Please turn with me to Proverbs chapter 31.
And let me pray now for the reading and preaching of God's Word.
God, we come before you
knowing that
we live in a confused world,
that we are aware that we are bombarded with conflicting messages
about what a man should be,
about what a woman should be,
about what a husband should be,
about what a wife should be.
But these things
have
implications that stretch
well beyond our own personal lives.
They affect society.
They affect profoundly
those who are in our lives.
And Lord, we want to be conformed to your will.
So we come to you humbly.
We incline our ears toward you.
So address us.
Humble us.
convince us.
Convince us.
Not only of the truth of your vision,
but of its goodness,
of its beauty.
We ask in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Proverbs 31,
verses 1 to 31.
The words of King Lemuel,
an oracle that his mother taught him.
What are you doing, my son?
What are you doing, son of my womb?
What are you doing, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
your ways to those who destroy kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel.
It is not for kings to drink wine,
or for rulers to take strong drink,
lest they drink and forget what has been decreed,
and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
and wine to those in bitter distress.
Let them drink and forget their poverty,
and remember their misery no more.
Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy.
An excellent wife, who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not harm
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant.
She brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it.
With the fruit of her hands,
she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise
is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself.
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them.
She delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed.
Her husband also and he praises her.
Many women have done excellently,
but you surpassed them all.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands
and let her works praise her in the gates.
This is God's holy and authoritative word.
We're in the last chapter of the book of Proverbs.
We've been in this series for a total of 34 weeks
and most of the book we've seen
is written from the perspective of a father addressing his son.
But scattered throughout,
we have seen hints that not only the father,
but also the mother
is responsible for instructing her children
in the wisdom of God.
We saw in Proverbs 1.8,
Hear, my son, your father's instruction
and forsake not your mother's teaching.
We saw in Proverbs 6.20,
My son, keep your father's commandment
and forsake not your mother's teaching.
Interestingly enough,
at the conclusion of this book,
the author of this section, King Lemuel,
relays an oracle that his mother taught him.
And the main lesson
that she conveyed to King Lemuel is this,
a man should give his worth
to a worthy woman who fears the Lord.
First, in verses 1-9,
she tells King Lemuel
what kind of man he should be.
And then in verses 10-31,
what kind of woman he should marry.
So let's look at the first section,
to be the man.
Using her special status as his mother,
she implores King Lemuel in verse 2,
What are you doing, my son?
There's this affectionate reproach in her tone.
What are you doing, son of my womb?
What are you doing, son of my vows?
So the way she addresses her son
gets progressively more intimate.
So first, it's just son.
And then it's son of my womb,
recalling the time before Lemuel's birth,
when she was carrying him in her womb.
And then third, it's son of my vows,
likely referring to the vow
that she made before God prior to conception.
In much the same way,
Hannah in 1 Samuel chapter 1
makes a vow to God saying,
If you will give your servant a son,
then I will give him to the Lord
all the days of his life.
That might be why the king's name is Lemuel,
which means belonging to God.
If that's the case,
then Lemuel was a special son
that her mother had dedicated to the Lord
even before he was conceived.
So then this progressively intensifying address
to the son shows just how deeply concerned
his mother is for her son's welfare.
There's perhaps no human being in the world
that's more concerned for the welfare of a man
than his mother,
who loves him,
save except the excellent wife we'll get to later.
It would bring her endless sorrow
to see her son reduced to folly and shame.
And so she warns him in verses 3 to 7
about the dangers of womanizing and over-drinking.
She says in verse 3,
Do not give your strength to women,
your ways to those who destroy kings.
The Hebrew word that is translated strength here
is a very versatile word.
It could mean a lot of different things
depending on the context.
It can refer to a person's wealth
as a reflection of someone's fiscal power.
It can refer to an army
as a reflection of someone's military power.
It can refer also, as it does here,
to a man's sexual power.
And so Lemuel's mother warns him,
Do not give your strength to women.
Notice that the word woman is plural.
This is not a prohibition
of a godly monogamous marriage,
but a warning against womanizing,
consorting with multiple women.
Indulging your sexual appetite in sinful ways.
And she gives the reason
in the second half of the verse,
Because such women destroy kings.
Notice that the word king is also plural,
indicating that not one king,
but many kings have been destroyed
by such women.
