WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.640 Well, welcome to Church of the Advent, the Columbia Heights Parish. 00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:10.900 For those of you who are new, especially glad that you're joining us. 00:00:11.580 --> 00:00:17.280 This evening we are coming to the end of a series that we started a few weeks back looking 00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:22.300 at an Old Testament book called The Song of Songs, or some people call it The Song of 00:00:22.300 --> 00:00:22.699 Solomon. 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.980 This is a book of poetry. 00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:31.760 It is part of what we call wisdom literature, and it offers us a couple of things. 00:00:32.140 --> 00:00:33.859 It is about a marriage. 00:00:34.159 --> 00:00:40.439 It's a vision, a divinely inspired vision of a marriage between Solomon and a woman that 00:00:40.439 --> 00:00:42.700 we know as the Shulamite, the Shulamite woman. 00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:47.320 And because it's wisdom literature, it's doing a couple of things at the same time as we've 00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:48.659 seen over the last few weeks. 00:00:48.659 --> 00:00:57.939 In one sense, it is wisdom that helps us understand human relationships, human love, friendship, 00:00:58.659 --> 00:01:01.799 community relationships, and ultimately marriage. 00:01:02.659 --> 00:01:06.120 And it offers us wisdom primarily about the theme of intimacy. 00:01:06.459 --> 00:01:07.140 What is intimacy? 00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:08.560 How do we build it? 00:01:08.939 --> 00:01:11.159 What does it look like in these various relationships? 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:15.519 And then beyond that, it also is a kind of window into the heart of God. 00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:20.819 It shows us the kind of intimacy and the kind of love we were made to experience with God, 00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:21.500 our Creator. 00:01:21.979 --> 00:01:25.780 And so these are the things that we've been looking at over the past few weeks, focusing 00:01:25.780 --> 00:01:30.340 on different aspects of intimacy in our relationships with one another and with God. 00:01:30.879 --> 00:01:35.579 And so this week, we are going to come to the final chapter, Song of Songs chapter 8. 00:01:35.719 --> 00:01:42.640 And the final theme that we're going to look at is, of course, love, which, being that Valentine's 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:44.759 Day is just around the corner, feels somewhat appropriate. 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:49.439 We also couldn't do a series on intimacy without at some point talking about love. 00:01:49.540 --> 00:01:53.980 And so what we're going to do is read through the passage together, and then along the way, 00:01:54.060 --> 00:01:57.680 we'll draw out three points about love. 00:01:57.780 --> 00:01:59.320 What is true love? 00:01:59.400 --> 00:02:04.580 And then what are some of the differences between human love and divine love, the kind 00:02:04.580 --> 00:02:07.500 of love that can only be found in Jesus Christ? 00:02:07.700 --> 00:02:09.560 So as we open God's Word, let's pray together. 00:02:09.560 --> 00:02:22.340 Our Heavenly Father, as we open Your Word, we do so not with hope for rhetoric or human 00:02:22.340 --> 00:02:25.920 wisdom or tips for how to live a better life. 00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:32.159 But we do so with fearful expectation that You're a living God who is in our midst. 00:02:32.699 --> 00:02:37.879 And You've promised that when we open Your Word, that Your Holy Spirit will enliven and empower 00:02:37.879 --> 00:02:40.639 that Word to speak to us here and now. 00:02:41.439 --> 00:02:48.259 We know that Your desire is to draw us more deeply into Your heart, to make us more like 00:02:48.259 --> 00:02:48.699 Yourself. 00:02:48.780 --> 00:02:53.239 And we pray that Your Word would do Your work, Lord, for Your glory in us. 00:02:53.539 --> 00:02:55.120 We pray this in Your Son's holy name. 00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:55.879 Amen. 00:02:57.539 --> 00:02:59.459 So let's read this together. 00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:03.879 I'll unpack a few things, and then once we've read through it, we'll draw out a few points 00:03:03.879 --> 00:03:04.759 to consider together. 00:03:05.139 --> 00:03:10.060 This is the beginning of chapter 8, and as this is a song, there are different parts. 00:03:10.060 --> 00:03:15.919 The woman has a singing part, Solomon has a part, and the chorus chimes in every now 00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:16.239 and then. 00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:17.540 So here it opens. 00:03:18.300 --> 00:03:21.900 The woman is singing at this point, and she's talking about her lover, Solomon. 00:03:22.460 --> 00:03:25.420 Oh, that you are like a brother to me who nursed at my mother's breasts. 00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:28.960 If I found you outside, I would kiss you, and none would despise me. 00:03:29.260 --> 00:03:30.659 That's admittedly very weird. 00:03:32.300 --> 00:03:36.520 It's a cultural thing that we're not fully aware of. 00:03:36.520 --> 00:03:37.620 It's not the same in our culture. 00:03:37.620 --> 00:03:43.120 But in this culture, it was looked down upon for a husband and wife to show public displays 00:03:43.120 --> 00:03:47.280 of affection because there might be erotic undertones to that, whereas a brother and 00:03:47.280 --> 00:03:53.259 sister could freely hug each other or kiss each other, and it would not be thought strange 00:03:53.259 --> 00:03:54.780 or odd or out of place. 00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:00.080 And so she's saying, I so wish that I could be affectionate with you that I wish that people 00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:04.000 thought we were brother and sister so that nobody would think it was odd that I was hugging 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:05.300 you and kissing you in public. 