WEBVTT

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 We'll find our spots here. Go ahead and take your Bibles. Turn over to Song of Solomon, chapter 5.

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 We began here last week in the book of Song of Solomon, talking about relationships,

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 especially husband and wife. But you know, this material here, even if you're single,

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 a lot of what we're talking about is important because it ought to be the things that you expect

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 or things that you're planning or preparing if you ever want to be married in the future.

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 I mean, it's one of those things that will benefit you in your relationships.

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 And so we see here that the Song of Solomon has to do with our relationship with Christ,

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 but it uses a picture of a husband and a wife to give us an illustration of what that's to be.

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 But it applies practically to us as individuals in our relationships.

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 And so let's go ahead and open in a word of prayer here this morning.

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 Heavenly Fathers, we come before you today.

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 Lord, we just thank you and praise you for the day, for the opportunity as we meet together.

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 Lord, pray just have your hand upon each heart, each life here today.

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 Lord, that we might be drawn close to you.

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 And Lord, that you might be glorified.

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 But Lord, we might be encouraged to understand the importance of these things in our relationship,

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 not only with you, but with one another.

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 And Lord, the necessity of that.

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 And Lord, we pray just to guide and direct in the things said and done

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 and give you all the glory and honor in Jesus' name.

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 Amen.

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 So we began last week looking at married but not best friends.

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 You know, that sounds like something that's a weird statement, doesn't it?

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 But the reality is oftentimes marriages end up that that person you end up married to,

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 there becomes a struggle in the relationship.

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 And that struggle is due to some things that are different than it was before you were married oftentimes.

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 Because we began looking last week with that.

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 But let's go ahead and read our text here.

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 Song of Solomon chapter 5 and verse 16.

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 And we notice what God's word says.

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 It says,

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 His mouth is most sweet.

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 Yea, he is altogether lovely.

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 This is my beloved.

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 And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

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 You know, the reality that the one you're married to needs to be your friend and ought to be your best friend.

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 They ought to be a friend that is tied to you, stuck to you.

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 Because marriage is the highest level of relationship created by God.

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 It's a pinnacle of relationship.

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 It pictures God's relationship to the church.

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 It's a high pinnacle.

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 It's a picture that we understand practically in our lives.

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 And so when we understand that friendship ought to be the zenith in context to our relationship.

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 And we began looking at some key words.

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 And last week we looked at companionship.

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 You know, everybody wants not only someone to be married to,

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 but somebody that's going to be their friend.

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 Somebody that they spend time together.

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 You know, friends by nature spend time together.

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 They desire to hang out.

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 They desire to be around one another.

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 You know, they want to be together.

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 They want to grow fonder of one another.

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 They want to have fun together.

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 They want to talk together.

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 You know, oftentimes you'll hear the statement that the family that prays together stays together.

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 But the same is true, the family that plays together stays together.

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 Because both those elements create a camaraderie and a connection.

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 It builds things together.

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 You know, of how do you spend your leisure time going in different directions?

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 Because when married couples do everything apart, it leads to a problem.

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 There's an issue that comes up when you do everything apart.

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 Because if you're married, you ought to desire by principle to do things together.

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 You know?

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 And you notice that when you were dating, when you were courting or dating, whatever term you want to put on it,

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 there's a lot of fancy labels they want to put on things.

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 But the reality is what's to be taking place in that dynamic is to getting to know one another

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 and hanging out with one another.

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 You know, when you're dating, it seems like it's hard to keep people apart.

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 You know, they'll put all the effort and energy into making sure they can get together with the other person.

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 But we need to remind ourselves of companionship.

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 It ought to be the same after you're married.

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 Now, there are some other things, but you ought to still desire to be around the other person.

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 And to put that priority.

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 You know, oftentimes people will say they love each other,

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 but the follow-up question, do you like each other?

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 You know?

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 You ought to like being around the person you're married to.

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 Because if you don't like them, you're definitely going to have a problem loving them.

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 And part of that is that companionship that is there.

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 And companionship is so important.

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 And we look at that, but I want you to just look and remind ourselves a few things.

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 Number one, because it's unhealthy for a married person to spend most enjoyable moments of their life

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 in the company of somebody else.

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 You know?

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 I want you to understand, you ought to have the best memories with the one you're married to.

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 Those ought to be memories that tie you together.

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 Secondly, because pursuing your own self-interest without your spouse demonstrates selfishness.

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 In other words, it comes about you and not about the other.

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 The Bible tells us.

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 Husbands, you're to love your wives, even as Christ loved the church.

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 That's to love them as your own body.

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 You know?

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 That's connection.

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 That's to say that's a priority.

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 We need that because it will lead to a fulfilling marriage.

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 You know, when you enjoy hanging out with somebody and you have connection and memories and all these things together,

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 it brings fulfillment of what you've done together.

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 You know, we understand that.

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 And number four, because shared experiences lead to shared feelings.

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 Shared experiences lead to shared feelings.

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 That's an important reality when it comes to companionship.

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 If you don't do something together, consistently together, and to hang out with one another,

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 you're going to have a miss of feelings in the wrong places and for the wrong things.

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 But the second word we're going to look at here today is conversation.

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 It's conversation.

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 You know, notice what verse 16 says here.

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 His mouth is most sweet.

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 Now, this isn't talking about, you know, breath mints or lip balm.

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 I want you to understand this is one of those things.

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 This is talking about the words that are spoken.

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 You know?

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 I want you to understand the dynamic.

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 It's when he's sweet.

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 He is sweet in what comes out of his mouth and his words.

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 You know, we have to guard what we say sometimes.

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 And part of conversation is always thinking before speaking.

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 You know?

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 And we'll talk about that a little more because the one thing you can't do is put words back.

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 And you ought to be thinking and saying things that you ought to say.

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 And we need to understand that men, your wife,

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 would your wife say that you are thinking about their conversation with them?

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 And, you know, when we understand this idea of conversation, think about this scenario.

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 You know, a couple starts to date and, you know, it's one long conversation, you know.

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 It's like kind of funny when people start dating, you know.

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 They want to talk.

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 Now, today, couples are spoiled today.

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 I mean, I'm telling you, they're spoiled.

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 I mean, social media and telephones and text messaging.

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 I mean, you guys can communicate all the time.

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 Constant communication, you know.

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 How was your day?

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 How was this?

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 You know, I remember back when April and I were, when she caught my eye,

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 we had to use this thing called mail.

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 And he had to write it out.

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 And he had to put it in an envelope.

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 And put a stamp on it.

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 And he had to put it in the box.

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 Then you pray it got to the other end.

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 And they would get it.

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 And the first thing they'd do is open it up.

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 And then they would write a reply.

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 Lick the envelope, put a stamp on it.

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 Send it back.

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 You ever write, Gene?

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 We were in a meeting together.

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 Oh, that's what I guess.

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 You guys hung out quite a bit there.

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 So I know where you were headed afterward.

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 But, you know, you have this idea of communication.

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 But when the conversation that, you know, you always want to communicate.

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 And when together they would talk, when apart they would talk,

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 when they were on the phone they would talk.

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 You know, and April and I, you know, we were the generation that if we got an opportunity

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 to talk on the phone, it was pretty neat.

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 You know?

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 I remember we used to have in our dining room, we had the telephone,

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 and we had the super long stretchy cord.

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 You know, that way you could get clear around into the other room.

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 Now, some of you are looking at me like, what are you talking about?

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 Some of you are going, I remember that.

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 You know, private conversation was you could follow where the phone was by the cord where

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 it was stretched into, you know.

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 But the reality is it hasn't changed because when people begin dating or they want to court one another,

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 whatever label you want to put on it,

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 communication is a key part of that, isn't it?

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 Communication is central to that.

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 And then they get used to that dynamic, you know, and everything's really nifty,

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 and then they get married.

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 And the business of being a couple begins to take priorities.

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 Because, you know, it's amazing, you had the same responsibilities while you were dating,

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 but suddenly you have, these are more brought into daily life, you might say,

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 of taking care of a place to stay, and food, and how your job interacts with that.

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 And then subjects come up like in-laws, and outlaws, and finances, and kids.

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 You know, I want you to understand it isn't long before you quit communicating.

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 And you're distracted by other things.

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 You know, we need to understand this idea of communication.

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 Because oftentimes we lack communication at home,

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 but then your spouse notices you can carry on a long conversation

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 with somebody at church or work.

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 Why can't you talk to me?

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 You know, that happens a lot in marriages.

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 If it's not guarded.

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 If it's not intentional.

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 Because what happens when that begins, resentment sets in.

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 And then somebody someplace else catches their attention because they talk to them.

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 You know, we need to guard our conversation.

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 You know?

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 When we understand that it becomes a problem,

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 because when a couple, when one of them begins talking to another person,

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 now David, this isn't the place to talk.

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 You're just talking about how we need to talk to each other.

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 I just embarrass Keira.

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 They're a young couple.

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 They're still on the honeymoon.

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 That's why the honeymoon ought to keep going.

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 That communication is important.

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 Because when somebody starts talking to somebody outside the relationship,

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 it always leads to a problem in the relationship.

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 When problems in a relationship begin getting discussed with somebody else

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 because they're willing to listen,

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 it becomes a problem in the relationship.

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 Because the problem is it soon leads to divorce.

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 And sadly,

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 oftentimes, one of them,

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 it leads to divorce because the one

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 begins to give affections

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 to the person that's talking to them.

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 And then the two that are cheating get together and get married,

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 and the cycle starts all over again.

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 That's a reality.

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 But I want you to understand

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 that God tells us it doesn't have to be that way.

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 It doesn't need to be that way

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 because when we understand

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 there's some things that close friends do.

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 You know,

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 one is they share themselves with each other.

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 You know,

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 your spouse ought to be somebody

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 that you can pour your heart out to,

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 that you're connected to.

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 You know,

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 they confide in each other.

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 You know,

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 the confiding in each other,

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 your spouse ought to know things about you

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 that nobody else knows.

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 And there ought to be a confidence

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 that there's a confidentiality

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 in what they know.

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 There's a reality that takes place

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 when you start talking about your spouse

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 to somebody else,

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 there'll be a problem

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 because you've broken confidentiality.

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 They ought to learn more about one another.

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 You know?

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 You need to continue to learn.

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 You know,

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 oftentimes people think,

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 well,

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 this is the person that I married

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 and they're always going to stay the same.

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 Then you get married

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 and find out that you look at them

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 a couple years later

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 and go,

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 who are you?

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 You're not necessarily the one that I married,

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 but you know,

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 both of us change.

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 And you need to keep learning

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 about one another

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 and keep that connection.

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 You know?

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 They discuss their innermost thoughts,

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 ideals,

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 and goals with each other.

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 You know?

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 Close friends talk.

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 You know?

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 I want you to understand.

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 Take a look over

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 and do a Proverbs chapter 27

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 for a moment.

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 Proverbs chapter 27.

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 Look here down here in verse 9.

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 Proverbs 27 and verse 9 says,

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 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart.

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 So doth the sweetness of a man's friend

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 by hearty counsel.

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 Communication.

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 Communication is key

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 because,

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 you know,

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 we understand that,

00:17:03.439 --> 00:17:03.599
 you know,

00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:06.180
 oftentimes guys are drawn to gals.

00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:06.500
 You know,

00:17:06.579 --> 00:17:06.899
 you always,

00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:08.119
 when you're a gal,

00:17:08.180 --> 00:17:09.180
 they always put on the perfume

00:17:09.180 --> 00:17:10.460
 and it's like,

00:17:10.539 --> 00:17:10.680
 man,

00:17:10.700 --> 00:17:11.539
 I like that perfume.

00:17:13.220 --> 00:17:13.700
 You know,

00:17:13.779 --> 00:17:15.079
 you can smell them

00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:16.000
 when they come in the room.

00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:16.440
 You know,

00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:16.779
 it's just,

00:17:17.619 --> 00:17:19.619
 you know,

00:17:19.660 --> 00:17:21.259
 you have that sense,

00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:22.240
 but the verse says

00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:23.059
 that as pleasant

00:17:23.059 --> 00:17:24.920
 as that sense is,

00:17:25.059 --> 00:17:26.880
 so is a good conversation

00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:28.599
 that connects.

00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:30.960
 You know,

00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:32.039
 I want you to understand

00:17:32.039 --> 00:17:32.880
 the reality

00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:34.720
 of communication.

00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:36.299
 You know?

00:17:37.400 --> 00:17:38.180
 And the other thing

00:17:38.180 --> 00:17:39.279
 we need to keep in mind

00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:40.039
 is that women

00:17:40.039 --> 00:17:41.859
 generally have a greater need

00:17:41.859 --> 00:17:42.779
 for conversation

00:17:42.779 --> 00:17:43.359
 than men.

00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.559
 You know?

00:17:46.699 --> 00:17:47.939
 God made us different

00:17:47.939 --> 00:17:48.579
 for a reason.

00:17:50.379 --> 00:17:51.359
 But does it mean

00:17:51.359 --> 00:17:52.419
 that it isn't there

00:17:52.419 --> 00:17:53.019
 for a reason?

00:17:55.399 --> 00:17:56.479
 And we have to learn

00:17:56.479 --> 00:17:57.259
 to communicate

00:17:57.259 --> 00:17:59.039
 because

00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:00.579
 when we understand

00:18:00.579 --> 00:18:01.639
 that it helps

00:18:01.639 --> 00:18:03.979
 her feel united

00:18:03.979 --> 00:18:04.699
 and bonded

00:18:04.699 --> 00:18:05.659
 with her man

00:18:05.659 --> 00:18:07.199
 when there's communication.

00:18:09.199 --> 00:18:09.859
 You know,

00:18:09.959 --> 00:18:10.699
 communication

00:18:10.699 --> 00:18:11.579
 in a relationship

00:18:11.579 --> 00:18:12.399
 is important

00:18:12.399 --> 00:18:14.299
 because it makes

00:18:14.299 --> 00:18:14.799
 them feel

00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:15.759
 as a priority.

00:18:16.659 --> 00:18:17.699
 It makes them feel

00:18:17.699 --> 00:18:18.599
 not just something

00:18:18.599 --> 00:18:19.720
 that you have

00:18:19.720 --> 00:18:20.319
 on the shelf.