The king destroyer
is not always the mighty army
of a foreign kingdom.
Often it's the charming adulteress.
Israel's history bears this out.
Even King Solomon,
the sage who wrote
much of the book of Proverbs,
according to 1 Kings 11,
loved many foreign women
who were from nations
concerning which God had said,
You shall not enter into marriage with them.
And as a result,
when he was old,
when Solomon was old,
it says his wives
turned away his heart
after other gods.
The queen mother
understands this grave danger.
So she solemnly warns her son,
Don't waste your manhood
on unworthy woman.
And then,
in verses 4 to 7,
she transitions
to warning her son
about drinking too much alcohol.
This seems abrupt,
but this is not the first time
that the book of Proverbs
juxtaposed
the seductive powers of women
along with the addictive powers
of alcohol.
Chapter 23
similarly compared
red wine
that sparkles in the cup
to the temptations
of an adulteress
and warn the son
to be wary
of their seductive charm.
So Lemuel's mother
continues in verse 4,
It is not for kings,
O Lemuel.
It is not for kings
to drink wine
or for rulers
to take strong drink.
Picking up on the word
kings
from verse 3,
verse 4 repeats
that word two more times
and adds the word rulers
to emphasize
that it is especially
unbecoming
of a king
to indulge in wine.
His charge
is too great,
his command
too weighty
for him to fritter away
his life
on woman
and wine.
Israel's history
also bears out
this truth
that drunkenness
is often the undoing
of kings.
She gives a more
specific reason
in verse 5,
Lest they drink
and forget
what has been decreed
and pervert the rights
of all the afflicted.
The king
is entrusted
with executing
the righteousness
and justice of God.
If the king
becomes intoxicated
and therefore
incapacitated,
the people
who depend
on him,
the afflicted,
the powerless,
whose cost
he must champion
as the one
who has power
will be neglected.
Isaiah chapter 5,
22 to 23
put it this way,
woe to those
who are heroes
at drinking wine
and valiant men
in mixing strong drink
who acquit the guilty
for a bribe
and deprive the innocent
of his right.
To the drunkard,
his thirst for alcohol
becomes a god
that he must appease
at all costs
and everything else
gets sacrificed
at its altar.
If cunning people
offer bribes
that promise
to sustain
the king's drinking habits
a little while longer,
then the king
might succumb to that.
If he is too distracted
with merrymaking
and drinking
and getting drunk,
he will not attend
to the cause
of the afflicted.
For these reasons,
drunkenness,
she says,
is not for kings.
Rather,
it's for the perishing.
Verses 6 to 7
say this,
Give strong drink
to the one
who is perishing
and wine to those
in bitter distress.
Let them drink
and forget
their poverty
and remember
their misery
no more.
It's important
to note
that this is not
a policy recommendation.
It's not saying
that kings
should give out
free beer
to people
in distress
to numb their pain.
It's important
to understand this
in light of
the poetic contrast
with verses 4 to 5.
Verse 4 says
kings should not drink
and verse 5
gives a reason
lest they forget.
Similarly,
verse 6 says
wine should be left
to those
who are in bitter distress
and verse 7
gives a reason
so that they might
forget
their poverty
and misery.
In other words,
verses 6 to 7
are less
a literal command
and more
a literary foil,
a contrast
that highlights
why kings
should not drink.
Forgetfulness
induced by drunkenness
should be left
for those
who have no hope
at all,
those who are
trying to forget.
but that's not you,
Lemuel.
That's what his mother
is saying.
Especially as a king
who should have
the faculty,
the clarity of mind
to execute justice
and righteousness,
a drunken stupor
is unbecoming of him.
The king's mouth
instead should be used
for something else.
It says in verses 8 to 9,
open your mouth
for the mute,
for the rights
of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth,
judge righteously,
defend the rights
of the poor
and needy.
Drunkenness
slurs a person's speech,
makes them incoherent,
it cripples a person's
ability to think.
Though this passage
addresses
the dangers
of alcohol specifically,
we can apply
this general principle
to other things
in our lives,
to any form
of diversion
that we use,
especially addictive
diversions
we use
in order to escape
our realities
and shirk
our responsibilities.
What do you
typically do
when you procrastinate
as a way
of coping
with stress?
What do you do
to escape
your realities
and shirk
your responsibilities?
