WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.800
 If you want to turn over to Song of Solomon again this morning,

00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:06.960
 we'll start here with our verse we've been looking at.

00:00:07.419 --> 00:00:13.220
 Here is we've been looking at the importance of being friends with the one you're married to.

00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:18.140
 And it's that critical dynamic of being friends,

00:00:18.240 --> 00:00:21.960
 but oftentimes in relationships the problem is, is they're not friends.

00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:28.000
 They end up in a relationship together for all sorts of different reasons,

00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:34.039
 reasons often which sometimes are emotional, attachment to it.

00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:37.420
 And so we need to be understanding of how do we deal with this,

00:00:37.480 --> 00:00:41.920
 because I want you to know this also, that by applying godly principles,

00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:49.140
 even if you're not friends now, you can get and work on that in a relationship if you're intentional.

00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:55.920
 It takes effort, it takes work, it takes a commitment to those things,

00:00:55.920 --> 00:01:01.039
 because look here in Song of Solomon chapter 5, look down at verse 16 with me this morning.

00:01:01.640 --> 00:01:01.940
 It says,

00:01:02.120 --> 00:01:05.040
 His mouth is most sweet, yea, he is altogether lovely.

00:01:05.540 --> 00:01:11.040
 This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

00:01:11.939 --> 00:01:12.439
 Let's pray.

00:01:12.540 --> 00:01:14.340
 Heavenly Fathers, we come before you this morning.

00:01:14.420 --> 00:01:16.700
 Lord, we just thank you for the day, for the opportunity,

00:01:16.700 --> 00:01:22.260
 as we look into this very important dynamic of relationship,

00:01:22.480 --> 00:01:26.040
 especially the relationship between a husband and a wife,

00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:27.320
 and a wife towards a husband.

00:01:27.480 --> 00:01:32.340
 And Lord, just the critical thing of just being on the same page together.

00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:38.000
 Lord, the same page with you, and the very essential elements attached to it.

00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:42.300
 And Lord, we pray just have your hand upon the things said and done here today,

00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:45.000
 Lord, that might glorify you, that your people be encouraged,

00:01:45.000 --> 00:01:47.599
 but Lord, that it might not just be information,

00:01:47.780 --> 00:01:52.359
 but it be things that will be applicable and helpful as we work through them.

00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:57.579
 Lord, knowing that these are not things that you make a one-time decision about,

00:01:57.939 --> 00:02:00.819
 but Lord, these are an ongoing thing of making decisions,

00:02:00.900 --> 00:02:06.840
 even sometimes daily, of this is the direction and the context in which we are going to operate.

00:02:07.140 --> 00:02:10.280
 And Lord, we pray just have your hand upon each one here today,

00:02:10.360 --> 00:02:12.280
 and Lord, we ask it all in your precious name.

00:02:12.860 --> 00:02:13.199
 Amen.

00:02:13.199 --> 00:02:17.179
 As we begin looking at this series, Married But Not Best Friends,

00:02:17.239 --> 00:02:19.639
 we've looked at the first one, and that was companionship.

00:02:20.619 --> 00:02:22.639
 Companionship of having time together.

00:02:24.299 --> 00:02:27.319
 Time is the one resource you cannot replace.

00:02:28.119 --> 00:02:30.120
 We always need to keep that in mind,

00:02:30.259 --> 00:02:32.979
 that time is the one resource you can never replace.

00:02:34.120 --> 00:02:37.339
 You can replace everything else in some means or another,

00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:39.639
 but time is not one.

00:02:39.639 --> 00:02:42.399
 And so time together is important.

00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:45.379
 To have a proper relationship, there has to be time.

00:02:45.439 --> 00:02:47.819
 There has to be time together in that.

00:02:47.899 --> 00:02:49.299
 There needs to be conversation.

00:02:51.119 --> 00:02:51.519
 Conversation.

00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:53.520
 And that goes beyond.

00:02:53.659 --> 00:02:56.860
 It's amazing how many people can say words but not have a conversation.

00:02:58.500 --> 00:03:00.840
 You can have noise without conversation.

00:03:03.020 --> 00:03:06.640
 Conversation is important, and that's talking together.

00:03:07.740 --> 00:03:08.660
 Talking together.

00:03:08.659 --> 00:03:11.539
 Not just talking about things, but talking together.

00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:14.120
 Understanding that.

00:03:14.219 --> 00:03:16.359
 And then we have this idea of commitment.

00:03:16.919 --> 00:03:19.960
 And we began looking at that last week, this idea of commitment,

00:03:20.099 --> 00:03:21.819
 and that's trying together.

00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:25.560
 That's putting in effort to be together.

00:03:25.699 --> 00:03:28.539
 That's investing in those things.

00:03:28.539 --> 00:03:30.299
 Those involve time and talking.

00:03:30.799 --> 00:03:34.459
 But there also has to be a commitment to trying.

00:03:35.019 --> 00:03:37.219
 To say we have made a commitment,

00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:39.819
 and we're going to move forward with that commitment.

00:03:40.799 --> 00:03:42.780
 Our friendship, to continue to grow,

00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:45.579
 there must be a mutual respect one for another.

00:03:46.519 --> 00:03:48.780
 We began talking about that last week,

00:03:48.799 --> 00:03:50.039
 of that mutual respect.

00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:53.959
 And we understand, because mutual respect goes for any friendship.

00:03:53.960 --> 00:03:57.700
 You know, you cannot, when you're friends with somebody,

00:03:57.860 --> 00:04:00.159
 there's a mutual respect that takes place.

00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:03.879
 Especially in a marriage relationship,

00:04:03.879 --> 00:04:07.900
 there has to be a mutual respect one for another.

00:04:08.760 --> 00:04:10.840
 If that respect is not present,

00:04:11.480 --> 00:04:12.879
 there's going to be a problem.

00:04:14.060 --> 00:04:18.699
 Because respect is what keeps the mindset for these other things

00:04:18.699 --> 00:04:21.379
 in the right order and in the right priority.

00:04:21.379 --> 00:04:24.920
 To understand that respect one for another.

00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:29.199
 And so we began looking last week at six areas of commitment

00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:32.680
 that will help build mutual respect.

00:04:33.100 --> 00:04:35.360
 We talked about a commitment to sacrifice.

00:04:36.199 --> 00:04:38.139
 That commitment to sacrifice.

00:04:38.639 --> 00:04:40.620
 If you're making a commitment to somebody,

00:04:40.740 --> 00:04:43.360
 it means you're decommitting from something else.

00:04:44.740 --> 00:04:46.699
 Because when you do a priority,

00:04:46.980 --> 00:04:49.899
 one thing means you're deprioritizing something else.

00:04:49.899 --> 00:04:52.959
 Because let's face it,

00:04:52.979 --> 00:04:54.659
 we all have things that need to be done,

00:04:54.759 --> 00:04:56.279
 or things that we have responsibilities,

00:04:56.500 --> 00:04:58.239
 or other things that are associated.

00:04:58.339 --> 00:05:00.419
 We need to understand a commitment to sacrifice.

00:05:00.679 --> 00:05:01.459
 Sacrifice to say,

00:05:01.879 --> 00:05:05.399
 this is what's important to invest in.

00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:06.919
 This is what's important to do.

00:05:07.620 --> 00:05:10.219
 That's essential of that building respect,

00:05:10.219 --> 00:05:13.179
 because the other thing sacrifice for somebody else does,

00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:15.419
 it says one big message to them,

00:05:15.459 --> 00:05:16.719
 it says you are important.

00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:18.520
 And in a marriage relationship,

00:05:18.780 --> 00:05:19.660
 the other person,

00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:21.100
 the person you're married to,

00:05:21.800 --> 00:05:23.960
 wives to your husbands,

00:05:24.100 --> 00:05:25.380
 husbands to your wives,

00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:29.620
 they both need to know that you hold a position of priority.

00:05:30.620 --> 00:05:32.220
 There's a priority there.

00:05:33.200 --> 00:05:36.560
 A commitment to closeness follows right along with that.

00:05:36.840 --> 00:05:38.380
 That commitment to closeness,

00:05:38.520 --> 00:05:38.860
 to say,

00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:42.940
 I want to be where I can know you,

00:05:43.020 --> 00:05:44.020
 to hang out with you,

00:05:44.019 --> 00:05:45.519
 we want to spend time together.

00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:47.019
 There's that closeness,

00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:49.339
 but also a commitment to honesty.

00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:51.599
 You know,

00:05:51.620 --> 00:05:54.019
 a marriage can't be built on falsehoods.

00:05:56.919 --> 00:06:00.459
 One of the problems you'll find in marriages,

00:06:00.699 --> 00:06:01.939
 especially with young people,

00:06:01.979 --> 00:06:03.019
 as they get started out,

00:06:03.159 --> 00:06:03.180
 they,

00:06:03.560 --> 00:06:03.680
 well,

00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:05.279
 we can solve this later.

00:06:05.620 --> 00:06:06.599
 I want you to understand,

00:06:06.719 --> 00:06:08.219
 if you're not honest about it,

00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:09.539
 you'll never solve it later.

00:06:09.899 --> 00:06:10.299
 Oftentimes,

00:06:10.599 --> 00:06:11.439
 people enter in,

00:06:11.500 --> 00:06:12.839
 if I let them know that,

00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:13.959
 they won't like me.

00:06:15.459 --> 00:06:15.819
 Well,

00:06:15.879 --> 00:06:16.819
 if that's the case,

00:06:16.839 --> 00:06:18.219
 you don't have too much of a friendship,

00:06:18.399 --> 00:06:19.759
 and you don't have too much of a relationship.

00:06:20.099 --> 00:06:21.799
 Because somebody that loves you,

00:06:21.859 --> 00:06:23.560
 understands that you're not perfect.

00:06:25.939 --> 00:06:27.919
 You understand they're not perfect,

00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:29.599
 and part of that commitment is saying,

00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:31.379
 that part,

00:06:32.239 --> 00:06:34.419
 of who they are,

00:06:34.879 --> 00:06:37.939
 I'm going to help them work through those things,

00:06:38.419 --> 00:06:40.339
 just as they're going to help me work through mine.

