Well, Fred Stone called me about 3 o'clock yesterday afternoon and said,
Can you preach for me tomorrow?
But before he said a word, he's something like this,
Can you preach for me tomorrow?
And my response was, Fred, you sound awful.
And running a fever, thought he had the flu, not feeling good,
so we need to pray for him, and as has already been mentioned,
we need to pray for Lisa.
Fred and I are alike in a lot of ways, and Lisa and Ann have compared notes,
and we're not very good patients, I know, so pray for Lisa.
Pray for Fred that he'll get better as well.
A few weeks ago, when he was going through Colossians,
as he was going through Colossians 3, Fred preached about forgiveness.
And so I want to speak about forgiveness today,
not in any way to try to compete with what he's already said,
because I agree with everything he said.
It was a good sermon.
What I want to do is just take one facet of forgiveness and share it with you.
So if you have your Bibles, if you'll turn to Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 32.
One verse.
While you're turning, Colossians chapter 3 and verses 12 and 13 says,
So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved,
put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving each other.
Whoever has a complaint against anyone,
just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Then in Ephesians 4 and verse 32.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other,
just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Forgiveness is good for our souls.
Forgiveness is healthy.
Forgiveness is Christian.
Forgiveness is right.
Forgiveness is a gift from God that transforms us or should
to the point that we become like our Savior
in that we forgive when we've been wronged.
Now that's hard to do.
It's tough to do.
I remember many years ago now
when I was a pastor at Roebuck Baptist in Spartanburg,
I preached a sermon about forgiveness.
And I was younger then
and knew more then, of course, than I know now.
But I really preached it.
And I preached it hard.
And the next morning on Monday,
I go into a barber shop
that a woman had disguised as a beauty parlor.
But her ministry to me was,
I'll cut your hair for free.
Now, please, it was many years ago
when I had some hair.
So I go in there and I'm sitting in the chair.
She's cutting my hair.
And the guy comes in and he was at church Sunday.
He said, preacher, I heard that sermon about forgiveness.
I said, yeah.
He said, man, I don't know.
He said, that's hard.
I said, yeah.
He said, that forgiveness, he said, I don't know.
He said, there's some people
that's done things so wrong and so bad to me.
I don't think I can ever forgive them.
And so I said, yeah, you can.
Not knowing any better, I said, sure you can.
Looking back on it, I think it was the right thing to do
because you can because Jesus Christ
will never ask us to do anything
that he will not empower us to do.
So if forgiveness is God's will and it is,
you and I should be people of forgiveness.
We should be discerning.
We should be intelligent.
We should be wise.
But we should be people of forgiveness.
And forgiveness is not about how we feel.
It's about what we do.
It's not feeling something
as much as it is being committed to something.
So when we forgive somebody, we cancel the debt.
We don't hold it against them.
It's not something that we carry any longer
in our hearts, the hurt.
Dr. David Benner, who was a clinical Christian psychologist,
said this,
the single most important concept in biblical Christianity,
wow, the single most important concept
in biblical Christianity is forgiveness.
It is a freeing, empowering, refreshing, healing,
and joyful experience, which is capable
of transforming all of life.
To forgive is to show love.
To forgive is to actually receive love.
The Bible says we're to love one another,
to love our mates, to love our enemies.
And it's not so much that we're going to have
these effervescent feelings,
but that we are going to be committed
to do what is the right thing.
On Monday, December the 1st, 1997,
in Paducah, Kentucky,
and the reason I go back that far and remember that
is because when I was working on my second master's degree,
then there was a guy in the class
who was from Paducah, Kentucky,
and I had never heard of the place before,
but then sometime later, this happened,
and I was remembering that,
and I recall my friendship with him.
About a dozen students, you remember,
gathered to pray before school had started.
It was outside the administration building
at Heath High School.
Classes were getting ready to start,
and the prayer meeting was about to end
when shots rang out,
and a 22-year-old freshman
with an automatic .22 pistol came in,
and he began firing into the prayer meeting.
