful moment of revelation, love and care from God, was that I asked God, what shall I take on holiday? 00:26:48.940 --> 00:26:49.480 That was it. 00:26:49.860 --> 00:26:52.880 I mean, honestly, it was no more complicated than that. 00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:56.360 I just gave him a minute. 00:26:56.720 --> 00:26:58.500 Shall I take my paints or shall I take a book? 00:26:59.020 --> 00:27:01.280 And I've got this moment where God is saying, okay. 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:06.600 So then I'm like, I get that you're doing that for me, Lord Jesus, and that is so beautiful. 00:27:06.780 --> 00:27:08.900 But, you know, why this book and why now? 00:27:08.900 --> 00:27:11.600 And here I am listening to you about the women. 00:27:11.600 --> 00:27:22.300 And then I just thought, John 15, I'm just thinking about this passage and reading it and listening to Beth talking about it. 00:27:22.299 --> 00:27:33.500 And I just had this moment where I thought, oh my goodness, like 25 years, probably more than that, probably my whole Christian life, I've literally missed the point of the passage completely. 00:27:33.500 --> 00:27:37.400 From the moment that I read it, probably. 00:27:38.119 --> 00:27:39.460 I've completely missed it. 00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:41.440 So this is my interpretation. 00:27:41.779 --> 00:27:45.720 And I'm really wondering, can you put the passage back up, Terry? 00:27:46.740 --> 00:27:48.740 Just have a think about it for a second. 00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:52.779 When you heard that passage read to you, just be honest with yourself. 00:27:52.900 --> 00:27:54.579 I'm not going to ask anybody to put their hand up. 00:27:55.420 --> 00:28:02.519 Who reads, follow the instructions, you'll be successful, I'll be pleased with you, 00:28:02.519 --> 00:28:06.599 and you won't be in trouble and get burnt up and chopped on the fire. 00:28:08.180 --> 00:28:09.240 Maybe it's just me. 00:28:09.599 --> 00:28:13.379 Maybe it's my experience of growing up. 00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:15.700 But it's basically like school reports. 00:28:17.079 --> 00:28:18.920 Okay, she's not very good. 00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:19.819 She doesn't concentrate. 00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:21.059 She doesn't listen enough. 00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:23.720 And if she did, she'd be so much more fruitful and beneficial. 00:28:24.139 --> 00:28:27.359 And then, you know, honestly, that was basically my school report. 00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:31.599 So I have read this passage pretty much missing the whole rest of it. 00:28:32.519 --> 00:28:33.639 Follow the instructions. 00:28:34.339 --> 00:28:35.720 You know, follow my commands. 00:28:35.879 --> 00:28:36.619 Listen to me. 00:28:37.019 --> 00:28:38.160 Do what I'm asking you to. 00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:39.200 And then you'll bear much fruit. 00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:40.660 And I'm going to be very pleased with you. 00:28:42.819 --> 00:28:46.000 So it's basically an exam to pass or fail. 00:28:47.660 --> 00:28:52.019 And then I just, I'm like, okay, it's not about that at all. 00:28:52.019 --> 00:28:57.400 This is the greatest love story you're ever going to read. 00:29:01.079 --> 00:29:09.859 And in the looking into it and reading and Beth explaining it and seeing what's before and seeing what comes after. 00:29:09.859 --> 00:29:14.419 In John 14, 16. 00:29:14.419 --> 00:29:18.559 This is the moment where Jesus is sitting with his disciples. 00:29:19.679 --> 00:29:20.539 It's Passover. 00:29:20.979 --> 00:29:22.359 He's about to go to the cross. 00:29:23.719 --> 00:29:26.119 They've spent every waking hour together. 00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:29.000 They've seen miracle after miracle. 00:29:29.719 --> 00:29:33.939 They know Jesus intimately, but they have no idea what is ahead. 00:29:33.940 --> 00:29:38.420 They don't know what's coming, really. 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:40.160 And it is going to be tough. 00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:42.779 Really tough. 00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:44.400 Obviously, we know what's ahead for them. 00:29:44.840 --> 00:29:47.620 And he uses this beautiful picture of this vineyard. 00:29:48.080 --> 00:29:49.820 Because they would have been familiar with that. 00:29:49.900 --> 00:29:51.700 They would have been immersed in that scenery. 00:29:53.380 --> 00:29:55.740 He's telling them in this beautiful way. 00:29:55.740 --> 00:30:02.700 Listen, we're in a battle of life or death. 00:30:04.500 --> 00:30:06.220 And it's going to get really tough. 00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:11.160 And I'm giving you the strategy to survive. 