WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.919 please open your Bibles to Colossians chapter 3. 00:00:03.760 --> 00:00:05.500 We're going to start at verse 1. 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:09.240 Colossians chapter 3. 00:00:10.779 --> 00:00:13.339 If then you have been raised with Christ, 00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:17.300 seek the things that are above where Christ is, 00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:19.219 seated at the right hand of God. 00:00:20.519 --> 00:00:23.179 Set your mind on things that are above, 00:00:23.179 --> 00:00:25.800 not on things that are on earth. 00:00:25.800 --> 00:00:31.120 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:35.140 When Christ, who is your life, appears, 00:00:35.880 --> 00:00:39.060 then you also will appear with him in glory. 00:00:41.240 --> 00:00:44.159 Put to death, therefore, what is earthly in you, 00:00:45.420 --> 00:00:52.420 sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, 00:00:52.420 --> 00:00:56.039 and covetousness, which is idolatry. 00:00:57.800 --> 00:01:00.579 On account of these things, the wrath of God is coming. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:06.379 In these you too once walked when you were living in them. 00:01:06.379 --> 00:01:10.060 But now you must put them all away. 00:01:11.180 --> 00:01:17.840 Anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:21.480 Do not lie to one another, 00:01:21.980 --> 00:01:24.560 seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices, 00:01:25.140 --> 00:01:26.680 and have put on the new self, 00:01:27.020 --> 00:01:30.560 which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 00:01:32.820 --> 00:01:34.800 Here there is not Greek and Jew, 00:01:35.580 --> 00:01:37.240 circumcised and uncircumcised, 00:01:38.180 --> 00:01:41.240 barbarian, Scythian, slave, free, 00:01:41.240 --> 00:01:45.359 but Christ is all and in all. 00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:50.200 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, 00:01:50.780 --> 00:01:52.079 holy and beloved, 00:01:52.780 --> 00:01:54.000 compassionate hearts, 00:01:54.680 --> 00:01:55.060 kindness, 00:01:56.200 --> 00:01:56.680 humility, 00:01:57.920 --> 00:01:58.460 meekness, 00:01:59.219 --> 00:01:59.939 and patience, 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:02.300 bearing with one another, 00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:05.180 and if one has a complaint against another, 00:02:06.159 --> 00:02:07.260 forgiving each other, 00:02:07.800 --> 00:02:09.379 as the Lord has forgiven you, 00:02:09.840 --> 00:02:11.300 so you also forgive. 00:02:11.300 --> 00:02:14.460 And above all these, 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:15.260 put on love, 00:02:15.820 --> 00:02:18.860 which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 00:02:20.420 --> 00:02:23.260 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, 00:02:23.660 --> 00:02:25.120 to which indeed you were called, 00:02:25.500 --> 00:02:26.260 in one body. 00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:28.980 And be thankful. 00:02:30.980 --> 00:02:33.380 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, 00:02:33.939 --> 00:02:36.400 teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:40.219 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, 00:02:40.780 --> 00:02:42.719 with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 00:02:43.719 --> 00:02:45.240 And whatever you do, 00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:46.659 in word or deed, 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:49.700 do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, 00:02:50.259 --> 00:02:53.020 giving thanks to God the Father through him. 00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:55.640 Wives, 00:02:56.080 --> 00:02:57.159 submit to your husbands, 00:02:57.520 --> 00:02:58.819 as is fitting in the Lord. 00:03:00.620 --> 00:03:01.180 Husbands, 00:03:02.099 --> 00:03:03.259 love your wives, 00:03:03.259 --> 00:03:05.419 and do not be harsh with them. 00:03:07.239 --> 00:03:07.719 Children, 00:03:09.219 --> 00:03:11.759 obey your parents in everything, 00:03:12.759 --> 00:03:14.219 for this pleases the Lord. 00:03:16.060 --> 00:03:16.659 Fathers, 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:19.439 do not provoke your children, 00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:21.519 lest they become discouraged. 00:03:33.259 --> 00:03:37.560 Well, 00:03:37.679 --> 00:03:38.060 can I, 00:03:38.060 --> 00:03:38.340 uh, 00:03:39.780 --> 00:03:40.179 kick off, 00:03:40.359 --> 00:03:41.500 kick off, 00:03:41.979 --> 00:03:42.159 with, 00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:43.079 that's a good start, 00:03:43.120 --> 00:03:43.599 isn't it? 00:03:43.599 --> 00:03:44.060 Um, 00:03:44.179 --> 00:03:45.479 with a question for you. 00:03:45.519 --> 00:03:48.219 How many TV streaming devices, 00:03:48.459 --> 00:03:48.679 or, 00:03:49.359 --> 00:03:49.859 uh, 00:03:50.019 --> 00:03:51.799 devices do you have to stream content, 00:03:51.899 --> 00:03:53.079 do you have in your household? 00:03:55.579 --> 00:03:57.439 Apparently the average is like seven, 00:03:57.599 --> 00:03:58.719 in the normal household. 00:03:59.340 --> 00:03:59.519 Now, 00:03:59.859 --> 00:04:00.519 now what's the point, 00:04:00.579 --> 00:04:02.199 you've seen the advertising as I have, 00:04:02.199 --> 00:04:04.359 like all the internet providers, 00:04:04.579 --> 00:04:05.919 all the streaming services, 00:04:06.399 --> 00:04:09.039 what are they spending big money on in adverts? 00:04:09.459 --> 00:04:09.659 It's, 00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:11.299 it's spend all this money, 00:04:11.299 --> 00:04:13.219 so they've got the bandwidth of internet, 00:04:13.459 --> 00:04:16.599 so that each person can choose their own thing to watch. 00:04:17.240 --> 00:04:18.240 You can be a loving, 00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:19.620 united family, 00:04:20.180 --> 00:04:21.599 off in different parts of the house, 00:04:21.860 --> 00:04:22.819 watching your own thing, 00:04:23.379 --> 00:04:24.360 having nothing in common. 00:04:26.980 --> 00:04:29.980 Individual choice reigns in the family. 00:04:29.980 --> 00:04:31.220 Uh, 00:04:31.220 --> 00:04:31.700 teenagers, 00:04:32.759 --> 00:04:34.879 let me speak to you. 00:04:34.980 --> 00:04:38.580 How would you feel if your parents put a curfew on your social media apps? 00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:38.980 Like, 00:04:39.020 --> 00:04:42.000 they automatically just got shut down, 00:04:42.319 --> 00:04:44.140 at 7pm every night. 00:04:46.140 --> 00:04:47.140 I don't know if a, 00:04:47.140 --> 00:04:48.960 a little part of you died inside, 00:04:49.080 --> 00:04:50.540 even contemplating that, 00:04:50.680 --> 00:04:50.819 but, 00:04:51.280 --> 00:04:51.580 uh, 00:04:51.580 --> 00:04:52.900 should it be your choice? 00:04:53.500 --> 00:04:55.759 Is that an overreach of parents' authority? 00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:58.339 Is it oppressive? 00:04:59.620 --> 00:04:59.819 Uh, 00:04:59.819 --> 00:05:01.159 what about parenting advice? 00:05:01.259 --> 00:05:02.860 Aren't we confused today? 00:05:03.039 --> 00:05:03.219 Like, 00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:05.319 are boundaries good or not? 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:07.279 Is discipline good or not? 00:05:07.959 --> 00:05:08.360 Should, 00:05:08.439 --> 00:05:08.899 should we, 00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:09.560 is, 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:09.740 uh, 00:05:09.740 --> 00:05:12.819 just affirming and affirming and affirming the way to go? 00:05:13.379 --> 00:05:13.620 Uh, 00:05:13.620 --> 00:05:13.860 we, 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:15.620 it's really confusing. 00:05:15.620 --> 00:05:18.519 Or socially, 00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:18.860 we, 00:05:18.860 --> 00:05:24.759 we give pre-pubescent teenagers the authority to make lifelong, 00:05:25.579 --> 00:05:26.959 body-altering choices, 00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.879 and they don't have to include their parents to make that choice. 