00:06:40.339 --> 00:06:42.739
 In other words,

00:06:42.779 --> 00:06:44.299
 it's not being ignorant to,

00:06:44.419 --> 00:06:45.919
 but being fully aware of.

00:06:47.500 --> 00:06:48.500
 That honesty,

00:06:48.679 --> 00:06:52.599
 and we're going to see this dynamic here play out,

00:06:52.679 --> 00:06:54.339
 and the next area of importance.

00:06:55.339 --> 00:06:56.639
 Let's take a look over to the New Testament.

00:06:56.759 --> 00:06:59.039
 Turn to 1 Peter chapter 3.

00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:01.519
 1 Peter chapter 3.

00:07:01.719 --> 00:07:03.219
 Look here in 1 Peter chapter 3.

00:07:03.259 --> 00:07:04.259
 Look down at verse 7.

00:07:04.259 --> 00:07:06.319
 It says,

00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:06.779
 Likewise,

00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:07.639
 ye husbands,

00:07:07.819 --> 00:07:09.420
 dwell with them according to knowledge,

00:07:09.980 --> 00:07:11.500
 being honor unto the wife,

00:07:11.579 --> 00:07:12.740
 as unto the weaker vessel,

00:07:12.860 --> 00:07:14.139
 and being heirs together,

00:07:14.579 --> 00:07:15.879
 of the grace of life,

00:07:15.939 --> 00:07:18.399
 that your prayers be not hindered.

00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:20.180
 I want you to understand,

00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:22.639
 prayer is an important part of our life.

00:07:23.639 --> 00:07:25.099
 But I want you to understand here,

00:07:25.159 --> 00:07:28.199
 when it talks about the idea of your relationship with your wife,

00:07:28.259 --> 00:07:29.219
 impacts your prayers.

00:07:29.500 --> 00:07:30.500
 Prayers one for another,

00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:31.360
 prayers together,

00:07:31.459 --> 00:07:33.180
 it impacts what's happening.

00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:34.819
 And so I want you to understand here,

00:07:34.900 --> 00:07:38.000
 because oftentimes as people look at this,

00:07:38.019 --> 00:07:39.620
 and they read this passage especially,

00:07:39.780 --> 00:07:40.639
 now notice here it says,

00:07:40.860 --> 00:07:41.800
 under the weaker vessel.

00:07:43.060 --> 00:07:45.300
 I'm going to just touch on that for a moment,

00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:46.439
 because this is important.

00:07:47.220 --> 00:07:48.819
 Weaker does not mean inferior.

00:07:50.579 --> 00:07:52.340
 That's not the meaning of that term.

00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:55.680
 I want you to understand what it does mean.

00:07:56.220 --> 00:07:59.460
 It generally means more delicate.

00:08:00.120 --> 00:08:00.680
 It means,

00:08:00.680 --> 00:08:02.680
 it does not mean less valuable.

00:08:03.900 --> 00:08:05.199
 It's kind of like the old joke,

00:08:05.300 --> 00:08:07.220
 what's the difference between a vase and a vase?

00:08:11.060 --> 00:08:12.199
 One is common,

00:08:12.300 --> 00:08:13.579
 and the other has great value,

00:08:13.699 --> 00:08:14.540
 and it's usually pretty,

00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:18.220
 it has some great value to it,

00:08:18.259 --> 00:08:20.360
 and very delicate sometimes.

00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:23.960
 And we understand the same as the dynamic.

00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:25.840
 It doesn't put its value difference,

00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:29.159
 but it is more fragile.

00:08:29.299 --> 00:08:31.060
 It's kind of like the difference between silk and denim.

00:08:34.120 --> 00:08:35.159
 Both have a purpose,

00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:36.179
 both have a place,

00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:37.360
 both have value,

00:08:37.559 --> 00:08:40.159
 but if you're going to go work,

00:08:40.279 --> 00:08:42.360
 silk is not the recommended attire.

00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:43.879
 Why?

00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:45.700
 Because it's not going to hold up.

00:08:45.779 --> 00:08:46.439
 It's more delicate.

00:08:48.100 --> 00:08:49.779
 It doesn't mean it's less valuable.

00:08:49.939 --> 00:08:50.779
 It means it's different,

00:08:51.100 --> 00:08:53.220
 with a different purpose,

00:08:53.360 --> 00:08:54.899
 and a different dynamic.

00:08:55.100 --> 00:08:57.799
 And to understand the importance of that,

00:08:57.799 --> 00:08:59.459
 that your prayers be not hindered.

00:09:00.519 --> 00:09:03.419
 Peter here just assumes the reality of prayer

00:09:03.419 --> 00:09:05.279
 in a couple's relationship,

00:09:05.279 --> 00:09:06.120
 but sadly,

00:09:06.379 --> 00:09:07.579
 it's not the case.

00:09:07.639 --> 00:09:11.179
 We understand that prayer brings a spiritual bond,

00:09:11.179 --> 00:09:13.319
 and it's important to do that,

00:09:13.379 --> 00:09:15.439
 because praying together as well as separately

00:09:15.439 --> 00:09:17.179
 for our children and our grandchildren,

00:09:17.739 --> 00:09:21.239
 because the temptation today is great for them,

00:09:21.259 --> 00:09:22.779
 and they need our support.

00:09:24.219 --> 00:09:26.599
 We need to pray for our kids,

00:09:26.679 --> 00:09:29.739
 and understand the importance of prayer.

00:09:30.259 --> 00:09:32.139
 One illustration put it this way.

00:09:32.539 --> 00:09:32.819
 It said,

00:09:33.179 --> 00:09:35.219
 trying to raise kids today without prayer

00:09:35.219 --> 00:09:36.859
 is like trying to cut down a tree

00:09:36.859 --> 00:09:38.399
 with a chainsaw that's not running.

00:09:38.679 --> 00:09:38.959
 I'm like,

00:09:39.000 --> 00:09:41.059
 well, that's pretty illustrative there.

00:09:41.179 --> 00:09:43.399
 The fruitful nature of it,

00:09:43.459 --> 00:09:44.819
 of this dynamic.

00:09:45.839 --> 00:09:48.639
 Because when we understand the importance of prayer,

00:09:48.859 --> 00:09:50.120
 can do more in a moment

00:09:50.120 --> 00:09:51.379
 than we can do in a lifetime.

00:09:53.500 --> 00:09:55.139
 I'm not saying it's not important

00:09:55.139 --> 00:09:57.019
 to work with your kids,

00:09:57.059 --> 00:09:58.439
 and to spend time with them,

00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:00.279
 but we need to also pray for them,

00:10:00.319 --> 00:10:02.099
 because prayer is part of that building,

00:10:02.599 --> 00:10:03.279
 that house.

00:10:03.339 --> 00:10:04.759
 Look over at Psalm 127.

00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:07.839
 Psalm 127 in verse 1

00:10:07.839 --> 00:10:09.539
 tells us this.

00:10:09.539 --> 00:10:13.159
 Psalm 127 in verse 1 says,

00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:15.240
 except the Lord build the house,

00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:17.039
 they labor in vain that build it.

00:10:17.399 --> 00:10:19.139
 Except the Lord keep the city,

00:10:19.259 --> 00:10:22.079
 the watchman waketh but in vain.

00:10:22.620 --> 00:10:23.699
 I want you to understand,

00:10:23.839 --> 00:10:26.679
 the Lord needs to be that critical connection

00:10:26.679 --> 00:10:28.339
 that's in there,

00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:29.579
 that binds together.

00:10:30.459 --> 00:10:32.219
 You need to be praying over things,

00:10:32.279 --> 00:10:35.019
 and just not running headlong into things.

00:10:35.019 --> 00:10:36.879
 We need to understand that

00:10:36.879 --> 00:10:38.579
 when it comes to making decisions

00:10:38.579 --> 00:10:39.620
 in a relationship,

00:10:39.620 --> 00:10:41.539
 we need to make sure that

00:10:41.539 --> 00:10:42.939
 we're not doing it without,

00:10:43.299 --> 00:10:44.740
 one, consulting your spouse,

00:10:44.819 --> 00:10:46.720
 but also without consulting the Lord.

00:10:47.220 --> 00:10:48.720
 To understand the importance

00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:49.779
 of those two together.

00:10:50.860 --> 00:10:52.759
 To understand the importance,

00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:54.600
 a commitment to prayer.

00:10:55.179 --> 00:10:56.519
 We need to also look here

00:10:56.519 --> 00:10:58.120
 at a commitment to a good spirit.

00:10:59.059 --> 00:11:01.100
 A commitment to a good spirit.

00:11:01.100 --> 00:11:04.120
 Look over at Job 32 for a moment.

00:11:05.019 --> 00:11:05.899
 Job 32.

00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:07.879
 Job 32 in verse 3.

00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:10.440
 Who's got that one this morning?

00:11:10.540 --> 00:11:12.019
 We'll get some people woke up

00:11:12.019 --> 00:11:12.620
 and ready to go.

00:11:13.920 --> 00:11:14.740
 Joe, you got that one?

00:11:15.700 --> 00:11:17.279
 He's practicing for the next sword drill

00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:17.720
 back there.

00:11:18.060 --> 00:11:19.639
 Job 32 verse 3.

00:11:19.639 --> 00:11:20.120
 Okay.

00:11:27.259 --> 00:11:27.840
 A good spirit.

00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:28.600
 His friends.

00:11:28.699 --> 00:11:29.879
 What did Job's friends do?

00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:30.799
 They came and what?

00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:31.600
 Condemned Job.

00:11:31.699 --> 00:11:31.960
 They say,

00:11:32.319 --> 00:11:33.960
 all this calamity came on you

00:11:33.960 --> 00:11:35.120
 because you must be guilty.

00:11:36.860 --> 00:11:38.419
 They were condemning him

00:11:38.419 --> 00:11:40.500
 and were hostile towards the one

00:11:40.500 --> 00:11:41.799
 that was supposed to be their friend.

00:11:42.019 --> 00:11:43.600
 They just knew he must have done

00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:44.559
 something wrong.

00:11:44.779 --> 00:11:46.700
 When it comes to a marriage relationship,

00:11:46.700 --> 00:11:48.059
 we need the right spirit

00:11:48.059 --> 00:11:49.059
 one towards another.

