Chapter 15, verse 1, we read,
And Samuel said to Saul,
The Lord sent me to anoint you king over his people Israel.
Now therefore, listen to the words of the Lord.
Thus says the Lord of hosts,
I have noted that Amalek did what Amalek did to Israel
in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt.
Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have.
Do not spare them, but kill both men and women,
child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.
So Saul summoned the people and numbered them in Talim,
200,000 men on foot and 10,000 men of Judah.
And Saul came to the city of Amalek and lay in wait in the valley.
Then Saul said to the Canaanites,
Go, depart, go down from among the Amalekites,
lest I destroy you with them.
For you showed kindness to all the people of Israel
when they came up out of Egypt.
So the Canaanites departed from among the Amalekites.
And Saul defeated the Amalekites from Havilah,
as far as Shur, which is east of Egypt.
And he took Agag, the king of the Amalekites,
alive and devoted to destruction all the people
with the edge of the sword.
But Saul and the people spared Agag
and the best of the sheep and of the oxen
and of the fattened calves and the lamb
and all that was good
and would not utterly destroy them.
All that was despised and worthless,
they devoted to destruction.
The word of the Lord came to Samuel.
I regret that I have met Saul king,
for he has turned back from following me
and has not performed my commandments.
And Samuel was angry
and he cried to the Lord all night.
And Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning.
And it was told Samuel,
Saul came to Carmel
and behold, he set up a monument for himself
and turned and passed on
and went down to Yuga.
And Saul said to him,
Blessed be you to the Lord.
I have performed the commandment of the Lord.
And Samuel said,
What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears
and the lowing of the oxen that I hear?
Saul said,
They have brought them from the Amalekites,
for the people spared the best of the sheep
and the oxen to sacrifice to the Lord your God
and the rest we have devoted to destruction.
And Samuel said to Saul,
Stop!
I will tell you what the Lord said to me this night.
And he said to him,
Speak.
And Samuel said,
Though you are little in your own eyes,
are you not the head of the tribes of Israel?
The Lord anointed you king over Israel,
and the Lord sent you on a mission and said,
Go, devote to destruction the sinners,
the Amalekites,
and fight against them until they are consumed.
Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord?
Why did you pounce on the spoil
and do what was evil in the sight of the Lord?
And Saul said to Samuel,
I have obeyed the voice of the Lord.
I have gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me.
I have brought Agag, the king of Amalek,
and I have devoted the Amalekites to destruction.
But the people took of the spoil,
sheep and oxen,
the best of the things devoted to destruction,
to sacrifice to the loyal God in Gilgal.
And Samuel said,
Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as in obeying the voice of the Lord?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
and to listen than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is the sin of divination,
and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
he has also rejected you from being king.
Saul said to Samuel,
I have sinned,
for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord
and your words,
because I feared the people
and obeyed their voice.
Now therefore,
please pardon my sin and return with me,
that I may bow before the Lord.
And Samuel said to Saul,
I will not return with you,
for you have rejected the word of the Lord,
and the Lord has rejected you
from being king over Israel.
As Samuel turned to go away,
Saul seized the skirt of his robe and it tore.
And Samuel said to him,
The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you this day,
and has given it to a neighbor of yours,
who is better than you.
And also,
the glory of Israel would not lie or have regret,
for he is not a man that he should have regret.
And he said,
I have sinned,
yet honor me now before the elders of my people
and before Israel,
and return with me,
that I may bow before the Lord your God.
So Samuel turned back after Saul,
and Saul bowed before the Lord.
Then in verse 35,
And Samuel did not see Saul again
until the day of his death.
But Samuel grieved over Saul,
and the Lord regretted
that he had made Saul king over Israel.
This is the word of God.
I'm just going to do something.
So welcome.
Welcome everyone to Watermark.
Just really exciting to actually see some of your faces on the screen.
Great to see Hui Lin,
and Jesse,
and Victoria,
and Dwight earlier.
Great to see you.
I know in this time,
Zoom can be difficult to concentrate.
It can be difficult to focus.
But my prayer is actually,
just as Jeremy shared earlier on,
that actually we take this season,
not as a season to kind of wish your way,
but actually to really pursue God,
and to really seek to say,
God, who is the person,
or the people that you're placing on my heart,
that I can be praying for in Watermark,
that I can be sending a text,
that I can be encouraging at this time.