00:05:31.840 --> 00:05:33.620 That's incredible where we're at, 00:05:34.180 --> 00:05:34.340 that, 00:05:34.340 --> 00:05:34.379 that, 00:05:34.379 --> 00:05:35.920 that we would think that's wise. 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:36.420 Um, 00:05:39.540 --> 00:05:39.960 or, 00:05:39.960 --> 00:05:42.060 or an ABC article recently said that, 00:05:42.060 --> 00:05:42.980 uh, 00:05:42.980 --> 00:05:43.540 divorce, 00:05:43.540 --> 00:05:47.140 divorce applications during COVID just hit a peak, 00:05:47.259 --> 00:05:49.120 which I suppose the strain, 00:05:49.520 --> 00:05:50.939 it's understandable and, 00:05:50.939 --> 00:05:52.139 uh, 00:05:52.139 --> 00:05:52.480 that, 00:05:52.740 --> 00:05:52.819 that, 00:05:52.860 --> 00:05:54.639 that occurred, 00:05:54.780 --> 00:05:57.439 but out of this came a new profession, 00:05:57.639 --> 00:05:59.160 not just a life coach, 00:05:59.200 --> 00:06:00.879 but a divorce coach, 00:06:00.879 --> 00:06:01.879 uh, 00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:04.600 to help you feel not alone and, 00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:05.900 and affirmed as you, 00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:07.360 as you divorce. 00:06:08.400 --> 00:06:08.680 Uh, 00:06:08.680 --> 00:06:10.439 one of the divorce coaches said in the article, 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:10.960 to be honest, 00:06:11.020 --> 00:06:13.699 I don't see it as a failure in marriage or a failure in love. 00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:14.060 Actually, 00:06:14.140 --> 00:06:16.360 I just think it's us evolving as a society. 00:06:17.580 --> 00:06:17.860 Uh, 00:06:17.860 --> 00:06:19.100 we had, 00:06:19.400 --> 00:06:20.360 we had in the article is, 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:20.920 uh, 00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:22.840 Gwyneth Paltrow. 00:06:22.980 --> 00:06:24.020 Hopefully I said her name right. 00:06:24.540 --> 00:06:24.740 Uh, 00:06:24.740 --> 00:06:26.379 she was leading the way, 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:30.520 this celebrity in consciously uncoupling was her term, 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:31.860 which has become popular now. 00:06:34.180 --> 00:06:34.660 All right, 00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:34.800 no, 00:06:34.800 --> 00:06:35.300 uh, 00:06:35.300 --> 00:06:36.139 what about wedding vows? 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:36.620 Like, 00:06:36.620 --> 00:06:38.400 have you heard some vows and you're like, 00:06:39.180 --> 00:06:41.120 I didn't hear a promise anywhere in that. 00:06:41.879 --> 00:06:44.420 All you've said is something sentimental saying, 00:06:44.540 --> 00:06:44.840 wow, 00:06:44.939 --> 00:06:48.660 you make me feel so good about myself. 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:50.699 I can't imagine living without you. 00:06:51.819 --> 00:06:53.139 There's no promise in that statement. 00:06:54.280 --> 00:06:56.460 There's a problem in that because a few years later, 00:06:56.740 --> 00:07:00.680 that same person can very much imagine living without you. 00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:01.480 Um, 00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:07.800 should couples have separate bank accounts? 00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:11.000 Uh, 00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:11.840 that's pretty common. 00:07:12.360 --> 00:07:12.520 Uh, 00:07:12.520 --> 00:07:13.560 these days I hear. 00:07:16.759 --> 00:07:17.160 Uh, 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:18.620 what even is a family? 00:07:18.620 --> 00:07:19.120 Uh, 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:19.620 what even is a family? 00:07:19.620 --> 00:07:19.880 Like, 00:07:19.880 --> 00:07:22.800 is it oppressive to even give a definition? 00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:24.300 Uh, 00:07:24.300 --> 00:07:30.400 because shouldn't each person in each group decide for themselves what constitutes a family? 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:34.959 It's a confusing time we're in, 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:35.319 isn't it? 00:07:35.919 --> 00:07:36.799 It's confusing. 00:07:36.799 --> 00:07:37.299 Uh, 00:07:37.299 --> 00:07:41.979 there's so much isolation in marriage and families. 00:07:41.980 --> 00:07:42.580 Um, 00:07:42.580 --> 00:07:42.680 and, 00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:43.120 and it's, 00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:43.400 it's, 00:07:43.400 --> 00:07:47.140 it's the symptom of this cultural air we've been talking about in this series. 00:07:49.200 --> 00:07:49.960 Where it's, 00:07:50.100 --> 00:07:50.400 it's, 00:07:50.400 --> 00:07:50.420 it's, 00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:54.120 it's the individual who has to fill up their sense of self. 00:07:54.120 --> 00:07:54.460 Uh, 00:07:54.900 --> 00:07:57.300 here's a definition of this cultural air we're breathing, 00:07:57.400 --> 00:07:58.160 just to remind us. 00:07:58.939 --> 00:07:59.080 Uh, 00:07:59.080 --> 00:08:01.020 so it's a guy called Charles Taylor. 00:08:01.100 --> 00:08:02.060 He describes it like this. 00:08:03.060 --> 00:08:03.500 Uh, 00:08:03.500 --> 00:08:04.100 the cultural, 00:08:04.100 --> 00:08:04.800 uh, 00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:13.100 the culture of authenticity is one where each one of us has his or her own way of realizing 00:08:13.579 --> 00:08:22.939 our humanity and that it is important to find and live out one's own as against surrendering 00:08:22.939 --> 00:08:30.379 to conformity of a model imposed on us from outside by society or the previous generation 00:08:30.379 --> 00:08:34.120 or religious or political authority. 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:37.899 So it's the self you need to find yourself. 00:08:38.480 --> 00:08:39.039 Live that out. 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:42.700 Nothing external should tell you who you are, 00:08:42.779 --> 00:08:43.279 how to live. 00:08:44.580 --> 00:08:45.620 And so no wonder we're, 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:48.960 we don't know what to do with authority these days. 00:08:49.320 --> 00:08:49.559 Uh, 00:08:49.559 --> 00:08:51.240 we're very suspicious of it being, 00:08:51.240 --> 00:08:51.439 uh, 00:08:51.539 --> 00:08:52.259 oppressing us, 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:52.659 aren't we? 00:08:53.899 --> 00:08:55.059 If we're under authority, 00:08:55.340 --> 00:09:00.360 that person above us is only using their power if I think they've made the right 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:09.560 choice or we grasp at authority for ourselves because it's a way to feel good about my self image. 00:09:12.680 --> 00:09:17.080 And it creates a power struggle with everyone trying to fill their own bucket, 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:18.759 their own inner sense of, 00:09:18.759 --> 00:09:20.960 of meaning and, 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:21.840 and value. 00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:25.100 And we're using other people to do it. 00:09:25.740 --> 00:09:27.820 And it makes relationships so fragile. 00:09:27.820 --> 00:09:32.060 Now, 00:09:32.160 --> 00:09:33.860 I think we need to be careful as Christians, 00:09:34.100 --> 00:09:34.400 um, 00:09:34.740 --> 00:09:35.360 to go, 00:09:35.460 --> 00:09:36.500 the problem is out there. 