00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:51.379
 And one of the elements of that spirit

00:11:51.379 --> 00:11:53.419
 is to not always look for fault

00:11:53.419 --> 00:11:54.359
 in the other person.

00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:56.579
 Sometimes that's the biggest issue

00:11:56.579 --> 00:11:57.859
 is we're more worried about

00:11:57.859 --> 00:11:58.819
 what's wrong with them

00:11:58.819 --> 00:11:59.419
 than the things,

00:11:59.799 --> 00:12:01.259
 the reason that we married them.

00:12:01.619 --> 00:12:03.019
 The things we like about them.

00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:04.459
 The things that you appreciate.

00:12:04.659 --> 00:12:07.139
 The things that make a difference.

00:12:08.119 --> 00:12:09.819
 Because when it comes to relationships,

00:12:10.099 --> 00:12:12.479
 some people reside in the camp

00:12:12.479 --> 00:12:14.719
 of finding fault.

00:12:14.859 --> 00:12:16.319
 They have their fault vault.

00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:17.860
 They keep securing any fault

00:12:17.860 --> 00:12:19.280
 they can find to use it later.

00:12:21.040 --> 00:12:23.180
 They create a vault of fault

00:12:23.180 --> 00:12:24.160
 to the other person.

00:12:26.020 --> 00:12:26.740
 Over the years,

00:12:26.820 --> 00:12:27.840
 as I've done counseling

00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:28.980
 and talked to different people,

00:12:29.260 --> 00:12:30.820
 it's amazing how many come in

00:12:30.820 --> 00:12:33.220
 and the first thing that they'll do

00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:34.160
 is they'll just open up

00:12:34.160 --> 00:12:35.360
 this vault of complaint.

00:12:35.680 --> 00:12:36.680
 But sometimes what they need to do

00:12:36.680 --> 00:12:37.440
 is stop and say,

00:12:37.540 --> 00:12:38.400
 what have I invested

00:12:38.400 --> 00:12:40.100
 in paying attention

00:12:40.100 --> 00:12:41.000
 to the right things?

00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:42.260
 The things that are valuable

00:12:42.260 --> 00:12:43.680
 instead of just looking for the fault.

00:12:43.679 --> 00:12:46.339
 They play the blame game.

00:12:46.419 --> 00:12:47.579
 These were Job's friends.

00:12:47.779 --> 00:12:49.339
 They were blaming Job

00:12:49.339 --> 00:12:50.419
 for all that was happening.

00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:51.759
 And we realize that

00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:53.739
 when you read through the book of Job,

00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:57.000
 Job did nothing wrong necessarily.

00:12:57.359 --> 00:12:58.299
 I mean, Job was a man.

00:12:58.339 --> 00:12:59.059
 He wasn't perfect.

00:12:59.319 --> 00:13:00.839
 But the things he was going through

00:13:00.839 --> 00:13:02.199
 was not directly tied

00:13:02.199 --> 00:13:05.519
 to ramification of his choices.

00:13:06.819 --> 00:13:08.039
 Job was trying to do that

00:13:08.039 --> 00:13:08.639
 which is right,

00:13:08.719 --> 00:13:09.879
 but his friends show up

00:13:09.879 --> 00:13:11.139
 and say,

00:13:11.139 --> 00:13:12.600
 you're at fault, Job.

00:13:13.899 --> 00:13:15.059
 They're pointing fingers.

00:13:17.019 --> 00:13:18.759
 This idea of finding fault

00:13:18.759 --> 00:13:20.580
 and especially in relationships,

00:13:20.840 --> 00:13:21.679
 if your job is,

00:13:22.220 --> 00:13:23.259
 to your spouse,

00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:24.600
 is just finding fault in them,

00:13:24.639 --> 00:13:25.779
 there's always going to be a problem.

00:13:27.379 --> 00:13:28.340
 Because let me give you

00:13:28.340 --> 00:13:29.139
 a little eye-opener.

00:13:30.220 --> 00:13:31.799
 The person you married to

00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:32.519
 is not perfect.

00:13:32.879 --> 00:13:34.159
 Now let me give the shocker.

00:13:34.439 --> 00:13:35.399
 The person they married

00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:36.120
 is not perfect.

00:13:36.419 --> 00:13:37.399
 It doesn't take very long

00:13:37.399 --> 00:13:39.000
 being married to realize that.

00:13:39.000 --> 00:13:41.080
 You enter in,

00:13:41.179 --> 00:13:42.460
 oh, this is going to be bliss.

00:13:42.759 --> 00:13:43.840
 Then you find out they're people.

00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:44.899
 But those are things

00:13:44.899 --> 00:13:46.740
 you have to look and understand.

00:13:46.860 --> 00:13:48.299
 How do you work through those things?

00:13:48.399 --> 00:13:48.539
 You know,

00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:49.659
 I want to understand

00:13:49.659 --> 00:13:50.240
 if you're going to be

00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:51.500
 a friend to your spouse,

00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:52.919
 they don't turn against you.

00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:54.779
 They stick with you

00:13:54.779 --> 00:13:57.139
 even sometimes when you're wrong.

00:13:57.340 --> 00:13:58.480
 Because people are turned

00:13:58.480 --> 00:13:59.620
 against us at times

00:13:59.620 --> 00:14:01.039
 and we should always

00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:02.480
 have our best friend at home

00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:03.919
 that's always on our team,

00:14:04.019 --> 00:14:04.820
 on our side,

00:14:05.220 --> 00:14:07.080
 keeps a good positive spirit,

00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:08.059
 working together,

00:14:08.059 --> 00:14:10.159
 trying to resolve the problems.

00:14:11.519 --> 00:14:12.579
 One of the problems

00:14:12.579 --> 00:14:13.219
 that come though

00:14:13.219 --> 00:14:14.519
 oftentimes in a relationship

00:14:14.519 --> 00:14:15.459
 instead of being

00:14:15.459 --> 00:14:18.000
 the one on the team with them,

00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:19.399
 it's the one they take shots at.

00:14:19.639 --> 00:14:20.959
 Somebody else shot at them

00:14:20.959 --> 00:14:21.579
 so they go home

00:14:21.579 --> 00:14:22.859
 and take shots at their spouse.

00:14:23.159 --> 00:14:24.099
 It's not going to build

00:14:24.099 --> 00:14:25.659
 a positive relationship.

00:14:26.219 --> 00:14:26.939
 And to understand

00:14:26.939 --> 00:14:28.099
 the importance of this,

00:14:28.139 --> 00:14:29.659
 we've talked in this series

00:14:29.659 --> 00:14:30.859
 a lot about men,

00:14:31.019 --> 00:14:32.479
 but today we're going to talk

00:14:32.479 --> 00:14:33.479
 a little bit about ladies

00:14:33.479 --> 00:14:34.639
 and responsibilities

00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:36.379
 because there are

00:14:36.379 --> 00:14:37.720
 a lot of responsibilities.

00:14:39.720 --> 00:14:40.580
 Because ladies,

00:14:40.679 --> 00:14:41.699
 if you haven't noticed,

00:14:41.860 --> 00:14:42.860
 men do sometimes

00:14:42.860 --> 00:14:44.299
 have a little bit of ego to them.

00:14:44.600 --> 00:14:46.659
 And men thrive with admiration.

00:14:47.059 --> 00:14:47.980
 To be admired.

00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:51.059
 Men thrive for their woman's admiration.

00:14:52.100 --> 00:14:53.419
 Women need attention.

00:14:53.779 --> 00:14:54.919
 Men need admiration.

00:14:55.480 --> 00:14:56.720
 Women need love.

00:14:57.039 --> 00:14:58.199
 Men need respect.

00:14:58.659 --> 00:14:59.960
 Women want leadership

00:14:59.960 --> 00:15:01.600
 and men want a following.

00:15:01.860 --> 00:15:02.300
 If you ask,

00:15:02.379 --> 00:15:04.480
 how do you show your man admiration?

00:15:06.019 --> 00:15:07.080
 Very simply this,

00:15:07.139 --> 00:15:08.139
 by how you treat them.

00:15:08.400 --> 00:15:09.500
 Now we're not talking about

00:15:09.500 --> 00:15:10.340
 bowing down

00:15:10.340 --> 00:15:11.360
 and kissing their feet.

00:15:11.620 --> 00:15:12.820
 Now that might go a long way,

00:15:12.920 --> 00:15:13.160
 but not,

00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:15.379
 they might feel good about it,

00:15:15.400 --> 00:15:16.500
 but it's not going to be very lasting.

00:15:16.940 --> 00:15:18.139
 Striking chords with that one,

00:15:18.160 --> 00:15:18.420
 aren't we?

00:15:20.019 --> 00:15:20.379
 Yeah.

00:15:21.820 --> 00:15:22.240
 In other words,

00:15:22.280 --> 00:15:23.080
 they might find out

00:15:23.080 --> 00:15:23.759
 about the fun guy.

00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:24.160
 Yeah.

00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:30.039
 We better move on

00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:30.679
 before I get in trouble

00:15:30.679 --> 00:15:31.100
 with that one.

00:15:33.939 --> 00:15:36.199
 But instead of admiring their man,

00:15:36.319 --> 00:15:37.740
 oftentimes women instead

00:15:37.740 --> 00:15:39.620
 make their man feel inferior.

00:15:40.059 --> 00:15:42.039
 Put him in a conveniently low place

00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:43.219
 where she likes to keep him.

00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:45.299
 They do it to the very detriment

00:15:45.299 --> 00:15:47.179
 of their own relationship.

00:15:47.559 --> 00:15:48.879
 To understand that

00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:50.399
 a critical spirit

00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:51.500
 makes him feel like

00:15:51.500 --> 00:15:53.100
 he can't do anything right,

00:15:53.100 --> 00:15:55.259
 that affects a guy's courage

00:15:55.259 --> 00:15:56.279
 and his confidence

00:15:56.279 --> 00:15:58.080
 as she makes him feel,

00:15:58.240 --> 00:15:59.279
 instead of like a man,

00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:00.879
 to feel like a beat down little boy.

00:16:01.220 --> 00:16:02.680
 Some ladies think this

00:16:02.680 --> 00:16:05.139
 will be motivational,

00:16:06.180 --> 00:16:07.940
 but I want you to understand

00:16:07.940 --> 00:16:09.100
 a critical spirit

00:16:09.100 --> 00:16:10.080
 does the opposite

00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:11.139
 of what you're desiring.