00:30:13.720 --> 00:30:15.079 And here's the plan. 00:30:16.539 --> 00:30:23.099 I'm giving you the map, basically, which was going to give you strength and confidence to get through. 00:30:23.099 --> 00:30:27.299 And then I was just blown away by the next bit. 00:30:28.159 --> 00:30:29.459 You need to stick together. 00:30:31.859 --> 00:30:38.319 If you're about to go into battle, on the battlefield, you need to be together. 00:30:39.240 --> 00:30:40.879 You need to know the battle plan. 00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:42.459 You need to know what you need to do. 00:30:43.439 --> 00:30:47.899 And he says in verse 12, you need to love each other the way that I have loved you. 00:30:48.819 --> 00:30:50.259 You need to have each other's backs. 00:30:53.099 --> 00:30:56.519 And then this is basically what he's saying. 00:30:57.119 --> 00:30:59.659 The battle is going to be won with love. 00:31:00.659 --> 00:31:02.079 My love for the Father. 00:31:02.919 --> 00:31:03.959 His love for me. 00:31:05.299 --> 00:31:06.480 My love for you. 00:31:06.619 --> 00:31:07.500 This relationship. 00:31:07.779 --> 00:31:09.039 Interconnected relationship. 00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:15.779 And he's asking me to show my love for you by giving my life for you. 00:31:15.779 --> 00:31:19.319 And we're going to win. 00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:26.299 I've loved you the way the Father loves me. 00:31:27.019 --> 00:31:28.180 He's saying it to the disciples. 00:31:28.359 --> 00:31:28.940 You know, they're there. 00:31:29.819 --> 00:31:31.779 I've loved you and I'm about to die for you. 00:31:32.899 --> 00:31:34.539 And then this blows my mind. 00:31:35.240 --> 00:31:35.839 And guess what? 00:31:35.899 --> 00:31:36.680 I've chosen you. 00:31:36.680 --> 00:31:39.840 I've selected you to be in the battle. 00:31:41.660 --> 00:31:43.360 To then tell the world about me. 00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:44.120 I mean, these guys. 00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:47.220 This is the future of the cross. 00:31:47.340 --> 00:31:49.039 The gospel is in their hands. 00:31:50.380 --> 00:31:51.480 It's going to be up to them. 00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:54.920 I'm going to give you everything that you need. 00:31:55.019 --> 00:31:58.140 I'm going to give you the Holy Spirit who's going to be with you when I'm not here. 00:31:59.180 --> 00:32:00.259 It's going to be brutal. 00:32:00.259 --> 00:32:03.900 And here's the thing. 00:32:04.200 --> 00:32:05.940 You've got to stick with me. 00:32:06.019 --> 00:32:07.680 You've got to stay connected with me. 00:32:07.960 --> 00:32:11.480 You've got to be literally glued to me. 00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.240 This beautiful image of the vine. 00:32:20.660 --> 00:32:22.180 If you want to win with me. 00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:23.519 If you want to stay safe. 00:32:23.879 --> 00:32:27.059 If you want to know that you're going to get through this. 00:32:27.299 --> 00:32:28.640 You need to know who I am. 00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:30.759 And I've chosen you to be in this. 00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:31.780 It's not an accident. 00:32:33.580 --> 00:32:34.680 And here's the thing. 00:32:35.300 --> 00:32:38.000 The fruitfulness is inevitable. 00:32:39.460 --> 00:32:40.220 It's a given. 00:32:47.420 --> 00:32:48.560 It's not the main thing. 00:32:49.280 --> 00:32:51.120 Literally missed the point completely. 00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:51.940 I have. 00:32:54.320 --> 00:32:56.259 I don't have time to share it all now. 00:32:56.380 --> 00:32:58.480 But I probably will tell another time. 00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:02.220 But I felt God reminds me that when I was in my early 20s. 00:33:02.540 --> 00:33:05.360 I was literally at a crossroads. 00:33:05.900 --> 00:33:07.420 I could have gone one way or the other. 00:33:07.940 --> 00:33:12.220 I could have made the decision to stay away from God. 00:33:12.380 --> 00:33:16.540 To stay away from my church community that I'd been dipping in and out of. 00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:20.380 Staying in the relationship that I knew wasn't from God. 00:33:20.380 --> 00:33:27.020 And I had a massive decision to make about leaving a job that was not blessing me at all. 00:33:27.640 --> 00:33:29.120 And not doing me any good. 00:33:29.119 --> 00:33:33.019 And I came to God in desperation. 00:33:33.019 --> 00:33:34.220 And asked him for wisdom. 00:33:34.220 --> 00:33:38.480 I'd been offered a role for a charity that was a voluntary charity. 00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:40.819 Giving up my job, my salary, the whole works. 00:33:41.539 --> 00:33:43.339 And I went to the loo. 00:33:43.879 --> 00:33:44.519 I sat down. 00:33:44.599 --> 00:33:45.720 I had my Bible in my bag. 00:33:45.779 --> 00:33:47.660 And I said, God, I need you to speak to me. 00:33:47.740 --> 00:33:48.420 Please, Lord. 00:33:48.740 --> 00:33:49.980 And I opened my Bible. 