He killed three.
He seriously wounded five.
One of the girls that was wounded,
her name was Melissa Jenkins.
She was 15 years old,
and she had been shot.
She was taken to a nearby hospital,
and they did surgery on her,
but the results were
that she would be a paraplegic
for the rest of her life.
So as the days went by,
and she was able to talk,
she said to people who had visited her,
tell the shooter,
I forgive him.
Now that rocked the media.
They didn't know how to handle that
because the secular media
does not know how to handle spiritual stuff.
They were shocked by that.
They couldn't believe it.
Forgiveness is hard.
Forgiveness is not natural.
Forgiveness is supernatural
because forgiveness is the work of God
to us and through us
and in the lives of other people.
Just a few years ago,
you remember the Emanuel Nine
at Mother Emanuel AME Church
when Dylan Roof, a white supremacist,
comes in to a small prayer meeting
on a Wednesday night
and pulls out a weapon
and kills, murders nine people.
And once again,
the media was absolutely stunned
when that church rallied around
and then you had families of the victims
saying, we forgive him.
That's not natural.
The world doesn't expect that.
The media doesn't expect that.
Some Christians don't even expect that.
But that's what God expects from us.
To forgive.
But I would remind you that
over 2,000 years
before the Emanuel Nine
or before Melissa Jenkins
or before all these other terrible shootings,
Jesus Christ dying on the cross,
dehydrated in great pain,
bearing the sin of the world.
And just before he died,
do you remember what Jesus said?
Father, forgive them.
For they don't know what they're doing.
And we have a tendency to separate
who Jesus was and who we are
and we shouldn't
because the Bible says
he is in us
in the person of his spirit.
And if he is in us,
then we should be growing more and more
to be like him.
And Jesus Christ was about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is mentioned 260 times in the Bible.
A few years ago,
I went out to Dallas, Texas.
And I have had a license as a counselor
for a number of years.
But some of you know this.
If you're in any kind of profession
that you have to have a license
or certification,
then you have to go through continuing education.
You have to get these CEUs.
So they're having this
Christian counseling conference
and had these national speakers.
And then you know how those things go.
You have a plenary speaker
and then you have tracks.
And you have all these different courses
or tracks you can get on.
And I noticed that Dr. Richard Walters,
his track was forgiveness.
So I decided to take his lectures during the week
and I bought his book,
which was about forgiveness.
And I'll never forget
when he stood up the first day of his seminar,
he said this.
He's in Boulder, Colorado.
Christian psychologist.
Private practice.
He said,
over 90% of all the people I see in my practice
have an issue.
And the issue is forgiveness.
They either need to receive it
or they need to give it.
No wonder then Benner would say
it's the single most important concept
in biblical Christianity.
Forgiveness.
Dr. Walter said,
when we don't forgive,
there's three things that happen.
There's broken relationships.
And a person has a tendency
to become kind of paranoid,
cynical, suspicious of almost everyone.
And then the second thing
is broken fellowship with God.
And he says,
you cannot have joy.
You can't be a witness.
You cannot really walk with God
if you don't receive forgiveness,
if you don't give forgiveness.
And then the third thing
is broken health.
And he says,
unforgiving people have a tendency
to have more physical difficulties
than others.
Well,
that was the introduction.
So I want to share two things
with you this morning.
And you know it's going to be short,
right Brian?
Because it's only two things.
The first is the foundation.
He says,
forgiving each other
just as God in Christ
has also forgiven you.
The foundation.
So why do we even need that verse
in the Bible?
He says,
forgiving each other.
And he's talking about Christians,
people that are born again,
forgiving each other.
Then the reason it's there
and the reason it's for Christians
is because we need it,
because we fail,
because we sin,
and because we hurt others,
and we are hurt by others.
It's a real temptation to say,
if you are perfect,
would you stand up and testify
about what life is like,
like that?
