WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.200 All right, good morning. 00:00:09.900 --> 00:00:12.679 If you're visiting today, then you won't know this, 00:00:12.759 --> 00:00:15.780 but we're actually doing a series on gospel-shaped family. 00:00:16.500 --> 00:00:18.600 We've had one talk by David. 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:21.100 He started the series off with a talk on relationships 00:00:21.100 --> 00:00:24.000 and how we are actually wired by God for relationship. 00:00:24.699 --> 00:00:28.699 Just as we have an eternally relation God in Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, 00:00:28.699 --> 00:00:31.739 we're actually wired to relate to one another. 00:00:31.899 --> 00:00:32.920 We're created in his image. 00:00:33.780 --> 00:00:36.179 Then last week we looked at gospel-shaped husbands, 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:39.439 what it means to be a husband in God's world. 00:00:40.019 --> 00:00:42.460 And this week we're going to look at gospel-shaped wives. 00:00:43.500 --> 00:00:47.399 And perhaps that seems a bit counterintuitive seeing as it's Father's Day, 00:00:47.579 --> 00:00:51.679 but I suspect that there's something, I know that there's something in this 00:00:51.679 --> 00:00:55.899 for both husbands and wives that will enrich the experience of what it means 00:00:55.899 --> 00:01:00.320 to be a husband, a wife, a father, a mother. 00:01:01.320 --> 00:01:04.219 Okay, so if you have your Bibles, I'd encourage you to stay, 00:01:04.679 --> 00:01:07.780 keep them open to Ephesians chapter 5. 00:01:10.060 --> 00:01:12.180 And that's where we'll be landing. 00:01:14.180 --> 00:01:14.859 All righty. 00:01:15.299 --> 00:01:18.939 Even as we start, something I want to say to you right up front is this, 00:01:18.939 --> 00:01:24.439 that when we start talking about commands like we just heard read 00:01:24.439 --> 00:01:28.780 and like we just heard explained to the children, 00:01:29.859 --> 00:01:35.039 some of us will actually be starting to think concerned thoughts, 00:01:36.479 --> 00:01:38.299 submission, respect. 00:01:39.159 --> 00:01:40.599 One person is the boss. 00:01:41.140 --> 00:01:42.859 The other person is not. 00:01:44.039 --> 00:01:46.200 And we'll start to wonder what that actually looks like. 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:48.260 And I want to share with you right from the very start 00:01:48.260 --> 00:01:50.700 that Paul actually takes this issue of fear on right up front. 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:54.960 But we need to actually get a sense of why that, you know, 00:01:55.020 --> 00:01:56.579 the fact that that fear is even there. 00:01:57.100 --> 00:01:59.219 You see, from a woman's perspective, 00:01:59.859 --> 00:02:04.500 the world looks very different to the perspective that men quite often assume. 00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:09.300 So, for example, I've got friends, female friends, 00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:11.140 who would say things like this to me. 00:02:11.580 --> 00:02:14.560 When we go out for a meal, we all meet in a restaurant and go out for a meal, 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:19.479 and then everyone walks back to their car at 10, 30, 11 o'clock at night, 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:24.140 I find that really frightening, particularly single women 00:02:24.140 --> 00:02:25.819 who obviously they don't have a husband with them. 00:02:28.060 --> 00:02:29.460 They find that really frightening. 00:02:29.580 --> 00:02:31.480 And I've got to say, when my friend told me this, 00:02:31.860 --> 00:02:37.780 I thought, I have never even considered being afraid walking back to my car at night. 00:02:37.780 --> 00:02:42.780 And then she went on to say, and it doesn't just end there. 00:02:42.979 --> 00:02:45.500 You see, when I go home and the house is empty, 00:02:45.800 --> 00:02:49.819 when I turn that key, I have a fear in my heart 00:02:49.819 --> 00:02:52.599 about going into that house for the first time. 00:02:52.819 --> 00:02:54.960 Once I'm in there and the lights are on and I'm moving around 00:02:54.960 --> 00:02:56.479 and everything's okay, I'm fine. 00:02:56.699 --> 00:02:59.560 But that first initial, putting the key in the lock 00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:01.180 to turn it and to go into the house, 00:03:01.740 --> 00:03:03.740 there's just that moment of fear in her heart. 00:03:03.740 --> 00:03:06.700 I don't have that fear. 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:11.320 So friends, what I want to say to you is this. 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:14.400 This perspective on the world, 00:03:14.860 --> 00:03:17.460 it's not everyone for every circumstance, 00:03:18.379 --> 00:03:20.180 but this perspective on the world 00:03:20.180 --> 00:03:24.500 that is the way that women see the world 00:03:24.500 --> 00:03:27.140 may not be the way that you men see the world. 