Do you surf
the web,
scroll through
Facebook,
Twitter,
Instagram,
or the New York Times?
Do you watch
show after show
on Netflix
or YouTube
or do you play
video games
that are designed
to keep you
glued to the screen
going after
one level
after another?
What distractions
or diversions
in your life
delay you
from keeping
and fulfilling
your responsibilities
to your family,
to your church,
to your school,
to your work?
That's the point
that Lemuel's mother
is making.
She warns him,
if you open
your mouth
to drink,
you will be
incapable
of opening
your mouth
to speak
on behalf
of the voiceless.
This has been
a recurring lesson
on leadership
throughout the book
of Proverbs.
One of the main
purposes of power
is this,
defend the powerless.
If you have a voice,
you have a responsibility
to speak on behalf
of the voiceless.
If you have influence,
you have a responsibility
to use that influence
on behalf of those
who are mute
and destitute,
poor and needy.
The rich,
the self-sufficient,
the powerful people
already have a voice.
People with cultural cachet
already have a voice.
They can blare out
their agenda on media.
They can spend their money
to lobby politicians
and maybe even bribe them.
They have lawyers
in their pocketbooks.
They can pull on
their relational strings
to get an audience
with people
in strategic posts.
But the poor and needy
are voiceless.
They are powerless
to demand respect
and command an audience.
Who will speak up for them?
That's the responsibility
of those
to whom God
has entrusted power.
Before speaking
of the kind of woman
that her son
should seek to marry,
Lemuel's mother
tells her son first,
be the man.
This is the kind
of king you should be.
Instead of being
preoccupied only with
the kind of woman
you want to marry,
be the kind of man
she would want to marry.
And vice versa.
If you are a single,
this is a good lesson
for you to heed.
But even if you are married,
you should ask yourself,
what would it look like
for you to be preoccupied
more with the kind
of spouse
you should be
rather than
with the kind
of person
you want your spouse
to be?
That kind of humility
breeds peace
and unity
in the home.
But Lemuel's mother
knows that
if her son
is to succeed,
he needs
to find a good wife.
Now that brings us
to the part
of the passage
that all of you women
were looking forward to
with breathless anticipation.
I've noticed
in recent years
that there's a kind
of dread
that women feel
about Proverbs 31,
support shared
of the excellent wife.
I think that could be
for a number of reasons.
I think for some,
not many of you here,
I think for some
it may be because
they have assimilated
some of our culture's
judgments
about the Bible's
teaching on womanhood.
They wrongly think
that the Bible
promotes a regressive,
even repressive
standard for women
that they don't want
to hear any more of.
If that's you,
let this passage
serve as a corrective.
Remember what I said
about the word oracle
last week
in chapter 30,
verse 1.
The word oracle
in chapter 31,
verse 1
is the same word.
This is a word
from God.
And as citizens
of God's kingdom,
then we are to let
the mold of Scripture
shape us
rather than being
conformed to the
cookie-cutter shapes
of the woman
of this world.
But I don't think
that's the only reason.
For other women,
I think,
it's less a doubt
about the truth
and the goodness
of God's word,
but more of a
discouragement
from feeling like
they fall short
of this glorious standard.
If that's you,
I want to encourage
you from the outset.
Verses 10 to 31
are written
as an acrostic.
Verse 10 begins
with the first letter
of the Hebrew alphabet
and then verse 11
begins with the second letter
and so on
all the way through
ending with the last letter
of the alphabet
in verse 31.
In other words,
this poem is literally
the A to Z
of biblical womanhood.
It's the textbook,
the ideal,
which means
all women,
one way or another,
is going to fall short
of this.
Imagine that you are
painting a portrait
of this godly woman.
You take a look
at this portrait
in chapter 31
and then you look
at the canvas
of your own life
as you paint.
There's always going
to be adjustments
you need to make,
but if the painting
of your life
is based on her,
and not on some other woman
that you see in the world,
then you should be commended.
Let all the ways
in which you fall short
then drive you
to deeper humility
and greater dependence
on God.
Then you will become
more and more like her.
First, verses 10 to 12
tell us about
the excellent wife's worth.
An excellent wife,
who can find?
She is far more precious
than jewels.
The heart of her husband
trusts in her
and he will have
no lack of gain.