00:33:49.980 --> 00:33:54.059 And there was a passage literally on that page I'd never read before. 00:33:54.380 --> 00:33:55.839 And it was all I needed to know. 00:33:55.900 --> 00:33:56.819 God is saying leave. 00:33:57.960 --> 00:33:59.480 Do you know, that was 30 years ago. 00:33:59.920 --> 00:34:03.400 And the fruit of that decision is me standing here today. 00:34:03.900 --> 00:34:05.200 One of the fruits. 00:34:06.019 --> 00:34:07.940 Because at that charity I met Lucy. 00:34:08.980 --> 00:34:10.119 Who's Kate's sister. 00:34:10.539 --> 00:34:11.440 Is she here still? 00:34:11.740 --> 00:34:12.039 Lucy. 00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:14.019 Okay. 00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:16.199 Just came for the cake. 00:34:17.099 --> 00:34:17.539 Outrageous. 00:34:17.539 --> 00:34:21.599 She, I made friendships with her there. 00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:24.199 And then ended up meeting the whole family. 00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:26.779 And then ended up down the line moving to Clevedon. 00:34:26.840 --> 00:34:27.880 And coming to Christchurch. 00:34:28.079 --> 00:34:29.099 30 years ago. 00:34:29.539 --> 00:34:31.480 I met Alex through that job. 00:34:32.119 --> 00:34:33.159 Through that change. 00:34:33.279 --> 00:34:38.460 And I was just like, the fruit is inevitable. 00:34:38.460 --> 00:34:46.119 Our job. 00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:48.539 This is what I summed up. 00:34:48.679 --> 00:34:52.159 What some came to in the bit that I was looking at. 00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:54.099 And just looking at for tonight. 00:34:55.220 --> 00:34:56.820 The greatest commandment. 00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:59.059 The disciples asked him, what's the greatest commandment? 00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:00.940 Love the Lord your God with all your mind. 00:35:01.059 --> 00:35:01.400 Your body. 00:35:01.500 --> 00:35:01.880 Your soul. 00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:03.159 Whatever the circumstances. 00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:05.519 Know the truth of his love. 00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:09.559 Choose to believe it. 00:35:10.460 --> 00:35:11.780 Stay connected in. 00:35:13.179 --> 00:35:14.739 And if whatever you're doing. 00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:15.820 Wherever you are. 00:35:15.900 --> 00:35:16.980 Wherever you find yourself. 00:35:17.079 --> 00:35:17.519 In roles. 00:35:17.679 --> 00:35:18.539 In relationships. 00:35:18.940 --> 00:35:19.000 In. 00:35:19.259 --> 00:35:20.840 If it's motivated by love. 00:35:20.920 --> 00:35:23.199 If you've got that sense of God. 00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:26.199 In those choices. 00:35:26.759 --> 00:35:28.079 If he is your focus. 00:35:28.079 --> 00:35:29.599 And stays your first love. 00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:32.279 Then whatever you're doing. 00:35:32.420 --> 00:35:33.360 Is going to produce fruit. 00:35:34.360 --> 00:35:35.699 That's just mind blowing to me. 00:35:40.119 --> 00:35:41.480 So if it's that simple. 00:35:41.639 --> 00:35:42.539 Why is it so hard? 00:35:46.420 --> 00:35:48.279 I just want you to imagine for a second. 00:35:48.460 --> 00:35:50.539 Going back to the questions I asked you earlier. 00:35:52.799 --> 00:35:54.119 What would it have taken. 00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:55.619 For those relationships. 00:35:55.619 --> 00:35:57.739 Not to be the relationships that you had. 00:35:57.739 --> 00:36:00.799 You said what you needed to do. 00:36:00.879 --> 00:36:01.679 To keep them alive. 00:36:01.819 --> 00:36:02.459 Or what you want. 00:36:02.559 --> 00:36:03.919 What you would have naturally done. 00:36:04.539 --> 00:36:05.779 But what would it have taken. 00:36:05.779 --> 00:36:07.279 For them not to thrive. 00:36:09.719 --> 00:36:11.139 And I think this is going to be something. 00:36:11.299 --> 00:36:12.459 That we're just going to have to. 00:36:12.879 --> 00:36:14.359 Take away and ponder on. 00:36:15.159 --> 00:36:16.599 But here's the thing I wrote down. 00:36:16.739 --> 00:36:17.359 This is me. 00:36:17.500 --> 00:36:18.099 This is for me. 00:36:18.139 --> 00:36:19.019 Because I'm like. 00:36:19.059 --> 00:36:19.859 I'm reading this. 00:36:20.119 --> 00:36:21.379 I was jumping up and down. 00:36:21.379 --> 00:36:22.859 With excitement and joy and light. 00:36:22.939 --> 00:36:24.000 Oh my goodness God. 00:36:24.359 --> 00:36:25.799 It is literally all about. 00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:26.280 Just you. 00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:27.900 Just staying in love with you. 00:36:28.019 --> 00:36:28.600 Staying focused. 00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:30.240 You have proven yourself. 