00:09:36.600 --> 00:09:37.940 The problem isn't with us. 00:09:38.120 --> 00:09:38.340 Uh, 00:09:38.340 --> 00:09:38.840 I, 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:40.400 I saw this illustration once, 00:09:40.400 --> 00:09:40.820 uh, 00:09:40.820 --> 00:09:41.100 where, 00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:47.160 if you could imagine that we need to keep arms reached away from the society that doesn't live 00:09:47.160 --> 00:09:48.040 under, 00:09:48.300 --> 00:09:48.500 under, 00:09:48.660 --> 00:09:49.440 in God's ways. 00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:49.920 Now, 00:09:49.960 --> 00:09:53.140 the problem is if society moves further and further away 00:09:53.139 --> 00:09:55.340 from God's standard, 00:09:55.340 --> 00:09:59.379 if we think we're doing well just by staying arms reach away, 00:10:00.199 --> 00:10:01.299 before long, 00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:02.179 we look around, 00:10:02.259 --> 00:10:02.360 we, 00:10:02.419 --> 00:10:04.819 we are so far from God's way. 00:10:04.939 --> 00:10:08.120 And yet we comfort ourselves thinking we're doing well. 00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:12.179 We need God's way as our reference point is what I'm trying to say. 00:10:12.179 --> 00:10:16.079 We don't need to just be a little bit different to our society. 00:10:16.239 --> 00:10:18.599 We need a totally different way, 00:10:19.239 --> 00:10:20.699 a way that brings peace, 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:22.479 a way that brings intimacy, 00:10:23.199 --> 00:10:24.239 building trust, 00:10:25.819 --> 00:10:26.979 a way of fullness, 00:10:27.319 --> 00:10:28.879 a way of sacrificial love. 00:10:29.099 --> 00:10:30.399 And that's what we've got in these verses. 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:36.199 And let me address, 00:10:36.199 --> 00:10:36.899 uh, 00:10:37.600 --> 00:10:38.639 a stumbling block. 00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:39.039 I think, 00:10:39.179 --> 00:10:39.419 uh, 00:10:39.419 --> 00:10:44.879 we shouldn't think that these verses are calling us to return to a patriarchal, 00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:46.480 oppressive model. 00:10:47.019 --> 00:10:47.299 Uh, 00:10:47.299 --> 00:10:53.059 these verses were very challenging in the Roman society, 00:10:53.259 --> 00:10:54.279 patriarchal society. 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:57.960 So I really like how Bible gateway present illustrates this. 00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:00.820 So we're going to watch a one minute clip of this. 00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:01.180 If, 00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:02.740 if technology helps, 00:11:02.840 --> 00:11:03.920 otherwise I'll describe it. 00:11:10.220 --> 00:11:16.320 And he shows the Colossians what this new humanity might look like in a first century Roman household, 00:11:16.560 --> 00:11:25.400 which was a highly authoritarian institution where the male patriarch held the power of life and death over his wife and children and slaves. 00:11:25.400 --> 00:11:27.780 Not so in a Christian household. 00:11:27.960 --> 00:11:28.660 Here, 00:11:28.940 --> 00:11:30.980 the risen Jesus is the true Lord. 00:11:31.460 --> 00:11:32.879 And so in the Lord, 00:11:33.280 --> 00:11:36.920 the wife allows her husband to become responsible for her. 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:42.780 And the husband is subject to Jesus by loving his wife and placing her well-being above his own. 00:11:43.040 --> 00:11:44.480 In a home where Jesus is Lord, 00:11:44.820 --> 00:11:46.280 children are not objects, 00:11:46.440 --> 00:11:48.960 but are called to maturity and to respect. 00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:52.720 And parents are to raise their children with patience and understanding. 00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:59.379 Christians who are slaves are to honor their human masters precisely because they're not the real master. 00:11:59.580 --> 00:12:00.259 Jesus is. 00:12:00.379 --> 00:12:05.120 And Christians who have slaves are to understand that this slave is not their property, 00:12:05.500 --> 00:12:10.519 but rather a fellow member of Jesus's body to be honored and embraced in love. 00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:12.799 Paul's walking a very fine line here. 00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:20.019 He is reshaping the most basic Roman institution around Jesus who rules by his self-giving love. 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:23.240 And so while he doesn't abolish the household structure outright, 00:12:23.240 --> 00:12:26.299 the exalted Messiah demands that it be transformed, 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:30.820 almost beyond the point of recognition for any Roman living in Colossae. 00:12:31.980 --> 00:12:33.840 Now it gets into slaves and masters. 00:12:33.980 --> 00:12:34.899 We'll deal with that next week. 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:37.080 So just leave that out of your minds for now. 00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:46.100 But I hope that just gives you a taste of how this radically challenged the patriarchal society back then. 00:12:46.940 --> 00:12:47.700 Radically challenged. 00:12:48.160 --> 00:12:50.600 And Adam opened my way. 00:12:50.759 --> 00:12:52.440 It's radically challenging us today. 00:12:53.340 --> 00:12:55.120 It's challenging us in a different way. 00:12:55.420 --> 00:13:00.100 But if we were having this sermon, this passage in another part of the world, 00:13:00.220 --> 00:13:00.920 a different culture, 00:13:01.180 --> 00:13:05.160 it would probably be radically challenging that culture in a very different way. 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:07.799 It might not be submission that they stumble over. 00:13:07.899 --> 00:13:14.000 Maybe it's fathers having a limit on their authority in how they raise their children. 00:13:14.899 --> 00:13:15.819 It's challenging. 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:19.839 No matter what, all of us are called to a higher standard. 00:13:21.559 --> 00:13:22.699 Not just a higher standard. 00:13:22.779 --> 00:13:23.459 Let me rephrase that. 00:13:23.959 --> 00:13:26.459 All of us are called to a higher culture, 00:13:26.699 --> 00:13:31.120 to bring heavenly culture into our earthly culture. 00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:40.000 We are called to not use our family as a way of filling our internal bucket. 00:13:40.860 --> 00:13:46.840 But since we are filled by Jesus, we overflow into our families. 00:13:48.340 --> 00:13:49.639 That's what we're going to look at today. 00:13:51.080 --> 00:13:54.340 So as we get into God's word, let me quickly pause and ask, 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:57.740 why do you need to listen to this passage if these categories don't apply to you? 00:13:57.740 --> 00:14:02.279 If you're single or no longer married, a grown adult, an empty nester, 00:14:02.379 --> 00:14:03.220 why do you need to listen? 00:14:05.759 --> 00:14:07.639 I think, let me give you four reasons. 00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:11.460 One is to know the heart and purposes of God 00:14:11.460 --> 00:14:15.080 because this is meant to image who God is. 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:16.919 We are calling God our Father. 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:22.360 We're meant to understand Christ as our husband of the church. 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:28.159 So we need to know God's goodness as a father, 00:14:28.340 --> 00:14:32.039 especially if we've experienced a broken earthly father. 00:14:32.680 --> 00:14:37.960 We need to know what God is like, what our heavenly husband is like. 00:14:38.800 --> 00:14:46.980 A second reason is families in this church need you to be encouraging them 00:14:46.980 --> 00:14:49.539 and holding them accountable to this. 00:14:49.539 --> 00:14:52.240 We need you. 00:14:53.240 --> 00:14:58.399 The third reason is to be ready to give a thoughtful and winsome answer 00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:02.240 to anyone who says that this is oppressive and out of date. 00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:10.519 We need to be ready to show that this is actually the way to thrive. 00:15:10.519 --> 00:15:17.679 And the fourth reason is the way of thinking about human authority in the family. 