00:04:05.300 --> 00:04:06.740 So we move forward. 00:04:08.160 --> 00:04:12.160 I would lead you and bring you into the house of my mother, she who used to teach me. 00:04:12.540 --> 00:04:15.820 I would give you spiced wine to drink, the juice of my pomegranate. 00:04:15.880 --> 00:04:19.139 She's essentially saying that she desires intimacy with him. 00:04:19.220 --> 00:04:22.160 This is something that we've seen all throughout the song again and again and again. 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:24.560 His left hand is under my head. 00:04:24.920 --> 00:04:26.379 His right hand embraces me. 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:30.560 And then we see the refrain that has come again and again throughout the entire Song of 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:30.819 Songs. 00:04:30.900 --> 00:04:31.720 It shows up again. 00:04:31.720 --> 00:04:37.580 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. 00:04:37.740 --> 00:04:39.320 She says, this is powerful stuff. 00:04:40.200 --> 00:04:43.200 Do not awaken this before you're ready, before it's time. 00:04:43.500 --> 00:04:45.180 You don't know what you're getting yourself into. 00:04:47.020 --> 00:04:51.020 Then the chorus says, who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? 00:04:51.620 --> 00:04:54.520 And then she says, under the apple tree I awakened you. 00:04:54.940 --> 00:04:56.660 There your mother was in labor with you. 00:04:56.820 --> 00:04:59.040 There she who bore you was in labor. 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:01.819 So again, language of desire and intimacy. 00:05:02.020 --> 00:05:03.420 Incredibly intimate statement there. 00:05:04.900 --> 00:05:08.000 Now the woman begins to teach us about love. 00:05:08.060 --> 00:05:12.420 And this is the only place in the entire Song of Songs where we actually, instead of seeing 00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:16.660 a metaphor of love, we actually see a description of the nature of love. 00:05:17.320 --> 00:05:22.320 And she says to her lover, set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm. 00:05:22.520 --> 00:05:24.160 For love is strong as death. 00:05:24.620 --> 00:05:26.580 Jealousy is fierce as the grave. 00:05:26.579 --> 00:05:30.859 Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. 00:05:31.159 --> 00:05:35.919 I guarantee you there's at least one wedding ring in this room with that engraved on it. 00:05:36.199 --> 00:05:41.120 And the reason is because it's an incredibly powerful, amazing romantic verse about love. 00:05:41.180 --> 00:05:42.939 We're going to talk more about that in just a second. 00:05:44.039 --> 00:05:47.079 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. 00:05:47.419 --> 00:05:51.519 If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. 00:05:51.579 --> 00:05:54.500 Amazing description of love that we're going to unpack in just a moment. 00:05:54.500 --> 00:05:57.500 Now the brothers speak up. 00:05:57.579 --> 00:06:00.139 These are brothers that we have not seen since chapter 1. 00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:01.000 They show up again. 00:06:01.699 --> 00:06:03.819 We have a little sister and she has no breasts. 00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:07.279 What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for? 00:06:07.620 --> 00:06:10.660 If she's a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver. 00:06:10.980 --> 00:06:14.540 But if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. 00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:17.839 These women are essentially saying we have a young sister. 00:06:17.839 --> 00:06:23.279 She's prepubescent and in this culture, the responsibility to care for the younger sister, 00:06:23.459 --> 00:06:25.859 the daughters of the family, often fell to the brothers. 00:06:26.039 --> 00:06:30.659 They could almost be like father figures, especially when it came to protecting them 00:06:30.659 --> 00:06:33.859 and guarding them until the day of their betrothal. 00:06:33.979 --> 00:06:36.419 And so we'll talk a little bit more about that in just a minute as well. 00:06:36.919 --> 00:06:38.479 Now the woman speaks for herself. 00:06:38.859 --> 00:06:39.719 I was a wall. 00:06:40.199 --> 00:06:41.339 My breasts were like towers. 00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:44.479 In other words, now I'm mature when I came of age. 00:06:44.480 --> 00:06:47.700 Then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace. 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:51.819 Now she continues, Solomon had a vineyard at Baal Haman. 00:06:52.180 --> 00:06:53.900 He let out the vineyard to keepers. 00:06:54.860 --> 00:06:57.939 Each one was to bring for its fruit a thousand pieces of silver. 00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:01.480 My vineyard, my very own, is before me. 00:07:02.300 --> 00:07:06.000 You, O Solomon, may have the thousand and the keepers of the fruit, two hundred. 00:07:06.180 --> 00:07:07.980 We'll talk about that in just a second. 00:07:08.280 --> 00:07:11.800 And then she goes on and addresses all of the bystanders. 00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:17.379 O you who dwell in the gardens with companions listening for your voice, let me hear it. 00:07:18.860 --> 00:07:23.819 Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices. 00:07:24.600 --> 00:07:26.900 And there ends the reading of God's word. 00:07:27.240 --> 00:07:30.220 So now we need to unpack this a little bit and ask, 00:07:30.540 --> 00:07:37.160 what are the things that this tells us about love, about true love, about human love, about God's love? 00:07:37.160 --> 00:07:42.660 The first point I want to make, the first thing that shows up as we read this passage is this. 00:07:43.560 --> 00:07:46.500 True love is extremely powerful. 00:07:47.280 --> 00:07:50.760 Now I know that sounds like a very sort of stating the obvious kind of point, 00:07:50.940 --> 00:07:56.000 but that is very clearly one of the things that is being emphasized here. 00:07:56.700 --> 00:08:02.040 The first five verses are about the lover's desire for one another, for affection and intimacy. 