WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.720 God. Please turn to Genesis 2 and 1 Corinthians 7. You can follow your bulletins on the screen 00:00:09.720 --> 00:00:18.080 or your own Bible. Starting in Genesis 2, 18, we read, 00:00:19.019 --> 00:00:27.640 Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit 00:00:27.640 --> 00:00:38.280 for him. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and 00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:47.340 they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. 00:00:47.340 --> 00:00:53.260 Then in 1 Corinthians 7, we read, 00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:57.980 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, 00:00:58.780 --> 00:01:03.540 It's good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman, 00:01:04.260 --> 00:01:08.020 but because of the temptation to sexual immorality, 00:01:09.020 --> 00:01:12.920 each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 00:01:12.920 --> 00:01:20.560 The husband should give his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 00:01:21.500 --> 00:01:27.060 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. 00:01:28.599 --> 00:01:33.680 Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:40.120 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, 00:01:40.120 --> 00:01:43.040 that you may default yourselves to prayer. 00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:50.680 But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 00:01:52.140 --> 00:01:56.280 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this, 00:01:57.120 --> 00:02:00.340 I wish that all were as I myself am, 00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:03.380 but each has his own gift from God, 00:02:03.880 --> 00:02:05.460 one of one kind, 00:02:05.980 --> 00:02:07.380 and one of another. 00:02:07.379 --> 00:02:14.960 To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it's good for them to remain single as I am. 00:02:15.879 --> 00:02:19.000 But if they cannot exercise self-control, 00:02:19.740 --> 00:02:20.939 they should marry. 00:02:21.859 --> 00:02:26.280 For it's better to marry than to burn with passion. 00:02:27.460 --> 00:02:28.800 This is the Word of God. 00:02:30.180 --> 00:02:31.479 Thank you, Joanne. 00:02:32.419 --> 00:02:36.180 Let's just pray together as we come before God's Word. 00:02:36.180 --> 00:02:42.920 Heavenly Father, we gather this morning as a church family with you, Christ, the head of our church. 00:02:43.819 --> 00:02:49.480 We've come together because we want to worship you and give you the praise that is due to your name. 00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:54.240 We come together before you because our hearts were made for you, 00:02:54.340 --> 00:02:57.439 and we will forever be restless until we find our rest in you. 00:02:58.140 --> 00:03:00.680 We've come together to hear from you, God. 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:05.560 Lord Jesus, thank you so much that you haven't just left us to our own devices. 00:03:05.560 --> 00:03:09.159 You've given us your Word, and you've given us your Spirit, and we need both of them. 00:03:09.240 --> 00:03:11.979 We need your Word to speak life to us. 00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:16.900 We need your Spirit to come and write that Word in our hearts, God. 00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:19.099 And so we pray for both of those this morning, Lord. 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:24.240 We pray that you will speak to us from your Word, and we pray that your Spirit will draw near to us. 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:29.360 God, once again, in this series, as we talk about these very real things, 00:03:29.460 --> 00:03:32.400 we ask God that anything that is not of you, God, 00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:35.400 I really pray to fall in deaf ears, may it just fall by the wayside. 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:39.920 We are not interested in the opinions of man, whether it's culture or church. 00:03:39.980 --> 00:03:41.719 We want to know the will of God. 00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:42.800 We want to walk in your will. 00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:45.180 So come and speak to us, we pray. 00:03:47.340 --> 00:03:48.219 Come and have your way. 00:03:48.280 --> 00:03:52.939 God, I pray also this morning just that you'll flood us with your gospel grace, God. 00:03:53.640 --> 00:03:56.600 These very sensitive topics, God, can bring up so much pain. 00:03:56.700 --> 00:03:58.480 We pray for your grace to wash over us. 00:03:58.540 --> 00:04:00.560 And so come, Lord Jesus, come. 00:04:01.300 --> 00:04:04.060 We pray this in your wonderful and your gracious name. 00:04:04.880 --> 00:04:05.200 Amen. 00:04:06.020 --> 00:04:06.340 Amen. 00:04:06.340 --> 00:04:06.460 Amen. 00:04:07.640 --> 00:04:12.900 We are going through this series called Gender, Sex, Relationships, and God. 00:04:12.980 --> 00:04:19.060 And we're looking at these really big themes and topics of life, themes that actually affect all of us, 00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:23.100 whether you're married or single or dating or engaged or widowed or divorced. 00:04:23.340 --> 00:04:26.040 These themes actually impact all of our lives. 00:04:26.759 --> 00:04:31.160 And the last two weeks, we've looked at the topic of marriage, two weeks ago, 00:04:31.220 --> 00:04:33.300 and then last week, we looked at the topic of sex. 00:04:33.300 --> 00:04:36.639 And I want to encourage you, if you weren't able to listen to those, 00:04:36.699 --> 00:04:42.439 I really want to ask you to go back onto the website or YouTube or the app and listen to those talks. 00:04:43.540 --> 00:04:50.100 Especially Chris' talk last week, I personally think that that was one of the best sermons I've ever heard on the topic of sex. 00:04:50.180 --> 00:04:51.040 And I've heard many. 00:04:51.580 --> 00:04:54.120 And I really want to encourage you, if you missed it, to go and listen to it. 00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:55.319 It was outstanding. 00:04:56.080 --> 00:04:57.460 And I think that will really help us. 00:04:57.480 --> 00:04:59.360 So I want to encourage you to do that. 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:06.540 Now, this morning, we are looking at the topic of cohabitation, which can be defined in many ways. 00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:11.620 But broadly speaking, I want to include three things under the topic of cohabitation. 00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:20.040 It mainly means a couple that are dating or in a romantic relationship who are not married and choose to live together, 00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:24.580 okay, in a romantic relationship, almost like a husband and wife relationship. 00:05:24.579 --> 00:05:31.719 I think I can also include under this umbrella people maybe that are dating and staying over at each other's houses. 00:05:31.939 --> 00:05:37.240 So on the weekend, it's just easier to stay over rather than go back home and just staying over each other's houses. 00:05:37.699 --> 00:05:42.839 And I think a third thing we can include in this is even going away on holidays together and sharing a hotel room. 00:05:42.919 --> 00:05:46.339 So all of these topics under the theme of cohabitation. 00:05:46.339 --> 00:05:49.899 Now, as we dive in, I want to just say one thing up front. 00:05:50.039 --> 00:05:54.199 If you're married this morning, don't feel like, oh, okay, this is not for me. 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:57.659 And, you know, think about your shopping list and the emails you need to send. 00:05:58.439 --> 00:06:00.000 This is important for all of us. 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:02.359 And the reason is because the church is a family. 00:06:02.479 --> 00:06:03.919 We're not just a group of individuals. 00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:05.500 We're a church family. 00:06:06.159 --> 00:06:10.519 And one of the things about the family is it's a diverse family with people in different stages of life. 00:06:10.519 --> 00:06:17.959 And the reason God constitutes the church like this is so that we can walk with and encourage each other in different stages of life. 00:06:18.060 --> 00:06:22.579 And maybe you're here this morning and you're married and you feel like, okay, this doesn't directly apply to me. 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:30.959 But actually God's called you to serve the church family as a mentoring role or to walk with the couple that are dating or considering or processing. 00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:38.319 And so I want us as a church family to think what is God's word to us as a family, not just to those people that are on this stage of life. 00:06:38.319 --> 00:06:38.920 Okay. 00:06:39.159 --> 00:06:42.420 Next week we're going to continue on this theme as well. 00:06:42.899 --> 00:06:45.319 Next week we're going to talk about gender and transgender. 00:06:45.879 --> 00:06:47.420 And then the week after that's singleness. 00:06:47.779 --> 00:06:47.939 Okay. 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:49.719 So that's where we're going the next little while. 00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:57.240 Now on April 29th, 2011, I don't guess many of us remember where we were. 00:06:57.300 --> 00:06:59.339 It wasn't quite like the Twin Towers or something. 