00:15:18.460 --> 00:15:22.100 We're all under authority and we all have authority to some extent 00:15:22.100 --> 00:15:23.659 in lots of spheres of life. 00:15:23.720 --> 00:15:28.059 So the way of thinking of being full in Christ is helpful 00:15:28.059 --> 00:15:30.500 to be thinking in other spheres as well. 00:15:30.860 --> 00:15:35.419 So there is lots of reasons for us all to get into this. 00:15:35.419 --> 00:15:37.740 So let's do that. 00:15:37.839 --> 00:15:41.799 So how can you express your fullness in Christ within the family? 00:15:44.279 --> 00:15:46.539 Some this morning might be feeling like finally, 00:15:46.740 --> 00:15:49.979 after all this abstract thinking about fullness in Christ, 00:15:50.059 --> 00:15:56.219 we're getting to where I live in the nitty-gritty of family struggle 00:15:56.219 --> 00:15:58.439 and next week as we look at work. 00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:04.880 But don't you find the brevity of such complex topics frustrating 00:16:04.880 --> 00:16:07.480 if you're approaching it that way? 00:16:09.020 --> 00:16:10.400 Like one sentence? 00:16:10.660 --> 00:16:15.400 Like how many seminars are there and books and government spending 00:16:15.400 --> 00:16:17.740 is there on marriage and parenting? 00:16:17.860 --> 00:16:19.540 And we get one sentence. 00:16:19.800 --> 00:16:21.800 Like why is that? 00:16:21.799 --> 00:16:27.359 That's because what you need to thrive as a wife and as a husband, 00:16:27.659 --> 00:16:31.479 as a parent, as a child, is more than instruction. 00:16:32.199 --> 00:16:36.659 We need to go deeper in knowing Christ and we need the whole 00:16:36.659 --> 00:16:37.779 of Scripture to do that. 00:16:39.500 --> 00:16:44.219 I think the point of these few verses is to help us to be clear 00:16:44.219 --> 00:16:48.399 on what does it mean to set our minds on things above. 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:52.840 If we've died with Christ, if we've been raised with him, 00:16:52.939 --> 00:16:56.799 we're seated with him in Christ at God's right hand, 00:16:56.879 --> 00:16:59.500 what does it mean to set our minds on things above? 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:03.399 We're not to treat each other according to earthly categories anymore. 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:04.879 We're all in Christ. 00:17:05.139 --> 00:17:08.920 So what does that mean in terms of human authority? 00:17:09.180 --> 00:17:11.720 Does it abolish human authority? 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:15.440 Does it obliterate it? 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:19.240 Or does it give the husband and the head of the house not only legal 00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:22.320 and social power but the full power of God? 00:17:24.420 --> 00:17:24.900 Unquestioned. 00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:26.120 Does it mean that? 00:17:27.360 --> 00:17:31.480 Or does it mean that you should spend your time only on church-related things? 00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:36.559 You should be just involved in mission while your family suffers. 00:17:39.820 --> 00:17:41.759 So I think that's why these verses are here, 00:17:41.860 --> 00:17:44.720 just to explain what does fullness look like. 00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:51.240 What fullness looks like is restoring us to God's original design 00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:52.340 as his image bearers. 00:17:53.380 --> 00:17:56.519 These verses tell us that you can express fullness 00:17:56.519 --> 00:17:59.400 in whatever situation you're in. 00:18:00.120 --> 00:18:02.559 Whether you're in authority or under authority, 00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:07.500 it's not just possible, but whatever situation you're in, 00:18:08.320 --> 00:18:13.860 Christ has chosen that context for you to express fullness in him. 00:18:13.859 --> 00:18:19.159 I think this is where the rubber hits the road, 00:18:19.479 --> 00:18:22.219 whether we are grasping fullness in Christ or not. 00:18:23.379 --> 00:18:25.839 Because family relationships are hard, aren't they? 00:18:28.139 --> 00:18:29.799 We don't feel full. 00:18:31.199 --> 00:18:33.000 So this is where the rubber hits the road, 00:18:33.079 --> 00:18:37.819 whether we really do rest in the fullness we have in Christ, 00:18:38.019 --> 00:18:38.899 find power there. 00:18:38.900 --> 00:18:44.200 So how do we set our minds on things above? 00:18:44.440 --> 00:18:46.180 How do we know this fullness? 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:48.600 We need to preach to ourselves. 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:52.900 I can't remember who said it, but someone said, 00:18:53.600 --> 00:18:57.380 in a way, you're the most influential person on yourself 00:18:57.380 --> 00:18:59.680 because you're talking to yourself constantly. 00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:02.779 Some of you out loud, which is really distracting. 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:05.140 We're always talking to ourselves. 00:19:06.060 --> 00:19:07.519 What are you telling yourself? 00:19:08.360 --> 00:19:10.200 So you need to be preaching to yourself. 00:19:12.180 --> 00:19:16.740 If you focus on the family, on what you're entitled to, 00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:17.900 that's what you'll see. 00:19:18.060 --> 00:19:20.120 That's what you interpret everything as. 00:19:20.119 --> 00:19:24.979 If you think, I need to be full and this family is going to fill me, 00:19:25.679 --> 00:19:27.419 you will approach it with entitlement. 00:19:27.899 --> 00:19:32.099 But if you think, I am full in Christ and I'm called to represent him 00:19:32.099 --> 00:19:34.079 in the family, you'll see opportunity. 00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:44.539 So although I can deeply desire my spouse's love and respect, 00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:48.240 my parents' understanding, my children to listen to me, 00:19:48.460 --> 00:19:52.000 I can deeply desire that to the point where I feel paralysed 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:53.480 if they don't give it to me. 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:57.359 Like I can only respond positively if they give it to me. 00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:03.659 Those desires cry out to us, but we need to preach ourselves 00:20:03.659 --> 00:20:06.539 that we have everything we need in Christ. 00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:11.699 I am chosen by God, holy and loved, and that never changes. 00:20:12.819 --> 00:20:15.959 My status is not greater because I am head of the family 00:20:15.959 --> 00:20:19.979 and my status is not diminished when I'm called to submit. 00:20:20.139 --> 00:20:20.379 Why? 00:20:20.899 --> 00:20:25.559 Because my status, we all have the highest status in the cosmos. 00:20:25.559 --> 00:20:30.279 You cannot get a higher status than being in Christ. 00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:32.259 You're a child of God. 00:20:33.859 --> 00:20:38.919 My purpose in life is so much bigger than my own story of creating 00:20:38.919 --> 00:20:42.940 a comfortable, self-affirming, pain-avoiding little kingdom. 00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:47.079 My purpose is to be part of Christ's cosmic purpose 00:20:47.079 --> 00:20:49.279 of reconciling everything to him. 00:20:50.419 --> 00:20:52.679 I'm called to represent his grace. 00:20:52.680 --> 00:20:56.220 And I'm not alone in my struggle. 00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:01.400 His powerful grace is at work, and so I'm confident that he has the power, 00:21:01.480 --> 00:21:05.039 not me, he has the power to bring change in the family. 00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:10.259 And when I get it wrong and when I fall short again and again, 00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:16.480 his grace covers my sin and shame to help me move into the struggle again. 00:21:16.480 --> 00:21:20.559 His grace covers my family's sin and shame. 00:21:21.460 --> 00:21:23.000 I don't have to lay down the law. 00:21:23.140 --> 00:21:23.940 They need grace. 