00:18:20.460 --> 00:18:20.639
 You know,

00:18:20.740 --> 00:18:21.799
 you laughed today

00:18:21.799 --> 00:18:22.659
 about people talking

00:18:22.659 --> 00:18:23.059
 about getting

00:18:23.059 --> 00:18:23.899
 a trophy wife,

00:18:24.019 --> 00:18:24.240
 you know?

00:18:24.740 --> 00:18:25.119
 Guys,

00:18:25.220 --> 00:18:25.960
 your wife is not

00:18:25.960 --> 00:18:26.399
 a trophy.

00:18:28.539 --> 00:18:29.519
 Trophies are won

00:18:29.519 --> 00:18:30.460
 and set on the shelf

00:18:30.460 --> 00:18:31.139
 and appreciated.

00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:33.679
 Your wife is not

00:18:33.679 --> 00:18:34.639
 to be put on the shelf,

00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:37.259
 but she is to be

00:18:37.259 --> 00:18:38.520
 appreciated all the time.

00:18:39.480 --> 00:18:39.820
 Brother Gene?

00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:41.540
 I read one time

00:18:41.540 --> 00:18:43.140
 that for every word

00:18:43.140 --> 00:18:44.320
 a man speaks,

00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:45.660
 a woman speaks

00:18:45.660 --> 00:18:47.120
 27 words.

00:18:52.700 --> 00:18:53.720
 We'll move on.

00:18:53.720 --> 00:19:04.940
 See,

00:19:05.100 --> 00:19:05.740
 that's the reason

00:19:05.740 --> 00:19:06.500
 preachers avoid

00:19:06.500 --> 00:19:06.960
 this topic

00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:07.440
 because it gets you

00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:07.799
 in trouble,

00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:08.180
 you know?

00:19:09.779 --> 00:19:10.220
 But no,

00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:11.140
 seriously though,

00:19:11.220 --> 00:19:11.400
 I mean,

00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:12.620
 the reality is

00:19:12.620 --> 00:19:14.680
 it's communication

00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:16.440
 needs to take place.

00:19:17.480 --> 00:19:18.259
 There needs to be

00:19:18.259 --> 00:19:19.600
 a bond that is there

00:19:19.600 --> 00:19:21.779
 because that's how

00:19:21.779 --> 00:19:22.579
 they bond,

00:19:22.660 --> 00:19:23.440
 how they connect.

00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:25.079
 You know,

00:19:25.140 --> 00:19:25.980
 it's often funny

00:19:25.980 --> 00:19:26.940
 when a man ignores

00:19:26.940 --> 00:19:27.960
 his wife all day

00:19:27.960 --> 00:19:28.559
 and then suddenly

00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:29.680
 at 10 p.m.

00:19:29.700 --> 00:19:30.539
 turns his attention

00:19:30.539 --> 00:19:30.940
 on her,

00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:31.839
 it's not going

00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:32.660
 to make her feel

00:19:32.660 --> 00:19:33.880
 like she's connected,

00:19:34.600 --> 00:19:35.360
 that she wants

00:19:35.360 --> 00:19:36.059
 to spend any more

00:19:36.059 --> 00:19:36.579
 time with you

00:19:36.579 --> 00:19:37.200
 if you ignored her

00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:37.880
 all day, guys.

00:19:38.839 --> 00:19:39.460
 You need to spend

00:19:39.460 --> 00:19:40.519
 time with your wife

00:19:40.519 --> 00:19:41.579
 to be able to enjoy

00:19:41.579 --> 00:19:42.880
 those things.

00:19:43.120 --> 00:19:43.759
 And, you know,

00:19:43.880 --> 00:19:44.839
 so we know

00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:45.420
 and understand

00:19:45.420 --> 00:19:46.180
 that when you're

00:19:46.180 --> 00:19:47.380
 first getting together,

00:19:47.460 --> 00:19:48.240
 when you're courting

00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:48.799
 or dating,

00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:49.680
 you know,

00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:50.519
 two of the biggest

00:19:50.519 --> 00:19:51.799
 things that get done

00:19:51.799 --> 00:19:52.740
 during that time

00:19:52.740 --> 00:19:53.779
 is one,

00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:54.559
 is getting to know

00:19:54.559 --> 00:19:55.299
 each other better.

00:19:56.099 --> 00:19:56.319
 You know,

00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:56.880
 you spend a lot

00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:57.700
 of time finding out

00:19:57.700 --> 00:19:58.759
 who this person is,

00:19:58.819 --> 00:19:59.480
 what are their goals,

00:19:59.579 --> 00:20:00.120
 what do they want

00:20:00.120 --> 00:20:00.460
 to do,

00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:01.220
 you know,

00:20:01.460 --> 00:20:02.400
 how do they think

00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:03.620
 on this or that

00:20:03.620 --> 00:20:04.960
 or what is the,

00:20:05.460 --> 00:20:06.400
 how do they feel

00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:07.059
 about that,

00:20:07.120 --> 00:20:07.420
 you know,

00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:08.480
 and when we do

00:20:08.480 --> 00:20:09.640
 counseling,

00:20:09.779 --> 00:20:10.700
 premarital counseling,

00:20:10.819 --> 00:20:11.920
 we make sure

00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:12.940
 couples talk about

00:20:12.940 --> 00:20:13.660
 a lot of uncomfortable

00:20:13.660 --> 00:20:14.599
 things sometimes.

00:20:14.599 --> 00:20:18.359
 but it's good

00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:18.839
 to make sure

00:20:18.839 --> 00:20:19.839
 those conversations

00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:20.659
 take place

00:20:20.659 --> 00:20:21.299
 because a lot

00:20:21.299 --> 00:20:21.779
 of those things

00:20:21.779 --> 00:20:22.359
 are important.

00:20:23.719 --> 00:20:24.539
 It may not

00:20:24.539 --> 00:20:25.659
 seem important

00:20:25.659 --> 00:20:28.319
 at the moment

00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:28.919
 to them,

00:20:29.639 --> 00:20:30.759
 but how that

00:20:30.759 --> 00:20:31.539
 other person's

00:20:31.539 --> 00:20:32.439
 thinking is important

00:20:32.439 --> 00:20:33.199
 in the rest

00:20:33.199 --> 00:20:34.019
 of the relationship.

00:20:35.939 --> 00:20:36.699
 Let me give you

00:20:36.699 --> 00:20:37.619
 one that hits home

00:20:37.619 --> 00:20:38.619
 today very quickly

00:20:38.619 --> 00:20:39.439
 with a lot of people

00:20:39.439 --> 00:20:39.859
 when you have a

00:20:39.859 --> 00:20:41.039
 conversation about kids,

00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:42.500
 you know,

00:20:42.839 --> 00:20:44.619
 because oftentimes

00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:45.859
 you'll find somebody

00:20:45.859 --> 00:20:46.099
 has,

00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:47.139
 comes in with a mindset

00:20:47.139 --> 00:20:47.980
 and they never ask

00:20:47.980 --> 00:20:48.539
 the other person

00:20:48.539 --> 00:20:49.099
 what do you think

00:20:49.099 --> 00:20:49.680
 about children.

00:20:52.319 --> 00:20:53.539
 Then they get married

00:20:53.539 --> 00:20:54.399
 and the one wants

00:20:54.399 --> 00:20:55.139
 to have ten

00:20:55.139 --> 00:20:55.859
 and the other says

00:20:55.859 --> 00:20:56.579
 I don't want any,

00:20:56.680 --> 00:20:56.779
 you know,

00:20:56.819 --> 00:20:57.579
 that's a big problem.

00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:02.960
 Now there's nothing

00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:03.579
 wrong with having

00:21:03.579 --> 00:21:04.339
 ten kids.

00:21:09.099 --> 00:21:09.920
 If you tell your

00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:10.659
 wife that guy,

00:21:10.660 --> 00:21:11.140
 she's probably

00:21:11.140 --> 00:21:11.519
 going to look

00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:11.960
 at you

00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:13.019
 and I would,

00:21:13.140 --> 00:21:13.560
 I'd definitely

00:21:13.560 --> 00:21:14.500
 stay out of arm's length

00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:14.740
 so,

00:21:15.040 --> 00:21:19.779
 because you'll

00:21:19.779 --> 00:21:20.380
 get the look.

00:21:23.740 --> 00:21:24.460
 But I want you

00:21:24.460 --> 00:21:25.080
 to understand

00:21:25.080 --> 00:21:25.620
 that's how you

00:21:25.620 --> 00:21:26.340
 find out

00:21:26.340 --> 00:21:26.700
 but you ought

00:21:26.700 --> 00:21:26.960
 to be on

00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:27.720
 the same page.

00:21:29.019 --> 00:21:29.519
 What's the

00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:30.380
 expectation?

00:21:31.660 --> 00:21:31.860
 You know,

00:21:31.900 --> 00:21:32.460
 what are you

00:21:32.460 --> 00:21:32.860
 thinking?

00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:33.700
 How are you

00:21:33.700 --> 00:21:34.720
 processing those

00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:35.060
 things,

00:21:35.120 --> 00:21:35.400
 you know?

00:21:36.120 --> 00:21:36.740
 Because that's

00:21:36.740 --> 00:21:37.040
 important.

00:21:37.120 --> 00:21:37.500
 There's a big

00:21:37.500 --> 00:21:38.220
 difference between

00:21:38.220 --> 00:21:38.900
 three kids

00:21:38.900 --> 00:21:39.580
 and ten kids.

00:21:40.660 --> 00:21:41.400
 and their

00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:41.779
 thinking.

00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:44.980
 Those are

00:21:44.980 --> 00:21:45.480
 things that need

00:21:45.480 --> 00:21:46.220
 to be discussed

00:21:46.220 --> 00:21:47.240
 beforehand to know

00:21:47.240 --> 00:21:47.779
 how's the other

00:21:47.779 --> 00:21:48.460
 person thinking.

00:21:48.580 --> 00:21:49.080
 Now that doesn't

00:21:49.080 --> 00:21:50.279
 mean things can't

00:21:50.279 --> 00:21:51.540
 transpire later,

00:21:51.540 --> 00:21:52.680
 but you need to

00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:53.200
 make sure that

00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:54.019
 you're honest with

00:21:54.019 --> 00:21:54.800
 one another of what

00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:55.279
 you're thinking.

00:21:56.940 --> 00:21:57.779
 Honesty there is

00:21:57.779 --> 00:21:59.200
 important because you

00:21:59.200 --> 00:21:59.940
 get to know one

00:21:59.940 --> 00:22:00.300
 another,

00:22:00.860 --> 00:22:01.200
 you know?

00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:02.800
 Secondly,

00:22:02.940 --> 00:22:03.940
 to convey how much

00:22:03.940 --> 00:22:04.680
 you love each

00:22:04.680 --> 00:22:04.940
 other.

00:22:04.940 --> 00:22:05.880
 you know,

00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:06.580
 we talked about

00:22:06.580 --> 00:22:06.799
 that,

00:22:06.860 --> 00:22:07.080
 that our

00:22:07.080 --> 00:22:07.799
 relationship

00:22:07.799 --> 00:22:11.059
 needs to be

00:22:11.059 --> 00:22:12.740
 about that

00:22:12.740 --> 00:22:13.400
 connection

00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:14.940
 that is there,

00:22:15.019 --> 00:22:16.299
 that companionship

00:22:16.299 --> 00:22:18.559
 and that comes

00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:19.460
 about that needs

00:22:19.460 --> 00:22:20.220
 to be first.

00:22:21.480 --> 00:22:21.799
 And we don't

00:22:21.799 --> 00:22:22.080
 need to,

00:22:22.180 --> 00:22:23.000
 these goals don't

00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:23.740
 need to be dropped

00:22:23.740 --> 00:22:24.460
 after the wedding.

00:22:24.580 --> 00:22:24.700
 You know,

00:22:24.740 --> 00:22:25.440
 oftentimes we spend

00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:25.820
 a lot of time

00:22:25.820 --> 00:22:26.320
 getting to know

00:22:26.320 --> 00:22:26.960
 somebody and

00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:27.240
 letting them know

00:22:27.240 --> 00:22:27.600
 how much they

00:22:27.600 --> 00:22:27.920
 love them.

00:22:28.180 --> 00:22:28.900
 We love them and

00:22:28.900 --> 00:22:29.259
 then you get

00:22:29.259 --> 00:22:29.960
 married and life

00:22:29.960 --> 00:22:30.960
 kicks in and all

00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:31.519
 that takes a

00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:32.860
 back seat sometimes.

00:22:32.859 --> 00:22:35.219
 And sometimes

00:22:35.219 --> 00:22:35.839
 after you get

00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:36.439
 married and you

00:22:36.439 --> 00:22:37.059
 have kids,

00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:37.679
 it takes a lot

00:22:37.679 --> 00:22:38.319
 of work to

00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:38.759
 communicate.

00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:42.879
 Because mom's

00:22:42.879 --> 00:22:43.859
 there and she's

00:22:43.859 --> 00:22:44.839
 got kids at home

00:22:44.839 --> 00:22:45.659
 and, you know,

00:22:45.719 --> 00:22:46.819
 you got little

00:22:46.819 --> 00:22:47.619
 ones running all

00:22:47.619 --> 00:22:48.419
 over and climbing

00:22:48.419 --> 00:22:49.339
 the curtains and

00:22:49.339 --> 00:22:51.019
 breaking things and

00:22:51.019 --> 00:22:52.039
 making a mess and,

00:22:52.199 --> 00:22:52.319
 you know,

00:22:52.819 --> 00:22:54.559
 you come home

00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:56.059
 from work,

00:22:56.159 --> 00:22:56.479
 guys,

00:22:56.579 --> 00:22:57.159
 and you step in

00:22:57.159 --> 00:22:57.859
 the house and the

00:22:57.859 --> 00:22:58.419
 first thing you

00:22:58.419 --> 00:22:59.339
 step on is a

00:22:59.339 --> 00:22:59.619
 Lego.

00:23:02.859 --> 00:23:03.699
 Lego just

00:23:03.699 --> 00:23:04.639
 sets the tone.

00:23:07.699 --> 00:23:08.279
 How many have

00:23:08.279 --> 00:23:08.799
 ever stepped on

00:23:08.799 --> 00:23:09.339
 a Lego with

00:23:09.339 --> 00:23:09.859
 your bare foot?