00:06:59.420 --> 00:07:05.259 But many people on that day, April 29th, 2011, were glued to their TV screens. 00:07:05.259 --> 00:07:14.819 And the reason is because the second in line to the throne of the King of England, Prince William, married Kate Middleton. 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:15.199 Okay. 00:07:15.219 --> 00:07:20.019 And millions of people around the world watched the royal wedding of the century. 00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:27.159 And Prince William and Kate had been living together for a couple of months or years before that. 00:07:27.160 --> 00:07:36.620 And the Archbishop of York, the second highest official in the Church of England, he supported the couple's decision to live together before marriage. 00:07:36.680 --> 00:07:37.660 And this is what he said. 00:07:38.220 --> 00:07:46.660 He said, we are living at a time when some people, as my daughter likes to say, want to test whether the milk is good before they buy the cow. 00:07:47.180 --> 00:07:47.400 Okay. 00:07:48.140 --> 00:07:50.760 Now, we don't really come from an agrarian society. 00:07:50.759 --> 00:07:56.039 What I hear people say is, I want to test drive the car before I buy it. 00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:57.360 Does that resonate? 00:07:57.500 --> 00:07:58.180 Does that make sense? 00:07:58.659 --> 00:07:58.800 Okay. 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:04.439 And so, the Archbishop of York says, that's just where we're at in society. 00:08:05.620 --> 00:08:12.439 And in many ways, this sums up a lot of our modern culture's view to relationships and marriage and sexuality and that. 00:08:12.439 --> 00:08:22.519 And so, it'll come as no surprise when we hear that statistically, more and more people are choosing to live together before marriage or instead of marriage. 00:08:23.339 --> 00:08:37.460 In the United States, the percentage of people that choose to cohabit, in other words, live together outside of marriage, between the year 2000 and 2010, so just a short period of time, increased 35%. 00:08:37.460 --> 00:08:40.919 36% increase in the numbers in a short 10-year period of time. 00:08:40.919 --> 00:08:48.639 And from 1960 to presently, it has increased 2,000%, so 20-fold the number of people that are choosing to live together. 00:08:49.179 --> 00:08:51.000 But that's true in Hong Kong as well. 00:08:51.699 --> 00:08:59.000 Between the year of 2011 and 2013, so just a very short two-year period, they did a poll. 00:08:59.339 --> 00:09:07.559 And the number of people that are actually living together either before marriage or instead of marriage is a good idea, that increased 20%. 00:09:07.559 --> 00:09:14.319 So, 20% increase said, actually, I think this is a good idea, in a two-year period, between 2011 and 2013. 00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:24.819 At the same time, over half of all young adults, 15 to 35 in Hong Kong, agree, no, it's a good idea that we live together either before marriage or instead of marriage altogether. 00:09:24.820 --> 00:09:30.680 And so, it's no surprise that in Hong Kong, the marriage rates are in steep decline. 00:09:30.900 --> 00:09:35.120 The last eight years in a row, the recorded marriages have decreased every year. 00:09:35.620 --> 00:09:40.379 And 2019 was the lowest number of marriages since 2003. 00:09:40.780 --> 00:09:44.160 Okay, so the last 16 years, 2019 was the lowest number. 00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:51.699 I'm glad to see we've got some people, Justin Annabelle and Zee and Helen, that are trying their best to raise the numbers again and lift the record. 00:09:51.839 --> 00:09:54.500 So, we are right behind you guys here in Hong Kong. 00:09:55.360 --> 00:10:03.259 So, essentially, there's this massive trend across the world, started in the West because of the sexual revolution, 1960s. 00:10:03.480 --> 00:10:10.759 But moving East as well, where more and more people are choosing, let's just live together rather than actually commit to marriage. 00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:12.919 And there's a couple of reasons for this. 00:10:12.919 --> 00:10:17.299 The first reason is because marriage is generally just seen as irrelevant. 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:18.860 What's the point, right? 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:20.399 We can just live together. 00:10:20.860 --> 00:10:23.019 We can live like a married couple. 00:10:23.219 --> 00:10:24.779 We can enjoy sexual intimacy. 00:10:25.039 --> 00:10:26.259 We can pool our resources. 00:10:26.819 --> 00:10:34.459 We can share the burdens of domestic life without the commitment or being tied down or needing to go through the ceremony of a wedding day. 00:10:34.759 --> 00:10:37.559 Okay, so it's just seen as this is just simpler and easier. 00:10:38.279 --> 00:10:42.279 Another reason is because of the hurt and the pain that people have experienced. 00:10:42.279 --> 00:10:47.779 Maybe somebody grew up in a home where there was a messy divorce or breakdown of family. 00:10:48.459 --> 00:10:51.279 And the trauma of that feels like, I don't want to go through that again. 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:53.519 And so, it's just, actually, it's just easier. 00:10:53.659 --> 00:10:59.399 If we live together, then if it doesn't work out, we don't need to go through the trauma of divorce again. 00:10:59.399 --> 00:11:01.100 Or maybe some people have gone through divorce. 00:11:01.259 --> 00:11:04.240 And they don't want to get married again, but they still want companionship. 00:11:04.319 --> 00:11:07.899 And so, they choose to go through cohabitation. 00:11:08.679 --> 00:11:11.980 One of the main reasons is before people get married. 00:11:12.079 --> 00:11:13.379 So, they engage to be married. 00:11:13.500 --> 00:11:19.600 And they think, listen, if we come together, we can save money just for the couple of months leading up to our wedding. 00:11:19.779 --> 00:11:21.539 This will be financially beneficial. 00:11:21.539 --> 00:11:24.819 And we can kind of get our lives in order before the wedding day. 00:11:24.980 --> 00:11:26.899 So, pre-nuptial, before marriage. 00:11:27.599 --> 00:11:33.059 But by far, the biggest reason across all the research is that it's a form. 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:35.879 People see it as a form of testing the relationship, right? 00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:37.219 So, people are dating. 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:38.259 It's serious. 00:11:38.519 --> 00:11:40.339 We want to see if we think we can get married. 00:11:40.919 --> 00:11:45.039 Well, the best way to do it is to test and see how compatible we are. 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:47.559 So, if we move in together, we can see our lifestyles. 00:11:47.620 --> 00:11:48.339 How do you live? 00:11:48.419 --> 00:11:49.219 How do I live? 00:11:49.539 --> 00:11:54.719 Whether we're financially compatible, sexually compatible, all sorts of kinds of compatibility. 00:11:55.839 --> 00:11:56.019 Okay? 00:11:56.219 --> 00:12:00.679 As Dr. Johnson Thomas said, we want to test the milk before buying the car. 00:12:00.959 --> 00:12:01.120 Okay? 00:12:01.259 --> 00:12:04.299 Test drive the car before you pay down that deposit. 00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:12.939 What I want us to see today is that even though some of those fears and feelings are really real. 00:12:12.940 --> 00:12:20.940 And if you've come from a family that's experienced a breakdown in a family, maybe your parents got divorced or you've experienced a divorce, those feelings are real. 00:12:23.000 --> 00:12:33.560 But as real as those feelings and those fears are, I want us to see that God says that cohabitation is actually like a counterfeit kind of marriage. 00:12:34.420 --> 00:12:36.040 It's a counterfeit marriage. 00:12:36.039 --> 00:12:45.240 And that God's design and pattern is always that the depth of intimacy we experience, both emotional but also sexual and physical, 00:12:45.819 --> 00:12:51.179 is always to be governed by the depth of commitment that we've made to one another. 00:12:51.179 --> 00:13:00.199 And so over and against the idea of cohabitation as a legitimate alternative to marriage or as a precursor to marriage, 00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:11.239 God calls His people not to live together as a husband and wife kind of relationship before we actually go through our wedding vows and our marriage. 00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:13.799 And there's good reasons why God says that. 00:13:13.899 --> 00:13:14.019 Okay? 00:13:14.019 --> 00:13:15.360 So this is the big idea today. 00:13:15.500 --> 00:13:21.919 Even though those feelings are real, those fears are real, actually cohabitation is kind of a counterfeit version of marriage. 00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:24.819 It's a substitute for marriage. 00:13:25.399 --> 00:13:27.740 And it's always going to end in pain and destruction. 00:13:27.960 --> 00:13:31.439 And God's got good reason why He calls us not to do that. 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:31.799 Okay? 00:13:31.860 --> 00:13:34.240 And I want to give us four reasons for that. 00:13:34.299 --> 00:13:40.980 I want to give us a biblical reason, an ethical reason, a pragmatic reason, and then a Christian reason. 