00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:28.759 We need to be preaching the gospel to ourselves. 00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:36.779 So how does this fullness overflow into the family? 00:21:38.660 --> 00:21:40.960 How can you show Christ's character? 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:45.460 How can you show the goodness of Christ's authority? 00:21:47.120 --> 00:21:48.620 Let's get into each of the verses. 00:21:49.000 --> 00:21:57.220 I think each person in their situation has a unique opportunity to show the goodness 00:21:57.220 --> 00:22:00.740 of being in Christ and living under his authority. 00:22:00.740 --> 00:22:06.500 So wives, as a wife, how do you show the goodness of Christ's authority? 00:22:06.819 --> 00:22:12.980 Verse 18, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. 00:22:14.980 --> 00:22:20.640 I think fear is still very real in the hearts of Christian women with this call. 00:22:21.539 --> 00:22:25.819 Even though socially, legally, it's changed since Paul's day, 00:22:26.380 --> 00:22:28.259 I think there's still a lot of fear. 00:22:28.259 --> 00:22:33.359 If I acknowledge my husband's authority to take the lead in this relationship, 00:22:34.259 --> 00:22:36.740 will I lose my voice in decisions? 00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:42.339 Will I lose my value to contribute competently? 00:22:43.160 --> 00:22:48.160 Will I lose my dignity and become a sexual object for my husband's desires? 00:22:50.039 --> 00:22:51.500 There's a lot of fear still. 00:22:51.500 --> 00:22:57.779 And as we come to this command, as we come to the command of husbands, 00:22:57.940 --> 00:23:02.819 hopefully, wives, you will have great reason not to be afraid, 00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:06.700 but to find a safe place to thrive. 00:23:08.380 --> 00:23:10.519 Let me first define submission. 00:23:12.619 --> 00:23:16.599 I'm going to use Christian psychologist Larry Crabb's definition. 00:23:16.599 --> 00:23:21.359 Submission is a woman's warmly inviting, receiving, 00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:28.659 and meaningfully supporting a man's involvement in life 00:23:28.659 --> 00:23:32.439 in a way that encourages his godliness. 00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:40.779 So it's inviting, receiving, supporting a man's involvement 00:23:40.779 --> 00:23:43.620 that encourages his godliness. 00:23:44.600 --> 00:23:47.799 I'm going to risk a small concrete example. 00:23:49.900 --> 00:23:55.460 When Em describes to me a distressing situation at work, 00:23:56.180 --> 00:23:58.420 she's inviting my input at that point. 00:23:58.420 --> 00:24:01.160 And to be honest, sometimes I'm just like, 00:24:01.320 --> 00:24:03.259 I just want to get on with my day. 00:24:03.420 --> 00:24:06.759 But at that point, by inviting me into that situation, 00:24:07.180 --> 00:24:08.400 I have to step up. 00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:10.860 What does it look like to love her in that, 00:24:11.600 --> 00:24:13.200 for her situation at work? 00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:14.240 Does she need a hug? 00:24:14.800 --> 00:24:15.720 Does she need prayer? 00:24:16.200 --> 00:24:17.420 Does she need guidance? 00:24:18.259 --> 00:24:21.759 Does she need redirection? 00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:23.300 What does she need? 00:24:23.299 --> 00:24:28.759 By inviting me in, I have to step up. 00:24:28.919 --> 00:24:30.200 It encourages my godliness. 00:24:31.839 --> 00:24:33.619 I think that's just a small example. 00:24:35.799 --> 00:24:40.559 But notice the motivation here is for the Lord's sake, ultimately. 00:24:41.079 --> 00:24:42.779 It's as fitting in the Lord. 00:24:44.279 --> 00:24:49.059 Another way we could word that is in a manner that is proper in the Lord. 00:24:49.059 --> 00:24:53.099 So I think wives, notice four things here. 00:24:53.399 --> 00:24:55.899 This is something the Lord instructs you directly. 00:24:56.059 --> 00:25:00.200 He's not talking to past you, to your husbands. 00:25:00.579 --> 00:25:01.759 He's talking to you. 00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:04.740 You can choose to do this. 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:09.639 You have the authority to obey Christ. 00:25:10.779 --> 00:25:16.359 So husbands, it's not your role to command your wife to follow, to submit. 00:25:16.359 --> 00:25:24.419 Secondly, your ultimate motivation is because you trust Christ to only command what's good 00:25:24.419 --> 00:25:26.019 and it's going to honour him. 00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:33.259 Thirdly, in a manner proper to the Lord gives a limit to the husband's authority. 00:25:33.819 --> 00:25:36.219 You're not told here to obey blindly. 00:25:37.579 --> 00:25:42.519 You are following as much as your husband is directing you in the way of Christ. 00:25:42.519 --> 00:25:49.900 And fourth, in a manner proper to the Lord, that's described in verses 12 to 17. 00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:53.240 Compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness. 00:25:54.139 --> 00:26:03.519 That's what it looks like, to have the character of Christ in the way you follow the lead of your husband. 00:26:04.980 --> 00:26:06.680 So submission is not a doormat. 00:26:06.680 --> 00:26:12.519 It's thoughtful, it's conscious of Christ's presence, it's conscious of Christ's grace, 00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:16.360 knowing that he's calling you to represent him to your husband. 00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:21.700 It's bringing all your giftedness to follow your husband in living for Christ. 00:26:22.779 --> 00:26:27.500 So when a marriage is working well, I like to think of it as like ballroom dancing. 00:26:27.500 --> 00:26:34.400 I know this illustration won't work on everyone, but in ballroom dancing, someone's got to take the lead. 00:26:34.680 --> 00:26:35.279 Someone has to. 00:26:36.259 --> 00:26:44.980 And so when the man is leading well and the wife is following, what do you see when it's beautifully done? 00:26:45.779 --> 00:26:49.099 You don't go, oh, wow, he is leading well. 00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:51.019 Oh, wow, she is so submissive. 00:26:51.099 --> 00:26:51.859 You don't see that. 00:26:51.859 --> 00:26:57.019 There's such a unit that they're just one. 00:26:58.219 --> 00:27:01.519 So I like that picture because you need leadership, you need following. 00:27:01.740 --> 00:27:08.240 But when it's done well, you almost can't recognise when it's happening because it's so unified. 00:27:10.339 --> 00:27:17.139 Another reason I like that picture is because when the man is loving well, the woman thrives. 00:27:17.140 --> 00:27:22.320 In ballroom dancing, often it's the thriving of the woman that is the focus. 00:27:25.740 --> 00:27:39.360 Wives, your husband will fail you to one degree or another, but you don't need a fear because Christ, your heavenly Lord and husband, will always use his grace for your good. 00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:42.980 You're putting yourself in Christ's hands. 00:27:42.980 --> 00:27:50.759 So can I encourage you to confess your earthly desire to not lose control? 00:27:51.220 --> 00:27:51.880 Confess that. 00:27:53.120 --> 00:27:55.380 Preach to yourself who you are in Christ. 00:27:56.460 --> 00:27:59.059 You're not losing any dignity in submitting. 00:27:59.599 --> 00:28:03.259 You're representing Christ, his character. 00:28:04.380 --> 00:28:08.160 And then entrust yourself to the Lord who will always treat you with grace. 00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:23.400 Wives, by the way you submit to your husbands, you have the unique opportunity to display that Christ's authority is good and trustworthy, that you can entrust your whole life to it. 00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:29.620 Okay, husbands, how can you show the goodness of Christ's authority? 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:34.440 Verse 19, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:38.960 I don't think this command is any less troubling than the previous one. 00:28:40.580 --> 00:28:48.420 Husbands, our sovereign head is telling us how to use the calling he's given us as the spiritual head of the family. 