00:03:27.860 --> 00:03:29.800 It may not be entirely the same. 00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:32.700 You may be walking into scenarios and contexts, 00:03:32.699 --> 00:03:35.039 even on the way over here we were talking about dating 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:38.679 and what it's like when you first ask a girl out for a date. 00:03:38.819 --> 00:03:43.000 And Jo was sharing a story about how she was first asked out on a date 00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:45.639 or first asked to go to the pub. 00:03:45.939 --> 00:03:47.599 And she thought it was just as friends. 00:03:47.879 --> 00:03:49.539 And she turned up and they had a nice time 00:03:49.539 --> 00:03:50.339 and they had a drink and everything. 00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:53.780 And then as they walked out, the guy put his arm around her. 00:03:54.620 --> 00:03:55.159 The mongrel. 00:03:55.259 --> 00:03:55.959 It wasn't me. 00:03:56.919 --> 00:03:58.259 But you know what I mean? 00:03:58.259 --> 00:04:00.699 She was like, whoa, what's going on here? 00:04:00.939 --> 00:04:02.280 I didn't sign up for this. 00:04:02.699 --> 00:04:04.519 There's a way that women see the world 00:04:04.519 --> 00:04:07.919 that is very different to the way that men see the world. 00:04:07.959 --> 00:04:09.799 We need to understand that as we approach this. 00:04:10.199 --> 00:04:10.699 Paul did. 00:04:11.079 --> 00:04:12.319 He knows that fear is a problem 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.479 and he frames this passage with the issue of fear. 00:04:17.560 --> 00:04:18.560 Think about this too, 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:20.459 because in this context that Paul's writing into, 00:04:20.959 --> 00:04:24.719 husbands literally had the power of life and death over their wives. 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:27.539 So he has to take this issue on. 00:04:27.540 --> 00:04:30.879 This passage actually begins in verse 21. 00:04:31.879 --> 00:04:36.100 And we know this because the topic of submission is a heading. 00:04:36.200 --> 00:04:38.040 If you read verse 21, it says, 00:04:38.540 --> 00:04:40.879 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:44.839 So here's the heading of submission. 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:49.920 But the other reason we know that this is actually a part of this section is this. 00:04:50.259 --> 00:04:53.699 The verb submit isn't even in verse 22. 00:04:54.699 --> 00:04:57.819 So to read it as it would be in the, as the Greek would have it, 00:04:57.879 --> 00:05:00.519 it would be submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, 00:05:01.159 --> 00:05:04.120 wives to your husbands as to the Lord. 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:09.240 So verse 22 requires on verse 21 for the verb submit. 00:05:12.780 --> 00:05:19.680 And this verb submission is actually then tied to the subject of reverence. 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:23.980 It's the same word used to finish the instructions to wives 00:05:23.980 --> 00:05:27.079 if we go right down to verse 33. 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:31.340 Although in verse 33, the word is translated respect. 00:05:31.339 --> 00:05:37.219 In verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:05:37.639 --> 00:05:41.060 And verse 33, wives respect your husbands. 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:46.959 Reverence and respect are translations of the same Greek word for fear. 00:05:49.620 --> 00:05:53.519 The passage is framed by the commands to fear. 00:05:55.620 --> 00:05:58.599 And in Greek thought, before we get too concerned about this, 00:05:58.600 --> 00:06:02.480 in Greek thought, the word fear had two main poles. 00:06:03.620 --> 00:06:06.860 Fear, as in the running away from something kind of fear. 00:06:07.760 --> 00:06:12.540 And the fear, which is the running towards something kind of fear. 00:06:13.220 --> 00:06:15.420 So the running away from something kind of fear 00:06:15.420 --> 00:06:17.879 is the fear that's associated with feeling unsafe. 00:06:18.500 --> 00:06:18.939 You'll know this. 00:06:18.980 --> 00:06:21.540 It's a negative experience that's meant to keep you alive. 00:06:21.540 --> 00:06:27.360 But brought into relationships, it damages relationships. 00:06:27.620 --> 00:06:28.760 It damages intimacy. 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:34.080 The fear, the running towards something kind of fear, on the other hand, 00:06:34.540 --> 00:06:37.939 is associated with words like awe, reverence, respect. 00:06:39.259 --> 00:06:40.480 There's strength there, 00:06:40.900 --> 00:06:44.000 but it's a strength that you want to run toward for safety. 