00:13:40.980 --> 00:13:41.379 Okay? 00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:45.100 Biblically, ethically, pragmatically, Christianly. 00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:45.399 Okay? 00:13:45.460 --> 00:13:46.139 So that's where we're going. 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:48.960 So first one, let's look at biblically. 00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:54.139 As we've seen, this is going to be the longest one, then we'll dive into the next three. 00:13:54.300 --> 00:14:01.259 As we've seen over the last few weeks, in Scripture, God has a clear design and a purpose for both marriage and sex and sexuality. 00:14:02.039 --> 00:14:06.879 And what we see is that marriage and sex are intrinsically meant to go together. 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:11.019 And when we divorce them from one another, it's always going to end up in pain and destruction. 00:14:11.899 --> 00:14:15.679 And we see this actually in Genesis 2, the passage that Joanne read to us. 00:14:16.220 --> 00:14:24.340 Right in the beginning, God's design, Genesis 2 is the prototype for what marriage should be like before sin enters the world and messes things up. 00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:27.019 And so we go back to the original design. 00:14:27.139 --> 00:14:28.919 What was the creator's intention? 00:14:29.100 --> 00:14:30.419 And we see that in Genesis 2. 00:14:30.419 --> 00:14:34.699 And there we see, God says, it's not good for man to be alone. 00:14:34.839 --> 00:14:36.279 I will make a helper fit for him. 00:14:36.620 --> 00:14:36.699 Okay? 00:14:36.719 --> 00:14:42.819 And the word helper there is someone who brings their strength to cover your weaknesses. 00:14:43.019 --> 00:14:46.059 It's a compatibility, a complementarity. 00:14:47.019 --> 00:14:53.519 And then God says, therefore, a man will leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:56.599 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. 00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:57.319 Okay? 00:14:58.079 --> 00:14:59.819 And so we see here a clear order. 00:14:59.820 --> 00:15:08.220 It's leave father and mother, be united to your wife, cling to your wife, and then shameless, joyful intimacy, naked intimacy. 00:15:08.420 --> 00:15:08.520 Okay? 00:15:08.520 --> 00:15:10.100 There's a clear pattern and an order. 00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:16.280 And in the New Testament, when people come to Jesus and ask him about marriage and divorce and how does this thing work, 00:15:16.680 --> 00:15:22.360 Jesus goes back to Genesis 2, to this pattern, and says, well, let's go back to the original author's intention. 00:15:22.580 --> 00:15:24.040 Let's see what the design was. 00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:25.839 And he quotes this passage. 00:15:26.599 --> 00:15:31.839 Leave father and mother, be united to your wife, and then joyful, free, shameless intimacy. 00:15:32.179 --> 00:15:32.399 Okay? 00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:36.579 And we see the same thing in Corinthians 7 that Joanne read to us. 00:15:36.939 --> 00:15:40.579 What's happening in Corinthians, there's some unusual situation going on there. 00:15:40.639 --> 00:15:41.579 We don't know what it is. 00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:45.399 But later on, he writes and he says, because of the present distressful situation. 00:15:45.399 --> 00:15:47.459 So there's something going on in Corinth. 00:15:47.579 --> 00:15:49.000 It could be that there's persecution. 00:15:49.639 --> 00:15:52.519 It could be there's something that's causing angst in the community. 00:15:53.100 --> 00:15:55.459 And there's some people that are engaged to be married. 00:15:56.079 --> 00:15:58.259 And so they're saying to Paul, well, what should we do? 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:00.319 Should we get married quickly? 00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:03.959 Should we hold off and not get married because we don't know what the future holds? 00:16:04.340 --> 00:16:08.759 Or maybe we should just move in together and kind of like just weather the storm. 00:16:08.899 --> 00:16:11.519 And then when the storm has passed, then we'll have a wedding ceremony. 00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:11.960 Okay? 00:16:13.159 --> 00:16:19.879 And Paul writes in this passage and he says, listen, because of the present situation, I suggest just remain single. 00:16:19.980 --> 00:16:20.919 Don't get married. 00:16:21.100 --> 00:16:25.299 But the one thing you're not to do is to move in like you are married. 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:32.340 He says that if you can't hold out because your passion is too strong, okay, it's fine to get married. 00:16:32.419 --> 00:16:33.079 You haven't sinned. 00:16:33.159 --> 00:16:33.679 That's okay. 00:16:34.500 --> 00:16:37.159 But either marry or remain as you are. 00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:40.600 But what you shouldn't do is move in kind of like a counterfeit marriage. 00:16:40.600 --> 00:16:42.340 She says here in verse 8. 00:16:42.420 --> 00:16:43.320 I don't know if you picked that up. 00:16:44.019 --> 00:16:48.720 To the unmarried and to the widows, I say to you, it's good for them to remain single, as I am. 00:16:49.080 --> 00:16:52.420 But if they cannot exercise the self-control, let them marry. 00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:54.840 It's better to be married than to burn with passion. 00:16:55.580 --> 00:16:57.159 So Paul's saying, single is fine. 00:16:57.300 --> 00:16:58.139 Marriage is good. 00:16:58.500 --> 00:16:59.279 Both of these are good. 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:01.279 The present situation, I suggest you wait. 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:04.680 But don't give yourself over to sin. 00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:06.539 That's going to be the worst thing that you can do. 00:17:06.539 --> 00:17:18.480 Okay, so God's design, order design for relationships to flourish is for joy-filled sexual intimacy to always follow the uniting, the one flesh union in marriage. 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:19.019 Okay? 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:21.319 Now, there's a couple of reasons for this. 00:17:22.579 --> 00:17:27.139 As we said, God's design is that sex and intimacy are always joined together. 00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:33.119 That sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy is wedded to or married to the depth of commitment that we make. 00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:34.439 And Chris spoke about this last week. 00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:42.559 And one of the reasons for that is sex is such a powerful and important aspect of married life. 00:17:43.139 --> 00:17:45.919 Sex is so much more than just body on body, skin on skin. 00:17:46.119 --> 00:17:48.039 It's really a soul on soul. 00:17:48.699 --> 00:17:54.000 There's a deep union of our spirits, our souls, in a very, very deep level. 00:17:54.679 --> 00:17:57.099 Scripture talks about the two becoming one. 00:17:57.099 --> 00:18:04.839 And the physical union of sexual intimacy is a picture of what happens on a very deep soul level as well. 00:18:05.559 --> 00:18:11.559 And so when you say your vows and you say, with all that I am and all that I have, I give myself to you for my whole life. 00:18:12.159 --> 00:18:19.500 Sexual intimacy is meant to be the physical but also the spiritual consummation of those vows, of the two becoming one flesh. 00:18:19.980 --> 00:18:21.519 Here, listen to how John Piper says it. 00:18:21.559 --> 00:18:22.579 He explains it really well. 00:18:22.579 --> 00:18:36.359 He says this, sexual intimacy is a sacred physical, mental, emotional, as well as spiritual consummation of the sacred vows made before God in a moment. 00:18:36.679 --> 00:18:42.619 When God himself really does join two people together in a one flesh union. 00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:48.379 What Piper is saying there is that marriage is not just a physical one flesh union. 00:18:48.380 --> 00:18:57.360 Sexual intimacy is the physical expression of something that happens in a deep mental, emotional, spiritual, soulish level. 00:18:58.100 --> 00:19:01.000 And so that's why God brings these two things together. 00:19:01.100 --> 00:19:03.820 For sex and marriage to always be united together. 00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:05.660 This is God's design. 00:19:07.040 --> 00:19:11.340 Now, a couple of questions or objections. 00:19:11.339 --> 00:19:20.819 Some people might say, okay, but I've looked in the Bible and nowhere in the Bible does it say you need to have a wedding ceremony to be married, right? 00:19:21.259 --> 00:19:27.119 Or maybe you have heard people say, maybe you thought this, but we married in God's eyes, right? 00:19:27.500 --> 00:19:29.299 We just said, hey, I love you, you love me. 00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:30.899 In God's eyes, we married together. 00:19:31.639 --> 00:19:33.959 But that's not actually quite right. 00:19:34.099 --> 00:19:35.740 That's not what the Bible says. 00:19:35.740 --> 00:19:42.160 Do you remember in John chapter 4, Jesus encounters this lady at a well and he says to her, hey, go and call your husband. 