00:36:30.600 --> 00:36:32.720 Time and time and time again to me. 00:36:32.900 --> 00:36:34.160 In the best times. 00:36:34.300 --> 00:36:35.420 And in the darkest times. 00:36:35.660 --> 00:36:37.080 I don't understand it all. 00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:38.640 Some of it was hideous. 00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:42.300 I have lost beautiful friends. 00:36:42.300 --> 00:36:43.200 That you know. 00:36:43.340 --> 00:36:43.880 Have battled. 00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:44.960 And are not here anymore. 00:36:45.080 --> 00:36:46.260 There are so many questions. 00:36:46.700 --> 00:36:47.320 But for me. 00:36:47.460 --> 00:36:48.920 I can absolutely say. 00:36:49.260 --> 00:36:50.480 God has been faithful. 00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:52.920 So why do I not stay connected in. 00:36:52.920 --> 00:36:55.159 And I am going to wind this up in a second. 00:36:55.260 --> 00:36:56.519 But this is really important. 00:36:57.539 --> 00:36:58.760 How many of you. 00:36:59.000 --> 00:37:00.240 Are more worried. 00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:01.780 Including myself. 00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:04.519 About being connected to the Wi-Fi. 00:37:06.139 --> 00:37:08.119 Than you are about being connected to Jesus. 00:37:11.320 --> 00:37:12.780 Who arrives anywhere. 00:37:13.260 --> 00:37:14.380 And the first thing they do. 00:37:14.460 --> 00:37:16.200 Is literally give me that Wi-Fi code. 00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:18.280 I mean it's literally like an obsession. 00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:21.440 Imagine if you weren't connected. 00:37:22.720 --> 00:37:24.000 Right now on your phones. 00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:24.600 Or at home. 00:37:25.480 --> 00:37:28.100 We're so reliant on them aren't we. 00:37:28.519 --> 00:37:29.620 And I as I was writing. 00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:31.760 I literally felt like a thunderbolt hit me. 00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:32.900 Like God saying. 00:37:33.160 --> 00:37:35.860 You are more interested in your Wi-Fi connection. 00:37:35.860 --> 00:37:37.820 Than you are staying connected to me. 00:37:39.120 --> 00:37:41.060 Maybe that's a challenge for somebody else. 00:37:41.720 --> 00:37:43.040 So quickly. 00:37:43.580 --> 00:37:45.080 We have to spend time. 00:37:45.580 --> 00:37:46.940 We have to prioritise time. 00:37:46.940 --> 00:37:48.980 We have to invest in the relationship. 00:37:49.820 --> 00:37:51.300 Any of those relationships. 00:37:51.300 --> 00:37:52.880 That you've written down on those cards. 00:37:53.019 --> 00:37:54.639 If you do not invest time in them. 00:37:54.720 --> 00:37:56.320 If you hadn't invested time in them. 00:37:56.519 --> 00:37:58.519 They would not have been the relationship. 00:37:58.519 --> 00:37:59.300 That they were. 00:37:59.559 --> 00:38:00.179 Or that they are. 00:38:00.599 --> 00:38:01.360 End of story. 00:38:02.400 --> 00:38:03.860 So what are the distractions? 00:38:07.119 --> 00:38:08.039 Ask God. 00:38:08.500 --> 00:38:10.059 To reveal what they are. 00:38:11.240 --> 00:38:13.059 We're going to spend a bit of time in a minute. 00:38:13.139 --> 00:38:14.179 Just listening to. 00:38:14.700 --> 00:38:15.860 A beautiful track. 00:38:15.860 --> 00:38:17.019 We can join in with it. 00:38:17.099 --> 00:38:17.940 We can just listen. 00:38:18.460 --> 00:38:20.320 I'm going to pray that God speaks to you. 00:38:20.420 --> 00:38:21.340 What are the distractions? 00:38:24.380 --> 00:38:26.539 The second reason that we don't stay connected. 00:38:26.720 --> 00:38:27.320 Is the desire. 00:38:29.900 --> 00:38:31.700 So what or who else. 00:38:33.180 --> 00:38:34.539 Is filling that space. 00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:38.760 And here's a list. 00:38:39.940 --> 00:38:40.300 Apathy. 00:38:42.300 --> 00:38:42.660 Disbelief. 00:38:42.659 --> 00:38:44.899 We don't believe it. 00:38:45.819 --> 00:38:46.980 We don't believe it. 00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:47.480 Sometimes. 00:38:47.639 --> 00:38:49.920 We literally find it so hard to believe. 00:38:50.059 --> 00:38:51.539 That God chose you. 00:38:51.679 --> 00:38:52.480 And he loves you. 00:38:52.579 --> 00:38:53.259 He chose me. 00:38:53.319 --> 00:38:53.980 And he loves me. 00:38:54.500 --> 00:38:55.460 It's just this disbelief. 00:38:55.899 --> 00:38:56.339 Disappointment. 00:38:57.940 --> 00:38:58.460 Disillusionment. 00:38:59.339 --> 00:38:59.659 Shame. 00:39:02.399 --> 00:39:03.699 Consumed with other things. 00:39:03.699 --> 00:39:09.299 And I really believe. 00:39:09.960 --> 00:39:10.259 You know. 00:39:10.319 --> 00:39:12.399 That story of wildfires last year. 00:39:12.460 --> 00:39:13.319 I shared it because. 00:39:14.079 --> 00:39:15.619 I was literally. 