00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:53.460 There is no qualification given to the command to love our wives. 00:28:53.460 --> 00:29:06.400 In all we do, in every second, in every activity, in every season of life, we're called to think of her eternal interests. 00:29:07.120 --> 00:29:08.160 It's a high calling. 00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:15.100 And I think for us men, fear kicks in at this point too, just in a different way. 00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:17.380 Fear of losing control. 00:29:17.380 --> 00:29:18.100 Fear of losing control. 00:29:18.780 --> 00:29:23.180 Us blokes, we want to move into the world competently, knowing what we're doing. 00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:28.080 Things we can master and control. 00:29:29.780 --> 00:29:32.400 Relationships, you can't control them. 00:29:34.320 --> 00:29:40.120 This calling is going to push us into areas where we don't know what we're doing. 00:29:41.100 --> 00:29:43.460 And I think we're afraid of that as men. 00:29:43.460 --> 00:29:48.720 I heard an illustration the other day that clicked with me. 00:29:48.860 --> 00:29:49.259 It may not. 00:29:49.360 --> 00:29:50.779 It's a sporting one, so it may not. 00:29:50.880 --> 00:29:51.620 And it's baseball. 00:29:52.860 --> 00:29:53.680 American, sorry. 00:29:53.920 --> 00:30:00.620 But anyway, this guy was describing that when he was a boy learning baseball, he kept getting struck out. 00:30:01.740 --> 00:30:05.140 Swinging and missing the, he kept missing the ball. 00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:08.680 So he kept getting struck out and it was just embarrassing. 00:30:08.680 --> 00:30:19.120 And until he learned a strategy, if he just stood there and didn't swing, if the pitch didn't go over the plate, then sometimes he could walk to first base. 00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:20.019 So he's contributing. 00:30:21.560 --> 00:30:22.299 Now, do you get the point? 00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:31.420 He would rather not try and not be embarrassed rather than trying and failing. 00:30:31.420 --> 00:30:34.920 That illustration clicked for me as a guy. 00:30:35.480 --> 00:30:43.080 I think the call to love our wives is so huge that we can find it more safe to not even try. 00:30:43.880 --> 00:30:44.980 Just withdraw. 00:30:45.700 --> 00:30:46.680 Do the bare minimum. 00:30:48.140 --> 00:30:49.420 What if we won't measure up? 00:30:50.340 --> 00:30:55.400 What if our wives see how afraid and spiritually weak we actually feel inside? 00:30:55.400 --> 00:31:04.440 So fear of losing control is threatening us here as well. 00:31:07.580 --> 00:31:12.960 Husbands, we are called to spiritually nourish our wives so that they thrive in living for Christ. 00:31:13.080 --> 00:31:14.780 And we need to step up to the plate. 00:31:15.900 --> 00:31:16.640 Risk failing. 00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:23.880 And we can do it in the grace of our sovereign head. 00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:29.720 When we're broken by our sin, learning the depths of his acceptance. 00:31:30.760 --> 00:31:36.260 When we don't know what we're doing, just relying on his wisdom and grace to get us through. 00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:42.880 When we realise it's his power that changes things, not ours. 00:31:46.660 --> 00:31:49.420 So what will stop us from loving in this way? 00:31:49.620 --> 00:31:51.360 The verse gives us a hint there. 00:31:51.360 --> 00:31:52.460 Do not be harsh. 00:31:52.460 --> 00:31:54.640 Do not be harsh with your wives. 00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:57.059 That word there is literally bitter. 00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:00.700 Don't become embittered to the point of harshness. 00:32:02.059 --> 00:32:04.299 And I think I know this attitude all too well. 00:32:04.799 --> 00:32:07.559 I think it's when I'm entitled and self-pitying. 00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:10.340 And I get in such a headspace of the law. 00:32:11.059 --> 00:32:16.100 And I just, all I can focus on is the failures or perceived failures of Emma. 00:32:16.579 --> 00:32:18.460 And I just get bitter and entitled. 00:32:19.019 --> 00:32:20.620 And that creates harshness. 00:32:20.619 --> 00:32:31.139 In other words, if I don't give Emma the grace in Christ that I accept for myself, 00:32:31.500 --> 00:32:34.919 that's when I can become entitled and bitter and harsh. 00:32:35.659 --> 00:32:39.159 We need to extend the grace to our wives that we want for ourselves. 00:32:39.160 --> 00:32:44.620 So husbands, confess your earthly desire to not lose control. 00:32:46.120 --> 00:32:48.140 Preach to yourself who you are in Christ. 00:32:48.259 --> 00:32:49.640 You are safe in his grace. 00:32:50.320 --> 00:32:54.180 He goes with you as he calls you to spiritually lead. 00:32:54.180 --> 00:33:01.700 And husbands, by the way we nourish and direct our wives to live for Christ, 00:33:01.820 --> 00:33:06.299 we have the unique opportunity to display the goodness of Christ's authority 00:33:06.299 --> 00:33:10.420 by self-sacrificing love. 00:33:10.740 --> 00:33:13.820 Always thinking of what's for her good and the family's good. 00:33:13.819 --> 00:33:21.179 Okay, children, let me speak directly to you. 00:33:21.539 --> 00:33:27.480 Notice that the Lord Jesus is, and teenagers, when you're under the parents' authority, 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:31.439 the Lord Jesus is speaking directly to you. 00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:37.559 He's not speaking past you, telling your parents to make you obey. 00:33:37.679 --> 00:33:38.839 He's talking to you. 00:33:38.839 --> 00:33:43.399 So how can you show the goodness of Jesus' authority? 00:33:47.019 --> 00:33:51.139 Obey your parents in everything, for this pleases me. 00:33:52.339 --> 00:33:58.339 And by me, not me, but this pleases the Lord of the universe. 00:34:00.299 --> 00:34:02.699 Jesus isn't saying you're less important than adults, 00:34:02.779 --> 00:34:05.319 so you need to let them tell you what to do. 00:34:05.720 --> 00:34:08.440 He's saying that you are dearly loved by Christ, 00:34:08.440 --> 00:34:12.420 and your heavenly Father, and the way you can show that you trust 00:34:12.420 --> 00:34:16.019 that you are so loved is by obeying your parents, 00:34:17.139 --> 00:34:19.159 the parents he's given you for your good. 00:34:20.340 --> 00:34:23.460 And I think you too might be fearing the loss of control, 00:34:23.880 --> 00:34:27.380 like afraid that your parents will choose things that will take your happiness away, 00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:30.579 afraid that if you follow what your parents say, 00:34:30.659 --> 00:34:33.119 you're not going to fit in with friends at school. 00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:39.579 I think you're bombarded by social media and shows and people at school telling you 00:34:39.579 --> 00:34:41.199 to hide things from your parents, 00:34:41.599 --> 00:34:43.859 that being too close to your parents is weird, 00:34:44.679 --> 00:34:48.799 that they're old and don't know anything about life. 00:34:49.139 --> 00:34:53.000 You're being told that again and again, to throw off connection with them. 00:34:53.239 --> 00:34:57.480 They're so opposite to what Jesus says will give you life. 00:34:57.480 --> 00:35:03.340 Teenagers, children, you have a choice to do what will please your friends 00:35:03.340 --> 00:35:08.420 to feel like you belong, or you can realise that you belong to God. 00:35:08.860 --> 00:35:10.199 You belong to him. 00:35:11.579 --> 00:35:12.860 And so you can please him. 00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:15.059 You already fit in. 00:35:16.240 --> 00:35:19.019 You can choose to do what makes him smile. 