00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:44.079 And she says, I don't have a husband. 00:19:44.900 --> 00:19:45.799 And Jesus says, you're right. 00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:48.859 You've had five husbands, but the man you're living with now is not your husband. 00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:49.480 That's right. 00:19:50.339 --> 00:19:51.140 What's Jesus saying? 00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:58.940 Both Jesus and the lady are affirming that as sincere as they may be, living together is not the same as marriage. 00:19:59.559 --> 00:20:01.700 And actually we see this in Hebrews chapter 13. 00:20:01.819 --> 00:20:02.940 Hebrews 13 says this. 00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:04.519 I think we've got it on the slide. 00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:07.240 Marriage should be honored by all. 00:20:07.400 --> 00:20:11.059 And the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral. 00:20:11.619 --> 00:20:14.859 Now the word there, marriage, is the word gamos in Greek. 00:20:15.180 --> 00:20:17.619 And it doesn't refer to the institution of marriage. 00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:20.839 It actually means a wedding feast or wedding ceremony. 00:20:21.579 --> 00:20:28.079 And what the rite of Hebrews is saying here is when you gather with your family and your friends in public and made your vow, 00:20:28.279 --> 00:20:31.379 that wedding feast, you've got to honor those vows. 00:20:31.380 --> 00:20:37.400 And so actually in the Bible, marriage is not just two people saying, hey, I love you, you love me, let's do this thing. 00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:46.100 It's a public, permanent, exclusive, legal commitment that you make before friends and family saying, I'm in this for life. 00:20:46.099 --> 00:20:46.959 And you're in this for life. 00:20:47.059 --> 00:20:49.559 And we're asking you to hold us accountable. 00:20:50.379 --> 00:20:53.719 So Zee and Helen and I have been talking about their wedding in two weeks' time. 00:20:54.319 --> 00:20:58.299 And in the vows, Zee is going to say some vows to Helen. 00:20:58.740 --> 00:21:00.599 Helen is going to say a vow to Zee. 00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:05.779 And then we're going to ask the congregation, do you as their friends and family hear these vows? 00:21:05.859 --> 00:21:07.139 Are you going to hold them accountable? 00:21:07.639 --> 00:21:11.019 Because marriage isn't just two people saying, hey, let's do life together. 00:21:11.399 --> 00:21:20.679 It's a public, permanent, exclusive, legal, lifelong commitment in front of your friends and family saying we committed for the rest of our lives. 00:21:20.699 --> 00:21:22.019 And you get to hold us accountable. 00:21:22.019 --> 00:21:26.059 Here's another thing we often hear people say. 00:21:26.519 --> 00:21:28.500 I don't know if you've heard this or thought this yourself. 00:21:29.019 --> 00:21:32.839 Why do I need a piece of paper to prove that I love you? 00:21:33.619 --> 00:21:34.639 Why do I need a piece of paper? 00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:36.279 Why do I need a sign on the dotted line? 00:21:36.359 --> 00:21:40.779 Can't I just say that I love you and just, why do I need a piece of paper to prove my commitment to you? 00:21:41.660 --> 00:21:48.639 But if you think about it, is there any other circumstance in life when that would fly, right? 00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:52.380 Imagine someone comes and says, hey, I love you so much. 00:21:52.820 --> 00:21:55.820 With all that I am, all that I have, I give myself to you. 00:21:56.300 --> 00:21:58.140 And you say, hey, I so appreciate that. 00:21:58.360 --> 00:22:00.180 Can we say that in front of our friends and family? 00:22:00.300 --> 00:22:04.000 You say, no, no, no, I'm not ready to go that far, right? 00:22:04.560 --> 00:22:05.420 What are they saying? 00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:08.880 They say, I love you, but I don't love you that much, right? 00:22:09.720 --> 00:22:13.300 Imagine someone comes to you and says, listen, I want you to come and work for me. 00:22:13.740 --> 00:22:17.040 I've got a big project coming up, and it's going to be demanding. 00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:18.619 You're going to work 12 hours a day. 00:22:18.980 --> 00:22:20.039 You're going to travel loads. 00:22:20.099 --> 00:22:21.319 You're not going to see much of your family. 00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:22.480 It's going to be demanding. 00:22:22.579 --> 00:22:24.039 I'm going to ask everything of you. 00:22:24.700 --> 00:22:29.000 But at the end of this project, 12 months, you're going to get 20% equity in the deal. 00:22:29.519 --> 00:22:31.599 $20 million is coming your way, okay? 00:22:31.740 --> 00:22:34.480 It's going to be a grueling 12 months, but $20 million. 00:22:35.539 --> 00:22:37.180 And you say, oh, it sounds appealing. 00:22:37.299 --> 00:22:39.180 I've been trying to save for a house, an apartment. 00:22:40.339 --> 00:22:40.920 Okay, I'm in. 00:22:40.980 --> 00:22:42.180 Where can I sign on the line? 00:22:42.359 --> 00:22:44.420 And they say, no, no, no, we don't do contracts just here. 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:46.240 It's just a gentleman's agreement, right? 00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:49.039 How many of us are going to agree to that? 00:22:50.500 --> 00:22:55.359 No, no, but when someone says, hey, I love you, but don't ask me to commit to it, what 00:22:55.359 --> 00:22:55.879 are they saying? 00:22:55.960 --> 00:22:58.539 They're saying, I love you, but I don't love you that much. 00:22:59.960 --> 00:23:04.339 Marriage, when someone says, actually, I'm willing to commit, when we sign on the line 00:23:04.339 --> 00:23:08.519 between friends and family, here I am, all that I am, I give myself to you. 00:23:08.519 --> 00:23:11.619 That's actually what it requires to love one another. 00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:13.920 And so it's not the piece of paper that proves it. 00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:18.799 It's your willingness to stand before friends and family and make a public vow to be held 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:19.220 accountable. 00:23:19.980 --> 00:23:22.379 That's what proves your love to one another. 00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:28.099 Friends, if you're a Christian this morning, part of what it means to live in relationship 00:23:28.099 --> 00:23:29.879 with God is that we take God at His word. 00:23:30.780 --> 00:23:33.300 We know that God is good, and we take Him at His word. 00:23:33.460 --> 00:23:37.800 And a Christian is someone who, by the grace of God, is learning to love God and trust Him 00:23:37.800 --> 00:23:39.140 and obey Him. 00:23:39.660 --> 00:23:42.240 Someone's coming to see that self-autonomy is the way of death. 00:23:42.840 --> 00:23:45.100 And in the Bible, in Genesis 3, we see it. 00:23:45.120 --> 00:23:46.100 We're going to look at it next week. 00:23:46.440 --> 00:23:47.720 In Matthew 4, we see it. 00:23:47.760 --> 00:23:49.840 And we see it in 21st century Hong Kong. 00:23:50.400 --> 00:23:54.460 The devil always comes to God's people and says, has God really said that? 00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:56.400 Are you sure is that what God said? 00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:00.460 And He always comes and He says, God doesn't want you to be happy. 00:24:01.080 --> 00:24:03.580 If God really wanted you to be happy, He wouldn't make this rule. 00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:09.200 Friends, Jesus asks us to follow Him and trust Him, not because He's trying to minimize our 00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:11.180 joy, but because He wants to maximize it. 00:24:11.800 --> 00:24:13.160 God wants us to flourish. 00:24:13.320 --> 00:24:15.420 He wants our relationships to flourish. 00:24:15.540 --> 00:24:18.740 He wants us to maximize our pleasure, not minimize it. 00:24:19.220 --> 00:24:20.320 He says, come and trust Me. 00:24:20.840 --> 00:24:23.400 Okay, so that's the first reason, biblically. 00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:25.680 Secondly, ethical reason. 00:24:27.259 --> 00:24:32.140 There's a professor of economics at the University of San Francisco called Bruce Wydick. 00:24:32.920 --> 00:24:37.519 And Bruce Wydick, he actually specializes in behavioral economics. 00:24:37.700 --> 00:24:41.000 So he's written lots of papers on poverty and globalization. 00:24:41.820 --> 00:24:44.340 But he's also looked at marriage and the institution of families. 00:24:45.040 --> 00:24:48.180 And he wrote a fascinating article a few years ago on cohabitation. 00:24:48.180 --> 00:24:59.400 And one of the things he points out is that cohabitation is a form or a way eases or promotes the abuse of women in society. 00:24:59.720 --> 00:25:01.120 Okay, listen to what he says here. 00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:02.539 It says, 00:25:02.539 --> 00:25:12.039 It's unlike the institution of marriage, which intends to build a mutual commitment, even as the couple grow older together and face various challenges, ups and downs. 00:25:12.399 --> 00:25:21.379 The relative flimsiness of cohabitation creates a context where many men are increasingly able to exert power over women. 