She does him good
and not harm
all the days of her life.
An excellent woman,
an excellent wife,
who can find?
The implied answer is
almost no one.
That's how rare she is.
She is far more precious
than even rare jewels.
That's the poetic way
of saying that a wife
like that is priceless.
You can't place
a monetary value
on an excellent wife
because the jewels
are the most precious commodity.
If she far exceeds
their value,
how do you measure
that kind of worth?
You can't.
She is priceless.
Yes.
Earlier in Proverbs 3,
13 to 15,
Solomon said this
about gaining God's wisdom.
Blessed is the one
who finds wisdom
and the one
who gets understanding.
For the gain from her
is better than gain from silver
and her profit
better than gold.
She is more precious
than jewels
and nothing you desire
can compare with her.
In other words,
marrying a wise,
excellent wife
is like gaining
God's wisdom
that is more precious
than jewels.
And this is why
if you desire a wife,
you must pray
and beg the Lord.
Proverbs 19, 14
said very clearly,
house and wealth
are inherited from fathers,
but a prudent wife
is from the Lord.
If this passage
fills you with longing
for such a woman,
you should pray,
cling to the feet
of our Father.
Ask Him.
The word excellent
is the same word
that was translated
strength early in verse 3
when Lemuel's mother
exhorted her son
not to give his strength
to women
who destroy kings.
As I mentioned then
that the word excellent
means power,
strength,
or worth.
Notably,
the same word
is used in Ruth
chapter 2, verse 1
to describe Boaz
as a worthy man.
And then, again,
in chapter 3 of Ruth,
Ruth 3, 11
to describe Ruth
as a worthy woman.
So then,
the excellent wife
is a worthy wife,
the one whom
the man should give
his worth to.
Interestingly,
it's also a word
that is often used
in military contexts.
So it could be rendered
strong or valiant,
as is the case
in some translations.
This is consistent
with the imagery
in verse 11.
The heart of her husband
trusts in her
and he will have
no lack of gain.
The word gain
here is more literally
spoils,
the plunder of war.
So then,
what's in view here
is a warrior wife
who brings back
the spoils
of her battles,
from her battles
to her husband.
Lemuel's mother
is doing this
intentionally
to elevate
wifehood
in our minds.
Wifeliness
is not about
weakness,
it's not about
timidity,
it's not about
dependence,
it's the stuff
of wars,
heroes,
and legends.
It requires
might,
grit,
courage,
and resilience.
Earlier,
she told Lemuel
not to give
his strength
to women
who destroy kings,
but now she tells
him to find
a strong wife
who is worthy
of his strength.
This woman
is a king maker,
not a king destroyer.
And the first evidence
of this woman's
preciousness
is this,
the heart of her husband
trusts in her
and he will have
no lack of gain.
She does him good
and not harm
all the days
of her life.
Her husband
trusts in her.
This is shocking
because that expression
is rarely used
with anyone
other than
God as the object.
You're not supposed
to trust
other things,
other people
besides God.
Yet this wife
is the rare
human being
who proves
dependable
to her husband
time and time
again.
This wife's worth
is explained
here in terms
of the good
she does
to her husband
because in
Genesis chapter 2
verse 18
God gave the woman
to be the man's helper.
This is not to say
that the man
never helps
the woman
in marriage.
The man too
must make
many costly sacrifices
and love his wife
as Christ loved
the church.
But there are
nevertheless
distinct roles.
The wife
is her husband's
helper
in a way
that the husband
is not
his wife's
helper.
Wifeliness
has a
self-effacing
nature.
Look at
verse 23.
Her husband
is known
in the gates
when he sits
among the elders
of the land.
The city gates
is where
the civic
and economic
decisions
of the ancient
world
are made.
Where the leading
men of the city
gather
to exchange
ideas
and make
decisions.
According to
this passage
one of the
main reasons
why this man
occupies that
prominent seat
among the elders
of the land
is because
of his
excellent
strong
and valiant
wife.
She is the
reason
he can hold
up his head
high
among the
movers
and shakers
of his city.
He excels
because
of his
excellent
wife.
As Proverbs
chapter 12
verse 4
said,
an excellent
wife is
the crown
of her
husband,
but she
who brings
shame
is like
rottenness
to his
bones.
