I don't think I've actually struggled to write a talk as much as I have this one tonight.
Friendship is, I think, a massive subject.
I think as I've been thinking about it probably for the last three weeks,
I'm conscious that it's a real blessing, isn't it, to have good friends.
Everybody needs good friends.
But also struck that friendship is very difficult.
It's very difficult to try and nail what is a good friend.
It's very difficult to keep good friends.
Friendship is very difficult.
So they say when it comes to Q&A and there's no questions, there's four options you can believe.
Number one, everything was so clear that no one has any more questions to ask.
Number two, it was so far above everyone's heads that they didn't understand anything
and therefore have no limit to ask questions.
Number three, it was so confused that people don't know where to start asking questions.
Or number four, any of the above three that you like.
There was a fourth, but I forgot it.
So we'll just go for that one at the end.
Yeah.
Relationships.
I have a PowerPoint to help us.
Relationships.
And tonight, authentic friendships.
What is an authentic friendship?
You can trust us to stick with you through thick and thin to the bitter end.
And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours closer than you yourself keep it.
But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone and go off without a word.
We are your friends, Frodo.
Anyway, there it is.
We know most of what Gandalf has told you.
We know a good deal about the ring.
We are horribly afraid.
But we are coming with you or following you like hounds.
That is what Merry Pippin and Samwise Gamgee say to Frodo just before he embarks on this great journey that will take three massive books in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.
It's a lovely quote, which I think gets us somewhere to thinking about what is the essence of true friendship.
People with you through thick and thin who are prepared to face great adversity for you.
And the only option that they don't leave him is that he's going to go to Mordor alone.
Or on the Monday after Christmas, I was in Asda at the Jewel.
Something I hate at the best of times, but the Monday after Christmas, horrendous.
But over the tannoy came the song by the Rembrandts, I'll Be There For You, which was, of course, the theme tune to that great soap opera, Friends.
And Friends, it's said, is always being shown somewhere in the world so popular was it.
And as I was walking around Asda pushing my trolley, I was conscious that everybody was singing along.
That this song has obviously captured people's imaginations.
That when we think of Friends, we think of the Rembrandts and we think of this song, I'll Be There For You.
When I think of that, I think of a very weird time at university where the very last episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel might finally get together.
I was watching this program called Friends in a room full of strangers that I did not know.
I was only there because somebody had a TV license and I didn't.
It was very weird watching Friends around a group of strangers who, once the program was gone, everyone just disappeared.
There was not even a cup of tea.
It was most disappointing.
Yet we are constantly aware in our lives that our friendships don't often live up to what the Hobbits describe,
or that which was experienced and shown by Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and Monica.
In fact, in a recent study, Britain was shown to be the loneliness capital of Europe.
It came 28th out of 28 countries that people in Britain are lonelier than anybody else in Europe.
It was measured on people in Britain are the least likely to know their neighbors and the least likely to have anybody they would describe as a good friend.
We come absolutely bottom.
Let's bear in mind, some of that is Eastern Europe and I don't find those people the friendliest.
And we come bottom.
And let's also be clear that we're in Edinburgh, which has this reputation of being cold and a little bit austere,
far in contrast to our dear countrymen through in the West.
It's true that anything good, anything bad can be wonderful with friends and almost anything good can be terrible without them.
Yet we live in a society where friendship is minimized, it takes a back seat,
and it comes a country mile behind the way we pedestal romantic love and family love.
No one ever buys a glossy magazine on a Saturday to find out who's friends with it.
Because we're so geared, we're so honed in looking at romantic love and family love.
And so pedestalling that, that friendship comes a long way behind.
In days gone by, it was said, friendship seemed to be the happiest, most fully human of all loves.
The crown of life and the school of virtue.
To the modern person, friendship is diminished and largely disregarded.
I realized this week that in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, this central love between Arwen and Aragon doesn't even make it into Tolkien's proper book.
It's always in the appendix.