00:16:11.460 --> 00:16:12.899
 A critical spirit, ladies,

00:16:12.940 --> 00:16:14.920
 will make a guy draw back more

00:16:14.920 --> 00:16:15.860
 and be less.

00:16:16.120 --> 00:16:17.379
 Where if you're encouraging,

00:16:18.379 --> 00:16:20.899
 it'll make him feel important

00:16:20.899 --> 00:16:22.040
 and you'll get the progress

00:16:22.040 --> 00:16:23.040
 in the right direction.

00:16:23.300 --> 00:16:24.460
 Now that seems contrary

00:16:24.460 --> 00:16:25.480
 to our human nature,

00:16:25.580 --> 00:16:25.940
 doesn't it?

00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:28.659
 Because our human nature says

00:16:28.659 --> 00:16:29.920
 if I beat him long enough,

00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:30.659
 they'll change.

00:16:30.899 --> 00:16:32.159
 But I want you to understand

00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:33.659
 by building up

00:16:33.659 --> 00:16:34.879
 and building that confidence

00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:36.659
 and building and encouraging,

00:16:37.180 --> 00:16:38.519
 you're going to see praise

00:16:38.519 --> 00:16:39.600
 that's going to be beneficial.

00:16:40.279 --> 00:16:41.019
 Because ladies,

00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:42.159
 your husband needs

00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:43.639
 your praise and admiration.

00:16:44.100 --> 00:16:45.060
 I want you to understand

00:16:45.060 --> 00:16:46.480
 when your husband's out and about,

00:16:46.560 --> 00:16:47.379
 there's plenty of people

00:16:47.379 --> 00:16:48.320
 trying to beat him down.

00:16:48.560 --> 00:16:49.779
 The last thing they need

00:16:49.779 --> 00:16:50.580
 is to come home

00:16:50.580 --> 00:16:51.560
 and get beat up there too.

00:16:51.559 --> 00:16:52.719
 You're not going to help

00:16:52.719 --> 00:16:54.379
 your relationship

00:16:54.379 --> 00:16:55.399
 by beating him up

00:16:55.399 --> 00:16:56.139
 when he shows up.

00:16:56.419 --> 00:16:58.519
 That verbal tearing down.

00:16:59.159 --> 00:16:59.919
 He needs to know

00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:01.159
 that there's no one else

00:17:01.159 --> 00:17:01.719
 in the world,

00:17:01.799 --> 00:17:03.099
 if there's no one else

00:17:03.099 --> 00:17:03.500
 in the world

00:17:03.500 --> 00:17:04.839
 rooting for him

00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:05.779
 and on his team,

00:17:05.919 --> 00:17:06.359
 you are.

00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:08.759
 As a wife,

00:17:08.839 --> 00:17:09.299
 you need to be

00:17:09.299 --> 00:17:10.639
 on your husband's team.

00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:12.980
 You need to be part,

00:17:13.039 --> 00:17:13.899
 you need to be behind

00:17:13.899 --> 00:17:15.059
 things that are going on.

00:17:15.059 --> 00:17:16.279
 I want you to understand,

00:17:16.440 --> 00:17:17.139
 and this is even more

00:17:17.139 --> 00:17:17.960
 critical today,

00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:18.339
 I think,

00:17:18.399 --> 00:17:19.159
 because of the lack

00:17:19.159 --> 00:17:20.240
 of fathers in the home.

00:17:20.539 --> 00:17:21.919
 Because guys who are raised

00:17:21.919 --> 00:17:23.259
 by strong fathers,

00:17:24.019 --> 00:17:25.339
 this impacts less

00:17:25.339 --> 00:17:26.559
 than those who were raised

00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:27.399
 without fathers

00:17:27.399 --> 00:17:28.859
 or fathers that beat them down.

00:17:29.099 --> 00:17:30.059
 Because oftentimes,

00:17:31.019 --> 00:17:33.919
 men can become very fragile

00:17:33.919 --> 00:17:35.039
 in their self-image

00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:36.619
 because of how others

00:17:36.619 --> 00:17:38.220
 have treated them throughout.

00:17:38.339 --> 00:17:39.379
 They never measure up.

00:17:39.659 --> 00:17:40.339
 One of the things

00:17:40.339 --> 00:17:40.919
 as a wife

00:17:40.919 --> 00:17:41.940
 to help your husband

00:17:41.940 --> 00:17:43.799
 is to be on his team.

00:17:45.160 --> 00:17:46.019
 To be there

00:17:46.019 --> 00:17:46.660
 to encourage

00:17:46.660 --> 00:17:47.539
 and to strengthen.

00:17:50.039 --> 00:17:51.660
 You'll accomplish more

00:17:51.660 --> 00:17:53.660
 change in your man

00:17:53.660 --> 00:17:54.680
 by praising them

00:17:54.680 --> 00:17:56.220
 by criticizing and nagging.

00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:57.100
 It's amazing

00:17:57.100 --> 00:17:58.420
 how often you hear a guy

00:17:58.420 --> 00:17:59.100
 have an affair

00:17:59.100 --> 00:17:59.680
 with somebody

00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:00.960
 who's far less attractive

00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:01.799
 than his wife,

00:18:02.420 --> 00:18:03.160
 and you say,

00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:04.200
 how could that be?

00:18:04.299 --> 00:18:05.039
 Well, a lot of times

00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:06.240
 it's because that other woman

00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.240
 praises him.

00:18:08.519 --> 00:18:09.039
 You might say,

00:18:09.080 --> 00:18:09.779
 well, that's shallow.

00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:10.759
 No, that's reality.

00:18:11.059 --> 00:18:11.860
 As a wife,

00:18:11.859 --> 00:18:13.500
 you need to pay attention

00:18:13.500 --> 00:18:17.159
 to how you honor

00:18:17.159 --> 00:18:18.359
 and respect

00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:19.639
 and to build up

00:18:19.639 --> 00:18:20.699
 your husband.

00:18:20.859 --> 00:18:21.399
 If you want to,

00:18:21.719 --> 00:18:22.759
 you'll want to dramatically

00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:23.919
 reduce the likelihood

00:18:23.919 --> 00:18:24.699
 of your husband

00:18:24.699 --> 00:18:25.659
 having an affair,

00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:26.799
 you be the one

00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:27.639
 that praises him.

00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:29.059
 Now, let's look for a moment.

00:18:29.559 --> 00:18:30.019
 Go over to the book

00:18:30.019 --> 00:18:31.139
 of Proverbs for a moment

00:18:31.139 --> 00:18:33.000
 because this is exactly

00:18:33.000 --> 00:18:34.179
 what God warns about.

00:18:34.459 --> 00:18:35.059
 Let's get a couple

00:18:35.059 --> 00:18:35.939
 of volunteers here.

00:18:36.019 --> 00:18:37.139
 I need Proverbs chapter 2

00:18:37.139 --> 00:18:37.839
 and verse 16.

00:18:37.939 --> 00:18:38.639
 You got that one, Lou?

00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:41.340
 How about Proverbs 5,

00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:43.640
 3 through 5?

00:18:43.700 --> 00:18:44.380
 Who's got that one?

00:18:44.580 --> 00:18:45.780
 5, 3 through 5.

00:18:45.840 --> 00:18:46.520
 You got that one, Matt?

00:18:47.580 --> 00:18:48.200
 You got that one for me?

00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:49.520
 Proverbs 7, 21.

00:18:49.860 --> 00:18:50.780
 Can you grab that one, Lance?

00:18:52.060 --> 00:18:52.660
 And then,

00:18:52.740 --> 00:18:54.280
 while you're there,

00:18:54.360 --> 00:18:54.820
 you can get

00:18:54.820 --> 00:18:57.460
 Proverbs 7, 4, too,

00:18:57.540 --> 00:18:58.280
 since you're in the chapter,

00:18:58.500 --> 00:18:59.200
 if you would.

00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:00.539
 The Bible perspective

00:19:00.539 --> 00:19:01.400
 puts it this way.

00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:02.420
 The Bible talks about

00:19:02.420 --> 00:19:03.460
 a strange woman.

00:19:05.140 --> 00:19:06.920
 Now, a strange woman here

00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:08.039
 is not just somebody

00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:09.100
 that's weird or different.

00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:12.019
 The strange woman

00:19:12.019 --> 00:19:13.700
 is the one that's estranged

00:19:13.700 --> 00:19:14.400
 from the guy

00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:15.500
 who's married

00:19:15.500 --> 00:19:16.460
 that's not his wife.

00:19:16.700 --> 00:19:17.660
 Notice what the Bible

00:19:17.660 --> 00:19:18.340
 says here,

00:19:18.440 --> 00:19:19.600
 Proverbs 2, 16.

00:19:22.600 --> 00:19:24.600
 Ah, the woman who does what?

00:19:26.740 --> 00:19:28.100
 Flatters with her words.

00:19:28.099 --> 00:19:30.699
 Now, we talked a little bit

00:19:30.699 --> 00:19:31.919
 about flattery this morning

00:19:31.919 --> 00:19:33.039
 and the dangers of it,

00:19:34.119 --> 00:19:36.019
 but while flattery is dangerous,

00:19:36.199 --> 00:19:38.219
 sometimes it catches us,

00:19:38.419 --> 00:19:39.379
 and you have to be careful.

00:19:39.539 --> 00:19:39.759
 How about,

00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.119
 when we understand

00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:43.319
 flattereth her with her words,

00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:44.219
 I want you to understand

00:19:44.219 --> 00:19:45.179
 it's not so much

00:19:45.179 --> 00:19:46.959
 about the actions

00:19:46.959 --> 00:19:48.059
 as much as her words.

00:19:48.139 --> 00:19:49.539
 She tells him how funny he is,

00:19:49.579 --> 00:19:50.879
 how strong, how smart.

00:19:51.179 --> 00:19:52.099
 Those are things that

00:19:52.099 --> 00:19:54.679
 they want to hear,

00:19:54.980 --> 00:19:55.699
 and if he hears it

00:19:55.699 --> 00:19:56.559
 from somebody else,

00:19:56.599 --> 00:19:57.219
 what's going to happen?