00:23:12.479 --> 00:23:13.199
 And you know

00:23:13.199 --> 00:23:13.839
 what I'm talking

00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:14.159
 about.

00:23:15.079 --> 00:23:16.119
 I love Legos,

00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:16.819
 but on the floor

00:23:16.819 --> 00:23:17.379
 those things are

00:23:17.379 --> 00:23:17.759
 wicked.

00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:19.759
 You think you

00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:20.319
 stepped on a

00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:20.939
 spike when you

00:23:20.939 --> 00:23:21.479
 step on them,

00:23:21.500 --> 00:23:21.740
 you know,

00:23:21.779 --> 00:23:22.139
 it's like,

00:23:23.099 --> 00:23:25.779
 but those things

00:23:25.779 --> 00:23:26.119
 are going to

00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:26.359
 happen.

00:23:26.439 --> 00:23:26.779
 I want to

00:23:26.779 --> 00:23:27.459
 encourage you to

00:23:27.459 --> 00:23:28.000
 consider you

00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:28.479
 don't want to

00:23:28.479 --> 00:23:30.219
 keep those things

00:23:30.219 --> 00:23:30.779
 or let them

00:23:30.779 --> 00:23:32.459
 hinder the

00:23:32.460 --> 00:23:33.100
 communication.

00:23:34.299 --> 00:23:34.740
 That's the

00:23:34.740 --> 00:23:35.200
 reason you have

00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:35.920
 to be intentional

00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:37.700
 because you

00:23:37.700 --> 00:23:38.360
 both can be

00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:38.660
 tired.

00:23:38.779 --> 00:23:39.180
 There's both

00:23:39.180 --> 00:23:39.860
 things that can

00:23:39.860 --> 00:23:41.079
 set you off.

00:23:41.180 --> 00:23:41.340
 I mean,

00:23:41.380 --> 00:23:41.640
 guys,

00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:42.180
 you might come

00:23:42.180 --> 00:23:42.660
 home and your

00:23:42.660 --> 00:23:43.960
 wife's been

00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:44.480
 home with the

00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:45.240
 kids all day

00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:45.620
 and they're

00:23:45.620 --> 00:23:46.519
 teaching school

00:23:46.519 --> 00:23:47.200
 and all this

00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:47.660
 and the sink

00:23:47.660 --> 00:23:48.240
 is full of

00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:49.779
 dishes and the

00:23:49.779 --> 00:23:50.480
 supper isn't

00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:51.220
 done and,

00:23:51.420 --> 00:23:52.039
 you know,

00:23:52.059 --> 00:23:52.380
 you're looking

00:23:52.380 --> 00:23:52.559
 like,

00:23:52.620 --> 00:23:52.880
 what are you

00:23:52.880 --> 00:23:53.779
 doing all day?

00:23:53.779 --> 00:23:54.180
 You know,

00:23:54.279 --> 00:23:57.440
 and I'll give

00:23:57.440 --> 00:23:57.840
 you a clue.

00:23:57.980 --> 00:23:58.620
 Don't ask her

00:23:58.620 --> 00:23:59.079
 what she's been

00:23:59.079 --> 00:23:59.600
 doing all day

00:23:59.600 --> 00:24:00.079
 if you see that

00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:00.559
 situation,

00:24:00.700 --> 00:24:00.920
 guys.

00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:04.240
 The best

00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:04.660
 thing you can

00:24:04.660 --> 00:24:05.080
 do is go

00:24:05.080 --> 00:24:05.300
 over and

00:24:05.300 --> 00:24:05.640
 start doing

00:24:05.640 --> 00:24:06.060
 the dishes.

00:24:06.059 --> 00:24:16.619
 you know,

00:24:16.679 --> 00:24:17.200
 we can laugh

00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:17.519
 about it,

00:24:17.539 --> 00:24:17.759
 but the

00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:18.779
 reality is

00:24:18.779 --> 00:24:21.879
 that things

00:24:21.879 --> 00:24:22.359
 that were no

00:24:22.359 --> 00:24:23.240
 problem during

00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:24.779
 courtship can

00:24:24.779 --> 00:24:26.659
 often be a

00:24:26.659 --> 00:24:27.720
 problem afterwards

00:24:27.720 --> 00:24:29.019
 because courtship

00:24:29.019 --> 00:24:30.039
 for guys is

00:24:30.039 --> 00:24:32.319
 often a conquering

00:24:32.319 --> 00:24:33.319
 orientation.

00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:34.399
 it's like,

00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:34.919
 I'm going to

00:24:34.919 --> 00:24:35.179
 get her

00:24:35.179 --> 00:24:35.839
 because she's

00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:36.379
 the prize.

00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:39.799
 And as men,

00:24:39.879 --> 00:24:40.659
 we often think

00:24:40.659 --> 00:24:41.319
 like that,

00:24:42.099 --> 00:24:42.659
 that that's,

00:24:42.700 --> 00:24:43.119
 that's,

00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:43.359
 that's,

00:24:43.399 --> 00:24:43.980
 that's what I'm

00:24:43.980 --> 00:24:44.319
 after.

00:24:44.419 --> 00:24:45.159
 That's my goal.

00:24:45.259 --> 00:24:45.619
 That's my

00:24:45.619 --> 00:24:46.119
 objective.

00:24:48.019 --> 00:24:49.119
 And it's easy

00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:49.740
 to put them

00:24:49.740 --> 00:24:50.419
 as a secondary

00:24:50.419 --> 00:24:51.259
 and move on

00:24:51.259 --> 00:24:51.639
 to another

00:24:51.639 --> 00:24:52.639
 goal afterwards.

00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:56.160
 be careful

00:24:56.160 --> 00:24:57.500
 not to set

00:24:57.500 --> 00:24:58.540
 that aside

00:24:58.540 --> 00:24:59.960
 because now

00:24:59.960 --> 00:25:00.520
 that once you

00:25:00.520 --> 00:25:01.080
 get married,

00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:01.860
 oftentimes it's

00:25:01.860 --> 00:25:02.480
 easy to,

00:25:02.600 --> 00:25:03.440
 to get a new

00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:03.860
 goal.

00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:05.600
 And I do want

00:25:05.600 --> 00:25:05.920
 you to get a

00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:06.640
 new goal after

00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:07.080
 you're married

00:25:07.080 --> 00:25:07.960
 because beforehand

00:25:07.960 --> 00:25:08.860
 your goal is to

00:25:08.860 --> 00:25:09.160
 get her.

00:25:10.440 --> 00:25:11.440
 Your new goal

00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:12.100
 after is to

00:25:12.100 --> 00:25:12.440
 keep her.

00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:15.980
 that's a

00:25:15.980 --> 00:25:16.240
 longer

00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:16.779
 objective.

00:25:19.779 --> 00:25:20.580
 Because your

00:25:20.580 --> 00:25:21.440
 desire ought to

00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:22.380
 always be that

00:25:22.380 --> 00:25:22.960
 this will be the

00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:23.559
 one that I

00:25:23.559 --> 00:25:24.200
 spend the rest

00:25:24.200 --> 00:25:24.840
 of my life

00:25:24.840 --> 00:25:26.400
 with unless

00:25:26.400 --> 00:25:27.820
 God interacts.

00:25:30.019 --> 00:25:30.539
 Because

00:25:30.539 --> 00:25:31.160
 sometimes,

00:25:31.380 --> 00:25:32.019
 I want you to

00:25:32.019 --> 00:25:32.420
 understand,

00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:32.900
 you ought to do

00:25:32.900 --> 00:25:33.559
 your best to

00:25:33.559 --> 00:25:34.700
 keep marriage

00:25:34.700 --> 00:25:35.200
 together.

00:25:35.200 --> 00:25:41.059
 You know,

00:25:41.080 --> 00:25:41.640
 often some of

00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:42.140
 the studies

00:25:42.140 --> 00:25:42.840
 they've had

00:25:42.840 --> 00:25:44.059
 amongst marriage

00:25:44.059 --> 00:25:44.840
 counselors say

00:25:44.840 --> 00:25:45.360
 that a couple

00:25:45.360 --> 00:25:46.100
 needs to talk

00:25:46.100 --> 00:25:46.700
 at least an

00:25:46.700 --> 00:25:47.620
 hour per day.

00:25:49.539 --> 00:25:50.500
 And guys are

00:25:50.500 --> 00:25:50.900
 all thinking,

00:25:51.019 --> 00:25:51.700
 that's a lot.

00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:54.019
 And the women

00:25:54.019 --> 00:25:54.500
 are like,

00:25:54.779 --> 00:25:55.140
 when are we

00:25:55.140 --> 00:25:55.420
 going to get

00:25:55.420 --> 00:25:55.740
 started?

00:26:00.340 --> 00:26:01.120
 But I want you

00:26:01.120 --> 00:26:01.559
 to understand,

00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:02.200
 most couples

00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:03.039
 don't even spend

00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:03.860
 six minutes a

00:26:03.860 --> 00:26:04.059
 day.

00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:08.740
 communicating.

00:26:11.940 --> 00:26:12.420
 You know,

00:26:12.460 --> 00:26:13.120
 most of that

00:26:13.120 --> 00:26:13.860
 turns out just

00:26:13.860 --> 00:26:14.860
 to be what's

00:26:14.860 --> 00:26:15.660
 pressing at the

00:26:15.660 --> 00:26:15.940
 moment.

00:26:16.080 --> 00:26:16.319
 You know,

00:26:16.380 --> 00:26:16.960
 the dishwasher

00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:17.480
 broke,

00:26:17.539 --> 00:26:18.380
 or the car

00:26:18.380 --> 00:26:18.960
 needs the oil

00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:19.460
 changed,

00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:19.860
 or you know,

00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:20.140
 something

00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:20.700
 happened at

00:26:20.700 --> 00:26:21.120
 work,

00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:21.620
 or something

00:26:21.620 --> 00:26:22.920
 takes place

00:26:22.920 --> 00:26:23.519
 over there,

00:26:23.600 --> 00:26:24.019
 or you come

00:26:24.019 --> 00:26:24.500
 home and the

00:26:24.500 --> 00:26:25.019
 kid has an

00:26:25.019 --> 00:26:25.620
 ear infection,

00:26:25.880 --> 00:26:27.319
 and you know,

00:26:27.340 --> 00:26:27.980
 all the different

00:26:27.980 --> 00:26:28.759
 things of life.

00:26:28.860 --> 00:26:29.380
 You spend a lot

00:26:29.380 --> 00:26:30.039
 of time talking

00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:31.039
 about things,

00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:31.759
 but not things

00:26:31.759 --> 00:26:32.420
 of substance.

00:26:33.640 --> 00:26:34.259
 You need to

00:26:34.259 --> 00:26:34.740
 make sure to

00:26:34.740 --> 00:26:35.180
 maintain,

00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:36.860
 those things,

00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:37.160
 and to

00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:37.759
 understand,

00:26:37.980 --> 00:26:38.140
 you know,

00:26:38.180 --> 00:26:38.580
 there used to

00:26:38.580 --> 00:26:39.980
 be an old

00:26:39.980 --> 00:26:40.400
 joke,

00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:40.640
 you know,

00:26:40.660 --> 00:26:41.000
 when I was

00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:41.600
 growing up,

00:26:41.640 --> 00:26:41.860
 you know,

00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:42.960
 amongst some

00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:43.380
 of the older

00:26:43.380 --> 00:26:43.840
 guys,

00:26:43.900 --> 00:26:44.200
 they'll look

00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:44.420
 and say,

00:26:44.500 --> 00:26:44.660
 well,

00:26:45.660 --> 00:26:46.559
 I told her I

00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:47.319
 loved her once,

00:26:47.360 --> 00:26:47.660
 and if I

00:26:47.660 --> 00:26:48.160
 changed my

00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:48.559
 mind,

00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:48.920
 I'll let

00:26:48.920 --> 00:26:49.360
 her know.

00:26:49.359 --> 00:27:01.740
 you know,

00:27:01.740 --> 00:27:02.639
 I've heard a few

00:27:02.639 --> 00:27:03.299
 people say it,

00:27:04.299 --> 00:27:07.279
 but the

00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:08.000
 reality is,

00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:08.819
 is she needs

00:27:08.819 --> 00:27:09.659
 to hear that,

00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:10.859
 and that

00:27:10.859 --> 00:27:11.479
 communication,

00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:13.400
 and so we

00:27:13.400 --> 00:27:13.980
 need that

00:27:13.980 --> 00:27:14.920
 mindset,

00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:15.519
 and one of

00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:15.900
 the things

00:27:15.900 --> 00:27:16.220
 that we'll

00:27:16.220 --> 00:27:16.920
 find is,

00:27:17.460 --> 00:27:18.440
 things that

00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:19.039
 we have

00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:19.779
 in today's

00:27:19.779 --> 00:27:20.599
 society sometimes

00:27:20.599 --> 00:27:21.380
 even makes it

00:27:21.380 --> 00:27:21.620
 worse,

00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:21.839
 you know,

00:27:21.860 --> 00:27:22.160
 it used to

00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:22.500
 be the

00:27:22.500 --> 00:27:23.259
 husband would

00:27:23.259 --> 00:27:23.740
 come home

00:27:23.740 --> 00:27:24.099
 and get the

00:27:24.099 --> 00:27:24.799
 newspaper and

00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:25.299
 be reading the

00:27:25.299 --> 00:27:25.700
 newspaper,

00:27:25.700 --> 00:27:26.339
 but today we

00:27:26.339 --> 00:27:26.640
 have some

00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:27.039
 things that are

00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:27.539
 even worse

00:27:27.539 --> 00:27:27.980
 than that in

00:27:27.980 --> 00:27:28.420
 my mind,

00:27:28.819 --> 00:27:29.380
 because you

00:27:29.380 --> 00:27:29.960
 can get caught

00:27:29.960 --> 00:27:31.360
 up in YouTube

00:27:31.360 --> 00:27:32.620
 and social media,

00:27:34.339 --> 00:27:34.519
 you know,

00:27:34.539 --> 00:27:35.000
 you can spend

00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:36.000
 hours there and

00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:36.660
 never talk,

00:27:36.660 --> 00:27:40.060
 you know,

00:27:40.300 --> 00:27:41.060
 some couples

00:27:41.060 --> 00:27:43.200
 stop talking,

00:27:43.380 --> 00:27:43.480
 you know,

00:27:43.540 --> 00:27:44.100
 why does that

00:27:44.100 --> 00:27:44.560
 happen?