It's only when Peter Jackson and Hollywood get a hold of it that they put this romance right at the center
because they don't think to the 21st century audience that friendship will be able to hold the story together.
Isn't it interesting?
How what Tolkien wrote needs to be reinterpreted and reinvented for our 21st century diminished.
Diminishment of friendship, um, eyes.
Even in the Christian world, friendship is the most important, least talked about relationship in the church.
I've never given a talk on friendship before, that might be obvious already.
It's not something I've particularly thought of very much.
But I was also stunned how few books have been written on friendship.
I think this is perhaps the first sermon I've ever preached where I think I've read a vast majority of all the books written on a subject.
And I'm still pretty clueless about how to do a talk or how to tell people about friendship.
Yet despite it being detrimentally overlooked, we all know, feel, understand and yearn to be good at choosing, forging and keeping terrific friendships.
Put your hand up if you think you've got lots of too many good friends.
Put your hand up if you'd like a few more good friends.
I certainly would.
We all feel the need, the yearning.
We all know the benefit and blessing of having good friends.
On a church level, I think it is accurate to estimate that church satisfaction is gauged on two planes.
Number one, the quality of the teaching ministries and services of the church.
Do you like what the church does?
And number two, I think we assess our satisfaction with church with the ability we have to forge good friendships within that body of people.
If we have appreciation for the ministries and we have friendships with the people, we'll be satisfied, I think, generally in church.
So therefore, friendship for us and in our church is extremely important.
What will make our church stronger is if we're better friends and have deeper fellowship one with another.
C.S. Lewis in his book, The Four Loves, which is a cracking book, which I think everyone should really read.
He writes a chapter on friendship.
And his chapter on friendship is basically about the weirdness of friendship, the otherness of friendship.
He writes, friendship is, in a sense, the least natural of loves, the least instinctive, biological, gregarious and necessary.
Without eros, romantic love, none of us would have been born.
Without affection, familial love, none of us would have been reared.
But we can live and breed without friendship.
Friendship is unnecessary.
Like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself, for God did not need to create.
It has no survival value.
Rather, it is one of the things that gives value to survival.
It is one of the things that enriches our lives.
As a 12th century Cistercian monk, I told you that there's very few books on friendship.
This is about one of six.
And he writes a book on friendship and he says that there are three different types of friendship that we experience.
They're at different levels, at different depths.
And as we go deeper, they get fewer.
He says the first one is we have a carnal friendship.
And he would describe a carnal friendship as people whom we mutually pursue pleasure with.
People whom we mutually pursue pleasure with.
People we hang around for the sake of mutual fun.
And I dare say we've all got friends like that.
Then he talks about worldly friendships.
Friendships that people maintain because it brings mutual advantage.
So this might be friendships in the workplace.
If you are friends with your workmates, it will go better for you at work.
It might be your teammates.
If you're friends with your teammates and are looking out for them and ready to do things for them,
then that will only have benefit to the scoreline at the end of the game.
But he says the third type of friendship, the deepest type of friendship is a friendship bounded, grounded in mutual commitment.
Where you think the same as the other person.
Where you start sharing about your life and they go, oh, that's how I view the world.
That's what I think.
Oh, you too.
I thought I was the only one.
There is a mutual foundation.
A set of core beliefs.
A common pursuit which binds people together.
And Aelred of Reveaux would say that was the deepest kind of friendship.
And obviously he's then going to go on and explain that friendship between Christians,
where they're bound together in their mutual pursuit of Jesus Christ,
is the most conducive foundation to build strong, deep, rich and fruitful friendships.
He writes,
That actually Jesus is a wonderful person in enabling others to forge deep and rich and good friendships.
So a great goal in all our friendships is to make them spiritual friendships.
By deepening and centering our friendships with Christians on Jesus,
and by pursuing and being great friends to non-Christians,
in order that they might trust Jesus themselves,
so you can pursue him together.
Last bit of wiggling on the T.