Because we really need to be a community
that's helping point each other to Jesus,
even in this period.
So let me just pray for us
as we get into God's word together.
Father, I just want to thank you
that you are a gracious God.
Thank you that you're a God who speaks to us.
Thank you, the God who knows us.
Thank you, the God who has not left us by ourselves,
but you're a God who comes to us
again and again and again,
who calls us back to yourself.
Thank you that you are a kind of God
who is not distant,
but actually wants deep relationship with us.
And I pray this morning,
as we hear from your word
and we hear about Saul's life and David's life,
we pray that God,
would you make us people after your own heart?
Would you make us those
who really know what it means to follow you?
I pray, Lord, particularly for those in this season,
whether it's with kids schooling online
or whether it's just the holidays coming up
and Chinese New Year not being all
that we wish it was going to be.
Lord, I pray that whatever the circumstances
that we find ourselves in,
you'd help us to realign our hearts,
place them back to you.
And realize that you are enough for us.
So we love you.
Speak to us, we pray.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Great.
Boris Johnson is the prime minister of the UK.
I don't think I've ever started a sermon like that before.
But he is.
And he's right in the middle of something people are calling Partygate,
a scandal that he and his ministers and his office
have seemingly broken,
potentially,
some of the COVID lockdown rules
that they created themselves.
And so right in the midst of this,
it's a very tense situation for him.
And his leadership manifesto,
or his leadership mantra, if you like,
is never apologize,
never explain.
And yet,
about just a few weeks ago,
Boris Johnson came out to apologize
as the heat of anger,
public anger,
rose.
And here's what he said.
He said,
I want to apologize
because I carry full responsibility
for what took place.
But nobody told me
this was an event
that was against the rules.
Now,
I don't know about you,
and I'm not being political here,
but that,
to me,
doesn't sound like an apology.
That's what we call a non-apology.
You know,
it's like,
I'm sorry you were offended
kind of apology.
You know,
and in our culture of trial by social media,
almost every single day,
it seems,
there's either some sports personality,
a celebrity,
a business,
which comes out and apologizes
in some way
to kind of remove the heat
of the anger
or the circumstances
that are around them
to just be able to carry on
with what they're doing.
It's the,
I'm sorry we didn't do as well
as we could have
kind of answer,
which I often wonder,
are those actually true apologies
or are they non-apologies?
Because it's not just politicians
and it's not just celebrities.
Actually,
each one of us
can be masters
at some time or another
of the non-apology.
And so,
this passage
that we're looking at today
is actually all about
a non-apology.
You see,
we've been,
it's actually about
and we've titled it
How Not to Repent.
Because this,
we've been looking
at the book of Samuel
and Samuel has been
all about
how God
turns upside down
the way we look at things.
Whereas we look
at the outward appearance,
we look at how
religious someone looks,
how good someone looks
like Eli
or Eli's sons
on the outside
or tall and handsome
like Saul is.
But God
looks at the inside
of our hearts.
And God has given
the people of Israel
the king that they wanted
to fight their battles.
And he's actually led them
just in the last couple
of chapters
in great victory.
And everything
has seemed to be going well.
But there are signs
that not everything is right.
Because Saul
is a people pleaser.
And he's already
sacrificed
and gone against
the command of God
one time
because of his fear
of the people.
And today
we're going to look at
another incident
where we see
what's really going on
in the heart of Saul.
And so we're going to look
in three different sections.
We're going to look at
breaking God's heart.
We're going to look at
defending our pride
and then turning our hearts
in true repentance.
Okay?
So let's start off
with breaking God's heart.
So God
and keep looking
at the chapter
in front of you
if you've got your Bible
please have it open
so you can look through.
But God
through Samuel
comes to Saul
and he says this.
He says
the Lord
has sent me
to anoint you
king over his people.
In other words
he's saying
God
has given you
Saul
a responsibility
a stewardship
to lead
his people
God's people
they're not your people
they're his people
but you are to steward them
and lead them
to flourishing
and to lead them
towards God.