00:39:15.779 --> 00:39:17.059 Brutally honest with God. 00:39:17.139 --> 00:39:17.460 I was like. 00:39:17.500 --> 00:39:18.619 I am not happy. 00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:20.899 I'm angry. 00:39:22.119 --> 00:39:23.559 And God can cope with our anger. 00:39:23.759 --> 00:39:24.000 And our. 00:39:24.839 --> 00:39:25.279 Grumpiness. 00:39:25.399 --> 00:39:25.919 And our honesty. 00:39:26.039 --> 00:39:27.579 Just wants us to bring it to him. 00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:28.179 To reconnect. 00:39:28.179 --> 00:39:28.379 Connect. 00:39:31.259 --> 00:39:32.379 And then knowledge. 00:39:32.980 --> 00:39:34.599 We know that we're in a battle. 00:39:35.799 --> 00:39:37.480 And he's given us a strategy. 00:39:38.759 --> 00:39:39.079 I mean. 00:39:39.119 --> 00:39:39.739 I don't know about you. 00:39:39.779 --> 00:39:40.779 But I just read the news. 00:39:40.879 --> 00:39:41.659 And listen to the news. 00:39:41.719 --> 00:39:42.279 And I'm terrified. 00:39:42.500 --> 00:39:43.179 A lot of the time. 00:39:43.379 --> 00:39:44.480 I'm just overwhelmed. 00:39:44.699 --> 00:39:44.919 Like. 00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:46.179 What on earth is happening? 00:39:46.259 --> 00:39:47.399 I've got a 14 year old. 00:39:47.659 --> 00:39:48.500 What's going to happen? 00:39:49.219 --> 00:39:50.019 God knew. 00:39:50.019 --> 00:39:51.419 He said to the disciples. 00:39:51.619 --> 00:39:51.940 Listen. 00:39:52.339 --> 00:39:53.659 It is going to get. 00:39:54.059 --> 00:39:54.460 Brutal. 00:39:54.779 --> 00:39:56.899 If we think it isn't going to get brutal. 00:39:56.900 --> 00:39:57.300 Ladies. 00:39:58.500 --> 00:39:59.380 I think we're deceived. 00:39:59.660 --> 00:40:00.019 It is. 00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:00.760 It already is. 00:40:00.860 --> 00:40:01.559 In some ways. 00:40:01.639 --> 00:40:03.260 But God has given us a strategy. 00:40:04.380 --> 00:40:06.019 We need to know our enemy. 00:40:07.079 --> 00:40:08.300 And we need to take notice. 00:40:09.260 --> 00:40:11.000 And the enemy is like this. 00:40:11.119 --> 00:40:12.360 My enemy is. 00:40:12.619 --> 00:40:13.320 Shut up. 00:40:13.720 --> 00:40:15.059 You haven't got anything to say. 00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:16.639 You're going through the menopause. 00:40:16.740 --> 00:40:17.320 You're useless. 00:40:17.780 --> 00:40:20.059 You literally don't look like you're used to anymore. 00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:21.760 Who are you to say anything? 00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:22.740 That is my enemy. 00:40:25.519 --> 00:40:26.680 What are the lies? 00:40:26.900 --> 00:40:28.180 That you are listening to. 00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:38.059 And then I just wanted to say. 00:40:38.220 --> 00:40:38.980 One more thing. 00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:41.820 To stay connected. 00:40:41.980 --> 00:40:42.800 You need to make. 00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:43.320 It. 00:40:43.980 --> 00:40:44.340 Happen. 00:40:45.220 --> 00:40:46.820 Literally just need to make it happen. 00:40:47.980 --> 00:40:50.200 And my pathetic attempt to. 00:40:51.500 --> 00:40:51.900 Lord. 00:40:51.980 --> 00:40:53.119 What do you want me to take on holiday? 00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:55.480 I just asked him the question. 00:40:56.099 --> 00:40:56.819 I think. 00:40:56.920 --> 00:40:57.579 In our minds. 00:40:57.679 --> 00:40:58.699 We think it's literally. 00:40:58.699 --> 00:41:00.119 We've got to give him all day. 00:41:00.639 --> 00:41:01.960 It's not practical. 00:41:01.960 --> 00:41:02.799 Or feasible. 00:41:02.799 --> 00:41:03.299 Is it? 00:41:03.659 --> 00:41:04.880 Every single one of you. 00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:05.500 In the room. 00:41:05.719 --> 00:41:06.880 Is literally juggling. 00:41:07.079 --> 00:41:07.859 About ten balls. 00:41:07.980 --> 00:41:08.839 Probably in the air. 00:41:08.900 --> 00:41:09.739 At any given time. 00:41:10.079 --> 00:41:11.139 Whether you're a teenager. 00:41:11.460 --> 00:41:12.460 Whether you're the oldest lady. 00:41:12.460 --> 00:41:12.819 In the room. 00:41:12.859 --> 00:41:13.779 We are all busy. 00:41:14.500 --> 00:41:15.199 Doing a lot. 00:41:15.400 --> 00:41:15.920 Being connected. 00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:16.400 To wifi. 00:41:19.940 --> 00:41:20.760 Make it happen. 00:41:21.180 --> 00:41:21.820 And here's the thing. 00:41:21.880 --> 00:41:22.700 I felt God say. 00:41:23.039 --> 00:41:24.700 It's not one size fits all. 00:41:25.639 --> 00:41:27.099 I'm not expecting you all. 00:41:27.119 --> 00:41:28.099 To be bible scholars. 00:41:28.360 --> 00:41:29.240 Or you know. 00:41:29.720 --> 00:41:30.079 Paint. 00:41:30.300 --> 00:41:31.180 To worship me. 00:41:31.320 --> 00:41:32.559 Or have beautiful voices. 00:41:32.780 --> 00:41:33.079 And be. 00:41:33.320 --> 00:41:34.099 Leading worship. 00:41:34.680 --> 00:41:35.800 Every single one of us. 00:41:35.880 --> 00:41:36.639 Has been created. 