00:08:02.340 --> 00:08:05.980 Beginning in verse 6, as I said, we get this description of the nature of love. 00:08:05.980 --> 00:08:07.800 And listen to what she says about love. 00:08:08.740 --> 00:08:10.580 Love is as strong as death. 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:13.720 Jealousy is fierce as the grave. 00:08:14.640 --> 00:08:17.060 Now we hear jealousy and we think that that's a negative thing. 00:08:17.120 --> 00:08:19.020 But in this context, it's a positive thing. 00:08:19.280 --> 00:08:24.360 This is saying that there's a quality to love that is possessive, but in a good way. 00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:27.180 Love says to the beloved, you belong to me. 00:08:27.759 --> 00:08:28.640 You're mine. 00:08:29.379 --> 00:08:32.279 And no matter what happens, no matter who tries to take you away, 00:08:32.279 --> 00:08:35.799 no matter what forces come against us, I will cling to you. 00:08:36.679 --> 00:08:38.379 I will hold you in my embrace. 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:40.139 You belong to me. 00:08:40.220 --> 00:08:41.120 You are my beloved. 00:08:41.299 --> 00:08:43.740 And no one else can have you. 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:44.799 Even death. 00:08:45.439 --> 00:08:49.439 You need to understand that in this culture, death was revered as a god. 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:55.399 The god, Mott, was worshipped and sacrificed to in other ancient Near Eastern peoples. 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:59.519 And they thought death was a power that no one could stand against. 00:08:59.679 --> 00:09:03.679 It's an inevitability that death will come for all of us. 00:09:04.699 --> 00:09:10.240 And she's saying there is a power as great as death, even greater. 00:09:10.879 --> 00:09:12.340 And it's the power of love. 00:09:12.959 --> 00:09:17.159 And love's jealousy says even when the grave tries to swallow up my beloved, 00:09:17.379 --> 00:09:18.740 I will cling to my beloved. 00:09:18.919 --> 00:09:21.779 And I will pull my beloved out of the clutches of the grave. 00:09:22.199 --> 00:09:24.600 Not even death can have my beloved. 00:09:24.600 --> 00:09:28.639 This is an amazing statement to make about the power of love. 00:09:29.500 --> 00:09:30.580 And then she goes on. 00:09:30.659 --> 00:09:32.480 It flashes are flashes of fire. 00:09:32.840 --> 00:09:34.240 The very flame of the Lord. 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:36.220 Many waters cannot quench love. 00:09:36.340 --> 00:09:38.259 Neither can floods drown it. 00:09:39.680 --> 00:09:45.540 Love, the passion, the desire in love is like not just a fire but a holy fire. 00:09:45.899 --> 00:09:48.720 The all-consuming fire of the Lord. 00:09:49.340 --> 00:09:53.600 You know, in the Old Testament, if you get too close to the presence of the Lord, 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:59.200 if you were to behold unshielded the glory of the Lord, it would eradicate you. 00:10:00.460 --> 00:10:03.899 And this is saying that there's a passion at the heart of love that is like that. 00:10:03.980 --> 00:10:09.940 It is an all-consuming love that is almost dangerous in its fierce power. 00:10:11.060 --> 00:10:15.300 And it's saying that nothing can overcome or extinguish this love. 00:10:15.540 --> 00:10:18.139 Floods can come against it but the flame will never go out. 00:10:18.139 --> 00:10:22.779 So, in other words, true love is like an unstoppable force. 00:10:23.659 --> 00:10:24.740 It cannot be killed. 00:10:24.840 --> 00:10:25.639 It cannot be quenched. 00:10:25.939 --> 00:10:28.139 It never stops contending for the beloved. 00:10:28.139 --> 00:10:39.379 Now, when we hear this description of love, at least when I do, I find it very tempting. 00:10:39.939 --> 00:10:44.100 And I think a lot of people find it tempting to hear this description of love. 00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:48.179 And you're sort of swept up into the clouds. 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:50.319 This amazing description of love. 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:51.940 How incredible would this love be? 00:10:53.480 --> 00:10:57.100 And then I think it's very tempting for a lot of people to turn and to look at their own marriages 00:10:57.100 --> 00:11:00.820 or the people they're dating or their friendships. 00:11:02.020 --> 00:11:09.300 And you compare and it creates in you a kind of longing and a kind of sadness 00:11:09.300 --> 00:11:18.680 because you realize the love that I experience is nothing like the love that I'm hearing described in this passage. 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:22.919 And this brings us to a very hard truth that, nevertheless, we need to face. 00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:26.859 It's not a nice truth or a kind truth, but it's a necessary truth. 00:11:27.559 --> 00:11:35.759 And that is this, that you will never find this kind of love in a human relationship. 00:11:36.979 --> 00:11:41.139 You will never find this kind of love in a human relationship. 00:11:42.159 --> 00:11:45.899 No human love can live up to the standards that we've just laid out. 00:11:45.899 --> 00:11:51.379 You know, some of us in this room are married and we are, by God's grace, in good marriages 00:11:51.379 --> 00:11:52.959 and we experience love. 00:11:53.699 --> 00:11:58.459 And at times it may be an echo of this. 00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:01.519 Some of us are in very hard marriages. 00:12:02.059 --> 00:12:03.740 Or you will be in hard marriages. 00:12:04.179 --> 00:12:08.179 And some of those marriages, despite everybody's best efforts, may end in divorce. 00:12:08.779 --> 00:12:11.079 And you may look back and with pain. 00:12:11.860 --> 00:12:13.240 Why didn't I have love like that? 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:14.840 Why didn't it work out? 00:12:14.840 --> 00:12:14.940 Why didn't it work out? 00:12:15.940 --> 00:12:19.820 And then some of us in this room, and this is, again, a hard truth. 