Augustine writes in his Confessions,
Many people, Aelred and Augustine, both say that Jesus is a wonderful starting point
for building and maintaining and growing friendships.
But it seems pertinent then to distinguish the difference between fellowship and friendship.
They are very different.
Fellowship might be described as that special sense of companionship
and love among believers based on our unity in Christ.
That's what fellowship is.
That is, all those that know and love and have trusted the Lord Jesus,
we're brought together as family.
That in Jesus we're not only reconciled to God,
but we're reconciled to each other.
There's a family bond.
I know, I'm sure we've all felt this,
where you're in a foreign place,
you meet a Christian brother or sister,
and after a little while you feel like you've known them their whole life.
So one of the wonderful fruits of the gospel.
It's a wonderful thing, fellowship,
and fellowship intrinsically paves the way towards spiritual friendship.
Friendship, therefore, in a spiritual sense,
is that fellowship taken to the next level
and applied more personally,
given added depth, refinement and detail
through active investment in one another's life.
So we have fellowship altogether,
but it's going to take investment.
It's going to take spending time.
It's going to take sacrificing.
It's going to take hanging out.
It's going to take us encouraging each other
and spurring each other on in our pursuit of Jesus
if that fellowship is going to deepen
and become deep, rewarding fellowship.
So this evening I want to talk about friendship
in just three quick titles.
The why of friendship.
Why do we need friends?
The what of friendship.
What are good things to look for in friends.
How can we be good friends?
And then the how of friendship.
If friendship is so difficult,
does the Bible have anything to show us or tell us
or teach us about how to make it a little bit easier?
So, the why of friendship.
Why do I, why do you, why do we
have a deep-seated yearning to have friends?
Where does that come from?
Why can't we just say that every man is an island
and I am Ibiza?
Why do we need to have this connectedness?
Well, I think the Bible's clear answer
is that friendship starts before the beginning.
Friendship starts before the beginning.
In Genesis 1.26,
God said,
let us make man in our image,
in our likeness.
Note those plurals.
God talking to himself in plurality.
That even before the beginning,
God exists in trinity.
That God forever
has been one God in three persons.
who forever exists in and of himself
in a loving friendship.
God is intrinsically community.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
And it is in this image that we're created.
This relational image.
The image of the eternal relational God.
God.
So by the time we get to chapter 2.18,
and us getting a few more details
about how Adam and Eve were created,
we read that the first not good thing
about Adam and creation
is that he is alone.
He has no one to relate to.
Just imagine being Adam in the Garden of Eden.
He has the best quiet time.
24 hours a day.
He has unhindered access to God.
We read in chapter 3
that they used to walk together
in the coolness of the day.
What a beautiful picture of friendship that is.
And yet the first not good thing
and in other ways perfect creation
is the aloneness of man.
There is no one like him
whom he can be a friend to,
he can relate to,
he can share with.
Part of being image bearers of God
is to pursue, develop, nurture,
and maintain human relationships.
Therefore,
friendless living is both
a rejection of God's good purpose for us
as his image bearers,
and also a dehumanizing tragedy.
That as humans made in his image,
one of the things that
marks that image bearing out
is our ability
to maintain and grow
and have friends.
So no wonder when Eve shows up
in 2.22,
Adam knows friendship
and the not goodness
of that creation
becomes very good.
Because suddenly Adam
can be fully human
as the image bearer of God.
Adam even sings a song.
I'm not sure it translates that well.
He says,
this is bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh.
I think if I sung that to Aileen,
she'd look at me a bit weird.
But,
but the eye of Adam
now becomes an ass
and a wee.
And there are they together.
That they are
interacting together.
They are sharing
together.
That as image bearers of God,
when Adam and Eve
can share and be friends together,
they reflect God's image
better than Adam ever could
alone.
But this picture
of completeness
is then shattered
categorically
at the fall in Genesis 3.