00:06:44.780 --> 00:06:48.480 It's a positive experience that deepens intimacy. 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:54.240 Paul is wanting us to understand our roles as husbands and wives, 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:58.319 to be able to set the tone of our marriage, our family dynamic. 00:06:59.620 --> 00:07:04.640 And that tone here is the fear, the safety kind of fear. 00:07:05.540 --> 00:07:09.379 So let's keep that in mind as we look at how the wife is instructed to behave. 00:07:10.340 --> 00:07:12.100 So the command in verse 22. 00:07:13.180 --> 00:07:16.879 Paul begins his heavenly description of marriage with a command to wives. 00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:20.920 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 00:07:22.600 --> 00:07:24.360 Submit to your husbands. 00:07:26.360 --> 00:07:29.959 Our definition of submission would be helpful at this point. 00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:32.879 And I'll give you this, is my suggested one. 00:07:33.620 --> 00:07:36.000 To entrust yourself into someone's care. 00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:41.300 So submission is to entrust yourself into someone's care. 00:07:41.300 --> 00:07:45.540 You could say it's to place yourself under someone's authority, 00:07:45.780 --> 00:07:48.300 but we know from this passage that there's more to it than that. 00:07:49.100 --> 00:07:50.759 It's not just about authority. 00:07:51.259 --> 00:07:54.699 It's about entrusting yourself to your husband's care. 00:07:56.660 --> 00:08:03.540 Now, can I say as well that even as we talk about the words authority and submission, 00:08:03.540 --> 00:08:06.800 submission, these words actually require comprehension. 00:08:07.420 --> 00:08:12.740 And I suspect that submission doesn't mean what you'd like to, well, what you think it means. 00:08:14.740 --> 00:08:19.580 If we go back to the very beginning of the story of humanity and the creation story, 00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:22.280 the role of woman was pivotal in that story. 00:08:22.620 --> 00:08:26.720 The woman was to rule creation with the man in chapter 1, verse 28. 00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:30.380 She was to rule the family with the man. 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:33.980 They were meant to be co-regents of all of creation. 00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:38.340 The woman was to be the helper in chapter 2, 00:08:38.779 --> 00:08:42.560 without which the man could not be all he was intended to be. 00:08:44.660 --> 00:08:51.660 Wives, you did not surrender your brains at the end of the aisle when you got married. 00:08:51.659 --> 00:08:57.939 You do not receive a lobotomy when you get married. 00:08:58.039 --> 00:09:02.059 When you do marriage preparation with David and I, that is not a part of the process. 00:09:04.579 --> 00:09:11.860 Wives, you need to be all that you are for God's design to truly shine. 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:17.019 Now, I think some of you hear that. 00:09:17.079 --> 00:09:17.919 Yeah, fine, okay. 00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:24.659 But what I want to raise here is this issue of that's not how it works out. 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:34.339 Me, two people trying to be all that they are in one space tends to lead to disagreements 00:09:34.339 --> 00:09:39.620 that lead to conflict, that break out into arguments. 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:45.699 Can I just say, that's us doing two becoming one badly. 00:09:45.700 --> 00:09:48.860 That is not what God intended it to look like. 00:09:49.060 --> 00:09:50.320 That's just us doing it badly. 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:51.759 Conflict is us doing it badly. 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:59.280 And so often when we do it badly, that bad experience drives the woman to silence. 00:10:00.940 --> 00:10:02.720 Men have a certain presence. 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:10.440 And when they project that presence, they can become the kind of person that silences their wives 00:10:10.440 --> 00:10:11.700 without even realizing it. 00:10:11.700 --> 00:10:19.360 But when we silence our wives like that, we're producing in them the running away kind of fear 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:21.980 and not the running toward kind of fear. 00:10:23.660 --> 00:10:32.940 Handled well, disagreements, well, they actually have the power to enrich our decisions, our relationships. 00:10:32.940 --> 00:10:39.220 I've shared with you before that in my relationship with Joe, we had very different backgrounds 00:10:39.220 --> 00:10:41.800 in terms of how to approach the disciplining of your kids. 00:10:43.200 --> 00:10:47.500 And so we had very different expectations of what that would look like when we started to have our own children. 