00:27:45.100 --> 00:27:45.259
 Well,

00:27:45.300 --> 00:27:45.779
 one is they

00:27:45.779 --> 00:27:46.440
 get too busy

00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:47.100
 with work,

00:27:48.660 --> 00:27:48.980
 you know,

00:27:49.580 --> 00:27:50.540
 sometimes there's

00:27:50.540 --> 00:27:51.080
 things that just

00:27:51.080 --> 00:27:51.940
 need to be done,

00:27:52.080 --> 00:27:53.420
 but when that's

00:27:53.420 --> 00:27:54.279
 the rule rather

00:27:54.279 --> 00:27:55.840
 than the exception,

00:27:56.759 --> 00:27:57.759
 it begins to

00:27:57.759 --> 00:27:59.259
 cause a problem

00:27:59.259 --> 00:27:59.880
 to get too

00:27:59.880 --> 00:28:00.700
 overwhelmed with

00:28:00.700 --> 00:28:01.040
 work,

00:28:03.120 --> 00:28:03.720
 you know,

00:28:04.360 --> 00:28:05.740
 today work can

00:28:05.740 --> 00:28:06.160
 be too

00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:07.240
 overwhelming and

00:28:07.240 --> 00:28:07.660
 we need to be

00:28:07.660 --> 00:28:08.420
 careful and guard

00:28:08.420 --> 00:28:09.640
 that because we

00:28:09.640 --> 00:28:10.300
 need to maintain

00:28:10.300 --> 00:28:11.200
 that communication,

00:28:12.100 --> 00:28:13.400
 different interests,

00:28:13.500 --> 00:28:13.620
 you know,

00:28:13.660 --> 00:28:14.240
 we talked about

00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:15.140
 that last week,

00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:16.480
 you know,

00:28:16.519 --> 00:28:17.140
 you guys need to

00:28:17.140 --> 00:28:17.759
 find something

00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:18.660
 common that you

00:28:18.660 --> 00:28:19.180
 do together,

00:28:20.519 --> 00:28:20.840
 you know,

00:28:20.980 --> 00:28:22.580
 what that is

00:28:22.580 --> 00:28:24.060
 doesn't matter

00:28:24.060 --> 00:28:25.279
 as much as

00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:25.759
 the doing,

00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:28.580
 that's something

00:28:28.580 --> 00:28:29.300
 that fits you

00:28:29.300 --> 00:28:29.680
 guys,

00:28:31.060 --> 00:28:31.440
 you know,

00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:32.940
 to be able to

00:28:32.940 --> 00:28:33.800
 do those things

00:28:33.800 --> 00:28:34.420
 together,

00:28:34.420 --> 00:28:36.740
 selfishness,

00:28:36.800 --> 00:28:36.940
 you know,

00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:37.440
 we develop

00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:38.360
 other priorities

00:28:38.360 --> 00:28:39.000
 we consider

00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:39.920
 more important,

00:28:40.300 --> 00:28:41.360
 but in reality

00:28:41.360 --> 00:28:41.940
 they're not

00:28:41.940 --> 00:28:42.580
 because remember

00:28:42.580 --> 00:28:43.120
 the person

00:28:43.120 --> 00:28:43.920
 you married

00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:47.620
 is only second

00:28:47.620 --> 00:28:48.539
 in relationship

00:28:48.539 --> 00:28:49.160
 to God,

00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:53.360
 and if you're

00:28:53.360 --> 00:28:53.759
 on a right

00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:54.580
 relationship with

00:28:54.580 --> 00:28:54.920
 God,

00:28:55.019 --> 00:28:55.300
 you're going to

00:28:55.300 --> 00:28:55.860
 want to maintain

00:28:55.860 --> 00:28:56.700
 a right relationship

00:28:56.700 --> 00:28:57.440
 with your spouse

00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:01.500
 because that's

00:29:01.500 --> 00:29:01.799
 going to be

00:29:01.799 --> 00:29:02.160
 because that's

00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:02.680
 what God

00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:03.440
 tells us to

00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:03.779
 do,

00:29:04.360 --> 00:29:05.640
 you know,

00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:06.180
 fighting,

00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:07.220
 you know,

00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:07.700
 some people

00:29:07.700 --> 00:29:08.580
 stop talking

00:29:08.580 --> 00:29:09.059
 because it

00:29:09.059 --> 00:29:09.539
 always turns

00:29:09.539 --> 00:29:09.920
 into an

00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:10.279
 argument,

00:29:10.820 --> 00:29:14.980
 you know,

00:29:15.019 --> 00:29:15.519
 some don't

00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:16.080
 cope well

00:29:16.080 --> 00:29:16.860
 with problems

00:29:16.860 --> 00:29:17.259
 and their

00:29:17.259 --> 00:29:18.380
 conversations

00:29:18.380 --> 00:29:19.140
 often turn

00:29:19.140 --> 00:29:19.759
 into fights

00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:20.559
 so they stop

00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:21.500
 wanting to

00:29:21.500 --> 00:29:22.980
 talk because

00:29:22.980 --> 00:29:23.860
 it just never

00:29:23.860 --> 00:29:25.460
 turns out

00:29:25.460 --> 00:29:25.759
 well,

00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:31.460
 so I'm

00:29:31.460 --> 00:29:31.579
 going to

00:29:31.579 --> 00:29:31.799
 give you

00:29:31.799 --> 00:29:32.019
 a little

00:29:32.019 --> 00:29:32.619
 help today

00:29:32.619 --> 00:29:32.879
 and we're

00:29:32.879 --> 00:29:33.039
 going to

00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:33.460
 talk about

00:29:33.460 --> 00:29:34.099
 some enemies

00:29:34.099 --> 00:29:34.559
 of good

00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:35.240
 conversation

00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:35.640
 for a

00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:35.859
 moment

00:29:35.859 --> 00:29:38.559
 because

00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:39.359
 sometimes

00:29:39.359 --> 00:29:40.460
 they turn

00:29:40.460 --> 00:29:41.119
 into fights

00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:41.720
 because we're

00:29:41.720 --> 00:29:42.599
 not communicating

00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:43.240
 correctly,

00:29:44.299 --> 00:29:45.759
 we're not

00:29:45.759 --> 00:29:46.579
 communicating

00:29:46.579 --> 00:29:47.299
 by first

00:29:47.299 --> 00:29:47.859
 thinking

00:29:47.859 --> 00:29:51.859
 before speaking

00:29:51.859 --> 00:29:55.480
 because

00:29:55.480 --> 00:29:56.299
 words can't

00:29:56.299 --> 00:29:56.660
 be put

00:29:56.660 --> 00:29:57.099
 back.

00:29:57.839 --> 00:29:57.980
 Throw

00:29:57.980 --> 00:29:58.620
 to Ephesians

00:29:58.620 --> 00:29:59.339
 chapter 4

00:29:59.339 --> 00:29:59.640
 for a

00:29:59.640 --> 00:29:59.839
 moment,

00:29:59.960 --> 00:30:00.339
 Ephesians

00:30:00.339 --> 00:30:00.779
 4,

00:30:01.539 --> 00:30:02.420
 verse 29,

00:30:11.420 --> 00:30:11.900
 because

00:30:11.900 --> 00:30:12.700
 enemies of

00:30:12.700 --> 00:30:12.940
 good

00:30:12.940 --> 00:30:13.740
 conversation,

00:30:13.900 --> 00:30:14.279
 the first

00:30:14.279 --> 00:30:14.839
 one is,

00:30:14.860 --> 00:30:15.420
 is using

00:30:15.420 --> 00:30:16.099
 words as

00:30:16.099 --> 00:30:16.660
 punishment.

00:30:16.660 --> 00:30:22.240
 married

00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:23.140
 couples can

00:30:23.140 --> 00:30:23.840
 very easily

00:30:23.840 --> 00:30:24.420
 fall into

00:30:24.420 --> 00:30:24.960
 the trap

00:30:24.960 --> 00:30:25.380
 of trying

00:30:25.380 --> 00:30:26.000
 to punish

00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:26.420
 the other

00:30:26.420 --> 00:30:27.080
 person by

00:30:27.080 --> 00:30:27.440
 what they

00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:27.759
 say.

00:30:30.660 --> 00:30:31.180
 Words

00:30:31.180 --> 00:30:31.560
 become

00:30:31.560 --> 00:30:32.580
 tools to

00:30:32.580 --> 00:30:33.320
 tear down.

00:30:35.660 --> 00:30:36.160
 Notice

00:30:36.160 --> 00:30:36.800
 what Ephesians

00:30:36.800 --> 00:30:37.080
 4,

00:30:37.140 --> 00:30:37.880
 29 says,

00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:38.259
 it says

00:30:38.259 --> 00:30:38.500
 this,

00:30:38.560 --> 00:30:38.800
 it says,

00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:39.180
 let no

00:30:39.180 --> 00:30:39.560
 corrupt

00:30:39.560 --> 00:30:40.320
 communication

00:30:40.320 --> 00:30:40.940
 proceed out

00:30:40.940 --> 00:30:41.140
 of your

00:30:41.140 --> 00:30:41.440
 mouth,

00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:42.220
 but that

00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:42.600
 which is

00:30:42.600 --> 00:30:43.060
 good to

00:30:43.060 --> 00:30:43.460
 the use

00:30:43.460 --> 00:30:44.279
 of edifying

00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:44.640
 that it

00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:45.160
 may minister

00:30:45.160 --> 00:30:46.759
 grace unto

00:30:46.759 --> 00:30:47.420
 the hearers.

00:30:48.140 --> 00:30:48.840
 I want you

00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:49.400
 to understand

00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:49.800
 you can

00:30:49.800 --> 00:30:50.460
 never take

00:30:50.460 --> 00:30:51.220
 words back.

00:30:53.360 --> 00:30:53.759
 That's

00:30:53.759 --> 00:30:54.279
 reason with

00:30:54.279 --> 00:30:54.700
 what we

00:30:54.700 --> 00:30:55.160
 speak,

00:30:55.240 --> 00:30:55.500
 we need

00:30:55.500 --> 00:30:55.740
 to be

00:30:55.740 --> 00:30:56.019
 careful

00:30:56.019 --> 00:30:56.360
 with.

00:30:57.940 --> 00:30:58.340
 Now,

00:30:58.380 --> 00:30:58.560
 I'm not

00:30:58.560 --> 00:30:58.759
 going to

00:30:58.759 --> 00:30:59.140
 ask for

00:30:59.140 --> 00:30:59.480
 a show

00:30:59.480 --> 00:31:00.019
 of hands,

00:31:00.120 --> 00:31:00.380
 but how

00:31:00.380 --> 00:31:00.779
 many could

00:31:00.779 --> 00:31:01.300
 say there's

00:31:01.300 --> 00:31:01.560
 been a

00:31:01.560 --> 00:31:01.920
 time in

00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:02.560
 my life

00:31:02.560 --> 00:31:03.980
 that I

00:31:03.980 --> 00:31:04.340
 said

00:31:04.340 --> 00:31:05.000
 something I

00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:05.380
 wish I

00:31:05.380 --> 00:31:05.680
 could put

00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:06.060
 back?

00:31:10.220 --> 00:31:10.800
 I think

00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:11.060
 we could

00:31:11.060 --> 00:31:11.519
 all say

00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:11.900
 we're

00:31:11.900 --> 00:31:12.200
 guilty.

00:31:14.460 --> 00:31:14.900
 Why?

00:31:14.900 --> 00:31:15.240
 Because

00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:15.540
 sometimes

00:31:15.540 --> 00:31:16.240
 we spoke

00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:16.540
 without

00:31:16.540 --> 00:31:16.960
 what?

00:31:18.980 --> 00:31:19.460
 Thinking.

00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:21.380
 We spoke

00:31:21.380 --> 00:31:22.519
 from emotion,

00:31:24.040 --> 00:31:25.660
 strictly

00:31:25.660 --> 00:31:26.560
 from feeling.

00:31:30.220 --> 00:31:30.780
 You know,

00:31:30.820 --> 00:31:31.140
 one of the

00:31:31.140 --> 00:31:31.680
 things I've

00:31:31.680 --> 00:31:32.200
 learned that's

00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:32.720
 a good rule

00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:33.140
 of thumb,

00:31:33.220 --> 00:31:33.540
 you need to

00:31:33.540 --> 00:31:34.120
 remember that

00:31:34.120 --> 00:31:34.740
 feelings are

00:31:34.740 --> 00:31:35.340
 inputs,

00:31:35.519 --> 00:31:36.000
 feelings are

00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:37.580
 not substance.

00:31:39.000 --> 00:31:39.620
 Feelings are

00:31:39.620 --> 00:31:40.100
 things that

00:31:40.100 --> 00:31:41.000
 influence you,

00:31:41.100 --> 00:31:41.340
 but they

00:31:41.340 --> 00:31:41.800
 should not

00:31:41.800 --> 00:31:43.200
 direct you.

00:31:43.460 --> 00:31:43.780
 They're not

00:31:43.780 --> 00:31:44.220
 guidance.

00:31:44.900 --> 00:31:47.920
 feelings are

00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:48.320
 there,

00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:48.680
 but they

00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:49.060
 should not

00:31:49.060 --> 00:31:49.600
 guide us

00:31:49.600 --> 00:31:49.880
 in what

00:31:49.880 --> 00:31:50.200
 we do

00:31:50.200 --> 00:31:50.740
 because that's

00:31:50.740 --> 00:31:50.980
 when we

00:31:50.980 --> 00:31:51.560
 blow up

00:31:51.560 --> 00:31:51.900
 because we

00:31:51.900 --> 00:31:52.580
 feel angry,

00:31:52.700 --> 00:31:52.880
 so we're

00:31:52.880 --> 00:31:53.040
 going to

00:31:53.040 --> 00:31:53.519
 blow up.

00:31:55.560 --> 00:31:56.140
 There may

00:31:56.140 --> 00:31:56.380
 be a

00:31:56.380 --> 00:31:56.680
 legitimate

00:31:56.680 --> 00:31:57.420
 reason you

00:31:57.420 --> 00:31:58.100
 feel angry.