00:12:19.960 --> 00:12:21.000 It's not kind. 00:12:21.660 --> 00:12:23.180 It's not easy. 00:12:23.879 --> 00:12:25.000 But it's necessary. 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:28.720 Some of us in this room will never experience this kind of love in marriage. 00:12:30.160 --> 00:12:31.639 We will never get married. 00:12:33.080 --> 00:12:35.399 And that's not fair. 00:12:36.540 --> 00:12:37.660 And it's not just. 00:12:38.580 --> 00:12:40.259 There's nothing right about that. 00:12:40.259 --> 00:12:44.139 But we live in a broken, fallen world. 00:12:44.639 --> 00:12:50.819 And that is simply part of what it means to live in a fallen, incredibly unfair, unjust world. 00:12:50.820 --> 00:13:07.760 But the reason that we need to face that truth head on is because if we make the mistake of thinking that our only hope for finding this kind of love is to find it in another human being, then we are at great risk for turning this into an idol. 00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:12.419 And that is what many people in our society have done. 00:13:12.419 --> 00:13:21.279 We live in the wake of romanticism, which has essentially taken love, human love, passion, and desire, and elevated it to the status of a god. 00:13:21.379 --> 00:13:25.279 We've said, no longer do we believe that God is love. 00:13:25.340 --> 00:13:27.840 We've come to believe that love is God. 00:13:27.840 --> 00:13:32.259 It is in human love that I will find my meaning and my identity and my fulfillment. 00:13:32.660 --> 00:13:33.399 That's an idol. 00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:46.580 And if we do that, if we enthrone human love and say this is the end all be all, then either you will crush your marriage under expectations it was never designed to meet. 00:13:46.580 --> 00:14:01.139 Or you will be crushed if you end up not married, crushed with despair over all that you believe you've missed out on. 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:11.440 And if that's you, you will then be much more likely to make very bad decisions driven by fear and desperation. 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:17.620 And you may very well find yourself forcing a marriage that you should never have considered. 00:14:19.580 --> 00:14:20.680 Driven by fear. 00:14:21.580 --> 00:14:23.660 A marriage that you may very well come to regret. 00:14:24.640 --> 00:14:31.400 So it is very important that we face this now and realize there is only one place that you can find this love. 00:14:31.760 --> 00:14:33.180 Married or unmarried. 00:14:33.340 --> 00:14:35.440 There's only one place that you can find it. 00:14:35.980 --> 00:14:38.200 And that is in the person of Jesus Christ. 00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:43.940 The way the Bible talks about the love of Jesus, that is the unstoppable force. 00:14:44.980 --> 00:14:48.540 That is the thing against which nothing can stand. 00:14:49.660 --> 00:14:49.820 Right? 00:14:50.020 --> 00:14:52.180 That is the love that cannot be quenched. 00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:53.620 It cannot be killed. 00:14:53.820 --> 00:14:55.000 It never quits. 00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:59.720 Because once Jesus sets his love on you, nothing can touch it. 00:15:00.440 --> 00:15:01.240 Not even you. 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:03.140 It is there. 00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:07.300 It is as immovable as the forces that govern the universe. 00:15:07.299 --> 00:15:13.279 When the heavens and the earth pass away and gravity and the constants that hold everything together. 00:15:13.359 --> 00:15:16.339 When all of those things are no more, the love of Jesus will remain. 00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:23.359 And we see Jesus ensuring that nothing can get in the way of his love for us. 00:15:23.719 --> 00:15:24.019 Right? 00:15:24.079 --> 00:15:27.120 He dies to overcome and forgive sin. 00:15:27.579 --> 00:15:31.399 He rises from death to overcome death itself. 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:32.039 He will be a good love for us. 00:15:32.059 --> 00:15:32.399 He is a good love for us. 00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:32.860 He is a good love for us. 00:15:32.860 --> 00:15:33.319 He is a good love for us. 00:15:33.319 --> 00:15:35.759 He is a good love for you. 00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:37.980 He is a good love for us. 00:15:37.980 --> 00:15:38.259 And we see Jesus. 00:15:38.259 --> 00:15:38.699 He is a good love for us. 00:15:38.699 --> 00:15:46.279 So if you build your life on that love rather than some idea or idol of human love, 00:15:46.919 --> 00:15:48.360 that will free you. 00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:59.299 If you're married, it will free you to accept the very imperfect and yet well-meaning love of your 00:15:59.299 --> 00:16:06.719 very human fallen spouse, and it will free you to celebrate that in all of its imperfection. 00:16:07.779 --> 00:16:14.299 And by the way, your imperfect love as well. And it will also free you from that crushing despair 00:16:14.299 --> 00:16:20.500 and fear over never being married. I'm not saying it won't hurt. I'm not saying it won't be hard, 00:16:20.500 --> 00:16:26.419 but it won't crush you in the same way if you know your life is actually built on this 00:16:26.419 --> 00:16:32.279 love that will never fail you. So this is the first point. Love is extremely powerful, 00:16:32.419 --> 00:16:37.719 and this description would be hopeless hyperbole if it only spoke of human love. This is pointing 00:16:37.719 --> 00:16:44.120 us to divine love. As we move on, we see the second point that we can draw out. True love is not only 00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:49.979 powerful, it needs to be protected. It needs to be protected. It needs to be safeguarded, both from 00:16:49.980 --> 00:16:57.440 the outside and the inside. We see in verse 4 that it needs to be protected from