The usual evening stroll
with God
in the coolness of the day
is forsaken
for running,
hiding,
and isolation
from the Creator.
Sin has spoiled
man's friendship
with God vertically.
And as we read,
as Adam goes on
this self-justifying exercise
in Genesis 3 verse 10,
when he said,
it's the woman's fault.
It's this woman
that you gave me.
He then ceases
to be a we and a they.
He becomes an eye.
And that friendship,
that relationship
is tarnished forever.
A fracture of relationship
at Genesis 3
and a fissure of friendship
is now seemingly
irreparably forged
at the core
of fallen humanity.
That when sin shows up,
friendship becomes
more difficult.
Martin Luther observes
that sin curves us
inward on ourselves
and left unaddressed
causes us to become
increasingly self-focused.
Nowhere is this more poisonous
than in our friendships.
And don't we see it
that when I becomes big,
friendship becomes difficult.
When I am self-obsessed,
it inhibits my ability
to be other person focused.
And so readily we get
what's the definition
of a boring person,
somebody who talks
about themselves
when you really want
to talk about yourself.
And we start
to evaluate friendships.
We interact with someone
and we think,
do they like me?
What do they think of me?
Will they hurt me?
How can I make them
like me more?
Not that any of these
questions are wrong,
but it's amazing
how me-focused friendship
can so readily become
as fallen human beings
in a fallen world.
And so this side
of the fourth,
friendship is difficult.
Friendship is hard.
Friendship is tough.
But still,
as image bearers,
it is intrinsically worthwhile.
Friendship with God
is hard as holiness
and sinfulness
cannot coexist.
In the Old Testament,
as far as I can see,
there's only two people
that are explicitly described
as friends of God.
Moses in Exodus 33,
the Lord would speak
to Moses face to face
as one would speak
to a friend.
And also Abraham
in Isaiah 41,
also picked up in James 2.
But you, Israel,
my servant,
Jacob,
whom I have chosen,
you descendants
of Abraham,
my friend.
It's not just friendship
with God that is affected,
tarnished,
and inhibited,
but also friendship
with others.
So Proverbs 20,
verse 6,
many claim to have
unfailing love,
but a faithful person,
a faithful friend,
who can find?
Why is friendship important?
Because as those created
in God's image,
we are hardwired
for friendship.
Friendship with God
and friendship with others.
But due to the fall,
friendship is now hard,
messy,
and spoiled by sin,
though still absolutely necessary,
and the longing for it
ever present
in everyone's lives.
And yet God's plan
of salvation
is designed
to restore
our vertical relationship
with God,
as well as our horizontal
relationships with others.
Why friendship?
Because that's how
God designed us.
But what about
the what of friendship?
What do good friendships do?
What are some marks
of authentic friendship?
What can I do
to be a true friend?
Well, I was encouraged
to see that the Bible
had more to say on this
than you'd believe.
And there's one book
in particular
that has loads to say
on friendship,
the book of Proverbs.
Hugh Black
in a classic work
says,
the book of Proverbs
might almost be called
a treatise on friendship.
So full is it
of advice
about the sort of person
you should consult with
and the sort of person
you should avoid.
It is full of shrewd,
prudent,
and wise counsel.
There is no book
that so exalts
the idea of friendship
and is so anxious
to have it truly valued
and carefully kept.
Proverbs gives us
practical wisdom
on how to live skillfully
in the world,
how to live well.
And it says three big things
about friends.
Number one,
true friends are rare.
Many claim to have
unfailing love,
but a faithful person
who can fight.
The writers of Proverbs
would also say,
bad friends bring ruin.
Proverbs 22,
make no friendship
with a man given to anger,
nor go with a wrathful man,
lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself
in a snare.
But the Proverbs
would also say,
friends are integral
to gaining wisdom.
This famous proverb,
iron sharpens iron
as one man sharpens another.
That is,
we interact and share together.
Good friendships
make us sharper
and better.
Proverbs goes further,
though,
and paints a very vivid picture
of what good friends
look like.