00:32:00.040 --> 00:32:00.600
 There's some

00:32:00.600 --> 00:32:00.940
 things that

00:32:00.940 --> 00:32:01.320
 ought to make

00:32:01.320 --> 00:32:01.720
 you angry,

00:32:01.820 --> 00:32:02.100
 the Bible

00:32:02.100 --> 00:32:02.680
 tells us.

00:32:05.600 --> 00:32:06.240
 But those

00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:07.019
 feelings need

00:32:07.019 --> 00:32:07.500
 to be kept

00:32:07.500 --> 00:32:08.280
 in context,

00:32:09.040 --> 00:32:09.860
 to be kept

00:32:09.860 --> 00:32:10.460
 in the right

00:32:10.460 --> 00:32:10.840
 way of

00:32:10.840 --> 00:32:11.519
 using them.

00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:14.519
 one rule

00:32:14.519 --> 00:32:14.859
 of thumb

00:32:14.859 --> 00:32:15.160
 you can

00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:15.819
 think about,

00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:16.619
 have you

00:32:16.619 --> 00:32:16.940
 ever

00:32:16.940 --> 00:32:18.119
 regretted

00:32:18.119 --> 00:32:18.619
 words you

00:32:18.619 --> 00:32:18.900
 didn't

00:32:18.900 --> 00:32:19.220
 say?

00:32:20.879 --> 00:32:21.119
 You know,

00:32:21.539 --> 00:32:22.599
 that's a

00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:23.139
 much smaller

00:32:23.139 --> 00:32:23.500
 list,

00:32:23.579 --> 00:32:23.859
 isn't it?

00:32:26.440 --> 00:32:27.359
 Very rarely

00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:28.099
 do you regret

00:32:28.099 --> 00:32:28.759
 what's not

00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:29.160
 said,

00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:30.559
 but a lot

00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:31.160
 more times

00:32:31.160 --> 00:32:31.660
 we regret

00:32:31.660 --> 00:32:32.180
 what is

00:32:32.180 --> 00:32:32.500
 said

00:32:32.500 --> 00:32:34.940
 because you

00:32:34.940 --> 00:32:35.420
 can't put

00:32:35.420 --> 00:32:35.900
 them back.

00:32:37.160 --> 00:32:37.400
 You know,

00:32:37.420 --> 00:32:37.759
 we need to

00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:38.539
 understand we

00:32:38.539 --> 00:32:39.339
 can't just

00:32:39.339 --> 00:32:40.079
 fly off the

00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:40.419
 cuff,

00:32:40.939 --> 00:32:41.819
 we should

00:32:41.819 --> 00:32:42.279
 talk,

00:32:42.379 --> 00:32:42.559
 but we

00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:42.819
 need to

00:32:42.819 --> 00:32:43.240
 wait until

00:32:43.240 --> 00:32:43.579
 we can

00:32:43.579 --> 00:32:44.099
 say it

00:32:44.099 --> 00:32:44.779
 properly.

00:32:46.199 --> 00:32:46.399
 You know,

00:32:46.919 --> 00:32:47.980
 using words

00:32:47.980 --> 00:32:48.759
 as punishment

00:32:48.759 --> 00:32:50.139
 gets you

00:32:50.139 --> 00:32:50.559
 in trouble.

00:32:51.619 --> 00:32:52.359
 Second thing

00:32:52.359 --> 00:32:52.879
 is using

00:32:52.879 --> 00:32:53.559
 words to

00:32:53.559 --> 00:32:53.899
 force

00:32:53.899 --> 00:32:54.379
 agreement.

00:32:55.939 --> 00:32:56.199
 You know,

00:32:56.240 --> 00:32:56.679
 words are

00:32:56.679 --> 00:32:57.359
 masterful

00:32:57.359 --> 00:32:57.919
 tools you

00:32:57.919 --> 00:32:58.460
 can use.

00:33:02.099 --> 00:33:02.899
 To force

00:33:02.899 --> 00:33:03.639
 agreement is

00:33:03.639 --> 00:33:04.000
 to making

00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:04.399
 the other

00:33:04.399 --> 00:33:05.099
 person have

00:33:05.099 --> 00:33:05.480
 to agree

00:33:05.480 --> 00:33:05.879
 with you.

00:33:07.439 --> 00:33:08.059
 I'll give

00:33:08.059 --> 00:33:08.399
 you a little

00:33:08.399 --> 00:33:08.740
 clue.

00:33:08.839 --> 00:33:09.019
 When you

00:33:09.019 --> 00:33:09.379
 have two

00:33:09.379 --> 00:33:09.799
 people,

00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:10.099
 you're

00:33:10.099 --> 00:33:10.259
 going to

00:33:10.259 --> 00:33:10.619
 have two

00:33:10.619 --> 00:33:10.879
 different

00:33:10.879 --> 00:33:11.319
 opinions.

00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:15.359
 They may

00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:16.200
 vary slightly,

00:33:16.379 --> 00:33:16.639
 but there'll

00:33:16.639 --> 00:33:16.960
 be some

00:33:16.960 --> 00:33:17.419
 differences.

00:33:20.159 --> 00:33:20.720
 Or there

00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:21.000
 might be

00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:21.220
 big

00:33:21.220 --> 00:33:21.639
 differences.

00:33:22.659 --> 00:33:23.059
 Look what

00:33:23.059 --> 00:33:23.740
 James chapter

00:33:23.740 --> 00:33:24.460
 1 tells us.

00:33:24.500 --> 00:33:24.720
 Look over

00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:24.960
 there in

00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:25.539
 James chapter

00:33:25.539 --> 00:33:25.819
 1.

00:33:25.879 --> 00:33:26.099
 Look at

00:33:26.099 --> 00:33:26.819
 verse 19.

00:33:30.019 --> 00:33:30.460
 James

00:33:30.460 --> 00:33:31.059
 1.19

00:33:31.059 --> 00:33:31.700
 tells us

00:33:31.700 --> 00:33:31.940
 this.

00:33:32.059 --> 00:33:32.240
 It says,

00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:32.619
 Wherefore,

00:33:32.680 --> 00:33:33.139
 my beloved

00:33:33.139 --> 00:33:33.559
 brethren,

00:33:34.019 --> 00:33:34.500
 let every

00:33:34.500 --> 00:33:34.980
 man be

00:33:34.980 --> 00:33:35.599
 swift to

00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:35.879
 hear,

00:33:36.039 --> 00:33:36.519
 slow to

00:33:36.519 --> 00:33:36.879
 speak,

00:33:36.980 --> 00:33:37.619
 and slow

00:33:37.619 --> 00:33:39.379
 to wrath.

00:33:39.799 --> 00:33:41.539
 Is there

00:33:41.539 --> 00:33:42.180
 anything more

00:33:42.180 --> 00:33:42.799
 annoying than

00:33:42.799 --> 00:33:43.819
 someone wanting

00:33:43.819 --> 00:33:44.440
 to force

00:33:44.440 --> 00:33:45.099
 their way

00:33:45.099 --> 00:33:46.460
 upon you

00:33:46.460 --> 00:33:46.759
 and they're

00:33:46.759 --> 00:33:47.519
 always right?

00:33:47.720 --> 00:33:48.680
 You need to

00:33:48.680 --> 00:33:49.480
 agree with me.

00:33:51.099 --> 00:33:52.139
 The reality

00:33:52.139 --> 00:33:53.180
 is you can't

00:33:53.180 --> 00:33:54.159
 make somebody

00:33:54.159 --> 00:33:55.079
 or force

00:33:55.079 --> 00:33:55.720
 anybody to

00:33:55.720 --> 00:33:56.500
 believe anything.

00:33:56.500 --> 00:34:00.160
 they may

00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:01.680
 nod their

00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:02.000
 head,

00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:02.380
 they may

00:34:02.380 --> 00:34:02.940
 agree with

00:34:02.940 --> 00:34:04.319
 you on

00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:04.980
 the surface,

00:34:05.319 --> 00:34:07.019
 but what

00:34:07.019 --> 00:34:07.599
 they're thinking

00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:08.139
 is,

00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:09.159
 I'll agree

00:34:09.159 --> 00:34:09.619
 with them

00:34:09.619 --> 00:34:10.559
 outwardly just

00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:10.920
 so they'll

00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:11.519
 be quiet.

00:34:15.239 --> 00:34:15.920
 It

00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:16.340
 happens.

00:34:18.579 --> 00:34:19.239
 Forced

00:34:19.239 --> 00:34:19.679
 agreement.

00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:22.799
 third

00:34:22.799 --> 00:34:23.339
 thing is

00:34:23.339 --> 00:34:24.039
 dwelling on

00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:24.759
 mistakes,

00:34:25.899 --> 00:34:26.539
 past and

00:34:26.539 --> 00:34:26.899
 present.

00:34:29.379 --> 00:34:30.219
 One of the

00:34:30.219 --> 00:34:31.219
 biggest things

00:34:31.219 --> 00:34:31.599
 in a

00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:32.239
 relationship

00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:33.000
 that happens

00:34:33.000 --> 00:34:33.480
 is people

00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:34.000
 will bring

00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:34.379
 up the

00:34:34.379 --> 00:34:35.219
 past over

00:34:35.219 --> 00:34:36.559
 and over

00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:37.719
 and over

00:34:37.719 --> 00:34:38.699
 and over.

00:34:41.079 --> 00:34:41.639
 They'll

00:34:41.639 --> 00:34:42.059
 dig up

00:34:42.059 --> 00:34:42.579
 things that

00:34:42.579 --> 00:34:43.000
 are supposed

00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:43.399
 to be

00:34:43.399 --> 00:34:43.960
 forgotten

00:34:43.960 --> 00:34:44.659
 and forgiven

00:34:44.659 --> 00:34:46.339
 and the

00:34:46.339 --> 00:34:46.619
 next

00:34:46.619 --> 00:34:47.659
 disagreement

00:34:47.659 --> 00:34:48.480
 they have

00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:48.899
 instead of

00:34:48.899 --> 00:34:49.359
 discussing

00:34:49.360 --> 00:34:49.880
 what's on

00:34:49.880 --> 00:34:50.380
 the table.

00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:51.260
 They bring

00:34:51.260 --> 00:34:51.440
 up,

00:34:51.559 --> 00:34:51.599
 well,

00:34:51.660 --> 00:34:52.079
 you did

00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:52.500
 this.

00:34:55.260 --> 00:34:55.740
 That's a

00:34:55.740 --> 00:34:56.380
 destruction

00:34:56.380 --> 00:34:58.120
 to a

00:34:58.120 --> 00:34:58.760
 relationship.

00:35:00.260 --> 00:35:00.840
 Let's look

00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:01.260
 on a few

00:35:01.260 --> 00:35:01.740
 things here.

00:35:01.820 --> 00:35:02.099
 Let's get

00:35:02.099 --> 00:35:02.460
 some help

00:35:02.460 --> 00:35:02.800
 here this

00:35:02.800 --> 00:35:03.039
 morning.

00:35:03.140 --> 00:35:03.380
 Let's get

00:35:03.380 --> 00:35:03.860
 Philippians

00:35:03.860 --> 00:35:04.620
 3.13.

00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:05.099
 Who's got

00:35:05.099 --> 00:35:05.440
 that one

00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:05.820
 for me?

00:35:06.539 --> 00:35:06.940
 Philippians

00:35:06.940 --> 00:35:07.680
 3.13.

00:35:07.820 --> 00:35:08.039
 Don,

00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:08.320
 you got

00:35:08.320 --> 00:35:08.620
 that one?

00:35:09.180 --> 00:35:09.460
 Joe,

00:35:09.559 --> 00:35:09.760
 can you

00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:10.099
 get me

00:35:10.099 --> 00:35:10.860
 Colossians

00:35:10.860 --> 00:35:11.240
 2?

00:35:12.059 --> 00:35:12.280
 Or,

00:35:12.360 --> 00:35:12.620
 excuse me,

00:35:12.680 --> 00:35:13.180
 Colossians

00:35:13.180 --> 00:35:14.620
 3.12

00:35:14.620 --> 00:35:15.120
 and 13.

00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:15.780
 Colossians

00:35:15.780 --> 00:35:16.140
 3.

00:35:17.220 --> 00:35:17.820
 12 and

00:35:17.820 --> 00:35:18.099
 13.

00:35:18.260 --> 00:35:18.579
 Who's got

00:35:18.579 --> 00:35:19.039
 Philippians

00:35:19.039 --> 00:35:19.679
 3.13?

00:35:19.759 --> 00:35:20.119
 Brother Don?

00:35:33.259 --> 00:35:33.819
 Okay.

00:35:35.739 --> 00:35:36.299
 Remember

00:35:36.299 --> 00:35:36.679
 that it's

00:35:36.679 --> 00:35:37.099
 forgetting

00:35:37.099 --> 00:35:37.579
 that which

00:35:37.579 --> 00:35:38.019
 is what?

00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:39.599
 Behind.

00:35:40.679 --> 00:35:40.940
 You know,

00:35:41.019 --> 00:35:41.699
 dragging up

00:35:41.699 --> 00:35:42.579
 the past

00:35:42.579 --> 00:35:43.500
 when the

00:35:43.500 --> 00:35:44.019
 past is

00:35:44.019 --> 00:35:44.420
 supposed to

00:35:44.420 --> 00:35:44.860
 be dealt

00:35:44.860 --> 00:35:45.380
 with will

00:35:45.380 --> 00:35:45.900
 do nothing

00:35:45.900 --> 00:35:46.559
 but destroy

00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:47.259
 a relationship.

00:35:47.260 --> 00:35:49.380
 What's

00:35:49.380 --> 00:35:49.940
 Colossians

00:35:49.940 --> 00:35:50.560
 3.12

00:35:50.560 --> 00:35:51.020
 and 13

00:35:51.020 --> 00:35:51.560
 tell us?

00:35:51.560 --> 00:35:53.600
 What does

00:35:53.600 --> 00:35:54.560
 Colossians

00:35:54.560 --> 00:35:54.580
 3.12

00:35:54.580 --> 00:35:55.040
 and 13

00:35:55.040 --> 00:35:55.600
 tell us?

00:35:55.600 --> 00:35:56.440
 What does

00:35:56.440 --> 00:35:56.840
 mean?

00:35:56.840 --> 00:35:57.039
 What does

00:35:57.039 --> 00:35:57.420
 mean?

00:36:11.420 --> 00:36:11.860
 Okay.