00:35:19.019 --> 00:35:23.940 And that's gladly letting your mum and dad be your mum and dad. 00:35:26.519 --> 00:35:29.259 Letting them provide for you, letting them keep you safe, 00:35:30.380 --> 00:35:34.719 comforting you, advising you, praying for you, imitating them. 00:35:37.659 --> 00:35:41.239 Now, your friends are going to think you're weird if you do this, 00:35:41.820 --> 00:35:44.420 if you treat your parents so intimately and trustingly. 00:35:44.599 --> 00:35:45.679 You're going to look weird. 00:35:46.519 --> 00:35:47.780 But I think it's a good weird. 00:35:47.780 --> 00:35:50.800 I think it's like eating hot chips with ice cream kind of weird. 00:35:52.040 --> 00:35:54.480 It's a good weird that your friends are missing out on. 00:35:57.340 --> 00:35:58.920 You can try it and see if I'm right. 00:35:59.220 --> 00:36:01.500 But it's a good weird. 00:36:02.420 --> 00:36:06.800 Your friends who, if they ridicule for it, to be honest, 00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:11.000 in their heart they are craving parents who are really involved with them. 00:36:11.080 --> 00:36:11.940 They're craving it. 00:36:13.080 --> 00:36:14.760 So don't be worried about being weird. 00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:18.820 Preach to yourself who you are in Christ. 00:36:18.980 --> 00:36:22.300 You are a son, a daughter of the King of Kings. 00:36:23.300 --> 00:36:27.300 And entrust yourself to the Lord and give yourself to your parents. 00:36:29.180 --> 00:36:33.140 You have the unique opportunity to show that you are full of Jesus' love 00:36:33.140 --> 00:36:35.060 by letting your parents have the control. 00:36:35.059 --> 00:36:40.719 And finally, fathers. 00:36:42.719 --> 00:36:47.199 Now, mothers are assumed here, I think, because in the previous verse, 00:36:47.279 --> 00:36:48.900 you've got children obey your parents. 00:36:48.980 --> 00:36:49.659 So that's both. 00:36:50.039 --> 00:36:56.000 But I think it's also assumed because wives are following their husband's lead in the family. 00:36:56.539 --> 00:36:57.619 So it's assumed here. 00:36:57.619 --> 00:37:00.420 So when I say fathers, mums listen in too. 00:37:00.599 --> 00:37:06.400 But I also wonder if this is calling us for fathers to be who we're called to be in Christ, 00:37:06.739 --> 00:37:10.380 the spiritual head of the family, nurturers of the family. 00:37:12.059 --> 00:37:17.659 So fathers, how can you show the goodness of living under Christ's authority? 00:37:17.659 --> 00:37:24.779 Do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. 00:37:26.019 --> 00:37:29.639 So the idea here is not provoking to the point of anger, 00:37:30.079 --> 00:37:34.019 where they're unmotivated to do what is pleasing to God. 00:37:35.119 --> 00:37:38.139 So it's not saying just make choices to keep them happy. 00:37:38.559 --> 00:37:39.699 We're not called to be buddies. 00:37:39.940 --> 00:37:40.859 We're called to be fathers. 00:37:43.199 --> 00:37:47.399 At first, I thought this was a fairly low bar, like just don't make them angry. 00:37:47.659 --> 00:37:53.019 I thought there was a low bar, but I've changed my mind on that. 00:37:53.639 --> 00:37:59.599 I think this takes a lot of thought and courage. 00:38:01.579 --> 00:38:05.139 Paul's purpose in writing this whole letter, he says in chapter 2, 00:38:05.699 --> 00:38:11.399 is that the Colossians don't, so that the Colossians are encouraged, 00:38:11.639 --> 00:38:14.099 their hearts are encouraged, knit together in love, 00:38:14.379 --> 00:38:17.000 so that they know the full assurance of love. 00:38:17.659 --> 00:38:19.699 of being in Christ. 00:38:20.079 --> 00:38:24.719 Otherwise, they are left open to error and wrong teaching. 00:38:26.119 --> 00:38:30.799 So losing encouragement can leave our children open 00:38:30.799 --> 00:38:33.739 to the wrong ideas and being led astray. 00:38:34.139 --> 00:38:37.079 This is super important that our kids, 00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:40.940 we try and make our kids encouraged in the Lord. 00:38:40.940 --> 00:38:44.099 How they respond, that's on them. 00:38:44.780 --> 00:38:48.139 But our goal needs to be trying to encourage. 00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:50.500 So this is a high bar. 00:38:51.740 --> 00:38:53.740 It's calling us to nurture our children, 00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:56.579 to do all we can to encourage them to live for Christ. 00:38:57.559 --> 00:39:00.820 If you feel as a father like you don't know what you're doing, 00:39:02.280 --> 00:39:03.280 it's probably good. 00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:05.780 That's probably where, that's the space you need to live in. 00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:15.480 Because we're being called here to enter the confusing mess of relating, 00:39:15.660 --> 00:39:18.000 to understand our children, which is hard work, 00:39:18.160 --> 00:39:20.740 and then understand what they're facing in the world, 00:39:20.900 --> 00:39:23.660 and then understand what the scriptures say about that 00:39:23.660 --> 00:39:27.100 and how grace applies to that for them to live well. 00:39:27.099 --> 00:39:31.079 We're called to be vulnerable in how we say that 00:39:31.079 --> 00:39:34.259 and gracious in the way we say that, not laying down the law. 00:39:35.759 --> 00:39:40.960 That's a hard place to live as a father, 00:39:41.739 --> 00:39:45.000 which is why I think it's a high bar. 00:39:45.739 --> 00:39:51.119 It's calling us to think gospel and to treat our children with gospel. 00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:56.139 And again, I think the fear of losing control is a big factor. 00:39:57.099 --> 00:40:01.799 I think we can feel somewhat competent to put food on the table, 00:40:01.940 --> 00:40:06.480 but to do this, to be spiritually nurturing, that's hard. 00:40:06.860 --> 00:40:08.259 It's really confusing and hard. 00:40:10.199 --> 00:40:11.559 It's out of our comfort zone, 00:40:11.619 --> 00:40:15.599 and I think we can avoid it as men by either withdrawing 00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:22.659 or laying down the law as if that will keep control. 00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:26.000 And what do I mean by laying down the law? 00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:27.940 I heard an illustration of this. 00:40:29.619 --> 00:40:33.519 It doesn't quite fit because this illustration, 00:40:33.719 --> 00:40:36.579 it was a grown adult who was coming to his father, 00:40:36.699 --> 00:40:39.619 but still I think it helped me grasp it. 00:40:41.099 --> 00:40:44.280 So this guy was struggling in his own marriage 00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:46.280 and he went to his dad for help and advice. 00:40:46.599 --> 00:40:47.840 He was just really struggling. 00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:51.220 He was in tears. 00:40:51.320 --> 00:40:52.240 He didn't know what to do. 00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:56.420 And his dad, with good intention, says, 00:40:56.740 --> 00:40:59.240 read Ephesians 5 and pray. 00:41:00.840 --> 00:41:02.760 And then the son's like, I've done that. 00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:05.340 It's not working. 00:41:06.039 --> 00:41:07.120 I don't know what to do. 00:41:07.119 --> 00:41:14.639 And the father said nothing, gave a disapproving look 00:41:14.639 --> 00:41:15.819 and walked out of the room. 00:41:17.719 --> 00:41:18.420 That was it. 00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:20.480 He laid down the law. 00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:22.440 This is what God commands of you. 00:41:23.420 --> 00:41:25.819 But he wasn't vulnerable enough to go, 00:41:26.500 --> 00:41:28.319 I know the struggle you're in. 00:41:28.519 --> 00:41:29.279 I've been there. 00:41:29.280 --> 00:41:30.700 I'm in that struggle too. 00:41:31.640 --> 00:41:34.180 Here's some grace to you. 00:41:34.800 --> 00:41:35.840 He couldn't do that. 00:41:35.900 --> 00:41:39.820 He just laid down the law and left his son to it. 00:41:41.700 --> 00:41:44.300 If we just lay down the law without grace, 00:41:44.640 --> 00:41:47.920 I think that's an attempt for us as men to just stay in control 00:41:47.920 --> 00:41:49.480 because we can be comfortable there. 