00:10:48.160 --> 00:10:50.480 And we would have discussions. 00:10:51.740 --> 00:10:53.600 Discussions that at times got loud. 00:10:53.600 --> 00:11:03.399 But those discussions actually shaped our thinking because they drove us to reconsider why we wanted to do things 00:11:03.399 --> 00:11:04.600 the way that we wanted to do them. 00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:10.580 They drove us back to the Bible and to consider what God actually wanted us to be living like. 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:15.420 And I'm not going to tell you, all of my kids are here today, so you can ask them over morning tea. 00:11:15.480 --> 00:11:17.180 I'm not going to pretend that I was perfect in this. 00:11:17.179 --> 00:11:24.379 But the agreement that we got to as husband and wife through that disagreement was far better 00:11:24.379 --> 00:11:26.539 than either of us would have come up with on our own. 00:11:31.159 --> 00:11:36.259 Handled well, disagreements have the power to enrich your decisions, to enrich your relationships. 00:11:39.859 --> 00:11:46.299 Adam recognised in Eve this new parameter that came into his life 00:11:46.299 --> 00:11:50.759 that just blew things out of all of his prior expectations. 00:11:51.620 --> 00:11:52.659 He recognised it. 00:11:52.719 --> 00:11:54.939 In Genesis 2, verse 23, when he said, 00:11:55.439 --> 00:11:58.719 This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. 00:11:59.559 --> 00:12:02.779 He wasn't saying, oh, nice, something to keep me warm at night. 00:12:04.059 --> 00:12:07.659 He was seeing the fullness of existence for the first time. 00:12:09.419 --> 00:12:16.159 Life without Eve was empty, lonely, limited, or in God's words, not good. 00:12:16.299 --> 00:12:22.740 But with Eve, life was filled with a potential, a potential he couldn't even have imagined. 00:12:23.939 --> 00:12:25.359 And it was very good. 00:12:25.620 --> 00:12:28.659 Where very, in the Hebrew actually, it means exceedingly good. 00:12:28.719 --> 00:12:29.919 No more space for good. 00:12:31.159 --> 00:12:33.279 As in, there is no better kind of good. 00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:38.120 And she was given in to his care. 00:12:39.360 --> 00:12:42.299 And she was to entrust herself to his care. 00:12:42.779 --> 00:12:43.939 To submit to him. 00:12:44.360 --> 00:12:45.399 To respect him. 00:12:47.500 --> 00:12:48.159 Simple, right? 00:12:49.899 --> 00:12:55.199 Well, sadly, history is littered with, well, multitude of examples of how to get this wrong. 00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:57.520 So it's a challenging thing. 00:12:57.640 --> 00:13:00.820 Even knowing all these truths, it's a challenging thing to talk about. 00:13:03.060 --> 00:13:07.280 To fully understand how submission works, we need to be clear on two key points. 00:13:08.640 --> 00:13:09.700 First one is this. 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.360 Submission is a voluntary attitude of the heart. 00:13:14.800 --> 00:13:20.660 It's a voluntary attitude of cooperating, respecting, following the lead of your husband. 00:13:20.659 --> 00:13:24.919 Submission comes from the heart. 00:13:26.539 --> 00:13:27.539 That's important. 00:13:27.699 --> 00:13:27.899 Why? 00:13:28.699 --> 00:13:31.519 Because it means that submission cannot be forced. 00:13:32.179 --> 00:13:33.779 It cannot be coerced. 00:13:34.199 --> 00:13:36.459 It cannot be legislated by rules. 00:13:37.679 --> 00:13:38.759 We have a word for that. 00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:40.139 It's called slavery. 00:13:40.139 --> 00:13:52.659 Wives, or those who one day may be, there may be, submission is choosing to entrust yourself to your husband's care. 00:13:54.399 --> 00:13:56.080 This is a hard thing to do. 00:13:56.080 --> 00:14:02.480 Now, one of the reasons why is explained in the fall. 00:14:02.600 --> 00:14:07.139 And as wives, you may be tempted to be thinking, yeah, my husband's an idiot, you know. 00:14:07.280 --> 00:14:10.560 But that's not the reason that you should be paying attention to in the fall. 00:14:12.060 --> 00:14:16.480 See, when Adam and Eve rebelled against God, the woman had a role in that. 00:14:17.240 --> 00:14:21.759 And the role of the woman in the fall will actually help you to understand your struggle with submission. 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:28.460 See, in Genesis chapter, we can find out what was going on in Eve's mind in Genesis chapter 3, verse 6. 00:14:30.819 --> 00:14:32.039 We read these words. 00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:37.299 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, 00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:43.000 and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. 