00:36:14.059 --> 00:36:14.880
 One of the

00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:15.480
 biggest things

00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:16.260
 of communication

00:36:16.260 --> 00:36:16.740
 in marriage

00:36:16.740 --> 00:36:17.220
 is learning

00:36:17.220 --> 00:36:17.539
 how to

00:36:17.539 --> 00:36:18.099
 forgive one

00:36:18.099 --> 00:36:18.380
 another.

00:36:20.679 --> 00:36:21.740
 Because if

00:36:21.740 --> 00:36:22.139
 you haven't

00:36:22.139 --> 00:36:22.619
 figured it

00:36:22.619 --> 00:36:22.900
 out,

00:36:22.980 --> 00:36:23.360
 when you

00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:24.059
 hang out

00:36:24.059 --> 00:36:24.559
 with somebody

00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:25.199
 long enough,

00:36:25.279 --> 00:36:25.639
 sooner or

00:36:25.639 --> 00:36:26.000
 later they're

00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:26.179
 going to

00:36:26.179 --> 00:36:26.940
 do something

00:36:26.940 --> 00:36:27.360
 that makes

00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:27.719
 you mad.

00:36:30.539 --> 00:36:30.940
 Amen?

00:36:32.340 --> 00:36:32.820
 I mean,

00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:33.179
 that's just

00:36:33.179 --> 00:36:33.820
 by nature.

00:36:33.900 --> 00:36:34.059
 When you

00:36:34.059 --> 00:36:34.340
 hang out

00:36:34.340 --> 00:36:34.679
 with somebody

00:36:34.679 --> 00:36:35.079
 long enough,

00:36:35.139 --> 00:36:35.500
 pretty soon

00:36:35.500 --> 00:36:35.880
 something's

00:36:35.880 --> 00:36:37.019
 going to

00:36:37.019 --> 00:36:37.840
 stir up

00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:38.279
 and something's

00:36:38.279 --> 00:36:38.480
 going to

00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:38.880
 cause a

00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:39.420
 conflict.

00:36:41.139 --> 00:36:41.980
 That stirs a

00:36:41.980 --> 00:36:42.799
 conflict between

00:36:42.799 --> 00:36:42.940
 you.

00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:43.500
 It can even be

00:36:43.500 --> 00:36:44.039
 things from the

00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:44.739
 outside that

00:36:44.739 --> 00:36:45.420
 stir a conflict

00:36:45.420 --> 00:36:46.059
 between you.

00:36:47.699 --> 00:36:48.239
 It's not

00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:48.980
 necessarily even

00:36:48.980 --> 00:36:49.799
 directly with

00:36:49.799 --> 00:36:50.159
 you,

00:36:50.739 --> 00:36:51.440
 but it can

00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:51.900
 cause a

00:36:51.900 --> 00:36:52.299
 conflict.

00:36:52.300 --> 00:36:55.120
 And dealing

00:36:55.120 --> 00:36:55.780
 with those

00:36:55.780 --> 00:36:56.320
 things and

00:36:56.320 --> 00:36:56.640
 to deal

00:36:56.640 --> 00:36:56.920
 with them

00:36:56.920 --> 00:36:57.420
 properly,

00:36:57.560 --> 00:36:57.880
 just like

00:36:57.880 --> 00:36:58.200
 you would

00:36:58.200 --> 00:36:58.940
 anybody else,

00:36:59.420 --> 00:36:59.539
 you know,

00:36:59.620 --> 00:37:00.180
 vows of

00:37:00.180 --> 00:37:00.500
 mercy,

00:37:00.660 --> 00:37:01.019
 kindness,

00:37:01.220 --> 00:37:01.640
 humbleness

00:37:01.640 --> 00:37:02.039
 of mind,

00:37:02.160 --> 00:37:02.580
 meekness,

00:37:02.720 --> 00:37:03.539
 long-suffering,

00:37:04.440 --> 00:37:05.039
 forbearing,

00:37:05.200 --> 00:37:05.340
 you know,

00:37:05.420 --> 00:37:05.880
 forgiving,

00:37:06.420 --> 00:37:06.780
 you know.

00:37:07.580 --> 00:37:08.120
 Those don't

00:37:08.120 --> 00:37:08.860
 just matter

00:37:08.860 --> 00:37:09.580
 with interactions

00:37:09.580 --> 00:37:10.160
 at church,

00:37:10.260 --> 00:37:10.580
 they're more

00:37:10.580 --> 00:37:11.900
 important in

00:37:11.900 --> 00:37:12.500
 your interaction

00:37:12.500 --> 00:37:12.920
 with your

00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:13.280
 spouse.

00:37:14.940 --> 00:37:15.660
 And learning

00:37:15.660 --> 00:37:16.100
 to deal

00:37:16.100 --> 00:37:16.519
 with those

00:37:16.519 --> 00:37:16.940
 things.

00:37:17.120 --> 00:37:17.300
 And so,

00:37:17.680 --> 00:37:18.200
 but some

00:37:18.200 --> 00:37:18.800
 develop a

00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:19.620
 critical spirit

00:37:19.620 --> 00:37:20.180
 to the point

00:37:20.180 --> 00:37:20.840
 that you feel

00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:21.539
 you can't do

00:37:21.539 --> 00:37:22.380
 anything right.

00:37:22.500 --> 00:37:22.639
 You know,

00:37:23.019 --> 00:37:23.800
 sometimes a

00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:24.420
 spouse can

00:37:24.420 --> 00:37:24.840
 beat the

00:37:24.840 --> 00:37:25.199
 other one

00:37:25.199 --> 00:37:25.699
 down with

00:37:25.699 --> 00:37:26.159
 the past

00:37:26.159 --> 00:37:26.739
 so hard

00:37:26.739 --> 00:37:27.800
 that it

00:37:27.800 --> 00:37:29.360
 limits and

00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:29.920
 hinders the

00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:30.539
 relationship.

00:37:32.820 --> 00:37:33.360
 You know,

00:37:33.380 --> 00:37:33.980
 that critical

00:37:33.980 --> 00:37:34.659
 spirit,

00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:37.699
 because the

00:37:37.699 --> 00:37:38.279
 other person

00:37:38.279 --> 00:37:38.679
 every time

00:37:38.679 --> 00:37:39.159
 they're together

00:37:39.159 --> 00:37:39.719
 is looking

00:37:39.719 --> 00:37:40.460
 to create

00:37:40.460 --> 00:37:40.960
 a problem

00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:42.659
 or to

00:37:42.659 --> 00:37:43.099
 point out

00:37:43.099 --> 00:37:43.599
 a problem.

00:37:44.300 --> 00:37:45.559
 That is

00:37:45.559 --> 00:37:46.259
 a problem

00:37:46.259 --> 00:37:46.960
 to itself.

00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:48.079
 You know,

00:37:48.139 --> 00:37:48.480
 think about

00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:49.019
 what we talked

00:37:49.019 --> 00:37:49.519
 about just a

00:37:49.519 --> 00:37:50.079
 few weeks ago

00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:50.480
 when it came

00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:51.099
 to forgiveness.

00:37:51.539 --> 00:37:52.139
 When Paul

00:37:52.139 --> 00:37:52.639
 talked about

00:37:52.639 --> 00:37:53.480
 2 Corinthians

00:37:53.480 --> 00:37:54.119
 2, 7,

00:37:54.199 --> 00:37:54.460
 it says,

00:37:54.579 --> 00:37:54.820
 so that

00:37:54.820 --> 00:37:55.759
 contrariise

00:37:55.759 --> 00:37:56.039
 you ought

00:37:56.039 --> 00:37:56.539
 rather to

00:37:56.539 --> 00:37:57.779
 forgive him

00:37:57.779 --> 00:37:58.279
 and comfort

00:37:58.279 --> 00:37:58.519
 him,

00:37:58.900 --> 00:37:59.599
 lest perhaps

00:37:59.599 --> 00:38:00.659
 such a one

00:38:00.659 --> 00:38:01.019
 should be

00:38:01.019 --> 00:38:01.619
 swallowed up

00:38:01.619 --> 00:38:02.139
 with over

00:38:02.139 --> 00:38:03.820
 much sorrow.

00:38:04.820 --> 00:38:05.119
 You know,

00:38:05.139 --> 00:38:05.619
 oftentimes,

00:38:06.519 --> 00:38:07.340
 beating somebody

00:38:07.340 --> 00:38:08.019
 up with the

00:38:08.019 --> 00:38:10.279
 past isn't

00:38:10.279 --> 00:38:10.619
 going to

00:38:10.619 --> 00:38:11.500
 accomplish what

00:38:11.500 --> 00:38:12.039
 you hope to

00:38:12.039 --> 00:38:12.519
 accomplish.

00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:15.480
 It hinders

00:38:15.480 --> 00:38:15.920
 what you're

00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:16.340
 hoping to

00:38:16.340 --> 00:38:16.759
 accomplish.

00:38:18.279 --> 00:38:19.079
 Unless your

00:38:19.079 --> 00:38:19.980
 mission is just

00:38:19.980 --> 00:38:20.599
 to destroy

00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:21.019
 them,

00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:22.619
 which then

00:38:22.619 --> 00:38:23.059
 that's another

00:38:23.059 --> 00:38:23.500
 problem.

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:25.820
 But as your

00:38:25.820 --> 00:38:26.199
 spouse,

00:38:26.300 --> 00:38:26.599
 it ought to

00:38:26.599 --> 00:38:27.099
 be to build

00:38:27.099 --> 00:38:27.500
 them up

00:38:27.500 --> 00:38:28.079
 and encourage

00:38:28.079 --> 00:38:28.440
 them.

00:38:29.960 --> 00:38:30.679
 And to do

00:38:30.679 --> 00:38:31.480
 those things

00:38:31.480 --> 00:38:31.699
 and,

00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:33.760
 you know,

00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:34.480
 to talk about

00:38:34.480 --> 00:38:35.420
 it in the

00:38:35.420 --> 00:38:36.460
 right way,

00:38:36.579 --> 00:38:36.800
 you know,

00:38:36.820 --> 00:38:37.079
 and some

00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:37.400
 people,

00:38:37.579 --> 00:38:37.780
 you know,

00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:38.360
 in life,

00:38:38.500 --> 00:38:39.159
 you need to

00:38:39.159 --> 00:38:40.139
 realize that

00:38:40.139 --> 00:38:40.599
 some people

00:38:40.599 --> 00:38:41.260
 just have a

00:38:41.260 --> 00:38:41.940
 negative spirit.

00:38:42.039 --> 00:38:42.460
 They'll complain

00:38:42.460 --> 00:38:43.079
 about anything.

00:38:43.079 --> 00:38:45.579
 you know,

00:38:46.179 --> 00:38:46.739
 like I've met

00:38:46.739 --> 00:38:47.340
 a few people,

00:38:47.420 --> 00:38:47.799
 if I gave

00:38:47.799 --> 00:38:48.259
 them $20,

00:38:48.619 --> 00:38:49.059
 they'd complain

00:38:49.059 --> 00:38:49.340
 I didn't

00:38:49.340 --> 00:38:49.579
 give them

00:38:49.579 --> 00:38:50.039
 two tens.

00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:52.719
 You know,

00:38:53.299 --> 00:38:54.980
 have you ever

00:38:54.980 --> 00:38:55.340
 met anybody

00:38:55.340 --> 00:38:55.880
 like that?

00:38:56.900 --> 00:38:57.340
 You know,

00:38:57.420 --> 00:38:57.779
 they just got

00:38:57.779 --> 00:38:58.179
 a negative

00:38:58.179 --> 00:38:58.519
 thing,

00:38:58.599 --> 00:38:58.699
 you know,

00:38:58.719 --> 00:38:59.219
 everything's a

00:38:59.219 --> 00:38:59.579
 complaint,

00:38:59.699 --> 00:39:00.219
 everything's a

00:39:00.219 --> 00:39:00.599
 problem.

00:39:02.739 --> 00:39:03.239
 You know?

00:39:06.360 --> 00:39:07.139
 In a marriage,

00:39:07.239 --> 00:39:07.699
 if we hold

00:39:07.699 --> 00:39:08.219
 things in,

00:39:08.259 --> 00:39:08.840
 we can develop

00:39:08.840 --> 00:39:09.659
 a closed-off

00:39:09.659 --> 00:39:10.380
 spirit that

00:39:10.380 --> 00:39:10.980
 builds and

00:39:10.980 --> 00:39:12.259
 builds until

00:39:12.260 --> 00:39:13.180
 finally things

00:39:13.180 --> 00:39:13.820
 break apart.

00:39:17.260 --> 00:39:17.940
 I want you

00:39:17.940 --> 00:39:18.580
 to understand

00:39:18.580 --> 00:39:19.940
 there's also

00:39:19.940 --> 00:39:20.500
 some things

00:39:20.500 --> 00:39:20.660
 here,

00:39:20.740 --> 00:39:20.920
 quick,

00:39:20.980 --> 00:39:21.280
 we want to

00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:21.600
 cover it,

00:39:21.620 --> 00:39:21.840
 that are

00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:22.380
 friends of

00:39:22.380 --> 00:39:23.280
 good conversation.

00:39:24.980 --> 00:39:25.580
 Friends of

00:39:25.580 --> 00:39:26.500
 good conversation.

00:39:26.700 --> 00:39:27.580
 One is

00:39:27.580 --> 00:39:28.440
 undivided

00:39:28.440 --> 00:39:28.920
 attention.

00:39:31.060 --> 00:39:31.660
 Having a

00:39:31.660 --> 00:39:32.280
 conversation

00:39:32.280 --> 00:39:32.780
 where you can

00:39:32.780 --> 00:39:33.280
 actually look

00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:33.840
 at one another

00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:36.180
 and pay

00:39:36.180 --> 00:39:36.720
 attention to

00:39:36.720 --> 00:39:37.200
 one another.

00:39:39.060 --> 00:39:39.280
 You know?

00:39:39.860 --> 00:39:40.160
 Have you ever

00:39:40.160 --> 00:39:40.700
 noticed that when

00:39:40.700 --> 00:39:41.440
 people are dating,

00:39:41.560 --> 00:39:42.220
 oftentimes you

00:39:42.219 --> 00:39:42.319
 know,

00:39:42.679 --> 00:39:44.799
 it's like to

00:39:44.799 --> 00:39:45.019
 hear them

00:39:45.019 --> 00:39:45.439
 talk.