But I won't do it
because you never know
in a service
when some deranged person
may come in
thinking they're actually perfect.
We're not.
We sin.
We fail.
We stumble.
But we're to be forgiving.
And we're to receive forgiveness.
So the problem we have is
the problem of sin.
And guess what?
Sin doesn't go away.
It's always been in the world.
It always will be in the world.
And the root of sin is pride.
And pride is the reason
we don't forgive.
We don't think we need to forgive.
We think we're too good to forgive.
We're too hurt to forgive.
We know too much to forgive.
Pride gets even.
Pride destroys.
Proverbs 16 and verse 18 says,
Pride goes before destruction
and a haughty spirit before stumbling.
And Hebrews 12 and verse 1 says,
Laying aside every encumbrance
and the sin.
Note the article.
The sin which so easily entangles us.
A lot of Christians have been bothered by that.
They think it's this sin or this sin,
this thing I do or this thing I do.
But what the writer is talking about is
the sin is unbelief.
Theologically it's unbelief.
You flip it over and the other side of the coin
is psychologically.
It's pride.
And they're one and the same.
The sin that so easily entangles us
from pride, from unbelief,
comes this unwillingness to forgive.
And if we're unwilling to forgive
when we know we need to forgive,
then what happens inside of us
is a sort of bitterness
and stillness spiritually
begins to set up.
John MacArthur said,
Refusing to forgive
is a horrible sin.
Now forgiveness and reconciliation
are not the same thing.
You can forgive somebody
and you may never be able
to be reconciled with that person,
but you can never be reconciled
with someone
if you're not forgiving
of that person.
The problem is sin.
But the power
is Jesus Christ.
There's never been a shortage
of power
with Christ.
I'm in the process
of writing a book
about angels
and it's fascinating
about angels.
And I had one to appear
in my life
although I've never seen
an angel.
But Christ is so much
more powerful
than angels
and all the angels exist
to serve and honor
and glorify Jesus Christ.
The power is in Christ.
When His Spirit is in us,
it's His power
that works in us.
Forgiven people
know how to forgive.
Forgiven people
should be forgiving people.
Oh, but there's, you know,
that bothering story
in Matthew 18.
23 through 27.
The man had a debt
of 10,000 talents.
Huge debt.
The largest talent
was the largest
denomination of money
in the Roman Empire
in circulation.
One talent was equal
to 6,000 denarii
and a denarius
was a day's wage
for an everyday laborer
or a soldier.
6,000 denarii
would equal
about 17 years
of wages
and a debt
of 10,000 talents
would take 10,000 men
about 17 years
to pay off.
It would take
at least 100 men
a lifetime
to pay it off.
The debt
was insurmountable.
It was impossible
to pay off.
It was something like
12 to 14 million dollars.
And that's the debt
this man has accumulated.
The Bible doesn't say
how he accumulated it,
but he accumulated it
and he couldn't pay it.
So he goes to
the people he's indebted to
and he asks for mercy
and then they say,
your debt's been forgiven.
It's canceled.
You don't owe anything.
And then he leaves
that relieved,
wouldn't you?
He's rejoicing
and he runs into
his friend on the street
who owes him $20.
And he says,
give me my money.
I don't have,
if you don't give me
my money,
I'm going to have you
thrown in jail.
And he had him
thrown in jail.
And then Jesus
makes the point
that this man
did not know forgiveness
because if he knew
forgiveness
of this insurmountable death
like we had with sin
and was not willing
to forgive a man
$20,
he did not know
the power
or the principle
or the reality
of forgiveness.
Ephesians 1, 7 says,
we have redemption
through his blood,
the forgiveness
of our trespasses
according to the riches
of his grace.
God never overlooks sin
for God's sin is serious
and sin ought to be
serious for us.
And God paid the price
for sin.
When the price for sin
is paid,
our condition,
our condition
has been changed.