00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:47.899 And she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 00:14:50.059 --> 00:14:51.639 Creation was very good. 00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:53.819 Remember that abundant kind of good. 00:14:53.960 --> 00:14:55.860 It could not be better kind of good. 00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:01.960 But she believed the lie that there was more to be had. 00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:04.279 She began to want more. 00:15:05.399 --> 00:15:06.299 She took the lead. 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:08.019 She ate. 00:15:10.399 --> 00:15:15.159 And God spelled out the consequence of this in his judgment to the woman in chapter 3, verse 16 of Genesis. 00:15:15.159 --> 00:15:45.139 He said, 00:15:45.159 --> 00:15:50.939 Second point. 00:15:51.939 --> 00:15:54.779 Submission is a specific act of worship. 00:15:54.779 --> 00:16:02.519 I say specific because in this context, the wife's submitting to the husband, it's a specific act that the woman alone can do. 00:16:04.959 --> 00:16:08.039 And right up front, we learn two things about the motivation behind submission. 00:16:08.439 --> 00:16:14.459 Firstly, in verse 21, that submission is motivated or born of our reverence for Christ. 00:16:14.460 --> 00:16:19.300 We read out of reverence for Christ as the reason. 00:16:19.299 --> 00:16:26.279 And then secondly, in verse 22, the very next verse, submission is primarily directed to the Lord. 00:16:27.079 --> 00:16:29.240 Submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 00:16:29.240 --> 00:16:38.799 And if that's the case, it should be no surprise to us that the command to submit is both unconditional and limitless. 00:16:40.060 --> 00:16:44.680 Unconditional, I say, in the sense that it's not dependent on how well the husband is doing at his job of loving you. 00:16:44.679 --> 00:16:53.579 Limitless, in that we read in verse 24, that wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 00:16:53.580 --> 00:17:00.200 In everything, does that mean that every single whim that he happens to enter his mind? 00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:03.960 No, it's talking about the wife submitting in everything. 00:17:04.380 --> 00:17:11.299 It's saying the wife is submitting all of her life into his hands. 00:17:11.559 --> 00:17:17.180 Entrusting the whole of your life, the whole of yourself, every facet of it, to his care. 00:17:17.180 --> 00:17:23.960 But it's more than that when we consider this issue of worship. 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:28.580 You see, marriage is not about you. 00:17:30.360 --> 00:17:33.480 Marriage, I'm going to say that again, marriage is not primarily about you. 00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:36.019 It's about Christ and the church. 00:17:36.700 --> 00:17:38.880 Whatever your hopes and dreams about marriage are, 00:17:39.140 --> 00:17:44.440 and it seems that we've managed to pack all kinds of hopes and dreams into the institution of marriage, 00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:50.759 whatever those hopes and dreams are, if they don't find their hope and fulfilment in Christ's plans for the church, 00:17:52.140 --> 00:17:57.880 well, then they're fragile and temporary, and they will let you down. 00:18:00.140 --> 00:18:05.400 But when we turn our marriages over to pointing to the eternal union between Christ and the church, 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:07.620 that's worship. 00:18:11.080 --> 00:18:12.120 Okay, so this is a command. 00:18:12.119 --> 00:18:15.959 Now we're going to look at the purpose behind this command, what's going on here. 00:18:17.659 --> 00:18:24.679 Paul goes on to explain why understanding what marriage is about is so important in verse 23. 00:18:25.059 --> 00:18:27.039 See, in verse 23, he says this, 00:18:27.500 --> 00:18:32.759 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, 00:18:33.699 --> 00:18:36.559 his body, and is himself its saviour. 00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:41.059 The husband is the head of the wife. 00:18:41.059 --> 00:18:41.740 The head. 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:45.379 The translation for that, again, is ruler or authority. 00:18:46.220 --> 00:18:46.980 Authority figure. 00:18:48.839 --> 00:18:51.139 People have tried to mess with what that word means, 00:18:52.059 --> 00:18:56.740 to get a different definition maybe that's easier to live with in the 21st century. 00:18:58.200 --> 00:18:59.419 But that's what it means. 00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:00.879 Ruler. 00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:01.799 Authority. 