I think Proverbs
gives us four foundations,
four building blocks
of true friendships.
Here they are.
True friendships,
true friends are there,
they are aware,
they dare,
and they share.
Perhaps we might say
that together,
stop us drifting off.
True friends are there,
they are aware,
they dare,
and they share.
Let me explain
what I mean.
Firstly,
true friends are there,
they are constant,
they are with you
for better,
for worse,
they are like the hobbits,
as they relate to Frodo,
we're coming with you
no matter what.
They are in the ups and downs,
in the triumphs,
the trials,
and the tribulations.
Proverbs 17,
verse 17,
17,
a friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born
for adversity.
A man of friends,
Proverbs 18,
a man of many companions
may come to ruin,
but there is a friend
who sticks closer
than a brother.
This is written in a society
where family
is of paramount importance.
And so for the writer
of this Proverbs
to say there is a friend
that is better
than a brother
is shocking.
But I think it is
very wise.
There is a friend,
a good friend,
good friends
can be better
than brothers.
Why?
Because in adversity,
family members
out of loyalty
may lend you a hand.
They're almost expected to.
But they may not like you.
Whereas a friend,
voluntarily compelled
by love,
says I'm sticking with you.
I'm sticking.
This word sticks
is the Hebrew word cleaves.
It is a commitment
out of steadfast love
that friends give
voluntarily to others.
Proverbs lists examples
of fair-weather friends,
not the friends you want.
Friendships that are there
in the good times,
but scarper.
I know you're all
my good friends
because you came out
on a night like tonight.
Whereas the fair-weather friends
thought it was a little cold
and a little wet.
Proverbs 19,
wealth brings many new friends,
but a poor man
is deserted by his friends.
Proverbs 14,
the poor is disliked
by his neighbor,
but the rich
has many friends.
Fair-weather friends
are only in
for the benefit
they can glean
for themselves.
If you want an example
of that,
the prodigal son.
He spends all his father's
inheritance,
he's surrounded
by loads of people.
When it runs out,
he quickly finds himself
alone in the pigsty
because he's just got
fair-weather friends.
True friends are there,
they are committed,
they're constant.
They're there
when the chips are down
and also when the ship
comes in.
True friends are
there.
But they are also
aware.
They're careful
with you.
They know you
and they know
how you feel.
They are emotionally
connected
and they get you.
They get you.
Proverbs highlights
very powerfully
the danger of people
and friends
that are not aware,
who speak
unthinkingly,
behave unsympathetically
and act
uncompassionately.
So Proverbs 26,
like a madman
who throws firebrands,
arrows and death,
is the man
who deceives his neighbor
and says,
I am only joking.
Proverbs 27,
whoever blesses his neighbor
with a loud voice
rising early in the morning
will be counted
as cursing.
Proverbs 25,
whoever sings songs
to a heavy heart
is like one
who takes off
a garment
on a cold day
and like vinegar
on soda.
Proverbs 25,
let your foot
be seldom
in your neighbor's house,
lest he have his fill
of you
and hate you.
The common threads
of all of these Proverbs
is that these people
are not connected.
They don't have
the emotional savvy
to work out
what is really
going on.
So,
in the first one,
there's the individual
who plays a trick,
who maybe is sarcastic,
but he doesn't know
you well enough
to know how
you're going to take it.
So,
when it all goes badly,
they just go,
I'm only joking.
So,
we know that
many a true statement
is hidden in jest.
They're not careful
with you.
They're not aware
of what makes you tick.
Or the man
who has good intentions
of blessing his neighbor,
but has not thought
that his early morning
hollering on the garden lawn
might be detrimental
to his sleep.
It's a good intention,
but he's not connected.
Or singing songs,
these are intrinsically
joy-filled songs,
singing joy-filled songs
to the man
with a heavy heart.