God looks at us
not as sinners then
but he looks at us
as redeemed
but we commit sins.
And that's where we go
to a verse like
1 John 1, 9.
If conditional.
If we confess
our sins.
He's faithful
and righteous
to forgive us our sins
and cleanse us
of all unrighteousness.
It is a condition
based on the confessing
and the confess.
Mike,
I know you're
a Greek scholar.
The confess
is a compound word
in Greek.
Homo,
legio.
Homo meaning same.
Legio meaning word.
Speak the same word.
Say the same thing.
In other words,
agree with God.
When we confess
our sin to God,
we are agreeing
with God
that what we've done
is wrong.
Instead of playing games,
instead of hiding,
instead of not owning up
to it,
we confess it
with God.
Pain,
hurt,
that lingers
in our heart
will fester
spiritually.
and if we don't
confess that,
it will lead
to this heart,
this spirit,
this practice
of unforgiveness.
The last thing,
the second thing
is the explanation.
He says,
forgiving each
other.
Now,
what do we do
when we forgive somebody?
Well,
somebody,
say somebody comes
to us
and they say,
you know what,
I did this,
will you forgive me?
We say,
yeah,
I forgive you.
Now,
one thing with the problem
with that
is that most of us
in this country,
Christians,
when somebody says,
will you forgive me
and we don't want
to talk about it,
we don't have to deal
with the hurt,
we say,
oh yeah,
yeah,
I forgive you
because we don't
think about it.
We haven't forgiven them,
we just say,
I don't want to talk about it.
Forgiveness is a process.
Forgiveness takes time.
It doesn't just,
to forgive someone,
you have to feel
what has happened
and you have to release
any claim on that.
You have to be willing
to cancel the debt
even though somebody
has done you wrong.
Remember the model prayer
in Matthew 6
and verse 12.
Jesus said,
forgive us our debts
as we also have forgiven
our debtors
or our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
Our condition
has changed
but our practice
as sinners
continues.
when we forgive
we release
and we don't take it back.
Now you can forgive someone
and never be able
to walk in fellowship
with that person again
depending on the person's life
not yours.
Let me give you an example.
I'm like Fred,
I'm a dog man,
I don't particularly like cats.
So,
if I'm walking down the street
and there's this
fenced in front yard
and I go by the sidewalk
and there's a little dog
on the inside
and he's jumping up
and down,
he's wagging his tail
which is a sign to say
I love you,
I love you.
And I open the gate
and I go and I say,
hey little buddy,
how you doing?
He goes,
he writes my finger off.
And I'm bleeding profusely
and so I wrap it up
and I run down
to the doctor
and he stitches it up
and he says,
look,
we can't save your finger,
you're gonna be without a finger.
And I recover
and get back on my daily walk
and I go by that same house
and that same dog
and the dog's barking
and wagging his tail again
and I said,
I'm not messing with you.
Now I've forgiven the dog,
I didn't kill the dog.
I've forgiven the dog
but I'm not gonna get in there
with the dog,
have fellowship with it
because the nature of the dog
has not changed.
There's some people
you'll meet in life
because of the way,
the trajectory they're on,
where they live,
what their life is like,
they may do something
to hurt you
and you may forgive them
but you may not be able
to be reconciled with them
or to have fellowship with them.
But when you forgive,
a commitment is made
and that commitment
is maintained.
How can we tell
if we need
to forgive somebody?
Have you ever wondered that?
Dr. Walters in his book
and I've used this for years
in counseling with people
would give them a list of things
and this was on the list.
But he said,
there's six things
that you can ask
and he used this
as a checklist
in his practice
in counseling with people.
Six things
to see if you need
to forgive someone.
Let me give them to you
real quickly.
Number one is,
do I often think
about the hurt?
Do I often think
about the hurt
and have strong feelings
of anger?
Now there's a difference
in being hurt
and being unforgiving.
If you're hurt,
you can be forgiving.