00:19:01.799 --> 00:19:10.339 Having said that, we can unpack that a little bit more to get a sense of how it's actually enacted, 00:19:10.500 --> 00:19:11.819 how it's actually expressed. 00:19:12.899 --> 00:19:15.579 You see, this isn't the first time the word head is actually used in Ephesians. 00:19:15.579 --> 00:19:19.740 It's used two other times, both to describe Christ's relationship to the church. 00:19:19.740 --> 00:19:27.220 In chapter 1, verse 22, where all power is placed under Christ's feet as he becomes the head of the church, 00:19:28.059 --> 00:19:34.460 what we're discovering there is Christ is in control over any and every other authority. 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:36.680 Now, I know that has a cutting edge, doesn't it? 00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:40.000 Because that means that if he controls everything, anything that can threaten you, 00:19:40.120 --> 00:19:42.100 as well as anything that can promote your good, 00:19:43.519 --> 00:19:49.060 then that means that in his wisdom, he's not promoting all the good that you want, 00:19:50.060 --> 00:19:53.960 but he's also allowing for things that you really don't want to experience. 00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:56.400 But think about this. 00:19:57.480 --> 00:20:01.460 That one being who had authority over everything, 00:20:02.259 --> 00:20:03.840 and has authority over everything, 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:10.259 allowed men whose lives he was sustaining by the power of his will, 00:20:10.940 --> 00:20:12.460 to spit in his face. 00:20:14.259 --> 00:20:19.799 He allowed men whose desire was to nail him to a cross, 00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:23.360 to complete that action. 00:20:24.900 --> 00:20:30.160 He allowed every atom in those nails of iron to stay in existence 00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:32.940 when he could have just dismissed them with a thought. 00:20:36.840 --> 00:20:37.840 That's Christ. 00:20:39.220 --> 00:20:43.740 Power, under control, exercised for the benefit of his church. 00:20:45.980 --> 00:20:49.240 And in 4.15, that's the other passage where headship is mentioned, 00:20:49.700 --> 00:20:51.519 Christ is described as the head of the church, 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:54.139 a church that he nourishes and grows, 00:20:55.579 --> 00:20:59.079 as each person reaches their full potential in him. 00:21:01.940 --> 00:21:04.099 So, headship is a position of strength, 00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:09.180 where the husband is protecting and nurturing his wife, 00:21:09.579 --> 00:21:11.559 and submission is entrusting, 00:21:11.619 --> 00:21:14.920 the wife entrusting herself into the care of her husband. 00:21:14.920 --> 00:21:20.779 Wives, your husband is to be your safe place. 00:21:22.200 --> 00:21:23.360 That's God's design. 00:21:23.700 --> 00:21:26.360 He is your closest ally in everything. 00:21:26.359 --> 00:21:29.779 But man, how do you do that? 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:32.299 How do you manage to respect wives? 00:21:32.359 --> 00:21:34.240 How do you manage to respect and submit to your husband 00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:37.359 when he is so obviously not perfect? 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.399 He's not managing to love you. 00:21:42.019 --> 00:21:43.899 Not unconditionally, all the time. 00:21:44.919 --> 00:21:46.419 He disengages from you. 00:21:47.139 --> 00:21:49.039 He abuses his presence, his strength. 00:21:50.059 --> 00:21:51.819 At times, he will frighten you. 00:21:52.399 --> 00:21:54.159 The one that he's supposed to be protecting. 00:21:55.419 --> 00:21:57.259 How can you respect a man like that? 00:21:57.719 --> 00:21:58.979 How can you trust him? 00:21:59.979 --> 00:22:02.159 How can you place your life in his hands? 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:09.300 Well, if we're just looking horizontally, husband to wife, 00:22:09.700 --> 00:22:12.000 then we can come up with all kinds of issues about how this works. 00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:15.080 But Paul doesn't leave it there for us. 00:22:15.740 --> 00:22:19.440 He explains the way in this verse, verse 23. 00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:21.600 It's in the second part of it. 00:22:22.080 --> 00:22:22.940 You see, he says, 00:22:23.040 --> 00:22:24.960 For the husband is the head of the wife, 00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:27.519 even as Christ is the head of the church, 00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:30.259 which is his body, 00:22:31.319 --> 00:22:34.000 and he himself is its saviour. 00:22:37.579 --> 00:22:38.539 How do you do it? 00:22:39.180 --> 00:22:40.519 Well, the short answer is this. 00:22:41.359 --> 00:22:43.000 Your husband is not your saviour. 