00:41:36.960 --> 00:41:37.440 Individually. 00:41:38.599 --> 00:41:39.119 Beautifully. 00:41:39.659 --> 00:41:41.119 And we can connect with him. 00:41:41.180 --> 00:41:42.579 In the way that he has created. 00:41:42.579 --> 00:41:43.340 Us to connect. 00:41:43.340 --> 00:41:44.940 So through creativity. 00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:47.340 In stillness. 00:41:47.680 --> 00:41:48.660 My worst nightmare. 00:41:49.640 --> 00:41:51.200 In the natural world. 00:41:52.760 --> 00:41:53.880 Investing in time. 00:41:54.140 --> 00:41:54.720 And it's like. 00:41:55.140 --> 00:41:56.039 Three minutes. 00:41:56.180 --> 00:41:56.760 We give God. 00:41:56.840 --> 00:41:58.079 And he responds like that. 00:41:58.440 --> 00:41:59.940 I can absolutely guarantee. 00:42:00.360 --> 00:42:01.840 If you give God the space. 00:42:02.059 --> 00:42:03.100 He will show up. 00:42:04.500 --> 00:42:05.220 Seek him. 00:42:05.380 --> 00:42:06.420 With all of your heart. 00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:09.800 And then. 00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:11.120 The beautiful one. 00:42:11.980 --> 00:42:13.200 Is in community. 00:42:13.340 --> 00:42:15.660 And I just. 00:42:15.800 --> 00:42:16.539 It just sort of like. 00:42:16.720 --> 00:42:17.420 Dawned on me. 00:42:17.559 --> 00:42:18.559 Even on Friday. 00:42:18.700 --> 00:42:20.400 When I was finally writing this. 00:42:20.500 --> 00:42:21.500 Sitting over the suspense. 00:42:21.700 --> 00:42:23.019 Looking over the suspension bridge. 00:42:23.519 --> 00:42:24.340 Crying out to him. 00:42:24.380 --> 00:42:24.620 Lord. 00:42:24.740 --> 00:42:26.500 Please help me to bring this together. 00:42:26.780 --> 00:42:27.300 I was just like. 00:42:27.340 --> 00:42:27.519 Oh. 00:42:27.600 --> 00:42:29.059 It was like a light bulb went on. 00:42:29.539 --> 00:42:30.539 God was saying. 00:42:30.820 --> 00:42:32.440 Jesus was saying to the disciples. 00:42:33.100 --> 00:42:33.220 That. 00:42:33.420 --> 00:42:34.460 Is it the final bit. 00:42:34.539 --> 00:42:35.059 Where it says. 00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:36.480 You know. 00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:37.420 Love one another. 00:42:38.300 --> 00:42:39.200 Can you imagine. 00:42:39.200 --> 00:42:40.320 Any of those disciples. 00:42:40.320 --> 00:42:41.460 Going off on their own. 00:42:41.460 --> 00:42:42.740 To try and. 00:42:43.240 --> 00:42:43.900 Get through it. 00:42:44.039 --> 00:42:44.199 And. 00:42:44.740 --> 00:42:45.880 Start sharing the gospel. 00:42:47.119 --> 00:42:48.300 Out of his love. 00:42:49.579 --> 00:42:49.980 He. 00:42:50.460 --> 00:42:51.179 Chose us. 00:42:51.940 --> 00:42:52.740 But we've got. 00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:53.440 Literally. 00:42:53.559 --> 00:42:54.519 Got to do it together. 00:42:54.780 --> 00:42:55.780 And then it just dawned on me. 00:42:55.820 --> 00:42:57.059 This is why this is important. 00:42:58.119 --> 00:42:58.860 This is why. 00:42:59.019 --> 00:43:00.179 That prophetic word. 00:43:00.300 --> 00:43:01.079 That I really felt. 00:43:01.139 --> 00:43:01.579 God gave me. 00:43:01.699 --> 00:43:02.340 At the beginning. 00:43:03.340 --> 00:43:04.559 Was more important. 00:43:04.619 --> 00:43:05.000 Than anything. 00:43:05.099 --> 00:43:05.980 That I share tonight. 00:43:06.460 --> 00:43:07.980 We have to do it together. 00:43:07.980 --> 00:43:09.780 And what COVID did. 00:43:09.920 --> 00:43:11.320 Was it brought us all apart. 00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:12.260 You know. 00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:13.260 It made islands. 00:43:13.500 --> 00:43:14.460 And it just sort of. 00:43:14.539 --> 00:43:14.860 We all. 00:43:14.980 --> 00:43:15.860 And then I think we all. 00:43:15.960 --> 00:43:17.500 We've all started coming back together. 00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:19.320 I genuinely can tell you. 00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:20.780 I would not be standing here. 00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:21.860 And in the room now. 00:43:21.860 --> 00:43:22.300 With you. 00:43:22.440 --> 00:43:23.920 If it hadn't been for. 00:43:24.079 --> 00:43:24.699 Some of the ladies. 00:43:24.699 --> 00:43:25.699 In the room right now. 00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:26.900 Who have gathered with me. 00:43:27.039 --> 00:43:27.840 And prayed. 00:43:28.260 --> 00:43:29.079 And been with me. 00:43:29.079 --> 00:43:30.000 Through those really. 00:43:30.099 --> 00:43:31.420 Really difficult times. 00:43:31.420 --> 00:43:32.340 In the last few years. 00:43:32.380 --> 00:43:33.920 Who have literally held me up. 00:43:34.159 --> 00:43:35.079 And encouraged me. 00:43:35.139 --> 00:43:35.900 And championed me. 00:43:35.900 --> 00:43:37.400 We need each other. 00:43:38.000 --> 00:43:39.700 And we need to be doing it. 00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:40.900 Differently to the world. 