00:25:21.380 --> 00:25:27.360 The commitment of a man to a woman with whom he has sexual relationships is not prudery. 00:25:27.540 --> 00:25:29.880 Okay, that means old-fashioned moralism. 00:25:30.780 --> 00:25:32.240 It's social justice. 00:25:33.040 --> 00:25:36.680 Sex, devoid of genuine commitment, is actually a form of stealing. 00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:46.180 Okay, the tragic irony is that the sexual liberation espoused by some couldn't play more perfectly into the short-term selfish interests of men. 00:25:47.080 --> 00:25:47.400 Okay? 00:25:48.039 --> 00:25:49.140 You see what he's saying there? 00:25:49.580 --> 00:25:51.420 He's saying when a couple come together and a man says, 00:25:51.420 --> 00:25:52.980 Listen, why don't you move in with me? 00:25:53.320 --> 00:25:58.259 Come and live with me and give me your body and give me yourself and we'll pull resources together. 00:25:58.480 --> 00:25:59.980 But actually, I'm not going to commit to you. 00:26:00.660 --> 00:26:01.320 What's he doing? 00:26:01.900 --> 00:26:05.440 He's taking from her without giving of himself in return. 00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:07.980 He says, 00:26:08.140 --> 00:26:12.840 The commitment of a man to a woman with whom he has sexual relations is not old-fashioned moralism. 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:14.140 It's social justice. 00:26:14.500 --> 00:26:15.500 It's a justice issue. 00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:19.220 Similarly, Megan Jay, she's not a Christian. 00:26:19.400 --> 00:26:21.820 She's a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia. 00:26:22.039 --> 00:26:27.240 She wrote a piece for the New York Times called The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage. 00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:32.779 And in this article, she tells the story of how a young lady came to her practice, a lady called Jennifer, 00:26:32.779 --> 00:26:38.740 because she had been married for six months and now she wanted out of the marriage. 00:26:39.220 --> 00:26:43.660 And she was depressed and she thought, I spent more time planning my wedding than actually being married. 00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:47.519 And she was depressed by this and so came to see this clinical psychologist. 00:26:47.660 --> 00:26:49.240 But listen to what Megan Jay writes. 00:26:49.899 --> 00:26:50.259 She says, 00:26:50.399 --> 00:26:53.559 Jennifer had never really felt that her boyfriend was committed to her. 00:26:54.200 --> 00:26:56.879 So they'd lived together for many years and then decided to get married. 00:26:56.880 --> 00:26:57.720 She says, 00:26:57.780 --> 00:27:02.480 I felt like I was on a multi-year, never-ending audition to be his wife. 00:27:03.180 --> 00:27:04.280 Now just think about that. 00:27:05.220 --> 00:27:11.160 I felt like I was on this never-ending, multi-year audition where I was good enough to be his wife. 00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:13.520 Now just as a sidebar, just think about this. 00:27:13.980 --> 00:27:17.640 What do we call it in society when a woman works for a boss 00:27:17.640 --> 00:27:23.640 and always needs to give in sexual favors or give in to his flirting in order to keep her job? 00:27:24.700 --> 00:27:26.540 We call that sexual abuse, right? 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:28.640 I mean, that's what Harvey Weinstein was doing. 00:27:29.820 --> 00:27:30.780 See what this lady's saying? 00:27:30.940 --> 00:27:33.580 I felt like I was on this never-ending audition, 00:27:33.780 --> 00:27:38.080 always having to keep up in order to get him to commit to me. 00:27:38.700 --> 00:27:39.660 She goes on to say, 00:27:40.060 --> 00:27:40.960 We had all the furniture. 00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:42.660 We had the dogs and the same friends. 00:27:42.760 --> 00:27:45.180 It made it really, really difficult to break up. 00:27:45.740 --> 00:27:49.920 Then it was like we just got married because we were living together and we were into our 30s. 00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:53.240 And so both these people are saying the same thing. 00:27:53.240 --> 00:27:58.519 That when a man asks a woman to share her bed, share her body, to give of herself to him, 00:27:58.940 --> 00:28:03.660 and he doesn't commit to her for better or for worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health, 00:28:03.779 --> 00:28:06.620 till death do us part, he's stealing from her. 00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:07.700 He's taking from her. 00:28:08.039 --> 00:28:12.359 He's asking her, and it can be the other way around, but generally men do this more than women. 00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:16.500 He's asking her to give herself to him, and he's not giving himself in return. 00:28:16.500 --> 00:28:20.759 And generally, okay, we'll actually get into that later. 00:28:21.220 --> 00:28:27.720 The tragic irony is the sexual liberation couldn't play more perfectly into the short-term self-interest of men. 00:28:28.599 --> 00:28:31.819 And so we've said this before, but I just want to say to the ladies in Watermark, 00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:33.579 the wonderful ladies in Watermark, 00:28:34.119 --> 00:28:35.339 if your boyfriend says, 00:28:35.460 --> 00:28:38.160 Hey, come move in with me or come sleep with me, 00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:39.960 he's not loving you. 00:28:40.039 --> 00:28:41.000 He's using you. 00:28:41.700 --> 00:28:44.720 He's taking advantage of you without giving himself to you. 00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:46.140 That's not love, right? 00:28:46.140 --> 00:28:46.940 That's abuse. 00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:49.020 The best thing you can do is say, 00:28:49.360 --> 00:28:50.000 Forget it. 00:28:50.740 --> 00:28:52.680 Tell him, give him my number. 00:28:52.800 --> 00:28:53.580 Or give me his number. 00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:57.220 Okay, so ethically. 00:28:57.800 --> 00:28:58.660 Third thing is this. 00:28:59.200 --> 00:28:59.640 Pragmatically. 00:29:00.120 --> 00:29:00.980 Okay, pragmatically. 00:29:01.860 --> 00:29:03.080 Now, we mentioned earlier, 00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:07.240 but one of the main reasons why people move in together prior to marriage 00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:09.320 is because they want to see how compatible we are, right? 00:29:09.420 --> 00:29:10.420 Do we actually fit? 00:29:10.820 --> 00:29:11.680 The way you, you know, 00:29:12.060 --> 00:29:13.200 do you leave the bathroom clean? 00:29:13.280 --> 00:29:14.480 Do I leave the bathroom clean? 00:29:15.060 --> 00:29:16.000 Do you leave a mess? 00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:16.839 Do you leave the dishes? 00:29:17.039 --> 00:29:17.619 Or do you wash them? 00:29:17.700 --> 00:29:18.339 Et cetera, et cetera. 00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:20.279 But also financially and sexually, 00:29:20.380 --> 00:29:21.339 are we compatible? 00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:22.539 Do we fit together? 00:29:24.099 --> 00:29:27.900 And it's seen as a safe and a prudent way 00:29:27.900 --> 00:29:29.900 of screening out a bad relationship 00:29:29.900 --> 00:29:31.619 and preserving a good one. 00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:32.759 Okay, that makes sense. 00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:34.420 Let's move and see if this works. 00:29:34.460 --> 00:29:35.220 If it doesn't work, 00:29:35.480 --> 00:29:37.559 well, then we know that we're not fit together. 00:29:37.559 --> 00:29:38.899 The problem is, 00:29:38.899 --> 00:29:39.419 the problem is, however, 00:29:40.159 --> 00:29:43.159 all the research shows us that doesn't work. 00:29:43.879 --> 00:29:46.460 Listen to Megan Jay again in her article, okay? 00:29:46.500 --> 00:29:47.179 She says this. 00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:49.619 Couples who cohabit before marriage, 00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:51.079 and especially before an engagement, 00:29:51.779 --> 00:29:53.879 tend to be less satisfied with their marriages, 00:29:54.200 --> 00:29:55.740 more likely to divorce, 00:29:55.839 --> 00:29:56.879 than couples who do not. 00:29:57.460 --> 00:30:01.059 These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect. 00:30:01.480 --> 00:30:03.079 This is actually a term given to this, 00:30:03.559 --> 00:30:04.899 the cohabitation effect. 00:30:04.900 --> 00:30:08.780 In 2003, there was this mega study done 00:30:08.780 --> 00:30:11.880 called the relationship between cohabitation 00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:13.900 and marital quality and stability. 00:30:14.280 --> 00:30:15.720 Okay, so massive research done 00:30:15.720 --> 00:30:18.060 designed to research this exact theme. 00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:20.440 Listen to the researcher's conclusion. 00:30:21.320 --> 00:30:23.500 About half of cohabiting individuals 00:30:23.500 --> 00:30:26.460 view living together as a way to assess compatibility 00:30:26.460 --> 00:30:27.480 prior to marriage. 00:30:28.340 --> 00:30:30.580 Given this common motivation for living together, 00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:33.720 cohabitation should eliminate poor matches 00:30:33.720 --> 00:30:36.000 and make subsequent marriages more stable. 