00:22:43.500 --> 00:22:44.740 Christ is your saviour. 00:22:45.619 --> 00:22:46.420 This is important. 00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:47.940 This is foundational to marriage. 00:22:48.700 --> 00:22:51.119 It's important because your husband is not perfect. 00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:52.299 I can guarantee that. 00:22:52.559 --> 00:22:54.779 If you're not yet married, there is no perfect option. 00:22:54.879 --> 00:22:55.900 Don't be waiting around for it. 00:22:55.900 --> 00:22:57.720 If you are waiting for him, then good luck. 00:23:01.380 --> 00:23:03.700 But if you try to make your husband your saviour, 00:23:04.500 --> 00:23:05.800 he will fail you. 00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:09.519 Now, here's a challenge. 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:13.820 See, God has wired women to complement a man in their life. 00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:17.240 Now, we'll look at this issue of singleness later, 00:23:17.500 --> 00:23:20.300 the beautiful gift of singleness that God has given to his church. 00:23:21.060 --> 00:23:22.620 But this is still a general rule, 00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:25.500 that God has wired women to complement a man 00:23:25.500 --> 00:23:26.460 in their life. 00:23:27.579 --> 00:23:29.619 And women, therefore, 00:23:29.819 --> 00:23:33.599 want someone whose strength is able to complete that, 00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:34.759 whose strength is unlimited, 00:23:35.819 --> 00:23:38.000 whose commitment to them is unwavering, 00:23:38.839 --> 00:23:41.440 whose disposition toward them is to love them 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:42.880 with every fibre of their being. 00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:45.500 That's what women want. 00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:48.560 But can I say this to you? 00:23:48.600 --> 00:23:50.780 Women, that's not you. 00:23:52.700 --> 00:23:56.040 No matter how far feminism progresses in our society, 00:23:56.300 --> 00:23:58.400 you will not be that person for yourself. 00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:02.400 And before the husbands start puffing up too much, 00:24:02.620 --> 00:24:03.480 let me say this. 00:24:04.180 --> 00:24:05.440 It's not you either, husbands. 00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:09.559 It may be what you aspire to be as a husband, 00:24:09.880 --> 00:24:11.000 but it's not you. 00:24:12.019 --> 00:24:14.340 It's Christ, only Christ. 00:24:15.580 --> 00:24:17.279 Any other saviour will fail you. 00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:20.259 And if all your hope is in them, 00:24:21.099 --> 00:24:22.240 it will devastate you. 00:24:24.420 --> 00:24:26.399 But if Christ is your saviour, 00:24:27.500 --> 00:24:30.519 then he is your ultimate safe place. 00:24:31.579 --> 00:24:34.379 He is watching over you with unlimited strength, 00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:35.799 unwavering commitment, 00:24:36.279 --> 00:24:38.259 steadfast and sacrificial love. 00:24:38.259 --> 00:24:42.660 He provides you with forgiveness in the gospel. 00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:45.240 He provides a model for you to forgive your husbands. 00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:49.079 Look horizontally and you would just walk away. 00:24:50.359 --> 00:24:54.519 Look to Christ and your own experience of the gospel in him. 00:24:56.740 --> 00:24:57.200 Wow. 00:24:58.599 --> 00:24:59.680 You'll find this. 00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:01.839 The experience of forgiveness, 00:25:02.740 --> 00:25:04.259 the strength to forgive, 00:25:04.859 --> 00:25:06.920 and the means to restore your husbands. 00:25:08.259 --> 00:25:10.200 To respect. 00:25:13.960 --> 00:25:15.420 It's interesting at this point to note 00:25:15.420 --> 00:25:18.160 that Paul starts the family rules by instructing the wives. 00:25:19.799 --> 00:25:20.660 Why is that? 00:25:20.940 --> 00:25:22.160 I mean, certainly in Roman times, 00:25:22.259 --> 00:25:23.900 there was a very solid understanding 00:25:23.900 --> 00:25:24.980 of what the head of the house, 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:26.460 what his role was. 00:25:27.740 --> 00:25:29.539 So everything else is fitted in a round 00:25:29.539 --> 00:25:31.019 relating to that head of the house. 00:25:33.220 --> 00:25:34.779 Why does Paul start with wives? 00:25:36.579 --> 00:25:37.559 Well, Joel pointed out something 00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:38.980 that I hadn't really noticed before 00:25:38.980 --> 00:25:40.940 in our small group this week. 00:25:41.019 --> 00:25:43.639 And it's a compelling reason to explain this 00:25:43.639 --> 00:25:46.019 because it actually puts Christ at centre stage. 