You can be hurt
and be unforgiving
but there's a difference
in the two.
Second,
do I imagine
or desire injury
or hurt
coming to the person
who hurt me?
Revenge is the opposite
of forgiveness.
Many years ago
when I was pastor
at Roebuck Baptist
in Spartanburg
doing counseling,
there was a couple
that joined our church.
It was a blended family.
They both had lost
their mates
and so they come together
as this blended family
and blended,
they had eight children.
So it was a struggle
from the very beginning
and they just kind of
got married
before anybody knew it.
Bam!
And there they were.
And so they came to me
for counseling.
I counseled with them
for a few weeks
and then one day
she comes in alone
and she is absolutely hysterical.
What happened?
He's gone.
What do you mean he's gone?
While I was at work,
he had a U-Haul come,
loaded up all his furniture,
took his kids
and they've gone to Florida.
I said,
oh my.
And she was,
I mean,
she was hot.
She was livid.
And so we began to talk
and I'm thinking,
well,
how can we work through this now?
I didn't want to say,
well,
how do you feel about him?
Because I had an idea
how she felt about him.
As we began to talk,
forgiveness was a little early
in the conversation.
I was just trying to get her
to a place
that she didn't want to kill him.
And I said,
well,
after a couple of times,
I said,
well,
how are you feeling
about things now?
She said,
well,
you know what?
I don't want him to die.
And I thought,
well,
that's a success.
She said,
I just want him
to have an accident
or get a disease
and just linger
for a long time in pain.
That's not forgiveness.
Do I imagine hurt
or injury
coming to this person?
The third thing,
do I go out of my way
to avoid the person?
They have hurt me.
Do I go out of my way
to avoid them?
The fourth thing is,
do I have physical symptoms
like irritability
when we think of that person
or that wrong?
Does it change
the way I behave?
Number five,
do I directly
or indirectly
attack
the other person?
Am I very aggressive
aggressive
or am I passive aggressive?
And then number six,
am I critical
of myself,
self-demanding
and self-condemning?
In other words,
if I am angry
and I'm not going
to express it
to this person
because I'm going
to avoid them
and I'm not
confessing it
to God,
then that means
I'm suppressing it
and if I'm suppressing
that anger
that comes
from that hurt,
that means
I'm probably
depressed
and my countenance,
my inside,
my soul
changes.
Anybody,
you need to forgive.
The best time
to forgive somebody
is when you can.
I want to close
with this story
that happened
in my life.
I grew up
in the little town
of Iva,
South Carolina.
Has anybody
ever heard of it?
Okay.
I don't know
if you'd want
to go there today
but there was
a lady that grew
that was in my church
and she was
kind of the,
she was
Miss Missions
to everybody
in the whole area,
every church.
Her name
was Reva Wansley.
She was a school teacher.
She had been
a widow
for as long
as I knew her
as a little boy
growing up.
She had two jobs.
She'd be a substitute
teacher
and then she would
also work
for the Anderson
Independent
and she covered
Northeast Georgia
and she had
a column in there
called
Roving with Reva
and she'd tell
about all
these little things
that were happening
and dinners
and all this stuff
and coming
and going
and vacation
and get togethers
and stuff
in Northeast Georgia
but she was
a member
of the church
I grew up in
and she smelled
good.
I mean
she smelled
real good.
I mean
she smelled
strong
and you knew
Miss Reva
was coming
before she got there
and she wore
makeup
and she had
beautiful,
beautiful gray hair
but she put
her makeup
on
and she always
had these red
circles
that she put
on her cheeks
and she was
something else
but boy
was she mighty,
mighty
in prayer
and missions.
She loved
missions so much
she wanted
to help
missionaries
so much
that instead
of spending
money
and getting
new shoes
she would
cut out
of cardboard
the size
of her shoe
and put it
in her shoe
so she could
wear it longer
so she could
give more
to missions.
You talk
about Lottie Moon
Christmas offering
this is a woman
that inspired
many,
many people
to give.