And then he gives
a command
he gives a command
he says
I want you to
strike Amalek
and I want you to
devote them to destruction
I want you to wipe them out
and leave nothing left.
Now
I don't have time
to actually
in this sermon
to go into
all the details
for that
but actually
for some of us
the idea
that God
actually commands
the death
of a group
of people
can be very disturbing
in many ways
and I feel
a little disturbed
in many things
and so
if you would like
to actually talk
a little bit more
about that
after the service
we're going to have
a breakout room
where we're going to
have a chance
for Q&A
where we can actually
go into more detail
and talk a little bit
about this issue
but the main point
of this passage
is not that
because the main point
of this passage
is what Saul
and the people
do in response
you see
how do they respond
they respond
by destroying
everything they think
is of little value
everything they despise
they get rid of
and then everything
they think is good
in their eyes
they keep
they despise
the Lord's command
and take
for themselves
what they want
just like Eli's sons
a few chapters earlier
just like Adam and Eve
do right at the
beginning of the
Bible story
right at the very
heart of sin
is this idea
of despising
what God says
and taking
for yourself
what you think
is good
in your own eyes
and God's response
isn't just kind of
a cold
or distant
oh
I'll leave you
to yourself
it isn't just
an angry response
it's not a kind of
that's it
I've had enough
of you
get out
it says here
in verse 11
it says
I regret
that's literally
I'm grieved
that I have made
Saul king
for he's turned back
from following me
you see
this same word
of I regret
this I'm grieved
is actually the same
word that comes in
in Genesis 6
where
out of the wickedness
of human beings
God promises a flood
and it says
the Lord was sorry
was grieved
that he had made man
on the earth
and it grieved him
okay
there's another
emotional word there
grieved him
to his heart
in the New Testament
in Mark 3
it says
when Jesus looked
at the Pharisees
who were treating
the vulnerable
with utter contempt
it says
he looked at them
with anger
grieved at their
hardness of heart
you see
what you see
is when God
looks at sin
if we put it
in human terms
he has mixed emotions
it's always an emotionally
painful experience
for God
because sin
breaks God's heart
because sin
breaks loving relationships
with God
with each other
with ourselves
and with creation
it breaks everything
and it makes him
angry
and it also
grieves him
you see
self-righteous anger
is only filled
with anger
righteous anger
is always
an emotion
which is
filled with sadness
so if you want
to think about
the last time
you were angry
and you want
to decide
was it righteous
or was it self-righteous
kind of angry
towards someone
just think of
did you have
any sadness
towards the person
at the same time
because that may
give you an indication
of where your heart
was in that point
because Samuel
feels God's heart
and it says
and Samuel
was angry
and he cried
to the Lord
all night
do you see
discipleship
growing like Jesus
is not just about
growing in our
understanding
of the Bible
it's actually
growing
to emotionally
that your heart
gets impacted
by the same things
that impact
God's heart
that your heart
when you see
your sin
when you see
other people's sin
when you see
injustice
it breaks your heart
for what breaks
God's heart
that's when you know
that your heart
is being changed
by God
to become more
after his own heart
and that's what
the whole of Samuel
is about
where our hearts are
and you see
the author
now
brilliantly
contrasts
now
this heart
that Samuel
has
which is God's
heart
towards this
situation
towards the sin
of Saul
with how Saul
himself responds
and so here's
where we're going
to go
and move
to
not just
breaking God's
heart
but actually
defending
your own heart
your own pride
and here
we're going to look
at Saul
and just kind of
flow through with me
in the text