the outside. In other 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:04.380 words, love in the context of a covenant. It needs to be protected from the outside. She says this 00:17:04.380 --> 00:17:10.480 refrain, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. As we said before, 00:17:10.539 --> 00:17:15.400 she's saying love is powerful. You don't want to mess with this unless you have the protection of a 00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:20.660 covenant. You don't want to go down this road with somebody until there's a sense of commitment, 00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:28.620 until it's contained. And we see that show up again in verse 8. We have a little sister, 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:32.780 say the brothers, and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister on the day that she is 00:17:32.780 --> 00:17:37.860 spoken for? If she's a wall, we will build battlements. If she's a door, we will enclose her 00:17:37.860 --> 00:17:44.280 with boards of cedar. As I said, these men are talking about their younger sister, and this may feel a 00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:49.299 little patriarchal, and we live in a very different culture, but there is wisdom here for us. Because 00:17:49.299 --> 00:17:54.220 they're saying, we want to care for our sister, and we want to shepherd her through until she's 00:17:54.220 --> 00:18:00.279 mature and able to get married and be betrothed to a man. And so how do we do that? And then they 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:08.680 answer their own question. They say, well, if she's a wall, meaning if she's a woman of character who has 00:18:08.680 --> 00:18:15.820 refrained from sexual intimacy, who has kept herself until the day of her betrothal, if she's 00:18:15.820 --> 00:18:21.720 a wall, we will simply encourage and beautify that in her life. We will adorn her with battlements of 00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:28.320 silver. We will reinforce that commitment that she's made. On the other hand, if she's a door, 00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:32.160 which I don't think we have to go too far into the metaphor to understand that that might be 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:39.580 a woman who is a little more lax and willing to engage in sexual intimacy before and outside of 00:18:39.580 --> 00:18:45.800 her betrothal, they say, regardless, even if she's a door, we're going to enclose her with planks of 00:18:45.800 --> 00:18:50.320 cedar. In other words, we're going to board up the door. You know, and I know that sounds strange, 00:18:50.380 --> 00:18:53.880 and it sounds patriarchal, but you know, cedar is a very nice wood. It's very beautiful. 00:18:57.480 --> 00:19:01.640 What we need to see here, what we need to really understand is that they are concerned 00:19:01.640 --> 00:19:07.759 concerned. They're concerned because they understand that for her welfare, that they need to do 00:19:07.759 --> 00:19:14.740 everything they can to protect and encourage this in her, that they don't want her to awaken love 00:19:14.740 --> 00:19:23.080 before it pleases, right? Now, we also see that love needs to be protected from the inside of a 00:19:23.080 --> 00:19:28.040 covenant, that a covenant relationship needs to be encouraged and protected from within. And that's why 00:19:28.039 --> 00:19:34.980 verse 6, the woman says, set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm. So this is the 00:19:34.980 --> 00:19:40.099 beloved, the wife talking to the husband. And a seal could have been made out of stone, it could have 00:19:40.099 --> 00:19:45.799 been made out of metal, but it was something that you would push into soft clay, and it would leave 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:51.599 your mark on it. And whatever has your seal on it, if you put your seal on something, that's a symbol 00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:58.219 of ownership and identification. This is mine, it belongs to me entirely. And so the woman is saying, 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:02.939 I want you to put me as a seal on your heart. In other words, I want you to make it absolutely clear 00:20:02.939 --> 00:20:10.039 that your heart belongs to me. You're mine. And then I want you to put my seal on your arm, your body, 00:20:10.139 --> 00:20:15.779 and all that you do with it. That belongs to me as well. So she's saying, I want to, you know, now that 00:20:15.779 --> 00:20:19.439 we're married, I want it to be absolutely clear that your heart and your mind and your body and every 00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:25.320 part of you, it all belongs to me. And this is, again, this is what a covenant is. It is two 00:20:25.320 --> 00:20:31.140 people coming together and saying, I now belong to you and you now belong to me. It is mutual 00:20:31.140 --> 00:20:38.440 self-donation, entirely, completely, permanently giving yourselves to one another. You see this 00:20:38.440 --> 00:20:42.620 in the Anglican wedding liturgy, in the older version of the liturgy, which I actually prefer, 00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:47.580 when the couple, when they exchange rings and they put their rings on one another's fingers, 00:20:47.579 --> 00:20:54.460 the words that they say are, with this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and 00:20:54.460 --> 00:21:02.799 with all my worldly goods I thee endow. You see, the ring is the seal. It says, all that 00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:07.939 I am and all that I have, I give to you. It's yours now. So that's what this woman is talking 00:21:07.939 --> 00:21:13.519 about. So the point is, love needs to be protected from the outside and the inside. And actually, 00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:17.480 all of that that I just said can be summed up in one word. Maybe you wish I had done that. 00:21:17.579 --> 00:21:24.419 The word is this, chastity. That's the word. It's an old-fashioned word that doesn't get a lot