Someone crippled
with sadness
doesn't want you
to start the chorus,
I'm H-A-P-P-Y,
I know I am,
I'm sure I am,
I'm H-A-P-P-Y,
it's insensitive.
Or the person
who doesn't know
when to leave.
He's not connected enough
to know when they've
maybe outstayed
their welcome.
Let your foot
be seldom
in your neighbor's house
lest he has his fill
of you and hate you.
True friends
are aware.
They're emotionally
connected
and they care
about what is done
and said
and how it's going
to impact you.
They're careful.
There's an emotional
connectedness.
Thirdly,
I think proverbs
say they dare.
And I think
this balances
perfectly
with the awareness
points.
It's not that
they just tread
on eggshells
around you,
but they're not
going to hurt you
unnecessarily.
that true friends
do tell people
what they need
to hear
for their
good.
They're emotionally
connected to you
so they're entering
into this problem
with you.
But they do love
you enough
to tell you.
Haven't we
so often thought,
oh, we can't
tell them that
because we love
them.
But what we're
really saying is
we love ourselves
so much that we
don't want to put
ourselves through
the emotional
ordeal of having
to tell people
perhaps things
that they don't
want to hear.
True friends
don't do it in
a vindictive way
to harm,
but in a loving
way to help.
There is a
candidness
amongst true
friends.
Say Proverbs
27 verse 5,
better is open
rebuke than
hidden love.
Better to
confront people
with the truth
they need to
hear than
cover it over
in an act of
self-preservation
and conceal
seal that you
love them.
Proverbs
27,
faithful are
the wounds
of a friend,
profuse are
the kisses
of an enemy.
Proverbs
28,
whoever rebukes
a man will
afterward find
more favor than
he who flutters
with his tongue.
Good friends
are not yes
men.
Good friends
are people out
of love for you,
want the best
for you,
and are
therefore prepared
to share what
might otherwise
be difficult.
Someone famously
quoted,
true friends
stab you in
the front.
Fourthly and
finally,
true friends
are there,
they are aware,
they dare,
and they
share.
There is a
transparency
to true
friendship.
There is a
sharing of
life.
There's not a
stiff upper lip,
rubbing shoulders,
this far but
no further,
there's an
openness.
You can
share with
them,
they can
share with
you.
There's a
two-way
transaction
going.
Don't we
find it so
disarming
when somebody
shares their
problems,
and suddenly
we think,
oh, I
could share
my problems.
Proverbs
27,
verse 9,
oil and
perfume make
the heart
glad,
and the
sweetness of
a friend
comes from
his earnest
counsel,
his earnest
counsel,
his heartfelt
openness.
He lists two
things that are
incredibly precious,
oil and
perfume,
and he says
when somebody
shares of
themselves with
you,
that's equally
as precious,
if not more.
That in true
friendship,
there's a
profound
openness,
a deep
sharing of
life that
is incredibly
precious.
To have
friends with
whom you
can share
your toughest
predicaments
and darkest
secrets in
confidence and
safety in
order to gain
help,
support,
assistance,
and
accountability
is incredibly
precious.
If we have
people who
are like that
for us,
we are truly
blessed people,
and it's
something we
all need,
so we've
all got to
work at it.
Proverbs
25 gives
us the flip
side,
argue your
case with
your neighbor
and do
not reveal
another
secret,
lest he
who hears
you bring
shame upon
you,
and your
ill repute
have no
end.
Someone who's
not transparent
with their
own life,
but absorbs
other secrets
and then
openly shares
them with
everyone else,
and it's
incredibly
hurtful,
incredibly
dangerous,
and as we
betray the
trust of
others,
no one
will trust
us.
Like people
that criticize
people all
the time,
I find
myself so
ready for
them,
so readily
disposed to
them,
that actually
if you
criticize two
people,
they think,
well, when I'm
not in the
room,
they must
criticize me.
We're very
caged towards
our friendship,
and people's
track record
really does
have an
impact on
whether we
trust them
or not.