where we're going
you see what happens
in verse 12
it says
it was told to Samuel
that Saul
came to Carmel
and behold
he set up a monument
for himself
and then he turned
and passed on
and went down
to Gilgal
to meet Samuel
now just think
about that
a monument
just think about
what he's doing
right at the heart
of what's going on
Samuel is actually
seized behind the
scenes of what's
happening
Saul wants to
honour and exalt
himself in the
eyes of the people
he's a people
pleaser
he craves their
respect
that's why he
builds his
monument
now right at
the end of the
story
the last thing
that Saul does
he says this
he says
honour me now
before the elders
of my people
and before Israel
you see
what is he
doing
see he's
actually
what's changed
in his heart
nothing's changed
for Saul
he feels
small and
insignificant
Samuel says
you were little
in your own
eyes in verse 17
but he wants
to feel big
he wants others
to go yeah
you're the man
he wants to be
able to walk
into a room
and people go
there's Saul
wow what a guy
that's what he
wants because
what people think
about him is what
drives his own
heart
and in the
title of a
book
when people
are big
God is
small
and so when
he sees
Samuel
straight after
this
Saul shows
us how not
to repent
and how to
defend what
you have
done
okay
I'm going
to go
through four
tactics
that Saul
does to
still try
and keep
face
and make
himself
look good
even though
he's honouring
himself rather
than honouring
God
tactic one
he plays
the innocent
that's 13
he goes
blessed be you
to the Lord
I've performed
the commandment
of the Lord
now Samuel
knows like
what's going
on behind
the scenes
but Saul
just wants
to look good
and religious
in front of
him
Samuel sees
through it
and he says
this
he says
oh what
then is this
bleating
of the sheep
in my ears
and the lowing
of the oxen
that I hear
in other words
he's saying
I'm hearing
one thing
from you Saul
but my ears
are hearing
a completely
different story
and what he's
doing he's
actually confronting
Saul with
reality
the reality
of his sin
and when God
confronts you
with the reality
of your sin
it's never
to condemn you
it's always
giving you
an opportunity
to come clean
to come into
the light
to come and
find freedom
and forgiveness
and healing
but Saul's
face is too
important to him
so he moves
on to tactic
two
which is a
defensiveness
and blame
shifting
so Saul says
they
have brought
them
from the
Amalekites
for the
people
spared
the best
of the
sheep
and of the
oxen
to sacrifice
to the
Lord your
God
and the
rest
we have
devoted
to destruction
do you see
what he's doing
he's blame
shifting
all the
responsibility
on to the
people
now
he says
it's not
me
it was
them
and it
was good
intentions
after all
it was kind
of no one
told me
the rules
I was tired
you started
it
Samuel's not
buying it
verse 17
he says
but the
Lord
anointed
you
king
over
Israel
why then
did you
not obey
the voice
of the
Lord
why did
you
pounce
on the
spoil
and do
what was
evil
in the
sight
of the
Lord
he's
saying
you're
responsible
Saul
you're
the
king
stop
passing
the
buck
playing
the
victim
you know
some of
us
can do
that
we can
blame
shift
and play
the
victim
but godly
people
own
their
sin
they
don't
blame
shift
and play
the
victim
that's
what
Samuel's
coming
to him
again
but Saul's
not having
any of it
tactic
three
okay
he's gone
from
just playing
innocent
he's gone
now from
blame
shifting
now he
wants to
highlight
all of
his good
points
he says
verse 20
I have obeyed
the Lord
the voice
of the Lord
I have
gone on
the mission
of the Lord
that the Lord
sent me
on
I have
brought
Agag
the king
of Amalek
I have
devoted
the Amalekites
to the
destruction
he's saying
look at all
the good
things
that I've
done
but the
people
blame
shifting
again
took
of the
spoil
the sheep
and the
oxen
you know
this is
the kind
of the
marriage
defensiveness
of I've
done so
much for
you and
you list
all the
good things
you've
done
so now
you're
criticizing
me for
this
and Saul's
had three
chances to