00:19:57.220 --> 00:19:58.160
 That's going to be the one

00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.000
 that gets the attention.

00:20:00.980 --> 00:20:01.920
 One of the best things

00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:02.539
 you can do

00:20:02.539 --> 00:20:03.940
 is to guard against that

00:20:03.940 --> 00:20:05.120
 is by building up

00:20:05.120 --> 00:20:07.259
 your husband.

00:20:09.220 --> 00:20:11.180
 Proverbs 5, 3-5.

00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:11.839
 Can you read that one?

00:20:11.839 --> 00:20:27.399
 All right.

00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:28.819
 Think about that.

00:20:28.879 --> 00:20:30.359
 For the lips of a strange woman

00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:31.779
 drop as a honeycomb.

00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:34.039
 Her mouth is smoother than oil.

00:20:34.519 --> 00:20:35.519
 Flattery is the tool

00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:36.419
 that opens the door.

00:20:36.679 --> 00:20:37.579
 If you want to protect

00:20:37.579 --> 00:20:38.959
 your husband from flattery

00:20:38.959 --> 00:20:39.879
 from some other woman,

00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:40.960
 make sure that you're

00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:41.640
 on his side.

00:20:43.660 --> 00:20:44.440
 Make sure that you're

00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:45.680
 encouraging and you're

00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:46.220
 telling.

00:20:46.380 --> 00:20:47.860
 What's Proverbs chapter 7?

00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:49.200
 What's verse 21 say, Lance?

00:20:49.760 --> 00:20:50.960
 Proverbs 7.1.

00:20:51.100 --> 00:20:52.720
 With her much-cared feet,

00:20:52.900 --> 00:20:53.960
 she talks into you.

00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:55.660
 With the flat on her lips,

00:20:55.860 --> 00:20:56.500
 she forced him.

00:20:57.060 --> 00:20:57.500
 Okay.

00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:00.320
 Consider the reality there.

00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:01.580
 What's the dynamic?

00:21:01.980 --> 00:21:03.440
 Was it a physical thing

00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:04.540
 that made the big difference?

00:21:04.539 --> 00:21:07.859
 What made the difference there?

00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:08.139
 What?

00:21:09.639 --> 00:21:11.019
 The words, the speech,

00:21:11.339 --> 00:21:12.180
 a critical thing.

00:21:12.639 --> 00:21:14.720
 And what does Proverbs 7.4 say?

00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:16.200
 Proverbs 7.4.

00:21:16.319 --> 00:21:16.879
 Say unto you,

00:21:17.139 --> 00:21:18.180
 bow off my sister,

00:21:18.639 --> 00:21:19.619
 and call on her standing

00:21:19.619 --> 00:21:20.480
 like him for you.

00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:21.240
 Okay.

00:21:21.339 --> 00:21:22.180
 We need wisdom.

00:21:22.359 --> 00:21:23.139
 Say unto wisdom.

00:21:23.259 --> 00:21:24.200
 Why do we need wisdom?

00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:26.720
 To keep us from the strange woman.

00:21:27.379 --> 00:21:28.059
 Now, guys,

00:21:28.139 --> 00:21:28.879
 I want you to understand

00:21:28.879 --> 00:21:29.920
 what I'm not saying.

00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.539
 Just because some woman

00:21:32.539 --> 00:21:33.400
 flatters you

00:21:33.400 --> 00:21:34.220
 and your wife isn't,

00:21:34.279 --> 00:21:35.460
 it doesn't give you an excuse.

00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:39.200
 That's not what the preacher's saying.

00:21:40.840 --> 00:21:42.320
 What the preacher is saying,

00:21:42.420 --> 00:21:43.360
 be careful of it.

00:21:44.800 --> 00:21:46.320
 Guys, we need to be careful.

00:21:46.920 --> 00:21:48.640
 Wives, you need to be careful.

00:21:50.220 --> 00:21:51.960
 Because if you're always critical

00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:53.360
 at home about everything,

00:21:53.500 --> 00:21:54.080
 what, there's going to be

00:21:54.080 --> 00:21:55.140
 some lady come by

00:21:55.140 --> 00:21:56.720
 that won't be critical

00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:57.920
 and get attention.

00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:58.560
 And get attention.

00:21:58.920 --> 00:21:59.759
 We need to understand

00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:01.900
 the importance of that.

00:22:03.740 --> 00:22:05.640
 If you want to keep him at home

00:22:05.640 --> 00:22:06.900
 and keep the fire burning,

00:22:07.060 --> 00:22:07.759
 build him up.

00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:08.700
 You're there.

00:22:08.820 --> 00:22:09.500
 The Bible says,

00:22:09.640 --> 00:22:10.680
 as his spouse,

00:22:10.800 --> 00:22:11.660
 you are his helpmate.

00:22:13.060 --> 00:22:14.380
 Part of being that helpmate

00:22:14.380 --> 00:22:15.820
 is being on his team.

00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:18.820
 Being there.

00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:20.120
 To understand,

00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:21.140
 because every man

00:22:21.140 --> 00:22:22.000
 wants somebody

00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:23.720
 to be somebody's hero.

00:22:24.300 --> 00:22:25.840
 He might as well be yours

00:22:25.840 --> 00:22:27.900
 or he'll be somebody else's.

00:22:28.920 --> 00:22:30.240
 I want you to understand

00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:30.860
 the importance

00:22:30.860 --> 00:22:32.440
 because we're going to talk here

00:22:32.440 --> 00:22:33.100
 a little bit about

00:22:33.100 --> 00:22:34.720
 three ways to never change

00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:35.220
 your husband.

00:22:36.759 --> 00:22:38.539
 Most wives look at their husband

00:22:38.539 --> 00:22:38.840
 and say,

00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:39.560
 well, I wish there were

00:22:39.560 --> 00:22:40.820
 some things I could change.

00:22:41.980 --> 00:22:43.340
 There's always something they do

00:22:43.340 --> 00:22:44.720
 that is just kind of,

00:22:44.740 --> 00:22:46.259
 sometimes gets irritating.

00:22:47.100 --> 00:22:48.779
 Just maybe it's always

00:22:48.779 --> 00:22:49.640
 getting a new cup

00:22:49.640 --> 00:22:50.320
 out of the cabinet

00:22:50.320 --> 00:22:51.779
 to get a drink of water.

00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:52.800
 I mean, there's little things

00:22:52.800 --> 00:22:53.140
 throughout.

00:22:53.300 --> 00:22:54.820
 Maybe it's where the socks end up

00:22:54.820 --> 00:22:56.180
 or you have all the things.

00:22:56.180 --> 00:22:56.880
 It's funny because

00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:58.160
 as we're just,

00:22:58.340 --> 00:23:01.420
 I'm talking to one of the young couples

00:23:01.420 --> 00:23:02.620
 just got married this summer

00:23:02.620 --> 00:23:04.420
 and the thing was,

00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:05.360
 you didn't cover about

00:23:05.360 --> 00:23:06.539
 arguments over blankets.

00:23:07.500 --> 00:23:09.440
 I mean, it's ironic though,

00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:10.320
 but it is true.

00:23:11.720 --> 00:23:12.460
 I mean, there's things

00:23:12.460 --> 00:23:13.100
 that when you begin

00:23:13.100 --> 00:23:14.539
 as a married couple

00:23:14.539 --> 00:23:15.220
 living together,

00:23:15.340 --> 00:23:16.220
 there's some transition

00:23:16.220 --> 00:23:17.240
 and things you find out

00:23:17.240 --> 00:23:17.820
 about somebody

00:23:17.820 --> 00:23:18.799
 that you didn't know.

00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:22.379
 there was no way

00:23:22.379 --> 00:23:23.519
 to know beforehand.

00:23:26.639 --> 00:23:28.200
 But I want you to understand

00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:29.480
 there's three things

00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:30.579
 you need to be careful of

00:23:30.579 --> 00:23:31.659
 that are never going to work.

00:23:32.859 --> 00:23:34.440
 There's three items

00:23:34.440 --> 00:23:35.119
 you can do

00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:36.039
 that I guarantee you

00:23:36.039 --> 00:23:36.599
 will fail

00:23:36.599 --> 00:23:37.879
 and do the opposite effect

00:23:37.879 --> 00:23:38.720
 of what you want to do.

00:23:39.299 --> 00:23:40.879
 The first one is nagging.

00:23:43.299 --> 00:23:43.740
 Nagging,

00:23:43.819 --> 00:23:45.419
 it usually makes it worse,

00:23:45.500 --> 00:23:46.000
 not better.

00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:47.740
 Number two is criticizing,

00:23:48.099 --> 00:23:48.779
 especially

00:23:48.779 --> 00:23:50.900
 in front of others.

00:23:51.220 --> 00:23:52.119
 You should never

00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:54.000
 tear down your spouse

00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:55.240
 in front of others.

00:23:56.920 --> 00:23:58.160
 If you want to hurt

00:23:58.160 --> 00:23:59.099
 your relationship,

00:23:59.940 --> 00:24:02.059
 that's a number one way

00:24:02.059 --> 00:24:04.019
 to create a problem,

00:24:04.299 --> 00:24:06.500
 to tear down your spouse

00:24:06.500 --> 00:24:07.440
 in front of others.

00:24:08.539 --> 00:24:10.000
 Ladies, if you tear down

00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:10.559
 your husband

00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:11.440
 in front of others,

00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:13.839
 you're doing

00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:14.819
 a double destruction.

00:24:14.819 --> 00:24:16.419
 You're not going to

00:24:16.419 --> 00:24:17.439
 get the end results

00:24:17.439 --> 00:24:19.939
 because it erodes confidence.

00:24:20.519 --> 00:24:21.759
 Criticism makes men

00:24:21.759 --> 00:24:22.599
 defensive

00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:25.740
 in their actions

00:24:25.740 --> 00:24:27.339
 and in their responses,

00:24:27.679 --> 00:24:28.960
 especially in public.

00:24:29.319 --> 00:24:29.599
 You say,

00:24:30.299 --> 00:24:31.519
 well, maybe they shouldn't be.