00:41:49.620 --> 00:41:52.160 God says this and that's it. 00:41:52.800 --> 00:41:54.120 We need more than that. 00:41:54.620 --> 00:41:58.120 Or another way to put it is our children need to know 00:41:58.119 --> 00:42:03.179 how to think in Christ, where they're at in their sin 00:42:03.179 --> 00:42:05.380 and the mess of the world and how does that connect 00:42:05.380 --> 00:42:08.639 to being in Christ. 00:42:13.639 --> 00:42:18.519 So, fathers, we need to know Christ's grace, 00:42:18.799 --> 00:42:20.659 that we have his forgiveness. 00:42:20.659 --> 00:42:23.460 I'm sure failures are coming into your minds. 00:42:24.039 --> 00:42:26.859 Let his grace cover that sin and shame 00:42:26.860 --> 00:42:29.840 so that you can move back into the struggle of parenting well. 00:42:30.900 --> 00:42:33.340 We need to know we are dependent on grace ourselves. 00:42:33.680 --> 00:42:35.059 And if we're dependent on grace, 00:42:35.220 --> 00:42:37.880 that's a great place for grace to come, 00:42:38.200 --> 00:42:39.220 to flow out of us. 00:42:41.980 --> 00:42:44.539 So confess your desire to not lose control. 00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:46.700 Preach to yourself who you are in Christ 00:42:46.700 --> 00:42:49.940 and entrust your Lord who is present 00:42:49.940 --> 00:42:51.660 to treat you with grace. 00:42:51.659 --> 00:42:55.019 And fathers, we have the unique opportunity 00:42:55.019 --> 00:42:58.579 to show the nurturing and gentle instruction 00:42:58.579 --> 00:42:59.879 and love of God the Father. 00:43:00.759 --> 00:43:02.619 We can glorify God the Father. 00:43:07.099 --> 00:43:10.399 So if in the family we act out of fear of losing control, 00:43:10.539 --> 00:43:12.960 if we see earthly authority simply as something 00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:15.839 to affirm ourselves, it really just shows 00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:18.180 that we're trying to use our families 00:43:18.180 --> 00:43:23.019 to fill up our own sense of inner emptiness. 00:43:24.480 --> 00:43:27.280 But as Christians, we've got to remember 00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:28.400 our bucket is full. 00:43:29.240 --> 00:43:30.880 We have everything in him 00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:34.680 and we're called to overflow into our families. 00:43:35.980 --> 00:43:39.740 We can show how good our heavenly husband and father is. 00:43:39.739 --> 00:43:44.459 And this is true, I think, even when it's not, 00:43:44.679 --> 00:43:46.039 the love isn't reciprocated. 00:43:47.559 --> 00:43:50.039 Like, you know that when it's not, 00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:52.879 when you don't feel loved, it is agonising. 00:43:53.419 --> 00:43:55.459 It is agonising to live in that space. 00:43:56.159 --> 00:43:59.699 But that pushes us to realise how much we're loved in Jesus. 00:44:00.899 --> 00:44:03.279 That's a context for us to go even deeper 00:44:03.279 --> 00:44:06.079 into how much we have in Jesus. 00:44:06.079 --> 00:44:09.940 And it's a context where if you can find the resources in Jesus 00:44:09.940 --> 00:44:13.719 and not in your loved one to move towards them graciously, 00:44:13.980 --> 00:44:19.059 that actually is an opportunity to show how full Jesus is. 00:44:19.840 --> 00:44:20.880 Agonising, yes. 00:44:22.179 --> 00:44:25.360 But even if we don't get reciprocal love, 00:44:25.739 --> 00:44:27.059 we're still full in Jesus. 00:44:30.179 --> 00:44:32.659 Let me briefly finish by asking, 00:44:32.659 --> 00:44:36.799 what will keep us from experiencing and modelling fullness in our families. 00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:43.599 What will keep us from it is if we see our families individualistically, 00:44:44.159 --> 00:44:48.579 instead of nourished and held accountable by this church family. 00:44:51.299 --> 00:44:54.219 If we're going to be thinking in gospel categories, 00:44:54.619 --> 00:44:58.019 we need the word of Christ dwelling in us richly, 00:44:58.460 --> 00:45:01.079 which is what the previous paragraph is about. 00:45:01.079 --> 00:45:04.659 We need the whole church speaking into families, 00:45:04.799 --> 00:45:06.819 into children, into fathers, mothers. 00:45:09.259 --> 00:45:11.259 I picture like a military unit. 00:45:13.500 --> 00:45:14.880 Life is hard, isn't it? 00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:16.360 You're just bombarded. 00:45:16.980 --> 00:45:19.599 If you are cut off from the rest of the army, 00:45:20.039 --> 00:45:23.779 if you don't allow anyone to speak in and provide the resources, 00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:27.840 there's too much pressure. 00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:30.780 It's too hard. 00:45:31.420 --> 00:45:35.700 But if your unit is connected to the whole army behind you, 00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:36.500 the home base, 00:45:36.720 --> 00:45:38.140 that's when you'll be nourished. 00:45:41.220 --> 00:45:43.000 So me as a father, as a husband, 00:45:43.100 --> 00:45:45.840 I need you to speak in to my life. 00:45:47.240 --> 00:45:48.860 It's not my possession. 00:45:48.860 --> 00:45:53.900 My marriage, my family is meant to be for the glory of Jesus. 00:45:54.760 --> 00:45:56.099 You have to speak in. 00:45:56.539 --> 00:45:57.160 And you do. 00:45:58.480 --> 00:45:59.660 So many encourage. 00:45:59.980 --> 00:46:02.380 Encouragement, spurring on, correcting, praying, 00:46:03.099 --> 00:46:04.700 involved in our family. 00:46:05.039 --> 00:46:06.680 We need everyone involved. 00:46:09.519 --> 00:46:11.019 And I'll just say one other thing. 00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:12.860 Let's not play identity politics, 00:46:12.860 --> 00:46:18.140 where it's like only a married man can speak to a married man. 00:46:18.599 --> 00:46:20.380 No, we have the authority of scripture here. 00:46:21.380 --> 00:46:24.900 Singles, we need you to speak into families. 00:46:25.740 --> 00:46:28.680 We need everyone to be encouraging and involved. 00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:32.559 The older modelling and instructing the younger. 00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:39.259 So let me finish by saying, wrapping up. 00:46:40.480 --> 00:46:42.699 In a society that views relationships, 00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:44.360 even close relationships, 00:46:45.460 --> 00:46:47.539 as from an individual perspective, 00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:50.860 as something to be used to fill up themselves, 00:46:52.340 --> 00:46:56.099 broken by self-gratifying use of power, 00:46:57.000 --> 00:47:00.539 isolated by fear of entrusting ourselves to another, 00:47:00.539 --> 00:47:05.679 we're called in Christ to offer a different way, 00:47:05.900 --> 00:47:09.199 a heavenly way, an overflowing way, 00:47:10.239 --> 00:47:13.259 a way that creates peace and intimacy, 00:47:14.159 --> 00:47:17.059 as there's sacrificial love going both ways, 00:47:18.279 --> 00:47:21.099 being knit together, not driven by fear, 00:47:21.159 --> 00:47:22.860 but trusting in our sovereign Lord 00:47:22.860 --> 00:47:25.980 to be present and full of grace. 00:47:27.199 --> 00:47:28.659 Let me finish on this challenge. 00:47:28.659 --> 00:47:32.139 Let us not use our families to fill up ourselves. 00:47:32.719 --> 00:47:35.839 Let's overflow who we are in Christ 00:47:35.839 --> 00:47:38.500 into our families so that they thrive. 00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:41.480 Will you pray with me? 00:47:41.639 --> 00:47:41.960 Let's pray. 00:47:41.960 --> 00:47:56.179 Father, I pray that you would empower us 00:47:56.179 --> 00:47:59.360 by the power of your spirit 00:47:59.360 --> 00:48:02.400 who shows us Christ 00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:06.240 in the learning community of the church. 00:48:06.880 --> 00:48:09.679 Empower us to show this broken world 00:48:09.679 --> 00:48:11.639 a different way, 00:48:12.500 --> 00:48:15.659 a way that is reconciled to you 00:48:15.659 --> 00:48:17.440 and reconciled to one another. 00:48:18.359 --> 00:48:19.940 I pray this for your glory. 00:48:20.219 --> 00:48:21.019 In Jesus' name. 00:48:21.279 --> 00:48:21.519 Amen.