repent
but instead
of owning
any of it
he's just
been defensive
the whole
way
why
because of
his pride
because of
that monument
that he wants
to build to
himself
because of
his insecurity
because none
of us want
to be exposed
do we
really for
what's really
going on
down here
it's scary
you know
an apology
a true
repentance
lays you
open to
being seen
as weak
and vulnerable
to attack
you know
the German
philosopher
Friedrich
Nietzsche
he said
this
and I
like this
quote
he said
memory
says
I did
that
pride
replies
I could
not have
done
that
eventually
memory
yields
do you
get what
he's saying
actually
it's right
at heart
our pride
wants us
to be
exalted
and that's
what leads
us to
defend
ourselves
so much
it's what's
going on
with Saul's
heart
and Samuel
he sees
through the
whole thing
and he
brings down
the hammer
blow
he goes
like this
he says
has the
Lord
as great
delight
in burnt
offerings
as sacrifices
as in obeying
the voice
of the Lord
behold
to obey
is better
than sacrifice
and to
listen
than the
fact
of rams
rebellion
is the
sin
of divination
and presumption
is as
iniquity
and idolatry
he's saying
what you're
doing is
idolatry
because you
have rejected
the word
of the Lord
here's the
blow
he has
also
rejected
you
from being
king
do you see
what he's
saying
he's saying
all your
kind of
pretended
sacrifice
you know
you can
say oh
I've
served
this
I've
done
all
this
I've
done
all
this
for
you
God
but
all
of
that's
a
smoke
screen
for
this
area
this
command
where
he
is
in
disobedience
and
God
says
I
look
with
the
same
disdain
on that
as I
look at
witchcraft
he says
because the
heart of
rebelling
against me
is the
same
and
interestingly
actually to
prove the
point
the end
of Samuel
has Saul
actually going
to visit
a witch
the witch
of Endor
which shows
where the
trajectory
of his
entire
heart
is going
because
he's not
willing to
repent
you know
we can
serve all
we like
we can
do a ton
of great
religious
things
but if
actually
God is
calling us
to obey
him in
some
area
and we
are
resisting
we are
resisting
we are
resisting
God
says
I don't
care about
the other
stuff
I'm looking
at where
your heart
is
I'm not
looking at
the outward
you know
Jeremy Tam
showed me
actually this
week
verse 15
21
30
Saul
actually
keeps
referring
to God
as the
Lord
your God
Samuel
you see
it's not
his God
because
he is
his own
God
he's
wanting
to exalt
and honour
himself
with that
monument
with his
own honour
and when
you do
that
there are
consequences
Samuel
says
your kingship
is over
because you
wanted to be
your own
king for
your own
honour
not God's
king
then you
will no
longer be
God's
king
for his
people
and you
could hear
a pin
drop
because Saul
knows
Samuel
speaks
God's
word
and so
he's
gone
from
trying
to
play
the
innocent
he's
gone
from
just
defending
blame
shifting
to
try
and
focus
on
all
the
good
things
he's
doing
to
then
step
four
tactic
for
a
non-apology
to avoid
consequences
Saul
feels
the
consequences
he feels
it
the place
which is
most precious
to his
heart
his own
honour
and out
of fear
he goes
I've
sinned
for
I
have
transgressed
the
commandment
of the
Lord
and
your
words
because
I
feared
the
people
and
obeyed
their
voice
now
please
pardon
my
sin
and
come
back
with
me
you see
he
admits
the
issue
he's
a
people
pleaser
he
feared
the
people
and
you know
people
pleasers
are
always
obedient
people
it's
just
they
obey
other
people's
voices
not
God's
because
fear
can actually
make you
apologize
but
sorry
is not
enough
here
because
it
doesn't
turn
his
heart
away
from
people
pleasing
because
the
final
thing
he
says
is
this
he
says
I've
sinned
yet
honour
me
now
before
the
elders
of my
people
and
before
Israel
and
return
with
me
that
I
may
bow
before
the
Lord
your
God
you see
it's
all
about
show
on
the
outward
when
the
inward
is
about
his
own
honour
in
front
of
everybody
else
I
don't
know
if
you
can
relate
to
any
of
that
I
can
in
my
own
life
I
don't
know
how
you
see
those
tactics
work
out
for
you
let
me
give
you
a
very