00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:32.519
 No, I want you to understand

00:24:32.519 --> 00:24:33.819
 that's the way God made us

00:24:33.819 --> 00:24:34.659
 and there's some attributes

00:24:34.659 --> 00:24:35.399
 from that

00:24:35.399 --> 00:24:37.079
 that help accomplish

00:24:37.079 --> 00:24:37.939
 other things

00:24:37.939 --> 00:24:38.799
 like anything else.

00:24:38.879 --> 00:24:39.319
 Our attributes

00:24:39.319 --> 00:24:40.319
 always have to be kept

00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:41.240
 in a godly order

00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:42.159
 and a godly check.

00:24:42.439 --> 00:24:43.259
 We need to understand

00:24:43.259 --> 00:24:44.220
 God wants us

00:24:44.220 --> 00:24:45.279
 to use those things

00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:46.339
 for the right reasons.

00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:49.660
 The reality is this,

00:24:49.700 --> 00:24:50.920
 you'll catch more flies

00:24:50.920 --> 00:24:51.519
 with honey.

00:24:58.859 --> 00:24:59.379
 Nagging,

00:25:00.140 --> 00:25:00.759
 criticizing,

00:25:01.759 --> 00:25:02.759
 and then we haven't done

00:25:02.759 --> 00:25:03.420
 the next one yet.

00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:05.319
 We're just getting ready

00:25:05.319 --> 00:25:05.839
 to get into that.

00:25:06.779 --> 00:25:07.740
 The next one is

00:25:07.740 --> 00:25:08.799
 physical punishment.

00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:11.259
 That's how we'll phrase it.

00:25:12.359 --> 00:25:13.579
 Now, I want you to understand

00:25:13.579 --> 00:25:14.720
 this is not smacking them

00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:15.339
 with your fist

00:25:15.339 --> 00:25:16.139
 or a rolling pin.

00:25:16.399 --> 00:25:17.559
 I want you to understand

00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:19.119
 this here is by withholding

00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:20.259
 marital relationship

00:25:20.259 --> 00:25:24.700
 using sex as a tool

00:25:24.700 --> 00:25:25.460
 or a weapon.

00:25:25.700 --> 00:25:27.159
 This is a common philosophy

00:25:27.159 --> 00:25:28.240
 that does nothing

00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:29.500
 but destroy a marriage.

00:25:29.500 --> 00:25:30.200
 Take a look over

00:25:30.200 --> 00:25:31.799
 into 1 Corinthians 7.

00:25:32.119 --> 00:25:33.680
 1 Corinthians 7.

00:25:34.019 --> 00:25:35.039
 Look down at verse 3.

00:25:35.299 --> 00:25:36.180
 Look here at verse 3.

00:25:36.279 --> 00:25:36.480
 It says,

00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:38.180
 Let the husband render

00:25:38.180 --> 00:25:38.920
 unto the wife

00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:40.019
 due benevolence

00:25:40.019 --> 00:25:42.200
 and likewise also

00:25:42.200 --> 00:25:43.539
 the wife unto the husband.

00:25:44.200 --> 00:25:45.700
 The wife hath not power

00:25:45.700 --> 00:25:46.640
 of her own body

00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:47.360
 but the husband

00:25:47.360 --> 00:25:48.240
 and likewise also

00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:49.500
 the husband hath not power

00:25:49.500 --> 00:25:50.799
 of his own body

00:25:50.799 --> 00:25:51.500
 but the wife.

00:25:52.120 --> 00:25:53.759
 Defraud ye not one another

00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:55.000
 except it be with consent

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:55.599
 for a time

00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:56.559
 that you may give yourselves

00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:57.620
 to fasting and prayer

00:25:57.620 --> 00:25:59.120
 and come together again

00:25:59.120 --> 00:26:00.240
 that Satan tempt you

00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:02.299
 not for your inconstancy.

00:26:02.740 --> 00:26:03.480
 I want you to understand

00:26:03.480 --> 00:26:06.360
 the reality of the marital relationship

00:26:06.360 --> 00:26:10.740
 is part of your relationship

00:26:10.740 --> 00:26:11.519
 of being married.

00:26:12.519 --> 00:26:13.940
 If that ceases

00:26:13.940 --> 00:26:16.440
 because somebody's using it

00:26:16.440 --> 00:26:17.680
 as a weapon or a tool

00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:19.799
 it's going to have

00:26:19.799 --> 00:26:20.960
 an opposite impact

00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:21.660
 of what you want.

00:26:21.900 --> 00:26:22.519
 It's not going to be

00:26:22.519 --> 00:26:23.160
 as effective

00:26:23.160 --> 00:26:24.640
 of what you think it may be

00:26:24.640 --> 00:26:26.799
 because the reality is

00:26:26.799 --> 00:26:28.380
 is you're inviting an affair.

00:26:29.599 --> 00:26:30.579
 Because consider

00:26:30.579 --> 00:26:32.099
 usually along with this

00:26:32.099 --> 00:26:32.740
 is the same thing

00:26:32.740 --> 00:26:33.799
 we talked about earlier

00:26:33.799 --> 00:26:34.659
 is criticizing,

00:26:36.019 --> 00:26:36.899
 tearing down,

00:26:38.339 --> 00:26:39.279
 that nagging,

00:26:39.439 --> 00:26:40.959
 that dynamics

00:26:40.959 --> 00:26:41.980
 that take place

00:26:41.980 --> 00:26:44.539
 that tear down the husband

00:26:44.539 --> 00:26:45.719
 instead of build him up.

00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:47.959
 And you think about

00:26:47.959 --> 00:26:49.099
 how much more susceptible

00:26:49.099 --> 00:26:51.740
 is that relationship

00:26:51.740 --> 00:26:53.139
 if there's other problems

00:26:53.139 --> 00:26:53.719
 at home.

00:26:54.519 --> 00:26:55.319
 All he does

00:26:55.319 --> 00:26:56.359
 is get tore down.

00:26:57.459 --> 00:26:59.119
 His wife rejects him.

00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:01.719
 And some woman

00:27:01.719 --> 00:27:02.439
 comes along

00:27:02.439 --> 00:27:03.379
 and begins to flatter

00:27:03.379 --> 00:27:04.099
 in what directions

00:27:04.099 --> 00:27:04.779
 is going to happen.

00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:06.039
 You're opening a door

00:27:06.039 --> 00:27:07.019
 that you don't want to open.

00:27:07.299 --> 00:27:08.179
 I want you to understand

00:27:08.179 --> 00:27:08.699
 the importance.

00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:09.239
 That's the reason

00:27:09.239 --> 00:27:10.559
 the Bible talks

00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:12.079
 very expressly about this

00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:13.119
 because you do not

00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:14.299
 belong to yourself.

00:27:15.399 --> 00:27:16.599
 When you get married

00:27:16.599 --> 00:27:17.979
 you belong to one another.

00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:20.879
 And we don't have time

00:27:20.879 --> 00:27:22.000
 to get into all the details

00:27:22.000 --> 00:27:23.079
 of that in this forum.

00:27:23.679 --> 00:27:25.099
 But I want you to understand

00:27:25.099 --> 00:27:26.479
 the importance of that.

00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:27.819
 Because if you don't

00:27:27.819 --> 00:27:29.519
 you're inviting an affair.

00:27:30.360 --> 00:27:31.279
 Because a husband

00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:32.140
 will respond

00:27:32.140 --> 00:27:33.360
 with these three weapons

00:27:33.360 --> 00:27:36.120
 are very simply put out

00:27:36.120 --> 00:27:37.079
 because men are going to

00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:38.740
 do one of three things

00:27:38.740 --> 00:27:41.519
 in response to this.

00:27:42.519 --> 00:27:43.400
 The nagging,

00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:44.299
 the criticizing,

00:27:44.819 --> 00:27:46.220
 using physical punishment.

00:27:46.400 --> 00:27:47.539
 Men are going to respond

00:27:47.539 --> 00:27:49.279
 to these three weapons

00:27:49.279 --> 00:27:50.160
 you're trying to use

00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:50.880
 against them

00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:51.940
 this way.

00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:53.460
 Some will clam up

00:27:53.460 --> 00:27:55.799
 and not want to be around you

00:27:55.799 --> 00:27:56.819
 so they'll look for things

00:27:56.819 --> 00:27:57.740
 to do away from home

00:27:57.740 --> 00:27:58.339
 all the time.

00:27:58.599 --> 00:27:59.359
 That's a reality.

00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:00.399
 I know guys

00:28:00.399 --> 00:28:01.000
 that intentionally

00:28:01.000 --> 00:28:02.039
 stay away from home.

00:28:04.779 --> 00:28:05.899
 I want you to understand

00:28:05.899 --> 00:28:06.899
 as a married couple

00:28:06.899 --> 00:28:08.159
 you guys ought to desire

00:28:08.159 --> 00:28:09.119
 to be together.

00:28:09.480 --> 00:28:10.039
 It ought not to be

00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:10.960
 what can I excuse

00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:11.819
 to be away

00:28:11.819 --> 00:28:14.480
 what things aren't

00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:15.079
 as important

00:28:15.079 --> 00:28:15.919
 as being there.

00:28:16.259 --> 00:28:16.879
 Now I'm not saying

00:28:16.879 --> 00:28:17.799
 that there's not things

00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:18.500
 you do a part

00:28:18.500 --> 00:28:18.839
 or do.

00:28:19.180 --> 00:28:20.419
 I want you to see

00:28:20.419 --> 00:28:21.339
 the big picture here.

00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:22.980
 It's intentionally saying

00:28:22.980 --> 00:28:25.259
 oh there's extra overtime.

00:28:25.579 --> 00:28:26.759
 I don't really need the money

00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:27.680
 but I'm going to stay at work

00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:28.140
 that way

00:28:28.140 --> 00:28:29.900
 we don't have much time

00:28:29.900 --> 00:28:30.599
 at home together.

00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:33.339
 She can't beat on me

00:28:33.339 --> 00:28:34.120
 if I'm not there.

00:28:34.420 --> 00:28:35.559
 Some will blow up

00:28:35.559 --> 00:28:39.660
 sometimes violently

00:28:39.660 --> 00:28:40.860
 to let off steam

00:28:40.860 --> 00:28:42.279
 that is built up.