This woman
is the crown
of her
husband.
As Winston
Churchill,
the British
prime minister
who defeated
Hitler and
defended Europe's
democracy from
the spread of
fascism,
once said,
my most
brilliant
achievement
was my
ability to
persuade my
wife to
marry me.
I don't
think he
was joking.
Her
wife was
his crown.
He was
able to
accomplish
all he
did and
garner all
the respect
and honor
he enjoyed
because of
his wife.
The saying
that was
popularized in
the 1940s
to recognize
the often
unheralded
contribution
of woman
is true.
Behind
every
great man
there is
a great
woman.
Ruth
McHugh
Bell
was born
in
Jiangsu
province
in China
1920.
She was
a daughter
of missionaries
Nelson and
Virginia Bell.
She enrolled
in Wheaton
College at
the age
of 17
and though
she had
vowed
never to
marry
out of
a desire
to serve
the Lord
wholeheartedly,
a lanky
southern boy
named
Billy asked
her out
to go
watch
Hendel's
Messiah
together
in college.
After that
faithful date
she told
God that
it would
be an
honor to
serve
God,
serve
him as
Billy's
wife.
Long
before the
1957 evangelistic
rally in
New York
that catapulted
Billy Graham
to his
worldwide fame,
long before
Graham's
travels to
185 countries
and territories
to preach
to around
215 million
people live,
around 2.2
billion people
if you include
other media
through which
he preached.
Long before
he was voted
into the top
10 of Gallup
Poll's
most admired
men,
a record
61 times
in a row
starting in
1955.
Ruth Bell
understood
that marrying
Billy Graham
would mean
finding her
calling
in his.
If I
marry
Bill,
I marry
him with
my eyes
wide open.
She wrote
this in
her journal.
He will
be increasingly
burdened for
lost souls
and increasingly
active in
the Lord's
work.
I will
slip into
the background.
In short,
be a lost
life,
lost in
bills.
Though she
had aspired
to be a
missionary in
Tibet,
she surrendered
that dream
to be
her husband's
helper.
That's
worth far
more than
jewels.
The two
married in
1943,
and with
Billy Graham
traveling for
months at a
time to
preach,
Ruth Graham
anchored the
family and
took the
lead in
raising their
five children.
She
personally
supervised the
construction of
their mountain
homestead in
Montreat,
North Carolina.
When Ruth
Bell Graham
passed away
in 2007,
as it says
at the end
of this
chapter,
her children
rose up
and called
her blessed.
And her
husband also
praised her.
Her daughter,
Ann Graham
Lotz,
said,
quote,
without Ruth
Graham,
there wouldn't
have been a
Billy Graham.
Her husband
said,
Ruth was my
life partner,
and we were
called by God
as a team.
No one else
could have
borne the load
that she
carried.
She was a
vital and
integral part
of our
ministry,
and my
work through
the years
would have
been impossible
without her
encouragement and
support.
The heart of
her husband
trusted in her,
and he had
no lack of
gain.
She did him
good and not
harm all the
days of her
life, and
because of this,
her husband
was known in
the gates when
he sat among
the elders of
the land.
Ruth Bell
Graham was an
excellent wife.
A wife who
makes it her
calling to do
good to her
husband, who
beams with
pride at her
husband's
accomplishments,
who loves her
husband, who
supports her
husband, who
counsels her
husband, who
prays for her
husband.
That kind of
woman is far
more precious
essentials.
That's the
excellent wife's
worth.
And then
verses 13 to
25 speak of
her works.
This woman is a
hard worker.
The word hand
is repeated,
seven times in
this passage,
to emphasize her
industry and
generosity.
Proverbs 24,
33, 34 said
this about the
foolish sluggard,
a little sleep,
a little slumber,
and a little
folding of the
hands to rest,
and poverty will
come upon you
like a robber and
want like an
armed man.
But the valiant
wife is not like
the sluggard.
No, she works
with willing hands.
She puts her
hands to the
distaff and her
hands hold the
spindle.
She does not
oversleep like the
sluggard.
Instead, she is
often burning the
midnight oil.
Verse 15 says she
rises while it is
yet night and
provides food for
her household.
Verse 18 says her
lamp does not go
out at night.
If we take these
two verses literally,
we might wonder
whether she ever
sleeps.
But that's not
the point.