00:25:47.039 --> 00:25:48.679 He suggested that the role of the wife 00:25:48.679 --> 00:25:51.579 is something that husbands and wives 00:25:51.579 --> 00:25:53.319 both have in common. 00:25:55.019 --> 00:25:57.319 We all know what it means 00:25:57.319 --> 00:25:58.519 to be the unfaithful wife. 00:25:58.519 --> 00:26:00.919 We all need Christ's unfailing love, 00:26:01.500 --> 00:26:02.119 his forgiveness. 00:26:02.119 --> 00:26:04.939 We all know what it means 00:26:04.939 --> 00:26:07.059 to entrust our lives into his care. 00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:12.159 That's a beautiful thing, isn't it, 00:26:12.159 --> 00:26:13.639 to have as a foundation of a marriage. 00:26:14.679 --> 00:26:16.379 A marriage that you know is going to be flawed. 00:26:17.719 --> 00:26:19.879 A marriage that may well be carrying flaws even now. 00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:21.399 So I want to leave you with this challenge. 00:26:22.139 --> 00:26:24.319 Wives, do you submit to your husband? 00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:26.839 Do you entrust yourself to his care? 00:26:26.839 --> 00:26:31.539 Are there barriers that are holding you back? 00:26:33.439 --> 00:26:35.419 If there are, I would urge you and encourage you 00:26:35.419 --> 00:26:36.859 to talk to your husband about the things 00:26:36.859 --> 00:26:37.959 that have built up between you. 00:26:39.419 --> 00:26:42.240 Confess your sin to each other and to God. 00:26:42.399 --> 00:26:42.679 Forgive. 00:26:44.039 --> 00:26:44.439 Restore. 00:26:46.279 --> 00:26:48.119 And husbands, a challenge for you. 00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:50.500 Do your wives fear you? 00:26:51.959 --> 00:26:53.619 Do they fear you in the right kind of way? 00:26:53.619 --> 00:26:58.339 Are you the running toward kind of fear in their life 00:26:58.339 --> 00:26:59.019 that they need? 00:27:01.379 --> 00:27:03.359 Or are you promoting the wrong kind of fear? 00:27:06.379 --> 00:27:07.299 Ask your wives. 00:27:08.399 --> 00:27:10.479 What areas of your character, 00:27:11.079 --> 00:27:15.259 what areas of your contribution as a husband 00:27:15.259 --> 00:27:17.219 promote your wife, 00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:19.279 promoting your wife the fear 00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:20.619 that makes them want to run away from you? 00:27:20.619 --> 00:27:23.899 And if there's sin to own there, repent. 00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:27.679 If there's a sensitivity that you discover in your wife, 00:27:28.679 --> 00:27:30.599 resolve to gentleness in that area 00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:31.639 as you relate to her. 00:27:36.839 --> 00:27:38.559 And do this all for all of us 00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:40.459 out of reverence for Christ. 00:27:42.119 --> 00:27:42.799 Let me pray. 00:27:42.799 --> 00:27:42.839 Let me pray. 00:27:42.839 --> 00:27:50.699 Father God, we are so grateful to you 00:27:50.699 --> 00:27:53.559 for the love that we've experienced through your son. 00:27:55.740 --> 00:27:57.759 We are the unfaithful wife. 00:27:59.019 --> 00:28:02.039 We are the ones who need your unfailing love, 00:28:02.119 --> 00:28:03.459 your forgiveness, your strength, 00:28:03.779 --> 00:28:06.139 exercised in a way that actually lifts us up 00:28:06.139 --> 00:28:07.839 out of the muck and the mire 00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:08.899 that we've gotten ourselves into. 00:28:08.900 --> 00:28:14.140 And we thank you so much for doing that. 00:28:15.080 --> 00:28:17.040 Lord, we pray that it wouldn't just be 00:28:17.040 --> 00:28:20.100 a gratitude that stays in our own hearts toward you, 00:28:20.740 --> 00:28:22.740 but it's that it's a gratitude that spills out 00:28:22.740 --> 00:28:24.140 into how we relate to each other. 00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:26.480 That we would love each other 00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:28.240 the way that you've loved us. 00:28:28.320 --> 00:28:29.540 That we would forgive each other 00:28:29.540 --> 00:28:31.160 with the same heart of forgiveness 00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:32.400 that you have toward us. 00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:38.280 That wives would be reverent toward their husbands 00:28:38.280 --> 00:28:42.360 in the way that you've called us 00:28:42.360 --> 00:28:43.420 to be reverent toward you. 00:28:45.140 --> 00:28:49.220 That husbands would be sacrificially loving 00:28:49.220 --> 00:28:50.340 toward their wives, 00:28:51.380 --> 00:28:52.820 again, as you've taught us to be. 00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:55.420 And we pray these things in Jesus' name. 00:28:56.380 --> 00:28:56.700 Amen.