00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:43.960
 They'll either clam up

00:28:43.960 --> 00:28:44.819
 they'll blow up

00:28:44.819 --> 00:28:47.680
 and some will just give up.

00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:48.660
 Sometimes it's just

00:28:48.660 --> 00:28:50.220
 it becomes the point

00:28:50.220 --> 00:28:52.740
 of it's just not worth it.

00:28:52.900 --> 00:28:53.940
 When you understand

00:28:53.940 --> 00:28:54.400
 that's

00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:55.940
 these are dynamics

00:28:55.940 --> 00:28:56.740
 that take place

00:28:56.740 --> 00:28:57.759
 in marriages today.

00:28:59.880 --> 00:29:00.839
 These are elements

00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:01.539
 that are working

00:29:01.539 --> 00:29:02.799
 in our current marriages.

00:29:03.360 --> 00:29:04.019
 These are things

00:29:04.019 --> 00:29:04.620
 that are working

00:29:04.620 --> 00:29:05.140
 in those

00:29:05.140 --> 00:29:05.980
 who are looking

00:29:05.980 --> 00:29:06.660
 to be married.

00:29:06.980 --> 00:29:07.579
 These are things

00:29:07.579 --> 00:29:08.680
 you need to understand

00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:10.000
 before you enter in

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:11.420
 of the critical nature

00:29:11.420 --> 00:29:12.420
 of being friends

00:29:12.420 --> 00:29:14.120
 and the dynamics of it.

00:29:17.180 --> 00:29:18.079
 So let me put

00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:19.440
 some positive on this.

00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:20.539
 what can you ladies

00:29:20.539 --> 00:29:21.340
 continue to do

00:29:21.340 --> 00:29:22.059
 that are going to help?

00:29:22.840 --> 00:29:24.220
 One is pray for him.

00:29:25.600 --> 00:29:26.680
 Don't take it all

00:29:26.680 --> 00:29:27.779
 into your own hands.

00:29:28.580 --> 00:29:29.519
 Realize that God

00:29:29.519 --> 00:29:30.620
 can do more for him

00:29:30.620 --> 00:29:31.120
 in a moment

00:29:31.120 --> 00:29:31.820
 than you could do

00:29:31.820 --> 00:29:32.539
 in your lifetime.

00:29:32.820 --> 00:29:34.039
 The reality is

00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:35.200
 is to praise him.

00:29:36.860 --> 00:29:37.680
 Look over to

00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:38.880
 1 Peter chapter 3

00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:39.440
 for a moment.

00:29:40.360 --> 00:29:41.640
 1 Peter chapter 3

00:29:41.640 --> 00:29:42.279
 look down here

00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:42.960
 in verse 1

00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:43.480
 it says

00:29:43.480 --> 00:29:43.940
 likewise

00:29:43.940 --> 00:29:45.240
 you wives

00:29:45.240 --> 00:29:46.220
 be in subjection

00:29:46.220 --> 00:29:47.279
 to your own husbands

00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:48.779
 that if any

00:29:48.779 --> 00:29:49.859
 obey not the word

00:29:49.859 --> 00:29:50.399
 that they may

00:29:50.399 --> 00:29:51.160
 without the word

00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:51.980
 be won by the

00:29:51.980 --> 00:29:52.700
 conversation

00:29:52.700 --> 00:29:53.639
 of their wives

00:29:53.639 --> 00:29:55.579
 that's not just words

00:29:55.579 --> 00:29:57.019
 that's the way

00:29:57.019 --> 00:29:57.480
 they live

00:29:57.480 --> 00:29:58.579
 that word conversation

00:29:58.579 --> 00:29:59.839
 there involves

00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:00.480
 more than

00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:01.559
 just words

00:30:01.559 --> 00:30:03.460
 it's action

00:30:03.460 --> 00:30:05.619
 while they hold

00:30:05.619 --> 00:30:06.200
 their chaste

00:30:06.200 --> 00:30:07.119
 conversation

00:30:07.119 --> 00:30:08.180
 coupled with fear

00:30:08.180 --> 00:30:09.539
 whose adorning

00:30:09.539 --> 00:30:10.339
 let it not be

00:30:10.339 --> 00:30:11.500
 that outward adorning

00:30:11.500 --> 00:30:12.180
 of the plating

00:30:12.180 --> 00:30:12.980
 of the hair

00:30:12.980 --> 00:30:13.899
 and wearing of gold

00:30:13.899 --> 00:30:14.460
 or putting on

00:30:14.460 --> 00:30:14.940
 of apparel

00:30:14.940 --> 00:30:16.079
 but let it be

00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:16.640
 the hidden

00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:17.799
 man of the heart

00:30:17.799 --> 00:30:18.400
 in which is

00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:19.620
 not corruptible

00:30:19.620 --> 00:30:20.340
 even the ornament

00:30:20.340 --> 00:30:21.000
 of a meek

00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:21.960
 and quiet spirit

00:30:21.960 --> 00:30:22.880
 which is in the sight

00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:23.380
 of God

00:30:23.380 --> 00:30:25.259
 of great price.

00:30:26.759 --> 00:30:27.519
 I want you to

00:30:27.519 --> 00:30:28.019
 understand

00:30:28.019 --> 00:30:29.019
 prayer and a good

00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:29.519
 spirit

00:30:29.519 --> 00:30:31.799
 but also

00:30:31.799 --> 00:30:32.579
 the sixth thing

00:30:32.579 --> 00:30:33.160
 we find here

00:30:33.160 --> 00:30:33.779
 is a commitment

00:30:33.779 --> 00:30:35.380
 to unconditional love.

00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:36.420
 When people get

00:30:36.420 --> 00:30:36.819
 married

00:30:36.819 --> 00:30:37.600
 you need to be

00:30:37.600 --> 00:30:38.299
 understanding

00:30:38.299 --> 00:30:38.799
 what you're

00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:39.440
 entering into.

00:30:39.740 --> 00:30:40.519
 You're saying

00:30:40.519 --> 00:30:41.120
 on that day

00:30:41.120 --> 00:30:42.039
 you get married

00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:44.279
 that it's

00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:45.339
 an unconditional

00:30:45.339 --> 00:30:46.799
 love.

00:30:46.920 --> 00:30:47.359
 I'm making

00:30:47.359 --> 00:30:48.039
 a commitment

00:30:48.039 --> 00:30:49.319
 to you

00:30:49.319 --> 00:30:50.500
 no matter

00:30:50.500 --> 00:30:51.180
 what.

00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:51.839
 That's not

00:30:51.839 --> 00:30:52.319
 to be entered

00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:53.019
 into lightly

00:30:53.019 --> 00:30:54.299
 because you need

00:30:54.299 --> 00:30:54.879
 to understand

00:30:54.879 --> 00:30:55.859
 the ramifications

00:30:55.859 --> 00:30:56.519
 of what you're

00:30:56.519 --> 00:30:56.859
 saying

00:30:56.859 --> 00:30:58.220
 because life

00:30:58.220 --> 00:30:58.720
 is not going

00:30:58.720 --> 00:30:59.299
 to be easy

00:30:59.299 --> 00:31:01.259
 but I want

00:31:01.259 --> 00:31:01.940
 you to understand

00:31:01.940 --> 00:31:03.139
 having an attitude

00:31:03.139 --> 00:31:05.000
 and an understanding

00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:05.740
 saying I'm

00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:06.420
 entering into

00:31:06.420 --> 00:31:07.819
 this on a

00:31:07.819 --> 00:31:08.619
 long term

00:31:08.619 --> 00:31:09.680
 permanent basis

00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:10.200
 from the very

00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:10.639
 get go.

00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:13.340
 and to act

00:31:13.340 --> 00:31:13.920
 accordingly.

00:31:14.380 --> 00:31:14.980
 I can't just

00:31:14.980 --> 00:31:15.780
 trade it off

00:31:15.780 --> 00:31:16.480
 and this is not

00:31:16.480 --> 00:31:17.160
 a test drive.

00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:18.140
 People try to

00:31:18.140 --> 00:31:18.880
 test drive

00:31:18.880 --> 00:31:19.900
 marriage today

00:31:19.900 --> 00:31:20.840
 and when they're

00:31:20.840 --> 00:31:21.520
 test driving

00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:22.020
 they actually

00:31:22.020 --> 00:31:22.840
 destroy the

00:31:22.840 --> 00:31:23.740
 very foundation

00:31:23.740 --> 00:31:24.600
 that they need

00:31:24.600 --> 00:31:25.000
 to build.

00:31:25.340 --> 00:31:26.000
 Instead of doing

00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:26.680
 what the world

00:31:26.680 --> 00:31:27.280
 says

00:31:27.280 --> 00:31:28.259
 well see if

00:31:28.259 --> 00:31:28.920
 you're compatible

00:31:28.920 --> 00:31:29.460
 I want you

00:31:29.460 --> 00:31:30.000
 to understand

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.360
 your conversation

00:31:31.360 --> 00:31:32.160
 all the things

00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:32.759
 prior to

00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:33.200
 is how you

00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:33.660
 find out

00:31:33.660 --> 00:31:34.100
 whether you're

00:31:34.100 --> 00:31:34.540
 compatible

00:31:34.540 --> 00:31:35.540
 and how you

00:31:35.540 --> 00:31:35.900
 think

00:31:35.900 --> 00:31:36.759
 how you process

00:31:36.759 --> 00:31:37.840
 how everything

00:31:37.840 --> 00:31:38.740
 comes together

00:31:38.740 --> 00:31:39.460
 are you in

00:31:39.460 --> 00:31:39.920
 agreement

00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:40.500
 on these

00:31:40.500 --> 00:31:40.819
 things

00:31:40.819 --> 00:31:41.079
 are you

00:31:41.079 --> 00:31:41.819
 moving the

00:31:41.819 --> 00:31:42.559
 same direction

00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:43.099
 on these

00:31:43.099 --> 00:31:43.559
 things

00:31:43.559 --> 00:31:45.680
 because if

00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:45.960
 you're not

00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:46.620
 doing those

00:31:46.620 --> 00:31:46.940
 things

00:31:46.940 --> 00:31:47.500
 the rest of

00:31:47.500 --> 00:31:47.880
 it's never

00:31:47.880 --> 00:31:48.120
 going to

00:31:48.120 --> 00:31:48.680
 come together.