00:30:36.759 --> 00:30:38.980 The evidence, however, suggests the opposite. 00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:41.140 Among married individuals, 00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:44.120 premarital cohabitation is related 00:30:44.120 --> 00:30:45.839 to lower marital satisfaction, 00:30:46.519 --> 00:30:48.720 less time spent together in shared activities, 00:30:49.100 --> 00:30:50.960 higher levels of marital disagreement, 00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:53.100 less supportive behavior, 00:30:53.680 --> 00:30:55.319 less positive problem solving, 00:30:55.720 --> 00:30:57.400 more reports of marital problems. 00:30:58.120 --> 00:31:01.079 Compared to couples who enter directly into marriage, 00:31:01.079 --> 00:31:04.500 couples who cohabit have a higher risk of divorce. 00:31:07.419 --> 00:31:09.199 Megan J says like this, 00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:12.319 a relationship built on top of maybe you will do 00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:16.839 is simply not as stable as a relationship built on top of I do. 00:31:18.819 --> 00:31:21.059 And there's two main reasons we see for this. 00:31:21.299 --> 00:31:24.799 Sorry, this is a little bit academic, but anyway. 00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:28.440 One is this, when couples who are assessing 00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:31.440 whether they should get married move in together, 00:31:32.339 --> 00:31:35.039 if you then have doubts about the relationship, 00:31:35.359 --> 00:31:36.839 you've sunk so much in, 00:31:36.919 --> 00:31:38.519 you've invested so much in, 00:31:38.940 --> 00:31:40.639 it's really hard to move out, right? 00:31:41.279 --> 00:31:42.639 And so you're trying to see, 00:31:42.740 --> 00:31:44.059 hey, does this relationship work? 00:31:44.500 --> 00:31:46.000 But then, so you move in together, 00:31:46.180 --> 00:31:47.099 but after a little while, 00:31:47.159 --> 00:31:48.039 you've got the house together, 00:31:48.159 --> 00:31:48.799 you've got the furniture, 00:31:48.980 --> 00:31:50.079 you've got the dogs together, 00:31:50.079 --> 00:31:51.579 and if you've got kids together, 00:31:51.619 --> 00:31:52.619 that's just another level. 00:31:52.619 --> 00:31:54.099 How do you then say, 00:31:54.239 --> 00:31:56.079 oh, actually, I don't think this is a good relationship? 00:31:56.819 --> 00:31:58.739 And that's exactly what that lady Jennifer said 00:31:58.739 --> 00:31:59.639 a little earlier, right? 00:32:00.719 --> 00:32:02.000 Let's see if I can find it here. 00:32:03.059 --> 00:32:04.079 She said, we had our dogs, 00:32:04.159 --> 00:32:04.919 we had our furniture, 00:32:05.059 --> 00:32:06.039 we had the same friends, 00:32:06.119 --> 00:32:09.159 it made it really, really difficult to break up. 00:32:09.819 --> 00:32:12.359 And that's exactly what all the research is. 00:32:12.459 --> 00:32:16.619 Actually, couples tend to stay into bad relationship 00:32:16.619 --> 00:32:17.199 because they've thought, 00:32:17.299 --> 00:32:18.539 we've invested so much, 00:32:18.639 --> 00:32:20.779 let's just get married and we hope for the best. 00:32:20.779 --> 00:32:23.119 And so actually, it's more likely bad relationships 00:32:23.119 --> 00:32:24.000 are going to stay together. 00:32:24.639 --> 00:32:26.180 But the other main reason is this. 00:32:26.639 --> 00:32:29.319 Couples who cohabit together before they get married 00:32:29.319 --> 00:32:31.899 in order to establish whether the relationship is good, 00:32:32.359 --> 00:32:34.899 go into marriage on the very basis 00:32:34.899 --> 00:32:37.879 that a good marriage is based on compatibility 00:32:37.879 --> 00:32:40.559 rather than the biblical basis, 00:32:40.759 --> 00:32:43.339 which is unconditional commitment and love. 00:32:43.980 --> 00:32:46.480 And when you go into a relationship based on, 00:32:46.819 --> 00:32:48.519 let's see how compatible we are, 00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:50.400 well, it could start off pretty well, 00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:52.519 but sorry to break it to you if you're young, 00:32:53.019 --> 00:32:54.259 we all get old, right? 00:32:54.700 --> 00:32:55.839 Life is ups and downs. 00:32:56.059 --> 00:32:56.879 Things go wrong. 00:32:57.139 --> 00:32:58.000 Life is difficult. 00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:01.500 Sometimes your husband's body didn't look as good 00:33:01.500 --> 00:33:03.000 as it did on his wedding day, right? 00:33:03.639 --> 00:33:06.059 And 20 years later, you think, 00:33:06.180 --> 00:33:07.859 oh, maybe we're not so compatible anymore. 00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:10.460 Maybe I should find somebody who's more compatible. 00:33:11.279 --> 00:33:13.000 And all the research tells us 00:33:13.000 --> 00:33:16.000 that men are more likely to be dissatisfied 00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:18.700 with their wives as they age over life 00:33:18.700 --> 00:33:21.440 based on compatibility is going to say, 00:33:21.920 --> 00:33:25.019 hey, let me find someone younger and more compatible, 00:33:25.660 --> 00:33:28.339 which is why it's easier for men 00:33:28.339 --> 00:33:31.579 to take advantage of women than marriage does. 00:33:32.539 --> 00:33:34.480 But in marriage, when you go and you say, 00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:37.160 for better or for worse, richer or poorer, 00:33:37.380 --> 00:33:39.119 good-looking or not so good-looking, 00:33:39.119 --> 00:33:41.039 sickness and health, 00:33:41.179 --> 00:33:44.119 I give myself to you in the bond of marriage. 00:33:44.679 --> 00:33:45.799 Based on that thing, 00:33:45.879 --> 00:33:48.019 when life gets hard and there's ups and downs 00:33:48.019 --> 00:33:50.399 and you experience trauma and difficulty, 00:33:51.179 --> 00:33:52.699 and I know some of you experience trauma 00:33:52.699 --> 00:33:54.539 that I've never experienced in my life, 00:33:55.500 --> 00:33:57.319 but when you say we're in this together, 00:33:58.139 --> 00:34:00.119 you can navigate that together. 00:34:02.459 --> 00:34:04.839 Cohabitation is not just an alternative to marriage. 00:34:04.959 --> 00:34:07.259 It's a different kind of relationship altogether. 00:34:07.579 --> 00:34:09.019 It's a counterfeit marriage. 00:34:09.400 --> 00:34:11.739 It looks the same, but it has a different DNA 00:34:11.739 --> 00:34:14.259 and doesn't have the same ingredients. 00:34:14.460 --> 00:34:16.960 And in the end, it's made of a cheap substitute 00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:18.559 rather than the real thing. 00:34:19.279 --> 00:34:22.339 And friends, cheap substitutes cannot bear the weight 00:34:22.339 --> 00:34:24.440 that marriage was designed to bear. 00:34:25.420 --> 00:34:26.259 Think about this. 00:34:26.299 --> 00:34:27.359 You're building a bridge, right, 00:34:27.380 --> 00:34:29.659 or a 50-story building or a highway. 00:34:30.699 --> 00:34:32.980 Who wants to live in a 50-story building 00:34:32.980 --> 00:34:34.359 built with cheap substitutes? 00:34:34.819 --> 00:34:35.679 Right, someone comes and says, 00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:36.980 he has hardware and concrete, 00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:38.359 but he has a cheap substitute. 00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:41.159 Who of us want to live in a building 00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:42.659 made of cheap substitutes? 00:34:43.380 --> 00:34:46.199 Friends, marriage built on the basis of, 00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:47.579 let's see if this thing will work. 00:34:47.960 --> 00:34:50.480 Compatibility is made of a cheap substitute, 00:34:50.900 --> 00:34:51.779 and it's going to fail. 00:34:53.839 --> 00:34:54.099 Okay. 00:34:54.099 --> 00:34:56.639 Lastly, Christianly. 00:34:57.759 --> 00:35:01.239 Now, we're going to get into more of this 00:35:01.239 --> 00:35:03.279 in the weeks to come. 00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:06.659 But we've looked at what the Bible says about marriage 00:35:06.659 --> 00:35:07.739 and sex and relationships. 00:35:08.159 --> 00:35:09.480 We've looked at the ethics of it. 00:35:09.619 --> 00:35:12.480 We've looked at both secular and Christian research. 00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:14.519 It tells us it's a bad idea pragmatically, 00:35:14.519 --> 00:35:15.519 practically, 00:35:16.300 --> 00:35:16.980 how does, 00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.840 what does Jesus say to Christians? 00:35:19.460 --> 00:35:19.659 Okay. 00:35:20.380 --> 00:35:23.219 And I want to close just with two thoughts of, 00:35:23.460 --> 00:35:24.900 for those of us that are followers of Jesus, 00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:25.900 how to think about this. 00:35:26.019 --> 00:35:27.059 Maybe you're grappling with this. 00:35:27.119 --> 00:35:27.539 You're dating. 00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:28.420 Maybe you're engaged. 00:35:28.500 --> 00:35:29.079 You're wondering. 