of 00:21:24.419 --> 00:21:28.379 press these days and a lot of people misunderstand it. They think it's a negative or repressive view 00:21:28.379 --> 00:21:34.179 of sex. It's not a negative view of sex. It's actually a reverence for sex. It's a reverence 00:21:34.179 --> 00:21:43.500 for sex. And chastity summed up is this, don't act like you're unmarried if you're married and 00:21:43.500 --> 00:21:49.140 don't act like you're married if you're unmarried. It means regardless of whether you're married or 00:21:49.140 --> 00:21:56.119 unmarried, honoring and respecting the boundaries of a marriage covenant, right, from outside and 00:21:56.119 --> 00:22:02.339 from inside. There's a woman named Dawn Eden who's a survivor of sexual abuse. She was an agnostic 00:22:02.339 --> 00:22:07.799 rock journalist living in New York. And she converted to Christianity and then began to discover the 00:22:07.799 --> 00:22:13.419 beauty of the virtue of chastity. She wrote a book called The Thrill of the Chaste. Not a big fan of 00:22:13.419 --> 00:22:17.279 the title, but the book is amazing. And she says in this book, here's one quote, 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:23.379 people who marry without understanding chastity are stunted. It will be hard for them to grow together 00:22:23.379 --> 00:22:28.440 as they should because they have yet to develop spiritual gifts that are best nurtured before 00:22:28.440 --> 00:22:35.720 marriage, like patience, faithfulness, and self-control. Chastity is a lifelong discipline based on the 00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:42.180 understanding of the nature of sexual intimacy, what sex is and what it's for. So what she's saying 00:22:42.180 --> 00:22:48.980 is this. I mean, chastity before marriage actually prepares you for chastity within marriage. Developing 00:22:48.980 --> 00:22:54.539 the patience and the self-control to honor the fact that you're not married actually cultivates virtues 00:22:54.539 --> 00:23:01.299 in you that will benefit your marriage, that will enable you to be more faithful in your mind and in 00:23:01.299 --> 00:23:08.220 your heart and with your body for the rest of your life with another person. And that's an amazing 00:23:08.220 --> 00:23:13.180 point that we need to consider. And one more thing I need to say about this before we move on. I know 00:23:13.180 --> 00:23:17.579 that as I talk about this, there are probably a lot of people in this room who you've slept with people, 00:23:17.720 --> 00:23:21.839 you have not saved yourself for marriage, so to speak. And so we got to make this point about chastity. 00:23:22.579 --> 00:23:28.559 Chastity is not the kind of thing that you have it and then if you lose it, it's gone forever. 00:23:28.559 --> 00:23:36.119 And, you know, the rise of what is called the purity culture in our society, I think it was driven by 00:23:36.119 --> 00:23:41.079 good intentions, but I also frankly think that it's done a lot of harm. Because I think that it's created 00:23:41.079 --> 00:23:47.359 a kind of what you would call a Pelagian heresy among Christians. The Pelagian heresy is that we are 00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:53.980 born clean, we are born pure, there's no original sin, and that if we make bad choices that somehow we are 00:23:53.980 --> 00:23:59.960 stained or soiled. And that's essentially what purity culture says. It says that you are like a 00:23:59.960 --> 00:24:07.319 pure snowflake, but if you give that away, you're spoiled. And that's simply not Christianity. 00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:13.039 I mean, it's not Christianity, that's Pelagianism. Christianity says the only way to be pure, 00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:19.799 we're born impure, we're born tainted, we're born soiled. The only way to be cleansed and to 00:24:19.799 --> 00:24:26.539 attain purity is through Jesus Christ. It's asking Jesus to forgive and cleanse us, what we prayed at 00:24:26.539 --> 00:24:31.779 the very beginning of this service together. Cleanse our hearts, O Lord, right? Through the grace and the 00:24:31.779 --> 00:24:38.619 sacrifice of Jesus Christ. That's the only way to attain any level of purity spiritually. But then 00:24:38.619 --> 00:24:45.779 chastity is a virtue that we can begin to live out and to cultivate here and now. Regardless of your 00:24:45.779 --> 00:24:50.559 past, it's the kind of thing that you can commit to doing right here and now at this very moment. 00:24:51.700 --> 00:24:56.139 So the question is, well, what does chastity look like in practice? Well, a couple of things. Until 00:24:56.139 --> 00:25:03.960 you're married, chastity means this. Live like a wall. Live like a wall. What do I mean by that? Well, 00:25:04.399 --> 00:25:09.480 guard your heart, guard your body, guard yourself emotionally, guard yourself physically. That doesn't 00:25:09.480 --> 00:25:16.240 mean don't hang out, get to know people, develop friendships, date, explore relationships. But what 00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:22.160 it does mean is don't sleep together. Don't crash at your boyfriend or girlfriend's house over and over 00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:27.880 and over until you establish residency there. Don't allow yourself to get overly financially 00:25:27.880 --> 00:25:35.579 enmeshed. Don't allow yourself to go too far down the road of making plans for the future together. 00:25:35.579 --> 00:25:44.000 Don't get overly emotionally enmeshed. And for all that is good, do not move to another city for 00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:50.919 somebody unless you're at least engaged. It's just unwise, right? Because you're not married. So live 00:25:50.919 --> 00:25:58.639 like a wall. Protect yourself. Protect the other person. Honor marriage and allow it to be marriage. 