hypothetical
situation
so
my
wife
and
I
we
agree
that
if
I'm
going
to
go
out
in
evening
times
I
need
to
let
her
know
beforehand
just
in
case
she
needs
help
with
the
kids
and
when
my
wife
confronts
me
with
why
I
didn't
tell
her
do
you
know
what
I
do
sometimes
I
say
things
like
I
play
the
innocent
I
say
oh
yeah
I
did
tell
you
I
did
tell
I'm
sure
I
told
you
and
then
she
says
when
and
I
go
well
work
with
kind
of
super
busy
and
I
just
didn't
have
the
time
but
she
then
goes
well
so
how
come
you
had
time
to
watch
YouTube
or
do
that
other
thing
that
you
were
doing
and
I
go
well
listen
every
other
time
in
the
last
three
weeks
I
told
you
and
you
didn't
tell
me
the
last
time
you
went
out
and
so
and
then
she
may
reply
well
this
is
actually
serious
and
so
until
you
change
I
am
not
going
to
go
out
to
you
with
that
important
meeting
that
you
want
me
to
go
to
and
then
suddenly
I'm
really
listening
because
actually
I
really
want
us
to
be
able
to
go
together
and
then
I
go
I'm
sorry
I'll
try
to
do
better
next
time
but
I
just
need
you
to
come
with
me
this
time
okay
it's
really
important
do
you
know
that's
not
an
apology
that's
not
an
apology
and
she
goes
oh
how
are
with
God
or
a
family
or
a
spouse
without
truly
owning
your
sin
without
excusing
the
harder
your
heart
becomes
until
your
arteries
can be
so hard
that there's
no way
back
and so
actually
repentance
the call
to repent
is an
opportunity
that God
brings
to us
you know
I was
preparing
this
sermon
in a
cafe
and
just
as I
was
preparing
this
part
a
song
came
on
the
radio
and
it
said
it's
too
late
to
apologize
it's
too
late
okay
and
that's
all
sorry
for my
singing
but
that's
all
it's
too
late
for him
to
apologize
because
he's
had
so
many
opportunities
but
his
heart
is
hard
and so
there's
the
question
where
are
the
areas
of
your
life
your
relationship
with
God
what
is
he
calling
you
to
do
what
about
with
relationships
with
family
with
friend
with
spouses
where
your
defenses
where
you
not
apologize
instead
of
taking
responsibility
you know
some of
our
relationships
have
real
struggles
because
we're
not
owning
the
part
that
God
is
calling
us
to
own
and
God
comes
to
us
today
and
says
I
want
to
bring
you
freedom
will
you
own
what
I
have
called
you
to
it
is
grace
that
God
brings
us
to
so
that's
Saul
that's
how
he
defends
his
pride
and
now
we
can
leave
it
there
and
then
we
just
go
away
feeling
oh
that's
a little
hard
that's
a little
heavy
but
you
know
the
book
of
Samuel
actually
continues
it's
an amazingly
written
book
it
continues
with
my
third
thing
we've
seen
how
God
breaking
God's
heart
we've
seen
how
Saul
defends
his
pride
all
the
time
and
how
it
leads
just
to
actually
his
own
downfall
but
the
third
thing
is
actually
how
we
free
our
hearts
by
turning
our
hearts
in
true
repentance
and
here
we
see
that
in
the
book
of
Samuel
there's
another
king
who
is
also
a
sinner
called
King
David
and
his
sin
actually
looks
way
worse
on the
surface
than
Saul's
does
you
know
he
commits
adultery
then
he
murders
the
husband
when
he
can't
cover
it
up
it's
actually
horrific
I mean
it's
really
bad
and
God's
word
comes
to him
again
this
time
through
Nathan
the
prophet
saying
why
have
you
despised
the
word
of
the
Lord
by
doing
evil
in
his
sight
it's
almost
exactly
what
Samuel
comes
to
and
says
to
Saul
but
instead
of
defending
instead
of
excusing
instead
of
non-apologies
David
faces
his
sin
honestly
and
here's
what
he
says
he
says
I
have
sinned
against
the
Lord
full
stop
no
excuses
you know
there's
going to be
consequences
for him
consequences
there's
going to be
death
and civil
war
Nathan
tells
him
prophet
but he
just
doesn't
go
hey
please
honor
me
he
doesn't
go
like
just
please
forgive
me
he's
not
just
about
removing
the
consequences
he
desires
to
just
come
clean
before
God
and
you
know
he
writes
Psalm
51
which
is
this
confession
after
this
incident
with
Bathsheba
the
adultery
after
Nathan
confronts
him
and
here's
what
he
says
against
you
only
God
have
I
sinned
and
done
what
is
evil
in
your
sight
you
will