The point is that
she is often up
late and often
rises early because
she is busy
working.
As verse 27 says,
she does not eat
the bread of
idleness.
She is not
idle but
industrious.
She does not
pass time lazily
but labors for
the good of her
husband and her
household.
She puts the
flourishing of her
household above
her own comfort.
Verse 13 and
verse 19 tells us
that this wife is
involved in making
and selling textiles.
She acquires wool
and flax and using
the distaff to hold
the fibers and the
spindle to spin the
fibers into yarn.
And then later she
uses that yarn,
verse 24, to knit or
weave linen garments.
It says she makes
linen garments and
sells them.
She delivers sashes to
the merchant.
She is not only
involved in the
textile industry,
she is also involved
in commerce and real
estate and farming.
Like the ships of
the merchant, she
purchases and brings
her food from afar.
Using the money she
has earned, she not
only buys food, she
buys a field which
can provide food and
drink for the future.
She has foresight.
It says she considers
a field and buys it
with the fruit of her
hand, she plants a
vineyard.
She prepares for the
future.
It says in verse 21,
she is not afraid of
snow for her household.
For all her household
are clothed in scarlet.
Verse 25, to strength
and dignity are her
clothing and she laughs
at the time to come.
She is not afraid of
tomorrow.
She is not anxious
because she has worked
hard today in preparation
for the future.
The way people dressed
in the ancient world
as they often do today
reveals a person's
identity, a person's
status.
This woman is clothed
in strength and
dignity.
Clothing fit for
royalty.
Verse 17 says,
similarly, she dresses
herself with strength.
That phrase is literally
she girds up her loins
with strength.
Girding up your loin is
the ancient equivalent of
rolling up your sleeves.
She is strong and ready
for action.
This woman is a hard
worker.
Now this text challenges
two common misconceptions
about the role of woman,
the role of wives in
particular.
On the one hand,
some people say that
women should never work.
But the Proverbs 31
woman works.
She is involved in the
textile industry,
commerce, real estate,
and viticulture.
She is creative and
resourceful.
She can make things
with her hands.
She is business savvy.
She perceives that her
merchandise is profitable.
It says in verse 18,
she considers a field
and buys it.
It says in verse 16,
she's thoughtful and
competent.
And she's not afraid to
get her hands dirty.
She plants a vineyard.
She's not the kind of
delicate woman who can't
do any manual labor
because of her long
manicured nails.
This woman is strong.
She's a workhorse.
However, we must not
swing too far into
the other misconception.
It would not be
accurate to describe
the excellent wife
as a career woman.
A career woman puts
her career first.
She prioritizes her
career over her family.
And that's decidedly
not the picture that we
see here in Proverbs 31.
Look at how many times
the word household
is mentioned.
Verse 15, she provides
food for her household
and portions for her
maidens.
Verse 21, she's not
afraid of snow for her
household.
For all her household
are clothed in scarlet.
Verse 27, she looks
well to the ways of her
household and does not
eat the bread of
idleness.
Look at her orientation
toward her husband.
Verses 11 to 12, the
heart of her husband.
Her husband trusts in
her and he will have
no lack of gain.
She does him good and
not harm all the days
of her life.
Verse 23, her husband
is known in the gates
when he sits among the
elders of the land.
In fact, if you look
closely, verses 20 to 26,
the entirety of it is
structured chiastically
for the purpose of
emphasizing verse 23.
The excellent wife opens
her hand in generosity.
Verse 20, and opens her
mouth in kindness.
In verse 26, the match.
She is not afraid of
snow.
Verse 21, and laughs at
the time to come.
In verse 25, she makes
bed coverings for
herself.
Verse 22, and makes
linen garments and
sells them.
Verse 24, she does all
of this.
Why?
The goal and effect of
all of this is verse 23.
Her husband is known in
the gates when he sits
among the elders of the
land.
The excellent wife dedicates
her life as her husband's
helper.
She is not homebound, but she
is home-oriented.
Her work is not limited to
her household, but that is
where her primary allegiance,
commitment, lie.
Her household is the primary
beneficiary of her strength.
life.
This is why in Genesis 1 to 3,
the man's name is Adam, which
means from the ground, and God
commissions him to work the
ground in Genesis 2, 5.