00:43:42.260 --> 00:43:43.559 That's why the comparison. 00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:44.460 And the comparing. 00:43:44.740 --> 00:43:44.980 And the. 00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:45.599 You know. 00:43:45.680 --> 00:43:46.320 The challenge. 00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:46.579 You know. 00:43:46.599 --> 00:43:48.099 Just not being kind to one another. 00:43:48.180 --> 00:43:48.900 It's not okay. 00:43:49.920 --> 00:43:50.780 Judging each other. 00:43:50.840 --> 00:43:51.579 We need to be. 00:43:52.420 --> 00:43:53.680 Each other's cheerleaders. 00:43:56.740 --> 00:43:58.099 So being in community. 00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:00.139 So make him a priority. 00:44:02.280 --> 00:44:03.619 Figure out why that desire. 00:44:03.619 --> 00:44:04.260 Is not there. 00:44:05.900 --> 00:44:08.800 Remember where we are. 00:44:08.980 --> 00:44:09.720 And who we're fighting. 00:44:10.240 --> 00:44:11.360 The battle that we're in. 00:44:12.180 --> 00:44:13.099 And make the time. 00:44:17.619 --> 00:44:19.180 Just love to give us. 00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:20.539 An opportunity to respond. 00:44:20.660 --> 00:44:21.099 In prayer. 00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:25.440 I felt. 00:44:25.559 --> 00:44:26.280 When I was praying. 00:44:26.539 --> 00:44:27.220 Earlier on. 00:44:27.420 --> 00:44:27.599 That. 00:44:29.180 --> 00:44:30.059 There's definitely. 00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:31.039 People in the room. 00:44:31.139 --> 00:44:31.440 That are like. 00:44:31.500 --> 00:44:32.500 I don't know whether I've ever. 00:44:32.940 --> 00:44:33.539 Felt like. 00:44:33.539 --> 00:44:35.699 God's chased after me. 00:44:36.059 --> 00:44:37.079 That I've been chosen. 00:44:37.860 --> 00:44:38.500 I know I. 00:44:38.699 --> 00:44:39.559 Struggle with it. 00:44:39.699 --> 00:44:40.500 So much as well. 00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:41.300 I think we all do. 00:44:41.460 --> 00:44:41.920 Because actually. 00:44:42.039 --> 00:44:42.579 I think the enemy. 00:44:43.719 --> 00:44:44.639 Wants to make sure. 00:44:44.759 --> 00:44:45.219 That we don't. 00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:46.039 Feel that. 00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:46.599 Love. 00:44:49.300 --> 00:44:50.380 But here's the thing. 00:44:51.559 --> 00:44:52.539 One of the talks. 00:44:52.619 --> 00:44:53.340 That I was listening to. 00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:54.199 About this passage. 00:44:54.279 --> 00:44:55.380 If you're sitting here. 00:44:55.820 --> 00:44:56.179 Tonight. 00:44:56.179 --> 00:44:59.699 God is chasing after you. 00:45:02.859 --> 00:45:03.679 Because you're here. 00:45:04.019 --> 00:45:05.440 And somebody's invited you. 00:45:05.579 --> 00:45:06.699 Or you felt that nudge. 00:45:06.859 --> 00:45:08.940 Or God's pursuing you. 00:45:10.199 --> 00:45:11.480 Whether you like it or not. 00:45:13.480 --> 00:45:14.339 And I just. 00:45:15.399 --> 00:45:16.719 I know it will have touched. 00:45:17.559 --> 00:45:18.699 Us in different ways. 00:45:18.699 --> 00:45:19.219 This evening. 00:45:19.899 --> 00:45:21.259 So I just wanted to. 00:45:21.779 --> 00:45:23.299 Give everybody an opportunity. 00:45:23.819 --> 00:45:24.699 To respond. 00:45:25.079 --> 00:45:25.879 And for me to pray. 00:45:26.179 --> 00:45:27.099 And then we're just going to get. 00:45:27.159 --> 00:45:27.940 Kate and Beth back. 00:45:28.039 --> 00:45:29.019 To do a final song. 00:45:31.159 --> 00:45:31.879 It doesn't matter. 00:45:32.019 --> 00:45:32.719 What it was. 00:45:32.759 --> 00:45:33.339 That's touched you. 00:45:33.399 --> 00:45:34.299 Maybe you feel challenged. 00:45:34.440 --> 00:45:35.319 Maybe you feel encouraged. 00:45:35.480 --> 00:45:36.079 Maybe you feel like. 00:45:36.339 --> 00:45:37.099 I literally don't know. 00:45:37.159 --> 00:45:38.159 What she's talking about. 00:45:38.219 --> 00:45:39.440 And I really want to know. 00:45:39.539 --> 00:45:40.519 What she's talking about. 00:45:40.579 --> 00:45:41.119 I want to know. 00:45:41.199 --> 00:45:41.719 This Jesus. 00:45:41.859 --> 00:45:42.379 I want to know. 00:45:42.759 --> 00:45:43.579 That he loves me. 00:45:43.639 --> 00:45:44.039 I want to know. 00:45:44.039 --> 00:45:44.919 That he died for me. 00:45:44.919 --> 00:45:45.739 You might be in. 00:45:46.899 --> 00:45:47.980 Absolute darkness. 00:45:48.199 --> 00:45:48.919 And desperation. 00:45:49.359 --> 00:45:50.079 Like I was. 00:45:50.759 --> 00:45:51.859 A couple of years ago. 00:45:52.019 --> 00:45:52.599 Sitting there. 00:45:52.679 --> 00:45:52.960 Feeling. 00:45:53.399 --> 00:45:54.199 Absolutely numb. 00:45:54.379 --> 00:45:54.859 Or angry. 00:45:54.980 --> 00:45:55.599 Or disappointed. 00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:57.400 And that's okay. 00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:00.639 God's really big enough. 