not
delight
in
sacrifice
you
see
what
Saul
was
doing
you
see
he
you
will
not
be
pleased
with
a
bird
offering
because
actually
the
sacrifices
of
God
are
actually
a
broken
spirit
they're
a
broken
and
contrite
heart
and
that's
what
God
you
don't
despise
he
says
can
you
see
how
the
difference
is
with
Saul
you
see
no
defensiveness
no
blame
shifting
no
covering
up
it's
total
honesty
before
a
holy
God
and
he
knows
God
looks
at
the
heart
and
he
doesn't
despise
the
honesty
he
doesn't
hold
on
to
his
face
for
it
you
know
there
was
a
New
Zealand
cricketer
called
Lou
Vincent
who got
caught
for
match
fixing
it's
kind of
taking
money
to
lose
matches
and
Jeremy
can
put up
a
slide
and
here's
what
he
said
when
he
got
caught
and
he
confessed
his
sin
he
started
like
this
wow
that
is
a
true
apology
that's
the
kind
of
honesty
we
need
to
have
in
our
relationships
with
God
and
each
other
to
my
wife
I
need
to
go
hey
I
forgot
to
text
you
because
I
was
more
concerned
with
what
I
was
doing
than
loving
you
that
is
super
scary
but
that
is
also
freeing
because
I've
got
nothing
to
hide
any
longer
I'm
totally
in
the
light
and
that
is
a
place
of
freedom
you
see
true
repentance
faces
its
sin
honestly
and
looks
in
the
heart
but
secondly
the
true
repentance
is
also
relational
notice
he
says
against
you
God
you
only
have
I
sinned
and
done
what
is
evil
in
your
sight
you
see
this
is
the
difference
between
remorse
and
repentance
you
see
remorse
grieves
and feel
bad
that it
got
caught
repentance
grieves
the relational
damage
of sin
and seeks
to change
remorse
sees sin
of breaking
a rule
letting
yourself
down
repentance
knows
sin
isn't
breaking
a rule
it's
breaking
a
relationship
David
is more
concerned
about
grieving
God
himself
than
just
failing
to be
a good
Christian
you see
it's
relational
but
here's
the
thing
about
the
relationship
repentance
is
fueled
not
just
by
out
of
relational
fear
it's
actually
fueled
by
relational
joy
you see
later on
he goes
restore
to me
the joy
of my
salvation
you see
every time
you and I
are like
Saul
are defensive
blame
shifting
dishonest
self
justifying
all those
kind of
things
it's
because
we're
afraid
we're
afraid
that the
monument
we've
built
to
ourselves
is
going
to
topple
our
sense
of
self
respect
our
sense
of
self
honor
a
sense
of
shame
may
be
trampled
them
and that
statue
may be
toppled
and we'll
be condemned
or judged
or shamed
in our eyes
and everyone
else's eyes
you see
actually
defensiveness
is simply
a fruit
of people
pleasing
it's a fruit
of insecurity
pleasing
ourselves
and pleasing
other people
with looking
good in
front of
them
but the
gospel
the gospel
says
the joy
of our
salvation
is this
that when
we were
still sinners
Christ
died
for us
you are
fully known
right at the
messiest
core of
your heart
and yet
you're fully
loved
do you remember
Adam and Eve
when they were
naked in the
garden
from their
shame and
their sin
and they
sought to
cover themselves
up
but you know
what happens
God comes
to them
he exposes
them with a
question
he confronts
them with
their sin
and then he
does what
they could
not do
for themselves
he makes
coverings for
them of
animal skin
to cover
their shame
you see
Christ on the
cross was
stripped naked
he was
shamed
humiliated
and condemned
though his
heart was
fully pleasing
to God
so that we
might come
into this
relationship
with God
and know
his voice
not everybody
else's
but his
voice
which says
you are my
precious
you are precious
and honoured
in my sight
and I love
you
you know
Alan
told me about
his high school
principal
I think it was
called Reverend
Howard
who was
so loved
by all the
boys in his
school
because they
knew
how much
Reverend
Howard loved
them
he really
cared about
them
individually
and very
practically
so if
he ever
scolded
any of the
boys
Alan told
me that
18 year
old boys
would break
down in
tears
before him
not from
the scolding
but because
they had
hurt and
disappointed
the one
they knew
who loved
them so
much
they were
afraid
of
displeasing
him