But the woman's name is Eve, which
means mother of all living, and
God commissions her to be Adam's
helper in being fruitful and
multiply and filling the earth and
subduing it.
That is why after they sin, God
tells Adam, cursed is the ground
because of you.
In pain you shall eat of it all
the days of your life.
But God tells Eve, I will surely
multiply your pain in child
bearing.
In pain you shall bring forth
children.
This is why in Titus 2, 3 to 5,
says that godly older women are to
teach the younger women to love
their husbands and children, to be
self-controlled, pure, working at
home, kind and submissive to their
own husbands.
This is why in 1 Timothy 6, 9 to 10,
which lists the good works that
should characterize a godly woman,
the first item on that list is that
she has brought up children.
This is why 1 Timothy 2, 15, says
that women will be saved through
childbearing if they continue in
faith and love and holiness with
self-control.
This is not an isolated idea in one
extraneous text of Scripture.
It's a thread that runs through the
entire revelation of God.
This general division of labor
between a man and his wife was not
invented by prudish Victorians.
It's a biblical idea, abetted by our
very biology.
So if we're going to be biblical
Christians, we must avoid both
extremes.
Let us not unduly tie up a gifted
woman, her creativity and
resourcefulness by telling her that
she should never do anything besides
cooking, cleaning, and raising
children.
But also let us not unduly sever the
wife from her household and deprive men
of strong wives and deprive children
of strong mothers.
But while the primary beneficiary of the
woman's work is her household, they are
not the only beneficiary.
It says in verse 20, she opens her hand
to the poor and reaches out her hands to
the needy.
This continues the repetition of the word
hand from verse 19.
She works hard with her hands in order to
earn, but she is not thereafter tight-fisted
with her hard-earned money.
She opens her hands in generosity to the
poor and needy.
And she not only opens her hands in
generosity, it says she also opens her
mouth with wisdom.
Verse 26, she opens her mouth with wisdom
and the teaching of kindness is on her
tongue.
When she opens her mouth, she does not
spew out gossip or idle chatter or
folly.
Instead, she speaks wisdom.
The teaching of kindness.
It's literally the law of love.
The word kindness is the word that's
translated elsewhere as steadfast love, one
of the core attributes of God.
It's the same word that the New Testament
renders grace.
The law of grace is on her tongue.
Colossians chapter 4 verse 6 says this,
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned
with salt.
Whenever she speaks, this woman's speech is
gracious.
Whenever she opens her mouth, she speaks
godly wisdom because she knows and fears
the Lord.
It says in verse 30, charm is deceitful and
beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the
Lord is to be praised.
Groupon ran, I don't know if people still
use Groupon.
Now, Groupon ran a survey a few years ago to
find out how much people spend on average on
their physical appearance.
They found out that American women spend an
average of $3,756 a year.
Add that up to, and then it's over a quarter
of a million dollars in an average lifetime.
That's a huge sum of money.
The numbers are even more staggering if you look
at women in Hollywood.
Women like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth
Paltrow, that's how you say your last name,
spend quarter of a million dollars on their
appearance in one year.
We live in a culture that's obsessed with
physical appearance.
But notice that in this entire chapter,
not once are we told of how this excellent
wife looks.
We don't know if she's tall or short, skinny or
fat.
We know neither the length of her hair or the
color of her eyes.
Yes, we're told in verse 22 that her clothing
is fine linen and purple.
But that detail is provided as evidence of
her industry, not of her taste for luxury or
preoccupation with physical appearance.
This feature of the poem is shocking, especially
when you compare it to contemporary ancient
Near Eastern literature.
They tend to fixate on the erotic appeal of
women, the poems that praise women in other
ancient Near Eastern literature.
Lemuel's mother, likely well advanced in age by
the time King Lemuel is writing this, knows from
experience that charm is deceitful and beauty
is vain.
Charm is deceitful because it does not last, does
not deliver on what it promises.
If you marry a woman for her external beauty, you will
learn in time that that beauty fades.
Beauty is vain.
It's a fleeting vapor.
But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Because for the wise, wisdom grows with age.
I think folly also grows with age.
But for the wise, wisdom deepens with age.
And this is the ultimate reason why she is not afraid of
snow for her household.
This is why she laughs at the time to come because she fears
the Lord.
She does not fear the uncertainties of the future because she fears
something far greater.