Well I came
along and
after she had
retired from
just about
everything
I was working
at the Anderson
Independent
for a couple
of years
I went to
University of
South Carolina
I continued
to be a writer
for them
in the sports
department
and then I
announced
that I was
God had called
me into ministry
and I was
shifting gears
and I was
going to study
for the ministry
then.
Well I got
a letter
from her
it means a lot
to me
so I'm going
to share
it with you
I hope it
means something
to you
she said
my dear
Rudy
congratulations
I'm so proud
of you
I'm expecting
great things
of you
and I'm sure
I won't be
disappointed
you're doing
well as a
sports writer
I read
and enjoy
all you write
and she gave
me a list
of several
verses
and then said
these along
with others
have meant
so much
to me
in my life
and work
they are so
very comforting
when the going
gets tough
don't let
anything
discourage you
in life
discouragements
will come
but don't let
them get you
down
I'm so proud
of the interest
you are taking
in the Lord's
work
keep it up
may God
bless you
and use you
in a marvelous
way
now and always
I love you
dearly
and she signed
it
Mrs. Wansley
in 1978
there was a
fire in her
house
she was 81
at the time
she had a
retarded son
who was 57
and somehow
he had turned
a kerosene
heater over
it had spilled
out and the
house had caught
fire and she
was unable
to move
and it burned
60% of her
body badly
she was in
intensive care
and they
didn't hold
out much
hope
during that
time she
had a
daughter
who was
estranged
from her
mother
she wouldn't
speak to her
mother
she wouldn't
visit her
mother
she would
not even
go see her
mother on
her death
bed when
she was in
all that
pain in
the hospital
just before
she died
she said
this
tell her
her daughter
tell her
I'm going
to die
soon
I know
it
but tell
her
I have
forgiven
her
now what
I want
to say
to you
is that's
the way
forgiveness
works
when you
got it
in your
heart
you want
to let
that person
know
whatever
way
possible
I forgive
you
and it
is
liberating
it is
powerful
it is
compelling
it may
be the
single
most important
concept
in the
Christian
life
Jesus
forgave
his
message
to us
is
as I
have
forgiven
you
go and
forgive
has anybody
hurt you
anybody
done you
wrong
anybody
just done
something
that's not
right
big or
small
and you're
holding that
in your
heart
you won't
let go
of it
the most
freeing
releasing
powerful
thing
that you
can do
if that's
the case
is to
forgive
that person
now
sometimes
this happens
you hold
there for so
long that
person dies
and you're
still holding
that hurt
in your
heart
what can
you do
then
you still
can forgive
you still
can release
you can't
make the
circuit
complete
but you
can let
go
of the
hurt
you can
see the
person
differently
you can
cancel
the debt
anybody
you need
to
forgive
if there
is
would you
think about
praying about
it
and maybe
even this
week
as God
gives you
direction
to do
it
would you
just do
it
you say
do I
need to
talk to
that
person
maybe
not
most
cases
yes
because
you want
to make
that
circuit
complete
but if
they won't
hear you
they shut
the door
in your
face
they hang
up on
your phone
call
send them
a note
send them
an email
send them
a text
and let
them know
that you
forgive them
not in a
condescending
way
not in a
judgmental
way
but in a
genuinely
caring
way
like
Jesus
does
anybody
that you
need to
forgive
let's pray
together
father we
thank you
for the
power
and the
forgiveness
that you
empower
through us
we thank
you for
the
forgiveness
that you
give us
that is so
magnificent
so deep
so eternal
we'll never
get over it
help us
if we hold
on to
hurts
to get
over
ourselves
so that
we can
experience
a life
that reflects
obedience
to you
and finds
freedom
and not
bondage
from following
you
there's anyone
here that
really needs
to forgive
someone
I pray that
you would
give them
the grace
and the
strength
and the
courage
to do it
in Jesus
name
amen