but it
wasn't a
crippling
fear
it was a
fear of
breaking
this
treasured
relationship
that they
had
you see
that's how
repentance
works with
God
it's
Christ's
love for
you
the joy
of your
salvation
of knowing
him
that is
the fuel
that is
the fuel
that will
make your
heart
desire
to look
good in
his eyes
more than
other people's
eyes
or your
own eyes
it's that
that when you
are confronted
by others
when you're
criticized
or confronted
by God
or even
by your own
thoughts
that gives
you the
security
to listen
well
to be
brutally
honest
it's
that
makes
you
afraid
not
of
other
people
finding
out
about
your
sin
but
afraid
of
justifying
your
sin
because
you know
it breaks
God's
heart
and you
know
his
deep
love
for you
and you
don't
want
that
and it's
that
desire
to come
back
into that
restored
relationship
to enjoy
God
again
in communion
with him
that is
meant to
lead us
and move
us
towards
God
and towards
change
you know
it says
in 2
Corinthians
it says
worldly
sorrow
leads to
death
the
non-apology
leads to
death
but godly
sorrow
which is
from the
heart
leads to
life
and here
the final
thing that
repentance
does
repentance
is brutally
honest
repentance
is relational
but it's
out of
relational
joy
and repentance
moves
towards
change
you see
what David
says
he says
restore to me
the joy
of my
salvation
uphold me
with a
willing
spirit
then I
will teach
transgressors
your ways
and sinners
will return
to you
he's saying
repentance
is a
direction
change
it's not
just saying
sorry
it's actually
turning from
you
turning to
God
and saying
I want to
come to
you
with my
life
I want
this
relationship
restored
with you
and out
of that
will flow
behavioural
change
over time
Saul
had a
pattern
of
people
pleasing
I
recently
realised
that
I'm
the
same
in
certain
areas
when I'm
criticised
when someone
says something
negative about
me
or I
fear
someone
will
I
can be
defensive
just ask
my wife
and
as I
identified
this one
symptom
of my
heart
condition
in my
life
I realised
something
I realised
that God
has actually
applied the
gospel
into a
whole
load
of
areas
in
my
life
and
brought
real
change
in
areas
of
my
life
but
in
this
one
area
I
was
still
desperately
insecure
I
still
had
my
monument
of
pride
still
there
and
I
saw
others
as I
look
around
who
are
more
secure
in
God
enjoying
the
gospel
and
humbly
accept
criticism
and are
able to
just be
brutally
honest
without
any
defensiveness
I've
started
praying
God
would you
change
me
in
this
area
would you
change
me
and
started
dwelling
on
and
thanking
God
for the
security
and the
love
that I
have
in
him
I
don't
need
the
approval
of
others
I
don't
need
to
look
good
on
the
outside
because
what
God
thinks
about
me
is
way
more
important
and
do you
know
what
happens
over
time
I
begin
to
hate
behaving
like
that
when
I
start
finding
the
defensiveness
coming
out
of
me
I
go
oh
no
I
don't
want
that
any
longer
because
I
see
it
actually
enslaves
me
to
other
people's
opinions
and
I've
gone
from
justifying
it
to
wanting
to
please
God
in
this
area
and
over
time
as
I
see
just
I'm
learning
slowly
that
when
those
opportunities
arrive
to be
defensive
and
I
find
it
coming
out
of
my
mouth
I'm
learning
how
to
hold
my
tongue
and
reflect
on
what
the
other
person
is
saying
I'm
learning
when
to
give
reasons
for
my
behavior
and
when
actually
just
to
hold
off
and
just
to
listen
and
you
know
it's
a
process
sometimes
two
step
forward
one
step
back
but
here's
the
thing
the
gospel
for
each
one
of
us
is
so
freeing
if
we
allow
it
to
be
applied
right
into
the
direct
areas
of
our
hearts
that
it
calls
each
one
of
us
wherever
you
are
in
your
relationships
with
God
or
with
others
to
stop
making
excuses
to
stop
fearing
about
what's
the
impact
it's
going
to
make
on
your
face
or
your
own
honor
because
actually
in
Christ
there is
a far
greater
honor
that
you
have
and
you
and
I
will
not
enjoy
that
until
we
come
and
come
back
to
God
in
true
repentance
honestly
relationally
but
realizing
that
is
the
place
of
freedom
and
hope
for
all
of
us