00:39:47.219 --> 00:39:47.500
 You know,

00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:48.239
 look at each

00:39:48.239 --> 00:39:48.719
 other in the

00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:49.079
 eye.

00:39:49.219 --> 00:39:49.799
 And the

00:39:49.799 --> 00:39:50.319
 problem is,

00:39:50.339 --> 00:39:50.779
 is that after

00:39:50.779 --> 00:39:51.179
 they're married,

00:39:51.239 --> 00:39:52.480
 oftentimes they're

00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:53.099
 distracted.

00:39:57.139 --> 00:39:57.719
 But that

00:39:57.719 --> 00:39:58.419
 attention is

00:39:58.419 --> 00:39:58.919
 important.

00:40:00.399 --> 00:40:00.579
 You know,

00:40:00.619 --> 00:40:01.299
 1 Peter 3,

00:40:01.379 --> 00:40:01.679
 8 says,

00:40:01.779 --> 00:40:02.899
 finally be ye

00:40:02.899 --> 00:40:03.819
 all of one

00:40:03.819 --> 00:40:04.139
 mind,

00:40:04.219 --> 00:40:05.039
 having compassion,

00:40:05.179 --> 00:40:05.419
 one of

00:40:05.419 --> 00:40:05.599
 another,

00:40:05.599 --> 00:40:06.219
 love his

00:40:06.219 --> 00:40:06.519
 brother,

00:40:06.619 --> 00:40:07.199
 be pitiful,

00:40:07.619 --> 00:40:08.480
 be courteous.

00:40:09.300 --> 00:40:09.480
 You know?

00:40:11.159 --> 00:40:12.019
 Oftentimes we

00:40:12.019 --> 00:40:12.539
 need to draw

00:40:12.539 --> 00:40:13.079
 our attention

00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:13.880
 to intentionally

00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:15.219
 look and

00:40:15.219 --> 00:40:15.699
 to listen.

00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:16.940
 Because,

00:40:17.139 --> 00:40:17.599
 consider,

00:40:17.740 --> 00:40:18.139
 what does it

00:40:18.139 --> 00:40:18.559
 say when

00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:18.960
 somebody's

00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:19.519
 looking at

00:40:19.519 --> 00:40:19.800
 you when

00:40:19.800 --> 00:40:20.599
 you're talking

00:40:20.599 --> 00:40:21.039
 to them?

00:40:23.340 --> 00:40:23.980
 That you're

00:40:23.980 --> 00:40:24.380
 listening.

00:40:25.380 --> 00:40:26.000
 That you're

00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:26.659
 paying attention.

00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:28.400
 You know?

00:40:28.940 --> 00:40:29.280
 Now,

00:40:29.380 --> 00:40:30.179
 as parents in

00:40:30.179 --> 00:40:30.519
 the room,

00:40:30.599 --> 00:40:31.099
 how often have

00:40:31.099 --> 00:40:31.599
 you told your

00:40:31.599 --> 00:40:31.820
 kids,

00:40:31.900 --> 00:40:32.000
 hey,

00:40:32.059 --> 00:40:32.519
 look at me?

00:40:32.519 --> 00:40:36.300
 I know that

00:40:36.300 --> 00:40:36.940
 never came out

00:40:36.940 --> 00:40:37.400
 of your mouth,

00:40:37.559 --> 00:40:38.280
 did it?

00:40:40.099 --> 00:40:40.659
 That's that

00:40:40.659 --> 00:40:41.179
 moment when

00:40:41.179 --> 00:40:41.619
 you think,

00:40:42.039 --> 00:40:42.320
 oh no,

00:40:42.380 --> 00:40:42.880
 my parents

00:40:42.880 --> 00:40:43.380
 just showed

00:40:43.380 --> 00:40:43.679
 up.

00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:52.039
 But to

00:40:52.039 --> 00:40:52.400
 look at

00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:52.619
 them,

00:40:52.679 --> 00:40:52.880
 you know,

00:40:52.920 --> 00:40:53.739
 to understand,

00:40:54.500 --> 00:40:54.940
 you're not

00:40:54.940 --> 00:40:55.579
 only teaching

00:40:55.579 --> 00:40:56.199
 your kids to

00:40:56.199 --> 00:40:56.420
 listen,

00:40:56.559 --> 00:40:56.980
 you're teaching

00:40:56.980 --> 00:40:57.539
 them a common

00:40:57.539 --> 00:40:58.000
 courtesy,

00:40:58.159 --> 00:40:58.559
 and the same

00:40:58.559 --> 00:40:59.259
 courtesy needs

00:40:59.259 --> 00:41:00.579
 to play in

00:41:00.579 --> 00:41:01.360
 our relationship.

00:41:02.519 --> 00:41:04.159
 also next is

00:41:04.159 --> 00:41:04.619
 giving a

00:41:04.619 --> 00:41:05.320
 response.

00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:07.920
 Giving a

00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:08.460
 response.

00:41:08.619 --> 00:41:09.239
 1 Peter 3,

00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:10.259
 7 says,

00:41:10.619 --> 00:41:10.699
 likewise,

00:41:10.920 --> 00:41:11.420
 ye husbands,

00:41:11.579 --> 00:41:11.920
 dwell with

00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:12.380
 them according

00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:13.039
 to knowledge,

00:41:13.480 --> 00:41:14.320
 giving honor

00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:14.840
 unto the

00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:15.179
 wife.

00:41:16.259 --> 00:41:16.519
 You know,

00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:16.920
 one thing

00:41:16.920 --> 00:41:17.219
 that will

00:41:17.219 --> 00:41:17.699
 help you

00:41:17.699 --> 00:41:18.059
 is to be

00:41:18.059 --> 00:41:19.079
 sure what

00:41:19.079 --> 00:41:19.480
 they are

00:41:19.480 --> 00:41:19.940
 saying.

00:41:21.119 --> 00:41:21.320
 You know,

00:41:21.900 --> 00:41:22.800
 communication

00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:24.860
 gets us in

00:41:24.860 --> 00:41:25.380
 trouble when

00:41:25.380 --> 00:41:26.360
 we think

00:41:26.360 --> 00:41:26.900
 we heard

00:41:26.900 --> 00:41:27.420
 what somebody

00:41:27.420 --> 00:41:27.840
 says.

00:41:31.079 --> 00:41:31.679
 And one

00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:31.880
 of the

00:41:31.880 --> 00:41:32.239
 things that

00:41:32.239 --> 00:41:32.619
 will help

00:41:32.619 --> 00:41:33.179
 that is

00:41:33.179 --> 00:41:33.699
 to repeat

00:41:33.699 --> 00:41:34.259
 it back.

00:41:35.500 --> 00:41:35.739
 You know?

00:41:36.679 --> 00:41:37.399
 So what

00:41:37.399 --> 00:41:37.979
 you're saying

00:41:37.979 --> 00:41:38.539
 is, am I

00:41:38.539 --> 00:41:39.119
 hearing you

00:41:39.119 --> 00:41:39.459
 right?

00:41:39.919 --> 00:41:40.399
 What you're

00:41:40.399 --> 00:41:41.000
 telling me

00:41:41.000 --> 00:41:41.519
 is, you

00:41:41.519 --> 00:41:41.779
 know, to

00:41:41.779 --> 00:41:42.299
 make sure

00:41:42.299 --> 00:41:43.219
 that you

00:41:43.219 --> 00:41:44.019
 can remove

00:41:44.019 --> 00:41:44.639
 a lot of

00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:45.439
 conflict by

00:41:45.439 --> 00:41:45.979
 confirming

00:41:45.979 --> 00:41:46.599
 what's actually

00:41:46.599 --> 00:41:47.219
 being said.

00:41:48.399 --> 00:41:49.039
 And that's

00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:49.319
 something we

00:41:49.319 --> 00:41:49.859
 always have to

00:41:49.859 --> 00:41:50.339
 work on.

00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:51.599
 Because how

00:41:51.599 --> 00:41:52.079
 often have

00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:52.500
 you thought

00:41:52.500 --> 00:41:52.979
 you heard

00:41:52.979 --> 00:41:53.519
 something and

00:41:53.519 --> 00:41:53.919
 it wasn't

00:41:53.919 --> 00:41:54.279
 what they

00:41:54.279 --> 00:41:54.599
 said?

00:41:54.599 --> 00:41:58.400
 that's

00:41:58.400 --> 00:41:58.699
 also

00:41:58.699 --> 00:41:59.480
 important

00:41:59.480 --> 00:41:59.880
 in the

00:41:59.880 --> 00:42:00.159
 book

00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:00.759
 area of

00:42:00.759 --> 00:42:00.779
 the

00:42:00.779 --> 00:42:01.099
 reading

00:42:01.099 --> 00:42:01.960
 and

00:42:01.960 --> 00:42:02.699
 back

00:42:02.699 --> 00:42:03.360
 telling you

00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:04.139
 understood it.

00:42:04.139 --> 00:42:06.000
 because sometimes

00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:06.500
 words get

00:42:06.500 --> 00:42:06.940
 mixed up,

00:42:07.019 --> 00:42:07.339
 don't they?

00:42:08.639 --> 00:42:09.000
 Or what

00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:09.420
 you think

00:42:09.420 --> 00:42:09.960
 they said

00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:10.339
 isn't what

00:42:10.339 --> 00:42:10.759
 they're really

00:42:10.759 --> 00:42:11.139
 saying.

00:42:13.139 --> 00:42:14.159
 To understand

00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:15.019
 that's important

00:42:15.019 --> 00:42:16.239
 to grab a

00:42:16.239 --> 00:42:16.699
 hold of

00:42:16.699 --> 00:42:17.099
 because,

00:42:17.659 --> 00:42:17.960
 you know,

00:42:18.599 --> 00:42:19.400
 obviously we're

00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:19.980
 not, we're

00:42:19.980 --> 00:42:20.799
 talking about

00:42:20.799 --> 00:42:22.480
 meaningful

00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:23.420
 conversation.

00:42:23.659 --> 00:42:23.980
 You know, I'll

00:42:23.980 --> 00:42:24.420
 give you a little

00:42:24.420 --> 00:42:24.980
 clue, guys.

00:42:25.059 --> 00:42:25.579
 If she asks

00:42:25.579 --> 00:42:26.199
 for a tissue,

00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:27.239
 don't say, so

00:42:27.239 --> 00:42:27.719
 you're saying,

00:42:27.799 --> 00:42:28.259
 hand me a

00:42:28.259 --> 00:42:28.819
 tissue, right?

00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:29.260
 That's not

00:42:29.260 --> 00:42:29.500
 going to

00:42:29.500 --> 00:42:29.760
 score you

00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:30.080
 points,

00:42:30.100 --> 00:42:30.320
 okay?

00:42:32.260 --> 00:42:32.720
 I'll just

00:42:32.720 --> 00:42:33.180
 remove that

00:42:33.180 --> 00:42:33.500
 off the

00:42:33.500 --> 00:42:33.880
 table to

00:42:33.880 --> 00:42:34.120
 keep you

00:42:34.120 --> 00:42:34.300
 out of

00:42:34.300 --> 00:42:34.559
 trouble,

00:42:34.660 --> 00:42:34.940
 you know?

00:42:37.200 --> 00:42:37.720
 Because I

00:42:37.720 --> 00:42:38.180
 know somebody

00:42:38.180 --> 00:42:39.019
 will go home

00:42:39.019 --> 00:42:39.420
 today and

00:42:39.420 --> 00:42:39.580
 is going to

00:42:39.580 --> 00:42:40.039
 be a smart

00:42:40.039 --> 00:42:40.380
 aleck.

00:42:41.620 --> 00:42:41.860
 They're just

00:42:41.860 --> 00:42:42.200
 doing what

00:42:42.200 --> 00:42:42.580
 the preacher

00:42:42.580 --> 00:42:43.140
 told me to

00:42:43.140 --> 00:42:43.400
 do.

00:42:49.220 --> 00:42:50.039
 But rather,

00:42:51.260 --> 00:42:51.900
 you know,

00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:52.600
 to communicate,

00:42:52.880 --> 00:42:53.240
 you know, so

00:42:53.240 --> 00:42:53.720
 you're saying

00:42:53.720 --> 00:42:54.320
 you're hurt

00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:55.340
 when I

00:42:55.340 --> 00:42:56.260
 commented about

00:42:56.260 --> 00:42:57.260
 this or that,

00:42:57.340 --> 00:42:57.980
 and, you

00:42:57.980 --> 00:42:58.260
 know, it

00:42:58.260 --> 00:42:58.640
 gives you an

00:42:58.640 --> 00:42:59.300
 opportunity to

00:42:59.300 --> 00:43:00.540
 deal with what

00:43:00.540 --> 00:43:01.120
 was actually

00:43:01.120 --> 00:43:01.520
 there.

00:43:02.260 --> 00:43:03.160
 Because sometimes

00:43:03.160 --> 00:43:03.900
 you might say

00:43:03.900 --> 00:43:04.480
 it's this, but

00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:04.960
 it gives them

00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:05.500
 an opportunity

00:43:05.500 --> 00:43:06.040
 to say, no,

00:43:06.100 --> 00:43:06.500
 that's not

00:43:06.500 --> 00:43:07.100
 what I said.

00:43:09.440 --> 00:43:10.360
 Because sometimes

00:43:10.360 --> 00:43:11.300
 what we hear is

00:43:11.300 --> 00:43:12.000
 not always what's

00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:12.280
 said.

00:43:17.340 --> 00:43:17.880
 And it's

00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:20.020
 important, just

00:43:20.020 --> 00:43:20.780
 as important as

00:43:20.780 --> 00:43:21.900
 what we say is

00:43:21.900 --> 00:43:22.460
 what we don't

00:43:22.460 --> 00:43:24.200
 say, you know?

00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:25.840
 Sometimes we

00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:26.660
 just don't want

00:43:26.660 --> 00:43:27.400
 to talk about

00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:27.880
 something.

00:43:28.260 --> 00:43:29.020
 Or maybe

00:43:29.020 --> 00:43:29.700
 your spouse

00:43:29.700 --> 00:43:30.380
 does, and

00:43:30.380 --> 00:43:30.760
 then you need

00:43:30.760 --> 00:43:31.300
 to establish

00:43:31.300 --> 00:43:31.880
 a time to

00:43:31.880 --> 00:43:32.400
 talk about

00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:32.680
 it.