00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:31.320 What does Jesus say to us? 00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:34.320 I want to consider two things Jesus asks us. 00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:35.259 The first is this. 00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:37.579 Jesus asks our lives to bear witness 00:35:37.579 --> 00:35:40.079 to his unconditional covenant of love. 00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:42.500 If you're a Christian this morning, 00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:44.860 your life preaches a message. 00:35:45.779 --> 00:35:47.519 And it preaches a gospel message. 00:35:47.759 --> 00:35:49.440 And it either preaches a message that says, 00:35:49.639 --> 00:35:51.819 God is faithful and trustworthy and good, 00:35:52.299 --> 00:35:53.759 or preaches a message that says, 00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:54.880 every man for himself. 00:35:55.659 --> 00:35:57.819 And our relationships are meant to preach a message. 00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:00.400 And so when we move into, 00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:02.400 when we take on our culture's thinking 00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:04.119 around relationships and sexuality, 00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:07.559 the message that our lives preach to society is, 00:36:07.579 --> 00:36:09.019 every man in it for themselves. 00:36:09.659 --> 00:36:11.980 But God actually wants us to witness 00:36:11.980 --> 00:36:15.519 to his unmerited, unearned, covenantal love. 00:36:16.059 --> 00:36:16.920 His love that says, 00:36:17.259 --> 00:36:19.779 I've committed myself to you for better or for worse. 00:36:20.340 --> 00:36:21.039 His love that says, 00:36:21.279 --> 00:36:23.179 even when you were my enemies, 00:36:23.239 --> 00:36:24.259 I went to the cross for you. 00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:27.219 Jesus' love for us isn't based on compatibility. 00:36:28.179 --> 00:36:29.980 Jesus doesn't love us selfishly. 00:36:30.639 --> 00:36:31.319 And therefore, 00:36:31.440 --> 00:36:33.199 those of us who have encountered his love, 00:36:33.319 --> 00:36:34.779 the way we love our partners, 00:36:34.900 --> 00:36:36.679 whether boyfriend or girlfriend or fiance 00:36:36.679 --> 00:36:37.679 or husband and wife, 00:36:38.119 --> 00:36:40.579 should demonstrate that same kind of unconditional, 00:36:40.879 --> 00:36:41.719 unmerited love. 00:36:42.039 --> 00:36:44.960 We give ourselves to one another in covenantal love. 00:36:45.519 --> 00:36:46.379 We've all heard before, 00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:47.399 but in Ephesians 5, 00:36:47.559 --> 00:36:48.819 Paul says, 00:36:49.599 --> 00:36:51.899 we as Christians should love our spouses 00:36:51.899 --> 00:36:53.899 the way that Christ loved us. 00:36:54.359 --> 00:36:57.539 This unearned, unmerited, unconditional love. 00:36:57.960 --> 00:36:59.659 Not one that's based on compatibility, 00:37:00.179 --> 00:37:02.000 but one that's based on commitment. 00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:05.360 And so our lives will either shine a spotlight 00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:07.420 onto the majesty and the glory of God 00:37:07.420 --> 00:37:08.340 and his love for us, 00:37:08.599 --> 00:37:11.539 or our lives will join the spotlights of society 00:37:11.539 --> 00:37:12.900 pointing inwards and saying, 00:37:13.059 --> 00:37:13.840 it's all about me. 00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:15.159 And if you're a Christian, 00:37:15.219 --> 00:37:16.019 I want to call you, 00:37:16.039 --> 00:37:16.980 I want to invite you, 00:37:17.139 --> 00:37:18.719 let your life be a witness 00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:20.460 to the incredible, 00:37:20.760 --> 00:37:21.320 unconditional, 00:37:21.699 --> 00:37:23.820 marvelous love of Christ for us. 00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:24.800 We sang it this morning, 00:37:24.960 --> 00:37:26.280 how marvelous, 00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:28.619 how wonderful is my Savior's love for me. 00:37:29.480 --> 00:37:31.139 A love that went to the cross for us. 00:37:32.359 --> 00:37:34.380 A love that didn't just die us unto death, 00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:36.559 but that loved us through death 00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:37.739 into eternal life. 00:37:38.259 --> 00:37:40.159 Let our lives be witness to that. 00:37:41.019 --> 00:37:42.099 Friends, if you're a Christian today, 00:37:42.139 --> 00:37:42.719 I want to ask you, 00:37:42.779 --> 00:37:44.460 what kind of gospel is your life preaching? 00:37:44.619 --> 00:37:45.940 What kind of message is it preaching? 00:37:47.719 --> 00:37:48.679 A few years ago, 00:37:48.759 --> 00:37:50.079 maybe 10 years ago or so, 00:37:51.159 --> 00:37:52.819 the previous church that Claire and I 00:37:52.819 --> 00:37:53.920 were a part of in Cape Town, 00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:55.420 there was a young couple there 00:37:55.420 --> 00:37:56.839 called Louis and Michelle. 00:37:56.840 --> 00:38:00.920 And they were kind of checking out church. 00:38:01.019 --> 00:38:02.500 They'd been visiting for a little while. 00:38:02.940 --> 00:38:03.640 They were dating. 00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:06.240 And then they got engaged to be married. 00:38:06.860 --> 00:38:08.640 And they came to my colleague, 00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:09.220 Christa, 00:38:09.260 --> 00:38:09.559 and they said, 00:38:09.640 --> 00:38:11.440 Christa, we're getting married in four months' time. 00:38:11.519 --> 00:38:13.160 We'd love for you to officiate our wedding. 00:38:14.120 --> 00:38:15.300 And Christa said, 00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:16.559 hey guys, 00:38:16.600 --> 00:38:17.480 it would be such an honor 00:38:17.480 --> 00:38:18.519 to officiate your wedding. 00:38:19.380 --> 00:38:20.559 But I want to talk about something. 00:38:20.620 --> 00:38:21.600 You guys are living together. 00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:25.079 And I want to ask you to move out, 00:38:25.900 --> 00:38:27.920 to separate until your wedding, right? 00:38:28.739 --> 00:38:30.019 And Louis just looked at Christa 00:38:30.019 --> 00:38:30.259 and said, 00:38:30.299 --> 00:38:31.679 you've got to be kidding me, right? 00:38:31.839 --> 00:38:32.199 Really? 00:38:32.940 --> 00:38:33.360 And he said, 00:38:33.380 --> 00:38:34.779 it's going to cost us so much money. 00:38:34.860 --> 00:38:35.659 It's four months. 00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:37.420 I can't go rent an apartment. 00:38:38.579 --> 00:38:40.139 I don't know if I can do this. 00:38:40.940 --> 00:38:43.339 And Christa said to him, 00:38:43.400 --> 00:38:44.679 hey, this is what I'm asking you to do. 00:38:44.779 --> 00:38:45.659 Don't trust me. 00:38:46.239 --> 00:38:46.900 Trust Jesus. 00:38:47.700 --> 00:38:49.139 The God who made you 00:38:49.139 --> 00:38:50.660 is also the God who knows you the best 00:38:50.660 --> 00:38:52.000 and he loves you the most. 00:38:52.519 --> 00:38:54.099 And Jesus is not holding out on you. 00:38:54.200 --> 00:38:55.800 Jesus wants your marriage to flourish. 00:38:55.880 --> 00:38:57.200 I want to ask you to trust Jesus. 00:38:58.059 --> 00:38:58.940 And so move out together. 00:38:59.019 --> 00:38:59.639 We'll help you. 00:38:59.720 --> 00:39:00.519 We'll do what we can. 00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:01.220 He said, 00:39:01.260 --> 00:39:01.420 listen, 00:39:01.480 --> 00:39:02.960 go think about it for a week 00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:04.119 and let's come back next week 00:39:04.119 --> 00:39:04.860 and talk about it. 00:39:05.539 --> 00:39:07.280 So Christa tells me about his conversation. 00:39:08.079 --> 00:39:08.579 And I said, 00:39:08.680 --> 00:39:09.079 Christa, 00:39:09.599 --> 00:39:10.800 there is no chance 00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:11.860 those guys are going to move out. 00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:13.480 They are these cool, 00:39:13.579 --> 00:39:14.840 artistic designers 00:39:14.840 --> 00:39:16.220 that live in the city center. 00:39:16.219 --> 00:39:17.839 These guys are young, 00:39:17.959 --> 00:39:18.239 secular, 00:39:18.439 --> 00:39:19.319 urban people. 00:39:19.399 --> 00:39:20.119 There's no chance 00:39:20.119 --> 00:39:20.679 they're going to move out. 00:39:20.759 --> 00:39:21.299 You're crazy. 00:39:22.199 --> 00:39:22.539 Anyway, 00:39:22.619 --> 00:39:23.779 they come back the next week 00:39:23.779 --> 00:39:24.659 and Louis says, 00:39:24.899 --> 00:39:25.299 Christa, 00:39:25.579 --> 00:39:26.879 you drive a hard bargain. 00:39:27.899 --> 00:39:28.239 He says, 00:39:28.459 --> 00:39:29.159 man, 00:39:29.779 --> 00:39:30.659 but I tell you what, 00:39:31.219 --> 00:39:32.199 we're going to trust God 00:39:32.199 --> 00:39:33.699 and we're going to do it. 00:39:33.879 --> 00:39:35.799 And so Louis moves out. 00:39:35.939 --> 00:39:37.459 He moves in with the CG leader. 00:39:37.779 --> 00:39:39.519 He sleeps on the couch for four months 00:39:39.519 --> 00:39:40.959 leading up to his wedding. 00:39:41.099 --> 00:39:42.639 The guys in the church got around him. 00:39:43.059 --> 00:39:43.179 He said, 00:39:43.259 --> 00:39:43.319 hey, 00:39:43.339 --> 00:39:44.459 you can stay here for a bit. 00:39:44.519 --> 00:39:45.319 You can stay here. 00:39:45.320 --> 00:39:46.559 God around him. 00:39:47.140 --> 00:39:49.140 And on their wedding day, 00:39:49.280 --> 00:39:52.000 they had this incredible celebration, 00:39:52.220 --> 00:39:53.960 the coming together afresh, 00:39:54.240 --> 00:39:55.480 this one flesh union. 