00:46:00.639 --> 00:46:01.360 For all of that. 00:46:01.480 --> 00:46:02.079 But I know. 00:46:02.199 --> 00:46:03.239 That God's on our case. 00:46:03.659 --> 00:46:04.079 Ladies. 00:46:04.179 --> 00:46:05.199 Whether we like it or not. 00:46:06.319 --> 00:46:06.900 He is. 00:46:07.279 --> 00:46:08.159 And he needs us. 00:46:08.159 --> 00:46:08.980 To lean in. 00:46:11.559 --> 00:46:12.480 For one another. 00:46:12.980 --> 00:46:13.880 For ourselves. 00:46:14.119 --> 00:46:14.799 For this town. 00:46:14.940 --> 00:46:15.539 For the nation. 00:46:16.259 --> 00:46:16.880 He needs us. 00:46:16.940 --> 00:46:17.400 To lean in. 00:46:17.400 --> 00:46:18.260 So let's just pray. 00:46:18.260 --> 00:46:18.800 If you. 00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:18.820 If you. 00:46:18.820 --> 00:46:20.160 Want to just respond. 00:46:20.500 --> 00:46:21.440 And receive from God. 00:46:21.539 --> 00:46:22.280 For whatever it is. 00:46:22.340 --> 00:46:23.559 Let's just hold our hands out. 00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:27.400 Quietly. 00:46:27.460 --> 00:46:27.900 Where you are. 00:46:27.960 --> 00:46:28.420 Lord Jesus. 00:46:28.619 --> 00:46:28.840 We. 00:46:29.500 --> 00:46:31.039 We are so grateful. 00:46:31.880 --> 00:46:32.800 That you came. 00:46:32.860 --> 00:46:33.440 And you died. 00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:35.180 That you gave. 00:46:35.240 --> 00:46:35.860 Your life. 00:46:36.740 --> 00:46:38.260 You are the true vine. 00:46:38.539 --> 00:46:39.420 You are the way. 00:46:39.639 --> 00:46:40.300 The truth. 00:46:40.519 --> 00:46:41.079 The life. 00:46:41.079 --> 00:46:44.759 There is never. 00:46:44.759 --> 00:46:45.860 Going to be a time. 00:46:46.539 --> 00:46:48.019 That if we take the time. 00:46:48.119 --> 00:46:49.500 To connect into you. 00:46:49.799 --> 00:46:50.980 To turn our face. 00:46:51.039 --> 00:46:51.619 Towards you. 00:46:51.719 --> 00:46:52.460 To be connected. 00:46:52.460 --> 00:46:53.460 Into that vine. 00:46:53.779 --> 00:46:54.759 That you are not. 00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:55.360 Going to. 00:46:56.579 --> 00:46:57.539 Meet with us. 00:46:58.699 --> 00:46:59.679 Speak to us. 00:47:00.579 --> 00:47:01.420 Encourage us. 00:47:03.679 --> 00:47:04.980 Be close to us. 00:47:05.099 --> 00:47:06.019 In the pain. 00:47:06.279 --> 00:47:07.019 And you have said. 00:47:07.460 --> 00:47:08.719 It is going to get tough. 00:47:09.579 --> 00:47:10.639 There will be things. 00:47:11.079 --> 00:47:11.679 There will be. 00:47:11.799 --> 00:47:12.559 Dark times. 00:47:14.380 --> 00:47:15.480 But everything you need. 00:47:15.539 --> 00:47:16.039 Is in me. 00:47:16.940 --> 00:47:17.599 And so God. 00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:19.079 For every single person. 00:47:19.079 --> 00:47:20.059 In the room tonight. 00:47:20.299 --> 00:47:21.199 Every single one. 00:47:21.199 --> 00:47:22.619 Of these beautiful women. 00:47:23.139 --> 00:47:24.360 I pray Lord Jesus. 00:47:24.360 --> 00:47:25.819 That you will speak. 00:47:26.420 --> 00:47:27.639 Into their hearts. 00:47:28.380 --> 00:47:29.279 In whatever way. 00:47:29.480 --> 00:47:30.739 You want to do that Lord. 00:47:31.860 --> 00:47:32.960 May none of them. 00:47:33.059 --> 00:47:34.179 Leave this room tonight. 00:47:34.299 --> 00:47:34.819 Not knowing. 00:47:35.719 --> 00:47:36.559 That you love them. 00:47:36.819 --> 00:47:38.400 That you have chosen them. 00:47:38.920 --> 00:47:40.179 They are not an accident. 00:47:40.179 --> 00:47:41.579 They are not here by accident. 00:47:43.099 --> 00:47:45.039 And that you are enough for them Lord. 00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:46.359 Your perfect love. 00:47:46.759 --> 00:47:47.399 Is enough. 00:47:50.539 --> 00:47:51.500 Thank you Jesus. 00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:53.960 Thank you Jesus. 00:47:55.839 --> 00:47:57.059 And help us Lord. 00:47:57.199 --> 00:47:58.239 Help us to tune in. 00:47:58.899 --> 00:48:00.259 Help us to listen. 00:48:00.500 --> 00:48:01.879 Help us to give you time. 00:48:02.440 --> 00:48:03.839 Help us to believe. 00:48:03.839 --> 00:48:04.639 What you are saying. 00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:05.679 Help us to. 00:48:06.299 --> 00:48:06.779 Notice. 00:48:07.199 --> 00:48:08.539 The battles that are going on. 00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:09.579 That we have to fight. 00:48:10.420 --> 00:48:11.679 With your help. 00:48:13.319 --> 00:48:15.179 Every time we look at our phone. 00:48:15.299 --> 00:48:16.319 Or check the wifi. 00:48:16.799 --> 00:48:17.579 I pray Lord. 00:48:17.639 --> 00:48:19.079 That you will remind us. 00:48:20.659 --> 00:48:21.679 That you first. 00:48:23.279 --> 00:48:24.579 And the fruit will follow. 00:48:24.579 --> 00:48:29.900 Thank you Jesus. 00:48:29.900 --> 00:48:30.180 Yes. 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.180 --> 00:48:30.180 00:48:30.179 --> 00:49:00.159 Thank you.