So Proverbs
says,
good friends
are marked
by these
four qualities.
Good friends
are there,
they're constant,
they're aware,
they're careful,
they dare,
they're candid,
and they share.
There's a
counsel,
there's an
openness.
If you want
two instead
of four,
Tim Keller
comes up with
these,
good friends
always let
you in
and never
let you
down.
Good friends
always let
you in
and never
let you
down.
I don't
know how
you respond
to those
four things.
Are you
someone who
is there,
who's aware,
who shares,
and who's
daring?
As I
responded to
these four
things,
let me tell
you what
hit me.
The first
is this,
a real
longing.
I became
conscious of
both my
lack of
and need
for
good
friends.
True
friends like
this.
I'd say
I'd have a
lot of
acquaintances,
very few
really good
friends.
It's a sad
fact of life
that friends
are harder
to make
the older
you get.
School
was easy.
Conquers
seem to be
this perfect
thing for
making
friends
kick
around the
football
field.
University
quite
simple,
work
harder,
unless you
invite your
friends to
come and
work with
you.
I dare
say the
trajectory
continues into
later life.
Friends are
harder the
older we
get.
Also,
that friendships
are taken
away faster
than we can
forge them.
Making
really good
friends takes
time and
people's
mobility makes
forging good
friends difficult
with work and
opportunity taking
people away
the minute you
think you're just
on the cusp of
good friendships.
Time
pressures.
Friendship takes
time and we
live in a world
that is so
frantically busy
and hectic.
And the
pedestalling of
family life,
the protection
of time
inhibit our
friendships,
the deception
of Facebook,
he knew it
was coming,
the deception
of Facebook
and social
media and
email that
deceive us
into thinking
we have a
broad matrix
of spectacular
friendships,
when really
we have a
disconnected list
of strangers,
well-wishipping
acquaintances,
all in place
of flesh and
blood face-to-face
friendships.
We also spend
a lot of time
on one-way
friendships,
where we
expend emotional
energy as we
bond with
sports stars,
actors and
other icons,
or reducing
our ability
to make good
friends.
All these
things,
though maybe
increasing the
quantity of
our relationships,
definitely
reduce the
quality of
our friendships.
So as I
thought of
what is a
true friend,
I had a
real longing
to have
better friends,
not that my
friends are not
good friends,
but to have
deeper friends
and stronger
friendships.
Secondly,
as well as a
sense of
longing,
this study in
true friendship
created a sense
of conviction.
It revealed that
I am not always
a very good
friend,
and I think
as a general
rule of thumb,
good friends
have good
friends.
people that
are there,
who share,
who dare,
who are
aware,
find that
there's other
people in
their lives
who do
the same
for them.
So it
is, I
think,
as I go
on from
here with
God's help,
I seek to
exhibit these
qualities to
others,
that a
hope will
find them
reciprocated to
me and my
friendships
deepened.
we need
to raise
the bar
of friendship.
So many
of us are
looking for
people around
whom we
can be
ourselves,
but the
true genius
of true
friendship is
that true
friends make
us better
than
ourselves.
People that
are always
encouraging us,
particularly in a
Christian sense,
people that are
always encouraging
us to pursue
Jesus more.
Proverbs 13
verse 20,
whoever walks
with the wise
becomes wise,
but the
companion of
fools will
suffer harm.
Which brings
us into land
on the how
of friendship.
How can we
be better
friends?
Well, the
answer, I
think, is that
universal Sunday
school answer,
Jesus.
Some remarkable
things about
Jesus.
They crucify him
because he's
friends with the
wrong people.
Always being
told, why are
you friends with
them?
Why are you
hanging out with
sinners and tax
collectors?
Why are you
their friends?
Jesus known as
the friend of
sinners.
Jesus who's
open, who
shares his
life, who
tells people
what they
really need
to hear,
who is very
careful with
people.
In John 15,
something remarkable
happens.
This is my
commandment,
that you love
one another as
I have loved
you.