00:39:56.180 --> 00:39:57.800 But I'll tell you what also happened. 00:39:58.000 --> 00:39:58.920 Something else happened. 00:39:59.539 --> 00:40:01.380 It wasn't just the pragmatics 00:40:01.380 --> 00:40:02.519 of them moving out. 00:40:03.800 --> 00:40:05.360 For the first time in their life, 00:40:05.519 --> 00:40:07.760 Christianity became real to them. 00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:08.860 Christianity was no longer 00:40:08.860 --> 00:40:09.820 just a set of doctrine. 00:40:10.019 --> 00:40:11.200 It became about a person. 00:40:11.199 --> 00:40:13.399 Because for the first time in their life, 00:40:13.519 --> 00:40:15.079 Christianity wasn't just this theology. 00:40:15.379 --> 00:40:16.480 It was the person of Jesus. 00:40:16.679 --> 00:40:18.919 And they weren't just asked to trust a doctrine. 00:40:19.699 --> 00:40:20.939 They were asked to trust Jesus, 00:40:21.079 --> 00:40:22.439 the one who died on the cross for them, 00:40:22.519 --> 00:40:23.879 the one who went to the cross for them, 00:40:24.179 --> 00:40:25.679 the one who loved them so much. 00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:26.960 And for the first time, 00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:27.639 they were confronted, 00:40:28.019 --> 00:40:29.179 will I trust Jesus 00:40:29.179 --> 00:40:30.379 or will I trust myself? 00:40:30.380 --> 00:40:34.160 And as they were confronted with that question, 00:40:34.280 --> 00:40:35.680 will I take Jesus as word? 00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:37.840 They realized it was going to cost them massively. 00:40:38.140 --> 00:40:38.900 Financially, sure. 00:40:40.140 --> 00:40:40.780 Convenience, sure. 00:40:40.900 --> 00:40:42.960 But also it was going to cost them face, right? 00:40:43.059 --> 00:40:44.860 They're not going to explain to all their friends. 00:40:45.019 --> 00:40:46.880 You know, I'm staying with my buddy's house 00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:47.480 and their friends say, 00:40:47.519 --> 00:40:48.360 what are you doing? 00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:50.140 It cost them a lot of face 00:40:50.140 --> 00:40:51.559 in front of their friends. 00:40:52.619 --> 00:40:55.360 But even though it was going to cost them, 00:40:55.700 --> 00:40:56.920 they came to a place where they said, 00:40:56.980 --> 00:40:57.820 Jesus is trustworthy. 00:40:57.940 --> 00:40:58.780 We're going to trust him. 00:40:59.519 --> 00:41:00.200 And do you know what happened? 00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:01.239 For the first time in their life, 00:41:01.339 --> 00:41:03.460 I think they actually became Christians that day. 00:41:04.259 --> 00:41:05.960 Before that, they'd been cultural Christians. 00:41:06.219 --> 00:41:07.539 Before that, they'd been very religious. 00:41:08.259 --> 00:41:09.599 But for the first time in their life, 00:41:09.679 --> 00:41:11.799 they came to see Jesus is beautiful. 00:41:12.279 --> 00:41:13.299 Jesus is trustworthy. 00:41:14.219 --> 00:41:16.079 Jesus loves me so much 00:41:16.079 --> 00:41:17.219 that he went to the cross for me. 00:41:17.659 --> 00:41:19.759 And when Jesus is asking me to do this, 00:41:20.139 --> 00:41:22.460 he's not applying some old outdated law. 00:41:23.139 --> 00:41:24.359 Jesus wants my best. 00:41:24.439 --> 00:41:25.759 And they took Jesus at his word. 00:41:26.259 --> 00:41:28.039 And today they're absolutely flourishing. 00:41:28.539 --> 00:41:30.179 As that leads us to the second thing, 00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:31.960 the first thing is Jesus asks our lives 00:41:31.960 --> 00:41:32.759 to be a witness to him. 00:41:32.819 --> 00:41:33.779 But the second thing is this. 00:41:33.960 --> 00:41:37.319 Jesus asks us to trust him and his faithfulness. 00:41:38.099 --> 00:41:40.359 Friends, to take Jesus seriously 00:41:40.359 --> 00:41:41.399 is going to be costly. 00:41:41.679 --> 00:41:43.319 It's absolutely going to be costly. 00:41:43.719 --> 00:41:45.939 But it's going to be nowhere near as costly 00:41:45.939 --> 00:41:47.319 as not taking him seriously. 00:41:47.980 --> 00:41:49.559 That's going to be a high price to pay. 00:41:50.279 --> 00:41:52.019 Remember what Meg Jay said earlier. 00:41:52.099 --> 00:41:55.000 A relationship built on top of maybe you'll do 00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:57.840 is nowhere near as secure as built on top of I do. 00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:01.159 Jesus comes to us and he doesn't just say I do. 00:42:01.579 --> 00:42:02.599 He says I did. 00:42:03.260 --> 00:42:04.579 He went to the cross. 00:42:04.699 --> 00:42:06.559 He demonstrated his faithfulness. 00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:09.619 Jesus showed us by being nailed to the cross 00:42:09.619 --> 00:42:12.340 that his love for us is not just compatible. 00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:13.300 It's not just convenient. 00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:16.019 Jesus loves us not just until death, 00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:16.880 but as we said earlier, 00:42:16.980 --> 00:42:18.780 through death into eternal life. 00:42:19.679 --> 00:42:22.079 Friends, we sang earlier how marvelous, 00:42:22.079 --> 00:42:24.599 how wonderful is our Savior's love for us. 00:42:25.079 --> 00:42:27.400 When Jesus calls us not to sleep with our partners, 00:42:27.500 --> 00:42:29.360 our boyfriends, our girlfriends before marriage, 00:42:29.559 --> 00:42:31.759 Jesus is not being old-fashioned or out of touch. 00:42:32.299 --> 00:42:35.119 The one who made you is the one who knows you the best. 00:42:35.619 --> 00:42:37.179 And he's the one who loves you the most. 00:42:37.259 --> 00:42:38.900 And he's the one who wants the best for you. 00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:41.699 And Jesus wants your joy and your pleasure 00:42:41.699 --> 00:42:43.199 to maximize, not minimize. 00:42:43.980 --> 00:42:45.799 And so friends, you put your life 00:42:45.799 --> 00:42:47.559 in the nail-scarred hands of Jesus. 00:42:48.259 --> 00:42:49.079 You can trust him. 00:42:49.599 --> 00:42:51.319 Put your future and your satisfaction 00:42:51.320 --> 00:42:53.480 and your joy in his hands. 00:42:54.200 --> 00:42:56.220 There's no one as secure and stable 00:42:56.220 --> 00:42:57.440 and steadfast as Jesus. 00:42:57.960 --> 00:42:59.780 There's no one as satisfying as Jesus. 00:43:00.360 --> 00:43:02.160 There's no one who will look after your life 00:43:02.160 --> 00:43:03.440 like King Jesus. 00:43:04.200 --> 00:43:04.960 Come to him. 00:43:05.600 --> 00:43:06.700 He left heaven for you. 00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:08.380 He came to earth for you. 00:43:09.100 --> 00:43:10.260 He went to the cross for you. 00:43:10.920 --> 00:43:12.460 He died and rose again for you. 00:43:13.100 --> 00:43:14.280 Come to Jesus. 00:43:15.200 --> 00:43:16.220 Let's pray together. 00:43:16.219 --> 00:43:23.439 Lord Jesus, as we look at this very, very practical, 00:43:23.739 --> 00:43:28.719 but also very deeply emotional subject, God, 00:43:28.819 --> 00:43:33.379 of sexual intimacy and living with a partner, 00:43:34.719 --> 00:43:36.739 God, we ask you to come and give us grace. 00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:39.679 God, we admit that our fears are real. 00:43:40.679 --> 00:43:41.699 Unsecurities are real. 00:43:41.699 --> 00:43:44.099 Some of us, as we said earlier, 00:43:44.179 --> 00:43:45.359 have come from broken homes. 00:43:45.659 --> 00:43:47.460 We've experienced the pain and the trauma 00:43:47.460 --> 00:43:49.199 of broken families. 00:43:50.439 --> 00:43:52.179 God, won't you help us to trust you? 00:43:53.139 --> 00:43:54.399 Won't you help us to trust you? 00:43:54.480 --> 00:43:56.439 God, as we've said so many times before, 00:43:57.339 --> 00:44:00.739 you ask us, God, not to run a 10-mile race, 00:44:00.819 --> 00:44:02.980 but to take the first step towards trusting you. 00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:08.259 Father God, thank you that you move towards us 00:44:08.259 --> 00:44:10.739 before you ask us to move towards you. 00:44:10.739 --> 00:44:12.539 You're not in heaven holding out on us, 00:44:12.659 --> 00:44:14.599 waiting for us to sort out our lives. 00:44:15.219 --> 00:44:17.719 You move towards us in all our pain, 00:44:17.819 --> 00:44:18.500 in all our fear, 00:44:19.339 --> 00:44:21.500 in all our suffering and our sin, 00:44:22.079 --> 00:44:24.099 and you say, I love you enough. 00:44:24.219 --> 00:44:25.479 I'm calling you to myself. 00:44:25.639 --> 00:44:27.459 Jesus, thank you for moving towards us. 00:44:30.259 --> 00:44:32.419 God, we ask you that you pour your grace on us. 00:44:32.599 --> 00:44:34.539 We ask you, God, where it's hard to trust you, 00:44:35.299 --> 00:44:36.939 where it just feels right. 00:44:37.819 --> 00:44:39.399 God, help us to trust you, we pray. 00:44:40.739 --> 00:44:47.739 God, I pray for those of us that are in relationships. 00:44:50.479 --> 00:44:51.339 Help us, God. 00:44:52.059 --> 00:44:54.159 Help us to honor you and to honor one another. 00:44:59.539 --> 00:45:01.500 We pray this, Christ, in your awesome name. 00:45:01.500 --> 00:45:03.340 Amen. 00:45:03.340 --> 00:45:03.539 Amen.