Because she fears the Lord who takes care of her.
Come what may, she says, the Lord is with me.
Whom shall I fear?
What future shall I fear?
The Lord Almighty is with me.
Her fear of the Lord is what is truly praiseworthy.
So single men, I want to exhort you, don't fantasize about
beautiful woman.
Pray earnestly for a wise woman who fears the Lord because she
will surely do you good.
Remember Proverbs 11, 22.
You should memorize it.
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without
discretion.
A gold ring is pretty to look at, sure.
But what good is it if it's adorning a pig?
A beautiful woman is pleasing to look at, sure.
But what good is it if she is a fool who will be like rottenness in
your bones?
Don't ever marry a trophy wife.
A trophy wife is good for nothing but to be stored on a shelf and
looked at just like a trophy.
Of course, nobody says that the wise woman can't also be beautiful.
But the wise woman is already rare as it is.
So don't say when you meet a God-fearing woman, oh, she's not my
type.
God's word says she should be your type.
A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Let's be a church that praises women for their wisdom, for their fear of the
Lord, and not merely for the way they look.
Let's be a church where women gain attention and respect not because of the
way they look, but because of their wisdom.
Speaking of praise, verses 28 to 31 conclude this poem by speaking of the
excellent wife's wage, her reward, her praise.
It says,
There's a wonderful reciprocation going on from the first part of this passage to the end.
this acrostic began with the question, an excellent wife who can find.
And it ends with the commendation.
Many women have done excellently.
Same word.
But you surpassed them all.
Because of his wife, the man was honored at the gates in verse 23.
And now this same man praises his wife at the gates in verse 31.
This woman rose to provide for her family in verse 15.
And now her family rises up and calls her blessed in verse 28.
She spent the fruit of her hands for the sake of her family in verse 16.
And now she receives the fruit of her hands in verse 31.
Due to the self-effacing nature of her role, the valiant wife might not get widespread recognition.
But her husband and her children rise up and call her blessed.
And there's a note of hope in that relative obscurity also.
Because Jesus teaches us in Matthew chapter 6 verses 1 to 4
that those whose good works are seen and praised by others have already received their reward.
But that those whose good works are not seen by men will be rewarded by our Heavenly Father.
The good that the wife does might not receive the recognition that it deserves.
It might not get the recognition that her husband's good works do.
But what is not rewarded here on earth will be rewarded more richly by our Heavenly Father.
And the valiant wife, the worthy wife who fears the Lord lives with that eternal perspective.
What man in his right mind would not marry such a woman?
But what fool would marry a woman who cares nothing for the man but only about herself?
What fool would marry a woman who would repeatedly cheat on him?
What fool would marry a woman who makes no provision for the future but lives only for instant gratification?
What fool would marry a woman who would do no good to him but only harm?
What kind of a fool would marry a woman who incurs only loss and brings no gain to her household?
You know what the answer to that question is?
Only our God whose foolishness is wiser than men.
Only our God who chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise.
Only our God who chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.
Only our God who chose what is low and despised in the world,
even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,
so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.
Only he would court and betroth himself to such a woman.
Because that's exactly what he did.
Throughout the Old Testament, God describes himself as the husband or bridegroom of his chosen people.
It says in Isaiah 54 verse 5,
For your maker is your husband.
God says to his people in Hosea chapter 2 verse 19,
And I will betroth you to me forever.
Though we had only been a foolish woman with no potential or promise,
God repeatedly courts us despite our unfaithfulness.
And in his final overture,
Jesus Christ, the Son of God himself,
comes to redeem us, his bride.
It says in Ephesians 5, 25 to 27,
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
Jesus, the wisdom of God,
paid the price of our folly on the cross.
And it's by this scandalous grace,
this wonderful folly of Christ crucified,
that we are saved.
In and of ourselves,
we do not have the power to be the kind of man
or the kind of woman we should be.
But when we trust in Christ
and submit ourselves to him
as our Lord,
as our husband,
he sanctifies us.
And he will one day
present us to himself
as a bride
without spot or wrinkle
or any such thing.
Please take a moment
to reflect on this truth.
How is the Lord,
your bridegroom,
calling you to greater allegiance
and submission to him?
As you ask yourself that question,
take a few moments
and then we're going to respond together by...