00:43:33.540 --> 00:43:34.380
 Because it

00:43:34.380 --> 00:43:34.900
 needs to be

00:43:34.900 --> 00:43:35.680
 discussed, but

00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:36.220
 you also need

00:43:36.220 --> 00:43:36.680
 to give each

00:43:36.680 --> 00:43:37.600
 other space in

00:43:37.600 --> 00:43:39.000
 order to be

00:43:39.000 --> 00:43:39.640
 prepared to

00:43:39.640 --> 00:43:40.180
 speak about

00:43:40.180 --> 00:43:40.460
 it.

00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:43.280
 You know, to

00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:43.920
 understand.

00:43:44.120 --> 00:43:44.620
 The next thing

00:43:44.620 --> 00:43:45.460
 here is respecting

00:43:45.460 --> 00:43:46.180
 their opinion.

00:43:47.080 --> 00:43:47.720
 You know, 1 Peter

00:43:47.720 --> 00:43:48.720
 3, 7 said

00:43:48.720 --> 00:43:49.480
 giving honor.

00:43:50.840 --> 00:43:52.220
 You know, I

00:43:52.220 --> 00:43:52.600
 want you to

00:43:52.600 --> 00:43:53.080
 understand.

00:43:53.079 --> 00:43:53.719
 one thing you

00:43:53.719 --> 00:43:54.139
 can learn,

00:43:54.259 --> 00:43:54.880
 guys, is

00:43:54.880 --> 00:43:57.920
 God does

00:43:57.920 --> 00:43:58.599
 give women

00:43:58.599 --> 00:43:59.000
 different

00:43:59.000 --> 00:43:59.579
 perception

00:43:59.579 --> 00:44:00.119
 than men.

00:44:03.000 --> 00:44:03.840
 Women, by

00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:04.659
 nature, pick

00:44:04.659 --> 00:44:05.579
 up on cues

00:44:05.579 --> 00:44:06.199
 that oftentimes,

00:44:06.460 --> 00:44:06.880
 guys, we

00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:07.179
 miss.

00:44:09.539 --> 00:44:10.440
 You need to

00:44:10.440 --> 00:44:11.199
 give credence

00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:12.000
 to your wife

00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:12.699
 when she says

00:44:12.699 --> 00:44:13.579
 something because

00:44:13.579 --> 00:44:14.880
 there's some

00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:15.699
 merit behind

00:44:15.699 --> 00:44:19.360
 it of the

00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:20.099
 little nuances.

00:44:20.099 --> 00:44:22.960
 to understand,

00:44:23.139 --> 00:44:23.880
 respect their

00:44:23.880 --> 00:44:24.360
 opinion.

00:44:25.139 --> 00:44:26.779
 You know, your

00:44:26.779 --> 00:44:27.440
 wife will pick

00:44:27.440 --> 00:44:28.159
 up things like

00:44:28.159 --> 00:44:29.119
 moods, facial

00:44:29.119 --> 00:44:30.719
 expressions, little

00:44:30.719 --> 00:44:32.319
 nuances that

00:44:32.319 --> 00:44:33.079
 you'll miss

00:44:33.079 --> 00:44:33.619
 sometimes.

00:44:33.799 --> 00:44:35.019
 You know, as

00:44:35.019 --> 00:44:35.519
 men, we're

00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:36.079
 usually pretty

00:44:36.079 --> 00:44:36.500
 direct.

00:44:36.579 --> 00:44:37.079
 It's like, okay,

00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:37.619
 they said that,

00:44:37.659 --> 00:44:38.019
 that's what they

00:44:38.019 --> 00:44:38.380
 meant, okay,

00:44:38.420 --> 00:44:38.960
 we'll move on.

00:44:40.980 --> 00:44:41.559
 Women are

00:44:41.559 --> 00:44:42.599
 always reading.

00:44:44.500 --> 00:44:45.219
 How did they

00:44:45.219 --> 00:44:45.539
 say that?

00:44:45.579 --> 00:44:46.000
 What was the

00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:46.579
 tone of voice?

00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:47.139
 How was this?

00:44:47.199 --> 00:44:47.639
 How was that?

00:44:48.000 --> 00:44:49.579
 You know, I

00:44:49.579 --> 00:44:49.880
 want you to

00:44:49.880 --> 00:44:50.239
 understand,

00:44:50.340 --> 00:44:50.900
 sometimes that's

00:44:50.900 --> 00:44:51.360
 important.

00:44:53.500 --> 00:44:54.079
 And your

00:44:54.079 --> 00:44:54.880
 wife can be a

00:44:54.880 --> 00:44:55.440
 big help to

00:44:55.440 --> 00:44:55.860
 you in that

00:44:55.860 --> 00:44:56.239
 area.

00:44:59.779 --> 00:45:00.819
 To understand

00:45:00.819 --> 00:45:01.599
 those things,

00:45:01.679 --> 00:45:02.019
 to give

00:45:02.019 --> 00:45:03.460
 respect their

00:45:03.460 --> 00:45:03.920
 opinion.

00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:05.519
 You know,

00:45:05.539 --> 00:45:06.599
 always speak in

00:45:06.599 --> 00:45:07.440
 love and with

00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:07.860
 kindness.

00:45:08.699 --> 00:45:08.840
 You know,

00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:09.659
 Colossians 4,

00:45:09.759 --> 00:45:10.299
 6 says,

00:45:10.420 --> 00:45:11.019
 let your speech

00:45:11.019 --> 00:45:11.500
 always be

00:45:11.500 --> 00:45:11.940
 seasoned,

00:45:12.679 --> 00:45:13.619
 always with

00:45:13.619 --> 00:45:13.960
 grace,

00:45:14.139 --> 00:45:14.759
 seasoned with

00:45:14.759 --> 00:45:15.119
 salt.

00:45:15.739 --> 00:45:16.019
 You know,

00:45:17.559 --> 00:45:18.380
 we need to

00:45:18.380 --> 00:45:18.960
 avoid,

00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:20.460
 the wrong

00:45:20.460 --> 00:45:20.940
 language.

00:45:21.139 --> 00:45:21.920
 Don't be

00:45:21.920 --> 00:45:22.860
 unkind or

00:45:22.860 --> 00:45:23.460
 arrogant or

00:45:23.460 --> 00:45:24.079
 belittling.

00:45:24.740 --> 00:45:24.960
 You know,

00:45:25.579 --> 00:45:26.400
 they're opposite

00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:27.659
 of what the

00:45:27.659 --> 00:45:28.579
 Bible tells us.

00:45:28.599 --> 00:45:29.139
 Because remember,

00:45:29.340 --> 00:45:30.539
 as we look back

00:45:30.539 --> 00:45:32.079
 in our text,

00:45:32.159 --> 00:45:32.860
 it talked about

00:45:32.860 --> 00:45:33.940
 a mouth that is

00:45:33.940 --> 00:45:34.320
 sweet,

00:45:34.420 --> 00:45:34.900
 a mouth that

00:45:34.900 --> 00:45:35.440
 speaks the

00:45:35.440 --> 00:45:36.139
 right things.

00:45:37.780 --> 00:45:38.460
 We've got to be

00:45:38.460 --> 00:45:39.179
 careful to speak

00:45:39.179 --> 00:45:40.039
 the right things.

00:45:40.340 --> 00:45:41.059
 So next,

00:45:41.260 --> 00:45:41.760
 just talk,

00:45:41.760 --> 00:45:42.880
 talk just to

00:45:42.880 --> 00:45:43.240
 talk.

00:45:43.539 --> 00:45:44.099
 If you want to

00:45:44.099 --> 00:45:45.019
 promote conversation,

00:45:45.220 --> 00:45:45.880
 talk just to

00:45:45.880 --> 00:45:46.179
 talk.

00:45:46.179 --> 00:45:47.759
 You know,

00:45:47.799 --> 00:45:48.279
 we don't have

00:45:48.279 --> 00:45:48.739
 to have a

00:45:48.739 --> 00:45:49.239
 reason or

00:45:49.239 --> 00:45:49.919
 big business

00:45:49.919 --> 00:45:51.019
 that's happening.

00:45:51.139 --> 00:45:51.659
 It doesn't have

00:45:51.659 --> 00:45:52.000
 to be a

00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:52.379
 deliberate

00:45:52.379 --> 00:45:53.899
 situation that

00:45:53.899 --> 00:45:54.480
 has arisen,

00:45:54.599 --> 00:45:55.219
 but just talk

00:45:55.219 --> 00:45:55.719
 for the sake

00:45:55.719 --> 00:45:56.279
 of talking.

00:45:56.879 --> 00:45:57.419
 Maybe it's

00:45:57.419 --> 00:45:58.159
 about nothing.

00:45:58.919 --> 00:45:59.539
 Or how

00:45:59.539 --> 00:46:00.319
 about this?

00:46:00.699 --> 00:46:01.139
 It's just

00:46:01.139 --> 00:46:01.619
 for fun.

00:46:01.739 --> 00:46:01.839
 You know,

00:46:01.859 --> 00:46:02.279
 sometimes you

00:46:02.279 --> 00:46:02.599
 can just

00:46:02.599 --> 00:46:03.379
 have a fun

00:46:03.379 --> 00:46:04.119
 conversation.

00:46:05.339 --> 00:46:05.599
 You know,

00:46:06.299 --> 00:46:07.119
 talk about

00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:08.719
 dreams and

00:46:08.719 --> 00:46:09.379
 different things

00:46:09.379 --> 00:46:10.399
 that you want

00:46:10.399 --> 00:46:11.099
 to do or

00:46:11.099 --> 00:46:12.279
 different things

00:46:12.279 --> 00:46:12.799
 together,

00:46:12.940 --> 00:46:14.059
 but just talk

00:46:14.059 --> 00:46:14.739
 to talk or

00:46:14.739 --> 00:46:16.000
 positively praising.

00:46:16.859 --> 00:46:17.079
 You know,

00:46:17.539 --> 00:46:17.979
 think about

00:46:17.979 --> 00:46:18.919
 Proverbs 31,

00:46:19.039 --> 00:46:19.479
 28.

00:46:19.599 --> 00:46:19.879
 It says,

00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:20.379
 her children

00:46:20.379 --> 00:46:21.119
 rise up and

00:46:21.119 --> 00:46:21.859
 call her blessed,

00:46:22.179 --> 00:46:23.479
 her husband also,

00:46:23.619 --> 00:46:24.339
 and he praises

00:46:24.339 --> 00:46:24.739
 her.

00:46:25.419 --> 00:46:25.819
 Guys,

00:46:25.959 --> 00:46:27.279
 your wife needs

00:46:27.279 --> 00:46:29.179
 to know that

00:46:29.179 --> 00:46:29.759
 you're proud of

00:46:29.759 --> 00:46:31.139
 her, that you

00:46:31.139 --> 00:46:31.899
 appreciate the

00:46:31.899 --> 00:46:32.479
 things that she

00:46:32.479 --> 00:46:33.799
 does, you know?

00:46:34.479 --> 00:46:35.500
 And so we see

00:46:35.500 --> 00:46:35.939
 here that

00:46:35.939 --> 00:46:39.719
 that praising

00:46:39.719 --> 00:46:41.000
 is important.

00:46:41.579 --> 00:46:42.299
 So we'll cover

00:46:42.299 --> 00:46:43.000
 these last three

00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:43.699
 things quick and

00:46:43.699 --> 00:46:44.039
 then we'll be

00:46:44.039 --> 00:46:44.539
 done because we're

00:46:44.539 --> 00:46:44.920
 already over

00:46:44.920 --> 00:46:45.239
 time.

00:46:45.599 --> 00:46:46.400
 Three benefits

00:46:46.400 --> 00:46:47.279
 of conversing.

00:46:48.139 --> 00:46:48.940
 You get a

00:46:48.940 --> 00:46:49.940
 clearer understanding

00:46:49.940 --> 00:46:50.599
 of each other.

00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:52.840
 You learn how

00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:53.420
 to meet each

00:46:53.420 --> 00:46:54.300
 other's needs.

00:46:55.519 --> 00:46:57.279
 And as our

00:46:57.279 --> 00:46:58.380
 text tells us,

00:46:59.119 --> 00:46:59.699
 they become

00:46:59.699 --> 00:47:00.519
 your best friend

00:47:00.519 --> 00:47:02.340
 because you

00:47:02.340 --> 00:47:02.639
 have that

00:47:02.639 --> 00:47:04.259
 bond together.

00:47:04.599 --> 00:47:05.820
 And so we'll

00:47:05.820 --> 00:47:07.079
 pick up here and

00:47:07.079 --> 00:47:07.739
 talk about a few

00:47:07.739 --> 00:47:08.559
 more things here

00:47:08.559 --> 00:47:09.920
 next week.

00:47:10.019 --> 00:47:11.119
 But hopefully

00:47:11.119 --> 00:47:11.980
 those things are

00:47:11.980 --> 00:47:12.619
 food for thought

00:47:12.619 --> 00:47:13.219
 to help you

00:47:13.219 --> 00:47:14.439
 and to consider

00:47:14.439 --> 00:47:15.639
 and to be

00:47:15.639 --> 00:47:16.459
 practicing and

00:47:16.459 --> 00:47:17.859
 working on as

00:47:17.859 --> 00:47:18.539
 you go through.

00:47:18.779 --> 00:47:19.579
 So, all right,

00:47:19.639 --> 00:47:20.379
 let's go ahead and

00:47:20.379 --> 00:47:21.779
 we'll be dismissed

00:47:21.779 --> 00:47:22.299
 in a word of prayer.

00:47:22.359 --> 00:47:22.859
 Heavenly Father,

00:47:22.860 --> 00:47:27.880
 go ahead and

00:47:27.940 --> 00:47:28.039
 do

00:47:28.039 --> 00:47:28.180
 care,

00:47:28.180 --> 00:47:28.720
 those things

00:47:28.720 --> 00:47:28.880
 have are

00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:29.059
 going to be

00:47:29.059 --> 00:47:30.900
cek aspirations of

00:47:30.900 --> 00:47:32.260
 time.

00:47:36.559 --> 00:47:36.840
 That's all that here.

00:47:36.840 --> 00:47:37.800
 Well, let's agree with you along.