00:31:49.059 --> 00:31:49.420
 I want you

00:31:49.420 --> 00:31:49.980
 to understand

00:31:49.980 --> 00:31:50.660
 it's not

00:31:50.660 --> 00:31:51.380
 love that

00:31:51.380 --> 00:31:51.920
 sustains

00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:52.620
 your commitment

00:31:52.620 --> 00:31:53.880
 it's commitment

00:31:53.880 --> 00:31:54.680
 that sustains

00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:55.240
 your love.

00:31:57.000 --> 00:31:57.680
 An unconditional

00:31:57.680 --> 00:31:58.519
 love says

00:31:58.519 --> 00:31:59.460
 I have chosen

00:31:59.460 --> 00:32:00.539
 to love you

00:32:00.539 --> 00:32:01.680
 and there's

00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:02.319
 nothing you're

00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:02.819
 going to do

00:32:02.819 --> 00:32:03.200
 that's going

00:32:03.200 --> 00:32:03.740
 to change it.

00:32:03.980 --> 00:32:04.859
 That unconditional

00:32:04.859 --> 00:32:05.480
 love

00:32:05.480 --> 00:32:07.480
 love is

00:32:07.480 --> 00:32:10.039
 a feeling.

00:32:11.720 --> 00:32:12.960
 Love is not

00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:14.000
 an emotion

00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:15.279
 in that context

00:32:15.279 --> 00:32:15.779
 when it comes

00:32:15.779 --> 00:32:16.319
 to marriage.

00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:19.539
 Love is a

00:32:19.539 --> 00:32:19.960
 commitment.

00:32:21.039 --> 00:32:21.660
 Love is a

00:32:21.660 --> 00:32:22.240
 promise.

00:32:22.900 --> 00:32:23.420
 It's something

00:32:23.420 --> 00:32:24.339
 that's a mental

00:32:24.339 --> 00:32:25.620
 astute and a

00:32:25.620 --> 00:32:26.420
 choice that's

00:32:26.420 --> 00:32:27.180
 attached to it

00:32:27.180 --> 00:32:28.279
 to say I

00:32:28.279 --> 00:32:29.180
 have chosen

00:32:29.180 --> 00:32:30.220
 you.

00:32:30.220 --> 00:32:31.099
 If you don't

00:32:31.099 --> 00:32:31.539
 enter into

00:32:31.539 --> 00:32:32.319
 marriage saying

00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:33.380
 I have chosen

00:32:33.380 --> 00:32:34.240
 this person

00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:35.500
 no matter

00:32:35.500 --> 00:32:36.039
 what

00:32:36.039 --> 00:32:38.359
 I'm going

00:32:38.359 --> 00:32:38.819
 to invest

00:32:38.819 --> 00:32:39.720
 everything

00:32:39.720 --> 00:32:40.579
 into it

00:32:40.579 --> 00:32:41.900
 there'll be

00:32:41.900 --> 00:32:42.380
 a problem

00:32:42.380 --> 00:32:42.980
 because I

00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:43.319
 want you

00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:43.799
 to understand

00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:44.079
 if you

00:32:44.079 --> 00:32:44.620
 come in

00:32:44.620 --> 00:32:45.220
 with an

00:32:45.220 --> 00:32:46.359
 understanding

00:32:46.359 --> 00:32:46.880
 of an

00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:47.579
 unconditional

00:32:47.579 --> 00:32:48.180
 love

00:32:48.180 --> 00:32:48.779
 commitment

00:32:48.779 --> 00:32:51.880
 the emotion

00:32:51.880 --> 00:32:52.620
 will still

00:32:52.620 --> 00:32:53.200
 be attached

00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:53.660
 to it

00:32:53.660 --> 00:32:54.180
 but you

00:32:54.180 --> 00:32:54.519
 can have

00:32:54.519 --> 00:32:55.259
 the emotion

00:32:55.259 --> 00:32:57.099
 will come

00:32:57.099 --> 00:32:57.579
 and go

00:32:57.579 --> 00:32:57.960
 if there's

00:32:57.960 --> 00:32:58.140
 not

00:32:58.140 --> 00:32:58.519
 commitment

00:32:58.519 --> 00:33:00.779
 there has

00:33:00.779 --> 00:33:01.120
 to be a

00:33:01.120 --> 00:33:01.680
 commitment

00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:03.279
 to it

00:33:03.279 --> 00:33:05.200
 these are

00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:05.720
 essential

00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:06.420
 things

00:33:06.420 --> 00:33:07.160
 when it

00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:07.779
 comes to

00:33:07.779 --> 00:33:08.519
 being married

00:33:08.519 --> 00:33:09.000
 and being

00:33:09.000 --> 00:33:10.259
 best friends

00:33:10.259 --> 00:33:11.220
 together

00:33:11.220 --> 00:33:13.099
 and I hope

00:33:13.099 --> 00:33:13.599
 maybe this

00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:13.960
 has helped

00:33:13.960 --> 00:33:14.359
 some

00:33:14.359 --> 00:33:15.559
 these are

00:33:15.559 --> 00:33:15.960
 things that

00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:16.559
 are essential

00:33:16.559 --> 00:33:17.220
 and critical

00:33:17.220 --> 00:33:18.220
 to relationships

00:33:18.220 --> 00:33:19.240
 put them

00:33:19.240 --> 00:33:20.019
 into practice

00:33:20.019 --> 00:33:21.859
 you're not

00:33:21.859 --> 00:33:22.519
 testing what

00:33:22.519 --> 00:33:22.980
 the preacher

00:33:22.980 --> 00:33:23.399
 says

00:33:23.399 --> 00:33:23.899
 you're testing

00:33:23.899 --> 00:33:24.420
 what God

00:33:24.420 --> 00:33:24.759
 says

00:33:24.759 --> 00:33:25.359
 how can

00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:25.740
 you say

00:33:25.740 --> 00:33:26.039
 that

00:33:26.039 --> 00:33:27.399
 I can rest

00:33:27.399 --> 00:33:27.680
 assured

00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:28.160
 if you put

00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:28.740
 into practice

00:33:28.740 --> 00:33:29.299
 what God

00:33:29.299 --> 00:33:29.639
 says

00:33:29.639 --> 00:33:30.019
 it's going

00:33:30.019 --> 00:33:30.359
 to turn

00:33:30.359 --> 00:33:30.639
 out

00:33:30.639 --> 00:33:31.099
 and turn

00:33:31.099 --> 00:33:31.319
 in a

00:33:31.319 --> 00:33:31.779
 direction

00:33:31.779 --> 00:33:33.259
 that it

00:33:33.259 --> 00:33:33.579
 ought to

00:33:33.579 --> 00:33:34.059
 because you

00:33:34.059 --> 00:33:34.399
 have to do

00:33:34.399 --> 00:33:35.039
 your part

00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:36.339
 in that

00:33:36.339 --> 00:33:37.539
 and so

00:33:37.539 --> 00:33:38.659
 hopefully this

00:33:38.659 --> 00:33:39.299
 series in the

00:33:39.299 --> 00:33:39.960
 last few weeks

00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:40.639
 have been helpful

00:33:40.639 --> 00:33:41.899
 and beneficial

00:33:41.899 --> 00:33:42.619
 maybe even to

00:33:42.619 --> 00:33:43.500
 yourself or to

00:33:43.500 --> 00:33:43.859
 others

00:33:43.859 --> 00:33:45.519
 because we all

00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:46.359
 have people that

00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:47.159
 we see that are

00:33:47.159 --> 00:33:47.939
 dealing with these

00:33:47.939 --> 00:33:48.619
 things or we're

00:33:48.619 --> 00:33:49.139
 dealing with them

00:33:49.139 --> 00:33:49.639
 ourselves

00:33:49.639 --> 00:33:50.740
 or we have

00:33:50.740 --> 00:33:51.339
 people that are

00:33:51.339 --> 00:33:52.259
 young people that

00:33:52.259 --> 00:33:52.839
 look to get

00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:53.179
 married

00:33:53.179 --> 00:33:53.740
 these are things

00:33:53.740 --> 00:33:54.139
 you need to

00:33:54.139 --> 00:33:54.599
 enter into

00:33:54.599 --> 00:33:55.200
 with your eyes

00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:55.599
 open

00:33:55.599 --> 00:33:58.240
 and understand

00:33:58.240 --> 00:33:59.240
 the realities

00:33:59.240 --> 00:34:02.000
 and what it

00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:02.700
 takes to be

00:34:02.700 --> 00:34:03.259
 married for

00:34:03.259 --> 00:34:04.000
 40 or 50

00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:04.460
 years

00:34:04.460 --> 00:34:05.279
 to celebrate

00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:06.200
 things together

00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:08.260
 to go through

00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:09.019
 the good times

00:34:09.019 --> 00:34:09.820
 the bad times

00:34:09.820 --> 00:34:10.679
 the rough times

00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:11.599
 the smooth times

00:34:11.599 --> 00:34:12.639
 all those things

00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:12.940
 are going to

00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:13.260
 happen

00:34:13.260 --> 00:34:14.460
 marriage is not

00:34:14.460 --> 00:34:15.460
 a straight line

00:34:15.460 --> 00:34:16.239
 it's sometimes

00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:17.079
 a bumpy road

00:34:17.079 --> 00:34:17.780
 with great things

00:34:17.780 --> 00:34:18.400
 along the way

00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:19.860
 but it's worth it

00:34:19.860 --> 00:34:20.579
 it's worth

00:34:20.579 --> 00:34:22.599
 the investment

00:34:22.599 --> 00:34:23.260
 to be best

00:34:23.260 --> 00:34:23.739
 friends

00:34:23.739 --> 00:34:25.619
 with your spouse

00:34:25.619 --> 00:34:27.599
 let's pray

00:34:27.599 --> 00:34:28.119
 heavenly fathers

00:34:28.119 --> 00:34:28.500
 as we come

00:34:28.500 --> 00:34:28.880
 before you

00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:29.339
 this morning

00:34:29.339 --> 00:34:29.619
 lord

00:34:29.619 --> 00:34:30.440
 we're just

00:34:30.440 --> 00:34:30.980
 thankful for

00:34:30.980 --> 00:34:31.119
 you