00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:06.940 If you are married, chastity means not being a wall. Chastity means what the woman says. Place 00:26:06.940 --> 00:26:15.240 your spouse as a seal on your heart and on your body, right? Don't allow yourself to even fantasize 00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:19.900 or imagine about being with someone else. It's very tempting to do that, especially when you're having a 00:26:19.900 --> 00:26:25.740 hard time in your marriage. But place your spouse as a seal on your heart and on your body, on your mind, 00:26:25.740 --> 00:26:34.859 anywhere you need it, right? It's an interesting image that is used in this passage of love or 00:26:34.859 --> 00:26:40.799 passion as a flame, as an all-consuming flame, because that is a very, very appropriate image 00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:48.480 for desire, right? We hear about these wildfires out west, you know, where a family's just sitting 00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:52.559 in their home and everything is fine and the kids are there and the mom and dad are there and 00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:57.519 everything's great and life is, you know, totally normal. And then all of a sudden, boom, a wildfire 00:26:57.519 --> 00:27:02.299 sweeps down out of nowhere. The entire home and all their possessions go up in smoke. And they're 00:27:02.299 --> 00:27:05.679 looking around saying, where did that come from? What happened? Their whole life falls apart. 00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:13.039 How often has the same thing happened with desire? When desire was not contained within a covenant, 00:27:13.179 --> 00:27:18.019 when it becomes a wildfire, right? And you have a family and they're sitting in their home and the 00:27:18.019 --> 00:27:22.200 kids are there and mom and dad and everything is fine and life is totally normal. And then boom, 00:27:23.740 --> 00:27:31.319 a major extramarital affair gets uncovered and the whole house goes up in smoke, so to speak. And the 00:27:31.319 --> 00:27:35.200 whole family is torn apart and people look around and say, how did that happen? Where did that come 00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:42.359 from? Right? This is why it needs protection. This is why covenants matter so much. This is why 00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:49.000 Hebrews 13 says that marriage should be honored by all people, not just for your own good, but for 00:27:49.000 --> 00:27:54.899 the good of society as a whole. Society does not function when homes are going up in smoke. 00:27:57.419 --> 00:28:02.699 So this is the second thing. Love is not only extremely powerful, but love needs to be protected. 00:28:03.419 --> 00:28:10.759 The last point I want to make is this, that true love can only be given freely. True love can only be 00:28:10.759 --> 00:28:16.759 given freely as a gift. Notice in verse seven, the woman says, if a man offered for love all the 00:28:16.759 --> 00:28:21.019 wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. In other words, if you tried to buy love, love would 00:28:21.019 --> 00:28:27.339 turn up its nose at you. What a ridiculous idea. Then in verse 11, Solomon had a vineyard at Baal 00:28:27.339 --> 00:28:32.940 Haman. He led out the vineyard to keepers. Each one was to bring for its fruit a thousand pieces of 00:28:32.940 --> 00:28:38.079 silver. She's saying Solomon has big holdings in the wine business. He owns lots of vineyards. He owns 00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:45.699 lots of a thousand shekels, a lot of money. Then she says, my vineyard, my very own is before me. 00:28:46.159 --> 00:28:52.899 Another way of translating that would be my vineyard is mine to give. And so she says, you Solomon, 00:28:53.079 --> 00:28:59.899 you can keep your money. Don't you dare try to buy my love. It's not going to work. It's not for sale 00:28:59.899 --> 00:29:07.279 because love can only be given as a gift. True love by definition can only be given. It can't be bought. 00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:12.359 It can't be earned. It can't be coerced. It can't be manipulated. It can't be coerced or cajoled. 00:29:12.460 --> 00:29:20.720 It can only be given. If it's not given freely as a gift, it's not really love. It's one of the 00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:27.740 many cousins of love, but it's not true love. So how do we apply this? Well, I think we could go in a 00:29:27.740 --> 00:29:32.139 number of ways. I'll just say this. I think in every marriage, and for those of you who are not married, 00:29:32.140 --> 00:29:39.120 God willing, most of you who want to be married will be married. In every marriage, times will come 00:29:39.120 --> 00:29:47.060 when the emotion that we call love fades. It's just going to happen. And it'll probably happen 00:29:47.060 --> 00:29:53.780 a number of times over the course of a long, decades-long marriage. That feeling, that desire, 00:29:53.940 --> 00:29:59.320 that enjoyment of the other person will simply fade. There will be a moment when all that kept you 00:29:59.319 --> 00:30:04.779 in the relationship, you know, the attraction, the friendship, the mutual enjoyment of hobbies and 00:30:04.779 --> 00:30:12.279 things, that none of that is enough. That none of that is sufficient. And it'll fade. Right? And 00:30:12.279 --> 00:30:18.279 many people will experience that, and they will see that as a sign that they need to go elsewhere and 00:30:18.279 --> 00:30:22.700 find their true love somewhere else. But again, the idea that there's one soulmate out there who will 00:30:22.700 --> 00:30:27.319 meet all your needs, that's not Christianity. That's Greek mythology. It's a pagan myth. 00:30:27.319 --> 00:30:31.740 Right? But many people will think that. Well, you must not be the right one. And I think that there 00:30:31.740 --> 00:30:35.059 are a lot of people, maybe some people in this room, who are afraid to get married because you're 00:30:35.059 --> 00:30:43.279 afraid of falling out of love. Spoiler alert. It's going to happen. So how do we make sense of that? Well, 00:30:44.379 --> 00:30:51.079 the reason that we are so fearful of that experience is because most people don't understand how love 00:30:51.079 --> 00:30:57.699 works. Our culture influenced by romanticism says love is a feeling. And therefore, what happens is, 00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:03.059 I should feel love for you. And once I feel love for you, then I will treat you with love as an 00:31:03.059 --> 00:31:09.240 overflow of that feeling. That the love as an action flows out of love as a feeling. That's the way it's 00:31:09.240 --> 00:31:16.960 supposed to work. But the fact is, it's actually the exact opposite, which we're going to see in just a 00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:25.779 moment. It's the exact opposite. Love begins not as an overflow of emotion, but it begins as a choice. 