Greater love
is no one
than this,
that someone
lay down his
life for his
friends.
You are my
friends, if you
do what I
command you.
No longer do
I call you
servants, for
the servant
does not know
his master is
doing.
But I have
called you
friends, for
all that I
have heard
from my
father I
have made
known to
you.
Do you see
Jesus lets
us in?
He lets us
know his
business, not
just his
business but
he tells us
about the
father's
business as
well.
That he
never lets
us down,
even when it
cost him his
own life, he
willingly went
all the way
for us.
Jesus always
lets us in
and he
never lets
us down.
It's
remarkable as
friendship with
God lost at
the fall, only
seen twice in
the Old
Testament, is
now available
to you and
me through
Jesus Christ.
At the start
we said that
sin spoiled
relationship because
it focused us on
ourselves and
yet in Jesus
and his
sacrifice for
us we have
one who dies
for us to
disarm the
power of
sin and
self in
our lives and
liberates us
to be good
friends.
We have one
who gave up
his eternal
Trinitarian
friendship so
that our
friendship with
God and
others could
be restarted.
At the cross
the God's
head's friendship
was ruptured so
that our
friendship could
be repaired.
And his
wounds are
ultimately the
wounds of a
friend.
wounds that
he doesn't
afflict on
us but
wounds that
he takes
in our
place.
Crucified for
being friends
with the wrong
people, sinners
and tax
collectors, you
and me.
Jesus is a
wonderful friend.
He comes so
far to be
friends with you
and me.
It dissolves
this idea that
we can only be
friends with people
like us.
Jesus is not
like us at
all.
There's no
one less
like us.
And yet he
comes and he
befriends us.
The ultimate
friend who does
make us better
than ourselves.
Jesus is the
ultimate friend
who liberates us
to be a true
friend and pursue
true friendships.
Greater love
has no one
than this that
one lay down
his life for
his friends.
Than the
greatest friend
is the one
who laid down
the most
for his
friends.
Jesus is
the ultimate
friend, a
divine friend
better than
any other
friend.
The friend
who is always
there, promising
to be with us
to the very
end of the
age.
The friend
who is slow
to anger,
who is
thoughtful and
tender, who
is eternally
trustworthy, who
will never let
us down.
One who
shares our
pain, comforts
us in sorrow
and sympathizes
with us in
weakness.
He rescues us
from our great
trouble and
liberates us
to ripple
his friendship
of loving
us to death
out to
others.
He is the
ultimate friend
who is
constantly working
to make us
better than
ourselves and
from one
degree of
newness to
another.
It is right
to conclude
what a friend
we have in
Jesus.
All our sins
and griefs
to bear, what
a privilege to
carry everything
to God in
prayer.
Here's the
big lesson
of the day.
How can we
be better
friends?
By having
a deeper
friendship
with Jesus
Christ.
And as we
befriend him
closer, he
rubs off onto
us, which
enables us to
be the kind
of people that
others love and
benefit and
grow from being
friends with.
How do you
become a tree
friend?
Look at love
and imitate the
Lord Jesus who
is our ultimate
friend forever.
Let me pray.
Father God,
thank you that
you don't call
us servants.
Father, we
weren't even
worthy of that.
Father, but you
call us friends.
That in Jesus,
our ultimate
friend, the hope
of friendship, the
benefit of friendship,
the glory of
friendship with
you is possible.
And so our
prayer is that you
would make us
more like the
friends that Jesus
has been to us.
That we would be
friends that are
constant, friends
that are careful.
Father, friends that
are candid.
Friends that are
continuously encouraging
each other to be more
like Jesus.
Father, we don't just
want to rub
shoulders.
Father, we don't
want to just stop
at fellowship and
think that that's
enough.
But Father, I pray
in our church we
would have deep and
rich and fruitful
and edifying
friendships that
would help us in
our journey of
faith pursuing your
son Jesus.
In whose name we
pray.
Amen.