00:31:26.700 --> 00:31:34.100 It begins as the choice to give someone the gift of love, to act in a loving way toward them. And see, 00:31:34.220 --> 00:31:38.819 that's a very important shift because if you think that love begins as a feeling and you're in a loving 00:31:38.819 --> 00:31:43.360 relationship with somebody else, you're going to be very concerned to do things to make sure that person 00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:47.599 feels that for you. You're going to make sure that you are lovely, that you are desirable, that you are 00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:53.119 attractive, that you're interesting, that you appeal to them, engender those feelings in them so that then 00:31:53.119 --> 00:32:01.079 they will love you. You're going to be very, very, very concerned about being lovable. But the Bible says 00:32:01.079 --> 00:32:08.079 that God loves us completely differently. The way God loves us could not be further from that. 00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:17.359 God's love is a pure gift. It is pure grace. You know, God says to us what the Shulamite woman says 00:32:17.359 --> 00:32:22.419 to Solomon. My love is mine to give. Don't even try to earn it. Don't even try to buy it. 00:32:23.779 --> 00:32:33.359 It's mine to give. And I choose to give it to you as a gift. God does not love us because we are lovable. 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:38.019 Your parents think that you're lovable. Your friends think that you're lovable. God does not love you 00:32:38.019 --> 00:32:45.200 because you're lovable. God loves you because his love is his to give and he's chosen to give it to 00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:52.879 you. And good people need to hear this way more than bad people. Because what we need to be reminded 00:32:52.879 --> 00:32:58.579 of is that there is no amount of moral excellence, no amount of religious devotion that can ever earn 00:32:58.579 --> 00:33:05.599 God's love. We will never merit God's love. We can never repay God's love. And this is the thing 00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:10.839 that makes Christianity so radically different and unique as a religion. Because most religions in 00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:17.759 one way or another say, make yourself lovely. You know, live by the rules, live by the code, 00:33:17.859 --> 00:33:22.579 live by the creed, accept these principles, all of that. Make yourself lovely according to these 00:33:22.579 --> 00:33:28.339 standards and then God will love you. And Christianity turns that on its head. 00:33:28.339 --> 00:33:40.819 And it says, God will love you, give his son for you, draw you to himself. And then by being loved, 00:33:40.939 --> 00:33:51.879 you will then become lovely. But it begins with his intervening gracious love, right? And so back to the 00:33:51.880 --> 00:33:59.420 example of the marriage where we lose our feelings of love, the more we experience this kind of free 00:33:59.420 --> 00:34:07.500 grace love from God, the more that begins to change how we love other people. And so if we go back to 00:34:07.500 --> 00:34:12.420 that example of the marriage, instead of seeing that as a sign that the marriage is over, well, we fell 00:34:12.420 --> 00:34:16.420 out of love, we need to look elsewhere. I would encourage everybody in this room, if you ever come to this 00:34:16.420 --> 00:34:20.820 place in your life, see that as an opportunity to maybe for the first time in your marriage, 00:34:21.700 --> 00:34:28.740 experience true love. True love, which is not a response to somebody's attractiveness or lovableness, 00:34:28.940 --> 00:34:37.440 but the gift of love, where it is you choose to extend it because it's yours to give. If you're 00:34:37.440 --> 00:34:45.740 waiting to feel love before you act out of love, you have it backwards. Give your love. 00:34:46.420 --> 00:34:51.740 Even if you don't feel it, give it. And the secret is, and what many people actually discover is, 00:34:52.659 --> 00:34:59.880 the feelings will often follow. The heart was not meant to lead us as we often like to think. 00:35:00.220 --> 00:35:08.139 The heart needs to be led. And the heart will love what you give it to love, especially if the power 00:35:08.139 --> 00:35:14.400 of God is at work in you. So this is love. This is what we've learned about love, just to pull all of 00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:21.860 this together. It is extremely powerful. It needs to be protected within the context of a covenant, 00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:26.860 both our love with one another, especially in marriage. We've also talked about covenant friendships. 00:35:27.559 --> 00:35:31.079 We've also talked about the kinds of membership covenants that church communities make. 00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:36.139 Those are all ways of safeguarding and protecting love, allowing it to thrive. 00:35:36.139 --> 00:35:43.159 And then finally, love can only be given freely. That's exactly the kind of love that we receive 00:35:43.159 --> 00:35:48.639 from God. And so the great hope of the gospel, as we move forward together, is that every single one 00:35:48.639 --> 00:35:53.179 of us in this room has the chance to know and experience that kind of perfect love. Because the 00:35:53.179 --> 00:35:59.539 good news of the gospel is this. Love has a name. And that name is Jesus Christ. Let's pray. 00:35:59.539 --> 00:36:01.539 Amen.